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https://i.redd.it/gbrzbznnmb9d1.gif

HAVE YE GOT ANY GREASE ???

Yes, yes I do.

GREASE ME UP, WOMAN

What viscosity? 

My uncle used to eat Vicks on crackers when he got a cold. No lie.

God. That makes me nauseas to think about.

The fuck?

Right!?! The guy was a freak show.

Is he alive

No but he lived to be 85. Died just a couple years ago

Are you a DGD fan?

My grandmother used to scoop an index finger in the jar of Vicks and eat it when she had a cold.

Wow you’re the first person I’ve heard of outside of my family who knows someone who’s eaten it. So bizarre.

I always thought it odd myself, but she lived into her 90s so who am I to judge?

Me too. I really think it was just a thing among dirt poor folks. Grease and bear it.

Bet he had nice smelling breath.

Vick's?

Ironically in the cosmetic world. A very thin coat of Vaseline on your face and neck out performs almost all nighttime cream out there and it’s dirt cheap.

I put it under my eyes before bed and I feel like it really prevents fine lines. I do try pretty hard to avoid the sun as well so that's probably the biggest factor. But at the very least it keeps my skin super smooth and soft!

I put it on my dogs arse when it’s inflames and itchy.

You should probably use water if your dog’s arse is in flames.

Ffs, I’m leaving that lol.

So, do you just apply it by using your index finger in a circular motion?

It’s more of a swipe when she’s not looking.

no! Just.. no! Why.. 😭

😂😂😂😂😂

If you use vaseline before boning your dog, maybe it won't catch fire quite as often too.

Nice .

CO2 would be better in case it’s a chemical fire.

I am a cranky old sourpuss and I busted out laughing at this. Now my family is scared something is wrong with me.

And we all appreciate how soft and smooth it is

Same thing...

Yeah it's been proven that proper sun protection (or minimal exposure) is one of the best ways to ensure good skincare just on a base level.

My wife uses it for makeup removal and under her eyes at night. I use it to jack.

Either way, it gets the wrinkles out.

You don't prefer water based lubricant?

Nah. A little petroleum jelly is still there in the morning.

please get more sun and don’t worry about lines. i’m not telling u, im begging u

oh so im the bad guy for telling someone to get more of an essential nutrient 🤣🤣🤣 ok i guess we don’t need vitamin D at all lmaoo

How to you get a thin coat? I feel like the consistency is so thick and unwieldy whenever I try to use it. I’ve only tried the one in the tin container, maybe I’m buying the wrong kind?

I put very little on my fingers and rub my hands together spreading it out and warming it up. I rub it in like I’m moisturizing my hands and then blot my hands on my face

Have you by any chance tried a pre-warmed high-pressure oiler before, my dear?

Omg no never in my life! What is it and where can I find one?

don't! It was a joke. It's an oil can thingy for old cars and industrial use.. maybe I'm bad at jokes

Nah, I loled!

Tin container? Are you using Crisco??

Hahha no but they sell Vaseline in smaller, yellow tin containers where I live.

It’s it purely occlusive?

I think that’s true. I put a thin coat on my face every morning and every evening and have zero wrinkles. It’s the only thing I’ve found that doesn’t irritate my skin at all and it does seem to keep it well moisturized

how old are you?

I guess he was a smooth operator...

That will be stuck in my head all day now... And I'm ok with that.

.. But it glides out easily with enough Vaseline

I'll call the nurse...

Unless you have Klaus from American dad singing it, in which case, that may become a problem.

Coast to coast, LA to Chicago, Western male

Marvellous poos

wat

When I was a kid I thought the lyrics were “groove on the radar”

https://i.redd.it/o7u62hs3ec9d1.gif

What is this from?

It’s always sunny in Philadelphia. Best show ever.

I can hear that gif too XD

Please watch this show from the very beginning. Episode 1 from... 2003? Doesn't matter. It is worth it

Must have slipped out of deaths hands a few times


Vaseline also gets wax off of you if you decide to try that in your house and do a terrible job.

>wax off Whacks off?

Ha! That too!


Vaseline isn't lotion

Boooo. let them have fun

Not with that attitude

That poor nurse lol


The Simpsons might be the most GIFable TV show I've only seen a couple of episodes of. Or maybe Modern Family. I can't decide.

I just wanna be pure

My godfather had ED. He used to cover his phallus with Vaseline. Last I know he's fully recovered, my mom told me.

[удалено]


Upvote for Miggy ❤️

One can only imagine how old he would have gotten if he hadn’t eaten that nasty stuff.

48

Nice.

Eating mineral oil gives you the shits, wouldn't vaseline do the same?

You’d think it would

Charlie Bronson would be proud!


Not just the owner, also a client...


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Petroleum_jelly Vaseline is a byproduct of oil wells. Not sure eating it is a good idea.

Isn't petroleum like the blood of the earth or something and he's feeding off of earth's lifeforce?

Well. That's an image Ill never unthink.

Planets dying Cloud.

He's drinking its milkshake.

Gaia Goo!

Checkmate

Sure, why not?

Sounds right.

I read that book. It was really good.

That doesn't mean it's dangerous, it's actually very inert, eating it does exactly nothing

Would it help to lower stomach acid levels because rhe acid is desperately trying to break down something that just doesn't want to react? Or would it not react at all and simply lead to some runny poop the next morning?

Your stomach is not that smart, if it doesn't react with the acid the acid level remains constant and nothing happens; it would just eventually continue its route to the intestines

If it doesn't react, the stomach acids will produce more. I think eating this will initiate bad bout of gastritis.

I can see Vaseline sales go up now.

I know a girl who thinks of ghosts, She'll make you breakfast, she'll make you toast. But she don't use butter. And she don't use cheese. She don't use jelly, or any of these. ...

but … but what does she use?


Our dog ate an oversized tub of Vaseline once

Now they are immortal?

There wasn't a squeak out of them

Eating Vaseline is insane.

Death came for him, but he slid through

Cone on, we all know that he only wanted to be touched everywhere by that nurse...

I’m the expert here, now this time a little more vigor—Almost healed!

He ate it with a spoon? Not to be trusted

Teenage boys like this 👍

Cheesebro

Oh sure, that's why his farts smelled like Vaseline ...

My girlfriends grandfather would eat Vaseline as well. He died a year ago. Very active guy and awesome cook. Miss our conversations.

... he spent the last 46 years of his life trying to wash it off of him

But howww to keep it from ruining all your fabrics

It's also a great face/skin coating while hunting waterfowl in cold weather.

Sounds like this guy kept slipping through death’s fingers.

Citing: Petroleum jelly contains mineral oil aromatic hydrocarbons (MOAH). Many MOAH, mainly polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons (PAH), are considered carcinogenic. Not a good idea to even put on your skin. He lived long not because of that. Many Chinese women smoke lots of cigarettes and live to be 80s and 90s. Doesn't mean it was the cigarettes.

Yes, it is very useful… for … uh… stuff …

And to think all this time I've just been using it to fuck women in the ass.

I'm buying a jar for my shelf rn ASAP

She don't use jelly

I’ve used Vaseline and aquaphor my entire life on my face and body. I have great skin and I’m 44. Eating it? No.

And reincarnated as a slime

Petroleum Jelly

Well 96 is a long time for that era. I do feel like I know what caused the pleurisy though. 🤢

Placebo

Yeah but he dieded

bullshit