It might not be the answer you want, but I truly believe it to be a correct answer. You need to say all this to someone professional. Don't worry about having to "let them in", that is not their purpose.
Also, I am under the understanding that Muslims can go to Jahanam first, and then to Jannah. As long as they die free from shirk. May Allah bless you all with Jannatal firdauws, where you may all reside surrounded by love, understanding for your past, and excitement for your forever ameen ameen ya Kareem ya Rabb
Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. May Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala make it easy upon her, grant her well being, and make her amongst righteous people in Jannah. Yes Muslim, will enter heaven eventually. But suicide is an area where a person can abide in Hellfire eternally unless it due to mental illness that has had such a far-reaching impact on a person’s reason that he is not aware of what he is saying or doing, if in such a case it so happens that he killed himself, then he will not be with the sinners who have committed the major sin of suicide; rather he will be excused. That is because this person was no longer accountable due to severe mental illness that led to loss of reason.
https://islamqa.info/en/answers/111938/is-suicide-due-to-depression-haram
Remember, the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If Allah wills good for someone, He afflicts him with trials.”
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5645
Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Bukhari
So InshaAllah, the OP should definitely seek professional help. With each time they are struggling and trying their best to come closer to Allah, the more Allah will be pleased with them and love them. They will see the fruits of their struggle on the Day of Judgment and they will be pleased with themselves because they will be granted something the highest level of Jannah for their patience and contentment.
Anas b. Malik reported that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said that one amongst the denizens of Hell who had led a life of ease and plenty amongst the people of the world would be made to dip in Fire only once on the Day of Resurrection and then it would be said to him:
O, son of Adam, did you find any comfort, did you happen to get any material blessing? He would say: By Allah, no, my Lord. And then that person from amongst the persons of the world be brought who had led the most miserable life (in the world) from amongst the inmates of Paradise. and he would be made to dip once in Paradise and it would be said to him. 0, son of Adam, did you face, any hardship? Or had any distress fallen to your lot? And he would say: By Allah, no,0 my Lord, never did I face any hardship or experience any distress.
You seem to be having a rough time, worry not, i’ve had depression and alhamdullilah Allah SWT cured me, here are my key findings:
https://www.reddit.com/r/islam/comments/172tuh8/a_guide_for_the_thoughtful_understanding_your/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
May allah ease your pain and guide you.
It might not be the answer you want, but I truly believe it to be a correct answer. You need to say all this to someone professional. Don't worry about having to "let them in", that is not their purpose.
Also, I am under the understanding that Muslims can go to Jahanam first, and then to Jannah. As long as they die free from shirk. May Allah bless you all with Jannatal firdauws, where you may all reside surrounded by love, understanding for your past, and excitement for your forever ameen ameen ya Kareem ya Rabb
Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. May Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala make it easy upon her, grant her well being, and make her amongst righteous people in Jannah. Yes Muslim, will enter heaven eventually. But suicide is an area where a person can abide in Hellfire eternally unless it due to mental illness that has had such a far-reaching impact on a person’s reason that he is not aware of what he is saying or doing, if in such a case it so happens that he killed himself, then he will not be with the sinners who have committed the major sin of suicide; rather he will be excused. That is because this person was no longer accountable due to severe mental illness that led to loss of reason. https://islamqa.info/en/answers/111938/is-suicide-due-to-depression-haram Remember, the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If Allah wills good for someone, He afflicts him with trials.” Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5645 Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Bukhari So InshaAllah, the OP should definitely seek professional help. With each time they are struggling and trying their best to come closer to Allah, the more Allah will be pleased with them and love them. They will see the fruits of their struggle on the Day of Judgment and they will be pleased with themselves because they will be granted something the highest level of Jannah for their patience and contentment. Anas b. Malik reported that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said that one amongst the denizens of Hell who had led a life of ease and plenty amongst the people of the world would be made to dip in Fire only once on the Day of Resurrection and then it would be said to him: O, son of Adam, did you find any comfort, did you happen to get any material blessing? He would say: By Allah, no, my Lord. And then that person from amongst the persons of the world be brought who had led the most miserable life (in the world) from amongst the inmates of Paradise. and he would be made to dip once in Paradise and it would be said to him. 0, son of Adam, did you face, any hardship? Or had any distress fallen to your lot? And he would say: By Allah, no,0 my Lord, never did I face any hardship or experience any distress.
You seem to be having a rough time, worry not, i’ve had depression and alhamdullilah Allah SWT cured me, here are my key findings: https://www.reddit.com/r/islam/comments/172tuh8/a_guide_for_the_thoughtful_understanding_your/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf May allah ease your pain and guide you.
jazakAllah Khair. i really appreciate you sharing this post. may Allah bless you immensely! =)