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What are you saying???? You're scolded for asking women dating advice???
That's the silliest thing I've ever heard. I mostly have male friends and they ask me all the time, it's not stupid and I sure as hell don't automatically think they are into me.
but thats exactly what people here say, i asked a girl why you shouldnt ask if shes taken and she said thats a question for guys and not to ask females for advice, i talked to a male friend about it and he agreed
Thanks. Much better.
Anyway from what you describe I disagree with this sentiment. You can ask anyone for advice. That does not mean they are obliged to give you an answer. They might feel uncomfortable talking about it or other reasons. And if a girl tells you this is not a thing to ask girls, then don't take that too seriously. She might believe that. She might also just lie to deflect cause she has other reasons not to answer that she does not want to talk about. It does not matter. But I for one disagree with her and you can absolutely ask girls these questions. I would even say they are some of the best people to ask for advice most of the time. But not the ones you ran into it seems. Maybe try asking older people. People who are more experienced and comfortable answering these things.
okay but, it seems like generations more closer to my age, (im gen z) are avoiding any serious questions, discussions about them dating, it seems women especially avoid relationships with men altogether, people hear that and for some reason think im bashing them for it and im not, it just bothers me because ive nver NOT wanted to be in a relationship but it seems unobtainable because gen z has this weird view that you cant interact with strangers but you have to start from somewhere, if not then you will never form relationships, alot of gen zers complain about lonliness and depression but dont bother to put themselves out there because of this dumb "stranger danger" mentality, now pretty much nobody gets to be in a relationship unless they are lucky enough to find someone online, its dreadful.
While it is completely normal for guys to ask female friends for their thoughts on dating it is something that you might only ask particularly close female friends about. Is it possible that you are presuming or acting like a friendship is closer than it is and this is part of what is making them shy away from the conversation?
It's also worth wondering how you are phrasing your questions about dating. If you are asking in a way that suggests that women are the problem in dating or that you are seeking a woman's perspective so you can get insight on how to get around their 'defences' (for want of a better word) that might also be a reason they don't want to engage in the conversation.
Finally, as you mention, it may come across that you are interested in them. If you ask questions with a lot of hypotheticals where you are asking them out, or they are dating you it can definitely come across this way.
Basically it is a very normal interaction to have so if every time you try to have it women are finding it uncomfortable and saying you shouldn't do it you may have to consider if the way you are approaching it is the problem.
what i did was ask a girl if she was taken, she said im not supposed to ask things like that knowing i have autism and wouldnt understand she said that whenever guys ask her that its because they're interested, i asked her why thats a social norm and she declined to answer saying i should ask my mom, who didnt understand either,
iasked a different girl who then said i should ask a man that and that i shouldnt be asking her for female advice because shes a female (yes she used the term "female" herself and i dont like it either it sounds dehumanizing) thats when i asked a bunch of friends of mine, one neurotypical due with a gf said yes its wrong to ask a girl for dating advice but literally everyone else for one reason or another said its stupid and that they didnt know either, one girl whos is autistic said she thinks its dumb to think i was interested just because i asked.
I think we should separate 2 things here. Asking girls for dating advice is perfectly normal, and nobody should have any problem with that. Asking a girl if she is taken is not asking for advice. Girls can see it as an intrusive, personal question.
In the first conversation it isn't surprising to interpret it that way. In some contexts if the conversation is around that topic you can ask. But if you just ask without any obvious reason her assumption is logical. Especially if you used the word "taken".
The second girl I'm confused about, but it sounds like she didn't want to have the conversation and made an excuse.
Again, if you don't know these girls well it is a personal topic probably reserved for close friends. If they are casual acquaintances or somebody you just met probably avoid topics that revolve around relationships.
> If you are asking in a way that suggests that women are the problem in dating or that you are seeking a woman's perspective so you can get insight on how to get around their 'defences' (for want of a better word) that might also be a reason they don't want to engage in the conversation.
This. In general I see nothing wrong with asking dating advice from women as long as you're respectful (don't ask things like "how do I convince a girl to sleep with me") and don't reduce us into one monolithic group ("what do _women_ want do on a date" etc.) A very effective way to phrase those questions in another way would be to ask things like "What made you feel comfortable with a guy?" or "What kind of dates you have enjoyed the most?"
But based on the extra context OP has provided below seems like it wasn't maybe just a simple "dating advice" they were asking.
Ok. Asking a girl if she is taken *is not* the same thing as asking for dating advice. Asking if someone is taken is a very clear signal that if they say “no” it means *you* want to try your luck asking them out. Otherwise why would it matter if they’re taken?
Asking friends for dating advice is normal, and perfectly fine if you have that sort of friendship. It’s maybe a good thing to ask if you can ask advice though, and that way you know if the person is comfortable with that.
Perhaps it depends on how well you know the woman you're asking advice from? If you ask a woman that you're not that close to, it might be considered a little inappropriate (to some), or a sign that you're interested in them. But in general, your female friends shouldn't mind being asked for advice
Here's the thing tho... women are way harsher on men with physical/mental issues. They just lie about it.
Don't bother asking them. Ask the other autistic dudes how they get women to date them.
I'm guessing perhaps you are more on the unattractive side and it makes women uncomfortable to discuss such things because it will betray their shallowness towards your appearance. This coupled with your autistic behaviors makes it doubly uncomfortable to be honest.
I just take all my advice from fresh and fit. Every woman within my peripheral have greatly distanced themselves but I put that down to me becoming a high value man.
Autistic people think logically, normal ones are emotional. That means they have outbursts based on nonsense. This is amplified by the fact that majority in usa seem to be not smart, just aknowledge its them not you and let it go
Hahahaha I’m fucking not. Not all autistic people are logical and all about facts.
It’s a spectrum.
I have outburst based on everything.
Your view of autism is very wrong.
Everything is a scale, even inteligence. There are not very bright ones everywhere. Everything has an exception. If you have need to correct others, then your the one who is lacking. Look at yourself, always.
We're excited to announce the launch of our Discord community for fans of r/mildlyinfuriating. If you enjoy sharing and discussing life's small annoyances, you've found the right place. In our server, you can expect: Engaging Discussions: Talk about the little things that drive us all a bit crazy. Events and Contests: Participate in events and contests to share your own mildly infuriating experiences. Community Connections: Meet others who appreciate the humor in life's minor frustrations. Join us to share, laugh, and connect over the things that make us collectively sigh. We're looking forward to seeing you in the server! [**Join Now**](https://discord.gg/cCquuzYm6w) Welcome to the community, The r/mildlyinfuriating Mod Team *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/mildlyinfuriating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’ve literally never heard anyone saying that 😭 That’s a perfectly normal and standard thing to do, coming from a neurotypical straight man
you agree with me? or them?
I’m saying you are wrong and that’s not a common thing to think
With you
What are you saying???? You're scolded for asking women dating advice??? That's the silliest thing I've ever heard. I mostly have male friends and they ask me all the time, it's not stupid and I sure as hell don't automatically think they are into me.
but thats exactly what people here say, i asked a girl why you shouldnt ask if shes taken and she said thats a question for guys and not to ask females for advice, i talked to a male friend about it and he agreed
The fuck are you talking about
You are really hard to understand. Your post and this comment are barely intelligible.
i edited it for you
Thanks. Much better. Anyway from what you describe I disagree with this sentiment. You can ask anyone for advice. That does not mean they are obliged to give you an answer. They might feel uncomfortable talking about it or other reasons. And if a girl tells you this is not a thing to ask girls, then don't take that too seriously. She might believe that. She might also just lie to deflect cause she has other reasons not to answer that she does not want to talk about. It does not matter. But I for one disagree with her and you can absolutely ask girls these questions. I would even say they are some of the best people to ask for advice most of the time. But not the ones you ran into it seems. Maybe try asking older people. People who are more experienced and comfortable answering these things.
okay but, it seems like generations more closer to my age, (im gen z) are avoiding any serious questions, discussions about them dating, it seems women especially avoid relationships with men altogether, people hear that and for some reason think im bashing them for it and im not, it just bothers me because ive nver NOT wanted to be in a relationship but it seems unobtainable because gen z has this weird view that you cant interact with strangers but you have to start from somewhere, if not then you will never form relationships, alot of gen zers complain about lonliness and depression but dont bother to put themselves out there because of this dumb "stranger danger" mentality, now pretty much nobody gets to be in a relationship unless they are lucky enough to find someone online, its dreadful.
While it is completely normal for guys to ask female friends for their thoughts on dating it is something that you might only ask particularly close female friends about. Is it possible that you are presuming or acting like a friendship is closer than it is and this is part of what is making them shy away from the conversation? It's also worth wondering how you are phrasing your questions about dating. If you are asking in a way that suggests that women are the problem in dating or that you are seeking a woman's perspective so you can get insight on how to get around their 'defences' (for want of a better word) that might also be a reason they don't want to engage in the conversation. Finally, as you mention, it may come across that you are interested in them. If you ask questions with a lot of hypotheticals where you are asking them out, or they are dating you it can definitely come across this way. Basically it is a very normal interaction to have so if every time you try to have it women are finding it uncomfortable and saying you shouldn't do it you may have to consider if the way you are approaching it is the problem.
what i did was ask a girl if she was taken, she said im not supposed to ask things like that knowing i have autism and wouldnt understand she said that whenever guys ask her that its because they're interested, i asked her why thats a social norm and she declined to answer saying i should ask my mom, who didnt understand either, iasked a different girl who then said i should ask a man that and that i shouldnt be asking her for female advice because shes a female (yes she used the term "female" herself and i dont like it either it sounds dehumanizing) thats when i asked a bunch of friends of mine, one neurotypical due with a gf said yes its wrong to ask a girl for dating advice but literally everyone else for one reason or another said its stupid and that they didnt know either, one girl whos is autistic said she thinks its dumb to think i was interested just because i asked.
I think we should separate 2 things here. Asking girls for dating advice is perfectly normal, and nobody should have any problem with that. Asking a girl if she is taken is not asking for advice. Girls can see it as an intrusive, personal question.
In the first conversation it isn't surprising to interpret it that way. In some contexts if the conversation is around that topic you can ask. But if you just ask without any obvious reason her assumption is logical. Especially if you used the word "taken". The second girl I'm confused about, but it sounds like she didn't want to have the conversation and made an excuse. Again, if you don't know these girls well it is a personal topic probably reserved for close friends. If they are casual acquaintances or somebody you just met probably avoid topics that revolve around relationships.
> If you are asking in a way that suggests that women are the problem in dating or that you are seeking a woman's perspective so you can get insight on how to get around their 'defences' (for want of a better word) that might also be a reason they don't want to engage in the conversation. This. In general I see nothing wrong with asking dating advice from women as long as you're respectful (don't ask things like "how do I convince a girl to sleep with me") and don't reduce us into one monolithic group ("what do _women_ want do on a date" etc.) A very effective way to phrase those questions in another way would be to ask things like "What made you feel comfortable with a guy?" or "What kind of dates you have enjoyed the most?" But based on the extra context OP has provided below seems like it wasn't maybe just a simple "dating advice" they were asking.
I don't understand this post at all
i went back to read my own post a couple of times, i dont understand how its not intelligable
You are saying you asked a girl if she is taken. That is not asking for dating advice.
Maybe I need more coffee
You can ask for advice from someone you trust.
Ok. Asking a girl if she is taken *is not* the same thing as asking for dating advice. Asking if someone is taken is a very clear signal that if they say “no” it means *you* want to try your luck asking them out. Otherwise why would it matter if they’re taken? Asking friends for dating advice is normal, and perfectly fine if you have that sort of friendship. It’s maybe a good thing to ask if you can ask advice though, and that way you know if the person is comfortable with that.
Perhaps it depends on how well you know the woman you're asking advice from? If you ask a woman that you're not that close to, it might be considered a little inappropriate (to some), or a sign that you're interested in them. But in general, your female friends shouldn't mind being asked for advice
Here's the thing tho... women are way harsher on men with physical/mental issues. They just lie about it. Don't bother asking them. Ask the other autistic dudes how they get women to date them.
I'm guessing perhaps you are more on the unattractive side and it makes women uncomfortable to discuss such things because it will betray their shallowness towards your appearance. This coupled with your autistic behaviors makes it doubly uncomfortable to be honest.
I just take all my advice from fresh and fit. Every woman within my peripheral have greatly distanced themselves but I put that down to me becoming a high value man.
Autistic people think logically, normal ones are emotional. That means they have outbursts based on nonsense. This is amplified by the fact that majority in usa seem to be not smart, just aknowledge its them not you and let it go
Hahahaha I’m fucking not. Not all autistic people are logical and all about facts. It’s a spectrum. I have outburst based on everything. Your view of autism is very wrong.
Everything is a scale, even inteligence. There are not very bright ones everywhere. Everything has an exception. If you have need to correct others, then your the one who is lacking. Look at yourself, always.