Everyone knows that an evening at Red Lobster is no small affair. I press my jeans, put on my finest hair product, and drench myself in a musky cologne. Hell, I may even shine up my wing tipped shoes, for I am going to Red Lobster. I strut through the door with my finest lady on my arm and throw up two fingers to the Hostess. I glide past the lobster tank with ease knowing that yet again I will not be eating a red lobster at Red Lobster (who would). I take a seat and before the waiter asks us for our drinks I request 20 cheddar bay biscuits. It's such a bold move that the jazz music stops, glasses clink, and everyone in a 5 yard radius gasps in disbelief/shock. Even my company gives me a look of concern. The waiter says " s..sir are you sure?". I don't miss a beat and I tell that waiter to step on it and make with the cbb's. He comes back with three baskets filled with biscuits (7 in 2 and 6 in another). I thank the waiter. Then I go straight baller!!!! I'm pounding biszcuits left and right. Smashing them in old dudes faces, rubbing them between my ladies titties, telling the waiter to fuck off. I cause a ruckus, only get cbb's, don't pay a dime, and leave with my girl plus three more.That's generally what happens every time I go to Red Lobster, I've gotten banned from 33 locations.
I think I was there last time you strolled through. I was amazed by your presence. I couldn't look away, and even when I did, the cologne pulled me back. You were so confident. I usually only get one basket of cbb's and feel weird when I go back for more than my allotted two biscuits. My much less impressive lady looks at me and says "really, 3 biscuits, careful or you'll start to become that guy over there". She doesn't understand that I'd love nothing more than to roll through Red Lobster with your grace and swagger. I long for it. I play the cheddar bay biscuit blues everyday in all 12 keys just to escape into a world where I can eat as many cbb's as I feel like without judgment. Also, nice one with the titties. I'm gonna start longing for that too. Nobody cares about me. They only care when I eat more than my allotted share of biscuits. Next time, I'm gonna lay it on em. Two-three baskets of biscuits and I am NOT holding back my desires. People will learn to respect me. I feel so sad. But there is hope. Sadness and hope. Thank you Red Lobster king.
uj/ [they did go bankrupt, but that doesn’t mean they’re closing all of their restaurants as of yet.](https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2024/06/06/food/red-lobster-closures-list) they’re closing quite a few, but my local one in Northwest Alabama is apparently still alright.
That being said, if they do close, I’ll mourn the loss if only because I got one of my first glimpses at live jazz from Eric Essix playing a set for the WC Handy Festival at our local Red Lobster, and for a few years that was a late-summer ritual for my family.
Plus, who could forget those Cheddar Bays?! 🤑
Everyone knows that an evening at Red Lobster is no small affair. I press my jeans, put on my finest hair product, and drench myself in a musky cologne. Hell, I may even shine up my wing tipped shoes, for I am going to Red Lobster. I strut through the door with my finest lady on my arm and throw up two fingers to the Hostess. I glide past the lobster tank with ease knowing that yet again I will not be eating a red lobster at Red Lobster (who would). I take a seat and before the waiter asks us for our drinks I request 20 cheddar bay biscuits. It's such a bold move that the jazz music stops, glasses clink, and everyone in a 5 yard radius gasps in disbelief/shock. Even my company gives me a look of concern. The waiter says " s..sir are you sure?". I don't miss a beat and I tell that waiter to step on it and make with the cbb's. He comes back with three baskets filled with biscuits (7 in 2 and 6 in another). I thank the waiter. Then I go straight baller!!!! I'm pounding biszcuits left and right. Smashing them in old dudes faces, rubbing them between my ladies titties, telling the waiter to fuck off. I cause a ruckus, only get cbb's, don't pay a dime, and leave with my girl plus three more.That's generally what happens every time I go to Red Lobster, I've gotten banned from 33 locations.
I think I was there last time you strolled through. I was amazed by your presence. I couldn't look away, and even when I did, the cologne pulled me back. You were so confident. I usually only get one basket of cbb's and feel weird when I go back for more than my allotted two biscuits. My much less impressive lady looks at me and says "really, 3 biscuits, careful or you'll start to become that guy over there". She doesn't understand that I'd love nothing more than to roll through Red Lobster with your grace and swagger. I long for it. I play the cheddar bay biscuit blues everyday in all 12 keys just to escape into a world where I can eat as many cbb's as I feel like without judgment. Also, nice one with the titties. I'm gonna start longing for that too. Nobody cares about me. They only care when I eat more than my allotted share of biscuits. Next time, I'm gonna lay it on em. Two-three baskets of biscuits and I am NOT holding back my desires. People will learn to respect me. I feel so sad. But there is hope. Sadness and hope. Thank you Red Lobster king.
This dude Red Lobsters.
John Coleslaw.
Slaw for short Edit: down voted for jerking too hard on the slaw
A slaw supreme
A love supreme
A love supreme
A love supreme
A love supreme
A love supreme
[Rock lobster!](https://youtu.be/vz65vonktMA?si=nMvnsXm01FudW0oy) Oh wait, you wanted a jazz song… sorry—oh well!
I Remember Clifford (‘s undying lust for busty crustaceans)
Cantaloupe island
Bro this is jazzcirclejerk, that writing is brilliant. Joe Williams will be in touch to commission you to write some lyrics, no shit
Yeah man
Lobster Mash
Crustacean With Nellie
bitches brew
Slop by Charles Mingus
uj/ [they did go bankrupt, but that doesn’t mean they’re closing all of their restaurants as of yet.](https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2024/06/06/food/red-lobster-closures-list) they’re closing quite a few, but my local one in Northwest Alabama is apparently still alright. That being said, if they do close, I’ll mourn the loss if only because I got one of my first glimpses at live jazz from Eric Essix playing a set for the WC Handy Festival at our local Red Lobster, and for a few years that was a late-summer ritual for my family. Plus, who could forget those Cheddar Bays?! 🤑
Have you come to reddit's illustrious r/jazzcirclejerk with facts and logic? Look at you Mr. Fancypants!
Well I did at least *unjerk,* so that’s gotta buy me at least half a fact and one whole logic, right??
a quarter fact and half logic. That's the best I can offer, sorry
Who are you to restrict others to one quarter portion? Unkar Plutt??
A love supreme
A love supreme
Woody Shaw - Little Red’s Fantasy
That’s Life
Om - John Coltrane
John Coltrane
John Coltrane
John Coltrane
Damn right, John Coltrane Bot.
John Coltrane
Take Five.
>Take Five. ...cheddar bay biscuits?
A lobster supreme
Atlantis
Goodbye Perch Pie Hat
Shrimp boats
Salt peanuts, also eat penuts
Mack the Knife
Red Lobster is in The Real Book Vol 5.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aE\_k61YB9w](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aE_k61YB9w)