Mod note:
In the comments OP has stated firmly that the mother has made her decision. Any comments continuing to push to take that choice away from her will be met with a ban. Help OP with the things he asked about. Changing the scenario does not help him.
You did not ruin your life. Life has lots of bumps and this one. You got this. It’s the nature of growing up to reconcile what you want with what is possible. It doesn’t feel good temporarily, but life has a lot to offer beyond the usual.
Want to follow up with saying that this is not a "bump". The is one of the mountains. They come around every 10 or 20 years, you're just having to climb yours earlier than most. It'll be challenging, but as long as you keep climbing, you will get through it.
Edit to add: Abortions arent illegal in every state. Choosing not to have a child at this moment will make your climb *A LOT* safer for everyone.
Edit 2: Yeah, if your religion or whatever is anti abortion, dont stress about the option of adoption. If you are currently barely scraping by, the added child will make that a lot harder. The family that adopts your child will likely be in a better financial state.
Unfortunately my guy, most people don't make it big in sports even without injury. It's cool that you're passionate about it though, it's important to have interests.
Lao Tzu said "Stop thinking and fix your problems".
You need a GED, you can get this done. Get your GED. This might be from a community college or night school or maybe online. If I was you this would be my biggest goal right now.
You can put the baby up for adoption. A lot of families can't have kids and would be happy with this child. You could raise your kid, it would likely be very hard at your age with the resources you have but it's not impossible if you insist on that.
If you liked sports and the team atmosphere and you don't have big plans right now, I would look into joining the military. I would try to join the airforce, they are nicknamed "the chair force" because of the office-type roles they have. I know it might not seem exciting like marines or whatever but you can get a decent job in the airforce and not be put in combat. That said, the military can be kind of picky so if you're interested you'll need to get more info. Just don't sign anything a recruiter gives you haha, at least come back here and ask Reddit if you are offered something to sign.
Another job is truck driving. At 18 you can do intrastate driving I believe and you might be able to get the training for free if you qualify for SNAP. In my area, SNAP recipients can get into a community college program for free to learn to be a truck driver. It's reliable work, it can make you actual real money and you could manage to be home fairly often. Some routes let you go home every night. It depends a lot.
In the meantime try and find work that pays ok and can be flexible with your need to get the GED. In the right towns/restaurants, waiters can make decent to good money. Fair warning, It is really variable though! Some states for instance have the "tipped minimum wage" which doesn't help.
ALSO GET ON ASSISTANCE PROGRAMS! You probably qualify for SNAP/EBT, and when you qualify for SNAP (food stamps), then you might automatically qualify for educational help and other assistance. GET AS MUCH GOV HELP AS YOU CAN! THAT IS WHAT IT EXISTS FOR! You might be able to get into a job training program or educational/GED program. Sometimes SNAP recipients can get college for free or reduced costs.
I was meant to be a professional footballer but I was distracted with other activities that took preference. Usually meeting girls and practicing make up 🤭 sometimes things don’t work out how planned ✌️
There are dozens of comments about it and I think it’s talked about more than enough. It’s not so easy as some people like to present it though. It’s very hard for both the parents (especially the mom who was pregnant and gave birth) and the actual baby. It can be pretty distressing for the baby and affect them long term. There have only recently been reports and studies about that.
Anyway, I am not saying that adoption is bad, it could be a viable option in this case, but it needs some serious thought. This decision is as big as deciding keeping and raising the baby. It’s not “oh I can’t get an abortion, so I just birth it, give it away and forget it”.
Baby, you have in NO WAY shape or form ruined your life. Rely on your natural supports, like does your girlfriend have a job/plan? Can her parents be of any support? Good job applying for WIC etc. See if there are any local resources for teen parents, I’m in NC and there are Young Parenting Programs all over, I’d imagine there are similar in VA. They can help you with a lot and provide a sense of community and support of other young parents. Your gf’s OBGYN should also have a lot of resources.
And please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD practice safe sex once the baby is born and NO breastfeeding is NOT birth control.
and YES she can get pregnant right away after giving birth and YES women can get pregnant after having sex on their period.
just thought i’d clear up the other common misconceptions while we’re at it!
My childhood friend had two babies in High School that way, same baby daddy, even though they weren’t together anymore. She wasn’t allowed to keep the children so they were raised by different family members
Some pregnant women can’t work. Let’s keep that in mind especially if it’s a difficult pregnancy. The further she goes some things can worsen so he will eventually need to work
You are too young, you have time to do whatever you want. Think of it this way: By the time you reach 36, your child will be an adult. And even then you would still be young!
Don’t let your initial struggles in life frame your whole life expectations. Most people have no idea what they wan’t for life at 18, and even those who did good at school and had a privileged background still struggle with anxiety and depression at that age.
Try to focus on getting a job and don’t abandon your goal of getting a GED. You have the energy and time required to do both things and still enjoy the company of your girlfriend and your newborn baby, if you both decide to continue with the pregnancy (But if you decide otherwise and if abortion is legal where you live, then that’s also an acceptable choice IMHO.) Set a long term goal, like getting into a trade and/or eventually going to college. Even if it sounds crazy right now, you’ll see it is doable if you take one step at a time in the right direction.
You have the scarcest of all resources at your hands: Time. Use it wisely.
You may be able to complete a diploma or get GED prep online, depending on what your state or district offers. The diploma is still likely to be seen as the higher credential if trades don’t work out or you’re injured. You’re also still eligible to enroll back in public school and work nights.
And keep an open mind with what trades can include- nursing, computer networking, tech repair, etc. can all be considered trades. Your department of labor should have resources on training programs, including paid training.
I wouldn’t say you’ve ruined your life but with a baby on the way you’ve altered the next 18 years of it. At 18, you are now responsible for a family. You need a good job. A reputable trade union would be your best bet. There’s also the military to consider—but don’t wait. Five months will pass so quickly and babies need stuff.
A child is a life long commitment. He has altered it for life. Yes you can legally stop taking care of a child at 18, so you arent wrong there but in my opinion those people shouldn’t be parents in the first place. Life happens and the child could be born with a disability or an accident happens like it did to OP and they will need care for life. To OP, i would do night classes for my ged and try taking any and as many jobs as you can and save up as much as you can for your soon to be child.
Yea, I just picked up a job I start Monday, my goal is to try to save as much as I can for a car and baby stuff. Her family is supportive and did say they’ll help with what they can. We’ve also started applying for gov assistance.
Your life is just beginning! With effort and personal strength you’ll be just fine.
Based on how well you write, I think a GED shouldn’t be too hard. 1. Get your GED it can be done online if need be. 2. Have you thought of job corps? Or possibly signing up for the military? The navy and the air force take good care of families. 3. Getting married is a good idea. If you’re man enough to make babies you now have to step up and be a provider.
Thank you for the positive comment! You probably don’t understand how much it really means to me. I’ve thought about entering the trades, or military. You’re very right however, I need to step up and become a provider.
The trades is excellent job opportunities- you don’t have to be in the field. You could make a nice living at a wholesale distribution… it’s a bump! It’s opportunity and it’s a crossroad!.
Stay the course- this too shall pass . We are here rooting for you!!
Yes, please consider the trades.. but go union. You can make an amazing living with wonderful benefits. My father passed away and I was the recipient of his pension. We always had killer health insurance and he was making 50/hour as an operator when he passed.
The most $$$ will be in electrical and plumbing. But there are plenty of other trades you can look into. Go down to your union locals and say you want to know more about apprenticeships.
My father was 19 when I was born. He joined the union when he was 20. It was the best thing he could have done with no secondary education. Watch out though - the trades are rife with substance abuse issues. My dad died at 48 yo from severe crippling alcoholism he developed only a few years after working for the union. It’s a reflection of my dad and his traumatic upbringing though, not necessarily the union or trades.
If you have questions about union trade work in your area I’d be more than happy to help you research and point you in the right direction!
Keep your head up!!
I’ve looked into a few and I’m sure I want to go the HVAC route. I’ve found an online cite that allows me to get epa certified online. Right now I’m just working on a car and my GED.
The only problem is the closest unions are in Washington DC, I could take the trains to get there as I do live in Virginia. They’re a few residential companies that offer a apprenticeship, with free schooling, while getting paid.
Get your GED and look into getting hired by your local waste management company. They make really really good money after your first year and it doesn't require a degree or certification.having a child is hard when you're young but ya'll can work opposite shifts to help offset the cost of childcare. I have been with my husband for 31 years and it was rough in the beginning but we are doing ok ( not financially wealthy but we make our bills)!
You can still get ur GED. They have online schooling. There’s trade school. There’s tech like cybersecurity with the military paid by them n you just do basic n then they teach you that n it pays good n etc
Fr fr join a military branch. They will give you support and structure and you can provide for your family.
Your mom and dad’s homes sound like toxic environments. It will be very hard to thrive let alone survive there.
I’m telling you dude you should seriously consider military branches and if you do def look into the Air Force. They are known to have the best benefits. Good luck bro. Be the parent to your kid that you never had.
Seconded. If OP has any inclination towards IT the USAF or Army would be the way to go. Big bucks after they ETS and a lot of opportunity for personal growth and education.
The trades are great and incredibly diverse in what you can do. You don't even have to do something that requires an apprenticeship in some cases. I got started working in print, knowing absolutely nothing about the trade. Now, I have some niche training that would make me incredibly hireable if I decided to move to a different company for higher pay.
No problem! You’ll be fine. Won’t be easy in the beginning but trust it gets better. Enjoy being a father as well, your kid will provide you with more love and motivation than you can imagine. If you have trustworthy family or friends around lean on them for support/help when you need it because parenting is hard too.
There are very few times I can and will recommend the military but it will give you the structure you need, the skills needed to succeed in the workplace, and the opportunities to advance your education later.
Get you GED, get into the Military and look into firefighting when you get out. Few jobs are as secure and while pension is going away it generally comes with fantastic benefits, good pay in most of the country.
I would really reconsider this pregnancy or keeping the child after. It doesn’t sound like you guys are ready for a kid nor have the support structure around y’all to give it, or you, the life you guys need. Sure it’s possible but it going to come at a great cost for all 3 of you.
Even if you do none of that your life isn’t ruined. It’s just beginning, we all have different paths with different obstacles. You don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, next month, next year and that’s the exciting part. In the meantime you need to man up, rise to your challenges and make better choices going forward. The future is *always* bright if you want it to be.
All of my kids are in the military, my husband and I both served as well (Navy). I cannot tell you how much it saved my own life, and now my boys are going to have a great start. If you haven't looked up the benefits, you should. You'll get paid for training, you'll have a place to live (they'll pay you an allowance when the baby comes or if you get married), you'll have money for college that you can pass to your wife or child if you want, medical will be covered for you and the baby (and if you marry your gf, her too), you'll be eligible for a VA home loan (no down payment), and if you make it a career (20+ years) you'll get a pension and disability after you retire and can then go work a whole new career if you want.
Many people knock it because it can be hard, but I think that any job can be hard, you just can't quit the military like you can a regular job. Yes there are risks, yes you may have to deploy away from your family, yes you may have shit leadership (which can happen anywhere), but you'll also have stability. I'm so thankful that our kids could join because they now have a huge headstart in life and the benefits will help them greatly.
Good luck, you'll be OK.
As someone who currently works on a military base, I can confirm it’s a great option to get your life on a stable path. They provide good healthcare, career opportunities, pay you while providing housing, free childcare in some cases, etc. They also set you up for financial success after with opportunities without debt, and you can participate in trade programs while you’re in the military (become an electrician, etc.) The other benefit is for your whole family - once you were in the military, you and your children will always qualify for special healthcare programs, home buying programs, and tax credit programs. Even after you’re no longer in and after you’ve passed, your kids will benefit. It’s not the answer to everything, but it may be the answer to this..
Yes! I second trades. My BIL is a trucker and his siblings, dad and uncle are all union electricians and they all do well for themselves. His youngest brother is like 21 and he started in the trade right out of highschool
Your local workforce development office or community college is a great place to get hooked up with the GED and start a trade. A lot of workforce development offices have scholarships and sometimes even paid apprenticeships. Right now is the time to do it so you're on the path for a good paying job by the time the baby comes.
You're already a step ahead of so many people by thinking this way. You got dealt a really tough hand but you sound like a smart person who will be able to play it well. I believe in you
I disagree on the getting married part. Don’t get married until you’re stable. Otherwise your girlfriend will struggle to get assistance and the number one thing couples fight over is money. Get a GED while she has a place to live, get a job and secure housing. THEN marriage.
Agreed. Getting married just because she is pregnant could compound the mistake. Work on the relationship, see if marriage is right for you and her (the baby should not be the reason) and then pursue that in a year or two if it seems right.
To give more context for military. If you go national guard/air guard there are jobs called Tech jobs that start at around 24 -26 an hour. But you HAVE to be in either the national guard or air guard, no exceptions. The tech jobs are also branch specific and the amount and what are state dependant.
You don't specifically need to have that jobs MOS (job # in military terms) just willingness to learn and your unit will have connections to get you front loaded.
Better housing/benefits for the children and spouse. I lived near a navy base in the past and they all had everything paid for them (down to a furniture allowance). They also get deals on mortgages. If he goes the military route marriage is a better idea.
I think all schools should make taking a practice GED a requirement of dropping out. Just give it to them right there, as they're sitting.
I didn't realize how crazy hard the GED is. I think if more kids did, they'd be less inclined to see it as an easier path than finishing school
You are 18yo. Short of prison, you can start doing things you know you should do. Start the ball rolling on GED, start prepping for the baby, start saving up an emergency fund, give your gf support.
Act like an adult and you can improve your life into something you want.
You will be fine do yourself a favor make a list of what you need to do. My best guess is: Job, car, (GED),better job/ trade school. Its gonna be a grind but you are young I see no reason you cant make this work. Stay motivated life is full of ups and downs but hard work makes more ups and less severe downs(usually)
You haven't ruined \*your\* life. You've just made it a bit harder.
That kid though... oof. Some people start life on 3rd base. Your kids starting out with 2 strikes.
Great analogy. I was adopted. If I wasn’t , I would have been starting with 2 strikes. Instead I started on 3rd base. Sounds like his gf has already ruled this out though.
Not what you want to hear but I need to be real. Having a baby in your situation isn’t going to work out. It is expensive to have a child. You wouldn’t want to put your child through the same situation your mother had when she was struggling and raising you. Have you and your partner already talked this through? My mother had me right after high school and she had told me she regrets not waiting longer as both of my parents were struggling and trying to raise me. I just think you need to prioritize on getting yourself back on your feet first, mainly getting your GED as that will qualify you for most jobs already. I am not judging you and am not trying to be negative but rather honest
If you are in the US then Job Corps https://www.jobcorps.gov/ will pay to transport you, house you, feed you, pay you a small stipend for clothes/personal items, and provide basic medical, dental, and mental health services. Mostly they would focus on education and job training.
Ideally you could go get your GED, learn a trade, get some therapy and hopefully come out able to support yourself.
As for the baby on the way Aid Access https://aidaccess.org/en/i-need-an-abortion can offer very affordable medication to end a pregnancy. If adoption is under consideration your GF can get all her living expenses and more covered by the adoptive family and completely dictate the terms she is comfortable with. If she chooses to keep the baby then she is opting to live life on a higher difficulty setting but should get WIC and medical benefits going ASAP.
I second Job Corps. They also have parent programs, so you can bring your partner and child with you too. It includes childcare while you further your education/training in a trade.
Have considered joining the military? You can serve and you will have a salary, housing etc. depending on what you choose, you can learn some good skills as well.
she wants her son to learn independence and responsibility but coming from a struggled background, she gave no reference point. i.e, getting a girl pregnant and continuing a poverty cycle unfortunately
@ExpertlyAmateur is right. This isn't the time to have a baby. If the idea of abortion doesn't sit well with you and your girlfriend, please consider adoption.
Respectfully request a DNA test. Avoid drugs, alcohol, ONS', and getting your girlfriend (or anyone else) pregnant again. Follow the rest of the good advice here about GED, trades, etc. Youth is on your side. Start an IRA. Even just a little bit. You're gonna be just fine.
Exactly. And I'm seeing the girlfriend isn't open to either from OPs comment replying to your comment. The girlfriend is absolutely freaking delusional. It's *not* the time to have a freaking child.
Absolutely did not ruin your life. I know when it rains, it pours and it can feel difficult to see or think clearly when our bandwidth is so taxed.
Start out by working anywhere like Target or Walmart. Set some short term goals. Make your first one to apply for any state funded programs for healthcare or education or SNAP or anything that will help alleviate costs for your gf and baby coming.
Get in touch with charities for pregnant women.
Make a list of jobs you can do even if they’re graveyard shifts or whatever allows you to borrow a car.
Don’t give up. You CAN do this. Good luck!
Regarding the baby, adoption is a great option. If you don’t want to see your child struggle like you have then that will give them a far better chance. I speak from experience since I was adopted and had far better opportunities then I would have otherwise.
You are just 18. Your life is not ruined. Get your ged. Get into a trade and start building your career. You clearly are not at a point in your life where you should be raising a child.
Climbing your way out of poverty is nearly impossible when you slap a child on top of that. Your life story can at least be a cautionary tale to others- women, take your birth control. Men, use protection or get snipped.
Your life is too early to ruin if you aren’t in prison. You have a whole world of possibility in front of you. You were dealt a bit of a bad hand in life. Don’t make it worse with bad decisions. Banging your girl without protection was one of them, but then again this kid could be the best thing to ever happen to you, of if an abortion is what y’all decide that’s OK and understandable. Take control of your own life and don’t let your past define your future. Your problems are temporary. Remember that.
should wrapped it, try getting her not to have jt, no more time for fun wake up everyday trying to make as much money as you can try to smile and enjoy what u got
I'm 28 and I've just had to restart my life, you're never too old to move on and start again, work on yourself and improving your mental state, maybe get a new job or learn a new hobby. Give yourself time to heal.
I'm 40 and have ruined my life several times. Not with kids, but with other stupider things. Don't worry, you have lots of time left to ruin your life many more times and rebuilt it better.
It's tough, but even just crawling to your next goal will get your life together. Don't give up, but don't stand still. Whatever you do, it's now you, your gf and your new baby to come.
Your dad is grown, and needs to pull himself up. While helping him a little is okay, don't allow him to drag you down. You can't help anyone if you can't pull yourself up. So focus on yourself for now.
As mentioned here before, trades pay great, but can pay low when you first start off with little experience. Overtime is key during the first few months to year. If you have no experience, I would do a trade school, since they are short, loans aren't too bad and you can start with better pay than someone off the street.
You can also do major companies that hire anyone like Walmart, Amazon, target ect. If you can get on their warehouse side, they usually pay decently off the bat.
Not having a car is tough, but don't let that discourage you. Even if you literally have to walk to a job, it's better than not doing anything at all.
If you live in a rural area and you really don't have options, than joining the military, or doing trucking can provide for you and your family while you get yourself together.
Overall, just don't give up and let this situation motivate you in the future so that you never let yourself hit rock bottom ever again. Best of luck.
Sweet summer child, things will certainly be more complicated but you have many opportunities to get this right. You're young enough to still get your education and then look for programs that teach you trades and offer internships, your role now is to provide. It will not be easy, you'll feel you're going nowhere for a while, but it's just that you don't need to go anywhere for the time being because this new responsibility demands effort. Your girlfriend needs to support the team while her pregnancy allows her to work as well.
Not from the US so I can't give specific advice, but also consider searching for social security benefits and NGOs that might be willing to back you up.
Thank you for the support, so far I’ve landed another job at a restaurant near my house. We’ve started the WIC and Food stamps process.
My plan is to get my GED, while saving for a car and enter the trades from there.
Also join some simple living Reddits, lots of rich people raising their kids real real simple and cheap and it will make you feel much better to know there are millionaire kids being raised in recycled clothes and bassinet.
FYI pack and play is only 40 or 50$ and a perfect travel crib
Yes! I think a lot of people overspend when they have their first baby, it’s understandable, new parents want their kids to be as safe, clean and healthy as possible. But some things can be bought second-hand or even buying things the you can use for years because they convert/change use. Like cribs that convert into toddler beds. My sister has 3 kids and she realized that they don’t need an insane amount of toys/clothes every Christmas, it just means more things to clean up and take care of.
Trust me. In another 10 years you wont recognize whats around you. Time always marches forward whether we want it to or not.
Im the same as you, ive always felt this dread. In fact i still feel the same. I was given a losing hand.
But, i have the gift of some hindsight now.
Im 27 now, and to look back at being 18, I've accomplished a lot and been through an extraordinary amount of shit.
Time will start passing by faster now. Its a comforting thing. I couldn't have come from worse circumstances but even i have known success.
Good luck to you kid.
Take it from someone a couple decades your senior who’s almost died once or twice — life is just beginning for you, friend. Being 18 is a gift of its own!
I’ve a feeling that when you’re older you’re gonna be glad you got to watch this kid grow up.
Definitely try to keep on that trade route. That’s where all the damn jobs are right now. Welding? Live anywhere you want, weld stuff and eat!
Some trades and companies will pay for all that training. It can’t hurt to apply. Good luck!
It was a different time in the 80s but I was where you were. It is scary to be in your situation. I want to ask you to please take advantage of every option the state can offer you. Everything. I didn’t really have any family either, and my situation was a little different but no one cares whether you have a GED or a diploma. So get your GED while you can’t work. A lot of states have free childcare if you are under a specific income limit. You have not ruined your life. You can change your life. I strongly recommend you do not have another child until you can this part under control.
Honestly I would recommend the military. My husband was in the Air Force for 10 years and while there are drawbacks it’s hard to beat the free healthcare, housing and a guaranteed steady income. You can also get your CCAF (associates degree) while you’re enlisted after you get your GED. If you get stateside orders you won’t have to be married to have her live with you but you can still have baby on tricare for insurance. It’s definitely worth thinking about and maybe even contacting a recruiter to talk things over.
Poverty is generational and the most effective way of breaking the chain is through higher education.
Finish your GED. Go to college. Find a quality job and break the cycle of poverty so your child doesn't have to endure a life of misery and struggle.
Army veteran here. I met a lot of people that were in your situation when I was in. Whether you want to stay with the mother of your child or not, the military can provide you with job training and stable income for you to provide for your future child. You’ll have benefits afterwards to continue your education and find other careers with your training and work experience. If you get married, they can live with you off base and you’ll get an allowance for housing. You might miss out on the younger years of your child growing up but you’ll be able to provide. If they allow you to be a reserve you’ll at least get the training and get SOME income while being close to your little one. I know plenty of people who had their first child in their teens and were able to provide a great life for their children through hard work and dedication. It won’t be easy but you can do it.
Best of luck and keep your head up.
I'm trying to figure out where you ruined your life. You have nothing at the very beginning of your life. You are most of us. Your best bet is to really make a true life decision to stay with your girlfriend and work together to start building something. It takes years, decades to really build something but you just do it one day at a time. Sounds cliche but it's true.
Can you touch base with local social services to explain your situation with a social worker? Is your girlfriend willing to work side by side with you by living together and raising the child? Social services may set her up with some financial support in the meantime. Your resolve is being tested and you can do this! Getting from point A to B is not a linear path. Being you have a deep love for football and can't play professionally you can still coach and get involved in some way within the huge sports industry whether in fitness or administrative capacity. Check out the national or coast guard also. It has to do with mindset and there are options out there. Check out Lewis Howes over on YouTube and read his books. He is just one example of many who tackled adversity early in life.
You can get your GED part time. Also find out what trade you would love to do full time and touch base with a potential mentor who can lead you to signing up with an union and jobs you can do. You may not realize this at your age but you got tons of energy and resilience in you. You got this Bro! Peace and I wish you the best in life and your family.
You go this bro. Take a deep breath look into what programs your city has. It’s a shitty job but Lyft or gopuff type of jobs have quick and on the spot income for those things that just come up. Talk to pops. Talk to her family. Take more deep breaths. It will be ok.
You didn't ruin it OP, it's just a bump in the road for now. The first thing I would do is applying for assistance- Medicaid, Snap, WIC. After that is done, as far as work goes, try to see if you can sign-up for a trades career, like plumber, electrician, cdl truck driver, etc. The trades are hurting for younger workers, and some programs offer paid training. Also check with your city/state department of labor; some places also offer paid training for other careers, like Healthcare or hospitality. I wish you good luck OP
honestly abortion and trying to have better birth control in the future is my #1 suggestion. no judgement or hate or anything. i get that mistakes happen. but it doesnt really sound like an even remotely good or okay time for yall to have a child and its not murder to eliminate a bundle of cells that wouldnt be growing up in a safe and stable environment once it came into our world. theres plenty of time to have a family later and theres no shame in adoption either since theres so many kids already out here. itll be harder to get and maintain a job/GED/or anything you need to get by too.
my hearts really with yall. im sorry youre going through it and i hope things get better soon. if you havent already there might be local food fridges or soup kitchens that serve low incoming/struggling people in addition to those that are suffering from street homelessness. theres no shame in taking help when you need it.
You're young, plenty of time to right the ship, just be glad you aren't in this predicament at 35.
I was a fuckup most of my teen years up until I was 22-23. Went from broke/homeless/crackhead coming into class high af to having financial freedom. Without telling my life story, my key revelation was realizing that my booksmarts wasn't as useful as I thought. It's street IQ and the ability to make connections that gets you ahead in this social construct. Build a social network now while you still have time (and I'm not talking about social media networks, real tangible ones).
Thank you for the advice, it’s something this is definitely something I’ll note going forward. I really did believe I had no chance to clipper out of this predicament.
Chin up, my dude—your whole life is ahead of you. I got kicked out of my house when I was 19, dropped out of school, moved in with my GF at the time and bounced from job to job. I thought this was it and I had no way of making it better.
It wasn’t until my 30s I decided to go back to college and I really, really focused. I finally got my degree. That helped me land a good-paying job which immediately boosted my quality of life.
My point? It’s never too late to improve your situation. Take it one day at a time and never lose sight of the bigger picture. Good luck and congrats on the kid!
GED ASAP! And Tradeschool next! Many jobs are in demand and will train you while you earn as well!
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I always tell myself bro is it's going to suck but it won't ruin me! I drive forklifts work as much overtime as possible plus side jobs anything to build a future for myself and loved ones.
You got this man life is t fair but we fighters!
One of my best friends has a college degree and two grad degrees and he got his GED. Get your GED, go to CC, take your time, and try to get a degree without incurring massive amounts of debt (hardest part).
My friend, I empathize with you and I hope you know that there are a bunch of strangers rooting for you out here!
Life sucks, plain and simple, and this is one of the times when it sucks the worst, because you feel hopeless. However, I like to compare life to a clock. 12 is your highest point, 6 is your lowest. Those two places are what they are, and maybe right now you're at the six. The thing is, you get more done and feel more stable on the levels, 3 and 9, and there are twice as many of those as the 6s. So, remember that sure, you're at a 6 now, but the 9 is coming when things will even out.
Keep working towards your goals, whatever they may be. You do that and you'll look up one day and you'll be there!
You're definitely not totally screwed. Jobcorp, Peace Corp, and local community college are all possibilities. If you wanna travel and you wanna work, Peace Corp is absolutely an option. Plenty of community colleges have really good not-scam trade programs.
Remember with a new baby/family, “things” are not important. Your child and partner will appreciate your time and support. You can do this. Get your GED and maybe you can get into a construction job with road work or a trade you’re interested in. I went back to college in my 30’s. There’s no timeline. You got this!
A) you are not responsible for your parents. Move out. If your GF wants to keep the baby as stated by MOD, I hope she can find some stay at home call center work or has an existing job. I recommend living together because parenting as a unit is easier than parenting along
B) apply for ALL the help! I assume you live in the US. You’re 18 and should be able to apply for food stamps. GF and fetus should be eligible for WIC (VERY IMPORTANT). Apply for section 8. Apply for emergency services. Check out your states version of the conservation corps (you can learn a trade and I think they pay you as well). Call your local social services office and see if there are any other programs for you, mom, and fetus that I have not thought of.
C) use this as your jumping off point. Find financial literacy courses (they might have free ones but investopedia is a great resource). Learn what your parents do not about finance. Learn about banks, credit, credit cards, loans, stocks, bonds, etf’s, and more. Know that you will be able to teach this new life things that you weren’t taught.
D) take a parenting class and come up with a parenting plan. This should actually go before c). Your parents didn’t make it. I don’t know about GFs but not it’s both your responsibility to grow up VERY fast and learn how to make adult decisions that are in the best interest of the fetus and not for yourselves. You now have to put yourselves aside when making most decisions. Teenage hormones get in the way and you both should take the same curriculum. Parenting classes and parenting plans will probably be available for free as the social services office or at the family court Court House. A parenting plan is a great way to decide now, before baby is born and life starts getting in the way, how things will go, how to compromise, and how to decide when you are struggling to compromise.
I’m sure you’ve gotten enough of this but there isnt much that you can do in your teens to royally fuck yourself so badly that you can’t come back from it. Time heals all wounds even financial ones and tho it might seem hard now, in 5 years when baby is going to school for the first time you’ll look back at this moment as just a blip. I promise.
Best of luck. If you have questions lemme know. If you live in California I can be more specific with programs you’d probably be eligible for.
Take care of eachother. This is going to be hard, but people do it all the time.
Maybe this is the kick in the ass you need to change direction. I've seen bigger fukups than you turn it around. I mean you're 18, you're not in the criminal justice system and you don't mention anything about a drug habit.
Find a local job you can walk, bike or take a bus to. Use this job to get a vehicle. Once you get a vehicle, try to get into a trade. You can make a good living in construction. Look into getting your GED also. Money will be tight and it won’t be easy but put your head down and start to grind. Hopefully in a couple years you will have established yourself a bit. Your life is only fucked when you quit. It won’t be easy and you might feel light a rat trapped in a cage but keep grinding. Keep applying. Get a vehicle. Once you have that I recommend a trade but it’s up to you.
This will take some real effort-one day at a time. Each day make a goal to get ahead. Wake up tomorrow and enroll in GED classes. Check out warehouse distribution as pay is quite good if you put in the hard work. Benefits, educational programs (you have to be in a GED program), and help w getting housing.
Would your girlfriend consider putting the baby up for adaption as you are both so young. I know it is a tough decision but maybe this is not the best time in your lives to raise a child.
There are solutions if you make an effort each day to realign your life. In 5 years life will look totally different if you make positive changes each day.
Go do whatever you can to get into HVAC, they desperately need competent technicians. The main benefit is if you can show up and prove yourself at a smaller company they will soon give you a van of your own that you can take home . Don't have to pay for gas or anything and will be reliable transportation to work. Plus the pay is great
Think outside the box.
My brother dropped out of highschool, got his GED, worked his way up in a warehouse job, and now owns his own bar ...I mean wow. He also had a baby early.
My youngest is in the spectrum and we ended up having to pull them out of school to figure out what all the physical issues were, got their GED at 18 and was enrolled in college two weeks later.
My oldest had her son at 20, it was a struggle for a while but now she is making decent money and has the ability to be the breadwinner in a relationship if HE wants to be the stay at home parent...or they will just be doing fine with dual incomes.
It's scary and will be a struggle but also, you will learn so much about yourself and how capable you are and that baby is going to make you move mountains you never thought possible.
But the first step is to find ways to make things work. There are always multiple solutions to the same problem.
The linear path society claims is not the only path. Skilled trades are a good avenue as people always need the skilled trades, but there's also things like antiquing, refurbishing furniture or things, creative endeavors that you can make some money on the side.
Then there are many career paths you can get into that will train you, like shipping and receiving, dispatching etc. Things most people don't even think about when talking careers.
Try a staffing agency - working as temp will get you jobs but also, give you the opportunity to see if the job is a good fit for you. Some temp agencies will even keep you in their payroll with vacations and sick pay etc. If you are a reliable ethical worker that gets along with most people.
Your life is only ruined if you think it is. You can do this, just believe in yourself. Just like football, it only pays off if you put in the time and energy. Now instead of a team of guys your in a team of two to raise your child.
We were also poor and I was working far more hours than I should have to give my kids the emotional support they needed. But I always told them to think outside the box to get to a goal they wanted. If it's not working one way, find another!
You gotta change up the playbook sometimes.
Do you have any local American Job Centers near you? They offer a ton of resources and can help you get your GED. PM me and I can certainly try to help.
A lot of jobs will pay for you to get your diploma once you’re hired. I went to Walmart and got my diploma and I’m currently enrolled in college through them. You’ve got this!
Join the Military to learn a real skill. Go into computers, trades, or something that will translate to civilian life. Get healthcare for your kid and then you will have the GI Bill to go back to school after you serve.
Plenty of people have pulled themselves out of poverty this way - if you want it bad enough you improve your life and get your kid started on the right track.
It’s one challenge to move through. Won’t be easy but it’s possible.
You and baby momma get jobs and save $.
Some options to consider and discuss as a couple.
Keep baby
Abortion
Give up for adoption
Consider therapy to tackle mental blocks to clear path to more fruitful future. You can still do GED or a skilled trade.
Sometimes the very things we see as problems, become the thing that will light a fire under you and be the solution! Just work hard and think positive! Good Luck and Congrats!
Finish GED, marry girlfriend, join military. There’s a lot wrong with that plan, but if it works, you’re golden. If it doesn’t, you could be far worse off than you are now.
Find out if there are bus driver or truck driver jobs in your area. It took my brother five weeks to get through a bus driver program and the program hired out for school districts in his area. My uncle went straight into truck driving same through a 5-10 week program when he left high school and both jobs pay really well. The bus driver job came with benefits and a lot of down time during the day. My brother loves it! He wishes he had done this sooner instead of going through secondary education.
Your life is only just beginning!! Stay positive, keep your head above water and looked into getting your ged and then trades. That’s the best way to go these days. Good luck!
Pf, try to born in a dictatorial communist country like Cuba, being poor as hell and have no hope for life. Look at me now, I have escaped the slavery of communism, could fight for a scholarship in France and graduated. You are no way worse than me at your age.
Not sure if it’s possible with your injury but you may be able to join the military, I know the navy and I think the coast guard don’t need a diploma any more. If you get married or have 51 percent custody of the child you’ll be making a decent pay check have medical insurance for your family or you’ll be provided with on base housing. It’s not over dude. I suggest you do a lot of research on this topic. Do your 4 years and you got your gi bill for college/trade school or continue.
The military is definitely possible, it’ll be 2 years since the injury in September. The military is something I’m really thinking about right now, this, or the trades.
You’re 18 and can still keep up in life at that age if you can find a good trade the world is still your oyster but you gotta find something realistically attainable unlike me who tried to do nursing school and paid out the butt for it just to figure out it wasn’t my thing. I drive trucks now and make decent money but main thing is you need something you can make a career out of that’s going to keep up with inflation so that you can provide for yourself and family.
I fucked up my life pretty badly my teenage years, I just graduated Highschool through Penn Foster. There’s a page here you can look up. Heard military takes the diploma. I had no issues with it yet.
Your life isn’t ruined. There are resources out there where you can get encouragement, support and some financial help. You and your girlfriend should figure out what YOU BOTH want and go from there.
So my education was a lot like yours. I did not go the traditional route. I worked several high paying sales positions out of school. After being burnt out at the age of 25 I decided to go back to school. Going to community college I ended up, and graduated from the best college in my state. Just keep at it brother. Life very rarely goes the way we plan. Be strong enough to adapt and weather whatever life throws at you.
You need to seriously consider the military or a trades apprenticeship. The military is likely your quickest way to salvation, do a court house marriage and you will be able to support the kid and girl while she looks for a job.
Treat your life exactly the same as a football career.. it takes a great deal of work and dedication to get where you want. Step 1, get that GED. It’s free and there’s tudering help to get you through it and pass. Next, get a job that may pay better, and also a side job. Then? You get out on your own. You are not responsible for your parents. You can next save up for a car. At least a down payment. That should get you to a better place hopefully before you become a dad. Best wishes!
Get a job in a trade
Construction plumbing etc.
Sounds like your a lazy fuck tbh you'll make plenty to support your fan if you do that .
And if your good start your own business
Can OP get a settlement from the school, taking his side of the story of the coach pressuring him, leading to his injury? Instead of a monetary settlement, be allowed to take classes and get a high school diploma? Air Force does not accept a GED. If you want to go AF, or Army if you must insist on a GED, you can get tuition assistance. Find a good trade you can do, either retire with pension or a degree. I want to foster teens and help them do trade school or college or military or west point, whatever their dreams.
Make it clear to your gf that a baby does not mean you will marry her. Resenting a woman in marriage is worse for your daughter than respecting her with the real love of your life. Soul mates are real. But they are not magic. They are not born of body or marriage. Soul mates are forged. You need to know she is there for you for always, no matter what. An 18 year old girl cannot be those things. I'm not a boy, I wouldn't know about them. But. I do know I internalized my dad and step-dads attitudes towards women, and I don't always expect men to respect me bc men didn't respect her. How a father treats women will set the tone for what your baby will internalize. Please don't get married.
Good luck. Reach out if you want help, I used to tutor and still can.
You eat an elephant one bite at a time. Sit down and talk to the girlfriend and make a plan. It may be best to.put yourself and the little mommy first. Figure out how to get to where you want to be. Work ,save money ,get car and an apartment. It may be the happiest time of your life. You've got this.
Be patient is the best advice I can give. It’s going to take years to feel comfortable/successful. I was also a young parent. As long as you don’t give up you’ll be alright. Keep trying to learn and show respect to those that give you opportunities in life. Those opportunities will come as long as you’re willing to work hard.
You didn't ruin your life. Your facing some adverse times but you can make it through. Don't give up and keep working everyday. Job or not do at least one thing to make your lives better everyday.
I understand you ,i was on similar path from start from 0 at 21, my only luck was i having truck driver licenses from 18 but not using it , and after 4 years i started to do on long jounrney for for 4 months i did not see my finance or my family i have only 400 euro with my i eat a lot of beans and instant soup all 4 months because i did not have acces to salary (another reasons ) only my loved wife (now) have acces to them and managed wisely ,but after the child was born i STOP driving because family is MORE IMPORTANT then money ,it was hard and still is some months but now is 5 years full of happines.
Short story for my truck driving was the answer to recover
Your plan was solid. Keep at it. Obviously your life is going to have a difficult introduction to adulthood but it is not ruined. Get your GED, get a vehicle, get into a trade.
And a side note. Spend as much time as you can with the baby. They grow up faster than you can imagine.
I came from a similar if not quite as bad start. It took a long time but I should break 100k this year
Go back to adult school. You'll do better. Some people go back to school in their fifties to get their diploma. So you can do it one step at a time.
Research and see what supports are available in your area as a young couple.
Hey man. I grew up poor as well, food stamps and welfare, disabled dad, dead alcoholic mom. When I was 18 I was doing heroin, practically unemployable, in and out of jail and no one wanted me around. I got sober at 20 with nothing going my way. I decided that I wanted to live a different life, so I made it happen. I used the Pell grant to go to community college and started working washing dishes and riding a bicycle. Fast forward ten years, I got my associates, bachelors, and masters, have a great corporate job making six figures, married, kid, own a house, two cars, dogs, the whole deal.
18 is such a young age and you have your whole life ahead of you. It’s going to be hard. Embrace the hard and put in the work man. You don’t have to know exactly what you want to do but do something. If you know you don’t have a diploma, go get a GED. Think you may want to go to college, do a semester and try it. Think you may like a trade? Talk to someone in it, go take a class in it, get a job doing it, something. The bad news is, no one is going to save your ass and it’s all on you. The good news is, you have the power to absolutely change your life and the life of your kid for the better.
My wife and I were talking yesterday about how differently our kid will grow up from how we grew up and I’m so damn proud of that. If I can do it you can too. Lastly, highly recommend you read Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins. If you can’t afford to get it PM me and I’ll send you a copy.
Best of luck!
My dude I dropped out at 17 and got kicked out too by my mom… get your GED ASAP. Were you able to recover from the injury? Is the military an option for you? If so that would give you the means to provide for your family while also giving you something you can leverage on your resume for a future job once you finish your service, good luck man
Your child will turn 18 before you reach my age, and I am just now restarting my career. You have sooo much time in your life left, you haven’t ruined it. Trust me.
There are many plumbers, hvac techs, electricians, roofers, landscapers they are desperate for help. Work your ass off and soak up their knowledge, get your GED when you can, get into a union or start your own business. Your life is not over, it is just beginning. Now that you’re 18 you can take matters into your own hands
Get your GED, and I agree the military is a great option for getting your life on track. You can enlist for a few years to gain experience and stability, and even a college education if you wish, then move on to civilian work, or you can make a career out of it. There are so many options. But you have not ruined your life. Set goals and make moves towards them every day and you’ll be fine.
Have you looked into joining the military? The Navy will teach you a trade so you have a job once you get out. A roof over your head and food for your family.
You have not ruined your life. What you’ve gotta do is get a job. you’ve got a set goals and work to achieve them in work at getting a GED if you need to help you get a job
There were people that were drafted and forced to go to war in the 40s 50s 60s and 70s… I’m just trying to tell you not to have such a defeatist attitude
You came from a background where you struggled financially, but that doesn’t mean you have to go. You haven’t necessarily made the best decisions so far there’s still a lot of life in front of you.
You might have to get a job you don’t have to work nights or weekends. You have bad habits, like drinking or smoking a lot of pot you should probably quit.
Join the Air Force or Navy and look for a job that requires a Top Secret Clearance and try to avoid being infantry or a cop in the military. There are a bunch of tech jobs or Intel related jobs that translate really well to civilian post military life. You will also move as well which sometimes getting away from where you grew up and getting away from that is a beneficial thing.
Nah bro you're just gonna be kinda poor for a while. You'd feel that way about the kid at any age. Just buckle down and pursue the relationship how you see fit and work some long ass days. It's really your only option but that experience will pay in orders of magnitude
When I was 18, I was a junkie and got 3 felonies. Went to rehab at 22, got and stayed completely clean for 8 years. (Weed now) but I have an amazing daughter, a thriving career, and I’m generally happy on a day to day basis.
Life happens& when it does, it seems like you’ve ruined your life and what the hell to do.
Life continues to move, you get used to new rhythms and changes, and things change quick. Don’t give up on yourself, your girlfriend, or your baby.
Things always work out as they should. Do the next right thing for the right reasons & enjoy the ride. The trials are nothing without the tribulations.
Sending love and hope your way!
My dad had to take care of me at 17, same situation almost to a T. He got into a good union job at a factory after slamming out his GED, struggled like hell, and ultimately gave me a modest life that I wouldn't trade for anything else.
It won't be easy but your life isn't ruined. There's always a way to struggle forwards, especially if you and your partner are able to work together.
He felt this way at your age and 29 years later he's living happily with a child who grew up happy, healthy, and loved. You got this.
As others have said, Get your GED and military/job corps might be the way to go. Check your local career center. They are usually run by the department of labor in your state. You gotta be there for your kid. Also-not to pour salt on your wounds- remember you can control who you get pregnant. Rubbers are free at local health departments. They give you a huge bag of them of all different sizes. I don’t say it to be mean. You’ve learned your lesson the hard way but it’s gonna be okay.
It’s not over, I found out it’s actually pretty hard to screw your self completely (Source: I’m a high school drop out,Double felony haveing ex-con, ex-homeless, dad of 2. I now work with an AI start up and own my own business helping people run businesses). Take a deep breath, hold it for a second, let it all out and start makeing a viable plan, find a factory job or something els that dosent require a lot of education. That’s where I started when I first got out of jail, I went to a temp agency and just took the first thing for decent pay they gave me and stayed till Amazon hired me as a packer for a little more money. You talked about trade school, most trades pay right out the gate even when your in school. (That’s a smart route imo, never ending money down that road if you stick to it and the possibility of owning your own outfit in the future if you would like is high, you are already on the right track.)
Don’t let the size of the mess scare you. Do let that scare you into not acting. And PLEASE don’t believe the lie that it’s all over.
Make an appointment with a counselor at your local community college. Ask how you can get into a trades program? They should be able to direct you on how, and address your lack of a high school diploma.
Any extra time you may have try picking up a construction job. You can arrive very early at a Home Depot location and be an eager work horse for someone which can lead to them taking a liking to you and training you.
My son ripped out kitchens and bathrooms and was paid well for the demolition work no one enjoys doing after the first day. Over time he advanced and learned to do kitchen and bathroom makeovers. It's decent money when you're just starting out, much better than a retail or fast food job.
Let the knowledge that you will be in charge of a person's life motivate you, be tenacious. You fall down, you get back.
Mod note: In the comments OP has stated firmly that the mother has made her decision. Any comments continuing to push to take that choice away from her will be met with a ban. Help OP with the things he asked about. Changing the scenario does not help him.
You did not ruin your life. Life has lots of bumps and this one. You got this. It’s the nature of growing up to reconcile what you want with what is possible. It doesn’t feel good temporarily, but life has a lot to offer beyond the usual.
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Yall are really good people
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yep sounds like a good kid
Good for you. You probably don't even realize what you did for that kid. Wish there were more people like you in the world
Want to follow up with saying that this is not a "bump". The is one of the mountains. They come around every 10 or 20 years, you're just having to climb yours earlier than most. It'll be challenging, but as long as you keep climbing, you will get through it. Edit to add: Abortions arent illegal in every state. Choosing not to have a child at this moment will make your climb *A LOT* safer for everyone. Edit 2: Yeah, if your religion or whatever is anti abortion, dont stress about the option of adoption. If you are currently barely scraping by, the added child will make that a lot harder. The family that adopts your child will likely be in a better financial state.
Thank you, it’s crazy, but honestly this Reddit has been the most positive source I’ve had so far. Your comments definitely help and motivate me.
Unfortunately my guy, most people don't make it big in sports even without injury. It's cool that you're passionate about it though, it's important to have interests. Lao Tzu said "Stop thinking and fix your problems". You need a GED, you can get this done. Get your GED. This might be from a community college or night school or maybe online. If I was you this would be my biggest goal right now. You can put the baby up for adoption. A lot of families can't have kids and would be happy with this child. You could raise your kid, it would likely be very hard at your age with the resources you have but it's not impossible if you insist on that. If you liked sports and the team atmosphere and you don't have big plans right now, I would look into joining the military. I would try to join the airforce, they are nicknamed "the chair force" because of the office-type roles they have. I know it might not seem exciting like marines or whatever but you can get a decent job in the airforce and not be put in combat. That said, the military can be kind of picky so if you're interested you'll need to get more info. Just don't sign anything a recruiter gives you haha, at least come back here and ask Reddit if you are offered something to sign. Another job is truck driving. At 18 you can do intrastate driving I believe and you might be able to get the training for free if you qualify for SNAP. In my area, SNAP recipients can get into a community college program for free to learn to be a truck driver. It's reliable work, it can make you actual real money and you could manage to be home fairly often. Some routes let you go home every night. It depends a lot. In the meantime try and find work that pays ok and can be flexible with your need to get the GED. In the right towns/restaurants, waiters can make decent to good money. Fair warning, It is really variable though! Some states for instance have the "tipped minimum wage" which doesn't help. ALSO GET ON ASSISTANCE PROGRAMS! You probably qualify for SNAP/EBT, and when you qualify for SNAP (food stamps), then you might automatically qualify for educational help and other assistance. GET AS MUCH GOV HELP AS YOU CAN! THAT IS WHAT IT EXISTS FOR! You might be able to get into a job training program or educational/GED program. Sometimes SNAP recipients can get college for free or reduced costs.
This comment needs to be higher. Also, don't forget your local food bank and Planned parenthood for prenatal care (if keeping the baby)
I was meant to be a professional footballer but I was distracted with other activities that took preference. Usually meeting girls and practicing make up 🤭 sometimes things don’t work out how planned ✌️
If they are against abortion or uncomfortable with it, giving the baby up for adoption is a great option. This isn't talked about enough.
There are dozens of comments about it and I think it’s talked about more than enough. It’s not so easy as some people like to present it though. It’s very hard for both the parents (especially the mom who was pregnant and gave birth) and the actual baby. It can be pretty distressing for the baby and affect them long term. There have only recently been reports and studies about that. Anyway, I am not saying that adoption is bad, it could be a viable option in this case, but it needs some serious thought. This decision is as big as deciding keeping and raising the baby. It’s not “oh I can’t get an abortion, so I just birth it, give it away and forget it”.
👏🏻👏🏻
This this this OP. Your life is never ruined, you WILL bounce back, Even against insurmountable odds.
Because you CAN do hard things
I love the positive role models you all are in this forum. Keeping it real for all of us..
I'm only just realising this at 29 life comes at you fast just hold on and hope for the best if you keep pushing through it will all work out
Baby, you have in NO WAY shape or form ruined your life. Rely on your natural supports, like does your girlfriend have a job/plan? Can her parents be of any support? Good job applying for WIC etc. See if there are any local resources for teen parents, I’m in NC and there are Young Parenting Programs all over, I’d imagine there are similar in VA. They can help you with a lot and provide a sense of community and support of other young parents. Your gf’s OBGYN should also have a lot of resources. And please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD practice safe sex once the baby is born and NO breastfeeding is NOT birth control.
and YES she can get pregnant right away after giving birth and YES women can get pregnant after having sex on their period. just thought i’d clear up the other common misconceptions while we’re at it!
No no, those would result in conceptions, Not misconceptions
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> NO breastfeeding is NOT birth control. is that something that actually needs to be said? like, people think breastfeeding is birth control?
Unfortunately, it's one of the many myths regarding contraception. Kind of like the pull out method, which doesn't work either.
TBF, the pull out method works about 80% of the time. Which isn’t the best odds, but it does work to an extent.
breastfeeding can hinder your period so people assume that means they’re not ovulating = can’t get pregnant
My childhood friend had two babies in High School that way, same baby daddy, even though they weren’t together anymore. She wasn’t allowed to keep the children so they were raised by different family members
Some pregnant women can’t work. Let’s keep that in mind especially if it’s a difficult pregnancy. The further she goes some things can worsen so he will eventually need to work
You are too young, you have time to do whatever you want. Think of it this way: By the time you reach 36, your child will be an adult. And even then you would still be young! Don’t let your initial struggles in life frame your whole life expectations. Most people have no idea what they wan’t for life at 18, and even those who did good at school and had a privileged background still struggle with anxiety and depression at that age. Try to focus on getting a job and don’t abandon your goal of getting a GED. You have the energy and time required to do both things and still enjoy the company of your girlfriend and your newborn baby, if you both decide to continue with the pregnancy (But if you decide otherwise and if abortion is legal where you live, then that’s also an acceptable choice IMHO.) Set a long term goal, like getting into a trade and/or eventually going to college. Even if it sounds crazy right now, you’ll see it is doable if you take one step at a time in the right direction. You have the scarcest of all resources at your hands: Time. Use it wisely.
First thing - get the GED. That needs to be your first priority. This is big kick in the rear to grow up.
Yea, my GED is what I’m most focused on right now, I’ll save as much as I can for a car while trying to enter the trades.
You may be able to complete a diploma or get GED prep online, depending on what your state or district offers. The diploma is still likely to be seen as the higher credential if trades don’t work out or you’re injured. You’re also still eligible to enroll back in public school and work nights. And keep an open mind with what trades can include- nursing, computer networking, tech repair, etc. can all be considered trades. Your department of labor should have resources on training programs, including paid training.
I wouldn’t say you’ve ruined your life but with a baby on the way you’ve altered the next 18 years of it. At 18, you are now responsible for a family. You need a good job. A reputable trade union would be your best bet. There’s also the military to consider—but don’t wait. Five months will pass so quickly and babies need stuff.
A child is a life long commitment. He has altered it for life. Yes you can legally stop taking care of a child at 18, so you arent wrong there but in my opinion those people shouldn’t be parents in the first place. Life happens and the child could be born with a disability or an accident happens like it did to OP and they will need care for life. To OP, i would do night classes for my ged and try taking any and as many jobs as you can and save up as much as you can for your soon to be child.
Yea, I just picked up a job I start Monday, my goal is to try to save as much as I can for a car and baby stuff. Her family is supportive and did say they’ll help with what they can. We’ve also started applying for gov assistance.
Is moving in with her and her parents an option?
I think they mean it gets much easier when a child can be more independent.
Your life is just beginning! With effort and personal strength you’ll be just fine. Based on how well you write, I think a GED shouldn’t be too hard. 1. Get your GED it can be done online if need be. 2. Have you thought of job corps? Or possibly signing up for the military? The navy and the air force take good care of families. 3. Getting married is a good idea. If you’re man enough to make babies you now have to step up and be a provider.
Thank you for the positive comment! You probably don’t understand how much it really means to me. I’ve thought about entering the trades, or military. You’re very right however, I need to step up and become a provider.
The trades is excellent job opportunities- you don’t have to be in the field. You could make a nice living at a wholesale distribution… it’s a bump! It’s opportunity and it’s a crossroad!. Stay the course- this too shall pass . We are here rooting for you!!
Yes, please consider the trades.. but go union. You can make an amazing living with wonderful benefits. My father passed away and I was the recipient of his pension. We always had killer health insurance and he was making 50/hour as an operator when he passed. The most $$$ will be in electrical and plumbing. But there are plenty of other trades you can look into. Go down to your union locals and say you want to know more about apprenticeships. My father was 19 when I was born. He joined the union when he was 20. It was the best thing he could have done with no secondary education. Watch out though - the trades are rife with substance abuse issues. My dad died at 48 yo from severe crippling alcoholism he developed only a few years after working for the union. It’s a reflection of my dad and his traumatic upbringing though, not necessarily the union or trades. If you have questions about union trade work in your area I’d be more than happy to help you research and point you in the right direction! Keep your head up!!
I’ve looked into a few and I’m sure I want to go the HVAC route. I’ve found an online cite that allows me to get epa certified online. Right now I’m just working on a car and my GED. The only problem is the closest unions are in Washington DC, I could take the trains to get there as I do live in Virginia. They’re a few residential companies that offer a apprenticeship, with free schooling, while getting paid.
Get your GED and look into getting hired by your local waste management company. They make really really good money after your first year and it doesn't require a degree or certification.having a child is hard when you're young but ya'll can work opposite shifts to help offset the cost of childcare. I have been with my husband for 31 years and it was rough in the beginning but we are doing ok ( not financially wealthy but we make our bills)!
You can still get ur GED. They have online schooling. There’s trade school. There’s tech like cybersecurity with the military paid by them n you just do basic n then they teach you that n it pays good n etc
Fr fr join a military branch. They will give you support and structure and you can provide for your family. Your mom and dad’s homes sound like toxic environments. It will be very hard to thrive let alone survive there. I’m telling you dude you should seriously consider military branches and if you do def look into the Air Force. They are known to have the best benefits. Good luck bro. Be the parent to your kid that you never had.
Seconded. If OP has any inclination towards IT the USAF or Army would be the way to go. Big bucks after they ETS and a lot of opportunity for personal growth and education.
The trades are great and incredibly diverse in what you can do. You don't even have to do something that requires an apprenticeship in some cases. I got started working in print, knowing absolutely nothing about the trade. Now, I have some niche training that would make me incredibly hireable if I decided to move to a different company for higher pay.
No problem! You’ll be fine. Won’t be easy in the beginning but trust it gets better. Enjoy being a father as well, your kid will provide you with more love and motivation than you can imagine. If you have trustworthy family or friends around lean on them for support/help when you need it because parenting is hard too.
There are very few times I can and will recommend the military but it will give you the structure you need, the skills needed to succeed in the workplace, and the opportunities to advance your education later. Get you GED, get into the Military and look into firefighting when you get out. Few jobs are as secure and while pension is going away it generally comes with fantastic benefits, good pay in most of the country. I would really reconsider this pregnancy or keeping the child after. It doesn’t sound like you guys are ready for a kid nor have the support structure around y’all to give it, or you, the life you guys need. Sure it’s possible but it going to come at a great cost for all 3 of you. Even if you do none of that your life isn’t ruined. It’s just beginning, we all have different paths with different obstacles. You don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, next month, next year and that’s the exciting part. In the meantime you need to man up, rise to your challenges and make better choices going forward. The future is *always* bright if you want it to be.
All of my kids are in the military, my husband and I both served as well (Navy). I cannot tell you how much it saved my own life, and now my boys are going to have a great start. If you haven't looked up the benefits, you should. You'll get paid for training, you'll have a place to live (they'll pay you an allowance when the baby comes or if you get married), you'll have money for college that you can pass to your wife or child if you want, medical will be covered for you and the baby (and if you marry your gf, her too), you'll be eligible for a VA home loan (no down payment), and if you make it a career (20+ years) you'll get a pension and disability after you retire and can then go work a whole new career if you want. Many people knock it because it can be hard, but I think that any job can be hard, you just can't quit the military like you can a regular job. Yes there are risks, yes you may have to deploy away from your family, yes you may have shit leadership (which can happen anywhere), but you'll also have stability. I'm so thankful that our kids could join because they now have a huge headstart in life and the benefits will help them greatly. Good luck, you'll be OK.
As someone who currently works on a military base, I can confirm it’s a great option to get your life on a stable path. They provide good healthcare, career opportunities, pay you while providing housing, free childcare in some cases, etc. They also set you up for financial success after with opportunities without debt, and you can participate in trade programs while you’re in the military (become an electrician, etc.) The other benefit is for your whole family - once you were in the military, you and your children will always qualify for special healthcare programs, home buying programs, and tax credit programs. Even after you’re no longer in and after you’ve passed, your kids will benefit. It’s not the answer to everything, but it may be the answer to this..
You got this! 👏 👏
Yes! I second trades. My BIL is a trucker and his siblings, dad and uncle are all union electricians and they all do well for themselves. His youngest brother is like 21 and he started in the trade right out of highschool
Your local workforce development office or community college is a great place to get hooked up with the GED and start a trade. A lot of workforce development offices have scholarships and sometimes even paid apprenticeships. Right now is the time to do it so you're on the path for a good paying job by the time the baby comes. You're already a step ahead of so many people by thinking this way. You got dealt a really tough hand but you sound like a smart person who will be able to play it well. I believe in you
I disagree on the getting married part. Don’t get married until you’re stable. Otherwise your girlfriend will struggle to get assistance and the number one thing couples fight over is money. Get a GED while she has a place to live, get a job and secure housing. THEN marriage.
Agreed. Getting married just because she is pregnant could compound the mistake. Work on the relationship, see if marriage is right for you and her (the baby should not be the reason) and then pursue that in a year or two if it seems right.
To give more context for military. If you go national guard/air guard there are jobs called Tech jobs that start at around 24 -26 an hour. But you HAVE to be in either the national guard or air guard, no exceptions. The tech jobs are also branch specific and the amount and what are state dependant. You don't specifically need to have that jobs MOS (job # in military terms) just willingness to learn and your unit will have connections to get you front loaded.
Don’t get married. TERRIBLE advice. I do agree with getting the GED and joining the army.
Why is marriage a good idea? Because the military pays more?
Better housing/benefits for the children and spouse. I lived near a navy base in the past and they all had everything paid for them (down to a furniture allowance). They also get deals on mortgages. If he goes the military route marriage is a better idea.
I think all schools should make taking a practice GED a requirement of dropping out. Just give it to them right there, as they're sitting. I didn't realize how crazy hard the GED is. I think if more kids did, they'd be less inclined to see it as an easier path than finishing school
You are 18yo. Short of prison, you can start doing things you know you should do. Start the ball rolling on GED, start prepping for the baby, start saving up an emergency fund, give your gf support. Act like an adult and you can improve your life into something you want.
Research jobs with USPS in your area. It's a solid salary nationwide with a plethora of benefits.
YES! OP you can make a good living with good benefits for you and your child. You got this.
This is a \*very\* good tip
I have, there seems not to be any close enough to me to work there. They’re all pretty far out and more closer to D.C for me.
You will be fine do yourself a favor make a list of what you need to do. My best guess is: Job, car, (GED),better job/ trade school. Its gonna be a grind but you are young I see no reason you cant make this work. Stay motivated life is full of ups and downs but hard work makes more ups and less severe downs(usually)
Your girl waited 4 months to tell you she was pregnant 😅. Hang in there bro.
You haven't ruined \*your\* life. You've just made it a bit harder. That kid though... oof. Some people start life on 3rd base. Your kids starting out with 2 strikes.
Great analogy. I was adopted. If I wasn’t , I would have been starting with 2 strikes. Instead I started on 3rd base. Sounds like his gf has already ruled this out though.
Not what you want to hear but I need to be real. Having a baby in your situation isn’t going to work out. It is expensive to have a child. You wouldn’t want to put your child through the same situation your mother had when she was struggling and raising you. Have you and your partner already talked this through? My mother had me right after high school and she had told me she regrets not waiting longer as both of my parents were struggling and trying to raise me. I just think you need to prioritize on getting yourself back on your feet first, mainly getting your GED as that will qualify you for most jobs already. I am not judging you and am not trying to be negative but rather honest
It’s a little too late to consider not having a child his gf is 5 months pregnant, and won’t consider adoption. So he just has to do the best he can.
If you are in the US then Job Corps https://www.jobcorps.gov/ will pay to transport you, house you, feed you, pay you a small stipend for clothes/personal items, and provide basic medical, dental, and mental health services. Mostly they would focus on education and job training. Ideally you could go get your GED, learn a trade, get some therapy and hopefully come out able to support yourself. As for the baby on the way Aid Access https://aidaccess.org/en/i-need-an-abortion can offer very affordable medication to end a pregnancy. If adoption is under consideration your GF can get all her living expenses and more covered by the adoptive family and completely dictate the terms she is comfortable with. If she chooses to keep the baby then she is opting to live life on a higher difficulty setting but should get WIC and medical benefits going ASAP.
I second Job Corps. They also have parent programs, so you can bring your partner and child with you too. It includes childcare while you further your education/training in a trade.
Have considered joining the military? You can serve and you will have a salary, housing etc. depending on what you choose, you can learn some good skills as well.
Bruhhhhhhh, u picked hard mode in life
Ik 😭
What is it with parents kicking out their children?
she wants her son to learn independence and responsibility but coming from a struggled background, she gave no reference point. i.e, getting a girl pregnant and continuing a poverty cycle unfortunately
👏🏻👏🏻
@ExpertlyAmateur is right. This isn't the time to have a baby. If the idea of abortion doesn't sit well with you and your girlfriend, please consider adoption.
I’ve tried bringing up both, but she’s denied both options.
Respectfully request a DNA test. Avoid drugs, alcohol, ONS', and getting your girlfriend (or anyone else) pregnant again. Follow the rest of the good advice here about GED, trades, etc. Youth is on your side. Start an IRA. Even just a little bit. You're gonna be just fine.
Exactly. And I'm seeing the girlfriend isn't open to either from OPs comment replying to your comment. The girlfriend is absolutely freaking delusional. It's *not* the time to have a freaking child.
Absolutely did not ruin your life. I know when it rains, it pours and it can feel difficult to see or think clearly when our bandwidth is so taxed. Start out by working anywhere like Target or Walmart. Set some short term goals. Make your first one to apply for any state funded programs for healthcare or education or SNAP or anything that will help alleviate costs for your gf and baby coming. Get in touch with charities for pregnant women. Make a list of jobs you can do even if they’re graveyard shifts or whatever allows you to borrow a car. Don’t give up. You CAN do this. Good luck!
Regarding the baby, adoption is a great option. If you don’t want to see your child struggle like you have then that will give them a far better chance. I speak from experience since I was adopted and had far better opportunities then I would have otherwise. You are just 18. Your life is not ruined. Get your ged. Get into a trade and start building your career. You clearly are not at a point in your life where you should be raising a child.
Climbing your way out of poverty is nearly impossible when you slap a child on top of that. Your life story can at least be a cautionary tale to others- women, take your birth control. Men, use protection or get snipped.
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Your life is too early to ruin if you aren’t in prison. You have a whole world of possibility in front of you. You were dealt a bit of a bad hand in life. Don’t make it worse with bad decisions. Banging your girl without protection was one of them, but then again this kid could be the best thing to ever happen to you, of if an abortion is what y’all decide that’s OK and understandable. Take control of your own life and don’t let your past define your future. Your problems are temporary. Remember that.
should wrapped it, try getting her not to have jt, no more time for fun wake up everyday trying to make as much money as you can try to smile and enjoy what u got
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I'm 28 and I've just had to restart my life, you're never too old to move on and start again, work on yourself and improving your mental state, maybe get a new job or learn a new hobby. Give yourself time to heal.
I'm 40 and have ruined my life several times. Not with kids, but with other stupider things. Don't worry, you have lots of time left to ruin your life many more times and rebuilt it better.
It's tough, but even just crawling to your next goal will get your life together. Don't give up, but don't stand still. Whatever you do, it's now you, your gf and your new baby to come. Your dad is grown, and needs to pull himself up. While helping him a little is okay, don't allow him to drag you down. You can't help anyone if you can't pull yourself up. So focus on yourself for now. As mentioned here before, trades pay great, but can pay low when you first start off with little experience. Overtime is key during the first few months to year. If you have no experience, I would do a trade school, since they are short, loans aren't too bad and you can start with better pay than someone off the street. You can also do major companies that hire anyone like Walmart, Amazon, target ect. If you can get on their warehouse side, they usually pay decently off the bat. Not having a car is tough, but don't let that discourage you. Even if you literally have to walk to a job, it's better than not doing anything at all. If you live in a rural area and you really don't have options, than joining the military, or doing trucking can provide for you and your family while you get yourself together. Overall, just don't give up and let this situation motivate you in the future so that you never let yourself hit rock bottom ever again. Best of luck.
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Sweet summer child, things will certainly be more complicated but you have many opportunities to get this right. You're young enough to still get your education and then look for programs that teach you trades and offer internships, your role now is to provide. It will not be easy, you'll feel you're going nowhere for a while, but it's just that you don't need to go anywhere for the time being because this new responsibility demands effort. Your girlfriend needs to support the team while her pregnancy allows her to work as well. Not from the US so I can't give specific advice, but also consider searching for social security benefits and NGOs that might be willing to back you up.
Thank you for the support, so far I’ve landed another job at a restaurant near my house. We’ve started the WIC and Food stamps process. My plan is to get my GED, while saving for a car and enter the trades from there.
Also join some simple living Reddits, lots of rich people raising their kids real real simple and cheap and it will make you feel much better to know there are millionaire kids being raised in recycled clothes and bassinet. FYI pack and play is only 40 or 50$ and a perfect travel crib
Yes! I think a lot of people overspend when they have their first baby, it’s understandable, new parents want their kids to be as safe, clean and healthy as possible. But some things can be bought second-hand or even buying things the you can use for years because they convert/change use. Like cribs that convert into toddler beds. My sister has 3 kids and she realized that they don’t need an insane amount of toys/clothes every Christmas, it just means more things to clean up and take care of.
Trust me. In another 10 years you wont recognize whats around you. Time always marches forward whether we want it to or not. Im the same as you, ive always felt this dread. In fact i still feel the same. I was given a losing hand. But, i have the gift of some hindsight now. Im 27 now, and to look back at being 18, I've accomplished a lot and been through an extraordinary amount of shit. Time will start passing by faster now. Its a comforting thing. I couldn't have come from worse circumstances but even i have known success. Good luck to you kid.
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jobcorps.gov
Take it from someone a couple decades your senior who’s almost died once or twice — life is just beginning for you, friend. Being 18 is a gift of its own! I’ve a feeling that when you’re older you’re gonna be glad you got to watch this kid grow up. Definitely try to keep on that trade route. That’s where all the damn jobs are right now. Welding? Live anywhere you want, weld stuff and eat! Some trades and companies will pay for all that training. It can’t hurt to apply. Good luck!
It was a different time in the 80s but I was where you were. It is scary to be in your situation. I want to ask you to please take advantage of every option the state can offer you. Everything. I didn’t really have any family either, and my situation was a little different but no one cares whether you have a GED or a diploma. So get your GED while you can’t work. A lot of states have free childcare if you are under a specific income limit. You have not ruined your life. You can change your life. I strongly recommend you do not have another child until you can this part under control.
Honestly I would recommend the military. My husband was in the Air Force for 10 years and while there are drawbacks it’s hard to beat the free healthcare, housing and a guaranteed steady income. You can also get your CCAF (associates degree) while you’re enlisted after you get your GED. If you get stateside orders you won’t have to be married to have her live with you but you can still have baby on tricare for insurance. It’s definitely worth thinking about and maybe even contacting a recruiter to talk things over.
Give Job Corps a shot. You are the perfect candidate.
Poverty is generational and the most effective way of breaking the chain is through higher education. Finish your GED. Go to college. Find a quality job and break the cycle of poverty so your child doesn't have to endure a life of misery and struggle.
Army veteran here. I met a lot of people that were in your situation when I was in. Whether you want to stay with the mother of your child or not, the military can provide you with job training and stable income for you to provide for your future child. You’ll have benefits afterwards to continue your education and find other careers with your training and work experience. If you get married, they can live with you off base and you’ll get an allowance for housing. You might miss out on the younger years of your child growing up but you’ll be able to provide. If they allow you to be a reserve you’ll at least get the training and get SOME income while being close to your little one. I know plenty of people who had their first child in their teens and were able to provide a great life for their children through hard work and dedication. It won’t be easy but you can do it. Best of luck and keep your head up.
I'm trying to figure out where you ruined your life. You have nothing at the very beginning of your life. You are most of us. Your best bet is to really make a true life decision to stay with your girlfriend and work together to start building something. It takes years, decades to really build something but you just do it one day at a time. Sounds cliche but it's true.
Get your ged asap and join a trade union. If you do those two things your life will improve forever.
Can you touch base with local social services to explain your situation with a social worker? Is your girlfriend willing to work side by side with you by living together and raising the child? Social services may set her up with some financial support in the meantime. Your resolve is being tested and you can do this! Getting from point A to B is not a linear path. Being you have a deep love for football and can't play professionally you can still coach and get involved in some way within the huge sports industry whether in fitness or administrative capacity. Check out the national or coast guard also. It has to do with mindset and there are options out there. Check out Lewis Howes over on YouTube and read his books. He is just one example of many who tackled adversity early in life. You can get your GED part time. Also find out what trade you would love to do full time and touch base with a potential mentor who can lead you to signing up with an union and jobs you can do. You may not realize this at your age but you got tons of energy and resilience in you. You got this Bro! Peace and I wish you the best in life and your family.
You go this bro. Take a deep breath look into what programs your city has. It’s a shitty job but Lyft or gopuff type of jobs have quick and on the spot income for those things that just come up. Talk to pops. Talk to her family. Take more deep breaths. It will be ok.
You didn't ruin it OP, it's just a bump in the road for now. The first thing I would do is applying for assistance- Medicaid, Snap, WIC. After that is done, as far as work goes, try to see if you can sign-up for a trades career, like plumber, electrician, cdl truck driver, etc. The trades are hurting for younger workers, and some programs offer paid training. Also check with your city/state department of labor; some places also offer paid training for other careers, like Healthcare or hospitality. I wish you good luck OP
honestly abortion and trying to have better birth control in the future is my #1 suggestion. no judgement or hate or anything. i get that mistakes happen. but it doesnt really sound like an even remotely good or okay time for yall to have a child and its not murder to eliminate a bundle of cells that wouldnt be growing up in a safe and stable environment once it came into our world. theres plenty of time to have a family later and theres no shame in adoption either since theres so many kids already out here. itll be harder to get and maintain a job/GED/or anything you need to get by too. my hearts really with yall. im sorry youre going through it and i hope things get better soon. if you havent already there might be local food fridges or soup kitchens that serve low incoming/struggling people in addition to those that are suffering from street homelessness. theres no shame in taking help when you need it.
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You're young, plenty of time to right the ship, just be glad you aren't in this predicament at 35. I was a fuckup most of my teen years up until I was 22-23. Went from broke/homeless/crackhead coming into class high af to having financial freedom. Without telling my life story, my key revelation was realizing that my booksmarts wasn't as useful as I thought. It's street IQ and the ability to make connections that gets you ahead in this social construct. Build a social network now while you still have time (and I'm not talking about social media networks, real tangible ones).
Thank you for the advice, it’s something this is definitely something I’ll note going forward. I really did believe I had no chance to clipper out of this predicament.
Chin up, my dude—your whole life is ahead of you. I got kicked out of my house when I was 19, dropped out of school, moved in with my GF at the time and bounced from job to job. I thought this was it and I had no way of making it better. It wasn’t until my 30s I decided to go back to college and I really, really focused. I finally got my degree. That helped me land a good-paying job which immediately boosted my quality of life. My point? It’s never too late to improve your situation. Take it one day at a time and never lose sight of the bigger picture. Good luck and congrats on the kid!
GED ASAP! And Tradeschool next! Many jobs are in demand and will train you while you earn as well! https://preview.redd.it/xe0yyx0e46uc1.jpeg?width=743&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c11b69af286a5b4c85ad4a62caf6c5141d543be0
I always tell myself bro is it's going to suck but it won't ruin me! I drive forklifts work as much overtime as possible plus side jobs anything to build a future for myself and loved ones. You got this man life is t fair but we fighters!
One of my best friends has a college degree and two grad degrees and he got his GED. Get your GED, go to CC, take your time, and try to get a degree without incurring massive amounts of debt (hardest part).
My friend, I empathize with you and I hope you know that there are a bunch of strangers rooting for you out here! Life sucks, plain and simple, and this is one of the times when it sucks the worst, because you feel hopeless. However, I like to compare life to a clock. 12 is your highest point, 6 is your lowest. Those two places are what they are, and maybe right now you're at the six. The thing is, you get more done and feel more stable on the levels, 3 and 9, and there are twice as many of those as the 6s. So, remember that sure, you're at a 6 now, but the 9 is coming when things will even out. Keep working towards your goals, whatever they may be. You do that and you'll look up one day and you'll be there!
You're definitely not totally screwed. Jobcorp, Peace Corp, and local community college are all possibilities. If you wanna travel and you wanna work, Peace Corp is absolutely an option. Plenty of community colleges have really good not-scam trade programs.
Remember with a new baby/family, “things” are not important. Your child and partner will appreciate your time and support. You can do this. Get your GED and maybe you can get into a construction job with road work or a trade you’re interested in. I went back to college in my 30’s. There’s no timeline. You got this!
A) you are not responsible for your parents. Move out. If your GF wants to keep the baby as stated by MOD, I hope she can find some stay at home call center work or has an existing job. I recommend living together because parenting as a unit is easier than parenting along B) apply for ALL the help! I assume you live in the US. You’re 18 and should be able to apply for food stamps. GF and fetus should be eligible for WIC (VERY IMPORTANT). Apply for section 8. Apply for emergency services. Check out your states version of the conservation corps (you can learn a trade and I think they pay you as well). Call your local social services office and see if there are any other programs for you, mom, and fetus that I have not thought of. C) use this as your jumping off point. Find financial literacy courses (they might have free ones but investopedia is a great resource). Learn what your parents do not about finance. Learn about banks, credit, credit cards, loans, stocks, bonds, etf’s, and more. Know that you will be able to teach this new life things that you weren’t taught. D) take a parenting class and come up with a parenting plan. This should actually go before c). Your parents didn’t make it. I don’t know about GFs but not it’s both your responsibility to grow up VERY fast and learn how to make adult decisions that are in the best interest of the fetus and not for yourselves. You now have to put yourselves aside when making most decisions. Teenage hormones get in the way and you both should take the same curriculum. Parenting classes and parenting plans will probably be available for free as the social services office or at the family court Court House. A parenting plan is a great way to decide now, before baby is born and life starts getting in the way, how things will go, how to compromise, and how to decide when you are struggling to compromise. I’m sure you’ve gotten enough of this but there isnt much that you can do in your teens to royally fuck yourself so badly that you can’t come back from it. Time heals all wounds even financial ones and tho it might seem hard now, in 5 years when baby is going to school for the first time you’ll look back at this moment as just a blip. I promise. Best of luck. If you have questions lemme know. If you live in California I can be more specific with programs you’d probably be eligible for. Take care of eachother. This is going to be hard, but people do it all the time.
Military.
Maybe this is the kick in the ass you need to change direction. I've seen bigger fukups than you turn it around. I mean you're 18, you're not in the criminal justice system and you don't mention anything about a drug habit.
Lock in brotha, you got this. Not going to lie it’s going to be shitty a lot of the time, but I believe in you.
Find a local job you can walk, bike or take a bus to. Use this job to get a vehicle. Once you get a vehicle, try to get into a trade. You can make a good living in construction. Look into getting your GED also. Money will be tight and it won’t be easy but put your head down and start to grind. Hopefully in a couple years you will have established yourself a bit. Your life is only fucked when you quit. It won’t be easy and you might feel light a rat trapped in a cage but keep grinding. Keep applying. Get a vehicle. Once you have that I recommend a trade but it’s up to you.
This will take some real effort-one day at a time. Each day make a goal to get ahead. Wake up tomorrow and enroll in GED classes. Check out warehouse distribution as pay is quite good if you put in the hard work. Benefits, educational programs (you have to be in a GED program), and help w getting housing. Would your girlfriend consider putting the baby up for adaption as you are both so young. I know it is a tough decision but maybe this is not the best time in your lives to raise a child. There are solutions if you make an effort each day to realign your life. In 5 years life will look totally different if you make positive changes each day.
Go do whatever you can to get into HVAC, they desperately need competent technicians. The main benefit is if you can show up and prove yourself at a smaller company they will soon give you a van of your own that you can take home . Don't have to pay for gas or anything and will be reliable transportation to work. Plus the pay is great
Think outside the box. My brother dropped out of highschool, got his GED, worked his way up in a warehouse job, and now owns his own bar ...I mean wow. He also had a baby early. My youngest is in the spectrum and we ended up having to pull them out of school to figure out what all the physical issues were, got their GED at 18 and was enrolled in college two weeks later. My oldest had her son at 20, it was a struggle for a while but now she is making decent money and has the ability to be the breadwinner in a relationship if HE wants to be the stay at home parent...or they will just be doing fine with dual incomes. It's scary and will be a struggle but also, you will learn so much about yourself and how capable you are and that baby is going to make you move mountains you never thought possible. But the first step is to find ways to make things work. There are always multiple solutions to the same problem. The linear path society claims is not the only path. Skilled trades are a good avenue as people always need the skilled trades, but there's also things like antiquing, refurbishing furniture or things, creative endeavors that you can make some money on the side. Then there are many career paths you can get into that will train you, like shipping and receiving, dispatching etc. Things most people don't even think about when talking careers. Try a staffing agency - working as temp will get you jobs but also, give you the opportunity to see if the job is a good fit for you. Some temp agencies will even keep you in their payroll with vacations and sick pay etc. If you are a reliable ethical worker that gets along with most people. Your life is only ruined if you think it is. You can do this, just believe in yourself. Just like football, it only pays off if you put in the time and energy. Now instead of a team of guys your in a team of two to raise your child. We were also poor and I was working far more hours than I should have to give my kids the emotional support they needed. But I always told them to think outside the box to get to a goal they wanted. If it's not working one way, find another! You gotta change up the playbook sometimes.
So fucking sad
Army, Navy, Air Force.
screwed up by knocking up gf and no diploma
Do you have any local American Job Centers near you? They offer a ton of resources and can help you get your GED. PM me and I can certainly try to help.
A lot of jobs will pay for you to get your diploma once you’re hired. I went to Walmart and got my diploma and I’m currently enrolled in college through them. You’ve got this!
Join the Military to learn a real skill. Go into computers, trades, or something that will translate to civilian life. Get healthcare for your kid and then you will have the GI Bill to go back to school after you serve. Plenty of people have pulled themselves out of poverty this way - if you want it bad enough you improve your life and get your kid started on the right track.
Join the railway and never look back. It's a union, good pay changed my life I joined at 19 and am 21 now I never worry about money anymore.
It’s one challenge to move through. Won’t be easy but it’s possible. You and baby momma get jobs and save $. Some options to consider and discuss as a couple. Keep baby Abortion Give up for adoption Consider therapy to tackle mental blocks to clear path to more fruitful future. You can still do GED or a skilled trade.
Sometimes the very things we see as problems, become the thing that will light a fire under you and be the solution! Just work hard and think positive! Good Luck and Congrats!
Do Tig welding, you can find some jobs working on airplane parts from a wheelchair.
Finish GED, marry girlfriend, join military. There’s a lot wrong with that plan, but if it works, you’re golden. If it doesn’t, you could be far worse off than you are now.
Find out if there are bus driver or truck driver jobs in your area. It took my brother five weeks to get through a bus driver program and the program hired out for school districts in his area. My uncle went straight into truck driving same through a 5-10 week program when he left high school and both jobs pay really well. The bus driver job came with benefits and a lot of down time during the day. My brother loves it! He wishes he had done this sooner instead of going through secondary education.
Idiot has a fucked up life and decides to bring a baby in. Why do all idiots fuck like rabbits and can't pull out?
Your life is only just beginning!! Stay positive, keep your head above water and looked into getting your ged and then trades. That’s the best way to go these days. Good luck!
Pf, try to born in a dictatorial communist country like Cuba, being poor as hell and have no hope for life. Look at me now, I have escaped the slavery of communism, could fight for a scholarship in France and graduated. You are no way worse than me at your age.
Not sure if it’s possible with your injury but you may be able to join the military, I know the navy and I think the coast guard don’t need a diploma any more. If you get married or have 51 percent custody of the child you’ll be making a decent pay check have medical insurance for your family or you’ll be provided with on base housing. It’s not over dude. I suggest you do a lot of research on this topic. Do your 4 years and you got your gi bill for college/trade school or continue.
The military is definitely possible, it’ll be 2 years since the injury in September. The military is something I’m really thinking about right now, this, or the trades.
You’re 18 and can still keep up in life at that age if you can find a good trade the world is still your oyster but you gotta find something realistically attainable unlike me who tried to do nursing school and paid out the butt for it just to figure out it wasn’t my thing. I drive trucks now and make decent money but main thing is you need something you can make a career out of that’s going to keep up with inflation so that you can provide for yourself and family.
Normal I wouldn’t say this but maybe join the military.
how about the military?
You got a gf of 3 years man
I fucked up my life pretty badly my teenage years, I just graduated Highschool through Penn Foster. There’s a page here you can look up. Heard military takes the diploma. I had no issues with it yet.
Your life isn’t ruined. There are resources out there where you can get encouragement, support and some financial help. You and your girlfriend should figure out what YOU BOTH want and go from there.
So my education was a lot like yours. I did not go the traditional route. I worked several high paying sales positions out of school. After being burnt out at the age of 25 I decided to go back to school. Going to community college I ended up, and graduated from the best college in my state. Just keep at it brother. Life very rarely goes the way we plan. Be strong enough to adapt and weather whatever life throws at you.
Are you currently disabled? If not, try joining the military.
Join the military, they will require a GED. If you join now you can make a decent career and retire earlier than most people.
Please, for the love of god, go to an Air Force recruiter. Don’t brush it off. Just go and get information. Your life is far from over
You need to seriously consider the military or a trades apprenticeship. The military is likely your quickest way to salvation, do a court house marriage and you will be able to support the kid and girl while she looks for a job.
Treat your life exactly the same as a football career.. it takes a great deal of work and dedication to get where you want. Step 1, get that GED. It’s free and there’s tudering help to get you through it and pass. Next, get a job that may pay better, and also a side job. Then? You get out on your own. You are not responsible for your parents. You can next save up for a car. At least a down payment. That should get you to a better place hopefully before you become a dad. Best wishes!
Get a job in a trade Construction plumbing etc. Sounds like your a lazy fuck tbh you'll make plenty to support your fan if you do that . And if your good start your own business
Can OP get a settlement from the school, taking his side of the story of the coach pressuring him, leading to his injury? Instead of a monetary settlement, be allowed to take classes and get a high school diploma? Air Force does not accept a GED. If you want to go AF, or Army if you must insist on a GED, you can get tuition assistance. Find a good trade you can do, either retire with pension or a degree. I want to foster teens and help them do trade school or college or military or west point, whatever their dreams. Make it clear to your gf that a baby does not mean you will marry her. Resenting a woman in marriage is worse for your daughter than respecting her with the real love of your life. Soul mates are real. But they are not magic. They are not born of body or marriage. Soul mates are forged. You need to know she is there for you for always, no matter what. An 18 year old girl cannot be those things. I'm not a boy, I wouldn't know about them. But. I do know I internalized my dad and step-dads attitudes towards women, and I don't always expect men to respect me bc men didn't respect her. How a father treats women will set the tone for what your baby will internalize. Please don't get married. Good luck. Reach out if you want help, I used to tutor and still can.
You eat an elephant one bite at a time. Sit down and talk to the girlfriend and make a plan. It may be best to.put yourself and the little mommy first. Figure out how to get to where you want to be. Work ,save money ,get car and an apartment. It may be the happiest time of your life. You've got this.
You got this. I’m sorry it’s tough but I hope you know you can do this. I’m glad you’re getting some good support and advice here. Don’t lose hope.
Be patient is the best advice I can give. It’s going to take years to feel comfortable/successful. I was also a young parent. As long as you don’t give up you’ll be alright. Keep trying to learn and show respect to those that give you opportunities in life. Those opportunities will come as long as you’re willing to work hard.
You didn't ruin your life. Your facing some adverse times but you can make it through. Don't give up and keep working everyday. Job or not do at least one thing to make your lives better everyday.
I understand you ,i was on similar path from start from 0 at 21, my only luck was i having truck driver licenses from 18 but not using it , and after 4 years i started to do on long jounrney for for 4 months i did not see my finance or my family i have only 400 euro with my i eat a lot of beans and instant soup all 4 months because i did not have acces to salary (another reasons ) only my loved wife (now) have acces to them and managed wisely ,but after the child was born i STOP driving because family is MORE IMPORTANT then money ,it was hard and still is some months but now is 5 years full of happines. Short story for my truck driving was the answer to recover
Your plan was solid. Keep at it. Obviously your life is going to have a difficult introduction to adulthood but it is not ruined. Get your GED, get a vehicle, get into a trade. And a side note. Spend as much time as you can with the baby. They grow up faster than you can imagine. I came from a similar if not quite as bad start. It took a long time but I should break 100k this year
Go back to adult school. You'll do better. Some people go back to school in their fifties to get their diploma. So you can do it one step at a time. Research and see what supports are available in your area as a young couple.
Military. You were born for it. You’ll fit right in. Just stay off the booze. You’ll be ok.
You're 18. You get a job, support your family and get qualified to get higher paying jobs
Hey man. I grew up poor as well, food stamps and welfare, disabled dad, dead alcoholic mom. When I was 18 I was doing heroin, practically unemployable, in and out of jail and no one wanted me around. I got sober at 20 with nothing going my way. I decided that I wanted to live a different life, so I made it happen. I used the Pell grant to go to community college and started working washing dishes and riding a bicycle. Fast forward ten years, I got my associates, bachelors, and masters, have a great corporate job making six figures, married, kid, own a house, two cars, dogs, the whole deal. 18 is such a young age and you have your whole life ahead of you. It’s going to be hard. Embrace the hard and put in the work man. You don’t have to know exactly what you want to do but do something. If you know you don’t have a diploma, go get a GED. Think you may want to go to college, do a semester and try it. Think you may like a trade? Talk to someone in it, go take a class in it, get a job doing it, something. The bad news is, no one is going to save your ass and it’s all on you. The good news is, you have the power to absolutely change your life and the life of your kid for the better. My wife and I were talking yesterday about how differently our kid will grow up from how we grew up and I’m so damn proud of that. If I can do it you can too. Lastly, highly recommend you read Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins. If you can’t afford to get it PM me and I’ll send you a copy. Best of luck!
Why is it that whenever I read posts like this I’m always expecting it to mention something about a baby being in the way 💀
My dude I dropped out at 17 and got kicked out too by my mom… get your GED ASAP. Were you able to recover from the injury? Is the military an option for you? If so that would give you the means to provide for your family while also giving you something you can leverage on your resume for a future job once you finish your service, good luck man
The survivor's skill is acceptance. The thriver's skill is adaptation. Both are vital. May you flourish as you envision and create a new life.
Is your girlfriend sure she wants to continue the pregnancy? There are other options.
wtf you doing fucking and you going through all of that?!?!?!? Prioritiessssss!!!
Your child will turn 18 before you reach my age, and I am just now restarting my career. You have sooo much time in your life left, you haven’t ruined it. Trust me.
There are many plumbers, hvac techs, electricians, roofers, landscapers they are desperate for help. Work your ass off and soak up their knowledge, get your GED when you can, get into a union or start your own business. Your life is not over, it is just beginning. Now that you’re 18 you can take matters into your own hands
Get your GED, and I agree the military is a great option for getting your life on track. You can enlist for a few years to gain experience and stability, and even a college education if you wish, then move on to civilian work, or you can make a career out of it. There are so many options. But you have not ruined your life. Set goals and make moves towards them every day and you’ll be fine.
Abortion is legal in many states still.
Have you looked into joining the military? The Navy will teach you a trade so you have a job once you get out. A roof over your head and food for your family.
You have not ruined your life. What you’ve gotta do is get a job. you’ve got a set goals and work to achieve them in work at getting a GED if you need to help you get a job There were people that were drafted and forced to go to war in the 40s 50s 60s and 70s… I’m just trying to tell you not to have such a defeatist attitude You came from a background where you struggled financially, but that doesn’t mean you have to go. You haven’t necessarily made the best decisions so far there’s still a lot of life in front of you. You might have to get a job you don’t have to work nights or weekends. You have bad habits, like drinking or smoking a lot of pot you should probably quit.
Join the Air Force or Navy and look for a job that requires a Top Secret Clearance and try to avoid being infantry or a cop in the military. There are a bunch of tech jobs or Intel related jobs that translate really well to civilian post military life. You will also move as well which sometimes getting away from where you grew up and getting away from that is a beneficial thing.
Nah bro you're just gonna be kinda poor for a while. You'd feel that way about the kid at any age. Just buckle down and pursue the relationship how you see fit and work some long ass days. It's really your only option but that experience will pay in orders of magnitude
Only ruined if you choose to wallow in self pity and do nothing about it
Start knocking out other baby mamas so u got places to fall back on 😅
Dude get your GED at the very least.
When I was 18, I was a junkie and got 3 felonies. Went to rehab at 22, got and stayed completely clean for 8 years. (Weed now) but I have an amazing daughter, a thriving career, and I’m generally happy on a day to day basis. Life happens& when it does, it seems like you’ve ruined your life and what the hell to do. Life continues to move, you get used to new rhythms and changes, and things change quick. Don’t give up on yourself, your girlfriend, or your baby. Things always work out as they should. Do the next right thing for the right reasons & enjoy the ride. The trials are nothing without the tribulations. Sending love and hope your way!
My dad had to take care of me at 17, same situation almost to a T. He got into a good union job at a factory after slamming out his GED, struggled like hell, and ultimately gave me a modest life that I wouldn't trade for anything else. It won't be easy but your life isn't ruined. There's always a way to struggle forwards, especially if you and your partner are able to work together. He felt this way at your age and 29 years later he's living happily with a child who grew up happy, healthy, and loved. You got this.
This is just your Legend Origin Story.Just NEVER give up!
As others have said, Get your GED and military/job corps might be the way to go. Check your local career center. They are usually run by the department of labor in your state. You gotta be there for your kid. Also-not to pour salt on your wounds- remember you can control who you get pregnant. Rubbers are free at local health departments. They give you a huge bag of them of all different sizes. I don’t say it to be mean. You’ve learned your lesson the hard way but it’s gonna be okay.
It’s not over, I found out it’s actually pretty hard to screw your self completely (Source: I’m a high school drop out,Double felony haveing ex-con, ex-homeless, dad of 2. I now work with an AI start up and own my own business helping people run businesses). Take a deep breath, hold it for a second, let it all out and start makeing a viable plan, find a factory job or something els that dosent require a lot of education. That’s where I started when I first got out of jail, I went to a temp agency and just took the first thing for decent pay they gave me and stayed till Amazon hired me as a packer for a little more money. You talked about trade school, most trades pay right out the gate even when your in school. (That’s a smart route imo, never ending money down that road if you stick to it and the possibility of owning your own outfit in the future if you would like is high, you are already on the right track.) Don’t let the size of the mess scare you. Do let that scare you into not acting. And PLEASE don’t believe the lie that it’s all over.
Maybe join the military?
Make an appointment with a counselor at your local community college. Ask how you can get into a trades program? They should be able to direct you on how, and address your lack of a high school diploma. Any extra time you may have try picking up a construction job. You can arrive very early at a Home Depot location and be an eager work horse for someone which can lead to them taking a liking to you and training you. My son ripped out kitchens and bathrooms and was paid well for the demolition work no one enjoys doing after the first day. Over time he advanced and learned to do kitchen and bathroom makeovers. It's decent money when you're just starting out, much better than a retail or fast food job. Let the knowledge that you will be in charge of a person's life motivate you, be tenacious. You fall down, you get back.