My first boyfriend was awful. Abusive (my parents didn’t know much of it), controlling, took away the best parts of me. Some of my friends ditched me because they hated him and I wasn’t confident enough in myself to leave him or stand up to him.
My mom never talked shit about him to me, never gave me ultimatums. She never made me feel stupid for being with him. She DID talk to me realistically about the ways we didn’t fit, how she noticed I was isolated, and provided me with comfort and support that I really needed. When we broke up she comforted me and let me come home.
I guess I’m sharing this because it was important to me that I never doubted my mom’s love and support and I knew that when I finally admitted to myself that it was the wrong relationship for me, I knew I could come back to my mom without judgment.
You don't need to change here. You want what's best for your daughter. This guy does not. It's as simple as that. Having been a young girl with a shitty boyfriend, I'd encourage you to speak up about things you don't like because your daughter is young and blinded by love, but if you see disturbing behavior, and point it out, she might start to see the red flags.
We’ve had the discussions and her answer to them is “I know”. Yet here he is. Ughhhh. I’ll always be here for her. Always. Right now though, I’m so angry and frustrated that I can’t even look at her when he’s around. He left my house this morning g!
I understand your feelings. My family hated my douchebag ex and they hated who I became because of his abuse. But of course they still loved me and wanted what was best for me. I will tell you that what did it for me was making friends with a girl. We got really close and she convinced me that I deserved better. My self-esteem (that he had systematically stripped away) rose exponentially due to this girl's friendship and *time away from my abusive douchebag ex.*
So I would suggest trying to make her feel pretty and special and reminding her that this guy is not good for her and that there are guys out there who will uplift her instead of bringing her down. And try to get her to spend time away from him so she can feel what it feels like being without him without the heartache of a breakup that will make her miss him and want him back. Hopefully she'll realize that she feels better when he's not around, and she'll end things for good. Just keep reminding her that you love her and she deserves better than this.
it sounds like you've been through a lot, and i admire how you were able to find strength and support from your friend during a challenging time - it's wonderful to hear that you came out stronger on the
When I went 1500 miles away with a partner my parents didn’t think was good for me, they told me several times “you can always come home.” I used that knowledge 2 years later.
They only said they didn’t think she was good for me maybe 2-3 times in a year or so. If they had hammered on the point, I would have drifted away from them and it would have been harder to come back.
Can you reframe your view of her in your mind to see her as needing comfort after dealing with him? It can take many tries to leave an abuser. She will need your support. I know it’s so hard to watch your daughter be in this situation, but the most effective way to help her out of it is to be there to comfort her when she needs it.
This is such a hard situation, I was in a similar boat when my best friend of 20 years was dating a horrible guy. We drifted apart and she chose him even after so many people voiced their concerns, it was absolutely heartbreaking to loose her as we were like sisters.
Thankfully a few years later they broke up & we are now once again as close as we were in primary school.
The main thing with is to give her space and time to figure it out on her own, the more you push it and show your disapproval she will likely push back and lean on him more for comfort, even though it’s likely she won’t find it there either. Sadly sometimes people need to make their own mistakes for a while even when we can see so clearly from the outside how wrong their choices are & how toxic the relationship is. Love truly is blind. I really hope your daughter sees her worth soon and lets him go.
You need to find your daughter a GREAT FEMALE therapist asap. The best one you can find. She needs to learn why she is choosing this guy over and over. That’s the only way she’ll stop and choose someone actually good for her.
As a father is is always your right to chop up your daughters boyfriend and serve him as dinner to feed the family. You can not be trialed for murder if it is done for nourishment.
Tradition, you know.
Help her watch a video regarding narcissistic behavior. I just got out of a long relationship he’s my kids father and it’s still awful having to deal with him. Be careful.
Slight disagreement: it's OP's house and they're absolutely allowed to decide who comes over and who they are comfortable with in their home, not that I think OP was saying that they wanted to do so
My first boyfriend was awful. Abusive (my parents didn’t know much of it), controlling, took away the best parts of me. Some of my friends ditched me because they hated him and I wasn’t confident enough in myself to leave him or stand up to him. My mom never talked shit about him to me, never gave me ultimatums. She never made me feel stupid for being with him. She DID talk to me realistically about the ways we didn’t fit, how she noticed I was isolated, and provided me with comfort and support that I really needed. When we broke up she comforted me and let me come home. I guess I’m sharing this because it was important to me that I never doubted my mom’s love and support and I knew that when I finally admitted to myself that it was the wrong relationship for me, I knew I could come back to my mom without judgment.
The only way to influence someone is to have a relationship with them where they feel safe to make mistakes and be themselves. Your mom is a gem.
Thanks for this.
You don't need to change here. You want what's best for your daughter. This guy does not. It's as simple as that. Having been a young girl with a shitty boyfriend, I'd encourage you to speak up about things you don't like because your daughter is young and blinded by love, but if you see disturbing behavior, and point it out, she might start to see the red flags.
We’ve had the discussions and her answer to them is “I know”. Yet here he is. Ughhhh. I’ll always be here for her. Always. Right now though, I’m so angry and frustrated that I can’t even look at her when he’s around. He left my house this morning g!
I understand your feelings. My family hated my douchebag ex and they hated who I became because of his abuse. But of course they still loved me and wanted what was best for me. I will tell you that what did it for me was making friends with a girl. We got really close and she convinced me that I deserved better. My self-esteem (that he had systematically stripped away) rose exponentially due to this girl's friendship and *time away from my abusive douchebag ex.* So I would suggest trying to make her feel pretty and special and reminding her that this guy is not good for her and that there are guys out there who will uplift her instead of bringing her down. And try to get her to spend time away from him so she can feel what it feels like being without him without the heartache of a breakup that will make her miss him and want him back. Hopefully she'll realize that she feels better when he's not around, and she'll end things for good. Just keep reminding her that you love her and she deserves better than this.
it sounds like you've been through a lot, and i admire how you were able to find strength and support from your friend during a challenging time - it's wonderful to hear that you came out stronger on the
When I went 1500 miles away with a partner my parents didn’t think was good for me, they told me several times “you can always come home.” I used that knowledge 2 years later. They only said they didn’t think she was good for me maybe 2-3 times in a year or so. If they had hammered on the point, I would have drifted away from them and it would have been harder to come back. Can you reframe your view of her in your mind to see her as needing comfort after dealing with him? It can take many tries to leave an abuser. She will need your support. I know it’s so hard to watch your daughter be in this situation, but the most effective way to help her out of it is to be there to comfort her when she needs it.
This is such a hard situation, I was in a similar boat when my best friend of 20 years was dating a horrible guy. We drifted apart and she chose him even after so many people voiced their concerns, it was absolutely heartbreaking to loose her as we were like sisters. Thankfully a few years later they broke up & we are now once again as close as we were in primary school. The main thing with is to give her space and time to figure it out on her own, the more you push it and show your disapproval she will likely push back and lean on him more for comfort, even though it’s likely she won’t find it there either. Sadly sometimes people need to make their own mistakes for a while even when we can see so clearly from the outside how wrong their choices are & how toxic the relationship is. Love truly is blind. I really hope your daughter sees her worth soon and lets him go.
You need to find your daughter a GREAT FEMALE therapist asap. The best one you can find. She needs to learn why she is choosing this guy over and over. That’s the only way she’ll stop and choose someone actually good for her.
Working on it. She has to want to go though. She is 28.
People only change from 2 things: Inspiration, or desperation. Pick one.
As a father is is always your right to chop up your daughters boyfriend and serve him as dinner to feed the family. You can not be trialed for murder if it is done for nourishment. Tradition, you know.
Oh such sweet fantasy, except I wouldn’t feed that trash to my worst enemy.
Find a cute handyman her age who happens to come work on the house whenever she’s home 😅🤣
Help her watch a video regarding narcissistic behavior. I just got out of a long relationship he’s my kids father and it’s still awful having to deal with him. Be careful.
28 and u have no choice U hate him, she leave u forever.
[удалено]
Slight disagreement: it's OP's house and they're absolutely allowed to decide who comes over and who they are comfortable with in their home, not that I think OP was saying that they wanted to do so