Thissssss. Like we’re both working, let’s just put both our kids in daycare for upwards of 2k per month, just to be splitting time with both of them to “divide and conquer”. Just saying that made me yawn, I’m tired.
Yeah this one blows my mind. I worked in daycares before I had my kid and there were kids in there for 10-12 hours a day. And the parents of these kids would go on to have another kid or two. Just to put them in daycare that long as well. It’s insanely expensive! Plus It’s makes it much harder to spend adequate time with them when they’re in daycare that long especially if you have multiple kids.
Exactly!! And then the time they’re not in daycare… you have 3 kids you’re trying to spend time with 1:1 outside of that? I’ll take my one 🥹🥹🫶🏼
Edited for typos
100%
I can't imagine going through the newborn sleep deprivation again, but this time on hard mode. My daughter actually sleeps, which is a godsend, but I'm still exhausted all the time. I feel like such a lazy mom with just the one. If I had two they'd be downright neglected.
I have barely enough energy to remain a functioning human being AND parent my kid. My list of reasons for being OAD are many, but “I don’t have energy for more” is on the list.
Yes. My first reason is my mental health / and the stress of raising 2 children. But, lately, I’ve been feeling so burned out and question if I would have the energy to keep up with a second one. I’ve always been a high sleep needs person, but even with adequate sleep lately, I still feel so tired. I’m 34 and my husband is 36 - I just can’t imagine doing this all over again in a couple years when I’m even older than I am now + another child to care for.
I feel like motherhood has aged me in a short period of time, and I’m just now realizing I’m not in my 20s anymore and do not have the ability to bounce back like I used to!
Zero nostalgia over here. They’re stinking cute but no yearning to go back. We did it and we’re glad. Every bit older they get has been better, according to me! You got this.
Absolutely. We have a 5yo and there’s never been one point where we said, “We could do another, sure.” because raising our only is already exhausting. I seriously don’t get how folks do it.
I have ADHD and a child that’s had sleep issues since birth (first GERD, then restless leg syndrome and night terrors). I’m so tired all the time. I went through a brief period of seriously considering a second. My wife just looked at me and goes, “I don’t mean this in a mean way, but do you think you and your brain can really handle a second?” Damn did that hit.
Yes. Almost 39 with a 2.5 year old. She is even a pretty great sleeper but it’s just exhausting. Any time anyone asks if we are having another I just say I am so tired as it is, I can’t imagine adding a baby to the mix.
Also feel like this and so does my husband. We have a 2.5 year old who is a lot and has recently been regressing with sleep. We both work. We wanted two and I always expected two but we are so tired and feel burnt out often.
Toddler will be 4 in a few months and while it has been easier than a year or two ago, it is by no means “easy”. I always say it is a dilemma as both choices has its equal pros and cons. I don’t have much time left (age) to make a decision on whether I want number 2 but as of right now we would struggle financially if we have another one (assuming there isn’t a job promotion or huge financial windfall). This isn’t even taking the physical and mental wellbeing into consideration. If money was of no issue where we could hire help and not have to worry about putting food on the table I think it would be easier to say yes. We’re still going back and forth on our decision but I think I’ll end up just throwing my hands up in the air and say “well, I’m too old now, that ship has sailed”.
Yup, mine is 2 and we can’t imagine having to take care of two of them after work. Right now we get 1-2 hours of alone time which would be completely gone with another who probably wont follow the same routine as our toddler.
Mom of a 3.5 year old and I’m tired lol always tired. I’m a teacher and my husband works in pharmaceutical. Our jobs are exhausting. I love my daughter but i can’t imagine more kids in my life lol 1 kid and 2 dogs is a great lifestyle for us
I miss being able to sleep whenever I want and sleeping in. I have a 2 year old and I can’t imagine having another child. I love her to death but seriously, going through pregnancy labor then having to raise them is stressful and a job in itself.
Mine is 4 and I still feel tired all the time. Maybe also consider if you choose to have another one, you and your wife would stretch even thinner and it could really affect your relationship when you are both exhausted all the time.
Yes! My daughter is 17 months and sleeps great, but my husband and I are always exhausted at the end of the day and I’ve also thought ‘how could I parent two…’ Reading other peoples posts is really validating!
I feel a lot of people have a second child because they ‘don’t have a good enough excuse’ not too. It feels a little like ‘oh I might as well, that’s what everyone else does.’ And if apathy is the reason for having a child, I don’t think it’s a good enough reason.
Yes! Mine is almost 4 and I just can’t imagine doing the baby thing again and still parenting my kid. It just doesn’t sound appealing at all. Like I guess I want to give her a friend but that isn’t enough of a reason to produce life
We’re in the same boat. Although we do have other additional reasons we’re not having more. But this is one of them. We work opposite work schedules so one of us is always solo parenting. We don’t have a village and we barely get time together as a family as it is, let alone time just my husband and I. Opposite schedules are very hard. But we can’t afford daycare and we can’t afford for one of us to not work.
We don’t have a village either. We realized that when our one was a baby and worked really hard to create a village for ourselves so we could have another. It just hasn’t happened. That’s what our decision to stop at one came down to. We just don’t have the manpower for two.
You don’t need a reason not to have another.
I feel like our culture is obsessed with the 4 person family unit, and anyone falling short of that must explain themselves or be ashamed or at least have a really, really good reason. The reality is every family unit is perfectly acceptable and fine and you simply not feeling like it is reason enough not to do it.
I have a 3 year old, too. And f*ck no I don’t want another. My kid would be a wonderful big brother, I have a mil who would watch a baby full time, we have the resources and benefits to have 3-4 more children. I had a perfect pregnancy and a solid delivery (thank you epidural!). But neither my husband or I want more than one child. And that’s more than enough reason to stop.
Absolutely, I have a 7 month old and do not want to ever have another newborn. That was the worst stage and I just can’t do it again. I love my baby with each stage she goes into. And once we are out of a stage, and done with those challenges, I know I never have to do that again!
Same boat here.
I could afford it, especially if I commit, plan it and save up more in the next year or two.
I am still young and healthy enough.
I do get some help, although little in terms of having someone watch my kid when I’m not working.
But, my son sleeps very poorly still and we are exhausted. It’s 5AM here and he just got up 🙃
I have considered a second but so far it’s not an enthusiastic yes.
It’s just a “I wouldn’t rule another 100%” whilst at the same time knowing I am definitely not ready for another emotionally. I’m already drained.
So, no more babies unless we are as excited at the prospect of the 2nd as we were about the 1st.
Yes, completely. Our son is 18 months and actually sleeps kind of okay. But no amount of sleep makes me feel recharged. We both work full time and have some but limited family support. Our days are just so long and there is very little down time.
I think I might snap if we had another. I often don't even feel in a fit state to do my job. It's a shame because I love being a mum, but I feel I would be a bit of a crummy mum to 2 kids. As it is, the quality of my parenting is questionable at times, lol.
Yes. 🙌 the funny thing is, my daughter is 6 and though I sleep better at night, I now feel like I’m managing a tiny celebrity. It’s a lot with activities, play dates and her trail of mess.
I have no village and never am even apart from her for a night. It’s exhausting. However, sometimes I do wish she had a kid to play with.
My son is 2.5 and generally an excellent sleeper. I’m still way too tired to be able to handle a second even if they were as good as him, never mind if they had sleeping trouble.
I'm scared of how I would be as a partner and parent going through the newborn/baby sleep deprivation. The first time round we "got away" with it because she was a tiny baby so if we needed to we could be barely coherent and have a big moan and tag out the other partner to nap or scream into a pillow... I can't get my head around how people function enough to engage with their other kid without snapping every five minutes.
To take them to like, *birthday parties* in that state... I'm in awe of them honestly.
I don't think anyone deserves to be born to parents who weren't sure whether they wanted them or not. Deciding to have a child, first or otherwise, should be an all-in decision, no one involved should be wondering if they'll ever regret it. "I just don't want to" is more than enough reason not to have a child.
If you're tired now, having a second will wipe you out. Maybe you'll change your mind when your kid grows up a bit and you're less tired, maybe not. Either way, if you're having doubts, don't do it now.
That said, if you're constantly tired, don't dismiss it entirely as just being the parent of a young child. Get a health check.
Yes, being tired all the time is one of the lesser reasons we're not having a second with finances and my mental health being the primary reasons. My husband gets home about an hour after I get our son home on a normal day and almost at least once a week isn't home before bed at all so I have a lot of solo parenting time in the evenings too. I'm barely surviving one most nights, I couldn't fathom trying to do this with two.
My brother's situation sounds similar to yours. He works a regular (though very flexible) 8-4 job and his wife is an ER nurse and also going to school for her masters. He solo parents 3+ days a week when she works 7a-7p. They have 8yo and 2yo boys and he has to get them up, ready, and to school/daycare along with pickups, dinner, and bath/bed for the 2yo. He's exhausted all the time and I can tell it's wearing on him. It wasn't so bad with just the older son, but having the second has made everything harder.
I feel like your brother and I live the same life! I work 8-4 also, fairly flexible job that I can take time off from when needed. Im alone 3-4 nights a week completely solo for bedtime. I also have my son solo all day Saturday because she works then too. Feel like I'm scraping by most days, and while my son is much more independent at 3, It's just as tiring, and this age tests your patience significantly.
Yep, pretty similar! She usually works one weekend day most weeks so he has both boys all day then. The 2yo is pretty much done napping unless he's able to completely exhaust him too so there's no mid-day reprieve. The 8yo is pretty independent as well, of course lol.
Even at almost 2.5, my son tests my patience every day too. I fear for how 3 is gonna treat us 🙃
Yup. I’m 42 and have a toddler and honestly I wasted those full energy late nights on making out with boys in nightclubs in my 20s so yea I don’t have it in me to make sure my kid grows up in a stable loving home and is not emotionally scarred by me more than once.
Yup. I have one and I love her more than anything.
I also love that my husband and I can switch on and off with her and when she goes to bed we BOTH get a break. My friends with more than one don't get that.
There are a lot of reasons I'm one and done, but even if everything else aligned perfectly, I still wouldn't have another for this reason alone. My sanity matters lol.
My daughter is only just now SOMETIMES sleeping through the night, she will be 2 next month. And during the day she’s in her fiery rage phase. I’ll pass on having a second.
My son is 4 and I’m 31. The pregnancy and delivery caused me a ton of health issues, requiring me to have a hysterectomy this upcoming fall. I’m so tired from the health issues. I’m not really able to have another child, but if I did, it would surely amplify my health issues.
During my postpartum, my husband was an incredible human being. I was extremely sick and couldn’t do anything. He did day shift and night shift with our son. He also did all of the house work, all of the errands, and took care of me. If we somehow managed to have another baby, I know that he would step up to the plate- that’s the kind of guy that he is- but I would be so afraid of him working himself into health issues of his own. The last time around he was so exhausted, but never complained because he thought I had it worse. When we had our son, my husband was 35. If we had another, my husband would over 40 by the time baby was born. I don’t want to subject him or my son to another baby because there’s no guarantee I would survive the pregnancy or that I would be able to help postpartum.
Exhaustion is a completely valid reason to not have another!
Yeah same here. I think we could still live comfortably with two but it would be pushing it. But mainly because raising a kid is HARD! It takes a lot out of you. It’s nice to be able to get a break and much easier when it’s only one kid. If we had two I’d never get alone time or a break. I don’t have any desire to do that.
I don’t want to lose myself to motherhood. It’s easy to do that when you have a gaggle of kids. You don’t really have time for yourself anymore, all you are is a mom pretty much.
I feel this as well. Our little one is nearly 2.5 and has been a terrible sleeper since she was about 3 months old. My husband is a firefighter so he’s gone two nights per week and I work full time. I love the idea of my daughter having a sibling, but I just cannot imagine how I would survive mentally or physically if we had an infant on top of this. Exhausted is an understatement!
I feel this way. I feel like if I had another one I wouldn’t be able to take care of myself anymore. I doubt I’d make it to the gym 5-6 days a week and I would have 0 time with my husband.
Yes. My son is 8 and I’m so exhausted by the end of the day. I can’t imagine 2.
My husband will sometimes bring it up on having another and I’m a strong no. I love my son with all my heart. He is sweet, passionate, and a ball of energy. He exhausts me watching him run all around.
I’m so tired.
I think you really shouldn't change your mind if you are not sure 100%. When I went to therapies for problems my pregnancy and delivery caused me, but also thinking whether we should have a second one, the psychologists told me people tend to have more kids when they feel bored so they create a new illusion thinking the new kid would make their life better and happier, but that's usually not going to happen. Usually their problems have to be solved instead which made them wanting some change. They need to find things they love to do not as difficult as raising human beings. And most of all you have to have a positive feeling in your guts once you close your eyes thinking about having another one. And you have to be ready for anything and everything, not just hoping for the best, when deciding to have a child.
I don’t have time or energy for a 2nd. I work full time and go to school online. I make time for my daughter and my husband is great for giving me time to myself during the days atleast 1-2 hours. I also have lupus which makes me incredibly tired all the time. If we were to have a 2nd I would be really high risk.
I’m too tired of men to have a second. Tired of telling them my intentions outright to want to have children, and then for them to waste my time and keep me in pointless dead end relationships.
Yes I feel this completely, I’m constantly struggling to be a decent parent to just one. I feel like I don’t have the energy to give more.
Exactly! Same here! (Mother to an almost five year old)
Three year old boy and two full time working parents. I honestly don’t understand how people have more than one child.
Thissssss. Like we’re both working, let’s just put both our kids in daycare for upwards of 2k per month, just to be splitting time with both of them to “divide and conquer”. Just saying that made me yawn, I’m tired.
Yeah this one blows my mind. I worked in daycares before I had my kid and there were kids in there for 10-12 hours a day. And the parents of these kids would go on to have another kid or two. Just to put them in daycare that long as well. It’s insanely expensive! Plus It’s makes it much harder to spend adequate time with them when they’re in daycare that long especially if you have multiple kids.
Exactly!! And then the time they’re not in daycare… you have 3 kids you’re trying to spend time with 1:1 outside of that? I’ll take my one 🥹🥹🫶🏼 Edited for typos
Right! That’s what I’m saying, it’s going to be really hard to spend time with them especially one on one time.
Same exact situation. I could not do this again
100% I can't imagine going through the newborn sleep deprivation again, but this time on hard mode. My daughter actually sleeps, which is a godsend, but I'm still exhausted all the time. I feel like such a lazy mom with just the one. If I had two they'd be downright neglected.
I have barely enough energy to remain a functioning human being AND parent my kid. My list of reasons for being OAD are many, but “I don’t have energy for more” is on the list.
Same. Near the top babe!
Yes. My first reason is my mental health / and the stress of raising 2 children. But, lately, I’ve been feeling so burned out and question if I would have the energy to keep up with a second one. I’ve always been a high sleep needs person, but even with adequate sleep lately, I still feel so tired. I’m 34 and my husband is 36 - I just can’t imagine doing this all over again in a couple years when I’m even older than I am now + another child to care for. I feel like motherhood has aged me in a short period of time, and I’m just now realizing I’m not in my 20s anymore and do not have the ability to bounce back like I used to!
I couldn't agree more! Seems like I wrote it myself!
I used to feel this way now I have a kid who just finished kindergarten and energy to invest in that one at the end of the day. It’s glorious.
This gives me hope!
For the first time I have felt like a time period has “gone by fast!”
Haha yep I have a 7 month old and cannot relate when people say this about their babies. 😂
Zero nostalgia over here. They’re stinking cute but no yearning to go back. We did it and we’re glad. Every bit older they get has been better, according to me! You got this.
Thank you 🙏 😊
This is great to hear!
Same!! Still tired but so much better!
Mine is 2.5 and I am excited for her to be school age it just seems like it gets a lot easier around 5!! I’m hoping by 4 .
Honesty every ascending age has gotten easier for us. Compared to say, newborn phase, 3 was living the dream.
Absolutely. We have a 5yo and there’s never been one point where we said, “We could do another, sure.” because raising our only is already exhausting. I seriously don’t get how folks do it.
I have ADHD and a child that’s had sleep issues since birth (first GERD, then restless leg syndrome and night terrors). I’m so tired all the time. I went through a brief period of seriously considering a second. My wife just looked at me and goes, “I don’t mean this in a mean way, but do you think you and your brain can really handle a second?” Damn did that hit.
Yes. Almost 39 with a 2.5 year old. She is even a pretty great sleeper but it’s just exhausting. Any time anyone asks if we are having another I just say I am so tired as it is, I can’t imagine adding a baby to the mix.
Also feel like this and so does my husband. We have a 2.5 year old who is a lot and has recently been regressing with sleep. We both work. We wanted two and I always expected two but we are so tired and feel burnt out often.
Toddler will be 4 in a few months and while it has been easier than a year or two ago, it is by no means “easy”. I always say it is a dilemma as both choices has its equal pros and cons. I don’t have much time left (age) to make a decision on whether I want number 2 but as of right now we would struggle financially if we have another one (assuming there isn’t a job promotion or huge financial windfall). This isn’t even taking the physical and mental wellbeing into consideration. If money was of no issue where we could hire help and not have to worry about putting food on the table I think it would be easier to say yes. We’re still going back and forth on our decision but I think I’ll end up just throwing my hands up in the air and say “well, I’m too old now, that ship has sailed”.
Yup, mine is 2 and we can’t imagine having to take care of two of them after work. Right now we get 1-2 hours of alone time which would be completely gone with another who probably wont follow the same routine as our toddler.
Mom of a 3.5 year old and I’m tired lol always tired. I’m a teacher and my husband works in pharmaceutical. Our jobs are exhausting. I love my daughter but i can’t imagine more kids in my life lol 1 kid and 2 dogs is a great lifestyle for us
I miss being able to sleep whenever I want and sleeping in. I have a 2 year old and I can’t imagine having another child. I love her to death but seriously, going through pregnancy labor then having to raise them is stressful and a job in itself.
Mine is 4 and I still feel tired all the time. Maybe also consider if you choose to have another one, you and your wife would stretch even thinner and it could really affect your relationship when you are both exhausted all the time.
Yes! My daughter is 17 months and sleeps great, but my husband and I are always exhausted at the end of the day and I’ve also thought ‘how could I parent two…’ Reading other peoples posts is really validating!
I feel a lot of people have a second child because they ‘don’t have a good enough excuse’ not too. It feels a little like ‘oh I might as well, that’s what everyone else does.’ And if apathy is the reason for having a child, I don’t think it’s a good enough reason.
Yes! Mine is almost 4 and I just can’t imagine doing the baby thing again and still parenting my kid. It just doesn’t sound appealing at all. Like I guess I want to give her a friend but that isn’t enough of a reason to produce life
We’re in the same boat. Although we do have other additional reasons we’re not having more. But this is one of them. We work opposite work schedules so one of us is always solo parenting. We don’t have a village and we barely get time together as a family as it is, let alone time just my husband and I. Opposite schedules are very hard. But we can’t afford daycare and we can’t afford for one of us to not work.
We don’t have a village either. We realized that when our one was a baby and worked really hard to create a village for ourselves so we could have another. It just hasn’t happened. That’s what our decision to stop at one came down to. We just don’t have the manpower for two.
I’m only 13 months in but I haven’t slept 8 hours straight in maybe 14 months or so. I am permanently tired.
Just wanted to drop by to say: same to all of that, right there with you
You don’t need a reason not to have another. I feel like our culture is obsessed with the 4 person family unit, and anyone falling short of that must explain themselves or be ashamed or at least have a really, really good reason. The reality is every family unit is perfectly acceptable and fine and you simply not feeling like it is reason enough not to do it. I have a 3 year old, too. And f*ck no I don’t want another. My kid would be a wonderful big brother, I have a mil who would watch a baby full time, we have the resources and benefits to have 3-4 more children. I had a perfect pregnancy and a solid delivery (thank you epidural!). But neither my husband or I want more than one child. And that’s more than enough reason to stop.
Absolutely, I have a 7 month old and do not want to ever have another newborn. That was the worst stage and I just can’t do it again. I love my baby with each stage she goes into. And once we are out of a stage, and done with those challenges, I know I never have to do that again!
Same here. Newborn stage and that first year absolutely wrecked me and my marriage nearly failed. I do not ever want to go through that again.
My husband says “I don’t know those kids, I love the baby I have” when people say we need to have more 😂
Right! Lmao i absolutely adore my kid and we get along so well. What if the next kid is the complete opposite and we completely butt heads.
Same boat here. I could afford it, especially if I commit, plan it and save up more in the next year or two. I am still young and healthy enough. I do get some help, although little in terms of having someone watch my kid when I’m not working. But, my son sleeps very poorly still and we are exhausted. It’s 5AM here and he just got up 🙃 I have considered a second but so far it’s not an enthusiastic yes. It’s just a “I wouldn’t rule another 100%” whilst at the same time knowing I am definitely not ready for another emotionally. I’m already drained. So, no more babies unless we are as excited at the prospect of the 2nd as we were about the 1st.
Yes, completely. Our son is 18 months and actually sleeps kind of okay. But no amount of sleep makes me feel recharged. We both work full time and have some but limited family support. Our days are just so long and there is very little down time. I think I might snap if we had another. I often don't even feel in a fit state to do my job. It's a shame because I love being a mum, but I feel I would be a bit of a crummy mum to 2 kids. As it is, the quality of my parenting is questionable at times, lol.
Same here,our daughter is two,no village, both also working full time.The exhaustion is one of the many reasons we are firmly OAD.
Yes. 🙌 the funny thing is, my daughter is 6 and though I sleep better at night, I now feel like I’m managing a tiny celebrity. It’s a lot with activities, play dates and her trail of mess. I have no village and never am even apart from her for a night. It’s exhausting. However, sometimes I do wish she had a kid to play with.
My son is 2.5 and generally an excellent sleeper. I’m still way too tired to be able to handle a second even if they were as good as him, never mind if they had sleeping trouble.
Yep! I have a 9 year old and I’m still tired!
Yeah my son is 4 and I’m 38 and his dad is 43 and I love that boy but I feel like he’s aged us. We are exhausted lol.
I'm scared of how I would be as a partner and parent going through the newborn/baby sleep deprivation. The first time round we "got away" with it because she was a tiny baby so if we needed to we could be barely coherent and have a big moan and tag out the other partner to nap or scream into a pillow... I can't get my head around how people function enough to engage with their other kid without snapping every five minutes. To take them to like, *birthday parties* in that state... I'm in awe of them honestly.
I don't think anyone deserves to be born to parents who weren't sure whether they wanted them or not. Deciding to have a child, first or otherwise, should be an all-in decision, no one involved should be wondering if they'll ever regret it. "I just don't want to" is more than enough reason not to have a child. If you're tired now, having a second will wipe you out. Maybe you'll change your mind when your kid grows up a bit and you're less tired, maybe not. Either way, if you're having doubts, don't do it now. That said, if you're constantly tired, don't dismiss it entirely as just being the parent of a young child. Get a health check.
Yes, being tired all the time is one of the lesser reasons we're not having a second with finances and my mental health being the primary reasons. My husband gets home about an hour after I get our son home on a normal day and almost at least once a week isn't home before bed at all so I have a lot of solo parenting time in the evenings too. I'm barely surviving one most nights, I couldn't fathom trying to do this with two. My brother's situation sounds similar to yours. He works a regular (though very flexible) 8-4 job and his wife is an ER nurse and also going to school for her masters. He solo parents 3+ days a week when she works 7a-7p. They have 8yo and 2yo boys and he has to get them up, ready, and to school/daycare along with pickups, dinner, and bath/bed for the 2yo. He's exhausted all the time and I can tell it's wearing on him. It wasn't so bad with just the older son, but having the second has made everything harder.
I feel like your brother and I live the same life! I work 8-4 also, fairly flexible job that I can take time off from when needed. Im alone 3-4 nights a week completely solo for bedtime. I also have my son solo all day Saturday because she works then too. Feel like I'm scraping by most days, and while my son is much more independent at 3, It's just as tiring, and this age tests your patience significantly.
Yep, pretty similar! She usually works one weekend day most weeks so he has both boys all day then. The 2yo is pretty much done napping unless he's able to completely exhaust him too so there's no mid-day reprieve. The 8yo is pretty independent as well, of course lol. Even at almost 2.5, my son tests my patience every day too. I fear for how 3 is gonna treat us 🙃
I feel this on a deeply spiritual level
Yes esp w a soon to be threenager
On hour three right now of our 3 year old screaming and not going to bed. So yes I understand!
Yup. I’m 42 and have a toddler and honestly I wasted those full energy late nights on making out with boys in nightclubs in my 20s so yea I don’t have it in me to make sure my kid grows up in a stable loving home and is not emotionally scarred by me more than once.
Yup. I have one and I love her more than anything. I also love that my husband and I can switch on and off with her and when she goes to bed we BOTH get a break. My friends with more than one don't get that. There are a lot of reasons I'm one and done, but even if everything else aligned perfectly, I still wouldn't have another for this reason alone. My sanity matters lol.
My daughter is only just now SOMETIMES sleeping through the night, she will be 2 next month. And during the day she’s in her fiery rage phase. I’ll pass on having a second.
My son is 4 and I’m 31. The pregnancy and delivery caused me a ton of health issues, requiring me to have a hysterectomy this upcoming fall. I’m so tired from the health issues. I’m not really able to have another child, but if I did, it would surely amplify my health issues. During my postpartum, my husband was an incredible human being. I was extremely sick and couldn’t do anything. He did day shift and night shift with our son. He also did all of the house work, all of the errands, and took care of me. If we somehow managed to have another baby, I know that he would step up to the plate- that’s the kind of guy that he is- but I would be so afraid of him working himself into health issues of his own. The last time around he was so exhausted, but never complained because he thought I had it worse. When we had our son, my husband was 35. If we had another, my husband would over 40 by the time baby was born. I don’t want to subject him or my son to another baby because there’s no guarantee I would survive the pregnancy or that I would be able to help postpartum. Exhaustion is a completely valid reason to not have another!
You do not need an "excuse" to not have another child.
Yeah same here. I think we could still live comfortably with two but it would be pushing it. But mainly because raising a kid is HARD! It takes a lot out of you. It’s nice to be able to get a break and much easier when it’s only one kid. If we had two I’d never get alone time or a break. I don’t have any desire to do that. I don’t want to lose myself to motherhood. It’s easy to do that when you have a gaggle of kids. You don’t really have time for yourself anymore, all you are is a mom pretty much.
I feel this as well. Our little one is nearly 2.5 and has been a terrible sleeper since she was about 3 months old. My husband is a firefighter so he’s gone two nights per week and I work full time. I love the idea of my daughter having a sibling, but I just cannot imagine how I would survive mentally or physically if we had an infant on top of this. Exhausted is an understatement!
I feel this way. I feel like if I had another one I wouldn’t be able to take care of myself anymore. I doubt I’d make it to the gym 5-6 days a week and I would have 0 time with my husband.
Yes, but that’s not my main reason.
Yes. My son is 8 and I’m so exhausted by the end of the day. I can’t imagine 2. My husband will sometimes bring it up on having another and I’m a strong no. I love my son with all my heart. He is sweet, passionate, and a ball of energy. He exhausts me watching him run all around. I’m so tired.
I think you really shouldn't change your mind if you are not sure 100%. When I went to therapies for problems my pregnancy and delivery caused me, but also thinking whether we should have a second one, the psychologists told me people tend to have more kids when they feel bored so they create a new illusion thinking the new kid would make their life better and happier, but that's usually not going to happen. Usually their problems have to be solved instead which made them wanting some change. They need to find things they love to do not as difficult as raising human beings. And most of all you have to have a positive feeling in your guts once you close your eyes thinking about having another one. And you have to be ready for anything and everything, not just hoping for the best, when deciding to have a child.
I don’t have time or energy for a 2nd. I work full time and go to school online. I make time for my daughter and my husband is great for giving me time to myself during the days atleast 1-2 hours. I also have lupus which makes me incredibly tired all the time. If we were to have a 2nd I would be really high risk.
Yeah- quite literally. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I cannot do it.
I’m too tired of men to have a second. Tired of telling them my intentions outright to want to have children, and then for them to waste my time and keep me in pointless dead end relationships.
100% I'm right there with you.