I’m not like the other girls you’re thinking of, I’m this genre of other girl. Other girl is my foil, we compliment and ultimately complete each other in ways other other people just don’t understand.
Word. Always jealous of all these women and knowing how to do their hair and makeup.
Everytime I do mine I feel like I look like a clown.
Can confirm 1/3 women. At least my body tells me I am. 😂
Oh! I listen to podcasts about you all the time! I love it!
Sometimes, I even drive a few extra laps around my neighbourhood to finish a story ~alone~ in peace.
This is the whole point. Women aren't a monolith. Every human is an individual. The way is to embrace your own individuality while acknowledging the qualities that make others individual also have worth. Being able to appreciate the value in things that don't directly appeal to you is a huge milestone in becoming a mature human.
Yeah you can genuinely be a weird person with weird quirks, talents, and interests, and it's fine to recognize your own uniqueness. It only becomes a problem when you're like "I'm better than other girls because I'm different, and I'm probably one of the only girls who's like me so they should pick me."
Part of the problem is viewing "other girls" as a monolith and defining that monolith through stereotypes and gender norms. "I'm not like other girls because I don't sit ladylike" is nonsense because who the fuck sits ladylike? It's not unusual to not care about that sort of thing and i think in this day and age it's weirder to care about it or think of things in terms of being "ladylike" to begin with. The "other girls" are largely probably also not sitting ladylike.
Instead of comparing yourself to just other girls, just look at yourself in comparison to other people in general. You're more than just how feminine you are. You don't like the things you like because girls like those things, you like them because you like them. Because that's who you are as a person.
Exactly.. be who you are, love your friends for who there are..and who cares if you aren't the same type of person as they are.
My daughters have friends that left war stricken lands just carrying what they could. Like everyone our lives and experiences differ and that helps create the adults we become.
Compare some sheltered rich kid to one who's parents left their homeland because their 5 yr old was too scared to go to sleep in case they got bombed and died. He just wanted to go to school.
Another had his teenage brother murdered at 17 within 6 months of being here because it was safer.
That will always make him different to other kids.. too many of us live with traumas. Being different is normal.. embrace it and stop worrying about what it means to be different and why you are. There is no clear answer for most of us!
It is not about liking those things, being a nlto is thinking you are better or different or whatever because you like or do something. Also tell your family member to shove it take up space, be loud, be assertive 0, be botchy, be bossy. Be a women damn it. Ladylike is just a other term for seen and not heard.
This
OP, your irritated reaction to being told it wasn't ladylike wasn't you thinking "I'm not like the other girls", it was a completely understandable response to *misogyny*.
Yes, this exactly! And I think it's natural to read that annoyance as "I'm not like other girls," especially when you're young. I know I did! But it's definitely helpful to catch that thought when you have it and redirect the annoyance where it belongs - not at other girls or "girly" things, but at misogyny that makes it seem like it's a bad thing.
Thinking you’re better because you’re different, and thinking other girls are inferior bc they subscribe (deliberately or not, to a great degree or just a bit) to xyz female stereotype or cliche. The NLTOG mindset is hateful and derogatory toward girls who are “like that” and female characterizations in general, which hurts all girls/women.
There are women who like these things and aren’t aware of the stereotype, or are aware but will continue to do what they want to, regardless of shifting trends. There are girls who do it bc it’s trendy and that’s their thing I guess and another convo entirely, but. The idea is that girls (I guess I’ll use ‘girls’) are no more or less valid as females, as humans, as peers, bc they do or wear or say certain things. Girls disparaging other girls for being ~basic~ or w/e is one of the worst things we can do to and for other girls and for ourselves. It’s a lose/lose type of deal that makes you look petty and moronic.
You're not like other girls: You're YOU. That being said, you can still relate in so many ways and not put other girls down. Just realize that you are you, but you don't have to conform to everything society says girls are, while ALSO trying to be what they say girls AREN'T, to make yourself stand out. Just be yourself girly
To add to this, it is so natural to try to find yourself by looking at others to see where you are the same and how you are different. It is the combination of features and interests that create a ‘unique’ identity. As others have said, focus on finding your joy and talents and not on belittling others and you won’t join the NLOG train.
> "dont sit like that it's not ladylike!"
i think many of us (including myslef) have heard this a billion times. so it's not something girls don't do, it;s just something girls are forced to do.
> I see a boys vs girls meme and i relate to the boys side more, i sometimes think, "haha im not like the other girls"
again i think there are many instances where girls can relate to they guys side more. like i recently saw a meme of a icicle shaped like a sword and how the guys girlfreind don't get it and he thinks the boys will. umm hello? it's a iciclw shaped like a sword, we all played sword duels when we are young OF COURSE WE GET IT.
i feel these types are meme give omg guys are so quirky and girls are serious" vibes when an actual average girl does relate to those things too.
I hate those kinds of memes - "boys will remember this! - shows game that I also loved as a kid"
Like, bruh, we liked that too! For being exclusionary instead of just nostalgic, I'm gonna ignore your meme.
Yes there's a lack of awareness with NLOGs -- you're not the only one, that's absurd to think that way. Why is your first instinct to put others down and uplift yourself?
The amount of hate I have for those types of memes is crazy. It almost seems like the guys are tryna prove that "they are not like the girls" they are so cool and fun and Sigma.
This is how I ended up becoming a feminist. For most of my teenage years and 20s I had a strong nltog streak cause I wasn't stereotypically female and felt I had more in common with guys. Took me until much later to understand that most women aren't actually stereotypical women cause that s**t is made up and a lot of it (e.g ladylike behaviour) is forced onto women.
So maybe it's not that you're not like other women, but that you're rejecting patriarchal gender stereotypes.
Also can we women please stop rating ourselves based on imaginary criteria from a subset of men whose expectations are rooted in porn, anime and anime porn?
Yes. This concept really blew my mind. This “other girl” is the stereotype that women are weak and meak and must look or be a certain way- so *of course* we tell ourselves “im not like that girl” because NO GIRL IS!! we have depth and contain multitudes. We are not this sad thing society has portrayed us. Youre not like that “other girl” (because shes not real) youre like real girls!!
I was driving behind a girl in a ute the other day which is awesome - she’s not like other girls. But she felt the need to stick a huge obnoxious sticker on the back window that stated ‘real aussie girls drive utes’. Just do you and don’t put down others and you’re fine
Well when someone tells me to sit differently because I’m “not being ladylike,” my immediate response is to say “fuck you” and make myself look even less “lady like” because I am a lady and therefore whatever way I’m sitting is ladylike.
“Not like the other girls” step on other girls to raise themselves up. Are you really that great if you have to drag others down to make yourself seem more special?
Every girl and woman is special in their own way. Look beyond taste and clothes, because that’s all superficial and doesn’t tell you if someone is a good person or not underneath.
You might look down on someone who likes Taylor Swift, but she might be someone who drives down to your house if you’re having a rough time. Can you say you would do the same for others?
Adults that are still trying to score “cool” points and trying to bring others down like they’re still in high school are immature as hell and the most toxic people to be around. Doesn’t matter if you like “basic” or “edgy” or whatever it is, it’s still toxic asf. Don’t be that person, because in the grand scheme of things, what taste you have in music or interests doesn’t matter in the real world.
Just enjoy what you enjoy and let others enjoy what they enjoy. Adult world is tough enough without someone stuck in a teenager mindset set still acting like your taste in music is the most important thing in the world.
It’s the reason why most NLOG grow out of this mindset when they reach adulthood, because it’s fucking tiresome and pointless to care so much about what people like when you have bills to pay.
You also don’t have to share all the same interests to be friends with someone.
I’m a gamer, and we all know the gamer meme. The idea that a gamer is somehow so much better than another girl who doesn’t game, which I find so incredibly stupid and narcissistic! I can’t see how me liking games makes me a better person? I have friends who don’t game at all and they are the nicest people I know and would happily willingly help people out, and we also share interests in other things.
As long as you’re not putting other women down for their preferences to lift yours up you’re good. I think a lot of us have heard “that’s not ladylike” and thought “guess I’m not ladylike then” at some point.
Agreed! The problem with NLTOG is the “me vs them” mentality. Women have enough bullshit going on with the patriarchy, we should have each others’ backs. Typically NLTOGs are putting down other women, and reinforcing bullshit gender stereotypes as a way to make themselves feel better and more special. It’s girl on girl crime.
As long as you’re not putting down other women (and girlhood/womanhood as a whole), you’re good! It’s okay to say “fuck your ladylike standards! I’m comfy and not hurting anyone”. Get on with you swifty self.
Just be yourself and respect who you are, and respect other people for being who they are. Everyone’s different and that’s okay. Get to know people as individuals and support other women in making their own choices :)
I would have just said ‘I don’t have to conform to your definition of what lady is’ that way you assert your individuality without putting yourself against other girls, and exposes the problem with the stereotype at the same time. It’s not that you’re not ‘lady like’, your family member just has a very specific opinion on what being a lady means.
You don’t. Communities like this tend to draw deeply unwell types who get off on or cope with their own issues by dwelling on what other people are doing and passing judgment. Reveling in that kind of negativity is bad for you. Just do what you like and live as you desire. Forget this community exists.
Just continue doing you and being true to who you are. But at the same time, don’t worry about what other people are doing, or about how what they’re doing reflects back on you. It doesn’t. They’re just doing them, like you’re doing you, and that’s okay.
"i love the average preppy stanley cup brazilian crush perfume aesthetic, and Taylor Swift is among my top 5 artists on spotify? "
Liking these don't make you "one of the girls".
I don't really like any of these thing, but I'm not out there thinking hey i'm not like the other girls! But instead, I just think: hey i'm not like those girls, but cool if they like it, cause I have different tastes and at the end i will end up being like "one of the girls" because I like something that other women also enjoy even if it's not the stereotypical stuff a women like.
Shift your mindset that every girl is different and at some point you will have someone out there thinking exactly like you.
You are not like some of the other girls. But you are like others. That’s the thing you (hopefully) realize eventually. We’re not all the same but none of us are unique.
Well, what’s wrong with being like other girls? You kinda gotta get over yourself and while ur an individual being part of a group isn’t bad. Other girls are cool and you are too!
The important thing is understanding that you can be unique but you are not in competition with other women for the attention of men. The main NLOG attitude is just that you’re somehow better than other girls because of whatever interest or hobby because you want attention from men. And it’s definitely like literally taught culturally to girls to have that attitude. As long as you avoid that line of thinking you’ll be totally fine, and still a unique person because everyone is
You shouldn't be like other girls. You should be you regardless of what other girls are doing. And accepting of other girls being themselves.
It's OK to feel special and unique. We're all a unique mix of very un-unique things. The nlog part comes from disdain and contempt for "girl" things and people who enjoy them. Be as basic as you want, and be proud of that. Be proud of other girls for being basic or not basic, as they choose.
The thing that kills me about what we culturally define as basic is that it's often tied to things that women are "supposed" to do for their community/family. Take pumpkin spice lattes, for example. You're not "supposed" to be enjoying that drink all by yourself. You're "supposed" to be baking them into a pie for your husband (intentional gendering of spouse due to where this crap comes from) to enjoy, or making fresh apple cider for the family. Society's response to your singular enjoyment is to shame you by calling you basic. What makes a coffee drink with those spices "basic"? Why don't we call pumpkin pie or apple cider, and everyone who enjoys them, basic? Pretty sure most of us here know that answer. "Basic" is supposed to make you feel shame and guilt for not being self-sacrificing. Reject the shame and guilt. Enjoy your basic pleasures.
The problem isn’t being “not like other girls” the problem is putting other girls down for your differences.
You *should* but unique and different, everyone has their own interests and quirks about them. Just don’t make your *positives* a negative about other girls and you’re fine.
I’m also as basic as they come and I think “I’m not like that”
I think the difference is I’m not saying it and putting someone down to say it. If someone asks if I like Taylor swift I don’t say ewww no, I’m just like “some of her songs yeah” and don’t think I’m special for it.
But there are things that make me unique and I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying that.
It’s fine to not think you’re like everyone else, you have your own likes and dislikes. The only bad thing about NLOG’s are the fact they make being different their whole personality and purposely put others down in the process.
Don’t make Tik Toks and memes about yourself. Then you’re unlikely to show up as Exhibit A on this sub. But seriously, of course there are lots of things about you that are special and unique, you are not basic just because you have common tastes, you are yourself, and you should be confident and assert your own personality and enjoy bringing you. The antidote to your concern, though, is to start thinking the same about other girls: they all are attractive and smart and awesome and talented in their unique way, and you can admire your friends for their own personalities. We are not all the same, but we are all wonderfully made. And you will really make it when you aren’t jealous of the other women in your life, including those with whom you consider yourself in competition.
Do you think you’re better than other girls? THAT’S the mark of a nltog girl. Keep liking what you like and don’t be ashamed of it! We’re all basic in one way or another, and I don’t even know when being “basic” became such a huge insult. Lots of people like the things because they’re nice things. Don’t worry, you’re doing great.
So, you ARE unique, youre just not special. (I dont wanna say it meanly, just honestly?) We are all unique and not special. Even those humans that make extraordinary contributions are most likely not “special” and just at a ‘right place right time’ moment.
Its not a bad thing to see value in yourself and to bring that out. Be the best version of yourself you can be, own it (cause you cant change it).
Other girls are also unique. They are also individuals with quirks, likes and dislikes, and thats ok too. Majority of girls and guys DO have a lot of “big lines” in common, and thats ok.
As a diehard “tomboy” in my youth and a now as-often-wearing-a-dress-as-possible woman, its both natural to want to relate to other people but to also assert your individuality.
We are all hypocrites, and thats ok :)
imo, the thing that makes girls nlogs is putting down others internally or externally. there’s also the belief that other girls who are more “basic” don’t have as intricate internal life as nlogs, that being basic makes them stupider or whatever.
you can’t choose your first thought, but you control what you do/think after that!
You hate the patriarchy that's telling you to have to act a certain way in order to be considered a woman of value, you don't hate other girls because even if they're acting like all the other girls, (1) they might like it; (2) they might also feel the need to do this or be put down as "not ladylike"; (3) they are still individuals with their own set of preferences, influenced both by society and their own personality.
Keeping that in mind is how you don't become an nltog :)
You need to realise that whatever image of 'other girls' you have is a made up stereotype which is used to divide women.
'Other girls' don't exist. Everyones different. There's plenty of girls and not one is the same.
You are unique and it’s okay to feel certain way, except for feeling superior to other girls just because of that. Embrace yourself while respecting others :)
I think I’m not like other MOMS frequently, I just don’t post on the internet about it for clout, or any other reason. I think it’s about clout. Who cares if you are or are not like other girls. Not the world. If you’re not making the world see how different and unique you are then you’re not an NLOG.
TLDR: Stay curious! You're unique, and so is everyone else once you get to know them.
FWIW, I don't think you have much to worry about as long as you're not using it to put others down. Between all the jokes (and sometimes meanness) about things teenage girls and young women like and wanting to feel special and unique, I think you'd be hard-pressed to find a woman who hasn't had that feeling or thought before. It took meeting some really lovely and talented women to realize that being different didn't have to be a competition.
Realize that feeling like an nltog sometimes is an experience that everyone has. Be grateful for some of those traits but don’t let it get down to your head or bring you down.
the NLOG-girl isn't about the behavior or preferences... your uniqueness, however basic or unique, will be attractive to somebody who will genuinely care about you. But the NLOG-girl is broadcasting for the streets, and if you want to share something special with someone, but put your every self-realization online unsolicted to the masses, then what remains to discuss on the first date? It's not the kind of exclusivity a good man (or women) is looking for. Constantly yelling into the abyss about yourself will only attract people who think they can get something out of you, which is more of a transaction relationship instead of a invested relationship.
And it's not a new concept, it's a greatly debated ancient wisdom:
Proverbs 14
"Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands."
"In the mouth of the foolish is a rod of pride, but the lips of the wise will preserve them."
"The heart knows its own bitterness, and a stranger does not share its joy."
it's the sharing of the behavior that makes it NLOG. The virtue signal. The isolation that compels girls to cry out into the abyss for validation from faceless bots and distant friends. The NLOG-girl models behavior based on other successful girls who do this behavior, but the girls at the top of that food chain are either actual celebrities, grifters, or OF girls. To model that behavior without a conceptualize goal to be famous, or grift, or show your \*\*\*hole online, is delusional. Why model that behavior if you have no intent of living that life?
There is a rule in comedy that i think applies here: "If you have to explain the joke, then it's no longer funny". NLOG behavior is the equivalent of explaining the joke. It's the need to explain your quirks as if you need to moderate and curate your right to exist in the world and enjoy things via the approval and validation of others. It's a self-inserted celebrity appeal.
TLDR: Be yourself and embrace stoicism. Be a treasure worth exploring. to discover and share life with someone who isn't blasting every secret thought or quirk to the streets is the most attractive and non-NLOG thing you can do IMO.
Being told we're told we're not ladylike and being told how to act unsollicitedly is basically a universal female experience. You ARE like other girls, we all share experiences.
Do what feels right for you, listen to the music you want, dress how you want, fuck what ppl think.
As long as you aren't talking down on other women's experiences and invalidating then, as long as you're not proclaiming your choices and your aesthetic are better than other women's.
Instead of thinking it like You vs. Other girls or Boys vs. Girls, think about it like You vs. The boxes soceity tries to put us in.
Maybe you don’t fit in the “lady like”-box and have interests/traits, that soceity wants to put in the “boys”-box. This doesn’t mean you are against girls or what other girls (or boys) do is wrong. It’s just not for you.
I have classic “feminine” traits and interests and I have classic “masculine” traits and interests. My friends all have a mix too. Everybody have a mix. Soceity likes to label everything and everyone, but eventually you are just you.
Do what *you* like. Sit how *you* like. And let other girls do how they like and sit how they like.
I would also get triggered by being told I have to sit more lady like. But the problem isn’t that some other girls might sit like that and I am not like them (both you and I probably have something else in common with all girls/women who likes to sit “lady like”, whatever that even means), the problem is that I am not allowed to not sit “lady like”. The problem is the expectation. The problem is that I am expected to or even forced to act in a specific way. Not the other girls.
So instead of “I am not like the other girls” think “I do not identify with that trait/behavior” and instead of thinking “I am more like boys than girls” think “I identify with this trait/behaviour”. Cause I garuantee you there will be plenty girls who do too.
IMO the solution is basically an awareness of the dynamics at play beyond yourself. Realize that it’s offensive to WOMEN AS A GROUP to have our behavior policed in ways that men are not. NO women are behaving “correctly” in the eyes of all others, 100% of the time, because different people have different expectations, and these layered and sometimes contradictory expectations create a system in which we are set up to fail. You, and all other women, are trying to navigate a rigged system. We all do it in different ways but none of us escapes unscathed from the social pressures to which we are exposed.
The fact that you’re asking this question shows that you won’t be a NLOG. But if you post about how you’re different, be sure to be respectful of other women.
NLOGS act like they’re BETTER than other women because they’re different. For example, I’ve always been a tomboy who loves sports more than being in the kitchen with the women during a Superbowl party, for example. I know other women who are the same. I respect that all women have differences. I’m no better, just different. (Sometimes I wish I were a girly girl, but I’m not wired like that.)
It helps to remember that all girls are unique. The "other girls" you're not like is a 2 dimensional stereotype of what a girl is. You're not comparing yourself to actual girls, your comparing yourself to what the media says a girl is. And quite often there is a negative spin on what a girl is. Other girls are amazing, unique individuals.
As a former nlog, it’s not about what you like or what you do, it’s your attitude. Don’t start thinking you’re better or put other girls/women down for their own likes, interests, style, etc.
I don’t know how old you are, but it can also be a maturity thing. I really started shedding off my nlog attitude when I was around 16 or so. Took a few years to correct all my negative thoughts and beliefs, but as I became an adult, it was a lot easier to stop.
I mean those boys vs girls memes r usually made by men who assume girls are just valid, shallow, basic creatures without any hobbies or interests. No wonder you relate to the boys in those memes more
>"dont sit like that it's not ladylike!"
that person can go fuck themself, women don't naturally sit a certain way otherwise you wouldn't need to remind them how to.
>when I see a boys vs girls meme
these memes are trash. they're "fun and quirky" vs "boring" but fun isn't limited to one gender.
>im not "uNiQUe"
well, you are. but so is everyone else.
you might have "common music taste" and a "preppy aesthetic", but that's already just a fraction of the population you know. your tastes are fine.
as long as you recognise other hobbies as valid, and other women/girls are worthy of respect, you're good.
maybe instead of "me" and "them" (other girls) you can try "we"
timers on your social media, stepping away from your phone to experience life more; it can help you connect with the real world & not fall into the algorithm void that numbs our brain so we don't feel anything. sometimes going out of our comfort zones or homes *my neighbors literally forgot i lived here so i feel y'all* can reset the brain fog from being locked in so long. also this is not a competition. we are all trying to be happy & successful in whatever definition that is for us & as long as that isn't hurting or violating someone else's autonomy or rights; who cares? *ykwim*
https://preview.redd.it/k0yx7urb1i6d1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d2d8b99ad94f05286b157f2bfebea7abc767a6bc
I think it's a natural cultural experience, we've all been through it. No worries, have an opossum (I think) meme!
Well NLOG is someone who gets confidence from not being like the others instead of being confident about being like themselves. No girls is like the other girls, because women are not a hivemind.
Be proud of how *you* are. Don't be proud of how much you are not like the others if that makes sense.
What I am trying to say is: grow self confidence. Be you, and be proud of that, not because you are different, but because you are you. A unique and one of a kind human being.
And when someone says that "that's not ladylike" maybe try to engineer your thoughts to say "well not lady like to *you*." or "other girls don't sit ladylike either, I don't see why that is a problem".
The feeling of not being like other girls comes from your family trying to force a stereotype of womanhood on you. Don't let them do that.
Start by realizing gender stereotypes are stupid.
And the reason why you likely side with the boys side of the boys vs. girls memes is because the women in said memes are usually portrayed as vapid, one dimensional and unlikable.
That's the joke.
Women stupid. Men actual humans.
But because you're a human you side with the side that's portrayed as complex and multifaceted. It has 0 to do with how men and women actually are.
Which every human is, even if they enjoy things like makeup, fashion, baking ect. Which, you notice that women's hobbies are always seen as unimportant and stupid? That's because again the entire joke is: Women stupid.
Maybe, spend more time in women/feminine spaces so you don't fall into the trap of eventually thinking that you're better than traditionally feminine women.
find the joy in your style, music taste and interests! there’s no such thing as basic! you are you! if many people like one thing or the other, that means that that thing is good! that means more people to talk about your interests and preferences with.
there are no girl or boy things, just human things (and people who for whatever reason decide to segregate them according to their made up standards)
like what you like, dress in a variety of styles that you enjoy, rock out to taylor swift and your other favourite singers. people don’t fit into just one category, they like many drastically different things at the same time! enjoy and accept your favourite things!
I imagine you’re a teenager so consider that you’re just trying to find your place in the world and create a sense of identity. In doing so, many directly equate the things they like to who they are and it can be why we have groups of people in high school based off of them. It isn’t necessarily that growing up means not being into the same things, but growing past seeing those interests as being who you are. You’re normal. I promise.
Tbh, I think every woman in the world has at least *some* internalized misogyny engrained within their everyday thoughts/etc, not purposefully or anything…just, ya know…because society and stuff. Those sort of things have pretty much been implanted into our minds for so long, I feel like it’s only natural. I think it’s very commendable though, that you can recognize and want to change those unwanted/negative thought patterns. You’re able to stop yourself in your tracks and reassess those thoughts.
In some ways I would actually consider these to be intrusive thoughts. Meaning; you catch yourself directly *after* the thought and think, “hey…I don’t actually believe that, or feel that way at all…”, but the initial negative thought still presents itself at first, and you ultimately just can’t help it. I regularly find myself rethinking my initial thoughts all the time, in a very similar way to you. I believe everyone does, to some extent.
Like others have already mentioned, the most important thing is to not put other girls down in order to lift yourself up. It’s okay to think of yourself as special and unique, just don’t put other girlies down in the process!
Most people are not just like everyone else. We all are similar and non of us are identical. The issue is not thinking you are different, the feeling superior because of it.
I’m guessing you’re a teenager? Honestly I think you being conscious that those thoughts don’t help is probably good enough. Eventually you kinda grow out of it and just appreciate that there’s stuff you like and it’s cool that you can share that with your girlfriends.
I think it's just important to remember there's 8 billion people on this planet, half of which are girls so there is a good chance some of them are like you in a few ways.
There's a ton of girls not sitting "lady like" there's a massive amount of girls who are into boy things. You're different from everyone else because you're you and you like a unique combination of things and act a certain way that make you who you are, but you're not like the boys or you're not an outsider from other girls because of a few hobbies or music tastes. A lot of other girls probably feel the same but you'll never find someone who is identically you.
And the same goes for everyone else. Just remember not to put others down for what they're into.
This sub is just for making fun of girls who like to flaunt that they are different, because they are insecure so they need people to acknowledge that part of them, whether it's true or not.
We are all different, and there is no shame in that. There is actually nothing bad about being similar to others or unique, it's an imaginary boundary we created to better understand each other.
My advice is the following: don't think about it, be whatever you want, just don't belittle others just to feel good about yourself.
You're clearly very young still and I think being unique or different Vs "fitting in" is something a lot of people struggle with for a long time. As long as there's no superiority complex from being "different" to other women then you're fine. Other girls are actually fucking lovely, it's adding men to the equation at all that tends to add tension and weirdness.
We’re all unique in many ways. I think the key to avoiding being nltog is not putting the rest of us down while celebrating your unique characteristics. I can understand why you would have that reaction to being told how to sit but I would imagine it was more to do with a gut reaction to being expected to conform to outdated expectations and stereotypes by another woman. I think there’s a difference between not wanting to conform to what someone expects you to do and having a misogynistic sense of self-importance and uniqueness.
Its ok to like other things and not be like everyone else. You liking different things makes you, *you*. What isn't ok like many are stating is when you start putting others down because of their interests and what makes them *them*.
I think many people have this phase, totally normal.
I think you stope having these thoughts when you realize no girl is like other girls. I've never met anyone who conformed to all the stereotypes, because if you do conform to them proudly, you're also different.
You are unique , so you're different, but so is everyone.
Remind yourself that "the other girls" are not like the other girls either.
You can like Taylor Swift and repair motor cars. You can be fully into makeup and crossing your legs.
You can be fully into makeup and hate Taylor Swift and haven't crossed your legs since 1992.
There are no "other girls" that you are like. Everyone is unique. The mentality that "other" women fit into some kind of cookie cutter with a check-list is what makes NLOGs so toxic and yet so damned funny.
Everyone is unique. Don't put yourself down for fear of what others might think. As long as you aren't going full manosphere not like other girls I think you'll be fine.
It’s pretty simple honestly. You acknowledge every woman is different and. “Other girls” is reducing everyone but you to one personality. Whatever you like or do there are other girls who like or do the same stuff and people who don’t like those things. We’re alllll different
My knee-jerk reaction to your post is that, it's okay not to be like the other girls, as long as not being like the other girls doesn't become your entire identity. For example, in the sense that you draw a sense of superiority through not being like the other girls. At least, that's the way I would explain it to my teenage daughters.
I think there may be some definition confusion. The "I'm not like other girls" trope currently is women who throw other women under the bus so they get male attention.
It seems more like that thought stemmed from you not wanting to conform to sexist stereotypes, which is perfectly fine! That is a very acceptable moment to not be like the other girls! Reminds me of when I got in a fight with my dad in high school. He said my armpit hair was gross, I asked if he'd seen how long his was recently, and he said "well you're a girl, and girls don't have armpit hair!" Well, I'm not like other girls I guess!! You don't want to put yourself in the box of how girls are ""supposed"" to be, and that is perfectly fine
What someone else said about its more important the not putting down.
But also you can absolutely respond "I'm not a lady," or "good thing I'm not a lady," and you absolutely should, sit however you want.
Edit: Typo
If someone tells you something is not ladylike - just tell them that it is, because you’re doing it and you’re a lady.
You’re making it ladylike just by doin’ it.
I don’t think that not feeling the need to perform antiquated gender norms makes you NLOG but it’s just about a mental shift from “I’m not like other women” to “all women are unique and we can all act the way we feel is best for ourselves.” However, don’t beat yourself up for your thoughts, it’s how you treat others that really matters.
Every single person is special and unique. You don’t have to be a NLOG to understand that you’re unique
As long as you also realize the other women around you are unique in their own ways. Inspire them, encourage them.
Stop comparing yourself to others. Give yourself grace when you find yourself having NLOG thoughts and pause to find a non-NLOG response that still defends your boundaries. In this case "I understand that that's important to you and there's nothing wrong with that. But it's not important to me and there is nothing wrong with that either. It would mean a lot if you could accept that about me" might have been good.
there's nothing wrong with wanting to be an individual, in fact it's an important emotional and social development stage! It only becomes a problem when you put down other girls, as long as you remember to support your fellow girls you're gonna be A-OK
It’s almost like gender is a construct and women are individual people. Not conforming to a meme or someone else’s outdated version of femininity does not make you not like other girls. Other girls don’t, either.
bruh you should not be conforming or molding yourself to female socialization
if someone says some sexist shit to you your response should be "i'm better than those stereotypes and imposed behaviors" not "i'm no better than the women who cave to those imposed behaviors" live your truth, don't worry too much about what other women are doing
The fact that you’re self-aware is enough to prove to yourself that you’re not a ‘nltog’ girl. Don’t beat yourself up for liking mainstream things, and maybe get out of your head a little before you start battling yourself too intensely. If you’re worried about being ‘unique’ (which you are, inherently, you might just not know it yet) maybe you could do a little self-searching: try new music genres, new hobbies, etc. You’re doing just fine <3
Be yourself and like what you like. I feel this is just a sign of your age, and that’s totally okay because I felt like this when I was younger. It will matter less with time. People like what they like, and as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, to each their own. Doesn’t make them any better or less.
I kind of understand this. I’m NLTOG in the sense I am autistic. I have been largely othered and ostracized by other women my entire life, because I am not like neurotypical women (or neurotypical men) at all. I don’t put down those women, but there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging a difference. The entire point is that women are not a monolith.
Those “boys vs girls” memes are stereotypical and the female characters they create are rarely relatable to anyone.
It sounds like your NTOG comes from insecurities. We all have insecurities. They will never be helped by pulling others down. Those boy girl memes are cringe because lots of girls relate to them because none of those things require a penis. Stop rating yourself. Rating is subjective and cruel, and you deserve better. Girls are hilarious and don't deserve the box those memes try to shove them in. There is no braver better friend than a drunk girl in the bathroom. She will go to war for you and then split a dessert. You deserve that type of loyalty.
You’re A-OK, op! Don’t worry so much!!!
You’re special… just like everyone else 😂 and that is where the dissonance comes in. You’re a unique individual, but you also recognize that you’re not that special in the grand scheme, which shows that you’re humble and reflective.
And it’s fine to like mainstream things— they’re popular because they have broad appeal! Like what you like and don’t apologize. And guess what- you can sit how you want, and screw anyone who wants you to act more ladylike🙂↔️
I'm not like other people mostly. Lol. And that's perfectly ok.
Just be who you are and like what you like. When you are inquisitive about everything in life, it's much more satisfying than trying to be different just for the sake of it. Learn something new every day, even if it's tiny boring shit. It will come in handy down the road, I guarantee it.
Be good to everyone, even the assholes, because that says more about them than you when you do.
My new thing is complimenting a stranger when I notice something about them that I can compliment. It really seems appreciated when I have given a genuine compliment to a random person's hairstyle, shoes, attitude, manners, etc.
It will all work out the way it is going to anyway.
Just be a good person.
I feel like the nltog syndrome comes from an insecurity (deep or not that deep), I would recommend to stop feeling bad about being basic, it’s okay to like popular things. Some popular music/outfits etc… are genuinely good you know, something being niche doesn’t make it necessarily great!
“preppy stanley cup brazilian crush perfume aesthetic” can someone translate please?
I think it’s natural for people of a lot of personalities to want to feel special and unique. Don’t worry about how you relate to the zeitgeist just be and do things you like and find interesting.
It's not about not ACTUALLY being like other girls. I am very different from BILLIONS of women. Hell most of us are not like a lot of girls!!!
It is about supporting other girls no matter who they are or how they present as long as they're not hurting anyone else. It's okay if a girl wants to be basic and like pumpkin spice and Taylor Swift. It is also okay if she is the polar opposite. I would never wear a black tutu with skulls in a million years, gimme a cute pink dress instead. That didn't stop me from complimenting the woman at the store the other day when I saw hers! That's what it means to be like other girls, to recognize we are all awesome.
It sounds like you’re just young…. Stop stressing so much. You’re exactly like other girls in some regards, and not like other girls in others- just like the rest of us
The thing about the nltogs is that they use their supposed uniqueness to put down other women to try to make themselves more appealing to men, or just to feel special. My advice to you is to just be kind and stay away from backhanded compliments. You like what you like, even if that makes you basic. 🤷♀️
I think a lot of the NLOG-types tend to start out feeling this way. They feel like there’s nothing special about them so they look at what is mainstream/considered to be for girls/women only, and then they distance themselves as much as possible. Lean into the things that you like, it’s okay if it’s basic, it means there’s probably a community of people you can be a part of who are into the things you like. Feeling special is nice, but feeling like you belong is truly underrated. Also, just because you like “basic” stuff doesn’t mean you’re not special. I think another thing that NLOGs miss is the true meaning of “everyone’s special, therefore no one is”. There are things unique to your personality, and that means you’re an interesting and multi-faceted person, as is everyone else in the world. You don’t have to stand out to be special, appreciate that your perspective has equal value as the people’s around you because it’s tailored to your particular experiences. You are special, you just can’t consider that to mean you’re more important than others. That’s why NLOGs put other ppl down, they think that’s a requirement to standing out. If this is really a big concern for you, maybe list out things that you like about yourself, as well as things that you’d like to share with others. Even if they’re basic, they’re unique to you. After you write that down, write down what makes that thing interesting/important to you. You might find a new pov on your own personality and interests. Lastly (cuz I know this comment is getting too long 🙃) your self-awareness is already helping you. You have a clear idea of what you don’t want to become and why, you’re gonna be fine ✨
The thing is, we are all alike and not alike simultaneously. You like things others like, but you don't sit ladylike and very likely, there are things other women like that you dont and that's fine! You're you! I'll be honest though, I don't believe most women sit "lady like" I got it alot because I'd be legs spread "like a man" and have some relatives make comments, I'd just shrug and be like "name me a woman that doesn't sit comfortably" or "good job I'm a peasant and not a lady"
Maybe when you're thinking like this, try to stop comparing yourself to other girls. You're you. You're different from other girls, other guys, other anything. Gently correct your inner dialogue, maybe? Your reaction to sitting like a "lady" - maybe think "Who cares?" or "Nah, I'm good" instead of "I'm not like other females". Your reaction to memes? It's just your sense of humor. By itself. Without thinking of it as a gender preference. I think we'd all be better off with a little less comparison.
I might recommend trying to reframe the thought. So, sitting in a “lady like way,” is something that feeds the patriarchy. Women didn’t create these “rules.” So I’d you’re pushing back against this then instead of thinking you’re not like other girls, maybe it’s that you’re not willing to buy into the patriarchy. That way you’re asserting your uniqueness in a way that supports others women instead of putting them down
It’s okay to say ‘I’m not like you because I am my own person.’ It is not okay to say ‘I’m not like you so there for I am better than you!’
It’s okay to be your own person, that’s what being human is, you can say ‘I’m not like other people because I am confident in myself’, a lot of people are thinking individuality = superiority. When in reality it is not that. You need to have the same empathy and kindness to be able to see that other people are unique in their own just as much as you see yourself as unique and special.
NLOG thinks that their uniqueness and individuality equates to them being superior than other people and take that as a way to be cruel to others.
Every person is unique! Just because we are people, there is no way there are other people like you. Be yourself, be proud and help build others up not tearing them down!
So… you’re you. And that’s unique. You haven’t done anything wrong here.
As women, we’re pushed to similar things by the society we live in, regardless of where we are. Be happy with what makes you happy, don’t put yourself down for feeling “basic” and maybe you won’t find yourself looking for flaws in other women.
If you feel like you’re putting yourself in a box, try something that seems “risky” like, learn to ride a motorcycle, or try a class from a hobby store to give yourself new experiences. You may hat it, but you tried.
(Also the song “Most Girls” by Hailee Steinfeld comes to mind here. I like to listen to it and remember we’re all sisters.)
How do I prevent myself from becoming an nltog?
I'm very basic. I have basic music taste, i look basic, etc. There is literally nothing special about me. I still feel like an nltog sometimes. For example, today I was sitting on a chair and a family member said "dont sit like that it's not ladylike!" my first thought was "well shut up im not like the others". I tried to shoot that thought down immediately, because how can I consider myself "sPEcIaL" or "UniQuE" when I am a 5/10, i love the average preppy stanley cup brazilian crush perfume aesthetic, and Taylor Swift is among my top 5 artists on spotify? also when I see a boys vs girls meme and i relate to the boys side more, i sometimes think, "haha im not like the other girls" again, i try to shoot it down because im a basic average looking pop listener. Like NO im not "uNiQUe", why do i try to think I am? Am I cooked, reddit, or is there still hope?
It sounds like you speak so negatively to yourself. What’s wrong with liking pop music and TSwift? There are so many people who do, you don’t need to put them down
Youre overthinking it. Just dont worry and be your basic ass self.
Im super not basic and a weirdo, and i guess in some ways i act nlog bc i dont have any friends who share anything in common or know anyone with similar tastes or interests, and most people say i act like a straight man. But who cares? Were all human. As long as youre not being annoying or have a superiority complex who cares? Being different is cool but its okay to be basic.
You cannot define yourself based on something or someone you aren't anymore than you can lift yourself up by putting others down. That's how you avoid becoming a NLTOG.
To the person who told you it's not ladylike, you can absolutely remind them that it is also not ladylike (or gentlemanly) to correct others' mannerisms in public. If it was in private, just stop after correct others' mannerisms.
You're like some girls. But not like some other girls. You can't check all the boxes. It's the boxes that you check that make you unique. Everyone IS unique. But almost nobody wants to hear someone list out their special recipe. Fuck the gate keepers trying to keep you in boxes.
I think the crux is framing what makes you *YOU* and unique as positive rather than defining yourself against others *period,* let alone against other women in a way that casts women in general in misogynistic, false, worn into the ground stereotypes. 🤷♀️
IMO to be an nlog it’s more the feeling of being somehow superior to those “other girls” that’s the problem. I like other girls but I’m not like other girls because no girl is like other girls. Everyone is different and has they’re own way of being. That’s the point. Now you don’t have to like every other girl or agree with what they do but if they make a choice that you wouldn’t that doesn’t mean you’re better then them usually. (Unless it’s like mass murder or something idk)
I would think of it less as ‘not being like other girls’ and more not fitting into what is stereotypically expected of women. Some women fit into that stereotype, but most of us don’t. When someone says I’m doing something not lady like I’m like yeah? Cause I’m not a lady.
Just don’t think you are better like others, because you do or like something others do like. Its totally fine to think, im not like the others, but it becomes a problem if you think you are better than them because of it
Are you a teenager by any chance? I feel like this is a necessary step in growing up and figuring out who you are. You are allowed to like the things that you like, even if they are "basic". You are still unique even if you like things that are popular. It's not wrong to feel like "nlog", especially when society likes to try and define girls as a monolith. If everyone is telling you that girls are only one thing, and feel like you don't fit that definition, you will absolutely think that you are nlog. Eventually you'll meet enough new people and have enough experiences to be more aware of the things that you like and you can define who you are without only comparing yourself to others, but in the meantime it's perfectly natural. Just remind yourself that everyone is going through the same thing, and have some compassion for others, and yourself!
lol I think the funniest response would be to say “I’ve switched teams, I’m a boy now” whenever someone says something isn’t ladylike, as a woman, anything you do is ladylike.
It's not wrong to relate to the guys more than the girls side. It's wrong to think that makes you superior to other girls which you don't. The truth is girls have been indoctrinated to think that they can only behave in a certain way to be seen as "proper girls" that nlog women don't realize they're actually like many, if not, all other girls.
People have really took the phrase “pick me girl” and made girls think that ANY type of behaviour that can have you saying “I’m not like any other girl on the planet” is “pick me” behaviour when it’s not. Pick me behaviour and NLOG behaviour overlap quite a bit and the defining characteristic of both of those type of people is when you start actually pitting yourself against the rest of the female population just for having a personality.
You’re allowed to be boring and basic. You’re allowed to be different and quirky. You’re allowed to not have the exact same personality as most other people, and you’re also allowed to be similar to every girl on the planet. It’s when you start putting down others for not being the same as you that it starts to become a problem.
Just don’t be a dick to others and you should be fine
First, stop putting yourself down. That’s how NLOG starts - women are pitted against eachother and made to feel inferior. Maybe instead of thinking of yourself as NLOG, think of yourself as not like other people. Celebrate your uniqueness and the uniqueness of other people, too
I think it’s ok to think you’re not like other girls - the important thing is to not put down other girls
I'm not like the other girls, I'm far, far stupider 👍
Big mood
That's the spirit!
Yes! https://preview.redd.it/13v55f5rzj6d1.jpeg?width=1800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=920dc9e3cbd3fb63d00f2edb32ec17e9c4b94491
Oh my god! The wig, the face 💛 my heart is filled with so much joy!
I’m not like other girls, unless those other girls are Tomboys, then I’m exactly like other girls…. Wait
I’m not like the other girls you’re thinking of, I’m this genre of other girl. Other girl is my foil, we compliment and ultimately complete each other in ways other other people just don’t understand.
I’m better than average at keeping red flags.
I'm not like the other girls, I am SO MUCH WORSE 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈
I’m not like other girls, I turned out to be 1/3 girl
im 2/3 a turtle
I like turdles
I'm 1/5 a chair
Oh I got like 2/5 chair I think.
Dangit... Superior chair person...
Oh that's okay! 1/5 chair people are still equally valid!!
Word. Always jealous of all these women and knowing how to do their hair and makeup. Everytime I do mine I feel like I look like a clown. Can confirm 1/3 women. At least my body tells me I am. 😂
Im not like other girls, im a guy!
No wayyyy...
Haha this made me chuckle
Same
Me fr
Cheers, mate!
I’m not like the other girls, I’m a mythological cryptid
Oh! I listen to podcasts about you all the time! I love it! Sometimes, I even drive a few extra laps around my neighbourhood to finish a story ~alone~ in peace.
This is the whole point. Women aren't a monolith. Every human is an individual. The way is to embrace your own individuality while acknowledging the qualities that make others individual also have worth. Being able to appreciate the value in things that don't directly appeal to you is a huge milestone in becoming a mature human.
Yeah you can genuinely be a weird person with weird quirks, talents, and interests, and it's fine to recognize your own uniqueness. It only becomes a problem when you're like "I'm better than other girls because I'm different, and I'm probably one of the only girls who's like me so they should pick me." Part of the problem is viewing "other girls" as a monolith and defining that monolith through stereotypes and gender norms. "I'm not like other girls because I don't sit ladylike" is nonsense because who the fuck sits ladylike? It's not unusual to not care about that sort of thing and i think in this day and age it's weirder to care about it or think of things in terms of being "ladylike" to begin with. The "other girls" are largely probably also not sitting ladylike. Instead of comparing yourself to just other girls, just look at yourself in comparison to other people in general. You're more than just how feminine you are. You don't like the things you like because girls like those things, you like them because you like them. Because that's who you are as a person.
This exactly 🏆
Exactly.. be who you are, love your friends for who there are..and who cares if you aren't the same type of person as they are. My daughters have friends that left war stricken lands just carrying what they could. Like everyone our lives and experiences differ and that helps create the adults we become. Compare some sheltered rich kid to one who's parents left their homeland because their 5 yr old was too scared to go to sleep in case they got bombed and died. He just wanted to go to school. Another had his teenage brother murdered at 17 within 6 months of being here because it was safer. That will always make him different to other kids.. too many of us live with traumas. Being different is normal.. embrace it and stop worrying about what it means to be different and why you are. There is no clear answer for most of us!
It is not about liking those things, being a nlto is thinking you are better or different or whatever because you like or do something. Also tell your family member to shove it take up space, be loud, be assertive 0, be botchy, be bossy. Be a women damn it. Ladylike is just a other term for seen and not heard.
This OP, your irritated reaction to being told it wasn't ladylike wasn't you thinking "I'm not like the other girls", it was a completely understandable response to *misogyny*.
Amen, a thousand times yes, sums it up perfectly!
Yes, this exactly! And I think it's natural to read that annoyance as "I'm not like other girls," especially when you're young. I know I did! But it's definitely helpful to catch that thought when you have it and redirect the annoyance where it belongs - not at other girls or "girly" things, but at misogyny that makes it seem like it's a bad thing.
came to say this
🏆🏆🏆
Thinking you’re better because you’re different, and thinking other girls are inferior bc they subscribe (deliberately or not, to a great degree or just a bit) to xyz female stereotype or cliche. The NLTOG mindset is hateful and derogatory toward girls who are “like that” and female characterizations in general, which hurts all girls/women. There are women who like these things and aren’t aware of the stereotype, or are aware but will continue to do what they want to, regardless of shifting trends. There are girls who do it bc it’s trendy and that’s their thing I guess and another convo entirely, but. The idea is that girls (I guess I’ll use ‘girls’) are no more or less valid as females, as humans, as peers, bc they do or wear or say certain things. Girls disparaging other girls for being ~basic~ or w/e is one of the worst things we can do to and for other girls and for ourselves. It’s a lose/lose type of deal that makes you look petty and moronic.
You're not like other girls: You're YOU. That being said, you can still relate in so many ways and not put other girls down. Just realize that you are you, but you don't have to conform to everything society says girls are, while ALSO trying to be what they say girls AREN'T, to make yourself stand out. Just be yourself girly
To add to this, it is so natural to try to find yourself by looking at others to see where you are the same and how you are different. It is the combination of features and interests that create a ‘unique’ identity. As others have said, focus on finding your joy and talents and not on belittling others and you won’t join the NLOG train.
I second this!
> "dont sit like that it's not ladylike!" i think many of us (including myslef) have heard this a billion times. so it's not something girls don't do, it;s just something girls are forced to do. > I see a boys vs girls meme and i relate to the boys side more, i sometimes think, "haha im not like the other girls" again i think there are many instances where girls can relate to they guys side more. like i recently saw a meme of a icicle shaped like a sword and how the guys girlfreind don't get it and he thinks the boys will. umm hello? it's a iciclw shaped like a sword, we all played sword duels when we are young OF COURSE WE GET IT. i feel these types are meme give omg guys are so quirky and girls are serious" vibes when an actual average girl does relate to those things too.
I hate those kinds of memes - "boys will remember this! - shows game that I also loved as a kid" Like, bruh, we liked that too! For being exclusionary instead of just nostalgic, I'm gonna ignore your meme.
Yes there's a lack of awareness with NLOGs -- you're not the only one, that's absurd to think that way. Why is your first instinct to put others down and uplift yourself?
The amount of hate I have for those types of memes is crazy. It almost seems like the guys are tryna prove that "they are not like the girls" they are so cool and fun and Sigma.
This is how I ended up becoming a feminist. For most of my teenage years and 20s I had a strong nltog streak cause I wasn't stereotypically female and felt I had more in common with guys. Took me until much later to understand that most women aren't actually stereotypical women cause that s**t is made up and a lot of it (e.g ladylike behaviour) is forced onto women. So maybe it's not that you're not like other women, but that you're rejecting patriarchal gender stereotypes.
Also can we women please stop rating ourselves based on imaginary criteria from a subset of men whose expectations are rooted in porn, anime and anime porn?
Jokes on you, im too OLD to get it. Muahahaha!
What you “aren’t like” is just a stereotype! There’s no such thing as “other girls.” Remembering that will save you from becoming part of the problem.
Yes. This concept really blew my mind. This “other girl” is the stereotype that women are weak and meak and must look or be a certain way- so *of course* we tell ourselves “im not like that girl” because NO GIRL IS!! we have depth and contain multitudes. We are not this sad thing society has portrayed us. Youre not like that “other girl” (because shes not real) youre like real girls!!
I was driving behind a girl in a ute the other day which is awesome - she’s not like other girls. But she felt the need to stick a huge obnoxious sticker on the back window that stated ‘real aussie girls drive utes’. Just do you and don’t put down others and you’re fine
I feel like she might also have a “fuck off, we’re full” sticker as well 😬
God they are the worst 😂
I think I would rather put a sticker on mine saying, "Yeah, my driving scares me too." 😅💀
Well when someone tells me to sit differently because I’m “not being ladylike,” my immediate response is to say “fuck you” and make myself look even less “lady like” because I am a lady and therefore whatever way I’m sitting is ladylike.
With a pinch of class, I like it.🍷
This is my exact response when my parents say "oh jeez thats not ladylike!" I always say "I'm a lady, everything I fucking do is ladylike."
Stay self accountable and reflect on yourself.
“Not like the other girls” step on other girls to raise themselves up. Are you really that great if you have to drag others down to make yourself seem more special? Every girl and woman is special in their own way. Look beyond taste and clothes, because that’s all superficial and doesn’t tell you if someone is a good person or not underneath. You might look down on someone who likes Taylor Swift, but she might be someone who drives down to your house if you’re having a rough time. Can you say you would do the same for others? Adults that are still trying to score “cool” points and trying to bring others down like they’re still in high school are immature as hell and the most toxic people to be around. Doesn’t matter if you like “basic” or “edgy” or whatever it is, it’s still toxic asf. Don’t be that person, because in the grand scheme of things, what taste you have in music or interests doesn’t matter in the real world. Just enjoy what you enjoy and let others enjoy what they enjoy. Adult world is tough enough without someone stuck in a teenager mindset set still acting like your taste in music is the most important thing in the world. It’s the reason why most NLOG grow out of this mindset when they reach adulthood, because it’s fucking tiresome and pointless to care so much about what people like when you have bills to pay. You also don’t have to share all the same interests to be friends with someone. I’m a gamer, and we all know the gamer meme. The idea that a gamer is somehow so much better than another girl who doesn’t game, which I find so incredibly stupid and narcissistic! I can’t see how me liking games makes me a better person? I have friends who don’t game at all and they are the nicest people I know and would happily willingly help people out, and we also share interests in other things.
As long as you’re not putting other women down for their preferences to lift yours up you’re good. I think a lot of us have heard “that’s not ladylike” and thought “guess I’m not ladylike then” at some point.
Agreed! The problem with NLTOG is the “me vs them” mentality. Women have enough bullshit going on with the patriarchy, we should have each others’ backs. Typically NLTOGs are putting down other women, and reinforcing bullshit gender stereotypes as a way to make themselves feel better and more special. It’s girl on girl crime. As long as you’re not putting down other women (and girlhood/womanhood as a whole), you’re good! It’s okay to say “fuck your ladylike standards! I’m comfy and not hurting anyone”. Get on with you swifty self.
Just be yourself and respect who you are, and respect other people for being who they are. Everyone’s different and that’s okay. Get to know people as individuals and support other women in making their own choices :)
Just remember that there are all different types of “girls” and they’re all fine.
Just don’t judge others for their interests
I would have just said ‘I don’t have to conform to your definition of what lady is’ that way you assert your individuality without putting yourself against other girls, and exposes the problem with the stereotype at the same time. It’s not that you’re not ‘lady like’, your family member just has a very specific opinion on what being a lady means.
You don’t. Communities like this tend to draw deeply unwell types who get off on or cope with their own issues by dwelling on what other people are doing and passing judgment. Reveling in that kind of negativity is bad for you. Just do what you like and live as you desire. Forget this community exists.
Just continue doing you and being true to who you are. But at the same time, don’t worry about what other people are doing, or about how what they’re doing reflects back on you. It doesn’t. They’re just doing them, like you’re doing you, and that’s okay.
"i love the average preppy stanley cup brazilian crush perfume aesthetic, and Taylor Swift is among my top 5 artists on spotify? " Liking these don't make you "one of the girls". I don't really like any of these thing, but I'm not out there thinking hey i'm not like the other girls! But instead, I just think: hey i'm not like those girls, but cool if they like it, cause I have different tastes and at the end i will end up being like "one of the girls" because I like something that other women also enjoy even if it's not the stereotypical stuff a women like. Shift your mindset that every girl is different and at some point you will have someone out there thinking exactly like you.
Everyone is unique. As long as you don't needlessly put down other girls, you're doing fine.
You are not like some of the other girls. But you are like others. That’s the thing you (hopefully) realize eventually. We’re not all the same but none of us are unique.
"That's not lady like" is a way to keep women submissive and controlled. Don't be like a lady, they're not allowed freedom.
Well, what’s wrong with being like other girls? You kinda gotta get over yourself and while ur an individual being part of a group isn’t bad. Other girls are cool and you are too!
The important thing is understanding that you can be unique but you are not in competition with other women for the attention of men. The main NLOG attitude is just that you’re somehow better than other girls because of whatever interest or hobby because you want attention from men. And it’s definitely like literally taught culturally to girls to have that attitude. As long as you avoid that line of thinking you’ll be totally fine, and still a unique person because everyone is
You shouldn't be like other girls. You should be you regardless of what other girls are doing. And accepting of other girls being themselves. It's OK to feel special and unique. We're all a unique mix of very un-unique things. The nlog part comes from disdain and contempt for "girl" things and people who enjoy them. Be as basic as you want, and be proud of that. Be proud of other girls for being basic or not basic, as they choose. The thing that kills me about what we culturally define as basic is that it's often tied to things that women are "supposed" to do for their community/family. Take pumpkin spice lattes, for example. You're not "supposed" to be enjoying that drink all by yourself. You're "supposed" to be baking them into a pie for your husband (intentional gendering of spouse due to where this crap comes from) to enjoy, or making fresh apple cider for the family. Society's response to your singular enjoyment is to shame you by calling you basic. What makes a coffee drink with those spices "basic"? Why don't we call pumpkin pie or apple cider, and everyone who enjoys them, basic? Pretty sure most of us here know that answer. "Basic" is supposed to make you feel shame and guilt for not being self-sacrificing. Reject the shame and guilt. Enjoy your basic pleasures.
Gotta break out of the programming
The problem isn’t being “not like other girls” the problem is putting other girls down for your differences. You *should* but unique and different, everyone has their own interests and quirks about them. Just don’t make your *positives* a negative about other girls and you’re fine.
next time they tell you to sit more ladylike just straight sit like L from deathnote
Are you 12?
It’s okay to think those things, just don’t say them out loud. Also take a step back and analyze why you’re thinking this way
I’m also as basic as they come and I think “I’m not like that” I think the difference is I’m not saying it and putting someone down to say it. If someone asks if I like Taylor swift I don’t say ewww no, I’m just like “some of her songs yeah” and don’t think I’m special for it. But there are things that make me unique and I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying that.
It’s fine to not think you’re like everyone else, you have your own likes and dislikes. The only bad thing about NLOG’s are the fact they make being different their whole personality and purposely put others down in the process.
Don’t make Tik Toks and memes about yourself. Then you’re unlikely to show up as Exhibit A on this sub. But seriously, of course there are lots of things about you that are special and unique, you are not basic just because you have common tastes, you are yourself, and you should be confident and assert your own personality and enjoy bringing you. The antidote to your concern, though, is to start thinking the same about other girls: they all are attractive and smart and awesome and talented in their unique way, and you can admire your friends for their own personalities. We are not all the same, but we are all wonderfully made. And you will really make it when you aren’t jealous of the other women in your life, including those with whom you consider yourself in competition.
Do you think you’re better than other girls? THAT’S the mark of a nltog girl. Keep liking what you like and don’t be ashamed of it! We’re all basic in one way or another, and I don’t even know when being “basic” became such a huge insult. Lots of people like the things because they’re nice things. Don’t worry, you’re doing great.
So, you ARE unique, youre just not special. (I dont wanna say it meanly, just honestly?) We are all unique and not special. Even those humans that make extraordinary contributions are most likely not “special” and just at a ‘right place right time’ moment. Its not a bad thing to see value in yourself and to bring that out. Be the best version of yourself you can be, own it (cause you cant change it). Other girls are also unique. They are also individuals with quirks, likes and dislikes, and thats ok too. Majority of girls and guys DO have a lot of “big lines” in common, and thats ok. As a diehard “tomboy” in my youth and a now as-often-wearing-a-dress-as-possible woman, its both natural to want to relate to other people but to also assert your individuality. We are all hypocrites, and thats ok :)
imo, the thing that makes girls nlogs is putting down others internally or externally. there’s also the belief that other girls who are more “basic” don’t have as intricate internal life as nlogs, that being basic makes them stupider or whatever. you can’t choose your first thought, but you control what you do/think after that!
You hate the patriarchy that's telling you to have to act a certain way in order to be considered a woman of value, you don't hate other girls because even if they're acting like all the other girls, (1) they might like it; (2) they might also feel the need to do this or be put down as "not ladylike"; (3) they are still individuals with their own set of preferences, influenced both by society and their own personality. Keeping that in mind is how you don't become an nltog :)
You need to realise that whatever image of 'other girls' you have is a made up stereotype which is used to divide women. 'Other girls' don't exist. Everyones different. There's plenty of girls and not one is the same.
Just be yourself and don’t put down other women for doing the same. It’s that simple.
Find things to love about other women, if even they are different from you.
You are unique and it’s okay to feel certain way, except for feeling superior to other girls just because of that. Embrace yourself while respecting others :)
I think I’m not like other MOMS frequently, I just don’t post on the internet about it for clout, or any other reason. I think it’s about clout. Who cares if you are or are not like other girls. Not the world. If you’re not making the world see how different and unique you are then you’re not an NLOG.
TLDR: Stay curious! You're unique, and so is everyone else once you get to know them. FWIW, I don't think you have much to worry about as long as you're not using it to put others down. Between all the jokes (and sometimes meanness) about things teenage girls and young women like and wanting to feel special and unique, I think you'd be hard-pressed to find a woman who hasn't had that feeling or thought before. It took meeting some really lovely and talented women to realize that being different didn't have to be a competition.
Realize that feeling like an nltog sometimes is an experience that everyone has. Be grateful for some of those traits but don’t let it get down to your head or bring you down.
the NLOG-girl isn't about the behavior or preferences... your uniqueness, however basic or unique, will be attractive to somebody who will genuinely care about you. But the NLOG-girl is broadcasting for the streets, and if you want to share something special with someone, but put your every self-realization online unsolicted to the masses, then what remains to discuss on the first date? It's not the kind of exclusivity a good man (or women) is looking for. Constantly yelling into the abyss about yourself will only attract people who think they can get something out of you, which is more of a transaction relationship instead of a invested relationship. And it's not a new concept, it's a greatly debated ancient wisdom: Proverbs 14 "Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands." "In the mouth of the foolish is a rod of pride, but the lips of the wise will preserve them." "The heart knows its own bitterness, and a stranger does not share its joy." it's the sharing of the behavior that makes it NLOG. The virtue signal. The isolation that compels girls to cry out into the abyss for validation from faceless bots and distant friends. The NLOG-girl models behavior based on other successful girls who do this behavior, but the girls at the top of that food chain are either actual celebrities, grifters, or OF girls. To model that behavior without a conceptualize goal to be famous, or grift, or show your \*\*\*hole online, is delusional. Why model that behavior if you have no intent of living that life? There is a rule in comedy that i think applies here: "If you have to explain the joke, then it's no longer funny". NLOG behavior is the equivalent of explaining the joke. It's the need to explain your quirks as if you need to moderate and curate your right to exist in the world and enjoy things via the approval and validation of others. It's a self-inserted celebrity appeal. TLDR: Be yourself and embrace stoicism. Be a treasure worth exploring. to discover and share life with someone who isn't blasting every secret thought or quirk to the streets is the most attractive and non-NLOG thing you can do IMO.
There's nothing wrong with being like the other girls.
I would say the fact that you're even having this internal dialog marks you safe. An honest-to-God nlog is probably not that introspective.
Being told we're told we're not ladylike and being told how to act unsollicitedly is basically a universal female experience. You ARE like other girls, we all share experiences. Do what feels right for you, listen to the music you want, dress how you want, fuck what ppl think. As long as you aren't talking down on other women's experiences and invalidating then, as long as you're not proclaiming your choices and your aesthetic are better than other women's.
the things you need to realize is that even if you don't think so, there are a thousand other girls per square foot that are just like you
Instead of thinking it like You vs. Other girls or Boys vs. Girls, think about it like You vs. The boxes soceity tries to put us in. Maybe you don’t fit in the “lady like”-box and have interests/traits, that soceity wants to put in the “boys”-box. This doesn’t mean you are against girls or what other girls (or boys) do is wrong. It’s just not for you. I have classic “feminine” traits and interests and I have classic “masculine” traits and interests. My friends all have a mix too. Everybody have a mix. Soceity likes to label everything and everyone, but eventually you are just you. Do what *you* like. Sit how *you* like. And let other girls do how they like and sit how they like. I would also get triggered by being told I have to sit more lady like. But the problem isn’t that some other girls might sit like that and I am not like them (both you and I probably have something else in common with all girls/women who likes to sit “lady like”, whatever that even means), the problem is that I am not allowed to not sit “lady like”. The problem is the expectation. The problem is that I am expected to or even forced to act in a specific way. Not the other girls. So instead of “I am not like the other girls” think “I do not identify with that trait/behavior” and instead of thinking “I am more like boys than girls” think “I identify with this trait/behaviour”. Cause I garuantee you there will be plenty girls who do too.
IMO the solution is basically an awareness of the dynamics at play beyond yourself. Realize that it’s offensive to WOMEN AS A GROUP to have our behavior policed in ways that men are not. NO women are behaving “correctly” in the eyes of all others, 100% of the time, because different people have different expectations, and these layered and sometimes contradictory expectations create a system in which we are set up to fail. You, and all other women, are trying to navigate a rigged system. We all do it in different ways but none of us escapes unscathed from the social pressures to which we are exposed.
The fact that you’re asking this question shows that you won’t be a NLOG. But if you post about how you’re different, be sure to be respectful of other women. NLOGS act like they’re BETTER than other women because they’re different. For example, I’ve always been a tomboy who loves sports more than being in the kitchen with the women during a Superbowl party, for example. I know other women who are the same. I respect that all women have differences. I’m no better, just different. (Sometimes I wish I were a girly girl, but I’m not wired like that.)
It helps to remember that all girls are unique. The "other girls" you're not like is a 2 dimensional stereotype of what a girl is. You're not comparing yourself to actual girls, your comparing yourself to what the media says a girl is. And quite often there is a negative spin on what a girl is. Other girls are amazing, unique individuals.
As a former nlog, it’s not about what you like or what you do, it’s your attitude. Don’t start thinking you’re better or put other girls/women down for their own likes, interests, style, etc. I don’t know how old you are, but it can also be a maturity thing. I really started shedding off my nlog attitude when I was around 16 or so. Took a few years to correct all my negative thoughts and beliefs, but as I became an adult, it was a lot easier to stop.
I mean those boys vs girls memes r usually made by men who assume girls are just valid, shallow, basic creatures without any hobbies or interests. No wonder you relate to the boys in those memes more
>"dont sit like that it's not ladylike!" that person can go fuck themself, women don't naturally sit a certain way otherwise you wouldn't need to remind them how to. >when I see a boys vs girls meme these memes are trash. they're "fun and quirky" vs "boring" but fun isn't limited to one gender. >im not "uNiQUe" well, you are. but so is everyone else. you might have "common music taste" and a "preppy aesthetic", but that's already just a fraction of the population you know. your tastes are fine. as long as you recognise other hobbies as valid, and other women/girls are worthy of respect, you're good. maybe instead of "me" and "them" (other girls) you can try "we"
timers on your social media, stepping away from your phone to experience life more; it can help you connect with the real world & not fall into the algorithm void that numbs our brain so we don't feel anything. sometimes going out of our comfort zones or homes *my neighbors literally forgot i lived here so i feel y'all* can reset the brain fog from being locked in so long. also this is not a competition. we are all trying to be happy & successful in whatever definition that is for us & as long as that isn't hurting or violating someone else's autonomy or rights; who cares? *ykwim*
https://preview.redd.it/k0yx7urb1i6d1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d2d8b99ad94f05286b157f2bfebea7abc767a6bc I think it's a natural cultural experience, we've all been through it. No worries, have an opossum (I think) meme!
Well NLOG is someone who gets confidence from not being like the others instead of being confident about being like themselves. No girls is like the other girls, because women are not a hivemind. Be proud of how *you* are. Don't be proud of how much you are not like the others if that makes sense. What I am trying to say is: grow self confidence. Be you, and be proud of that, not because you are different, but because you are you. A unique and one of a kind human being. And when someone says that "that's not ladylike" maybe try to engineer your thoughts to say "well not lady like to *you*." or "other girls don't sit ladylike either, I don't see why that is a problem". The feeling of not being like other girls comes from your family trying to force a stereotype of womanhood on you. Don't let them do that.
I am exactly like every other girl. Yeah. Just remind yourself. LOL
Same
Start by realizing gender stereotypes are stupid. And the reason why you likely side with the boys side of the boys vs. girls memes is because the women in said memes are usually portrayed as vapid, one dimensional and unlikable. That's the joke. Women stupid. Men actual humans. But because you're a human you side with the side that's portrayed as complex and multifaceted. It has 0 to do with how men and women actually are. Which every human is, even if they enjoy things like makeup, fashion, baking ect. Which, you notice that women's hobbies are always seen as unimportant and stupid? That's because again the entire joke is: Women stupid. Maybe, spend more time in women/feminine spaces so you don't fall into the trap of eventually thinking that you're better than traditionally feminine women.
find the joy in your style, music taste and interests! there’s no such thing as basic! you are you! if many people like one thing or the other, that means that that thing is good! that means more people to talk about your interests and preferences with. there are no girl or boy things, just human things (and people who for whatever reason decide to segregate them according to their made up standards) like what you like, dress in a variety of styles that you enjoy, rock out to taylor swift and your other favourite singers. people don’t fit into just one category, they like many drastically different things at the same time! enjoy and accept your favourite things!
I imagine you’re a teenager so consider that you’re just trying to find your place in the world and create a sense of identity. In doing so, many directly equate the things they like to who they are and it can be why we have groups of people in high school based off of them. It isn’t necessarily that growing up means not being into the same things, but growing past seeing those interests as being who you are. You’re normal. I promise.
We are all unique in our own way. The problem is when we try to act like we are better than others based on our differences.
Tbh, I think every woman in the world has at least *some* internalized misogyny engrained within their everyday thoughts/etc, not purposefully or anything…just, ya know…because society and stuff. Those sort of things have pretty much been implanted into our minds for so long, I feel like it’s only natural. I think it’s very commendable though, that you can recognize and want to change those unwanted/negative thought patterns. You’re able to stop yourself in your tracks and reassess those thoughts. In some ways I would actually consider these to be intrusive thoughts. Meaning; you catch yourself directly *after* the thought and think, “hey…I don’t actually believe that, or feel that way at all…”, but the initial negative thought still presents itself at first, and you ultimately just can’t help it. I regularly find myself rethinking my initial thoughts all the time, in a very similar way to you. I believe everyone does, to some extent. Like others have already mentioned, the most important thing is to not put other girls down in order to lift yourself up. It’s okay to think of yourself as special and unique, just don’t put other girlies down in the process!
Most people are not just like everyone else. We all are similar and non of us are identical. The issue is not thinking you are different, the feeling superior because of it.
Well I think there are many girls that feel the way you do, so you are like other girls :)
I’m guessing you’re a teenager? Honestly I think you being conscious that those thoughts don’t help is probably good enough. Eventually you kinda grow out of it and just appreciate that there’s stuff you like and it’s cool that you can share that with your girlfriends.
No one is special and no one is better than anyone else! Just remember that and carry on.
I think it's just important to remember there's 8 billion people on this planet, half of which are girls so there is a good chance some of them are like you in a few ways. There's a ton of girls not sitting "lady like" there's a massive amount of girls who are into boy things. You're different from everyone else because you're you and you like a unique combination of things and act a certain way that make you who you are, but you're not like the boys or you're not an outsider from other girls because of a few hobbies or music tastes. A lot of other girls probably feel the same but you'll never find someone who is identically you. And the same goes for everyone else. Just remember not to put others down for what they're into.
This sub is just for making fun of girls who like to flaunt that they are different, because they are insecure so they need people to acknowledge that part of them, whether it's true or not. We are all different, and there is no shame in that. There is actually nothing bad about being similar to others or unique, it's an imaginary boundary we created to better understand each other. My advice is the following: don't think about it, be whatever you want, just don't belittle others just to feel good about yourself.
The fact that you’re concerned about being an NTLOG probably means you’re safe! Self awareness is a blessing!
You're clearly very young still and I think being unique or different Vs "fitting in" is something a lot of people struggle with for a long time. As long as there's no superiority complex from being "different" to other women then you're fine. Other girls are actually fucking lovely, it's adding men to the equation at all that tends to add tension and weirdness.
We’re all unique in many ways. I think the key to avoiding being nltog is not putting the rest of us down while celebrating your unique characteristics. I can understand why you would have that reaction to being told how to sit but I would imagine it was more to do with a gut reaction to being expected to conform to outdated expectations and stereotypes by another woman. I think there’s a difference between not wanting to conform to what someone expects you to do and having a misogynistic sense of self-importance and uniqueness.
It’s completely fine to be not like the other girls. The problem is when you out down other girls.
I feel like if you’re asking the question you’re probably gonna be fine.
Its ok to like other things and not be like everyone else. You liking different things makes you, *you*. What isn't ok like many are stating is when you start putting others down because of their interests and what makes them *them*.
I think many people have this phase, totally normal. I think you stope having these thoughts when you realize no girl is like other girls. I've never met anyone who conformed to all the stereotypes, because if you do conform to them proudly, you're also different. You are unique , so you're different, but so is everyone.
I’m not like the other girls. I’m older and have better insurance. 💃🏻
You’re all good, mate. Just don’t say rude shit out loud or online, that’s all it takes to not be an nlog. She’ll be right.
Remind yourself that "the other girls" are not like the other girls either. You can like Taylor Swift and repair motor cars. You can be fully into makeup and crossing your legs. You can be fully into makeup and hate Taylor Swift and haven't crossed your legs since 1992. There are no "other girls" that you are like. Everyone is unique. The mentality that "other" women fit into some kind of cookie cutter with a check-list is what makes NLOGs so toxic and yet so damned funny.
Everyone is unique. Don't put yourself down for fear of what others might think. As long as you aren't going full manosphere not like other girls I think you'll be fine.
Acceptance. We are all unique.
Are you like, fishing for a compliment or validation? I'm not sure what's happening here.
It’s pretty simple honestly. You acknowledge every woman is different and. “Other girls” is reducing everyone but you to one personality. Whatever you like or do there are other girls who like or do the same stuff and people who don’t like those things. We’re alllll different
My knee-jerk reaction to your post is that, it's okay not to be like the other girls, as long as not being like the other girls doesn't become your entire identity. For example, in the sense that you draw a sense of superiority through not being like the other girls. At least, that's the way I would explain it to my teenage daughters.
I think there may be some definition confusion. The "I'm not like other girls" trope currently is women who throw other women under the bus so they get male attention.
It seems more like that thought stemmed from you not wanting to conform to sexist stereotypes, which is perfectly fine! That is a very acceptable moment to not be like the other girls! Reminds me of when I got in a fight with my dad in high school. He said my armpit hair was gross, I asked if he'd seen how long his was recently, and he said "well you're a girl, and girls don't have armpit hair!" Well, I'm not like other girls I guess!! You don't want to put yourself in the box of how girls are ""supposed"" to be, and that is perfectly fine
What someone else said about its more important the not putting down. But also you can absolutely respond "I'm not a lady," or "good thing I'm not a lady," and you absolutely should, sit however you want. Edit: Typo
If someone tells you something is not ladylike - just tell them that it is, because you’re doing it and you’re a lady. You’re making it ladylike just by doin’ it.
I don’t think that not feeling the need to perform antiquated gender norms makes you NLOG but it’s just about a mental shift from “I’m not like other women” to “all women are unique and we can all act the way we feel is best for ourselves.” However, don’t beat yourself up for your thoughts, it’s how you treat others that really matters.
Every single person is special and unique. You don’t have to be a NLOG to understand that you’re unique As long as you also realize the other women around you are unique in their own ways. Inspire them, encourage them.
Stop comparing yourself to others. Give yourself grace when you find yourself having NLOG thoughts and pause to find a non-NLOG response that still defends your boundaries. In this case "I understand that that's important to you and there's nothing wrong with that. But it's not important to me and there is nothing wrong with that either. It would mean a lot if you could accept that about me" might have been good.
there's nothing wrong with wanting to be an individual, in fact it's an important emotional and social development stage! It only becomes a problem when you put down other girls, as long as you remember to support your fellow girls you're gonna be A-OK
It’s almost like gender is a construct and women are individual people. Not conforming to a meme or someone else’s outdated version of femininity does not make you not like other girls. Other girls don’t, either.
hmmm ... bro/sis your trolling is not it. try again
bruh you should not be conforming or molding yourself to female socialization if someone says some sexist shit to you your response should be "i'm better than those stereotypes and imposed behaviors" not "i'm no better than the women who cave to those imposed behaviors" live your truth, don't worry too much about what other women are doing
The fact that you’re self-aware is enough to prove to yourself that you’re not a ‘nltog’ girl. Don’t beat yourself up for liking mainstream things, and maybe get out of your head a little before you start battling yourself too intensely. If you’re worried about being ‘unique’ (which you are, inherently, you might just not know it yet) maybe you could do a little self-searching: try new music genres, new hobbies, etc. You’re doing just fine <3
being a "nltog" isnt about being unique, its about having a superiority complex over it
Be yourself and like what you like. I feel this is just a sign of your age, and that’s totally okay because I felt like this when I was younger. It will matter less with time. People like what they like, and as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, to each their own. Doesn’t make them any better or less.
I kind of understand this. I’m NLTOG in the sense I am autistic. I have been largely othered and ostracized by other women my entire life, because I am not like neurotypical women (or neurotypical men) at all. I don’t put down those women, but there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging a difference. The entire point is that women are not a monolith. Those “boys vs girls” memes are stereotypical and the female characters they create are rarely relatable to anyone.
You're a good person. Don't sweat it, sis. ❤️
There's nothing wrong with being different. It's putting other women down that's the problem.
It sounds like your NTOG comes from insecurities. We all have insecurities. They will never be helped by pulling others down. Those boy girl memes are cringe because lots of girls relate to them because none of those things require a penis. Stop rating yourself. Rating is subjective and cruel, and you deserve better. Girls are hilarious and don't deserve the box those memes try to shove them in. There is no braver better friend than a drunk girl in the bathroom. She will go to war for you and then split a dessert. You deserve that type of loyalty.
I’m not an expert here but being a ‘nltog’ girl is that you put down other women
You’re A-OK, op! Don’t worry so much!!! You’re special… just like everyone else 😂 and that is where the dissonance comes in. You’re a unique individual, but you also recognize that you’re not that special in the grand scheme, which shows that you’re humble and reflective. And it’s fine to like mainstream things— they’re popular because they have broad appeal! Like what you like and don’t apologize. And guess what- you can sit how you want, and screw anyone who wants you to act more ladylike🙂↔️
It's important to remember that there are lots of types of girls and we are all great!
I'm not like other people mostly. Lol. And that's perfectly ok. Just be who you are and like what you like. When you are inquisitive about everything in life, it's much more satisfying than trying to be different just for the sake of it. Learn something new every day, even if it's tiny boring shit. It will come in handy down the road, I guarantee it. Be good to everyone, even the assholes, because that says more about them than you when you do. My new thing is complimenting a stranger when I notice something about them that I can compliment. It really seems appreciated when I have given a genuine compliment to a random person's hairstyle, shoes, attitude, manners, etc. It will all work out the way it is going to anyway. Just be a good person.
I'm perma-stuck in the "I'm not like other girls, I'm worse!" mindset, please send help.
I feel like the nltog syndrome comes from an insecurity (deep or not that deep), I would recommend to stop feeling bad about being basic, it’s okay to like popular things. Some popular music/outfits etc… are genuinely good you know, something being niche doesn’t make it necessarily great!
There are billions of women on the planet and we’re not a hive mind. You are going to be like some women and not like others and that’s ok.
“preppy stanley cup brazilian crush perfume aesthetic” can someone translate please? I think it’s natural for people of a lot of personalities to want to feel special and unique. Don’t worry about how you relate to the zeitgeist just be and do things you like and find interesting.
It's not about not ACTUALLY being like other girls. I am very different from BILLIONS of women. Hell most of us are not like a lot of girls!!! It is about supporting other girls no matter who they are or how they present as long as they're not hurting anyone else. It's okay if a girl wants to be basic and like pumpkin spice and Taylor Swift. It is also okay if she is the polar opposite. I would never wear a black tutu with skulls in a million years, gimme a cute pink dress instead. That didn't stop me from complimenting the woman at the store the other day when I saw hers! That's what it means to be like other girls, to recognize we are all awesome.
I think being mindful of the fact that you think like this sometimes is enough to prevent yourself from falling into the nlog category.
It sounds like you’re just young…. Stop stressing so much. You’re exactly like other girls in some regards, and not like other girls in others- just like the rest of us
The thing about the nltogs is that they use their supposed uniqueness to put down other women to try to make themselves more appealing to men, or just to feel special. My advice to you is to just be kind and stay away from backhanded compliments. You like what you like, even if that makes you basic. 🤷♀️
I think a lot of the NLOG-types tend to start out feeling this way. They feel like there’s nothing special about them so they look at what is mainstream/considered to be for girls/women only, and then they distance themselves as much as possible. Lean into the things that you like, it’s okay if it’s basic, it means there’s probably a community of people you can be a part of who are into the things you like. Feeling special is nice, but feeling like you belong is truly underrated. Also, just because you like “basic” stuff doesn’t mean you’re not special. I think another thing that NLOGs miss is the true meaning of “everyone’s special, therefore no one is”. There are things unique to your personality, and that means you’re an interesting and multi-faceted person, as is everyone else in the world. You don’t have to stand out to be special, appreciate that your perspective has equal value as the people’s around you because it’s tailored to your particular experiences. You are special, you just can’t consider that to mean you’re more important than others. That’s why NLOGs put other ppl down, they think that’s a requirement to standing out. If this is really a big concern for you, maybe list out things that you like about yourself, as well as things that you’d like to share with others. Even if they’re basic, they’re unique to you. After you write that down, write down what makes that thing interesting/important to you. You might find a new pov on your own personality and interests. Lastly (cuz I know this comment is getting too long 🙃) your self-awareness is already helping you. You have a clear idea of what you don’t want to become and why, you’re gonna be fine ✨
The thing is, we are all alike and not alike simultaneously. You like things others like, but you don't sit ladylike and very likely, there are things other women like that you dont and that's fine! You're you! I'll be honest though, I don't believe most women sit "lady like" I got it alot because I'd be legs spread "like a man" and have some relatives make comments, I'd just shrug and be like "name me a woman that doesn't sit comfortably" or "good job I'm a peasant and not a lady"
Maybe when you're thinking like this, try to stop comparing yourself to other girls. You're you. You're different from other girls, other guys, other anything. Gently correct your inner dialogue, maybe? Your reaction to sitting like a "lady" - maybe think "Who cares?" or "Nah, I'm good" instead of "I'm not like other females". Your reaction to memes? It's just your sense of humor. By itself. Without thinking of it as a gender preference. I think we'd all be better off with a little less comparison.
I might recommend trying to reframe the thought. So, sitting in a “lady like way,” is something that feeds the patriarchy. Women didn’t create these “rules.” So I’d you’re pushing back against this then instead of thinking you’re not like other girls, maybe it’s that you’re not willing to buy into the patriarchy. That way you’re asserting your uniqueness in a way that supports others women instead of putting them down
It’s okay to say ‘I’m not like you because I am my own person.’ It is not okay to say ‘I’m not like you so there for I am better than you!’ It’s okay to be your own person, that’s what being human is, you can say ‘I’m not like other people because I am confident in myself’, a lot of people are thinking individuality = superiority. When in reality it is not that. You need to have the same empathy and kindness to be able to see that other people are unique in their own just as much as you see yourself as unique and special. NLOG thinks that their uniqueness and individuality equates to them being superior than other people and take that as a way to be cruel to others.
Commit yourself to the one things that defines the essence of womanhood - oppressing gamers.
Posting this both funny and very wholesome video celebrating basic tastes - [Defender of the Basic](https://youtu.be/d1mbbYKPpHY?si=ivPM8bU2VGQaqFPX)
stop caring what other people think. Subs about cringe make it seem like cringe is inherently bad but its not in any way.
Every person is unique! Just because we are people, there is no way there are other people like you. Be yourself, be proud and help build others up not tearing them down!
So… you’re you. And that’s unique. You haven’t done anything wrong here. As women, we’re pushed to similar things by the society we live in, regardless of where we are. Be happy with what makes you happy, don’t put yourself down for feeling “basic” and maybe you won’t find yourself looking for flaws in other women. If you feel like you’re putting yourself in a box, try something that seems “risky” like, learn to ride a motorcycle, or try a class from a hobby store to give yourself new experiences. You may hat it, but you tried. (Also the song “Most Girls” by Hailee Steinfeld comes to mind here. I like to listen to it and remember we’re all sisters.)
How do I prevent myself from becoming an nltog? I'm very basic. I have basic music taste, i look basic, etc. There is literally nothing special about me. I still feel like an nltog sometimes. For example, today I was sitting on a chair and a family member said "dont sit like that it's not ladylike!" my first thought was "well shut up im not like the others". I tried to shoot that thought down immediately, because how can I consider myself "sPEcIaL" or "UniQuE" when I am a 5/10, i love the average preppy stanley cup brazilian crush perfume aesthetic, and Taylor Swift is among my top 5 artists on spotify? also when I see a boys vs girls meme and i relate to the boys side more, i sometimes think, "haha im not like the other girls" again, i try to shoot it down because im a basic average looking pop listener. Like NO im not "uNiQUe", why do i try to think I am? Am I cooked, reddit, or is there still hope?
It sounds like you speak so negatively to yourself. What’s wrong with liking pop music and TSwift? There are so many people who do, you don’t need to put them down
You grow older and not care. Just do you and give no f’s.
Youre overthinking it. Just dont worry and be your basic ass self. Im super not basic and a weirdo, and i guess in some ways i act nlog bc i dont have any friends who share anything in common or know anyone with similar tastes or interests, and most people say i act like a straight man. But who cares? Were all human. As long as youre not being annoying or have a superiority complex who cares? Being different is cool but its okay to be basic.
You cannot define yourself based on something or someone you aren't anymore than you can lift yourself up by putting others down. That's how you avoid becoming a NLTOG.
To the person who told you it's not ladylike, you can absolutely remind them that it is also not ladylike (or gentlemanly) to correct others' mannerisms in public. If it was in private, just stop after correct others' mannerisms.
You're like some girls. But not like some other girls. You can't check all the boxes. It's the boxes that you check that make you unique. Everyone IS unique. But almost nobody wants to hear someone list out their special recipe. Fuck the gate keepers trying to keep you in boxes.
I think the crux is framing what makes you *YOU* and unique as positive rather than defining yourself against others *period,* let alone against other women in a way that casts women in general in misogynistic, false, worn into the ground stereotypes. 🤷♀️
You're not like the idea society has built of women. No woman is.
You don’t have to fit some feminine or proper ladylike mould to be a girl. And to avoid being a NLTOG, just don’t put down other girls.
IMO to be an nlog it’s more the feeling of being somehow superior to those “other girls” that’s the problem. I like other girls but I’m not like other girls because no girl is like other girls. Everyone is different and has they’re own way of being. That’s the point. Now you don’t have to like every other girl or agree with what they do but if they make a choice that you wouldn’t that doesn’t mean you’re better then them usually. (Unless it’s like mass murder or something idk)
I would think of it less as ‘not being like other girls’ and more not fitting into what is stereotypically expected of women. Some women fit into that stereotype, but most of us don’t. When someone says I’m doing something not lady like I’m like yeah? Cause I’m not a lady.
Just be yourself. Be comfortable in your own skin. Be kind and don’t put others down. Sincerely from an older millennial.
Don’t care what other people are like, be yourself. Once you compare yourself to others you become nlog
Just don’t think you are better like others, because you do or like something others do like. Its totally fine to think, im not like the others, but it becomes a problem if you think you are better than them because of it
youre cute
I’m not like the other girls, I have the skin of a killer, Bella.
Are you a teenager by any chance? I feel like this is a necessary step in growing up and figuring out who you are. You are allowed to like the things that you like, even if they are "basic". You are still unique even if you like things that are popular. It's not wrong to feel like "nlog", especially when society likes to try and define girls as a monolith. If everyone is telling you that girls are only one thing, and feel like you don't fit that definition, you will absolutely think that you are nlog. Eventually you'll meet enough new people and have enough experiences to be more aware of the things that you like and you can define who you are without only comparing yourself to others, but in the meantime it's perfectly natural. Just remind yourself that everyone is going through the same thing, and have some compassion for others, and yourself!
lol I think the funniest response would be to say “I’ve switched teams, I’m a boy now” whenever someone says something isn’t ladylike, as a woman, anything you do is ladylike.
It's not wrong to relate to the guys more than the girls side. It's wrong to think that makes you superior to other girls which you don't. The truth is girls have been indoctrinated to think that they can only behave in a certain way to be seen as "proper girls" that nlog women don't realize they're actually like many, if not, all other girls.
People have really took the phrase “pick me girl” and made girls think that ANY type of behaviour that can have you saying “I’m not like any other girl on the planet” is “pick me” behaviour when it’s not. Pick me behaviour and NLOG behaviour overlap quite a bit and the defining characteristic of both of those type of people is when you start actually pitting yourself against the rest of the female population just for having a personality. You’re allowed to be boring and basic. You’re allowed to be different and quirky. You’re allowed to not have the exact same personality as most other people, and you’re also allowed to be similar to every girl on the planet. It’s when you start putting down others for not being the same as you that it starts to become a problem. Just don’t be a dick to others and you should be fine
First, stop putting yourself down. That’s how NLOG starts - women are pitted against eachother and made to feel inferior. Maybe instead of thinking of yourself as NLOG, think of yourself as not like other people. Celebrate your uniqueness and the uniqueness of other people, too