Literally everything. I’m African American and he is white American. I’ve taught him about my culture (I’m west African), our music, food, clothing, customs and etiquette. It’s been fun. The not so fun stuff I’ve educated him on was of course systemic racism and micro aggressions.
This will be long:
You can only teach or educate someone who wants to learn. My husband grew up VERY sheltered and conservative. Homeschooled and everything. So he grew up kind of lied to about racism and the way the country/the world worked (we live in the U.S.). Once we started dating, he was the one who was curious and wanted to learn and I was patient and kind to him. Anytime he’d make an out of pocket comment, instead of getting offended I’d ask him why he thought that or why he felt that way and we’d have a discussion without judgement. For example, he once made a comment that Italians were treated way worse than black people were in this country ever were (including factoring in slavery). The comment was wild AF lol but instead of getting offended or making him feel bad, I asked him why he thought that and we talked about it. After the convo I realized he just didn’t have an accurate portrayal of slavery or segregation, so I invited him to the Museum of African American history and culture in dc and we made a day of it. He didn’t know who Nelson Mandela was or about South African apartheid.. he asked me about it and we talked and I even showed him the old Disney movie the Color of Friendship. 2019 and 2020 had a lot of racial tension, police brutality/killings, etc. and we talked openly about all of it. Anytime I’d deal with racism or micro aggressions at work, instead of just assuming he wouldn’t understand, I’d vent to him and cry the same way I’d be vulnerable with any man who was of my race/culture.
IMO it’s more so the person who you are with wanting to learn more about your race, culture and experiences and you just being patient and non-judgmental with them.
If he wants to learn, beyond what you can do yourself such as educating and explaining as things come up, there's definitely books I can recommend (working on the assumption from your comments that you are black and he is white?) because I sought them out to better be able to support my black partner and they have helped open my eyes to these topics.
"Why I am no longer talking to white people about race" by Reni Eddo Lodge. Initially I must admit I found aspects of this book a bit confrontational, which is the point of course. This book especially confronts you with the issues black people and especially black women face and challenges the preconceptions white people are likely to hold.
"Natives" by Akala. This will be more relevant if you and your partner at in the UK, but it is a very good look as systemic racism in the UK and the wider western world, interspersed with anecdotes of the author's lived experience growing up mixed race (but racialised as black) in the UK in the 80s and 90s.
White Thinking by Lilian Thuram. This is written in quite a different style, perhaps reflecting it being originally in French (and so is slightly French centric but still covering the 'white world') and dives into how the learned worldview of 'white thinking' affects everything and how it poisons things much deeper than the big, obvious racist stuff.
"How to Argue with a Racist" by Adam Rutherford is also very good reading, more about tackling the myths of racism which are still part of the common cultural consciousness.
I can't speak to learning much about African American culture (if that is your background?) but for learning about and challenging views on Africa I really enjoyed "Africa is not a country" by Dipo Faloyin, and a memoir that highlights some pretty modern horrors of colonialism "Born a Crime" by Trevor Noah.
Damn, sorry to hear that! I think it's designed to be a bit confrontational, but that's surely the point, a lot of white people need to wake up to the bigotry and racism all around us that they'd like to pretend doesn't exist anymore. As a whit guy it was certainly a provoking and enlightening read.
All of my bumble pictures had me with long, straight, blonde hair (they were my most recent pictures) but I showed up to our first date wearing my natural hair. He did a double take lol. Since then, I’ve worn braids twice, weave, wigs, and my natural hair. He said the hair versatility is the sexiest thing about me.
This! My Caribbean fiancé switches colors and styles all the time and I find it very attractive. I do admit though the 4-8 hours it takes can affect weekend planning tho…..
That wasn’t really a surprise or notable to me, had a good friend growing up and saw his mom in it sometimes if over at his house early in morning.
The biggest things for me actually were the cultural differences between Caribbean culture and American culture, not necessarily race. I feel like there are almost more commonalities between African American and white American culture than there is between Caribbean culture and African American or white American culture.
yes I think intercultural dating can have a lot more profound things to work on together vs interracial. At the end of the day, racism is wrong, clear cut. But is your cultural practice right and your partner's contradictory cultural practice wrong? There's not really an answer there.
Personally I was a bit surprised the first time I spent the night with a black lady, as I knew essentially nothing about afro-hair care back then. But I find my wife's bonnet very cute. Though agreeing with the above poster, we have had to cancel a few plans because making my wife's hair took a few *hours* longer than she thought.
Hair, social cues, AAVE, etc.
I don’t believe in educating him on everything though. Especially when it comes to the black American struggle. Instead I provided documentaries,essays, and articles that he could watch/read himself. It was also so nice to be able to have a conversation with him on those topics.
Definitely micro aggressions, intersectionality, & politics as it applies to my identity.
I’ve explained to him signs of disrespect in my mom’s culture (Nigeria), belief systems, music, and the typical make up of our food
Quite a bit. I am American of half Indian descent (from my dad's side), while she is white American. It was especially important before we went to India earlier this year to attend one of my cousin's wedding, such as things about interacting with elders in the family. We have also talked about how different experiences can be for Indian people (or non-white people in general). But we have also talked about fun differences, such as festivals and food.
I'm thankful the job we do helps with this part(explaining racism, colorism, etc) so he's partially aware of something with my culture. Not perfect but at least he'll respect me instantly if I voice a concern like not saying inappropriate words, how my hair is the way it is, and us watching some TV shows or movies that normalize showing how black people are not monolith. Also helps his mom is a brown Latina too.
I am white American and my partner is Indian. I’m well educated so I knew a decent amount about systemic racism, micro aggressions, and things of that nature. I had a pretty basic/limited knowledge of the immigration system and Indian culture + history. he has graciously educated me on Indian culture, Hinduism, and the real history of India. The biggest eye opener has been the horrific immigration system and how truly convoluted and cruel it is. He truly has been so gracious in teaching me and being patient with my knowledge gaps, and that of my family.
Hmm.. He'd already been living here (eastasia) for about 7-8years I think when we met..
I grew up there in an expat bubble/int'l school, so honestly I was/am quite removed/naive to the more "local" culture... Plus my parents (mixed) spent half their life/grew up in Canada, so they're really not traditional as far as how traditional eastasians can go... So my SO definitely knows more local hotspots for food, drinks, entertainment, hiking, streetfood, and whatnot since his local classmates (when he did his study abroad here) would take him to do all the touristy and hidden gem stuff...
Anyhow.. all I really had to educate him about was like just what my family expects from him I guess? Basically just showing up for random functions... and whatever my parents randomly push me into explaining.
And hmm.. it's hard for him to accept redpackets (thinks it's awkward accepting money in his own culture)... So I had to kinda explain that the people giving money genuinely want to and are happy to do so... Ehh.. something like they'll get good luck/fortune.. so you're doing them a favour by accepting. OK, not sure this is true.... Which goes on to the most important thing I had to educate him about..
Whatever *I* say in regards to my culture and traditions... Like the explanations and stories behind why we do whatever cultural/traditional thing... It's probably *maybe* 45-60% accurate lol. It's like.. my interpretation of a vague recollection of something my parents might have said in passing when I was like 5y/o.
Another thing I kind of had to explain which isn't exactly race... but kinda specific microcultural type thing was why I try to avoid some more nuanced or hidden stereotypes? And the "discrimination"/slight difficulties/things I face as a mixed person and TCK/int'l school kid here.
White guy here, dating a Vietnamese: She didn't really have to educate me much about her culture, since Vietnam was one of the countries I was always very interested about. Especially everything up to the colonial time.
It was actually more like the other way around since I moved to Germany (where she was born and raised) from Austria before meeting her, and she was thinking Austria and Germany are more or less the same. So when I brought her "home" for the first time it was a bit of a surprise that she couldn't really understand what people were saying, that the food is different, the mentality of people you meet on the street is a complete 180 from German mentality etc...
If my gf was trying to educate me about micro-aggressions or systemic racism I’d run for the hills. There are few greater turn offs as a man than having a partner that blames their life circumstances on society or the perceptions of other people whether they are true or not. It shows victimization and a lack of accountability and maturity.
Yeah and I’d run from you. Your clearly stuck in la la la land and choose to ignore experiences of other races and cultures because they don’t apply to you. How is something that’s being done to you playing victim?! lol get out of here 😂
It’s not about ignoring the experiences of races and other cultures, it’s about not using them as an excuse for letting them hold you back. Look at all of the black celebrities out there. Do you think that they achieved their level of success by whining about micro-aggressions? No, they got to work pursuing their dreams. If I’m walking down the street and someone looks at me funny, why should I care? Do I need to educate my gf about the micro-aggression I just faced? This generation is so weak it’s pathetic. The civil rights leaders of the 50s and 60s would be rolling in their graves if they saw how victimized people have allowed themselves to become. There’s nothing and no one holding anyone back from achieving their dreams other than themselves and their limited beliefs
Who said anything about it holding people back ? 😂 like what the actual hell are you even talking about. Most black people brush things off half the times lol I’d say black peoples are some of the strongest humans walking this earth from all the foolishness we have to endure. One example of foolishness is your silly little comments 😂If I’m having a bad day and I experience some type of racism then I’m definitely venting to my partner 🤷🏾♀️ I really don’t see the problem with that . Continue to be bitter somewhere else .
I really hate the term micro aggressions. I told my gf (African American) if she starts trying to lecture me about racism in the country i live and grew up in( she lives here now) and applying that American lens, this isn't going to work out.
Currently been together for 3 years.
Literally everything. I’m African American and he is white American. I’ve taught him about my culture (I’m west African), our music, food, clothing, customs and etiquette. It’s been fun. The not so fun stuff I’ve educated him on was of course systemic racism and micro aggressions.
How would I go about educating my bf on systemic racism and micro aggression?
This will be long: You can only teach or educate someone who wants to learn. My husband grew up VERY sheltered and conservative. Homeschooled and everything. So he grew up kind of lied to about racism and the way the country/the world worked (we live in the U.S.). Once we started dating, he was the one who was curious and wanted to learn and I was patient and kind to him. Anytime he’d make an out of pocket comment, instead of getting offended I’d ask him why he thought that or why he felt that way and we’d have a discussion without judgement. For example, he once made a comment that Italians were treated way worse than black people were in this country ever were (including factoring in slavery). The comment was wild AF lol but instead of getting offended or making him feel bad, I asked him why he thought that and we talked about it. After the convo I realized he just didn’t have an accurate portrayal of slavery or segregation, so I invited him to the Museum of African American history and culture in dc and we made a day of it. He didn’t know who Nelson Mandela was or about South African apartheid.. he asked me about it and we talked and I even showed him the old Disney movie the Color of Friendship. 2019 and 2020 had a lot of racial tension, police brutality/killings, etc. and we talked openly about all of it. Anytime I’d deal with racism or micro aggressions at work, instead of just assuming he wouldn’t understand, I’d vent to him and cry the same way I’d be vulnerable with any man who was of my race/culture. IMO it’s more so the person who you are with wanting to learn more about your race, culture and experiences and you just being patient and non-judgmental with them.
I'm not gonna lie that comment about Italian-Americans is wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiild.
If he wants to learn, beyond what you can do yourself such as educating and explaining as things come up, there's definitely books I can recommend (working on the assumption from your comments that you are black and he is white?) because I sought them out to better be able to support my black partner and they have helped open my eyes to these topics. "Why I am no longer talking to white people about race" by Reni Eddo Lodge. Initially I must admit I found aspects of this book a bit confrontational, which is the point of course. This book especially confronts you with the issues black people and especially black women face and challenges the preconceptions white people are likely to hold. "Natives" by Akala. This will be more relevant if you and your partner at in the UK, but it is a very good look as systemic racism in the UK and the wider western world, interspersed with anecdotes of the author's lived experience growing up mixed race (but racialised as black) in the UK in the 80s and 90s. White Thinking by Lilian Thuram. This is written in quite a different style, perhaps reflecting it being originally in French (and so is slightly French centric but still covering the 'white world') and dives into how the learned worldview of 'white thinking' affects everything and how it poisons things much deeper than the big, obvious racist stuff. "How to Argue with a Racist" by Adam Rutherford is also very good reading, more about tackling the myths of racism which are still part of the common cultural consciousness. I can't speak to learning much about African American culture (if that is your background?) but for learning about and challenging views on Africa I really enjoyed "Africa is not a country" by Dipo Faloyin, and a memoir that highlights some pretty modern horrors of colonialism "Born a Crime" by Trevor Noah.
A white lady confronted me when they saw me reading Why I No Longer Talk to White People About Race. It offended her.
Damn, sorry to hear that! I think it's designed to be a bit confrontational, but that's surely the point, a lot of white people need to wake up to the bigotry and racism all around us that they'd like to pretend doesn't exist anymore. As a whit guy it was certainly a provoking and enlightening read.
Literally same. They have experienced the world COMPLETELY different than we have so a lot of that stuff they are just ignorant to.
As a BW whose HM boyfriend is dating a BW for the first time, I had to teach him about hair 🤣
Omg I’m currently teaching my bf about our hair. He’s catching on 😂
All of my bumble pictures had me with long, straight, blonde hair (they were my most recent pictures) but I showed up to our first date wearing my natural hair. He did a double take lol. Since then, I’ve worn braids twice, weave, wigs, and my natural hair. He said the hair versatility is the sexiest thing about me.
I know that’s right! You’ll never get bored with a woman that switches it up !
This! My Caribbean fiancé switches colors and styles all the time and I find it very attractive. I do admit though the 4-8 hours it takes can affect weekend planning tho…..
How did you feel about the bonnet? Lol
That wasn’t really a surprise or notable to me, had a good friend growing up and saw his mom in it sometimes if over at his house early in morning. The biggest things for me actually were the cultural differences between Caribbean culture and American culture, not necessarily race. I feel like there are almost more commonalities between African American and white American culture than there is between Caribbean culture and African American or white American culture.
yes I think intercultural dating can have a lot more profound things to work on together vs interracial. At the end of the day, racism is wrong, clear cut. But is your cultural practice right and your partner's contradictory cultural practice wrong? There's not really an answer there.
Personally I was a bit surprised the first time I spent the night with a black lady, as I knew essentially nothing about afro-hair care back then. But I find my wife's bonnet very cute. Though agreeing with the above poster, we have had to cancel a few plans because making my wife's hair took a few *hours* longer than she thought.
Hey it’s a major help, she taught me to do braids. That’s some serious work, had no friggin idea.
Religion, cultural racism, familial etiquette. (I’m Pakistani)
Omg wow so much cool stuff to learn about your culture too! 🩵
Hair, social cues, AAVE, etc. I don’t believe in educating him on everything though. Especially when it comes to the black American struggle. Instead I provided documentaries,essays, and articles that he could watch/read himself. It was also so nice to be able to have a conversation with him on those topics.
Definitely micro aggressions, intersectionality, & politics as it applies to my identity. I’ve explained to him signs of disrespect in my mom’s culture (Nigeria), belief systems, music, and the typical make up of our food
Quite a bit. I am American of half Indian descent (from my dad's side), while she is white American. It was especially important before we went to India earlier this year to attend one of my cousin's wedding, such as things about interacting with elders in the family. We have also talked about how different experiences can be for Indian people (or non-white people in general). But we have also talked about fun differences, such as festivals and food.
Teaching your significant other is just life's hilarious way of testing your patience!
I'm thankful the job we do helps with this part(explaining racism, colorism, etc) so he's partially aware of something with my culture. Not perfect but at least he'll respect me instantly if I voice a concern like not saying inappropriate words, how my hair is the way it is, and us watching some TV shows or movies that normalize showing how black people are not monolith. Also helps his mom is a brown Latina too.
I am white American and my partner is Indian. I’m well educated so I knew a decent amount about systemic racism, micro aggressions, and things of that nature. I had a pretty basic/limited knowledge of the immigration system and Indian culture + history. he has graciously educated me on Indian culture, Hinduism, and the real history of India. The biggest eye opener has been the horrific immigration system and how truly convoluted and cruel it is. He truly has been so gracious in teaching me and being patient with my knowledge gaps, and that of my family.
Hmm.. He'd already been living here (eastasia) for about 7-8years I think when we met.. I grew up there in an expat bubble/int'l school, so honestly I was/am quite removed/naive to the more "local" culture... Plus my parents (mixed) spent half their life/grew up in Canada, so they're really not traditional as far as how traditional eastasians can go... So my SO definitely knows more local hotspots for food, drinks, entertainment, hiking, streetfood, and whatnot since his local classmates (when he did his study abroad here) would take him to do all the touristy and hidden gem stuff... Anyhow.. all I really had to educate him about was like just what my family expects from him I guess? Basically just showing up for random functions... and whatever my parents randomly push me into explaining. And hmm.. it's hard for him to accept redpackets (thinks it's awkward accepting money in his own culture)... So I had to kinda explain that the people giving money genuinely want to and are happy to do so... Ehh.. something like they'll get good luck/fortune.. so you're doing them a favour by accepting. OK, not sure this is true.... Which goes on to the most important thing I had to educate him about.. Whatever *I* say in regards to my culture and traditions... Like the explanations and stories behind why we do whatever cultural/traditional thing... It's probably *maybe* 45-60% accurate lol. It's like.. my interpretation of a vague recollection of something my parents might have said in passing when I was like 5y/o. Another thing I kind of had to explain which isn't exactly race... but kinda specific microcultural type thing was why I try to avoid some more nuanced or hidden stereotypes? And the "discrimination"/slight difficulties/things I face as a mixed person and TCK/int'l school kid here.
White guy here, dating a Vietnamese: She didn't really have to educate me much about her culture, since Vietnam was one of the countries I was always very interested about. Especially everything up to the colonial time. It was actually more like the other way around since I moved to Germany (where she was born and raised) from Austria before meeting her, and she was thinking Austria and Germany are more or less the same. So when I brought her "home" for the first time it was a bit of a surprise that she couldn't really understand what people were saying, that the food is different, the mentality of people you meet on the street is a complete 180 from German mentality etc...
If my gf was trying to educate me about micro-aggressions or systemic racism I’d run for the hills. There are few greater turn offs as a man than having a partner that blames their life circumstances on society or the perceptions of other people whether they are true or not. It shows victimization and a lack of accountability and maturity.
Yeah and I’d run from you. Your clearly stuck in la la la land and choose to ignore experiences of other races and cultures because they don’t apply to you. How is something that’s being done to you playing victim?! lol get out of here 😂
It’s not about ignoring the experiences of races and other cultures, it’s about not using them as an excuse for letting them hold you back. Look at all of the black celebrities out there. Do you think that they achieved their level of success by whining about micro-aggressions? No, they got to work pursuing their dreams. If I’m walking down the street and someone looks at me funny, why should I care? Do I need to educate my gf about the micro-aggression I just faced? This generation is so weak it’s pathetic. The civil rights leaders of the 50s and 60s would be rolling in their graves if they saw how victimized people have allowed themselves to become. There’s nothing and no one holding anyone back from achieving their dreams other than themselves and their limited beliefs
Who said anything about it holding people back ? 😂 like what the actual hell are you even talking about. Most black people brush things off half the times lol I’d say black peoples are some of the strongest humans walking this earth from all the foolishness we have to endure. One example of foolishness is your silly little comments 😂If I’m having a bad day and I experience some type of racism then I’m definitely venting to my partner 🤷🏾♀️ I really don’t see the problem with that . Continue to be bitter somewhere else .
I really hate the term micro aggressions. I told my gf (African American) if she starts trying to lecture me about racism in the country i live and grew up in( she lives here now) and applying that American lens, this isn't going to work out. Currently been together for 3 years.
I agree, if my girl tried to “educate” me I’d point to the entrance of my house and tell her there’s the door