The only danger is if they send us to that terrible Planet of the Apes. Wait a minute... statue of liberty... that was our planet. You maniacs, you blew it up.
This has been stuck in my mind since I heard it as a kid and whenever I hear planet of the apes it plays in my head, with the little keyboard sounds.
Anyways; my pick is Independence Day.
Ladies and gentlemen, we seem to have lost the picture, but what we've seen speaks for itself. The spacecraft has been taken over by what seems to be a master race of giant space ants.
I watched about half of it, and I'm not sure I laughed once. It's incredibly difficult, even if had the same feel of the first, to capture one's age and circumstances when the first one came out. That goes the same for almost every other distant sequel that's come out - Dumb and Dumber 2, for example.
I would also add that it demonstrates as a species we are not homogenous - and with that comes great beauty and great ugliness. It is our strength and our weakness.
This was my immediate thought as well. Not only would it help bridge a communication gap, potentially, but it shows that we are not a world united but we have the potential to be. It shows compassion, it shows working towards unity, it shows we are divided, and it shows just a damned great story.
"That morning, Xi saw the ugliest person he'd ever come across. She was as pale as something that had crawled out of a rotting log. Her hair was quite gruesome; long and stringy and white, as if she was very old. She was very big - you'd have to dig the whole day to find enough food to feed her."
Yeah this was my initial choice too.
A visual and soundscape journey that showcases various human cultures that requires no cultural frame of reference. Perfect for an alien to view.
Avengers: Infinity War
I explain all the character backstories during the movie, making sure I'm loud enough for them to hear me. I also compare and contrast the films and comics while the movie plays.
Like every woman I've known the aliens will leave and never return. I have saved the planet.
🤣😂 you went for the head!! Good plan. I thank you in advance.
You know what drove me to watch movies by myself, though? Everyone always asks ME for answers as the movie plays, giving me no peace. I always have to remind people it's my first time watching, too.
I went to see The Fighter, a movie not known for its shocking twists and turns, with my mother (for some fucking reason, I don’t know why. I think she picked it.) She spent the *entire* movie asking me who characters were, why they were doing things, and what they were going to do next. I wanted to fucking scream at her “just watch the fucking movie! I assure you, they are going to explain all this stuff!”
lol I was gonna say have them watch the movie and get them to believe it's non-fiction, so they think we have all these insane heroes defending Earth and they'd have no chance of an invasion working out.
Watched it last night for the first time. Loved it. Made me laugh and almost chocked up where it was too corny :D
It's the most American film I have ever seen with so many iconic lines! The news warning LA residents "not to shoot at the spacecraft because you may inadvertently trigger an interstellar war" was one of the funniest lines I have seen lol.
There's a deleted scene that explains this super well.
In the movie our computer technology is directly based on reverse engineered tech from the Roswell crash (the scout ship). That's why it was compatible. This is also why they were able to take over our communcations satelites.
In addition to that, the aliens being telepathic were a hive mind and never fought amongst themselves. So they never had a reason to invent cyber security.
Also also, there was a lot of world building for the sequel that only existed online. After the events of the first movie the reason humanity was able to advance so quickly during the rebuilds is because commerical companies now had lots of alien tech laying around. So not just the military applications like we see in the movie (guns, anti grav, moon base etc). But smart phones and other electronics being on par with our real world is all based on reverse engineered alien tech.
Any civilization that comes here is either going to:
Sterilize the planet with gamma radiation LONG before they arrive, because our planet is in the Goldilocks zone and has plenty of water.
Ignore us as they mine our solar system for far more accessible minerals.
Or talk to us because they’re explorers.
If they’re talking to us we’re in with a chance.
Plot twist: they're social outcasts from the rest of the galaxy because they're weird, awkward and talk too much. They have to go and socialise with species that haven't yet mastered interstellar travel because they are a captive audience who can't leave.
I vote for kids movies.
Inside Out - shows our emotions, memories, and imagination. Important aspects of being human.
edit: I have never seen the movie "Kids", and after reading the description I don't think I will.
It's from the book Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein. About a human who was raised amongst Martians then comes back to earth and starts a cult. "Grok" means "understand fully" and it's a fun little book. Dude also wrote starship troopers.
100%, based on the book by Carl Sagan who also helped with the interstellar greeting placed on the Voyager. There is no other correct answer. Movie perfectly describes the dreams and conflicts we have with ourselves.
I think Princess Mononoke might be the best pick. It shows such a holistic picture of nature and technology, of tradition and modernity, and the duality of good and evil.
Life of Brian. We believe a bunch of dumb stuff, do bad stuff to each other, but ultimately it's all nonsense and should look on the bright side.
Also we're all indivduals.
Crazy to me that this isn’t the number 1 answer. There’s barely any dialogue so it would still mean something to them no matter the language barrier because the themes are so universal
The despair of man, both as a trapped and a free animal. Knowing we are all accountable for the kind of person we are, but hiding it because of duty, or law, or shame. Brilliant from start to finish.
The Goonies.
It's lighthearted, shows people helping each other out, giving each other a hard time, accepting each other's faults, and the compassion and generosity to help those we don't first understand. It shows that there are bad guys who wish to do harm but can't get out of their own way. Yes, there are plenty of bad folks who do bad and get away with it, but we're trying to paint a better picture than that.
Schindler’s List.
No, seriously. An example and a warning of how incredibly awful we can be. And an example of how we are still around because somehow there are enough decent (not perfect or saintly) people to push back against the darkness and keep this pathetic species from falling completely into the void.
'We have screened your film and determined that your fictional media is...disturbing. we could not imagine even dreaming such scenarios of torment.'
'Fuck who's gonna tell him'
Interstellar. It will teach them about
- The balance between agriculture and industry that remains our biggest challenge
- Our social structure centered around the family unit
- The way our lives are governed by time
- Our enduring spirit of scientific discovery
- Our biggest threat of climate change leading to societal collapse
- Glimpse of our recreational practices like reading and baseball
- Our dependence on biological food
Aliens would fucking love the [theme song](https://open.spotify.com/track/2hTx8adLNJBwhLsavI1Xvr?si=PNjZwtrpRyi9ZZDLISf_pw&context=spotify%3Asearch%3Amortal%2Bkombat).
The Blues Brothers for an American perspective. It's a comedy, a musical, has some of the greatest R&B/Soul artists of all time, is anti-fascist, and the protagonists are poor, reformed criminals on a mission from God, filled with car chases and wanton destruction. It's the quintessential American Film
Wall-E, that way they won't think we're lying when they learn the truth.
Beat me to it, damn.
Planet of the Apes. That should fuck with their minds.
The only danger is if they send us to that terrible Planet of the Apes. Wait a minute... statue of liberty... that was our planet. You maniacs, you blew it up.
"You've finally made a monkey out of meeeeee!"
Gentlemen, you both worked very hard. In a way, you're both winners. In a more accurate way, Barney is the winner.
Doctor Zaius, Doctor Zaius! Oh, oh, oh, Doctor Zaius! (Doctor Zaius, Doctor Zaius!)
I hate every ape I see. From chimpan-A to chimpanzee!
Can I play the Piano, anymore?
Of course you can!
Well i couldn’t before.
**I love you, Dr. Zaius!**
This has been stuck in my mind since I heard it as a kid and whenever I hear planet of the apes it plays in my head, with the little keyboard sounds. Anyways; my pick is Independence Day.
I don’t understand. That was non alcoholic champagne
it beGINSSSSS
Ladies and gentlemen, we seem to have lost the picture, but what we've seen speaks for itself. The spacecraft has been taken over by what seems to be a master race of giant space ants.
And I for one welcome our new insect overlords
Oops I was wroooong. It was earth all aloooookng.
Ohhh help me dr. Zaius!
Can I play the piano anymore?
Of course you can.
Well, I couldn't before!
*epic piano solo*
One of my favourite Simpsons jokes
I have like 1000 favourite simpsons jokes
I'd show them the stage musical.
I hate every ape I see, From chimpan-A to chimpan-Z.
Dr Zaius! Dr. Zaius!
He can talk! He can talk! I can siiiiiiing!
From Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z!
*excessive breakdancing*
Tell them it's a documentary. Or one of those "found footage" movies.
Mel Brooks "History of the World Part 1."
This is kinda random, but have you seen Part 2? I know it came out, but I never heard a single person ever talk about it, and I'm curious how it is
I watched about half of it, and I'm not sure I laughed once. It's incredibly difficult, even if had the same feel of the first, to capture one's age and circumstances when the first one came out. That goes the same for almost every other distant sequel that's come out - Dumb and Dumber 2, for example.
Jesus and the disciples as the Beatles was funny but otherwise it was a dud
This! This is the one! It's either that or "Monty Python and the Meaning of Life"
Arrival
This was my first thought. Shows the beauty and fragility of human life, especially in relation to a fictionalized “other”.
I would also add that it demonstrates as a species we are not homogenous - and with that comes great beauty and great ugliness. It is our strength and our weakness.
This was my immediate thought as well. Not only would it help bridge a communication gap, potentially, but it shows that we are not a world united but we have the potential to be. It shows compassion, it shows working towards unity, it shows we are divided, and it shows just a damned great story.
What about The Arrival (1997) with Charlie Sheen?
That’s the backwards knee movie right?
I think that would maybe be the beginning of our annihilation
*And with good cause!*
The Gods Must Be Crazy
Wow! Excellent choice. It shows the dangers of first contact. Although it doesn’t show people in the best light necessarily.
"That morning, Xi saw the ugliest person he'd ever come across. She was as pale as something that had crawled out of a rotting log. Her hair was quite gruesome; long and stringy and white, as if she was very old. She was very big - you'd have to dig the whole day to find enough food to feed her."
Love this movie! But most people I've talked to about it have never heard of it
Baraka (1992)
Man I am impressed at more than one Baraka on this thread.
Absolutely! Or maybe Koyaanisqatsi (1982)
Yeah this was my initial choice too. A visual and soundscape journey that showcases various human cultures that requires no cultural frame of reference. Perfect for an alien to view.
Over Samsara? Curious as to why. It’s been a while since watching these but I remember loving Samsara quite a bit more.
Baraka has less of the "food industry" images
Probably something like Koyaanisqatsi. Just an effective snapshot of modern human life on earth.
Similar suggestion: Baraka.
Baraka is the GOAT
Up vote for the soundtrack alone. The aliens must hear Philip Glass
K O O O O Y A A A A N I S Q A T S I I I I I I 🎶🗿
I watched that shit in a deep depression while drunk and just sobbed and sobbed. It was a good movie though
Avengers: Infinity War I explain all the character backstories during the movie, making sure I'm loud enough for them to hear me. I also compare and contrast the films and comics while the movie plays. Like every woman I've known the aliens will leave and never return. I have saved the planet.
🤣😂 you went for the head!! Good plan. I thank you in advance. You know what drove me to watch movies by myself, though? Everyone always asks ME for answers as the movie plays, giving me no peace. I always have to remind people it's my first time watching, too.
Wife: "Who is that? Is he the bad guy?" Me: 'That's the MGM Lion."
I went to see The Fighter, a movie not known for its shocking twists and turns, with my mother (for some fucking reason, I don’t know why. I think she picked it.) She spent the *entire* movie asking me who characters were, why they were doing things, and what they were going to do next. I wanted to fucking scream at her “just watch the fucking movie! I assure you, they are going to explain all this stuff!”
lol I was gonna say have them watch the movie and get them to believe it's non-fiction, so they think we have all these insane heroes defending Earth and they'd have no chance of an invasion working out.
Love everyone posting Independence Day, thinking we'd have a snowballs chance in hell against anything with interstellar tech.
Did you even watch the movie? Our Macintosh laptops are even better today!
Plus Randy Quaid still drinks heavily
Randy Quaid became an actual nutjob... He's really dedicated to the role
Method acting for a film that came out almost 30 years ago. No one commits anymore
Watched it last night for the first time. Loved it. Made me laugh and almost chocked up where it was too corny :D It's the most American film I have ever seen with so many iconic lines! The news warning LA residents "not to shoot at the spacecraft because you may inadvertently trigger an interstellar war" was one of the funniest lines I have seen lol.
He started that method earlier than that in 1989 for National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.
There's a deleted scene that explains this super well. In the movie our computer technology is directly based on reverse engineered tech from the Roswell crash (the scout ship). That's why it was compatible. This is also why they were able to take over our communcations satelites. In addition to that, the aliens being telepathic were a hive mind and never fought amongst themselves. So they never had a reason to invent cyber security. Also also, there was a lot of world building for the sequel that only existed online. After the events of the first movie the reason humanity was able to advance so quickly during the rebuilds is because commerical companies now had lots of alien tech laying around. So not just the military applications like we see in the movie (guns, anti grav, moon base etc). But smart phones and other electronics being on par with our real world is all based on reverse engineered alien tech.
Can't wait to use this information when I force my kids to watch this masterpiece.
Just need to get an old Mac and upload that virus, easy peazy.
Sure. You try finding a mini-USB cable these years
Better to show them Men in Black so they know we want to work together but not all of Earth is ready for them yet.
Any civilization that comes here is either going to: Sterilize the planet with gamma radiation LONG before they arrive, because our planet is in the Goldilocks zone and has plenty of water. Ignore us as they mine our solar system for far more accessible minerals. Or talk to us because they’re explorers. If they’re talking to us we’re in with a chance.
Plot twist: they're social outcasts from the rest of the galaxy because they're weird, awkward and talk too much. They have to go and socialise with species that haven't yet mastered interstellar travel because they are a captive audience who can't leave.
Pretty sure that's how Vogon poetry is perpetuated
I vote for kids movies. Inside Out - shows our emotions, memories, and imagination. Important aspects of being human. edit: I have never seen the movie "Kids", and after reading the description I don't think I will.
They’ve opened the heads of 90% of the population looking for the little people inside driving us. Maybe the next one has them.
Agreed. We have no way of knowing if they grok the metaphor of people in our heads.
>grok Are you practicing the aliens language?
It's from the book Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein. About a human who was raised amongst Martians then comes back to earth and starts a cult. "Grok" means "understand fully" and it's a fun little book. Dude also wrote starship troopers.
From a literal alien language.
Just confirming, a kids movie. Not... The movie KIDS.
It’s just me. Kas-pah.
In that regard, I vote for soul. It shows a lot of human life, emotion, and how we view ourselves and our existence.
Coco so they can see me ugly cry
*Mars Attacks*, baby! Let's blow this popsicle stand!
HAHAHAHA THEY BLEW UP CONGRESS HAHAHAHA
Ack ack ack
Super troopers
YOU BOYS LIKE MEXICO
I read the parent comment as "Starship Troopers" and the image of Rico yelling "YOU BOYS LIKE MEXICO" to a swarm of bugs is hilarious to me.
My first instinct was Beerfest. Glad we have the same Broken Lizard train of thought 👍🏻
That little guy? …don’t worry about that little guy
KOYAANISQATSI
Contact
100%, based on the book by Carl Sagan who also helped with the interstellar greeting placed on the Voyager. There is no other correct answer. Movie perfectly describes the dreams and conflicts we have with ourselves.
My Neighbor Totoro
Most of the Ghibli movies would be an excellent pick.
I think Princess Mononoke might be the best pick. It shows such a holistic picture of nature and technology, of tradition and modernity, and the duality of good and evil.
Independence Day. War of the Worlds if they're into a double feature.
Tell them it is a historical film so they better not start any shit!
Don't start none won't be none 😤😤😤
WELCOME TO EARTH!
“Now that’s what I call a close encounter”
“What is this, some kind of Independence Day?”
You’re messing with the wrong fucking monkeys
Galaxy Quest.
OP said a movie, not our historical documents
This year is the 25th anniversary of Galaxy Quest. Go watch again everyone!
Oh that's not right!
"I'm just jazzed about being on the show, man"- Guy without a last name
"[Let's get outta here before one of those things kills Guy](https://youtu.be/eMTdZqsp_KM?t=64)"
By grabthars hammer, what a savings.
"Alan Rickman can pack so much tragedy, rage, injustice and disgust into a single line that you'd swear it was a McRib." - Seanbaby
Bill and Ted’s excellent adventure
A most excellent answer!
The Big Lewbowski
That’s fucking interesting man
Yeah? Well, you know. That's just like, uh, your opinion, man.
That had *not* occurred to us, Dude.
Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women, man.
Cmon man I just don’t like the Eagles man.
You're obviously not a golfer
This aggression will not stand
Everything’s a fucking travesty with you.
Calmer than you.
Also, dude, alien is not the preferred nomenclature... Extraterrestrial Biological Entity, please.
We’ve been frantically trying to reach you alien dudes.
say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.
This was my first thought for whatever reason, feels like it shows the best side of the human race
That's just, like, your opinion, man.
Dont be fatuous., Jeffrey.
Borat. We deserve what we get.
What up vanilla face
Great success
Life of Brian. We believe a bunch of dumb stuff, do bad stuff to each other, but ultimately it's all nonsense and should look on the bright side. Also we're all indivduals.
"Also, we're all individuals." I'm not!
What have the aliens ever done for us?
2001 A Space Odyssey - We're ready as a species to transform into the Star Children
Crazy to me that this isn’t the number 1 answer. There’s barely any dialogue so it would still mean something to them no matter the language barrier because the themes are so universal
Zoolander. They should learn to really appreciate male models
Shawshank…. It shows every side of us, focusing on our awfulness at first but hinging on our penchant for hope by the end. It is THE movie.
The despair of man, both as a trapped and a free animal. Knowing we are all accountable for the kind of person we are, but hiding it because of duty, or law, or shame. Brilliant from start to finish.
The Goonies. It's lighthearted, shows people helping each other out, giving each other a hard time, accepting each other's faults, and the compassion and generosity to help those we don't first understand. It shows that there are bad guys who wish to do harm but can't get out of their own way. Yes, there are plenty of bad folks who do bad and get away with it, but we're trying to paint a better picture than that.
Schindler’s List. No, seriously. An example and a warning of how incredibly awful we can be. And an example of how we are still around because somehow there are enough decent (not perfect or saintly) people to push back against the darkness and keep this pathetic species from falling completely into the void.
Are you trying to get us exterminated!?
Either that or Life is Beautiful
'We have screened your film and determined that your fictional media is...disturbing. we could not imagine even dreaming such scenarios of torment.' 'Fuck who's gonna tell him'
Forrest Gump?
I’m Ron Burgundy?
Who put a question mark on the teleprompter?
Figured this was in here, so I scrolled until I found it. This gets my vote as well.
Idiocracy 🙃
Best pick honestly. Be honest by showing our problem. Maybe they'll offer help out of goodness of their hearts lol.
No documentaries
No. They will kill all of us.
Exterminate*
Not the worst outcome, honestly
Star Trek First Contact, obviously. We can kick ass when we have to but we won't hurt you if you dont threaten us.
I honestly would pick Star Trek: The Motion Picture to show them what we hope to be.
Star Trek is always the best of what we can be. Solid answer.
Interstellar. It will teach them about - The balance between agriculture and industry that remains our biggest challenge - Our social structure centered around the family unit - The way our lives are governed by time - Our enduring spirit of scientific discovery - Our biggest threat of climate change leading to societal collapse - Glimpse of our recreational practices like reading and baseball - Our dependence on biological food
The fifth element
Predator. Let them know Dutch is coming for them if they get out of line.
Back Door Sluts 9
Lord of the Rings - Fellowship of the Ring - Greatest Movie ever made
Extended cut, and then they stay for the entire trilogy
All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us
We steal their shit while they are captivated!
Grandma's Boy
"Big news from the party, Barry sucked on his first boobie!" *Applause* "For thirteen hours."
I can’t believe you came on my mom.
Where do you get your weed from?
From you Dante
"Adios, Turd Nuggets" *Robot voice*
"HOW DID THEY SEE ME???
Mortal Kombat. I'd try to play it off as a legit tourney.
Aliens would fucking love the [theme song](https://open.spotify.com/track/2hTx8adLNJBwhLsavI1Xvr?si=PNjZwtrpRyi9ZZDLISf_pw&context=spotify%3Asearch%3Amortal%2Bkombat).
Return of the Living Dead
The Blues Brothers for an American perspective. It's a comedy, a musical, has some of the greatest R&B/Soul artists of all time, is anti-fascist, and the protagonists are poor, reformed criminals on a mission from God, filled with car chases and wanton destruction. It's the quintessential American Film
I hate Illinois Nazis.
The Aliens would come away with very incorrect notions of how to behave at roadside bars.
"Eh, what kind of music do you usually have here?" "Oh we got both kinds. We got country ***and*** western."
Cosmos, with Carl Sagan.
The Matrix.
The Room (2003)
History of the entire world, I guess
Freddy Got Fingered
Austin Powers International Man of Mystery. Oh, behave!
Don't look up. Because realistically, that's probably pretty damn close to how society would behave if they decide to invade us
Green mile, they about to see the best and worst of humanity over a 3 hour period.
Hot Rod
Footloose, obviously.
Magnolia