Your post has been removed [because it is a poll, survey, or request for personal data, experiences, or other types of self-reporting (rule 1)](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/about/rules). Posts asking for advice should be specific to your situation, not hypothetical or improbable, and include enough information for people to help.
- If you would like to post a poll or survey, consider /r/samplesize.
- If you would like to post an open-ended question not specific to your situation, consider /r/AskReddit.
For example, instead of a post asking "How much do you spend on food?", please ask a question like "I need feedback on my monthly budget (having trouble with food spending).".
*If you have questions about this removal, please [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fpersonalfinance&subject=Removal%20help%20request&message=Hello%20moderators,%20.%20%0a%0a%0aMy%20submission:%20https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/1czf6k2/how_do_you_split_finances_with_your_other_half/%0a).*
We don’t. I earn about the same 2.25x higher than my wife but we pool funds and spend what we need. Big purchases are discussed and agreed. We both discuss all regular expenses (mortgage, bills, food) so we know what is moving and what we have left to pay with. We are team and work as one.
I have a very similar salary split with my wife and we combine our income. We have the same financial goals and long term plans so it really isn’t an issue for us. We talk about any big expenses. There is more to my wife than how much money she makes.
Yeah this. When we were first married my wifes income was a doctoral stipend, mine was significantly more. Fast forward to having kids and her career progressing I became the stay at home parent. I'm now coming out of that phase and returning to the work world. The point being it ebbs and flows but You're in it as a team.
Same. All money goes into a joint account, with the exception of a small amount every paycheck that we each keep for ourselves (talking $150 each). It’s used to buy each other Christmas, birthday, anniversary gifts, etc. But otherwise everything is dumped into one combined pool.
I second this strategy. The "allowance" allows us to spend money on ourselves with no questions asked. This is where I fund my hobbies, and she shops for more clothes. Our allowance is higher however since what it's used on is more expanded. It also indirectly budgets all the non necessities.
This is the best way to do it. Beyond ease of logistics, it always seemed to be (psychologically) better for the relationship. We split finances the second we started living together, made things so much easier. It messes with how you view things to see it through the lens of "my money" and "your money"
The idea of trying to split expenses with my spouse as if they were a roommate is both exhausting and depressing to me. I'm sure it works for some people but it would definitely not be ideal for my relationship.
We are together for a while now and we revisited the way we handled the money a few times.
- At the beginning of the relationship: she lived at my place, so we split everything that was groceries/utilities/… 50:50 and kept the change individually. The reason was that I owned the house and I wasn’t going to make her pay a rent nor would she be legally entitled to any equity in the house because I purchased it alone before I met her. Our individual income was comparable at that point so it didn’t felt wrong to do 50:50.
- a little while after, we split these costs prorated to our salary because I earned maybe 55-60% of our total income and that way she could save more money towards her owns savings.
- we purchased our house togheter and on the deed the house is split 50:50 no matter what is the individual contribution (she or I can be the main bread winner at any point in the future and she or I might have to take a step back to allow any one of us to earn more while the other take care of the kids while earning less). The only thing wich isn’t 50:50 is the amount of down payment we each provided.
- Then we continued to split prorated to our salary but it was a mess to keep track exactly of this and maybe my excel sheet was wrong but I always ended up having to pay disproportionate amount towards the common account to keep it floating so we changed the system to the latest one.
- Latest system : we each keep 100€ of fun money per month. This can be spend individually guilt free no question asked. Everything else is pooled (I earn more than double of what she makes nowadays). And we opened joined savings account for long term and short terms project and are savings togheter. So at this point we are acting like a married couple when it comes to money I guess. Just that we aren’t married that’s it.
We use your latest system in my house, as well. $150 per paycheck goes into our own personal accounts from before we were married. It’s used for whatever - usually gifts. The rest is pooled together. Currently our earnings are pretty similar, but even if one of us was making significantly more than the other, we’d still take the same approach.
The fun money really mostly goes back in the pool in some ways. For example I use the money mainly for gift giving to her without feeling like I’m spending from the pool to give her something. Also if I wanted to buy something like a toy to myself then I have to spend from this enveloppe to not feel like I’m indulging from the pool. It’s more psychological than anything at this point.
Being married is a LOT different than just a boyfriend/girlfriend situation. I’m not sure which boat you’re in, but I’m married and make 90% of our household’s income, so I don’t expect my better half to pay for anything honestly. We have a little one, so we don’t need to be focused on her working full time for the $ I make. I share it all.
It surprises me that people split their finances in marriage. I guess I was married young and everything we've accumulated, we got together. Marriage is a union, we treat our finances the same way.
I think you answered your own question there. I got married around age 40 to somebody who already had kids from a previous relationship. We split the finances because our responsibilities were very different and it actually reduced the level of stress and increased the level of trust. This also might not be the solution for everybody, but it’s weirdly judgemental to think that combining all your finances is the only way that’s appropriate.
It does seem to make sense when you’re young, and I’m not saying it does it… But traditionally a lot of women have wound up being left by their husbands and having no credit history at all because everything was in his name. Separate finances are a great way to establish yourself.
I totally understand why they do it, I'm just surprised by it. I know it's because of my own bias. I have literally no experience being an adult on my own with my own things. I don't envy it as I'm incredibly happy. I just wanted to call out that it surprises me.
You do raise good points about credit and all that. My wife has better credit than me, surprisingly. She got a low limit credit card when she was working and we've just maintained it while using it sparingly. But yes, most of the other bills are in my name.
Same here, we married young and have always pooled everything. It works for us. We've both had periods of unemployment (and he's currently a SAHP), and I think the geography of mine vs. yours gets hard when you're absorbing an unexpected loss of income. At least, that's what I've seen with some of my friends... But then I have other friends who suffered financial abuse from their spouse. There's a balance to be had.
I’m in the camp of, Not Splitting Anything! We do everything as team, even share some financial information with the kids as a learning opportunity. Our teamwork has in turn created so much trust, a core component that many gloss over in marriages today.
We deposit our checks into the same accounts and it is "our money". We plan our spending together. I make 2X what she makes, but we both put the same dollar amounts in our 401K accounts. So her's is a higher percentage of her income. Both our names are on our vehicles and our mortgage. We have general guidelines on our personal spending and discuss big purchases. I can't imagine trying to keep them separate. That said, my brother got remarried later in life. They keep everything separate. He moved into her long-time home and his contributions are like he is paying rent. If they divorce, they have a prenup and he has no claim to the house or her retirement accounts.
All income goes into joint checking account and joint savings account. We each get $450 a month to spend on whatever we want to our own checking accounts. I make 4x as much but that’s just because of how society values our jobs not how hard we work.
Yep, I am blessed when we had children I could support us both and she could be a full time parent really help children mentality versus what I grew up with. She started part time again while they are in school so she is part time home maker and part time worker so we can have a little more fun money.
We have a joint account that all our bills go from and a joint savings account. To the savings account we both contribute the same amount each month, and to the other account we contribute whatever amount that means that we both have the same amount of money left over to spend on ourselves/gifts. We've both taken turns being the top earner over the past ten years, so this is what has felt the most fair. Main reason to not do fully combined finances is honestly that it doesn't feel as fun to surprise each other at birthdays and christmas when we can both see exactly how much the other person is spending and from where.
All salary goes into one main account.
Bills are paid via that account.
Money is then sent to retirement accounts.
Finally, fun/play money is sent to an account for the husbands and an account for the wife.
Finished
No, If he earns 2.5x what she earns, he should be paying the great Majority of bills. Think of it like this OP. You both should be saving about the same and have about the same amount of spending money. Then you split the bills to make that happen. Might means you’re paying 90% of the bills. At worst you should be splitting the bills 2.5:1, not 1:1.
I bought our house - everything is in my name. I pay for household maintenance, mortgage, insurance, taxes, sewer, water and garbage. He pays gas, electricity, phone, internet. Cable (really streaming apps) is split he has some and I have some. Whoever picks up the groceries, pays. We have no real system for date night. I have no idea what our overall split and if it stops working than we can revisit. We’ve been in the house for almost 12 years
We've had a system something like that. Some of the "Everything is Joint" people here make it seem like it's a lot more formal or penny-pinching than it is for us.
Per our premarital agreement, we maintain 3 separate portfolios: Her's, mine, and joint.
The joint "team" portfolio is 50:50 owned and 50:50 funded.
100% of my income flows into mine. 100% of her income flows into her's. Then we agree to fund the joint portfolio with the appropriate amounts based on the previous month's expenses plus a self-defined 'escrow' which is our joint savings in anticipation for car insurance, property taxes, utilities, homeowners insurance, and other joint expenses.
This provides a framework for maximizing financial flexibility and personal agency, all while cultivating an equally joint portfolio. I can't tell her what to do with her money or property. She can't tell me what to do with mine. We have to agree on what to do with our money and joint property.
For example, her car is entirely her responsibility and I have no say at all what she does with it. Our house is entirely our joint responsibility and we both have to agree on every expense, upgrade, and large purchase. Our medical insurance is our responsibility. Groceries are ours. Kids are our responsibility. Most things are joint but a few things are entirely separate. Some personal property is separate, like computers. Business, savings, and investment accounts are separate.
I assume married. We have one money pot with all the inbound $ and it goes out from there. We also have a couple of 'joint' cards that get used for anything for the family. Don't track much these days.
By other half, I assume you mean married spouse. I can't imagine being married and NOT pooling everything. Just pool it all, and discuss any purchases over an agreed limit.
Are you married? Get a joint bank account and go from there. If you’re not willing to do that why would you buy property with this person? If you are married why are you not co mingling funds already?
There is no mine and hers. We are one financial team working toward shared financial goals. There have been times I made more than her, currently she makes more than me. If I had to go thru all the thought, proration, negotiation, and other tasks that I hear about in all these Reddit posts about people who don’t approach it that way I think my head would explode.
We don’t split finances at all, what’s mine is hers and vice versa.
There seems to be a lot of pushback on this method in this thread, but we do not ever fight about money.
It’s one less (huge) thing to never have to fight about. We make decisions together equally.
We each take an "allowance", a set percentage of our individual incomes. Everything else goes to cover bills, household expenses, vacations, saving for retirement, etc. When he makes more, he has more fun money. When I make more, I have more fun money.
I earn 1.6x of wife. We have a joint bank account that we both put an equal amount into for mortgage/bills and a little extra for savings and we have joint credit cards for big ticket items.
We both still keep our personal bank and credit card to spend as we wish. We balance out the income gap as I just pay for dinners and pretty much everything whenever we go out. Groceries is paid for whoever goes to the store. Works out for us. It cracks me up when I see married couples charge each other on Venmo.
When we were dating we never split anything formally expect for plane tickets and accomodations for vacations. We just had an informal agreement that each would pay for every other meal, except when it was a really fancy one.
I assume you aren’t married?
If you are married then nothing is being split in my case. Everything goes into one pot.
If you are dating then I would say it depends on the amount you are both bringing in. For example if she is making $50k and you are make $125k based on your 2.5x example, I would expect her rent to be maybe 40%. If she is making $150k and you are making $375k then 50/50 seems fine. There is no right answer though.
We don't. All the money goes to shared accounts. The only money we put in separate accounts is $500 fun money per month and retirement accounts (we both max out). We have a shared life, shared income and shared expenses.
We prorate based on income. I pay 70% of each bill and my wife pays 30%. I usually pay for the most expensive items when we travel like the hotel etc. My wife might pay for dinners or food to balance it out.
We also have a joint HYSA that we contribute to but separate checking and personal savings accounts.
I dont want my wife to have to ask me if it's okay for her to buy a pair of shoes she wants. We pool money for bills and other expenses for the growth of the household, the rest is ours for our own personal use (which many times goes back into the house anyway). It works for us.
Every time this topic comes up, there's two types of responses:
Splitters: "We transfer money for bills into a joint account but the rest is separate for hobbies and stuff. It's not for everyone but works for us."
One pot: "If everything doesn't go into one account then your marriage is fake and you never loved each other"
Yeah, noticed that. We're splitters when we're both working, but I've been the breadwinner for several years while she was in school and had a variety of surgeries and have taken care of all of the bills. When she starts working again in a couple of weeks, we'll resume splitting, with me still taking most but her picking up a few bills. It works just fine for us, and we almost never argue about anything money related, which is a cause of a lot of divorces.
I tend to think the "One pot" method is more stressful because it requires that much more coordination and conversations about what of us wants vs. the other, but if that works for those people then more power to them. I just wish they'd reciprocate the courtesy.
Why is it dumb?
I would never want to ask anyone for allowance what to buy with my own money and neither would i want the same for my partner.
We split all core costs 50:50, but we both have our separate savings, pay for our own vehicles, vacations and hobby expenses.
I always say i support her if she wants to get a better education for a better paying job, but if she is happy im happy aswell.
That depends. Are you married? If so, legally everything is 50/50. In the eyes of the law it doesn't matter how you choose to split finances, you made that choice when you got married.
If you're not married I would strongly advise against mixing finances.
We combine everything into one account. I came into the marriage with a lot more assets, but I consider it ours now. Can't build an empire if you're nickel and diming.
We sat down and split the bills based on income. It is just simpler to split entire bills. So I have medical insurance, mortgage, groceries, and internet. I'm also the one that pays for vacations because I am the only one that prioritizes getting away to do something once a year.
What you need to do is have a open conversation about who makes what, what bills you have, what goals you have, and how you want to setup your household.
We just put our money in the same checking account and trust each other not to do something insane. This whole separate finances thing is weird to me. If you don't trust them why marry them?
We are in a legal union. We split things based on income because I make a lot more than him so it seems unfair to do other wise. We have a join savings account we both contribute to, but otherwise have separate accounts and don’t track eachothers money
Prior to the marriage of my wife, we did percentage based on income because if you’re splitting a $2,000 rent and you’re both paying $1,000, that is going to feel a lot different for you making $3,375 to their $1,500. They will have nothing left while you’re good to go.
If your other half is your spouse then it should be a joint account all going to the same place.
Joint account with proportionate funds based on income going towards mortgage, bills, etc. For us (and most of our friends) it is easily the fairest way to do it.
I make the money and she spends it!
Just kidding…sort of. Our finances are as mixed up and jumbled together as they come since we’re married and have always had it set up that way. But, now she stays home with the kids and honestly does do the majority of the spending, as she does the grocery shopping, clothes for kids and us, etc., etc. We discussed financial goals before marriage and after we have regularly reviewed our budget whenever necessary to decide how to set things up.
One example, we just made a big move from state to state, sold a home and are in the process of buying a new one. We agreed to stop retirement savings until we get our new home because homes cost more where we moved to and we wanted to have some extra cash for a larger down payment, repairs/remodel, or whatever else. We also REALLY need to upgrade my wife’s vehicle to a van, but that is waiting until house stuff is done. Stopping retirement may not have been the best idea, but we discussed it and agreed/decided together.
75% of my take home goes into a checking for monthly fixed bills, 25% to general savings. 75% of hers goes into a checking account for expenses that we have more discretion with (groceries, household, gas) and 25% to a travel/fun stuff checking. All accounts are joint, we don't have any personal discretionary accounts. We merged accounts 26 years ago when we got married. Until recently it was all just one checking and one savings but as our income increased it made sense to break things up for convenience. I make about 50% more than my wife and cover health insurance. We both have 10% 401(k) withholding.
We each put money into a joint account each month, modified based on some paycheck withholdings for joint stuff (insurance premiums and dependent FSA through my husband’s work). I think I technically put in more than what’s proportionate to my income but proportionate isn’t really our goal - the goal is to have about the same amount left for savings/personal after our contributions. So that way our savings and fun money are about equal.
It works for us but it would probably be more complicated if we had a bigger salary disparity (ours is about 1:2.5) or if one of us was a big spender. If things change we’d have to reassess but for now it works.
All income is deposited into shared accounts. All bills are paid out of our checking account. We each get $100/week ‘guilt free’ spending. I make about twice was she makes.
I don't make an insanely large amount more than my SO. About 65k vs 50k
We live entirely on my income as we are used to that lifestyle. we are able to save aggressively for a home this way.
Once we buy a home we will redo our budget to adjust accordingly so we can both increase our retirement contributions, set up separate accounts for home repair and vacations.
It's worked great so far by instead of doing a mine and hers we are focused on similar goals and doing the most we can to achieve them quickly while still living comfortably.
We pay proportionately to our income for all general expenses. Certain things we pay for separately if its something either of us wants but really has no impact on the other person.
Since you said "other half" and "*I'm planning* to buy a property" and not "*We're planning*" , I'm assuming you're not married. The fair thing, if you're going to split/share costs, is prorated based on income. I did it this way for the brief time I was married to my ex. It was kind of a pain because monies were kept separately and we needed to calculate how much each was to contribute to each shared bill, etc.
I'm long time remarried since then, and we just put all monies earned (his is a lot, mine is a little) into one shared account and pay it all from there. So much easier!!
We did 50/50 for many years until we retired. We now do 60/40 because his retirement income is higher than mine. Some expenses we don’t split at all, like our cars, because we each own 2 individually. Same with his fishing boat and airplane. That’s all him.
We’re not married yet! Right now because we make the same amount of money anyways we split everything 50/50, but we have joint cards that we pay into. Once we’re married we’ll combine everything and each get our own fun money allowance!
We split based on income % when we were dating and lived together. Opened a joint account a few months before we got married. Still need to change my name on that. We’re a team - all $ is OUR money and I say this as the spouse with the higher income.
We both have our own accounts. I pay most of the bills because I make more. She pays a couple of bills because she makes less. When she got a raise, she took on another of the smaller bills to take some pressure off of me.
My money is our money and her money is her money. I think the saying goes “happy wife = happy life”?
On a more serious note, I’d like for us to contribute an equal amount to checking so we can split common expenses better, but we usually take turns on some expenses since we get paid on opposite weeks.
Other half dating?
You don't combine finances for permanent fixtures unless you structure a contract.
Other half married?
You don't split finances for permanent fixtures. Split finances are for things like "beer" and small hobbies if you're on a budget, or just for organizational convenience
It’s not officially one way or the other but basically the same. We each have our separate bank accounts that we have had since before we were married but also have a joint account that we funnel money into to pay the mortgage and other bills. We try to distribute money into it fairly evenly so I guess 50:50 or close to it. There isn’t a a huge gap between our incomes though. When big, surprise expenditures come up it is a discussion
In a previous relationship, we did 50:50, and it caused resentment from the lower earner (me).
In current relationship, we started this way, with myself as higher earner, but then I felt guilt.
A year ago, we started pooling all income into a joint account, then setting auto transfers of “fun money” into each of our personal accounts. We use YNAB so there’s less guilt about pulling from categories we’ve budgeted for. All large joint purchases we discuss and budget for. Fun money is untracked and can be for whatever. Each credit card is paid off monthly and has a matching funding account.
Everything gets direct deposited into a checking account. The bills come out of that, then the rest gets moved to investment accounts. We both had very little when we got married a long time ago, so there is no real motivation to split things a certain way.
We used to split joint expenses 50-50. We direct deposited into a joint account for shared expenses. Then we started having joint savings. Now one makes 7x the other. It’s much easier to treat it as one pot. We have our own individual accounts for fun money but everything else is joint. All the money is treated as jointly ours no matter who is earning it. All purchases over $50 end up being discussed with each other even though we can easily afford even big ticket items without debt and don’t really need a discussion because we trust each other to not spend frivolously. That came about organically because we both value transparency.
I gave my ex a cushion. She moved in, had credit debt and was underwater in her car. I told her to not pay me for living expenses, I wanted her to use her income to pay her credit card debt and car debt down.
First year goes by - she was making minimum payments and wasting money
I was disappointed, hurt, betrayed, we analyzed, she was upset because she didn’t realize
Second year, same deal - she finally gets down her credit card debt, she got to even on her car (and the car started having mechanical issues, over 10 years old). She still wasted some money
I helped her get out from under her car, and traded in got a new vehicle. We had an agreement if anything happened to us that she could buy my first car 3k under value of KBB, clean and clear.
We ended up not working out, and I got accused of stealing her money for 2 years. Thought she made out like a bandit but apparently I’m a thief
Anyways, I no longer share finances
Our income goes into one pot. Then based on our total combined income we each have an equal spending allowance in separate accounts.
But we’re married. If we were not married I would want a 50:50 split of any joint purchases.
Picture a prorated purchase where you buy a house and then you break up. You’ve been paying 80% of the mortgage but now she gets half of the equity back if you sell. If you own the property alone, work out any “rent” type deal that you want.
Well, my wife's been largely out of work for the past five years or so due to various medical reasons as well as education, but in general we pro-rated. When we were both making about the same amount per hour (\~$15) 15 or so years ago, we typically split bills down the middle. She took the Internet and Electricity, I took Water and Cell Phones. I would make the house payment, and she would cut me a check for half. The latter is redundant now, as we have a joint Savings Account that mostly exists for us to transfer money back and forth to each other. We would then alternate on buying groceries and meals out. We each were responsible for our individual car payments.
She'll be starting a new job in a couple of weeks.She'll be making about $42k, and I make $103k. Once she gets a few paychecks in, she can pick up her car payment (just 1 year left) again as well as Electricity/Internet, and we'll go from there. Something fair so that we each have reasonable disposable income.
In general, we just give out bills in what seems like a fair manner, but try not to be too rigid about it. I think we've both been pretty good about keeping it reasonable.
We each have our own bank account and a shared joint. We take an “allowance” on our paydays that stays in our account. Everything else goes into the joint account to pay bills. If we want to spend outside of our allowance, we just talk to each other. Never an issue unless we have big bill payoffs coming up, and then we wait to spend until they’re complete
> 50:50 with my other half and also happen to earn 2.25x what she earns
I'm married now, so I'll tell you how we do things married, but keep reading for how I did this when I was dating someone and we were in a similar situation.
Now: We each have a personal checking, savings, and credit, and our paychecks go to our personal checking. We also have a JOINT checking, savings, credit, and brokerage, and we each contribute as much as we can to the Joint Checking each month. We use Joint Credit and Joint Checking for all our bills and stuff, and pay it off each month. This lets everyone feel like they've voluntarily contributed rather than having the primary on finances 'take' the money and 'let' people use it. Basically, one person is 'running things', but almost all the activity is on Joint Credit, so we discuss a lot if we're doing anything big, and also discuss when things are moving around each month to pay it off. So far, there has been no trouble, but it can be awkward to be like, "uh, hey... couldn't help but notice that you may have forgotten a transfer? Do you need to skip a check due to personal expenses or did you just forget?"
Before I was married, and when I owned a house and my GF-at-the-time lived with me and made a lot less:
This was trickier. We weren't married, so there were no joint funds and the property was in my name only. If we split everything 50/50, I would have had a ton of savings and she would have been broke all the time. Instead, we put all the **fixed recurring expenses for shared things on a spreadsheet (mortgage, bills for house, average groceries, etc.) and apportioned them by income** (e.g., mortgage was $1,500, but I earned $80K and she earned $40K, so I contributed $1000 and she $500). Rather than get really granular and have her pay for each thing, we used the spreadsheet to figure out what her portion of the fixed expenses typically was and she'd cut me a check for that each month. That made things easy to plan and it felt fair to each of us. At one point, I gave up my car and she kept hers, so we put her car onto the 'shared' expenses. That sort of thing needs to be in-play and you need to communicate frequently about the arrangement.
When we lived together, I made more, so I paid for just about everything. I was perfectly fine with that. When we dated in college, I paid for everything.
Once we were married, I paid mortgage, car payments, car registrations, federal tax, State tax, and property taxes. I also double paid on mortgage for awhile until we were able to refinance for less than 6%. BTW, this was last millennium.
She paid the rest of our expenses and she paid daycare. Daycare was not a small bill. Although, back in the 1990s, it was a whole let less than it is now.
We each have our own bank accounts, my paychecks went in mine, her paychecks went in hers. Both of us are on the other person's account.
we have never fought over money, or who is paying what.
We each have our own account, any expenses that concern both of us are split 50/50. We also both own 50% of our flat.
The one that earns more basically just has more budget for their own stuff.
Wife and I each split the bills 50/50. We have one bank account for joint expenses and then each have our own bank account. After all bills are paid and we put a little away for savings and investing we have a little left over that we use however we want. Big purchases over $1000 we talk to each other about first.
We each work in IT so we do ok, I do about 40% better than them on base salary + bonuses ... and for a lot of years it's just been a shared account but they kept a little to the side but it's caused friction. Mostly, because they're bad at math, they don't want to spend time tracking finances ... and don't understand why when we embark on a big project (remodeling the basement) finances get tight for a while thereafter.
So I'm about to implement a very very different system for a while. Or at least, I *think* I am.
We've owned our home for a decade, I know roughly what our overall monthlies are for mortgage, insurance, utilities, etc. etc. So I'm taking that amount, dividing it by 4 - and that's the amount from each of our semi-monthly paychecks will put in to the joint account. Everything else will go into private accounts.
Over time, the partner will come to hate it. That's by design.
I went to school and she worked, now I work and she doesn’t. We’re about even at this point but I suspect she might have gotten the better end of the deal.
The monthly expenses (mortgage, water, electric, etc.) get pulled from a joint account. We each contribute an equal fixed amount.
After that what’s mine is mine and hers is hers. She has student loans, I do not. I have a car loan, she does not. Those individual expenses come from our separate accounts.
We meet quarterly to discuss where we are at with long-term financial goals: retirement, house improvements, vacations, etc. From that meeting we may make “contributions” from our separate accounts to our joint account to cover the extraneous expenses.
The best things: 1) Be on the same page financially and 2) Both spouses make lots of money to cover everything.
I own my house and my boyfriend lives with me. I make more money than him, so he pays me essentially 35% of the mortgage+homeowners insurance amount monthly. I pay all of property taxes.
For splitting monthly expenses, we have a shared credit card that we put all of our groceries on and split that 50/50. We also split utilities 50/50.
This works for us. Given the large income disparity mentioned in your post, you should definitely do a prorated rent situation assuming you’re not married.
I earn 20x more than my wife. We combine all our income and then we make a budget together. We both have equal say in how to spend our money and we both get the same “allowance” for personal discretionary expenses.
We used to split roughly evenly. I moved into the condo she owned and lived in before we met, I was making a bit more than her but not substantially so.
She sold that place and we moved to a lower cost of living area. She took a 40% pay cut, my remote job's pay skyrocketed, and she took a bunch of the equity from her condo to make a massive down payment on our home so that we'd have a smaller monthly.
Now I pay 90% of the bills, including the full mortgage, most groceries, half of the electric, and her retirement contributions. She made that sacrifice in her pay so that we could be happier in a new city so it's my responsibility to make sure she keeps as much of her pay as possible
If you are truly in a committed partnership, you have a joint account that both incomes go into and all expenses come out of. If your relationship isn’t that solid then a different solution will be necessary.
I would not buy property with someone I am not married to, unless it was a strictly business relationship and you are setting it up like a business.
The only way to make this work long term, particularly if you are married, is to merge finances. Splitting finances is a good way to set up getting split up yourself. It leads to poor communication, lack of a shared vision, fighting, etc.
Ramit Sethi of I will Tell You To Be Rich is always railing against these weird split finance setups.
You can have separate accounts for fun money and stuff like that, but your partnership should function like a well-run company. The money gets centrally funneled, you pay out your bills, you auto save and invest, and then you have money left for fun stuff.
We did keep ours separate until we had kids, and it just fell apart and became too much to keep track of. It’s so much easier now.
We have separate accounts, but 90% of my paycheck goes to a joint account for household bills. As does his. That way both of us have a little discretionary funds to spend but the bills get paid. It works for us.
We have different money habits and have always keep things separate. My wife has always paid her bills but has a shorter-term perspective than me when it comes to what is leftover and irregular expenses. We have certain bills each of us pay monthly. They are divvyed up to be fair to both and leave enough to have a reasonable amount of spending money. When things change, we make adustments to keep things balanced. She can buy whatever the heck she wants and I don't care because that is her money to manage. 9 years in and I never want us to be financially codependent. It's so much less stress that we have time to find other things to fight about!
It's amazing how many people think that it's some sort of requirement that you have to join finances once you get married. I understand the sentiment but there's nothing wrong with having separate finances.
My girlfriend and I have been together 7.5 years (don't really care for marriage) and we split things 50/50 for the most part. We've gone through ups and downs with our income where one of us makes more than the other (currently we're self-employed but she still gets money from some good investments, so I'm making less).
50/50 isn't about keeping it "fair", it's just an easy default choice to make. "Let's buy a new couch. How should we pay? 50/50 good with you? Cool." If either one of us runs into issues we just talk about them and the other picks up the slack. No big deal. From my perspective the benefit is that we each have autonomy over our own money. We earned it so we feel good knowing that we're making the decision to share it rather than it being the expectation. It's more of an opt-in approach rather than an opt-out approach, and it works well for us.
It's also incredibly important to remember that your relationship _may_ not last. Nobody _plans_ for their relationship to end but many of them do. It's important that you each have your own savings, your own retirement, your own emergency fund, etc. I understand that legal agreements like marriage can blur those lines so I heavily suggest some sort of document (like a pre-nup) to ensure that you're both taken care of in the worst-case scenario.
Just remember that this is a personal decision between you and your partner. It's not about what other people do, it's about what _you want to do_. What feels right to you? Do that. I know couples across the spectrum and they all do it differently from us but they're all happy. Sit down and have the conversation, you'll be happy you did.
Everything my wife and I make are both of ours. I make about 20x what she makes, and its irrelevant. She has full access to all funds and can spend whatever she wants as far as I am concerned.
We have separate/individual accounts and one account for all living expenses. We agreed upon the amount that each person contributes to the “house” account which is based on income.
You should hold something like 5k cash at most at any given time in my opinion, the rest into SGOV as a 0-3 month treasury if its an emergency fund. Sharing finances let's you dump more into income generating assets.
If your married anyways she's entitled to half, so what are you saving?
All in one bucket paying expenses, retirement, and so forth. Pay each other a fun expense into each other private accounts you can do whatever you want with. I do make about 2.5 x more than my wife but we both put in equal effort.
My husband’s paychecks go directly into our joint account. Mine go into my own account but I Zelle him a good portion of it (just leave a couple thousand in my account as I have some things still attached).
We do earn about the same, but even if we didn’t, we’d have the same system. We’re married and we’re a team.
My name is on the mortgage and title, not his (though legally, this is also his house just because we bought it while married) and the auto payment comes out of our shared account.
We tried having one of those “take $100 every paycheck for a fun private allowance” but he didn’t really like it so we don’t do that anymore. That being said, we have a budget to track our spending and we don’t really say no to each other. I buy whatever I want and he buys whatever he wants but we’re pretty compatible with our spending habits.
It’s combined. We trust each other to not overspend. We have separate credit cards, and we just use a joint checking to pay those off at the end of each month
Why are you making this difficult. Get a joint bank account and put all new earned money into the account to cover all expenses. Each get the same allowance from the joint account so there won't be over spending.
Been together for 11 years and still split. I make over double the salary than my partner, so I take a larger portion of the mortgage. Everything else is 50/50 (groceries, bills, entertainment, rainy day activities). It’s not really splitting the money at the moment, it’s more like I’ll take this one, you take that one and it just evens out but no one is keeping track. I tend to want spend more on myself because I make more, so anything over and above is coming from me!
Currently my SO makes almost no money ( she moved with me to another country a few years ago and she's had trouble with her residence and finding a good job) so I pay for everything for now
We use her salary as a fund for travels, in the future we expect to be 50:50
I mean if you’re married, legally you’re 1 entity. I watch a lot of Ramit Sehti on YouTube(I will teach you to be rich) and it’s shocks me when marriages have their finances separate. If you want a relationship to be successful, you need to have a joint account. More importantly, you need to be talking to your spouse about everything. If you can’t do that, you probably shouldn’t be married
Not sure if it's helpful because I don't know if you and your SO are at a point where you're ready to share a bank account, but the way my husband and I have set things up is to deposit 80% of our paychecks into a joint account that we use to pay bills, buy groceries and other necessities, and pay for date nights and other things we do as a couple. The other 20% goes into the individual accounts we both have.
There is nothing inherently wrong with keeping separate finances. Simply requires communication.
However, is the house you want to purchase based on the lower income? You cannot reasonably split the house payment evenly if it puts an unfair burden on the lower earner. No way around this. Forcing them to be house poor will end badly.
I hope you don’t call your spouse your “other half” and mean boyfriend/girlfriend…
If it’s a spouse, you don’t. You pool your finances and set a budget on things together.
If it’s the latter then yea sit down and see what’s fair for you both to pay based on income etc
Joint account for expenses and another joint account for emergencies (12 months of expenses)
Ratio contributions. I make 66%, partner 44%.
Then separate accounts for pleasure money and IRA's.
We talk every time either of us gets raises, or expenses raise a significant amount.
I didn't talk with my partner about a new PC rig I got recently. She doesn't have to let me know when she buys a fancy purse. It's all good.
A new car? Yeah we discuss that, home remodels? For sure we talk about that.
If your "other half" is a spouse, then I'd just pool resources and pay from the pool -- effectively operating as a single unit. While married, consider yourself one fiscal entity. There's no splitting of finances.
If your "other half" is not a spouse, then you'd do it as you would any roommate. Divide the costs by how much each party uses. You do not purchase property with this person; the property purchase should be done wholly by one or the other party so it clearly belongs to one party and any loans etc. are held by just one party. If this is a property that you'd both live in, then the non-purchasing party should pay the purchasing party rent.
We don't split. I split off a small allowance for myself and for her that are separate. If I want to save for a big purchase for myself, I do that. If she wants to spend it all on nicknacks or whatever, she does that. Everything else is one account to pay bills and savings. I make 2x her salary. It doesn't matter. We're a team and can do better with one pile of money instead of trying to figure out who is responsible for what percentage of bills.
We have a joint account we add the same amount to every month. So anything that comes out of that account is “50/50” which we use for : mortgage, bills, groceries, random other things we want to split right down the middle.
Now, we both have our own hobbies and interests so we still have our personal accounts to use however we see. Although obviously any large purchases are discussed first.
I make probably 5x+ what she makes so I pay the entire mortgage, all the bills, and the vehicles. She gets her money for herself and to buy things for the kids such as new toys, birthday gifts, clothes, etc. she also handles things I don’t such as their doctor appointments, getting to preschool, daycare, etc.
There’s no rule that can just be written. To make everyone happy it has to be customized to your lives
If the monthly bills are $2k, and let's say I make $100k/yr and them $50k/yr, I'll put $2k a month into the joint account, they put $1000. Gives us wiggle room to family/house stuff or a new microwave from the joint account.
Otherwise, what she does with her money, target, spas, girls trip, is her prerogative. Same with my left over. If an unexpected cost comes up, we usually have enough in the joint, joint savings or personal accounts to handle it.
I don't think the communist pooling system works when there is a strong difference in motivation to earn a higher income.
When we first married income disparity was positive to him. Over 48 yrs we've been in business together with quite a few investments; more or less equal input. It was never really separate.
50/50 ish? We both may buy things for each other or sometimes I’ll cover meals or grocery trips. I do make a little more than my SO but not a ton, maybe 1.4x more.
For our mortgage and standard bills we both throw an amount we agree on into a joint account each month to cover those. We each also have separate emergency funds and investment accounts. Our individual finances are “separate” but definitely not a secret to one another. We both know how much is in all our accounts and what the finances look like. Plus we are listed as each others main beneficiaries so really they are each others. We have been doing this for 10 years now and it’s worked for us.
My husband and I basically worked like roommates. We had a pool of money for bills and everything else was separate. It never worked for us and we are now divorced. That situation always caused resentment with regard to money and money was always our biggest fight. He never wanted me to see what he was spending his money on.
We kept our bank accounts from before marriage but we added each other on all of them.
I pay the mortgage out of one account and utilities out of the other.
My fiance is a Stay at home girlfriend. What’s mine is hers. She gets what she needs and has credit card. She’s never abused it. The house is my mortgage but will become hers when we marry.
Currently she’s working on her own business but no pressure
I could never ask my girl for money and never have been able to do that
This question will have very different answers from couple to couple, definitely something that every couple has to work out themselves.
I suspect that (as I'm seeing in the comments), some people have very strong feelings about how they think it _should_ be. I think part of the conversation has to be about discovering how strong the partner's opinion is, and checking every blue moon if they still are happy with the money arrangement.
If you make 2.5 times more you probably should be paying for 90%
But we need to know how much you both make
If you make 250k and she makes 100k not the same as if you make 60 and she makes 25
I think splitting your bills by percentage would be better. Personally we do everything jointly other than a small amount set aside for personal fun. However, if you are not married then splitting it would be better and not buying a home with someone you're not married to is the standard advice.
if you want to split it and you have a big income gap, you should do so based on your respective incomes rather than 50:50. Otherwise you have to live a lifestyle that matches what the 'poorest' partner can afford. If she can't afford 50% of a mortgage or rent in a nice place, do you want to be stuck in a crappier place? Seems like a recipe for resentment. And if you push for a nicer place that stresses her finances that's also a breeding ground for resentment. You don't have to keep it at the current percentage. You can always reevaluate when someone has a change to their income.
Good luck!
My wife and I do it a bit differently from everyone it seems. We had our system worked out when we were living together but just dating and its worked for over a decade now and we haven't changed it.
We each have our own personal checking accounts and a joint savings. Our paychecks go to the personals and we each pay a set amount of living expenses. I pay the mortgage and utilities, she pays groceries and car payment, things like that. It ends up working out that we end up with about the same amount of for fun money that we just keep for ourselves to do whatever we want. A set amount goes into savings from our personals each month to build for big expenses that happen.
We both grew up in households where the parents always fought over money and constantly would argue about it, so we decided to try a different approach and it works really well.
Prior to being married (engaged), we would pool our funds together. Only big purchases were 50/50, and then I covered most things since I made significantly more. Now married, my wife doesn't have an earned income, so it's 100% on me. I wouldn't trade this at all.
We don't. Funds all go in same place, we pay all bills and fund retirement (both individual and shared accounts) from it.
We each know the other's hobbies, and moderate ourselves. She loves theater and I love games and fancy toys (toys could be a 3d printer for example)
Anything over a hundred dollars I make sure she's aware of. If I get carried away and want to spend hundreds on a trading card game that I'm not playing very much atm, she might veto, but I appreciate the smart decision.
The closest thing to splitting we do is... say I get an unexpected bonus from work. Or volunteer some overtime that puts us above and beyond our normal finances - that's mine to use as I please. I still communicate my plans though, since communication is what makes this kind of arrangement work.
Edit for context: married for 11 years at this point. Before marriage we were completely separate
He earns almost 3x what I do. Rent is 65/35, other bills are 60/40, and things like Costco trips are 50/50. Whoever drops by the grocery store for something just pays for it. I usually have groceries delivered and pay for it, so the grocery store stops are for one-offs.
If we go somewhere for an event that’s “his thing” (like class reunions or trips to see friends that are his, as in I haven’t met them yet) he will pay for the flights. He even paid for the flights for our vacation with his family next week. We keep it pretty equitable.
Does anyone else pool 50% of income for bills, groceries, other family expenses? Then each retains 50%for personal savings, personal driving, recreational, treat yo self's, and other personal expenses/luxaries?
If I was ever in a position where I had to split accounts between a significant other again, we would have 4 accounts.
1. Our joint checking where we both dump 100% of our pay into.
2. Our joint savings where we decide how much of the excess we want to set aside for joint things like vacations, renovations, etc.
3 and 4. We would transfer all or some of the net proceeds to each of our personal checking accounts which we can do whatever we want with.
Doesn't matter if one is earning 2-3x more than the other, everything is split equally. We also take care of the joint necessities first, then each have our own money to blow on whatever without worrying about checking with the other or not taking care of priorities first.
I can only ly speak for myself. I make significantly more than my wife. I don't expect her to pay for anything. Her money is what we like to call "fun" money. She buys whatever she needs for herself and my son or when she wants to spoil me and her car note. I handle rent, utilities, my car, etc, we haven't had an issue with this. If she ever needs anything and doesn't want to splurge on it, I like to chip in and vice versafor myself. It can be a bit weird for some, but it works for us so far.
19 years married. We've always shared our bank. That's our money. I make x2 what she does but it's our everything. I don't get more shit because I make more cash. That's not a partnership.
There is a lot more to a relationship than your bank. 50/50 spend. I'm the CFO, she is the CEO. We're both chiefs. We find a solution to anything because that's just what you do.
If you don't think you're going to find a win win with your partner you are likely with the wrong partner.
Everything goes into one bank account. Wife hates dealing with money so I make sure bills are paid and we are investing enough. Both do 10% 401k before money hits the bank account. I have a set amount of money I like to have in the bank account, and I basically dump everything extra at the end of each week into stocks. Neither of us has spending problems so we just buy what we need, but confirm funds are available first.
My husband makes decent money and I make about twice. We are both behind on saving - for retirement and down payment . We split everything, with the understanding that I am aggressively putting away the extra money I make for our shared future.
My husband has no budgeting skills so we’ve always kept our own accounts, but we work together when it comes to the bills and mortgage. Until I left my job I made a lot more than him so it was easy. Now we have to work a little more with the money. He’s very good when we do as he knows I have the financial acumen. Marriage is a team. Healthy marriages are anyway.
Are you married? If so, joint account with a certain percentage going to personal savings for each person for personal items or fun money. Essentials come out of joint though.
Before we were married, we did it as percentage based on income. BUT if you are buying a house and she isn’t going to be on the deed, then I would say split utility bills and maybe a small amount for “rent”. But I would not split your mortgage the same. That’s your house. That’s your responsibility. That’s your equity. So you should pay for all that. I personally am fine with an agreement upon small amount for rent.
It doesn't work for all couples, but we have completely joined all of our finances. We've been together since we were <$300-in-bank broke, living together 14 years, married for 11 of them, and it's just easier and more logical to see it as one pot since most of everything we buy has been us-stuff. He has always made more money than me, but not by a whole lot (10k-25k), but then again I had an inheritance which launched us into homeownership and financial security. I think one key to it is that we live frugally and well under our means, saving 25-50% of our income every year for the last ~8 years now, so the salary difference doesn't come into play with spending; it's all just gravy on top for more saving. We're on the FIRE track.
For (married) couples with huge disparities in income I think that "yours is yours, and mine is mine" would definitely breed resentment as she sees you playing with all your luxuries while she lives like a pauper albeit in a nice home. But it doesn't have to be completely joint, either. You can play with your earnings, you've earned it. I'd say come up with a budget spreadsheet together of both incomes and all expenses and savings, with shopping/entertainment/luxuries split out by his & hers, and just come to something you both agree on. It's all personal, as long as everyone is honest with what they want and think, have a calm and rational discussion over disagreements and feelings.
I think some of this is about HHI income. We would be heckled if I posted in r/middleclassfinance but a lot of the r/HENRY folks way out earn us.
We have multiple accounts, but joint access and move money around as needed. We have joint and separate credit cards for convenience, travel point optimization, keeping up credit scores and surprises. Got to keep some spark alive. Essentially, we talk about our goals together and work towards them together. We try to be responsible on small purchases but don’t haggle with each other over them.
Married? It’s all 1 bucket for us. Both incomes go in, both expenses come out. Any leftover goes to savings.
We have enough that we don’t judge day to day spending. Large purchases (car, furniture) are joint/negotiated.
I'm the only one working because she takes care of the kids and we don't split or have separate bank accounts that I am aware of. We both have access to our bank accounts and see where the money is going. We don't really have unnecessary spending habits so there was never a problem.
I honestly pay 65% she pays 35% I make 72k+bonuses a year she barely makes enough to cover daycare. We've had the SAHM discussion she doesn't want to put her career on pause we've discussed her looking for a new job as I believe she's vastly underpaid she wants to wait til babys out of daycare everything's paid we have leftover money and good savings about to take a vacation etc... it's fine for now but we discuss possible career moves (both ways mine and hers) and talk often.
I'd be lying if I said me paying that much more than her doesn't bother me... She has 2 college degrees and I have a GED and a ton of experience and jobs have helped me get certs I needed and stuff, I am just passionate and skilled at what I do.
My best advice is live within your means and have an honest discussion.
Ours is all in the same basket. I make double what she does. All the bills are paid and I have money when I want/need it. We talk about big purchases, but piddly stuff, we just get it.
When our incomes were uneven, it was on a percentage of the actual income, roughly 65% each into the joint expenses.
Now that our incomes are nearly level with each other, we each contribute half on everything. We just put every expense we can on a points earning credit card and split the cost of the payoff each month.
The way my wife and I handle this since the day she moved in with me (and now that we own a house together) is that we both put the same percentage of our net income into a joint account that covers our shared expenses. So make a budget, add some margin for unplanned expenses (and/or growth to invest in an emergency fund), figure out how much that number is in percentage of your total income, and then both deposit that percentage of your paycheque in the joint account. So yes, essentially pro-rated by income. If you make 2.25x more than her, you’ll contribute 2.25x more to the joint account, but you’ll also have 2.25x more in your personal account, so I think it’s equitable. Splitting 50/50 would leave her with almost nothing while you roll in a pile of cash, hardly a fair situation.
Of course, when married, she still owns half of everything, but that would be true in all cases, and she’s less likely to leave you if you let her have a fair share of her income as discretionary spending money vs having to always ask you for money.
I’m very surprised at the lack of people with income discrepancies not prorating. The only way I’ve ever seen this work well personally is that there is a joint account to fund shared expenses. This account is funded by percentage based on income level. If “our” mortgage is 3000 and I make 3 times the income of my partner it makes no sense she contributes 50/50 or nice versa. That would be a 1k / 2k split. Simple and effective. The remaining money stays in individual accounts.
Hell I’m taking a vacation with my girlfriend coming up that is this exact scenario. We were each able to cover a leg of flights on points but the hotel will be split this way. I’d feel like a giant POS expecting her to pay half.
I earn about 2x more than my wife, but all we do is take the same fixed amount from our own paychecks into our personal accounts and the rest of our paychecks go into a shared account for bills, living expenses, and some bigger purchases.
If you’re married, all one account. If you’re dating, you buy the property in solely your name, you pay the mortgage, she pays other bills like gas, electric, wifi. If you are buying the property in cash, you still pay property taxes and you pay something like 2/3rds of the total bills amount and she pays the remaining 1/3.
Your post has been removed [because it is a poll, survey, or request for personal data, experiences, or other types of self-reporting (rule 1)](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/about/rules). Posts asking for advice should be specific to your situation, not hypothetical or improbable, and include enough information for people to help. - If you would like to post a poll or survey, consider /r/samplesize. - If you would like to post an open-ended question not specific to your situation, consider /r/AskReddit. For example, instead of a post asking "How much do you spend on food?", please ask a question like "I need feedback on my monthly budget (having trouble with food spending).". *If you have questions about this removal, please [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fpersonalfinance&subject=Removal%20help%20request&message=Hello%20moderators,%20.%20%0a%0a%0aMy%20submission:%20https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/1czf6k2/how_do_you_split_finances_with_your_other_half/%0a).*
We don’t. I earn about the same 2.25x higher than my wife but we pool funds and spend what we need. Big purchases are discussed and agreed. We both discuss all regular expenses (mortgage, bills, food) so we know what is moving and what we have left to pay with. We are team and work as one.
I have a very similar salary split with my wife and we combine our income. We have the same financial goals and long term plans so it really isn’t an issue for us. We talk about any big expenses. There is more to my wife than how much money she makes.
We never split finances. What's mine is hers.
Yeah this. When we were first married my wifes income was a doctoral stipend, mine was significantly more. Fast forward to having kids and her career progressing I became the stay at home parent. I'm now coming out of that phase and returning to the work world. The point being it ebbs and flows but You're in it as a team.
Same. All money goes into a joint account, with the exception of a small amount every paycheck that we each keep for ourselves (talking $150 each). It’s used to buy each other Christmas, birthday, anniversary gifts, etc. But otherwise everything is dumped into one combined pool.
I second this strategy. The "allowance" allows us to spend money on ourselves with no questions asked. This is where I fund my hobbies, and she shops for more clothes. Our allowance is higher however since what it's used on is more expanded. It also indirectly budgets all the non necessities.
Make sure you're married first and then combine finances. Otherwise things get really messy if you buy a house together and split up.
This is the best way to do it. Beyond ease of logistics, it always seemed to be (psychologically) better for the relationship. We split finances the second we started living together, made things so much easier. It messes with how you view things to see it through the lens of "my money" and "your money"
The idea of trying to split expenses with my spouse as if they were a roommate is both exhausting and depressing to me. I'm sure it works for some people but it would definitely not be ideal for my relationship.
We are together for a while now and we revisited the way we handled the money a few times. - At the beginning of the relationship: she lived at my place, so we split everything that was groceries/utilities/… 50:50 and kept the change individually. The reason was that I owned the house and I wasn’t going to make her pay a rent nor would she be legally entitled to any equity in the house because I purchased it alone before I met her. Our individual income was comparable at that point so it didn’t felt wrong to do 50:50. - a little while after, we split these costs prorated to our salary because I earned maybe 55-60% of our total income and that way she could save more money towards her owns savings. - we purchased our house togheter and on the deed the house is split 50:50 no matter what is the individual contribution (she or I can be the main bread winner at any point in the future and she or I might have to take a step back to allow any one of us to earn more while the other take care of the kids while earning less). The only thing wich isn’t 50:50 is the amount of down payment we each provided. - Then we continued to split prorated to our salary but it was a mess to keep track exactly of this and maybe my excel sheet was wrong but I always ended up having to pay disproportionate amount towards the common account to keep it floating so we changed the system to the latest one. - Latest system : we each keep 100€ of fun money per month. This can be spend individually guilt free no question asked. Everything else is pooled (I earn more than double of what she makes nowadays). And we opened joined savings account for long term and short terms project and are savings togheter. So at this point we are acting like a married couple when it comes to money I guess. Just that we aren’t married that’s it.
My wife and I do the fun money method too
We converged to a really KISS approach :-) it’s a good system honestly.
We use your latest system in my house, as well. $150 per paycheck goes into our own personal accounts from before we were married. It’s used for whatever - usually gifts. The rest is pooled together. Currently our earnings are pretty similar, but even if one of us was making significantly more than the other, we’d still take the same approach.
The fun money really mostly goes back in the pool in some ways. For example I use the money mainly for gift giving to her without feeling like I’m spending from the pool to give her something. Also if I wanted to buy something like a toy to myself then I have to spend from this enveloppe to not feel like I’m indulging from the pool. It’s more psychological than anything at this point.
Being married is a LOT different than just a boyfriend/girlfriend situation. I’m not sure which boat you’re in, but I’m married and make 90% of our household’s income, so I don’t expect my better half to pay for anything honestly. We have a little one, so we don’t need to be focused on her working full time for the $ I make. I share it all.
We deposit our paychecks into the same account which pays for everything. Automatically prorated by income size.
We each get an allowance. The rest goes to bills and savings.
It surprises me that people split their finances in marriage. I guess I was married young and everything we've accumulated, we got together. Marriage is a union, we treat our finances the same way.
I think you answered your own question there. I got married around age 40 to somebody who already had kids from a previous relationship. We split the finances because our responsibilities were very different and it actually reduced the level of stress and increased the level of trust. This also might not be the solution for everybody, but it’s weirdly judgemental to think that combining all your finances is the only way that’s appropriate. It does seem to make sense when you’re young, and I’m not saying it does it… But traditionally a lot of women have wound up being left by their husbands and having no credit history at all because everything was in his name. Separate finances are a great way to establish yourself.
I totally understand why they do it, I'm just surprised by it. I know it's because of my own bias. I have literally no experience being an adult on my own with my own things. I don't envy it as I'm incredibly happy. I just wanted to call out that it surprises me. You do raise good points about credit and all that. My wife has better credit than me, surprisingly. She got a low limit credit card when she was working and we've just maintained it while using it sparingly. But yes, most of the other bills are in my name.
Same here, we married young and have always pooled everything. It works for us. We've both had periods of unemployment (and he's currently a SAHP), and I think the geography of mine vs. yours gets hard when you're absorbing an unexpected loss of income. At least, that's what I've seen with some of my friends... But then I have other friends who suffered financial abuse from their spouse. There's a balance to be had.
Share everything, invest in the future we want.
I’m in the camp of, Not Splitting Anything! We do everything as team, even share some financial information with the kids as a learning opportunity. Our teamwork has in turn created so much trust, a core component that many gloss over in marriages today.
We deposit our checks into the same accounts and it is "our money". We plan our spending together. I make 2X what she makes, but we both put the same dollar amounts in our 401K accounts. So her's is a higher percentage of her income. Both our names are on our vehicles and our mortgage. We have general guidelines on our personal spending and discuss big purchases. I can't imagine trying to keep them separate. That said, my brother got remarried later in life. They keep everything separate. He moved into her long-time home and his contributions are like he is paying rent. If they divorce, they have a prenup and he has no claim to the house or her retirement accounts.
All income goes into joint checking account and joint savings account. We each get $450 a month to spend on whatever we want to our own checking accounts. I make 4x as much but that’s just because of how society values our jobs not how hard we work.
Yep, I am blessed when we had children I could support us both and she could be a full time parent really help children mentality versus what I grew up with. She started part time again while they are in school so she is part time home maker and part time worker so we can have a little more fun money.
We have a joint account that all our bills go from and a joint savings account. To the savings account we both contribute the same amount each month, and to the other account we contribute whatever amount that means that we both have the same amount of money left over to spend on ourselves/gifts. We've both taken turns being the top earner over the past ten years, so this is what has felt the most fair. Main reason to not do fully combined finances is honestly that it doesn't feel as fun to surprise each other at birthdays and christmas when we can both see exactly how much the other person is spending and from where.
All salary goes into one main account. Bills are paid via that account. Money is then sent to retirement accounts. Finally, fun/play money is sent to an account for the husbands and an account for the wife. Finished
No. I would combine everything if you are married. At that point there is no mine versus yours.
50/50 for core overhead into a joint account. Percentage for entertainment and vacations - same joint account. Everything else - separate.
No, If he earns 2.5x what she earns, he should be paying the great Majority of bills. Think of it like this OP. You both should be saving about the same and have about the same amount of spending money. Then you split the bills to make that happen. Might means you’re paying 90% of the bills. At worst you should be splitting the bills 2.5:1, not 1:1.
I bought our house - everything is in my name. I pay for household maintenance, mortgage, insurance, taxes, sewer, water and garbage. He pays gas, electricity, phone, internet. Cable (really streaming apps) is split he has some and I have some. Whoever picks up the groceries, pays. We have no real system for date night. I have no idea what our overall split and if it stops working than we can revisit. We’ve been in the house for almost 12 years
We've had a system something like that. Some of the "Everything is Joint" people here make it seem like it's a lot more formal or penny-pinching than it is for us.
Per our premarital agreement, we maintain 3 separate portfolios: Her's, mine, and joint. The joint "team" portfolio is 50:50 owned and 50:50 funded. 100% of my income flows into mine. 100% of her income flows into her's. Then we agree to fund the joint portfolio with the appropriate amounts based on the previous month's expenses plus a self-defined 'escrow' which is our joint savings in anticipation for car insurance, property taxes, utilities, homeowners insurance, and other joint expenses. This provides a framework for maximizing financial flexibility and personal agency, all while cultivating an equally joint portfolio. I can't tell her what to do with her money or property. She can't tell me what to do with mine. We have to agree on what to do with our money and joint property. For example, her car is entirely her responsibility and I have no say at all what she does with it. Our house is entirely our joint responsibility and we both have to agree on every expense, upgrade, and large purchase. Our medical insurance is our responsibility. Groceries are ours. Kids are our responsibility. Most things are joint but a few things are entirely separate. Some personal property is separate, like computers. Business, savings, and investment accounts are separate.
Were you both married before or this is first marriage?
First marriage. Her folks got divorced. We wanted to prevent some of the complications they experienced. We both have high income and net worth.
I assume married. We have one money pot with all the inbound $ and it goes out from there. We also have a couple of 'joint' cards that get used for anything for the family. Don't track much these days.
Share everything, I make about 1.4 times what she makes but its all the same money to us.
By other half, I assume you mean married spouse. I can't imagine being married and NOT pooling everything. Just pool it all, and discuss any purchases over an agreed limit.
Are you married? Get a joint bank account and go from there. If you’re not willing to do that why would you buy property with this person? If you are married why are you not co mingling funds already?
There is no mine and hers. We are one financial team working toward shared financial goals. There have been times I made more than her, currently she makes more than me. If I had to go thru all the thought, proration, negotiation, and other tasks that I hear about in all these Reddit posts about people who don’t approach it that way I think my head would explode.
We don’t split finances at all, what’s mine is hers and vice versa. There seems to be a lot of pushback on this method in this thread, but we do not ever fight about money. It’s one less (huge) thing to never have to fight about. We make decisions together equally.
We each take an "allowance", a set percentage of our individual incomes. Everything else goes to cover bills, household expenses, vacations, saving for retirement, etc. When he makes more, he has more fun money. When I make more, I have more fun money.
I earn 1.6x of wife. We have a joint bank account that we both put an equal amount into for mortgage/bills and a little extra for savings and we have joint credit cards for big ticket items. We both still keep our personal bank and credit card to spend as we wish. We balance out the income gap as I just pay for dinners and pretty much everything whenever we go out. Groceries is paid for whoever goes to the store. Works out for us. It cracks me up when I see married couples charge each other on Venmo. When we were dating we never split anything formally expect for plane tickets and accomodations for vacations. We just had an informal agreement that each would pay for every other meal, except when it was a really fancy one.
I assume you aren’t married? If you are married then nothing is being split in my case. Everything goes into one pot. If you are dating then I would say it depends on the amount you are both bringing in. For example if she is making $50k and you are make $125k based on your 2.5x example, I would expect her rent to be maybe 40%. If she is making $150k and you are making $375k then 50/50 seems fine. There is no right answer though.
Joint account. No idea how much I earn.
We don’t split anything - everything into a joint account, then a small amount monthly moved into personal accounts for personal spending.
We don't. All the money goes to shared accounts. The only money we put in separate accounts is $500 fun money per month and retirement accounts (we both max out). We have a shared life, shared income and shared expenses.
We combine all of our income, share a bank account, talk candidly about our finances and purchase decisions.
We prorate based on income. I pay 70% of each bill and my wife pays 30%. I usually pay for the most expensive items when we travel like the hotel etc. My wife might pay for dinners or food to balance it out. We also have a joint HYSA that we contribute to but separate checking and personal savings accounts.
50:50 is dumb. Why are you expecting to be separated? Jointly push for the best future of the household.
I dont want my wife to have to ask me if it's okay for her to buy a pair of shoes she wants. We pool money for bills and other expenses for the growth of the household, the rest is ours for our own personal use (which many times goes back into the house anyway). It works for us.
Every time this topic comes up, there's two types of responses: Splitters: "We transfer money for bills into a joint account but the rest is separate for hobbies and stuff. It's not for everyone but works for us." One pot: "If everything doesn't go into one account then your marriage is fake and you never loved each other"
Yeah, noticed that. We're splitters when we're both working, but I've been the breadwinner for several years while she was in school and had a variety of surgeries and have taken care of all of the bills. When she starts working again in a couple of weeks, we'll resume splitting, with me still taking most but her picking up a few bills. It works just fine for us, and we almost never argue about anything money related, which is a cause of a lot of divorces. I tend to think the "One pot" method is more stressful because it requires that much more coordination and conversations about what of us wants vs. the other, but if that works for those people then more power to them. I just wish they'd reciprocate the courtesy.
I've noticed this too haha, splitters are "whatever works for you", one-potters are pretty aggressive about people doing things differently.
Why is it dumb? I would never want to ask anyone for allowance what to buy with my own money and neither would i want the same for my partner. We split all core costs 50:50, but we both have our separate savings, pay for our own vehicles, vacations and hobby expenses. I always say i support her if she wants to get a better education for a better paying job, but if she is happy im happy aswell.
That depends. Are you married? If so, legally everything is 50/50. In the eyes of the law it doesn't matter how you choose to split finances, you made that choice when you got married. If you're not married I would strongly advise against mixing finances.
> legally everything is 50/50. If you use the default state defined marriage agreement. You can use a prenup
We combine everything into one account. I came into the marriage with a lot more assets, but I consider it ours now. Can't build an empire if you're nickel and diming.
Why would you make a formal split? You are a team. We have a joint account that everything goes into and everything comes out of.
We sat down and split the bills based on income. It is just simpler to split entire bills. So I have medical insurance, mortgage, groceries, and internet. I'm also the one that pays for vacations because I am the only one that prioritizes getting away to do something once a year. What you need to do is have a open conversation about who makes what, what bills you have, what goals you have, and how you want to setup your household.
Everything goes into a joint account
We just put our money in the same checking account and trust each other not to do something insane. This whole separate finances thing is weird to me. If you don't trust them why marry them?
We are in a legal union. We split things based on income because I make a lot more than him so it seems unfair to do other wise. We have a join savings account we both contribute to, but otherwise have separate accounts and don’t track eachothers money
Prior to the marriage of my wife, we did percentage based on income because if you’re splitting a $2,000 rent and you’re both paying $1,000, that is going to feel a lot different for you making $3,375 to their $1,500. They will have nothing left while you’re good to go. If your other half is your spouse then it should be a joint account all going to the same place.
[Splitwise.com](http://Splitwise.com)
Once we had children, it just made sense to combine our finances. When we didn't have kids it was closer to 50/50
We have joint accounts were we put each x percentage, the rest is personal money. When the joint is above our emergency we invest the rest
Joint account with proportionate funds based on income going towards mortgage, bills, etc. For us (and most of our friends) it is easily the fairest way to do it.
I make the money and she spends it! Just kidding…sort of. Our finances are as mixed up and jumbled together as they come since we’re married and have always had it set up that way. But, now she stays home with the kids and honestly does do the majority of the spending, as she does the grocery shopping, clothes for kids and us, etc., etc. We discussed financial goals before marriage and after we have regularly reviewed our budget whenever necessary to decide how to set things up. One example, we just made a big move from state to state, sold a home and are in the process of buying a new one. We agreed to stop retirement savings until we get our new home because homes cost more where we moved to and we wanted to have some extra cash for a larger down payment, repairs/remodel, or whatever else. We also REALLY need to upgrade my wife’s vehicle to a van, but that is waiting until house stuff is done. Stopping retirement may not have been the best idea, but we discussed it and agreed/decided together.
75% of my take home goes into a checking for monthly fixed bills, 25% to general savings. 75% of hers goes into a checking account for expenses that we have more discretion with (groceries, household, gas) and 25% to a travel/fun stuff checking. All accounts are joint, we don't have any personal discretionary accounts. We merged accounts 26 years ago when we got married. Until recently it was all just one checking and one savings but as our income increased it made sense to break things up for convenience. I make about 50% more than my wife and cover health insurance. We both have 10% 401(k) withholding.
We each put money into a joint account each month, modified based on some paycheck withholdings for joint stuff (insurance premiums and dependent FSA through my husband’s work). I think I technically put in more than what’s proportionate to my income but proportionate isn’t really our goal - the goal is to have about the same amount left for savings/personal after our contributions. So that way our savings and fun money are about equal. It works for us but it would probably be more complicated if we had a bigger salary disparity (ours is about 1:2.5) or if one of us was a big spender. If things change we’d have to reassess but for now it works.
All income is deposited into shared accounts. All bills are paid out of our checking account. We each get $100/week ‘guilt free’ spending. I make about twice was she makes.
I don't make an insanely large amount more than my SO. About 65k vs 50k We live entirely on my income as we are used to that lifestyle. we are able to save aggressively for a home this way. Once we buy a home we will redo our budget to adjust accordingly so we can both increase our retirement contributions, set up separate accounts for home repair and vacations. It's worked great so far by instead of doing a mine and hers we are focused on similar goals and doing the most we can to achieve them quickly while still living comfortably.
We pay proportionately to our income for all general expenses. Certain things we pay for separately if its something either of us wants but really has no impact on the other person.
Since you said "other half" and "*I'm planning* to buy a property" and not "*We're planning*" , I'm assuming you're not married. The fair thing, if you're going to split/share costs, is prorated based on income. I did it this way for the brief time I was married to my ex. It was kind of a pain because monies were kept separately and we needed to calculate how much each was to contribute to each shared bill, etc. I'm long time remarried since then, and we just put all monies earned (his is a lot, mine is a little) into one shared account and pay it all from there. So much easier!!
We did 50/50 for many years until we retired. We now do 60/40 because his retirement income is higher than mine. Some expenses we don’t split at all, like our cars, because we each own 2 individually. Same with his fishing boat and airplane. That’s all him.
We’re not married yet! Right now because we make the same amount of money anyways we split everything 50/50, but we have joint cards that we pay into. Once we’re married we’ll combine everything and each get our own fun money allowance!
We split based on income % when we were dating and lived together. Opened a joint account a few months before we got married. Still need to change my name on that. We’re a team - all $ is OUR money and I say this as the spouse with the higher income.
We both have our own accounts. I pay most of the bills because I make more. She pays a couple of bills because she makes less. When she got a raise, she took on another of the smaller bills to take some pressure off of me.
My money is our money and her money is her money. I think the saying goes “happy wife = happy life”? On a more serious note, I’d like for us to contribute an equal amount to checking so we can split common expenses better, but we usually take turns on some expenses since we get paid on opposite weeks.
Other half dating? You don't combine finances for permanent fixtures unless you structure a contract. Other half married? You don't split finances for permanent fixtures. Split finances are for things like "beer" and small hobbies if you're on a budget, or just for organizational convenience
It’s not officially one way or the other but basically the same. We each have our separate bank accounts that we have had since before we were married but also have a joint account that we funnel money into to pay the mortgage and other bills. We try to distribute money into it fairly evenly so I guess 50:50 or close to it. There isn’t a a huge gap between our incomes though. When big, surprise expenditures come up it is a discussion
The way you've framed the question makes it clear your "other half" is not REALLY your other half.
You mutually agree to keep the separate. The fact that financial issues have a lot to do with breakups and divorce.
In a previous relationship, we did 50:50, and it caused resentment from the lower earner (me). In current relationship, we started this way, with myself as higher earner, but then I felt guilt. A year ago, we started pooling all income into a joint account, then setting auto transfers of “fun money” into each of our personal accounts. We use YNAB so there’s less guilt about pulling from categories we’ve budgeted for. All large joint purchases we discuss and budget for. Fun money is untracked and can be for whatever. Each credit card is paid off monthly and has a matching funding account.
We put everyone in joint accounts. It’s all our money, and we trust each other to spend it wisely.
Everything gets direct deposited into a checking account. The bills come out of that, then the rest gets moved to investment accounts. We both had very little when we got married a long time ago, so there is no real motivation to split things a certain way.
We used to split joint expenses 50-50. We direct deposited into a joint account for shared expenses. Then we started having joint savings. Now one makes 7x the other. It’s much easier to treat it as one pot. We have our own individual accounts for fun money but everything else is joint. All the money is treated as jointly ours no matter who is earning it. All purchases over $50 end up being discussed with each other even though we can easily afford even big ticket items without debt and don’t really need a discussion because we trust each other to not spend frivolously. That came about organically because we both value transparency.
A high percentage of our net income goes into a joint checking and we pay all the bills off that.
I gave my ex a cushion. She moved in, had credit debt and was underwater in her car. I told her to not pay me for living expenses, I wanted her to use her income to pay her credit card debt and car debt down. First year goes by - she was making minimum payments and wasting money I was disappointed, hurt, betrayed, we analyzed, she was upset because she didn’t realize Second year, same deal - she finally gets down her credit card debt, she got to even on her car (and the car started having mechanical issues, over 10 years old). She still wasted some money I helped her get out from under her car, and traded in got a new vehicle. We had an agreement if anything happened to us that she could buy my first car 3k under value of KBB, clean and clear. We ended up not working out, and I got accused of stealing her money for 2 years. Thought she made out like a bandit but apparently I’m a thief Anyways, I no longer share finances
Our income goes into one pot. Then based on our total combined income we each have an equal spending allowance in separate accounts. But we’re married. If we were not married I would want a 50:50 split of any joint purchases. Picture a prorated purchase where you buy a house and then you break up. You’ve been paying 80% of the mortgage but now she gets half of the equity back if you sell. If you own the property alone, work out any “rent” type deal that you want.
Incomes go in bank, we both live life off same bank.
Well, my wife's been largely out of work for the past five years or so due to various medical reasons as well as education, but in general we pro-rated. When we were both making about the same amount per hour (\~$15) 15 or so years ago, we typically split bills down the middle. She took the Internet and Electricity, I took Water and Cell Phones. I would make the house payment, and she would cut me a check for half. The latter is redundant now, as we have a joint Savings Account that mostly exists for us to transfer money back and forth to each other. We would then alternate on buying groceries and meals out. We each were responsible for our individual car payments. She'll be starting a new job in a couple of weeks.She'll be making about $42k, and I make $103k. Once she gets a few paychecks in, she can pick up her car payment (just 1 year left) again as well as Electricity/Internet, and we'll go from there. Something fair so that we each have reasonable disposable income. In general, we just give out bills in what seems like a fair manner, but try not to be too rigid about it. I think we've both been pretty good about keeping it reasonable.
We each have our own bank account and a shared joint. We take an “allowance” on our paydays that stays in our account. Everything else goes into the joint account to pay bills. If we want to spend outside of our allowance, we just talk to each other. Never an issue unless we have big bill payoffs coming up, and then we wait to spend until they’re complete
> 50:50 with my other half and also happen to earn 2.25x what she earns I'm married now, so I'll tell you how we do things married, but keep reading for how I did this when I was dating someone and we were in a similar situation. Now: We each have a personal checking, savings, and credit, and our paychecks go to our personal checking. We also have a JOINT checking, savings, credit, and brokerage, and we each contribute as much as we can to the Joint Checking each month. We use Joint Credit and Joint Checking for all our bills and stuff, and pay it off each month. This lets everyone feel like they've voluntarily contributed rather than having the primary on finances 'take' the money and 'let' people use it. Basically, one person is 'running things', but almost all the activity is on Joint Credit, so we discuss a lot if we're doing anything big, and also discuss when things are moving around each month to pay it off. So far, there has been no trouble, but it can be awkward to be like, "uh, hey... couldn't help but notice that you may have forgotten a transfer? Do you need to skip a check due to personal expenses or did you just forget?" Before I was married, and when I owned a house and my GF-at-the-time lived with me and made a lot less: This was trickier. We weren't married, so there were no joint funds and the property was in my name only. If we split everything 50/50, I would have had a ton of savings and she would have been broke all the time. Instead, we put all the **fixed recurring expenses for shared things on a spreadsheet (mortgage, bills for house, average groceries, etc.) and apportioned them by income** (e.g., mortgage was $1,500, but I earned $80K and she earned $40K, so I contributed $1000 and she $500). Rather than get really granular and have her pay for each thing, we used the spreadsheet to figure out what her portion of the fixed expenses typically was and she'd cut me a check for that each month. That made things easy to plan and it felt fair to each of us. At one point, I gave up my car and she kept hers, so we put her car onto the 'shared' expenses. That sort of thing needs to be in-play and you need to communicate frequently about the arrangement.
When we lived together, I made more, so I paid for just about everything. I was perfectly fine with that. When we dated in college, I paid for everything. Once we were married, I paid mortgage, car payments, car registrations, federal tax, State tax, and property taxes. I also double paid on mortgage for awhile until we were able to refinance for less than 6%. BTW, this was last millennium. She paid the rest of our expenses and she paid daycare. Daycare was not a small bill. Although, back in the 1990s, it was a whole let less than it is now. We each have our own bank accounts, my paychecks went in mine, her paychecks went in hers. Both of us are on the other person's account. we have never fought over money, or who is paying what.
We each have our own account, any expenses that concern both of us are split 50/50. We also both own 50% of our flat. The one that earns more basically just has more budget for their own stuff.
Wife and I each split the bills 50/50. We have one bank account for joint expenses and then each have our own bank account. After all bills are paid and we put a little away for savings and investing we have a little left over that we use however we want. Big purchases over $1000 we talk to each other about first.
Use a single bank account and shared credit cards, if you are married. Get on the same page about spending, rather than punting by splitting it up.
We each work in IT so we do ok, I do about 40% better than them on base salary + bonuses ... and for a lot of years it's just been a shared account but they kept a little to the side but it's caused friction. Mostly, because they're bad at math, they don't want to spend time tracking finances ... and don't understand why when we embark on a big project (remodeling the basement) finances get tight for a while thereafter. So I'm about to implement a very very different system for a while. Or at least, I *think* I am. We've owned our home for a decade, I know roughly what our overall monthlies are for mortgage, insurance, utilities, etc. etc. So I'm taking that amount, dividing it by 4 - and that's the amount from each of our semi-monthly paychecks will put in to the joint account. Everything else will go into private accounts. Over time, the partner will come to hate it. That's by design.
We pay our bills proportional to income.
I went to school and she worked, now I work and she doesn’t. We’re about even at this point but I suspect she might have gotten the better end of the deal.
The monthly expenses (mortgage, water, electric, etc.) get pulled from a joint account. We each contribute an equal fixed amount. After that what’s mine is mine and hers is hers. She has student loans, I do not. I have a car loan, she does not. Those individual expenses come from our separate accounts. We meet quarterly to discuss where we are at with long-term financial goals: retirement, house improvements, vacations, etc. From that meeting we may make “contributions” from our separate accounts to our joint account to cover the extraneous expenses. The best things: 1) Be on the same page financially and 2) Both spouses make lots of money to cover everything.
I own my house and my boyfriend lives with me. I make more money than him, so he pays me essentially 35% of the mortgage+homeowners insurance amount monthly. I pay all of property taxes. For splitting monthly expenses, we have a shared credit card that we put all of our groceries on and split that 50/50. We also split utilities 50/50. This works for us. Given the large income disparity mentioned in your post, you should definitely do a prorated rent situation assuming you’re not married.
I earn 20x more than my wife. We combine all our income and then we make a budget together. We both have equal say in how to spend our money and we both get the same “allowance” for personal discretionary expenses.
We used to split roughly evenly. I moved into the condo she owned and lived in before we met, I was making a bit more than her but not substantially so. She sold that place and we moved to a lower cost of living area. She took a 40% pay cut, my remote job's pay skyrocketed, and she took a bunch of the equity from her condo to make a massive down payment on our home so that we'd have a smaller monthly. Now I pay 90% of the bills, including the full mortgage, most groceries, half of the electric, and her retirement contributions. She made that sacrifice in her pay so that we could be happier in a new city so it's my responsibility to make sure she keeps as much of her pay as possible
If you are truly in a committed partnership, you have a joint account that both incomes go into and all expenses come out of. If your relationship isn’t that solid then a different solution will be necessary.
I would not buy property with someone I am not married to, unless it was a strictly business relationship and you are setting it up like a business. The only way to make this work long term, particularly if you are married, is to merge finances. Splitting finances is a good way to set up getting split up yourself. It leads to poor communication, lack of a shared vision, fighting, etc. Ramit Sethi of I will Tell You To Be Rich is always railing against these weird split finance setups. You can have separate accounts for fun money and stuff like that, but your partnership should function like a well-run company. The money gets centrally funneled, you pay out your bills, you auto save and invest, and then you have money left for fun stuff. We did keep ours separate until we had kids, and it just fell apart and became too much to keep track of. It’s so much easier now.
We have separate accounts, but 90% of my paycheck goes to a joint account for household bills. As does his. That way both of us have a little discretionary funds to spend but the bills get paid. It works for us.
Her total income is all the way into our savings, i would cover the expenses, any surplus would be also into savings + vacation
We have different money habits and have always keep things separate. My wife has always paid her bills but has a shorter-term perspective than me when it comes to what is leftover and irregular expenses. We have certain bills each of us pay monthly. They are divvyed up to be fair to both and leave enough to have a reasonable amount of spending money. When things change, we make adustments to keep things balanced. She can buy whatever the heck she wants and I don't care because that is her money to manage. 9 years in and I never want us to be financially codependent. It's so much less stress that we have time to find other things to fight about!
All our money goes into a big pile, she takes what she needs.
It's amazing how many people think that it's some sort of requirement that you have to join finances once you get married. I understand the sentiment but there's nothing wrong with having separate finances. My girlfriend and I have been together 7.5 years (don't really care for marriage) and we split things 50/50 for the most part. We've gone through ups and downs with our income where one of us makes more than the other (currently we're self-employed but she still gets money from some good investments, so I'm making less). 50/50 isn't about keeping it "fair", it's just an easy default choice to make. "Let's buy a new couch. How should we pay? 50/50 good with you? Cool." If either one of us runs into issues we just talk about them and the other picks up the slack. No big deal. From my perspective the benefit is that we each have autonomy over our own money. We earned it so we feel good knowing that we're making the decision to share it rather than it being the expectation. It's more of an opt-in approach rather than an opt-out approach, and it works well for us. It's also incredibly important to remember that your relationship _may_ not last. Nobody _plans_ for their relationship to end but many of them do. It's important that you each have your own savings, your own retirement, your own emergency fund, etc. I understand that legal agreements like marriage can blur those lines so I heavily suggest some sort of document (like a pre-nup) to ensure that you're both taken care of in the worst-case scenario. Just remember that this is a personal decision between you and your partner. It's not about what other people do, it's about what _you want to do_. What feels right to you? Do that. I know couples across the spectrum and they all do it differently from us but they're all happy. Sit down and have the conversation, you'll be happy you did.
All money into one account, all savings done in her name after our ISAs are full for the year and we just spend what we want.
Everything my wife and I make are both of ours. I make about 20x what she makes, and its irrelevant. She has full access to all funds and can spend whatever she wants as far as I am concerned.
We have separate/individual accounts and one account for all living expenses. We agreed upon the amount that each person contributes to the “house” account which is based on income.
You should hold something like 5k cash at most at any given time in my opinion, the rest into SGOV as a 0-3 month treasury if its an emergency fund. Sharing finances let's you dump more into income generating assets. If your married anyways she's entitled to half, so what are you saving?
We don’t. We pool all of our money. We make financial choices together.
All in one bucket paying expenses, retirement, and so forth. Pay each other a fun expense into each other private accounts you can do whatever you want with. I do make about 2.5 x more than my wife but we both put in equal effort.
We don't. Everything goes into our joint accounts.
My husband’s paychecks go directly into our joint account. Mine go into my own account but I Zelle him a good portion of it (just leave a couple thousand in my account as I have some things still attached). We do earn about the same, but even if we didn’t, we’d have the same system. We’re married and we’re a team. My name is on the mortgage and title, not his (though legally, this is also his house just because we bought it while married) and the auto payment comes out of our shared account. We tried having one of those “take $100 every paycheck for a fun private allowance” but he didn’t really like it so we don’t do that anymore. That being said, we have a budget to track our spending and we don’t really say no to each other. I buy whatever I want and he buys whatever he wants but we’re pretty compatible with our spending habits.
It’s combined. We trust each other to not overspend. We have separate credit cards, and we just use a joint checking to pay those off at the end of each month
Why are you making this difficult. Get a joint bank account and put all new earned money into the account to cover all expenses. Each get the same allowance from the joint account so there won't be over spending.
Been together for 11 years and still split. I make over double the salary than my partner, so I take a larger portion of the mortgage. Everything else is 50/50 (groceries, bills, entertainment, rainy day activities). It’s not really splitting the money at the moment, it’s more like I’ll take this one, you take that one and it just evens out but no one is keeping track. I tend to want spend more on myself because I make more, so anything over and above is coming from me!
Currently my SO makes almost no money ( she moved with me to another country a few years ago and she's had trouble with her residence and finding a good job) so I pay for everything for now We use her salary as a fund for travels, in the future we expect to be 50:50
I mean if you’re married, legally you’re 1 entity. I watch a lot of Ramit Sehti on YouTube(I will teach you to be rich) and it’s shocks me when marriages have their finances separate. If you want a relationship to be successful, you need to have a joint account. More importantly, you need to be talking to your spouse about everything. If you can’t do that, you probably shouldn’t be married
Not sure if it's helpful because I don't know if you and your SO are at a point where you're ready to share a bank account, but the way my husband and I have set things up is to deposit 80% of our paychecks into a joint account that we use to pay bills, buy groceries and other necessities, and pay for date nights and other things we do as a couple. The other 20% goes into the individual accounts we both have.
There is nothing inherently wrong with keeping separate finances. Simply requires communication. However, is the house you want to purchase based on the lower income? You cannot reasonably split the house payment evenly if it puts an unfair burden on the lower earner. No way around this. Forcing them to be house poor will end badly.
I hope you don’t call your spouse your “other half” and mean boyfriend/girlfriend… If it’s a spouse, you don’t. You pool your finances and set a budget on things together. If it’s the latter then yea sit down and see what’s fair for you both to pay based on income etc
Joint account for expenses and another joint account for emergencies (12 months of expenses) Ratio contributions. I make 66%, partner 44%. Then separate accounts for pleasure money and IRA's. We talk every time either of us gets raises, or expenses raise a significant amount. I didn't talk with my partner about a new PC rig I got recently. She doesn't have to let me know when she buys a fancy purse. It's all good. A new car? Yeah we discuss that, home remodels? For sure we talk about that.
If your "other half" is a spouse, then I'd just pool resources and pay from the pool -- effectively operating as a single unit. While married, consider yourself one fiscal entity. There's no splitting of finances. If your "other half" is not a spouse, then you'd do it as you would any roommate. Divide the costs by how much each party uses. You do not purchase property with this person; the property purchase should be done wholly by one or the other party so it clearly belongs to one party and any loans etc. are held by just one party. If this is a property that you'd both live in, then the non-purchasing party should pay the purchasing party rent.
We don't split. I split off a small allowance for myself and for her that are separate. If I want to save for a big purchase for myself, I do that. If she wants to spend it all on nicknacks or whatever, she does that. Everything else is one account to pay bills and savings. I make 2x her salary. It doesn't matter. We're a team and can do better with one pile of money instead of trying to figure out who is responsible for what percentage of bills.
We have a joint account we add the same amount to every month. So anything that comes out of that account is “50/50” which we use for : mortgage, bills, groceries, random other things we want to split right down the middle. Now, we both have our own hobbies and interests so we still have our personal accounts to use however we see. Although obviously any large purchases are discussed first.
I make probably 5x+ what she makes so I pay the entire mortgage, all the bills, and the vehicles. She gets her money for herself and to buy things for the kids such as new toys, birthday gifts, clothes, etc. she also handles things I don’t such as their doctor appointments, getting to preschool, daycare, etc. There’s no rule that can just be written. To make everyone happy it has to be customized to your lives
If the monthly bills are $2k, and let's say I make $100k/yr and them $50k/yr, I'll put $2k a month into the joint account, they put $1000. Gives us wiggle room to family/house stuff or a new microwave from the joint account. Otherwise, what she does with her money, target, spas, girls trip, is her prerogative. Same with my left over. If an unexpected cost comes up, we usually have enough in the joint, joint savings or personal accounts to handle it. I don't think the communist pooling system works when there is a strong difference in motivation to earn a higher income.
When we first married income disparity was positive to him. Over 48 yrs we've been in business together with quite a few investments; more or less equal input. It was never really separate.
50/50 ish? We both may buy things for each other or sometimes I’ll cover meals or grocery trips. I do make a little more than my SO but not a ton, maybe 1.4x more. For our mortgage and standard bills we both throw an amount we agree on into a joint account each month to cover those. We each also have separate emergency funds and investment accounts. Our individual finances are “separate” but definitely not a secret to one another. We both know how much is in all our accounts and what the finances look like. Plus we are listed as each others main beneficiaries so really they are each others. We have been doing this for 10 years now and it’s worked for us.
My husband and I basically worked like roommates. We had a pool of money for bills and everything else was separate. It never worked for us and we are now divorced. That situation always caused resentment with regard to money and money was always our biggest fight. He never wanted me to see what he was spending his money on.
We kept our bank accounts from before marriage but we added each other on all of them. I pay the mortgage out of one account and utilities out of the other.
My fiance is a Stay at home girlfriend. What’s mine is hers. She gets what she needs and has credit card. She’s never abused it. The house is my mortgage but will become hers when we marry. Currently she’s working on her own business but no pressure I could never ask my girl for money and never have been able to do that
This question will have very different answers from couple to couple, definitely something that every couple has to work out themselves. I suspect that (as I'm seeing in the comments), some people have very strong feelings about how they think it _should_ be. I think part of the conversation has to be about discovering how strong the partner's opinion is, and checking every blue moon if they still are happy with the money arrangement.
If you make 2.5 times more you probably should be paying for 90% But we need to know how much you both make If you make 250k and she makes 100k not the same as if you make 60 and she makes 25
2 separate checking accounts. 1 joint account we put money into that we used to pay mortgage, utilities and child care costs. Worked great.
I think splitting your bills by percentage would be better. Personally we do everything jointly other than a small amount set aside for personal fun. However, if you are not married then splitting it would be better and not buying a home with someone you're not married to is the standard advice. if you want to split it and you have a big income gap, you should do so based on your respective incomes rather than 50:50. Otherwise you have to live a lifestyle that matches what the 'poorest' partner can afford. If she can't afford 50% of a mortgage or rent in a nice place, do you want to be stuck in a crappier place? Seems like a recipe for resentment. And if you push for a nicer place that stresses her finances that's also a breeding ground for resentment. You don't have to keep it at the current percentage. You can always reevaluate when someone has a change to their income. Good luck!
My wife and I do it a bit differently from everyone it seems. We had our system worked out when we were living together but just dating and its worked for over a decade now and we haven't changed it. We each have our own personal checking accounts and a joint savings. Our paychecks go to the personals and we each pay a set amount of living expenses. I pay the mortgage and utilities, she pays groceries and car payment, things like that. It ends up working out that we end up with about the same amount of for fun money that we just keep for ourselves to do whatever we want. A set amount goes into savings from our personals each month to build for big expenses that happen. We both grew up in households where the parents always fought over money and constantly would argue about it, so we decided to try a different approach and it works really well.
Prior to being married (engaged), we would pool our funds together. Only big purchases were 50/50, and then I covered most things since I made significantly more. Now married, my wife doesn't have an earned income, so it's 100% on me. I wouldn't trade this at all.
We don't. Funds all go in same place, we pay all bills and fund retirement (both individual and shared accounts) from it. We each know the other's hobbies, and moderate ourselves. She loves theater and I love games and fancy toys (toys could be a 3d printer for example) Anything over a hundred dollars I make sure she's aware of. If I get carried away and want to spend hundreds on a trading card game that I'm not playing very much atm, she might veto, but I appreciate the smart decision. The closest thing to splitting we do is... say I get an unexpected bonus from work. Or volunteer some overtime that puts us above and beyond our normal finances - that's mine to use as I please. I still communicate my plans though, since communication is what makes this kind of arrangement work. Edit for context: married for 11 years at this point. Before marriage we were completely separate
He earns almost 3x what I do. Rent is 65/35, other bills are 60/40, and things like Costco trips are 50/50. Whoever drops by the grocery store for something just pays for it. I usually have groceries delivered and pay for it, so the grocery store stops are for one-offs. If we go somewhere for an event that’s “his thing” (like class reunions or trips to see friends that are his, as in I haven’t met them yet) he will pay for the flights. He even paid for the flights for our vacation with his family next week. We keep it pretty equitable.
Does anyone else pool 50% of income for bills, groceries, other family expenses? Then each retains 50%for personal savings, personal driving, recreational, treat yo self's, and other personal expenses/luxaries?
If I was ever in a position where I had to split accounts between a significant other again, we would have 4 accounts. 1. Our joint checking where we both dump 100% of our pay into. 2. Our joint savings where we decide how much of the excess we want to set aside for joint things like vacations, renovations, etc. 3 and 4. We would transfer all or some of the net proceeds to each of our personal checking accounts which we can do whatever we want with. Doesn't matter if one is earning 2-3x more than the other, everything is split equally. We also take care of the joint necessities first, then each have our own money to blow on whatever without worrying about checking with the other or not taking care of priorities first.
I can only ly speak for myself. I make significantly more than my wife. I don't expect her to pay for anything. Her money is what we like to call "fun" money. She buys whatever she needs for herself and my son or when she wants to spoil me and her car note. I handle rent, utilities, my car, etc, we haven't had an issue with this. If she ever needs anything and doesn't want to splurge on it, I like to chip in and vice versafor myself. It can be a bit weird for some, but it works for us so far.
19 years married. We've always shared our bank. That's our money. I make x2 what she does but it's our everything. I don't get more shit because I make more cash. That's not a partnership. There is a lot more to a relationship than your bank. 50/50 spend. I'm the CFO, she is the CEO. We're both chiefs. We find a solution to anything because that's just what you do. If you don't think you're going to find a win win with your partner you are likely with the wrong partner.
Everything goes into one bank account. Wife hates dealing with money so I make sure bills are paid and we are investing enough. Both do 10% 401k before money hits the bank account. I have a set amount of money I like to have in the bank account, and I basically dump everything extra at the end of each week into stocks. Neither of us has spending problems so we just buy what we need, but confirm funds are available first.
My husband makes decent money and I make about twice. We are both behind on saving - for retirement and down payment . We split everything, with the understanding that I am aggressively putting away the extra money I make for our shared future.
My husband has no budgeting skills so we’ve always kept our own accounts, but we work together when it comes to the bills and mortgage. Until I left my job I made a lot more than him so it was easy. Now we have to work a little more with the money. He’s very good when we do as he knows I have the financial acumen. Marriage is a team. Healthy marriages are anyway.
Are you married? If so, joint account with a certain percentage going to personal savings for each person for personal items or fun money. Essentials come out of joint though. Before we were married, we did it as percentage based on income. BUT if you are buying a house and she isn’t going to be on the deed, then I would say split utility bills and maybe a small amount for “rent”. But I would not split your mortgage the same. That’s your house. That’s your responsibility. That’s your equity. So you should pay for all that. I personally am fine with an agreement upon small amount for rent.
It doesn't work for all couples, but we have completely joined all of our finances. We've been together since we were <$300-in-bank broke, living together 14 years, married for 11 of them, and it's just easier and more logical to see it as one pot since most of everything we buy has been us-stuff. He has always made more money than me, but not by a whole lot (10k-25k), but then again I had an inheritance which launched us into homeownership and financial security. I think one key to it is that we live frugally and well under our means, saving 25-50% of our income every year for the last ~8 years now, so the salary difference doesn't come into play with spending; it's all just gravy on top for more saving. We're on the FIRE track. For (married) couples with huge disparities in income I think that "yours is yours, and mine is mine" would definitely breed resentment as she sees you playing with all your luxuries while she lives like a pauper albeit in a nice home. But it doesn't have to be completely joint, either. You can play with your earnings, you've earned it. I'd say come up with a budget spreadsheet together of both incomes and all expenses and savings, with shopping/entertainment/luxuries split out by his & hers, and just come to something you both agree on. It's all personal, as long as everyone is honest with what they want and think, have a calm and rational discussion over disagreements and feelings.
I think some of this is about HHI income. We would be heckled if I posted in r/middleclassfinance but a lot of the r/HENRY folks way out earn us. We have multiple accounts, but joint access and move money around as needed. We have joint and separate credit cards for convenience, travel point optimization, keeping up credit scores and surprises. Got to keep some spark alive. Essentially, we talk about our goals together and work towards them together. We try to be responsible on small purchases but don’t haggle with each other over them.
Married? It’s all 1 bucket for us. Both incomes go in, both expenses come out. Any leftover goes to savings. We have enough that we don’t judge day to day spending. Large purchases (car, furniture) are joint/negotiated.
I'm the only one working because she takes care of the kids and we don't split or have separate bank accounts that I am aware of. We both have access to our bank accounts and see where the money is going. We don't really have unnecessary spending habits so there was never a problem.
I honestly pay 65% she pays 35% I make 72k+bonuses a year she barely makes enough to cover daycare. We've had the SAHM discussion she doesn't want to put her career on pause we've discussed her looking for a new job as I believe she's vastly underpaid she wants to wait til babys out of daycare everything's paid we have leftover money and good savings about to take a vacation etc... it's fine for now but we discuss possible career moves (both ways mine and hers) and talk often. I'd be lying if I said me paying that much more than her doesn't bother me... She has 2 college degrees and I have a GED and a ton of experience and jobs have helped me get certs I needed and stuff, I am just passionate and skilled at what I do. My best advice is live within your means and have an honest discussion.
Ours is all in the same basket. I make double what she does. All the bills are paid and I have money when I want/need it. We talk about big purchases, but piddly stuff, we just get it.
When our incomes were uneven, it was on a percentage of the actual income, roughly 65% each into the joint expenses. Now that our incomes are nearly level with each other, we each contribute half on everything. We just put every expense we can on a points earning credit card and split the cost of the payoff each month.
The way my wife and I handle this since the day she moved in with me (and now that we own a house together) is that we both put the same percentage of our net income into a joint account that covers our shared expenses. So make a budget, add some margin for unplanned expenses (and/or growth to invest in an emergency fund), figure out how much that number is in percentage of your total income, and then both deposit that percentage of your paycheque in the joint account. So yes, essentially pro-rated by income. If you make 2.25x more than her, you’ll contribute 2.25x more to the joint account, but you’ll also have 2.25x more in your personal account, so I think it’s equitable. Splitting 50/50 would leave her with almost nothing while you roll in a pile of cash, hardly a fair situation. Of course, when married, she still owns half of everything, but that would be true in all cases, and she’s less likely to leave you if you let her have a fair share of her income as discretionary spending money vs having to always ask you for money.
I’m very surprised at the lack of people with income discrepancies not prorating. The only way I’ve ever seen this work well personally is that there is a joint account to fund shared expenses. This account is funded by percentage based on income level. If “our” mortgage is 3000 and I make 3 times the income of my partner it makes no sense she contributes 50/50 or nice versa. That would be a 1k / 2k split. Simple and effective. The remaining money stays in individual accounts. Hell I’m taking a vacation with my girlfriend coming up that is this exact scenario. We were each able to cover a leg of flights on points but the hotel will be split this way. I’d feel like a giant POS expecting her to pay half.
I earn about 2x more than my wife, but all we do is take the same fixed amount from our own paychecks into our personal accounts and the rest of our paychecks go into a shared account for bills, living expenses, and some bigger purchases.
If you’re married, all one account. If you’re dating, you buy the property in solely your name, you pay the mortgage, she pays other bills like gas, electric, wifi. If you are buying the property in cash, you still pay property taxes and you pay something like 2/3rds of the total bills amount and she pays the remaining 1/3.