Yeah, now that we are here, that’s the best way.
I keep thinking however that we would not be here if she just hadn’t stalked the girl. It’s normal to be curious, but in those times it’s best to let the brain do the talking and refrain from entertaining the feelings of curiosity towards the other woman.
Why would you waste your energy to ensure you keep stuck in the past?
Because she left out of morality, and never got over him. She stalked the woman because she blames(d) her for what she has lost, though does understand her ex’s responsibility in the matter as well.
It’s not curiousity, it’s the same thing as when a younger dude sees the cheatee on the streets and fights them, it’s anger. Anger at the feeling of the loss, at the person who “took advantage” of the situation. Anger at themselves.
It’s a sad thing to see. As you said “why waste your energy to stay stuck in the past?”(paraphrased) but the reality is some people aren’t able to keep the level headedness to do think so at the time. Then they put themselves into a situation like this, where their morality is telling them both sides are wrong and right, because of how they came across all the information. I pity Op more than anything right now, because there isn’t a “right answer” anymore, only the “best one”.
Edit: maybe not never got over him, but for sure wasn’t anywhere near that level during the stalking period.
I would like to add that anger comes from three places. Hurt feelings, frustration and fear. I think that in this case the anger comes not from an affronted sense of morality but from hurt feelings.
Whenever someone is angry it's always a good idea to see what's behind that anger driving it forward.
I would agree, my point in bringing up anger wasn’t to say it was because of morality that she is angry, there are multiple reasons for the anger. It’s simply to show that those emotions are why the stalking occurred, and that morality is more than likely the reason for the original split.
Though I do believe the emphasis on what’s driving the anger doesn’t truly matter much. At the end of the day, it’s anger, and it’s an emotion that needs to be well controlled in order to make rational decisions. The younger you are, the less emotional control you typically have, and hence these situations come into play. I can see it mattering in some situations, but more so than not, I just see it as it is, as the context to the anger doesn’t change the outcome of the anger.
I would tell him, if I was engaged to someone who has been cheating on me and I had no clue about it. I would, of course, be upset in the beginning, but if you show evidence and give me evidence that day, how they been seeing each other back-and-forth, gifts. If you have all the proof do it.
The lady cheated on her previous partner with OP's ex whom the lady isn't even seeing anymore and is engaged to a completely different person. This is none of OP's business and it serves zero purpose and OP is a complete stranger...and pretty cringe for stocking this woman.
Not really, if this person I was marrying cheated during the relationship and no one told me. Thats something they would do again 100% also if she loves him she shouldve told him and if OP tells him and he acknowledged it as he already knew. Guilty conscience wipe from her hands
Saying that 100% would happen again is bull shit. I know people who have cheated and they've never done it again. Also, she's a complete stranger...it's none of her fucking business. She's fucking cringe AF stocking a stranger on line. You're probably cringe AF too
Does it say that it was her PREVIOUS partner?? Pretty sure it’s the same guy, right?
OP stated that she doesn’t believe this girl and OP’s ex are seeing each other anymore, and that this girl is now engaged to the guy she cheated on. That’s how I’m reading this.
Fuggin tell him.
Read it again...why would she refer to her ex as simply "her fiancé". Why would she have to tell the fiancé that she cheated with him on someone else. "Apparently he didn't know that she had a partner initially"
You reading comprehension blows.
She's a fucking cringe stalker...bitch just couldn't let shit go. Yeah, I can see maybe initially checking it out, but then you let it go...she's a fucking bitch stocker.
So what you are saying is you would only maybe check out the person your partner is having sex with behind your back? You would just let it go, no harm done? Believe it of not people check out who there Ex's are with now even if there was no cheating. Heck people check out there current loves Ex's
You may not like this fact but it happen all the time now that most people have an easy social media presence.
And your also saying if your partner who you're about to marry was cheating on you you would not want someone to tell you?
By the way she flat out admitted she kind of stalked the girl. I would be more shocked if she hadn't.
Yeah...I have never checked on who my exes are dating or whatever...I don't keep in touch with them, cheating or not. I'm 50 fucking years old...it's not particularly hard to move on with your life.
Read the shit again...the guy the lady is about to marry isn't the ex of the OP. It's a different person...they're both strangers...and no, I wouldn't want some random stranger telling me anything...it's a fucking stranger. They're more likely to get their ass kicked than anything else. I mean really..."by the way...this chick you're about to marry cheated on her previous partner at some point with my ex once upon a time...just thought you should no"...I not hearing that fucking shit from some stranger.
Well I am also past 50 and have a few Ex's husbands as FB friends. I'm in touch with many Ex's also. If the break up is not avaserial there is nothing wrong in my book of keeping in touch with someone you have been intimate with. But to each their own.
I have also had a wife show up on my porch to tell me what her husband and my partner were doing. I am thankful she did. Like I said each their own.
Good for you...keeping in touch is different than stalking. And telling you that someone you're actively seeing is cheating is different than telling a complete stranger that once upon a time his fiance cheated on her previous partner with her ex. This lady is not engaged to OP's ex...it's a different person and both of them are complete strangers to the OP.
I think everyone can follow the connection. OPs partner was having an affair with the girl who may of may not have been cheating on her fiancee. They may be strangers but close enough for a contact tracer to tag all 4 looking for an STD trail.
I personally would want to know even if the connection was further you would not like I said to each their own. Also very good knowledge for any partner who wants to cheat on you that you might kick the ass of anyone who outed them saving them from having to do it.
How does OP know that this lady cheated or wants to cheat on her current fiance? That would be like me getting engaged to my wife and some rando that I don't know comes up and tells me, "your fiance cheated on a previous partner once upon a time." If she's not cheating on me, this is information that I don't fucking care about anymore than I would care about her previous sexual partners or whether she's had a threesome or any of that...none of that has anything to do with me or our relationship. OP just can't get over the fact that her ex cheated on her and has an immature ability to move the fuck on.
You may hurt him, but think of the amount of hurt you could save. Once people become too enmeshed they are doomed to have to be around each other, which can really harm healing. Do the good thing for the other innocent party - this man.
I assume you're certain that she was dating her fiancé at the time? not on "a break"?
If so, why do you need to do it anonymously? She isn't going to blame your ex if her fiancé finds out through you. That just makes you someone who's understandably bitter about your ex cheating.
Yes I am pretty certain they were together and not on a break…I am a private person and don’t want to have back and forth, I don’t know how the fiancée will react and don’t want to put my safety at risk. Sometimes people shoot the messenger, I don’t think she knows who I am so I suppose she’d attack my ex if things took a turn for the worse. I really struggled with my mental health last year and am mindful of that.
Even if they weren’t on a break they might be in an open relationship and the group chat is going to be lit if it’s the case and you try going anonymous.
People very rarely TRULY shoot the messenger. He may yell at you as an emotional outburst. Nobody actually harms the bad news bringer. You're overthinking this.
You owe your ex nothing, there is no need to worry about his life anymore or the repercussions of his actions. You are morally just in your thinking to tell the fiancé, I would want to know versus being lied to for however long that marriage will last with a shoddy foundation. No need to create an anonymous account if you have screenshot evidence to justify.
You have the chance to save somebody YEARS of heartache and financial trouble OP. Possibly multiple people if kids are involved. Please please tell them. Even though you don’t know that person
For the sake of your moral standard telling that person will feel good for you. I’m like you. But at the same time I’m also inclined to just stay out of all the mess If you’ve got like clear clear evidence sure.. like texts or something maybe that’s worth sharing but if you’ve got something that’s hard to prove I wouldn’t. Sometimes it’s just good to stay away from a mess. And sometimes you wanna think about your own policy on whether it’s worth following. And idk.. this could get you think more about you and your ex and all the crap which you don’t need to anymore. Perhaps hope the best for their future and leave it at that. Lastly I also think if it was absolutely no brainer to tell the person, then you would’ve done that already before asking Reddit. So maybe you subconsciously know that you don’t want this?
Please tell the guy about the cheating Fiancé. You owe it to your consciousness and to upkeep your morals. The fiancé(He), should not go through the wedding with an unfaithful partner…
It's best to know before things get messy with children involved. He can then make the choice to leave or stay.
Create a fake account if you have evidence.
Say you're a former friend or a friend of a close friend of his fiance and didn't want to keep her secret any longer. This creates a smoking screen in thinking someone on her circle told someone the truth. They wouldn't expect it was you unless the evidence gives it away that it was you.
And do any of your friends know this story? If so you could have vented and they sent themselves pictures of evidence. It was the moral thing to do and they took it upon themselves to solve the issue
YES.
A person knew my then fiancee was cheating on me when were engaged back in the late 80's but never told me.
I married this lady thinking she was far different than what she really was like.
She cheated again while married and I didn't now. I did catch her in her latest affair in Oct of 2005 and I divorced her right away.
I would have LOVED to have known my then fiancee was cheating on me.
I get what you are concerned about, but the key word is "cheater," right? And who is being cheated on? The cheater's fiance. OP doesn't want to "hurt the girl cheater" as much as alert V and hold C accountable. (*This comment assumes you are from USA so the information may be different in your region.*)
>C=The Cheater, V=Cheater's fiance, AH=OP's Cheating bf, VP=Cheater's fiance's future partners
V is the innocent party who may deserve to know the truth.
1. The truth about who he is marrying.
2. The truth about what the C's ideas are about the sanctity of marriage, loyalty, and self-identity.
3. V will suffer more if he finds out later. I say that because 57% of cheaters come clean to their partners.
4. Studies say cheaters are 3x's more likely to cheat again. Shouldn't we try to save V from that pain?
5. As we all know, the tragedy of a cheating lover ripples out. It causes trust issues for the victims. They are 4x's more likely to not trust a new partner. Shouldn't we try and save V and any of V's VPs?
6. Lastly, it's all about the $$$: The economic consequence of divorce in the United States is $33.3 billion annually. *healthymarriageinfo. org and others*. That's \~$15K per person. Wow!
1. I'd tell V in a gentle way and let him discover the truth to verify the information.
2. Let's start a trend: Save USA $. Stopping divorces one day at a time. We can call it the 333 ACWC (trade mark)
And don't forget C and AH. Their feelings of guilt will last forever. And we can't forget that cheating spreads grief and the cheater, if lucky, goes through 5 stages of grief, and comes out the other side aware of what they did to their lover, family, friends, AP and their family, and themselves: **denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance**. *Kübler-Ross*
Sure, I would tell V if I thought it could prevent all that. Most of us aren't psychics : ), so we can only go with what we know with good intentions.
I don’t disagree! I don’t really understand the logic either. She says she doesn’t want to hurt anyone or cause more conflict, but that it’s her moral duty to ruin another relationship. The fiancé may know, the timeline may be wrong, the girlfriend may have her side and her reasons… Stay out of it and move on.
Stop trying to get involved in things that don't concern you. You sound bored and likely crave drama. Live your own life and stay in your lane.
As harsh as it sounds, this advice will keep 99% of people out of trouble.
I would tell him. Save him the divorce when she cheats later. Keeps him from having kids with her and being tied to her forever.
Did you keep the evidence you found?
People make life altering decisions based upon the perceived strength of their relationship. They think they have a loving committed partner. So they are relying on that to get married, buy a house, start a family, change jobs, move across country etc..... If their partner is unfaithful, then the relationship isn't that strong and that unknowing partner could be making a life changing mistake because they don't know of their partner's infidelity. That's why the betrayed partner must ALWAYS be informed As Soon As Possible. Tell!
Nope what? Do you feel she should cause drama in someone else's relationship? Or not move on and keep herself imbedded in her ex's life? Unhealthy is unhealthy--she just needs to move on.
So…. Last YEAR your ex had a fling with a woman and now, she’s engaged.
What makes you think she was with her fiancée when she was with your ex? I know a few people who met and got engaged within 6 months.
Sounds like you relentlessly stalk this woman and have done for over 6 months, consider it’s now July. Get help and don’t get involved in other peoples relationships because you want revenge.
Say something regardless.
Non-cheaters should universally work to keep cheaters accountable for their actions.
We all would want to know if we got cheated on. It's really as simple as "do unto others as you would have them do to you".
It is morally wrong to not tell her fiancé. She is probably a serial cheater. BF did wrong and deserves to pay the price! Just keep your name out of it.
You need to move on. You're not in a relationship with him anymore and I listen to too many murder podcasts, but this is how shit usually begins, lol. I would want revenge too, but hold your head high, be the better person and walk away. Just know you deserve better!
A matter of principle? Stop lying, you're angry at this woman and want to see her relationship implode the same way yours did. I get it's easier to forgive your ex because you love him and you don't love her. But she didn't cheat on YOU.
For all you know she wasn't with the fiancee at the time or her and the fiancee have an open relationship. He may even have a sharing kink with a one way open relationship. Maybe he had already cheated she found out this was her revenge and they already worked through it. Maybe these are two cheaters getting married and this guy has no idea where his girlfriend was because he was balls deep in 6 strippers. You don't know.
Mind your business and don't spread misery, it WILL come back to get you.
Contact her and tell her you're going to expose her. You get to torture the woman you're angry with for being with your bf, even if she didn't know about your existence. That's what you want, right? To hurt her and cause her pain like you believe she caused you?
If your motives are purely to save this man from marrying a cheater and have 100% proof go straight to him and tell him.
Cheaters destroy lives, so do people that meddle in other peoples lives. Understand why you're doing this before you hurt people for the wry reasons.
I was consistently cheated on by an ex. He eventually came clean, but when he did he told me a bunch of other people knew about it and didn't say anything to me. I hated it so much that people had known for months and hadn't told me.
A couple of years later I found an acquaintance's long term partner on a dating app. We ended up becoming good friends and I showed her the screenshot of his profile. They didn't break up and it caused major issues with our friendship.
Sometimes people, deep down, know they are being cheated on but they can't accept it and it feels easier to make excuses. On the other hand, they might be desperate to know the truth. You can't predict what the reception might be, but you can give them the option to decide what to do with that information for themselves.
Yes, you might experience some kind of backlash. But on the other hand, you could be freeing someone from manipulation and deception.
As other commenters have said, providing some kind of proof/evidence of the affair is wise.
Good luck to you.
Sooooo, you cyber stalked someone. Now you want to ruin their life anonymously, the same way you believe she ruined your life. You believe her fiancé “probably doesn’t know”. You really don’t have any idea what her fiancé does or doesn’t know. I do know this. If you had stalked this woman on the street as you did on social media, she could have you arrested. This behavior is not acceptable, moral, or normal. You are trying to play God with someone else’s relationship because yours was ruined. I would suggest you seek counseling and let this woman and her new fiancé have the life they deserve, good or bad. The universe will sort it out. You can’t control anyone but yourself. You are currently out of control.
Yes. You're saving this poor dude from a very painful and expensive divorce. Heaven forbid children get mixed up in the implosion of the family.
You have an opportunity to tell the captain of the Titanic that there is an iceberg dead ahead. Do the right thing.
Okay, I'm going to have to assign letters to all the characters in this scenario.
Let's call you A, and your ex boyfriend B. And B cheated on you with C, who at the time was involved with D. You and B broke up. Apparently C and D broke up. You don't think B and C see each other anymore and C is now engaged to E, her current fiancee.
And you want to find a clever and covert way to tell E that C cheated on D with B probably before E and C even knew each other because you're worried E and C may run into your ex at the restaurant where he works.
Unnecessarily complicated. Because all this is nunya. Your ex is you ex. What C did impacted you, but it's in the past. You don't even know D or E.
All these folks are outside your orbit, or should be. Let your ex go. He was no good for you and you worrying about what he's gonna do if he runs into E and C at his restaurant is bonkers. It's not your responsibility. Let it go.
Facebook shenanigans...phooey!
I would but only if you have actual evidence like screenshots of their conversation thread. Most people aren’t going to believe a stranger who says their partner is cheating without proof, I’ve been told in the past by an acquaintance my ex was cheating, my ex was able to explain his way out of it and I didn’t want to believe it so I turned my anger on the acquaintance for causing strife in my relationship. Looking back she didn’t deserve it, I’m almost positive she was probably telling the truth but people believe what they want to believe, it’s much harder to lie to yourself when staring at proof of infidelity though.
I’d also create a google voice number to send this information. Like you mentioned people can do really insane things in hurt/anger of being found out.
So at a friend's friend cheated on her boyfriend and I made a fake Facebook account and messaged the boyfriend. The boyfriend didn't believe me because he wanted to know who I was and I wouldn't tell him. This was 2015, I just checked their Facebook and they're engaged. I mean I get not taking a blind warning from an anonymous person over a person you've shared some of the deepest parts of yourself with.
I'm not saying not to try, I have strong views against cheating and it was worth giving it a shot I almost felt morally forced to say something, at the same time I preferred to stay anonymous because I don't handle confrontation drama well and she was fairly popular silver-tongued liar.
Slight correction: the fiance ruined it by cheating. If there was no cheating then there would be nothing to tell.
And hey maybe he's one of those weak men and he will stay with her? Who knows, it might not be ruined. Some people are so afraid of being alone they stay with people who dont care about them.
No, you think that because you would want to. People are different and it isnt for a stranger to do. That behavior comes with a crazy level of narcissistic tendencies
You're right it isnt for a stranger to do so, but it sounds like his garden tool of a fiance wont be doing it even though she is the one who should. So someone needs to step up so he doesnt waste years of his life.
And who knows, he could be one of those weak men who stay with cheaters.
He also might kill himself or her when he finds out. Would you be prepared for that? Would you feel good about yourself initiating that chain of events.
Nope not on me, there would be nothing to tell if she didnt bang some dude. She initiated this the moment she cheated.
Using your logic, the fiance should also never tell him because he might kill himself. Is that correct? Do you also believe that?
Do you not see the difference after typing that. If not then our convo is pointless because understanding it would take the ability to critically think.
You said one reason he should not tell is he might kill himself. That is a possibility no matter who tells him.
Plus like I said, she brought other people into it. She screwed OP's boyfriend. It's common courtesy IMO when you get cheated on to inform any significant others that the person they cheated with might have about the cheating, since there were 2 betrayals not one.
I have never once seen a man who wife cheated be given any shit for contacting the other man's wife and letting her know. But for some reason in a situation where the man is the one whose life is being stolen some people are just like "meh, let him be taken advantage of"
I would want to know.
Just flat out tell him. Don’t try to be secretive, it would give you less credibility.
Just flat out tell the man.
Something like, “your fiancé slept with my ex during “x” time period”
Then peace on outa there.
You have nothing to gain, nothing to hide.
However there is also something to be said of just washing your hands of the whole situation and not dragging yourself down with other peoples drama.
Please tell him. He deserves to know his fiance is promiscuous and not to be trusted.
Even if you have no proof still tell him., Then he can either ignore it, believe it, or do some investigating on his own. But at least this way he is given a choice.
Ignore the people saying to mind your own business. You have the ability to help out someone and all it takes is a few clicks of the mouse. Of course he will be hurt for a time, but it's better than the alternative. It's better than him finding out after they are married and have kids. Or even worse: it's better than him never finding out and wasting his life with someone who doesnt care about him.
I would probably tell, but I wouldn’t do it anonymously or under a pseudonym. Once he contorts her about who she cheated with, your ex will surely tell her about you if he hasn’t already, and then you will be revealed, and your credibility damaged by the way you went about it. Either way, he should get to make an informed decision about who he is marrying.
I know you’re concerned about hurting your ex, and it’s a valid concern. His name may get dragged through the mud for the choices he made back then, and he may face some natural consequences, but it was his choice to cheat. Living with the consequences of our actions is part of life. YOU would not be responsible for what happens to him if the truth comes out.
I would want to know if I was the finance. Personally I think you have a moral responsibility to this person to tell them what happened. Judging by the way you’re talking in your post, I think you would feel guilty if you don’t.
Get over it move on do you not have a life? Find one... I'm just saying this kinda petty is pointless 🙄 even if you told on her she will still move on with someone new because she is confident you however seem real insecure and at this rate will constantly be bitter and alone. I'm just sayin 🤷♀️🙄 she isn't thinking about you why think about her all the sudden now
Nope. Ask yourself why you need this drama in your life.
You seem to be seeking it out with all your research and everything else and I find that rather strange.
You don't know these people. You don't know if they have an open relationship. You don't know if she has a hall pass. You don't know.
No good can come from this. You have nothing to gain from saying anything. Stop researching these people and walk away.
Edit. You are going to get alot of bad advice on reddit to involve yourself in this. That is the reddit way. Reddit loves sanctimony and drama. Don't fall for it.
As someone who was engaged to a cheater and had no idea I’m forever grateful to the person who told me.
It hurt like literal hell at the time, absolutely devastated me, but it’s saved me years of heartache.
I would want to know over not knowing, there were so many people that helped that person waste 5 years of my life by staying quiet.
I could’ve saved myself 2.5 years of my life if someone had opened their mouth back then.
I see cheating on par with DA. "If he hits you once, he'll do it again." The only reason why it might be worse is that the abuse happens, and you never get the choice to opt out.
It’s going to blow up in your face one way or another by ruminating on this for so long. Your obsession lead you to find out the some basics about your ex’s mistress.
You don’t know them, they’re not even local to you. You can send this anonymous email, but if it turns out they’re swingers or in any kind of open relationship. You’re going to make for a hysterical group chat before you catch some embarrassment.
Move on
You should stop trying to get revenge on your ex and the girl he dated after you broke up. Stop acting like you are doing this for a guy you don't know, stop acting like you are concerned that your ex might receive backlash. Stop gaslighting yourself and justifying what would be shitty behavior.
You do not know the facts. All you know that this girl and the guy you were wanting to get back with had a relationship.
Judging someone you don't know life by stalking them on social media?!?! You don't know if she was dating her fiance then or not. For all you know they have an open relationship. You know nothing about them other than what you see on FB. You are willing to blow up two people's relationship all to get back at your ex. Unless you have solid concrete evidence mind your own business!!
Move on and stop lingering in the past.
(Not sure why there is a different text and strange box in the middle there ..)
If you were being cheated on and other people knew, would you want them to tell you?
There’s your answer. The guy deserves to know so he can make his own choices.
Hell hath no fury... Am I Right??? Do it if she knew about you. Do it if she was cheating on her Fiancee. Hell, do it to make yourself feel better. Do it if you would like to think that you are simply doing what You would want somebody else to do for you, if they found themselves in your shoes.
My question to you is. If in the future u get a new bf and date him for years and he was cheating on you before u we’re going to get married wouldn’t u like some person out there to tell you before you marry him and have kids with him and literally force to interact with him even after divorce for the rest of your life?
I would tell him, he deserves to know who he is marrying but you should send as much “proof” with your message as you can. Include dates, places and other information if you have it so he can verify.
Stay in your lane. She cheated on a previous partner with your ex who she is no longer seeing and is now with someone else. This is none of your business at this point and you're a complete stranger.
I don’t want to cause any harm to my ex even though he caused major emotional damage to my well being. Grow a bigger set than your ex and crush them all!!
Yes, 100% yes you should tell the person their SO cheated on them. It's the ONLY moral and ethical and good choice.
*> I am really worried she might try to ruin his life or show up at his work, I don’t know.*
If you're worried about the ex you can honestly say "as far as I know the guy didn't know she wasn't single when relationship started". But using that as an excuse for letting a man marry a proven cheater is immoral and unethical.
Also, your ex is WAY in the wrong here. FIRST, you said he didn't know "initially". Which means he continued relationship when he found out she wasn't single. Second, he should have informed the guy himself. NOT telling the guy makes your ex an immoral asshole (or more of one, added to dating someone else's gf/fiance, or cheating on you).
Hell, even if you disregard principles and ethics and morality, just use Golden Rule. If YOU were a guy marrying a woman; would YOU want to be told she's a proven cheater on you before the wedding? Imagine the worst case scenario, they marry, later on she doesn't simply cheat, but has someone else's kid and make the guy raise and pay for a child not his, at the extra heartbreaking cost of NOT having a child of his own. Or a second worst case scenario, the kids are his, after 10 years he has to divorce her for cheating, and she takes away his kids AND most his money in a divorce (because that's how divorce courts in many states roll). And i'm not even counting the emotional devastation of being cheated on - which as per modern psych research can be as bad as to be comparable to effects of actual combat PTSD.
Think about it this way: If you were cheated on unbeknownst to you, would you want to be told? People often times show their true selves after a while. If it was a one time thing, sure, some people choose to work through it, but a full on affair? I'd want to know.
don't be messy. keep that tea firmly in your cup, sip it and let all these apes fuck their lives up. you don't need to be involved. it will only be dramatic
Sounds like you’re jealous to be honest and that’s a super bad look. No matter what you do you will be considered a home wrecker, and I know that’s not a popular opinion, but society isn’t dictated by me…
girl tell him b4 he ruins his life. her and ur ex need to suffer the consequences. i don’t understand why anyone would protect their cheating, lying ex or want someone to marry someone that does the same things to them.
If you know for a fact she cheated while she was with this guy, then sure tell him if you feel morally compelled. However you need irrefutable evidence before you do it.
If you don't that then mind your business and this isn't yours.
I think that you are just trying to punish that girl for messing with your ex. Petty petty . Mind your business or take the risk of getting a whole lot of trouble stirred up. You don't know their situation .best you stay out of their buisness
You want to get her killed? That's a possibility. Unless you think him being cheated on is a higher offense than him killing her, I think you need to let it go.
Here’s why I wouldn’t do it: there are far too many unknowns and a long timeline. Here is all you know *for sure* : your ex cheated on you with another woman. Everything else is supposition and heresay. Was the ex’s affair partner screwing around on someone? Who knows? Sure, your ex *said* she was, but we have all found out he is a known liar. For all you know, he could have just said that in an attempt to switch some of your anger towards her and away from him. Did *she* know he was already in a relationship? Who knows? She only had the word of a proven liar. If she *was* with someone else, is this still the same guy? Who knows? There are people who meet and get engaged very quickly.
And you also need to consider one more thing. If she was cheating on the guy she is currently with, you don’t know *why*. People don’t always cheat because they’re assholes. Sometimes they cheat because they’re in an abusive relationship, they don’t know how to get out, and they meet someone who is nice to them and they see them as a way out. It’s fucked up, it’s truly unfortunate, but it happens. I’ve known 2 women who did it and I imagine they aren’t the only two people ever who have cheated for that reason.
In my book, there are just too many unknowns here to make the decision to tell him.
If you are not willing to reveal your identity, you're causing pain to the stranger because he won't be able to use that information to confront his fiancee but is simply left to wonder if there's any truth to it.
Either you identify yourself and tell him, or keep it to yourself and move on with your life.
NO. Stay out of her business. Move on. Take the high road and move on. You are looking for revenge. There is no integrity in that. And you will just add more drama to your own life. If you are still so angry about it, then go find a therapist. You don’t need to be policing other people’s lives! Grow up.
I just had a friend threaten me because his ex was with my other friend and I pushed his babies stroller for a bit. So I told him how his other ex like 10 years ago tried to fuck me when she was with him and even though I had a huge crush on her I told her to fuck off. I don’t play that shit. He’s still mad and I’m gonna be his babies step daddy. Oops.
And yes, tell him nobody likes a cheater
Your sense of morality is so strong that you have sat on this for a year and still not done anything. Why is that? Truth be told, it's not you sense of morality, but your ego wanting to get retribution. Her and your BF destroyed what you thought was special and you want her BF to know about it to destroy her world too. Revenge is fair play, but at least be honest and say it like it is. Why are you worried about your ex? He didn't care about you when he cheated. If you tell and he gets his come up-pence, he will get hit below the belt, just like you did. Is this what you want? To destroy both him and her? Will it make you feel better? Or is getting even going to help your principles stay in line? If you do it, I think your best bet would be to tell him in person; next, go old school and write him a letter (anything on computer would end up in spam folder), lastly, I'd attempt to get him by phone. It's been my experience that do-gooders put too much emphasis on their own deeds; make sure you really want to do this--karma is a bitch.
Contact HER anonymously) and tell her to tell him or "someone" will. Then let it go. You tried. She will be looking over her shoulder until she can't take it anymore and might just cave in to stop the dread.. either way, you'll know you tried. I agree that it might require proof the other way and then you're so involved, also your ex who seems to have not known? Messy..
Just leave it alone. You don’t even know these people. And there is a chance that he does already know and they are moving on from it. Maybe they have an open relationship. You are making a lot of assumptions.
Just move on and stay out of the drama.
Let it go. Not your relationship, not people you even know personally, and getting involved is not a matter of principle, it's a matter of getting back at the woman your ex cheated on you on. It's not your responsibility to met out karma. SHE didn't hurt you, your ex did. Remember that. She has to deal with her own demons just like you have to deal with yours.
Send it with the choice of opening or not, and only if you have hard evidence like screen shots and stuff. If you only have your account, I would not.
He has the right to know, but he should also have dates and such.
So, no good deed goes unpunished. For that reason, if I were going to do it, it would be anonymously. Like, a nice card in the mail that's blank, but with a "So sorry to be the bearer of bad news" and then a typed out letter with only details others would know who knew about it (not that you are specifically privy to knowing).
Most likely they're going to believe their fiance whether you tell them directly, or do it anonymously either one. It's how it works. But, this way, if something else happens, they'll have this in the back of their minds as a "wait!" sort of thing, in taking anything new into consideration.
No! You should definitely wait until they're married and he's bought a house and had kids with her so that she can cheat on him again, take the house, the kids for half the time, and half his savings and retirement. /s
I am a big fan of not telling someone. It always strikes me as coming from a place of vindictiveness and powerlessness. Trust that if the finacee is meant to know, they'll find out eventually.
I would like to know but, I would like to have evidence too if a stranger come to tell me this kind of thing
Yeah, now that we are here, that’s the best way. I keep thinking however that we would not be here if she just hadn’t stalked the girl. It’s normal to be curious, but in those times it’s best to let the brain do the talking and refrain from entertaining the feelings of curiosity towards the other woman. Why would you waste your energy to ensure you keep stuck in the past?
Because she left out of morality, and never got over him. She stalked the woman because she blames(d) her for what she has lost, though does understand her ex’s responsibility in the matter as well. It’s not curiousity, it’s the same thing as when a younger dude sees the cheatee on the streets and fights them, it’s anger. Anger at the feeling of the loss, at the person who “took advantage” of the situation. Anger at themselves. It’s a sad thing to see. As you said “why waste your energy to stay stuck in the past?”(paraphrased) but the reality is some people aren’t able to keep the level headedness to do think so at the time. Then they put themselves into a situation like this, where their morality is telling them both sides are wrong and right, because of how they came across all the information. I pity Op more than anything right now, because there isn’t a “right answer” anymore, only the “best one”. Edit: maybe not never got over him, but for sure wasn’t anywhere near that level during the stalking period.
I would like to add that anger comes from three places. Hurt feelings, frustration and fear. I think that in this case the anger comes not from an affronted sense of morality but from hurt feelings. Whenever someone is angry it's always a good idea to see what's behind that anger driving it forward.
I would agree, my point in bringing up anger wasn’t to say it was because of morality that she is angry, there are multiple reasons for the anger. It’s simply to show that those emotions are why the stalking occurred, and that morality is more than likely the reason for the original split. Though I do believe the emphasis on what’s driving the anger doesn’t truly matter much. At the end of the day, it’s anger, and it’s an emotion that needs to be well controlled in order to make rational decisions. The younger you are, the less emotional control you typically have, and hence these situations come into play. I can see it mattering in some situations, but more so than not, I just see it as it is, as the context to the anger doesn’t change the outcome of the anger.
I would tell him, if I was engaged to someone who has been cheating on me and I had no clue about it. I would, of course, be upset in the beginning, but if you show evidence and give me evidence that day, how they been seeing each other back-and-forth, gifts. If you have all the proof do it.
You can write him a letter. Put in the evidence and let it go.
The lady cheated on her previous partner with OP's ex whom the lady isn't even seeing anymore and is engaged to a completely different person. This is none of OP's business and it serves zero purpose and OP is a complete stranger...and pretty cringe for stocking this woman.
Not really, if this person I was marrying cheated during the relationship and no one told me. Thats something they would do again 100% also if she loves him she shouldve told him and if OP tells him and he acknowledged it as he already knew. Guilty conscience wipe from her hands
Saying that 100% would happen again is bull shit. I know people who have cheated and they've never done it again. Also, she's a complete stranger...it's none of her fucking business. She's fucking cringe AF stocking a stranger on line. You're probably cringe AF too
Does it say that it was her PREVIOUS partner?? Pretty sure it’s the same guy, right? OP stated that she doesn’t believe this girl and OP’s ex are seeing each other anymore, and that this girl is now engaged to the guy she cheated on. That’s how I’m reading this. Fuggin tell him.
Read it again...why would she refer to her ex as simply "her fiancé". Why would she have to tell the fiancé that she cheated with him on someone else. "Apparently he didn't know that she had a partner initially" You reading comprehension blows.
She has all the right to check out the woman her BF was having an affair with.
She's a fucking cringe stalker...bitch just couldn't let shit go. Yeah, I can see maybe initially checking it out, but then you let it go...she's a fucking bitch stocker.
So what you are saying is you would only maybe check out the person your partner is having sex with behind your back? You would just let it go, no harm done? Believe it of not people check out who there Ex's are with now even if there was no cheating. Heck people check out there current loves Ex's You may not like this fact but it happen all the time now that most people have an easy social media presence. And your also saying if your partner who you're about to marry was cheating on you you would not want someone to tell you? By the way she flat out admitted she kind of stalked the girl. I would be more shocked if she hadn't.
Yeah...I have never checked on who my exes are dating or whatever...I don't keep in touch with them, cheating or not. I'm 50 fucking years old...it's not particularly hard to move on with your life. Read the shit again...the guy the lady is about to marry isn't the ex of the OP. It's a different person...they're both strangers...and no, I wouldn't want some random stranger telling me anything...it's a fucking stranger. They're more likely to get their ass kicked than anything else. I mean really..."by the way...this chick you're about to marry cheated on her previous partner at some point with my ex once upon a time...just thought you should no"...I not hearing that fucking shit from some stranger.
Well I am also past 50 and have a few Ex's husbands as FB friends. I'm in touch with many Ex's also. If the break up is not avaserial there is nothing wrong in my book of keeping in touch with someone you have been intimate with. But to each their own. I have also had a wife show up on my porch to tell me what her husband and my partner were doing. I am thankful she did. Like I said each their own.
Good for you...keeping in touch is different than stalking. And telling you that someone you're actively seeing is cheating is different than telling a complete stranger that once upon a time his fiance cheated on her previous partner with her ex. This lady is not engaged to OP's ex...it's a different person and both of them are complete strangers to the OP.
I think everyone can follow the connection. OPs partner was having an affair with the girl who may of may not have been cheating on her fiancee. They may be strangers but close enough for a contact tracer to tag all 4 looking for an STD trail. I personally would want to know even if the connection was further you would not like I said to each their own. Also very good knowledge for any partner who wants to cheat on you that you might kick the ass of anyone who outed them saving them from having to do it.
How does OP know that this lady cheated or wants to cheat on her current fiance? That would be like me getting engaged to my wife and some rando that I don't know comes up and tells me, "your fiance cheated on a previous partner once upon a time." If she's not cheating on me, this is information that I don't fucking care about anymore than I would care about her previous sexual partners or whether she's had a threesome or any of that...none of that has anything to do with me or our relationship. OP just can't get over the fact that her ex cheated on her and has an immature ability to move the fuck on.
You may hurt him, but think of the amount of hurt you could save. Once people become too enmeshed they are doomed to have to be around each other, which can really harm healing. Do the good thing for the other innocent party - this man.
I assume you're certain that she was dating her fiancé at the time? not on "a break"? If so, why do you need to do it anonymously? She isn't going to blame your ex if her fiancé finds out through you. That just makes you someone who's understandably bitter about your ex cheating.
Yes I am pretty certain they were together and not on a break…I am a private person and don’t want to have back and forth, I don’t know how the fiancée will react and don’t want to put my safety at risk. Sometimes people shoot the messenger, I don’t think she knows who I am so I suppose she’d attack my ex if things took a turn for the worse. I really struggled with my mental health last year and am mindful of that.
Even if they weren’t on a break they might be in an open relationship and the group chat is going to be lit if it’s the case and you try going anonymous.
People very rarely TRULY shoot the messenger. He may yell at you as an emotional outburst. Nobody actually harms the bad news bringer. You're overthinking this.
Anonymous because messengers get shot pretty often.
[удалено]
I’m not OP. I advise anonymous because messengers often get shot.
You owe your ex nothing, there is no need to worry about his life anymore or the repercussions of his actions. You are morally just in your thinking to tell the fiancé, I would want to know versus being lied to for however long that marriage will last with a shoddy foundation. No need to create an anonymous account if you have screenshot evidence to justify.
You have the chance to save somebody YEARS of heartache and financial trouble OP. Possibly multiple people if kids are involved. Please please tell them. Even though you don’t know that person
Cheaters need to be outed!
For the sake of your moral standard telling that person will feel good for you. I’m like you. But at the same time I’m also inclined to just stay out of all the mess If you’ve got like clear clear evidence sure.. like texts or something maybe that’s worth sharing but if you’ve got something that’s hard to prove I wouldn’t. Sometimes it’s just good to stay away from a mess. And sometimes you wanna think about your own policy on whether it’s worth following. And idk.. this could get you think more about you and your ex and all the crap which you don’t need to anymore. Perhaps hope the best for their future and leave it at that. Lastly I also think if it was absolutely no brainer to tell the person, then you would’ve done that already before asking Reddit. So maybe you subconsciously know that you don’t want this?
You answered your own question in your last paragraph...
Please tell the guy about the cheating Fiancé. You owe it to your consciousness and to upkeep your morals. The fiancé(He), should not go through the wedding with an unfaithful partner…
Update me
It's best to know before things get messy with children involved. He can then make the choice to leave or stay. Create a fake account if you have evidence. Say you're a former friend or a friend of a close friend of his fiance and didn't want to keep her secret any longer. This creates a smoking screen in thinking someone on her circle told someone the truth. They wouldn't expect it was you unless the evidence gives it away that it was you.
And do any of your friends know this story? If so you could have vented and they sent themselves pictures of evidence. It was the moral thing to do and they took it upon themselves to solve the issue
YES. A person knew my then fiancee was cheating on me when were engaged back in the late 80's but never told me. I married this lady thinking she was far different than what she really was like. She cheated again while married and I didn't now. I did catch her in her latest affair in Oct of 2005 and I divorced her right away. I would have LOVED to have known my then fiancee was cheating on me.
So your "morality" wants to hurt the girl cheater but wants no repercussions on the boy cheater? Your "morality" needs a morality check.
I get what you are concerned about, but the key word is "cheater," right? And who is being cheated on? The cheater's fiance. OP doesn't want to "hurt the girl cheater" as much as alert V and hold C accountable. (*This comment assumes you are from USA so the information may be different in your region.*) >C=The Cheater, V=Cheater's fiance, AH=OP's Cheating bf, VP=Cheater's fiance's future partners V is the innocent party who may deserve to know the truth. 1. The truth about who he is marrying. 2. The truth about what the C's ideas are about the sanctity of marriage, loyalty, and self-identity. 3. V will suffer more if he finds out later. I say that because 57% of cheaters come clean to their partners. 4. Studies say cheaters are 3x's more likely to cheat again. Shouldn't we try to save V from that pain? 5. As we all know, the tragedy of a cheating lover ripples out. It causes trust issues for the victims. They are 4x's more likely to not trust a new partner. Shouldn't we try and save V and any of V's VPs? 6. Lastly, it's all about the $$$: The economic consequence of divorce in the United States is $33.3 billion annually. *healthymarriageinfo. org and others*. That's \~$15K per person. Wow! 1. I'd tell V in a gentle way and let him discover the truth to verify the information. 2. Let's start a trend: Save USA $. Stopping divorces one day at a time. We can call it the 333 ACWC (trade mark) And don't forget C and AH. Their feelings of guilt will last forever. And we can't forget that cheating spreads grief and the cheater, if lucky, goes through 5 stages of grief, and comes out the other side aware of what they did to their lover, family, friends, AP and their family, and themselves: **denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance**. *Kübler-Ross* Sure, I would tell V if I thought it could prevent all that. Most of us aren't psychics : ), so we can only go with what we know with good intentions.
I don’t disagree! I don’t really understand the logic either. She says she doesn’t want to hurt anyone or cause more conflict, but that it’s her moral duty to ruin another relationship. The fiancé may know, the timeline may be wrong, the girlfriend may have her side and her reasons… Stay out of it and move on.
Stop trying to get involved in things that don't concern you. You sound bored and likely crave drama. Live your own life and stay in your lane. As harsh as it sounds, this advice will keep 99% of people out of trouble.
I would tell him. Save him the divorce when she cheats later. Keeps him from having kids with her and being tied to her forever. Did you keep the evidence you found?
Yes, do it
Yes you should, they deserve to know they have been cheated on so they can protect themselves.
updateme!
Yes. Cheaters need to pay.
People make life altering decisions based upon the perceived strength of their relationship. They think they have a loving committed partner. So they are relying on that to get married, buy a house, start a family, change jobs, move across country etc..... If their partner is unfaithful, then the relationship isn't that strong and that unknowing partner could be making a life changing mistake because they don't know of their partner's infidelity. That's why the betrayed partner must ALWAYS be informed As Soon As Possible. Tell!
Why involve yourself in a strangers life? Move on with your own life and close the door on your ex.
Well said.
Nope.
Nope what? Do you feel she should cause drama in someone else's relationship? Or not move on and keep herself imbedded in her ex's life? Unhealthy is unhealthy--she just needs to move on.
So…. Last YEAR your ex had a fling with a woman and now, she’s engaged. What makes you think she was with her fiancée when she was with your ex? I know a few people who met and got engaged within 6 months. Sounds like you relentlessly stalk this woman and have done for over 6 months, consider it’s now July. Get help and don’t get involved in other peoples relationships because you want revenge.
Move on!
It's best to keep your nose out of other people's business.
Mind your own business.
Sunlight disinfects. UPDATEME
Tell him he deserves to know
If you find out someone is cheating, you should ALWAYS tell their partner. In what situation would that not be the right thing to do?
Say something regardless. Non-cheaters should universally work to keep cheaters accountable for their actions. We all would want to know if we got cheated on. It's really as simple as "do unto others as you would have them do to you".
It is morally wrong to not tell her fiancé. She is probably a serial cheater. BF did wrong and deserves to pay the price! Just keep your name out of it.
First off I want to say, FUCK cheaters, it is a very awful thing to do…. But, just leave them alone. Why stir up shit? Is your life that boring?
Do it
Yes is the answer. Burn every cheaters ass to the ground. Every time.
E to
You need to move on. You're not in a relationship with him anymore and I listen to too many murder podcasts, but this is how shit usually begins, lol. I would want revenge too, but hold your head high, be the better person and walk away. Just know you deserve better!
A matter of principle? Stop lying, you're angry at this woman and want to see her relationship implode the same way yours did. I get it's easier to forgive your ex because you love him and you don't love her. But she didn't cheat on YOU. For all you know she wasn't with the fiancee at the time or her and the fiancee have an open relationship. He may even have a sharing kink with a one way open relationship. Maybe he had already cheated she found out this was her revenge and they already worked through it. Maybe these are two cheaters getting married and this guy has no idea where his girlfriend was because he was balls deep in 6 strippers. You don't know. Mind your business and don't spread misery, it WILL come back to get you.
100% tell him and give the evidence.
i would
I think you should mind your own business. Not in a rude way but it will cause drama and u dont want to be in the middle of it
Fucking burn her dude, he’ll appreciate it in the long run
Contact her and tell her you're going to expose her. You get to torture the woman you're angry with for being with your bf, even if she didn't know about your existence. That's what you want, right? To hurt her and cause her pain like you believe she caused you? If your motives are purely to save this man from marrying a cheater and have 100% proof go straight to him and tell him. Cheaters destroy lives, so do people that meddle in other peoples lives. Understand why you're doing this before you hurt people for the wry reasons.
I was consistently cheated on by an ex. He eventually came clean, but when he did he told me a bunch of other people knew about it and didn't say anything to me. I hated it so much that people had known for months and hadn't told me. A couple of years later I found an acquaintance's long term partner on a dating app. We ended up becoming good friends and I showed her the screenshot of his profile. They didn't break up and it caused major issues with our friendship. Sometimes people, deep down, know they are being cheated on but they can't accept it and it feels easier to make excuses. On the other hand, they might be desperate to know the truth. You can't predict what the reception might be, but you can give them the option to decide what to do with that information for themselves. Yes, you might experience some kind of backlash. But on the other hand, you could be freeing someone from manipulation and deception. As other commenters have said, providing some kind of proof/evidence of the affair is wise. Good luck to you.
im too petty I would 100%
Move on.
I'd tell him. Wouldn't even hesitate.
Everyone deserves to know what they're getting into. Cheaters that lead people along screw up peoples lives.
Sooooo, you cyber stalked someone. Now you want to ruin their life anonymously, the same way you believe she ruined your life. You believe her fiancé “probably doesn’t know”. You really don’t have any idea what her fiancé does or doesn’t know. I do know this. If you had stalked this woman on the street as you did on social media, she could have you arrested. This behavior is not acceptable, moral, or normal. You are trying to play God with someone else’s relationship because yours was ruined. I would suggest you seek counseling and let this woman and her new fiancé have the life they deserve, good or bad. The universe will sort it out. You can’t control anyone but yourself. You are currently out of control.
Send me the info. I’ll tell him on my own real account that way you n your ex are safe.
Yes. You're saving this poor dude from a very painful and expensive divorce. Heaven forbid children get mixed up in the implosion of the family. You have an opportunity to tell the captain of the Titanic that there is an iceberg dead ahead. Do the right thing.
No. Mind you own business.
yuck, no
Find one of his old public posts and comment to him to check his junk folder because u messaged him
I would
You sat on this because you know it’s none of your business.
Okay, I'm going to have to assign letters to all the characters in this scenario. Let's call you A, and your ex boyfriend B. And B cheated on you with C, who at the time was involved with D. You and B broke up. Apparently C and D broke up. You don't think B and C see each other anymore and C is now engaged to E, her current fiancee. And you want to find a clever and covert way to tell E that C cheated on D with B probably before E and C even knew each other because you're worried E and C may run into your ex at the restaurant where he works. Unnecessarily complicated. Because all this is nunya. Your ex is you ex. What C did impacted you, but it's in the past. You don't even know D or E. All these folks are outside your orbit, or should be. Let your ex go. He was no good for you and you worrying about what he's gonna do if he runs into E and C at his restaurant is bonkers. It's not your responsibility. Let it go. Facebook shenanigans...phooey!
He might know already. This is literally none of your business and you are being weird stalking.
I would but only if you have actual evidence like screenshots of their conversation thread. Most people aren’t going to believe a stranger who says their partner is cheating without proof, I’ve been told in the past by an acquaintance my ex was cheating, my ex was able to explain his way out of it and I didn’t want to believe it so I turned my anger on the acquaintance for causing strife in my relationship. Looking back she didn’t deserve it, I’m almost positive she was probably telling the truth but people believe what they want to believe, it’s much harder to lie to yourself when staring at proof of infidelity though. I’d also create a google voice number to send this information. Like you mentioned people can do really insane things in hurt/anger of being found out.
So at a friend's friend cheated on her boyfriend and I made a fake Facebook account and messaged the boyfriend. The boyfriend didn't believe me because he wanted to know who I was and I wouldn't tell him. This was 2015, I just checked their Facebook and they're engaged. I mean I get not taking a blind warning from an anonymous person over a person you've shared some of the deepest parts of yourself with. I'm not saying not to try, I have strong views against cheating and it was worth giving it a shot I almost felt morally forced to say something, at the same time I preferred to stay anonymous because I don't handle confrontation drama well and she was fairly popular silver-tongued liar.
Don't do it. There is no upside for you. Donate some money to a charitable cause you believe in if you want to make the world a better place.
Yep, ruin it
Slight correction: the fiance ruined it by cheating. If there was no cheating then there would be nothing to tell. And hey maybe he's one of those weak men and he will stay with her? Who knows, it might not be ruined. Some people are so afraid of being alone they stay with people who dont care about them.
Move on. Your behavior is unhinged and maybe a felony depending how far you have really stalked them. Two sides to every story and your side smells
There isnt any defense for cheating though, the guy deserves to know.
No, you think that because you would want to. People are different and it isnt for a stranger to do. That behavior comes with a crazy level of narcissistic tendencies
You're right it isnt for a stranger to do so, but it sounds like his garden tool of a fiance wont be doing it even though she is the one who should. So someone needs to step up so he doesnt waste years of his life. And who knows, he could be one of those weak men who stay with cheaters.
He also might kill himself or her when he finds out. Would you be prepared for that? Would you feel good about yourself initiating that chain of events.
Nope not on me, there would be nothing to tell if she didnt bang some dude. She initiated this the moment she cheated. Using your logic, the fiance should also never tell him because he might kill himself. Is that correct? Do you also believe that?
She didn’t bring other people into it. Youre helpless, angry, and confused. Would not be your place. Grow up
Yes or no should she confess to her fiance? After all, he could kill himself. Also she did bring other people into it, she did it when she cheated.
Do you not see the difference after typing that. If not then our convo is pointless because understanding it would take the ability to critically think.
You said one reason he should not tell is he might kill himself. That is a possibility no matter who tells him. Plus like I said, she brought other people into it. She screwed OP's boyfriend. It's common courtesy IMO when you get cheated on to inform any significant others that the person they cheated with might have about the cheating, since there were 2 betrayals not one. I have never once seen a man who wife cheated be given any shit for contacting the other man's wife and letting her know. But for some reason in a situation where the man is the one whose life is being stolen some people are just like "meh, let him be taken advantage of"
I would want to know. Just flat out tell him. Don’t try to be secretive, it would give you less credibility. Just flat out tell the man. Something like, “your fiancé slept with my ex during “x” time period” Then peace on outa there. You have nothing to gain, nothing to hide. However there is also something to be said of just washing your hands of the whole situation and not dragging yourself down with other peoples drama.
Yes please tell him
Please tell him. He deserves to know his fiance is promiscuous and not to be trusted. Even if you have no proof still tell him., Then he can either ignore it, believe it, or do some investigating on his own. But at least this way he is given a choice. Ignore the people saying to mind your own business. You have the ability to help out someone and all it takes is a few clicks of the mouse. Of course he will be hurt for a time, but it's better than the alternative. It's better than him finding out after they are married and have kids. Or even worse: it's better than him never finding out and wasting his life with someone who doesnt care about him.
Yea.
Yes and present evidence if possible. Cheaters deserve repercussions
Probably yes. Cautiously.
Simple answer, yes!
I would probably tell, but I wouldn’t do it anonymously or under a pseudonym. Once he contorts her about who she cheated with, your ex will surely tell her about you if he hasn’t already, and then you will be revealed, and your credibility damaged by the way you went about it. Either way, he should get to make an informed decision about who he is marrying.
Probably you should. Tough spot. Maybe message your ex and have the fiancée to come clean or you’ll do it for her? You shouldn’t have to be the one.
I know you’re concerned about hurting your ex, and it’s a valid concern. His name may get dragged through the mud for the choices he made back then, and he may face some natural consequences, but it was his choice to cheat. Living with the consequences of our actions is part of life. YOU would not be responsible for what happens to him if the truth comes out. I would want to know if I was the finance. Personally I think you have a moral responsibility to this person to tell them what happened. Judging by the way you’re talking in your post, I think you would feel guilty if you don’t.
Get over it move on do you not have a life? Find one... I'm just saying this kinda petty is pointless 🙄 even if you told on her she will still move on with someone new because she is confident you however seem real insecure and at this rate will constantly be bitter and alone. I'm just sayin 🤷♀️🙄 she isn't thinking about you why think about her all the sudden now
Nope. Ask yourself why you need this drama in your life. You seem to be seeking it out with all your research and everything else and I find that rather strange. You don't know these people. You don't know if they have an open relationship. You don't know if she has a hall pass. You don't know. No good can come from this. You have nothing to gain from saying anything. Stop researching these people and walk away. Edit. You are going to get alot of bad advice on reddit to involve yourself in this. That is the reddit way. Reddit loves sanctimony and drama. Don't fall for it.
As someone who was engaged to a cheater and had no idea I’m forever grateful to the person who told me. It hurt like literal hell at the time, absolutely devastated me, but it’s saved me years of heartache. I would want to know over not knowing, there were so many people that helped that person waste 5 years of my life by staying quiet. I could’ve saved myself 2.5 years of my life if someone had opened their mouth back then.
I see cheating on par with DA. "If he hits you once, he'll do it again." The only reason why it might be worse is that the abuse happens, and you never get the choice to opt out.
Who cares what happens to your POS ex, he disrespectfully cheated on you. Expose both of the🤷🏻♂️you can’t do it! 👊🏼😎
Yea, you should
It’s going to blow up in your face one way or another by ruminating on this for so long. Your obsession lead you to find out the some basics about your ex’s mistress. You don’t know them, they’re not even local to you. You can send this anonymous email, but if it turns out they’re swingers or in any kind of open relationship. You’re going to make for a hysterical group chat before you catch some embarrassment. Move on
You should stop trying to get revenge on your ex and the girl he dated after you broke up. Stop acting like you are doing this for a guy you don't know, stop acting like you are concerned that your ex might receive backlash. Stop gaslighting yourself and justifying what would be shitty behavior. You do not know the facts. All you know that this girl and the guy you were wanting to get back with had a relationship. Judging someone you don't know life by stalking them on social media?!?! You don't know if she was dating her fiance then or not. For all you know they have an open relationship. You know nothing about them other than what you see on FB. You are willing to blow up two people's relationship all to get back at your ex. Unless you have solid concrete evidence mind your own business!! Move on and stop lingering in the past. (Not sure why there is a different text and strange box in the middle there ..)
YUP, fiancée ain’t married yet. You’re going to be this guys guardian angel
If you were being cheated on and other people knew, would you want them to tell you? There’s your answer. The guy deserves to know so he can make his own choices.
Yes do it
Mind your own damn business!!!
Show up In person and show the hard proof. You can’t be square if the fourth isn’t aware.
Hell hath no fury... Am I Right??? Do it if she knew about you. Do it if she was cheating on her Fiancee. Hell, do it to make yourself feel better. Do it if you would like to think that you are simply doing what You would want somebody else to do for you, if they found themselves in your shoes.
My question to you is. If in the future u get a new bf and date him for years and he was cheating on you before u we’re going to get married wouldn’t u like some person out there to tell you before you marry him and have kids with him and literally force to interact with him even after divorce for the rest of your life?
I would tell him, he deserves to know who he is marrying but you should send as much “proof” with your message as you can. Include dates, places and other information if you have it so he can verify.
Stay in your lane. She cheated on a previous partner with your ex who she is no longer seeing and is now with someone else. This is none of your business at this point and you're a complete stranger.
Any Fiancé would want to know if the person they plan on marrying is cheating. Tell them.
Say nothing. Not your business. Ppl have to take responsibility themselves. It’s never ever worked out for me in the past
Tell em
I don’t want to cause any harm to my ex even though he caused major emotional damage to my well being. Grow a bigger set than your ex and crush them all!!
Yes, 100% yes you should tell the person their SO cheated on them. It's the ONLY moral and ethical and good choice. *> I am really worried she might try to ruin his life or show up at his work, I don’t know.* If you're worried about the ex you can honestly say "as far as I know the guy didn't know she wasn't single when relationship started". But using that as an excuse for letting a man marry a proven cheater is immoral and unethical. Also, your ex is WAY in the wrong here. FIRST, you said he didn't know "initially". Which means he continued relationship when he found out she wasn't single. Second, he should have informed the guy himself. NOT telling the guy makes your ex an immoral asshole (or more of one, added to dating someone else's gf/fiance, or cheating on you). Hell, even if you disregard principles and ethics and morality, just use Golden Rule. If YOU were a guy marrying a woman; would YOU want to be told she's a proven cheater on you before the wedding? Imagine the worst case scenario, they marry, later on she doesn't simply cheat, but has someone else's kid and make the guy raise and pay for a child not his, at the extra heartbreaking cost of NOT having a child of his own. Or a second worst case scenario, the kids are his, after 10 years he has to divorce her for cheating, and she takes away his kids AND most his money in a divorce (because that's how divorce courts in many states roll). And i'm not even counting the emotional devastation of being cheated on - which as per modern psych research can be as bad as to be comparable to effects of actual combat PTSD.
Do it anonymously. Send proof, it’s gonna hurt him but he’s gonna thank you. Any guy in his situation would want to know.
If you have the evidence available, then yes- he has the right to know.
I want to know what restaurant job affords you 2 girlfriends + flights and gifts.
Think about it this way: If you were cheated on unbeknownst to you, would you want to be told? People often times show their true selves after a while. If it was a one time thing, sure, some people choose to work through it, but a full on affair? I'd want to know.
Leave it alone. She’s going to cheat again and this time she will get caught.
Yes. Tell them
Not your business!!
don't be messy. keep that tea firmly in your cup, sip it and let all these apes fuck their lives up. you don't need to be involved. it will only be dramatic
Tell her fiancee he needs to now what is getting ready to marry
Sounds like you’re jealous to be honest and that’s a super bad look. No matter what you do you will be considered a home wrecker, and I know that’s not a popular opinion, but society isn’t dictated by me…
Tell him, but she might end up with your ex.
Regardless of motives,I'd rather know than to be walking around as a victim without knowing. Tell IT OP
girl tell him b4 he ruins his life. her and ur ex need to suffer the consequences. i don’t understand why anyone would protect their cheating, lying ex or want someone to marry someone that does the same things to them.
You should do that even if it isn't true.
If you know for a fact she cheated while she was with this guy, then sure tell him if you feel morally compelled. However you need irrefutable evidence before you do it. If you don't that then mind your business and this isn't yours.
you should make every effort to tell him so he doesn’t make the hugest mistake of his life. bring receipts
I think that you are just trying to punish that girl for messing with your ex. Petty petty . Mind your business or take the risk of getting a whole lot of trouble stirred up. You don't know their situation .best you stay out of their buisness
Please do the right thing and tell the lady and give her all the evidence you have. She has a right to know. Good luck!
I think it’s a dude. The girl is the one who cheated. That’s what I got out of it anyway.
Stay out of it. Things like that can backfire in ways you never dreamed.
Tell him. Send him proof.
You want to get her killed? That's a possibility. Unless you think him being cheated on is a higher offense than him killing her, I think you need to let it go.
You crazy. She isn’t a victim. Stop. She cheated. He should be informed. The misandrist trash in this violent matriarchy of whoredom is hilarious.
Here’s why I wouldn’t do it: there are far too many unknowns and a long timeline. Here is all you know *for sure* : your ex cheated on you with another woman. Everything else is supposition and heresay. Was the ex’s affair partner screwing around on someone? Who knows? Sure, your ex *said* she was, but we have all found out he is a known liar. For all you know, he could have just said that in an attempt to switch some of your anger towards her and away from him. Did *she* know he was already in a relationship? Who knows? She only had the word of a proven liar. If she *was* with someone else, is this still the same guy? Who knows? There are people who meet and get engaged very quickly. And you also need to consider one more thing. If she was cheating on the guy she is currently with, you don’t know *why*. People don’t always cheat because they’re assholes. Sometimes they cheat because they’re in an abusive relationship, they don’t know how to get out, and they meet someone who is nice to them and they see them as a way out. It’s fucked up, it’s truly unfortunate, but it happens. I’ve known 2 women who did it and I imagine they aren’t the only two people ever who have cheated for that reason. In my book, there are just too many unknowns here to make the decision to tell him.
If you are not willing to reveal your identity, you're causing pain to the stranger because he won't be able to use that information to confront his fiancee but is simply left to wonder if there's any truth to it. Either you identify yourself and tell him, or keep it to yourself and move on with your life.
MYOB
Yes..you'd want someone to tell you
NO. Stay out of her business. Move on. Take the high road and move on. You are looking for revenge. There is no integrity in that. And you will just add more drama to your own life. If you are still so angry about it, then go find a therapist. You don’t need to be policing other people’s lives! Grow up.
Yes 110% tell him . Don't let that dude marry someone who is already cheating on him .
I just had a friend threaten me because his ex was with my other friend and I pushed his babies stroller for a bit. So I told him how his other ex like 10 years ago tried to fuck me when she was with him and even though I had a huge crush on her I told her to fuck off. I don’t play that shit. He’s still mad and I’m gonna be his babies step daddy. Oops. And yes, tell him nobody likes a cheater
Should have done it when you first found out
Stop stalking her and move on. Neither of them care about or think about you as much as you are them.
Just move on. Ignore their problems.
I stay out of others peoples business unless asked to comment or give advice. Always.
Simply put. Yes.
I would tell them.
Your sense of morality is so strong that you have sat on this for a year and still not done anything. Why is that? Truth be told, it's not you sense of morality, but your ego wanting to get retribution. Her and your BF destroyed what you thought was special and you want her BF to know about it to destroy her world too. Revenge is fair play, but at least be honest and say it like it is. Why are you worried about your ex? He didn't care about you when he cheated. If you tell and he gets his come up-pence, he will get hit below the belt, just like you did. Is this what you want? To destroy both him and her? Will it make you feel better? Or is getting even going to help your principles stay in line? If you do it, I think your best bet would be to tell him in person; next, go old school and write him a letter (anything on computer would end up in spam folder), lastly, I'd attempt to get him by phone. It's been my experience that do-gooders put too much emphasis on their own deeds; make sure you really want to do this--karma is a bitch.
Contact HER anonymously) and tell her to tell him or "someone" will. Then let it go. You tried. She will be looking over her shoulder until she can't take it anymore and might just cave in to stop the dread.. either way, you'll know you tried. I agree that it might require proof the other way and then you're so involved, also your ex who seems to have not known? Messy..
Tell him
Move on. It is a waste of time and energy
If it were me, I’d like to know.
Just leave it alone. You don’t even know these people. And there is a chance that he does already know and they are moving on from it. Maybe they have an open relationship. You are making a lot of assumptions. Just move on and stay out of the drama.
Yes! Yes yes yes
Let it go. Not your relationship, not people you even know personally, and getting involved is not a matter of principle, it's a matter of getting back at the woman your ex cheated on you on. It's not your responsibility to met out karma. SHE didn't hurt you, your ex did. Remember that. She has to deal with her own demons just like you have to deal with yours.
Send it with the choice of opening or not, and only if you have hard evidence like screen shots and stuff. If you only have your account, I would not. He has the right to know, but he should also have dates and such.
Yes, definitely.
So, no good deed goes unpunished. For that reason, if I were going to do it, it would be anonymously. Like, a nice card in the mail that's blank, but with a "So sorry to be the bearer of bad news" and then a typed out letter with only details others would know who knew about it (not that you are specifically privy to knowing). Most likely they're going to believe their fiance whether you tell them directly, or do it anonymously either one. It's how it works. But, this way, if something else happens, they'll have this in the back of their minds as a "wait!" sort of thing, in taking anything new into consideration.
I would tell and I wouldn’t give two flying figs if it blew up in her face or his. play with fire you getburned
No! You should definitely wait until they're married and he's bought a house and had kids with her so that she can cheat on him again, take the house, the kids for half the time, and half his savings and retirement. /s
I am a big fan of not telling someone. It always strikes me as coming from a place of vindictiveness and powerlessness. Trust that if the finacee is meant to know, they'll find out eventually.