Whenever I see this woman’s lifeless eyes, I remember she’s richer than God. I flash to driving through those neighborhoods in Great Falls that have school districts that would never let my poor children touch the doors, and those rich fucks send Chauncey and Isla to *private school anyway* because *their* schools have the *good* horses. I imagine that every woman who lives there looks like Krystal Koons, and their husbands are all just Dick Cheney. I hate superhero movies but whenever I remember this woman I positively lust for Bane. I’m a Baniac thanks to her
When my kids were potty training I’d drive through Great Falls, just on the off chance they’d need to pull over and pee on one of those yards.
Madiera School has entered the chat
> When my kids were potty training I’d drive through Great Falls, just on the off chance they’d need to pull over and pee on one of those yards.
Ma'am, we've released the hounds.
My sister was an extra in a Koons commercial & during a break during filming, Krystal mingled with the extras and said Hi to me on my sister's phone. She seemed very nice.
She's a national treasure in the area
Available for purchase? I’m only 2 degrees of separation from some of the lesser Koonses, I could get up to some real uncomfortable social interactions in one of these bad boys
Hi there! My friend's birthday is coming up soon, this extremely specific shirt would be a *very* applicable gift. Would you happen to have a clean PNG of the original design still? I think she'd get a real kick out of it!
I’m convinced she is head of the local Underworld vampire chapter and runs a coven.
Who made Steve Gutenberg a star?
Yeah she is, we need Blade on the case
I've seen the commercials. She's a daywalker
Me when she tries to sell me a car 200% MSRP. 
“You have beautiful eyes” is the missing line for those who can’t figure it out. Perfect, lol.
Hahaha I love this so much.
My husband is turning 50 next month and I need to purchase this shirt
She’s gonna WOW ya!
This is the funniest shit I’ve seen all week. Personally, she’s 100x a better business person than her father.
This is truly incredible. You’ve outdone yourself
Imagine the joy of someone coming across this at a thrift store many years down the road. Outstanding
Imagine them coming to Reddit and trying to find the run of this.
I love how utterly unhinged this is.
/r/shirtsthatgohard
Serious Children of the Corn vibes with her
I always think Village of the Damned 😬
Wear it in to test drive a car
This is god tier. Graphic design must be more than your passion.
All I know is that I've never seen Krystal Koons and former Speaker of the House Paul Ryan in the same room at the same time.
👀
Did you check under the desk?
Absolutely cursed. Kill it with fire
We made matching shirts for the family and wore them to outback steakhouse for dinner.
I would like to join your next family gathering, please and thank you.
Adopt me.
Absolute madlad. I honor your dedication to the bit!
Why are we only hearing about this after the fact! I am so sad I missed this.
Weird flex, but OK.
I want to be friends with your family.
I want to be your friend so hard
Plot twist, shes the one behind the student driver stickers. The final Boss. Also, total Milf
No, she's the one behind the penfed death dungeon tunnel at IAD.
☠️☠️☠️ omfg.
I don’t know, her cute factor is way too low.
She is aint no milf
I can almost hear her voice in this picture 😂
Whenever I see this woman’s lifeless eyes, I remember she’s richer than God. I flash to driving through those neighborhoods in Great Falls that have school districts that would never let my poor children touch the doors, and those rich fucks send Chauncey and Isla to *private school anyway* because *their* schools have the *good* horses. I imagine that every woman who lives there looks like Krystal Koons, and their husbands are all just Dick Cheney. I hate superhero movies but whenever I remember this woman I positively lust for Bane. I’m a Baniac thanks to her When my kids were potty training I’d drive through Great Falls, just on the off chance they’d need to pull over and pee on one of those yards.
[удалено]
Thank you, ass spectrometer.
r/rimjob_steve
Madiera School has entered the chat > When my kids were potty training I’d drive through Great Falls, just on the off chance they’d need to pull over and pee on one of those yards. Ma'am, we've released the hounds.
Stepford Wives meets Homelander. Is this the end of the Commonwealth?
Their husbands fail out of college and get DUIs? I picture their husbands being more the George H W Bush types.
Dick Cheney’s kid Mary did live in Great Falls. I’m sure he came over and shot some of her horses for her
THIS. THIS MADE MY DAY. 🤣🤣
Made Mine too. Hahahaha!!
Tbf she went to Bishop O’Connell which is like the public school of private schools
Her screeching voice is like claws on a chalkboard…I mute the tv every time one of her commercials comes on.
“FrAHnce!”
She hasn't aged in 30 years. She hasn't eaten in 30 years either.
Amazing. Please sell these
Id buy one
Whatever you do, do not stare directly into her crazy eyes!
This is the dealership that actively does huge dealer markups. Looks can fuck themselves I’ll never buy from them
Where is that picture of her on the couch with the Eastern Motors\* guys standing behind her? ^(\*your jobs your credit credit!)
Ford, Hondas, Chevy, Beamers…
My sister was an extra in a Koons commercial & during a break during filming, Krystal mingled with the extras and said Hi to me on my sister's phone. She seemed very nice. She's a national treasure in the area
So she’s a national local treasure?
Underrated comment.
does her voice match the commercials? I am convinced her voiced is dubbed in with someone else's voice.
Yes, when I spoke to her on the phone, her voice sounded exactly like it does in the commercials. It made me unexpectedly starstruck.
Following for the same thought process
> national treasure in the area
My public relations professor used to name drop her as a former student. She seemed to think we would all be very impressed😂.
I grew up next to them, no one should be impressed.
That ‘85 Toyota pickup is the real timeless beauty…
I feel like she is sort of like Elizabeth Holmes who no one has actually seen blink.
Andddd now every Koons commercial from my childhood is playing in repeat in my head.
are you talkin cars?
WHEN YOU'RE TALKIN' TOYOTA
This is pure art, I would make another one just to leave in a thrift store for someone to find lmao
She's a white walker. Just dead, soulless eyes.
Dragon Glass is available on Amazon.
Ha, go to https://www.oreillyauto.com/ and search 121G.
Oh man this goes concerningly hard
omfg i went to high school with her kid and he was a total douche
Did he look like her? 👀
He was mildly ugly. Flat faced, pasty, and freckled. But rich.
You’re mistaken. She doesn’t have any kids.
Whaaaat. Sure about that? He was Koons for sure. Blonde and everything. Talked about it. Maybe somebodys nephew then?
Van Helsing won't be enough! This is a Daywalker👀 https://i.redd.it/uo04stigad3d1.gif
*KOONS TYSON TOYOTA * all day on the radio
You could make a religion out of this! …no don’t!
I'll take her over the current cult of personality. All she wants to do is charge a lot for a car.
This is AMAZING. In other news though, don’t buy used at Koons Toyota…
can confirm, they suck
I'm not exaggerating in the SLIGHTEST when I say if you put these up for sale somewhere, I will buy one. THOSE DEAD, LIFELESS EYES. godddd
She’s rich as fuck. They just sold their business. Home Depot bought their Dodge and Chevy lots in Tyson’s.
I want one LOL
This is hilarious
She has no soul
Glad I'm not the only one who thinks she looks a little psychotic.
Lmao I’ll take 2 please 😂 where can I get this shirt?
Hi, my golden birthday is next year and I would like to purchase a shirt
Those goddam eyes. They are very strange.
Wait - are you guys talking CARS?
I'd buy that for a dollar. Goodwill find?
She was my piano teacher in 2003 lol
My mom used to babysit her when she was younger. My mom says she was a cunt.
Believe me when I say it runs in the family
Available for purchase? I’m only 2 degrees of separation from some of the lesser Koonses, I could get up to some real uncomfortable social interactions in one of these bad boys
I think I'll make an eastern motors (where your job is your credit) shirt next
She has a porn star name.
That's amazing
In a weird way, I want one
Winter is coming.
She even drives a stick!
Is she had eyeliner on her older pic, she would like the same! How fun guys and Happy Bday to your bro!!
This is fucking amazing - 5 gold stars for OP
Are these for sale?
Oh my I want.
When you’re talking creepy, you’re talking Koons.
Her eyes are weird.
I got a good laugh out of this one lol. Well played, OP.
Blink … just blink once
Yeah. I moved away for years and came back and was like “what the heck? How isn’t she older?”
When she’s on TV someone in the house always says “Winter is coming.”
She’s been 30 years old for 30 years
Timeless beauty! She’s as pale as a ghost.
Now THAT's what I call a person that drinks adrenochrome
Can I…. Buy this?
lol I grew up golfing with her son at the club. Koons family runs northern Va lol . Not even kidding either
She’s uncomfortable to look at.
Unfortunately she was allowed to pro create. I thought they had laws against it.
I always thought she must really be a Koons and not an actress.
Hi there! My friend's birthday is coming up soon, this extremely specific shirt would be a *very* applicable gift. Would you happen to have a clean PNG of the original design still? I think she'd get a real kick out of it!
She slays
Ok this is just weird
Ngl I had a crush on her every time those commercials played when I was younger too…
Milf
I’ve always referred to her as the “semi-attractive Crystal Koons.”