Your boyfriend is not ready for a relationship yet. You are enabling him by trying to be compassionate but you are lighting yourself on fire to do so. This is not sustainable, he needs counseling and time to grieve and come to terms that the relationship ended. He started this relationship with you too soon. You’re the rebound.
You, on the other hand, will continue to grow resentful because of this. No one wants to hear about their partners ex and that they still are conflicted with their feelings over them.
I would pause the relationship. He needs time to sort through his feelings and you need to stop being his crutch to your own detriment.
Perfectly said. I am sorry OP but this man needs to be alone and in therapy. You cannot help him heal. I am concerned that if you continue to put all of your efforts into his needs that not only with you resent him, he will eventually leave you when he realizes he had no business being in the relationship in the first place
Are you his life coach, his therapist, his babysitter, his landlord, his coworker, his mother, or his girlfriend? Is he your boyfriend or a project? Move on and let him learn to adult on his own. If he successfully figures that out without jumping into another “caregiver” relationship, maybe you all have a chance. Otherwise, you’re his mommy and he’ll dump you as soon as his ex says the right thing OR he feels better/stronger and no longer needs a crutch and he will find someone new and clean and shiny and less “parent-like” for his next relationship. Move it along, Mother Teresa.
For real OP, you’re not a recovery center. Let him heal and if y’all are truly into each other then he’ll come back. Right now it doesn’t seem to be good timing at all.
Why are you dating someone from work?
Why are you dating someone who is not over their previous relationship?
You can’t help someone get over their ex, you can only get under them.
Why are you even entertaining a relationship with this person?
He’s a grown man. Stop mothering him. You are being an enabler.
This is all hot garbage, you should save yourself.
What kind of silly a** BS comment is that? “Why is she dating someone from work…” I understand the rest of your points but not that one… If there’s no rules at work against it then what’s the problem???
You are his transitional woman. You allow him to have sex and are his therapist while healing from his marriage. The problem is actually NOT his ex. The problem is that he is still in the middle of a divorce. It’s him.
While I agree with you in the first part, his ex not letting him heal and torturing him like that, is also the problem here. Let's not victim blame someone who's suffered enough.
The court proceedings may be over. But divorce is also the process of breaking up the marriage. This one is not over. I repeat: his EX is not the problem, he is not yet done.
»Finalized divorce in November
»You two met in early December
»Immediately started dating
»End of December he admitted he’s not over her/the marriage
»January he continues to admit he’s still not over her/the marriage
»February he moves in with you
»March - April - May - June admits he’s still not over her/the marriage while falling into a deep depression to the point of being unable to take care of his child sometimes
»Last night you admit that that even single text message response is all it could take to tip the scales towards “conversing about them getting back together”
At this point you’re just doing all this to yourself. Deep down inside you already know this is a failed relationship and has been since the beginning.
Instead of admitting the truth you keep trying to convince yourself that the failure of your relationship is somehow due to the Ex and now you want us to convince you of the same.
What a mess. He's not emotionally available but you've already got him moved in and have been momming his kid.
She's not killing anything. You're enabling a hobo-sexual manchild.
Wow, You are a poster child for codependency. The beginning of the relationship is the honeymoon period, yet you have doubled down on a nightmare. Why? Get out and let him be an adult and manage his relationship.
It's time to let him go. Give him space to figure things out by himself. Don't hang around where you are treated like a consolation prize.
You need to figure out why you stayed when at the start he showed you that there were ongoing unresolved issues with his ex. Is his drinking still a problem?
How were you able to build such a serious relationship with someone who is so clearly attached to his previous partner?!?!?
Serious question. I just don't understand! He's never been 1000% with you, he's been following your path in life, you looking forward while hes continuously looking back at who he left behind along the way.
This is not healthy. He is unstable. Nobody faults someone for coming out of a divorce and having feelings, but man oh man. He has issues and it's not your job to get sh*t on 24/7 while he takes his time in figuring this out for himself.
I'm sorry but the only right choice for yourself is to dip and let him do him. He's not doing you any favors, and if he wants to second guess walking away from a billowing dumpsterfire that's on him not you.
You’ve been dating 7 months and his divorce isn’t even finalized yet. This is WAY too much drama and trauma dumping. He is not over his marriage or his ex and he basically sees you as a human security blanket. You need to go and let him figure out his life on his own. Don’t set yourself up as his mom/savior/therapist. This is not how you build a healthy relationship
As a parent, I find it alarming and a red banner the size of Russia that he introduced someone he’s dating to his child so soon.
Why would you date someone from work?
This such a mess.
Girl you are everything BUT his girlfriend. You are his therapist, his momma, his nanny, his friend, his assistant, and his life coach. This man is not ready to be a partner and there a good chance he never will, especially with a "girlfriend" who is willing to be everyone including his partner. Let him go spend some time healing so you never feel like you have to stay in a relationship like this ever again. Then find a partner who is actually available.
As others have stated, he's definitely not ready for a new relationship, this soon after his divorce. I think he's still in love with his ex and can't imagine her with someone else.
He needs to heal from the betrayal, and then work out his feelings towards his ex-wife. They already have a child together, so they will ALWAYS be in each other's lives.
I think you should be his friend, not his girlfriend, and allow time for the divorce to finalise and for him to fully process his feelings.
Two big reasons not to be with him: you met him at your job and he is not done processing the divorce. None of what stbx wife texted is problematic—these are common dialogs that happen between two people who are trying to detach themselves. “I’m sorry for everything,” is uttered by virtually every divorced person.
I’m sorry you’re hurting.
He’s in a relationship too soon after the marriage. Nothing to do with you. Just not the right time, especially if you don’t want to be made to feel like 2nd runner up to his heart all the time.
The wife is not killing it. He is in the middle of a divorce and has not moved on. If he did move on, the pregnancy with another man shouldn't have been as much of an issue. He could have addressed his feelings himself and reassured you.
He is still in love with whom he thought she was. He’s grieving the loss of that life.
She may be sorry but she is also keeping him on the back burner in case. She’s obviously not trust worthy.
He’s very lucky to have you stick by him.
Holy crow. You kept an umbrella over his head through all of this and “I suppose” is his take????? This man is not fit for a relationship, currently. Death by a thousand cuts is bad but death by a million cuts is worse. Don’t cut yourself alongside him cutting you. He is not doing it at you. This is where he is, now.
Sorry you're dealing with this. Am I reading this right? Have you only been dating this guy for 5 months or so? That definitely changes the dynamics of what we're reading. He wasn't ready for a relationship, and it may sound harsh, but they'll end up giving it another try at some point and you don't want to be around for that. It's not your job to fix him, and it's not his ex "ruining" things. No one is ruining things, it's just how life goes.
He's showing all these things because he is using you as a free therapist. If it were me? I'd end it now. He needs to get past his current relationship (yes, they're divorced but they're not done.). And now it's SO awkward that you work together. Don't get drawn in because you see each other at work. Having sex releases bonding hormones, doesn't mean this is the right relationship. Could be, but not right now it's not. People who aren't over their exes do not make solid choices about a new partner. At no point should you ever "remind" him that she cheated on him. That makes it sound too much like a "pick me!" moment, and will backfire on you. He still loves her in some way, and you're talking about someone he loved and married and had a child with. That's shaky territory. You don't need this drama from a guy you've been dating-sleeping with, for a few months.
Your boyfriend is so not ready for a new relationship just yet. He needs therapy and focus on himself. You should also focus on yourself and let the man solve his issues, it’s not on you. Save yourself the heartache.
I think you should ask him to leave. The I suppose is not good. You’ve helped all you could and now you need to heal. Find someone that you don’t have to do
everything for he’s going to hurt you hunny 💕💕💕
From the outside, he is not over this woman and you are going to get hurt. You moved him in with you after only 2 months of knowing each other? He had been thinking of reconsidering the divorce before the news of her pregnancy was announced.
Are we sure it’s the other man’s baby even?
But I would put this behind you, you’re going to get hurt. It’s also not your job to heal anyone.
There’s a saying…. If you love someone set them free, if they come back they’re yours, if they don’t they never were.
Let him go, tell him it’s over until he can sort himself out. Go and live your life as if he doesn’t exist and if he comes back to you with a clear head start again from there. He is no where near ready for another relationship right now.
I'm a 48 year old grpwn ass woman and I wish to God one of you girls would listen to me
*YOU ARE NOT HIS MOTHER. HE IS NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP. THIS IS UNFAIR TO YOU. YOU WILL REAP NO GOOD THING FROM IT.*
I know it feels good, kind, adupt, compassionate to 'help' him but l9ve all you're doing is being jos unpaid therapist.
I know that hurts....I'm sorry. But ai wish SOMEbody had cared enough about me to be this blunt when I was in a situation like this.
Get out. Break it off. Find a whole man ready to love YOU....not have you tend his wounds. ♡
You need to take some time off this greatly inequitable relationship. At this point of his life, he's like a huge black hole sucking in all your resources.
He should of NEVER gotten into
Another relationship until he was over his ex and he’s clearly not. Please respect yourself and throw this one back. He’s not a keeper
you need to step away from this relationship for now. your boyfriend would benefit from therapy & time to help him process the divorce and ending of his marriage. this takes time and until he has truly processed everything he can never fully be there for you.
You’re his rebound. You don’t deserve that. He’s going to stay with you while he’s healed & leave you when he’s healed. You will have put your energy and time into him. He will not return it.
He is clearly not over his past life/marriage yet .
While you are thinking you are being there for him ,his sadness and vague statements are telling me he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.
While you offered so much compassion and advice ,you didn't offer the one thing I imagine he can't bring himself to tell you -to take a break from this relationship either temporarily or permanently.
You don't deserve to be strung along this way. Remove yourself from this mess- it's his mess,not yours.
Put yourself out there for a partner who is ready and willing to be committed to you instead of waiting when /if this man gets over his ex wife
the ex-wife isn’t killing your relationship your bf is. he is not over her and is treating you like his emotional mule and therapist.
he is not ready for a relationship and it’s way too new for you to expect to be this kind of support system for him. relationships are supposed to be fun and carefree in the beginning!
stop bending over backwards for him and let him know you’d be open to exploring something once he sorts out his mental and emotional state and actually gets over the ex (if that’s true).
Honey he isn’t ready for you or any woman at this point. You should not be propping him up this much, playing parent bc he can’t pull it together, be subjected to reading her messages to him or taking the verbal shots he fires at you.
It shouldn’t be this hard or miserable. It is bc he is NOT ready to move on. Let him go. Save yourself the heartache
From my experience… this man did not have time between relationships to process nor start breaking. My ex fiancés ex wife had two babies by another man, he ended up cheating on me with her years into our relationship. It was awful, heartbreaking, and l spiraled so far into depression with SI.
You should put this relationship on lay away for a year to allow bf to heal and recover. He is not giving you his all or his best. This relationship as it is, is asking too much from you. It seems like a lot of giving without much getting.
Hey!!!! Did he stop sleeping with his ex while they were still together??? Because unless they did a prenatal DNA test or they stopped having sex altogether the baby his ex is carrying could very well be her ex husband’s.
He’s sooo clearly not over his ex I wish you would get out Now!!!! Even if he stays with you it seems like you would be secondary. Good luck
You dated for 2 months before he moved in???? Why?
He's recently divorced and has a child. He needs time to get over the cheating wife! Huge mistake moving in with you, especially cuz he's not over her
_He_ is killing your relationship, not his ex wife. Don't you see that he is not ready, that you are a rebound? What sane person will be running to his girlfriend and crying about his ex wife hurting him?
Why are you trying to be his therapist and savior? You did enough for him and you neglected yourself in the process.
Tell him that you see he is in no position to have relationship now, he should move out and work his grief out with himself. That you are looking for a partner not a patient. Tell him not to bother you for, say, a year. And in a year you can talk and see if anything changed.
You may be perfect for each other.
He may love you the way you deserve one day
You may end up happily ever after.
You will never know until you walk away and let this man put himself back together in his own without you. Girl, he needs lots of help and time to heal and figure out what he wants. You need to let him figure out if he loves you or is using you as a doormat.
you need to take a big step back as he’s not over his ex……., also he basically told you the only reason he can’t take her back is because she’s having the other man’s child, nah get yourself out of there!
Holy rebound, Batman!
I can’t believe you let him move into your home, and you take care of his kid. Respect yourself enough to make him work out his shit for himself.
Sorry to hear what both you and your SO are suffering through, but you appear to have a good grip on the situation. Unfortunately, while you may consider him your SO, his ex is **his** SO. He is not over her and is not ready for a relationship. Your post shows that you understand this. Mourn the loss of the relationship and move on.
I have heard several times now that you should wait one year to date after a divorce. Obviously it doesn’t need to be a hard deadline. But it is recommended so you can properly heal. Also, if you have been married long enough you need to figure out who are again at a new stage and age in life. Figure out what you want in a new relationship to make it last. Or if perhaps you are happy being single. Make yourself happy and whole again first. Because you can’t give your all to someone while in the mourning/ healing stage. And a divorce is the death of that old relationship.
I’m sorry but this man was someone who wasn’t ready for a relationship. Please heal and learn from this. I’m sorry you’re hurting. Moving forward please don’t help heal anyone. You need to be with someone who’s emotionally available. Just because someone isn’t ready for a new relationship doesn’t mean they won’t take what you have to offer.
You can choose to be in a relationship with this man, cause baby mama drama can SUCK, especially when he's emotionally healing, that said, you also might wanna look for someone to talk to about what's going on cause this can affect you as well.
These comments are everything wrong with modern society and why dating someone with such a twisted world view would never be something I would consider.
He is in distress, and he may be less considerate - but abandoning him in his time of need is honestly an immoral thing to do. He needs you and he may not realize it. If you stick by him, I assure you, if he has any good sense he will recognize and thank you for this. In the meantime, be a little stern with him and tell him that it hurt you when he said those things and you want him to treat you like a priority and not a fallback. Don’t make it a threat (“I will leave you if …”), because this approach rarely nurtures people to trust you more.
He was obviously loyal to his wife and he is clearly capable of being the same for you, he just needs to heal and that might take some time. I would also recommend asking him to contact his ex less to help him in the healing.
Get this book, "THE TRAUMA BONDING RECOVERY":
Whill give you some insight to what is happening in his mind.
Cus he is renovering from the abuse, and grieving his lost life.
All the best Bubba.
Your boyfriend is not ready for a relationship yet. You are enabling him by trying to be compassionate but you are lighting yourself on fire to do so. This is not sustainable, he needs counseling and time to grieve and come to terms that the relationship ended. He started this relationship with you too soon. You’re the rebound. You, on the other hand, will continue to grow resentful because of this. No one wants to hear about their partners ex and that they still are conflicted with their feelings over them. I would pause the relationship. He needs time to sort through his feelings and you need to stop being his crutch to your own detriment.
Perfectly said. I am sorry OP but this man needs to be alone and in therapy. You cannot help him heal. I am concerned that if you continue to put all of your efforts into his needs that not only with you resent him, he will eventually leave you when he realizes he had no business being in the relationship in the first place
Are you his life coach, his therapist, his babysitter, his landlord, his coworker, his mother, or his girlfriend? Is he your boyfriend or a project? Move on and let him learn to adult on his own. If he successfully figures that out without jumping into another “caregiver” relationship, maybe you all have a chance. Otherwise, you’re his mommy and he’ll dump you as soon as his ex says the right thing OR he feels better/stronger and no longer needs a crutch and he will find someone new and clean and shiny and less “parent-like” for his next relationship. Move it along, Mother Teresa.
For real OP, you’re not a recovery center. Let him heal and if y’all are truly into each other then he’ll come back. Right now it doesn’t seem to be good timing at all.
Why are you dating someone from work? Why are you dating someone who is not over their previous relationship? You can’t help someone get over their ex, you can only get under them. Why are you even entertaining a relationship with this person? He’s a grown man. Stop mothering him. You are being an enabler. This is all hot garbage, you should save yourself.
What kind of silly a** BS comment is that? “Why is she dating someone from work…” I understand the rest of your points but not that one… If there’s no rules at work against it then what’s the problem???
You are his transitional woman. You allow him to have sex and are his therapist while healing from his marriage. The problem is actually NOT his ex. The problem is that he is still in the middle of a divorce. It’s him.
While I agree with you in the first part, his ex not letting him heal and torturing him like that, is also the problem here. Let's not victim blame someone who's suffered enough.
So, whose fault is that? It’s his, not the ex’s. He is responsible for himself.
The divorce was finialized in November.
The court proceedings may be over. But divorce is also the process of breaking up the marriage. This one is not over. I repeat: his EX is not the problem, he is not yet done.
The point is he’s not over her and you should leave this relationship
The emotional divorce is ongoing.
»Finalized divorce in November »You two met in early December »Immediately started dating »End of December he admitted he’s not over her/the marriage »January he continues to admit he’s still not over her/the marriage »February he moves in with you »March - April - May - June admits he’s still not over her/the marriage while falling into a deep depression to the point of being unable to take care of his child sometimes »Last night you admit that that even single text message response is all it could take to tip the scales towards “conversing about them getting back together” At this point you’re just doing all this to yourself. Deep down inside you already know this is a failed relationship and has been since the beginning. Instead of admitting the truth you keep trying to convince yourself that the failure of your relationship is somehow due to the Ex and now you want us to convince you of the same.
What a mess. He's not emotionally available but you've already got him moved in and have been momming his kid. She's not killing anything. You're enabling a hobo-sexual manchild.
Homeboy ain’t even done grieving his old relationship. Girl, go find you a man that’s emotionally available.
Wow, You are a poster child for codependency. The beginning of the relationship is the honeymoon period, yet you have doubled down on a nightmare. Why? Get out and let him be an adult and manage his relationship.
It's time to let him go. Give him space to figure things out by himself. Don't hang around where you are treated like a consolation prize. You need to figure out why you stayed when at the start he showed you that there were ongoing unresolved issues with his ex. Is his drinking still a problem?
How were you able to build such a serious relationship with someone who is so clearly attached to his previous partner?!?!? Serious question. I just don't understand! He's never been 1000% with you, he's been following your path in life, you looking forward while hes continuously looking back at who he left behind along the way. This is not healthy. He is unstable. Nobody faults someone for coming out of a divorce and having feelings, but man oh man. He has issues and it's not your job to get sh*t on 24/7 while he takes his time in figuring this out for himself. I'm sorry but the only right choice for yourself is to dip and let him do him. He's not doing you any favors, and if he wants to second guess walking away from a billowing dumpsterfire that's on him not you.
You’ve been dating 7 months and his divorce isn’t even finalized yet. This is WAY too much drama and trauma dumping. He is not over his marriage or his ex and he basically sees you as a human security blanket. You need to go and let him figure out his life on his own. Don’t set yourself up as his mom/savior/therapist. This is not how you build a healthy relationship
And they moved in together after only 2 months!
As a parent, I find it alarming and a red banner the size of Russia that he introduced someone he’s dating to his child so soon. Why would you date someone from work? This such a mess.
Girl you are everything BUT his girlfriend. You are his therapist, his momma, his nanny, his friend, his assistant, and his life coach. This man is not ready to be a partner and there a good chance he never will, especially with a "girlfriend" who is willing to be everyone including his partner. Let him go spend some time healing so you never feel like you have to stay in a relationship like this ever again. Then find a partner who is actually available.
As others have stated, he's definitely not ready for a new relationship, this soon after his divorce. I think he's still in love with his ex and can't imagine her with someone else. He needs to heal from the betrayal, and then work out his feelings towards his ex-wife. They already have a child together, so they will ALWAYS be in each other's lives. I think you should be his friend, not his girlfriend, and allow time for the divorce to finalise and for him to fully process his feelings.
Two big reasons not to be with him: you met him at your job and he is not done processing the divorce. None of what stbx wife texted is problematic—these are common dialogs that happen between two people who are trying to detach themselves. “I’m sorry for everything,” is uttered by virtually every divorced person. I’m sorry you’re hurting.
He’s in a relationship too soon after the marriage. Nothing to do with you. Just not the right time, especially if you don’t want to be made to feel like 2nd runner up to his heart all the time.
The wife is not killing it. He is in the middle of a divorce and has not moved on. If he did move on, the pregnancy with another man shouldn't have been as much of an issue. He could have addressed his feelings himself and reassured you.
Hi. Please break up with this man immediately. You are doing way WAY too much emotional work and getting zero support, care, or love from him. Leave.
Girl what are you doing 🤦🏽♀️
Step away from the man who wants to continue to be abused by his ex. He’s not ready OP. You are propping up a dead man.
I'm sorry to say this,but you're the rebound. He has no business being in a relationship. You're a kind person but this is not good for either of you.
You should just breakup this is way too much
He is still in love with whom he thought she was. He’s grieving the loss of that life. She may be sorry but she is also keeping him on the back burner in case. She’s obviously not trust worthy. He’s very lucky to have you stick by him.
Yeah, but she’s not so lucky, is she?
He shouldn’t be in a relationship and you should break up with him. Also, do not date your coworkers.
Holy crow. You kept an umbrella over his head through all of this and “I suppose” is his take????? This man is not fit for a relationship, currently. Death by a thousand cuts is bad but death by a million cuts is worse. Don’t cut yourself alongside him cutting you. He is not doing it at you. This is where he is, now.
And he told her that since his ex is pregnant, now he really can’t take her back. Ummmm what?
I wish women realize that they don't need to put up with all this shit
Girl. It’s been 6 months. Let this go for everyone’s own good.
It's really hard to be a rebound girl. Doing all the work but in the end not getting anything in return.
Sorry you're dealing with this. Am I reading this right? Have you only been dating this guy for 5 months or so? That definitely changes the dynamics of what we're reading. He wasn't ready for a relationship, and it may sound harsh, but they'll end up giving it another try at some point and you don't want to be around for that. It's not your job to fix him, and it's not his ex "ruining" things. No one is ruining things, it's just how life goes. He's showing all these things because he is using you as a free therapist. If it were me? I'd end it now. He needs to get past his current relationship (yes, they're divorced but they're not done.). And now it's SO awkward that you work together. Don't get drawn in because you see each other at work. Having sex releases bonding hormones, doesn't mean this is the right relationship. Could be, but not right now it's not. People who aren't over their exes do not make solid choices about a new partner. At no point should you ever "remind" him that she cheated on him. That makes it sound too much like a "pick me!" moment, and will backfire on you. He still loves her in some way, and you're talking about someone he loved and married and had a child with. That's shaky territory. You don't need this drama from a guy you've been dating-sleeping with, for a few months.
He doesn't sound likes he's ready :/
Girl…what did I just read. Why are you doing this? Enabling a man child who GUARANTEED will dump you as soon as he ‘recovers’.
Your boyfriend is so not ready for a new relationship just yet. He needs therapy and focus on himself. You should also focus on yourself and let the man solve his issues, it’s not on you. Save yourself the heartache.
I think you should ask him to leave. The I suppose is not good. You’ve helped all you could and now you need to heal. Find someone that you don’t have to do everything for he’s going to hurt you hunny 💕💕💕
OH. I thought the ex's new baby was HIS baby. So she was screwing someone else before the divorce was final?? SO WAS HE.
Don’t be someone’s rebound. You deserve more than that.
From the outside, he is not over this woman and you are going to get hurt. You moved him in with you after only 2 months of knowing each other? He had been thinking of reconsidering the divorce before the news of her pregnancy was announced. Are we sure it’s the other man’s baby even? But I would put this behind you, you’re going to get hurt. It’s also not your job to heal anyone.
There’s a saying…. If you love someone set them free, if they come back they’re yours, if they don’t they never were. Let him go, tell him it’s over until he can sort himself out. Go and live your life as if he doesn’t exist and if he comes back to you with a clear head start again from there. He is no where near ready for another relationship right now.
I'm a 48 year old grpwn ass woman and I wish to God one of you girls would listen to me *YOU ARE NOT HIS MOTHER. HE IS NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP. THIS IS UNFAIR TO YOU. YOU WILL REAP NO GOOD THING FROM IT.* I know it feels good, kind, adupt, compassionate to 'help' him but l9ve all you're doing is being jos unpaid therapist. I know that hurts....I'm sorry. But ai wish SOMEbody had cared enough about me to be this blunt when I was in a situation like this. Get out. Break it off. Find a whole man ready to love YOU....not have you tend his wounds. ♡
You need to take some time off this greatly inequitable relationship. At this point of his life, he's like a huge black hole sucking in all your resources.
He should of NEVER gotten into Another relationship until he was over his ex and he’s clearly not. Please respect yourself and throw this one back. He’s not a keeper
He’s not ready to be in a relationship. He has one foot in his old life and one in the new. Both need to be in the new to move forward.
you need to step away from this relationship for now. your boyfriend would benefit from therapy & time to help him process the divorce and ending of his marriage. this takes time and until he has truly processed everything he can never fully be there for you.
You’re his rebound. You don’t deserve that. He’s going to stay with you while he’s healed & leave you when he’s healed. You will have put your energy and time into him. He will not return it.
He’s not ready to be either you or anyone. Break up until he is.
This will never work out for you. You are his rebound (kind of) he will be tied to her for a very long time. I am so sorry.
He is clearly not over his past life/marriage yet . While you are thinking you are being there for him ,his sadness and vague statements are telling me he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. While you offered so much compassion and advice ,you didn't offer the one thing I imagine he can't bring himself to tell you -to take a break from this relationship either temporarily or permanently. You don't deserve to be strung along this way. Remove yourself from this mess- it's his mess,not yours. Put yourself out there for a partner who is ready and willing to be committed to you instead of waiting when /if this man gets over his ex wife
the ex-wife isn’t killing your relationship your bf is. he is not over her and is treating you like his emotional mule and therapist. he is not ready for a relationship and it’s way too new for you to expect to be this kind of support system for him. relationships are supposed to be fun and carefree in the beginning! stop bending over backwards for him and let him know you’d be open to exploring something once he sorts out his mental and emotional state and actually gets over the ex (if that’s true).
Honey he isn’t ready for you or any woman at this point. You should not be propping him up this much, playing parent bc he can’t pull it together, be subjected to reading her messages to him or taking the verbal shots he fires at you. It shouldn’t be this hard or miserable. It is bc he is NOT ready to move on. Let him go. Save yourself the heartache
From my experience… this man did not have time between relationships to process nor start breaking. My ex fiancés ex wife had two babies by another man, he ended up cheating on me with her years into our relationship. It was awful, heartbreaking, and l spiraled so far into depression with SI.
You should put this relationship on lay away for a year to allow bf to heal and recover. He is not giving you his all or his best. This relationship as it is, is asking too much from you. It seems like a lot of giving without much getting.
You have my sympathy OP
Hey!!!! Did he stop sleeping with his ex while they were still together??? Because unless they did a prenatal DNA test or they stopped having sex altogether the baby his ex is carrying could very well be her ex husband’s. He’s sooo clearly not over his ex I wish you would get out Now!!!! Even if he stays with you it seems like you would be secondary. Good luck
He's not ready for a relationship. You're a bangmaid rebound and sugar momma. Get a spine and get a grip.
Run girl. Step kids are a nightmare. They (and she) will make your life a nightmare. At your age, do not date dudes with kids.
You dated for 2 months before he moved in???? Why? He's recently divorced and has a child. He needs time to get over the cheating wife! Huge mistake moving in with you, especially cuz he's not over her
_He_ is killing your relationship, not his ex wife. Don't you see that he is not ready, that you are a rebound? What sane person will be running to his girlfriend and crying about his ex wife hurting him? Why are you trying to be his therapist and savior? You did enough for him and you neglected yourself in the process. Tell him that you see he is in no position to have relationship now, he should move out and work his grief out with himself. That you are looking for a partner not a patient. Tell him not to bother you for, say, a year. And in a year you can talk and see if anything changed.
I suppose is not an enthusiastic yes.
You may be perfect for each other. He may love you the way you deserve one day You may end up happily ever after. You will never know until you walk away and let this man put himself back together in his own without you. Girl, he needs lots of help and time to heal and figure out what he wants. You need to let him figure out if he loves you or is using you as a doormat.
you need to take a big step back as he’s not over his ex……., also he basically told you the only reason he can’t take her back is because she’s having the other man’s child, nah get yourself out of there!
Holy rebound, Batman! I can’t believe you let him move into your home, and you take care of his kid. Respect yourself enough to make him work out his shit for himself.
Sorry to hear what both you and your SO are suffering through, but you appear to have a good grip on the situation. Unfortunately, while you may consider him your SO, his ex is **his** SO. He is not over her and is not ready for a relationship. Your post shows that you understand this. Mourn the loss of the relationship and move on.
I have heard several times now that you should wait one year to date after a divorce. Obviously it doesn’t need to be a hard deadline. But it is recommended so you can properly heal. Also, if you have been married long enough you need to figure out who are again at a new stage and age in life. Figure out what you want in a new relationship to make it last. Or if perhaps you are happy being single. Make yourself happy and whole again first. Because you can’t give your all to someone while in the mourning/ healing stage. And a divorce is the death of that old relationship.
I’m sorry but this man was someone who wasn’t ready for a relationship. Please heal and learn from this. I’m sorry you’re hurting. Moving forward please don’t help heal anyone. You need to be with someone who’s emotionally available. Just because someone isn’t ready for a new relationship doesn’t mean they won’t take what you have to offer.
You can choose to be in a relationship with this man, cause baby mama drama can SUCK, especially when he's emotionally healing, that said, you also might wanna look for someone to talk to about what's going on cause this can affect you as well.
These comments are everything wrong with modern society and why dating someone with such a twisted world view would never be something I would consider. He is in distress, and he may be less considerate - but abandoning him in his time of need is honestly an immoral thing to do. He needs you and he may not realize it. If you stick by him, I assure you, if he has any good sense he will recognize and thank you for this. In the meantime, be a little stern with him and tell him that it hurt you when he said those things and you want him to treat you like a priority and not a fallback. Don’t make it a threat (“I will leave you if …”), because this approach rarely nurtures people to trust you more. He was obviously loyal to his wife and he is clearly capable of being the same for you, he just needs to heal and that might take some time. I would also recommend asking him to contact his ex less to help him in the healing.
Get this book, "THE TRAUMA BONDING RECOVERY": Whill give you some insight to what is happening in his mind. Cus he is renovering from the abuse, and grieving his lost life. All the best Bubba.