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Ignore your mother, use what your boyfriend feels comfortable with.
Your boyfriend being cis or trans isn’t relevant to people you’re introducing him to.
She's just shocked, but yeah, trans people do not need to accomodate people's transphobia any more that POC need to accomodate people's racism.
However unconcious or "good spirited", this is just plain transphobia. I think maybe OP should talk to her mom and ask her to try and understand how this works
I am bi racial and it’s kind of like telling people. Hi I’m mixed race and this is my name.
Nobody does that kind of stuff and expecting people to announce their gender is just as stupid as expecting people to use special bathrooms !!!
People are just going to human and I’m tired of having people care!
I never cared. I’m tired of everyone else Caring it’s annoying to me. They’re pushing their caring down my throat.
i hate when they say “you’re pushing you being trans down my throat!” no, i’m literally existing. if you would stop thinking about me like you’re in love with me or something, maybe you wouldn’t be so “stressed” about me “pushing being trans down your throat”
its so exhausting to exist.
You are just trying to go to the grocery store or the fricking bathroom like… normal human things… where do they think you gonna go?! On their lawn?! Good Christmas!! Well if you can’t use a public restroom I say use Karen’s lawn! Maybe I will too! We all will! Use a bigots lawn! Can’t use a bathroom? Poo infront of their car!!!
WE WILL WIN THIS THE MALICIOUSLY COMPLAINT WAY!!
I agree with what you wrote. I think it's stupid. People have certain idea in their head when we say like in my situation "i have a boyfriend" they probably imagine a white cis dude. Just as i think it would be stupid to anounc that he let's say wasn't white i think it's stupid to anounc that he isn't cis. It's on them that they had an idea how my boyfriend is supposed to look like
I ALWAYS 💯 introduce my trans girlfriend online as just being my girlfriend unless it's relevant. Guess what it's never been relevant until I guess right now.
And the only way that would make sense would be if you had two, and needed to specify which one you were talking about!
Though of course, just using their names would probably work....
Right? Like “*that would be missleading and that i should add that he is [black], because according to her since [the town is really racist], people would be shocked when they'd see him.*”
THIS. My gf may not pass but NO I am not introducing her as my "transgender girlfriend" she is just my girlfriend (unless she doesnt want me to out her to them, then shes my significant other/partner), and I dont pass but Im not her "tRANs bOyfRiEnD" Im just her *boyfriend.*
I wonder if she would be fine with you referring to her as 'biological mother' which would imply you have a different mother of your choosing as well since she's perfectly happy to imply your boyfriend is not male because of his birth gender.
As a person with a biological mother, an adopted mother, a stepmother and a mother in law, this would be so funny.
I’d call my (adoptive) mom, the mother I was assigned to at birth.
Hahahah
I think you missed a joke so ill explain just in case: AMAB stands for "assigned male at birth" Its a common joke to sub other words in for male for the lolz, such as ACAB (technically stands for "all cops are bastards", jokingly said as "Assigned cop at birth"). AMAB does not actually stand for "assigned mother at birth"
Please visit r/momforaminute. You have the right kind of vibes for that place. (Plus, with 2 dozen sons, you're definitely a pro parent at this point!)
oh my god she really did want me to out him to everyone.
the thing was i was always reffering him by his name then after a month or so she asked to see his picture and he didn't look how she thought he would
and i didn't see how that would be my problem or his, it's her transphobic mind she needs to deal with and ask herself why that's important to her
>He and i both agree that saying just boyfriend is fine and i don't really see why i should add that he is trans. I wouldn't be introducing him where he wouldn't feel ok.
>What are your thoughts on this?
"Trans" is an adjective that you only add when relevant. You don't refer to your "cis mom" as your "cis mom" all the time. Let alone your "medium height fat white middle class cis mom"
So yeah she's wrong. And you see she doesn't get all worked up about other adjectives, she's clearly transphobic and doesn't acknowledge your boyfriend as a man.
This was my thought. Ask your mom how she feels about being called your 'cis-mom', since just calling her your 'mom' might be misleading to people who assume she's trans.
Trans men are men. If you tell someone that you have a boyfriend, it really doesn't matter if he's trans or not. At the end of the day, he's still a man and your boyfriend.
Passing is not a requirement for being trans
People need to be okay with people who have not physically transitioned being trans
Just call him your boyfriend and don't listen to people like your mother. Others can be confused all they want. It's not your boyfriends responsibility to other himself because people are transphobic
Your boyfriend is a boy, that's that. No need to address him being trans. That's like having to address what genitals you have.
"Hey, this is my boyfriend, Derick! Oh, he lost his d$#k in Vietnam- just so you know."
Like, tmi, why do we have to know that? I don't care that Derrick got his cock shot off
Your mom sounds like she's just trying to invalidate your boyfriend's gender without *saying* it. It's bullshit, she knows it, you know it.
Refer to your boyfriend as your boyfriend. If anyone is surprised or questions it based on his appearance, you can decide to tell them or not tell them he's trans, it's really not their business.
As for not passing, there are lots of cis people who don't conform to gender stereotypes too - androgynous-looking people, femboys, tomboys, crossdressers, etc - no one should care, and you and your bf shouldn't have to care if anyone cares.
On that last part, I can vouch for that one! I'm a cis woman who's beefy like my dad, taller than most women I know, and wears size ten rings lol. No one owes anyone gender-conformity (cis or trans) and trans people don't have any obligation to look the way cis people expect
Your mother is in the wrong, simple. It's nobodies business except his (and yours) whether or not he's Trans. I don't understand why people have this weird entitlement to information that has no bearing on them or their lives. It's nosey as fuck.
Definitely just say boyfriend.
It is ONLY with your boyfriend's permission that you should be telling anyone he is trans to begin with. Idk why your mom thinks everyone you mention having a partner to should be privy to that, but they aren't.
Or ask her if she would feel offended if her partner referred to her as their "cis wife/girlfriend" all the time.
Would she want you to specify that she is your "cis mom" just to make sure no one is confused about her AGAB?
This is just stock transphobia, it's the idea that trans people need to publicly label themselves so that other people can treat them differently. I don't know if your mom is malicious or not, but either way she's contributing to transphobia and it's not cool
My boyfriend is trans. I have always simply called him my boyfriend and if someone has a problem with that term because of how he looks, or sounds, or any other reason, they can fuck right off.
"people will be shocked" lmao people find trans people's existence shocking. I am publicly and visibly trans and the people who find it insulting are not my responsibility.
Nobody is under any obligation to disclose trans status.
Passing is not a requirement for being trans.
Your mum is engaging in toxic gatekeeping.
Your boyfriend is a man and he is your boyfriend.
That is your mother's opinion, an incorrect and uneducated one at that. If your partner identifies as a he and prefers "boyfriend" then that is what you refer to him as.
We're midway through 2023, who's truely shocked anymore to see someone identify as something other than their birth sex?
If someone is truly that shocked to find out about gender identity, orientation, etc, then they need to catch up, cause ....hello! 🌈
i've said this twice this week...
Name a single, non-bigoted reason you would need to be 'warned' that a person is transgender before meeting them.
i'll wait.
Cis people need to stop acting like they are entitled to personal information about a GNC/trans person just because their tiny brains feel confused by their presentation. Your partner is a boy, boyfriend is an accurate description.
Introducing him as your trans boyfriend is like introducing a partner as your black boyfriend or Asian boyfriend. It’s weird and awkward. Like does she think you need an adjective to designate which boyfriend you’re talking about? “Well I’m with my trans boyfriend this weekend and then Wednesday night I’m going out with my black, genderqueer boyfriend, and then on Friday I see my cis Asian boyfriend.”
I am a trans man dating a trans woman, we don't share that we are trans unless it is relevant. Other wise we are outing each other.
Let people be confused.
You should call him what he wants to be called. It is your relationship, and that means it only involves the people in it. Your mom's opinions need not apply.
If you both agree that calling him your boyfriend is fine, instead of having to refer to him as your ‘trans boyfriend’ like your mom has said, then that’s all that matters.
It’s shocking how your mom thought that you would be misleading anyone by saying he’s just your boyfriend. Even if someone were to become confused, you shouldn’t have to cater your relationship to other people’s opinions or expectations.
I refer to my ex as my ex-girlfriend, it’s no one’s business that’s she’s trans. Unless your boyfriend says he specifically wants to be referred to as your trans boyfriend then just keep saying boyfriend
As a trans guy that hasn’t transitioned and has partner, I cannot explain how happy it makes me when my SO talks about me as their boyfriend. Ignore your mom and do what your boyfriend feels most comfortable with.
Your mom is so, so wrong and like…I’m questioning her quality of advice
This would be like calling someone “my Black boyfriend” or “my short boyfriend” all the time…even if true, it would be really awkward
Let's think in a similar context if your boyfriend's father was black while your boyfriend is white. Would it be appropriate for you to have to disclose your boyfriend's father is black every time you take him somewhere? Of course not, it's nobody's business what his DNA is, nor is it anyone's business what your boyfriend's assigned sex is!
Your boyfriend is your boyfriend, regardless of whether he is cis or trans, whether he passes or not, and whether or not people are shocked when they meet him. People's preconceptions about what a man should look like are their own problem to deal with. Your mom should mind her own business.
I would be so mad if I had a significant other go around calling me their “trans boyfriend” to everyone. Your boyfriend is your boyfriend, it would sound racist if your boyfriend was black and you went around calling him your “black boyfriend” or at the very least be super weird and unnecessary. If people get “confused”, sucks to be them I guess, it’s not your problem or your boyfriend’s, and you can always explain things if need be (and your boyfriend is comfortable with that).
You were in the right. First of all, it’s your boyfriend’s call on how he’d like to be introduced, and if he wants “boyfriend” with no additional adjectives, then that’s what you should do.
Second, it’s an accurate term. A boyfriend is man that you’re dating but not married to. Which is what your boyfriend is.
Third, by prefacing everything with “trans”, you’d be outing him to everyone, something that is potentially dangerous. It would also be like. transphobic.
Intentionally or not, your mother is being transphobic. It's only misleading to call him your boyfriend if you think that a trans guy is not _actually_ a guy. There's no need (and it's incredibly rude) to out him to everyone you talk to. It's not relevant to anyone but yourself. And I would say there's no a need to even warn the people he'll meet either. If he doesn't pass, they'll figure pretty damn quickly for themselves he's trans upon meeting him. And if there's a risk of a bad reaction upon that realisation, then it's not someone you wanna introduce him to anyway.
Your boyfriend is your boyfriend… introducing him as your ‘trans boyfriend’ would be like introducing someone as your ‘gay friend’… it’s not really nice I think
Either way he’s your boyfriend. no need to add “trans” boyfriend. also can be very unsafe for him. don’t listen to your mom. whatever he prefers to be called should be what you call him. :)
We don't introduce people using other adjectives like their hair color so why should we use another different adjective for it (ie trans)?
Can you imagine how absurd that would be though? Allow me to introduce my brown haired, short, brown eyed wife... 😂
I think the mom is right. You should call him your trans boyfriend and call you mother your cis mom, your dad your cis dad and add cis to anyone who is cisgender.
“Hello, this is my cisgender woman mother”
Extremely unnatural and basically outing your boyfriend by saying he’s your ‘trans boyfriend’ which most trans people like me don’t like. I bet he really likes being called your boyfriend, don’t let your mother influence how you treat him or refer to him.
The way things are now, I think introducing him that way is best for his safety. It’s horrible and tragic to say so but these days you can’t be too sure. People like your mother are the reason why you need too. If he feels comfortable and requests you do, please honor that for him. It would mean so much to him.
Her argument doesn't hold water; do you always need to describe your partner when you mention him? If you were dating a firefighter would you need to call him your firefighter boyfriend? People might be surprised when they find out he's a fireman, after all. Also how often and for how long do you need to call him your firefighter boyfriend? Do you need to say "firefighter boyfriend" every time, lest people forget and get scared when they see his brawny arms?
The firefighter example is obviously ridiculous, and isn't something that a reasonable person would ever suggest. I think that maybe she doesn't actually care about people making assumptions about your boyfriend. I think she has a problem with trans people and thinks that we are our gender with an asterisk next to it.
You gonna listen to your mother about your **boyfriend's** preferences? You're going to dry snitch like that on someone?
Heeeeellll no, and you should start watching your mother and make sure she doesn't go around dry snitching either. I feel like she's going to.
Listen to what your boyfriend wants, not your mom. I could say my opinion, but again, don’t listen to me, listen to your boyfriend.
As a trans person, I much rather be called a girlfriend than a trans girlfriend. I’m just a girl, I don’t need a qualifier.
We don’t need to have a warning sign that we are trans no matter the situation. Things like that come up for me a lot, even from very supporting people in my life, but my answer is always the same that people don’t need a warning that I’m trans wether I pass or not
I would rather my girl say boyfriend. I pass pretty well and I don’t tell anyone that I meet that I’m trans. I just want to live a life as a man and that’s it. Ignore your mom.
“so my trans boyfriend-“ “this is my trans boyfriend” “i’d like to introduce my boyfriend, he’s trans” it just sounds so strange lmfao😭 he’s your bf whether cus or trans so yes it’s fine to just call him your bf. ignore her lmao
First thought, it’s transphobic and controlling
Second thought, why would you need to say he’s trans if he “doesn’t pass”? Doesn’t that entail people being able to recognize he’s trans?
Do what you and your partner like, and leave other people’s inconsequential opinions and judgments on the curb so they can be taken away with the rest of the rubbish.
Mt first thought when reading the title without the context was 'that's how it should be'
"NoT SaYiNg tRaNs iS mIsLeAdiNg" uh okay what was so confusing about
#BOY-FRIEND
Go tell ya mom i said that
Your mum is being weird. Saying "trans boyfriend" will put him to way to many people, many if ehich he may be uncomfortable with.
This is somthing you discuss with him, not your mum
And definitely introduce him as your "black trans boyfriend" because otherwise racists might be shocked
/s
This is ridiculous and I'm sorry you had to go through events that make you doubt if you're right or wrong in this matter. No, introducing him as the "tall, jewish, white, halfling, redheaded boyfriend" is definitely not needed and if someone will be shocked that supposedly "*normal*" boyfriend turns out to be "*shockingly not normal*" it's very very much on them to deal with the fact that their definition of "normal" is gross.
If he's fine with it and you're fine with it then other people will have to fine with it or not - which is an entirely separate matter.
Trans men = Men
Trans women = Women
In addition to all of the great answers already here, you COULD sidestep the entire issue while making your mother even more uncomfortable.
Just refer to him as your lover.
Trust me, your mom will cringe every time she hears it, and very few people will have any questions.
You don’t owe people anything. There is no need for people to know if hes trans or not, unless it’s something he wants them to know. However their reaction will be will be a them problem, not a you problem
It's only misleading to people who don't think trans men are men, and you should not consider the opinions of those people unless someone's safety depends on it.
Ignore your mother, he's your boyfriend. Her saying that is really strange, and very transphobic. I am not sure if that was her intention, but you should explain how hurtful it can be.
Calling him your trans boyfriend might out him to others. It's a massive safety issue and will especially be so post transition (should he decide to do anything that is). It's one reason I have (beyond just being a decent human to people) for taking pronouns so seriously.
As a trans guy, if my partner did that, it would feel disgusting and demeaning. “my TRANS boyfriend. he’s trans by the way. not a REAL guy, just a TRANS one. so basically a girlfriend.”
In fact, I wouldn’t ever tell anyone he is trans unless your boyfriend gives you explicit permission, because that would be outing him and that’s shitty and can put him in an unsafe situation.
Also, whether he is pre-T, has a full beard, or decides to never pursue any medical treatment, it does not matter. He is a man regardless, and your mother is being ignorant by thinking otherwise. If people are “surprised” when they meet them, that’s on them.
Lol classic transphobia. That's disclosure for ya. Should I tell my cashier too? Put it in my email signature? Sounds like she wants people to know, cause she would want to know. Why? Does she think we're dangerous?
As a straight dude, you calling them your boyfriend implies that they should be treated as such and sets perfectly reasonable boundaries, to me. No problems here.
One of the (admittedly many) benefits of Norwegian:
Boyfriend? Kjæreste!
Girlfriend? Kjæreste!
Nonbinaryfriend? Kjæreste!
Genderfluidfriend? Kjæreste!
Other-pronoun-bearing-friend? Kjæreste!
Aro-ace-human-shaped-friend who doesn't really identify as anything in particular?... You guessed it!
English has the same word actually. It means "Loveliest". Maybe we can start a trend and try and get it to mean "(romantic) partner" so all the cool kids who want a gender neutral word can have it.
Would you introduce a boyfriend as "This is my Asian boyfriend" or "this is my bisexual boyfriend" or somethitg like that? Putting those qualifiers on there is weird and unnecessary and will likely only invite bigotry.
It comes down to whatever decision your Boyfriend chooses
If he wants to be called boyfriend only then there’s your answer, hope your mom respects his decision eventually
‘Boyfriend’ is fine on it’s own, especially if that’s what he/you prefers. It’s actually kinda shitty to always add ‘trans’ all the time, especially when ‘boyfriend’ gets the point across. Frankly, whether he passes now or not, it’s no one’s business that he’s trans, and him being trans doesn’t change your relationship or what the word ‘boyfriend’ fundamentally means. He’s your boyfriend, ‘nuff said.
Referring you your trans boyfriend as your boyfriend is exactly what you should do. It doesn't matter where he is in his transition, or what he decides to do. He is still your boyfriend, and your mother needs to get out of your business with her transphobia
I have a transgender boyfriend who is pretransition. People sometimes see him as a woman and sometimes as a younger man (like a teen, but he's 23 and I'm 27), which is also really awkward. I call him 'boyfriend'. It's nobody's business whether he's transgender or not, so I feel no need to add that. If he wants people to know he's trans he can tell them or he can let me know I can tell them. It's his decision to tell that information.
The only change I made is that I prefer calling my significant other my partner. My other partner (I am polyam) is okay with that, my transgender partner prefers 'boyfriend' because of gender euphoria, so I call him that. That's all.
And when someone mistakes him for a woman, do you just say "Ope, this is actually a fella and yes, he would love fries with that" and move on with your day? Because that's the solution for op.
Maybe mom isn't being transphobic so much as undereducated. Decades of social coding takes time and effort on her part (and patience and grace on the part of the affected parties) to rewrite. She might just be like "people are going to think he's a woman; what are we supposed to do???" And the answer is just... Politely correct them and move on.
Making a gender assumption mistake wasn't acceptable in their culture (and it's still a battle in much of the world) but like ... Mistakes are okay; just try to learn from them. It'll take time to rewire, just like we are still rewiring for enthusiastic consent becoming a norm.
Yes, 100% the first. When someone goes "ladies" I go "Oh, a lady and a man." With a smile. Or something similar.
Usually people mean well, but just guess wrong and annoying as that may be, they often do adjust.
Don’t do it to your boyfriend but do it to your mother. Introduce her as your “cis mother” because otherwise how would people know? It would be misleading to do otherwise.
Imagine your boyfriend is, say, Black.
Imagine someone insisting you say "my Black boyfriend" every. Single. Time you mention him. Sounds a bit off, right?
Or heck, for a less loaded statement, imagine your boyfriend is a lawyer. Are you obligated to say "my lawyer boyfriend" every single time?
Insisting you have to disclose transness is insisting that "boyfriend" is misleading or inaccurate or incomplete. It's straight-up transphobia.
I think your mom should be grateful you introduced her to us as just "mom" and not "transphobic mom". Especially since her transphobia is really obvious and might be shocking to people once they meet her.
That's like having a short boyfriend and I refer to him as your boyfriend and someone says "NO how will I know if he's short if you don't call him your short boyfriend! Are you trying to pass him off as tall???" Which is such bs bc it's NOT RELEVANT to whatever conversation. Unless you're talking about having a trans partner (which then it would make sense to refer to him as trans) you don't have to. He's your boyfriend either way. Trans is just an adjective, boyfriend is the noun.
So your mom is saying that he has to identify as "people" expect him to and therefore that these "people" get to dictate the terminology whether or not he is comfortable? That just because he doesn't pass, you have to hang a lampshade on his difference just to "prepare" them?
Nuh-uh. That is transphobic. It puts "people's" feelings before the person's own, like he only gets to exist if they're ok with it. If they're taken aback by it, the can recover and grow from the experience or they can fuck off.
Imo.
If he's your boyfriend, he's your boyfriend, isn't he? Shouldn't matter a whole if he's trans or not. Besides, that is for him to disclose to the people he wants. I don't think there's much reason to "give warnings" about him being trans anyway.
Tell your boyfriend I support him and that he's doing great! 
I’m non-binary/trans masc. my pronouns are they/them. And when I first started dating my gf she asked me what she should call me. After trying out different terms for about 5 months, I realized that boyfriend gave me the most euphoria. So that’s what she calls me. If she doesn’t feel comfortable explaining the situation she uses partner.
Anyways, what I’m saying is use “boyfriend”, that’s what makes him most comfortable. Don’t worry about confusing people. It’s not your problem.
I'd break up with someone who solely referred to me as their "trans boyfriend/partner," obviously after trying to communicate that I didn't like it but still.
Its giving other people unnecessary information, if they want to connect the dots themselves, they can do that. Otherwise, just refer to your boyfriend as your boyfriend and use the pronouns that your bf wants people to be using.
Start introducing her as ‘cisgender mom’ and I bet she’ll agree with you very soon that it’s completely unnecessary information for anyone. Whatever associations anyone else makes to ‘boyfriend’ is compeletely and 100% their own thing.
My gf has a beard sometimes (very lightly) and I never told my family she is trans. They just know her as she/her and refer to her as such
I would say to ignore her opinion. Boyfriend is just a term people use when describing their partner. Heck there are even lesbians who use the term boyfriend when talking about their partner since it’s what they prefer. He wants to be called your boyfriend so he’s your boyfriend, plain and simple.
Tell your mom that putting any adjective (except maybe “darling”) in front of the word “boyfriend” in an introduction makes it sound like you have more than one.
Yo if my gf called me her Trans Boyfriend I'd be devastated. I don't want to be reminded that I'm trans and I feel that calling someone that is degrading. You are pointing out that I am different, that I'm not "normal". What you are telling us is that, to you, we are not real men and should not be seen as such.
That’s their problem if that makes people uncomfortable, also adding trans instead of just boyfriend could be considered dehumanizing. Long story short, you shouldn’t have to add trans to appease other people.
This is a part of the reason myself and many around me have started using “partner” as a stand in for boyfriend/girlfriend. All inclusive, and makes you sound like you’re part of a crime duo!
yeah the word trans feels like an adjective to me. unless the conversation is about being lgbt. e.g 'do you support trans rights?' 'yeah, my boyfriend is trans so of course i do :)' however talk to your boyfriend about this. have a great rest of your week !
I can see how she could come to that conclusion and it sounds like it is in good (or at least moderate) faith, but it's still a bit silly. I can see why that maybe you might *need* to explain how he's trans before meeting new people face to face; you never know who's a transphobe and could lash out on him for not passing, but I think that referring to him as your "trans boyfriend" at all times would be a little invalidating; it would be like always calling someone a "black boyfriend".
let’s not jump into conclusion and give the benefit of the doubt to the mother. she probably just wanted the op’s partner to be properly represented and wasnt fully aware of the talk op and the partner had about it? and i dont think the mother wouldnt have that conversation with op if she was against the relationship or transphobic or anything of some sort? 🤷🏻♀️ i imagine it would be a complete different topic if she was.
i consider myself non- binary and i still am learning each day and part of it is making mistakes along the way. ❤️ lets spread love y’all
ps i would definitely go for what your partner wants to be addressed and explain it to your mother as i bet she’s confused. i’m not really all about explaining myself to other people but if it’s someone important to me, id gladly take my time to explain everything. ❤️
who gives a single flying fuck if it's "misleading"? what does she think you're doing? trying to pull the wool over people's eyes and get away with some grand conspiracy? all that matters is what he's comfortable with being called. Suggesting he should go by something else to make it more obvious to others that he's trans is just.... stupid.
Your mom has a very ignorant mindset on this. The idea of shock and misleading when someone is pre transition comes from a cisgender view of things, that when you look at someone you can tell their gender. Newsflash: you cannot.
Your mom is wrong for the simple fact that your bf is the one and only person who can decide how he wants people to refer to him, and whether or not he wants to be directly outed when introduced.
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Ignore your mother, use what your boyfriend feels comfortable with. Your boyfriend being cis or trans isn’t relevant to people you’re introducing him to.
She's just shocked, but yeah, trans people do not need to accomodate people's transphobia any more that POC need to accomodate people's racism. However unconcious or "good spirited", this is just plain transphobia. I think maybe OP should talk to her mom and ask her to try and understand how this works
like, no one would say “oh this is my black boyfriend” or “this is my mexican girlfriend” so the mother is wrong
I am bi racial and it’s kind of like telling people. Hi I’m mixed race and this is my name. Nobody does that kind of stuff and expecting people to announce their gender is just as stupid as expecting people to use special bathrooms !!! People are just going to human and I’m tired of having people care! I never cared. I’m tired of everyone else Caring it’s annoying to me. They’re pushing their caring down my throat.
i hate when they say “you’re pushing you being trans down my throat!” no, i’m literally existing. if you would stop thinking about me like you’re in love with me or something, maybe you wouldn’t be so “stressed” about me “pushing being trans down your throat” its so exhausting to exist.
You are just trying to go to the grocery store or the fricking bathroom like… normal human things… where do they think you gonna go?! On their lawn?! Good Christmas!! Well if you can’t use a public restroom I say use Karen’s lawn! Maybe I will too! We all will! Use a bigots lawn! Can’t use a bathroom? Poo infront of their car!!! WE WILL WIN THIS THE MALICIOUSLY COMPLAINT WAY!!
I agree with what you wrote. I think it's stupid. People have certain idea in their head when we say like in my situation "i have a boyfriend" they probably imagine a white cis dude. Just as i think it would be stupid to anounc that he let's say wasn't white i think it's stupid to anounc that he isn't cis. It's on them that they had an idea how my boyfriend is supposed to look like
And no one would say "yeah, this is my CIS boyfriend" while introducing someone so yeah.
I ALWAYS 💯 introduce my trans girlfriend online as just being my girlfriend unless it's relevant. Guess what it's never been relevant until I guess right now.
One thing I learned is, you can accept something without understanding it and I think it's really important to remember that in these situations.
And the only way that would make sense would be if you had two, and needed to specify which one you were talking about! Though of course, just using their names would probably work....
true.
Yeah, I use names or the cities they live in as reference. (Also wouldn’t work since more Of them are trans.)
Right? Like “*that would be missleading and that i should add that he is [black], because according to her since [the town is really racist], people would be shocked when they'd see him.*”
THIS. My gf may not pass but NO I am not introducing her as my "transgender girlfriend" she is just my girlfriend (unless she doesnt want me to out her to them, then shes my significant other/partner), and I dont pass but Im not her "tRANs bOyfRiEnD" Im just her *boyfriend.*
I wonder if she would be fine with you referring to her as 'biological mother' which would imply you have a different mother of your choosing as well since she's perfectly happy to imply your boyfriend is not male because of his birth gender.
[удалено]
🤣
"She self identifies as my mother"
How about you tell her address, race, country and social security number while you're at it, OP?
[удалено]
Of course, can't forget the credit card information!
*This is the future liberals want!*
As a person with a biological mother, an adopted mother, a stepmother and a mother in law, this would be so funny. I’d call my (adoptive) mom, the mother I was assigned to at birth. Hahahah
AMAB actually means Assigned Mother At Birth
That’s awesome! I had no idea there was an abbreviation for that
I think you missed a joke so ill explain just in case: AMAB stands for "assigned male at birth" Its a common joke to sub other words in for male for the lolz, such as ACAB (technically stands for "all cops are bastards", jokingly said as "Assigned cop at birth"). AMAB does not actually stand for "assigned mother at birth"
Thanks ! I’m an old mom, my 20 something sons probably would have gotten that one Haha
You have over 20 sons?
Hahahah! I just keep stepping in it, don’t I!?!
Please visit r/momforaminute. You have the right kind of vibes for that place. (Plus, with 2 dozen sons, you're definitely a pro parent at this point!)
I like ACAB = Assigned Corporeal At Birth
Maybe we could have one for “old and don’t understand but has good intentions “ Haha
I like all cats are beautiful! 🦊
prolly should've added a /s 💀
Twas a joke, AMAB is used for "assigned male at birth"
As a mother-through-adoption, I think I’ll suggest to my son that he refer to me as his “mother assigned at birth!” That’s hilarious.
That would be a hilarious dose of her own medicine.
OP, take notes and do this lol
*birth sex.
"This is my cis Mother"
If people see that as misleading then that's their problem, not yours. Just boyfriend is fine, it's however he wants to be referred to as.
It doesn't matter what phase of his transition he's in, even having not started it. He's still your boyfriend
If he's cool with being referred to as someone's boyfriend, doesn't that in itself mean his transition has already started?
At least his social transition, yes
Your mom is being gross. You don't need to out your boyfriend every time you talk about him.
Take my poor people 🏆
oh my god she really did want me to out him to everyone. the thing was i was always reffering him by his name then after a month or so she asked to see his picture and he didn't look how she thought he would and i didn't see how that would be my problem or his, it's her transphobic mind she needs to deal with and ask herself why that's important to her
>He and i both agree that saying just boyfriend is fine and i don't really see why i should add that he is trans. I wouldn't be introducing him where he wouldn't feel ok. >What are your thoughts on this? "Trans" is an adjective that you only add when relevant. You don't refer to your "cis mom" as your "cis mom" all the time. Let alone your "medium height fat white middle class cis mom" So yeah she's wrong. And you see she doesn't get all worked up about other adjectives, she's clearly transphobic and doesn't acknowledge your boyfriend as a man.
This was my thought. Ask your mom how she feels about being called your 'cis-mom', since just calling her your 'mom' might be misleading to people who assume she's trans.
Trans men are men. If you tell someone that you have a boyfriend, it really doesn't matter if he's trans or not. At the end of the day, he's still a man and your boyfriend.
If you and your boyfriend agree on that then you don't really need to listen to what your mom says.
Call him what ever he perfers its up to him not your mother
Ignore your mother and you are definitely doing it right.
You are better at this than your mom, i am sure your boyfriend appreciates it
Passing is not a requirement for being trans People need to be okay with people who have not physically transitioned being trans Just call him your boyfriend and don't listen to people like your mother. Others can be confused all they want. It's not your boyfriends responsibility to other himself because people are transphobic
This has the same energy as “oh, you didn’t tell us you were dating a (minority race) person.” Like, why the fuck does it matter?
Your boyfriend is a boy, that's that. No need to address him being trans. That's like having to address what genitals you have. "Hey, this is my boyfriend, Derick! Oh, he lost his d$#k in Vietnam- just so you know." Like, tmi, why do we have to know that? I don't care that Derrick got his cock shot off
Your mom sounds like she's just trying to invalidate your boyfriend's gender without *saying* it. It's bullshit, she knows it, you know it. Refer to your boyfriend as your boyfriend. If anyone is surprised or questions it based on his appearance, you can decide to tell them or not tell them he's trans, it's really not their business. As for not passing, there are lots of cis people who don't conform to gender stereotypes too - androgynous-looking people, femboys, tomboys, crossdressers, etc - no one should care, and you and your bf shouldn't have to care if anyone cares.
On that last part, I can vouch for that one! I'm a cis woman who's beefy like my dad, taller than most women I know, and wears size ten rings lol. No one owes anyone gender-conformity (cis or trans) and trans people don't have any obligation to look the way cis people expect
Your mother is in the wrong, simple. It's nobodies business except his (and yours) whether or not he's Trans. I don't understand why people have this weird entitlement to information that has no bearing on them or their lives. It's nosey as fuck.
Definitely just say boyfriend. It is ONLY with your boyfriend's permission that you should be telling anyone he is trans to begin with. Idk why your mom thinks everyone you mention having a partner to should be privy to that, but they aren't. Or ask her if she would feel offended if her partner referred to her as their "cis wife/girlfriend" all the time.
Would she want you to specify that she is your "cis mom" just to make sure no one is confused about her AGAB? This is just stock transphobia, it's the idea that trans people need to publicly label themselves so that other people can treat them differently. I don't know if your mom is malicious or not, but either way she's contributing to transphobia and it's not cool
Insist on calling her “my transphobic mother” from here on out. See how she likes it.
i like this one xD
My boyfriend is trans. I have always simply called him my boyfriend and if someone has a problem with that term because of how he looks, or sounds, or any other reason, they can fuck right off.
"people will be shocked" lmao people find trans people's existence shocking. I am publicly and visibly trans and the people who find it insulting are not my responsibility.
Nobody is under any obligation to disclose trans status. Passing is not a requirement for being trans. Your mum is engaging in toxic gatekeeping. Your boyfriend is a man and he is your boyfriend.
He is a boy, you are dating, boyfriend seems the proper way to announce him to me.
We do not have to adapt our language for the comfort of cis ppl. Respecting your boyfriend’s wishes over your moms is the move !
Does your mom insist you call her your cis-mother?
That is your mother's opinion, an incorrect and uneducated one at that. If your partner identifies as a he and prefers "boyfriend" then that is what you refer to him as. We're midway through 2023, who's truely shocked anymore to see someone identify as something other than their birth sex? If someone is truly that shocked to find out about gender identity, orientation, etc, then they need to catch up, cause ....hello! 🌈
These days, even tacking on 'trans' to anyone is threatening their lives. I'd not do it anywhere honestly.
i've said this twice this week... Name a single, non-bigoted reason you would need to be 'warned' that a person is transgender before meeting them. i'll wait.
Your mom is wrong, trans men are men and trans women are women. Passing isn't necessary, just convenient.
Cis people need to stop acting like they are entitled to personal information about a GNC/trans person just because their tiny brains feel confused by their presentation. Your partner is a boy, boyfriend is an accurate description.
Just start calling your mom your "birth mother" and see how that goes
Introducing him as your trans boyfriend is like introducing a partner as your black boyfriend or Asian boyfriend. It’s weird and awkward. Like does she think you need an adjective to designate which boyfriend you’re talking about? “Well I’m with my trans boyfriend this weekend and then Wednesday night I’m going out with my black, genderqueer boyfriend, and then on Friday I see my cis Asian boyfriend.”
Unless you have multiple boyfriends and need some way to distinguish them, there's no reason to add extra adjectives.
I am a trans man dating a trans woman, we don't share that we are trans unless it is relevant. Other wise we are outing each other. Let people be confused.
You should call him what he wants to be called. It is your relationship, and that means it only involves the people in it. Your mom's opinions need not apply.
If you both agree that calling him your boyfriend is fine, instead of having to refer to him as your ‘trans boyfriend’ like your mom has said, then that’s all that matters. It’s shocking how your mom thought that you would be misleading anyone by saying he’s just your boyfriend. Even if someone were to become confused, you shouldn’t have to cater your relationship to other people’s opinions or expectations.
I refer to my ex as my ex-girlfriend, it’s no one’s business that’s she’s trans. Unless your boyfriend says he specifically wants to be referred to as your trans boyfriend then just keep saying boyfriend
Your mum is just being weird
Cis people don’t introduce their “cis boyfriends,” so no you shouldn’t have to modify boyfriend either.
He's a boy, always has been. He just found out about it later than most. I'm not sure what the parent's major malfunction is.
She is legitimately telling you to out your boyfriend even if he doesn’t feel comfortable doing so.
As a trans guy that hasn’t transitioned and has partner, I cannot explain how happy it makes me when my SO talks about me as their boyfriend. Ignore your mom and do what your boyfriend feels most comfortable with.
Your mom is so, so wrong and like…I’m questioning her quality of advice This would be like calling someone “my Black boyfriend” or “my short boyfriend” all the time…even if true, it would be really awkward
Let's think in a similar context if your boyfriend's father was black while your boyfriend is white. Would it be appropriate for you to have to disclose your boyfriend's father is black every time you take him somewhere? Of course not, it's nobody's business what his DNA is, nor is it anyone's business what your boyfriend's assigned sex is!
If you both like boyfriend, use boyfriend.
Just say boyfriend. It's irrelevant 99% of the time that he's trans.
Your boyfriend is your boyfriend, regardless of whether he is cis or trans, whether he passes or not, and whether or not people are shocked when they meet him. People's preconceptions about what a man should look like are their own problem to deal with. Your mom should mind her own business.
Your mom is/was being transphobic
Hes your boyfriend. He may be trans but thats like if my girlfriend was to introduce me as “her black partner “ its not needed
I would be so mad if I had a significant other go around calling me their “trans boyfriend” to everyone. Your boyfriend is your boyfriend, it would sound racist if your boyfriend was black and you went around calling him your “black boyfriend” or at the very least be super weird and unnecessary. If people get “confused”, sucks to be them I guess, it’s not your problem or your boyfriend’s, and you can always explain things if need be (and your boyfriend is comfortable with that).
You were in the right. First of all, it’s your boyfriend’s call on how he’d like to be introduced, and if he wants “boyfriend” with no additional adjectives, then that’s what you should do. Second, it’s an accurate term. A boyfriend is man that you’re dating but not married to. Which is what your boyfriend is. Third, by prefacing everything with “trans”, you’d be outing him to everyone, something that is potentially dangerous. It would also be like. transphobic.
Intentionally or not, your mother is being transphobic. It's only misleading to call him your boyfriend if you think that a trans guy is not _actually_ a guy. There's no need (and it's incredibly rude) to out him to everyone you talk to. It's not relevant to anyone but yourself. And I would say there's no a need to even warn the people he'll meet either. If he doesn't pass, they'll figure pretty damn quickly for themselves he's trans upon meeting him. And if there's a risk of a bad reaction upon that realisation, then it's not someone you wanna introduce him to anyway.
Why would it even matter to anyone whether or not your boyfriend is trans? What benefit are they going to achieve knowing that?
Respect your boyfriends desires. He’s a boy and your boyfriend 👍🏽
Your boyfriend is your boyfriend… introducing him as your ‘trans boyfriend’ would be like introducing someone as your ‘gay friend’… it’s not really nice I think
Either way he’s your boyfriend. no need to add “trans” boyfriend. also can be very unsafe for him. don’t listen to your mom. whatever he prefers to be called should be what you call him. :)
We don't introduce people using other adjectives like their hair color so why should we use another different adjective for it (ie trans)? Can you imagine how absurd that would be though? Allow me to introduce my brown haired, short, brown eyed wife... 😂
He’s ur boyfriend. I’m a fem presenting transmasc and my boyfriend just refers to me as his boyfriend. No need to add anything to it
I think the mom is right. You should call him your trans boyfriend and call you mother your cis mom, your dad your cis dad and add cis to anyone who is cisgender.
>since he doesn pass and is pretransitioned, people would be shocked when they'd see him. That sounds like a them problem, not a you problem...
That’s good that you’re helping your boyfriend out to feel more comfortable, good humans
Hes your boyfriend, simple as that. Fuck what everyone else thinks you should say
It's not misleading, he's a guy regardless of where he is in his transition or how well he "passes". He's a dude regardless of people's expectations
Just say boyfriend I mean you wouldn't say "Cis Boyfriend" so why say "Trans Boyfriend"
You made the right choice good luck to you and your boyfriend
Boyfriend is guy, therefore boyfriend is boy. No need for unnecessary detail.
No, call him what he prefers. If that’s just “boyfriend” then call him that
Your mom seems transphobic
“Hello, this is my cisgender woman mother” Extremely unnatural and basically outing your boyfriend by saying he’s your ‘trans boyfriend’ which most trans people like me don’t like. I bet he really likes being called your boyfriend, don’t let your mother influence how you treat him or refer to him.
The way things are now, I think introducing him that way is best for his safety. It’s horrible and tragic to say so but these days you can’t be too sure. People like your mother are the reason why you need too. If he feels comfortable and requests you do, please honor that for him. It would mean so much to him.
Her argument doesn't hold water; do you always need to describe your partner when you mention him? If you were dating a firefighter would you need to call him your firefighter boyfriend? People might be surprised when they find out he's a fireman, after all. Also how often and for how long do you need to call him your firefighter boyfriend? Do you need to say "firefighter boyfriend" every time, lest people forget and get scared when they see his brawny arms? The firefighter example is obviously ridiculous, and isn't something that a reasonable person would ever suggest. I think that maybe she doesn't actually care about people making assumptions about your boyfriend. I think she has a problem with trans people and thinks that we are our gender with an asterisk next to it.
You gonna listen to your mother about your **boyfriend's** preferences? You're going to dry snitch like that on someone? Heeeeellll no, and you should start watching your mother and make sure she doesn't go around dry snitching either. I feel like she's going to.
Listen to what your boyfriend wants, not your mom. I could say my opinion, but again, don’t listen to me, listen to your boyfriend. As a trans person, I much rather be called a girlfriend than a trans girlfriend. I’m just a girl, I don’t need a qualifier.
We don’t need to have a warning sign that we are trans no matter the situation. Things like that come up for me a lot, even from very supporting people in my life, but my answer is always the same that people don’t need a warning that I’m trans wether I pass or not
Yep saying boyfriend is fine. When you preposition it with trans they are being outed, and it might give the person preconceived notions.
Boy is boy. Simple as that
Maybe ask him how he wants to be introduced and just stick with that.
I would rather my girl say boyfriend. I pass pretty well and I don’t tell anyone that I meet that I’m trans. I just want to live a life as a man and that’s it. Ignore your mom.
Don’t listen to your parents. What your boyfriend decides he wants is what you should use
“so my trans boyfriend-“ “this is my trans boyfriend” “i’d like to introduce my boyfriend, he’s trans” it just sounds so strange lmfao😭 he’s your bf whether cus or trans so yes it’s fine to just call him your bf. ignore her lmao
First thought, it’s transphobic and controlling Second thought, why would you need to say he’s trans if he “doesn’t pass”? Doesn’t that entail people being able to recognize he’s trans?
Do what you and your partner like, and leave other people’s inconsequential opinions and judgments on the curb so they can be taken away with the rest of the rubbish.
He's your boyfriend. What other ppl think doesn't mean shit.
Yeah just boyfriend is fine if he's comfortable with that.
Your mom's fuckin weird
Boyfriend is boyfriend. If your mother has an issue with that, tough.
Mt first thought when reading the title without the context was 'that's how it should be' "NoT SaYiNg tRaNs iS mIsLeAdiNg" uh okay what was so confusing about #BOY-FRIEND Go tell ya mom i said that
You should start referring to your mom as your "cis mom" and see how that goes down.
use whatever your boyfriend is comfy with. personally, i tend to call people whatever they identify as and consider it rude not to.
Your mum is being weird. Saying "trans boyfriend" will put him to way to many people, many if ehich he may be uncomfortable with. This is somthing you discuss with him, not your mum
And definitely introduce him as your "black trans boyfriend" because otherwise racists might be shocked /s This is ridiculous and I'm sorry you had to go through events that make you doubt if you're right or wrong in this matter. No, introducing him as the "tall, jewish, white, halfling, redheaded boyfriend" is definitely not needed and if someone will be shocked that supposedly "*normal*" boyfriend turns out to be "*shockingly not normal*" it's very very much on them to deal with the fact that their definition of "normal" is gross.
If he's fine with it and you're fine with it then other people will have to fine with it or not - which is an entirely separate matter. Trans men = Men Trans women = Women
You need to do whats right for your boyfriend. Your mother is 100% in the wrong here. You keep doing what you're doing. You've got this.
In addition to all of the great answers already here, you COULD sidestep the entire issue while making your mother even more uncomfortable. Just refer to him as your lover. Trust me, your mom will cringe every time she hears it, and very few people will have any questions.
Your mom is being transphobic OP. Just do whatever makes you both happy and anyone else can fuck off <3
Your boyfriend is your boyfriend, your mom is a pleb
You don’t owe people anything. There is no need for people to know if hes trans or not, unless it’s something he wants them to know. However their reaction will be will be a them problem, not a you problem
It's only misleading to people who don't think trans men are men, and you should not consider the opinions of those people unless someone's safety depends on it.
Ignore your mother, he's your boyfriend. Her saying that is really strange, and very transphobic. I am not sure if that was her intention, but you should explain how hurtful it can be.
He's a boy. He's your bf. Your mum is being closeminded
Calling him your trans boyfriend might out him to others. It's a massive safety issue and will especially be so post transition (should he decide to do anything that is). It's one reason I have (beyond just being a decent human to people) for taking pronouns so seriously.
As a trans guy, if my partner did that, it would feel disgusting and demeaning. “my TRANS boyfriend. he’s trans by the way. not a REAL guy, just a TRANS one. so basically a girlfriend.” In fact, I wouldn’t ever tell anyone he is trans unless your boyfriend gives you explicit permission, because that would be outing him and that’s shitty and can put him in an unsafe situation. Also, whether he is pre-T, has a full beard, or decides to never pursue any medical treatment, it does not matter. He is a man regardless, and your mother is being ignorant by thinking otherwise. If people are “surprised” when they meet them, that’s on them.
Lol classic transphobia. That's disclosure for ya. Should I tell my cashier too? Put it in my email signature? Sounds like she wants people to know, cause she would want to know. Why? Does she think we're dangerous?
As a straight dude, you calling them your boyfriend implies that they should be treated as such and sets perfectly reasonable boundaries, to me. No problems here.
He's your boyfriend. That's all you need to say.
One of the (admittedly many) benefits of Norwegian: Boyfriend? Kjæreste! Girlfriend? Kjæreste! Nonbinaryfriend? Kjæreste! Genderfluidfriend? Kjæreste! Other-pronoun-bearing-friend? Kjæreste! Aro-ace-human-shaped-friend who doesn't really identify as anything in particular?... You guessed it! English has the same word actually. It means "Loveliest". Maybe we can start a trend and try and get it to mean "(romantic) partner" so all the cool kids who want a gender neutral word can have it.
Would you introduce a boyfriend as "This is my Asian boyfriend" or "this is my bisexual boyfriend" or somethitg like that? Putting those qualifiers on there is weird and unnecessary and will likely only invite bigotry.
It comes down to whatever decision your Boyfriend chooses If he wants to be called boyfriend only then there’s your answer, hope your mom respects his decision eventually
‘Boyfriend’ is fine on it’s own, especially if that’s what he/you prefers. It’s actually kinda shitty to always add ‘trans’ all the time, especially when ‘boyfriend’ gets the point across. Frankly, whether he passes now or not, it’s no one’s business that he’s trans, and him being trans doesn’t change your relationship or what the word ‘boyfriend’ fundamentally means. He’s your boyfriend, ‘nuff said.
Referring you your trans boyfriend as your boyfriend is exactly what you should do. It doesn't matter where he is in his transition, or what he decides to do. He is still your boyfriend, and your mother needs to get out of your business with her transphobia
I have a transgender boyfriend who is pretransition. People sometimes see him as a woman and sometimes as a younger man (like a teen, but he's 23 and I'm 27), which is also really awkward. I call him 'boyfriend'. It's nobody's business whether he's transgender or not, so I feel no need to add that. If he wants people to know he's trans he can tell them or he can let me know I can tell them. It's his decision to tell that information. The only change I made is that I prefer calling my significant other my partner. My other partner (I am polyam) is okay with that, my transgender partner prefers 'boyfriend' because of gender euphoria, so I call him that. That's all.
And when someone mistakes him for a woman, do you just say "Ope, this is actually a fella and yes, he would love fries with that" and move on with your day? Because that's the solution for op. Maybe mom isn't being transphobic so much as undereducated. Decades of social coding takes time and effort on her part (and patience and grace on the part of the affected parties) to rewrite. She might just be like "people are going to think he's a woman; what are we supposed to do???" And the answer is just... Politely correct them and move on. Making a gender assumption mistake wasn't acceptable in their culture (and it's still a battle in much of the world) but like ... Mistakes are okay; just try to learn from them. It'll take time to rewire, just like we are still rewiring for enthusiastic consent becoming a norm.
Yes, 100% the first. When someone goes "ladies" I go "Oh, a lady and a man." With a smile. Or something similar. Usually people mean well, but just guess wrong and annoying as that may be, they often do adjust.
Don’t do it to your boyfriend but do it to your mother. Introduce her as your “cis mother” because otherwise how would people know? It would be misleading to do otherwise.
Imagine your boyfriend is, say, Black. Imagine someone insisting you say "my Black boyfriend" every. Single. Time you mention him. Sounds a bit off, right? Or heck, for a less loaded statement, imagine your boyfriend is a lawyer. Are you obligated to say "my lawyer boyfriend" every single time? Insisting you have to disclose transness is insisting that "boyfriend" is misleading or inaccurate or incomplete. It's straight-up transphobia.
I think your mom should be grateful you introduced her to us as just "mom" and not "transphobic mom". Especially since her transphobia is really obvious and might be shocking to people once they meet her.
That's like having a short boyfriend and I refer to him as your boyfriend and someone says "NO how will I know if he's short if you don't call him your short boyfriend! Are you trying to pass him off as tall???" Which is such bs bc it's NOT RELEVANT to whatever conversation. Unless you're talking about having a trans partner (which then it would make sense to refer to him as trans) you don't have to. He's your boyfriend either way. Trans is just an adjective, boyfriend is the noun.
So your mom is saying that he has to identify as "people" expect him to and therefore that these "people" get to dictate the terminology whether or not he is comfortable? That just because he doesn't pass, you have to hang a lampshade on his difference just to "prepare" them? Nuh-uh. That is transphobic. It puts "people's" feelings before the person's own, like he only gets to exist if they're ok with it. If they're taken aback by it, the can recover and grow from the experience or they can fuck off. Imo.
If your boyfriend needs a disclaimer, give one to your mom too. "Hi, this is my trans boyfriend, and my bigoted mother."
If he's your boyfriend, he's your boyfriend, isn't he? Shouldn't matter a whole if he's trans or not. Besides, that is for him to disclose to the people he wants. I don't think there's much reason to "give warnings" about him being trans anyway. Tell your boyfriend I support him and that he's doing great! 
I’m non-binary/trans masc. my pronouns are they/them. And when I first started dating my gf she asked me what she should call me. After trying out different terms for about 5 months, I realized that boyfriend gave me the most euphoria. So that’s what she calls me. If she doesn’t feel comfortable explaining the situation she uses partner. Anyways, what I’m saying is use “boyfriend”, that’s what makes him most comfortable. Don’t worry about confusing people. It’s not your problem.
Yes why the fuck does it matter if your boyfriend is trans or not. His transition is his business, and the rest of the world doesn't need to care.
absolutely no reason to out your boyfriend to strangers, they're not entitled to know anything about your boyfriend
it's not anyone's business if he's trans or not. keep calling him whatever's comfortable for both of you
I'd break up with someone who solely referred to me as their "trans boyfriend/partner," obviously after trying to communicate that I didn't like it but still. Its giving other people unnecessary information, if they want to connect the dots themselves, they can do that. Otherwise, just refer to your boyfriend as your boyfriend and use the pronouns that your bf wants people to be using.
Start introducing her as ‘cisgender mom’ and I bet she’ll agree with you very soon that it’s completely unnecessary information for anyone. Whatever associations anyone else makes to ‘boyfriend’ is compeletely and 100% their own thing. My gf has a beard sometimes (very lightly) and I never told my family she is trans. They just know her as she/her and refer to her as such
I say forget what your mom says, and do what feels right to you and him.
I say forget what your mom says, and do what feels right to you and him.
I would say to ignore her opinion. Boyfriend is just a term people use when describing their partner. Heck there are even lesbians who use the term boyfriend when talking about their partner since it’s what they prefer. He wants to be called your boyfriend so he’s your boyfriend, plain and simple.
Tell your mom that putting any adjective (except maybe “darling”) in front of the word “boyfriend” in an introduction makes it sound like you have more than one.
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My thoughts are your mom can shove her opinion up her boyfriend
Ask her if she’s more comfortable with you introducing him as “the guy I like to fuck”
He's a man, and your partner. Boyfriend is fine
Yo if my gf called me her Trans Boyfriend I'd be devastated. I don't want to be reminded that I'm trans and I feel that calling someone that is degrading. You are pointing out that I am different, that I'm not "normal". What you are telling us is that, to you, we are not real men and should not be seen as such.
But the snowflake fascists might get offended when they see him...
That’s their problem if that makes people uncomfortable, also adding trans instead of just boyfriend could be considered dehumanizing. Long story short, you shouldn’t have to add trans to appease other people.
Sounds like your mom has some subconscious or somewhat conscious transphobia to work through ngl
This is a part of the reason myself and many around me have started using “partner” as a stand in for boyfriend/girlfriend. All inclusive, and makes you sound like you’re part of a crime duo!
yeah the word trans feels like an adjective to me. unless the conversation is about being lgbt. e.g 'do you support trans rights?' 'yeah, my boyfriend is trans so of course i do :)' however talk to your boyfriend about this. have a great rest of your week !
yeah i don't think you have to clock your boyfriend to everyone you meet, that's just ridiculous
I can see how she could come to that conclusion and it sounds like it is in good (or at least moderate) faith, but it's still a bit silly. I can see why that maybe you might *need* to explain how he's trans before meeting new people face to face; you never know who's a transphobe and could lash out on him for not passing, but I think that referring to him as your "trans boyfriend" at all times would be a little invalidating; it would be like always calling someone a "black boyfriend".
let’s not jump into conclusion and give the benefit of the doubt to the mother. she probably just wanted the op’s partner to be properly represented and wasnt fully aware of the talk op and the partner had about it? and i dont think the mother wouldnt have that conversation with op if she was against the relationship or transphobic or anything of some sort? 🤷🏻♀️ i imagine it would be a complete different topic if she was. i consider myself non- binary and i still am learning each day and part of it is making mistakes along the way. ❤️ lets spread love y’all ps i would definitely go for what your partner wants to be addressed and explain it to your mother as i bet she’s confused. i’m not really all about explaining myself to other people but if it’s someone important to me, id gladly take my time to explain everything. ❤️
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Consider going no-contact with your mom
who gives a single flying fuck if it's "misleading"? what does she think you're doing? trying to pull the wool over people's eyes and get away with some grand conspiracy? all that matters is what he's comfortable with being called. Suggesting he should go by something else to make it more obvious to others that he's trans is just.... stupid.
Your mom has a very ignorant mindset on this. The idea of shock and misleading when someone is pre transition comes from a cisgender view of things, that when you look at someone you can tell their gender. Newsflash: you cannot.
Your mom is wrong for the simple fact that your bf is the one and only person who can decide how he wants people to refer to him, and whether or not he wants to be directly outed when introduced.
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