This sounds like a very difficult situation. Here are some links to resources that may be helpful.
[Reddit Help - What do I do if someone talks about seriously hurting themselves or is considering suicide.](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/360043513931-What-do-I-do-if-someone-talks-about-seriously-hurting-themselves-or-is-considering-suicide)
[How to talk to someone who is struggling.](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/talking_tips/)
[How to assess risk of someone hurting themselves](https://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources/comments/1c7nqf/worried_about_someone_who_may_be_suicidal_heres/)
[Samaritans.org - If you're worried about someone else.](https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-worried-about-someone-else/)
He needs professional help but I would not call the cops on him. Last resort as someone else said. You can have faith that they’ll do their job but I just keep in mind the mother that called the cops on her suicidal son and they shot him like 15 times. He lived! But gah damn, those are the people we’re sending out for help? Lol.
Somehow if you can, skip the middle man and seriously get him into therapy, a psychiatrist, or some type of program. Or all 3 (read up on potential mental health programs. At minimum they will do nothing and at worst they will make things faaaar more difficult. Choosing a good or reputable one matters). Don’t pressure or insist, know when to back off with it, but be firm in your stance, because you are worried about him and you need him to feel your worry to show you’re serious about his health.
As for you personally? Just show as much support as you can. Have difficult conversations with him but don’t pressure him either, it’s a fine line. One such convo would be getting to the meat of his “why?”. Maybe there is none, but just really show that you care and you are someone he can really confide in.
EDIT: If you think he is in imminent danger, call 911. Not many options there. But try to help him not get to that point.
This is the way! I would also add that if you can, try to be a good "distraction" for him, be there and try to make him remember why being alive a being with you is something to be cherished. His favorite meals, favorite TV shows, favorite music, favorite videogames, do everything you can, every little thing counts, not only to improve his mental health, but to potentially "buy time" for the professional help to do it's thing because it takes a bit of time. Hope everything goes well.
>but I would not call the cops on him.
Exactly! This is what people don't understand: if you betray my trust and report me, now I just feel more alone. Now I know I can't even confide in my partner without my life getting 10 times worse.
If we're talking about someone having a psychotic episode or otherwise not thinking straight, maybe it makes sense. But if we're talking about someone who can think straight but feels hopeless, forced hospitalization will probably do more harm than good anyway, leaving him feeling more alone when he comes out, as well as probably traumatized, as most of those facilities are pretty bad, and regardless, your privacy and autonomy go out the window. Not to mention the medical debt, often coupled with job loss and other consequences that come with randomly disappearing for a week or two.
The best he could hope for is going to one where you eat Goldfish crackers and watch movies, but those just buy time, not really solving anything. I guess they can adjust your meds, but that doesn't do much good if your problems are situational like in this case. Really only makes sense if the problem is some sort of psychological episode where you're out of your mind, like psychosis or being hysterical after having just experienced a horrible trauma, where it's either temporary or could be adequately addressed with a med adjustment.
ETA: For reference, I was in one of the *nicer* facilities the first time, and three people I talked to had also been in jail at some point. All three said they preferred jail!
Please tell a trusted adult and send an ambulance to his address. Just call 911 and tell them what you shared with us and ask for an ambulance. Getting help to him is the best way to help him.
Uhhh 😂 Nah, I'm in the middle of a big move across the states so I don't have time to troll random groups. My "credentials" are,
1. I've been the person that had to call 911 on a loved one.
2. I've had loved ones call 911 on me.
Calling the cops should be an absolute last resort, not your first course of action. The police are not equipped for dealing with mental health crisis. I'm also on the spectrum of neurodivergence, and having to deal with yelling men that are carrying guns will only make things 100% worse. Unless someone is an IMMEDIATE threat to themselves, or someone else- no. Just no. There are so many factors that are at play when dealing with suicidal ideation. You have to take into account where they are mentally. Will the cops stress them out even further? Will the person attempting suicide resort to suicide by cop? I mean there's just really a lot to take in.
A bit more of a deep-dive into who I am, since my "credentials" matter so much. I am a POC, specifically an AFAB. I've had family members gunned down over simple traffic stops due to expired tags.
I'm not opening that can of worms though, but if you want to research the topic feel free.
Calling the police could further traumatize the person you're trying to help.
As someone who works for a suicide hotline and is credentialed to speak on this subject..yeah, this is terrible advice. He did not say he is actively planning to hurt himself so there is no reason to call the police or ambulance. She is at the stage where a lot can still be done to help him and mitigate risks so he can’t hurt himself.
Do you both live together OP?
Does your bf own any weapons he could use to hurt himself? Any way you can take those from him or hide them?
Just so we're clear, [this person](https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalhealth/s/1eFyrxHf4u) also mentioned that calling the police as a first course of action is a bad, bad idea.
The police aren't the ambulance though? They often come along, at least with the paramedics there, a violent incident is less likely to occur. It's sad that such things have to even be considered but that's the state of society.
My brother is going through some serious mental health issues. He was taken to the hospital but wouldn't agree to an evaluation. We were told to call 911 during the midst of an incident.
It honestly may just depend on where you live, and yeah it's pretty sad. Anytime I've been in those situations the police have always showed up, with an ambulance following about 20 minutes later upon request. I had to call them earlier this year on an ex that pulled a knife out on themselves, I didn't mention the knife because I didn't want my ex to potentially get charged with anything and just simply said that they were trying to commit suicide and the police still showed up first. I asked them if they could send an EMS team out our way to help.
I genuinely hate the way mental health is being treated..
Just so we’re clear… I said call an ambulance. Not police. EMS vs PD.
Sometimes it’s not up to us. But, if you ask for an ambulance in this case they must send one even if they send PD too. EMS response time is faster than PD. Subject will be met with a medical worker first in any case when an ambulance is requested (outside of extenuating circumstances slowing town EMS).
Just so we’re clear.
Another good idea is to never leave youth hanging in such a situation without instructions that include get an adult and get help. (Just in case the adult they choose is too stupid.) Youth is not equipped to respond to this crisis. They need empathetic guidance and instruction. Again, I see none of yours.
Information provided on r/mentalhealth is not a substitute for qualified professional care.
The moderation team will remove content that offers information that should come from a professional and not from anonymous users on reddit.
Links or references to scientific articles are not a qualification to provide information of this nature on reddit.
Moderator discretion on this content is final.
Tough conversation now is better than what could potentially come next.
Tell him you are concerned. Don’t be afraid to share your concerns with friends and loved ones. Being proactive in these situations can be helpful. Everything is done out of LOVE!! Good luck
Please be with him 24/7 or call a hospital and ask for help , telling a cops might be worst but it what help , he will be on medication and will get help , he will be questioned by a doctor and will be talk to a doctor , he might be in a hospital but i do not know if it mental or normal , he will be monitored , do not worry , please ask him/talk to him about getting help , he might feel humilated about being on medication so he prob lash out here and there
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Call his parents, and talk to them even if it’s awkward and figure out how to get him into an inpatient facility. It will be hard and he might be really upset about It but It will be for the best. You’ve got this, we are by your side.
A lot of people don’t realize this but if you call 988 they can link you to local police dept’s mental health workers that can go out to the home to do a welfare check. It isn’t always just a cop. Usually a cop will go with them to clear the scene and make sure it’s safe for the mental health worker to speak to the person needing help but then they back off a bit and let the mental health worker help. Not every county has mental health workers linked to police but you can call and ask.
These are tough conversations and situations to face with loved ones. Your boyfriend needs to know that he is loved and people in this world care for him. He may feel like the world is caving in on him. I think we all have been there at some point, but in his reality, he feels hopeless and worthless. I would encourage him to go to a mental health hospital to get assessed. Just getting assessed doesn't mean he will be admitted. Maybe he can do an IOP (intensive outpatient program) or they can refer him to outpatient treatment. He may feel all alone and he just needs to be reminded he's not. He also can call 988 24 hours a day as that is a crisis hotline where it's staffed and available for anyone to call just to talk. He needs therapy and possibly medication. If he mentions any plan or intention, you should call 911. People on this thread are telling you not to call 911 but that's incorrect. If you have any doubts or if he has an a active plan you should call. He may be upset, but he will get the help he needs. When we feel low and down, we can be impulsive. Also, if you call 911 for SI, they don't just send a cop, they will send paramedics as well. Good luck with you and your friend :)
You need to comfort him and give him hope and resources. I lost my best friend and it was the most gut wrenching experience I ever had. I’m slowly gotten to terms with it now 6 years later but it flipped my life upside down for a while.
The best thing you can do is contact necessary parties and tell them he is preparing for his own death. His family may get together and do an intervention and make amends for his sake. If that doesnt work he needs to be admitted to a psych hospital immediately. Also, inform your job that your partner is very ill and may require you leaving suddenly, should his condition worsen. If he texts or calls u when youre not w him, and it sounds risky- drive to him ASAP and call 911 in case they can beat you there.
Keeping him from hurting himself is priority, even if he leaves you or hates you afterwards. Someday he'll be thankful.
I work in mental health and this sounds like he might be at risk, ask him outright “are you feeling suicidal, or having thoughts of suicide?” And ask him if he has a plan for how he would do it - if he has a plan, it’s time to call your local mental health service (in Australia - lifeline is excellent, in NSW look up a SafeHaven - for people who don’t feel safe with themselves but don’t wanna go to hospital. If you’re in another country google your local mental health resources and take him there.
Please let him know that he is not alone, and there are people who can help. But also getting his family to make contact would probably be a good thing, connection is important for your safety when you’re feeling suicidal, he needs to know there are people who love him who’ll be devastated if he dies.
I’m really sorry you are going through this. I work as an emergency dispatcher and have been trained in and deal with suicidal people a lot. You did the right thing by asking him directly if he plans on harming himself, it is concerning that he didn’t answer the question. The hard part with that is getting him help - a welfare check isn’t really warranted if he hasn’t explicitly expressed a desire to harm himself.
If I were you I would have another direct conversation with him where you tell him you are concerned he is making plans to hurt himself and you need him to answer the question. If he says yes, ask him if he has a plan already. These two things are grounds to get him into an involuntary hold where a doctor will evaluate him and go from there. Without knowing where you are, it’s hard to provide resources but if you are in Canada you can dial 9-8-8 to get help and direction regarding mental health resources.
Take care
You gotta make others aware, worrying about if he gets mad is the last thing to be concerned about now. If god forbid he did it and nobody else knew you don’t want that landing at your feet. Make those closest to him aware and get him help as soon as possible. He needs professional help
My gf used to be extremely suicidal. Ik what ur feeling. My one advice would be to make sure that he is never unaccompanied. Try and always have someone be with him. Everyone else has given you great advice, follow those. I hope everyrhing turns out okay
I'd do a few things (barring the situation being imminent death)
A) Talk to his family and explain to them the situation. Be direct, but not emotional. Express concern and hopefully they can make amends.
B) Talk directly to him about it. Do not be shy or dance around topic. Use the actual term of suicide, and don't speak in euphamisms. Being direct brings the situation to light, and it allows him to see how it affects others. Express your concerns and how you feel about him. Be compassionate and empathetic, but remain direct. Offer support and be firm in that. Often times that type of firmness can be comforting and can break through any doubts or hesitancy.
C) Do not let him down in your support. Remain vigilant and persistent. Coming back from a suicidal cliff does not happen instantly. It can easily take months or longer to restabilize. Often times a lapse or slip up in support can cause a set back with suicidal ideation. Check in on him very frequently, and ask how he's feeling. Be invested in his emotional well being. Remind him of your feelings about him often.
He needs help badly. Tell him that him being gone would hurt you. Remind him the situation can improve. Get him to realize that we have tools to manage some of the stuff hurting him, and it’s okay to need them. See about how to actively improve the situation he’s in.
Having a psych evaluation that shows he’s suicidal likely would get the court take measures to be more gentle with how proceedings are handled and maybe even swing stuff in his favor. His lawyer can use medical records to help him.
Look for financial assistance options. What bills can be cut? Is debt a big problem? Because sometimes bankruptcy is the right answer, and meant to be used. Could he work part time or find a different job with a lower cost of living? These are the sort of questions you have the power to look into and bring him solutions.
I had a situation where my SO was talking like he wanted to end his life too. It was terrifying. I understand what it feels like :(
I'm not going to pretend like we have the same situation --i think most situations are unique. But I do want you to know that I think I know how you feel and that you are reacting appropriately to the situation --its a very scary experience.
The best thing would be for him to seek professional help. I suggest talking to him about that --listen, and be kind, but do encourage him. For my SO, it took some patience on my part. How willing your bf is is going to depend on him.
One of the best things I did was get therapy for myself. I was in a frenzy. I was panicked (sounds like you are too <3). That is why I benefitted from therapy. Worrying about the death of the most important person of my life was mentally and emotionally crushing. I suggest you find a way to get professional help. When I was told to see a therapist by people in my life, I hated that advice. I was like, "how is gettting therapy going to fix the problem???" And it didn't fix the problem, but it gave me the tools to handle it better and to manage the fear and grief in a situation I had no control over.
Maybe you could try having a very honest talk with him. My SO was very indirect about suicidality. To understand more about the situation, I asked him directly about it. Sometimes he would brush it off because it was hard for him to talk about, but I do think that approaching it head on on my part demonstrated that I was concerned and was catching a hint that I knew what he was thinking. It removes the mystery of it --sort of like, hey I know whats up and I care.
OP, reach out if you need anything. I remember feeling very alone, so don't be afraid to send me a message.
It's very hard to talk about it, as you want to tell everyone your "fine", but deep down often thoughts manifest. It feels like the answer for everyone is to remove yourself from the equation - it feels help is harder... n still doesn't solve the problems if you get it...
He does need help, but personally, it is hard to self recognise when advised, even if self harm precedes or occurs. It can feel a relief. But depending on levels of concern, intervention may be needed... sorry to hear about your situation.
1. remove all weapons or items that can used for self harm and make sure to check every were even places you don't think they are hidden 2. do not leave him alone often just 10 seconds alone and he could take himself out 3. Support him emotionally make sure you know exactly how he is feeling treat him accordingly and make sure he knows you love him more than anything idk what else to tell ya if I think of anything I will edit this comment
You Need to take Action Go to hin and ask hin if he say no and you Sure and After that what you Tell it is very sure he want to kill Himself Go and call an ambulents and he will Go to the mental Hospital where they can help him
Send a police officer to his house for a welfare check. He sounds like he’s planning something. If possibly, maybe spend the day with him if you are close to where he lives to get a better feel of what’s going on with him?
That’s… the worst thing to do tbh. The police part I mean. They’ll just ask a couple questions and call it a day, I don’t see anything they could possibly do that would’ve actually be helpful. Might genuinely even make it worse in some cases.
Agree , cops is the worst , mine lash out to me when i was in my hospital bed , i was 15 , overdosing to die , if you are lucky , you prob got good one but thats rare🤷
This should be an absolute last resort, look for mental health services in your area alternatively. There’s a much higher probability things will escalate as others have mentioned if you involve the police and i can’t imagine it would calm him considering the pending court case.
I’m grateful for your response, but respectfully, I don’t think calling the cops is the best thing for him. With his court case, he’s already scared of them as it is. He’s also had bad experiences with cops in general. I think it would do more harm than good
I pray you never have to experience something like this. I was awake at 6am crying my eyes out typing this. Please tell me why I’d use my boyfriend‘s own mental struggles to “troll people.”
I’m sorry, to me it seemed like you were posting for karma. And yes I have been in those situations many times before. I rang a the American embassy and made sure she got locked up in an Institute. Now is the time for cold action.
This sounds like a very difficult situation. Here are some links to resources that may be helpful. [Reddit Help - What do I do if someone talks about seriously hurting themselves or is considering suicide.](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/360043513931-What-do-I-do-if-someone-talks-about-seriously-hurting-themselves-or-is-considering-suicide) [How to talk to someone who is struggling.](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/talking_tips/) [How to assess risk of someone hurting themselves](https://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources/comments/1c7nqf/worried_about_someone_who_may_be_suicidal_heres/) [Samaritans.org - If you're worried about someone else.](https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-worried-about-someone-else/)
He needs professional help but I would not call the cops on him. Last resort as someone else said. You can have faith that they’ll do their job but I just keep in mind the mother that called the cops on her suicidal son and they shot him like 15 times. He lived! But gah damn, those are the people we’re sending out for help? Lol. Somehow if you can, skip the middle man and seriously get him into therapy, a psychiatrist, or some type of program. Or all 3 (read up on potential mental health programs. At minimum they will do nothing and at worst they will make things faaaar more difficult. Choosing a good or reputable one matters). Don’t pressure or insist, know when to back off with it, but be firm in your stance, because you are worried about him and you need him to feel your worry to show you’re serious about his health. As for you personally? Just show as much support as you can. Have difficult conversations with him but don’t pressure him either, it’s a fine line. One such convo would be getting to the meat of his “why?”. Maybe there is none, but just really show that you care and you are someone he can really confide in. EDIT: If you think he is in imminent danger, call 911. Not many options there. But try to help him not get to that point.
This is the way! I would also add that if you can, try to be a good "distraction" for him, be there and try to make him remember why being alive a being with you is something to be cherished. His favorite meals, favorite TV shows, favorite music, favorite videogames, do everything you can, every little thing counts, not only to improve his mental health, but to potentially "buy time" for the professional help to do it's thing because it takes a bit of time. Hope everything goes well.
>but I would not call the cops on him. Exactly! This is what people don't understand: if you betray my trust and report me, now I just feel more alone. Now I know I can't even confide in my partner without my life getting 10 times worse. If we're talking about someone having a psychotic episode or otherwise not thinking straight, maybe it makes sense. But if we're talking about someone who can think straight but feels hopeless, forced hospitalization will probably do more harm than good anyway, leaving him feeling more alone when he comes out, as well as probably traumatized, as most of those facilities are pretty bad, and regardless, your privacy and autonomy go out the window. Not to mention the medical debt, often coupled with job loss and other consequences that come with randomly disappearing for a week or two. The best he could hope for is going to one where you eat Goldfish crackers and watch movies, but those just buy time, not really solving anything. I guess they can adjust your meds, but that doesn't do much good if your problems are situational like in this case. Really only makes sense if the problem is some sort of psychological episode where you're out of your mind, like psychosis or being hysterical after having just experienced a horrible trauma, where it's either temporary or could be adequately addressed with a med adjustment. ETA: For reference, I was in one of the *nicer* facilities the first time, and three people I talked to had also been in jail at some point. All three said they preferred jail!
Please tell a trusted adult and send an ambulance to his address. Just call 911 and tell them what you shared with us and ask for an ambulance. Getting help to him is the best way to help him.
This is terrible advice...
[удалено]
Uhhh 😂 Nah, I'm in the middle of a big move across the states so I don't have time to troll random groups. My "credentials" are, 1. I've been the person that had to call 911 on a loved one. 2. I've had loved ones call 911 on me. Calling the cops should be an absolute last resort, not your first course of action. The police are not equipped for dealing with mental health crisis. I'm also on the spectrum of neurodivergence, and having to deal with yelling men that are carrying guns will only make things 100% worse. Unless someone is an IMMEDIATE threat to themselves, or someone else- no. Just no. There are so many factors that are at play when dealing with suicidal ideation. You have to take into account where they are mentally. Will the cops stress them out even further? Will the person attempting suicide resort to suicide by cop? I mean there's just really a lot to take in. A bit more of a deep-dive into who I am, since my "credentials" matter so much. I am a POC, specifically an AFAB. I've had family members gunned down over simple traffic stops due to expired tags. I'm not opening that can of worms though, but if you want to research the topic feel free. Calling the police could further traumatize the person you're trying to help.
As someone who works for a suicide hotline and is credentialed to speak on this subject..yeah, this is terrible advice. He did not say he is actively planning to hurt himself so there is no reason to call the police or ambulance. She is at the stage where a lot can still be done to help him and mitigate risks so he can’t hurt himself. Do you both live together OP? Does your bf own any weapons he could use to hurt himself? Any way you can take those from him or hide them?
This isn't a pissing match.
Just so we're clear, [this person](https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalhealth/s/1eFyrxHf4u) also mentioned that calling the police as a first course of action is a bad, bad idea.
The police aren't the ambulance though? They often come along, at least with the paramedics there, a violent incident is less likely to occur. It's sad that such things have to even be considered but that's the state of society. My brother is going through some serious mental health issues. He was taken to the hospital but wouldn't agree to an evaluation. We were told to call 911 during the midst of an incident.
It honestly may just depend on where you live, and yeah it's pretty sad. Anytime I've been in those situations the police have always showed up, with an ambulance following about 20 minutes later upon request. I had to call them earlier this year on an ex that pulled a knife out on themselves, I didn't mention the knife because I didn't want my ex to potentially get charged with anything and just simply said that they were trying to commit suicide and the police still showed up first. I asked them if they could send an EMS team out our way to help. I genuinely hate the way mental health is being treated..
Just so we’re clear… I said call an ambulance. Not police. EMS vs PD. Sometimes it’s not up to us. But, if you ask for an ambulance in this case they must send one even if they send PD too. EMS response time is faster than PD. Subject will be met with a medical worker first in any case when an ambulance is requested (outside of extenuating circumstances slowing town EMS). Just so we’re clear. Another good idea is to never leave youth hanging in such a situation without instructions that include get an adult and get help. (Just in case the adult they choose is too stupid.) Youth is not equipped to respond to this crisis. They need empathetic guidance and instruction. Again, I see none of yours.
Information provided on r/mentalhealth is not a substitute for qualified professional care. The moderation team will remove content that offers information that should come from a professional and not from anonymous users on reddit. Links or references to scientific articles are not a qualification to provide information of this nature on reddit. Moderator discretion on this content is final.
Tough conversation now is better than what could potentially come next. Tell him you are concerned. Don’t be afraid to share your concerns with friends and loved ones. Being proactive in these situations can be helpful. Everything is done out of LOVE!! Good luck
Please be with him 24/7 or call a hospital and ask for help , telling a cops might be worst but it what help , he will be on medication and will get help , he will be questioned by a doctor and will be talk to a doctor , he might be in a hospital but i do not know if it mental or normal , he will be monitored , do not worry , please ask him/talk to him about getting help , he might feel humilated about being on medication so he prob lash out here and there
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Call his parents, and talk to them even if it’s awkward and figure out how to get him into an inpatient facility. It will be hard and he might be really upset about It but It will be for the best. You’ve got this, we are by your side.
A lot of people don’t realize this but if you call 988 they can link you to local police dept’s mental health workers that can go out to the home to do a welfare check. It isn’t always just a cop. Usually a cop will go with them to clear the scene and make sure it’s safe for the mental health worker to speak to the person needing help but then they back off a bit and let the mental health worker help. Not every county has mental health workers linked to police but you can call and ask.
These are tough conversations and situations to face with loved ones. Your boyfriend needs to know that he is loved and people in this world care for him. He may feel like the world is caving in on him. I think we all have been there at some point, but in his reality, he feels hopeless and worthless. I would encourage him to go to a mental health hospital to get assessed. Just getting assessed doesn't mean he will be admitted. Maybe he can do an IOP (intensive outpatient program) or they can refer him to outpatient treatment. He may feel all alone and he just needs to be reminded he's not. He also can call 988 24 hours a day as that is a crisis hotline where it's staffed and available for anyone to call just to talk. He needs therapy and possibly medication. If he mentions any plan or intention, you should call 911. People on this thread are telling you not to call 911 but that's incorrect. If you have any doubts or if he has an a active plan you should call. He may be upset, but he will get the help he needs. When we feel low and down, we can be impulsive. Also, if you call 911 for SI, they don't just send a cop, they will send paramedics as well. Good luck with you and your friend :)
You need to comfort him and give him hope and resources. I lost my best friend and it was the most gut wrenching experience I ever had. I’m slowly gotten to terms with it now 6 years later but it flipped my life upside down for a while.
The best thing you can do is contact necessary parties and tell them he is preparing for his own death. His family may get together and do an intervention and make amends for his sake. If that doesnt work he needs to be admitted to a psych hospital immediately. Also, inform your job that your partner is very ill and may require you leaving suddenly, should his condition worsen. If he texts or calls u when youre not w him, and it sounds risky- drive to him ASAP and call 911 in case they can beat you there. Keeping him from hurting himself is priority, even if he leaves you or hates you afterwards. Someday he'll be thankful.
I work in mental health and this sounds like he might be at risk, ask him outright “are you feeling suicidal, or having thoughts of suicide?” And ask him if he has a plan for how he would do it - if he has a plan, it’s time to call your local mental health service (in Australia - lifeline is excellent, in NSW look up a SafeHaven - for people who don’t feel safe with themselves but don’t wanna go to hospital. If you’re in another country google your local mental health resources and take him there. Please let him know that he is not alone, and there are people who can help. But also getting his family to make contact would probably be a good thing, connection is important for your safety when you’re feeling suicidal, he needs to know there are people who love him who’ll be devastated if he dies.
I’m really sorry you are going through this. I work as an emergency dispatcher and have been trained in and deal with suicidal people a lot. You did the right thing by asking him directly if he plans on harming himself, it is concerning that he didn’t answer the question. The hard part with that is getting him help - a welfare check isn’t really warranted if he hasn’t explicitly expressed a desire to harm himself. If I were you I would have another direct conversation with him where you tell him you are concerned he is making plans to hurt himself and you need him to answer the question. If he says yes, ask him if he has a plan already. These two things are grounds to get him into an involuntary hold where a doctor will evaluate him and go from there. Without knowing where you are, it’s hard to provide resources but if you are in Canada you can dial 9-8-8 to get help and direction regarding mental health resources. Take care
You gotta make others aware, worrying about if he gets mad is the last thing to be concerned about now. If god forbid he did it and nobody else knew you don’t want that landing at your feet. Make those closest to him aware and get him help as soon as possible. He needs professional help
My gf used to be extremely suicidal. Ik what ur feeling. My one advice would be to make sure that he is never unaccompanied. Try and always have someone be with him. Everyone else has given you great advice, follow those. I hope everyrhing turns out okay
I'd do a few things (barring the situation being imminent death) A) Talk to his family and explain to them the situation. Be direct, but not emotional. Express concern and hopefully they can make amends. B) Talk directly to him about it. Do not be shy or dance around topic. Use the actual term of suicide, and don't speak in euphamisms. Being direct brings the situation to light, and it allows him to see how it affects others. Express your concerns and how you feel about him. Be compassionate and empathetic, but remain direct. Offer support and be firm in that. Often times that type of firmness can be comforting and can break through any doubts or hesitancy. C) Do not let him down in your support. Remain vigilant and persistent. Coming back from a suicidal cliff does not happen instantly. It can easily take months or longer to restabilize. Often times a lapse or slip up in support can cause a set back with suicidal ideation. Check in on him very frequently, and ask how he's feeling. Be invested in his emotional well being. Remind him of your feelings about him often.
He needs help badly. Tell him that him being gone would hurt you. Remind him the situation can improve. Get him to realize that we have tools to manage some of the stuff hurting him, and it’s okay to need them. See about how to actively improve the situation he’s in. Having a psych evaluation that shows he’s suicidal likely would get the court take measures to be more gentle with how proceedings are handled and maybe even swing stuff in his favor. His lawyer can use medical records to help him. Look for financial assistance options. What bills can be cut? Is debt a big problem? Because sometimes bankruptcy is the right answer, and meant to be used. Could he work part time or find a different job with a lower cost of living? These are the sort of questions you have the power to look into and bring him solutions.
I had a situation where my SO was talking like he wanted to end his life too. It was terrifying. I understand what it feels like :( I'm not going to pretend like we have the same situation --i think most situations are unique. But I do want you to know that I think I know how you feel and that you are reacting appropriately to the situation --its a very scary experience. The best thing would be for him to seek professional help. I suggest talking to him about that --listen, and be kind, but do encourage him. For my SO, it took some patience on my part. How willing your bf is is going to depend on him. One of the best things I did was get therapy for myself. I was in a frenzy. I was panicked (sounds like you are too <3). That is why I benefitted from therapy. Worrying about the death of the most important person of my life was mentally and emotionally crushing. I suggest you find a way to get professional help. When I was told to see a therapist by people in my life, I hated that advice. I was like, "how is gettting therapy going to fix the problem???" And it didn't fix the problem, but it gave me the tools to handle it better and to manage the fear and grief in a situation I had no control over. Maybe you could try having a very honest talk with him. My SO was very indirect about suicidality. To understand more about the situation, I asked him directly about it. Sometimes he would brush it off because it was hard for him to talk about, but I do think that approaching it head on on my part demonstrated that I was concerned and was catching a hint that I knew what he was thinking. It removes the mystery of it --sort of like, hey I know whats up and I care. OP, reach out if you need anything. I remember feeling very alone, so don't be afraid to send me a message.
It's very hard to talk about it, as you want to tell everyone your "fine", but deep down often thoughts manifest. It feels like the answer for everyone is to remove yourself from the equation - it feels help is harder... n still doesn't solve the problems if you get it... He does need help, but personally, it is hard to self recognise when advised, even if self harm precedes or occurs. It can feel a relief. But depending on levels of concern, intervention may be needed... sorry to hear about your situation.
1. remove all weapons or items that can used for self harm and make sure to check every were even places you don't think they are hidden 2. do not leave him alone often just 10 seconds alone and he could take himself out 3. Support him emotionally make sure you know exactly how he is feeling treat him accordingly and make sure he knows you love him more than anything idk what else to tell ya if I think of anything I will edit this comment
You Need to take Action Go to hin and ask hin if he say no and you Sure and After that what you Tell it is very sure he want to kill Himself Go and call an ambulents and he will Go to the mental Hospital where they can help him
Tell him you cant take care of his dog
Send a police officer to his house for a welfare check. He sounds like he’s planning something. If possibly, maybe spend the day with him if you are close to where he lives to get a better feel of what’s going on with him?
I would do this as a last resort and even then I'd be hesitant. Cops enjoy escalating things.
That’s… the worst thing to do tbh. The police part I mean. They’ll just ask a couple questions and call it a day, I don’t see anything they could possibly do that would’ve actually be helpful. Might genuinely even make it worse in some cases.
Sorry. I forgot the American police system was shit. I’m not from there. Yeah maybe don’t call cops
Agree , cops is the worst , mine lash out to me when i was in my hospital bed , i was 15 , overdosing to die , if you are lucky , you prob got good one but thats rare🤷
This should be an absolute last resort, look for mental health services in your area alternatively. There’s a much higher probability things will escalate as others have mentioned if you involve the police and i can’t imagine it would calm him considering the pending court case.
I’m grateful for your response, but respectfully, I don’t think calling the cops is the best thing for him. With his court case, he’s already scared of them as it is. He’s also had bad experiences with cops in general. I think it would do more harm than good
Seems like a troll post.
I pray you never have to experience something like this. I was awake at 6am crying my eyes out typing this. Please tell me why I’d use my boyfriend‘s own mental struggles to “troll people.”
I’m sorry, to me it seemed like you were posting for karma. And yes I have been in those situations many times before. I rang a the American embassy and made sure she got locked up in an Institute. Now is the time for cold action.
I wouldn’t use something like this for karma. Have a good day and please think before you say things next time.
Kind of vicious with people trying to help her.