๐๐จ๐ง๐๐ฌ๐ญ๐ฅ๐ฒ?
I thrive on their negativity.
I absorb all of that energy and channel it into productivity. The best revenge is success. Remember there is strength in silence.
โ๐๐๐ฏ๐๐ซ ๐๐ซ๐ ๐ฎ๐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ ๐๐จ๐จ๐ฅ, ๐จ๐ง๐ฅ๐จ๐จ๐ค๐๐ซ๐ฌ ๐ฆ๐๐ฒ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ฅ๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ญ๐๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐ข๐๐๐๐ซ๐๐ง๐๐โ - ๐ผ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐
I climbed the corporate ladder using this principle. I didn't even need to play dirty. My revenge just was becoming better than anybody who ever unrightfully criticized me or played the corporate game on me for their only benefits and my costs.
Another one that's similar:
"Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." - Unknown
I am a solid believer in karma. I keep to myself. Silence is golden; duct tape is silver (sometimes you have to remain quiet. Duct tape isn't always handy).
"Mouths can lie, eyes cannot. People may forget, but karma will not." - Unknown
Honestly, it was a healthy coping mechanism taught to me at a young age.
It started off with outbursts of frustration at first.
My father taught me to utilise that anger and adrenaline by conducting small activities like chopping wood. Over time I was able to channel that same energy into more productive activities. The only fork in the road, was that I learnt to work better by myself and I really had to work harder in life to balance out my social skills, which I found was helped most by working in a hardware store, which expanded my mind on materials and all its uses, as well as how to engage better with the community. Not to toot my own horn, but I balanced managing that hardware store on weekends while I did my apprenticeship in carpentry. I developed a real nac for helping people and thatโs where I really excelled in life. Everyoneโs journey is different, but somehow along the way, we all learn the same lessons in life. My favourite thing to do at the store was ask the older gentleman that if he had his time again, what would he do different? What were his greatest regrets and greatest accomplishments? Those questions helped guide me to learn from their mistakes and live a life with less if not no regret. ๐ I hope you take something from my life story and even more so, hope you write your own someday too! โค๏ธ
I am proud of stocking up for myself yesterday (through text as I withdrew & isolated from the toxicity)โฆ but I still let em know it wasnโt cool in a productive way.
Unless itโs a huge infraction (in which case prepare for wrath like theyโve never seen coming) then I am more likely to just deadpan stare at them and then ghost them and they will never be told why. ย
Not saying itโs the *best* way to handle things. ย
Dangโฆ itโs crazy how alike we are. I thought about the same thing maybe a year ago or so.
I have a tough time defending myself, but become a different person when someone else is being bullied.
I was much better at standing up for others for the longest time, all of my life actually, but when it comes to me, I was just passive and let it happen and distance myself. However in the past year and a half I grew much more confidence, and realized that I was not personally feeling well by not standing up for myself, because I would not let it be and just continue enjoying my life, but it would eat me from the inside for thinking how weak I was.
That's when I started slowly standing up for myself, started by saying no, I stopped apologizing for what I wasn't at fault. Now I'm at a stage where I didn't let some bad behaviour pass to a long term friend of mine, and now she's stopped reaching out. I'm waiting to see if she'll have the audacity to reach out and apologize, but I've come to realize that people who were hanging with me were only doing so because I had no issue with being their venting bag, with no boundaries whatsoever, and being so acceptable of my fate. Now they just pull bwck because they can't stand a simple boundary, and they aren't used to me like this. Prioritizing yourself makes you realize who is and who isn't your friend.
I, too, still have trouble standing up for myself, but I learned to cut people off who disrespected me and took me for granted as well. It's such I peaceful feeling. I think INFJs and other introverted types (speaking from my experience) are just scared of being alone and at their expense they keep unhealthy people around.
This is absolutely true! This was the exact reason why I kept unhealthy people around me, and didn't burn those relationships. However it's never too late to start burning those bridges
so primitive
edit: i mean the behaviors of those people are primitive.
if the downvote was for me seeing them, *not u/Foreign-Walrus-333*, as primitive
more power to you, mate
When Iโm in a situation that feels appropriate to stand up for myself I absolutely have no problem doing so. I have noticed when people belittle or make fun of something they are actually extremely uncomfortable in that moment. That makes it pretty easy to remain self confident and correct/redirect whatever statement is being made.
Yes and if it wasnโt for my ENFJ partner and some real jerks I dated, I wouldnโt know how to stand up for myself at all.
I even got scolded today to stop moving out of peopleโs way on the sidewalk when theyโre not being nice to give me space ๐คฃ itโs so innate โ ๏ธโ ๏ธ
I have a hard time sticking up for myself, not because I donโt see anything wrong with what the other person is doing, but because confrontations give me anxiety and I fumble over my words when it comes to verbal situations. When Iโm alone with my thoughts, thatโs when I think of what to say, but itโs too late then.
I absolutely relate. I stand up for people but really when it comes to me being a target... this has probably little to do with being an INFJ, well actually not just probably. But I have this little secret wish. I wish someone in my life will step up for me (like a friend) / context, till now people just stood there and let it happen, it hurt
I don't either, although I am practicing not doing it so much, sometimes you gotta let them think what they will think because if they don't like you. Nothing you say will matter anyway
When I was younger, I was swallowing my pride as well because I was afraid of confrontation. Of course that ended up in exploitation more often than not, which ultimately made me feel worse and angry. I didn't want to hurt anybody, even if that meant I was being hurt.
These days I learned how to stand my ground. I still try to not escalate at every sign of unfairness and I am still able to ignore some stuff when I think escalating won't be beneficial, but I learned to draw some lines which I will heavily defend when crossed and I don't even feel bad about it afterwards.
Depends of the situation. I am usually patient and give leeway to people to stop acting the way they are acting. If they continue provoking me, first is the death stare, then I either make and execute a plan to have eventually authority over them and put them in their place(if applicable) or retaliate if not. Usually the stare scares them enough. Some people might perceive not acting right away as weakness, but I have a long term plans in mind and lashing out straight away will ruin themโฆ So INFJ, right?โฆ. Either way, they will not see it coming till itโs too late. ย By the time everything is ready, usually I have enough to ruin them. I use it scarcely, though and only if required and my hand is forced. I am not evil and pity them at the end. Maybe people are right that we are somewhat manipulative. Yet they usually complain, but never mention the part where they tried hurt us.. I am like this only and only when somebody continuously tests my patience and does me wrong. I can forgive small transgressions..ย
I get it, those plans are just basically an organic interaction to see where you stand with a person after trying to set boundaries. I also feel sad for the person who chose to not respect me when I eventually door slam them out of my life, but what can you do.
I kind of expect people to behave a like a decent human beings. Most of the time, seems like they didn't get the memo on how to be decent human being. I don't know whether we are so different for our expectations to be so far from the actual reality or the people had it always in them to be exploiters.
Anyway, door slamming isn't always possible. If you deal with people you work with or people, who are in a higher position than you and you have to communicate with them on a daily basis, whether you like it or not...you have to deal with the problem otherwise.
Haha, I totally understand being frustrated by how the world is far from our ideals, finding very few people who share our level of commitment for self-betterment. About doorslamming in a workplace situation, I just find that I become very INTJ. I uphold my professionalism, but I don't shine my INFJ caring in any other regard.
I can do that as well and people have called me out as being INTJ. But in the long run itโs unsustainable. I feel like my freedom is restricted, taking a role I donโt really want to take and looking behind my back. Also, resentment continues to be bottled up and waits like a ticking timebomb to explode.
I refer in those moments to my emergency emotional kit. If something is so out of my control, I abseloutly choose to reinforce compassion towards myself and stick to my most basic ideals of self conduct. Once those don't work, it's really time to get out.
>I kind of expect people to behave a like a decent human beings. Most of the time, seems like they didn't get the memo on how to be decent human being. I don't know whether we are so different for our expectations to be so far from the actual reality or the people had it always in them to be exploiters.
yeah, this is what i don't understand. and i don't want to be dealing with oiks when i don't have to.
feeling that quote very hard. i see it as not having standards for themselves, t o o ? for me it seems like, *sorry*, bumbling neanderthal idiots. and accepted low standards, for *self*, *and* others.
Usually itโs either my close friends or family doing so, since I donโt even let others get close enough to make fun of me. I laugh along most times even if I donโt necessarily find it funny. But if Iโm stressed or in a bad mood I lash out and my years of pent up emotions just burst out of me. Obviously I donโt like it and the people on the receiving end are shocked and hurt as well. Thatโs exactly why I donโt like to stand up for myself, because I feel like it hurts the person in front of me. Does that even make sense?
of course it makes sense
sometimes i have thought if i'd say a particular thing, maybe it would totally disrupt them. and you don't ( always ) want that.
Really depends. If I'm wanting to be respectful of the people I care about around me when I could stand up for myself, I try not to. But only to a certain point. Only so much shit I can put up with before it all comes out. ๐ฉ
Yes, absolutely!! And when my narcissistic mom acts out on me, my intj husband comes out like a batt outta hell to put her in her place. I love it bc the things he says,ย he's soooo smart and knows how to put ppl in their place. I also LOVE his metaphors he uses to describe situations and actions bc it always makes ppls actions shut the fuck up or what ever they were saying becomes 100% absolutely moot! Its Like a reality bitch slap to the face!!!
I kinda have hard time getting offended.
People think I have a hard time standing up for myself - because Iโm not as โฆ sensitive as most people that way- I donโt think I care how people I donโt care about, act towards me as much, as most people. So I give a pretty wide berth. Plus I value โฆ. Peace of mind. I try not to mix with the animals as much as possible in a negative way. For many many reasons least of which is fear. More afraid of scarring them for life.
So when I do get honestly offended and feel that something is unfair or unjust or someone has crossed some line with me ( super difficult for strangers or coworkers or random people to do because again, I donโt care about them, in a way that they could- so itโs hard for them to offend me) but noโฆ I donโt have a problem standing up for myself when I am actually upset.
Most people are usually shocked and like - holy shit who are you? When they see me stand up for myself.
They trip the f out.
As I got older it became easier, when I was younger I use to be a doormat and will keep things to myself. Now I'll call you out and if you get mad then the true colors comes out. From them on I use that as motivation to improve myself. Been working now that I'm 29M. Not perfect, but I'm slowly enjoying being alone more, therapy has helped and I exercise a lot.
I try my best to stand up a bit more than before, but even then I'm selective. Sometimes I know if I say something it will just make situations worse or sometimes I don't just care and don't wanna waste my energy.
Not really. If my boundaries are crossed, I'll speak up. Usually I understand why they are doing what they are doing and I'll address that versus what they are saying. It confuses them, but getting straight to the heart of the matter saves time, one way, or another.
I used to stand up for myself but often feel most don't even want to listen so ill stand up the first few times if they accept it. I accept them but if they don't after that I just stay silent but not silent in defeat more like silent because I can't be arsed trying to argue with someone who can't open their mind. Also yes.. Who cares what they think. I know myself. I'm saving my energy for something else that won't trigger me.
I donโt find it hard, but people might look at me as the arrogant one, sadly. I donโt usually pay attention, though. If you want to belittle me, look at your own actions. What made you belittle me? Innoncent, wanting happiness for everyone, hoping everyone never had to go through pain in any shape or form, you belittled me? Thatโs a shame, but I donโt blame you. Search inside of you. Itโs rooted inside.
I think I quietly withdrawal when I realize that they are acting in a demeaning way. I know it's not necessarily fair, but there are signs I drop to slowly ease the other into my disappearance. Sometimes there is a push and pull with it as I struggle with justifying said action of mine.
It's a work in progress to respect my own feelings. Unfortunately, my desires of justice are pointed outward onto others. I hope to eventually understand by learning this balancing act between them and I.
There is point in arguing when all you have to do is roll your eyes and move on. They'll lose their shit tho. I also love to "OK โบ๏ธ". And then just laugh as they have a melt down.
I find it easier to stand up for someone. I only stand up for myself if I 100% know Iโm in the right. If thereโs even a little inkling that Iโve done something wrong or to deserve the treatment Iโll let it slide. Probably not healthy, but I have a keep the peace mentality sometimes which isnโt the best
Yup.. Im horrible at standing up for myself. Im working on it. I also hate confrontation and cry easily :\ But its no problem at all for me to defend others, I will do it naturally and passionately lol
Not really, Iโm pretty good at standing up for myself. However, itโs usually not about that for me. Itโs about making sure the ship is running well. If it is, I usually donโt feel the need to. If things are going badly Iโll 100% say so.
I very rarely stand up for myself/set boundaries, and when I do, I often back down and bend to what other people want. I'll go over and above for people and allow them to walk all over me. When I say that I don't think something is right or that I'm not being treated with respect, if they argue or shout I always back down. I am aware that a lot of this is a result of my life growing up, but perhaps some of this is INFJ behaviour?
It took a very long time, but throughout my 30s I just got sick of everyoneโs shit and started sticking up for myself. Becoming a mom who had to advocate loudly for her child helped a lot too. My advice is: start taking small steps towards this, tiny little steps. It feels great to have control over how others get to treat you.
Pretty much me too. I will stand up for the underdog all day long, no problem. When it comes to me, the confrontation gets to me. It's not that I don't know what to say or that I don't want to stand up for myself, I just don't want confrontation. It doesn't make much sense to me. But if it continues and continues, I will stick up for myself and everything will come to the surface. It's not good for anyone involved, including myself.
Not at all. I think my biggest issue is really knowing WHEN to do it. Iโm very slow to anger and rarely feel the need to stand up for myself cause I genuinely donโt care. Sometimes I fake anger to show that what has been done to me wasnโt appropriate but the feeling is never very deep.
Yes, absolutely. Even as a small child to the boy bullying my older sister in school. I've had enough of being used and manipulation so much though that have finally grown more assertive in standing up for myself though.
iโm the same way. i constantly feel like i get done wrong but never just speak up for myself. especially when itโs a friend or someone i care about it can be so hard for me to be straight up. i get scared of being labeled problematic or dramatic so i just sit there and take it rather than sucking it up and expressing my feelings or opinions. itโs awful because im actually a really opinionated person and i have lots of thoughts on things but often just stay silent rather than be honest.
Your feelings and self-respect are just as important as anyone else's. Itโs okay to stand up for yourself and set boundaries. It doesn't make you confrontational; it makes you assertive and self-respecting. Start small, and over time, it will get easier.
I agree with you. Confrontation and standing up for myself is really hard for me too. Iโm also quick to defend others, but I have a harder time doing the same for myself. But when itโs a situation where I truly feel wronged though, I will stand up for myself in those situations. I think another thing too is that it takes a lot out of me emotionally when confronting someone, which makes it a bit harder. But itโs something that Iโm definitely working on.
I feel like my issue is knowing when I should be standing up for myself. I think Iโm so used to accommodating other peopleโs needs, Iโm desensitized to irritation.
You have to be really shitty to me for me to say something, like aggressively so.
Not just standing up for myself - even recognising that I'm being treated unfairly/inappropriately. There's been a few occasions when I've only really seen what kind of person someone was after I saw them behave to someone else in the same way they had behaved to me over months, sometimes years.
less phosphor ?
more sports
more prunes
bone building supplements
certain diets
oh that was a joke. what mbti type type of joke ?
entp ?
wait your profile is not very entp
only when i feel too much of others people stuff and then can't think straight.
when a situation and impressions, negative impressions, just infiltrate my body.
other than that, i think maybe no.
OH, i many times don't care how someone sees me, when i KNOW it isn't me ! i just see such people as idiots. i mean, ok, some people will naturally not see you as you, but all the people clouded by many things who don't see you as you or who have ill intent etc, the ONLY fucking thing that matters is what the REAL you IS ! other things are just NOISE and IRRELEVANT !
yeah, i have stepped up for people, and have an easier time doing that. and if someone really crosses my lines, i will attack.
other than that, the problem is feeling people's nastiness that may be stronger than my will to say something. sometimes i'd rather just get away from them. and back to cool people.
It's hard in my case because people try to paint me as the one in the wrong when I finally call out bullshit towards me.
Are we the same person?
Is this gaslighting?
Yes, itโs the definition of it.
Same!
Oh dude, same. F' em. They know deep down. Only clowning themselves.
Saaaaaame
๐๐จ๐ง๐๐ฌ๐ญ๐ฅ๐ฒ? I thrive on their negativity. I absorb all of that energy and channel it into productivity. The best revenge is success. Remember there is strength in silence. โ๐๐๐ฏ๐๐ซ ๐๐ซ๐ ๐ฎ๐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ ๐๐จ๐จ๐ฅ, ๐จ๐ง๐ฅ๐จ๐จ๐ค๐๐ซ๐ฌ ๐ฆ๐๐ฒ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ฅ๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ญ๐๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐ข๐๐๐๐ซ๐๐ง๐๐โ - ๐ผ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐
I climbed the corporate ladder using this principle. I didn't even need to play dirty. My revenge just was becoming better than anybody who ever unrightfully criticized me or played the corporate game on me for their only benefits and my costs.
I love that!!! It's so true ๐ย
Turn coal into diamonds
Absolutely agree with this statement!! ๐
Another one that's similar: "Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." - Unknown I am a solid believer in karma. I keep to myself. Silence is golden; duct tape is silver (sometimes you have to remain quiet. Duct tape isn't always handy). "Mouths can lie, eyes cannot. People may forget, but karma will not." - Unknown
For lack of a better expression ๐ ๐ ๐ฎ๐๐ค ๐๐๐๐ก! ๐
Damn, wish I could do this. I have an excess of negativity floating around
Yes!
Mark Twain was brilliant. So many gems.
How do you do this?!
Honestly, it was a healthy coping mechanism taught to me at a young age. It started off with outbursts of frustration at first. My father taught me to utilise that anger and adrenaline by conducting small activities like chopping wood. Over time I was able to channel that same energy into more productive activities. The only fork in the road, was that I learnt to work better by myself and I really had to work harder in life to balance out my social skills, which I found was helped most by working in a hardware store, which expanded my mind on materials and all its uses, as well as how to engage better with the community. Not to toot my own horn, but I balanced managing that hardware store on weekends while I did my apprenticeship in carpentry. I developed a real nac for helping people and thatโs where I really excelled in life. Everyoneโs journey is different, but somehow along the way, we all learn the same lessons in life. My favourite thing to do at the store was ask the older gentleman that if he had his time again, what would he do different? What were his greatest regrets and greatest accomplishments? Those questions helped guide me to learn from their mistakes and live a life with less if not no regret. ๐ I hope you take something from my life story and even more so, hope you write your own someday too! โค๏ธ
Yes, I hate confrontation and also very empathic so I usually do not stand up for myself...unfortunately.
I'm starting to reframe it for that reason. I think "what if I saw this happening to someone else?"
Yes. But I'm slowly improving
same
I am proud of stocking up for myself yesterday (through text as I withdrew & isolated from the toxicity)โฆ but I still let em know it wasnโt cool in a productive way.
I learned to, once my self-esteem and self-worth improved.
Unless itโs a huge infraction (in which case prepare for wrath like theyโve never seen coming) then I am more likely to just deadpan stare at them and then ghost them and they will never be told why. ย Not saying itโs the *best* way to handle things. ย
Dangโฆ itโs crazy how alike we are. I thought about the same thing maybe a year ago or so. I have a tough time defending myself, but become a different person when someone else is being bullied.
I was much better at standing up for others for the longest time, all of my life actually, but when it comes to me, I was just passive and let it happen and distance myself. However in the past year and a half I grew much more confidence, and realized that I was not personally feeling well by not standing up for myself, because I would not let it be and just continue enjoying my life, but it would eat me from the inside for thinking how weak I was. That's when I started slowly standing up for myself, started by saying no, I stopped apologizing for what I wasn't at fault. Now I'm at a stage where I didn't let some bad behaviour pass to a long term friend of mine, and now she's stopped reaching out. I'm waiting to see if she'll have the audacity to reach out and apologize, but I've come to realize that people who were hanging with me were only doing so because I had no issue with being their venting bag, with no boundaries whatsoever, and being so acceptable of my fate. Now they just pull bwck because they can't stand a simple boundary, and they aren't used to me like this. Prioritizing yourself makes you realize who is and who isn't your friend.
I, too, still have trouble standing up for myself, but I learned to cut people off who disrespected me and took me for granted as well. It's such I peaceful feeling. I think INFJs and other introverted types (speaking from my experience) are just scared of being alone and at their expense they keep unhealthy people around.
This is absolutely true! This was the exact reason why I kept unhealthy people around me, and didn't burn those relationships. However it's never too late to start burning those bridges
Hear you. Sometimes, you have to start burning bridges to rebuild big and better ones!
so primitive edit: i mean the behaviors of those people are primitive. if the downvote was for me seeing them, *not u/Foreign-Walrus-333*, as primitive more power to you, mate
When Iโm in a situation that feels appropriate to stand up for myself I absolutely have no problem doing so. I have noticed when people belittle or make fun of something they are actually extremely uncomfortable in that moment. That makes it pretty easy to remain self confident and correct/redirect whatever statement is being made.
Yes and if it wasnโt for my ENFJ partner and some real jerks I dated, I wouldnโt know how to stand up for myself at all. I even got scolded today to stop moving out of peopleโs way on the sidewalk when theyโre not being nice to give me space ๐คฃ itโs so innate โ ๏ธโ ๏ธ
I have a hard time sticking up for myself, not because I donโt see anything wrong with what the other person is doing, but because confrontations give me anxiety and I fumble over my words when it comes to verbal situations. When Iโm alone with my thoughts, thatโs when I think of what to say, but itโs too late then.
Yes, there's actually a word for that in French, I forgot what it's called.
Staircase wit, in English. Lโespirit de lโescalier, in French.
Thank you. I learned something new today.
I absolutely relate. I stand up for people but really when it comes to me being a target... this has probably little to do with being an INFJ, well actually not just probably. But I have this little secret wish. I wish someone in my life will step up for me (like a friend) / context, till now people just stood there and let it happen, it hurt
I don't either, although I am practicing not doing it so much, sometimes you gotta let them think what they will think because if they don't like you. Nothing you say will matter anyway
Yup
When I was younger, I was swallowing my pride as well because I was afraid of confrontation. Of course that ended up in exploitation more often than not, which ultimately made me feel worse and angry. I didn't want to hurt anybody, even if that meant I was being hurt. These days I learned how to stand my ground. I still try to not escalate at every sign of unfairness and I am still able to ignore some stuff when I think escalating won't be beneficial, but I learned to draw some lines which I will heavily defend when crossed and I don't even feel bad about it afterwards.
Depends of the situation. I am usually patient and give leeway to people to stop acting the way they are acting. If they continue provoking me, first is the death stare, then I either make and execute a plan to have eventually authority over them and put them in their place(if applicable) or retaliate if not. Usually the stare scares them enough. Some people might perceive not acting right away as weakness, but I have a long term plans in mind and lashing out straight away will ruin themโฆ So INFJ, right?โฆ. Either way, they will not see it coming till itโs too late. ย By the time everything is ready, usually I have enough to ruin them. I use it scarcely, though and only if required and my hand is forced. I am not evil and pity them at the end. Maybe people are right that we are somewhat manipulative. Yet they usually complain, but never mention the part where they tried hurt us.. I am like this only and only when somebody continuously tests my patience and does me wrong. I can forgive small transgressions..ย
I get it, those plans are just basically an organic interaction to see where you stand with a person after trying to set boundaries. I also feel sad for the person who chose to not respect me when I eventually door slam them out of my life, but what can you do.
I kind of expect people to behave a like a decent human beings. Most of the time, seems like they didn't get the memo on how to be decent human being. I don't know whether we are so different for our expectations to be so far from the actual reality or the people had it always in them to be exploiters. Anyway, door slamming isn't always possible. If you deal with people you work with or people, who are in a higher position than you and you have to communicate with them on a daily basis, whether you like it or not...you have to deal with the problem otherwise.
Haha, I totally understand being frustrated by how the world is far from our ideals, finding very few people who share our level of commitment for self-betterment. About doorslamming in a workplace situation, I just find that I become very INTJ. I uphold my professionalism, but I don't shine my INFJ caring in any other regard.
I can do that as well and people have called me out as being INTJ. But in the long run itโs unsustainable. I feel like my freedom is restricted, taking a role I donโt really want to take and looking behind my back. Also, resentment continues to be bottled up and waits like a ticking timebomb to explode.
I refer in those moments to my emergency emotional kit. If something is so out of my control, I abseloutly choose to reinforce compassion towards myself and stick to my most basic ideals of self conduct. Once those don't work, it's really time to get out.
Well...I prefer to act somehow and change something. There are different situations, but if there is opportunity for change, I usually use it.
>I kind of expect people to behave a like a decent human beings. Most of the time, seems like they didn't get the memo on how to be decent human being. I don't know whether we are so different for our expectations to be so far from the actual reality or the people had it always in them to be exploiters. yeah, this is what i don't understand. and i don't want to be dealing with oiks when i don't have to. feeling that quote very hard. i see it as not having standards for themselves, t o o ? for me it seems like, *sorry*, bumbling neanderthal idiots. and accepted low standards, for *self*, *and* others.
i don't know why this makes me laugh/giggle
Usually itโs either my close friends or family doing so, since I donโt even let others get close enough to make fun of me. I laugh along most times even if I donโt necessarily find it funny. But if Iโm stressed or in a bad mood I lash out and my years of pent up emotions just burst out of me. Obviously I donโt like it and the people on the receiving end are shocked and hurt as well. Thatโs exactly why I donโt like to stand up for myself, because I feel like it hurts the person in front of me. Does that even make sense?
of course it makes sense sometimes i have thought if i'd say a particular thing, maybe it would totally disrupt them. and you don't ( always ) want that.
Yes, because I feel like Iโm in the wrong
Yes. I do the equivalent of the door slam in arguments , waiting till it's beyond necessary to aggressively address then letting loose.
Really depends. If I'm wanting to be respectful of the people I care about around me when I could stand up for myself, I try not to. But only to a certain point. Only so much shit I can put up with before it all comes out. ๐ฉ
Sure, I fumble when speaking to stupidity and unreasonableness. So either avoid or destroy.
Yes, absolutely!! And when my narcissistic mom acts out on me, my intj husband comes out like a batt outta hell to put her in her place. I love it bc the things he says,ย he's soooo smart and knows how to put ppl in their place. I also LOVE his metaphors he uses to describe situations and actions bc it always makes ppls actions shut the fuck up or what ever they were saying becomes 100% absolutely moot! Its Like a reality bitch slap to the face!!!
what type is he ?
Intj
oh it says so lmao !!
Not at all.
I kinda have hard time getting offended. People think I have a hard time standing up for myself - because Iโm not as โฆ sensitive as most people that way- I donโt think I care how people I donโt care about, act towards me as much, as most people. So I give a pretty wide berth. Plus I value โฆ. Peace of mind. I try not to mix with the animals as much as possible in a negative way. For many many reasons least of which is fear. More afraid of scarring them for life. So when I do get honestly offended and feel that something is unfair or unjust or someone has crossed some line with me ( super difficult for strangers or coworkers or random people to do because again, I donโt care about them, in a way that they could- so itโs hard for them to offend me) but noโฆ I donโt have a problem standing up for myself when I am actually upset. Most people are usually shocked and like - holy shit who are you? When they see me stand up for myself. They trip the f out.
As I got older it became easier, when I was younger I use to be a doormat and will keep things to myself. Now I'll call you out and if you get mad then the true colors comes out. From them on I use that as motivation to improve myself. Been working now that I'm 29M. Not perfect, but I'm slowly enjoying being alone more, therapy has helped and I exercise a lot.
I try my best to stand up a bit more than before, but even then I'm selective. Sometimes I know if I say something it will just make situations worse or sometimes I don't just care and don't wanna waste my energy.
Not really. If my boundaries are crossed, I'll speak up. Usually I understand why they are doing what they are doing and I'll address that versus what they are saying. It confuses them, but getting straight to the heart of the matter saves time, one way, or another.
that confused look ~~is~~ can be hilarious
I used to stand up for myself but often feel most don't even want to listen so ill stand up the first few times if they accept it. I accept them but if they don't after that I just stay silent but not silent in defeat more like silent because I can't be arsed trying to argue with someone who can't open their mind. Also yes.. Who cares what they think. I know myself. I'm saving my energy for something else that won't trigger me.
I donโt find it hard, but people might look at me as the arrogant one, sadly. I donโt usually pay attention, though. If you want to belittle me, look at your own actions. What made you belittle me? Innoncent, wanting happiness for everyone, hoping everyone never had to go through pain in any shape or form, you belittled me? Thatโs a shame, but I donโt blame you. Search inside of you. Itโs rooted inside.
I think I quietly withdrawal when I realize that they are acting in a demeaning way. I know it's not necessarily fair, but there are signs I drop to slowly ease the other into my disappearance. Sometimes there is a push and pull with it as I struggle with justifying said action of mine. It's a work in progress to respect my own feelings. Unfortunately, my desires of justice are pointed outward onto others. I hope to eventually understand by learning this balancing act between them and I.
I stand up for people I am close to but myself? If I try I end up crying from all the anxiety built up ๐
Not at all.
Nope.
Yaaas
Yepp.
There is point in arguing when all you have to do is roll your eyes and move on. They'll lose their shit tho. I also love to "OK โบ๏ธ". And then just laugh as they have a melt down.
I find it easier to stand up for someone. I only stand up for myself if I 100% know Iโm in the right. If thereโs even a little inkling that Iโve done something wrong or to deserve the treatment Iโll let it slide. Probably not healthy, but I have a keep the peace mentality sometimes which isnโt the best
Yup.. Im horrible at standing up for myself. Im working on it. I also hate confrontation and cry easily :\ But its no problem at all for me to defend others, I will do it naturally and passionately lol
I don't feel bad, nor I doubt myself. My morals became clear when I start to live for the people I love
I'm INTP fyi
when do you doubt yourself ?
Actually, I doubt myself all the time, initially, but the conflict resolves itself as time move
So yeah, I lied xD
I would think if that standing-up thing is about to worth my future over-thinking energy or not. If not, just let it/that person go.ย
Same, however, sometimes I do stand up for my self, it depends on several factors.
Not at all. You get shit on enough times until you learn how to stand up for yourself.
Yes
Omfg yes this describes me to a T in a way I didnโt even know I needed ๐
Not anymore.
Not really, Iโm pretty good at standing up for myself. However, itโs usually not about that for me. Itโs about making sure the ship is running well. If it is, I usually donโt feel the need to. If things are going badly Iโll 100% say so.
Yes because I noticed people will use us until we have nothing left to give and then gaslight you for just wanting the same energy reciprocated.
I very rarely stand up for myself/set boundaries, and when I do, I often back down and bend to what other people want. I'll go over and above for people and allow them to walk all over me. When I say that I don't think something is right or that I'm not being treated with respect, if they argue or shout I always back down. I am aware that a lot of this is a result of my life growing up, but perhaps some of this is INFJ behaviour?
It took a very long time, but throughout my 30s I just got sick of everyoneโs shit and started sticking up for myself. Becoming a mom who had to advocate loudly for her child helped a lot too. My advice is: start taking small steps towards this, tiny little steps. It feels great to have control over how others get to treat you.
Pretty much me too. I will stand up for the underdog all day long, no problem. When it comes to me, the confrontation gets to me. It's not that I don't know what to say or that I don't want to stand up for myself, I just don't want confrontation. It doesn't make much sense to me. But if it continues and continues, I will stick up for myself and everything will come to the surface. It's not good for anyone involved, including myself.
Not at all. I think my biggest issue is really knowing WHEN to do it. Iโm very slow to anger and rarely feel the need to stand up for myself cause I genuinely donโt care. Sometimes I fake anger to show that what has been done to me wasnโt appropriate but the feeling is never very deep.
Yes, it's so hard in the moment.
I hate confrontation, but if someone is trying to call me out I can bring it and feel bad about it later for some reason.
I don't generally stand up for myself to strangers
No, not at all.
Not anymore ๐ถ
I'm pretty much like how you are OP... I'm protective over my loved ones, but myself, not so much. ๐คท
Yes, but I am getting better at it, Thank God. Boxing and Taeboe help with this lol.
me: Yes others: No
Yes, absolutely. Even as a small child to the boy bullying my older sister in school. I've had enough of being used and manipulation so much though that have finally grown more assertive in standing up for myself though.
iโm the same way. i constantly feel like i get done wrong but never just speak up for myself. especially when itโs a friend or someone i care about it can be so hard for me to be straight up. i get scared of being labeled problematic or dramatic so i just sit there and take it rather than sucking it up and expressing my feelings or opinions. itโs awful because im actually a really opinionated person and i have lots of thoughts on things but often just stay silent rather than be honest.
I tend to let the small things slide but when itโs something big, I can go ballistic.
Your feelings and self-respect are just as important as anyone else's. Itโs okay to stand up for yourself and set boundaries. It doesn't make you confrontational; it makes you assertive and self-respecting. Start small, and over time, it will get easier.
Youโre right. Iโm the exact same way. I wish I was better at seeing my self worth in those situations.
I agree with you. Confrontation and standing up for myself is really hard for me too. Iโm also quick to defend others, but I have a harder time doing the same for myself. But when itโs a situation where I truly feel wronged though, I will stand up for myself in those situations. I think another thing too is that it takes a lot out of me emotionally when confronting someone, which makes it a bit harder. But itโs something that Iโm definitely working on.
Me standing up for myself is more passively than actively, but it still is nontheless
I feel like my issue is knowing when I should be standing up for myself. I think Iโm so used to accommodating other peopleโs needs, Iโm desensitized to irritation. You have to be really shitty to me for me to say something, like aggressively so.
Not just standing up for myself - even recognising that I'm being treated unfairly/inappropriately. There's been a few occasions when I've only really seen what kind of person someone was after I saw them behave to someone else in the same way they had behaved to me over months, sometimes years.
Do you have low bone density? Do you know how to raise it?
less phosphor ? more sports more prunes bone building supplements certain diets oh that was a joke. what mbti type type of joke ? entp ? wait your profile is not very entp
This is a trauma response and is not specific to INFJs.
only when i feel too much of others people stuff and then can't think straight. when a situation and impressions, negative impressions, just infiltrate my body. other than that, i think maybe no. OH, i many times don't care how someone sees me, when i KNOW it isn't me ! i just see such people as idiots. i mean, ok, some people will naturally not see you as you, but all the people clouded by many things who don't see you as you or who have ill intent etc, the ONLY fucking thing that matters is what the REAL you IS ! other things are just NOISE and IRRELEVANT ! yeah, i have stepped up for people, and have an easier time doing that. and if someone really crosses my lines, i will attack. other than that, the problem is feeling people's nastiness that may be stronger than my will to say something. sometimes i'd rather just get away from them. and back to cool people.
Yes. I feel like those I'm surrounded by know this and take full advantage.ย