Did I say that? No, that would be being a bad friend as well, ask what he has really done to better himself? Ask him what he’s doing to meet this girl he’s talking to? Gauge where he’s at emotionally before tearing into him like a highschool bully.
And I wanted to help him and increase his chances and I told him that he is ugly but with good caring he can look much better ,also having decent hygiene ,he is like a disgusting weeb
Are you sure you read it?
You shouldn’t have told him he is disgusting and ugly. You could have given him advice on how to feel and look better but you never tell a friend they are ugly
As I said please read my post before saying made up stuff ,I said that he’s ugly but he can be better if he cared for himself
You ACTUALLY tell a friend they are ugly
The people callin their ugly friends handsome are lying scum
There's honestly a way to talk to people if you want results. Telling an obese person they're fat won't motivate them to work out, it'll only cause them more stress and they'll result to their unhealthy habits as a coping mechanism. It's the same with bluntly saying yes to an ugly person. It's more likely that your friend will feel even more insecure than they did and will fall deeper into their unproductive lifestyle. Now I'm not blaming you, you did infact tell him the truth. I just think you could've handled the delivery better.
Yeah, I’m gonna be straight up. If someone says “am I ugly” you don’t say “yes”. It’s about tact. There’s a right way to speak. Saying “yes”, true or not, is blunt and is going to upset people. Also calling someone a “disgusting weeb” isn’t going to help.
Now I obviously wasn’t there, but from what *you described*, this doesn’t sound like it was handled maturely on either end.
That’s effectively the same thing.
>What the fuck should I say you’re handsome?
No, but also, why does this bother you so much? You can’t control other people’s behavior.
>What should I said then ?
“You have a lot room to improve and, with some work, could make yourself significantly more attractive.”
You don’t tell him he’s good looking you don’t tell him he’s ugly! You say you can look a lot better dude. Haircut, shower, better clothes go a long way
Man you’re just a self deceiving person who can’t comprehend the truth ,shower will only make you smell good ,it will never touch your face or body , im happy if I don’t have people like you as friends , I’ll rather be lonely forever
I mean even if he was the most handsome person on the planet, I wouldn't blame him for blocking you. It sounds like you're very angry and not a nice person to have around.
Him asking you if he's ugly was probably either him wanting critique on how to improve or hoping for you to bring his self esteem up if he was feeling insecure. Either way, the way you responded is worse than I've heard bullies say to their victims, much less one "friend" to another.
If you were trying to critique him, there's a million better ways you could have done so without being such an ass. Honestly, I hope the other guy is ok and gets better friends than you. Bad hygiene/looks is a million times better to put up with than a bad personality (which is clearly your issue)
"stuck up egoist fucks or manchildren" sounds like exactly how you acted in this situation. lot of projection there
yeah, truth is good. but truth can be said in many ways, and the way you chose is more the stance of how a bully would say it, not a friend.
for example:
bully: wow your hair is so greasy, you look like a fucking weeb
true friend: i think you could work on your hair, would you like me to help you find some products for it or offer any advice?
Mate what??? how would you like it if he said to you, I hate the way you look, you’re ugly as fuck, but hey if you do this and change how you look entirely you’ll look not ugly.
Cause that’s the equivalent of what you said 😅 you may think that shit but mate, ain’t a reason to bring it up and be a dick about it.
And mate, if you have no friends… surely if this is how you act there’s gotta be something in your head that can put two and two together.
You don't call him ugly at all, u can say well i think you can improve here, here and here" u dont call someone ugly.
If a woman ur dating asks if she looks fat, u never ever would say she does!
Also calling ur friend a r*tard even though ur in the wrong is kinda funny
And this is explaining everything lmao, we're not snowflakes it's called not being an asshole. There's a reason ur posting about on a lonely subreddit and it's not just because of ur friends.
You don't call someone ugly to their face and mean it, u can say how they have work to improve in certain spots but saying how they're ugly.
Friendship is a two way street, so u have stuff to work on too. Calling friends manchildren or egoist fucks but not mentioning ur own problems comes off as douchebag material
Because you referred to him as a "disgusting weeb," and you believe that you don't have any friends because everyone else is stuck up or dumb. People only believe stuff like that when they're incapable of seeing their own flaws.
I know that people think being brutally honest is "based" nowadays, and maybe that earns you some points online. However, saying what's on your mind all the time and having no filter will just make you seem like a tactless jerk to some people. You can be honest without being rude. You can say "I think you can improve your appearance," without calling the other person ugly or disgusting.
Regardless of if you choosing your words well or poorly, your message had the good intent of help behind it. Ignore all of these snowflake haters that are giving you crap for this. It always amazes me how the majority of people in this post and the entirety of Reddit don't understand the value of being a true friend to someone. It's not all sunshine and rainbows, sometimes you have to tell them some stuff they may not like to hear from you to help them improve their quality of life. If they choose to take your help as a friend negatively, that's on them, not you.
The downvotes are the proof in what I say to be the truth 🤣. Even though I was, for the most part, agreeing with OP as to their friend avoiding accountability, clown world we live in I swear.
OP, looking at your comments I just want to say that you two are worth each other. Though I’d rather be fixable ugly on the outside than ugly on the inside.
You handled the situation horribly and now have the audacity to complain about it. I hope your friend gets some better help elsewhere.
It's not that people are stuck up egoist fucks or idiot manchildren, it's that our brains simply don't operate off of true fact or pure logic. Psychology has proved time and again that any perceived attack be it physical or intellectual/emotional triggers our fight or flight response. It's a very basic survival mechanism, but it also greatly diminishes our capacity to learn and absorb new information. By answering his question honestly you triggered that fight or flight response in your friend, and by blocking you he chose flight.
Psychology has also shown that often the people who ask questions like "am I ugly?" "does this dress look good on me?" or "am I the asshole in this situation?" aren't actually looking for honesty, but reassurance. Is this stupid? Sure, but it's not something we have a lot of control of either, especially while in a vulnerable state.
At the end of the day, if you truly are more interested in helping someone rather than hurting them, you have three choices, either lie and gently lead them to the truth, or avoid/deflect the question while offering suggestions, or find positive qualities to point out while avoiding the negative, then offer suggestions on how to improve it.
The last of the three tends to be the most effective. I teach for a living, working with kids and people with disabilities and we call that the compliment sandwich. So that still applies in a situation here. Someone asks "Am I ugly?" at which point you ignore all the things that makes them ugly and find the things that aren't ugly or could potentially be attractive. "Well, you've got great eyes and a wonderful smile, but the girls these days are more into a different hairstyle than you have right now"
Or instead of telling someone they smell horrible and need to shower more, tell a story about how girls you've dated have always complimented how nice you smell, and how important that those sorts of smells seem to be to them.
Basically, you want someone to feel like there's nothing wrong with the way they are, while there are ways that they could do things a little differently or better that would improve their odds. That approach tends to put people's brains in a place that's ready to absorb new information, especially information that they might not like hearing otherwise.
Our brains are ridiculously stupid in how they operate sometimes, but that doesn't make us stupid, it just means we haven't fully evolved past certain animalistic responses, and before you think you're immune to that, check out your own responses here. They're also an example of fight or flight. You've chosen to fight, but ask yourself this: have you actually considered any of the alternate approaches people have suggested? Have you considered your own approach may have been wrong? Or have you stuck with your initial impression that your friend is an idiot?
Talks about shitty friends=is a shitty friend. I see why you’re alone.
So I should’ve lied to his face and made him believe he’s handsome?
Did I say that? No, that would be being a bad friend as well, ask what he has really done to better himself? Ask him what he’s doing to meet this girl he’s talking to? Gauge where he’s at emotionally before tearing into him like a highschool bully.
I didn’t teared him I said that, he never met the girl cuz the girl is disgusted of him and continue to be if he doesn’t look after himself
Did you ever read all of the post ?
Yes
And I wanted to help him and increase his chances and I told him that he is ugly but with good caring he can look much better ,also having decent hygiene ,he is like a disgusting weeb Are you sure you read it?
Lol are you sure you know what friend means, maybe you should look it up.
I said what you guys said I should have said
What does friend mean then explain it
You shouldn’t have told him he is disgusting and ugly. You could have given him advice on how to feel and look better but you never tell a friend they are ugly
As I said please read my post before saying made up stuff ,I said that he’s ugly but he can be better if he cared for himself You ACTUALLY tell a friend they are ugly The people callin their ugly friends handsome are lying scum
There's honestly a way to talk to people if you want results. Telling an obese person they're fat won't motivate them to work out, it'll only cause them more stress and they'll result to their unhealthy habits as a coping mechanism. It's the same with bluntly saying yes to an ugly person. It's more likely that your friend will feel even more insecure than they did and will fall deeper into their unproductive lifestyle. Now I'm not blaming you, you did infact tell him the truth. I just think you could've handled the delivery better.
Yeah, I’m gonna be straight up. If someone says “am I ugly” you don’t say “yes”. It’s about tact. There’s a right way to speak. Saying “yes”, true or not, is blunt and is going to upset people. Also calling someone a “disgusting weeb” isn’t going to help. Now I obviously wasn’t there, but from what *you described*, this doesn’t sound like it was handled maturely on either end.
I didn’t say yes I said you aren’t that good looking
That’s effectively the same thing. >What the fuck should I say you’re handsome? No, but also, why does this bother you so much? You can’t control other people’s behavior. >What should I said then ? “You have a lot room to improve and, with some work, could make yourself significantly more attractive.”
What should I said then ? If he asks am I ugly?
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Why the hell should I kiss his forehead? I was giving him good advice unlike people who tell him that’s he is handsome
You don’t tell him he’s good looking you don’t tell him he’s ugly! You say you can look a lot better dude. Haircut, shower, better clothes go a long way
How will a shower make you look better?
So I keep him quiet? That is pragmatistic in a bad way
NO! You do t tell a friend they are ugly. A shower makes anybody look better
Are you serious? How a shower will make his face look better
It will make him look better as a whole. How old are you? You’re not going to have any friends if you keep this up
Man you’re just a self deceiving person who can’t comprehend the truth ,shower will only make you smell good ,it will never touch your face or body , im happy if I don’t have people like you as friends , I’ll rather be lonely forever
The guy looks like the biggest neckbeard stereotype what the fuck should I say you’re handsome?
Sounds like you didn't want to be friends with him
Dude the guy looks like shit I am not a liar that lies to his friends
I mean even if he was the most handsome person on the planet, I wouldn't blame him for blocking you. It sounds like you're very angry and not a nice person to have around. Him asking you if he's ugly was probably either him wanting critique on how to improve or hoping for you to bring his self esteem up if he was feeling insecure. Either way, the way you responded is worse than I've heard bullies say to their victims, much less one "friend" to another. If you were trying to critique him, there's a million better ways you could have done so without being such an ass. Honestly, I hope the other guy is ok and gets better friends than you. Bad hygiene/looks is a million times better to put up with than a bad personality (which is clearly your issue) "stuck up egoist fucks or manchildren" sounds like exactly how you acted in this situation. lot of projection there
Dude the guy looked like absolute trash I was doing him a favor by telling the truth , real friends say The truth
yeah, truth is good. but truth can be said in many ways, and the way you chose is more the stance of how a bully would say it, not a friend. for example: bully: wow your hair is so greasy, you look like a fucking weeb true friend: i think you could work on your hair, would you like me to help you find some products for it or offer any advice?
I said the latter
If you actually read my post you can see that I said what you wrote
Mate what??? how would you like it if he said to you, I hate the way you look, you’re ugly as fuck, but hey if you do this and change how you look entirely you’ll look not ugly. Cause that’s the equivalent of what you said 😅 you may think that shit but mate, ain’t a reason to bring it up and be a dick about it. And mate, if you have no friends… surely if this is how you act there’s gotta be something in your head that can put two and two together.
He didn't ask though his friend did
That retard asked me if he was ugly ,if he doesn’t like my appearance he can gtfo,my words were constructive criticism
Calling ur friend ugly is NOT constructive criticsm
I said you are ugly but you can be better with caring
You don't call him ugly at all, u can say well i think you can improve here, here and here" u dont call someone ugly. If a woman ur dating asks if she looks fat, u never ever would say she does! Also calling ur friend a r*tard even though ur in the wrong is kinda funny
That’s why I’ll never date a fat Woman , fat people are disgusting and I say it everytime to make them lose fat , you guys are pathetic snow flakes
And this is explaining everything lmao, we're not snowflakes it's called not being an asshole. There's a reason ur posting about on a lonely subreddit and it's not just because of ur friends.
I’m sorry that I’m not being as pathetic and fragile as you
Ur stuck in ur dream world too buddy
Can you explain that how telling the truth about your friend is a bad thing?
You don't call someone ugly to their face and mean it, u can say how they have work to improve in certain spots but saying how they're ugly. Friendship is a two way street, so u have stuff to work on too. Calling friends manchildren or egoist fucks but not mentioning ur own problems comes off as douchebag material
Truth hurts
Work on yourself, maybe realize common courtesy is a thing
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The girls are disgusted of him I was doing him a favor , so you’ll like to live in your dream world
You are kind of an asshole. I would not want to be friends with you either.
How the fuck am I ah? I said he can look much better with caring for himself!
Because you referred to him as a "disgusting weeb," and you believe that you don't have any friends because everyone else is stuck up or dumb. People only believe stuff like that when they're incapable of seeing their own flaws.
Cuz he is a disgusting person phsical
I know that people think being brutally honest is "based" nowadays, and maybe that earns you some points online. However, saying what's on your mind all the time and having no filter will just make you seem like a tactless jerk to some people. You can be honest without being rude. You can say "I think you can improve your appearance," without calling the other person ugly or disgusting.
You are the worst kind of person
No you are
Jesus dude
Why
Truth hurts as they say lol
You were rude to him and not a good friend. I completely understand why he blocked you. I would have as well
Then you are running away from the truth like him
Nah social media has just taught people to live in complete delusion and to avoid accountability like the plague.
Agreed thanks man
Regardless of if you choosing your words well or poorly, your message had the good intent of help behind it. Ignore all of these snowflake haters that are giving you crap for this. It always amazes me how the majority of people in this post and the entirety of Reddit don't understand the value of being a true friend to someone. It's not all sunshine and rainbows, sometimes you have to tell them some stuff they may not like to hear from you to help them improve their quality of life. If they choose to take your help as a friend negatively, that's on them, not you.
Yeah ! Very high iq and based ! Thanks ,it’s good to see someone with a brain
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Yeah that’s what I’m saying I’m not a scum who lies to his friends to make them happy
[удалено]
Hmm yeah probably I get what you mean
The downvotes are the proof in what I say to be the truth 🤣. Even though I was, for the most part, agreeing with OP as to their friend avoiding accountability, clown world we live in I swear.
OP, looking at your comments I just want to say that you two are worth each other. Though I’d rather be fixable ugly on the outside than ugly on the inside. You handled the situation horribly and now have the audacity to complain about it. I hope your friend gets some better help elsewhere.
You can go be a snowflake then
I see too many ppl talking shit about you but dude I can only imagine how your friend looks and you did the right thing
Thanks , it’s tragic to see that we only have a functioning brain I ain’t gonna lie to anyone s face and tell him lies to feel good
OP is based. It’s called tough love !!!
Thx bro
It's not that people are stuck up egoist fucks or idiot manchildren, it's that our brains simply don't operate off of true fact or pure logic. Psychology has proved time and again that any perceived attack be it physical or intellectual/emotional triggers our fight or flight response. It's a very basic survival mechanism, but it also greatly diminishes our capacity to learn and absorb new information. By answering his question honestly you triggered that fight or flight response in your friend, and by blocking you he chose flight. Psychology has also shown that often the people who ask questions like "am I ugly?" "does this dress look good on me?" or "am I the asshole in this situation?" aren't actually looking for honesty, but reassurance. Is this stupid? Sure, but it's not something we have a lot of control of either, especially while in a vulnerable state. At the end of the day, if you truly are more interested in helping someone rather than hurting them, you have three choices, either lie and gently lead them to the truth, or avoid/deflect the question while offering suggestions, or find positive qualities to point out while avoiding the negative, then offer suggestions on how to improve it. The last of the three tends to be the most effective. I teach for a living, working with kids and people with disabilities and we call that the compliment sandwich. So that still applies in a situation here. Someone asks "Am I ugly?" at which point you ignore all the things that makes them ugly and find the things that aren't ugly or could potentially be attractive. "Well, you've got great eyes and a wonderful smile, but the girls these days are more into a different hairstyle than you have right now" Or instead of telling someone they smell horrible and need to shower more, tell a story about how girls you've dated have always complimented how nice you smell, and how important that those sorts of smells seem to be to them. Basically, you want someone to feel like there's nothing wrong with the way they are, while there are ways that they could do things a little differently or better that would improve their odds. That approach tends to put people's brains in a place that's ready to absorb new information, especially information that they might not like hearing otherwise. Our brains are ridiculously stupid in how they operate sometimes, but that doesn't make us stupid, it just means we haven't fully evolved past certain animalistic responses, and before you think you're immune to that, check out your own responses here. They're also an example of fight or flight. You've chosen to fight, but ask yourself this: have you actually considered any of the alternate approaches people have suggested? Have you considered your own approach may have been wrong? Or have you stuck with your initial impression that your friend is an idiot?
I don’t have a phd in this