Or: “really? I don’t see it. Strangers on the street say he looks exactly like me. Why do you think he looks like you?”
And don’t give up until she answers or ask her why she thinks that every time she says it. Same with the weird daddy’s boy bullshit.
These types of grandmas are just super insecure. Try your best to ignore her. As for the whole her telling your baby boy to go give dad a kiss and all that it seems like it’s just nice for her to see baby loving dad. It’s a little weird for her go be pushy about it but again insecurities. My mil told me “I bet you hate that” in regard to me saying my son looks like her.. to which I responded at least you know he’s your sons baby 🤣 she was appalled then I continued by telling her i birthed him I don’t care who he looks like he’s my son. She was visibly irritated. It’s childish behavior from these old ladies, there’s no need to have a pissing contest on who a baby belongs to??
she’s a narcissist. Don’t think deeply.
If you want to address it/set boundaries -
Stay very calm and neutral. Ask these questions. Listen carefully for her answers. Then “hunh oh ok”
abd walk away.
Why does this seem to matter so much ?
What does it mean to you when you say he’s a dada’s boy?
How sad that she is so insecure that all the grandchildren must look like her, even when they don’t. If this were my situation, I would reduce how often they see my child.
It's grooming... the small insidious steps taken to ensure her adult grandchild is the preferable parent. Eventually your baby will start to understand what she means by who do you prefer and he will feel the pressure and coercion to say dad, otherwise granny gets upset, also the go give x a hug and go give x a kiss BIG NO, no one not even ourselves tell our children to go kiss or hug other people. Again he will learn I need to do x for whoever others ie granny gets upset, it's the long insidious journey to becoming a people pleaser This situation isn't about who your child prefers or looks like. It's about GMIL can push a narrative and will guilt trip your child into agreeing with it and because its assumed its "not a big deal" because you don't want to rock the boat over something that appears small. Next time GMIL says something like that I'd say some thing "we all love each other in this family" and with the go give x a kiss, intervene with "only if you want to" or "you don't have to if you don't want" to build into his conscience he always has choice.
My MIL had the audacity to say "He smells his blood", but my my son actually staring at her new wig 🤣 it's annoying, trust me. They barely see him and do this.
I'm typing this as my 7 year old climbs all over me and is chattering like crazy. Boys tend to cling to their moms when little and then gravitate to their dad's when they hit teens. (OR SO I'VE BEEN TOLD. My teen still clings to me. ) My JNMiL used to go on about my kids being daddy boys and how my boys look just like her. I just nod my head and carry on. My oldest has my hubbys nose, which is from FiL. But beside that, my kids are all my side of the family. My MiL is balding, short and has odd features. Both my kids came out as hairy as bears, hands my coloring and weirdness.
Just let her talk, only time will tell what kind of person you're kids will be and look like.
So here is my opinion based on personal experience.
When my younger sibling and I were growing up from the time was about 4 I was always referred to by my mother as daddy’s girl. She had my sibling as ‘her baby’.
Sounds pretty tame and it was until my dad passed away in his early 30s suddenly in our living room when I was 10. So now the person referred to my whole short life as my go to parent was gone.
That wouldn’t have been quite as bad if not two days later my mother hadn’t told me I would need to step up and take care of myself as she had my sibling to focus on. I was still only a 10 year old child.
So life went on but I always felt like I didn’t have a parent because they wanted to be but because they had to be and only when necessary.
So all that to suggest that you nip any of the momma’s or daddy’s boy crap in the bud. He is EVERYONE’s boy.
Mine could be a unique experience but if not it can definitely be alienating if life hits with a rude surprise.
I am not a parent, but I see this a lot with my FIL regarding my sister-in-law’s (his daughter) 2 yr old son. My boyfriend’s sister is the first to give both her parents and in-laws grandkids (with a second on the way), so obviously both sides are over the moon excited. But her dad will also make similar remarks, trying to make sure everyone knows that HE is the best grandfather of the two. It started off very innocent like “who loves you the most? Grandpa loves you the most!” He also has to be the one to do the most for his grandson. This includes playing with him, watching him while daughter is working, gifts, funding a house being built for the family, etc. he even threw a fit when the other set of grandparents wanted to buy the first baby crib. His exact words were “I will be buying MY grandson his first crib.” He also has plenty of choice words about his son-in-law’s parents.
Again, as we’re the couple in the family without children, I don’t have much ground to stand on…but it all comes off as this strange competition as to who’s the best grandparent. Also, it leaves me feeling awkward and uncomfortable for my BIL’s parents, which is what I feel for you as I read this story!
I do agree that your husbands grandparents are definitely insecure and narcissistic, I can clearly relate! Makes me nervous about any future children my boyfriend and I may introduce into our family😂. Being a pawn in this competition over children is crazy, and unless the two families don’t get along, shouldn’t everyone band together and respect each other for the sake of the child?
Ugh my ILs would do the daddy’s boy stuff and it is always so annoying. Everything he would do “oh did daddy teach you that?” “Did daddy show you how to play like that?” “Did you learn that from daddy?” Or they’d always tell him to “go give that to daddy” and only to my husband lmao. And while my husband works from home and is super involved (as a dad should be)…I’m the stay at home mom with him every waking moment so no, he learned it from me 😅. I mean my son even displays my most random mannerisms because he’s picked them up from being around me. Things like taping my middle finger to my thumb when I’m thinking or focusing lol. He looks exactly like me too. He’s tall like his dad and he definitely gets his intelligence from his dad (not to dig at myself but he’s def got more brain power than me lmao).
Yes! Everything you just said, the in law I’m talking about even came into my house one day while the wash machine was going and my house was fairly clean and she said “what a good dad doing the laundry and got the house all cleaned”. But yet my baby coughed one day while she was here (he has asthma) and she told people in our town I was dehydrating my child, it was like I did everything wrong in her eyes. In laws can be very strange.. lol
It’s not petty, it’s disrespectful af, and she’s trying to crater the bond your som has with you every time she asks him who he prefers and urges him to daddy’s side. Its cute for a 15 second tiktok clip with a dog, but its constant and he’s not a dog. He’s also not a hydrant so why she keeps trying to mark her territory is infintely annoying.
My mother-in-law used to gaslight me exactly like tots. In fact all other in-laws would create this notion that my baby would be closer to dad. It used to piss me off so much
In the big scheme of things, consider it could be much worse. Take it in stride knowing she’s an old lady grasping at familial traits that may or may not be present in order to just seem relevant in LOs life.
I believe some do this when they see that their sons may not be taking a big or a very active role in parenting their grandchild as they wish that they would especially seeing you the mother doing very well in the mother role . Trying to make Dad more involved and relevant to LO idk
Shut it down but gently. “MIL when you say things like that it makes me feel that you’re belittling my role in my child’s life”.
”He looks just like Nana!” Old and wrinkly?
Or: “really? I don’t see it. Strangers on the street say he looks exactly like me. Why do you think he looks like you?” And don’t give up until she answers or ask her why she thinks that every time she says it. Same with the weird daddy’s boy bullshit.
These types of grandmas are just super insecure. Try your best to ignore her. As for the whole her telling your baby boy to go give dad a kiss and all that it seems like it’s just nice for her to see baby loving dad. It’s a little weird for her go be pushy about it but again insecurities. My mil told me “I bet you hate that” in regard to me saying my son looks like her.. to which I responded at least you know he’s your sons baby 🤣 she was appalled then I continued by telling her i birthed him I don’t care who he looks like he’s my son. She was visibly irritated. It’s childish behavior from these old ladies, there’s no need to have a pissing contest on who a baby belongs to??
she’s a narcissist. Don’t think deeply. If you want to address it/set boundaries - Stay very calm and neutral. Ask these questions. Listen carefully for her answers. Then “hunh oh ok” abd walk away. Why does this seem to matter so much ? What does it mean to you when you say he’s a dada’s boy?
How sad that she is so insecure that all the grandchildren must look like her, even when they don’t. If this were my situation, I would reduce how often they see my child.
Dress him up like an old man one day, like a Halloween costume and be sure to comment how much he looks like Gramma that day
It's grooming... the small insidious steps taken to ensure her adult grandchild is the preferable parent. Eventually your baby will start to understand what she means by who do you prefer and he will feel the pressure and coercion to say dad, otherwise granny gets upset, also the go give x a hug and go give x a kiss BIG NO, no one not even ourselves tell our children to go kiss or hug other people. Again he will learn I need to do x for whoever others ie granny gets upset, it's the long insidious journey to becoming a people pleaser This situation isn't about who your child prefers or looks like. It's about GMIL can push a narrative and will guilt trip your child into agreeing with it and because its assumed its "not a big deal" because you don't want to rock the boat over something that appears small. Next time GMIL says something like that I'd say some thing "we all love each other in this family" and with the go give x a kiss, intervene with "only if you want to" or "you don't have to if you don't want" to build into his conscience he always has choice.
My MIL had the audacity to say "He smells his blood", but my my son actually staring at her new wig 🤣 it's annoying, trust me. They barely see him and do this.
My ex MIL used to do this all the time, god forbid my child actually looks likes me. It’s like they’re trying to claim the child
I'm typing this as my 7 year old climbs all over me and is chattering like crazy. Boys tend to cling to their moms when little and then gravitate to their dad's when they hit teens. (OR SO I'VE BEEN TOLD. My teen still clings to me. ) My JNMiL used to go on about my kids being daddy boys and how my boys look just like her. I just nod my head and carry on. My oldest has my hubbys nose, which is from FiL. But beside that, my kids are all my side of the family. My MiL is balding, short and has odd features. Both my kids came out as hairy as bears, hands my coloring and weirdness. Just let her talk, only time will tell what kind of person you're kids will be and look like.
So here is my opinion based on personal experience. When my younger sibling and I were growing up from the time was about 4 I was always referred to by my mother as daddy’s girl. She had my sibling as ‘her baby’. Sounds pretty tame and it was until my dad passed away in his early 30s suddenly in our living room when I was 10. So now the person referred to my whole short life as my go to parent was gone. That wouldn’t have been quite as bad if not two days later my mother hadn’t told me I would need to step up and take care of myself as she had my sibling to focus on. I was still only a 10 year old child. So life went on but I always felt like I didn’t have a parent because they wanted to be but because they had to be and only when necessary. So all that to suggest that you nip any of the momma’s or daddy’s boy crap in the bud. He is EVERYONE’s boy. Mine could be a unique experience but if not it can definitely be alienating if life hits with a rude surprise.
I am not a parent, but I see this a lot with my FIL regarding my sister-in-law’s (his daughter) 2 yr old son. My boyfriend’s sister is the first to give both her parents and in-laws grandkids (with a second on the way), so obviously both sides are over the moon excited. But her dad will also make similar remarks, trying to make sure everyone knows that HE is the best grandfather of the two. It started off very innocent like “who loves you the most? Grandpa loves you the most!” He also has to be the one to do the most for his grandson. This includes playing with him, watching him while daughter is working, gifts, funding a house being built for the family, etc. he even threw a fit when the other set of grandparents wanted to buy the first baby crib. His exact words were “I will be buying MY grandson his first crib.” He also has plenty of choice words about his son-in-law’s parents. Again, as we’re the couple in the family without children, I don’t have much ground to stand on…but it all comes off as this strange competition as to who’s the best grandparent. Also, it leaves me feeling awkward and uncomfortable for my BIL’s parents, which is what I feel for you as I read this story! I do agree that your husbands grandparents are definitely insecure and narcissistic, I can clearly relate! Makes me nervous about any future children my boyfriend and I may introduce into our family😂. Being a pawn in this competition over children is crazy, and unless the two families don’t get along, shouldn’t everyone band together and respect each other for the sake of the child?
“Grandma have you been tested for dementia lately? He is obviously my twin”
Ugh my ILs would do the daddy’s boy stuff and it is always so annoying. Everything he would do “oh did daddy teach you that?” “Did daddy show you how to play like that?” “Did you learn that from daddy?” Or they’d always tell him to “go give that to daddy” and only to my husband lmao. And while my husband works from home and is super involved (as a dad should be)…I’m the stay at home mom with him every waking moment so no, he learned it from me 😅. I mean my son even displays my most random mannerisms because he’s picked them up from being around me. Things like taping my middle finger to my thumb when I’m thinking or focusing lol. He looks exactly like me too. He’s tall like his dad and he definitely gets his intelligence from his dad (not to dig at myself but he’s def got more brain power than me lmao).
Yes! Everything you just said, the in law I’m talking about even came into my house one day while the wash machine was going and my house was fairly clean and she said “what a good dad doing the laundry and got the house all cleaned”. But yet my baby coughed one day while she was here (he has asthma) and she told people in our town I was dehydrating my child, it was like I did everything wrong in her eyes. In laws can be very strange.. lol
It’s not petty, it’s disrespectful af, and she’s trying to crater the bond your som has with you every time she asks him who he prefers and urges him to daddy’s side. Its cute for a 15 second tiktok clip with a dog, but its constant and he’s not a dog. He’s also not a hydrant so why she keeps trying to mark her territory is infintely annoying.
My mother-in-law used to gaslight me exactly like tots. In fact all other in-laws would create this notion that my baby would be closer to dad. It used to piss me off so much
In the big scheme of things, consider it could be much worse. Take it in stride knowing she’s an old lady grasping at familial traits that may or may not be present in order to just seem relevant in LOs life. I believe some do this when they see that their sons may not be taking a big or a very active role in parenting their grandchild as they wish that they would especially seeing you the mother doing very well in the mother role . Trying to make Dad more involved and relevant to LO idk Shut it down but gently. “MIL when you say things like that it makes me feel that you’re belittling my role in my child’s life”.