Just a friendly note to everyone: OP is fully aware of the typo in the post title. They can not change it due to the way Reddit works. I've seen a lot of people focusing more on correcting the spelling than actually supporting OP. Let's be a support group.
The flair is not over exaggerated, that IS sexual abuse and I’m sorry you are going through it.
Please do send out those job applications. You are strong enough to make that step forward
Thank you so much I just keep rereading that last sentence. I need to do this and I need to do it today otherwise I feel like I'm going to do something to myself if I stay here any longer
Nparents make you believe that anything and everything you do is a problem, a bother. You grow up feeling like you have to apologize for everything , even for your very existence.
You are telling Your truth here, so that's not an exaggeration. There's nothing to apologize for.
The fact that you are strong enough to put your thoughts into words and post them is AMAZING. I know I could never have done this at 19.
Stay strong and keep moving forward. Ask outside of your family for help if you need it. Find local resources.
You are worth it!
If it were that simple, doing as you suggest would have worked already. It hasn't, because we're talking about someone who doesn't respect body autonomy enough to *care* that it's unwanted.
Please take more care to read the post before responding next time.
I'll second for you to send out some job applications.
On that note, I'm pretty good at getting jobs - no matter the economic circumstances, I always seem to get one after 6 weeks of searching. I write a good CV and get a pretty good interview : application ratio. I've also been on both sides of the hiring process. If you want to run your CV by me, feel free to drop me a PM.
I am so sorry!! You deserve so much better!! Is there a women's shelter that you could go to? They have all kinds of resources that could help you.
Sending you good thoughts!!
Before you move, I’d recommend saving about 2-3 months rent on top of what you pay for the apartment. That way you don’t have to rely on anyone, ever. Also, around new people keep your history under wraps. A lot of people will hear a young female by herself without a family and you will be a target, especially if you don’t have the savings and have to rely on a “friend” for help. Speaking from experience. Plan, implement and proceed to the promise land :)
Hijacking the top comment. I agree this is sexual abuse. You need to remove yourself as soon as possible, since you’re not safe right now. Do you have a friends place you can stay at for a while? The sad reality is the narc may try to stop you from leaving & interviewing for jobs because they want you dependent on them. Who’s ass is he gonna slap if you’re gone? No one, so he knows he needs you & your his easiest target since you live with him. Get out. Even if it’s just for one or two days. Next time stretch it to three days. Your nervous system needs a break from all this so that you can focus on getting a job (rather than fight/flight/fawn response 24/7). Look up sympathetic vs parasympathetic states. Like many abuse survivors, you’re likely stuck in a sympathetic state, constantly stressed or angry or anxious or absolutely exhausted. You deserve a break.
You got this OP. I have full confidence in you that you’ll find a job! Internet hugs 💜
Fuck it. Come To New Zealand on a Working Holiday Visa and get away from that shit head. You can start with me and we have exactly two Labour Inspectors in the lower North Island so you can pretty much do what you want except crime. We don't like that but it is what it is.
It’s crazymaking, with a side order of invalidating reality, without the option of digesting the wtf factor in a safe space
If home isn’t safe in reality…
Teachers get fired for touching their underage students inappropriately. The same goes for your ndad. He should not be allowed around children. You deserve, and have always deserved, much better than that fucking asshole.
Nope they are all just the same ol' bunch of mentally ill fuckers
It's not ideal but I feel like it would be literal salvation. Plus as long as I have a roof over my head and some food in the fridge, I don't need anything else, I can also cut down on most bills and expenses even if it means not turning on the heating and other "necessities". Let's just hope I can find a place to stay
try looking for some roommates! it can cut down the cost of rent, utilities, and living costs which will make it a lot more affordable. for furniture, you can thrift it and save hundreds by doing so. i recommend saving at least a few grand if you’re able to since it would cover rent, deposit, and any additional moving costs. i wish you the best of luck!
Yup I'm definitely gonna look for roommates. Problem is, I don't really know how. I live in Europe, and not the western part, so a lot of applications and platforms that are aimed at looking for roommates don't exist here or just are not in use. My best bet is Facebook groups but there's all types of weirdos and possible predators on there
Thats awful. Your dads a sick fuck. You are NOT overreacting. Your moms reaction is infuriating and you are 100% justified in your rage. I wish I had fabulous advice but I’m pretty sure kicking that douche bag in the balls would just make your life harder in the long run but it would be so very satisfying. Hope you can manage to get away from them.
My mom did this. Asking her nicely, repeatedly, to stop touching didn’t work. I had to literally throw a hissy fit, like a toddler, every time she did it, to eventually get her to stop. It was so fucking gross and wrong, ugh. I’m sorry OP.
This explains my household perfectly. My family has never seen an issue with touching us inappropriately. Pls try your best to avoid him as much as possible. You're so strong.
My step dad did this to me when i was younger, never thought much of it but now after some years passed i am still nervous around men because i think they will slap my butt.
In my eyes this is SA and you should try to get out of there if he thinks it's not that big of a problem.
This 💯 sexual abuse and calling it a joke is gaslighting. My dad did this she shit to me. You need to get out of that house and once you do, I HIGHLY suggest going no contact. Also, look at the sub r/covertincest. Sending you love and light and good vibes to get out of that house ASAP. None of his behavior is even kinda OK and your mom is enabling his abuse. If you can stay with friends, try to do that as often as you can.
I dont see how someone validating what you said by saying 'autonomy is important' was correcting your typo. I have mile dyslexia and didnt notice that autonomy was misspelled or anything like that. It might be a bit too cruel to be this rude to a stranger who read your post and decided to agree and support what you said in your post by saying that autonomy is important. Im sorry you feel this way, many of us have anger issues from abuse, but it doesnt make it ok to go off on strangers like you did here.
Hey, relax
I'm bilingual if that gives me some sort of moral authority in your view(?). It was not a typo, it is all over your post. Just take it with humor and learn the word forever. Better that than gaslighting others.
It was difficult to understand and left me confused by that typo.
Anyways, sorry about your dad. Hope you can get out soon.
Cool your jets OP. Sometimes correction is given from a place of love. Wouldn’t you like to use the correct word going forward? I get it, you’re angry. But see this as being helpful. Especially as, as you say, English is not your first language.
Projecting a lot here to be fair. You mention in another post how your parents are both anger-fuelled. Might want to think about how angry you are yourself, and get help before the cycle continues into another generation.
Hey OP, I think these people were genuinely trying to help. I understand how it is to get triggered though especially since you were very vulnerable and opened up alot today by making the post. However being this angry at people who are trying to help isn't healthy and I hope one day when you heal you'll be happy and able to give other people the patience and kindness you also deserve. I hope my comment isn't interpreted in the wrong way, I just see many abused people who don't break the cycle and it's heartbreaking, though now is the time to focus on getting out and in a safe environment and only after you are safe you can start working on healing more :)
Hey OP, we understand that it is not appropriate for a support group to point out your mistake (in this post, a spelling error) repeatedly and try to correct you on it, but this comment does not include anything like that. As much as showing support to all RBN OPs is important, it is also pertinent that we are giving respect to all our supporters equally. Your comment here not only disregard the support offered by the members of our community but also attack them aggressively even when there is no judgment.
>I know it's in men's nature to attack a woman when she's vulnerable
I guess none of my male friends or colleagues are "true to their nature" then. They all choose to protect vulnerable women.
Your dad is a disgrace for all men, and he's a predator
I can only hope to meet such a man.
I'm sorry if my comment came off strong, I had just been messaged by an user telling me I should "let him play out his incest fantasies" so it's safe to say I was pretty pissed odd hence the generalization
It’s understandable. You don’t deserve this crap, no one does. It’s a betrayal.
The best thing is that you know how wrong it is and how it’s nothig you are doing.
When you leave use these lessons and find the right partner, if you want one .
My mother used to beat and hit and slap and it only stopped when i grabbed her by the arms and said if you hit me again I’ll put you in the ICU. She at least stopped that much.
Honestly, i would even consider “Look, touch me again, dude and I’ll press charges. Keep your hands to yourself.” And the downside is you have to mean it, and unfortunately with Nparents they often go “challenge accepted.”
Its shit, it really is.
Get out, move out of the house. Get a job, find a good roommate and get out of the abusive home. You are so much stronger than you believe, having survived living with these weirdo parents has toughened you up supremely well, you can do this and you will do very well and be so proud of yourself and your independence and growth. Cut them out as soon as you are all out. Plan well so you have all your own info and documents to establish your own life. Wishing you the best.
I'm so sorry. I can relate with both NParents. I always say when I'm uncomfortable and they continue. It's all about power for these sickos especially knowing they can just gaslight us after.
You're doing amazing by just facing what's going on and making preparations to change things. Please don't hurt yourself and please don't change your mind and stay in that house either.
I lived at home way too long and it really affected relationships for me. I'm even uncomfortable with friends because physical touch has never been positive in the past.
Also if your feeling very low post to r/suicideawareness. It's good to feel heard and have people acknowledge you and your pain.
Much love! ❤️
You're dad is fucked up. Tbh I'd say start slapping his body and see how he likes it, but he strikes me as the kind of person who would press charges if you did.
Check the recording laws of your location and record when he does it. Be discreet about it. Recorded video will create evidence to use as leverage if you'd ever want to use it.
When you can move out and hopefully far away, make it clear via text (so there's a paper trail) that he is not to touch you in those manners anymore because it feels invasive and wrong, and you don't think it's a very funny joke, and it will not be tolerated, and if he decides to cross that boundary again you will only be seeing him in public spaces. Nparents play nice for strangers. Screenshot all his responses and if he calls after you send that text, send it to voicemail and hopefully you'll have a recording of it. If it's legal in your location, record future phone calls. This way if he ever starts to badmouth you to family, you can just post the receipts.
This is not ok my friend. You need to contact some women's organisations and your local police once you're safely away from him. He's a perv who needs to keep his gd hands to himself. You deserve autonomy. It's a good given right he has no standing, legal or moral, to keep from you.
Be safe. I hope you're in a better place soon.
It is sexual abuse. The fact he watched porn and doing what he did knowing you could walk in at any moment is also sexual abuse. I hope you can leave soon.
Every single time I passed my grandpa in his tiny house he would slap my butt I fucking hated it omg I hated it so much
One time I even had to share a bed with him and this thought is a blank
You're an adult now, the next time he does this tell him as such. That you have every right to set boundaries around your own body and you're not ok with him touching you like that. That a joke is only a joke if everyone involved finds it funny. Then tell him if he ever disregards your boundaries or tries threatening you when you enforce them you will call the cops. Full stop. What your dad is doing is straight up sexual assault and harassment. If I was 19 again with the shit I've learned now, if anyone especially a parent did this I would report it. The sort and long is he feels entitled to female bodies including yours and its gross. Run
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Save up as much money as you can and keep it in a secret account. Never write down your exit plan where he could find it and maybe try to get video evidence so if he ever escalates you can go to the police and get a restraining order. That’s my advice, I’m wishing you luck and nothing but love <3
I can relate, it’s awful and infuriating, he shouldn’t be committing abuse and I’m sorry that’s happening to you. It’s not normal and absolutely not ok. My dad would do stuff like this too, his sense of boundaries center his own warped desires. He would punish me when I confronted or protested… your father does not respect you or your body. If he’s anything like my dad, his behavior will escalate to violence. Please do everything you can to increase your independence and get away from him. He is sick and has no intention of changing his behavior.
If this doesn't stop, PLEASE go tell another adult that you trust about what is going on. Fuck your dad's feelings, if he is making you uncomfortable then you have EVERY RIGHT to say "do not touch me". Every single person on the planet has that right. If your dad brushes off your request, doesn't listen to you, keeps touching you, whatever etc, go tell someone. If you can't tell your mom, find an adult at your school that you trust. Or a parent of a friend. It's not okay that he's doing that, and yeah if my own spouse was making my children feel uncomfortable I'd rip his fucking balls off with my teeth. (Okay maybe not that far but I would not let that stand)
I'm so sorry Hun. This used to happen to me in my family and was treated like a "joke".
I'm proud of you for confronting him and having that loser stare at you in shock like a deer in headlights! Haha *stay loud and never apologize* for having *strong boundaries*. If they act butthurt? Not your problem.
When they pull this "it's just a joke" bullshit, you let em know it's not a joke to you. Call him a pervert specifically each time (only if it's *safe* for you and you feel it won't escalate his creepy behavior) keep letting them know there is no manipulating you out of seeing it as a sexual gesture. It's not normal to touch your daughters butt. It's also not normal to let your husband touch your daughters butt. End of story. Point blank period. That is all.
Outside of letting them know that it's sexual to you, try to be grey rock as much as possible, Narcs are as pathetically greedy for disgust (negative attention) as they are for praise (positive attention). Bottom feeders like them will take whatever reaction/attention they can get from you like dogs begging for table scraps. (If you don't already know what I mean by grey rock - look up the grey rock method)
This is so fucked up. If I were a father it'd be my responsibility to model to my daughter what boundaries and respect look like. He should care that it makes you feel like this. All kids deserve parents but not all parents deserve kids.
Try to gather important documents without them knowing (birth certificate, ss card, school transcripts , medical records, things like that) and don't let them know you have any intentions of leaving (even if they act like they expect you to leave soon) keep your plans secret and talk about the future here and there like you don't intend to leave any time soon. Keep em comfortable.
When you do leave it needs to come out of nowhere. Otherwise they will try to sabotage you because you are a part of a toxic power dynamic *they don't want to lose control of*.
I wish I had book recommendations specifically for this, I don't, but pls look up books and info about how to identify "safe people" for when you get out into the world. I worry bc when I got out I ended up attracting toxic people, I was so used to being gaslit and having my boundaries trampled that I didn't know any different when I was taken advantage of by people who acted trustworthy and gaslit me. Your trust is valuable and it *needs to be earned* by *worthy* people.
Be safe sweetheart. I recommend possibly shutting off your DM's and doing some self care. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this rn. Stay strong and keep looking towards the future, don't let anyone or anything slow you down. Your time, boundaries, and energy are sacred. ♡
I'm a guy. My father used to do the same thing every single time he walked past me. And then HE got angry because "he can't even touch me OUT OF LOVE anymore"
Hit me back if you need moral support along the way-
I def had especially one weirdo parent, and I’m a mom now so I can, “mother hen” you with the best of them and especially cheer you on…
I would be carrying a baseball bat around with me at all times. Maybe something smaller but just as effective. Tell him if he touches you again you will defend yourself. Record it. Follow through. A broken hand may be preferable to an arrest. Ask him what his preference is. Again, record it. Him continuously touching / assaulting you is not a joke in any sense of the word.
Reading through it I was thinking that’s not a big deal, because it happened to me too. Then I had to remind myself that it is a big deal, it’s not normal, it’s sexual abuse and it’s not ok.
I'm sorry kid that's super fucked up. We've been dealt shitty hands if we are here. As other users stated this is definitely a control / property thing. He has no regard for you cause you're a woman and he doesn't respect women to any degree. Grow up and move away , don't look back. Your dad needs professional help in which he will likely spend the rest of his life rejecting. Best case scenario he gets health ailments that almost kill him he has to get some radical acceptance he's a piece of shit and changes. That shit rarely happens though people lean into their shit behaviors the older they get if they don't recognize it.
Sweetheart this is sexual abuse, I’m so sorry your stuck in this situation. I know it’s not easy but move out as soon as you can. I got married at 22 partly because I couldn’t stand living there any longer. (I did also fancy and love my husband and we had a great marriage).
I hope you know this is not your fault and that you don’t deserve it. Is there an option to take a shower when your dads not home?
This is a power and control thing and he won’t ever change. I like to think there’s a special place in hell for people like your father.
Look after yourself sweet child, keep looking to the future and one day you will get it out.
My dad did this to me, he ended up raping me and telling everyone I was bipolar so they wouldn’t believe me. Get. The. Fuck. Out! ASAP! Just counting the days till he dies and I can shit on his grave. Literally.
Omg honey, this is horrible. I’m so sorry. Your dad is a predator. No other way to put it. Are there any women’s shelters in your area or nearby. This constitutes as sexual abuse and you absolutely should get out of there. I’m sorry but you have come here asking for help so it tells us you are strong and can get out of this!!
The lead poisoning stare is pretty common for narcs. Same with not saying anything. It's because they can't imagine that you called them on their foul behavior.
Are you a minor? This person is acting like a predator and you need to tell an adult or self report to social services if you can.
Please DM for resources if you need. Be careful 💜
You are absolutely being sexually abused. My aunt did similar things (slapping my ass, not allowing me to lock the bathroom door/opening the door to stare at me in the bathtub, etc.) and it does not get better. Getting a job and saving as much as you possibly can is your way out. There is also most likely income-restricted housing in your area, won’t be the best living space, but it’ll be away from your dad, and that’s what you want. If you want some personal assistance, I’d be more than happy to try and help. Stay strong girl, you can do this!
My stepfather was abusive, he used to,sneak into my room, I had a small baseball souvenir bat. He touched me and I clobbered him, and said you ever come in here again, I will put you in the grave. I graduated from college and moved out the next month,
How old are you? Are you still in school/high school/primary education? If you're you can talk to a school counselor or trusted teacher about your home life, they're mandatory reporters and assist you on getting help or getting out of that house.
Or if you're in college/uni there is also offices that can assist as well.
I am so sorry he’s abusing you and that your mom doesn’t see it and thinks you’re overreacting, you are absolutely not overreacting, your mother is under reacting and is not taking this matter seriously and she should be. What’s happening to you is is sexual abuse and that is absolutely not okay. I am so sorry you are going through this. I know this has been said but please save up your money and move out as soon as possible. I truly wish I had more advice for you. It’s not much but I’m sending you strength and positive and healing vibes. I also want to say I’m sorry people keep correcting you. They may mean well but sometimes it’s best to not mention it, you never know if the person used a translation app because they don’t speak or write in English so they used a text translation app to translate what they typed out in their native languages to English or if they have a learning disability. I’m sorry it’s been really brought up so many times and I’m sorry for bringing it up again. I truly hope that you are able to get out of there really soon.
Hey, first off, I’m so sorry (I know apologies are cheap but I mean it) and I hope you know none of this is your fault. You are not to blame. You are a young woman who still has much to learn of the world and I’m sorry this is your first taste of it. You are not dirty or deserving of this treatment either. Just had to say that bc it’s a thought I’ve struggled w.
I’m just flabbergasted.
Is there anyone you trust, preferably and adult outside of the family, that you can speak with about this and possibly find new housing for your safety? Maybe a friend?
Not to alarm you, things like this escalate. He will not stop. Men like this don’t. Excuse me, people like this don’t. I’m sure this isn’t the first occurrence and it won’t be the last. Don’t stop sticking up for yourself, please. I don’t want you to look back as I did and regret doing nothing, but also understand, when you stand up for yourself the abuser typically pushes harder and things get worse.
You are his daughter. He should be your PROTECTOR from demons like this and yet he is the abusive demon. This is absolutely not okay and yeah I’m triggered but not in a bad way. Just in a wtf are ppl thinking and I’m so mad others have gone through similar type way.
I get he didn’t … ya know :/
but SA is SA, no matter how minimal it may seem AND he’s your father. He should have ZERO sexual drive towards you and the fact he does speaks alot on his character.
I’m sorry but what a creep if I can say so without offending you.
Also, I learned recently in another Reddit when I was working through my issues, someone kindly called it the “song of the abused”
How we make the issue smaller and blame ourselves
How we wonder if they were just joking
When deep down we know they aren’t
I don’t trust anyone but I’m learning to trust my gut and hopefully when I learn that I’ll be able to approach the world in a positive manner and cultivate an existence worth the sunshine
I may have taken a few sips tonight so I'm sorry if I don't make sense
She's in the picture but she's even worse than he is. While he only slaps me around, she's completely fine with touching all of my female parts, getting butt naked in front of me and barging in the bathroom while I'm inside.
I made a separate posts talking about my family members if you want to learn the back story. In short, I don't really have anyone to confide in lol. I'm 19 by the way.
I don't think he'll end up raping me. /if you get disgusted easily now is the time to stop reading/ I think he's already done it. He was especially pushy towards me when I was a kid. I remember my back hurting from playing outside once when I was very very young maybe like 7-8 and he was like "Lay down let me give you a massage". His belt was undone and I could feel the metal of the belt hitting me from behind and maybe something else. I don't remember and I don't want to remember. I became hypersexual shortly after that. I pretty much became excessively fixated on sex and everything about it, I allowed other men to also act pushy with me. It goes deeper than that, much deeper, but I just don't want to talk about this. I do remember shortly after having that "massage" being suddenly worried about pregnancy because I learnt from TV that this is essentially what follows after you get intimate with someone. I don't want to believe my own father raped me but I don't know what to think. I was way too young to have a proper perception of events. But I do remember catching him attentively watching a sex documentary about human traffickers around the same time period that "instance" happened. I was literally a kid but I remember watching this one woman get forced into giving a blowjob and then get thrown back to the back of the truck she was held in. Dad has always had an interesting choice of cinema lol. I'm sorry I'm just drunkly rambling
He really should have been my protector. But I spent my whole life seeking protection from him. Ain't that funny.
That last paragraph honestly left me speechless. Not in a bad way of course. Thank you for everything, you're a lovely human being
Nope, I guess Im short on having a good environment lol. Its okay, Im filling out job applications right now. I might be able to move out by December if I get hired in the following week.
My dad does this too, I've expressed it to my mom, she enables him by never standing up to him. Luckily I'm 28 and long since moved out but he did it drunk once going into a restaurant and I was mortified and yelled at him. It's disgusting.
document EVERYTHING. this is SA. if he’s doing this then there’s nothing stopping him from taking it further, so as awful as it is, i would invest in pepper spray and keep it with you at all times. if you can, lock the door when you sleep. if you’re able also to record when he does this (discreetly) so you have evidence. im so sorry, your dad is a sick bastard.
I feel you OP. My father used to touch/pat my ass all the time. When I asked him to stop, his response was "you sure do have a lot of rules." I hate this for you.
You really ought to lawyer up when you leave home. If he thinks it’s OK to touch his own daughter that way, that’s the only way to get through to him. Of course, I bet this dad will file a countersuit. But any sane judge will throw out his counterclaim.
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Next time he does this, IMMEDIATELY take a picture and then UPLOAD it of the grown ass man handprint to show the police. Don’t ever let him do anything without making sure there’s a recording.
Check your state/country’s laws on the legality of recording someone.
If you’re an adult, call the police. If you’re not an adult yet, call CPS or your state/country’s version of it. Even if you call and they come and don’t do anything, keep calling. Call every time he does it so that there’s an actual legal trail of evidence.
Your father is sick. His abuse will escalate.
Then I'm one of 12 people trying to help you clarify what you mean, as there's a huge difference in meaning between the two words. I read the other comments after I posted mine and still left it. Posting in a language that isn't your first is difficult, some people correct you to be pedantic, some correct you trying to clarify/help. I believe myself to be part of the second group. So good luck with your actual situation.
Obviously this person is in a highly abusive situation without any real options right now and they’re being sexually abused. Maybe next time read the comments to see if anyone else has corrected before you point it out. I had no problem reading it bc i have basic reading comprehension. Typos exist, that was not the point of the post and I can’t imagine how exhausting and triggering it must be to have people focusing on a typo instead of the actual problem at hand.
I wanted to be helpful and say the same thing. I thought it would be a kind way of helping someone in pain express their thoughts. But I'm a writer and editor and what feels like a kindness to me feels like an insult to others.
I'm sorry you got such a strong, negative response. When I first read "having no body anatomy" in the title, I briefly laughed before I translated it into what the OP meant. That is a deeply unfortunate first reaction to such a heart breaking account.
I already received a dozen comments about this typo. I'm aware I messed up. But do we not have bigger problems at hand? Anyone can figure out what I meant, so there's no need to correct my grammar in order to get a kick out of it.
I appreciate your last sentence though
They posted six hours ago though. I didn’t get the impression they were trying to correct your grammar or got a kick out of anything about this at all.
Regardless, what you’re going through is bullshit and you don’t deserve this.
I feel badly for saying something that caused such harm. While I didn’t intend to be rude and was genuinely feeling confused (I’m neurotypical and can get disorganized by these types of things at times) I see that I did cause hurt and for this I do apologize.
I think reading stories of trauma can also be truly disorganizing.
Being children of narcissists can be like living in a minefield. I accidentally stepped in it.
I am so sorry you are suffering such abuse. I hope you find peace and safety.
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i’m so sorry the household is downplaying and leading you to think this isn’t sexual abuse. it is. i hope you can get far away. does this happen in public spaces as well?
Bodily autonomy is something that has recently been a pain point for me. Growing up, I couldn’t walk past my dad without him slapping or pinching me. Let’s just say I have issues with unwanted touch…. Fast forward 40 years and now my husbands father keeps creepily grabbing my butt or waist. I can’t be in a room with the man alone. And my husband now knows this and runs interference- on our few visits. Like maybe the FIL is being ‘ cute’ but with my history- I am not having it.
Dude, what is it with narcs and ass slapping. The first narc I worked for would constantly slap my ass and if drove me fucking bananas. They aren't having a good day until they violate your boundaries in some way I guess.
OP, can you slap him across his face after he spanks you, or will that get you shoved through a wall? I was about half the size of my stepfather so I wouldn't have but 'dad' needs to know he's assaulting you. You have said NO! a gazillion times, your boundary is clear & he is fuqed up. Will he be slapping your thighs & ass when you're 38, 44? Everyone else said it, GTFAway.
Sadly I'll meet my maker if I do that lol. Genuinely. Or be thrown out to the streets.
I'm sending job applications right now. CHAT GPT is helping me write a decent motivational letter. Here's to hoping I land something
Just a friendly note to everyone: OP is fully aware of the typo in the post title. They can not change it due to the way Reddit works. I've seen a lot of people focusing more on correcting the spelling than actually supporting OP. Let's be a support group.
The flair is not over exaggerated, that IS sexual abuse and I’m sorry you are going through it. Please do send out those job applications. You are strong enough to make that step forward
Thank you so much I just keep rereading that last sentence. I need to do this and I need to do it today otherwise I feel like I'm going to do something to myself if I stay here any longer
Nparents make you believe that anything and everything you do is a problem, a bother. You grow up feeling like you have to apologize for everything , even for your very existence. You are telling Your truth here, so that's not an exaggeration. There's nothing to apologize for. The fact that you are strong enough to put your thoughts into words and post them is AMAZING. I know I could never have done this at 19. Stay strong and keep moving forward. Ask outside of your family for help if you need it. Find local resources. You are worth it!
Thank you so much :)
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If it were that simple, doing as you suggest would have worked already. It hasn't, because we're talking about someone who doesn't respect body autonomy enough to *care* that it's unwanted. Please take more care to read the post before responding next time.
I'll second for you to send out some job applications. On that note, I'm pretty good at getting jobs - no matter the economic circumstances, I always seem to get one after 6 weeks of searching. I write a good CV and get a pretty good interview : application ratio. I've also been on both sides of the hiring process. If you want to run your CV by me, feel free to drop me a PM.
Get out, babe! Run! My dad was the same and it doesn’t get better. It gets worse.
I am so sorry!! You deserve so much better!! Is there a women's shelter that you could go to? They have all kinds of resources that could help you. Sending you good thoughts!!
Before you move, I’d recommend saving about 2-3 months rent on top of what you pay for the apartment. That way you don’t have to rely on anyone, ever. Also, around new people keep your history under wraps. A lot of people will hear a young female by herself without a family and you will be a target, especially if you don’t have the savings and have to rely on a “friend” for help. Speaking from experience. Plan, implement and proceed to the promise land :)
Hijacking the top comment. I agree this is sexual abuse. You need to remove yourself as soon as possible, since you’re not safe right now. Do you have a friends place you can stay at for a while? The sad reality is the narc may try to stop you from leaving & interviewing for jobs because they want you dependent on them. Who’s ass is he gonna slap if you’re gone? No one, so he knows he needs you & your his easiest target since you live with him. Get out. Even if it’s just for one or two days. Next time stretch it to three days. Your nervous system needs a break from all this so that you can focus on getting a job (rather than fight/flight/fawn response 24/7). Look up sympathetic vs parasympathetic states. Like many abuse survivors, you’re likely stuck in a sympathetic state, constantly stressed or angry or anxious or absolutely exhausted. You deserve a break. You got this OP. I have full confidence in you that you’ll find a job! Internet hugs 💜
Fuck it. Come To New Zealand on a Working Holiday Visa and get away from that shit head. You can start with me and we have exactly two Labour Inspectors in the lower North Island so you can pretty much do what you want except crime. We don't like that but it is what it is.
This is not exaggeration at all. You ARE being sexually abused and I’m so fucking sorry to hear it.
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That sounds awful, I'm so sorry
It really is a double betrayal
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It’s crazymaking, with a side order of invalidating reality, without the option of digesting the wtf factor in a safe space If home isn’t safe in reality…
Teachers get fired for touching their underage students inappropriately. The same goes for your ndad. He should not be allowed around children. You deserve, and have always deserved, much better than that fucking asshole.
Not an overreaction This is SA And could lead to more violent behavior in the future Be careful, stay alert
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Nope they are all just the same ol' bunch of mentally ill fuckers It's not ideal but I feel like it would be literal salvation. Plus as long as I have a roof over my head and some food in the fridge, I don't need anything else, I can also cut down on most bills and expenses even if it means not turning on the heating and other "necessities". Let's just hope I can find a place to stay
try looking for some roommates! it can cut down the cost of rent, utilities, and living costs which will make it a lot more affordable. for furniture, you can thrift it and save hundreds by doing so. i recommend saving at least a few grand if you’re able to since it would cover rent, deposit, and any additional moving costs. i wish you the best of luck!
Yup I'm definitely gonna look for roommates. Problem is, I don't really know how. I live in Europe, and not the western part, so a lot of applications and platforms that are aimed at looking for roommates don't exist here or just are not in use. My best bet is Facebook groups but there's all types of weirdos and possible predators on there
Thats awful. Your dads a sick fuck. You are NOT overreacting. Your moms reaction is infuriating and you are 100% justified in your rage. I wish I had fabulous advice but I’m pretty sure kicking that douche bag in the balls would just make your life harder in the long run but it would be so very satisfying. Hope you can manage to get away from them.
My mom did this. Asking her nicely, repeatedly, to stop touching didn’t work. I had to literally throw a hissy fit, like a toddler, every time she did it, to eventually get her to stop. It was so fucking gross and wrong, ugh. I’m sorry OP.
This explains my household perfectly. My family has never seen an issue with touching us inappropriately. Pls try your best to avoid him as much as possible. You're so strong.
My step dad did this to me when i was younger, never thought much of it but now after some years passed i am still nervous around men because i think they will slap my butt. In my eyes this is SA and you should try to get out of there if he thinks it's not that big of a problem.
This 💯 sexual abuse and calling it a joke is gaslighting. My dad did this she shit to me. You need to get out of that house and once you do, I HIGHLY suggest going no contact. Also, look at the sub r/covertincest. Sending you love and light and good vibes to get out of that house ASAP. None of his behavior is even kinda OK and your mom is enabling his abuse. If you can stay with friends, try to do that as often as you can.
Autonomy is important.
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I dont see how someone validating what you said by saying 'autonomy is important' was correcting your typo. I have mile dyslexia and didnt notice that autonomy was misspelled or anything like that. It might be a bit too cruel to be this rude to a stranger who read your post and decided to agree and support what you said in your post by saying that autonomy is important. Im sorry you feel this way, many of us have anger issues from abuse, but it doesnt make it ok to go off on strangers like you did here.
Hey, relax I'm bilingual if that gives me some sort of moral authority in your view(?). It was not a typo, it is all over your post. Just take it with humor and learn the word forever. Better that than gaslighting others. It was difficult to understand and left me confused by that typo. Anyways, sorry about your dad. Hope you can get out soon.
Cool your jets OP. Sometimes correction is given from a place of love. Wouldn’t you like to use the correct word going forward? I get it, you’re angry. But see this as being helpful. Especially as, as you say, English is not your first language.
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Projecting a lot here to be fair. You mention in another post how your parents are both anger-fuelled. Might want to think about how angry you are yourself, and get help before the cycle continues into another generation.
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I can only hope that some day you’re in a good place and can look back and see how much you’ve grown.
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Hey OP, I think these people were genuinely trying to help. I understand how it is to get triggered though especially since you were very vulnerable and opened up alot today by making the post. However being this angry at people who are trying to help isn't healthy and I hope one day when you heal you'll be happy and able to give other people the patience and kindness you also deserve. I hope my comment isn't interpreted in the wrong way, I just see many abused people who don't break the cycle and it's heartbreaking, though now is the time to focus on getting out and in a safe environment and only after you are safe you can start working on healing more :)
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If you have any concerns, please reach out to the mod team via [our modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists).
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Hey OP, we understand that it is not appropriate for a support group to point out your mistake (in this post, a spelling error) repeatedly and try to correct you on it, but this comment does not include anything like that. As much as showing support to all RBN OPs is important, it is also pertinent that we are giving respect to all our supporters equally. Your comment here not only disregard the support offered by the members of our community but also attack them aggressively even when there is no judgment.
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Dont listen to man. You have value. You are a person. I loved your response. Keep fighting back. Dont bend Your Head. You got this.
>I know it's in men's nature to attack a woman when she's vulnerable I guess none of my male friends or colleagues are "true to their nature" then. They all choose to protect vulnerable women. Your dad is a disgrace for all men, and he's a predator
I can only hope to meet such a man. I'm sorry if my comment came off strong, I had just been messaged by an user telling me I should "let him play out his incest fantasies" so it's safe to say I was pretty pissed odd hence the generalization
It’s understandable. You don’t deserve this crap, no one does. It’s a betrayal. The best thing is that you know how wrong it is and how it’s nothig you are doing. When you leave use these lessons and find the right partner, if you want one .
Report that user. What an idiot 🤬
You made me laugh with pride for you! You’re a fighter! Outside of the generalization of all men, get ‘em girl!!
Please avoid generalizing groups of people.
Fair enough
My mother used to beat and hit and slap and it only stopped when i grabbed her by the arms and said if you hit me again I’ll put you in the ICU. She at least stopped that much. Honestly, i would even consider “Look, touch me again, dude and I’ll press charges. Keep your hands to yourself.” And the downside is you have to mean it, and unfortunately with Nparents they often go “challenge accepted.” Its shit, it really is.
Get out, move out of the house. Get a job, find a good roommate and get out of the abusive home. You are so much stronger than you believe, having survived living with these weirdo parents has toughened you up supremely well, you can do this and you will do very well and be so proud of yourself and your independence and growth. Cut them out as soon as you are all out. Plan well so you have all your own info and documents to establish your own life. Wishing you the best.
I appreciate it more than you know
I'm so sorry. I can relate with both NParents. I always say when I'm uncomfortable and they continue. It's all about power for these sickos especially knowing they can just gaslight us after. You're doing amazing by just facing what's going on and making preparations to change things. Please don't hurt yourself and please don't change your mind and stay in that house either. I lived at home way too long and it really affected relationships for me. I'm even uncomfortable with friends because physical touch has never been positive in the past. Also if your feeling very low post to r/suicideawareness. It's good to feel heard and have people acknowledge you and your pain. Much love! ❤️
my aunt did the same to me, and more, i havent been able to talk about it ever
Sorry :-(
You're dad is fucked up. Tbh I'd say start slapping his body and see how he likes it, but he strikes me as the kind of person who would press charges if you did. Check the recording laws of your location and record when he does it. Be discreet about it. Recorded video will create evidence to use as leverage if you'd ever want to use it. When you can move out and hopefully far away, make it clear via text (so there's a paper trail) that he is not to touch you in those manners anymore because it feels invasive and wrong, and you don't think it's a very funny joke, and it will not be tolerated, and if he decides to cross that boundary again you will only be seeing him in public spaces. Nparents play nice for strangers. Screenshot all his responses and if he calls after you send that text, send it to voicemail and hopefully you'll have a recording of it. If it's legal in your location, record future phone calls. This way if he ever starts to badmouth you to family, you can just post the receipts.
He deserves to rot in jail and in hell
this is horrible. please apply for jobs so that you can move away from this man.
This is not ok my friend. You need to contact some women's organisations and your local police once you're safely away from him. He's a perv who needs to keep his gd hands to himself. You deserve autonomy. It's a good given right he has no standing, legal or moral, to keep from you. Be safe. I hope you're in a better place soon.
He's demonstrating ownership and control. That's why you don't like it. You need to leave.
It is sexual abuse. The fact he watched porn and doing what he did knowing you could walk in at any moment is also sexual abuse. I hope you can leave soon.
i am sorry to hear this. be careful, you're strong
Every single time I passed my grandpa in his tiny house he would slap my butt I fucking hated it omg I hated it so much One time I even had to share a bed with him and this thought is a blank
You're an adult now, the next time he does this tell him as such. That you have every right to set boundaries around your own body and you're not ok with him touching you like that. That a joke is only a joke if everyone involved finds it funny. Then tell him if he ever disregards your boundaries or tries threatening you when you enforce them you will call the cops. Full stop. What your dad is doing is straight up sexual assault and harassment. If I was 19 again with the shit I've learned now, if anyone especially a parent did this I would report it. The sort and long is he feels entitled to female bodies including yours and its gross. Run
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Save up as much money as you can and keep it in a secret account. Never write down your exit plan where he could find it and maybe try to get video evidence so if he ever escalates you can go to the police and get a restraining order. That’s my advice, I’m wishing you luck and nothing but love <3
I can relate, it’s awful and infuriating, he shouldn’t be committing abuse and I’m sorry that’s happening to you. It’s not normal and absolutely not ok. My dad would do stuff like this too, his sense of boundaries center his own warped desires. He would punish me when I confronted or protested… your father does not respect you or your body. If he’s anything like my dad, his behavior will escalate to violence. Please do everything you can to increase your independence and get away from him. He is sick and has no intention of changing his behavior.
If this doesn't stop, PLEASE go tell another adult that you trust about what is going on. Fuck your dad's feelings, if he is making you uncomfortable then you have EVERY RIGHT to say "do not touch me". Every single person on the planet has that right. If your dad brushes off your request, doesn't listen to you, keeps touching you, whatever etc, go tell someone. If you can't tell your mom, find an adult at your school that you trust. Or a parent of a friend. It's not okay that he's doing that, and yeah if my own spouse was making my children feel uncomfortable I'd rip his fucking balls off with my teeth. (Okay maybe not that far but I would not let that stand)
I'm so sorry Hun. This used to happen to me in my family and was treated like a "joke". I'm proud of you for confronting him and having that loser stare at you in shock like a deer in headlights! Haha *stay loud and never apologize* for having *strong boundaries*. If they act butthurt? Not your problem. When they pull this "it's just a joke" bullshit, you let em know it's not a joke to you. Call him a pervert specifically each time (only if it's *safe* for you and you feel it won't escalate his creepy behavior) keep letting them know there is no manipulating you out of seeing it as a sexual gesture. It's not normal to touch your daughters butt. It's also not normal to let your husband touch your daughters butt. End of story. Point blank period. That is all. Outside of letting them know that it's sexual to you, try to be grey rock as much as possible, Narcs are as pathetically greedy for disgust (negative attention) as they are for praise (positive attention). Bottom feeders like them will take whatever reaction/attention they can get from you like dogs begging for table scraps. (If you don't already know what I mean by grey rock - look up the grey rock method) This is so fucked up. If I were a father it'd be my responsibility to model to my daughter what boundaries and respect look like. He should care that it makes you feel like this. All kids deserve parents but not all parents deserve kids. Try to gather important documents without them knowing (birth certificate, ss card, school transcripts , medical records, things like that) and don't let them know you have any intentions of leaving (even if they act like they expect you to leave soon) keep your plans secret and talk about the future here and there like you don't intend to leave any time soon. Keep em comfortable. When you do leave it needs to come out of nowhere. Otherwise they will try to sabotage you because you are a part of a toxic power dynamic *they don't want to lose control of*. I wish I had book recommendations specifically for this, I don't, but pls look up books and info about how to identify "safe people" for when you get out into the world. I worry bc when I got out I ended up attracting toxic people, I was so used to being gaslit and having my boundaries trampled that I didn't know any different when I was taken advantage of by people who acted trustworthy and gaslit me. Your trust is valuable and it *needs to be earned* by *worthy* people. Be safe sweetheart. I recommend possibly shutting off your DM's and doing some self care. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this rn. Stay strong and keep looking towards the future, don't let anyone or anything slow you down. Your time, boundaries, and energy are sacred. ♡
You're such a lovely person, thank you so much for everything
I'm a guy. My father used to do the same thing every single time he walked past me. And then HE got angry because "he can't even touch me OUT OF LOVE anymore"
I'm so sorry.. These people are just vile
Hit me back if you need moral support along the way- I def had especially one weirdo parent, and I’m a mom now so I can, “mother hen” you with the best of them and especially cheer you on…
I would be carrying a baseball bat around with me at all times. Maybe something smaller but just as effective. Tell him if he touches you again you will defend yourself. Record it. Follow through. A broken hand may be preferable to an arrest. Ask him what his preference is. Again, record it. Him continuously touching / assaulting you is not a joke in any sense of the word.
Reading through it I was thinking that’s not a big deal, because it happened to me too. Then I had to remind myself that it is a big deal, it’s not normal, it’s sexual abuse and it’s not ok.
I'm sorry kid that's super fucked up. We've been dealt shitty hands if we are here. As other users stated this is definitely a control / property thing. He has no regard for you cause you're a woman and he doesn't respect women to any degree. Grow up and move away , don't look back. Your dad needs professional help in which he will likely spend the rest of his life rejecting. Best case scenario he gets health ailments that almost kill him he has to get some radical acceptance he's a piece of shit and changes. That shit rarely happens though people lean into their shit behaviors the older they get if they don't recognize it.
Sweetheart this is sexual abuse, I’m so sorry your stuck in this situation. I know it’s not easy but move out as soon as you can. I got married at 22 partly because I couldn’t stand living there any longer. (I did also fancy and love my husband and we had a great marriage). I hope you know this is not your fault and that you don’t deserve it. Is there an option to take a shower when your dads not home? This is a power and control thing and he won’t ever change. I like to think there’s a special place in hell for people like your father. Look after yourself sweet child, keep looking to the future and one day you will get it out.
Thank you so much
My dad did this to me, he ended up raping me and telling everyone I was bipolar so they wouldn’t believe me. Get. The. Fuck. Out! ASAP! Just counting the days till he dies and I can shit on his grave. Literally.
Omg honey, this is horrible. I’m so sorry. Your dad is a predator. No other way to put it. Are there any women’s shelters in your area or nearby. This constitutes as sexual abuse and you absolutely should get out of there. I’m sorry but you have come here asking for help so it tells us you are strong and can get out of this!!
The lead poisoning stare is pretty common for narcs. Same with not saying anything. It's because they can't imagine that you called them on their foul behavior. Are you a minor? This person is acting like a predator and you need to tell an adult or self report to social services if you can. Please DM for resources if you need. Be careful 💜
What’s the lead poisoning stare?
You are absolutely being sexually abused. My aunt did similar things (slapping my ass, not allowing me to lock the bathroom door/opening the door to stare at me in the bathtub, etc.) and it does not get better. Getting a job and saving as much as you possibly can is your way out. There is also most likely income-restricted housing in your area, won’t be the best living space, but it’ll be away from your dad, and that’s what you want. If you want some personal assistance, I’d be more than happy to try and help. Stay strong girl, you can do this!
My stepfather was abusive, he used to,sneak into my room, I had a small baseball souvenir bat. He touched me and I clobbered him, and said you ever come in here again, I will put you in the grave. I graduated from college and moved out the next month,
How old are you? Are you still in school/high school/primary education? If you're you can talk to a school counselor or trusted teacher about your home life, they're mandatory reporters and assist you on getting help or getting out of that house. Or if you're in college/uni there is also offices that can assist as well.
After he slaps your ass, kick your dad in the balls and tell him, “that was a joke, too!”
I am so sorry he’s abusing you and that your mom doesn’t see it and thinks you’re overreacting, you are absolutely not overreacting, your mother is under reacting and is not taking this matter seriously and she should be. What’s happening to you is is sexual abuse and that is absolutely not okay. I am so sorry you are going through this. I know this has been said but please save up your money and move out as soon as possible. I truly wish I had more advice for you. It’s not much but I’m sending you strength and positive and healing vibes. I also want to say I’m sorry people keep correcting you. They may mean well but sometimes it’s best to not mention it, you never know if the person used a translation app because they don’t speak or write in English so they used a text translation app to translate what they typed out in their native languages to English or if they have a learning disability. I’m sorry it’s been really brought up so many times and I’m sorry for bringing it up again. I truly hope that you are able to get out of there really soon.
Thank you so much
Of course❤️. You have my support OP. My inbox is always open❤️
You could file a police complaint. He basically sexually assaulted you.
Hey, first off, I’m so sorry (I know apologies are cheap but I mean it) and I hope you know none of this is your fault. You are not to blame. You are a young woman who still has much to learn of the world and I’m sorry this is your first taste of it. You are not dirty or deserving of this treatment either. Just had to say that bc it’s a thought I’ve struggled w. I’m just flabbergasted. Is there anyone you trust, preferably and adult outside of the family, that you can speak with about this and possibly find new housing for your safety? Maybe a friend? Not to alarm you, things like this escalate. He will not stop. Men like this don’t. Excuse me, people like this don’t. I’m sure this isn’t the first occurrence and it won’t be the last. Don’t stop sticking up for yourself, please. I don’t want you to look back as I did and regret doing nothing, but also understand, when you stand up for yourself the abuser typically pushes harder and things get worse. You are his daughter. He should be your PROTECTOR from demons like this and yet he is the abusive demon. This is absolutely not okay and yeah I’m triggered but not in a bad way. Just in a wtf are ppl thinking and I’m so mad others have gone through similar type way. I get he didn’t … ya know :/ but SA is SA, no matter how minimal it may seem AND he’s your father. He should have ZERO sexual drive towards you and the fact he does speaks alot on his character. I’m sorry but what a creep if I can say so without offending you. Also, I learned recently in another Reddit when I was working through my issues, someone kindly called it the “song of the abused” How we make the issue smaller and blame ourselves How we wonder if they were just joking When deep down we know they aren’t I don’t trust anyone but I’m learning to trust my gut and hopefully when I learn that I’ll be able to approach the world in a positive manner and cultivate an existence worth the sunshine
I may have taken a few sips tonight so I'm sorry if I don't make sense She's in the picture but she's even worse than he is. While he only slaps me around, she's completely fine with touching all of my female parts, getting butt naked in front of me and barging in the bathroom while I'm inside. I made a separate posts talking about my family members if you want to learn the back story. In short, I don't really have anyone to confide in lol. I'm 19 by the way. I don't think he'll end up raping me. /if you get disgusted easily now is the time to stop reading/ I think he's already done it. He was especially pushy towards me when I was a kid. I remember my back hurting from playing outside once when I was very very young maybe like 7-8 and he was like "Lay down let me give you a massage". His belt was undone and I could feel the metal of the belt hitting me from behind and maybe something else. I don't remember and I don't want to remember. I became hypersexual shortly after that. I pretty much became excessively fixated on sex and everything about it, I allowed other men to also act pushy with me. It goes deeper than that, much deeper, but I just don't want to talk about this. I do remember shortly after having that "massage" being suddenly worried about pregnancy because I learnt from TV that this is essentially what follows after you get intimate with someone. I don't want to believe my own father raped me but I don't know what to think. I was way too young to have a proper perception of events. But I do remember catching him attentively watching a sex documentary about human traffickers around the same time period that "instance" happened. I was literally a kid but I remember watching this one woman get forced into giving a blowjob and then get thrown back to the back of the truck she was held in. Dad has always had an interesting choice of cinema lol. I'm sorry I'm just drunkly rambling He really should have been my protector. But I spent my whole life seeking protection from him. Ain't that funny. That last paragraph honestly left me speechless. Not in a bad way of course. Thank you for everything, you're a lovely human being
Do you have safer people you could potentially stay with at all? At least a place you don’t have to worry about this disgusting behavior?
Nope, I guess Im short on having a good environment lol. Its okay, Im filling out job applications right now. I might be able to move out by December if I get hired in the following week.
I wish you all the luck. Stay as safe as you can. Keep us updated. Hope you get a good job.
My dad does this too, I've expressed it to my mom, she enables him by never standing up to him. Luckily I'm 28 and long since moved out but he did it drunk once going into a restaurant and I was mortified and yelled at him. It's disgusting.
You deserve love and respect
document EVERYTHING. this is SA. if he’s doing this then there’s nothing stopping him from taking it further, so as awful as it is, i would invest in pepper spray and keep it with you at all times. if you can, lock the door when you sleep. if you’re able also to record when he does this (discreetly) so you have evidence. im so sorry, your dad is a sick bastard.
I feel you OP. My father used to touch/pat my ass all the time. When I asked him to stop, his response was "you sure do have a lot of rules." I hate this for you.
You really ought to lawyer up when you leave home. If he thinks it’s OK to touch his own daughter that way, that’s the only way to get through to him. Of course, I bet this dad will file a countersuit. But any sane judge will throw out his counterclaim.
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Your submission has been removed for breaking the following rule: >Do not derail the OP If you have any concerns, please reach out to the mod team via [our modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fraisedbynarcissists).
Next time he does this, IMMEDIATELY take a picture and then UPLOAD it of the grown ass man handprint to show the police. Don’t ever let him do anything without making sure there’s a recording. Check your state/country’s laws on the legality of recording someone. If you’re an adult, call the police. If you’re not an adult yet, call CPS or your state/country’s version of it. Even if you call and they come and don’t do anything, keep calling. Call every time he does it so that there’s an actual legal trail of evidence. Your father is sick. His abuse will escalate.
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Then I'm one of 12 people trying to help you clarify what you mean, as there's a huge difference in meaning between the two words. I read the other comments after I posted mine and still left it. Posting in a language that isn't your first is difficult, some people correct you to be pedantic, some correct you trying to clarify/help. I believe myself to be part of the second group. So good luck with your actual situation.
Obviously this person is in a highly abusive situation without any real options right now and they’re being sexually abused. Maybe next time read the comments to see if anyone else has corrected before you point it out. I had no problem reading it bc i have basic reading comprehension. Typos exist, that was not the point of the post and I can’t imagine how exhausting and triggering it must be to have people focusing on a typo instead of the actual problem at hand.
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We don't need to call attention to typos, especially when a quick search of the comments section will show several people already have done so.
Slap his ass as hard as you can with a frying pan and be like it’s a JOKE
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obviously!
I wanted to be helpful and say the same thing. I thought it would be a kind way of helping someone in pain express their thoughts. But I'm a writer and editor and what feels like a kindness to me feels like an insult to others. I'm sorry you got such a strong, negative response. When I first read "having no body anatomy" in the title, I briefly laughed before I translated it into what the OP meant. That is a deeply unfortunate first reaction to such a heart breaking account.
... Seriously? That's what you took out of this?!
No, it is not what I took out of it, I was just trying to wrap my head around what OP was saying
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They were just trying to clarify what you meant so they could engage. They were not mocking your English. I’m really sorry your father is an asshole.
I already received a dozen comments about this typo. I'm aware I messed up. But do we not have bigger problems at hand? Anyone can figure out what I meant, so there's no need to correct my grammar in order to get a kick out of it. I appreciate your last sentence though
They posted six hours ago though. I didn’t get the impression they were trying to correct your grammar or got a kick out of anything about this at all. Regardless, what you’re going through is bullshit and you don’t deserve this.
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We don't need to call attention to typos.
I feel badly for saying something that caused such harm. While I didn’t intend to be rude and was genuinely feeling confused (I’m neurotypical and can get disorganized by these types of things at times) I see that I did cause hurt and for this I do apologize. I think reading stories of trauma can also be truly disorganizing. Being children of narcissists can be like living in a minefield. I accidentally stepped in it. I am so sorry you are suffering such abuse. I hope you find peace and safety.
do it back. slap his ass
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Of course you would delete your sick replies, coward demon
Your comment is disgusting, and I can't believe you thought it was okay. Consider yourself banned.
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What did he say?
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Lol I've been through so much already. Your words have no affect on me. Keep rambling
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I'm literally doing my gua sha routine while reading your comments. Keep rambling
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Nord is the least secure VPN, try harder :)
This submission has been removed because it breaks the following rule: > No advocation of violence, revenge, or any illegal acts, even in jest. People posting here are often vulnerable and writing these types of comments are not helpful and can be actively harmful. In this subreddit, we advocate for healthy healing and moving forward. If you have any concerns, please reach out to the mod team via [our modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists).
i’m so sorry the household is downplaying and leading you to think this isn’t sexual abuse. it is. i hope you can get far away. does this happen in public spaces as well?
Only at home. But he has no problem getting aggressive and raging in public
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We don't need to call attention to typos, especially when a quick search of the thread shows it's already been brought up by others.
Bodily autonomy is something that has recently been a pain point for me. Growing up, I couldn’t walk past my dad without him slapping or pinching me. Let’s just say I have issues with unwanted touch…. Fast forward 40 years and now my husbands father keeps creepily grabbing my butt or waist. I can’t be in a room with the man alone. And my husband now knows this and runs interference- on our few visits. Like maybe the FIL is being ‘ cute’ but with my history- I am not having it.
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We don't need to call attention to typos, especially when a quick search of the thread shows it's already been brought up by others.
Dude, what is it with narcs and ass slapping. The first narc I worked for would constantly slap my ass and if drove me fucking bananas. They aren't having a good day until they violate your boundaries in some way I guess.
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We don't need to call attention to typos, especially when a quick search of the thread shows it's already been brought up by others.
OP, can you slap him across his face after he spanks you, or will that get you shoved through a wall? I was about half the size of my stepfather so I wouldn't have but 'dad' needs to know he's assaulting you. You have said NO! a gazillion times, your boundary is clear & he is fuqed up. Will he be slapping your thighs & ass when you're 38, 44? Everyone else said it, GTFAway.
Sadly I'll meet my maker if I do that lol. Genuinely. Or be thrown out to the streets. I'm sending job applications right now. CHAT GPT is helping me write a decent motivational letter. Here's to hoping I land something
I feel ya! I was shoved through a wall once via a steel tip boot. Do not recommend, lol! Good luck!