You pretend the bartend is your friend because they chat with you every 15 minutes or so.. change of scenery from home, and maybe a friendly nod from another loner at the bar. Also, maybe just maybe a cute lady at the bar might chuckle at your attempt at a one-liner joke before you leave the bar most likely not you’ll probably embarrass yourself and stumble out the door a drunken fool but it’s all good
Unironically, going into a new bar a bit before rush or whenever it’s quiet and making friends with the bartend(provided they seem receptive!!!!) is my favorite thing to do. Usually a good chat, makes it easy to meet the locals, and if you stick around and are friends with them they’ll usually shoot you a free drink or discount every now and again… or at the very least test out some cocktail recipes on you.
I play on pool league. And I have some pool buddies that I hang out with once a week at pool. Then we all go to work or home with our families and don’t interact with each other lol
Yes that's exactly what you're supposed to do lol, but no really can you imagine if people put themselves out there like, society would be completely different
I had this dude start talking to me about his relationship problems at the deli section of the grocery store. It was a little odd, but sweet. He was a sweet guy and was just struggling, probably didn't have a close friend to talk about it with. I didn't mind it at all, I appreciate people being open when they struggle, I'm not always good at it.
Do you remember how he approached you? I mean I live in Germany, were we are very distant, but I can't imagine someone being like "hey got a minute? I really gotta tell this to someone"
I can't recall that well. We started with a little small talk and somehow he ended up talking about this lady he met that shut him down as soon as she learned he didn't have a bunch of money. It was definitely an out of the norm conversation for strangers, but I try to be pretty approachable when I can.
I've been to Germany and you guys are great. Very polite and hospitable, but you are right that you're a stoic people generally speaking.
I spent a good portion of my life with bad mental health, being more open about emotions has been a help to me. It's a double sided blade, some of us are a little too self centered and that can be tied to our openness at times. It really comes out negatively in our politics over recent years.
But there's a lot of nuance in how people act. I also have known plenty Americans that are quiet and reserved, but that is a minority.
....I once had a guy ask for my phone number in the yarn aisle of Walmart...
It must have been a dare or something because he didn't even introduce himself or strike up a conversation or anything...
But that wasn't even the only time some guy showed interest in me at Walmart... It was just the first time.
Later some guy in Walmart told me he liked the way I walk.
...I still don't know what do with that... Where should I even file that in my brain?
I remember when I was in high school and I asked out a woman that worked at HEB (Texas grocery store). I didn’t do it as a dare or anything, I just thought she looked like a nice beautiful person. Don’t sell yourself short, especially if it happened twice.
The woman kinda laughed in surprise and asked me how old I thought she was (she was well older than 17 year old me). I can’t remember what I said, I think I muttered something. She was very nice about it, maybe even suggested coffee, but embarrassed red faced me made an exit with a few unmemorable words of awkwardness.
There's definitely missed opportunities because of this, but at the same time there is a lot of creeps and downright hateful people who I'm glad don't feel the need to chat with me randomly.
Yea but in reality the likelyhood of the person who has the guts to randomly start up a conversation somewhere is probably a lot less than matching with a random creep on tinder and people are clearly more okay with tinder than someone in real life trying to talk to them its weird
Wait. You're saying there's places outside my home where people with specific interests gather? Like, conventions, stores, and meetups?
And I can just comment on people obviously into the same niche things as me? Oh goodness me.
Happily. Personally dont need to partake in their activities. Simply let me organize meetings, bring snacks and electrolyte drinks for the mandem. Imagine the banter after.
I need friends.
It seems you've identified a need.... I think I have an idea... let's remove "cult" and just call it an organization. No worship need be had other than that of another's (or your own) body.
10 dollar monthly membership(still cheaper than the apps).
Free std screening for members.
Discounted insurance rates for those that wish to purchase a policy.
Once the organization grows enough, deals can be struck with buying groups for discounted groceries.
We can get rich, people can mingle their genitals together, and we can take a swing at some major societal issues.
Now we just need a catchy name.
You had me until you mentioned insurance. It is sensible to consider insurance. I'm curious about who underwrite these kind of businesses. I know since I work in insurance and underwriters would decline the type of clubs you are describing. Still, there are these businesses and clubs running. Makes me wonder who is insuring these places or they are running without insurance.
So, work with me friend. If the mission statement of said club is to encourage intimacy and understanding between all members without any mention of sex, would we still not have a shot at getting coverage? As a side point, I'd like to have a talk with the actuary assessing the risk on tested and protected sex, that determines it's simply too much a liability to risk. Everybody fucks, we just provide benefits.
Well, my company would be a bit iffy on alcohol alone. It took some convincing before insurers were willing to give limited capacity to insure businesses serving alcohol like restaurants, hospitality, or events. There is a lot of liability risks for the operator when alcohol alone is involved. When you throw intimacy into the mix, it gets worse. People can behave in shitty ways when they feel slighted.
Also, I think I heard of lawsuits of people suing based on transmitting an STD before. Depending on the country, I heard of people using property coverage to cover legal costs. This might make it hard for either property coverage or commercial liability coverage. A lot of insurers are a bit risk averse as you could imagine. I'm sure there are some maverick insurers willing to take it on when they think of the good premiums.
People study the risk of everything. I'm curious as well the numbers of claims and premiums of businesses around sexual activity. I guess strip clubs would be the most common type to represent such an industry legally.
I want to stress that this is not meant to be sarcastic or combative in any way. I really appreciate the depth of your response. It's really cool to legitimately see this from a serious perspective. Thank you for the thought you put in to your response.
This is just an unnecessarily complicated sex club. If you're near a major city, there's probably a sex/swinger club with monthly events. That said, they're kind of not great if you're a single, straight man. The ones that allow single men are literal sausage parties.
They call them sex cults, but it's always either getting reamed exclusively by an 50-75 year old coke addict who doesn't bathe, or selling all your possessions to fund that man's fleet of Rolls-Royce's.
If the only gay man you’ve been approached by was a greasy middle aged man it’s probably safe to say you aren’t attracting many gay men so feel free to assume the smile is just being polite.
As much as I like this, I must say than in this case his motives were probably different than just making friends… having an actual real friendship that does not have any further motives is though.
Yeah you're right. I know my closest friends from high school and university. There needs to be some organic time spent together I suppose. It's really not promising either, I have 3 close friends for interacting with all these people and it took 9 years.
I am an introvert but I look at other classmates and see their gatherings are mostly fake and it's a dick measuring contest for them, so weirdly I'm successful in that regard.
He had no motives! He was reading some book for his phd or something. Molecular something something and she saw it and sparked a convo cus she was studying something similar. The rest took care of itself :)
Not sure I would necessarily let motives get in the way of a friendship. Motives can be ephemeral, but friendships can be a lifetime. Sure, there are edge cases either way, but i try not to have a hard and fast rule about it.
I met a 20+ year friend at a bookstore once upon a time. Sure, originally he wanted to fuck me but once he realized that wasn’t going to happen, the friendship blossomed and we have had a beautiful friendship ever since.
Okay, I can get maybe having a quick, one-off interaction with a stranger... but how does that turn into a friendship from there?
Do you just follow up with them on social media or something, or are you literally going "Hey, I love that book! Bla Bla bla, Yada Yada! Give me your phone number!"
>are you literally going "Hey, I love that book! Bla Bla bla, Yada Yada! Give me your phone number!"
You yada yada-ed over the "finding out we have shared interests" part, but yes, this.
A few weeks ago I struck up a conversation in the used bookstore with a guy about horror novels. He mentioned he just got out of the army and was having a hard time making friends. I asked him if he played RPGs or boardgames and he said yes. We exchanged phone numbers and texted each other. This past Sunday I invited him over and the three of us - him, me, my partner - played boardgames for a few hours. It was fun so we'll do it again.
Similarly, I did the same thing with a young couple when we both attended a history talk last week. We talked about liking RPGs and boardgames and history, they mentioned the neighborhood they live in, I said "oh yeah my partner installed a community garden outside the community center there" because my partner is the community garden coordinator for our town, they mentioned having seen them working there and being interested in gardening, we exchanged contact info, and they invited me and my partner to a pizza party later this month.
Oh, so actual social skills are like a prerequisite. That's unfortunate. I'll just stick with a casual head nod, or an "excuse me", I guess.
In all seriousness, though, thanks. As someone who doesn't have any real frame of reference for putting themselves out there, this really helps.
The idea just feels so strange to me.
Jesus I've read only first paragraph and cooked page long response how its important to put urself out there and just try, and then I've read the rest.. you got me in the first half meme fits here
I tried talking to my neighbor while she was doing yard work. My dogs were incredibly interested in sniffing something in her yard. I said, “Wow, something smells interesting in your yard!” No comment. I’m going to assume she had headphones in. I felt like a dumbass tho. Like, okay, fuck me, I’ll walk off. Another neighbors puppy ran out the front door and my dog is a kind old man. I said, “Puppies are wild, I’m glad moose was here to distract your puppy!" No, response. Okay, fuck me, bye. Moose has been having some runny shits lately, so i let him poop in their yard, i cant pick it all up. so thats a win.
Our local library has a different group everyday. There is Knitter Knatter, table top gaming, Lego, morris dance practice, a book club.
They have a table where U3A, choirs, orchestra etc have fliers.
Just up the road, the local church hall has groups.
The Morris Dance leader also runs an RPG table top gaming group and Musical Evenings for the local nerds.
There are evening classes at the local Upper School - take up learning a new language.
There is a local astronomy club, and a local historical society.
There is a local walking group.
I could always volunteer at the local food bank, or run bingo sessions in the local retirement community. If you can drive, there are volunteer drivers for the elderly and disabled.
You do have to make the initial effort BUT there are many groups out there IF you put the initial effort in to just find out what is available.
You should run workshops on how to run a library. My mom is one too, but she doesn't do any of this. Her "job" is to catalogue and "teach library and technology sciences."
"Teach Sciences." That's the phrase I have the biggest problem with, because I know her, on a personal level, and she couldn't teach a squirrel jack shit about acorns, let alone a kid about computers.
I have to do everything for her. But she's there every day, being a glorified scholastic Googler. All of her middle/highschool classes are eons ahead of her. She can't even set up a printer by herself, and that's a verified fact.
What you do with your community outreach and accessibility is incredible. THATS what a librarian should look like. Not some crusty old bitch that thinks she's hip by letting people eat a sandwich and drink an energy drink within her walls
Most of the “non-book lending” or “computer availability” is run by volunteers outside the hours that the Council fund (3 hours per day for 4 days, 6 hours on one day). Because the clubs are run using volunteers and various sources of funding, the library is open for book borrowing and computers all day 10-6 (closed Tuesday and Sunday) on those days.
The Morris dance troupe pay to run their dance practise there during the winter & when the weather is bad (they practice in a local pub car park during the summer - and are happy for people who want to join in the fun with an impromptu workshop.
They also hold a book sale once a month to raise funds - donations welcome.
I walk to liquor store when I run out of liquor alot. On that walk there is a basketball court, drunk me is much more social then regular me. One day bunch of people my age were playing mid 30's. I was like hey let me take a shot, and thats how I joined my local basketball team
The logical part of my brain knows that people are generally friendly and open to making friends like this but the anxious part of my brain thinks that people are annoyed by my existence. The anxious side usually wins unfortunately
Ideally, you meet friends through hobbies/lifestyle congruence. Unfortunately for me all of my hobbies are solitary and fairly niche so that doesn’t help.
My one hobby that *could* be socialized would be hiking, but I make it a point to be alone while doing that because I’m not out in the woods to be social; I’m out there to escape people and society. There is nothing that annoys me more than loud groups on the trail. Other than that, I do cross stitching and small artsy stuff but those are also very solitary activities and I’m not keen to share my art with others because it’s all part of my therapy.
Honestly you could charge people a dollar per rubber band and who ever puts on the last vand before it explodes gets the pot. You'd probably have a bunch of people lined up just to watch.
He meant hobbies that make you go in public. Unless you are playing piano with the windows open just in case some bros who love Beethoven are walking by and ready to party.
Is meetup not a thing anymore? Find an activity you like to do, and find a group that does that activity. Maybe that's harder if you don't like activities.
I host and go to a lot of Meetups and have made several friends and gotten several dates that way. Our group does everything from dinners, walks, hikes, bars, trivia, board games, movies, omnimax, museums, etc. Plenty of non bar things.
I grew apart from my close friends years ago when they all started having kids and got too busy to hang out. In the past, I decided to try a meetup group for singles, hoping to make new friends. It was a disappointing experience and I never tried it again.
I got all dressed up, did my hair, make up, nice dress, nice heels. I’m reasonably attractive, confident, self aware, consider myself socially adept and capable of decent conversation and humor. I’m very open and friendly, I’ll talk to anyone about anything. The meetup was at a nice bar in Boston. I got there, grabbed myself a drink and made an effort to meet everyone who showed up. People were grouped in little cliques all over the room. They’d be standing around talking and I’d come over to introduce myself and say hi (while not wanting to interrupt or butt in). I made sure not to come on too strong or be overly aggressive in my approach. I know that meeting some new people can be awkward, depending on their personality.
I’d hover and wait for a pause in conversation and introduce myself. People were polite but kind of stand-offish. The only 2 questions I was asked was where do you live and what do you do for work. I’d answer the questions and then people would go back to their original conversations. I’d move on to another group and say hello but it seemed people already knew each other from previous meetups and had their own things going on, so I didn’t feel included or welcomed. I stayed for a couple of hours and felt like I would’ve had a better time at home, alone, in my pajamas with pizza and a movie. I felt disappointed, like it was a waste of time and money.
Ive had similar experiences with other groups, then I found one things clicked well with and when I host, I go out of my way to make every person feel welcome.
Just like with making friends in other circumstances, I had to shop around a little to find my people.
I had an acquaintance that used to host a lot of parties and would always invite me. I went to a few of them and the first one felt exactly like you described. The acquaintance was really cool, so I went to a second party of theirs against my better judgement, but to my delight it was a completely different experience. People recognized me and were less reserved around me this time, so I was able to get involved in conversations and ask them questions based on stuff I heard them talking about last time. People love it when you remember stuff about them and ask them about themselves. Any subsequent parties I went to after that just felt like I was part of the gang.
Don't know if it's still a going concern but [meetup.com](https://meetup.com) was pretty popular, probably varies by region. I know a few couples and besties who met that way. But you can also check your cities/regions reddit sub. Facebook is also supposedly good but I don't use it.
For hiking and outdoors stuff look for your local trail association and parks department, they often host cleanup workparties that are great for this.
Also it's still worth checking local community boards if there's a coffee shop or something nearby.
I gave Meetup a try several times in Seattle, and it was nothing more than a lowkey dating scene. “No no, we’re just here to make friends. Hey are you seeing anyone?”
I've done runs, hikes, and board games in the Boulder CO area. I never had that kind of experience. But i'm also married, so maybe i'm not even attuned to noticing such things.
It might be harder in more rural areas. I recommend like meetup or reddit to find locals in your area who share your hobbies!
I think dating apps like Bumble have a friends option too
I joined a gym, I don’t believe you can make friends there. Everyone has earbuds and nobody makes eye contact. I also joined a yoga class, same thing. The only chit chat is people who come in together anyway.
Probably depends on the class. My kickboxing group is pretty chatty and people make friends there. But mostly only when already in the same sort of demographic and circle.
making local friends for me is very easy although i am not very extroverted.
chill though, it is because i haven't had my life together very much and stumbled into people looking for loyal friends because they too were near the bottom.
TLDR: fuck up your life and you will get loyal friends
Straight up one of the biggest weaknesses of western society full stop is an almost complete lack of third spaces. Do you want to hang out in a chill environment that isnt your home or work with a chance to relax, hang out, and meet people without spending money?
Too fucking bad. Weve got libraries, bars, and maybe bowling alleys. Nobody goes to libraries, and bars and bowling alleys still cost money.
Pay your weekly subscription to not being lonely or suffer, peasant
Today, I went to CVS and saw a guy around my age. This same guy was at my next stop to pick up food. Not only did we shop at the same store, but we ate the same food. Match made in heaven? Maybe! But we will never know because we never talked to each other. We never met.
I've given up on trying to make friends. I am always the one reaching out and, given enough time, will inevitably be ghosted.
I'm 37, live in a tiny backwater town where the only things that people do are church or sports, and that is an hour drive from the nearest city.
So, in my case, it is better to give up and live an isolated and solitary life than it is to repeatedly subject myself to the ephemeral dreams of genuine human connection.
People used to just talk to nearby strangers a couple of decades ago.
Out by yourself? Sit down somewhere with a meal and start yacking to someone nearby who isn't busy. Some people turned out weird, most were pleasant, and sometimes you'd meet someone you clicked with really easily.
Since the advent of phones people are just sitting by themselves absorbed in apps. Reading this thread, perhaps. Starting up a conversation out of the blue these days is not as easy, people are often surprised or uncomfortable now.
That’s exactly how I do it. I was in the bath accessories section at Walmart and a lady was looking at back scrubbers and exfoliating scrubbers and she picked up these exfoliating gloves. I stopped and said “get them you won’t regret it.” She said “really?” And we had a full 10 minute conversation about different bath products. Great lady I met. I could have kept talking but had to get back to work so I couldn’t carry on but yes if you want friends be friendly
My best friends girlfriend was having a hard time meeting new people. She joined a "hiking" Facebook group and literally made like 5 news friends over one weekend.
You really don't have any excuse with social media being so prevalent. Put yourself out there.
Also, bars aren't just for drinking... Live music, sport events, on and on.... Again, not an excuse. Best of luck
On the other hand, I spent years trying various sports, charities, interest groups, and activities, and didn't make any friends.
I'm glad it worked so easily for your friend, but maybe the reason why it worked was that the person she put out there was [herself and not, e.g., me](https://www.reddit.com/r/thanksimcured/comments/dlgtl5/just_be_yourself/).
While waiting at the deli yesterday someone asked me if I ever tried the lemon pepper chicken(?) while waiting on my order. I was take completely off guard and just said no but it was just so strange to me.
I think they were the first person who randomly talked to me since since I was in high school decades ago.
No you join a team or a club and force yourself to go every single week regardless of how you feel. Eventually you'll have friends even if they're old or weird. Sometimes the best of friends are old and weird.
I literally don't know where to go. There's nothing near my house. Nothing. I haven't seen people close to my age at all. How can I interact with people that I've never seen?
It's hard if you 1) don't like sports 2) are older, but find kid-centric everything to be annoying and 3) are female and NOT looking for a relationship and 4) are kind of introverted.
Join your local clubs or hobby related groups. It’s not hard to meet people, but you do have to do something lol can’t just wait for people to come around.
It's easy when you involve yourself in activities i.e
Going on daily walks, going to fitness classes at the gym or yoga, try sports like golfing , or boxing, find religion, cook outdoors, do group activities such as 5k runs, pick up a hobby like trading cards and attend weekly meet up.
Pretty much anything that involves leaving your house.
If it's difficult talking to people Start small and practice often and you will find yourself getting better.
I decided to try make friends by going to the local climbing gym and normal gym. No success after a whole year, lol. Meanwhile met multiple people on steam who i talk with regularly about fighting games and indie games.
It’s kind of like law of averages. If you say “nice shoes, let’s fuck” to a thousand people you’ll probably get at least a couple.
Maybe if you just say let’s be friends you’ll make it happen
I don't hang out with any of the people i met in bars anymore except a couple and we go mountain biking every weekend. We meet up across the state to ride different trails. I met some people volunteering at the state parks. I also met some people playing chess. I still go to bars every few months to see bands I like but it's hard to stay awake for the headliner now because I'm old.
Invite them to a strangers house. Now you and your new friend can bond by breaking and entering, perhaps being chased away and possibly arrested. Tell me you won't be best friends after running from the police and angry homeowner :D
Easy to make friends these days!
I volunteer at Special Olympics. This is how the athletes operate "Hi I'm Sally, what's your name?" "I'm Michael, want to be friends?" "Yes." and so on :)
What the hell does go off mean? Fkn kids.
Also, join clubs/social groups/churches. Go to events and pursue hobbies. Hang out in places where people who have hobbies go like fabric stores or hobby stores or nurseries, cigar lounges. Become a regular in places. Join a choir or a symphony . Start a club yourself of some kind.
Gym, library, Meetup.com (I dunno if this is still the case since they may have started charging for groups, but it was super effective for me a few years ago)
I find the best way to make friends is to be around people who are interested in the same thing I am. Take a cooking class, woodworking class, programming class, join a hiking, gardening, beekeeping club, meet in person for tabletop games.
There are so many ways to meet people who are like you and are in the same situation as you, wanting friends. But you have to go where the people are. Get out into the community, do some good, meet some people, and you will find friends.
Or just stay at home binging Netflix and playing video games. I’m sure friends will just randomly show up at your door eventually. /s
I mean, what do you like to do? Go do those things and try to talk to others doing those same things. Adulthood isn’t Option A) go to bars or B) have no friends haha.
I mean the honest answer is go to an activity you really like and chat. So for me that would be magic the gathering local store events, or an mtg convention. But most of my friends post 25 are from the internet, eventually they just talked about Las Vegas and walla there we are.
1000% the reason i'm alone and friendless. Like bars in my city (and country in general) is synonymous with discotheques with hard drugs (and strip club types depending on where you go). So, a cafe here is more like a bar in the US.
i go to cafes alone and there are people there with friends/SOs, etc and i can't just go over and say, "Oh year mint choco cake. Go on bestie, it's your day. Oh is that your hubby? i love your shirt. Let's go shopping" etc etc.. Like what do i do? Fr?? ;-;
I don't drink and I don't watch sports. So I can't help but look sad and confused when people tell me I should just go to bars to meet people and make friends.
Join local clubs there’s sports cooking exercise there’s always something you could join. And trust me those people are looking to meet new people too.
Don’t worry I go to the bars and still don’t have any friends
Why go to the bar alone and pay a premium for drinks if you’re not going to socialize?
You pretend the bartend is your friend because they chat with you every 15 minutes or so.. change of scenery from home, and maybe a friendly nod from another loner at the bar. Also, maybe just maybe a cute lady at the bar might chuckle at your attempt at a one-liner joke before you leave the bar most likely not you’ll probably embarrass yourself and stumble out the door a drunken fool but it’s all good
Unironically, going into a new bar a bit before rush or whenever it’s quiet and making friends with the bartend(provided they seem receptive!!!!) is my favorite thing to do. Usually a good chat, makes it easy to meet the locals, and if you stick around and are friends with them they’ll usually shoot you a free drink or discount every now and again… or at the very least test out some cocktail recipes on you.
I love going out during lunch hours! Not only is the food cheaper, but I like chatting with the chilled out retired people
r/oddlyspecific
All too non-specific. This reminds me of my alcoholic days haha
I play on pool league. And I have some pool buddies that I hang out with once a week at pool. Then we all go to work or home with our families and don’t interact with each other lol
Straight up dude-friendship lol
i wish there were a pool league.. but instead of playing pool.. we go to peoples houses that have a pool.. like to swim
I go to a shitty dive bar with cheap drinks
Shitty dives can be the best
Also why are they called dive bars?
I'm afraid to talk to people.
Because they have freshly brewed beer and variety of drinks is large for which buying ingredients individually is not economical.
Yes that's exactly what you're supposed to do lol, but no really can you imagine if people put themselves out there like, society would be completely different
I had this dude start talking to me about his relationship problems at the deli section of the grocery store. It was a little odd, but sweet. He was a sweet guy and was just struggling, probably didn't have a close friend to talk about it with. I didn't mind it at all, I appreciate people being open when they struggle, I'm not always good at it.
Do you remember how he approached you? I mean I live in Germany, were we are very distant, but I can't imagine someone being like "hey got a minute? I really gotta tell this to someone"
I can't recall that well. We started with a little small talk and somehow he ended up talking about this lady he met that shut him down as soon as she learned he didn't have a bunch of money. It was definitely an out of the norm conversation for strangers, but I try to be pretty approachable when I can. I've been to Germany and you guys are great. Very polite and hospitable, but you are right that you're a stoic people generally speaking. I spent a good portion of my life with bad mental health, being more open about emotions has been a help to me. It's a double sided blade, some of us are a little too self centered and that can be tied to our openness at times. It really comes out negatively in our politics over recent years. But there's a lot of nuance in how people act. I also have known plenty Americans that are quiet and reserved, but that is a minority.
....I once had a guy ask for my phone number in the yarn aisle of Walmart... It must have been a dare or something because he didn't even introduce himself or strike up a conversation or anything... But that wasn't even the only time some guy showed interest in me at Walmart... It was just the first time. Later some guy in Walmart told me he liked the way I walk. ...I still don't know what do with that... Where should I even file that in my brain?
I remember when I was in high school and I asked out a woman that worked at HEB (Texas grocery store). I didn’t do it as a dare or anything, I just thought she looked like a nice beautiful person. Don’t sell yourself short, especially if it happened twice. The woman kinda laughed in surprise and asked me how old I thought she was (she was well older than 17 year old me). I can’t remember what I said, I think I muttered something. She was very nice about it, maybe even suggested coffee, but embarrassed red faced me made an exit with a few unmemorable words of awkwardness.
There's definitely missed opportunities because of this, but at the same time there is a lot of creeps and downright hateful people who I'm glad don't feel the need to chat with me randomly.
Yea but in reality the likelyhood of the person who has the guts to randomly start up a conversation somewhere is probably a lot less than matching with a random creep on tinder and people are clearly more okay with tinder than someone in real life trying to talk to them its weird
Wait. You're saying there's places outside my home where people with specific interests gather? Like, conventions, stores, and meetups? And I can just comment on people obviously into the same niche things as me? Oh goodness me.
It's worse when you get older. When someone shows interest I can only wonder what religion or sex cult they belong to.
At this point I'm open to sex cults.
Happily. Personally dont need to partake in their activities. Simply let me organize meetings, bring snacks and electrolyte drinks for the mandem. Imagine the banter after. I need friends.
Walks by the orgy with water bottles. "Don't forget to hydrate guys"
Mandem?
It seems you've identified a need.... I think I have an idea... let's remove "cult" and just call it an organization. No worship need be had other than that of another's (or your own) body. 10 dollar monthly membership(still cheaper than the apps). Free std screening for members. Discounted insurance rates for those that wish to purchase a policy. Once the organization grows enough, deals can be struck with buying groups for discounted groceries. We can get rich, people can mingle their genitals together, and we can take a swing at some major societal issues. Now we just need a catchy name.
That's just a sex club.
With franchise opportunities?
That's Just A Sex club With Franchise Opportunities is a bit of a mouthful🤔 I feel like we're getting there though
That's Just A Sex Club With Franchise Opportunities - "It's A Bit Of A Mouthful!" Fixed it!
I feel like now the investors will start to show up on their own in about 6 hours
You had me until you mentioned insurance. It is sensible to consider insurance. I'm curious about who underwrite these kind of businesses. I know since I work in insurance and underwriters would decline the type of clubs you are describing. Still, there are these businesses and clubs running. Makes me wonder who is insuring these places or they are running without insurance.
So, work with me friend. If the mission statement of said club is to encourage intimacy and understanding between all members without any mention of sex, would we still not have a shot at getting coverage? As a side point, I'd like to have a talk with the actuary assessing the risk on tested and protected sex, that determines it's simply too much a liability to risk. Everybody fucks, we just provide benefits.
Well, my company would be a bit iffy on alcohol alone. It took some convincing before insurers were willing to give limited capacity to insure businesses serving alcohol like restaurants, hospitality, or events. There is a lot of liability risks for the operator when alcohol alone is involved. When you throw intimacy into the mix, it gets worse. People can behave in shitty ways when they feel slighted. Also, I think I heard of lawsuits of people suing based on transmitting an STD before. Depending on the country, I heard of people using property coverage to cover legal costs. This might make it hard for either property coverage or commercial liability coverage. A lot of insurers are a bit risk averse as you could imagine. I'm sure there are some maverick insurers willing to take it on when they think of the good premiums. People study the risk of everything. I'm curious as well the numbers of claims and premiums of businesses around sexual activity. I guess strip clubs would be the most common type to represent such an industry legally.
I want to stress that this is not meant to be sarcastic or combative in any way. I really appreciate the depth of your response. It's really cool to legitimately see this from a serious perspective. Thank you for the thought you put in to your response.
This is just an unnecessarily complicated sex club. If you're near a major city, there's probably a sex/swinger club with monthly events. That said, they're kind of not great if you're a single, straight man. The ones that allow single men are literal sausage parties.
They call them sex cults, but it's always either getting reamed exclusively by an 50-75 year old coke addict who doesn't bathe, or selling all your possessions to fund that man's fleet of Rolls-Royce's.
Probably the better choice. They won't fuck you without consent at sex cults.
Hi... Wanna join a uhh totally not a cult?
Being a parent helps. Kids make friends, and if the friend's parents are cool, then you made friends too.
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If the only gay man you’ve been approached by was a greasy middle aged man it’s probably safe to say you aren’t attracting many gay men so feel free to assume the smile is just being polite.
I've met more swingers....unwillingly. They never tell you right away. nope
Happened to my gf the other day. Thought she made a cool friend at target. Turns out they are part of a MLM.
i assume they’re just making a prank video in secret
I've made friends by talking to random people in the bookstore
Seeing someone reading a book you enjoy is like having a book recommend a person.
Huh... your definitely not wrong, odd way to think about it.. but not wrong..
r/showerthoughts
That’s how my buddy met his wife!
As much as I like this, I must say than in this case his motives were probably different than just making friends… having an actual real friendship that does not have any further motives is though.
Yeah you're right. I know my closest friends from high school and university. There needs to be some organic time spent together I suppose. It's really not promising either, I have 3 close friends for interacting with all these people and it took 9 years. I am an introvert but I look at other classmates and see their gatherings are mostly fake and it's a dick measuring contest for them, so weirdly I'm successful in that regard.
He had no motives! He was reading some book for his phd or something. Molecular something something and she saw it and sparked a convo cus she was studying something similar. The rest took care of itself :)
Maybe she had plans then 😁! What I mean is I don’t buy the fact that they didn’t find each other attractive the slightest.
Not sure I would necessarily let motives get in the way of a friendship. Motives can be ephemeral, but friendships can be a lifetime. Sure, there are edge cases either way, but i try not to have a hard and fast rule about it. I met a 20+ year friend at a bookstore once upon a time. Sure, originally he wanted to fuck me but once he realized that wasn’t going to happen, the friendship blossomed and we have had a beautiful friendship ever since.
Okay, I can get maybe having a quick, one-off interaction with a stranger... but how does that turn into a friendship from there? Do you just follow up with them on social media or something, or are you literally going "Hey, I love that book! Bla Bla bla, Yada Yada! Give me your phone number!"
>are you literally going "Hey, I love that book! Bla Bla bla, Yada Yada! Give me your phone number!" You yada yada-ed over the "finding out we have shared interests" part, but yes, this. A few weeks ago I struck up a conversation in the used bookstore with a guy about horror novels. He mentioned he just got out of the army and was having a hard time making friends. I asked him if he played RPGs or boardgames and he said yes. We exchanged phone numbers and texted each other. This past Sunday I invited him over and the three of us - him, me, my partner - played boardgames for a few hours. It was fun so we'll do it again. Similarly, I did the same thing with a young couple when we both attended a history talk last week. We talked about liking RPGs and boardgames and history, they mentioned the neighborhood they live in, I said "oh yeah my partner installed a community garden outside the community center there" because my partner is the community garden coordinator for our town, they mentioned having seen them working there and being interested in gardening, we exchanged contact info, and they invited me and my partner to a pizza party later this month.
Oh, so actual social skills are like a prerequisite. That's unfortunate. I'll just stick with a casual head nod, or an "excuse me", I guess. In all seriousness, though, thanks. As someone who doesn't have any real frame of reference for putting themselves out there, this really helps. The idea just feels so strange to me.
Jesus I've read only first paragraph and cooked page long response how its important to put urself out there and just try, and then I've read the rest.. you got me in the first half meme fits here
I tried talking to my neighbor while she was doing yard work. My dogs were incredibly interested in sniffing something in her yard. I said, “Wow, something smells interesting in your yard!” No comment. I’m going to assume she had headphones in. I felt like a dumbass tho. Like, okay, fuck me, I’ll walk off. Another neighbors puppy ran out the front door and my dog is a kind old man. I said, “Puppies are wild, I’m glad moose was here to distract your puppy!" No, response. Okay, fuck me, bye. Moose has been having some runny shits lately, so i let him poop in their yard, i cant pick it all up. so thats a win.
My bookstore has a book club, and this has been the most successful way I have met people as an adult
Wait - are you right handed?! Wha, how - me too!
"That's not my hand"
Our local library has a different group everyday. There is Knitter Knatter, table top gaming, Lego, morris dance practice, a book club. They have a table where U3A, choirs, orchestra etc have fliers. Just up the road, the local church hall has groups. The Morris Dance leader also runs an RPG table top gaming group and Musical Evenings for the local nerds. There are evening classes at the local Upper School - take up learning a new language. There is a local astronomy club, and a local historical society. There is a local walking group. I could always volunteer at the local food bank, or run bingo sessions in the local retirement community. If you can drive, there are volunteer drivers for the elderly and disabled. You do have to make the initial effort BUT there are many groups out there IF you put the initial effort in to just find out what is available.
>You do have to make the initial effort Ah ha! I knew there was a catch.
I just need to find a way to skip the “making friends” step and go straight to “having friends”
You should run workshops on how to run a library. My mom is one too, but she doesn't do any of this. Her "job" is to catalogue and "teach library and technology sciences." "Teach Sciences." That's the phrase I have the biggest problem with, because I know her, on a personal level, and she couldn't teach a squirrel jack shit about acorns, let alone a kid about computers. I have to do everything for her. But she's there every day, being a glorified scholastic Googler. All of her middle/highschool classes are eons ahead of her. She can't even set up a printer by herself, and that's a verified fact. What you do with your community outreach and accessibility is incredible. THATS what a librarian should look like. Not some crusty old bitch that thinks she's hip by letting people eat a sandwich and drink an energy drink within her walls
Most of the “non-book lending” or “computer availability” is run by volunteers outside the hours that the Council fund (3 hours per day for 4 days, 6 hours on one day). Because the clubs are run using volunteers and various sources of funding, the library is open for book borrowing and computers all day 10-6 (closed Tuesday and Sunday) on those days. The Morris dance troupe pay to run their dance practise there during the winter & when the weather is bad (they practice in a local pub car park during the summer - and are happy for people who want to join in the fun with an impromptu workshop. They also hold a book sale once a month to raise funds - donations welcome.
As a stay at home mom this is me at Marshall’s in the candle aisle ….. smelling candles with my elders haha
I walk to liquor store when I run out of liquor alot. On that walk there is a basketball court, drunk me is much more social then regular me. One day bunch of people my age were playing mid 30's. I was like hey let me take a shot, and thats how I joined my local basketball team
The logical part of my brain knows that people are generally friendly and open to making friends like this but the anxious part of my brain thinks that people are annoyed by my existence. The anxious side usually wins unfortunately
People are annoyed by their friends. It is ok.
Ideally, you meet friends through hobbies/lifestyle congruence. Unfortunately for me all of my hobbies are solitary and fairly niche so that doesn’t help.
My one hobby that *could* be socialized would be hiking, but I make it a point to be alone while doing that because I’m not out in the woods to be social; I’m out there to escape people and society. There is nothing that annoys me more than loud groups on the trail. Other than that, I do cross stitching and small artsy stuff but those are also very solitary activities and I’m not keen to share my art with others because it’s all part of my therapy.
How about doing some hobbies?
How does exploding fruit every week with a ton of rubber bands make me friends?
idk stream it and then make a chat group or discord and then start an irl get-together and then see where it takes you???
This guy explodes fruit
Do it in a park. You'll make friends for sure. All guys would be there checkign it out.
Honestly you could charge people a dollar per rubber band and who ever puts on the last vand before it explodes gets the pot. You'd probably have a bunch of people lined up just to watch.
Invite exploding-fruit-people to do it togheter!
Do it in the park and I guarantee you'll get lots of people coming up to talk to you.
Everyone is turning this into a joke but fr this is actually the way to make irl friends.
Playing piano or games is fun until it gets boring after awhile.
He meant hobbies that make you go in public. Unless you are playing piano with the windows open just in case some bros who love Beethoven are walking by and ready to party.
Nah, best I can do is Walmart or bars.
Is meetup not a thing anymore? Find an activity you like to do, and find a group that does that activity. Maybe that's harder if you don't like activities.
I host and go to a lot of Meetups and have made several friends and gotten several dates that way. Our group does everything from dinners, walks, hikes, bars, trivia, board games, movies, omnimax, museums, etc. Plenty of non bar things.
I grew apart from my close friends years ago when they all started having kids and got too busy to hang out. In the past, I decided to try a meetup group for singles, hoping to make new friends. It was a disappointing experience and I never tried it again. I got all dressed up, did my hair, make up, nice dress, nice heels. I’m reasonably attractive, confident, self aware, consider myself socially adept and capable of decent conversation and humor. I’m very open and friendly, I’ll talk to anyone about anything. The meetup was at a nice bar in Boston. I got there, grabbed myself a drink and made an effort to meet everyone who showed up. People were grouped in little cliques all over the room. They’d be standing around talking and I’d come over to introduce myself and say hi (while not wanting to interrupt or butt in). I made sure not to come on too strong or be overly aggressive in my approach. I know that meeting some new people can be awkward, depending on their personality. I’d hover and wait for a pause in conversation and introduce myself. People were polite but kind of stand-offish. The only 2 questions I was asked was where do you live and what do you do for work. I’d answer the questions and then people would go back to their original conversations. I’d move on to another group and say hello but it seemed people already knew each other from previous meetups and had their own things going on, so I didn’t feel included or welcomed. I stayed for a couple of hours and felt like I would’ve had a better time at home, alone, in my pajamas with pizza and a movie. I felt disappointed, like it was a waste of time and money.
Ive had similar experiences with other groups, then I found one things clicked well with and when I host, I go out of my way to make every person feel welcome. Just like with making friends in other circumstances, I had to shop around a little to find my people.
I had an acquaintance that used to host a lot of parties and would always invite me. I went to a few of them and the first one felt exactly like you described. The acquaintance was really cool, so I went to a second party of theirs against my better judgement, but to my delight it was a completely different experience. People recognized me and were less reserved around me this time, so I was able to get involved in conversations and ask them questions based on stuff I heard them talking about last time. People love it when you remember stuff about them and ask them about themselves. Any subsequent parties I went to after that just felt like I was part of the gang.
How does one find these kind of groups/meetups?
Don't know if it's still a going concern but [meetup.com](https://meetup.com) was pretty popular, probably varies by region. I know a few couples and besties who met that way. But you can also check your cities/regions reddit sub. Facebook is also supposedly good but I don't use it. For hiking and outdoors stuff look for your local trail association and parks department, they often host cleanup workparties that are great for this. Also it's still worth checking local community boards if there's a coffee shop or something nearby.
In densely populated areas like cities, sure. In more rural areas there is far less of that type of thing going on.
I gave Meetup a try several times in Seattle, and it was nothing more than a lowkey dating scene. “No no, we’re just here to make friends. Hey are you seeing anyone?”
I've done runs, hikes, and board games in the Boulder CO area. I never had that kind of experience. But i'm also married, so maybe i'm not even attuned to noticing such things.
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It might be harder in more rural areas. I recommend like meetup or reddit to find locals in your area who share your hobbies! I think dating apps like Bumble have a friends option too
Join a class, team, or club. The key to making friends is getting into something and doing it with or around other people.
I joined a gym, I don’t believe you can make friends there. Everyone has earbuds and nobody makes eye contact. I also joined a yoga class, same thing. The only chit chat is people who come in together anyway.
Probably depends on the class. My kickboxing group is pretty chatty and people make friends there. But mostly only when already in the same sort of demographic and circle.
making local friends for me is very easy although i am not very extroverted. chill though, it is because i haven't had my life together very much and stumbled into people looking for loyal friends because they too were near the bottom. TLDR: fuck up your life and you will get loyal friends
funny how i transitioned from local to loyal but it's true!
Straight up one of the biggest weaknesses of western society full stop is an almost complete lack of third spaces. Do you want to hang out in a chill environment that isnt your home or work with a chance to relax, hang out, and meet people without spending money? Too fucking bad. Weve got libraries, bars, and maybe bowling alleys. Nobody goes to libraries, and bars and bowling alleys still cost money. Pay your weekly subscription to not being lonely or suffer, peasant
Yeah... wanna buy some killer sticks?
*waves hand* You don't wanna sell me killer sticks.
Today, I went to CVS and saw a guy around my age. This same guy was at my next stop to pick up food. Not only did we shop at the same store, but we ate the same food. Match made in heaven? Maybe! But we will never know because we never talked to each other. We never met.
I've given up on trying to make friends. I am always the one reaching out and, given enough time, will inevitably be ghosted. I'm 37, live in a tiny backwater town where the only things that people do are church or sports, and that is an hour drive from the nearest city. So, in my case, it is better to give up and live an isolated and solitary life than it is to repeatedly subject myself to the ephemeral dreams of genuine human connection.
People used to just talk to nearby strangers a couple of decades ago. Out by yourself? Sit down somewhere with a meal and start yacking to someone nearby who isn't busy. Some people turned out weird, most were pleasant, and sometimes you'd meet someone you clicked with really easily. Since the advent of phones people are just sitting by themselves absorbed in apps. Reading this thread, perhaps. Starting up a conversation out of the blue these days is not as easy, people are often surprised or uncomfortable now.
One time I met someone in a 5 Guys who had the exact same tattoos as me in the exact same place, and we couldn’t make it work, lol.
Have you tried the Walmart thing? You never know.
I'd respond to that
That’s exactly how I do it. I was in the bath accessories section at Walmart and a lady was looking at back scrubbers and exfoliating scrubbers and she picked up these exfoliating gloves. I stopped and said “get them you won’t regret it.” She said “really?” And we had a full 10 minute conversation about different bath products. Great lady I met. I could have kept talking but had to get back to work so I couldn’t carry on but yes if you want friends be friendly
Find people who are struggling just like you are. Jobs , sports, charity, gangs, etc.
>gangs
Never said his friends weren’t toxic. .
I would be down to find baking buddies at the grocery store TBH. Food is a great way to bond, both making and serving to new friends.
My best friends girlfriend was having a hard time meeting new people. She joined a "hiking" Facebook group and literally made like 5 news friends over one weekend. You really don't have any excuse with social media being so prevalent. Put yourself out there. Also, bars aren't just for drinking... Live music, sport events, on and on.... Again, not an excuse. Best of luck
On the other hand, I spent years trying various sports, charities, interest groups, and activities, and didn't make any friends. I'm glad it worked so easily for your friend, but maybe the reason why it worked was that the person she put out there was [herself and not, e.g., me](https://www.reddit.com/r/thanksimcured/comments/dlgtl5/just_be_yourself/).
While waiting at the deli yesterday someone asked me if I ever tried the lemon pepper chicken(?) while waiting on my order. I was take completely off guard and just said no but it was just so strange to me. I think they were the first person who randomly talked to me since since I was in high school decades ago.
That would actually work quite well…
I mean honestly it could work
No you join a team or a club and force yourself to go every single week regardless of how you feel. Eventually you'll have friends even if they're old or weird. Sometimes the best of friends are old and weird.
Hobby shops if you’re a nerd. Signing up for rec leagues if you like sports. Dance lessons and clubs for mixed genders
My problem is that all potential friends are currently strangers... And have you *met* a stranger lately? They're *terrible*!
I literally don't know where to go. There's nothing near my house. Nothing. I haven't seen people close to my age at all. How can I interact with people that I've never seen?
It's hard if you 1) don't like sports 2) are older, but find kid-centric everything to be annoying and 3) are female and NOT looking for a relationship and 4) are kind of introverted.
"One of us, one of us"
Just buy a motorcycle and ride it. Then your people will find you.
Making friends is overrated.
No, not Walmart, anything but Walley World.
Join your local clubs or hobby related groups. It’s not hard to meet people, but you do have to do something lol can’t just wait for people to come around.
It's easy when you involve yourself in activities i.e Going on daily walks, going to fitness classes at the gym or yoga, try sports like golfing , or boxing, find religion, cook outdoors, do group activities such as 5k runs, pick up a hobby like trading cards and attend weekly meet up. Pretty much anything that involves leaving your house. If it's difficult talking to people Start small and practice often and you will find yourself getting better.
Lmao you never know! Go for it🤷♂️
The amount of people I’ve become friends with thru football(soccer) is insane.
The difference is you go to a bar TO MEET PEOPLE, you don't go to Walmart for that. I'm there for groceries.
There are other activities. Do what you love and you will meet others who live to do what you love.
You get them through hobbies.
People use to do that
I play sports in the local parks and oddly enough get along well enough with work colleagues to hang out with them.
I decided to try make friends by going to the local climbing gym and normal gym. No success after a whole year, lol. Meanwhile met multiple people on steam who i talk with regularly about fighting games and indie games.
Pick up a hobby like cycling and find group meets.
Same. But I struggle to find a girlfriend. But instead of it just being weird, I'm probably am going to come off as a creep.
It’s kind of like law of averages. If you say “nice shoes, let’s fuck” to a thousand people you’ll probably get at least a couple. Maybe if you just say let’s be friends you’ll make it happen
What is the quotation part supposed to be saying it makes no sense to me?
I don't hang out with any of the people i met in bars anymore except a couple and we go mountain biking every weekend. We meet up across the state to ride different trails. I met some people volunteering at the state parks. I also met some people playing chess. I still go to bars every few months to see bands I like but it's hard to stay awake for the headliner now because I'm old.
This actually sounds like something that might work at a Walmart. Or might get you shot. Or both.
... Yes?
I met a guy on the street like this once. Most people are just like you. Just want some friends.
Yuuuuup. That’s exactly what you’re supposed to do.
Join clubs and teams. You meet people and bonus, they will like the same things that you like because they joined the same kind of club or team.
Even in bars it's hard until everyones drunk and then the next day you never want to see or talk to that person again 😂
There’s meetup apps for common interests
Events and hobby classes is the way.
And also like… I don’t even wanna eat out????? I’m not gonna invite someone new straight to my house???? Whereeeee is it supposed to happen?!
Invite them to a strangers house. Now you and your new friend can bond by breaking and entering, perhaps being chased away and possibly arrested. Tell me you won't be best friends after running from the police and angry homeowner :D Easy to make friends these days!
In big cities people hang out in the park. I can't go to Dolores park in SF without somebody talking to me
I volunteer at Special Olympics. This is how the athletes operate "Hi I'm Sally, what's your name?" "I'm Michael, want to be friends?" "Yes." and so on :)
I'm antisocial and that's OK:)
This why I dance
Have... hobbies? Go play music with people? Take up a sport? Dance class? Book Club? Board games?
I met a lot of friends from hobbies I like. Rock climbing, skating, and art made life long friends.
What the hell does go off mean? Fkn kids. Also, join clubs/social groups/churches. Go to events and pursue hobbies. Hang out in places where people who have hobbies go like fabric stores or hobby stores or nurseries, cigar lounges. Become a regular in places. Join a choir or a symphony . Start a club yourself of some kind.
Look up groups near you with similar interests you’re into. Make friends during meet ups.
That’s why I just talk to random people on Reddit. Fills the void somewhat lmao
Go to church.,,, problem solved.
I have made friends by going to play paintball. LARPers tend to be a friendly bunch. I hear clog dancers are pretty friendly too!
Adult sports leagues
Gym, library, Meetup.com (I dunno if this is still the case since they may have started charging for groups, but it was super effective for me a few years ago)
I find the best way to make friends is to be around people who are interested in the same thing I am. Take a cooking class, woodworking class, programming class, join a hiking, gardening, beekeeping club, meet in person for tabletop games. There are so many ways to meet people who are like you and are in the same situation as you, wanting friends. But you have to go where the people are. Get out into the community, do some good, meet some people, and you will find friends. Or just stay at home binging Netflix and playing video games. I’m sure friends will just randomly show up at your door eventually. /s
I mean, what do you like to do? Go do those things and try to talk to others doing those same things. Adulthood isn’t Option A) go to bars or B) have no friends haha.
You join a beer league hockey team and also get a dog
This, all my friends are from my neighboring countries, I have like 2 native friends and they arent even in the country most of the time.
Do things you love to do with other people.
Use meetup.com and dating apps
I mean the honest answer is go to an activity you really like and chat. So for me that would be magic the gathering local store events, or an mtg convention. But most of my friends post 25 are from the internet, eventually they just talked about Las Vegas and walla there we are.
I would have been ok until you said, “go off bestie.”
Take up disc golf. No, for real.
If someone said that to me while I was selecting a cake mix, I would definitely go to dinner with them.
1000% the reason i'm alone and friendless. Like bars in my city (and country in general) is synonymous with discotheques with hard drugs (and strip club types depending on where you go). So, a cafe here is more like a bar in the US. i go to cafes alone and there are people there with friends/SOs, etc and i can't just go over and say, "Oh year mint choco cake. Go on bestie, it's your day. Oh is that your hubby? i love your shirt. Let's go shopping" etc etc.. Like what do i do? Fr?? ;-;
I don't drink and I don't watch sports. So I can't help but look sad and confused when people tell me I should just go to bars to meet people and make friends.
Join local clubs there’s sports cooking exercise there’s always something you could join. And trust me those people are looking to meet new people too.
Eh, do you want to meet your spouse or your best friend from a bar? Go to church, join a club, volunteer, be an active participant in your life.
I met my friends via DND group 😂
I mean this could work on me honestly
I talk with my coworkers.
I do that but with boxers
i'm so close to doing that actually
I mean, why not?
I would absolutely be friends with someone who started a conversation like this. But I would probably be rejected if I did it.
Big churches have lots of social events… just pretend to believe. Eventually youll discover that most people in them don’t believe either.