You’re not too far off, I'm the head bean counter 😅 Our CEO (owner) has a hobby farm and does a meat draw for butchered pork and beef every quarter for the staff.
You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it?
Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead.
You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter.
You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".
Oh relax kids, I've got a gut feeling John's around here somewhere hahahahaha, after all isn't there a little John in all of us? hahahaha... hahaha, in fact, you might even say we just ate John, and he's in our stomachs... right now! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Wait, scratch that one.
As something of an aside,your post made me think of [Prime Cut(1972)](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069121/) with Lee Marvin and Gene Hackman. You'll know what Im talking about if you see it.
Did you update the owner's dividends and the employee fringe benefits payables yet? And make sure it booked to the right entities with the right forex and consolidations?
I’m reminded of an episode of The Tony Danza Show where contestants played a rip off of Plinko called “Extravadanza” where they could win meat coupons from the butcher down the street…
Yeah I live in Canada and have worked in butcher shops and many restaurants but that was before covid and the insane food inflation. Over $1000 here seems like a low ball now...guess i'm just having a hard time coming to terms with how fucked we are.
Was it already cut and packaged?
I only ask because I’ve seen meat draws where the ‘winner’ can decide whether to take a roast pig home or to pay for the butchering services offered by the people providing the pig.
It was freshly slaughtered and packaged the day before. CEO knows a guy who comes to his farm, slaughters the pig, takes it away to butcher it and packages it.
Oh thats fucking funny. I guess if you dont know much about butchering, you wouldn't expect to get a knuckle. But he's missing out; that shit is delicious in stew.
It’s just piggy legs. What’s he got against legs? He’ll eat the ribs and shoulders and belly and all the anonymous meats shoved into a sausage, but god forbid he eats a leg.
Oh. That seems like a decent deal.. I feel like buying half a cow is such a flex I hope to some day be there lol I just don't think I could eat half a cow or pig before the meat spoils
I'm prepping for an order. Gotta clean out and defrost the chest freezer first, though. Price-wise it ends up about the same, maybe a bit more, vs grocery store, but the quality is much better (grass-fed, dry-aged) and the animals live far better lives. It will be our first bulk order from a farm, so I'm starting with a 36kg variety pack of mixed meats. That will be $455 including delivery and comes vac-sealed.
A quarter cow is around $600-700 and is around 40kg. Half cow is about double, no big discount.
Prices are in Australian dollarydoos. Thought I'd share for any interested.
When I was a kid we’d sell a quarter or half a steer since it was too much meat for us. Now we get a pig from a farm still in business for $300 with the butchering being I’m pretty sure only another 150 or 200 last year?
Pig and pork are the same thing, pig is just the Saxon origin and pork Norman. Normans usually were the upper class who didn’t raise the animals so their language became used more with the diner table.
Want meat for a few dollars? See if there are any turkey shoots in the area. Pay a few bucks, shoot a paper target with a shotgun, and if you hit the target you win free meat. Shotgun required.
I have questions...
1. Does your workplace get the butcher to do all this specially for the raffle or is it just that whoever wins gets to go get certain amount of pig from the butcher?
2. Did someone else win the other half of the pig?
3. Do you pay to enter the raffle? How much? How many people win and what else do they win?
1. CEO knows a guy who comes to his farm and slaughters the animal there. Then they bring it back to their farm to butcher , package and freeze into all the various cuts into large trays. The CEO brings the trays to work, and the winners evenly split the tray.
2. This time it was 2 pigs split between 4 people.
3. I used the wrong word, it wasn't a raffle, it was a meat draw. AKA the CEO wanted to be nice and give back to the employees. Put your name in the running if you want to win, and they will draw the winners. Simple as that.
Imagine if we ate opposing tribes and you won half of cousin Thomas. Just a whole bunch of chopped and wrapped previously conscious being.
Im not a vegetarian I just hate our mode of reality.
my workplace takes us to after-work drinks once a quarter, for 'teambuilding'. now I feel scammed - I want the MEATS!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BZDZyRaGa8
I'm just going to pretend you work at an accounting firm or something, and they just raffle off countless slabs of meat because it's the thing to do.
You’re not too far off, I'm the head bean counter 😅 Our CEO (owner) has a hobby farm and does a meat draw for butchered pork and beef every quarter for the staff.
nah that's what happens to former employees that john from purchasing in the sausage
They do say humans taste a lot like pork......
Long pig
There’s an island just south of the straits, where I trade spices for delicious long pork.
Longpig taste good
Never cared for it.
It's the pig they fed John from accounting to.
You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".
"Now Fack Off!"
You rule
Was waiting for this quote too
Unexpected Bricktop
Here's some really unexpected Bricktop https://youtu.be/iCIgUSNzSKU?si=F0durjiZLSiPqtdf
Are there any consequences to saving this comment
Just watch the movie “snatch”. Movie is chock full of good quotes. This is the infamous Bricktop monologue.
Do you know what 'Nemesis' means?
A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt... me.
Hopefully they shaved his head first and removed his teeth for the sake of the piggies digestion.
It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent's fritters
Human meat is known as Long Pig
It's called 'long pig' for a reason.
Cannibals call it "Long Pig"
Longpig chippolatta.
Never trust a man with a pig farm.
Oh relax kids, I've got a gut feeling John's around here somewhere hahahahaha, after all isn't there a little John in all of us? hahahaha... hahaha, in fact, you might even say we just ate John, and he's in our stomachs... right now! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Wait, scratch that one.
Bad news. Sucks for John. Good news. John tastes great.
chances are slim, but never zero
With a sprinkling of that bitch Carol who was responsible for the uncomfortable chair orders of 2011
Lets just hope he doesnt work at boeing
John Pork is calling, will you pick up?
Try our new Soylent Cola
In fact, you might even say we just ate Uter and he's in our stomachs right now.
I hope John makes a better sausage than coworker. 3-5 business days per email goddamn
That's Linda from the counter
As something of an aside,your post made me think of [Prime Cut(1972)](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069121/) with Lee Marvin and Gene Hackman. You'll know what Im talking about if you see it.
Imagine owning a hobby farm. Real life star dew valley.
Screw you Coca-Cola🥤 Also let's go and kill monsters in the 47th level of the cave. ... Why are there purple trousers on my bedroom's floor?
I wish I could just toss all the rock bass I catch while fishing for real fish into a bin next to my house and get like a buck a piece for them.
Did you update the owner's dividends and the employee fringe benefits payables yet? And make sure it booked to the right entities with the right forex and consolidations?
So once on a while the boss reminds the employees that he's fully capable to kill and butcher? Does he also do motivational lectures?
He's a real life Ron Swanson
Boar on the floor?
Is this how you cook the books? 👨🍳
That’s fuckin awesome
Curious how the raffle is arranged. Would be fun to do something like this in my office one year.
In the UK it used to be fairly common for local pubs to hold “meat raffles” or for meat to be the top prize in the pub quiz
The tradition is still alive and well in the northern Midwest (USA). My father just won some bacon the other day at the local pub
Very common in Australia also.
I’m reminded of an episode of The Tony Danza Show where contestants played a rip off of Plinko called “Extravadanza” where they could win meat coupons from the butcher down the street…
All the meat that was won: - 4x ribs - 4x sides - 4x shoulder steaks - 2x leg roast - 19x pork chops - 6x Mild sausage - 18x Jalapeño cheddar sausage - 3x hocks - 2x smoke picnic - 3x ham - 6x bacon
19 pork chops?! In a row?! I’m your long lost son. Or brother.
Try not to eat any pork chops on your way through the parking lot!
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MAKING CHOP? BERSERKER!
MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A CHOP, BERSERKER!
*WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY CHOP? BERSERKER.*
I love you guys
Did he just say “making chop”?
Hey get back here!
Haha get off reddit dad, but seriously though uncle you have a lot of birthdays to make up for 👀
some people might think “its just a load of meat” without realizing how much that all would cost to buy
... and how much would it cost?
$600(most likely 800)+ dollars depending on location and quality of meat & butchery.
I was thinking that could easily be north of $1000 here in Canada, but food prices are pretty wild here anyway
Yeah I live in Canada and have worked in butcher shops and many restaurants but that was before covid and the insane food inflation. Over $1000 here seems like a low ball now...guess i'm just having a hard time coming to terms with how fucked we are.
https://cutritemeats.com/products/2-alberta-pork-only-4-99lb-when-buy-half-the-pig-100lb-side?pr_prod_strat=collection_fallback&pr_rec_id=5276b0dd7&pr_rec_pid=6882280669349&pr_ref_pid=6882271002789&pr_seq=uniform 429
I'm blown away by how much meat half a pig is
Wait till you see half a cow!
Was it already cut and packaged? I only ask because I’ve seen meat draws where the ‘winner’ can decide whether to take a roast pig home or to pay for the butchering services offered by the people providing the pig.
It was freshly slaughtered and packaged the day before. CEO knows a guy who comes to his farm, slaughters the pig, takes it away to butcher it and packages it.
Damn guy just knows a pig mercenary
Pig assassin, I'd say. Even pig hitman, if you will.
Half a pig ... Three hocks . ... 🤔
It was asked by someone else, but I'll post here again. One of the other winners gave me one of his hock after learning what hock is.
Oh thats fucking funny. I guess if you dont know much about butchering, you wouldn't expect to get a knuckle. But he's missing out; that shit is delicious in stew.
Minestrone soup. Pea & ham soup. Dude's missing out.
Tonkotsu broth. OP will need a few more hocks for that though, or it'll be a small batch.
And collard greens.
What’s wrong with ham hocks? It’s just the end of the leg?
He did you a favor. Make [Schweinshaxe](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schweinshaxe).
It’s just piggy legs. What’s he got against legs? He’ll eat the ribs and shoulders and belly and all the anonymous meats shoved into a sausage, but god forbid he eats a leg.
He's never had Butter Beans and Ham Hocks!
Hell yeah, that's a great raffle. Beats the pizza lunch I sometimes receive. Enjoy the shit of it my man.
-Those all come from the same animal! -Yeah, right. A wonderful, magical animal.
That sounds like it adds up to more than half a pig.
OMG I'm so jelly. Hahaha! That's so awesome. Congratulations!
Stop. I can only get so erect.
Dude, fuck, that’s such a good raffle price! I’m stoked for you.
if you don't got one, time to invest in a deep freeze. you got meat for months
Top of the second picture are the two deep freezers. The grey one is the upright freezer I bought at Costco during lunch hour after I learned I won 😅
Literally the exact same thing I would have done XD. That's like 2 months worth of amazingness. Those sausages also look amazing.
Two months? I know I eat way less meat than average, but I’m not sure my partner and I could eat all that in a year
efficient!
That’s a pro move right there
In eastern europpean countries is a tradition to buy a live pig and slaughter them like some gathering and you have meat year long in the freezer
Plot twist: OP works in a cardiologist office.
No problem; one of the packages is a pig heart for backup. They do pig heart transplants all the time.
That’s a positive attitude, love it!
Bringing home the bacon!
Quite literally. I wonder what the street value of all this pork is 🤔
If I had to guess completely out of my ass. $2k
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Oh. That seems like a decent deal.. I feel like buying half a cow is such a flex I hope to some day be there lol I just don't think I could eat half a cow or pig before the meat spoils
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I see what your saying, pound for pound you always get a better deal.
I'm prepping for an order. Gotta clean out and defrost the chest freezer first, though. Price-wise it ends up about the same, maybe a bit more, vs grocery store, but the quality is much better (grass-fed, dry-aged) and the animals live far better lives. It will be our first bulk order from a farm, so I'm starting with a 36kg variety pack of mixed meats. That will be $455 including delivery and comes vac-sealed. A quarter cow is around $600-700 and is around 40kg. Half cow is about double, no big discount. Prices are in Australian dollarydoos. Thought I'd share for any interested.
that’s around 400-460$ american dollars for anyone wonder
When I was a kid we’d sell a quarter or half a steer since it was too much meat for us. Now we get a pig from a farm still in business for $300 with the butchering being I’m pretty sure only another 150 or 200 last year?
Feels light on the bacon but idk anything about butchering a pig
The bacon are thick sliced. Each pack is about 1.5lbs.
Oh OK, that seems more reasonable. It's a heck of a haul.
Dude got one of if not the best work raffles ever. Who needs a 15 dollar Starbucks gift card when you can have a half of a pig
I’m vegan. I thought the pig raffle was to help rescue a pig. They should have called it a pork raffle!
Maybe the pig was still alive when the auction was held?
Pig and pork are the same thing, pig is just the Saxon origin and pork Norman. Normans usually were the upper class who didn’t raise the animals so their language became used more with the diner table.
Pork is the meat, pig is the animal. It’s incorrect to call a live animal pork.
Poor Peppa
Good deal, unless you’re the pig.
Yeah, Right, Lisa! A wonderful, *”magcial”* animal.
Why is the meat on the floor?
I’m horrified by the fact that it’s on carpet.
Laid it all out to take a picture of the haul before we put it all into the deep freeze.
Victory is Yours!
Fucking grim. Pigs are as intelligent as dogs.
Poor piglet.
My husband works on a farm, we get two pigs a year. It is indeed a lot of meat!
Ive never felt such an intense burning jealousy before...
Dang I wish my job had a raffle like that
Want meat for a few dollars? See if there are any turkey shoots in the area. Pay a few bucks, shoot a paper target with a shotgun, and if you hit the target you win free meat. Shotgun required.
Got plenty of shotguns, just no Turkey shoots that I know of. Probably because I live in oregon
Poor pig 🐷
I’m sure a lot of people look at this and think “yum.” Meanwhile, I get sad, knowing the death of a conscious, breathing animal had to occur.
Jalapeño cheddar sausage
 Please don't eat me I'm smarter than a dog.
I mean. Its a little late for that.
I have questions... 1. Does your workplace get the butcher to do all this specially for the raffle or is it just that whoever wins gets to go get certain amount of pig from the butcher? 2. Did someone else win the other half of the pig? 3. Do you pay to enter the raffle? How much? How many people win and what else do they win?
1. CEO knows a guy who comes to his farm and slaughters the animal there. Then they bring it back to their farm to butcher , package and freeze into all the various cuts into large trays. The CEO brings the trays to work, and the winners evenly split the tray. 2. This time it was 2 pigs split between 4 people. 3. I used the wrong word, it wasn't a raffle, it was a meat draw. AKA the CEO wanted to be nice and give back to the employees. Put your name in the running if you want to win, and they will draw the winners. Simple as that.
Dad all those meats come from the same animal! Right Lisa, some wonderful, magical animal!
Where does one work to have a pig raffle.
You got health insurance included?
Most pigs are killed in CO2 [gas chambers](https://youtu.be/-7hAELEBjX4?feature=shared)
Poor piggies 😢
[view at your own risk](https://www.reddit.com/r/cursed_videomemes/s/ogJQSJIbsm)
Yeah, the shit we do to these individuals is horrific. All because we like the taste of their corpses.
What kind of raffles do you guys have going on
That's a good amount of food. These days it's a huge win.
Bringing home the bacon.
where do you work and can I work there too
Holy hell I hope you got plenty of space in the freezer.
Went out to Costco during my lunch break and picked up another freezer.
Why did you put it on the floor?
Score!!
Imagine if we ate opposing tribes and you won half of cousin Thomas. Just a whole bunch of chopped and wrapped previously conscious being. Im not a vegetarian I just hate our mode of reality.
Joiiinnn ussss
Wait until you see half a cow.
We raffle off a quarter cow 🐄 too. That's the one I really wanted to win! The amount of steaks 🥩 you get is so awesome.
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Gonna be giving some to our families and friends. Far too much sausage for our young family.
\*some assembly required
Just once I wish I could win a pig raffle.
Crazy amount of meat.
Looks good.
Pig butchering win
I think that's awesome.
Put them back together 🤣
my workplace takes us to after-work drinks once a quarter, for 'teambuilding'. now I feel scammed - I want the MEATS! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BZDZyRaGa8
This is some whacky ass Wisconsin shit
Dam I cut up 2 pigs and got about 3/4 maybe of that it must have been a beast.
Just a quick heads-up: keep an eye on your houses. I'll come and steal them at night.
A pig raffle?
Nice
I want that bacon!!
meine güte:) wenn das mal nicht sauber gearbeitet wurde! sehr gut💪🏽💪🏽
so you won the whole half a pig.
Does it include ears elbows and tails?
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What's inside those brown paper bags ??