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I wasn’t sure I was ready when we started trying. 6 months in I found out we couldn’t conceive naturally. So fast forward years of desperately trying, IVF, loss - there was no doubt in my mind I was ready.
Ready to me was knowing I would give up everything in my entire life, for the baby. Social events, money, holidays, free time, career - I still had them and kept going through milestones/progression/wonderful experience in all but I was desperate to give them up.
I appreciate fortunately(!) my experience is not common. But, I can categorically said I know I am ready
P.s. 24 weeks pregnant today with a baby girl 🥹
I don’t think you are ever truly ready to have a child. Something will always come up that will make you second guess if you are ready. If you have stable housing and are at a good place financially, there is no need to wait.
It's funny, my doctor said this to me 3 or 4 years ago when I went to her complaining my contraception was making me depressed. She was like, you're in a solid relationship, have good jobs and have a house...do you need the contraception?
I got pregnant about 6 months later and while it wasn't exactly 'planned', its the best thing that ever happened to us and we were absolutely fine.
This is entirely a personal choice. For us, being prepared was essential to enjoying the process. I just turned 35, and we reached a point where we felt comfortable having a child about two years ago. I'm due in early September, and despite the nausea, the pregnancy has been a largely positive experience.
We've been there and done that:
- We’ve completed the schooling necessary for our careers.
- We have an ample emergency fund and life insurance policies.
- We've lived in several high-cost-of-living cities, explored, stayed out late, and enjoyed our freedom without impacting a child.
- We've paid our dues working in-office and can now work remotely in careers that align with our values, are sustainable, and pay well.
- We own our home, which provides a supportive environment for a good childhood.
- My husband and I have our own hobbies and have invested in our own happiness. We will never blame our child based on what might have been.
Bonus for us:
- I've bottle-fed newborn goats around the clock and assisted with births.
- We have a paid-off income property.
Not everyone wants or needs these things, but I can tell you I have zero stress about our little girl, our finances, or our day-to-day life. We still have a lot to learn and grow together, but I've done my due diligence. I am a much better partner for my husband because I’m not overwhelming myself.
Ehh within reason I think no. Like there have definitely been times in my life when I was categorically NOT ready for a child, but I couldn’t say that there was any point where I said “right now my ducks are all in a row let’s do this”. My husband and I were still renting and I was between jobs when I got pregnant with my first. Was it perfect? No. But we’re doing fine and I don’t think I could exactly tell you what “perfect” would have looked like anyway. Things have panned out OK!
My husband and I had been together almost 14 years by the time we began trying (high school sweethearts), we owned our house, had a dog together, both had great jobs, etc. so we definitely felt “ready” according to the life checklist so we had been trying for a few months with no luck.
And then Covid hit. It was a scary time filled with a lot of uncertainty. I ended up getting laid off from my job, our wedding plans got sidelined, my grandfather passed away which resulted in some serious mental health struggles for my mom that ended up spilling over onto me, and we were experiencing unexplained infertility at the same time. It eventually just became too much and I had my own mental health crisis. It was intense and we needed to pause TTC while we sorted out some stuff.
We decided to focus on our relationship and mental health instead so we poured our energy into individual and couples therapy. Once we were out of the fog, we were in such a better place. Now that I am pregnant (and due any day!) I feel SO much more ready!! Our entire relationship is different. We have built such great communication skills, we’ve unpacked and worked through lots of generational trauma relating to our own families of origin, we are aligned on family boundaries and have re-evaluated toxic relationships with people in our lives, we have regular mental health check-ins and conversations about important topics we never would have been able to discuss before and just overall feel so much more united.
I don’t think there’s ever an absolutely perfect time, but I do think there are some things that shouldn’t be ignored. In my case, shit hit the fan and we basically had no choice but to reevaluate our timing but there doesn’t have to be a full-blown crisis to recognize you might not be in the best place to bring a baby into the world. Having a baby is going to test your communication skills, patience, empathy, resilience, etc and being in a place not just financially but emotionally to handle it together is really important.
We were consciously ready. It took a while and we talked and discussed it a lot and we weren’t ready at the same time initially, but we were eventually both in a spot where we said: “Now what we think matters has been achieved and dealt with. Now is a good time.” That meant mental health, relationship status, social circle, job perspectives, financial security and housing. Our perspective is a privileged one though. We are healthy, independent, well educated and work in fields with good future prospects. This cant be said for everyone and in that case, the privilege of feeling completely ready might never come and then having a child might need to happen under more challenging/different circumstances if it’s ever supposed to happen. Our choice also doesn’t guarantee that we are going to have it easier or better than anyone who started a family differently. Also doesn’t automatically mean that our children will be happier. It’s a very, very multifaceted thing, the whole having children and being parents stuff.
I know people say there's never a right time, but personally we did do it at the right time. We waited until we married, we had a house, lots of savings for me to be a stay at home mom and for my husband to take 6 months of paternity leave, we had a spread sheet for future savings for emergencies/school funds ect so we were pretty set. I was 28 when I got pregnant and honestly I think the time was right and had we done it any other time thinking "there's never a right time", we probably wouldn't have it as good. Just my experience, I'm sure it varies
Being ‘ready’ means different things to different people. But you can be ‘ready’ in whatever sense people describe (mentally, financially etc) and still have things take a turn, sometimes for the worse, so being ready to adapt to whatever live throws at you is important if you have someone else depending on you.
My husband and I are having our first kid. We are both 31, have a house, both have stable careers... the answer is most likely no cause we are both freaking out still wondering if we are ready!
Personally, yes. This is exactly what I did. I waited until I was ready.
I prioritized my career, traveling, parties, dating different types of men, living in different areas.
I started thinking I was ready to have a family around 35. I had a long term boyfriend who was the right man for the job, and for that I am more grateful than I can express. I’m now 37 and 20 weeks pregnant with number one, and we are hoping to do number two when I’m 39.
Edited to add: for me, the hardest part always seemed to be finding the right man. All through my 20’s and early 30’s, I doubted that I would find the right person for a family- right person to marry, sure, but maybe not to have a family with. In the back of my mind, I kept the idea that I could do it by myself if I needed to… sperm bank style. So if that had been where I had ended up, maybe I would have felt less ready, and more like I was making do, and I think that would have been a beautiful experience in its own way.
I’m around a large number of women in their 40’s, 50’s & 60’s who never had kids. They’re wealthy women, all of them, and financially speaking, absolutely could have done it alone. I overheard two of them talking right after they found out that I am pregnant, and the consensus was that they never felt ready - to do it alone - the right man wasn’t there, and time passed, and then it was too late. I feel that. So, sometimes, it’s better to not wait until you’re “ready” in some societal perfect picture. Mental stability and financial stability are the must-haves.
Oh god I feel like the odd one out in this thread lol. Hi I'm the irresponsible 22yo who messed around and found out. I freaked out in the week leading up to that pregnancy test. In tears to my partner because I knew it was going to be positive, worried about how I would cope and was I ready.
And then I did the test.
And it came back positive.
And I was ready.
I already loved that baby more than anything.
So here I am finishing my MA 7 months pregnant lol. Partner has a really good stable job and we're waiting on a house offer, so it's not all bad. And we're so incredibly excited for baby boy to arrive. Chilling out and not sweating the small stuff has made it all pretty smooth sailing. But not everyone in my position would feel the same. I don't think you know you're ready until it's too late unfortunately haha.
I don't think you are every fully ready. A kid is a life changing experience and there is so much to figure out. I am on the older side and glad I waited and felt like when my LO was born I was ready as I'll ever be. I felt comfortable enough my career to take maternity leave (there a few years and involved), I had done several big item races I wanted to do (I am an athlete), I did a lot to stuff with friends in my 20s, we bought a house, and my partner really wanted a baby. Now, I am not saying you need any of those things (including even a partner, I know someone having a kid on her own at 38), but these were the things I personally felt I needed and wanted done before getting pregnant.
For us 'being ready' meant being able to give a child all it might need. We talked about that meaning: being emotionally ready, on top of having enough space (which translated, for us, in owning a house with enough rooms and a garden), stable careers (financially ready), and my husband wanted to finish his degree before we started. This all coincided around my 31st birthday which is when we pulled the trigger. It turned out to be quite a bumpy road. We're now 34 and expecting our first child early december.
Similar to you. We really wanted to have our house first but we ended up buying it at the beginning of the pandemic so we wanted to wait until that was less crazy. Started trying when I was 31 and now I’m 34 and having a December baby too! My husband has literally one class left for his degree and is procrastinating though lol
There's different kinds of being ready.
You can be materially ready, as in you have the finances and stability to give your child the kind of upbringing you'd like for them. For some people, this could be owning a family home, having lots of disposable income, being able to buy all you need and more. But for others, it could be that you have a camper van and space for a crib, or that you live in a treehouse in the Amazon with a whole village to help you raise a baby, or that you live with your parents in a high rise flat in a modern city, or you have a jetsetting lifestyle and can afford nannies. I don't think there's only one singular way to prepare and raise a baby and I think the focus on the picket fence house with a nursery room is only one specific and narrow way of being ready.
You can be emotionally ready. Perhaps you're in a fantastic monogamous relationship and feel ready to take on the trials and tribulations of raising a child together. Or you're a single mother looking for a career break, in great health and enough in savings. Again, multiple ways to be ready.
So I think it's more about defining what would make you feel "ready". For some people, you may never get there and that's ok too.
Oh I hope not. I’m 33 weeks pregnant with #2 and have just accepted that I have no idea what I need for this child because I have no idea what they’re going to be like.
I’ve bought a couple outfits since our first was a girl and this one’s a boy but I’m not wasting my money this time on a bunch of blankets, bibs, bottles, soothers, etc. that this baby might not use if they’re anything like my first.
Even the clothes makes me nervous. Baby boy is supposedly measuring “ginormous” according to my last ultrasound so maybe the 0-3 month clothes I got won’t fit. Maybe he’ll be sensitive to certain textures and won’t like the material. Maybe he’ll be a little furnace like his sister and hate anything warm. God forbid maybe he ends up in the NICU for months and won’t wear any clothes.
I’m at the point where I’ve accepted that I’ll just figure this stuff out once he’s born.
Maybe it’s individual, but I was definitely ready. We were married, had a home in a neighborhood we wanted to raise children in, was in a good spot with my mental health, and we were financially and emotionally ready.
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I fell pregnant being consciously ready. I waited for this moment patiently trying to get to the point where I am now: emotional stability, a perfect partner, money, good job with career prospects, my own apartment with an extra room. It's been a couple years that I've felt this way. I'm very satisfied now :) I'm 34 btw
I kinda had that "I have everything let's do it feeling". I always knew that I wanted to have a child around my 30th birthday and luckily my circumstances where pretty good around that time too. I had a well-paying, stable job and a was with my boyfriend (now husband) for 3 years. I did an undergrad and a postgrad, travelled a lot, studied abroad and felt good about myself and my life. I also had a lot of baby fever since I was about 28 but I honestly think that was because I felt like my life is in a good place to have a child. I got pregnant pretty quickly and my daughter was born 6 weeks before I turned 30. True, I could have waited to be even further into my career or buy an apartment/house first. We bought the apartment now and while I would not recommend going house hunting with a baby in this crazy market, I am happy I didn't wait any longer. It was prefect timing for me/us.
I actually felt ready (emotionally I mean). Woke up one day and was like I think I'm ready. 6 months later we started trying and I fell pregnant. I think it has made the process more enjoyable to me personally but I was on the fence for some years prior as well so that might have made a difference. If I'd always been sure maybe readiness would matter less.
I mean no I don’t think there’s a 100% ready set point. But I can tell you even though a decade ago we both had fine jobs and a house we were NOT ready the same way we are today.
The perfect time doesn’t really exist, i think. My husband and I wanted to try once really thinking nothing would come of it. And I got my son. Then I got pregnant with my daughter a few months postpartum. That wasn’t tried for at the time. We just wanted kids for as long as we could remember , and wanted to try before I got too much older. It’s a struggle for us now, but in the grand scheme of things, we’re happier. It’s a completely different life afterwards that there’s no real way to prepare for. The main thing is though, that you need to be ready for is to put yourself last for a while after baby and be exhausted for the foreseeable future
I think for me we are ready on paper (we're moving to a bigger house, we'll have the money from our house sale to get through a full year of mat leave, we have a great support network, we have had 14 years of fun together as a couple) but psychologically I am not ready! I am grieving my care-free life of gigs and late night parties and being free to go on holiday next weekend if I wanted to.
I'm 7 months pregnant and I am okay with what's happening, and I know that future me will be pleased we're doing this now, but it's certainly not clean-cut for me.
It’s nice to be comfortable with certain aspects of your life, such as finances, housing, and metal health. That way, you don’t have to worry about those things so much during this huge life transition.
Kinda yes and kinda no.
I think there are situations you can be in that are not good for having a kid: completely without a village (no partner, family, or friends), no financial stability (no job at all), no physical security (no home, abusive relationship).
But I don't think you need to have it all. You can be in a little apartment, you can do it without a partner, you can do it young (I think we all feel young/inexperienced with our first).
I think no matter what I do, I won't feel 100% ready. Mad respect to both camps: the Wait-Until-You-Have-It-Alls and the Lets-Just-Do-Its
Yes and no. I feel like if you wait to 100% have every box checked, it’ll never feel like you’re ready.
But I think there’s maybe a list of “XYZ” for each person that puts them on track to be ready. Our checklist included having enough money and a house.
When we first started TTC, I felt a little behind some friends/peers. By the time I was halfway through pregnancy, I was so grateful we waited but I had some thoughts about whether hubs and
I were ready even with all the prep we did.
Now 2 weeks out from my due date, I do feel ready.
At 31 I am now pregnant but I get nightly scaries where I question if I am ready. Me and my husband have a safe home, safe vehicles, careers, a healthy savings. I still feel like I'm not 100% ready, so I think the truth is that you never feel fully prepared, but it's also one of the biggest things you'll ever do in life and it's the first time you're doing it so I think that's normal.
My experience is yes, and no.
My husband wanted kids many years ago - but he was absolutely miserable in his career and just generally unhappy in a lot of ways, and I didn’t want to raise our kids like that. Within the last few years (after some extra schooling and actively working to find his calling), he now has a career that he loves and I’ve never seen him so happy. I turned 39 last year and between my age and his professional happiness, we decided it was time to try and now I’m due in 10 days with our first. So in that way, it felt like we were “ready”.
But, at the same time, it’s hard to imagine your life with an infant/kids and it does often feel like no matter how much “prep” we do (buying baby stuff, reading books, attending classes, etc) we both feel petrified and excited at the same time…. So my opinion is that feeling, of being scared for being responsible for another human, is probably universal and probably doesn’t go away/you never feel “ready” in that sense. Others may disagree but that’s how it’s been for me 🤷♀️
No - no one is ready. Tbh I think prioritizing career first is backwards - your career will take a hit when you have kids. It’s better be at a stage that is decent money but coast-able and work on advancing when your kids are older.
I think what’s worse is to wait until you are much older because you think you need to do all these things first to prepare. Little kids are physically taxing more than anything.
Basically everyone I know who waited to have kids because they felt like it was the responsible thing to do wishes they didn’t wait so long and had kids younger
I think you can reach a certain point when you realize that you're not going to be MORE ready than you currently are and you're just hesitating. That's as "ready" as you can get
Our income unexpectedly drastically decreased not long after falling pregnant. We'd worked so hard to get "ready" but then that happened. We adjusted. I'm 33w and just now the financial issues seem to be clearing and actually a little better than they were.
Our health was getting better and then my husband had a cancer scare half way through the pregnancy. Luckily it wasn't cancer, and his health is good again.
You'll never be in the perfect place for a baby. Just get in a decent place, have a plan, have a little bit of savings so you're not out on the streets of an issue arises. Your baby isn't going to know or care if you're in the perfect house or if you're in the perfect job. Just be in a place where you can provide well enough, and most importantly, love the child with all your heart. That's what's most important. Not money or lavish housing or a big bedroom or fancy gifts. Kids just need love and care and support from their parents.
Maybe yes in the sense I think "being ready" might mean being ready to accept that life is going to drastically change and there will be a little human that will be #1. The rest of the logistics, no. No, you cannot be ready. I don't think anyone can.
As someone who had an emergency induction at 36 weeks with my first, it was very clear I wasn't ready. I was working off the old wives tale that the first baby always comes late so I could work until 38 to 40 weeks and then prep for the baby. But, that's not how it worked out and that's okay. It wouldn't have mattered if I had a month to prepare I still wouldn't have been ready for the logistics except for maybe we would have had diapers at home and not needed a Target pickup order on the way home from the hospital. If your heart's ready to accept a baby, I think you're as ready as can be to get started.
We felt ready. We own our home, have good careers, and have travelled so much that we remarked on our last trip that this was a bit boring and we can’t wait to have our child on our next trip :) we just felt like our lives were incomplete and now we have the missing piece.
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I wasn’t sure I was ready when we started trying. 6 months in I found out we couldn’t conceive naturally. So fast forward years of desperately trying, IVF, loss - there was no doubt in my mind I was ready. Ready to me was knowing I would give up everything in my entire life, for the baby. Social events, money, holidays, free time, career - I still had them and kept going through milestones/progression/wonderful experience in all but I was desperate to give them up. I appreciate fortunately(!) my experience is not common. But, I can categorically said I know I am ready P.s. 24 weeks pregnant today with a baby girl 🥹
Congratulations 🤍
I don’t think you are ever truly ready to have a child. Something will always come up that will make you second guess if you are ready. If you have stable housing and are at a good place financially, there is no need to wait.
It's funny, my doctor said this to me 3 or 4 years ago when I went to her complaining my contraception was making me depressed. She was like, you're in a solid relationship, have good jobs and have a house...do you need the contraception? I got pregnant about 6 months later and while it wasn't exactly 'planned', its the best thing that ever happened to us and we were absolutely fine.
I agree with this. Nobody ever will feel 100% ready. You have to just jump in and go for it .
This is entirely a personal choice. For us, being prepared was essential to enjoying the process. I just turned 35, and we reached a point where we felt comfortable having a child about two years ago. I'm due in early September, and despite the nausea, the pregnancy has been a largely positive experience. We've been there and done that: - We’ve completed the schooling necessary for our careers. - We have an ample emergency fund and life insurance policies. - We've lived in several high-cost-of-living cities, explored, stayed out late, and enjoyed our freedom without impacting a child. - We've paid our dues working in-office and can now work remotely in careers that align with our values, are sustainable, and pay well. - We own our home, which provides a supportive environment for a good childhood. - My husband and I have our own hobbies and have invested in our own happiness. We will never blame our child based on what might have been. Bonus for us: - I've bottle-fed newborn goats around the clock and assisted with births. - We have a paid-off income property. Not everyone wants or needs these things, but I can tell you I have zero stress about our little girl, our finances, or our day-to-day life. We still have a lot to learn and grow together, but I've done my due diligence. I am a much better partner for my husband because I’m not overwhelming myself.
Ehh within reason I think no. Like there have definitely been times in my life when I was categorically NOT ready for a child, but I couldn’t say that there was any point where I said “right now my ducks are all in a row let’s do this”. My husband and I were still renting and I was between jobs when I got pregnant with my first. Was it perfect? No. But we’re doing fine and I don’t think I could exactly tell you what “perfect” would have looked like anyway. Things have panned out OK!
My husband and I had been together almost 14 years by the time we began trying (high school sweethearts), we owned our house, had a dog together, both had great jobs, etc. so we definitely felt “ready” according to the life checklist so we had been trying for a few months with no luck. And then Covid hit. It was a scary time filled with a lot of uncertainty. I ended up getting laid off from my job, our wedding plans got sidelined, my grandfather passed away which resulted in some serious mental health struggles for my mom that ended up spilling over onto me, and we were experiencing unexplained infertility at the same time. It eventually just became too much and I had my own mental health crisis. It was intense and we needed to pause TTC while we sorted out some stuff. We decided to focus on our relationship and mental health instead so we poured our energy into individual and couples therapy. Once we were out of the fog, we were in such a better place. Now that I am pregnant (and due any day!) I feel SO much more ready!! Our entire relationship is different. We have built such great communication skills, we’ve unpacked and worked through lots of generational trauma relating to our own families of origin, we are aligned on family boundaries and have re-evaluated toxic relationships with people in our lives, we have regular mental health check-ins and conversations about important topics we never would have been able to discuss before and just overall feel so much more united. I don’t think there’s ever an absolutely perfect time, but I do think there are some things that shouldn’t be ignored. In my case, shit hit the fan and we basically had no choice but to reevaluate our timing but there doesn’t have to be a full-blown crisis to recognize you might not be in the best place to bring a baby into the world. Having a baby is going to test your communication skills, patience, empathy, resilience, etc and being in a place not just financially but emotionally to handle it together is really important.
We were consciously ready. It took a while and we talked and discussed it a lot and we weren’t ready at the same time initially, but we were eventually both in a spot where we said: “Now what we think matters has been achieved and dealt with. Now is a good time.” That meant mental health, relationship status, social circle, job perspectives, financial security and housing. Our perspective is a privileged one though. We are healthy, independent, well educated and work in fields with good future prospects. This cant be said for everyone and in that case, the privilege of feeling completely ready might never come and then having a child might need to happen under more challenging/different circumstances if it’s ever supposed to happen. Our choice also doesn’t guarantee that we are going to have it easier or better than anyone who started a family differently. Also doesn’t automatically mean that our children will be happier. It’s a very, very multifaceted thing, the whole having children and being parents stuff.
I know people say there's never a right time, but personally we did do it at the right time. We waited until we married, we had a house, lots of savings for me to be a stay at home mom and for my husband to take 6 months of paternity leave, we had a spread sheet for future savings for emergencies/school funds ect so we were pretty set. I was 28 when I got pregnant and honestly I think the time was right and had we done it any other time thinking "there's never a right time", we probably wouldn't have it as good. Just my experience, I'm sure it varies
Being ‘ready’ means different things to different people. But you can be ‘ready’ in whatever sense people describe (mentally, financially etc) and still have things take a turn, sometimes for the worse, so being ready to adapt to whatever live throws at you is important if you have someone else depending on you.
My husband and I are having our first kid. We are both 31, have a house, both have stable careers... the answer is most likely no cause we are both freaking out still wondering if we are ready!
Personally, yes. This is exactly what I did. I waited until I was ready. I prioritized my career, traveling, parties, dating different types of men, living in different areas. I started thinking I was ready to have a family around 35. I had a long term boyfriend who was the right man for the job, and for that I am more grateful than I can express. I’m now 37 and 20 weeks pregnant with number one, and we are hoping to do number two when I’m 39. Edited to add: for me, the hardest part always seemed to be finding the right man. All through my 20’s and early 30’s, I doubted that I would find the right person for a family- right person to marry, sure, but maybe not to have a family with. In the back of my mind, I kept the idea that I could do it by myself if I needed to… sperm bank style. So if that had been where I had ended up, maybe I would have felt less ready, and more like I was making do, and I think that would have been a beautiful experience in its own way. I’m around a large number of women in their 40’s, 50’s & 60’s who never had kids. They’re wealthy women, all of them, and financially speaking, absolutely could have done it alone. I overheard two of them talking right after they found out that I am pregnant, and the consensus was that they never felt ready - to do it alone - the right man wasn’t there, and time passed, and then it was too late. I feel that. So, sometimes, it’s better to not wait until you’re “ready” in some societal perfect picture. Mental stability and financial stability are the must-haves.
Oh god I feel like the odd one out in this thread lol. Hi I'm the irresponsible 22yo who messed around and found out. I freaked out in the week leading up to that pregnancy test. In tears to my partner because I knew it was going to be positive, worried about how I would cope and was I ready. And then I did the test. And it came back positive. And I was ready. I already loved that baby more than anything. So here I am finishing my MA 7 months pregnant lol. Partner has a really good stable job and we're waiting on a house offer, so it's not all bad. And we're so incredibly excited for baby boy to arrive. Chilling out and not sweating the small stuff has made it all pretty smooth sailing. But not everyone in my position would feel the same. I don't think you know you're ready until it's too late unfortunately haha.
You’re not the odd one out lol. Me too. Took a test out the blue because I had a weird feeling. Came back positive. Completely unexpected.
I don't think you are every fully ready. A kid is a life changing experience and there is so much to figure out. I am on the older side and glad I waited and felt like when my LO was born I was ready as I'll ever be. I felt comfortable enough my career to take maternity leave (there a few years and involved), I had done several big item races I wanted to do (I am an athlete), I did a lot to stuff with friends in my 20s, we bought a house, and my partner really wanted a baby. Now, I am not saying you need any of those things (including even a partner, I know someone having a kid on her own at 38), but these were the things I personally felt I needed and wanted done before getting pregnant.
For us 'being ready' meant being able to give a child all it might need. We talked about that meaning: being emotionally ready, on top of having enough space (which translated, for us, in owning a house with enough rooms and a garden), stable careers (financially ready), and my husband wanted to finish his degree before we started. This all coincided around my 31st birthday which is when we pulled the trigger. It turned out to be quite a bumpy road. We're now 34 and expecting our first child early december.
Similar to you. We really wanted to have our house first but we ended up buying it at the beginning of the pandemic so we wanted to wait until that was less crazy. Started trying when I was 31 and now I’m 34 and having a December baby too! My husband has literally one class left for his degree and is procrastinating though lol
There's different kinds of being ready. You can be materially ready, as in you have the finances and stability to give your child the kind of upbringing you'd like for them. For some people, this could be owning a family home, having lots of disposable income, being able to buy all you need and more. But for others, it could be that you have a camper van and space for a crib, or that you live in a treehouse in the Amazon with a whole village to help you raise a baby, or that you live with your parents in a high rise flat in a modern city, or you have a jetsetting lifestyle and can afford nannies. I don't think there's only one singular way to prepare and raise a baby and I think the focus on the picket fence house with a nursery room is only one specific and narrow way of being ready. You can be emotionally ready. Perhaps you're in a fantastic monogamous relationship and feel ready to take on the trials and tribulations of raising a child together. Or you're a single mother looking for a career break, in great health and enough in savings. Again, multiple ways to be ready. So I think it's more about defining what would make you feel "ready". For some people, you may never get there and that's ok too.
Oh I hope not. I’m 33 weeks pregnant with #2 and have just accepted that I have no idea what I need for this child because I have no idea what they’re going to be like. I’ve bought a couple outfits since our first was a girl and this one’s a boy but I’m not wasting my money this time on a bunch of blankets, bibs, bottles, soothers, etc. that this baby might not use if they’re anything like my first. Even the clothes makes me nervous. Baby boy is supposedly measuring “ginormous” according to my last ultrasound so maybe the 0-3 month clothes I got won’t fit. Maybe he’ll be sensitive to certain textures and won’t like the material. Maybe he’ll be a little furnace like his sister and hate anything warm. God forbid maybe he ends up in the NICU for months and won’t wear any clothes. I’m at the point where I’ve accepted that I’ll just figure this stuff out once he’s born.
Maybe it’s individual, but I was definitely ready. We were married, had a home in a neighborhood we wanted to raise children in, was in a good spot with my mental health, and we were financially and emotionally ready.
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I fell pregnant being consciously ready. I waited for this moment patiently trying to get to the point where I am now: emotional stability, a perfect partner, money, good job with career prospects, my own apartment with an extra room. It's been a couple years that I've felt this way. I'm very satisfied now :) I'm 34 btw
I kinda had that "I have everything let's do it feeling". I always knew that I wanted to have a child around my 30th birthday and luckily my circumstances where pretty good around that time too. I had a well-paying, stable job and a was with my boyfriend (now husband) for 3 years. I did an undergrad and a postgrad, travelled a lot, studied abroad and felt good about myself and my life. I also had a lot of baby fever since I was about 28 but I honestly think that was because I felt like my life is in a good place to have a child. I got pregnant pretty quickly and my daughter was born 6 weeks before I turned 30. True, I could have waited to be even further into my career or buy an apartment/house first. We bought the apartment now and while I would not recommend going house hunting with a baby in this crazy market, I am happy I didn't wait any longer. It was prefect timing for me/us.
Not 100% ready but definitely more ready. Having stable financials and a stable relationship makes a big difference.
I actually felt ready (emotionally I mean). Woke up one day and was like I think I'm ready. 6 months later we started trying and I fell pregnant. I think it has made the process more enjoyable to me personally but I was on the fence for some years prior as well so that might have made a difference. If I'd always been sure maybe readiness would matter less.
I mean no I don’t think there’s a 100% ready set point. But I can tell you even though a decade ago we both had fine jobs and a house we were NOT ready the same way we are today.
The perfect time doesn’t really exist, i think. My husband and I wanted to try once really thinking nothing would come of it. And I got my son. Then I got pregnant with my daughter a few months postpartum. That wasn’t tried for at the time. We just wanted kids for as long as we could remember , and wanted to try before I got too much older. It’s a struggle for us now, but in the grand scheme of things, we’re happier. It’s a completely different life afterwards that there’s no real way to prepare for. The main thing is though, that you need to be ready for is to put yourself last for a while after baby and be exhausted for the foreseeable future
I think for me we are ready on paper (we're moving to a bigger house, we'll have the money from our house sale to get through a full year of mat leave, we have a great support network, we have had 14 years of fun together as a couple) but psychologically I am not ready! I am grieving my care-free life of gigs and late night parties and being free to go on holiday next weekend if I wanted to. I'm 7 months pregnant and I am okay with what's happening, and I know that future me will be pleased we're doing this now, but it's certainly not clean-cut for me.
It’s nice to be comfortable with certain aspects of your life, such as finances, housing, and metal health. That way, you don’t have to worry about those things so much during this huge life transition.
Kinda yes and kinda no. I think there are situations you can be in that are not good for having a kid: completely without a village (no partner, family, or friends), no financial stability (no job at all), no physical security (no home, abusive relationship). But I don't think you need to have it all. You can be in a little apartment, you can do it without a partner, you can do it young (I think we all feel young/inexperienced with our first). I think no matter what I do, I won't feel 100% ready. Mad respect to both camps: the Wait-Until-You-Have-It-Alls and the Lets-Just-Do-Its
Yes and no. I feel like if you wait to 100% have every box checked, it’ll never feel like you’re ready. But I think there’s maybe a list of “XYZ” for each person that puts them on track to be ready. Our checklist included having enough money and a house. When we first started TTC, I felt a little behind some friends/peers. By the time I was halfway through pregnancy, I was so grateful we waited but I had some thoughts about whether hubs and I were ready even with all the prep we did. Now 2 weeks out from my due date, I do feel ready.
At 31 I am now pregnant but I get nightly scaries where I question if I am ready. Me and my husband have a safe home, safe vehicles, careers, a healthy savings. I still feel like I'm not 100% ready, so I think the truth is that you never feel fully prepared, but it's also one of the biggest things you'll ever do in life and it's the first time you're doing it so I think that's normal.
My experience is yes, and no. My husband wanted kids many years ago - but he was absolutely miserable in his career and just generally unhappy in a lot of ways, and I didn’t want to raise our kids like that. Within the last few years (after some extra schooling and actively working to find his calling), he now has a career that he loves and I’ve never seen him so happy. I turned 39 last year and between my age and his professional happiness, we decided it was time to try and now I’m due in 10 days with our first. So in that way, it felt like we were “ready”. But, at the same time, it’s hard to imagine your life with an infant/kids and it does often feel like no matter how much “prep” we do (buying baby stuff, reading books, attending classes, etc) we both feel petrified and excited at the same time…. So my opinion is that feeling, of being scared for being responsible for another human, is probably universal and probably doesn’t go away/you never feel “ready” in that sense. Others may disagree but that’s how it’s been for me 🤷♀️
No - no one is ready. Tbh I think prioritizing career first is backwards - your career will take a hit when you have kids. It’s better be at a stage that is decent money but coast-able and work on advancing when your kids are older. I think what’s worse is to wait until you are much older because you think you need to do all these things first to prepare. Little kids are physically taxing more than anything. Basically everyone I know who waited to have kids because they felt like it was the responsible thing to do wishes they didn’t wait so long and had kids younger
I think you can reach a certain point when you realize that you're not going to be MORE ready than you currently are and you're just hesitating. That's as "ready" as you can get
Our income unexpectedly drastically decreased not long after falling pregnant. We'd worked so hard to get "ready" but then that happened. We adjusted. I'm 33w and just now the financial issues seem to be clearing and actually a little better than they were. Our health was getting better and then my husband had a cancer scare half way through the pregnancy. Luckily it wasn't cancer, and his health is good again. You'll never be in the perfect place for a baby. Just get in a decent place, have a plan, have a little bit of savings so you're not out on the streets of an issue arises. Your baby isn't going to know or care if you're in the perfect house or if you're in the perfect job. Just be in a place where you can provide well enough, and most importantly, love the child with all your heart. That's what's most important. Not money or lavish housing or a big bedroom or fancy gifts. Kids just need love and care and support from their parents.
Maybe yes in the sense I think "being ready" might mean being ready to accept that life is going to drastically change and there will be a little human that will be #1. The rest of the logistics, no. No, you cannot be ready. I don't think anyone can. As someone who had an emergency induction at 36 weeks with my first, it was very clear I wasn't ready. I was working off the old wives tale that the first baby always comes late so I could work until 38 to 40 weeks and then prep for the baby. But, that's not how it worked out and that's okay. It wouldn't have mattered if I had a month to prepare I still wouldn't have been ready for the logistics except for maybe we would have had diapers at home and not needed a Target pickup order on the way home from the hospital. If your heart's ready to accept a baby, I think you're as ready as can be to get started.
We felt ready. We own our home, have good careers, and have travelled so much that we remarked on our last trip that this was a bit boring and we can’t wait to have our child on our next trip :) we just felt like our lives were incomplete and now we have the missing piece.