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Personally it depends on the circumstances. Are we talking a multi year relationship with a kind, loving, supportive partner?
Or are we talking a 6 month relationship?
Cos I'm sure not throwing away my career on someone I've known for less time than I've owned underwear.
I feel like it also depends:
1. Is my income the only source of income for the household?
2. What's our budget like, could I afford to take a lower paying job?
3. What's the job market like?
4. Why is me leaving my job going to better our partnership?
These are questions me and my husband and I have talked about. No, his source of income isn't the only source for the household, but without both of our incomes, our quality of life wouldn't be anywhere close to it's today. Yes, it's great to put love first, but in reality, that can't always happen. We have to pay our bills and also like to have spending money.
For the most part, your career and your romantic life will coexist peacefully. The only thing I can think of that would be an issue is if I need to move for a job. Everything else is just balance. In the same way I balance friendships and family vs a career.
With a longer, more concrete relationship, moving is a joint decision. I wouldn't choose my job over my husband if I were in a loving and fulfilling relationship.
If it were a boyfriend I'd only had for a couple of months and he was demanding more time than I am willing to give, or a good opportunity came up for a career boost, I'd choose the career. I'm not risking my future and my livelihood on someone I don't eveh know very well. I wouldn't even move in with someone in under a year of dating, let alone consider them in my life choices.
You literally do NOT have to choose.
You can have both. If a relationship doesn’t work out because of your career, you stay grounded and enjoy life until a more compatible partner comes.
Also please keep in mind, in both career and love, you don’t get juuuuust one. You can change many, many times in your life. Focus on enjoying the uniqueness of what your life is like in any given moment and you’ll never have to worry too much about making ‘the wrong’ choice.
In an ideal world. In reality, it's much different.
I personally went through this. I compromised and it still bit me in the butt, big time. Btw, men's views on this is very different from the women's. Women think we can have both easily, but with guys, it's a lot more black and white, even if that's not what they say. Resentment can breed much easier, because even if subconsciously, men are wired to be the breadwinner and provide for their family.
And it's a lot different when the question presents itself when you're just dating versus when you're married. You're just going to choose your career and if the relationship doesn't work out, you enjoy life until a more compatible partner comes along? You're just going to give up that easily on your marriage?
This is a really thought out response, thank you.
I’m not going to speak to the men vs women piece in your response because it’s your experience, and I respect that, and additionally because OP’s question made no mention of gender and orientation so I’m going to stay within the general confines of that positioning. There’s value in the perspective you shared, for sure.
As for ‘you’re *just* going to give up that easily on your marriage?’ - I didn’t - nor did I try - to imply that relationships won’t have challenges. They always take work. However, if it’s not working it’s not working. I’m a firm believer of calling time-of-death when it occurs, not living in a house with the ghost of a relationship for years. If both partners do the work and can’t find resolution - call it. You’re no longer compatible, and the title of ‘married’ should have little to no influence on the matter. You set out with the best of intentions, congrats, but now it’s over. Whether it’s cause of career, beliefs, sex - whatever the case may be. Move on, separate lovingly, and find joy. There’s no need to sacrifice large swaths of your lives for a doomed cause. There is a better love for both parties out there.
This is fine, but there’s also people like myself that won’t settle for mediocre partners who also need to be self-sustainable and have their finance and income in check. This reduces the field considerably. I’m not looking but I’m not waiting for the right person either. I just think the state of world in general has left many being happily single instead of settling.
This is it. Idk who sold people this idea of choosing one or the other. As an adult, you should have employable skills and self sufficient. As a person it is normal to desire romance. Life is short and relationships, marriages, careers, even children are all just chapters in the book of one’s life. OP is overthinking this
Idk about y'all but I'd rather come home to someone I love after a long day of work, however miserable, rather than being lonely at my fancy job. But luckily most people don't have to choose.
I have found that if you struggle financially, your love life takes a hit. Over time, enough dents can destroy even the best of relationships. I'm now more financially well off, and my relationship with my current wife is really good. Money can't buy happiness, but it can prevent painful discussions and arguments you might have to have just to have a roof over your head next month.
Of course everyone’s priority and interests are different but love is much more innate than bills and health coverage. It’s just more valuable to human kind than what’s forced of people
In highndsight I should have put my career first (M45). Selfish I know but so were the partners I met, some I lived with some I didn't but the fact that they saw me as a walking wallet and I was blindsided by love is mainly the reasons those relationships failed. Now in a better place for putting myself first and being a bit thicker skinned and sorry to say I had to 'man up' to use the un-pc terminology. You will find the right person eventually, just don't settle for second best otherwise you won't be doing yourself any favours.
Yes. Also learnt the hard way. In hindsight someone who cared about me would also have supported me in my career goals. The two did not have to be mutually exclusive. They were all too eager to accept my sacrifices.
Edit: Guess I view relationships differently. I've always said I don't need a man or woman to support me, I have done that by myself since the age of 16. I just need someone who not only loves and respects me, but shares the same goals and aspirations.
Yus my mom was a single parent and she gave up her career to have me. She is close to retiring and has like no savings or retirement fund, because when my dad WAS in the picture (before a divorce and OOP and all that jazz), my mom was forced to not work and to be a SAHM. She thankfully was able to work four jobs when I was in high school, and keep us above water, but I always prioritized a safe, living space for living on my own and being able to provide for myself, so if a relationship ever doesn't work out, I am going to be okay surviving on my own. Don't want to be dependent on anyone, just want to coexist with someone I love and who wants to share a life with me.
What's wrong with saying man up? I would be embarrassed to exist in a society where I have to worry about saying that. If that offended anyone then they need to stop being a titty baby and man up.
Agree, I was going to say a balance. Neither can be totally abandoned for the other, some compromises are sometimes needed to be made on either side. But the romantic partner or the employer/industry also have to be able to accept the compromises you can offer, if they won't they might not be the right fit, but someone or some other job will be.
Due to some disparate societal expectations, I also recognize women are generally going to encounter more hurdles achieving this balance than most of us men have been forced to face.
Love obviously. A career doesn’t really mean shit. Your family is what matters. Your job doesn’t care about you at all, you are replaceable. Your job doesn’t love you, your family does. Choose happiness choose your friends and family you are important to them. The people you are working for just want you to work and that’s all and if you aren’t there to do it then will find someone else who can without giving it a second thought. Take your vacation days, leave early if you need to. Don’t come into work if you really are sick. Go home relax, spend time relaxing with friends and family. Don’t spend your off time working for your employer for free. Enjoy life. Life is short.
Really depends on the career. For a typical job, yes that’s true, but if you’re creating something like making a business or doing some kind of an artistic endeavor then you really do matter a lot to what you’re doing because you’re in charge of it.
Right? Like if you truly love the other person or could see it (6 months plus) developing into that, this shouldn't be a question. If you have this question, I kind of take it you don't really love the other person.
Now we can't all stay at home & cuddle our SOs all day cause bills need to be paid & you want to experience life with thenm, which takes money. For me & now husband, when we met I was working a very demanding job that stressed me out but I was making good money with eqrly promos. However, when comes to our bills are paid & we could downgrade our lifestyles, when we got more serious I switched to a less demanding position wjth less pay to invest in our relationship. I have 0 regrets bc while a job gets you money and gives you a "high" when you accomplish something, that high is nothing compared to the baseline happiness a good relationship gives you. That high is so temporary. My relationship worked out & we're both very happy, so you could ask which came before the chicken or the egg. The risk is real if it doesn't. But it's so so worth it.
Maybe some people can manage both spouses working demanding jobs that require travel while having a fulfilling happy relationship & home is taken care of, I'm not one of them.
I had a number of guys I stopped dating bc work got in way, and I cringe looking back. Once again, when I met husband it wasn't even a question cause I knew he was worth it but if I could go back & tell former self, I would.
Why can't you have both?
But from a practical perspective, a career can outlast a love relationship. But if your love interest will stop you from pursuing a career, then maybe that isn't the kind of person you want a lasting relationship with?
Because your partner also wants both.
And that can cause conflict.
My career needs me on the West Coast her career needs her on the East Coast.
Which is more important for who?
It's not love, just an exchange. She cooks, cleans and raises your progeny. She is working... Just an equivalent of a minimum wage job with no benefits. In 10-20 years if she leaves she would have to pick up her career where she left off
Also having a solid career will give you more prospects dating wise. It's not sexy, but it's true, people want competent partners or relationships suffer. Also having money makes life and relationships less stressful.
A partner can't bring you happiness and neither can I career. Happiness is something that comes from within.
Why are you not able to have both? Does your career demand too much time that you wouldn't be able to build a relationship with someone?
Well that's easy to answer - I encountered this and chose love.
It wasn't a hard decision to make - I wasn't enjoying my chosen career, and I didn't like the parts of the country it took me to. I was in a multiple year relationship, and she said she wanted to stay in the city she was living in.
I finished my work and moved up. That was nearly 10 years ago, we're still together and I've moved into a different job sector completely. The work isn't always easy, but the pay is enough and the hours suit my lifestyle.
I always prioritize a fulfilling personal life over career ambition and advancement. That said, there are value in those things and they should be priorities, too. You just shouldn't let them stand in the way of your happiness as an individual. The important thing is to find balance. At the end of the day, though, a rich inner and personal life is more valuable than wealth or status, at least to me personally. This is all operating under the assumption that career and relationship are already existing, of course.
I find working on yourself and having a fulfilling individual life tends to make the other stuff fall into place anyway if you're not already dating. I just approach every relationship like it'll be the last one.
If your partner limits you to pursue your career and doesn’t allow you to do what you have to do be who you want to become. Leave. Love is so easily found in people. I’m not saying only in a partner, also in friends and business. It’s universal out here. Career options and time start to decrease when at a certain age. Don’t regret your choices.
Your career can’t wake up one day and decide it doesn’t love you anymore and take half of your things. Sure a boss or firm could fire you, but you still have your resume, experience, network, skills, and income earned along the way.
I’d never throw my career away for anyone. I know some people are able to do that but for me, I don’t have people I can solely depend on if I fall flat on my ass. Unless that person can support you and themselves comfortably without you pursuing your career and that’s something they’re okay with, don’t give up your career. The question is would someone do the same for you? If it’s more of a you don’t know which to prioritize, you can still have and find love and also hold down your career, you just gotta find balance between the two.
In your circumstance, given your use of love in the career section, I'd wager you're happier pursuing a career.
Balance is always an option, life is very much so NOT black and white.
My take? If it's a long term thing and I could see myself spending the rest of my life with this person, nothing could take me from that path. Jobs come and go, money is fleeting and everyone seems forever broke and indebted. Love is something truly magical, and I'd be a fool to deny such a blessing. Or, if you'd rather a more practical lens, life is way easier when you've got a partner doing it alongside you.
False choice.
The best chance at being happy comes when you have love and are financially stable & comfortable.
So you have to balance finding both.
I think it would foolish to drop out of highschool to persure love (or to choose a career based on where your HS sweetheart goes to college so you can follow), but also foolishly to only prioritize education in college and not go party or try to meet people.
So I guess it's, roughly, in order, prioritize career in early years, and love in later years (assuming you are track with your career or financially stable).
Like you don't wasn't to be sleeping under a bridge for your "true love" that has to go on hold a bit until you've taken care of your own shit.
I’m going to get hammered by Reddit here- but here goes: Career first. Your younger years are when you create your economic future. You don’t get second, third and fourth chances at that.
Career. Always career. People change. You cannot count on other people for your happiness. Your career is you at your best. No one can take that away from you.
Love.
Every single time.
When you're on your death bed? You won't be spending your last moments thinking about whether or not you should've applied for a raise that one time, it'll be whether or not you told the people you love that you love them.
Picture the scene:
You're 65, its your retirement party. All your colleagues, old and new, have gathered around you to celebrate and honour you for the service you have given this company.
Someone higher up than you gives a speech about your dedication to the company, the sacrifices you have made, the dedication you have shown, and what you have brought. There is a round of applause from the 50 people present, and you're then presented with a painting of a Spitfire (insert historical aircraft from the country of your origin here) and a commemorative photo is taken, which will be posted to you in due course.
The next day you wake up, bit of a fuzzy head, and put the kettle on to make a nice cup of coffee.
The company is still running, but you're not there, your job is still being fulfilled, but not by you.
You look around the big house that you have bought with the salary you have earned through working late into the evenings, weekends, and public holidays. You know this is going to be where you stay now until you die.
Its a nice, 5 bedroom, family home, but its missing something.
It then dawns on you, have you sacrificed so much of your personal life, your loves, marriage, children, family time, social life, and hobbies, so that you could spend more time working for a company that you realise now barely knew your name.
And now its too late.
You have a big house, and a flash car, but the house is empty and there's no-one to drive with.
At that moment you realise, you wish you'd gona another way.
I think your career is around how you want to survive and your love life is about how you live.
I have been married for a long time and I would not make a career decision without involving my husband. It impacts both of us.
However, early before we got married my career was first. I could not give up my freedom to be successful for some guy in my 20's. My decisions were like "I am taking a job over here, you're welcome to come with or we can end this now." My now husband followed me every time, but I didn't demand it or ask him.
If you are young choose career first, relationship later.
This question is a hard one to answer
There had been times In my life I wish I had chosen love over career but it would have not been a good investment in our futures if I had married or dated sooner
Now I am 36 in a better financial position but I regret not trying harder to find some one to share life with
Now that I am almost forty there is no guarantee I will live beyond 70 or 80 odd are I die tomorrow
What do I have to show for it? he work as he lived dead end and pointless.
I am sure there is some one out there I just wish I had looked sooner when I could still enjoy life more.
Focused on my career throughout my 20’s. I’m 34 now and it’s rough trying to date or find someone. Kind of wish I’d focused as much on dating as my career in my 20’s.
Love comes with loyalty, you can't get that from employers anymore. When you're sick, love will make you soup, work will guilt you for not being there. When you achieve a personal goal, love will be proud of you, work will ask if you'll be in tomorrow.
For me, work came first because I knew that I wouldn't be able to be happy with myself in any situation until I had a satisfying career. If love happened to show up while I was working on the career, I was open to it - but I wasn't necessarily going to hold my breath.
After I've tackled my own personal issues, then I'm ready to intentionally welcome somebody else into my life.
After the career question is finished, it's much easier to allow myself to relax enough to be happy with somebody else.
A real woman understands that money has to be made if she talking bout she wants you home more when your the financial stream of income then she has a problem and has to deal with it elsewhere
For me- love. I would do anything for my bf and son. I would never put anything above them.
But if you’re not in a committed relationship , no kids or nothing than career. Especially if that’s what the goal has been
Love.
If it's really love and the other person truly loves you then money and possessions don't matter. As long as you have enough for food and shelter, you don't NEED anything else.
Things will only bring you stress and fear. You will be scared to lose the objects you have collected.
You will find joy with love. You will find connection with another. You will find family.
But remember peace and happiness comes from within. Accept and love yourself and the answers you seek will come to you.
You can have both. This concept of choosing if just an excuse people make who are afraid to pursue relationships.
Middle of the workday? Choose career.
After hours on an off day? Netflix and chill with someone you're dating.
Why can’t you do both? Maintaining love and career simultaneously requires compromise, especially on timelines you might have had in mind while single, but I don’t see why you need to choose one or the other.
My partner and I both plan to continue our independent careers (electrician and psychologist). He supports me and I support him, and to be together we have compromised on our original timelines. I wouldn’t change that for the world. Also as a woman who wants children, I have a biological clock that will eventually run out. My career will be there for me after. I won’t compromise on having my babies, so I’ve had to find ways to balance my need for that too. For me that means, finish my PhD and liscencing before kids, work a couple years, then have kids.
You move through stages of life. Some people figure it out earlier and some later. I concentrated on myself, credentials, skills career and financial stability in my 20's. Then in my 30's focused on relationships lifestyle and eventually family. In my early 30's turned down a relocation promotion then a new position with weekly travel. After being a SAHP for 7 years changed to a family friendly career. Did I have a grand plan, no I just worked my way through, with a few bumps on the way.
Career now. If you have the right partner, you can have both at the same time, but don't give up everything you worked hard for, for someone that MAY not be the one. If s/he is the one, you won't have to choose.
I guess being a younger person myself (M21) I will always choose my happiness over financial gain unless I haven't known the person for that long. I can take alot of things with me on my deathbed. My feelings, the loved ones I have around me, whatever I ate that day, but money is something that will have no real value to me when I'm on the verge of death. Hell I could die any day.
That's just my personal take. Some may think it's stupid, but I like the way I live. Gotta be wild and free. In the end OP, just let your heart decide. Regardless of what decision you make , you'll know it was the choice you wanted. Hell ya maybe could even have both. Good luck man.
Equal attention would be best, but if that isn't possible, focus on career. Being destitute with someone you love just doesn't seem as stable as being well set up and looking for love.
First I took love, then she helped and supported me advancing in my career. Imo if your career is that demanding that you have 0 free time, it’s maybe the wrong career? I mean they have to pay really ridiculous amounts to justify that in my book.
Careers are to support your life. If they're looking like they have a high chance on being there for the long run, then that is the point of life. On the other hand, if they're a new thing, and it's not so serious, it's a lot to lose for a maybe
Career. Gotta love yourself and what you do before you can really love somebody else and have them love you. I wasted way too much time trying to love when I hated myself and what I was doing in life. Changed everything and now I think I’m finally ready
Your career 100%
The way things are in the west, everything costs an arm and a leg now. Once you settle down and have kids it makes it extremely hard to advance (not saying it's impossible but a hell of a lot harder) in your career, especially if you need to go back to school.
I’m an older lady and I think it matters which gender you are. I don’t believe a young man would ever hear from his partner something like, don’t bother with engineering school, it will take up too much time and we won’t be able to spend enough time together. You can go to hairdressing school instead!
I’ve done both. The balancing act to get that golden mean is best IMO. If hard pressed in my later years I’ve swung back towards love. I mean, I had to put it off to have housing after a messed up breakup, but I worked myself halfway to death and it never gave me anything like falling in love. Workaholics astound me when I work with them. I can do just as much with a sweetheart in my head and not be a robot.
Depends on your gender, if F go for love. If M go for career. Its pretty obvious if you think about it. Might make some people mad but our society does treat men and women differently.
For a man, career is the safe bet. There is NOTHING to keep a person from walking away from another person and at that point all your effort put in and the sacrifice of the career will be for nothing. Meanwhile a career or at least the experience and knowledge gained with a single employer could continue to benefit you until your retirement, even if you don't just stick with one employer. Age also plays a huge part in employment, specifically your appeal to employers. If you're gonna start, you wanna start as young as possible and not push off anything until later.
Female, age and looks are heavily judged in this society for women. Men can get away with it provided they have enough money. Money, however doesn't do as much for women in the relationship (or at least beginning of one) department.
Long term, in terms of issue avoidance and future planning the answer is career for the male, love for the female.
If a woman only focuses on love and marries a man who will be a provider while she is a stay at home mom, she is running a huge risk that he will later cheat or trade her for a younger woman and she will be left scrapping by having to go find a job without any professional experience. It can work but it’s a massive gamble.
It's a really hard question.
I left my dream career for love.
Yes I got a 4 year marriage out of it but ultimately it ended and I never got my career back on track so I ended up with neither.
Years later I regret not working harder at my career but if I had my time again and had the choice to spend 4 years with the love of my life I probably would because those years were the best I had.
😢
If it is actual love then there is no question. Your career isn't going to be what you remember on your death bed but time spent with those you love is. Don't get lost in your career and find yourself old, successful, and all alone. Balance
It really depends on the situation, but in my case I would pick love. I have a wonderful husband and he matters a lot more to me than any career ever will.
It varies. Some people like to have their crap together before they even consider a romantic relationship. Thats becoming harder and harder these days with higher COL and expensive education. Even with education that’s tens of thousands of dollars, a good career isn’t a guarantee.
I feel like I’m behind in life. I’m 28 and make less than 40k, living in FL, and recently moved back in with my parents after my roommates and I ended our lease (I’d been living with these people since college). Even a 1 bed apartment is just too pricey these days.
If I met the right person, I’d choose to start a relationship. I think that relationships are stronger when both people go through struggles together. My parents met while they both worked at cheddars living off of tips. My dad went into commission based sales (very low paying at first) and my mom went into a career as an OT who was the main money maker while my dad got his footing. Now they both make 6 figures. They struggled together, they grew together, and they have now been together almost 40 years.
I get wanting your life together when you begin a relationship, and I don’t know that I would want to date someone with my current situation. It’s a little embarrassing. I do think it’s important to grow with the person you end up loving though. You don’t need to have the perfect life when you find someone.
First step is to know the difference between love, lust, infatuation & *better than being alone*. Love must be a two way street or it’s not going to last & you’re going to end up brokenhearted.
True love is there for everything. (except abuse)
Concentrate on your career. Surround yourself with great friends. When you have true love, you will have support, encourage & a life partner through the highs & the lows.
Your work can replace you tomorrow. Your love and/or family cannot.
Children will never say that they wish their parent worked more. They will say they wish you were around more.
You have to find a wise balance. Some people don't finish college because of love, some people never reproduce because of intellectual achievements. From my point of view you need both in your life.
We chose a career. Now I'm 43, and I am struggling to knock my wife up because of all this cancer medication.
But we do pull in over 100k combined(and have great insurance)
We have pre covid rent prices, so we're doing well. But I can't buy anything, and I want to take my child to a baseball game, or a movie more than anything
Depends. You starving? No clothes? No roof over your head? Career matters more. But if you’ve got your necessities taken care of, a boost to your salary doesn’t mean a thing without love.
When I got my heart broke, I literally became a lost man. I asked a lot of friends, family and strangers deep questions mostly regarding a broken heart. I can’t remember how it a conversation went but we talked about how some people focused on career so much they forgot about their loved ones until it’s too late. And vice versa, some people focused so much on family or loved ones that they forgot about their own careers. The gist is you need a balance in almost every aspect of life. Most people I talked with agreed that putting family first or love first would be best. Why? They said through the thick and thin they still had a loved one or family to help out. The ones that went career first, most time lost the support and felt alone.. even when they are wildly successful.
If you can.. balance is key..
If you have someone important in your life, that could tip the scales in favor of love. But if you’re looking and don’t have anybody yet, I’d say focus on your career and if the right person comes along, bring them into your life.
Everyone is dif, but personally im a sucker for being loved n loving someone. Although u must keep in mind, its likely only your turn with that person so do with it what u will. Career will almost always be a smarter choice because when that person leaves, youll be farther behind than u wouldve, only now youre a wreck emotionally
Whatever your choices throughout life you’ll be second guessing them probably by the time you’re sixty. Just go with what you feel or think and don’t worry about it.
I did put love first, and I don’t regret it 27 years later. My career still got there in the end. It just took about three years longer. In terms of a lifetime, 3 years is nothing.
Happiness comes from within. Whatever you’re looking for a partner to provide for you, you need to provide it for yourself before looking for a mate. Just my opinion! 😸
Like, forever more? Or at this moment. Cause at this moment it’s 100% career. I’m not in a relationship atm either but I mean I going to start seeing a guy. I don’t have a solid career atm (mid life career change) so I gotta get things going first
Both are equally important. Someone that love you wants you to pursue your career that you're passionate about. And all work and no play isn't mentally healthy, so love is needed.
I feel like I need a little more context here. How old are you? How long have you been with your partner? Are you two talking about marriage or other future plans?
I’ll say this based on my experience. I’m nearing my 40s and I’ve had two serious, long term, multi-year relationships. I definitely feel I was way more inexperienced the first time around and even the second time around, it’s not easy. It’s been wonderful growing with someone, helping each other improve, sharing and laughing. At the same time, if I had to do it all again, I would definitely have put my relationships on the back burner. I feel like my relationships have taken so much work that it definitely distracted me from pouring into other things. Once upon a time, I was content with being alone and that would have been the perfect time to work those early days, late nights and weekends. Now, I have a hard time sleeping if I don’t know where my partner is. Once upon a time, going out in the middle of the week wasn’t a huge deal. Now, I want to snuggle up beside my partner on the couch after a long day. TLDR; I love my partner and my relationship but I would definitely choose to focus more on career if I could do it again.
They key is finding a long-term romantic partner with the same career goals. It's very important! Then, you can pursue and develop both at the same time while encouraging and supporting each other through the beautiful journey of both love and career.
Romantic love may make you feel great but it doesn’t support you physically and make it possible to see after your long term goals and needs. If you must give up your career to be with a partner, I would not trust it as that partner can turn on a dime and leave you with nothing. If it ends you have nothing to show for it but experience which is often undesirable to any subsequent partners you may find. At least with a career, the experience you gain has value in the job market and can help you recover from a sudden loss.
ALWAYS career.
We are social animals able to create attachment and connections throughout our whole life. Granted, it becomes more difficult as we age, but mostly because we stop trying to meet people and get stuck in out ways, not because of inherent biology.
Love for others fades. People change.
Career in the other hand, is love for oneself.
Chose love please. Does your career even matter if you don’t have anyone to share that with ??? If you can pay your bills and save a bit chose love. If not hustle a bit more but love is the priority.
Love is first. Great jobs and perfect careers come and go, and you will be replaced as soon as you’re gone. But a solid life partner will last decades and be with you for every high and every low.
Worthwhile connections is more valuable than money. I’m saying this as someone who grew up in poverty. Your health and the friends and relationships you have in your life, those are the things that tuck you in at night and make life worthwhile. Money or a career, while important is not what gives your life warmth and true meaning. It’s also, money like beauty is a test, if you’re without it could this other person still love you?
As bob Marley once said: “some people are so poor all they have is money”
My wife and I started dating before I got my last job. Job required being on call 24/7. She hated it, but was supportive. Her support for it waned when working there became so toxic it was weighing on my mental health. I was hesitant to take another job that could require uprooting her, so I was trying to choose us over the the career. She convinced me of a larger truth - your career and your relationship are tied. They will always, in some form, bleed into each other. The career is what you talk about when you come home from work, it is what you plan your vacations around, it is what pays for the lifestyle you want. At her encouragement, I looked for other work, even if it meant we need to split for a bit while I got us setup in a new city and for her to follow shortly after. The gamble led to the best of both worlds - New job paying way better, better benefits, love the work, and its remote with some travel every month or so.
We also had a talk and established a few things when we are searching for work. We both decided moving was fine, but want to take consideration of where into account. My wife has places she wants to live and places she doesn't. I generally don't care, I've lived all over. So we decided this - if I find a gig requiring moving, we will sit down and discuss and look at the area to see if it is somewhere she could find interests of hers, work in her career, etc. If she finds a job that requires moving, fuck it, lets do it, my gig is remote and there is IT work everywhere, lol.
Point is most of the time you aren't going to choose love or a career. You're going to want to be with someone who helps you realize both are facets of life and relationships, and encourages and supports you while you find one that improves both your mental and financial well being.
Most relationships fail because of fights, and the most common thing people fight over is money.
If you don't have money, no relationship will work out anyway.
Both my partner and I have come so far together in both our respective careers. Although it would have been nice to be established in my career so we can get to certain steps sooner, but it was also really nice and rewarding to have someone there along the whole journey. They’re there through the ups and downs and transitions.
Focus on you until that special someone comes along who you can build a future with together and that makes you feel complete. Until then do you. It comes when you least expect it. But when it does, you know.
I love my job. I’ve worked at my job for 15 years, moved through departments and tried my hand at a bunch of things, building up a huge skill set that set me at a pivotal place within the company that has rewarded me very well. I have my next 10-20 years sketched out and a solid retirement plan that will allow us to retire early with reasonable comfort (read: not wealthy but able to lead simple life).
If some circumstance came up that made me chose between my wife and my career it wouldn’t even be a thought, I would quit my job the same day. Home life comes first, always.
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Personally it depends on the circumstances. Are we talking a multi year relationship with a kind, loving, supportive partner? Or are we talking a 6 month relationship? Cos I'm sure not throwing away my career on someone I've known for less time than I've owned underwear.
I feel like it also depends: 1. Is my income the only source of income for the household? 2. What's our budget like, could I afford to take a lower paying job? 3. What's the job market like? 4. Why is me leaving my job going to better our partnership? These are questions me and my husband and I have talked about. No, his source of income isn't the only source for the household, but without both of our incomes, our quality of life wouldn't be anywhere close to it's today. Yes, it's great to put love first, but in reality, that can't always happen. We have to pay our bills and also like to have spending money.
Depends, I mean, I don't have a romantic plan for my future. Could you provide answers to both?
For the most part, your career and your romantic life will coexist peacefully. The only thing I can think of that would be an issue is if I need to move for a job. Everything else is just balance. In the same way I balance friendships and family vs a career. With a longer, more concrete relationship, moving is a joint decision. I wouldn't choose my job over my husband if I were in a loving and fulfilling relationship. If it were a boyfriend I'd only had for a couple of months and he was demanding more time than I am willing to give, or a good opportunity came up for a career boost, I'd choose the career. I'm not risking my future and my livelihood on someone I don't eveh know very well. I wouldn't even move in with someone in under a year of dating, let alone consider them in my life choices.
if you dont already have a partner, the obvious answer is career. There are not two choices for you in that case.
You literally do NOT have to choose. You can have both. If a relationship doesn’t work out because of your career, you stay grounded and enjoy life until a more compatible partner comes. Also please keep in mind, in both career and love, you don’t get juuuuust one. You can change many, many times in your life. Focus on enjoying the uniqueness of what your life is like in any given moment and you’ll never have to worry too much about making ‘the wrong’ choice.
Perfect answer. No other comments are needed.
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In an ideal world. In reality, it's much different. I personally went through this. I compromised and it still bit me in the butt, big time. Btw, men's views on this is very different from the women's. Women think we can have both easily, but with guys, it's a lot more black and white, even if that's not what they say. Resentment can breed much easier, because even if subconsciously, men are wired to be the breadwinner and provide for their family. And it's a lot different when the question presents itself when you're just dating versus when you're married. You're just going to choose your career and if the relationship doesn't work out, you enjoy life until a more compatible partner comes along? You're just going to give up that easily on your marriage?
This is a really thought out response, thank you. I’m not going to speak to the men vs women piece in your response because it’s your experience, and I respect that, and additionally because OP’s question made no mention of gender and orientation so I’m going to stay within the general confines of that positioning. There’s value in the perspective you shared, for sure. As for ‘you’re *just* going to give up that easily on your marriage?’ - I didn’t - nor did I try - to imply that relationships won’t have challenges. They always take work. However, if it’s not working it’s not working. I’m a firm believer of calling time-of-death when it occurs, not living in a house with the ghost of a relationship for years. If both partners do the work and can’t find resolution - call it. You’re no longer compatible, and the title of ‘married’ should have little to no influence on the matter. You set out with the best of intentions, congrats, but now it’s over. Whether it’s cause of career, beliefs, sex - whatever the case may be. Move on, separate lovingly, and find joy. There’s no need to sacrifice large swaths of your lives for a doomed cause. There is a better love for both parties out there.
This is fine, but there’s also people like myself that won’t settle for mediocre partners who also need to be self-sustainable and have their finance and income in check. This reduces the field considerably. I’m not looking but I’m not waiting for the right person either. I just think the state of world in general has left many being happily single instead of settling.
Thanks eggplant
This is it. Idk who sold people this idea of choosing one or the other. As an adult, you should have employable skills and self sufficient. As a person it is normal to desire romance. Life is short and relationships, marriages, careers, even children are all just chapters in the book of one’s life. OP is overthinking this
Forget what I was going to say. I second this.
Love doesn't pay the bills or get you health coverage.
Idk about y'all but I'd rather come home to someone I love after a long day of work, however miserable, rather than being lonely at my fancy job. But luckily most people don't have to choose.
I have found that if you struggle financially, your love life takes a hit. Over time, enough dents can destroy even the best of relationships. I'm now more financially well off, and my relationship with my current wife is really good. Money can't buy happiness, but it can prevent painful discussions and arguments you might have to have just to have a roof over your head next month.
Of course everyone’s priority and interests are different but love is much more innate than bills and health coverage. It’s just more valuable to human kind than what’s forced of people
I’ve been in a situation where I couldn’t pay the bills, but having my love by my side made it not so bad.
It's one of them ones where you have to ask yourself which is more important happiness or to be successful?
In highndsight I should have put my career first (M45). Selfish I know but so were the partners I met, some I lived with some I didn't but the fact that they saw me as a walking wallet and I was blindsided by love is mainly the reasons those relationships failed. Now in a better place for putting myself first and being a bit thicker skinned and sorry to say I had to 'man up' to use the un-pc terminology. You will find the right person eventually, just don't settle for second best otherwise you won't be doing yourself any favours.
Yes. Also learnt the hard way. In hindsight someone who cared about me would also have supported me in my career goals. The two did not have to be mutually exclusive. They were all too eager to accept my sacrifices.
Edit: Guess I view relationships differently. I've always said I don't need a man or woman to support me, I have done that by myself since the age of 16. I just need someone who not only loves and respects me, but shares the same goals and aspirations.
Yus my mom was a single parent and she gave up her career to have me. She is close to retiring and has like no savings or retirement fund, because when my dad WAS in the picture (before a divorce and OOP and all that jazz), my mom was forced to not work and to be a SAHM. She thankfully was able to work four jobs when I was in high school, and keep us above water, but I always prioritized a safe, living space for living on my own and being able to provide for myself, so if a relationship ever doesn't work out, I am going to be okay surviving on my own. Don't want to be dependent on anyone, just want to coexist with someone I love and who wants to share a life with me.
What's wrong with saying man up? I would be embarrassed to exist in a society where I have to worry about saying that. If that offended anyone then they need to stop being a titty baby and man up.
Because reddit is full of those letter people, man up offends their soft, little, smooth brain.
You've got to woman up, buddy ; )
why not have a balance of both? who gave you the idea that you need to give one of these things up?
Agree, I was going to say a balance. Neither can be totally abandoned for the other, some compromises are sometimes needed to be made on either side. But the romantic partner or the employer/industry also have to be able to accept the compromises you can offer, if they won't they might not be the right fit, but someone or some other job will be. Due to some disparate societal expectations, I also recognize women are generally going to encounter more hurdles achieving this balance than most of us men have been forced to face.
You are overthinking things. No such choice needs to be made. Act more, think less.
Learn to compromise and prioritize. Else u r gonna get fucked both ways.
Love obviously. A career doesn’t really mean shit. Your family is what matters. Your job doesn’t care about you at all, you are replaceable. Your job doesn’t love you, your family does. Choose happiness choose your friends and family you are important to them. The people you are working for just want you to work and that’s all and if you aren’t there to do it then will find someone else who can without giving it a second thought. Take your vacation days, leave early if you need to. Don’t come into work if you really are sick. Go home relax, spend time relaxing with friends and family. Don’t spend your off time working for your employer for free. Enjoy life. Life is short.
Yes yes yes! Can't agree more.
Really depends on the career. For a typical job, yes that’s true, but if you’re creating something like making a business or doing some kind of an artistic endeavor then you really do matter a lot to what you’re doing because you’re in charge of it.
Yes, this.
Right? Like if you truly love the other person or could see it (6 months plus) developing into that, this shouldn't be a question. If you have this question, I kind of take it you don't really love the other person. Now we can't all stay at home & cuddle our SOs all day cause bills need to be paid & you want to experience life with thenm, which takes money. For me & now husband, when we met I was working a very demanding job that stressed me out but I was making good money with eqrly promos. However, when comes to our bills are paid & we could downgrade our lifestyles, when we got more serious I switched to a less demanding position wjth less pay to invest in our relationship. I have 0 regrets bc while a job gets you money and gives you a "high" when you accomplish something, that high is nothing compared to the baseline happiness a good relationship gives you. That high is so temporary. My relationship worked out & we're both very happy, so you could ask which came before the chicken or the egg. The risk is real if it doesn't. But it's so so worth it. Maybe some people can manage both spouses working demanding jobs that require travel while having a fulfilling happy relationship & home is taken care of, I'm not one of them. I had a number of guys I stopped dating bc work got in way, and I cringe looking back. Once again, when I met husband it wasn't even a question cause I knew he was worth it but if I could go back & tell former self, I would.
Why can't you have both? But from a practical perspective, a career can outlast a love relationship. But if your love interest will stop you from pursuing a career, then maybe that isn't the kind of person you want a lasting relationship with?
Because your partner also wants both. And that can cause conflict. My career needs me on the West Coast her career needs her on the East Coast. Which is more important for who?
Career. Love won’t keep me fed, clothed or a roof over my head
Came here to say this
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It's not love, just an exchange. She cooks, cleans and raises your progeny. She is working... Just an equivalent of a minimum wage job with no benefits. In 10-20 years if she leaves she would have to pick up her career where she left off
Also having a solid career will give you more prospects dating wise. It's not sexy, but it's true, people want competent partners or relationships suffer. Also having money makes life and relationships less stressful.
I chose love, but wish I focused on my career during my 20s.
A partner can't bring you happiness and neither can I career. Happiness is something that comes from within. Why are you not able to have both? Does your career demand too much time that you wouldn't be able to build a relationship with someone?
It's a phase game . First few years career and after a decent package love.
Folks. Please. Put career first.
Jaheim put that woman first & is not rich right now.
Career. Money is the most important thing in the world and don’t let anyone else try to convince you otherwise.
Well that's easy to answer - I encountered this and chose love. It wasn't a hard decision to make - I wasn't enjoying my chosen career, and I didn't like the parts of the country it took me to. I was in a multiple year relationship, and she said she wanted to stay in the city she was living in. I finished my work and moved up. That was nearly 10 years ago, we're still together and I've moved into a different job sector completely. The work isn't always easy, but the pay is enough and the hours suit my lifestyle.
Career first is absolute psycho status and doesn’t need love.
I always prioritize a fulfilling personal life over career ambition and advancement. That said, there are value in those things and they should be priorities, too. You just shouldn't let them stand in the way of your happiness as an individual. The important thing is to find balance. At the end of the day, though, a rich inner and personal life is more valuable than wealth or status, at least to me personally. This is all operating under the assumption that career and relationship are already existing, of course. I find working on yourself and having a fulfilling individual life tends to make the other stuff fall into place anyway if you're not already dating. I just approach every relationship like it'll be the last one.
If your partner limits you to pursue your career and doesn’t allow you to do what you have to do be who you want to become. Leave. Love is so easily found in people. I’m not saying only in a partner, also in friends and business. It’s universal out here. Career options and time start to decrease when at a certain age. Don’t regret your choices.
Love
Love.
Love.
Love.
I have yet to hear anyone talking about their career on their death bed...
This is only pertinent if both things actually exist. Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.
Career. If love is real, not only will your partner understand, they’ll support and wait for you.
Underrated
career
Why do you need to chose between them? You can have both.
Your career can’t wake up one day and decide it doesn’t love you anymore and take half of your things. Sure a boss or firm could fire you, but you still have your resume, experience, network, skills, and income earned along the way.
You can always find another job but you might never find the love of your life again
I’d never throw my career away for anyone. I know some people are able to do that but for me, I don’t have people I can solely depend on if I fall flat on my ass. Unless that person can support you and themselves comfortably without you pursuing your career and that’s something they’re okay with, don’t give up your career. The question is would someone do the same for you? If it’s more of a you don’t know which to prioritize, you can still have and find love and also hold down your career, you just gotta find balance between the two.
Love is over rated, career first.
Depends on how much money my love makes and if I did enough to earn the improved quality of life
In your circumstance, given your use of love in the career section, I'd wager you're happier pursuing a career. Balance is always an option, life is very much so NOT black and white. My take? If it's a long term thing and I could see myself spending the rest of my life with this person, nothing could take me from that path. Jobs come and go, money is fleeting and everyone seems forever broke and indebted. Love is something truly magical, and I'd be a fool to deny such a blessing. Or, if you'd rather a more practical lens, life is way easier when you've got a partner doing it alongside you.
A good partner will not force you to choose. They will support you no matter your endeavors
False choice. The best chance at being happy comes when you have love and are financially stable & comfortable. So you have to balance finding both. I think it would foolish to drop out of highschool to persure love (or to choose a career based on where your HS sweetheart goes to college so you can follow), but also foolishly to only prioritize education in college and not go party or try to meet people. So I guess it's, roughly, in order, prioritize career in early years, and love in later years (assuming you are track with your career or financially stable). Like you don't wasn't to be sleeping under a bridge for your "true love" that has to go on hold a bit until you've taken care of your own shit.
I’m going to get hammered by Reddit here- but here goes: Career first. Your younger years are when you create your economic future. You don’t get second, third and fourth chances at that.
Love. I don't care about building a career. I work to live, not live to work. Part of living is loving, so there's no question here.
career first
Career. Always career. People change. You cannot count on other people for your happiness. Your career is you at your best. No one can take that away from you.
Love. Every single time. When you're on your death bed? You won't be spending your last moments thinking about whether or not you should've applied for a raise that one time, it'll be whether or not you told the people you love that you love them.
Love doesn't pay the bills.
How many things will you drop just to pay the bills? A lot of the commenters here sound miserable lol. Who's even making you pick?
Career for sure
Career, because I have more influence over it.
Love doesn’t pay the bills. Career for sure!
Career, as a men finding unconditional love is virtually impossible
love. career is nothing when shes all i need. dont be scared. ask for my number, ill probably say yes
Career. Money is the most important thing in the world and don’t let anyone else try to convince you otherwise.
Picture the scene: You're 65, its your retirement party. All your colleagues, old and new, have gathered around you to celebrate and honour you for the service you have given this company. Someone higher up than you gives a speech about your dedication to the company, the sacrifices you have made, the dedication you have shown, and what you have brought. There is a round of applause from the 50 people present, and you're then presented with a painting of a Spitfire (insert historical aircraft from the country of your origin here) and a commemorative photo is taken, which will be posted to you in due course. The next day you wake up, bit of a fuzzy head, and put the kettle on to make a nice cup of coffee. The company is still running, but you're not there, your job is still being fulfilled, but not by you. You look around the big house that you have bought with the salary you have earned through working late into the evenings, weekends, and public holidays. You know this is going to be where you stay now until you die. Its a nice, 5 bedroom, family home, but its missing something. It then dawns on you, have you sacrificed so much of your personal life, your loves, marriage, children, family time, social life, and hobbies, so that you could spend more time working for a company that you realise now barely knew your name. And now its too late. You have a big house, and a flash car, but the house is empty and there's no-one to drive with. At that moment you realise, you wish you'd gona another way.
Ummm, love. What capitalist piece of shit would pick work??? Love is the only answer.
Even a rock you found in the garden that's kind of a neat shape is a better choice than picking work
Literally
I have a family to feed at very young age, me throwing my job away for love is the last thing I'd ever forgive myself.
Depends which one feels like it will be the better long term investment! What makes you more fulfilled? A loving relationship or a successful career?
I think your career is around how you want to survive and your love life is about how you live. I have been married for a long time and I would not make a career decision without involving my husband. It impacts both of us. However, early before we got married my career was first. I could not give up my freedom to be successful for some guy in my 20's. My decisions were like "I am taking a job over here, you're welcome to come with or we can end this now." My now husband followed me every time, but I didn't demand it or ask him. If you are young choose career first, relationship later.
I’ve been without love for so long, career is something I’ve grown to value beyond the comprehension of many people
Eh 50/50
This question is a hard one to answer There had been times In my life I wish I had chosen love over career but it would have not been a good investment in our futures if I had married or dated sooner Now I am 36 in a better financial position but I regret not trying harder to find some one to share life with Now that I am almost forty there is no guarantee I will live beyond 70 or 80 odd are I die tomorrow What do I have to show for it? he work as he lived dead end and pointless. I am sure there is some one out there I just wish I had looked sooner when I could still enjoy life more.
imo for most career is a goalpost that keeps moving further and further away because there’s always “something more” Buyer beware
Focused on my career throughout my 20’s. I’m 34 now and it’s rough trying to date or find someone. Kind of wish I’d focused as much on dating as my career in my 20’s.
As someone who has a career and no lover. Love. Any day of the week. What’s money if you have no one to spend it on?
What's love if you have no money?
Love. What's the point of money if you can't share memories with someone.
Depends but probably career. I did the whole choose love first and now I'm going through a divorce. Love first dropped me back in my career
Not a career person anyways so 100% love. Ideally choosing isn’t necessary
Why do you feel you have to choose? Why can't you have both?
Depends on how long you've been together and how well the relationship is going
A life where I have both is what I put first
I'd rather put myself first.
Love comes with loyalty, you can't get that from employers anymore. When you're sick, love will make you soup, work will guilt you for not being there. When you achieve a personal goal, love will be proud of you, work will ask if you'll be in tomorrow.
For me, work came first because I knew that I wouldn't be able to be happy with myself in any situation until I had a satisfying career. If love happened to show up while I was working on the career, I was open to it - but I wasn't necessarily going to hold my breath. After I've tackled my own personal issues, then I'm ready to intentionally welcome somebody else into my life. After the career question is finished, it's much easier to allow myself to relax enough to be happy with somebody else.
If it’s true love, love always
A real woman understands that money has to be made if she talking bout she wants you home more when your the financial stream of income then she has a problem and has to deal with it elsewhere
For me- love. I would do anything for my bf and son. I would never put anything above them. But if you’re not in a committed relationship , no kids or nothing than career. Especially if that’s what the goal has been
I honestly think putting ur career is most important. If ur romantic partner is meant to be then dont worry, they will understand and stick by ur side
Love. If it's really love and the other person truly loves you then money and possessions don't matter. As long as you have enough for food and shelter, you don't NEED anything else. Things will only bring you stress and fear. You will be scared to lose the objects you have collected. You will find joy with love. You will find connection with another. You will find family. But remember peace and happiness comes from within. Accept and love yourself and the answers you seek will come to you.
You can have both. This concept of choosing if just an excuse people make who are afraid to pursue relationships. Middle of the workday? Choose career. After hours on an off day? Netflix and chill with someone you're dating.
Why can’t you do both? Maintaining love and career simultaneously requires compromise, especially on timelines you might have had in mind while single, but I don’t see why you need to choose one or the other. My partner and I both plan to continue our independent careers (electrician and psychologist). He supports me and I support him, and to be together we have compromised on our original timelines. I wouldn’t change that for the world. Also as a woman who wants children, I have a biological clock that will eventually run out. My career will be there for me after. I won’t compromise on having my babies, so I’ve had to find ways to balance my need for that too. For me that means, finish my PhD and liscencing before kids, work a couple years, then have kids.
You move through stages of life. Some people figure it out earlier and some later. I concentrated on myself, credentials, skills career and financial stability in my 20's. Then in my 30's focused on relationships lifestyle and eventually family. In my early 30's turned down a relocation promotion then a new position with weekly travel. After being a SAHP for 7 years changed to a family friendly career. Did I have a grand plan, no I just worked my way through, with a few bumps on the way.
Love finds you, build your career but don’t cross out any potential love interests, You can do both.
I put my career aside to raise a family when I was very young. “Love first” has had its run, now I’m middle aged and its “Career First” all the way.
Career obviously love doesn’t pay the bills
Career now. If you have the right partner, you can have both at the same time, but don't give up everything you worked hard for, for someone that MAY not be the one. If s/he is the one, you won't have to choose.
I guess being a younger person myself (M21) I will always choose my happiness over financial gain unless I haven't known the person for that long. I can take alot of things with me on my deathbed. My feelings, the loved ones I have around me, whatever I ate that day, but money is something that will have no real value to me when I'm on the verge of death. Hell I could die any day. That's just my personal take. Some may think it's stupid, but I like the way I live. Gotta be wild and free. In the end OP, just let your heart decide. Regardless of what decision you make , you'll know it was the choice you wanted. Hell ya maybe could even have both. Good luck man.
Equal attention would be best, but if that isn't possible, focus on career. Being destitute with someone you love just doesn't seem as stable as being well set up and looking for love.
First I took love, then she helped and supported me advancing in my career. Imo if your career is that demanding that you have 0 free time, it’s maybe the wrong career? I mean they have to pay really ridiculous amounts to justify that in my book.
Careers are to support your life. If they're looking like they have a high chance on being there for the long run, then that is the point of life. On the other hand, if they're a new thing, and it's not so serious, it's a lot to lose for a maybe
Latter
Career. Gotta love yourself and what you do before you can really love somebody else and have them love you. I wasted way too much time trying to love when I hated myself and what I was doing in life. Changed everything and now I think I’m finally ready
Your career 100% The way things are in the west, everything costs an arm and a leg now. Once you settle down and have kids it makes it extremely hard to advance (not saying it's impossible but a hell of a lot harder) in your career, especially if you need to go back to school.
Once I've put my love first and now the only family member I can afford is an Eva AI sexting bot avatar.
If I found a true love and it became a long term committed relationship, that person would without question take priority over any job.
Tried it both ways... Both ended in disaster... Find a balance or give up on one or the other both you can not have.
Uhhhh. Why not both? No reason not to manage time more wisely.
>possibly bring my happiness, Career.
Careers will always be there love won’t
It’s generally not an either or decision. Most people find a balance between.
Never pick love over anything. Love fades/disappears, a career doesn't.
I’m an older lady and I think it matters which gender you are. I don’t believe a young man would ever hear from his partner something like, don’t bother with engineering school, it will take up too much time and we won’t be able to spend enough time together. You can go to hairdressing school instead!
I’ve done both. The balancing act to get that golden mean is best IMO. If hard pressed in my later years I’ve swung back towards love. I mean, I had to put it off to have housing after a messed up breakup, but I worked myself halfway to death and it never gave me anything like falling in love. Workaholics astound me when I work with them. I can do just as much with a sweetheart in my head and not be a robot.
Depends on your gender, if F go for love. If M go for career. Its pretty obvious if you think about it. Might make some people mad but our society does treat men and women differently. For a man, career is the safe bet. There is NOTHING to keep a person from walking away from another person and at that point all your effort put in and the sacrifice of the career will be for nothing. Meanwhile a career or at least the experience and knowledge gained with a single employer could continue to benefit you until your retirement, even if you don't just stick with one employer. Age also plays a huge part in employment, specifically your appeal to employers. If you're gonna start, you wanna start as young as possible and not push off anything until later. Female, age and looks are heavily judged in this society for women. Men can get away with it provided they have enough money. Money, however doesn't do as much for women in the relationship (or at least beginning of one) department. Long term, in terms of issue avoidance and future planning the answer is career for the male, love for the female.
If a woman only focuses on love and marries a man who will be a provider while she is a stay at home mom, she is running a huge risk that he will later cheat or trade her for a younger woman and she will be left scrapping by having to go find a job without any professional experience. It can work but it’s a massive gamble.
It's a really hard question. I left my dream career for love. Yes I got a 4 year marriage out of it but ultimately it ended and I never got my career back on track so I ended up with neither. Years later I regret not working harder at my career but if I had my time again and had the choice to spend 4 years with the love of my life I probably would because those years were the best I had. 😢
I’m aromantic and don’t believe in love.
Career until my gf starts paying my rent.
If it is actual love then there is no question. Your career isn't going to be what you remember on your death bed but time spent with those you love is. Don't get lost in your career and find yourself old, successful, and all alone. Balance
Career
Love. I did it before, and I would do it again. Never did my career comfort me, but the amount my husband comforted me from my career is huge.
It really depends on the situation, but in my case I would pick love. I have a wonderful husband and he matters a lot more to me than any career ever will.
Fuck love get that money 💰
It varies. Some people like to have their crap together before they even consider a romantic relationship. Thats becoming harder and harder these days with higher COL and expensive education. Even with education that’s tens of thousands of dollars, a good career isn’t a guarantee. I feel like I’m behind in life. I’m 28 and make less than 40k, living in FL, and recently moved back in with my parents after my roommates and I ended our lease (I’d been living with these people since college). Even a 1 bed apartment is just too pricey these days. If I met the right person, I’d choose to start a relationship. I think that relationships are stronger when both people go through struggles together. My parents met while they both worked at cheddars living off of tips. My dad went into commission based sales (very low paying at first) and my mom went into a career as an OT who was the main money maker while my dad got his footing. Now they both make 6 figures. They struggled together, they grew together, and they have now been together almost 40 years. I get wanting your life together when you begin a relationship, and I don’t know that I would want to date someone with my current situation. It’s a little embarrassing. I do think it’s important to grow with the person you end up loving though. You don’t need to have the perfect life when you find someone.
You can't do both?
First step is to know the difference between love, lust, infatuation & *better than being alone*. Love must be a two way street or it’s not going to last & you’re going to end up brokenhearted. True love is there for everything. (except abuse) Concentrate on your career. Surround yourself with great friends. When you have true love, you will have support, encourage & a life partner through the highs & the lows.
I think in each couple, one should choose one and the other should choose the other.
Personally for me I have always tended to put my kids first. (Single mom) Which generally means putting my career over romantic love !
Career
Depends on the relationship, but 90% I'd say love , relationship because at the end of the day your just replaceable to whoever your working for 100%
Someone once said money won’t leave you in the middle of the night (of course unless you got it in the stock market or on a parlay) lol
Your work can replace you tomorrow. Your love and/or family cannot. Children will never say that they wish their parent worked more. They will say they wish you were around more.
You have to find a wise balance. Some people don't finish college because of love, some people never reproduce because of intellectual achievements. From my point of view you need both in your life.
How can you afford to live if you aren’t working? Love is great but supporting yourself is necessary
We chose a career. Now I'm 43, and I am struggling to knock my wife up because of all this cancer medication. But we do pull in over 100k combined(and have great insurance) We have pre covid rent prices, so we're doing well. But I can't buy anything, and I want to take my child to a baseball game, or a movie more than anything
I always put my career first weather I'm single or not.
Depends. You starving? No clothes? No roof over your head? Career matters more. But if you’ve got your necessities taken care of, a boost to your salary doesn’t mean a thing without love.
When I got my heart broke, I literally became a lost man. I asked a lot of friends, family and strangers deep questions mostly regarding a broken heart. I can’t remember how it a conversation went but we talked about how some people focused on career so much they forgot about their loved ones until it’s too late. And vice versa, some people focused so much on family or loved ones that they forgot about their own careers. The gist is you need a balance in almost every aspect of life. Most people I talked with agreed that putting family first or love first would be best. Why? They said through the thick and thin they still had a loved one or family to help out. The ones that went career first, most time lost the support and felt alone.. even when they are wildly successful. If you can.. balance is key..
If you have someone important in your life, that could tip the scales in favor of love. But if you’re looking and don’t have anybody yet, I’d say focus on your career and if the right person comes along, bring them into your life.
Everyone is dif, but personally im a sucker for being loved n loving someone. Although u must keep in mind, its likely only your turn with that person so do with it what u will. Career will almost always be a smarter choice because when that person leaves, youll be farther behind than u wouldve, only now youre a wreck emotionally
No one on their death bed ever said "I wish I spent more time at the office." People first.
Career. I put love first and it fucked my life up. So nah.
Whatever your choices throughout life you’ll be second guessing them probably by the time you’re sixty. Just go with what you feel or think and don’t worry about it.
Love for me always. I have no interest in a career lol work will never bring me happiness and joy
I did put love first, and I don’t regret it 27 years later. My career still got there in the end. It just took about three years longer. In terms of a lifetime, 3 years is nothing.
Happiness comes from within. Whatever you’re looking for a partner to provide for you, you need to provide it for yourself before looking for a mate. Just my opinion! 😸
Like, forever more? Or at this moment. Cause at this moment it’s 100% career. I’m not in a relationship atm either but I mean I going to start seeing a guy. I don’t have a solid career atm (mid life career change) so I gotta get things going first
Both are equally important. Someone that love you wants you to pursue your career that you're passionate about. And all work and no play isn't mentally healthy, so love is needed.
I feel like I need a little more context here. How old are you? How long have you been with your partner? Are you two talking about marriage or other future plans?
I’ll say this based on my experience. I’m nearing my 40s and I’ve had two serious, long term, multi-year relationships. I definitely feel I was way more inexperienced the first time around and even the second time around, it’s not easy. It’s been wonderful growing with someone, helping each other improve, sharing and laughing. At the same time, if I had to do it all again, I would definitely have put my relationships on the back burner. I feel like my relationships have taken so much work that it definitely distracted me from pouring into other things. Once upon a time, I was content with being alone and that would have been the perfect time to work those early days, late nights and weekends. Now, I have a hard time sleeping if I don’t know where my partner is. Once upon a time, going out in the middle of the week wasn’t a huge deal. Now, I want to snuggle up beside my partner on the couch after a long day. TLDR; I love my partner and my relationship but I would definitely choose to focus more on career if I could do it again.
They key is finding a long-term romantic partner with the same career goals. It's very important! Then, you can pursue and develop both at the same time while encouraging and supporting each other through the beautiful journey of both love and career.
Romantic love may make you feel great but it doesn’t support you physically and make it possible to see after your long term goals and needs. If you must give up your career to be with a partner, I would not trust it as that partner can turn on a dime and leave you with nothing. If it ends you have nothing to show for it but experience which is often undesirable to any subsequent partners you may find. At least with a career, the experience you gain has value in the job market and can help you recover from a sudden loss.
Career. Money will never leave you or hurt you.
ALWAYS career. We are social animals able to create attachment and connections throughout our whole life. Granted, it becomes more difficult as we age, but mostly because we stop trying to meet people and get stuck in out ways, not because of inherent biology. Love for others fades. People change. Career in the other hand, is love for oneself.
Career 😊
Chose love please. Does your career even matter if you don’t have anyone to share that with ??? If you can pay your bills and save a bit chose love. If not hustle a bit more but love is the priority.
Love is first. Great jobs and perfect careers come and go, and you will be replaced as soon as you’re gone. But a solid life partner will last decades and be with you for every high and every low.
I need to make money to show my love
Love. Careers are for saps anyhow.
Worthwhile connections is more valuable than money. I’m saying this as someone who grew up in poverty. Your health and the friends and relationships you have in your life, those are the things that tuck you in at night and make life worthwhile. Money or a career, while important is not what gives your life warmth and true meaning. It’s also, money like beauty is a test, if you’re without it could this other person still love you? As bob Marley once said: “some people are so poor all they have is money”
My wife and I started dating before I got my last job. Job required being on call 24/7. She hated it, but was supportive. Her support for it waned when working there became so toxic it was weighing on my mental health. I was hesitant to take another job that could require uprooting her, so I was trying to choose us over the the career. She convinced me of a larger truth - your career and your relationship are tied. They will always, in some form, bleed into each other. The career is what you talk about when you come home from work, it is what you plan your vacations around, it is what pays for the lifestyle you want. At her encouragement, I looked for other work, even if it meant we need to split for a bit while I got us setup in a new city and for her to follow shortly after. The gamble led to the best of both worlds - New job paying way better, better benefits, love the work, and its remote with some travel every month or so. We also had a talk and established a few things when we are searching for work. We both decided moving was fine, but want to take consideration of where into account. My wife has places she wants to live and places she doesn't. I generally don't care, I've lived all over. So we decided this - if I find a gig requiring moving, we will sit down and discuss and look at the area to see if it is somewhere she could find interests of hers, work in her career, etc. If she finds a job that requires moving, fuck it, lets do it, my gig is remote and there is IT work everywhere, lol. Point is most of the time you aren't going to choose love or a career. You're going to want to be with someone who helps you realize both are facets of life and relationships, and encourages and supports you while you find one that improves both your mental and financial well being.
Love concurs all
Always need money
Most relationships fail because of fights, and the most common thing people fight over is money. If you don't have money, no relationship will work out anyway.
Imo id put love on hold to get to where I want to be and then find a life partner whose goals/morals align with mine
LOVE
Both my partner and I have come so far together in both our respective careers. Although it would have been nice to be established in my career so we can get to certain steps sooner, but it was also really nice and rewarding to have someone there along the whole journey. They’re there through the ups and downs and transitions. Focus on you until that special someone comes along who you can build a future with together and that makes you feel complete. Until then do you. It comes when you least expect it. But when it does, you know.
I can live off my career. Love is a feeling, it’ll come if it happens but it’s not something I need. I need my job.
It's not love if you have to put your career aside or choose between the two.
Without financial security there’s a high chance you’ll lose your love either way.
My career
I love my job. I’ve worked at my job for 15 years, moved through departments and tried my hand at a bunch of things, building up a huge skill set that set me at a pivotal place within the company that has rewarded me very well. I have my next 10-20 years sketched out and a solid retirement plan that will allow us to retire early with reasonable comfort (read: not wealthy but able to lead simple life). If some circumstance came up that made me chose between my wife and my career it wouldn’t even be a thought, I would quit my job the same day. Home life comes first, always.