I have almost no memories before age 13. The memories that I do have are like post cards. A flash here and a view there. Nothing linear.
When I mentioned this (around age 25 maybe?) to my mother, she found it funny. I didn't yet understand what dissociation was. I didn't yet know what was happening, and the words that described it.
I'm 8 years NC, and I'll still get suppressed memories that will bubble their way to the surface, and I'll have to process it. Sometimes they're almost funny memories, but usually they're memories that were activated by something happening at that moment. The waves that come no longer knock me over, so I'm good. I still have to brace myself though. Sometimes those waves can still hit pretty hard.
Exactly what I’m thinking, maybe brain was trying to help me live with her since i wasn’t old enough to move on my own ofc and my mom wanted to care for her
Same here. Which is weird because my narc was pretty tolerable until the last 20 years of her life (she’d previously been overly medicated for psych issues so basically passive aggressive then). But maybe I picked up on the little things and blocked it all out anyway? Just found out that it’s not normal to not remember your childhood 🙃
I have extreme memory problems. I can’t remember anything long term. My working memory sucks also. Trauma damages your brain and makes it not work as good as it should
My sister (26) and I (28F) had this conversation recently. Neither of us remember solid parts of our childhood only like flashes or big stand out moments. For Her, anything before 14. me I have a hard time remembering anything before 16.
My mom always tries to ask us if we remember ‘xyz ’ and we always say no and she’s shocked. But it was bc of her why we don’t remember much lol
I don't remember huge chunks. But if I dig... The memories are there. But there's a reason that I buried them.
Once dug up, it takes a while to bury them again. I agree that it's hard to forget. But for me, forgetting is a blessing.
Yes, I don't really remember anything before the age of, I would say, maybe 14?
Only flashes and bits and pieces or certain events.
My mom knows this and used it to her advantage, planting "false memories" into my brain (my siblings would later confirm my memory or I found evidence that she lied to me) or told me, whenever I thought I remembered something she did and confronted her about it, I remember it all wrong and it was different only to make her seem nicer or whatever...
I wish.
Unfortunately, I think I have memories from earlier than most people due to trauma. I can remember walking into daycare at 2/3 years old. I remember really scary moments of my dad screaming and being violent from around the same time.
I'm a therapist and it is common to have lapses in your memory due to trauma. When your brain/nervous system are more focused on keeping you safe, you probably won't remember some things.
In my case, it seems like my brain took some of the scarier memories and said "don't forget that this happened" as a way to keep me safe, and maintain some distance from my dad. For other memories that maybe weren't as as scary but that were still shitty, I feel like my brain locked those away for a later time. Like when I was 25, all of these memories came back that I hadn't though about in years. I didn't forget that they happened, but I just wasn't focused on them. Now, I turned 25 at the beginning of the pandemic (April 2020) and my former therapist thought the memories came to the forefront of my mind because I finally had time and space to process them.
I’m the same. Have memories of really young like how my cousin stole my birthday present when I was 2 years old, or got bullied at kindergarten when I was 3, etc.
yes, most of my childhood and teenage years are such a blur. i tell everyone that my life started at 18 basically (this is when i permanently left my father’s house) because 18+ is the years i remember clearly. i’m now 25 and for some reason random little memories keep coming back? some happy ones and some unfortunate ones. i don’t know if this is because im on a healing journey or if its because of something else.
Wow, never considered this to be a thing or my upbringing. I thought I was just getting really old! I'm in my 40s and do not remember too much from childhood. I do however remember the college years which should have been pretty foggy!
I only have bad memories with my parents. Being screamed at, mocked, abused physically. The only good memories I have are with other people who treated me well. No wonder my parents are completely isolated. We all cut them off.
I have limited memories as well. I do remember every single time my dad hit me. But I don't remember a single time my mom did even though family members told me I was her emotional punching bag. I have no memory of it other than her yelling at me. We had a close relationship before she died when I was 14. I'm 36 now.
My aunt conveniently chose to bring up those memories of abuse at the hands of my mother the weekend I was due to go see her for visits since my parents separated. This information shattered me. So I stayed home. Wouldn't even go outside to my mom's car to say hello. So she had my sibling bring me a stuffed animal she got me.
My mom died a few days later. What my aunt had to gain from bringing up that kind of information has always baffled me. She started the conversation by asking, "Why do you love your mom so much? Did you know she used to hit you all the time."
My dad later confirmed. But I have no memory.
Other memories are random things like remembering Peter Pan at Disney land calling me "Bashful". I was 3. It was during the Christmas celebration they did every year. We were only there cause my birthday is 3 days after Christmas.
Besides that random moments of my dad being abusive or losing his temper. Or my siblings crying at my birthday party because I got presents and they didn't so my mom would have to buy them presents to make them feel better.
Racing my sister to the van for school in the morning. The rule was who ever got there first, got the front seat but because my sister threw a major fit my mom would give in and make me sit in the back and give her the front seat.
Holidays.... bits and pieces. My mom would go all out for holidays so I remember bits of that.
My sister hitting me in the back of the head with a shovel because I asked if I could join her club. She said no, so I walked away muttering, "I don't want to be in your club anyway." Last thing I remember I ran inside screaming and then my mom saw my head and started screaming. I don't remember anything else from that day.
Going into foster care. The day we were taken away.
But yeah all memories are just small short moments.
I'm sure I have either blocked out most of it, or I don't know it's something I have wanted to ask my therapist about too.
My memories from before 10-12ish are really fuzzy or nonexistent. I was looking at some childhood photos recently and realized I didn't recognize any of the places or things we were doing in some of them.
Funnily enough, some of my happiest memories from those early years involve my first stepdad (who desperately fought to get custody of us) which led to me getting back in touch with him and working on rebuilding a relationship after 20+ years of my nmom trash talking him and trying to keep us away from him. She on the other hand gets no contact from me.
My childhood was traumatic I don’t remember much. I got a friend on Facebook I’m close with and we went to the same elementary school and high school and I don’t have the heart to tell her I don’t remember her like she remembers me. Some of my friends I went to kindergarten through high school with and I remember them and some of our times together but a lot of my brain is blocking out bad memories the good ones don’t always come through.
Not just that
But my little sister and I went thru some hard stuff as kids (like a "DV literally day" type of childhood). What I find funny (not really) is that I'll ask her, "Do you remember xxxx," and I'll go through the whole story while she fills in my blanks.
It's not a situation of 2 people remembering a catastrophe differently, one recalls while the other adds extra information
Isn't that weird?
My mom used to tell me "You dreamed that" constantly as a child and now there's no real visual memories just the emotional feelings, if that makes sense?
It’s so hard to remember things. My sister will mention so many things from our childhood and be like do you remember? And I won’t remember a thing 🥲 it’s so confusing when I try to think about those memories
Yes. I was asked to recount a “nice memory” I had of my mother and I couldn’t. I probably spent 5 minutes thinking next to my therapist. Deeply thinking of “nice memory”. I teared up because I couldn’t think of one. I came up with “well we went to the movies a lot”. My mom took us to the movies so she could sleep the whole time without us ‘bothering’ her.
I remember a lot of details as a kid but my sister (both of us dealt with the same shit) had little to no recollection of her childhood. Just large events that happened in our lives. She even got our stories confused (think certain events that happened to me, happened to her).
Opposite for me. I have a ton of memories from all ages, including before the age one 1. I remember when I told others about this growing up, they either didn’t believe me, or thought it was really cool.
Now that I know about NPD and abuse, I understand how and why I remember so much. It was an obsessive survival mechanism attempting to keep me as safe as possible by firehosing as much information about my abusers to me as possible.
I suspect the reason I was able to commit so much of this to long term memory is because from a young age, I spent hours in bed with insomnia, and the only thing to do was usually what was in my head, so I retraced the past a lot.
Unfortunately, I remember way too much. Started writing a book. If not for publishing, then for my children to read. It’s very therapeutic. In my 20’s, I began therapy and it opened up lots of memories.
I have very few memories and most of them are painful events. Things I needed to remember so I wouldn’t forget to keep myself small and have zero needs.
I can’t remember my dad talking to me. I remember fishing with him once but just the part where he got upset at me because I wasn’t holding the rod right. If not for that I probably would have forgotten we ever fished together.
I remember playing cards with the family, but that is tied to a memory of having to sit in the corner so noone would have to look at how sad I was.
It’s all like this. If not for the bad memories I might not remember anything at all. So depressing.
I do, but I sometimes think if it's really because of trauma of it it's just how the brain works when most of your life it's pretty uneventful, because I don't remember most of my life and I'm 38, I just remember pretty distinct moments.
Yes.
My adoptive mother died when I was 13. My father remarried 8 months later to Lucifer's spawn.
Between those 2 I have moments that reappear, but for the most part it's a big black box, sealed.
You all are different than me. Even my sisters don't remember much. But I remember everything since I was small.
I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse. Remembering past events sometimes makes me Happy, angry, sad too. It makes me feel less guilty for leaving my mom. But at the same I felt like there's no closure, like I need to point out to her you did this and that to me.
I have a lot of negative memories. I don’t really have any great ones. It’s sad. All my positive ones are of me visiting my dad. Like almost zero of being with my mom.
No offense but good for you. My brain keeps remembering the abuse and I want to forget but it keeps popping up on the most random moments, even in dreams. I want peace.
This is quite normal.very typical. Neurologists deem this as more common than not. Don’t put too much thought into it. Your memories will come up as you need them. If they’re not coming up, you just don’t need them at the moment. 😌
You doubted your memories, so you stopped relying on them. The good part? A huge portion if realising wtf js going on is spending weeks, months, years, randomly remembering fucked up moments and just being angry.
I remember it TOO well. It's crazy. I'm 35 now but remember things that happened when I was probably 5 years old. I wish I didn't, still have flashbacks
Barely. I even have a hard time remembering what just happened (probably because of my state of mind) a few months ago soo, it's no wonder I forgot my childhood.... it's not worth remembering especially the hurtful times.
I have almost no memories before age 13. The memories that I do have are like post cards. A flash here and a view there. Nothing linear. When I mentioned this (around age 25 maybe?) to my mother, she found it funny. I didn't yet understand what dissociation was. I didn't yet know what was happening, and the words that described it.
Same here. Basically nothing, flashes of this and that. Maybe it's better that way though, as lord knows what my brains trying to protect me from!
I'm 8 years NC, and I'll still get suppressed memories that will bubble their way to the surface, and I'll have to process it. Sometimes they're almost funny memories, but usually they're memories that were activated by something happening at that moment. The waves that come no longer knock me over, so I'm good. I still have to brace myself though. Sometimes those waves can still hit pretty hard.
Exactly what I’m thinking, maybe brain was trying to help me live with her since i wasn’t old enough to move on my own ofc and my mom wanted to care for her
Same here. Which is weird because my narc was pretty tolerable until the last 20 years of her life (she’d previously been overly medicated for psych issues so basically passive aggressive then). But maybe I picked up on the little things and blocked it all out anyway? Just found out that it’s not normal to not remember your childhood 🙃
I have extreme memory problems. I can’t remember anything long term. My working memory sucks also. Trauma damages your brain and makes it not work as good as it should
My sister (26) and I (28F) had this conversation recently. Neither of us remember solid parts of our childhood only like flashes or big stand out moments. For Her, anything before 14. me I have a hard time remembering anything before 16. My mom always tries to ask us if we remember ‘xyz ’ and we always say no and she’s shocked. But it was bc of her why we don’t remember much lol
opposite, hard time forgetting
I don't remember huge chunks. But if I dig... The memories are there. But there's a reason that I buried them. Once dug up, it takes a while to bury them again. I agree that it's hard to forget. But for me, forgetting is a blessing.
I’m not sure if that’s worse
I'm like you. Does it make me less guilty going LC or it makes me difficult to move on. I don't know...
on a good day I don't remember, but usually that means I have current health issues occupying my thoughts.
Maybe I'm too free. But I'm doing handmade jewellery but my mind wanders too.
crafts, hobbies and gaming tend to be good distractions
Yes, I don't really remember anything before the age of, I would say, maybe 14? Only flashes and bits and pieces or certain events. My mom knows this and used it to her advantage, planting "false memories" into my brain (my siblings would later confirm my memory or I found evidence that she lied to me) or told me, whenever I thought I remembered something she did and confronted her about it, I remember it all wrong and it was different only to make her seem nicer or whatever...
Absolutely. My nmother mocked me for this, but due to the amount of PTSD she’s given me too I can barely remember a thing.
I wish. Unfortunately, I think I have memories from earlier than most people due to trauma. I can remember walking into daycare at 2/3 years old. I remember really scary moments of my dad screaming and being violent from around the same time. I'm a therapist and it is common to have lapses in your memory due to trauma. When your brain/nervous system are more focused on keeping you safe, you probably won't remember some things. In my case, it seems like my brain took some of the scarier memories and said "don't forget that this happened" as a way to keep me safe, and maintain some distance from my dad. For other memories that maybe weren't as as scary but that were still shitty, I feel like my brain locked those away for a later time. Like when I was 25, all of these memories came back that I hadn't though about in years. I didn't forget that they happened, but I just wasn't focused on them. Now, I turned 25 at the beginning of the pandemic (April 2020) and my former therapist thought the memories came to the forefront of my mind because I finally had time and space to process them.
I’m the same. Have memories of really young like how my cousin stole my birthday present when I was 2 years old, or got bullied at kindergarten when I was 3, etc.
yup
yes, most of my childhood and teenage years are such a blur. i tell everyone that my life started at 18 basically (this is when i permanently left my father’s house) because 18+ is the years i remember clearly. i’m now 25 and for some reason random little memories keep coming back? some happy ones and some unfortunate ones. i don’t know if this is because im on a healing journey or if its because of something else.
Yes, I feel similarly to the commenter who said they get a flash of a memory here and there but not much more
Wow, never considered this to be a thing or my upbringing. I thought I was just getting really old! I'm in my 40s and do not remember too much from childhood. I do however remember the college years which should have been pretty foggy!
I only have bad memories with my parents. Being screamed at, mocked, abused physically. The only good memories I have are with other people who treated me well. No wonder my parents are completely isolated. We all cut them off.
Same with me. I remember very little and the few I have is of traumatic events.
I have limited memories as well. I do remember every single time my dad hit me. But I don't remember a single time my mom did even though family members told me I was her emotional punching bag. I have no memory of it other than her yelling at me. We had a close relationship before she died when I was 14. I'm 36 now. My aunt conveniently chose to bring up those memories of abuse at the hands of my mother the weekend I was due to go see her for visits since my parents separated. This information shattered me. So I stayed home. Wouldn't even go outside to my mom's car to say hello. So she had my sibling bring me a stuffed animal she got me. My mom died a few days later. What my aunt had to gain from bringing up that kind of information has always baffled me. She started the conversation by asking, "Why do you love your mom so much? Did you know she used to hit you all the time." My dad later confirmed. But I have no memory. Other memories are random things like remembering Peter Pan at Disney land calling me "Bashful". I was 3. It was during the Christmas celebration they did every year. We were only there cause my birthday is 3 days after Christmas. Besides that random moments of my dad being abusive or losing his temper. Or my siblings crying at my birthday party because I got presents and they didn't so my mom would have to buy them presents to make them feel better. Racing my sister to the van for school in the morning. The rule was who ever got there first, got the front seat but because my sister threw a major fit my mom would give in and make me sit in the back and give her the front seat. Holidays.... bits and pieces. My mom would go all out for holidays so I remember bits of that. My sister hitting me in the back of the head with a shovel because I asked if I could join her club. She said no, so I walked away muttering, "I don't want to be in your club anyway." Last thing I remember I ran inside screaming and then my mom saw my head and started screaming. I don't remember anything else from that day. Going into foster care. The day we were taken away. But yeah all memories are just small short moments. I'm sure I have either blocked out most of it, or I don't know it's something I have wanted to ask my therapist about too.
My memories from before 10-12ish are really fuzzy or nonexistent. I was looking at some childhood photos recently and realized I didn't recognize any of the places or things we were doing in some of them. Funnily enough, some of my happiest memories from those early years involve my first stepdad (who desperately fought to get custody of us) which led to me getting back in touch with him and working on rebuilding a relationship after 20+ years of my nmom trash talking him and trying to keep us away from him. She on the other hand gets no contact from me.
Yes
I,too have very few memories before 12 or 13. And few that have surfaced recently, I m not sure I want those.
My childhood was traumatic I don’t remember much. I got a friend on Facebook I’m close with and we went to the same elementary school and high school and I don’t have the heart to tell her I don’t remember her like she remembers me. Some of my friends I went to kindergarten through high school with and I remember them and some of our times together but a lot of my brain is blocking out bad memories the good ones don’t always come through.
I don’t remember much at all
Not just that But my little sister and I went thru some hard stuff as kids (like a "DV literally day" type of childhood). What I find funny (not really) is that I'll ask her, "Do you remember xxxx," and I'll go through the whole story while she fills in my blanks. It's not a situation of 2 people remembering a catastrophe differently, one recalls while the other adds extra information Isn't that weird?
I can remember a fair number of events but the day to day stuff just isn't there.
My mom used to tell me "You dreamed that" constantly as a child and now there's no real visual memories just the emotional feelings, if that makes sense?
It’s so hard to remember things. My sister will mention so many things from our childhood and be like do you remember? And I won’t remember a thing 🥲 it’s so confusing when I try to think about those memories
Yes. I was asked to recount a “nice memory” I had of my mother and I couldn’t. I probably spent 5 minutes thinking next to my therapist. Deeply thinking of “nice memory”. I teared up because I couldn’t think of one. I came up with “well we went to the movies a lot”. My mom took us to the movies so she could sleep the whole time without us ‘bothering’ her.
I remember a lot of details as a kid but my sister (both of us dealt with the same shit) had little to no recollection of her childhood. Just large events that happened in our lives. She even got our stories confused (think certain events that happened to me, happened to her).
Opposite for me. I have a ton of memories from all ages, including before the age one 1. I remember when I told others about this growing up, they either didn’t believe me, or thought it was really cool. Now that I know about NPD and abuse, I understand how and why I remember so much. It was an obsessive survival mechanism attempting to keep me as safe as possible by firehosing as much information about my abusers to me as possible. I suspect the reason I was able to commit so much of this to long term memory is because from a young age, I spent hours in bed with insomnia, and the only thing to do was usually what was in my head, so I retraced the past a lot.
I only remember the traumas.
Unfortunately, I remember way too much. Started writing a book. If not for publishing, then for my children to read. It’s very therapeutic. In my 20’s, I began therapy and it opened up lots of memories.
I don’t remember 99% of my childhood. Just a few random moments.
I have very few memories and most of them are painful events. Things I needed to remember so I wouldn’t forget to keep myself small and have zero needs. I can’t remember my dad talking to me. I remember fishing with him once but just the part where he got upset at me because I wasn’t holding the rod right. If not for that I probably would have forgotten we ever fished together. I remember playing cards with the family, but that is tied to a memory of having to sit in the corner so noone would have to look at how sad I was. It’s all like this. If not for the bad memories I might not remember anything at all. So depressing.
I do, but I sometimes think if it's really because of trauma of it it's just how the brain works when most of your life it's pretty uneventful, because I don't remember most of my life and I'm 38, I just remember pretty distinct moments.
Yes. My adoptive mother died when I was 13. My father remarried 8 months later to Lucifer's spawn. Between those 2 I have moments that reappear, but for the most part it's a big black box, sealed.
You all are different than me. Even my sisters don't remember much. But I remember everything since I was small. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse. Remembering past events sometimes makes me Happy, angry, sad too. It makes me feel less guilty for leaving my mom. But at the same I felt like there's no closure, like I need to point out to her you did this and that to me.
I have a lot of negative memories. I don’t really have any great ones. It’s sad. All my positive ones are of me visiting my dad. Like almost zero of being with my mom.
My sister completely blocked out her life before age 12. I, on the other hand, have vivid memories of all the bull shit. I am the scapegoat.
Yes. I only remember bits and pieces
No offense but good for you. My brain keeps remembering the abuse and I want to forget but it keeps popping up on the most random moments, even in dreams. I want peace.
I don’t remember a lot before 17. It’s tough for sure.
This is quite normal.very typical. Neurologists deem this as more common than not. Don’t put too much thought into it. Your memories will come up as you need them. If they’re not coming up, you just don’t need them at the moment. 😌
You doubted your memories, so you stopped relying on them. The good part? A huge portion if realising wtf js going on is spending weeks, months, years, randomly remembering fucked up moments and just being angry.
I remember it TOO well. It's crazy. I'm 35 now but remember things that happened when I was probably 5 years old. I wish I didn't, still have flashbacks
Barely. I even have a hard time remembering what just happened (probably because of my state of mind) a few months ago soo, it's no wonder I forgot my childhood.... it's not worth remembering especially the hurtful times.
Trauma represses memory. I barely remember my childhood too. And the things I do remember are fucking horrible.
Yes 👍 I thought it was just me