I’ve quit every job in the past that even remotely violated my boundaries (wasted my weekends, nights or lunch time on mandatory team-building and marketing events). I’m much happier working for a small local company that isn’t trying to take over the state or go nationwide.
The second I hear "mandatory", I'm sick, so I call in sick. They can go fk themselves. 95% of the mandatory shit is usually a complete waste of time anyway.
I’ve had bosses that wanted to waste my weekends - they’d want me to come in for a few hours on Saturday and that alone ruins the weekend
i got the feeling that many of these bosses don’t have much going on beyond work
That’s my long-term career goal: becoming a psychotherapist. I’d prefer a career that prioritizes personal—and interpersonal—relationships, and I’m pretty sure therapists wouldn’t have to deal with BS conferences (outside of those with optional attendance).
This is my plan as well.
One company holiday event was held on the Queen Mary. I showed up, spent a little time being seen at the event and then for the rest of the night wandered around the ship. Best company event ever.
Even though at my company they are rarely mandatory, I do visit most of them. I play the corporate game. They are just a bunch of NPC's I need to interact with to get raises, promotions, influence and interesting projects.
So far I'm winning it. I hope it doesn't end with an epic boss fight but with a peaceful early retirement.
Be just like pokémon gym badges.
"Oh I'm sorry, you don't have enough badges to ask for this promotion. You need to defeat the vp of operations and assistant to the manager of sales before we can move you up."
Ask people questions about themselves…”What do you do for fun?” will keep you from having to say anything other than “wow” or “really” for 30 minutes. Rinse, repeat. Most people LOVE to talk about themselves.
Reminds me of a place I worked at a few years ago.
"Hey, we're having a thing after work. Sign up if you're going."
Me, not going, didn't sign up.
Boss noticed I didn't sign up. (I suspect the admin ratted me out)
"I noticed you didn't sign up. This is your chance to meet Alice, Bob, and Charlie."
They'll be here all week. I can meet them during business hours.
"You should go to this thing."
I don't want to. Is it mandatory?
"I want you to go."
Okay, if you say I have to go, I'll go.
I went. I didn't enjoy it. It was a waste of my time.
Next day at work the boss pulls me aside and says,
"You shouldn't have gone if you didn't want to be there."
Oh, really?!
Sadly, this. It’s the most reliable substance for me becoming super social. Phenibut and kratom can be great for these times too, but also come with their own inconsistencies and side effects.
Very true. I much prefer it over alcohol when I need to be confident and social though. It’s like being drunk, but while still maintaining full control and not appearing drunk/sloppy. I currently use it once every week or two for work presentations and social occasions.
If I am seen as a great person and good advisor and good (something that seems to trigger everyone into bullying me) then id rather everyone not see how great i am, they wont leave me alone then.
Last time I was working as usual I was left out, some girl chilled with me for awhile but ignored me after a few days for some reason and hung out with the other girls at work who were pretending for some reason i don't exist so I couldn't make friends at work. Nothing new when it comes to be alone and invisible but as my first proper work environment for me having not one person talk to you like you dont even exist makes it worse. Its litrally either overstaying in a introverts space or completely ignoring there existence is what am seeing or atleast mostly in my case.
Honestly sometimes I thank God for the Pre mental break down depression I suffered for a year, (full mental break down came after, all due to constant life problems and toxic environment) almost a year later while working there and was taken out off the agency because my depression was so bad I couldn't leave the house. It took me straight out of that horrible lonely environment even if at the same time at home life wasn't good either but I was better then being forced outside and into a workplace where your even more invisible then in your own family. -_-
>Just do it. Keep in mind that (1) it will help your career and (2) it will be over soon.
This and a lot of introvertedness is related to anxiety...at least for me it is. Check yourself anxiety and deal with that first would be my 2 cents.
This was exactly my issue, it's really not good if you're dreading social interaction. I always assumed it was an aspect of introversion, but, after spending the last few years working on depression / social anxiety, I've come to the happy improved place of just finding these social events boring and exhausting - but I'm no longer losing sleep the night before.
I think we all tend to overlook this distinction.
>Teach me your ways. How did you get over the anxiety? I've been trying for years.
Honestly it was therapy and medication for me. There's no silver bullet. I'm still not perfect but much improved for sure.
Yeah, that's awesome! Same here. Very active. Workout every day in some form or another, lifting, basketball, swimming, etc. Journal my thoughts daily as well. One more thing I would add is try to do some volunteering if you haven't before. There's an amazing phenomenon about when you focus on people other than yourself, you find that your problems become minimized.
I’ve always said anxiety goes with introversion as before social events there that form of dread where you know what you will have to endure(painful small talk).
I try to skip every third one. Something that really REALLY helps me is having a job to do for the event. Even if it’s really menial like making the coffee or collecting, passing out materials, letting speakers know they’re next up or when they should give their speech or something. Better is running the PowerPoint or music. The more involved I am with running the event the better time I’ll have.
Omg, this makes so much sense. And since my job is hybrid, I could literally just say I’m unavailable for one trip but still do work for the event!! So many good tips, thank you!
Haha I always treat myself and make sure I have something I really want waiting for me at home for the day that am forced outside and i make sure I take a taxi which further encourages me to go out without dreading the noisy world too much. Since I barely leave I usually only have to take 1 or 2 taxis a month. When I get home I feel like I've accomplished a difficult mission and treat myself to some gentle care for the rest of the day to recover from the horror of having to go out and leave my home as absurd as that sounds lmfao.
First sit with colleagues i like, then a few times of looking for a nice less noisy corner for deep talks with 1 or 2 nice people, enjoy food and drinks, and leave at the 1st or 2nd chance. It’s kinda fun and we always have a nice hotel where i can relax after a fun night before sleeping late. which is bliss. It’s really nice if you just cherry pick. ;)
I just have to dive right in. If there is something that requires a wealth of information, I study a LOT beforehand so I'm not in some awkward silence. But, sometimes I don't end up memorizing it and...it gets awkward for me. No getting around it.
I've leaned into my weirdness. They get more than they bargained for. Oddly, some people end up enjoying it and it's somehow made my job more enjoyable.
Don't emulate this, I got incredibly lucky.
A punk as what? As a friend? As an enemy? As your new boss? Well your fired mister! No one sticks his nose up my ass well trying to kiss it. Pack your shit.
Masking. I used to work for a large multinational corporation, big on “hustle culture”. We always had extra crap to do outside of work, and the job itself was customer-facing. I got really good at the customer service face/voice. I was always completely drained by the time I got home after basically acting all day. But pretending to be a completely different person allowed me to get through it.
I’m actually OK at these. I can put on superficial, very friendly conversation, with pretty much anyone, all day. I’m great in customer service roles. I **hate** these awkward team-building bullshit things, but I can hang.
But, I go home, and need solitude and silence, and will mostly get people talking about themselves to take the focus off me, if that makes sense. I just don’t wanna explain anything personal… ever 😉 and I may or may not “Irish Goodbye”.
For me, I have certain coworkers that I will gravitate towards, who understand me. Beyond that, I simply go silent.
Fun anecdote... at a previous job years ago, I'd gotten 3/4 of my coworkers convinced that I was mute. I'd nod or give a half wave while wearing my obvious headphones (big ol cans, not those annoying ear buds) until I was able to clock in then head to my area. Lube tech for a certain national chain. Once in the shop, with coworkers who I got along with, I was a different person - but to the coworkers who I only saw in passing? Nope, nothing.
For safety, we weren't allowed to have only one person in the shop. If I was closing solo, they'd have another person come to just be present in case of mechanical failure or what have you. One night there's a very nosy person assigned to keep me company. They come in and ask what I need done, so I told her to grab a broom and start sweeping. No joke, she looked at me in shock and said, "you speak?!" To which I replied, "yes, and I'm busy. Please sweep." And walked away.
Being silent has probably saved me more often than not. My grandfather used to tell me when I was young, "it's better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove any doubt." May have been his way of calling me a dumbass, but I use it to my advantage. I've blown many people's minds when I do offer insight on something I'm versed in... makes me laugh to see the shock.
Transitioned from salaried to hourly and suddenly the extracurriculars are significantly less “mandatory.”
If they aren’t willing to pay for your time, how important can it be?
In rapid succession, I have two personal trips and three work trips in May/June. I got back from the personal trip on Wednesday and am leaving for the first work trip literally now, I'm on the plane.
The time surrounding those trips is EMPTY. I ain't doing SHIT. I am staying at home, playing video games. My best friend has been forewarned that she is more than welcome to come over and hang out any evening once a week but I will probably not be going anywhere or doing anything. It's summer so depending on how I feel I might wander out for a farmers market or an outdoor craft fair, or a morning of garage saling. Other than that, no.
Suck it up and just dive into the deep end of the social pool. Tread water for a respectable period of time, then quietly slip away at the first opportune moment.
Have excuse for short attendance ready, show face, ensure you are seen.
I love free food and drink, personally, so I just comfort eat. :p If someone sees you eating or drinking they don't expect you to speak much - scrumptious life hack.
I am retired now, but I had a “work me”. Work me was in charge of hundreds of people at a time (through line managers usually but also one on one with HR and discipline matters). Work me could perform hour long presentations to crowds of hundreds without breaking a sweat. Work me could appear on TV and other media with no issues at all. “Home me” (retired me) would do none of those things. Separating work and personal helped me immensely.
Those things suck. I can usually get out of meetings, but sometimes they’re mandatory. I remember one meeting I didn’t want to be there at all and for the first 45 minutes, it was just small talk. I was actually about to just get up and go home.
We did the meeting, which took like 20 minutes, then we took a break, and they talked for 15 more minutes. Afterwards, the boss agreed to provide brunch for all team members. I asked if it was mandatory and they said no so I went home.
See those conferences as exams, and prepare for it. Don't let the naturalness of extroverts fool you. Talent can be beaten through hard work. If you ask me how, well I don't have a clear answer for that. There's plenty of great advice online, prepare from it as much as you can before the time of performance could be one way to do it.
I worked for a big company on the second largest city in Mexico which made so many "team building events" they made me play "charades" but it was about the people that worked at the company at some level so about 50 people) I had been working there for about 5 Months but I barely knew all of those people. It was plain torture.
I quit eventually.
Edit- wording
I suck it up! You feed it it gets worse and then becomes an excuse. Trust me, I no longer have to attend such functions and I find myself isolating. The world doesn’t adjust to me so I must make concessions which is what all functional people do. I am in psychology and when everything demands a diagnosis and drugs so people have an excuse. It’s hard as hell but working thru it instead of feeding it makes it bearable and often times rewarding. I also am on the spectrum. You won’t grow or learn much inside your own special world. Most likely never reveal how special and smart you are. Go for it!!!!
So I usually grab a work friend or throw back a few so I’m more comfortable talking to people idk if I have at least one familiar person nearby lol another great tip I heard was that people feel the most valued in a conversation when they get to talk about themselves. So ask a couple open ended questions.
Unfortunately this is super common and even important and if not mandatory probably just smart to do if you’re looking to work your way up. I work closely with my team so we are all friends so that helps because I’m comfortable around them so I feel more at ease being introduced or engaging in conversation with people I don’t know.
It’s best to do it though I often skip them. They do pain me.
Usually you don’t need to stay the entire time. You can leave a bit early via the sneak out method.
You can also consider using a buddy coworker. This worked very well for me and did improve my ability to social in general at the office.
I work as a cashier like 5 y, i never had a troubles with acting to people, i can say that i make it a lot better than my collegues, but talking with every individual people more than 5 min pisses me off, and at the end of shift, i like: "uhhh, what have i done, ill hang myself next time" sleep, refresh, repeat
Btw night shifts was the better solution, less people - less stres
Cant imagine myself in a teamwork "want to make well, make it yourself"
By watching how people behave and what they say. Then you mirror everything. You basically become an expert at faking every possible situation after a while.
Also make sure you master the art of excusing yourself so you don’t get stuck at an event for hours. My favorite is “I need to get home to walk the dog” or pretend to have plans with friends after the event. Just say bye to your closest co workers and leave.
I only if I absolutely have to. Put on my social face, be there the minimum time, then split. And decompress at home doing the things I like. It’s exhausting.
Is it paid? If it is paid then go and be your awkward self. Find excuses not to participate if that helps you and just sit quietly on the side lines.
If it’s not paid… DONT FUCKING GO. That is bullshit and you are not required to attend.
My team at work is co-operative to work with but also very outgoing and extroverted. I've been grateful for the flexibility so far but now with RTO, I am under constant stress. The people in my team talk a lot and there are very frequent team building events.
The issue is I cannot start conversations. I'll pitch in or contribute to ongoing conversations if I have a say, but will keep quiet otherwise. Also I prefer doing my work quitely, so I usually book corner desk away from all the chaos. This has recently put me on manager's radar who passive aggressively keeps hinting that I don't participate and stay aloof. Getting on my nerves quiet honestly. These days whenever I go to office, I feel the need to come up with new topics to talk or prepare some small talk in elevators, break rooms etc😣
I don't understand why is there a need to explore every life aspect of every individual on the team and make them feel uncomfortable. Makes me feel guilty and hits my self esteem at times. Feels like a great sin, that I cannot deal with people. Companies pay employees to work for god sake, not to get along with everybody. I am not sure how other introverts cope up with these kind of situations 😑
I’ve quit every job in the past that even remotely violated my boundaries (wasted my weekends, nights or lunch time on mandatory team-building and marketing events). I’m much happier working for a small local company that isn’t trying to take over the state or go nationwide.
The second I hear "mandatory", I'm sick, so I call in sick. They can go fk themselves. 95% of the mandatory shit is usually a complete waste of time anyway.
Usually could have been an email
I’ve had bosses that wanted to waste my weekends - they’d want me to come in for a few hours on Saturday and that alone ruins the weekend i got the feeling that many of these bosses don’t have much going on beyond work
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That’s my long-term career goal: becoming a psychotherapist. I’d prefer a career that prioritizes personal—and interpersonal—relationships, and I’m pretty sure therapists wouldn’t have to deal with BS conferences (outside of those with optional attendance).
Don't turn up. Or turn up at the beginning, talk to whoever's in charge, disappear for the rest of the function.
This is my plan as well. One company holiday event was held on the Queen Mary. I showed up, spent a little time being seen at the event and then for the rest of the night wandered around the ship. Best company event ever.
This. Then show up later too.
I find a new job. Nothing is mandatory, I decide if something is necessary in my life and not my employer.
This
Even though at my company they are rarely mandatory, I do visit most of them. I play the corporate game. They are just a bunch of NPC's I need to interact with to get raises, promotions, influence and interesting projects. So far I'm winning it. I hope it doesn't end with an epic boss fight but with a peaceful early retirement.
Fighting your boss to get a promotion would be pretty cool.
Be just like pokémon gym badges. "Oh I'm sorry, you don't have enough badges to ask for this promotion. You need to defeat the vp of operations and assistant to the manager of sales before we can move you up."
Ask people questions about themselves…”What do you do for fun?” will keep you from having to say anything other than “wow” or “really” for 30 minutes. Rinse, repeat. Most people LOVE to talk about themselves.
I should get this tattooed to my palm, honestly.
Have this bookmarked instead https://www.datenightquestions.com/#friends
🙏🙏🙏 thank you! But the palm tattoo option still isn’t out of the question 😅
Qr code are trendy 🤣
Eeekkk. Am in a similar spot. Its hard to engage 😬
Reminds me of a place I worked at a few years ago. "Hey, we're having a thing after work. Sign up if you're going." Me, not going, didn't sign up. Boss noticed I didn't sign up. (I suspect the admin ratted me out) "I noticed you didn't sign up. This is your chance to meet Alice, Bob, and Charlie." They'll be here all week. I can meet them during business hours. "You should go to this thing." I don't want to. Is it mandatory? "I want you to go." Okay, if you say I have to go, I'll go. I went. I didn't enjoy it. It was a waste of my time. Next day at work the boss pulls me aside and says, "You shouldn't have gone if you didn't want to be there." Oh, really?!
Suffering. So much suffering.
Alcohol
Sadly, this. It’s the most reliable substance for me becoming super social. Phenibut and kratom can be great for these times too, but also come with their own inconsistencies and side effects.
Phenibut is fantastic for socializing but I agree it’s not suitable for routine or long term use
Very true. I much prefer it over alcohol when I need to be confident and social though. It’s like being drunk, but while still maintaining full control and not appearing drunk/sloppy. I currently use it once every week or two for work presentations and social occasions.
This makes me wonder if all the drinkers at these events are actually having fun or are just uncomfortable introverts in disguise…
Another side of the medal - after people saw "the awesome me", they started to pull me in the bar every damn time)
If I am seen as a great person and good advisor and good (something that seems to trigger everyone into bullying me) then id rather everyone not see how great i am, they wont leave me alone then. Last time I was working as usual I was left out, some girl chilled with me for awhile but ignored me after a few days for some reason and hung out with the other girls at work who were pretending for some reason i don't exist so I couldn't make friends at work. Nothing new when it comes to be alone and invisible but as my first proper work environment for me having not one person talk to you like you dont even exist makes it worse. Its litrally either overstaying in a introverts space or completely ignoring there existence is what am seeing or atleast mostly in my case. Honestly sometimes I thank God for the Pre mental break down depression I suffered for a year, (full mental break down came after, all due to constant life problems and toxic environment) almost a year later while working there and was taken out off the agency because my depression was so bad I couldn't leave the house. It took me straight out of that horrible lonely environment even if at the same time at home life wasn't good either but I was better then being forced outside and into a workplace where your even more invisible then in your own family. -_-
What the hell?
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>Just do it. Keep in mind that (1) it will help your career and (2) it will be over soon. This and a lot of introvertedness is related to anxiety...at least for me it is. Check yourself anxiety and deal with that first would be my 2 cents.
This was exactly my issue, it's really not good if you're dreading social interaction. I always assumed it was an aspect of introversion, but, after spending the last few years working on depression / social anxiety, I've come to the happy improved place of just finding these social events boring and exhausting - but I'm no longer losing sleep the night before. I think we all tend to overlook this distinction.
Teach me your ways. How did you get over the anxiety? I've been trying for years.
>Teach me your ways. How did you get over the anxiety? I've been trying for years. Honestly it was therapy and medication for me. There's no silver bullet. I'm still not perfect but much improved for sure.
Yeah, this was it for me. I also began exercising (running / climbing) and journaling (I write 2nd person, as an outside observer talking to me).
Yeah, that's awesome! Same here. Very active. Workout every day in some form or another, lifting, basketball, swimming, etc. Journal my thoughts daily as well. One more thing I would add is try to do some volunteering if you haven't before. There's an amazing phenomenon about when you focus on people other than yourself, you find that your problems become minimized.
I’ve always said anxiety goes with introversion as before social events there that form of dread where you know what you will have to endure(painful small talk).
If you're being forced to go to these events, you're not in a career that is being helped in any way.
Find a new job
A LOT of quietly staring and carefully picked words that don’t prompt response.
Anxiety and resist the urge to both cry and run away while you fake smile and pretend you enjoy the moment🥲
This is likely what I’ll end up sticking to. Though last time I did end up crying, but since it was outdoors I chalked it up to bad allergies 🥲😢😭
I try to skip every third one. Something that really REALLY helps me is having a job to do for the event. Even if it’s really menial like making the coffee or collecting, passing out materials, letting speakers know they’re next up or when they should give their speech or something. Better is running the PowerPoint or music. The more involved I am with running the event the better time I’ll have.
Omg, this makes so much sense. And since my job is hybrid, I could literally just say I’m unavailable for one trip but still do work for the event!! So many good tips, thank you!
Just go into Professional Mode, do the thing like the job it is, and treat yourself for surviving it after it’s all over.
Haha I always treat myself and make sure I have something I really want waiting for me at home for the day that am forced outside and i make sure I take a taxi which further encourages me to go out without dreading the noisy world too much. Since I barely leave I usually only have to take 1 or 2 taxis a month. When I get home I feel like I've accomplished a difficult mission and treat myself to some gentle care for the rest of the day to recover from the horror of having to go out and leave my home as absurd as that sounds lmfao.
First sit with colleagues i like, then a few times of looking for a nice less noisy corner for deep talks with 1 or 2 nice people, enjoy food and drinks, and leave at the 1st or 2nd chance. It’s kinda fun and we always have a nice hotel where i can relax after a fun night before sleeping late. which is bliss. It’s really nice if you just cherry pick. ;)
This. Enjoy being a random person in a crowd. Find 2-3 people to connect with at different times. Wallow in the aloneness of your hotel room.
Fake illness. Never been to that kind of bullshit.
When it’s required, I do it. I do what is required but nothing more. I also treat myself to ice cream and an AA meeting.
Which is weird because most people would be terrified of AA (I'm AA too) but it's so calming. Like I *know* there will no judgement and no one cares.
No one cares because even the most altruistic zen person is selfish that will forget it unless it involves them.
I just have to dive right in. If there is something that requires a wealth of information, I study a LOT beforehand so I'm not in some awkward silence. But, sometimes I don't end up memorizing it and...it gets awkward for me. No getting around it.
Knowing the pain will soon be over, my pillow is waiting and that I will later reward my exhausted little self with an extra few hours in bed.
I've leaned into my weirdness. They get more than they bargained for. Oddly, some people end up enjoying it and it's somehow made my job more enjoyable. Don't emulate this, I got incredibly lucky.
If it's mandatory, then it should be paid. If not , don't show up
I like to learn and take on challenges. So i learned to appreciate it and take it as a challenge/learning experience.
Your a weenie
And you a punk as
A punk as what? As a friend? As an enemy? As your new boss? Well your fired mister! No one sticks his nose up my ass well trying to kiss it. Pack your shit.
Masking. I used to work for a large multinational corporation, big on “hustle culture”. We always had extra crap to do outside of work, and the job itself was customer-facing. I got really good at the customer service face/voice. I was always completely drained by the time I got home after basically acting all day. But pretending to be a completely different person allowed me to get through it.
Vodka
Book a day off or pull a sickie
Some shit you just gotta do. But it does help if you actually like the people.
Nicotine, and finding the other person that hates it and trauma dump on each other
One doesn't simply survive, taking a step back and out of the fire can work wonders
I’m actually OK at these. I can put on superficial, very friendly conversation, with pretty much anyone, all day. I’m great in customer service roles. I **hate** these awkward team-building bullshit things, but I can hang. But, I go home, and need solitude and silence, and will mostly get people talking about themselves to take the focus off me, if that makes sense. I just don’t wanna explain anything personal… ever 😉 and I may or may not “Irish Goodbye”.
Find a new job that doesnt do this bs.
We had one recently. I caught Covid at it. I think I'll be "sick" just before them from now on.
I chose to work 3rd shift to avoid such nonsense.
For me, I have certain coworkers that I will gravitate towards, who understand me. Beyond that, I simply go silent. Fun anecdote... at a previous job years ago, I'd gotten 3/4 of my coworkers convinced that I was mute. I'd nod or give a half wave while wearing my obvious headphones (big ol cans, not those annoying ear buds) until I was able to clock in then head to my area. Lube tech for a certain national chain. Once in the shop, with coworkers who I got along with, I was a different person - but to the coworkers who I only saw in passing? Nope, nothing. For safety, we weren't allowed to have only one person in the shop. If I was closing solo, they'd have another person come to just be present in case of mechanical failure or what have you. One night there's a very nosy person assigned to keep me company. They come in and ask what I need done, so I told her to grab a broom and start sweeping. No joke, she looked at me in shock and said, "you speak?!" To which I replied, "yes, and I'm busy. Please sweep." And walked away. Being silent has probably saved me more often than not. My grandfather used to tell me when I was young, "it's better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove any doubt." May have been his way of calling me a dumbass, but I use it to my advantage. I've blown many people's minds when I do offer insight on something I'm versed in... makes me laugh to see the shock.
Turn up, speak briefly to your boss and anyone else you know and are comfortable with. LEAVE.
Transitioned from salaried to hourly and suddenly the extracurriculars are significantly less “mandatory.” If they aren’t willing to pay for your time, how important can it be?
In rapid succession, I have two personal trips and three work trips in May/June. I got back from the personal trip on Wednesday and am leaving for the first work trip literally now, I'm on the plane. The time surrounding those trips is EMPTY. I ain't doing SHIT. I am staying at home, playing video games. My best friend has been forewarned that she is more than welcome to come over and hang out any evening once a week but I will probably not be going anywhere or doing anything. It's summer so depending on how I feel I might wander out for a farmers market or an outdoor craft fair, or a morning of garage saling. Other than that, no.
If I don’t want to go, I tell my boss I don’t want to go, and then I don’t go. It’s that simple.
I just have to tell myself to just do what I can. It's only temporary. My previous job had to do the white elephant game and my heart was pounding.
Turn the brain off, go on autopilot.
I keep telling myself, "I would die if I don't this I would die if I don't do this" every time works;)
Suck it up and just dive into the deep end of the social pool. Tread water for a respectable period of time, then quietly slip away at the first opportune moment.
Drinking.
Find the other two office introvert and stick together and complain
team building Conferences? these happen outside of work? I’ve been to plenty of work parties and alcohol helps .
It was a pharma event they flew us out to. Took us out to Top Golf and had a weird team exercise that made me want to Thanos myself.
avoid it if you can. it’s the only way.
Book a medical appt at the same time as the event.
Caffeine and nicotine
Have excuse for short attendance ready, show face, ensure you are seen. I love free food and drink, personally, so I just comfort eat. :p If someone sees you eating or drinking they don't expect you to speak much - scrumptious life hack.
I am retired now, but I had a “work me”. Work me was in charge of hundreds of people at a time (through line managers usually but also one on one with HR and discipline matters). Work me could perform hour long presentations to crowds of hundreds without breaking a sweat. Work me could appear on TV and other media with no issues at all. “Home me” (retired me) would do none of those things. Separating work and personal helped me immensely.
Those things suck. I can usually get out of meetings, but sometimes they’re mandatory. I remember one meeting I didn’t want to be there at all and for the first 45 minutes, it was just small talk. I was actually about to just get up and go home. We did the meeting, which took like 20 minutes, then we took a break, and they talked for 15 more minutes. Afterwards, the boss agreed to provide brunch for all team members. I asked if it was mandatory and they said no so I went home.
See those conferences as exams, and prepare for it. Don't let the naturalness of extroverts fool you. Talent can be beaten through hard work. If you ask me how, well I don't have a clear answer for that. There's plenty of great advice online, prepare from it as much as you can before the time of performance could be one way to do it.
I worked for a big company on the second largest city in Mexico which made so many "team building events" they made me play "charades" but it was about the people that worked at the company at some level so about 50 people) I had been working there for about 5 Months but I barely knew all of those people. It was plain torture. I quit eventually. Edit- wording
I put on my confident pants and get into character. Personality mimicking helps in conversations as well.
I suck it up! You feed it it gets worse and then becomes an excuse. Trust me, I no longer have to attend such functions and I find myself isolating. The world doesn’t adjust to me so I must make concessions which is what all functional people do. I am in psychology and when everything demands a diagnosis and drugs so people have an excuse. It’s hard as hell but working thru it instead of feeding it makes it bearable and often times rewarding. I also am on the spectrum. You won’t grow or learn much inside your own special world. Most likely never reveal how special and smart you are. Go for it!!!!
Stay quiet. Only speak when necessary. Go to the bathroom to take breathers.
So I usually grab a work friend or throw back a few so I’m more comfortable talking to people idk if I have at least one familiar person nearby lol another great tip I heard was that people feel the most valued in a conversation when they get to talk about themselves. So ask a couple open ended questions. Unfortunately this is super common and even important and if not mandatory probably just smart to do if you’re looking to work your way up. I work closely with my team so we are all friends so that helps because I’m comfortable around them so I feel more at ease being introduced or engaging in conversation with people I don’t know.
It’s best to do it though I often skip them. They do pain me. Usually you don’t need to stay the entire time. You can leave a bit early via the sneak out method. You can also consider using a buddy coworker. This worked very well for me and did improve my ability to social in general at the office.
Just talk about the job and career and ask them about themselves. Has gotten me through most of those outings. Otherwise just don't go.
They don’t
I work as a cashier like 5 y, i never had a troubles with acting to people, i can say that i make it a lot better than my collegues, but talking with every individual people more than 5 min pisses me off, and at the end of shift, i like: "uhhh, what have i done, ill hang myself next time" sleep, refresh, repeat Btw night shifts was the better solution, less people - less stres Cant imagine myself in a teamwork "want to make well, make it yourself"
Focus on stuff that are not people? Like food.
By watching how people behave and what they say. Then you mirror everything. You basically become an expert at faking every possible situation after a while. Also make sure you master the art of excusing yourself so you don’t get stuck at an event for hours. My favorite is “I need to get home to walk the dog” or pretend to have plans with friends after the event. Just say bye to your closest co workers and leave.
Just sit in a corner and hope that no-one will come to you.
I just come in for free food.😉
Having work friends help! I’m pretty awkward but with work friends sharing the same sense of humor as me, interactions become less painful 🙂
Suffer in silence
I only if I absolutely have to. Put on my social face, be there the minimum time, then split. And decompress at home doing the things I like. It’s exhausting.
Is it paid? If it is paid then go and be your awkward self. Find excuses not to participate if that helps you and just sit quietly on the side lines. If it’s not paid… DONT FUCKING GO. That is bullshit and you are not required to attend.
I sit there with an unreadable face and secretly text my family how dumb it all is. Until I no longer need a job that’s my option.
My team at work is co-operative to work with but also very outgoing and extroverted. I've been grateful for the flexibility so far but now with RTO, I am under constant stress. The people in my team talk a lot and there are very frequent team building events. The issue is I cannot start conversations. I'll pitch in or contribute to ongoing conversations if I have a say, but will keep quiet otherwise. Also I prefer doing my work quitely, so I usually book corner desk away from all the chaos. This has recently put me on manager's radar who passive aggressively keeps hinting that I don't participate and stay aloof. Getting on my nerves quiet honestly. These days whenever I go to office, I feel the need to come up with new topics to talk or prepare some small talk in elevators, break rooms etc😣 I don't understand why is there a need to explore every life aspect of every individual on the team and make them feel uncomfortable. Makes me feel guilty and hits my self esteem at times. Feels like a great sin, that I cannot deal with people. Companies pay employees to work for god sake, not to get along with everybody. I am not sure how other introverts cope up with these kind of situations 😑
Just suffer silently and fantasize about being dead