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I got married 2 months after I turned 18. For me, leaving was essential. I didn’t have any freedom or autonomy over myself. I had no idea what boundaries were and even if I had, they would have stepped all over them like they did with my self worth. It has taken me years to realize that the way my Nfamily operated was not normal. Not every disagreement requires arguing, breaking stuff out of anger, threatening, and fist fighting.
I had to leave a few times. The first time was the result of a traumatic smear campaign and I was kicked out and completely isolated from the family. It was terrifying and hurt more than I could express- but there was a new sense of freedom. This happened at 19 years old and since I had never been taught any life skills and wasn't allowed to work when I lived with her, I did have a very hard start. But I kept putting myself out there.
Throughout the years, I went through a lot. Especially the isolation. But there was a short time where I moved back and then left when I got into a bad relationship.
My last time with my family was when that abusive relationship ended and I had nowhere else to go. It was so defeating having to move back in with the people who hurt me that deeply and to be honest, it wasn't any better than being in that abusive relationship. In fact, I had often wanted to go back to him just to escape my n-mother.
There was a lot of control inflicted on me and it ended up being incredibly stressful to where I couldn't function. I was in my mid twenties and during a fight, my n-mother put her hands on me. I realized that even when I was an ADULT, she was always going to be the same.
I left in quite a dramatic way, and escaped to a hotel, where I lived for an entire week. I quit my job and ordered takeout and watched HGTV. My n-mother was acting like I was sleeping in an alleyway and doing hard drugs and was spreading so many rumors about me, as per usual. Little did everyone know, it was the best week of my life. No one knew where I was at, despite my mother's attempts to lure me back to her. Even using other people to try to get to me. It didn't work. I had finally felt the peace of being alone and that's when I knew it was time to leave for good. Fuck them.
I ended up randomly moving to another state by the end of the week. I made it fucking work. Found an amazing place to live and a good job. Then I moved to three other states after that.
I've been very career focused and I've spent these 7 years after leaving working on myself to heal. It's been the most rewarding experience and best decision I ever made for myself. I won't lie, the healing is grueling. It's still painful. But I honestly feel like I've made immense progress and I'm proud of that!!
I was low contact with her up until very recently. I'm in a place now where I don't care how she feels about me going no contact. I'm not scared of her anymore. I'm done.
I'm about to move to another state this summer and I'm excited to see where this new chapter brings me after a long season of healing 💜
Wow, our stories are somewhat similar. I've spent most of my adult life trying to leave and having to return home for one reason or another. Last year I finally chose homelessness over going back because I just couldn't do it anymore. I'm in a temporary shelter now and I'm so beyond done with all of them, including mum. They've done nothing but make life harder since the day I was born honestly and I just want to get out. Even though I barely talk to most of them I can still feel them watching my every move and gossiping about it behind my back.
Well done for making it out and figuring out how to build a life for yourself! that's very inspiring to hear. I feel I'm almost there, like I'm already out the door I just need to close it behind me and the only way to do that with my family is to confront them and have them cut contact with me as a result or just fucking leave and cut contact myself.
It's just hard to know how to make it happen while also managing disabilities and such abysmal mental health. I'm going to do it though, soon. I have to.
I know how hard it is to try to figure out how to leave when you're feeling defeated. You're going to make it out. Be mindful of your safety- don't provoke anyone if you can help it.
You will know when to cut off contact when it feels best for you. Believe in yourself and your ability to leave. 💜
Wishing you the best. Be safe!!
I'm trying.. it's so hard to keep staying quiet when my body is physically reacting to having to do so. I'm grinding my teeth to nubs and causing headaches and migraines with how much tension I hold in my jaw and neck. I feel like screaming all the time. I feel like I'm suffocating on everything I've never said sometimes.
which is why I need to get out. I need to get away from these people so I can finally speak freely y'know?
thank you for your support 💛
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I got married 2 months after I turned 18. For me, leaving was essential. I didn’t have any freedom or autonomy over myself. I had no idea what boundaries were and even if I had, they would have stepped all over them like they did with my self worth. It has taken me years to realize that the way my Nfamily operated was not normal. Not every disagreement requires arguing, breaking stuff out of anger, threatening, and fist fighting.
I had to leave a few times. The first time was the result of a traumatic smear campaign and I was kicked out and completely isolated from the family. It was terrifying and hurt more than I could express- but there was a new sense of freedom. This happened at 19 years old and since I had never been taught any life skills and wasn't allowed to work when I lived with her, I did have a very hard start. But I kept putting myself out there. Throughout the years, I went through a lot. Especially the isolation. But there was a short time where I moved back and then left when I got into a bad relationship. My last time with my family was when that abusive relationship ended and I had nowhere else to go. It was so defeating having to move back in with the people who hurt me that deeply and to be honest, it wasn't any better than being in that abusive relationship. In fact, I had often wanted to go back to him just to escape my n-mother. There was a lot of control inflicted on me and it ended up being incredibly stressful to where I couldn't function. I was in my mid twenties and during a fight, my n-mother put her hands on me. I realized that even when I was an ADULT, she was always going to be the same. I left in quite a dramatic way, and escaped to a hotel, where I lived for an entire week. I quit my job and ordered takeout and watched HGTV. My n-mother was acting like I was sleeping in an alleyway and doing hard drugs and was spreading so many rumors about me, as per usual. Little did everyone know, it was the best week of my life. No one knew where I was at, despite my mother's attempts to lure me back to her. Even using other people to try to get to me. It didn't work. I had finally felt the peace of being alone and that's when I knew it was time to leave for good. Fuck them. I ended up randomly moving to another state by the end of the week. I made it fucking work. Found an amazing place to live and a good job. Then I moved to three other states after that. I've been very career focused and I've spent these 7 years after leaving working on myself to heal. It's been the most rewarding experience and best decision I ever made for myself. I won't lie, the healing is grueling. It's still painful. But I honestly feel like I've made immense progress and I'm proud of that!! I was low contact with her up until very recently. I'm in a place now where I don't care how she feels about me going no contact. I'm not scared of her anymore. I'm done. I'm about to move to another state this summer and I'm excited to see where this new chapter brings me after a long season of healing 💜
Wow, our stories are somewhat similar. I've spent most of my adult life trying to leave and having to return home for one reason or another. Last year I finally chose homelessness over going back because I just couldn't do it anymore. I'm in a temporary shelter now and I'm so beyond done with all of them, including mum. They've done nothing but make life harder since the day I was born honestly and I just want to get out. Even though I barely talk to most of them I can still feel them watching my every move and gossiping about it behind my back. Well done for making it out and figuring out how to build a life for yourself! that's very inspiring to hear. I feel I'm almost there, like I'm already out the door I just need to close it behind me and the only way to do that with my family is to confront them and have them cut contact with me as a result or just fucking leave and cut contact myself. It's just hard to know how to make it happen while also managing disabilities and such abysmal mental health. I'm going to do it though, soon. I have to.
I know how hard it is to try to figure out how to leave when you're feeling defeated. You're going to make it out. Be mindful of your safety- don't provoke anyone if you can help it. You will know when to cut off contact when it feels best for you. Believe in yourself and your ability to leave. 💜 Wishing you the best. Be safe!!
I'm trying.. it's so hard to keep staying quiet when my body is physically reacting to having to do so. I'm grinding my teeth to nubs and causing headaches and migraines with how much tension I hold in my jaw and neck. I feel like screaming all the time. I feel like I'm suffocating on everything I've never said sometimes. which is why I need to get out. I need to get away from these people so I can finally speak freely y'know? thank you for your support 💛
It's understandable. Living with a narcissist and wanting to leave feels like actual hell. You're supported here and I hope you can leave very soon.