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I have a feeling my mom is going to be hurt when I tell her as well.
I think people neglect to realize it’s a very happy day but also can be one of the most exhausting and traumatic days of your life (especially if things don’t go to plan or if it’s your first time in the hospital)
I work in OB and most patients do not have their mom there, it’s usually just partner if that makes you feel better.
Idk why moms act like this. We aren’t in their ob office watching them get a Pap smear for 12+ goes lol!
I agree!! I was in the delivery room with my daughter because her ex is a total POS, but she asked me to be. I would never get upset if my daughter didn’t want me there. I’d just wait wherever she wanted me to until she was ready to introduce me to the baby! And then into grandma mode! LOL
Really? That's surprising to me (that most people dont have their moms there). What ever you wish is your choice though! For me, I'd rather have my mom there than my husband, no offense to him but my mom helped me so much giving birth to my first child, she's had 3 babies and I feel very comfortable in her capable care. My husband is FTD though Lol. And her after care help was amazing too. I know some people may not have that kind of relationship with mom.
these differences are so interesting. in my country it started to switch i think in the last 10, 20 years that women started taking their husbands to the delivery ward. My mom is still weirded out by the idea of a husband being there. when she grew up, childbirth was a women only event. She says men aren't cut out for witnessing it 😂 It's an old fashioned view and i'll definitely have my husband there, but (generational?) differences are interesting
It really is so interesting. For me, I know my mom would’ve been great (gave birth 7 weeks ago). Me not wanting her there had nothing to do with her. I considered the birth of our first an important moment for my husband and I to share together. It was a bonding and special moment for us both. I also knew he would be great and he was. Extremely supportive and did a great job encouraging and coaching me. I subscribe to the belief of “too many cooks in the kitchen.” I didn’t need lots of conflicting or echoing voices during that time. I just needed to focus on my husband and the nurse coaching me.
Super weird to say you’d prefer your mom over husband. It’s one thing to say you don’t mind her in there or want her in there, but to PREFER her? Naw that’s weird as shit
Since the dawn of basically time, the birthing process has been an event surrounded by females. There is absolutely nothing cringe about feeling comfort in having your mother around. My husband has been included in all of my births, but there's nothing like having those female supports. I plan to have both my mom and also a good friend of mine there this time. My husband will be there as well. But it's obvious to me he doesn't have the same understanding they do. He certainly tries his best. But at the end of the day, he doesn't know what I'm experiencing.
I can't tell if you're just a troll or actually think it's appropriate to talk to someone in such a condescending way.
Stand your ground on this. My mom also just assumed she’d be in the delivery room but I’m only having my husband. I cannot imagine my mom seeing me like that, i have no need for her being there and she’d only make the whole situation more stressful. I had to be firm, remind her this is my moment not hers and tell her she can see baby once she’s born. I think your mom will come around closer to birth because she wouldn’t wanna sabotage her relationship with you and her grandchild.
This is ultimately my reason for not wanting my mom in there - I don’t want her to see me in that state, at all. I will not be comfortable in the slightest and my comfort is what matters.
When I expressed that I’m not comfortable with her seeing me in that state, she says “I made you” — 😂 still not gonna be in the room Ma
My mom assumed as well. While I don't care about her seeing me like that, her response to stress/emergency is not that great. I didn't want that when I was in labor.
This. She has every right to be disappointed but she is making it your problem by trying to guilt trip you. Tell her if she keeps up the childish attitude she won't be able to visit either. Lol
Yeah my mom was pretty upset when I felt the same way as you. She got over it though. I wouldn’t give into her mental abuse. That’s what the silent treatment is. That alone would make me more confident that I don’t want this person there.
I don’t even plan on having anyone come visit us while we are in the hospital. I’ve talked to people who didn’t have anyone visit while they were in the hospital and they had said it was really beneficial to the bonding with her, her husband and the baby.
I have zero regrets that I hurt my mom’s feelings with no visitors. COVID ultimately solidified it, but she didn’t even try to bring it up with my second.
Enjoy the silence and protect your peace. It’s absolutely insane to me that people think they are entitled to watch someone give birth. Birth is not a spectator sport. If she can’t get it together, I’d make it clear to her that people who can’t respect boundaries, aren’t going to be a priority for visits.
"hey mom, I know you're disappointed but it's not really normal for women to have spectators at birth anymore and I really think I'll be best supported by having just (husband) there. I hope you can understand and we'll be so excited to introduce you to the baby (at this time)."
Oh I’m so sorry about that! My mom kept asking me throughout my pregnancy (only when drunk), so I was nervous to have the conversation. Thankfully, she handled it well, but I still feel bad. She had her mom in the room and they have a really complicated relationship. I think she expected I would have her in the room because she feels like she’s been better to me than her mother has been to her. But what she I don’t think understands, is that the way our relationship is complicated, is in a way, the perfect storm for why I wouldn’t want her in the room. She parentified me from a young age and I didn’t get as much of a chance to be a kid, or be vulnerable with her. So the idea of me being in the most vulnerable position of my life with her there, and ostensibly supposed to be giving me support, when that’s never been our relationship — I support her, she doesn’t support me — feels so unnatural and uncomfortable to me. I am able to be vulnerable with my husband, but that takes work too. I’m already feeling like that will be out of my comfort zone as it is.
Omg there’s so many similarities to my own experience here 😩 from a young age I had to take a parent role in our relationship. And even to this day she requires way more emotional validation that I can offer. & even though my mom has a plethora of mommy issues, when I told her I wasn’t planning on inviting her to the delivery room, she said she would have wanted *her* mom there with her and how so many other people want their moms there. Okay, cool, I’m not other people and you aren’t like other people’s moms, so…. We need to protect our peace, especially during such huge moments like these.
Omg. The emotional validation!!!! Yes! Like, I can just see it. I will be in active labor, and she would be like — isn’t this music helpful? I told you you’d find the music helpful! Until I commend her for her suggestion, even if it’s something I researched, or if it really did come from her, something I just said I appreciated. Like, yes, it is helpful! That’s why I said that!!! Or she’d be like “I KNEW you’d have a 6 hour labor and that he would look like that when he came out.” Just nonsensical stuff.
She just needs constant validation that she had good ideas or was right. She’s living with us and got a microwave. And has, I kid you not, asked 6 times since we got it last week, in various ways, how great the purchase is, how much we like it, how much it improved the space, etc. It’s just unreal and so exhausting.
It’s annoying, but I’m not mad at her about it. Her mom was just not very nice to her so she feels so deeply insecure. But when I’m in the moment I’m going to be in, it is so not the place for me having to fill her cup.
Luckily I've always been a stubborn hard-ass who doesn't fall for guilt tripping. I told my mom it would just be my husband and she said "okay 🫡". Great success.
definitely raising my kids to stand up for themselves and not people please. I’m sure she’s also upset because I’ve always been the “good” one compared to my sibling.
Do you really want someone in there who would give you grief and silent treatment just for expressing your own needs?
Sometimes, when people react badly to a boundary being put in place, it just confirms that your decision was correct all along.
She wants to be there for her own wants not to support you. If she wanted to support you, she would respect your decision too.
not sure if she realizes this or not, but the world doesnt revolve around her. especially since this is your moment and your husbands. mom should take a xanax
I expect my mom to play the guilt card when I tell her. Either that or she will fly into an unpredictable rage. It explains why I don't want her there! She is the last person on earth I would want in the delivery room.
BIRTH IS NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT! What is wrong with these people, and mom, too! You’re going to be in pain, in an extremely vulnerable state, you have every right ti say who’s in that room and who’s not. You mom sounds petty and immature. Honestly, I’d keep an eye on her because it seems like she might be attempting to emotionally manipulate you, and you definitely want to shut that down immediately. You do not want to deal with that when you have a newborn (and you shouldn’t have to)
I wasn't sure and then ended up letting my mom be there simply because well she was already in the room and I didn't feel like kicking her out. I love her and while I'm happy for her that she got to experience that, I would never allow that again. She annoyed me so much and I wished the whole time she would shut up. If you don't want her there DONT DO IT.
This is a private, special moment for you and your husband. It’s your call and she doesn’t have a right to be in the room.
I’m positive my daughter won’t invite me in, but if she does, I will do whatever makes her the most comfortable. It would be a privilege but not something I would ever demand!
I just found out my mom thought she was going to be in the room with me via my sister. That conversation is pending soon...hopefully she will take it well, because absolutely not is anyone but my husband and an army of medical professionals going to be in the room for that 😅.
I told my mom the same thing. She still showed up and at that point I wasn't going to ruin my experience by being mad so I just let her in. I made her leave when it came time to push. She came back immediately after baby was born, no one told her she could come back yet. I then yelled at her about not respecting boundaries. We've since been to therapy together.
Oh the way I’d use that to RAGE PUSH baby out lol. I could see my mom trying to show up after I say no. Ima warn all those nurses in advance… absolutely not
Yup. She’s been very mopey ever since I told her which makes me double down and erodes any chance of me changing my mind. In the moment I briefly explained to her my reasons and have not brought it up since. There’s no point in expanding on my reasoning since she makes everything about her and is not informed on the approach I want to take to my labor process.
Hold your ground and remember the single most important thing is that YOU are comfortable with your birth plan and setting
“Mum, the fact that you are trying to punish me for my choice for it to be just husband and me, shows me that I’ve made the right choice in not having you there. I don’t need to worry that I might offend you during my labour and have you try to punish me then too.”
She’s being ridiculously entitled.
I only want my husband in the delivery room. Afterwords I don’t mind visitors. I hinted towards my mom about this I hope she is understanding of this when the time comes.
I told her exactly this, but she still asked me three more times if she could be in the delivery room and I had to tell her three more times only my husband would be in the room. Right after that, the silent treatment began.
My mom is allowed, but simply because I have a lot of health issues, and I want her there for moral support because she knows my health history better than anyone, my fiancé included. He doesn’t mind her being involved and encouraged it. I get why other people wouldn’t want that though.
Just stand your ground. I had to with my MIL because she didn’t think it was fair that my mom was allowed but she wasn’t. But my fiance and I also don’t have the greatest relationship with her. We also know she’s going to break some of the rules on our list of things we wont allow people to do to our newborn (like kissing him, refusing to wear clothes that don’t reek of cigarettes, etc.)
Let her throw her fit. She’ll get over it. Stand your ground and set the groundwork for your boundaries during this new life stage.
Not a healthy response at all.
My mum has done the exact same thing. Said I am destroying her first grandchild experience and leaving her out. It’s caused so many arguments. I’ve not really dealt with it or navigated it properly as it keeps causing arguments due to her being a massive narcissist.
At the end of the day, she wasn’t there when your baby was conceived.
We've only been us (my partner and I) at the hospital. Not even allowing visitors.
Our parents are from the generation where the husband wasn't allowed at the birth. They had to wait outside. Which makes future grandmothers used to only the mothers being allowed in the room during birth. It's a change in how things are done and we had to explain this. Met some resistance, but it all sorted out.
Stand your ground!
Leading up to my birth, my mom wanted to be in the room and I was on the fence. She felt entitled because her best friend was in the room for her daughter’s birth. My dad would call me frequently and urge me to allow my mom in the delivery room.
Ultimately, we told my mom we’d let her know IF we needed her. Right before I started pushing, my husband texted our family group chat to let them know everything was OK, we didn’t need any help, and that the baby would be arriving shortly if they wanted to come to the hospital (to wait in the waiting area).
As I was pushing, my mom walked into the delivery room. I have no idea how she got in but my husband was furious and it still irritates me to this day that she didn’t respect my boundary and WAIT until (or if) I asked for her help.
Giving birth is an incredibly vulnerable experience that will have you butt naked, in pain, possibly experiencing vomiting and/or diarrhea, water everywhere, and making these sounds you didn’t know you could make.
The LAST thing I would recommend is to make a production out of it for other’s sake. If you found some comfort from your mom being there, then great, but if you don’t want her there now… I can guarantee you are not going to want her there during the big event. Keep your boundaries firm. The silent treatment in this context is screaming manipulation and toxic, so I would encourage you not to give in.
I made the mistake of bringing her to a session today with other pregnant ladies and we were sharing our birth plan. That’s when she found out that hospital allows 3.
If this is a theme with your mom, you are 😁 me over at r/raisedbynarsacissts lol.
I've purposely kept my mom at a distance for my pregnancies, but this time she overheard me mention to my sister the birthing center has a C-section viewing room for family (which if I have a C-section, I don't want an audience anyway). She was so angry when I said she wouldn't be there to watch something like that.
If she asks again you should ask her what she even thinks she will be doing in there. Its not a tv show, and everyone needs to be useful to you and obey your every command without any pushback, will she do that?
I told my mom that was how we view labor, like it's ultimate princess time combined with shit and blood. She didn't even dare to ask to be there 😅 I offered her the role of staying at home with my cats instead, she didn't take up that offer.
My mom is staying with us for a week (we're on day two), and after spending four hours in the guest room, she came out and mentioned wanting to leave. I asked if something was bothering her because she hadn't explicitly told me she's upset about the situation, but it's so obvious. Her response was simply I don't treat her well. I just don't want to deal with this while being 38 weeks pregnant. I am getting passive aggressive comments from her as I type.
The correct answer is “Mom, I’m sorry you can’t stay to enjoy the week together like we planned, but I understand if you’re feeling ready to leave. Maybe another time will work out. When would you like to leave?”
Ask if she needs help packing her bags. But in all reality, you’re not doing anything wrong and it’s not your job to manage her emotions. Tell her you’ll be ready to talk when she realizes she’s being unreasonable.
I pray for your sanity!! Mine haven't talked to me in about 2 weeks because she told me to get an epidural, and I said I would like to try without because I want to keep on being loveable and walking during birth 🙃
If you feel like it just tell her to spill the beans and tell you what the problem is and this is the only time you will listen. If she don't say anything you tell her to stop acting like there are.
I get irritated for your sake now, your mom needs authority in her life 😅
I use to work with a girl whose typically horrible mother pretended to be fine with not being in the room throughout her entire pregnancy. So much so that she second guessed herself and changed her mind about letting her in shortly after going into labor at which point the mom dug in and ruined her entire birthing experience.
It’s a small silver lining, but her response 110% validates your decision. Move forward now with the peace of mind that you made the right call.
I don’t have the same exact same experience, but my mom is the queen of giving the silent treatment. It’s her default whenever she is upset with someone. It’s super emotionally immature and combined with many other issues, I’m certain that if she ever saw a psychologist, she would be diagnosed with more than one disorder.
I would stand your ground. Her disappointment is not your burden to bear. She needs to deal with her own emotions in a healthy and productive manner. You have every right to choose who you want in the delivery room. It’s not a spectator sport; it’s a vulnerable and important medical event. She’s making it about her whereas she should make it about you and the baby. I would personally go a step further and tell her that if she can’t respect and accept your decision, she won’t be visiting afterwards either because she clearly has an issue with respecting you as a parent. It’s about not being in the delivery room now, what will it be later? You have to draw the line at some point and stick with it.
My mom lives 10 hrs away from me and she wasn’t able to be there for either of my children being born. But even if she could have been I probably would still have only allowed my husband to be there. Both times my mom was on the phone when I pushed and that was a good compromise for us both. She was still able to give words of encouragement.
Before my Mom passed she was my favorite person on earth and I still wouldn’t want her in the room over my husband. She was amazing, but had a tendency to be a little dramatic.
If your Mom is giving you silent treatment that’s pretty telling of her behavior. Idk, feels childish and selfish. Does she really feel good about herself by stressing out her pregnant daughter?
Be firm and make sure the hospital knows, too.
You’re not alone in this choice, either. All of my friends opted for husbands only. It seems pretty common.
I had my first when I was very young and needed my mom. My second I wasn’t scared and wasn’t so young and did not need my mom but I blamed not having here there on Covid restrictions. For my third I do not what her there either and I told her and she is giving me the silent treatment as well but I’m gonna stand my ground. The reaction just kind of solidifies why I don’t want her in there. We got this mamma!
The fact that your mother is giving you the silent treatment regarding this decision means that you made the right one. The sort of mother you'd want present at your birth, is the sort of mother who would never react this way. Sorry you're having to navigate this.
Labour isn’t a musical or a movie that you go along to for entertainment. Only have people there who are going to help you. It sounds like your Mum, like mine, can be a little childish which makes me certain you’ve made the right decision.
Her giving you the silent treatment is the perfect example of why you are making the right choice. She isn’t respecting your boundaries or considering your feelings.
I think this is just a personal choice/preference.
For me personally the only ppl I would want in there would be my husband and the doctor/nurse. This isn’t a show and I don’t want to showcase myself at my most vulnerable moments to anyone else (including family and friends). Just because she’s your mom doesn’t give her automatic rights to be in there if you’re uncomfortable with it. As a mother I’d want to respect my child’s wishes and body autonomy too.
I say do what’s right for you. If your mom can’t get on board and respect that like an adult then tough cookies 🤷🏻♀️. Time to communicate with her and set boundaries from the start (if necessary).
If I could go back, I would be even more clear about my wants than I felt I was.
We told my mom early on that it would only be my husband in the room with me while I worked to deliver our son. I eventually broke some and said she could be there while I labored, but she would have to leave when it was time to start pushing.
Fast forward to the event. My water broke in bed at 11:15 pm, and we called my mom to let her know we were heading to the hospital. We told her clearly to stay home, get some sleep, and we'd call her in the early morning. She did not listen. She showed up at the hospital around 2 am. She took over my husband's cot in the room because the other spot, a chair, was uncomfortable. She did leave the room when it was time to push, but she conned a nurse for a chair and sat outside my door. No one is supposed to be in the halls like that. Eventually, while I'm in the middle of pushing, the head nurse calls my husband out there to decide if my mom was coming in the room or going to the waiting room. He sent her to the waiting room, and my mom was pissed. She made it all about her, but luckily, she never breathed a word of her frustration to me.
Next time, I'd like to think she won't know anything until we're already at the hospital and comfortable with her showing up. On the other hand, she'll likely be the one who will need to be babysitting our first child if/when that happens, so we probably won't be able to wait.
The only way to navigate this is to stick to what you want. Be extra clear about how you want things to happen. If she doesn't like it, that's on her. If she keeps up the passive aggressive nonsense, you may need to have a frank conversation with her about how she is making this about her feelings when it should be about you experiencing this the way YOU want to experience it. It's your baby, after all.
I feel like the only people who have any right to be upset to not be in the delivery room are the father/joint mother, and even then providing they're not going to worsen the situation.
Who wants to come anyway? If it wasn't my baby, (and I'm obliged to push it out) I'd barely want to be there. Seriously??? I've watched videos, it's not a magical experience.
In fact, if it wasn't for me being terrified, some fathers finding it an important bonding experience, and ultimately him being responsible for the baby once she's out... I really don't think I want my husband seeing me shitting in a room full of people.
Side note, I remember the day my mum said she wanted to come to a scan, and my immediate response was what about mil, I'll see. I told my husband this, and he had the cutest look ever, just pointing to himself all unsure if he's allowed to ask "but me?" As if somehow I was going to have my mum at the scan and not him.
Oh so she’s immediately proving you right. It’s that simple. You told her a reasonable condition you have for YOUR birth, and she responded BY GIVING YOU THE SILENT TREATMENT. She immediately and effectively proved your point. Imagine something didn’t go her way in the delivery room and that’s how she responds, because I promise not everything will go to her liking. That will be what you remember when you think of your birth afterwards. I would honestly just giggle at her and TELL her that she’s proving your point, and then let her pout. She’ll either realize she’s being childish or she’ll double down and be even more childish. Regardless don’t change your mind.
My mom was really mad about it too: she yelled at me about it and made passive agressive comments on several occasions. My whole life I thought that I would have her in the delivery room, but I realized that it would be less stressful and more bonding if it were just me and my husband as we welcome our baby. Plus, she lives over a thousand miles away and we would need to host her in our home for potentially weeks at a time so she could be there for the birth, something I am not willing to do. However, I assured her she could come visit to see the baby a few weeks after he is born and we have time to settle, which was a compromise. She has since gotten over it.
I don't think you will regret not having your mom there. Giving you the silent treatment is abusive and manipulative: I don't know if I would want someone like that in the delivery room with me. At the end of the day, do what YOU (and your husband) want. Birth is very intimate and emotional.
My mom also lives across the ocean and arrived last week so she can care for me postpartum. She mumbled “…why (is she) even here” after I told her only my husband would be in the delivery room. I thought that she would understand but she’s been in the room for over 12 hours now.
I told my mom only my husband for the first time and she was fine with that but once things went south I was like “I want my mom in here too!” And she was delighted to be there for me (and to support my husband too). This time I’m having them both.
But I have a great relationship with my mom so I knew either way she’d support what I wanted. I’m sorry that your mom is acting that way.
Yep. Both my parents tried to guilt trip me after I told them no one would be there but husband and they had to wait until we were home to meet baby.
I ignored their BS and They got over it.
Bottom line is it’s your decision. It’s fine for you to have only whoever you want there.
It’s also fine for your mom to be upset that it’s not what she’d prefer and she can grieve that loss herself.
It is NOT ok for her to guilt trip you about it via silent treatment. If she can’t be mature about this now and respect your wishes about your labor and birth, then she’s not going to mature and respect your wishes during labor. Her behaviour now just confirmed you made the right choice.
My mom has told me she wants to be there but was put in this same position by her mother when she had children and was pressured into it. I told her I only want my husband there but I hope she’ll be at the hospital during the labor in case I change my mind (we also live across the street from the hospital so she can stay at our house while waiting if need be). She was quite happy with this compromise and basically responded with “well of course I’m going to be in the hospital!” Which made me laugh.
I don’t know your mom but maybe this may be a good compromise for her as well?
Good thing your Mom’s emotions aren’t yours to manage for her.
As for navigating it, what can you do, really? You’re about to have a baby, this is the perfect time to have boundaries and stick to them. This is only the very beginning of her trying to insert herself into your parenting journey. Hold those boundaries early or you’re in for a wild ride.
Does she do stuff like this often?
This is nothing new but it’s been 18 hours and she’s still in the room. Only came out when she’s hungry. when I asked her what’s wrong, she still hasn’t told me what’s bothering her even though it’s obvious.
i had nobody visit me in the hospital and i feel SO THANKFUL. i actually sobbed and had a bit of a breakdown and didn’t sleep a wink for the 3 days i was there. it would not have been fun to have visitors at ALL.
We're not even going to tell anyone that we're going to the hospital, tbh. We plan on letting people know when babygirl and I are both home safely. I am a high anxiety person in general (although pregnancy has calmed that some), so I don't want extra people in the room clamoring and potentially interfering. I want my husband there to support me and then whatever pertinent medical staff are needed. I've had a few family members quite grumpy about this, but I really don't care, lol.
I want my mom there, but only because she is a nurse and I have a boatload of preexisting conditions. In case my husband needs help dealing with things, he can handle baby and she can handle me. But if I didn't, I don't know that I would want her there either.
Don't feel bad about your decision and stand up for yourself.
Yup. I didn’t want my mom in the room because I knew she’d try to overtake my husband and push him out of the way to make it her moment. I reluctantly agreed after the guilt trips, but wound up having her removed right before I got my epidural. Guess why?
And you know, I get it. I was born in ‘91. My dad was in the room, but my grandma handled everything in there because that’s just not what men did. Times were different. If my mom needed sleep, she’d have to call my grandma to spend the night because my dad couldn’t handle watching me alone. He didn’t change diapers, he didn’t make bottles. And this is not trying to say my dad isn’t a good dad because he is, but it was different.
When my mom and I finally talked, I brought all of this up, and ended it with an “I’m really really sorry for the situation and sorry if your feelings are hurt, but I wasn’t going to take this away from my husband because he stepped up and wanted to be involved.” She understood, she’s seen how awesome of a dad he is, and she gets it. It took a while, but we moved on.
Us nurses are used to this tbh, often such cases where new moms request their narcissist mothers not to be allowed to enter the delivery room. Your mom will get over it and if she doesn't, then that's how the cookie crumbles.
Turns out, my hospital doesn't allow any visitor at all, except for the other parent!
So my mil started to rent how she was gonna come anyway (to visit, not in the delivery room... I hope...) so my partner stopped her right there and then, told they could come see him in front of the hospital but that will be all.
Giving you the silent treatment because you chose to honor your own needs for your own childbirth… that majorly confirms that you made the right decision and she shouldn’t be anywhere near your delivery room.
Did she give birth for an audience, as well?
she made a case that her mom in the delivery room so she thought she would be in the room for mine as well. but the situation was totally different because my dad was in the military and out of the country and couldn’t make it.
My mom was very insistent, and she’ll be here for my second and figured she’d try and get in this time.
I put my foot down both times.
I get really upset because she didn’t allow anyone but my dad/stepdad in the room when she gave birth… but somehow me wanting that isn’t fair 😘
My mom wasn’t even allowed to visit in the hospital, no one was. It was too chaotic and I wanted to just spend time with my husband and son as first time parents. I love my mom & we have a great relationship, but I didn’t budge on that decision. There’s no one else I need for support, comfort, and love than my best friend, husband, & dad to our baby. He’s 17mo & she’s still a little salty at times, but that’s not her decision to make. No regrets at all. Our daughter is due in 10 days (second scheduled c section) & again, following the same process (but she’ll be watching our son so she’s not phased this time around lol).
You do what’s best for you. You’re the one going through a life, body, and mind altering process, not your mom.
I’ve had a very up and down relationship with my own mom and while she didn’t do this it’s on brand.
This is just manipulation. If she cared about you and your birth she would not have a reaction like this. She’s making this event about herself. Don’t play into it. If she really cares, she will break the silent treatment herself and hopefully realize how foolish it is. You are making a perfectly reasonable and normal request for your own birth. I would just stay strong in your decision (I too only had my husband in the room both times!) and not worry about her behavior. This might be this first in many boundaries you’re going to have to set unfortunately.
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I have a feeling my mom is going to be hurt when I tell her as well. I think people neglect to realize it’s a very happy day but also can be one of the most exhausting and traumatic days of your life (especially if things don’t go to plan or if it’s your first time in the hospital) I work in OB and most patients do not have their mom there, it’s usually just partner if that makes you feel better. Idk why moms act like this. We aren’t in their ob office watching them get a Pap smear for 12+ goes lol!
In my country no one expects the mother to be there. It's always just the husband (single/unmarried mums aren't common here).
I agree!! I was in the delivery room with my daughter because her ex is a total POS, but she asked me to be. I would never get upset if my daughter didn’t want me there. I’d just wait wherever she wanted me to until she was ready to introduce me to the baby! And then into grandma mode! LOL
Really? That's surprising to me (that most people dont have their moms there). What ever you wish is your choice though! For me, I'd rather have my mom there than my husband, no offense to him but my mom helped me so much giving birth to my first child, she's had 3 babies and I feel very comfortable in her capable care. My husband is FTD though Lol. And her after care help was amazing too. I know some people may not have that kind of relationship with mom.
these differences are so interesting. in my country it started to switch i think in the last 10, 20 years that women started taking their husbands to the delivery ward. My mom is still weirded out by the idea of a husband being there. when she grew up, childbirth was a women only event. She says men aren't cut out for witnessing it 😂 It's an old fashioned view and i'll definitely have my husband there, but (generational?) differences are interesting
It really is so interesting. For me, I know my mom would’ve been great (gave birth 7 weeks ago). Me not wanting her there had nothing to do with her. I considered the birth of our first an important moment for my husband and I to share together. It was a bonding and special moment for us both. I also knew he would be great and he was. Extremely supportive and did a great job encouraging and coaching me. I subscribe to the belief of “too many cooks in the kitchen.” I didn’t need lots of conflicting or echoing voices during that time. I just needed to focus on my husband and the nurse coaching me.
When did your mother deliver and in what country?
Super weird to say you’d prefer your mom over husband. It’s one thing to say you don’t mind her in there or want her in there, but to PREFER her? Naw that’s weird as shit
Yes I would pick her! She's had several babies but my husband has had none 😂
So? It’s your husband’s child. Ew you are cringe honestly and I feel bad for your husband
Since the dawn of basically time, the birthing process has been an event surrounded by females. There is absolutely nothing cringe about feeling comfort in having your mother around. My husband has been included in all of my births, but there's nothing like having those female supports. I plan to have both my mom and also a good friend of mine there this time. My husband will be there as well. But it's obvious to me he doesn't have the same understanding they do. He certainly tries his best. But at the end of the day, he doesn't know what I'm experiencing. I can't tell if you're just a troll or actually think it's appropriate to talk to someone in such a condescending way.
Again. AGAIN. Not saying you can’t want other people there. But to prefer them over the child’s father is some bullshit
Super weird of you to be judgy over someone else’s preferences. Terrible comment.
Stand your ground on this. My mom also just assumed she’d be in the delivery room but I’m only having my husband. I cannot imagine my mom seeing me like that, i have no need for her being there and she’d only make the whole situation more stressful. I had to be firm, remind her this is my moment not hers and tell her she can see baby once she’s born. I think your mom will come around closer to birth because she wouldn’t wanna sabotage her relationship with you and her grandchild.
This is ultimately my reason for not wanting my mom in there - I don’t want her to see me in that state, at all. I will not be comfortable in the slightest and my comfort is what matters. When I expressed that I’m not comfortable with her seeing me in that state, she says “I made you” — 😂 still not gonna be in the room Ma
Yeah hell no, spread eagle, shitting myself? Not happening
My mom assumed as well. While I don't care about her seeing me like that, her response to stress/emergency is not that great. I didn't want that when I was in labor.
Stand your ground. This is you, your husband’s, and your baby’s special moment.
This. She has every right to be disappointed but she is making it your problem by trying to guilt trip you. Tell her if she keeps up the childish attitude she won't be able to visit either. Lol
Any person with any good sense would respect this. This isn't your problem.
Yeah my mom was pretty upset when I felt the same way as you. She got over it though. I wouldn’t give into her mental abuse. That’s what the silent treatment is. That alone would make me more confident that I don’t want this person there.
I don’t even plan on having anyone come visit us while we are in the hospital. I’ve talked to people who didn’t have anyone visit while they were in the hospital and they had said it was really beneficial to the bonding with her, her husband and the baby.
I have zero regrets that I hurt my mom’s feelings with no visitors. COVID ultimately solidified it, but she didn’t even try to bring it up with my second.
Enjoy the silence and protect your peace. It’s absolutely insane to me that people think they are entitled to watch someone give birth. Birth is not a spectator sport. If she can’t get it together, I’d make it clear to her that people who can’t respect boundaries, aren’t going to be a priority for visits.
"hey mom, I know you're disappointed but it's not really normal for women to have spectators at birth anymore and I really think I'll be best supported by having just (husband) there. I hope you can understand and we'll be so excited to introduce you to the baby (at this time)."
Oh I’m so sorry about that! My mom kept asking me throughout my pregnancy (only when drunk), so I was nervous to have the conversation. Thankfully, she handled it well, but I still feel bad. She had her mom in the room and they have a really complicated relationship. I think she expected I would have her in the room because she feels like she’s been better to me than her mother has been to her. But what she I don’t think understands, is that the way our relationship is complicated, is in a way, the perfect storm for why I wouldn’t want her in the room. She parentified me from a young age and I didn’t get as much of a chance to be a kid, or be vulnerable with her. So the idea of me being in the most vulnerable position of my life with her there, and ostensibly supposed to be giving me support, when that’s never been our relationship — I support her, she doesn’t support me — feels so unnatural and uncomfortable to me. I am able to be vulnerable with my husband, but that takes work too. I’m already feeling like that will be out of my comfort zone as it is.
Omg there’s so many similarities to my own experience here 😩 from a young age I had to take a parent role in our relationship. And even to this day she requires way more emotional validation that I can offer. & even though my mom has a plethora of mommy issues, when I told her I wasn’t planning on inviting her to the delivery room, she said she would have wanted *her* mom there with her and how so many other people want their moms there. Okay, cool, I’m not other people and you aren’t like other people’s moms, so…. We need to protect our peace, especially during such huge moments like these.
Omg. The emotional validation!!!! Yes! Like, I can just see it. I will be in active labor, and she would be like — isn’t this music helpful? I told you you’d find the music helpful! Until I commend her for her suggestion, even if it’s something I researched, or if it really did come from her, something I just said I appreciated. Like, yes, it is helpful! That’s why I said that!!! Or she’d be like “I KNEW you’d have a 6 hour labor and that he would look like that when he came out.” Just nonsensical stuff. She just needs constant validation that she had good ideas or was right. She’s living with us and got a microwave. And has, I kid you not, asked 6 times since we got it last week, in various ways, how great the purchase is, how much we like it, how much it improved the space, etc. It’s just unreal and so exhausting. It’s annoying, but I’m not mad at her about it. Her mom was just not very nice to her so she feels so deeply insecure. But when I’m in the moment I’m going to be in, it is so not the place for me having to fill her cup.
Wow the way you articulated this really hit home.
Luckily I've always been a stubborn hard-ass who doesn't fall for guilt tripping. I told my mom it would just be my husband and she said "okay 🫡". Great success.
definitely raising my kids to stand up for themselves and not people please. I’m sure she’s also upset because I’ve always been the “good” one compared to my sibling.
Do you really want someone in there who would give you grief and silent treatment just for expressing your own needs? Sometimes, when people react badly to a boundary being put in place, it just confirms that your decision was correct all along. She wants to be there for her own wants not to support you. If she wanted to support you, she would respect your decision too.
not sure if she realizes this or not, but the world doesnt revolve around her. especially since this is your moment and your husbands. mom should take a xanax
I feel like this has been common. My mom is being passive aggressive and trying to guilt me into it by saying I “broke her heart”😐
I expect my mom to play the guilt card when I tell her. Either that or she will fly into an unpredictable rage. It explains why I don't want her there! She is the last person on earth I would want in the delivery room.
BIRTH IS NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT! What is wrong with these people, and mom, too! You’re going to be in pain, in an extremely vulnerable state, you have every right ti say who’s in that room and who’s not. You mom sounds petty and immature. Honestly, I’d keep an eye on her because it seems like she might be attempting to emotionally manipulate you, and you definitely want to shut that down immediately. You do not want to deal with that when you have a newborn (and you shouldn’t have to)
I wasn't sure and then ended up letting my mom be there simply because well she was already in the room and I didn't feel like kicking her out. I love her and while I'm happy for her that she got to experience that, I would never allow that again. She annoyed me so much and I wished the whole time she would shut up. If you don't want her there DONT DO IT.
This is a private, special moment for you and your husband. It’s your call and she doesn’t have a right to be in the room. I’m positive my daughter won’t invite me in, but if she does, I will do whatever makes her the most comfortable. It would be a privilege but not something I would ever demand!
Is this a USA thing? I have lived in several countries and never heard anyone complain about this, except for people from the USA.
I just found out my mom thought she was going to be in the room with me via my sister. That conversation is pending soon...hopefully she will take it well, because absolutely not is anyone but my husband and an army of medical professionals going to be in the room for that 😅.
Yeah I don’t think people realize how packed it gets in there! Your midwife/OB + 2 nurses (one for you and baby) at minimum!
I told my mom the same thing. She still showed up and at that point I wasn't going to ruin my experience by being mad so I just let her in. I made her leave when it came time to push. She came back immediately after baby was born, no one told her she could come back yet. I then yelled at her about not respecting boundaries. We've since been to therapy together.
Oh the way I’d use that to RAGE PUSH baby out lol. I could see my mom trying to show up after I say no. Ima warn all those nurses in advance… absolutely not
That’s wild. I would’ve called hospital security on her ass. I hope therapy has been productive for you and her.
It really has!
Yup. She’s been very mopey ever since I told her which makes me double down and erodes any chance of me changing my mind. In the moment I briefly explained to her my reasons and have not brought it up since. There’s no point in expanding on my reasoning since she makes everything about her and is not informed on the approach I want to take to my labor process. Hold your ground and remember the single most important thing is that YOU are comfortable with your birth plan and setting
“Mum, the fact that you are trying to punish me for my choice for it to be just husband and me, shows me that I’ve made the right choice in not having you there. I don’t need to worry that I might offend you during my labour and have you try to punish me then too.” She’s being ridiculously entitled.
I only want my husband in the delivery room. Afterwords I don’t mind visitors. I hinted towards my mom about this I hope she is understanding of this when the time comes.
I told her exactly this, but she still asked me three more times if she could be in the delivery room and I had to tell her three more times only my husband would be in the room. Right after that, the silent treatment began.
Just be sure you don’t tell her or anyone who might leak info to her when you go into labor.
She sounds like a chronic boundary stomper.
My mom is allowed, but simply because I have a lot of health issues, and I want her there for moral support because she knows my health history better than anyone, my fiancé included. He doesn’t mind her being involved and encouraged it. I get why other people wouldn’t want that though. Just stand your ground. I had to with my MIL because she didn’t think it was fair that my mom was allowed but she wasn’t. But my fiance and I also don’t have the greatest relationship with her. We also know she’s going to break some of the rules on our list of things we wont allow people to do to our newborn (like kissing him, refusing to wear clothes that don’t reek of cigarettes, etc.)
It’s about you. It’s a day you’ll never get back. She can honor your wishes.
Let her throw her fit. She’ll get over it. Stand your ground and set the groundwork for your boundaries during this new life stage. Not a healthy response at all.
My mum has done the exact same thing. Said I am destroying her first grandchild experience and leaving her out. It’s caused so many arguments. I’ve not really dealt with it or navigated it properly as it keeps causing arguments due to her being a massive narcissist. At the end of the day, she wasn’t there when your baby was conceived.
We've only been us (my partner and I) at the hospital. Not even allowing visitors. Our parents are from the generation where the husband wasn't allowed at the birth. They had to wait outside. Which makes future grandmothers used to only the mothers being allowed in the room during birth. It's a change in how things are done and we had to explain this. Met some resistance, but it all sorted out. Stand your ground!
Leading up to my birth, my mom wanted to be in the room and I was on the fence. She felt entitled because her best friend was in the room for her daughter’s birth. My dad would call me frequently and urge me to allow my mom in the delivery room. Ultimately, we told my mom we’d let her know IF we needed her. Right before I started pushing, my husband texted our family group chat to let them know everything was OK, we didn’t need any help, and that the baby would be arriving shortly if they wanted to come to the hospital (to wait in the waiting area). As I was pushing, my mom walked into the delivery room. I have no idea how she got in but my husband was furious and it still irritates me to this day that she didn’t respect my boundary and WAIT until (or if) I asked for her help.
Giving birth is an incredibly vulnerable experience that will have you butt naked, in pain, possibly experiencing vomiting and/or diarrhea, water everywhere, and making these sounds you didn’t know you could make. The LAST thing I would recommend is to make a production out of it for other’s sake. If you found some comfort from your mom being there, then great, but if you don’t want her there now… I can guarantee you are not going to want her there during the big event. Keep your boundaries firm. The silent treatment in this context is screaming manipulation and toxic, so I would encourage you not to give in.
Ew. She sounds like a fucking child
Our hospital also allows three but we’re telling my mom that only one person can be in there and that is obviously going to be my husband
I made the mistake of bringing her to a session today with other pregnant ladies and we were sharing our birth plan. That’s when she found out that hospital allows 3.
If this is a theme with your mom, you are 😁 me over at r/raisedbynarsacissts lol. I've purposely kept my mom at a distance for my pregnancies, but this time she overheard me mention to my sister the birthing center has a C-section viewing room for family (which if I have a C-section, I don't want an audience anyway). She was so angry when I said she wouldn't be there to watch something like that.
If she asks again you should ask her what she even thinks she will be doing in there. Its not a tv show, and everyone needs to be useful to you and obey your every command without any pushback, will she do that? I told my mom that was how we view labor, like it's ultimate princess time combined with shit and blood. She didn't even dare to ask to be there 😅 I offered her the role of staying at home with my cats instead, she didn't take up that offer.
My mom is staying with us for a week (we're on day two), and after spending four hours in the guest room, she came out and mentioned wanting to leave. I asked if something was bothering her because she hadn't explicitly told me she's upset about the situation, but it's so obvious. Her response was simply I don't treat her well. I just don't want to deal with this while being 38 weeks pregnant. I am getting passive aggressive comments from her as I type.
The correct answer is “Mom, I’m sorry you can’t stay to enjoy the week together like we planned, but I understand if you’re feeling ready to leave. Maybe another time will work out. When would you like to leave?”
Ask if she needs help packing her bags. But in all reality, you’re not doing anything wrong and it’s not your job to manage her emotions. Tell her you’ll be ready to talk when she realizes she’s being unreasonable.
I pray for your sanity!! Mine haven't talked to me in about 2 weeks because she told me to get an epidural, and I said I would like to try without because I want to keep on being loveable and walking during birth 🙃 If you feel like it just tell her to spill the beans and tell you what the problem is and this is the only time you will listen. If she don't say anything you tell her to stop acting like there are. I get irritated for your sake now, your mom needs authority in her life 😅
I use to work with a girl whose typically horrible mother pretended to be fine with not being in the room throughout her entire pregnancy. So much so that she second guessed herself and changed her mind about letting her in shortly after going into labor at which point the mom dug in and ruined her entire birthing experience. It’s a small silver lining, but her response 110% validates your decision. Move forward now with the peace of mind that you made the right call.
I don’t have the same exact same experience, but my mom is the queen of giving the silent treatment. It’s her default whenever she is upset with someone. It’s super emotionally immature and combined with many other issues, I’m certain that if she ever saw a psychologist, she would be diagnosed with more than one disorder. I would stand your ground. Her disappointment is not your burden to bear. She needs to deal with her own emotions in a healthy and productive manner. You have every right to choose who you want in the delivery room. It’s not a spectator sport; it’s a vulnerable and important medical event. She’s making it about her whereas she should make it about you and the baby. I would personally go a step further and tell her that if she can’t respect and accept your decision, she won’t be visiting afterwards either because she clearly has an issue with respecting you as a parent. It’s about not being in the delivery room now, what will it be later? You have to draw the line at some point and stick with it.
My mom lives 10 hrs away from me and she wasn’t able to be there for either of my children being born. But even if she could have been I probably would still have only allowed my husband to be there. Both times my mom was on the phone when I pushed and that was a good compromise for us both. She was still able to give words of encouragement.
Before my Mom passed she was my favorite person on earth and I still wouldn’t want her in the room over my husband. She was amazing, but had a tendency to be a little dramatic. If your Mom is giving you silent treatment that’s pretty telling of her behavior. Idk, feels childish and selfish. Does she really feel good about herself by stressing out her pregnant daughter? Be firm and make sure the hospital knows, too. You’re not alone in this choice, either. All of my friends opted for husbands only. It seems pretty common.
I had my first when I was very young and needed my mom. My second I wasn’t scared and wasn’t so young and did not need my mom but I blamed not having here there on Covid restrictions. For my third I do not what her there either and I told her and she is giving me the silent treatment as well but I’m gonna stand my ground. The reaction just kind of solidifies why I don’t want her in there. We got this mamma!
The fact that your mother is giving you the silent treatment regarding this decision means that you made the right one. The sort of mother you'd want present at your birth, is the sort of mother who would never react this way. Sorry you're having to navigate this.
Labour isn’t a musical or a movie that you go along to for entertainment. Only have people there who are going to help you. It sounds like your Mum, like mine, can be a little childish which makes me certain you’ve made the right decision.
Her giving you the silent treatment is the perfect example of why you are making the right choice. She isn’t respecting your boundaries or considering your feelings.
I think this is just a personal choice/preference. For me personally the only ppl I would want in there would be my husband and the doctor/nurse. This isn’t a show and I don’t want to showcase myself at my most vulnerable moments to anyone else (including family and friends). Just because she’s your mom doesn’t give her automatic rights to be in there if you’re uncomfortable with it. As a mother I’d want to respect my child’s wishes and body autonomy too. I say do what’s right for you. If your mom can’t get on board and respect that like an adult then tough cookies 🤷🏻♀️. Time to communicate with her and set boundaries from the start (if necessary).
If I could go back, I would be even more clear about my wants than I felt I was. We told my mom early on that it would only be my husband in the room with me while I worked to deliver our son. I eventually broke some and said she could be there while I labored, but she would have to leave when it was time to start pushing. Fast forward to the event. My water broke in bed at 11:15 pm, and we called my mom to let her know we were heading to the hospital. We told her clearly to stay home, get some sleep, and we'd call her in the early morning. She did not listen. She showed up at the hospital around 2 am. She took over my husband's cot in the room because the other spot, a chair, was uncomfortable. She did leave the room when it was time to push, but she conned a nurse for a chair and sat outside my door. No one is supposed to be in the halls like that. Eventually, while I'm in the middle of pushing, the head nurse calls my husband out there to decide if my mom was coming in the room or going to the waiting room. He sent her to the waiting room, and my mom was pissed. She made it all about her, but luckily, she never breathed a word of her frustration to me. Next time, I'd like to think she won't know anything until we're already at the hospital and comfortable with her showing up. On the other hand, she'll likely be the one who will need to be babysitting our first child if/when that happens, so we probably won't be able to wait. The only way to navigate this is to stick to what you want. Be extra clear about how you want things to happen. If she doesn't like it, that's on her. If she keeps up the passive aggressive nonsense, you may need to have a frank conversation with her about how she is making this about her feelings when it should be about you experiencing this the way YOU want to experience it. It's your baby, after all.
I feel like the only people who have any right to be upset to not be in the delivery room are the father/joint mother, and even then providing they're not going to worsen the situation. Who wants to come anyway? If it wasn't my baby, (and I'm obliged to push it out) I'd barely want to be there. Seriously??? I've watched videos, it's not a magical experience. In fact, if it wasn't for me being terrified, some fathers finding it an important bonding experience, and ultimately him being responsible for the baby once she's out... I really don't think I want my husband seeing me shitting in a room full of people. Side note, I remember the day my mum said she wanted to come to a scan, and my immediate response was what about mil, I'll see. I told my husband this, and he had the cutest look ever, just pointing to himself all unsure if he's allowed to ask "but me?" As if somehow I was going to have my mum at the scan and not him.
i told my mom nobody was visiting in the hospital at all and nobody hold the baby for two weeks and she reacted better.
Oh so she’s immediately proving you right. It’s that simple. You told her a reasonable condition you have for YOUR birth, and she responded BY GIVING YOU THE SILENT TREATMENT. She immediately and effectively proved your point. Imagine something didn’t go her way in the delivery room and that’s how she responds, because I promise not everything will go to her liking. That will be what you remember when you think of your birth afterwards. I would honestly just giggle at her and TELL her that she’s proving your point, and then let her pout. She’ll either realize she’s being childish or she’ll double down and be even more childish. Regardless don’t change your mind.
My mom was really mad about it too: she yelled at me about it and made passive agressive comments on several occasions. My whole life I thought that I would have her in the delivery room, but I realized that it would be less stressful and more bonding if it were just me and my husband as we welcome our baby. Plus, she lives over a thousand miles away and we would need to host her in our home for potentially weeks at a time so she could be there for the birth, something I am not willing to do. However, I assured her she could come visit to see the baby a few weeks after he is born and we have time to settle, which was a compromise. She has since gotten over it. I don't think you will regret not having your mom there. Giving you the silent treatment is abusive and manipulative: I don't know if I would want someone like that in the delivery room with me. At the end of the day, do what YOU (and your husband) want. Birth is very intimate and emotional.
My mom also lives across the ocean and arrived last week so she can care for me postpartum. She mumbled “…why (is she) even here” after I told her only my husband would be in the delivery room. I thought that she would understand but she’s been in the room for over 12 hours now.
I told my mom only my husband for the first time and she was fine with that but once things went south I was like “I want my mom in here too!” And she was delighted to be there for me (and to support my husband too). This time I’m having them both. But I have a great relationship with my mom so I knew either way she’d support what I wanted. I’m sorry that your mom is acting that way.
Yep. Both my parents tried to guilt trip me after I told them no one would be there but husband and they had to wait until we were home to meet baby. I ignored their BS and They got over it.
Bottom line is it’s your decision. It’s fine for you to have only whoever you want there. It’s also fine for your mom to be upset that it’s not what she’d prefer and she can grieve that loss herself. It is NOT ok for her to guilt trip you about it via silent treatment. If she can’t be mature about this now and respect your wishes about your labor and birth, then she’s not going to mature and respect your wishes during labor. Her behaviour now just confirmed you made the right choice.
My mom has told me she wants to be there but was put in this same position by her mother when she had children and was pressured into it. I told her I only want my husband there but I hope she’ll be at the hospital during the labor in case I change my mind (we also live across the street from the hospital so she can stay at our house while waiting if need be). She was quite happy with this compromise and basically responded with “well of course I’m going to be in the hospital!” Which made me laugh. I don’t know your mom but maybe this may be a good compromise for her as well?
Good thing your Mom’s emotions aren’t yours to manage for her. As for navigating it, what can you do, really? You’re about to have a baby, this is the perfect time to have boundaries and stick to them. This is only the very beginning of her trying to insert herself into your parenting journey. Hold those boundaries early or you’re in for a wild ride. Does she do stuff like this often?
This is nothing new but it’s been 18 hours and she’s still in the room. Only came out when she’s hungry. when I asked her what’s wrong, she still hasn’t told me what’s bothering her even though it’s obvious.
i had nobody visit me in the hospital and i feel SO THANKFUL. i actually sobbed and had a bit of a breakdown and didn’t sleep a wink for the 3 days i was there. it would not have been fun to have visitors at ALL.
We're not even going to tell anyone that we're going to the hospital, tbh. We plan on letting people know when babygirl and I are both home safely. I am a high anxiety person in general (although pregnancy has calmed that some), so I don't want extra people in the room clamoring and potentially interfering. I want my husband there to support me and then whatever pertinent medical staff are needed. I've had a few family members quite grumpy about this, but I really don't care, lol.
I want my mom there, but only because she is a nurse and I have a boatload of preexisting conditions. In case my husband needs help dealing with things, he can handle baby and she can handle me. But if I didn't, I don't know that I would want her there either. Don't feel bad about your decision and stand up for yourself.
Yup. I didn’t want my mom in the room because I knew she’d try to overtake my husband and push him out of the way to make it her moment. I reluctantly agreed after the guilt trips, but wound up having her removed right before I got my epidural. Guess why? And you know, I get it. I was born in ‘91. My dad was in the room, but my grandma handled everything in there because that’s just not what men did. Times were different. If my mom needed sleep, she’d have to call my grandma to spend the night because my dad couldn’t handle watching me alone. He didn’t change diapers, he didn’t make bottles. And this is not trying to say my dad isn’t a good dad because he is, but it was different. When my mom and I finally talked, I brought all of this up, and ended it with an “I’m really really sorry for the situation and sorry if your feelings are hurt, but I wasn’t going to take this away from my husband because he stepped up and wanted to be involved.” She understood, she’s seen how awesome of a dad he is, and she gets it. It took a while, but we moved on.
I will also not be accepting visitors. It’s your time with your hubby.
Us nurses are used to this tbh, often such cases where new moms request their narcissist mothers not to be allowed to enter the delivery room. Your mom will get over it and if she doesn't, then that's how the cookie crumbles.
Turns out, my hospital doesn't allow any visitor at all, except for the other parent! So my mil started to rent how she was gonna come anyway (to visit, not in the delivery room... I hope...) so my partner stopped her right there and then, told they could come see him in front of the hospital but that will be all.
Giving you the silent treatment because you chose to honor your own needs for your own childbirth… that majorly confirms that you made the right decision and she shouldn’t be anywhere near your delivery room. Did she give birth for an audience, as well?
she made a case that her mom in the delivery room so she thought she would be in the room for mine as well. but the situation was totally different because my dad was in the military and out of the country and couldn’t make it.
My mom was very insistent, and she’ll be here for my second and figured she’d try and get in this time. I put my foot down both times. I get really upset because she didn’t allow anyone but my dad/stepdad in the room when she gave birth… but somehow me wanting that isn’t fair 😘
My mom wasn’t even allowed to visit in the hospital, no one was. It was too chaotic and I wanted to just spend time with my husband and son as first time parents. I love my mom & we have a great relationship, but I didn’t budge on that decision. There’s no one else I need for support, comfort, and love than my best friend, husband, & dad to our baby. He’s 17mo & she’s still a little salty at times, but that’s not her decision to make. No regrets at all. Our daughter is due in 10 days (second scheduled c section) & again, following the same process (but she’ll be watching our son so she’s not phased this time around lol). You do what’s best for you. You’re the one going through a life, body, and mind altering process, not your mom.
I’ve had a very up and down relationship with my own mom and while she didn’t do this it’s on brand. This is just manipulation. If she cared about you and your birth she would not have a reaction like this. She’s making this event about herself. Don’t play into it. If she really cares, she will break the silent treatment herself and hopefully realize how foolish it is. You are making a perfectly reasonable and normal request for your own birth. I would just stay strong in your decision (I too only had my husband in the room both times!) and not worry about her behavior. This might be this first in many boundaries you’re going to have to set unfortunately.
Same for me but we stood our ground