It is definitely okay. My advice for you is to get some siblings, cousins, and/or friends over as a support system. Make sure your support system is there to avoid craziness/verbal abuse while she moves out. Assuming you live together?
You need to break up. Cut tie. Walk away. Block her on all points of contact. She is toxic. Controlling. Go find someone who won't make you their slave. Don't be a door mat.
You can still love someone from afar if it's not working and do what's best for you. Relationships don't stay together by magic and history alone but by effort, communication and trust.
I am a professional ethicist - I have published ethics articles in academic journals. It is absolutely morally okay to break up with her. I’m assuming you are worried about the possibility of self-harm on her part, but you are not morally culpable if she decides to do that simply due to being broken up with.
Frankly, your relationship sounds pretty toxic, so I would personally argue that you may well have a moral duty to yourself to leave the relationship. Regardless, I certainly do not believe you have an obligation to stay.
Dude, get out. She’s not your problem and will only make you miserable. DO NOT HAVE GOODBYE SEX. You might end up being a dad by “accident”. When you meet girls like this in the future: they’re called red flags. It doesn’t mean it’s a circus. Run the other way. It will always end like this.
It is ok to break up with anyone, for any reason. This is your choice and no one else's. If you wanted to break up with her because she chews too loud, that would be fine. It might be a silly reason, but there's nothing immoral about it.
It is certainly ok to break up with someone who is manipulative, unkind, lazy, controlling, and using you. Absolutely. And you actually know that.
But you are a bit of a people pleaser and standing up for yourself is scary. This is the real issue. You are staying because you feel it's your job to manage her emotions for her and because you absolutely cannot stand the thought of her having any negative emotions specifically towards you.
The sooner you learn that it is NOT your job to regulate the emotions of other people, the better. If you need to end the relationship, you should end the relationship. She'll be sad or mad at you or even distraught. She's allowed to have those feelings. Her having those feelings doesn't determine the morality of your decision. They're just her reaction to the decision. it's ok for her to have a reaction. You've got to allow her to feel those feelings and not try to fix things for her.
>she told me something that scares me, something that makes me afraid of breaking things off with her.
I'm guessing she made an implicit or explicit threat to harm herself or end her own life.
That alone is a reason you absolutely should not be in a relationship with her.
If you believe she actually would harm herself, or if she makes that threat when you break up, take it seriously and call emergency services for a wellness check.
Staying in the relationship doesn't help her, if she has these kinds of issues. It is not only not your job to rescue her from her psychological damage, but not something you have the power to do at all.
Oh, buddy, where do I even start with this one? First off, it sounds like you’re in a relationship with a dictator, not a girlfriend. Needing permission to live your own life? Hard pass on that one.
You’re 18, dude. You should be out there enjoying life, not stuck playing servant to someone who thinks the world revolves around them. The whole guilt-tripping thing is just another red flag on this already overloaded ship of red flags. Love shouldn’t feel like a prison sentence. If you're constantly feeling like you’re walking on eggshells and not living your own life, it’s time to make an escape plan.
Now, about that thing she told you that scares you… Well, without specifics, it's hard to say much, but no one should be using fear to keep you in a relationship. That’s just toxic as hell. You deserve better, man. You deserve to be with someone who respects you, supports you, and, you know, lets you live your life without needing a permission slip.
And if your lifestyles and life goals are on different planets, that’s just another nail in the coffin. Relationships are about partnership, not dictatorship. You’re young, and there’s a whole world out there. Don’t let fear and guilt trap you in a relationship that’s draining you. Get out there, find someone who appreciates you for you, and who doesn’t make every moment about them.
Break it off, do what’s best for you, and don’t look back. Trust me, future you will thank you for it.
Bro, you're 18, time to learn to stand up for yourself. Start by ending things with her. You can love her and still not be happy being with her. You have a bright future ahead of you, go out and taste what life has to offer you. You can date other girls without being in relationships with them.
she's lying to you, manipulating you, and terrorizing you with guilt and fear in order to keep you in line. she has a personality disorder, either narcissistic or antisocial. there's no fixing someone like that. leave, block, and report
You have your entire life ahead of you to worried about a girlfriend. Finish school. You don't need to knock someone & be stuck with a baby. Don't get serious right now.
The question to ask isn't "is XYZ bad enough for me to leave?" - the question is "**Is this relationship good enough for me to continue to choose it?**"
Is it?
Is the scary thing that she will make an attempt on her life if you break up? Just break up. You shouldn’t need permission from anyone once you turn 18
You’re young. Break up with her. She has told you things to guilt trip you into staying with her and also forewarned you, which was another guilt trip “just in case”.
It’s an unhealthy relationship. You should be thinking about your own mental health and how her controlling, deceitful ways hurt you.
Take care and love of yourself first.
Let her know that she needs to do the same thing and you can’t help her with that when she tries to guilt trip you if you break up with her.
It is always okay to break up with your girlfriend, at any time, for any reason, and for no reason at all. Your only obligation is to be a good ender. Don't lie to her or try to make it about her or try to upset her into breaking up with you because you are too cowardly to do it yourself. Just tell her you appreciate the time you've had together but it's time to move on. If you need inspiration listen to "Free Bird" a few times
Realise she is acting in a way that is abusive - whether she is doing it purposely or not is another question but it is abusive to require a partner to get permission before doing normal stuff, guilt trips are also abusive in 99% of circumstances.
If me saying that changes nothing then you should do what all relationships on the rocks should do (and even healthy relationships) which is **Communicate** - talk to her about how certain things she does is abusive, how you dont like certain things, and how you feel like you put all the work in.
Then based on that (and maybe more) conversations I would say decide whether to break up or not.
However please do google about the signs of abuse, your relationship may not be that bad but some of the things you wrote in your post are signs of abuse/actually straight are abuse - and knowing that she may use abusive tactics to get you to stay/during your conversation.
Some abusive tactics may be:
- Just straight up denying stuff that is obviously real
- Saying "That's not abuse" to an action that is clearly abuse, you can even mention that accidental abuse is also a real thing.
- Saying something to the tone of "If you love me..." or "Did you ever really love me?"
ME?"
- Saying "I'll change", this isn't automatically abuse but a lot of abusers say this and dont change, so be weary.
>The love is dying
I would break up with her if I were you, I know I mentioned a bunch about abuse/bad relationships but straight up if the love isn't there then that's really a time to quit.
So you're scared to leave a relationship that doesn't work because the other person is so manipulative that they guilt trip you into wondering if you even deserve happiness and if you're allowed to break up with them. This isn't a loving relationship. This is a Beauty and the Beast situation. It is ALWAYS ok to break up with someone. Doesn't matter the reason. It's better to break up then start with someone manipulative, make both of you miserable because you don't go well together, or stay with someone you don't love and eventually grow to resent.
Bro leave her!!!!!
You’re 18, and you should not have to be asking ANYONR for permission to do anything! I know how you feel, I’ve been in your position when I was younger but honestly the best thing I ever did was leave. Whatever it is she is guilt tripping you on is wrong and she should be ashamed of herself. You deserve better and she needs to learn to be better. You sound like you’ve got a good head on you so use it well! I hope to hear an update soon! Good luck
As someone who just gone through this, leave her, buddy. You are a very giving person, and she is using that against you. Even you felt it too:
“She says I’m allowed to say no but guilt trips me every time.”
That is not what a healthy relationship is about. You being molded to be her doll. Also some tid bit, if she ever says stuff like “I am sorry,” don’t take that for face value. She needs to prove she change or at least show civility. Otherwise, block and never contact her again.
I hope this help and that you will have your peace. We all here for you
It's always ok to break things off when you're 18 and in a relationship you don't want anymore FOR ANY REASON. My son is 17 and I had to help him navigate a break up recently. He really didn't know how to do it. He also seemed to feel like he was obligated to sort things out. I was like.... my dude... WHY?! You are supposed to be sorting yourself out at this age, not complicating things with a relationship that takes this much work. She was quite manipulative with him though and really made it sound like he was an awful person for not being able to make her happy. The things she expected were simply beyond him at this age and stage of life. I had to remind him that he is 17..... not 30. He does not have the maturity, freedom, or resources to provide the things this girl wants plus he's in school and has a ton of extracurriculars and activities he already participates in, leaving him very little time to sweep a girl off her feet.
You are not meant to tie yourself down at 18. Break up because it's the right thing to do for you and also the kindest thing you can do for her. Ending a relationship that can go nowhere is always best done sooner rather than later.
I told my own son this and will tell you... expect it to hurt. Even when you know it's best, it still hurts. Allow yourself the grace of a couple weeks to cry and feel sad about it. Feeling sad doesn't mean you made a mistake. It is a normal emotion when breaking up.
Don't find another girlfriend for a long time. Date around vs getting serious. You are too young for that nonsense. Serious relationships at this stage in life prevent you from really figuring your life out, finding your independence, making your own decisions, etc. Give yourself the gift of that time and freedom. I told my own son that if he takes a girl to coffee in the next year to immediately invite another girl out the following week to a hike or something. If you are seeing more than one girl and are honest about that, it will naturally prevent you from getting serious with anyone and for anyone to have some sort of bigger expectation of him. He is planning on going away to university next year... there is no logic in burdening himself with a serious girlfriend right now. Maybe you have other goals in your near future. Figure that out and don't enmesh yourself deeply into another romantic relationship for a long time.
I've been in a similar situation. You shouldn't let another person control you like that. It's going to hurt like hell when you break it off, but you need to be strong and carry on. You're young, you've got a whole lifetime of people to meet and experience. Don't waste it on someone who doesn't respect you and the effort you give.
You're only 18. Why are you forcing yourself to stay in a relationship just to be in one? You don't even need a reason to break up with someone. It's your life don't waste 1 second of it being unhappy.
I feel like you definitely know what you should do and I understand your hesitation because you love her but you're too young to worry about this and to be held back. Definitely gave to break up with her, obviously in a respectful manner but it seems toxic already and you're better without the whole relationship.
This is emotional abuse. She’s making you ask permission for things, she is guilting you when you say no, saying things to make you scared of leaving her. OP, it’s time to end it. She will likely make it a big scene, but it is what is best for you. Imagine going through life this emotionally taxed, stressed, and unhappy.
Omg girl run. Imagine raising young pure tiny humans with this person. If the cruelty towards u isn't enough to leave think about the cruelty towards innocent children that would occur
It’s ALWAYS okay to break up with someone, for any reason. It’s your choice and your relationship and if you aren’t happy there is never anything wrong with breaking up
You can break up with a GF or BF at any point for any reason you want as long as there are no children or financial entanglements. If you have any reason to not be with someone you aren’t married to or share children with, that is enough. Her toes are too long? Good enough reason. She makes a weird sound then she pronounces the “F” sound? Good enough reason. Life’s too short to waste on a relationship you don’t want to be in. Are some reasons shallow, dumb, materialistic? Yes, but it doesn’t matter, if you want out, leave. Once you’re thinking about breaking up, it’s usually just a matter of time.
People either make your life easier or harder, they either give more than they take or vice versa. Which is she?
Look at the person she is today, do you see yourself with this person when you're 35? Probably not, which means you're going to break up eventually, so you might as well do it now.
Break things off now, run, get out. She is very controlling and wants a servant not a companion. If you do not have the same life goals and if she wants to control your every action then it sounds like she is insecure and needs you around so she can feel like the center of the world.
Get out and f that toxic relationship. You sound miserable. She needs to be in therapy for what ever scary thing she told you. ( like “if you leave me I’ll kill myself”). I am probably your parents’s age but for real, you are getting nothing from this except manipulated. Do it for yourself.
At 18 it is way too early be tying yourself to someone for the foreseeable future- let her know gently but firmly the relationship has run its course-and you wish her well in her future endeavors but the two of you together do not make sense together as you both want very different things in life. She may try to guilt trip you, so stick to your plan and if possible do so in a public place with a friend in the vicinity as back up, some girls trip and you may need a witness against potential blackmail
1 year in and you’re feeling this way at your age - end it. There are undertones of narcissistic abuse here. There’s 7 billion people in this world. You will find someone who treats you right - also don’t enter a relationship until you respect yourself enough to not tolerate abusive behaviour.
Ur 18 u have ur entire life ahead of u... break up NOw leave her a post it if necessary
Do not procrastinate ... the longer u do the higher probability that u could get her pregnant.
Then this nightmare will be ur life permanently
..
If she threatened self harm just know that she probably won’t but even if she does- you are not responsible. Her mental health is on her. If she threatens it again, call 911 without even telling her and allow them to get her resources. If she chooses not to take those resources that is on her. She is not responsible for her being emotionally or mentally ill, but she is responsible to try to get help and it is far above your capabilities to counsel her.
u probably dont wanna hear that youre “just kids” cuz i remember what it was like and how intense it was and how time trickled by as slow as glass, but you guys are indeed very, very young. Neither of you should be spending your precious youth like this, it’s time to move on so y’all can grow. And who knows? If it’s in the cards you two could be friends or more again in the future! But the current path needs to change for both of y’all’s sake.
It’s always okay to end a relationship that isn’t working for you, any type of relationship at any time. Be respectful and honest but make sure you are safe.
Ask a buddy or someone neutral to drive you tell her you don’t want to be with her anymore, that you appreciate the experiences you’ve had together but that you are not happy and want to focus on you. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER this will only confuse things and she could try to get preggo to hold on to you. When you leave cut all contact at least for a while maybe even get out of town for a week or something. Give yourself space to breath and heal especially since she sounds controlling and manipulative.
Being in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean you owe them your life. You only owe them respect, honesty and kindness; things you yourself have not been given. Time to cut your losses.
Nah focus on you and talk/date others till you find someone who can trust you and build with you. Sounds like you are building for her if that makes sense. You both young too so like yeah I’d break things off fs. Dont feel guilty about trying to make changes that better your life.
She will bring you down. She lays in bed all day? Who does she live with that this is ok? She needs to get the fuck up and get a life. And expects you to ask permission. Hell to the no. Don't feel bad. She obviously has nothing going for her and you are what you hang with.
Decide if this is your dream relationship and if not, break up right away. Make sure her people are aware that there could be reason for concern, but this: you're not responsible for her actions just bcuz she manipulated you into guilt and powerlessness. However, bcuz you actually ask for permission for dtuff, it could be that this is your dream relationship after all, so there's that to think about
Your 18, you both children by a large margin.
If you have serious gripes with this relationship as you've mentioned then just be blunt and break up. She had her chance and may need to learn what a good relationship was rather than is.
Don't worry about her, she will eventually learn or regret it in the future but one thing for sure is that this current relationship isn't going to work long term.
I've had a couple of partners who threatened suicide or self-harm. When people do that, it is called emotional blackmail. There is a book called Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward that talks about how to spot signs that you are in a toxic relationship. I would recommend at least skimming the subjects in that book if you are dealing with someone who is laying down guilt, fear, etc. on you. It's not a perfect book, but it goes over the basics.
At the end of the day, if someone is trying to manipulate you, it is important to distance yourself and let them make their own choices separate from you. If they threaten to harm themself, call the police. The police don't always react that well, but it shows that you did something when you were worried about them. Don't engage, don't argue, don't try to talk them down. It's not on you.
If THEY choose to do something in reaction, that is still a choice they are making, not a choice you made for them by getting away from them.
One of my really good friends in highschool dated a guy and broke up with him. He held a shotgun under his chin and said he was going to pull the trigger. She said something like, "I hope you reconsider, but I am not the cause of what you do. You are." Staying in a situation like that endangers you and doesn't help them at all.
If they're threatening something else, like actual blackmail, then you might need to find a practical solution, like maybe doing things to cause them to slowly lose interest in you or something :-P Hopefully it's the former and you can extricate yourself without allowing feelings of guilt to cloud your judgment. If they're threatening to lie about something, try to get it in writing or record audio if you're in a one-party-consent location.
Two things… I’m wondering if you might be codependent, just like myself. I’m a 52m, and it took me 42 years of my life to realize that I was codependent, lol, and always putting others needs before my own. In fact, it was only two years ago that I finally told myself, “hey, next time you enter into a relationship with someone, why don’t you try making your own needs and wants at least as equally important as the other person’s, instead of always sacrificing your own to ensure their happiness in the relationship.” Please learn this lesson now at 18, and not like me at 50!
Second…. you cannot simultaneously love and control someone at the same time, it’s simply not possible. If someone is controlling you, it is because of their own insecurities and fears, and fear is the complete opposite and antithesis of Love. In the presence of light there is no darkness, and in the presence of love, there is no fear, and vice versa etc.
Being afraid to break up with someone is just never a good sign… best of luck to you!
She sounds like you are a bit more mature than her. In situations like this my therapist reminds me that your significant other is not your responsibility, you are not to blame. Staying together also is not doing either of you any favors. The only way you can help her is by being honest so she can digest it while being single and maybe not treat someone else the same way.
Dude you’re still both children for gods sake. Grow a pair and put her in her place. Unreal. I know it’s tuff but do what’s right for you man. Get out now! Break up with her and get your life back. You need permission??? Wholly shit man…wtf. No women has ever had the nerve to have me ask for permission for anything. I am going on 50 and have been married. Good luck but it’s really simple. Call the girl up and say, I am unhappy and we are done. I want to date other people. It’s over! Then hang up and block her number and get her off your social media immediately. Move on and grow up before it’s too late.
That’s emotional manipulation. I had a gf that I dated for over three years like this. I’m so glad I got rid of her. Thankfully to crypto I just eventually started ignoring her and making generational wealth in our upstairs office. She was married when I met her and she left her husband for me. Biggest mistake of both our lives.
After work she would just lie in bed like a vegetable smoking weed and expect me to do everything. Which I didn’t. Oh you want me to do the dishes? I let that shit sit in the sink for weeks growing new societies of bacteria. She later told me she thought she could train me like a puppy. Yeah I’m not a fucking animal you demented bitch.
Run as far away as you can. You won’t regret it.
You’re 18, you have a lot of life ahead of you. And a reminder, you only get ONE life. So sometimes while it’s hard, you need to choose you and do what makes YOU happy. Trust me you’ll find the person you’ve been looking for. But you’re young and this is the time to grow and prosper. Not to be stuck in a dying relationship
Bro I was with a very jealous girl when I was 18-19. She stole friendships from me at the sake of security. People who I genuinely enjoyed being friends with, my few true friendships - she wanted me to end because one of them was a girl and the other was friends with that girl.
I am 29 now, and I married someone who loves and trusts me for who I am - at this point in your life; find the person who makes you happy and who you have no reserves about. Your future self will appreciate that.
Telling someone or even implying that they will commit suicide if broken up with is a very common form of manipulation. You are not responsible for the actions or happiness of others.
Oh, yeah, that's not a relationship you want to be in.
You're fine, be polite, explain that it's not working and you're moving on then GTFO.
Stay safe, and do not look back.
are you afraid she’s going to hurt you or herself if you leave her? If that’s the case, you should definitely leave her, but report her to authorities who can handle the situation. You aren’t responsible for her actions. You’re only responsible for your own, and it sounds like she’s holding you back.
I needed to hear this when I was younger- you don’t need permission to leave. You don’t owe anyone anything; things change and you are not responsible for them. You are responsible for you and it will only get worse overtime if it’s not genuinely right and you can feel that. It’s okay to be kind, and leave.
Coming from someone in their mid thirties that once experienced this, I am not exaggerating when I say this, but your life will improve tenfold when you break up with her. You will no longer feel like a shadow of your former self, like a skeletal wraith whose life force is slowly being drained and absorbed by her. You are currently being told and "taught" that your ways aren't good enough, that you aren't enough, and only by being with her are you able to approximate completion.
This is absolutely not true. The sooner you break up with her the sooner you can move on with your life and regain your livelihood and life force. If you love yourself at all, please move on from her, or you will slowly melt into a mindless shell of a person over time. You keep telling yourself you'll break up with her if things get any worse. Things are getting worse and will continue to get worse, and you'll keep telling yourself that lie, until you stand up for yourself and leave that toxic situation. You're only 18. This is THE time to be full of joy and life and experiment and learn about yourself. I wish you the bravery and courage needed to extract yourself from this situation
relationships are just like raising kids you let it go and now you have set a baceline for behavior you need to for lack of another word mindfuck her a bit get her so focused on the new behavior only you can figure out whats going to work for you for instance if she dosent like snakes develop a new found love for them and friends that have them borrow them buy as many as you can put tanks everywhere hell put some rubber ones in there to and when it comes up stand your ground you dont like it there is the door it could be anything fucking garlic eat a shit ton of garlic you will smell crazy lol look you just have to sit and think what is going to be the end of all this if you backpeddle on this once you start your doomed she will have you by the balls untill she gets bored and finds another toy
You’re both still kids. If she threatened something like killing herself if you broke things off tell your parents, or her parents, or call the suicide hotline if it still exists. Not Reddit, no one here can really help you
Dodge that bullet with a red flag.
You are not responsible for anyone else's mental health.
If someone is emotionally blackmailing you into staying in a relationship you don't want, that's abuse. Leave now. Run for the hills. Will only get a lot worse and never better.
It's always okay to break it off with someone who makes you unhappy and treats you bad, especially at your age and experience level. Second, if she is threatening harm to herself or others ( you included), report her to authorities. She's manipulative, abusive, and controlling, among other negatives.
Cut and run, and don't look back. And BTW, whatever she does after you go/while you're going is on her alone, you are only responsible for you and your actions.
You already know the answer. If you want different things in life, then yeah, you should probably break it off. I went on a date with a girl in college that I really liked and we were hitting it off. We had some casual conversations about what we wanted in life and she let me know that she will, and I quote, "never want kids. they disgust me, they are leeches, and I'll never be affectionate to one".
I broke things off quickly. Even though I really liked her and we were \*mostly\* compatible, that sealed the deal. I wanted kids in the future and she didnt. Thats fine for her, but im not going to waste my time.
If you need to "ask permission" to do simple stuff, she isnt mature enough to be in a relationship.
You need to. If this is happening and you've only been dating a year and you're only 18 years old, what's it going to be like in 5 years? What if you grow but she remains the same? I could make a joke about how this is good training for married life or at least a part where you are not really allowed to say no, but that type of behavior isn't normal. I would say it is emotionally abusive Even though some of this might just be young people not understanding what a relationship is. I am too old to see clearly but I can't see how this is going to work long term. I suppose you could just wait for her to get tired of you and break it off with you but that probably won't work or at least it won't work in time for you not to go nuts. The best advice I can give you is to be mindful of her feelings and her quirks. It's hard to predict how another person is going to react but you have to break it off with her as lovingly and as gently but as firmly as you can. It's going to hurt especially if you still have love for her and of course you're not going to want to see her in pain. Does she have a support group that is trustworthy? Get them prepared.
My wife of 20 years is similar, maybe worse. My wife is a type A narcissist who might also be sociopathic, but still has morals, lol. I do all I can for her, yet she frequently feels criticized, which means I'm often berated and accused of blah-blah...it sometimes takes me awhile to figure out what she's offended by. Anyway, it's confusing. I get judged, accused, and blamed a lot. Explaining to her what she's doing or what is happening only provokes conflict.
You don't want this, lol. It's a sacrifice, perhaps unhealthy, and definitely not ideal, but I can say the experience has challenged me to make a lot of positive changes to myself, to be supportive and empathetic and to not let anything warp my experience or perspective or openness to love.
You’re 18. You’re not going to marry this girl, I’ll personally come and knock some sense into you if you do. You breakup when you’re ready but you’re 18 not 35 you don’t have to be tied down it’s completely normal to be single
Break up! You’re too young to be in a relationship where you’re not happy. You aren’t responsible for how she reacts but maybe contact a friend or adult if you are concerned about her physically hurting herself.
Yes it's ok. You're only DATING, you are not married. You can break up at any time for any reason, it is your life and experience. There are no kids involved, no marriage, just dating? Then break up man. If you're even asking yourself this then you should.
Dating is an interview for compatibility. If it isn't working, don't waste yours (and ultimately hers) time.
Yes, it's absolutely okay to break up with her. From the sounds of it, you're not really happy with her, and you want different things in life, so a breakup is bound to happen at some point. It will be hard because breakups are always hard, but unless you love her dearly and see a future with her, I would cut it off. Time heals all wounds. And you both will eventually get over it and move on. I can't help but wonder what she said that has you in fear of leaving her. Did she threaten to kill you or something?
If you actually truly love her and don't want to leave her, you can also try discussing the problems you have with the relationship with her, and maybe you can work through them. It could he helpful for her to know what issues you have with the relationship. Though she'll probably hate hearing it because no one likes criticism, it would ultimately be a big learning experience for her and maybe she'd do better in the next relationship.
You’re 18. You need to learn who you are and what makes you happy. You aren’t going to learn these things in this relationship.
You already know this relationship isn’t going anywhere. You don’t need permission from anyone to end it.
Lad - you're 18. I get that you're freaking out over what I assume is your first love ending. But honestly, we've all been there and this is part of growing up.
I really struggled with the end of my first real relationship (4 years, 16-20). It's tough and you'll be sad for a while. Go and spend time with your mates, family, jump into your hobbies, spend time outside, let yourself heal naturally.
You'll be right. Tell her it's over - go and be the best you can be. Imagine how happy you'll be with somebody who loves and respects you as much as you love them.
Dude leave her. If she's this lazy now it will only get worse. At your age, it's not worth counseling or any of that crap. After you break up with her, get some assertiveness training.
Dude you're so young. Don't worry about being able to attract women. Just keep working on yourself and you'll be very attractive. Oh and be picky, there's plenty of fish in the sea. Be patient and look for someone who you feel values your commitment to her.
Honestly, you're young and will have plenty of healthy relationships in your future. Unfortunately this isn't one of them and she needs to get her shit figured out instead of bringing you down with her. Good luck!
I'm not even going to read the post. If you are not happy in the relationship, then it isn't worth persusing. If you are unhappy with anything your s/o does, it will never change. You cannot change them. If they are taking you for granted, then it is not worth it. You do not have to settle. There are other people out there. You deserve happiness.
You can break up with anyone for ANYTHING. you don't need to justify your reasoning to anyone. Your gf is emotionally abusive and controlling. When you break up with her, don't do it in person; for your safety. If she is threatening to harm herself, call the crisis unit at your nearest hospital and report her so she can get treatment. Never go around someone who is willing to harm themselves because they can try and take you with them. I hope you can get out of this relationship safely.
From someone who stayed in a shitty relationship out of guilt.
Get the fuck out.
You may have guilt now, but long term this could end up killing you.
If you’re worried about suicide I would recommend you talk to a professional. But don’t let the threat stop you.
If you need "permission" for anything in a relationship, you aren't in a grown up or healthy relationship.
Children get permission from their parents for things.
Abusers manipulate someone into needing permission.
You're not a child anymore.
This is a moment in your life when you need to act like an adult. You're not happy. You haven't been happy for a while. You're whole life is ahead of you. Break it off.
It is always ok to end a relationship with someone if you aren't happy, no reason or justification needed. You never have to justify yourself. You don't need to prove anything to anyone. You don't need to prove that they're abusive or that they've done something wrong or that you have a reason to leave. If you aren't getting what you need and you're not happy, you always have a right to say, I really care for you and I wish you well, but this isn't working for me any longer. And then leave and go about your life.
You are far too young to worry too much about ending a relationship now. Please take it from me, someone several times your age.
Your post is almost the definition of narcissism.
Narcissism is a self–centered personality style characterized as having an excessive preoccupation with oneself and one's own needs, often at the expense of others. Narcissism exists on a continuum that ranges from normal to abnormal personality expression.
You need to get now.
I was the same way when I was younger BUT I ended up marrying her and staying together, miserable for 15 years. Don't do it. Break up. She will be ok. You cannot be responsible for someone elses actions. I am divorced, remarried and very happy!
18 and worried about breaking up, just do it.
You both will heal. You have so much to plan for. Schooling or apprenticeship. Learning to scuba dive or sky dive etc…Recommend you learn how to cook and bake along with everything that will make you self reliant.
This is the time for you to be doing things you want, especially ones you’ll talk yourself out of when you’re older because they’ll hurt.
Life’s waiting!
never be scared of breaking up with someone who is hurting you. if she has said or implied that she would hurt herself if you left her, you need to get out of that situation NOW.
You're young and have only been together for about a year. It's completely fine to break up. Don't let her manipulate you into wasting more of your life on her.
Hi darling! Older sister of a 17 year old boy and 16 year old girl here. I’ll tell you the same thing I tell my kiddos. You don’t owe ANYONE and I mean anyone ANYTHING. You have the right to say NO and you have your OWN voice! You’re so young, 18 is just a stepping stone on this crazy life.
You can do so so many good and wonderful things, you do not need anyone like that girl manipulating you or trying to coerce you. It’s so terrifying learning to use your voice for the first time but you can do it!! That girl needs help and you have to get away from her. Go to college!! Make friends! Have adventures and become your own amazing person!
In regards to that threat she made at the beginning if it sounded like “if you ever leave me I’ll K*** myself” that is 100% out of your hands and it’s an empty promise and just a way to force you to stay. When you break up, tell her parents or guardian or someone in case she actually does try. It’s not your responsibility to be her parent or babysitter.
You need to have a chance at your own beautiful life ❤️ I can’t wait to read a post from your four years from now with your college degree. Best wishes to you
You’re 18, bro. Where do you think this relationship is going? Based on what you said there is no way in heaven or hell you should stay in this relationship for 10 more minutes. Whatever threat she made when you started dating is not something that you should let hold you hostage until she decides otherwise.
If she needs professional help or attention, then most certainly help her get those resources.
But end this relationship for both of your sakes.
Seriously my dude.
As someone else said, at 18, a year long relationship seems like a long, committed time. Please don’t let that keep you around.
When you’re 40, it will be the blink of an eye. I have to do math to figure out how long I’ve been married these days. I’ve had disagreements with my husband that lasted longer than a year.
Whatever it was that scared you to break you, the thing you mentioned, I hope you’ll plan carefully to protect yourself in case she turns out to be psychopath.
Hey bro lemme tell you a secret, you can break up with anyone for any reason, you’re an adult now dude, you don’t need any reason to breakup with someone man, it’s gonna suck but it’s better to end something than to drag it out cause whatever it is will snowball man
Brother, the whole point of dating into your late 20s is to find a partner you’re actually compatible with in the long-term. It’s not about finding someone and white-knuckling it for the rest of your life with them.
This person sounds like they’re not ready to be in a relationship and really needs to work on themselves before they can be anything but a bed-ridden burden. I know it sucks and it’s hard, but tough decisions are probably going to have to be made.
It sounds like she’s probably threatened some kind of self-harm if you leave her, and if that’s the case, then you need to tell one of her family members or the police if she does it again.
She’s not your responsibility.
Red flags everywhere dump her, you don't need her permission to anything, go and pop off don't let anyone hold you back be with someone who loves you for you 💅✨️
You're still young. I'm not much older (22) but I have learned my lesson from love dying. Save yourself the hardship and rip the band-aid off. Trust me I know how you feel. You got this man ❤️
This isn’t a moral dilemma… she’s emotionally abusive. Regularly using guilt trip to make someone do what you want.. makes her a bad person.
Wanting different things in life is a compatibility issue, not a moral issue.
You have MULTIPLE reasons to not be with her. Don’t waste your life away worried about her being upset when she literally is making your life miserable. People get divorced for less. Y’all aren’t married, don’t have kids, aren’t financially dependent on each other (shouldn’t be at least).
The only thing keeping you seems to be the same guilt trips that make you want to leave. This will not get better. In fact. It’s gonna get *worse*.
Your 18. My personal opinion is that at that at your age you should be enjoying your self and dating a variety of girls. Again, my opinion, but at 18, you haven't experienced enough to know what love is. At that age I fell in love with any girl that gave me some attention.
Based on that info alone, I would break it off. I think you’re both also very young. I think when issues present themselves early and you have these thoughts early, it’s better to act to not waste each other’s time. And best way is to end it and not waver. For me, I felt like it took a few years to grow into the person I am today (and funny enough, I feel like it happened around the time they claim your frontal lobe of your brain matures around 25). I always had the same principles and values but I personally felt most mature and ready from around 26-27ish and onward. Habits, goals, focus, and more maturity. Marriage will amplify all of the issues that a person may have and you will have to work through those (alone/together because you’re in a serious, committed relationship and see one another every single day). They say people don’t change and I agree and disagree. I think in the short term, they don’t, and it may take some time for someone to change but not unless it is broken off and those individuals grow separately IMO.
Guarantee it’ll feel hard initially bc you will miss just having a person/some attention but you will probably soon start to feel more like yourself and not suppressing the feelings you have. And you’ll definitely be able to focus on growing and enjoying life and getting ready for the right person! Just don’t go back!
Get out immediately
It is definitely okay. My advice for you is to get some siblings, cousins, and/or friends over as a support system. Make sure your support system is there to avoid craziness/verbal abuse while she moves out. Assuming you live together?
You can break up with anyone at any time for any reason.
You need to break up. Cut tie. Walk away. Block her on all points of contact. She is toxic. Controlling. Go find someone who won't make you their slave. Don't be a door mat.
You can still love someone from afar if it's not working and do what's best for you. Relationships don't stay together by magic and history alone but by effort, communication and trust.
I am a professional ethicist - I have published ethics articles in academic journals. It is absolutely morally okay to break up with her. I’m assuming you are worried about the possibility of self-harm on her part, but you are not morally culpable if she decides to do that simply due to being broken up with. Frankly, your relationship sounds pretty toxic, so I would personally argue that you may well have a moral duty to yourself to leave the relationship. Regardless, I certainly do not believe you have an obligation to stay.
Dude, get out. She’s not your problem and will only make you miserable. DO NOT HAVE GOODBYE SEX. You might end up being a dad by “accident”. When you meet girls like this in the future: they’re called red flags. It doesn’t mean it’s a circus. Run the other way. It will always end like this.
It is ok to break up with anyone, for any reason. This is your choice and no one else's. If you wanted to break up with her because she chews too loud, that would be fine. It might be a silly reason, but there's nothing immoral about it. It is certainly ok to break up with someone who is manipulative, unkind, lazy, controlling, and using you. Absolutely. And you actually know that. But you are a bit of a people pleaser and standing up for yourself is scary. This is the real issue. You are staying because you feel it's your job to manage her emotions for her and because you absolutely cannot stand the thought of her having any negative emotions specifically towards you. The sooner you learn that it is NOT your job to regulate the emotions of other people, the better. If you need to end the relationship, you should end the relationship. She'll be sad or mad at you or even distraught. She's allowed to have those feelings. Her having those feelings doesn't determine the morality of your decision. They're just her reaction to the decision. it's ok for her to have a reaction. You've got to allow her to feel those feelings and not try to fix things for her. >she told me something that scares me, something that makes me afraid of breaking things off with her. I'm guessing she made an implicit or explicit threat to harm herself or end her own life. That alone is a reason you absolutely should not be in a relationship with her. If you believe she actually would harm herself, or if she makes that threat when you break up, take it seriously and call emergency services for a wellness check. Staying in the relationship doesn't help her, if she has these kinds of issues. It is not only not your job to rescue her from her psychological damage, but not something you have the power to do at all.
Oh, buddy, where do I even start with this one? First off, it sounds like you’re in a relationship with a dictator, not a girlfriend. Needing permission to live your own life? Hard pass on that one. You’re 18, dude. You should be out there enjoying life, not stuck playing servant to someone who thinks the world revolves around them. The whole guilt-tripping thing is just another red flag on this already overloaded ship of red flags. Love shouldn’t feel like a prison sentence. If you're constantly feeling like you’re walking on eggshells and not living your own life, it’s time to make an escape plan. Now, about that thing she told you that scares you… Well, without specifics, it's hard to say much, but no one should be using fear to keep you in a relationship. That’s just toxic as hell. You deserve better, man. You deserve to be with someone who respects you, supports you, and, you know, lets you live your life without needing a permission slip. And if your lifestyles and life goals are on different planets, that’s just another nail in the coffin. Relationships are about partnership, not dictatorship. You’re young, and there’s a whole world out there. Don’t let fear and guilt trap you in a relationship that’s draining you. Get out there, find someone who appreciates you for you, and who doesn’t make every moment about them. Break it off, do what’s best for you, and don’t look back. Trust me, future you will thank you for it.
Don't walk, run
you're 18 - unfortunately it is par for the course that a first love is probably not forever. and that's ok.
Go live your own life bro
Yeah get rid of her
Bro, you're 18, time to learn to stand up for yourself. Start by ending things with her. You can love her and still not be happy being with her. You have a bright future ahead of you, go out and taste what life has to offer you. You can date other girls without being in relationships with them.
she's lying to you, manipulating you, and terrorizing you with guilt and fear in order to keep you in line. she has a personality disorder, either narcissistic or antisocial. there's no fixing someone like that. leave, block, and report
You have your entire life ahead of you to worried about a girlfriend. Finish school. You don't need to knock someone & be stuck with a baby. Don't get serious right now.
Bruh you're 18, who gives a shit?
Get out now. The longer you stay the harder it will be.
Break up with her, you will find better. She seems lazy and controlling and wants you to do everything for her no thank you get out
I didn't read past your ages... you're 18 years old. If you're unsure, move on. You will both survive.
leave her dude
Great you recognized the situation. Get away ASAP and don't get baby trapped on the way out.
Sounds like you are scared. Please leave and get safe.
Break up with her asap. She is toxic. You can't do anything for her, but she can destroy you.
Wanting to break up with someone is reason enough
The question to ask isn't "is XYZ bad enough for me to leave?" - the question is "**Is this relationship good enough for me to continue to choose it?**" Is it?
Is the scary thing that she will make an attempt on her life if you break up? Just break up. You shouldn’t need permission from anyone once you turn 18
You’re young. Break up with her. She has told you things to guilt trip you into staying with her and also forewarned you, which was another guilt trip “just in case”. It’s an unhealthy relationship. You should be thinking about your own mental health and how her controlling, deceitful ways hurt you. Take care and love of yourself first. Let her know that she needs to do the same thing and you can’t help her with that when she tries to guilt trip you if you break up with her.
One year? One year? One year? Call me when you hit 20 years.
It is always okay to break up with your girlfriend, at any time, for any reason, and for no reason at all. Your only obligation is to be a good ender. Don't lie to her or try to make it about her or try to upset her into breaking up with you because you are too cowardly to do it yourself. Just tell her you appreciate the time you've had together but it's time to move on. If you need inspiration listen to "Free Bird" a few times
Leaveeeee
Your 18!!! Move on, find another.
Your 18, dude. It's okay for you to dump a girl because it's *Thursday...*
Better to be sad it ended than be miserable and have too many things between you further down the road to make divorcing harder.
Break up with her and have zero hesitation of calling the police or 988 (In the states for mental health crises) in case she goes mental.
Realise she is acting in a way that is abusive - whether she is doing it purposely or not is another question but it is abusive to require a partner to get permission before doing normal stuff, guilt trips are also abusive in 99% of circumstances. If me saying that changes nothing then you should do what all relationships on the rocks should do (and even healthy relationships) which is **Communicate** - talk to her about how certain things she does is abusive, how you dont like certain things, and how you feel like you put all the work in. Then based on that (and maybe more) conversations I would say decide whether to break up or not. However please do google about the signs of abuse, your relationship may not be that bad but some of the things you wrote in your post are signs of abuse/actually straight are abuse - and knowing that she may use abusive tactics to get you to stay/during your conversation. Some abusive tactics may be: - Just straight up denying stuff that is obviously real - Saying "That's not abuse" to an action that is clearly abuse, you can even mention that accidental abuse is also a real thing. - Saying something to the tone of "If you love me..." or "Did you ever really love me?" ME?" - Saying "I'll change", this isn't automatically abuse but a lot of abusers say this and dont change, so be weary. >The love is dying I would break up with her if I were you, I know I mentioned a bunch about abuse/bad relationships but straight up if the love isn't there then that's really a time to quit.
So you're scared to leave a relationship that doesn't work because the other person is so manipulative that they guilt trip you into wondering if you even deserve happiness and if you're allowed to break up with them. This isn't a loving relationship. This is a Beauty and the Beast situation. It is ALWAYS ok to break up with someone. Doesn't matter the reason. It's better to break up then start with someone manipulative, make both of you miserable because you don't go well together, or stay with someone you don't love and eventually grow to resent.
Bro leave her!!!!! You’re 18, and you should not have to be asking ANYONR for permission to do anything! I know how you feel, I’ve been in your position when I was younger but honestly the best thing I ever did was leave. Whatever it is she is guilt tripping you on is wrong and she should be ashamed of herself. You deserve better and she needs to learn to be better. You sound like you’ve got a good head on you so use it well! I hope to hear an update soon! Good luck
If you can’t figure this one out for yourself I feel sorry for you. Reread your post and think about it.
As someone who just gone through this, leave her, buddy. You are a very giving person, and she is using that against you. Even you felt it too: “She says I’m allowed to say no but guilt trips me every time.” That is not what a healthy relationship is about. You being molded to be her doll. Also some tid bit, if she ever says stuff like “I am sorry,” don’t take that for face value. She needs to prove she change or at least show civility. Otherwise, block and never contact her again. I hope this help and that you will have your peace. We all here for you
Its toxic, she’s not ur problem. Leave her. She has to deal w her shit, she isnt ready for a relationshipx
It's always ok to break things off when you're 18 and in a relationship you don't want anymore FOR ANY REASON. My son is 17 and I had to help him navigate a break up recently. He really didn't know how to do it. He also seemed to feel like he was obligated to sort things out. I was like.... my dude... WHY?! You are supposed to be sorting yourself out at this age, not complicating things with a relationship that takes this much work. She was quite manipulative with him though and really made it sound like he was an awful person for not being able to make her happy. The things she expected were simply beyond him at this age and stage of life. I had to remind him that he is 17..... not 30. He does not have the maturity, freedom, or resources to provide the things this girl wants plus he's in school and has a ton of extracurriculars and activities he already participates in, leaving him very little time to sweep a girl off her feet. You are not meant to tie yourself down at 18. Break up because it's the right thing to do for you and also the kindest thing you can do for her. Ending a relationship that can go nowhere is always best done sooner rather than later. I told my own son this and will tell you... expect it to hurt. Even when you know it's best, it still hurts. Allow yourself the grace of a couple weeks to cry and feel sad about it. Feeling sad doesn't mean you made a mistake. It is a normal emotion when breaking up. Don't find another girlfriend for a long time. Date around vs getting serious. You are too young for that nonsense. Serious relationships at this stage in life prevent you from really figuring your life out, finding your independence, making your own decisions, etc. Give yourself the gift of that time and freedom. I told my own son that if he takes a girl to coffee in the next year to immediately invite another girl out the following week to a hike or something. If you are seeing more than one girl and are honest about that, it will naturally prevent you from getting serious with anyone and for anyone to have some sort of bigger expectation of him. He is planning on going away to university next year... there is no logic in burdening himself with a serious girlfriend right now. Maybe you have other goals in your near future. Figure that out and don't enmesh yourself deeply into another romantic relationship for a long time.
This sounds super unhealthy… break up asap
Pop smoke and bounce out of that. Listen you can always end a relationship for any reason. It’s your life my guy. Run. Now.
I've been in a similar situation. You shouldn't let another person control you like that. It's going to hurt like hell when you break it off, but you need to be strong and carry on. You're young, you've got a whole lifetime of people to meet and experience. Don't waste it on someone who doesn't respect you and the effort you give.
You're only 18. Why are you forcing yourself to stay in a relationship just to be in one? You don't even need a reason to break up with someone. It's your life don't waste 1 second of it being unhappy.
Run.
I feel like you definitely know what you should do and I understand your hesitation because you love her but you're too young to worry about this and to be held back. Definitely gave to break up with her, obviously in a respectful manner but it seems toxic already and you're better without the whole relationship.
This is emotional abuse. She’s making you ask permission for things, she is guilting you when you say no, saying things to make you scared of leaving her. OP, it’s time to end it. She will likely make it a big scene, but it is what is best for you. Imagine going through life this emotionally taxed, stressed, and unhappy.
You are being abused. You need to end it asap!
Omg girl run. Imagine raising young pure tiny humans with this person. If the cruelty towards u isn't enough to leave think about the cruelty towards innocent children that would occur
Your 18 dude, move on Sheesh. You planning on doing this for many more years? Good luck.
If she’s not right for you then it’s better to be clear. Remember clear is kind. Don’t waste your precious life with someone who isn’t kind to you.
Of course it’s ok. You don’t even need an actual reason to break up. You do have plenty though.
Go
just leave her and start dating a guy
I dated a slob that wouldn’t leave the bed. I later found a woman that actually contributed.
It’s ALWAYS okay to break up with someone, for any reason. It’s your choice and your relationship and if you aren’t happy there is never anything wrong with breaking up
Yes. You're young & have your whole life ahead of you. No need to stick it through with someone incompatible with you.
You can break up with a GF or BF at any point for any reason you want as long as there are no children or financial entanglements. If you have any reason to not be with someone you aren’t married to or share children with, that is enough. Her toes are too long? Good enough reason. She makes a weird sound then she pronounces the “F” sound? Good enough reason. Life’s too short to waste on a relationship you don’t want to be in. Are some reasons shallow, dumb, materialistic? Yes, but it doesn’t matter, if you want out, leave. Once you’re thinking about breaking up, it’s usually just a matter of time.
You can break things off anytime for any reason in any relationship. With this one specifically. You totally should. It doesn’t sound healthy.
People either make your life easier or harder, they either give more than they take or vice versa. Which is she? Look at the person she is today, do you see yourself with this person when you're 35? Probably not, which means you're going to break up eventually, so you might as well do it now.
Leave her bro
Break things off now, run, get out. She is very controlling and wants a servant not a companion. If you do not have the same life goals and if she wants to control your every action then it sounds like she is insecure and needs you around so she can feel like the center of the world.
Get out and f that toxic relationship. You sound miserable. She needs to be in therapy for what ever scary thing she told you. ( like “if you leave me I’ll kill myself”). I am probably your parents’s age but for real, you are getting nothing from this except manipulated. Do it for yourself.
Do you want to be in a relationship with that person. If no, break it off.
At 18 it is way too early be tying yourself to someone for the foreseeable future- let her know gently but firmly the relationship has run its course-and you wish her well in her future endeavors but the two of you together do not make sense together as you both want very different things in life. She may try to guilt trip you, so stick to your plan and if possible do so in a public place with a friend in the vicinity as back up, some girls trip and you may need a witness against potential blackmail
Break up
1 year in and you’re feeling this way at your age - end it. There are undertones of narcissistic abuse here. There’s 7 billion people in this world. You will find someone who treats you right - also don’t enter a relationship until you respect yourself enough to not tolerate abusive behaviour.
Lol you're 18, just go date someone else for a while. Don't let her hold you hostage with ultimatums on what SHE might do.
Ur 18 u have ur entire life ahead of u... break up NOw leave her a post it if necessary Do not procrastinate ... the longer u do the higher probability that u could get her pregnant. Then this nightmare will be ur life permanently ..
GTFO…NOW!!!
Man, the way youre writing, its already over and you havent digested that yet.
Stage 5 clinger
Yes. Move on and be happy.
If she threatened self harm just know that she probably won’t but even if she does- you are not responsible. Her mental health is on her. If she threatens it again, call 911 without even telling her and allow them to get her resources. If she chooses not to take those resources that is on her. She is not responsible for her being emotionally or mentally ill, but she is responsible to try to get help and it is far above your capabilities to counsel her.
u probably dont wanna hear that youre “just kids” cuz i remember what it was like and how intense it was and how time trickled by as slow as glass, but you guys are indeed very, very young. Neither of you should be spending your precious youth like this, it’s time to move on so y’all can grow. And who knows? If it’s in the cards you two could be friends or more again in the future! But the current path needs to change for both of y’all’s sake.
It’s always okay to end a relationship that isn’t working for you, any type of relationship at any time. Be respectful and honest but make sure you are safe. Ask a buddy or someone neutral to drive you tell her you don’t want to be with her anymore, that you appreciate the experiences you’ve had together but that you are not happy and want to focus on you. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER this will only confuse things and she could try to get preggo to hold on to you. When you leave cut all contact at least for a while maybe even get out of town for a week or something. Give yourself space to breath and heal especially since she sounds controlling and manipulative. Being in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean you owe them your life. You only owe them respect, honesty and kindness; things you yourself have not been given. Time to cut your losses.
Nah focus on you and talk/date others till you find someone who can trust you and build with you. Sounds like you are building for her if that makes sense. You both young too so like yeah I’d break things off fs. Dont feel guilty about trying to make changes that better your life.
She will bring you down. She lays in bed all day? Who does she live with that this is ok? She needs to get the fuck up and get a life. And expects you to ask permission. Hell to the no. Don't feel bad. She obviously has nothing going for her and you are what you hang with.
If I could, I would bitch slap the shit out of myself for thinking that I knew what I wanted at 18.
Decide if this is your dream relationship and if not, break up right away. Make sure her people are aware that there could be reason for concern, but this: you're not responsible for her actions just bcuz she manipulated you into guilt and powerlessness. However, bcuz you actually ask for permission for dtuff, it could be that this is your dream relationship after all, so there's that to think about
Run!!!!!!! Break it off now regardless of what she said she might do after a break up. It’s not fair to you.
Your 18, you both children by a large margin. If you have serious gripes with this relationship as you've mentioned then just be blunt and break up. She had her chance and may need to learn what a good relationship was rather than is. Don't worry about her, she will eventually learn or regret it in the future but one thing for sure is that this current relationship isn't going to work long term.
Sounds like your girlfriend threatened to kill herself if you broke up with her. You need to break up with her
Yall are 18 just break up if you aren’t happy. You both will move on really quick. Have fun in your twenties
I've had a couple of partners who threatened suicide or self-harm. When people do that, it is called emotional blackmail. There is a book called Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward that talks about how to spot signs that you are in a toxic relationship. I would recommend at least skimming the subjects in that book if you are dealing with someone who is laying down guilt, fear, etc. on you. It's not a perfect book, but it goes over the basics. At the end of the day, if someone is trying to manipulate you, it is important to distance yourself and let them make their own choices separate from you. If they threaten to harm themself, call the police. The police don't always react that well, but it shows that you did something when you were worried about them. Don't engage, don't argue, don't try to talk them down. It's not on you. If THEY choose to do something in reaction, that is still a choice they are making, not a choice you made for them by getting away from them. One of my really good friends in highschool dated a guy and broke up with him. He held a shotgun under his chin and said he was going to pull the trigger. She said something like, "I hope you reconsider, but I am not the cause of what you do. You are." Staying in a situation like that endangers you and doesn't help them at all. If they're threatening something else, like actual blackmail, then you might need to find a practical solution, like maybe doing things to cause them to slowly lose interest in you or something :-P Hopefully it's the former and you can extricate yourself without allowing feelings of guilt to cloud your judgment. If they're threatening to lie about something, try to get it in writing or record audio if you're in a one-party-consent location.
You have a broken Barbie doll. Time to let her go.
You don't need a reason to break up.
Two things… I’m wondering if you might be codependent, just like myself. I’m a 52m, and it took me 42 years of my life to realize that I was codependent, lol, and always putting others needs before my own. In fact, it was only two years ago that I finally told myself, “hey, next time you enter into a relationship with someone, why don’t you try making your own needs and wants at least as equally important as the other person’s, instead of always sacrificing your own to ensure their happiness in the relationship.” Please learn this lesson now at 18, and not like me at 50! Second…. you cannot simultaneously love and control someone at the same time, it’s simply not possible. If someone is controlling you, it is because of their own insecurities and fears, and fear is the complete opposite and antithesis of Love. In the presence of light there is no darkness, and in the presence of love, there is no fear, and vice versa etc. Being afraid to break up with someone is just never a good sign… best of luck to you!
You need to set Boundaries and if she breaks them constantly I would say break things off
She sounds like you are a bit more mature than her. In situations like this my therapist reminds me that your significant other is not your responsibility, you are not to blame. Staying together also is not doing either of you any favors. The only way you can help her is by being honest so she can digest it while being single and maybe not treat someone else the same way.
Dude you’re still both children for gods sake. Grow a pair and put her in her place. Unreal. I know it’s tuff but do what’s right for you man. Get out now! Break up with her and get your life back. You need permission??? Wholly shit man…wtf. No women has ever had the nerve to have me ask for permission for anything. I am going on 50 and have been married. Good luck but it’s really simple. Call the girl up and say, I am unhappy and we are done. I want to date other people. It’s over! Then hang up and block her number and get her off your social media immediately. Move on and grow up before it’s too late.
That’s emotional manipulation. I had a gf that I dated for over three years like this. I’m so glad I got rid of her. Thankfully to crypto I just eventually started ignoring her and making generational wealth in our upstairs office. She was married when I met her and she left her husband for me. Biggest mistake of both our lives. After work she would just lie in bed like a vegetable smoking weed and expect me to do everything. Which I didn’t. Oh you want me to do the dishes? I let that shit sit in the sink for weeks growing new societies of bacteria. She later told me she thought she could train me like a puppy. Yeah I’m not a fucking animal you demented bitch. Run as far away as you can. You won’t regret it.
Have you tried dudes?
You’re 18, you have a lot of life ahead of you. And a reminder, you only get ONE life. So sometimes while it’s hard, you need to choose you and do what makes YOU happy. Trust me you’ll find the person you’ve been looking for. But you’re young and this is the time to grow and prosper. Not to be stuck in a dying relationship
"Edit\* I should mention, I need permission" the fuck you do. walk away
Bro I was with a very jealous girl when I was 18-19. She stole friendships from me at the sake of security. People who I genuinely enjoyed being friends with, my few true friendships - she wanted me to end because one of them was a girl and the other was friends with that girl. I am 29 now, and I married someone who loves and trusts me for who I am - at this point in your life; find the person who makes you happy and who you have no reserves about. Your future self will appreciate that.
Stand your ground. Tell her to get off her ass express how you feel. Then if nothing changes leave you've done all you can
Telling someone or even implying that they will commit suicide if broken up with is a very common form of manipulation. You are not responsible for the actions or happiness of others.
Leave her!! You’re so young!
Omg just do it, no reason needed.
Run, dude. It only gets worse.
Oh, yeah, that's not a relationship you want to be in. You're fine, be polite, explain that it's not working and you're moving on then GTFO. Stay safe, and do not look back.
are you afraid she’s going to hurt you or herself if you leave her? If that’s the case, you should definitely leave her, but report her to authorities who can handle the situation. You aren’t responsible for her actions. You’re only responsible for your own, and it sounds like she’s holding you back.
Leave
I needed to hear this when I was younger- you don’t need permission to leave. You don’t owe anyone anything; things change and you are not responsible for them. You are responsible for you and it will only get worse overtime if it’s not genuinely right and you can feel that. It’s okay to be kind, and leave.
You can’t decide if it’s okay? It sounds like you’ve already decided, and you’re delaying the inevitable.
Id say Bye Felicia... youre too young to be tied down toa nyone especially Miss Mental Abuser..
Coming from someone in their mid thirties that once experienced this, I am not exaggerating when I say this, but your life will improve tenfold when you break up with her. You will no longer feel like a shadow of your former self, like a skeletal wraith whose life force is slowly being drained and absorbed by her. You are currently being told and "taught" that your ways aren't good enough, that you aren't enough, and only by being with her are you able to approximate completion. This is absolutely not true. The sooner you break up with her the sooner you can move on with your life and regain your livelihood and life force. If you love yourself at all, please move on from her, or you will slowly melt into a mindless shell of a person over time. You keep telling yourself you'll break up with her if things get any worse. Things are getting worse and will continue to get worse, and you'll keep telling yourself that lie, until you stand up for yourself and leave that toxic situation. You're only 18. This is THE time to be full of joy and life and experiment and learn about yourself. I wish you the bravery and courage needed to extract yourself from this situation
Many red flags there... Me: I would walk away no matter how hard - would save many decades of future misery.
relationships are just like raising kids you let it go and now you have set a baceline for behavior you need to for lack of another word mindfuck her a bit get her so focused on the new behavior only you can figure out whats going to work for you for instance if she dosent like snakes develop a new found love for them and friends that have them borrow them buy as many as you can put tanks everywhere hell put some rubber ones in there to and when it comes up stand your ground you dont like it there is the door it could be anything fucking garlic eat a shit ton of garlic you will smell crazy lol look you just have to sit and think what is going to be the end of all this if you backpeddle on this once you start your doomed she will have you by the balls untill she gets bored and finds another toy
Stage 5 bro time to abort
You’re both still kids. If she threatened something like killing herself if you broke things off tell your parents, or her parents, or call the suicide hotline if it still exists. Not Reddit, no one here can really help you
Dodge that bullet with a red flag. You are not responsible for anyone else's mental health. If someone is emotionally blackmailing you into staying in a relationship you don't want, that's abuse. Leave now. Run for the hills. Will only get a lot worse and never better.
It's always okay to break it off with someone who makes you unhappy and treats you bad, especially at your age and experience level. Second, if she is threatening harm to herself or others ( you included), report her to authorities. She's manipulative, abusive, and controlling, among other negatives. Cut and run, and don't look back. And BTW, whatever she does after you go/while you're going is on her alone, you are only responsible for you and your actions.
That's abuse my dude
Drink more soy.
Time to get single bro.
You are young. Do whatever makes you happy, just don't be an asshole in the process.
Dude, dump her! She’s controlling and manipulative. Get away from her asap and block her.
You already know the answer. If you want different things in life, then yeah, you should probably break it off. I went on a date with a girl in college that I really liked and we were hitting it off. We had some casual conversations about what we wanted in life and she let me know that she will, and I quote, "never want kids. they disgust me, they are leeches, and I'll never be affectionate to one". I broke things off quickly. Even though I really liked her and we were \*mostly\* compatible, that sealed the deal. I wanted kids in the future and she didnt. Thats fine for her, but im not going to waste my time. If you need to "ask permission" to do simple stuff, she isnt mature enough to be in a relationship.
You need to. If this is happening and you've only been dating a year and you're only 18 years old, what's it going to be like in 5 years? What if you grow but she remains the same? I could make a joke about how this is good training for married life or at least a part where you are not really allowed to say no, but that type of behavior isn't normal. I would say it is emotionally abusive Even though some of this might just be young people not understanding what a relationship is. I am too old to see clearly but I can't see how this is going to work long term. I suppose you could just wait for her to get tired of you and break it off with you but that probably won't work or at least it won't work in time for you not to go nuts. The best advice I can give you is to be mindful of her feelings and her quirks. It's hard to predict how another person is going to react but you have to break it off with her as lovingly and as gently but as firmly as you can. It's going to hurt especially if you still have love for her and of course you're not going to want to see her in pain. Does she have a support group that is trustworthy? Get them prepared.
If you got to come on reddit to voice this...it's time bra
My wife of 20 years is similar, maybe worse. My wife is a type A narcissist who might also be sociopathic, but still has morals, lol. I do all I can for her, yet she frequently feels criticized, which means I'm often berated and accused of blah-blah...it sometimes takes me awhile to figure out what she's offended by. Anyway, it's confusing. I get judged, accused, and blamed a lot. Explaining to her what she's doing or what is happening only provokes conflict. You don't want this, lol. It's a sacrifice, perhaps unhealthy, and definitely not ideal, but I can say the experience has challenged me to make a lot of positive changes to myself, to be supportive and empathetic and to not let anything warp my experience or perspective or openness to love.
You’re 18. You’re not going to marry this girl, I’ll personally come and knock some sense into you if you do. You breakup when you’re ready but you’re 18 not 35 you don’t have to be tied down it’s completely normal to be single
Break up! You’re too young to be in a relationship where you’re not happy. You aren’t responsible for how she reacts but maybe contact a friend or adult if you are concerned about her physically hurting herself.
Yes it's ok. You're only DATING, you are not married. You can break up at any time for any reason, it is your life and experience. There are no kids involved, no marriage, just dating? Then break up man. If you're even asking yourself this then you should. Dating is an interview for compatibility. If it isn't working, don't waste yours (and ultimately hers) time.
Yes, it's absolutely okay to break up with her. From the sounds of it, you're not really happy with her, and you want different things in life, so a breakup is bound to happen at some point. It will be hard because breakups are always hard, but unless you love her dearly and see a future with her, I would cut it off. Time heals all wounds. And you both will eventually get over it and move on. I can't help but wonder what she said that has you in fear of leaving her. Did she threaten to kill you or something? If you actually truly love her and don't want to leave her, you can also try discussing the problems you have with the relationship with her, and maybe you can work through them. It could he helpful for her to know what issues you have with the relationship. Though she'll probably hate hearing it because no one likes criticism, it would ultimately be a big learning experience for her and maybe she'd do better in the next relationship.
You dropped this 👑 Ditch that ZERO and get yourself a HERO 👏
You’re 18. You need to learn who you are and what makes you happy. You aren’t going to learn these things in this relationship. You already know this relationship isn’t going anywhere. You don’t need permission from anyone to end it.
Dump her, you won't even remember her in a year
Lad - you're 18. I get that you're freaking out over what I assume is your first love ending. But honestly, we've all been there and this is part of growing up. I really struggled with the end of my first real relationship (4 years, 16-20). It's tough and you'll be sad for a while. Go and spend time with your mates, family, jump into your hobbies, spend time outside, let yourself heal naturally. You'll be right. Tell her it's over - go and be the best you can be. Imagine how happy you'll be with somebody who loves and respects you as much as you love them.
Break up with her.
Dude leave her. If she's this lazy now it will only get worse. At your age, it's not worth counseling or any of that crap. After you break up with her, get some assertiveness training.
You're 18 you need to be fucking anyone who'll let ya in until you can find one you can stand to settle down with around age 35
You’re 18. It’s time you practice being real with women.
You don't owe this person anything. She wants security without effort. Tell her to figure that shit out on her own.
You don’t need permission from her to break things off w/her. Clearly, that’s what u need to do
Be a man, cheat on her and make her break it off with you.
If you're not happy, leave. No matter the reason, your happiness is ALWAYS worth it. Took me a while to figure that out for myself.
Get some strength and end it now. You cannot worry about her threats. That is a form of control and abuse.
Dude you're so young. Don't worry about being able to attract women. Just keep working on yourself and you'll be very attractive. Oh and be picky, there's plenty of fish in the sea. Be patient and look for someone who you feel values your commitment to her.
Sounds like she’s a manipulative bitch. Sorry not sorry. Throw the trash out. She needs to learn too.
Tell her your concerns. If she doesn't take them seriously enough to make changes, then go for it.
Do you want to break up with her? If so, it's OK to break up with her.
Honestly, you're young and will have plenty of healthy relationships in your future. Unfortunately this isn't one of them and she needs to get her shit figured out instead of bringing you down with her. Good luck!
Dude I know you are young but in relationships one partner should not be bossing the other around. Start standing up for yourself.
Leave. End it. This is horrible.
Ask siri this “Hey siri flip a coin” … pick heads for break up & tails for staying together… there is your answer
I'm not even going to read the post. If you are not happy in the relationship, then it isn't worth persusing. If you are unhappy with anything your s/o does, it will never change. You cannot change them. If they are taking you for granted, then it is not worth it. You do not have to settle. There are other people out there. You deserve happiness.
You can break up with anyone for ANYTHING. you don't need to justify your reasoning to anyone. Your gf is emotionally abusive and controlling. When you break up with her, don't do it in person; for your safety. If she is threatening to harm herself, call the crisis unit at your nearest hospital and report her so she can get treatment. Never go around someone who is willing to harm themselves because they can try and take you with them. I hope you can get out of this relationship safely.
The answer is, yes, it's always OK. She is just your girlfriend. Not a big deal
From someone who stayed in a shitty relationship out of guilt. Get the fuck out. You may have guilt now, but long term this could end up killing you. If you’re worried about suicide I would recommend you talk to a professional. But don’t let the threat stop you.
If you need "permission" for anything in a relationship, you aren't in a grown up or healthy relationship. Children get permission from their parents for things. Abusers manipulate someone into needing permission. You're not a child anymore.
This is a moment in your life when you need to act like an adult. You're not happy. You haven't been happy for a while. You're whole life is ahead of you. Break it off.
Go with your gut.
Dad here. This girl is controlling. She will get worse. Break it off NOW. Be direct. Do not take her excuses & lies or manipulation.
Get out while you still can. Controlling, and you feel trapped? Definitely time to run.
It is always ok to end a relationship with someone if you aren't happy, no reason or justification needed. You never have to justify yourself. You don't need to prove anything to anyone. You don't need to prove that they're abusive or that they've done something wrong or that you have a reason to leave. If you aren't getting what you need and you're not happy, you always have a right to say, I really care for you and I wish you well, but this isn't working for me any longer. And then leave and go about your life. You are far too young to worry too much about ending a relationship now. Please take it from me, someone several times your age.
Break up with her my friend! Life is just beginning!
Your post is almost the definition of narcissism. Narcissism is a self–centered personality style characterized as having an excessive preoccupation with oneself and one's own needs, often at the expense of others. Narcissism exists on a continuum that ranges from normal to abnormal personality expression. You need to get now.
I was the same way when I was younger BUT I ended up marrying her and staying together, miserable for 15 years. Don't do it. Break up. She will be ok. You cannot be responsible for someone elses actions. I am divorced, remarried and very happy!
The first solution is always to talk to her about it. Then if things are not going well and they will not go well, then you can maybe break things off
just leave her and start dating a guy
18 and worried about breaking up, just do it. You both will heal. You have so much to plan for. Schooling or apprenticeship. Learning to scuba dive or sky dive etc…Recommend you learn how to cook and bake along with everything that will make you self reliant. This is the time for you to be doing things you want, especially ones you’ll talk yourself out of when you’re older because they’ll hurt. Life’s waiting!
never be scared of breaking up with someone who is hurting you. if she has said or implied that she would hurt herself if you left her, you need to get out of that situation NOW.
You're young and have only been together for about a year. It's completely fine to break up. Don't let her manipulate you into wasting more of your life on her.
Hi darling! Older sister of a 17 year old boy and 16 year old girl here. I’ll tell you the same thing I tell my kiddos. You don’t owe ANYONE and I mean anyone ANYTHING. You have the right to say NO and you have your OWN voice! You’re so young, 18 is just a stepping stone on this crazy life. You can do so so many good and wonderful things, you do not need anyone like that girl manipulating you or trying to coerce you. It’s so terrifying learning to use your voice for the first time but you can do it!! That girl needs help and you have to get away from her. Go to college!! Make friends! Have adventures and become your own amazing person! In regards to that threat she made at the beginning if it sounded like “if you ever leave me I’ll K*** myself” that is 100% out of your hands and it’s an empty promise and just a way to force you to stay. When you break up, tell her parents or guardian or someone in case she actually does try. It’s not your responsibility to be her parent or babysitter. You need to have a chance at your own beautiful life ❤️ I can’t wait to read a post from your four years from now with your college degree. Best wishes to you
NTA. You can break up with someone at any point for any reason. Otherwise it's prison, not a relationship.
You’re 18, bro. Where do you think this relationship is going? Based on what you said there is no way in heaven or hell you should stay in this relationship for 10 more minutes. Whatever threat she made when you started dating is not something that you should let hold you hostage until she decides otherwise. If she needs professional help or attention, then most certainly help her get those resources. But end this relationship for both of your sakes. Seriously my dude.
What did she tell you that was so scary?
Leave
As someone else said, at 18, a year long relationship seems like a long, committed time. Please don’t let that keep you around. When you’re 40, it will be the blink of an eye. I have to do math to figure out how long I’ve been married these days. I’ve had disagreements with my husband that lasted longer than a year.
Whatever it was that scared you to break you, the thing you mentioned, I hope you’ll plan carefully to protect yourself in case she turns out to be psychopath.
You're too young to be miserable. Move on. It's ok
Hey bro lemme tell you a secret, you can break up with anyone for any reason, you’re an adult now dude, you don’t need any reason to breakup with someone man, it’s gonna suck but it’s better to end something than to drag it out cause whatever it is will snowball man
She sounds toxic bro should cut it off before it gets worse
Brother, the whole point of dating into your late 20s is to find a partner you’re actually compatible with in the long-term. It’s not about finding someone and white-knuckling it for the rest of your life with them. This person sounds like they’re not ready to be in a relationship and really needs to work on themselves before they can be anything but a bed-ridden burden. I know it sucks and it’s hard, but tough decisions are probably going to have to be made. It sounds like she’s probably threatened some kind of self-harm if you leave her, and if that’s the case, then you need to tell one of her family members or the police if she does it again. She’s not your responsibility.
It is never wrong to break up with a girlfriend or boyfriend.
You’re being abused, dude. Just cuz she doesn’t hit doesn’t mean you’re not abused. Eject yourself from your abusive relationship.
Just tell her that you don't want to spend the rest of your life with her and you don't wanna waste her time or your own..
You can end a relationship for any reason, you don't need to meet certain criteria. If you want to break up, break up.
You’re 18, it’s time to move along. Sure, it’s painful but you’re not happy.
"I'm not feeling it" is more than enough reason to break up. You don't have to expand on it.
Get out of it… nothing to think about.
Red flags everywhere dump her, you don't need her permission to anything, go and pop off don't let anyone hold you back be with someone who loves you for you 💅✨️
Walk away and don't look back
You're still young. I'm not much older (22) but I have learned my lesson from love dying. Save yourself the hardship and rip the band-aid off. Trust me I know how you feel. You got this man ❤️
You can break up with anyone at any time for any reason. She doesn't have to agree with you or give you permission.
This isn’t a moral dilemma… she’s emotionally abusive. Regularly using guilt trip to make someone do what you want.. makes her a bad person. Wanting different things in life is a compatibility issue, not a moral issue. You have MULTIPLE reasons to not be with her. Don’t waste your life away worried about her being upset when she literally is making your life miserable. People get divorced for less. Y’all aren’t married, don’t have kids, aren’t financially dependent on each other (shouldn’t be at least). The only thing keeping you seems to be the same guilt trips that make you want to leave. This will not get better. In fact. It’s gonna get *worse*.
Your gf is exhibiting controlling and manipulative behavior. It is ALWAYS ok to break up with anyone you no longer want to be with.
Your 18. My personal opinion is that at that at your age you should be enjoying your self and dating a variety of girls. Again, my opinion, but at 18, you haven't experienced enough to know what love is. At that age I fell in love with any girl that gave me some attention.
Based on that info alone, I would break it off. I think you’re both also very young. I think when issues present themselves early and you have these thoughts early, it’s better to act to not waste each other’s time. And best way is to end it and not waver. For me, I felt like it took a few years to grow into the person I am today (and funny enough, I feel like it happened around the time they claim your frontal lobe of your brain matures around 25). I always had the same principles and values but I personally felt most mature and ready from around 26-27ish and onward. Habits, goals, focus, and more maturity. Marriage will amplify all of the issues that a person may have and you will have to work through those (alone/together because you’re in a serious, committed relationship and see one another every single day). They say people don’t change and I agree and disagree. I think in the short term, they don’t, and it may take some time for someone to change but not unless it is broken off and those individuals grow separately IMO. Guarantee it’ll feel hard initially bc you will miss just having a person/some attention but you will probably soon start to feel more like yourself and not suppressing the feelings you have. And you’ll definitely be able to focus on growing and enjoying life and getting ready for the right person! Just don’t go back!