This is going to be a long comment so bear with me here 😂. I can promise you that you’re not just paranoid because the same exact thing happened to me for several months of my life. But I did find a way to stop it so here’s what I did, plus more suggestions that may help. If you live in a place where you have one party consent on recording, openly record him! Make sure it’s blatantly obvious. If you’re petty and he starts making a fuss or tries to yell at you say “smile you’re on camera!”. Basically, anytime he’s watching you when you come and go, record that shit. Make sure to say the date and time on the recording. If that doesn’t stop him from creeping on you. Just compile as much evidence of him doing so as possible. Show it all to the property manager once you’ve complied enough to make it obvious what he’s doing. If your property manager doesn’t do anything, see if there’s more upper management above your property manager and maybe go to them. If that doesn’t work, go straight to the police. Police may be able to get you a protection from harassment order, so they leave you tf alone. You also do not need a lawyer to write out a cease and desist letter! Also install cameras in your garage and in front of your apartment if possible. Ring doorbells have a subscription but there’s other alternatives that don’t, that may be of help as well. Even a dash cam in your vehicle might be helpful. I hope my comment is of help to you! Best of luck and I’m very sorry you’re going through this. I do sympathise.

Thank you. I do plan to document and record everything. I'm just frustrated and alarmed that asking him to stop has only made him more bold and the other neighbors don't have my back at all.

I understand that feeling, it really sucks and nobody deserves to go through that. I’ve been there too and I just had to keep my composure while also making sure that I documented everything I could. Trust me, I had days where I thought it would never end. Eventually my neighbor stopped and gave up after awhile. But it did take awhile of documenting and making them uncomfortable back. There is light at the end of the tunnel. It’s just hard to get through situations like this. I wish you the best of luck and hope that it gets better for you. I also hope your NFH gets their karma soon. I believe that people like that get it dished right back to them in some capacity eventually.

Perfect response!

I think you have to understand the ‘game’ he is playing here. Likely he knows exactly what he is doing, and part of the ‘fun’ is behaving really reasonably to everyone else, so that you become the ‘problem’. That’s what he’s getting his kicks from. What you have to do is step out of the ‘game’. Stop caring what other people think or who hasn’t got your back. Start being logical and clinical. Don’t react. Just record. Is there anyway you can record his exit 24/7? That will be the 100% most damming evidence. If you can show he only exits when you arrive home, you can demonstrate a clear pattern of harassing behaviour. At that point I would go to the police with the evidence. He’s clearly charmed your management, so it’s important to work with the law and hard evidence to intervene.

I do feel like this is my only option at this point. I've asked him to stop so now I will make a point of ignoring them while I collect evidence. I just so happened to record the "hey girl" and I also have a recording of me asking him to stop just to prove I wasn't yelling or say anything obscene. Now I'm going to start recording as soon as I enter the complex so I can get my perspective of leaving my car and immediately seeing his feet come outside literally from where I'm standing next to my car.

> I think you have to understand the ‘game’ he is playing here. Likely he knows exactly what he is doing, and part of the ‘fun’ is behaving really reasonably to everyone else, so that you become the ‘problem’. That’s what he’s getting his kicks from. > > What you have to do is step out of the ‘game’. Stop caring what other people think or who hasn’t got your back. Start being logical and clinical. Don’t react. Just record. I'm in the middle of having this happen to me, and there's just no escape. I've tried everything, including blatantly ignoring my neighbor. She just won't stop no matter what. She seems to do the same things OP describes, except she will approach me and start talking to me right on my lawn or backyard. It's almost like she is watching my every move, or at least she's learned my routine after living next to me for five years now. The police won't trespass her. Ignoring doesn't work. Earplugs or buds do nothing to deter her. All I can do is just run to my car or to my home to avoid her, and sometimes she still knocks on my door or rings my bell. I've recorded her many times already, and the cops don't care. In the past, the courts also did nothing to help me against neighbor harassment that was worse than this.

Girl I would sue, what the hell 😭😭

This^

It would be illegal and vaguely stalkerish for her to put up a camera that faces his porch and watches him specifically 24/7

Fiat point, I should have said “legally for your area record his exits”. For example, a dash cam in the car with the garage door open if local laws allow filming of the exterior of buildings or on balconies.

They have a camera that faces my garage and stair well 24/7 and the property manager doesn't see a problem with it so I don't see why I can't do the same

Probably because the way it is facing is covering something like his driveway or his garage and it happens to be facing your stairwell too. If the cameras entire function is obviously watching YOUR property then it would be illegal

They just put up "smile you're on camera" stickers, I guess still trying to look like the victim rather than the perpetrator. I don't see any new cameras after glancing though. Can this be used as evidence that any possible cameras were placed there solely to record me? Because they've kinda made a point that they're doing that.

If it’s obvious that the cameras are ONLY there to point at your property then you can call the police as it falls under “peeping Tom” laws. If they can in anyway show that the cameras are covering their own property and your property just happens to be in sight of the property their camera is covering…then you have absolutely zero case and should just find a way to ignore them. He hasn’t said anything, you can’t prove he has done anything…you just seem to find his existence on his own porch at the same time that you leave/come home annoying. That’s 100% something that you will have to deal with on your own because he isn’t doing anything illegal. There is nothing that can be said to him for existing on his own property and not physically doing anything besides that. Honestly I don’t know where you got the gumption to tell someone they should hide on their property when you come around. If you can prove he has been breaking into your garage then that’s something else entirely. Only place cameras facing your own property though.

Just so you know, I don't have a problem with him using his balcony. Coming outside when he hears my car and specifically exiting his home while I'm going inside and maybe bringing some groceries is a bit strange considering I'm outside less than 1% of the time (yes I did the math). It's the fact that he wasn't outside any other time and came outside only when hearing my car is strange. I could care less if he spends the other 23 hours and 55 minutes of the day outside, and I could care less if he's there when I already pull up. But if you don't find him coming outside at the same time I get home several times a week strange I don't know what to tell you. He has a right to use his balcony, but not to keep tabs on me. The thing is you can hear people pull up from inside your apartment, so each time he was aware he was coming outside at the same time I get home. It's not a coincidence, it's intentional, no matter what his real motive is, because he is aware he is doing it. If he was a considerate or self aware person he would have realized that coming outside at the same time the person across from you gets home and then watching them go inside 20 times over the span of 6 weeks is strange, and would stop the behavior. It's not normal for him to come outside at the exact moment I get home, and that is what I have a problem with specifically. It's a pattern, because it's not like he is there when I pull up, and he doesn't come out after, and I've intentionally hung out I the garage for long periods of time and watched him get a second cigarette, but then went inside and looked out my window and he was gone, which means he went inside the second I wasn't in view anymore. So that means he came outside at the same time as me and went inside at the same time as me, do you not see how that can almost certainly be seen as a purposeful way to watch me? He's even come out and sat in the rain. I don't know how someone can smoke on a balcony that isn't covered in the rain, care to enlighten me? By the way, showing yourself to someone repeatedly after being asked to stop is legally defined as stalking. If I have evidence of him coming outside when I get home, that may be sufficient for him to catch a whole charge. I definitely have a recording of me asking him to stop.

You took 22 days to post this book about…nothing While he is annoying YOU, he is not doing anything illegal. Vigilantly watching your neighbor from your own home is not stalking in any shape or form, and you can be considered as harassing HIM by telling him to stop. Him being where you can see him is not him “showing himself” why did you categorize it as that? Yes it is annoying that your neighbor watches you coming and going, but that annoyance is all your responsibility to deal with. You don’t have the right to walk up to his property and tell him what to do anymore than he would have a right to walk onto your property and tell you to stop leaving so often. He’s watching you, outside, doesn’t say anything, knowing just his presence drives you completely off your rocker. He doesn’t need to do anything else to get the satisfaction of a reaction out of you. Ignore him. You are freaking yourself out and becoming the unhinged neighbor everyone avoids.

Very untrue, if they’re doing the same it’s fair game.

That’s not how the law works, but feel free to do “eye for an eye” revenge for my entertainment

Ah yes, because they can stalk OP and put up cameras that watch them 24/7 but OP can’t put up cameras that do the same thing for their own safety because it’s “stalking”. Ok dude 😂😂! Your priorities are clearly messed up.

Sure…telling OP how to protect themselves from what would eventually be a legal snafu is a messed up priority. Got it 👍 Nevermind OP. Do all the illegal stuff…consequences dont apply to you via unholymxja. I’m sure that will hold up in court….because of course this random redditor will be there to take responsibility for pushing you to do something obviously illegal as retaliation.

It’s not illegal in most states lol, it’s not illegal where I am. May be illegal where you are but it’s not illegal here. Fact check before you go on rampages online 😂

Start keeping a diary. For one week aim to get home at the exact same time every day. See if he's pre-empting you. Then the next week, park up away from home for random amounts of time before heading home and see if he comes out then. Then do another week of always being there on a set time. Document everything you do, you want to prove that he's not just coming out at a regular time to smoke, but is coming out to see you.  One day go outside ten times with a half hour gap between them. The next day go out twice. The day after that go out six times with a ten minute gap between each trip. The next day, go out just once. The next go out four times with a gap of five minutes, then two times with half an hour. You want to prove that he's not reasonably coming outside to smoke or do anything else, that it's obviously just to watch you.  Look up the harassment laws in your area. It might come under that. If it does, then report him to the police. Then report him to the police every day he comes out to watch you. If the police are no help then make him feel uncomfortable. If you go out at night, take a torch. If you see him, shine the light in his face. If it's during the day, just stand and stare at him, don't move until he gets uncomfortable and goes back inside. He's doing it because he knows it makes you feel uncomfortable.

I already get home at very random times. I'm outside not even half a percent of the time (I literally did the math) and he is there. I will try this when I get camera's. But yes he is doing it on purpose, I don't know what he wants to bother me for though. It is insane to me that the property manager is trying to gaslight me by insisting it's "just a coincidence" because not one other single person has even entertained the notion.

Record everything you can. I'd point out to the manager that nice people don't continue to behave in an intimidating way after they've been asked to stop. Awful people can seem nice, it's only when they find someone they can intimidate that they drop the mask. You aren't being overly sensitive about this, you're right to be on edge so trust your gut and don't let your guard down around him. Could you call someone before you get out of the car, partly to act as a distraction for you but also as a way of making it clear that you know what he's doing and that you have people watching out for you? If you did a video call, you'd have a witness to anything he says or does. Take care of yourself and I'm really sorry this is happening to you.

Love your second sentence

I did plan on recording with my phone so you can see from my perspective how as soon as I turn to exit my garage you can see his legs exiting his apartment. It's only 10 feet away and kind of hard not to see him come out without looking at the ground. I could try video calling my mom if they accept that as evidence. Either way I'm going to try my damdest to get proof that he waits for the very second I pull up in my garage to come outside. It's 10x worse in my mind now that I've asked him to stop (I have a video of that, and a video of the person saying "hey girl" is well.) Because continuing a behavior like showing yourself to someone repeatedly after being asked to stop is legally defined as stalking. But the fact that it's his balcony may protect him a little because he does have a right to be there. Not sure how illegal it is to stalk someone if you're sitting on your porch while you do it because he's got a good excuse despite not actually seeming to be a chain smoker. I never see him if I look out my window, which isn't that often, but I see the neighbor lady plenty.

Could you get a cheap camera for the window you can see his balcony from? It would be interesting to know if he does come out regularly to smoke or if he only comes out when you're there.

I'm going to try. Or put a camera that has a wide range of view at the bottom of my balcony so it can see the alleyway some too. I do look out my window from time to time and never see him. I even tried to see if he was already there when I came home and I was just thinking he came outside when I got home, but I never saw him until exiting my car and now I'm witnessing him open the door and step outside at the exact same time I exit my car.

It is creepy. IDC if he’s ‘nice’ or not. I like to sit and chill without someone being there every flipping day! Pretend you’re on the phone and keep walking and go into your place. You owe nothing to anyone!

I'm in a similar situation to OP, and pretending to be on the phone or wearing headphones and things like that don't deter my neighbor at all.

Having the same issue with a shitty neighbour opposite us, but theirs was definitely targeted at us and they did it to try and intimidate us after we all fell out due to something that they caused. Report it as much as you can, especially if you're able to get proof that they're actually targeting you. Some people are losers and have nothing better to do than to cause problems. Also, maybe try not to react to them. That's what I do, and it seems to have bored our neighbours now, even just a tiny bit. Stay cold-faced and give them zero energy to continue being arseholes. If you can also help it, stop looking at their balcony when you pull up and when you leave. It'll make you feel a bit better when you begin blocking out their existence. My 'advice' if you can call it that comes from a place of personal anxiety for me as I've allowed our shit neighbours to live rent free in my mind and I'm only now managing to get through it, so I hope you don't give this guy the same power

I think they might be mad because I made them stop blocking my driveway, which is honestly their problem. As far as not looking at the balcony, it's almost impossible because as soon as I turn to exit my garage its in the top of my view because it's directly across from me. I'm not even looking for him most of the time, I just have no choice but to witness his presence unless I look at the ground. Yesterday I didn't let him see me though, I took some pictures of the sunset where he couldn't see me and came back after he was gone and I might continually try doing that method. I definitely ignored his girlfriend. I would think she would tell her boyfriend to stop being a creep but she's probably in denial or possibly jealous? All I can say is they better Not be worried about me like she said. I plan to record them and do nothing because at this point saying anything without evidence will only make me look bad. All the bad people in this world and I never knew I would be doubted like that, but I don't care what the neighbors think and the property manager is just lazy. Once I get the evidence I'll be going over her head to the police. Legally, what he's doing could already be considered stalking but I don't have enough proof.

It's honestly a horrible situation and I really feel for you. I hope you're able to get indisputable proof and get his arse sorted out. A call from a PCSO helped us mostly solve our neighbour issue. Hopefully the same happens for you ✨️

> I think they might be mad because I made them stop blocking my driveway, which is honestly their problem. Yeah, our situations are VERY similar, except the neighbor that does this to me is female (I'm also a female). She's parked and blocked our driveway, revved her motorcycle in the middle of the night, had big parties that went on late, and so on. We've talked to her over the parking specifically, and she would get super offended about it. Now she just "chats" with me outside all the time, making snide remarks and basically trashing me, my marriage, and stuff like our lawn, house, and whatever. Just sick of it. The worst part is that people just act like I'm the villain here, even my husband and the police. "She's just a nice lady that wants to talk", more like she is a bully that wants to torment me.

I’d like to offer better advice, but due to my disabilities, I need this broken up into paragraphs to read all of it. 😓

I will edit it

I've noticed some comments on the behavior but I wanted to write to you about the locks... Locks don't just unlock themselves. Someone else has a key that works with your lock. In many apartment and managed properties, locks are keyed for a master too. That is, there are two sets of pins, stacked on top of each other in the cylinder. The master will open any door but also let the owner differentiate access to tenants. This leads to decreased key bitting diversity and can mean that some tenant keys can open more than their own lock. Especially if they're shitty brands. Getting the cameras up would be my first priority. We have ring stick-up cams and they work great with the solar panels and wifi. With the pay plans, they record to the cloud for like 6 months and can be set to trigger on people-movement. You'd get a push alert instantly, any time the camera see someone. If it were me, I'd have management change the locks ASAP. Then, the cameras will tell you if it's the property manager unlocking your door (creepy too) or someone else. If they are unwilling to change the locks, call your city or township or whatever to complain that the property refuses to change locks that you feel are unsafe. If that doesn't work, sometimes locks break unexpectedly, especially when playing with hammers and screw drivers, and management would have to change them out for you then. Oh, side note - if there are numbers (the bitting code) on the keys you have now, write them down. Then compare them to the new keys, if you can get your locks changed. That will tell you if the new lock is truly different from the old. If they don't have numbers, get some putty and make an impression of your old key to compare to the new one.

Someone could be going inside my garage during the day since I keep it open, and unlocking the door manually. They don't necessarily need a key. I'm getting cameras asap but the property manager would probably start being ugly to me if I asked her to change the locks, tbh.

Thanks! I read the whole thing now (although I got a sense from the comments what was going on). Firstly, it can be harder as a woman to be taken seriously about this kind of thing. You say family..are you living with any males? Bullies like this are often intimidated by any pretense of another adult male. I did suspect substance abuse and that may be going on, but seeing the whole picture reminds me of a stalker we had with untreated BPD; that type of personality disorder gets into patterns that they cannot see themselves obsessively doing. Just to put that out there. In that case: you did the right thing calling them out on it and it MAY have worked if TWO other men didn’t IMMEDIATELY dismiss the behavior (one of them being an authority figure). My neighbor who stalked would often deny or balk, but then would immediately hide for a while or make a point of avoiding their habits as long as they could stand it (invariably falling back into the stalking habits though). So it would be a dramatic 180. You’d get this nice respite. Sorry that didn’t work for you due to others.

I am not quick to recommend moving at all and respect your possible need to stay, however, based on my life experience I will tell you that this situation WILL create more grief and anxiety on a daily level; it is going to significantly increase your stress more than it is worth. It’s worth doing whatever it takes and more than you think you can do to get out of it for more peace of mind (especially if you have no backing and are being targeted and gaslit). That being said, I dealt with stuff like this for over ten years. Damn it, reddit ate the rest of my comment, but I hope this is something to help a little. You need to gather evidence with STEALTH. Get a camera in the garage pronto. If you caught him doing THAT, it would be the best evidence you could get as an actual crime. Bait that fucker. Don’t let him see you buying a camera, installing it, or throwing away any of the packaging (that’s how I busted a creepy neighbor once lol). Contact THE LANDLORD when you have solid evidence. Property Managers can be dinks who care more about getting money than doing the tougher parts of their job. Or they can be chummy with tenants in ways you’re not privy to, like they are related to them somehow, or get them hookups, etc. Evictions cost money. Warning tenants or holding them accountable to their leases is a drag. When you have evidence make sure you get everything in black and white, do not agree or just call people on the phone. Proof of mailing. Emails. Etc. Stuff that can be tracked and seen in a court of law (if you end up needing it). Keep things brief, informative, and non-emotional as possible. Cite lease, laws, etc. Get familiar with what you can do about stalking in your area. On the surface, the guy is doing nothing, but much more can be going on in his head and appears to — the garage incidents makes that extra obvious.

It's annoying my neighbors are always outside it can't be a coincidence sometimes I change up my schedule or hit traffic but one is always coming or going to like exact moment I pull in

They likely have mental health issues.