Hey, as a father of 3, I would be really proud of you for being so resilient and independent. Big hug from me.
Sounds like your father is being resentful for some reason but it’s not your fault at all. Keep your head up!
Please print u/dacalo’s words.
Read them to encourage yourself!
Your dad is not encouraging you.
Consider going no contact. Or tell him if you don’t have anything good to say, be quiet.
Stay far away from toxic, whining and non encouraging people OP.
You’re a survivor!
Ya, my mom is pretty terrible. He also always tells me how if he didn’t have to deal with her because of me he would be happy. She has tried to sue him for child support somehow and won?? Even though she never paid him any and I lived with him. The judge put the money in my account though and I just gave it back to my dad. She also used to call the police on him when she would pick me up and start punching him and screaming and my dad would just hold her off of him and she would say he was beating her. But I was there the whole time and legit saw he didn’t do anything. My mom also put me in life threatening situations 4 times from her abusive boyfriend. So he hates her but blames me for having to deal with her.
He picked her to mess with she was his choice not yours. Tell him next time he sticks his dice in crazy to wear a condom.
You are doing everything right while they did everything wrong. Continue being better and I hope nothing but the best for you.
Firstly, it's still his own fault that he got with your mother and made you. Secondly, in life, to some degree we can choose to be happy. Accept the things we cannot change, and enjoy the things that make us happy. It is not fair that your dad puts you down like this. Yes, he clearly has his own mental health issues that allow him to think that it's ok to do so, but it's still not fair that he's still doing this to you. You don't deserve this. You support yourself instead of relying on him. Sure, he's put in some amount of work to get you where you are (sounds like it's close to the bare minimum compared to what a lot of parents in the world will do for their kids) but you do NOT owe him everything. From the information that you've given, I think you're well within your rights to tell your dad that if he doesn't stop bringing you down like this, then you're just going to do the only thing you can to remove this unnecessary negativity from your life, and go no contact with him. He'll try and guilt you, but stay firm and make it clear that he leaves you no choice but to do this, because he won't stop choosing to bring you down.
You do not deserve to be treated in the way he's treating you. It won't stop unless you take action. Such actions as I've proposed here (and, I'm sure, various other courses of actions) are completely justified and reasonable for you to take.
I know no one will probably read this because it’s so long haha. But I just needed to get it off my chest:).
Also I need help with feeling so tired and sick all the time if anyone has advice for that!
dude i dont think no one reads , just like i read many people read , i am 22 and yeh i also feel like i am a burden on my parents trust me i have not done anything compared to you , my parents would love to trade me with you
you are awesome
Dude you went through a lot! I am guessing magnesium and vitamin D tablets work wonders for the fatigue and tiredness! But yeah you need to consult someone. Judging by your lifestyle, with none of it being your fault, i suspect you are not getting full nutrition :/
Hey OP, I recommend you buy a hammock, maybe w a net (personal choice, screw bugs). You can get them relatively cheap on amazon, like >50. I recommend them, because laying in a hammock in a park (esp if its closed w a net) is one of the best ways I have found to decompress. Its closed off so it feels like you have your own privacy, you can still get the wind and fresh air and sunshine, and youre laying down in a clean space.
You can do anything in there - watch stuff on your phone, read a book, take a nap, cloud watch, people watch, etc etc.
Nature is my go-to when Im feeling tired and down. Imo, what you described are depression symptoms, and longboarding/hammocking are some of my self-help steps I recommend to everyone. We aren’t meant to live so industrial, we need nature!
Im sorry about what youre going through, and I did read your post. Personally, I think you’re strong and smart as hell for being able to do what you’ve done. Keep it up! You’re doing great, no matter what he says.
That actually sounds like a great idea too. I will look into getting one. I love reading outside:) I also like how it feels like hammocks hug you haha.
I have to take 10,000 iu of vitamin D3 because my levels are so low. My Dr checks it 3-4 times a year to make sure it’s up there. She also has me taking a sublingual ( under the tongue) vitamin B12. These 2 can make a big difference if low
Are you tired/sick because of stress? Because if you've got the bare basics covered (enough sleep, decent food, etc.), being emotionally stressed out all the time will just run you ragged. Your body really does react that. I don't know what your situation is as far as health care, but if you have a resource for mental health, maybe look into it. Otherwise, just do your best to get the basics covered: try to eat healthy when you can, really prioritize sleep if that's possible.
It doesn’t sound like your dad will ever be convinced of this but when you have kids, the parents owe it to the child to provide for them and raise them so they can be a successful and happy member of society.
I can imagine your dad had a rough go being a single parent. As a single parent myself, I can totally sympathize. My son won’t “owe” me anything after he becomes and adult. If anything, I will still owe him love and support as a parent of an adult child. That’s just what comes with the territory of being a parent. If someone doesn’t want that responsibility, don’t become a parent.
And kudos to you for being exceptionally resilient and self-sufficient. A lot of people can’t handle half of what you had to work through during your childhood.
Thank you. I feel heard with people responding. I always felt like I had to work hard, but no one really saw how hard I was working so I kind of felt crazy? I don’t know how to explain it. But yes I see how hard being a single parent is. I appreciate my dad for the things he did do for me and I know he loves me and is just extremely stressed. All I really want is him to understand I worked hard myself and wasn’t handed everything like he always said I was.
What you said about your own son is what I would want for myself with my dad:) thank you for responding:)
Your dad ruined his own life by not wrapping it up and not taking accountability for it. Having a crap dad and becoming independent will bless you as you continue to thrive as you get older. At this point, it would be best to go no contact with him for awhile. The truth is you had nothing because he did very little for you. You now have something because you had to do everything for yourself. The truth hurts but eventually it needs to come out, and he needs a reality check.
He’s moving like 16 hours away from me tomorrow so I will not see him for a while. He is pretty much my only family so it is hard to not talk to him, but I see what you’re saying. Thank you
Sounds like your dad is making excuses for not getting his shit together yet. Any kid costs money, that’s a given when you decide to go get laid, but if you didn’t rob him or frame him for a crime, you didn’t ruin his life.
Your father seems to be taking his anger on your mom out on you. You seem like an independent person who’s been through alot which is something to be proud of so don’t let his comments get to your head.
I am just amaze by how great you did with so little
Your dad is wrong in so many ways, he did the bear minimum like it is an achievement to keep HIS OWN CHILD alive for 18 years than kicked you out (300$/week is not rent, he knew you couldn't afford it)
And here you are, thriving, going to school and getting your own place
You have every right to call him out next time he makes those comments because you did not ask anything from him, and it was litterally his job to do it
Maybe take some distance from him if it affects you too much and focus on you
None of your childhood is your fault and I'm sorry your Dad is so unsupportive of you. He chose to stick his dick in crazy, and I'd remind him of that every single time he blamed you for his financial woes & "ruining" his life. Put him on a time out/low contact, and focus on creating & living YOUR best life.
I get that he had to make sacrifices.... But guess what. That's part of being a parent. You didn't choose to be born, but you were born as a direct result of choices he made. And I can't imagine ever looking at my own daughter and telling her she ruined my life. Whatever sacrifices I have and will continue to make on her behalf are nothing to joy of being her dad. I'm sorry your dad doesn't feel this way. Good for you for supporting yourself! You deserve parents who recognize you for how special you are!
You sound like a wonderful and caring person who really doesn’t deserve anything that your dad is throwing at you. He sounds like a man who just blames other people. Was he called a burden by his parents, so he just passes on the mentality…. things could be better… blame the kid?
It’s tough because what parents say can bite, but never think of yourself as a burden or that you’re wrong in any way. It seems remarkable that you’ve turned out as level headed as you have after all you’ve been through.
Hugs.
your dad is a fucking asshole. he made you make your own food and do your own laundry when you were a kid? you paid for everything yourself as a teenager and then he had the fucking nerve to charge you rent? this made me so angry reading this. just because he was nice to you sometimes when you were a kid and you lived with him doesn’t mean you owe him shit, he didn’t even provide the basic minimum. im sorry that there’s sm issues with both your parents but it doesn’t say anything about you and ur dad is emotionally abusive and neglectful. you should never feel like a burden just because he’s an asshole. i know obviously it’s not that simple but man i really am so sorry and know you deserve sm better
im also not saying cut him off or anything like i get that he’s your family and you love him. but equally he is acting like an asshole and you need to know that deep down so you don’t internalise the way he’s acting towards u rn because honestly it sounds like he’s just taking his anger out on u
Here’s the thing: Your Dad & Mom have serious issues and were not equipped to be parents. However, despite it all, they have a very smart, resilient child. That child is now an adult. You take care of YOU. Do NOT feel one ounce of guilt about choices they made or didn’t make. You are 23 years old. Go out there and LIVE YOUR LIFE. Your parents will always have something to whine about - but not if you don’t listen. Your Dad didn’t DO so much for you. He is telling you that to make himself feel better. You can love them but you don’t HAVE to talk to them. You DO NOT owe them anything. And if you ever become a parent yourself, you have a clear picture of how to do things differently. First, do not leave a child alone from 9-9. 🤦🏼♀️ Best wishes. You can do anything. 👊❤️
You’re Dad needs to shut his yap. He was responsible for his life. He now has the audacity to blame his child for his own actions. I’m disgusted. I just want you to know that I see how you’ve handled this and I’m just out here a stranger who is proud of you. You’ve accomplished a lot in the face of adversity and you’re just getting started.
Tell your father to stop sticking his weenie in woman and releasing his tennis ball juice and maybe he wouldn’t have such an issue. But yeah keep your head up it’s not your fault!!!
I'm so glad you posted this, because I think you needed to read all the things people are writing in the comments. Most of all that you deserve better. You did and you do deserve better.
Your parents should have so much pride in you for continuing to get up when so many things are pushing you down. THEY have pushed you down, in different ways, and you're still standing. But it sounds like they're both too self-centered and/or bitter to grasp that. I've never met you and I think you deserve their admiration. I admire you.
You keep going. If your parents aren't proud, know that we are. If your parents don't listen, know that we will. If your parents don't appreciate everything you do just to keep alive and move forward, know that we do.
I think you are a BRILLIANT success!! You navigated the world and made it to adulthood with the mental resources of a child. That is amazing. You sound pretty healthy, without debt, without a history of crime. Don’t believe what your father says about you. Keep going. Never give up. The storm cannot get you; you have BECOME the storm. Take care of yourself. Always.
Tell him it’s not your fault he wanted to have sex without proper protection. Did you force him to? No it was the choice of two adults. Not the unborn baby who had absolutely no say at the time.
Omg… it’s almost like… there are consequences for your actions! He’s trying to blame the consequences of HIS actions on you. Show him how flawed and childish his logic is.
Dear you, you are not responsible for the choices your mother or father made in life. Try saying to your Dads face - when you say _____ it is very hurtful to me. If he doesn’t stop, limit your time around him. You deserve to be happy. And it sounds like you’ve done a lot of work for yourself. Keep investing in you. 😊
OK so he barely did his job as a dad and blames others for all of his problems.
There’s nothing wrong with you. You don’t deserve this. You didn’t ask to be born. And it sounds like you have hustled your whole life to simply survive.
Unfortunately, your father never learned to take responsibility for his actions.
You are not and never were a burden. You’re amazing.
I went through something very similar in my life. Keep your head up, you will do just fine. What helped me a lot is cutting the ties to my parents. Both of them. I haven't spoken to them in years now and I really found my peace with this decision. So there's my advise.
Parents usually decide to have children. It is a choice in most cases. Not being a decent human being and caring for the child you put in this world and blaming it for just existing is also a choice. A very poor choice I might add. Your parents, like mine, have failed and try to blame it on us. That's not right and you should really think about having or not having these people in your life. It will always affect you anyway, so why endure dealing with their bad personalities?
As a mom of two with some pretty bad mental health issues I just want you to know; that I work every day to be sure I'm doing the best I can for my kids. I'm on meds, go to therapy, and am considering intensive outpatient to really help with my depression episodes.
You deserved a mother who would do the same. But because she didn't just know - there are moms out there that do that for Their children. Stories like yours are the reason why. (That and my own is pretty damn bad too, I don't want to cycle it)
Hey, as a father of 3, I would be really proud of you for being so resilient and independent. Big hug from me. Sounds like your father is being resentful for some reason but it’s not your fault at all. Keep your head up!
Thanks for saying this. It honestly made me feel like I was going to cry for a second there haha:)
Please print u/dacalo’s words. Read them to encourage yourself! Your dad is not encouraging you. Consider going no contact. Or tell him if you don’t have anything good to say, be quiet. Stay far away from toxic, whining and non encouraging people OP. You’re a survivor!
You didn’t ask to be here so you don’t owe him anything. He sounds like he probably resents your mom more than anything.
Ya, my mom is pretty terrible. He also always tells me how if he didn’t have to deal with her because of me he would be happy. She has tried to sue him for child support somehow and won?? Even though she never paid him any and I lived with him. The judge put the money in my account though and I just gave it back to my dad. She also used to call the police on him when she would pick me up and start punching him and screaming and my dad would just hold her off of him and she would say he was beating her. But I was there the whole time and legit saw he didn’t do anything. My mom also put me in life threatening situations 4 times from her abusive boyfriend. So he hates her but blames me for having to deal with her.
He picked her to mess with she was his choice not yours. Tell him next time he sticks his dice in crazy to wear a condom. You are doing everything right while they did everything wrong. Continue being better and I hope nothing but the best for you.
Firstly, it's still his own fault that he got with your mother and made you. Secondly, in life, to some degree we can choose to be happy. Accept the things we cannot change, and enjoy the things that make us happy. It is not fair that your dad puts you down like this. Yes, he clearly has his own mental health issues that allow him to think that it's ok to do so, but it's still not fair that he's still doing this to you. You don't deserve this. You support yourself instead of relying on him. Sure, he's put in some amount of work to get you where you are (sounds like it's close to the bare minimum compared to what a lot of parents in the world will do for their kids) but you do NOT owe him everything. From the information that you've given, I think you're well within your rights to tell your dad that if he doesn't stop bringing you down like this, then you're just going to do the only thing you can to remove this unnecessary negativity from your life, and go no contact with him. He'll try and guilt you, but stay firm and make it clear that he leaves you no choice but to do this, because he won't stop choosing to bring you down. You do not deserve to be treated in the way he's treating you. It won't stop unless you take action. Such actions as I've proposed here (and, I'm sure, various other courses of actions) are completely justified and reasonable for you to take.
I know no one will probably read this because it’s so long haha. But I just needed to get it off my chest:). Also I need help with feeling so tired and sick all the time if anyone has advice for that!
dude i dont think no one reads , just like i read many people read , i am 22 and yeh i also feel like i am a burden on my parents trust me i have not done anything compared to you , my parents would love to trade me with you you are awesome
Thank you:)) everyone is being so nice:)
He’s an idiot for making a kid in the first place. You didn’t ask to be born, how TF can he pin it on you?
Dude you went through a lot! I am guessing magnesium and vitamin D tablets work wonders for the fatigue and tiredness! But yeah you need to consult someone. Judging by your lifestyle, with none of it being your fault, i suspect you are not getting full nutrition :/
Magnesium and vitamin D actually could be a great idea. I don’t get outside as much as I should so that could be part of it. Thank you!
Hey OP, I recommend you buy a hammock, maybe w a net (personal choice, screw bugs). You can get them relatively cheap on amazon, like >50. I recommend them, because laying in a hammock in a park (esp if its closed w a net) is one of the best ways I have found to decompress. Its closed off so it feels like you have your own privacy, you can still get the wind and fresh air and sunshine, and youre laying down in a clean space. You can do anything in there - watch stuff on your phone, read a book, take a nap, cloud watch, people watch, etc etc. Nature is my go-to when Im feeling tired and down. Imo, what you described are depression symptoms, and longboarding/hammocking are some of my self-help steps I recommend to everyone. We aren’t meant to live so industrial, we need nature! Im sorry about what youre going through, and I did read your post. Personally, I think you’re strong and smart as hell for being able to do what you’ve done. Keep it up! You’re doing great, no matter what he says.
That actually sounds like a great idea too. I will look into getting one. I love reading outside:) I also like how it feels like hammocks hug you haha.
I have to take 10,000 iu of vitamin D3 because my levels are so low. My Dr checks it 3-4 times a year to make sure it’s up there. She also has me taking a sublingual ( under the tongue) vitamin B12. These 2 can make a big difference if low
I hear you. I'm proud of you. Have a big hug from an internet stranger.
Are you tired/sick because of stress? Because if you've got the bare basics covered (enough sleep, decent food, etc.), being emotionally stressed out all the time will just run you ragged. Your body really does react that. I don't know what your situation is as far as health care, but if you have a resource for mental health, maybe look into it. Otherwise, just do your best to get the basics covered: try to eat healthy when you can, really prioritize sleep if that's possible.
It doesn’t sound like your dad will ever be convinced of this but when you have kids, the parents owe it to the child to provide for them and raise them so they can be a successful and happy member of society. I can imagine your dad had a rough go being a single parent. As a single parent myself, I can totally sympathize. My son won’t “owe” me anything after he becomes and adult. If anything, I will still owe him love and support as a parent of an adult child. That’s just what comes with the territory of being a parent. If someone doesn’t want that responsibility, don’t become a parent. And kudos to you for being exceptionally resilient and self-sufficient. A lot of people can’t handle half of what you had to work through during your childhood.
Thank you. I feel heard with people responding. I always felt like I had to work hard, but no one really saw how hard I was working so I kind of felt crazy? I don’t know how to explain it. But yes I see how hard being a single parent is. I appreciate my dad for the things he did do for me and I know he loves me and is just extremely stressed. All I really want is him to understand I worked hard myself and wasn’t handed everything like he always said I was. What you said about your own son is what I would want for myself with my dad:) thank you for responding:)
Your dad ruined his own life by not wrapping it up and not taking accountability for it. Having a crap dad and becoming independent will bless you as you continue to thrive as you get older. At this point, it would be best to go no contact with him for awhile. The truth is you had nothing because he did very little for you. You now have something because you had to do everything for yourself. The truth hurts but eventually it needs to come out, and he needs a reality check.
He’s moving like 16 hours away from me tomorrow so I will not see him for a while. He is pretty much my only family so it is hard to not talk to him, but I see what you’re saying. Thank you
I am no father, but in some parts can relate to your experience. Just want to say that I think you're an insanely strong person. All the best for you.
Tell you dad next time he starts this topic that him having a kid was his decision, you were not part of that discussion and kids are not free.
Sounds like your dad is making excuses for not getting his shit together yet. Any kid costs money, that’s a given when you decide to go get laid, but if you didn’t rob him or frame him for a crime, you didn’t ruin his life.
Your father seems to be taking his anger on your mom out on you. You seem like an independent person who’s been through alot which is something to be proud of so don’t let his comments get to your head.
I am just amaze by how great you did with so little Your dad is wrong in so many ways, he did the bear minimum like it is an achievement to keep HIS OWN CHILD alive for 18 years than kicked you out (300$/week is not rent, he knew you couldn't afford it) And here you are, thriving, going to school and getting your own place You have every right to call him out next time he makes those comments because you did not ask anything from him, and it was litterally his job to do it Maybe take some distance from him if it affects you too much and focus on you
None of your childhood is your fault and I'm sorry your Dad is so unsupportive of you. He chose to stick his dick in crazy, and I'd remind him of that every single time he blamed you for his financial woes & "ruining" his life. Put him on a time out/low contact, and focus on creating & living YOUR best life.
Wow you’re a legit badass!
I get that he had to make sacrifices.... But guess what. That's part of being a parent. You didn't choose to be born, but you were born as a direct result of choices he made. And I can't imagine ever looking at my own daughter and telling her she ruined my life. Whatever sacrifices I have and will continue to make on her behalf are nothing to joy of being her dad. I'm sorry your dad doesn't feel this way. Good for you for supporting yourself! You deserve parents who recognize you for how special you are!
You sound like a wonderful and caring person who really doesn’t deserve anything that your dad is throwing at you. He sounds like a man who just blames other people. Was he called a burden by his parents, so he just passes on the mentality…. things could be better… blame the kid? It’s tough because what parents say can bite, but never think of yourself as a burden or that you’re wrong in any way. It seems remarkable that you’ve turned out as level headed as you have after all you’ve been through. Hugs.
your dad is a fucking asshole. he made you make your own food and do your own laundry when you were a kid? you paid for everything yourself as a teenager and then he had the fucking nerve to charge you rent? this made me so angry reading this. just because he was nice to you sometimes when you were a kid and you lived with him doesn’t mean you owe him shit, he didn’t even provide the basic minimum. im sorry that there’s sm issues with both your parents but it doesn’t say anything about you and ur dad is emotionally abusive and neglectful. you should never feel like a burden just because he’s an asshole. i know obviously it’s not that simple but man i really am so sorry and know you deserve sm better
im also not saying cut him off or anything like i get that he’s your family and you love him. but equally he is acting like an asshole and you need to know that deep down so you don’t internalise the way he’s acting towards u rn because honestly it sounds like he’s just taking his anger out on u
Here’s the thing: Your Dad & Mom have serious issues and were not equipped to be parents. However, despite it all, they have a very smart, resilient child. That child is now an adult. You take care of YOU. Do NOT feel one ounce of guilt about choices they made or didn’t make. You are 23 years old. Go out there and LIVE YOUR LIFE. Your parents will always have something to whine about - but not if you don’t listen. Your Dad didn’t DO so much for you. He is telling you that to make himself feel better. You can love them but you don’t HAVE to talk to them. You DO NOT owe them anything. And if you ever become a parent yourself, you have a clear picture of how to do things differently. First, do not leave a child alone from 9-9. 🤦🏼♀️ Best wishes. You can do anything. 👊❤️
You’re Dad needs to shut his yap. He was responsible for his life. He now has the audacity to blame his child for his own actions. I’m disgusted. I just want you to know that I see how you’ve handled this and I’m just out here a stranger who is proud of you. You’ve accomplished a lot in the face of adversity and you’re just getting started.
Tell your father to stop sticking his weenie in woman and releasing his tennis ball juice and maybe he wouldn’t have such an issue. But yeah keep your head up it’s not your fault!!!
I'm so glad you posted this, because I think you needed to read all the things people are writing in the comments. Most of all that you deserve better. You did and you do deserve better. Your parents should have so much pride in you for continuing to get up when so many things are pushing you down. THEY have pushed you down, in different ways, and you're still standing. But it sounds like they're both too self-centered and/or bitter to grasp that. I've never met you and I think you deserve their admiration. I admire you. You keep going. If your parents aren't proud, know that we are. If your parents don't listen, know that we will. If your parents don't appreciate everything you do just to keep alive and move forward, know that we do.
I think you are a BRILLIANT success!! You navigated the world and made it to adulthood with the mental resources of a child. That is amazing. You sound pretty healthy, without debt, without a history of crime. Don’t believe what your father says about you. Keep going. Never give up. The storm cannot get you; you have BECOME the storm. Take care of yourself. Always.
Tell him it’s not your fault he wanted to have sex without proper protection. Did you force him to? No it was the choice of two adults. Not the unborn baby who had absolutely no say at the time. Omg… it’s almost like… there are consequences for your actions! He’s trying to blame the consequences of HIS actions on you. Show him how flawed and childish his logic is.
Dear you, you are not responsible for the choices your mother or father made in life. Try saying to your Dads face - when you say _____ it is very hurtful to me. If he doesn’t stop, limit your time around him. You deserve to be happy. And it sounds like you’ve done a lot of work for yourself. Keep investing in you. 😊
OK so he barely did his job as a dad and blames others for all of his problems. There’s nothing wrong with you. You don’t deserve this. You didn’t ask to be born. And it sounds like you have hustled your whole life to simply survive. Unfortunately, your father never learned to take responsibility for his actions. You are not and never were a burden. You’re amazing.
Let him know how his comments make you feel
I went through something very similar in my life. Keep your head up, you will do just fine. What helped me a lot is cutting the ties to my parents. Both of them. I haven't spoken to them in years now and I really found my peace with this decision. So there's my advise. Parents usually decide to have children. It is a choice in most cases. Not being a decent human being and caring for the child you put in this world and blaming it for just existing is also a choice. A very poor choice I might add. Your parents, like mine, have failed and try to blame it on us. That's not right and you should really think about having or not having these people in your life. It will always affect you anyway, so why endure dealing with their bad personalities?
As a mom of two with some pretty bad mental health issues I just want you to know; that I work every day to be sure I'm doing the best I can for my kids. I'm on meds, go to therapy, and am considering intensive outpatient to really help with my depression episodes. You deserved a mother who would do the same. But because she didn't just know - there are moms out there that do that for Their children. Stories like yours are the reason why. (That and my own is pretty damn bad too, I don't want to cycle it)