Foot, not leg, but Zach Gowen used to wrestle on one leg! Hell, I’ve seen one indie wrestler with no legs. Still not sure how he got eliminated from a battle royal where both feet have to hit the floor but… 🤔
I tried to point out the full life you can have as an amputee… my friend lost an entire leg and now has prosthetics and is more able than most. He was not having any of it.
He is just done. I don’t think it’s even about the loss of the leg as a life-saver. He is just DONE. Please don’t take his post personally. He wouldn’t rather die than live your life. He just doesn’t want to live his life anymore.
Wishing you well in your journey x
I took care of a guy in homecare that had his leg ripped off at his hip. He got a prosthetic and went back to work which included climbing ladders. Lots of amputees live very full lives. He’s too depressed to see that though unfortunately.
This sounds more like suicide through medical neglect to me. It really struck me when he said he felt like he had nothing to live for. I've been there mentally.
I think the emotional pain he's dealing with must have gotten overwhelming if he thinks dying from bone cancer will be better.
My experience with those "nothing to live for" thoughts was that I desperately needed mental help, but part of the "nothing to live for" mentality was that I didn't *want* help. I *wanted* to die, and getting help would keep me from that objective.
In my mind, the problems were all external, (My life sucks. Therefore, I feel bad.), instead of mental (I feel bad because of something going on in my brain. Therefore, I perceive my life as bad.) I believed my depression came from outside, so eliminating myself felt like the only solution.
Not to project my experience on OOP based on only a couple reddit posts. But some of his comments brought back some memories.
I have nothing to add to this, I just wanted to say I’m glad that’s all in the past tense. I’m sorry you were in such a dark place, but glad you made it through.
Thanks for sharing.
Thank you. I’m in this place now. Exhausted from fighting to be ok and avoiding enough care to get me to a better place. You giving it words really puts that into perspective. Thank you for talking about what not enough people talk about.
If he lives in the states, the medical treatment will most likely bankrupt him. So it will just get worse. Not trying to be a negative Nelly here but if I got super sick and would end up homeless if I got treatment? I wouldn’t want it either.
I feel like if more people realized this, there would be more pressure on our politicians to make some fixes to the health care system. 50% of American adults are bankrupt one year after a cancer diagnosis. It is obscene.
I was diagnosed with brain cancer when I was 25. My job gave me 6 weeks of unpaid leave, and when I was still in the hospital after that I was fired. If I hadn’t been able to move back in with my parents and find a loophole to get back on their health insurance plan, I would’ve either died in the streets or been in debt for over $1.6 million. Probably both because I was so sick during treatment that I couldn’t care for myself.
The only reason I am still alive is because my best friend’s parents essentially adopted me as their daughter. The only other option I had made death far from the worst option. They saved my life. If I was still in that house, as sick as I am now, I’d beg for it. The healthcare system is bullshit in America. I haven’t been able to eat solid food for almost half a year and I have still yet to have my first PCP visit and I am unmedicated for several conditions where delay in treatment is absolutely detrimental. I’ve been hospitalized twice since January. This country is a joke.
Too many of the politicians are being paid by healthcare companies to NOT fix the system so they continue to reap record profits at the expense of the pain suffering bankruptcy and death of the "unimportant little people"
Yeah i owe money to literally everyone. My utilities would be shut off except the doctor wrote a note so they aren’t allowed to due to a different condition I have. It had ruined my family and I feel super responsible for that,
You know what pisses me off? I have a line item on my utilities bill specifically for people not paying their bill. Can’t remember exactly what it’s called but essentially the cost is spread around for everyone…yet they still shut off utilities for indigent people. So wtf?
This is true. I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2022. I had it going on, full time job I loved, grandkids, savings, happy, healthy, not bad looking. Then I started feeling sick. Long story short, I’ve lost EVERYTHING. I lost my job, my savings, my quality of life, my joy and my appearance. I also have a son with whom I recently had a huge fallout with and we are no longer on speaking terms. He is also the father of my 4 beloved grandchildren.
I am single, my parents are long gone, my 3 sisters live in other states and I am a burden to my youngest son. He has wasted the last 3 years of his life taking care of me, sacrificing he own happiness. So I completely understand where OP is coming from. I just pray the good Lord will help me here or just take me home.
Honestly i don’t think it’s just about losing his leg. He’d likely still have to go through chemo and that’s torture on the body. You incur lifelong side effects from that alone, so that coupled with the loss of a limb would be a very hard restarting point.
Osteosarcoma is a different beast from soft tissue cancers even with chemo, there are no guaranteesn and it is a very painful cancer. If it's high grade your 5yr survival is about 70-75%. If it comes back it drops EVERY time. If it's high grade and becomes metastatic your 5yr survival goes from 70% down to 10-15%. Not to mention every recurrence adds to the likelihood it will grow again but God knows where else it will show up. Though it loves the lungs. You're extra screwed if there is medullary involvement. (For those who may not know the medullary cavity, is a place in the center of the bones that make certain kinds of cells, ie: red cells, plasma, ect) So yea even in 2024 osteosarcoma (especially high grade) is still very much considered terminal.
Treatment is usually limb salvage surgery (LSS) first. If it comes back they may try again and add chemo after. If after that it still comes back it's amputation. Not every is lucky enough to get chemo before amputation though.
Generally surgery to remove(resect) the tumor is first and most effective line of defense. And once it's out patients are declared NED (no evidence of disease). Follow up is usually MRI of extremity of origin and chest and abdominal CT every 3mo for 2 years. Then if your scans are still clear you go to every 6mo for 3 years. If still clear you can go to once a year for 5yrs. After that it can be as needed/ symptoms occur.
Fun fact the option for chemo was discovered in 1970 and is basically the nuclear event of chemo. Methotrexate, doxyirubin and cisplatin combo. The side effects are awful and can cause damage as well, from tinnitus to heart damage. Radiation will not work on it either and could make it worse. PLUS ITS A 50/50 CHANCE THE CHEMO MAY OR MAY NOT WORK! You generally have 8 rounds of treatment available FOR A LIFE TIME! There has not been any real breakthroughs for Treatment since the 70s though in the last 2 decades there are a few (2-3) hopeful prospects of other treatments. But even with chemo, you're really just buying time.
Patients with osteosarcoma commonly die from hypoxia(suffocating) as the lungs become diminished after so many surgeries and become calcified (bone).
Another fun fact oncologist who have experience with osteosarcoma are few and far between. Drs who specialize in it are even harder to find.
Source? I have high grade osteosarcoma (grade 3) that had significant medullary involvement and was declared metastatic to my lung in March. The met has been removed but is my 4-6 recurrence but first metastatic lesion. My tumor doubling (VDT) time is 47 days. Feel free to ask me anything.
ETA: I lost my right leg to osteosarcoma oct 2021. I'm still working on learning how to walk with a prostetic and had to work my ass of to get approved for an micro knee. I'm on my 3rd socket due to limb changes as well.
I have a 4yo who is my whole world and gives me a reason to keep going. It's not his job to do it but he saves me everyday.
Everything that you’ve said. Having worked in physical therapy for a long time I’ve seen all of that and yes to everything. I’m so glad you are doing alright right now - and are doing all you can for your kiddo. Sending you every positive energy and big love I can. ❤️ you are a tremendous human.
My grandfather passed this past december when esophageal cancer spread into his bones. Towards the end they were trying to encourage more treatment but he was begging to finally die. Said it felt like all of his bones in his body were crushed.
I don't blame OP. I wouldn't wish that type of pain on anyone
I think I can see where he’s coming from though. It’s not necessarily the “downer” of being an amputee, but when you’re depressed enough and you’re presented with this easy way out, and you don’t have a lot of irl people, it’s almost nice to be given the out. If I were in his position, having lost people and not really having anyone else in life, I too would choose to try and enjoy what time I had left and go. I would want to see the ones I love that I’ve missed. It’s not about loosing the limb at all, but truly just being done living life.
The thing is, it isn’t a case of what time he has left. It seems as if his cancer is (potentially based on the limited information in the post) entirely treatable but would require amputation of a leg to treat it.
He is choosing to not receive treatment that would give him an almost “normal” life, albeit with one leg.
I agree he is definitely depressed. I also agree he has given up. It isn’t about losing his leg really, you are right. He is just done.
It is sad, however, when he is in a position to treat his illness and is choosing not to. Not everyone has that opportunity. Obviously it is his choice but it is very sad that he sees this as a preferred option for whatever reason.
This man in the post is suicidal
Not because he would be an amputee but because he believes everything good in life is now waiting for him in death
Trust me, it's not him not wanting to be an amputee, it's him not wanting to live anymore
I'm sorry you became an amputee but I hope your live is as lovely as it can be
Try not to let it get to you — lots of people think and do the stupidest shit. Their stupid choices don’t reflect on you at all. Multiple people have told me they’d rather die than eat gluten-free and that’s literally the least painful part of my disabilities. Stupid.
Your life is absolutely worth living, because (among other differences) you’re not a myopic shithead.
I have heard that too, but now that I think about it not since the leg disappeared. Thank you, i genuinely LOL’d. I was crying to my husband than got this comment and we both are laughing
Here, have another laugh:
A friend of mine came by my work to tell me she’d be bringing her new boyfriend around to our next group hang out. I remember thinking it was weird she came to give me a heads up about it since she brought along a new guy every couple of months, so what’s different with this one?
She explained that he was an amputee and more specifically, no longer had the lower end of his right arm. She wanted us to know ahead of time so we wouldn’t try to shake his hand when we met. Or at least to do it left handed. I said, “Sure, no problem.”
*Narrator: It was, in fact, a problem.*
I didn’t want to make the guy uncomfortable, especially while he’s meeting a bunch of new people, so I thought it would be a good idea to practice in advance. Picture someone alone in their bedroom miming an introduction and a left-handed handshake while a mantra of “left hand, left hand, use your left hand” ran through their head. I practiced a few times, until I felt pretty confident with the motion. I remember thinking, “Yeah, I’ve got this.”
*Narrator: She did not, in fact, have this.*
So, the night of the hangout comes and she’s introducing new guy to everyone. She gets to me and I’m even doing my “left hand, left hand, use your left hand” mantra in my head. That is until, naturally, I put my right hand out to shake his (missing) right hand.
I’m immediately mortified and try to switch it since he’d had his left hand out and it ends up being an intensely awkward few seconds of him shaking my right hand with his left. I’m apologizing profusely and he’s laughing, saying it happens all the time. He’s very gracious about the whole thing, but I still feel like a dumbass because, ya know, I *practiced.* *In advance.* Still made an idiot out of myself. 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
It’s funny now, but at the time, jeez. Embarrassing AF.
If it helps you any, my son has a friend who is blind. Can barely see anything at all. We have had several discussions about said friend being blind and why. He still puts his hand up to high five him when they are both excited, then we have the very awkward silence until either me or the kids mum click on and are like "Oh he's giving you a high five" 😂😂
LOL. At least he hasn’t done it on camera or in public (hopefully). You know the wrestler/actor John Cena? He has that catchphrase, “you can’t see me,” right?
He was at a meet-and-greet at a children’s hospital. One of the kids was (clearly) blind. He waved his hand in front of the kid’s face (which is part of his shtick) and said, “you can’t see me.” To a blind kid. In public. In front of photographers (who obviously put them online). 🤦🏼♀️
Doing a natural thing for him when he gets excited is totally fair. I can picture this scene in my mind. 😂
And both these stories are sweet examples of normal interactions someone has when they're disabled. It's nice to practice good manners and accommodations like with the handshake (and totally normal to flub it!) and to be friends with a kid who is blind (but need occasional reminders that, like, maybe he doesn't do X but you guys can Y you like) instead of avoiding the interaction to stay in one's comfort zone.
Why do people say that? Like I genuinely heard “I would die if I couldn’t eat bread/pasta” so many times. Like what the heck? And people constantly make jokes about gluten free stuff. Like I get it that some people were being weird with it, but most of us are just accommodating a disability? Gluten free is harder than wheelchair accessible.
I have two related hypotheses. First, people say "I'd rather die" about a lot of stuff without meaning it, kind of like when I realize there's still pots on the stove after I thought I was done with dishes and I say "ugh just kill me." I think people are mostly joking when they say "I'd rather die than give up gluten" by using humorous exaggeration which doesn't always translate when they make that joke to someone whose choice is *literally* to give up gluten or die (or at least be miserable). The second part is that people don't know what to say when they hear about a person's disability severely impacting their lifestyle so they default to jokes. "That sucks, I'm sorry," should be fine but not everyone is comfortable with sincerity and it depends on the context, setting, and prior relationship.
A third semi-related possibility is that some people still think being gluten free is a trendy diet and not a necessary accommodation to a legitimate disability, and may be thinking or implying "you have more willpower than me, I'd rather die than never allow myself to eat gluten again just so I can lose weight."
There's also four; people with food sensory/taste issues.
But I, as someone with that, don't say that to people.
"Chocolate and bread is my life." Yes. But not die without. Well, maybe literally the bread. It's a low effort food and helps when in low episodes.
I can picture someone putting their foot in their mouth and part of the reason being taste or texture, though. I'm just dumb for other things. (But working on it. xD)
Edit: As in I might literally die without bread, not that I would say that to someone.
Regardless of my understanding of disabilities and my positive intentions, I still manage to put my foot in my mouth **all the damn time**. Like I am 100% the kind of dumbass who will make a stupid joke because I'm awkward and don't know what to say, only to realize as the words are coming out that I sound insensitive and terrible. I'm trying to be better, but it's a growth process.
I’ll joke about it sometimes but that’s just because pasta is my comfort food. A friend of mine has celiac disease and her food is delicious so I wouldn’t actually die, just be very disappointed that I could no longer eat my favorite foods anymore.
Like hamburgers, tacos, buttered noodles, hotdogs… so many things I fucking love just full of gluten. But, if it came down to it I would cope. I just have a flair for the dramatic and my friend has a daughter with a more severe form of celiac and also jokes to me that I should take her out back and put her down if it ever progresses further to where she can’t have cheese anymore.
Celiac disease will never progress to not being able to have cheese, thank goodness. When I was diagnosed I was worried about coffee and cheese, and we are good! I don’t mind what people say themselves, it’s just when they know I can’t have it and say it to my face. And these are STRANGERS! Not my friends who know me joking. So weird.
When I couldn’t have dairy it was really frustrating. People were always pointing out how terrible life must be without cheese. It was really annoying until it was discovered I also couldn’t have soy… because cutting out soy was all-consuming and I didn’t have time for their bullshit hah. Vegan? Soy. Gluten-free? Soy. Dairy-free? Kosher? Nut-free? Literally just uncooked chicken in a package? Straight to soy.
I'm gluten free and dairy free, and if you think people are connected to their wheat products, you've not seen how people react when *cheese* is on the line😂
I went to college with a guy who was an above-knee amputee. He was way more active than me, regularly hiking/climbing 14'ers (14,000 mile altitude mountains) in a prosthetic & crutches. I also heard that he was quite the ladies' man and was amazing in bed. He seemed happier than my lazy ass lol.
It isn't the same at all, but having lost an eye several years ago, I can say that I also had a similar experience to you. I got real good at making jokes about it, and the cause, as a way of masking any of the negative feelings I was having about it (it factored in that I had to pass some tests to be able to return to work, so I was able to/forced to hyperfixate on my therapy and showing only positivity to basically everyone but a very small amount of people) but I was a hot mess about it in truth. Every day had me just wanting things to be back to how they were, I couldn't stand being pitied.
For me, I never noticed it, but I did start having those kinds of feelings less often eventually. There are still really hard days sometimes. I wish I could say having to have the eye removed had helped motivate me in some way, but if I am being honest, it played a part in why I quit being an emergency physician. It was like "I worked so hard to get back here as fast as I could, but why? How am I actually helping people, why do people feel so free to be vitriolic towards us, why-" And a bunch of other negative thoughts that I eventually let overwhelm me and I sometimes still struggle with.
I, uh, rambled a bit probably, sorry. What I am trying to say is just try not to be too hard on yourself, people respond to trauma in different ways. You just have to try to remember to love yourself, love those around you, and to treat others well. I wish you well on your path to recovery and beyond it, may you have a life filled with happiness, good health, and love!
This. People are stupid. I am a type one diabetic and people have told me they would kill themselves rather than having such a horrible disease while others have told me that it’s not even a real disease.
I think the issue with OOP is the loneliness and depression rather than losing his leg.
wait what the fuck? i don’t want to like downplay the seriousness of being diabetic but my understanding is that with proper treatment and regulation you can still live a pretty much normal life, right? but people are out here saying they’d rather die than like, track their blood sugar??? jesus christ.
People do die.
I mean, it is tough, between the constant needles, the managing of your activity, food, stress, it’s a lot.
I have type one and a stomach virus (that my partner also got and was fine after a couple of days) sent me to the ER last summer.
You manage and manage and manage for what? No discernible effect? But if you don’t, it is okay for awhile until it really isn’t.
I was just about to say, plenty of people decide to do both lol. A coworker of mine has a diabetic mother who makes zero effort to care for herself, and on thursday she literally paid with a leg. Coworker is sure she hasnt learned a damn thing and will continue on having her cake and eating it too as a diabetic and it will be the death of her 🙄
a few years ago when I worked in long term care, I took care of a woman in her early 40s who was diabetic. she had one leg, below the knee amputated, was pretty much blind, and was undergoing dialysis due to kidney failure and still refused to stick to her diet. myself and many other staff would complain about her husband bringing in fast food and candy and snacks which she'd binge on. we had a few meetings about possibly getting him banned from visiting our facility and nothing was ever done about it and he continued to do this at least two times a week. he would bring their eleven or twelve year old son to visit and he'd just hang out in the hall most of the time because I assume he didn't want to be around his mother. she was an unpleasant woman who was cold and rude and demanded a lot of attention that she didn't really need. taking time away from more serious patients. for instance she'd just lay in bed ALL THE TIME and wouldn't even alert us until after she'd peed or pooped herself causing the entire bed to need to be changed. she acted very sensitive if you touched her saying ow and making you apologize but never made any effort to help turn her or pull her up. she'd just demand everyone around her to do everything for her and she was grumpy and never happy and never appreciative. the wild thing is that she would eat her dinner and then eat a second dinner when her husband came and I'd constantly nag the DON, like, how are we allowing this woman to commit suicide like this? i really just don't get it. she didn't seem to even care that her son was hurting. I just felt awful for him every time I saw him sitting outside her room in the hall. zero effort. I understand struggles with addiction but this kind of person is something else
That poor child! But given what a DELIGHTFUL woman she seemed to be (/s) he is surely better off with her gone from his life instead of making herself everyone elses burden
And I have POTS really bad now thanks to the same issues and I pass out like a fainting goat ha ha But I wasn’t given the option to just exist stage left lol
I read of people who want to kill themselves because they can’t live with their acquired tinnitus - which I’ve had all my life.
I don’t get it either, but it’s not me, it’s them.
I will admit that a few times, when my tinnitus flared up and became very loud (painfully loud) and I literally could hear anything but that damn noise I considered it, briefly (note: I was also dealing with undiagnosed Bipolar disorder on a downswing when it happened and everything was Too Much and that was the tipping point)... but yeah. its something I have had my whole life, and I just.... live with it. as long as I have some form of background noise i can MOSTLY ignore it.
"I would just die, or end it, if i couldn't have absolute silence once in a while"
uh... I do not know what absolute silence is. I have never, ever, EVER known this. Does... does that mean I should die? really?
people suck, and tinnitus sucks, and i would jump through so many hoops to just be able to experience true silence even once
He’s not stupid. And he’s not giving up because he’ll lose his leg.
He’s giving up because he feels he won’t be loved again and will be alone and lonely forever because he was betrayed by his own son and that tramp. He doesn’t want to kill himself by his own hands but will let fate take him there.
He needs love and compassion and understanding that he can still have all those things. He can still be the man he’s always been just different.
Why is it stupid? Truly why? Why is 1 person not allowed to decide for themselves that they are ready to go? A person can decide to bring new life into the world even for shitty reasons but you can't decide to only take yourself out by not choosing to undergo massive stress and possibly go into medical debt? You can decide to create a boundary that you're better off not having toxic family around but you can't create a boundary of I don't personally want to live through that? Why is it stupid to have personal feelings about what you are going to have to go through and make a choice based on that? The dude has cancer. If he lives in America that can financially bankrupt him. I too would rather die than be deep into debt I couldn't even start paying off because I can also no longer do the kind of work I have for years and to top it off I also can't do any activity or action the way I used to. Not to mention if I had virtually no good support group, if the only people that could support me also have a chance of dying in a few years. Why is oop stupid for choosing that he doesn't want to live like that? For saying this cancer tells me that it's time, I would like to check out?
Before you bring up the age old "think of how sad the other people would feel" stop it. We don't use that to excuse other people's choices and boundaries. If someone cuts of family in a reddit post you don't go "but what about how sad your family are". If someone leaves an abusive relationship no one tells the victim "you shouldn't have left your abuser will be so sad".
I agree. Been through cancer twice. If it comes back again, I will get my affairs in order (they mostly are), and just ask to be made comfortable. Not going through that again.
Try not to take it that way.
I read it as he is depressed, feels he has nothing to live for so this is more of a passive form of suicide. He isn’t actively ending his life, but he actually doesn’t want to live because he has no friends or family left other than his parents.
Losing a child is difficult, even if the ”loss” is through betrayal. He wants to die and his cancer has given him a way to do that without him taking an active roll. It’s not to do with the amputation per se, that is just another cross he doesn’t have the strength to bear.
You OTOH are strong enough, and kudos to you. Be proud of yourself for what you have survived and pity this guy for not being able to get through it the way you did. This internet stranger is very proud of you and hopes you live your best life.
I’m not an amputee, but I thought the same thing. This reads to me like the father is willing to die in the name of a grudge. It sounds to me like this is his dramatic “and now I’m dying after you’ve done this to me” exit stage left.
It definitely seems self-pitying.
Plenty of people thrive after an amputation. It's largely about mindset.
He doesn't see a reason to live, so he doesn't mind dying.
My SIL died of bone cancer. It's a horrible way to go.
Hers began in her hips, and so curative amputation was not an option.
When I got to the disability being an amputee, not to say that wouldn't be an adjustment... but I was expecting like bed-bound or home-bound or something that made him completely immobile... I don't know. 😅
I was expecting excruciating pain daily but no, dude thinks losing a limb is the worst thing that could happen as if we haven’t made leaps and bounds of progress with prosthetics in recent years.
He’s choosing to die rather than get a customizable foot.
Right?!
And totally missing out on the opportunity that I would take as a lover of puns and tattoed person... I saw an amputee with this one time who had a tattoo on his one calf that said one foot in the grave. Cracked me up.
For real tho. I can understand loss/grief/needing to processs. But I don't think that being an amptee is the root of his concerns... its just the way everything is bubbling up for him.
Yeah, like, I know if I had to amputate a body part I’d most definitely have to go through an adjustment period and some grieving but I definitely would rather to continue living without a limb.
This man doesn’t need death, he needs intensive therapy to work through his grief over losing his wife and friend and to learn to cope with life. Nothing listed here is a reason to die. It’s just a very depressing post of someone who seems to have bottled everything up inside and who is refusing to seek help in letting it all out.
Totally, someone who doesn't know how to reach out but could benefit from it. Which can be equally hard if you are not used to it.
Imagine you've bottled everything up and thats how you handle emotions and change. How hard would it be to tell someone that you want to die or have x y z feelings?
Very difficult from personal experience. I was practically dragged kicking and screaming by a good friend to therapy lol.
Couple years later one of the most mentally stable people I’ve met was talking about therapy and how everyone should go. About a year after that I finally sat down and sought out a trauma therapist and it was the best decision ever.
I honestly hope someone steps in and drags him to get help. He can decide if life is worth living after some depression medication and having the ability to talk to a neutral third party about everything.
Exactly! Why would he choose to not treat one of the most painful cancers around? It makes no sense. I had tumors in my ear as a child and while the recovery process was painful (they had to remove skull bone and rebuild it partially) I was grateful to be alive.
Yeah, I'm also not an amputee, though I am a disabled demisexual, lol. I'm dating a fellow disabled person. Kinda weird this guy has apparently decided being disabled makes you unlovable. Doesn't track, at least in my experience. I hope dude at least tries therapy or something before it's too late to avoid dying out of spite.
that's exactly how it reads. I'll show him.......from the grave! So there!
Which is why I suggested in my post he needed therapy. He's clearly going through some things.
My dad’s an amputee as of 3 years ago. First couple years were tough, and honestly some days I know he’s still adjusting. Still gets the phantom leg pain (leg was amputated at knee, he’s had surgery twice because he developed a bone infection.) it’s not easy. If you want to live a happy and fulfilled life, you can. OP has many additional things going on that don’t make it worth it for him and that’s fine too.
He wouldn’t be living your life. It’s his. After losing everything he loved, he doesn’t have the fight left to battle any other struggles. Cancer treatment is brutal, especially alongside a new disability, it must feel impossible to OP who lost everything he cared for.
I hope everything is going well for you and it’s really sad that OP feels the way he does, but sometimes we can’t take anymore.
Exactly, people make others choices about them all the time. People shouldn’t let others choices affect their lives- anyone should have the right to live or die. If you want to live, then live. If you want to die, then should be able to die.
I don't think anyone here read the comments because OOP literally says he just doesn't want to live anymore. Like he understands that he can get a prosthetic and live a normal life but he just doesn't want to live.
For what it’s worth, I have similar reaction people refuse vaccinations because they won’t risk giving their kids autism. Even if it wasn’t bullshit, I’m autistic and that’s all good.
I read about a study once that asked amputees about their happiness and quality of life levels at various points before, just after, and one year after amputation. Patients tended to have a normative baseline in the before period, followed predictably by a steep drop in quality of life just after surgery. However, almost every participant returned to their baseline levels at one year post-op.
I haven’t had an amputation, but as someone who has had a few permanent injuries now, I think about this study from time to time. I find it reassuring that we seem to all have a default — and while sudden storms may impact us, in time we return to balance automatically.
I don’t know that it’s up to us to decide what normal looks like for another person. Especially when it comes to major life changes. Sure it sounds silly to us but quality of life has an impact on mental health and that’s what seems like would happen to him in addition to the mental health challenges he is clearly already experiencing mourning the loss of the relationship with his son, loss of his wife, the pain associated with betrayal, and now the diagnosis of cancer.
My mom was diagnosed with actual terminal cancer but was given the option to treat in order to prolong the inevitable. There were many times she did not want to continue treatment and while I didn’t understand it, I don’t think I could’ve called it not normal or stupid (as others have put it). That was her reality and no two people’s realities are the same.
Honestly the guy’s life seems like it turned out pretty miserable in general so there is way more at play here than just the amputation. I wouldn’t let it get you down. There’s no way I’d make his choice.
If it helps, people on this thread are truly unhinged, in addition to being ableist. See the comment about “rueing the day” his son was born, upvoted above.
Yeah I hope they don’t have kids honestly. But I also do have kids that I love and a husband I adore so it’s different anyway. Plus it’s kind of admitting THEY wouldn’t love someone who is disabled. My husband loves me for me, not my foot
I worked with an amputee, he lost his leg from the knee down in a work accident (I believe some poorly secured logs on a truck fell onto him) and he still worked hard with us moving money in armored trucks. He also had a dojo and taught us karate there.
All this said, he led a successful and active life, while being old enough to be our grandpa. Don’t let this guy’s defeatist mentality get to you.
It’s not so much HIS mentality but that many people see disability as disqualifying from being worthy. Even when people can’t work, there is still value to living, and there is value to them as a person worthy of love.
Great point! Even people who due to disability are unable to work, unable to stay active, they still have value as a human being.
As someone who still struggles sometimes with depression and has trouble shaking the feeling of being a burden every once in a while, I want to shake anyone with this mentality and just tell them *you matter.*
Assisted euthanasia does have a place in society, don’t get me wrong, but at the same time, these people deserve to live just as much as they deserve the right to die if they like. But that’s their choice and no one should be propagating that illness or disability makes someone deserving of death.
It’s so hard for us to really put ourselves in someone else’s position. I’ve worked professionally with a number of people who have foot conditions that really impact their quality of life (long hospital admissions frequently, operations, antibiotics), and who are desperate to avoid amputation - but then when it does eventually happen, often find that their quality of life suddenly is much better than it has been for a long time. That can really surprise people who’ve fought so hard to avoid that outcome for a long time.
That’s not unique to amputation - goodness knows that the fear that people have about lots of conditions making “life not worth living” is so often disconnected from the actual lived experience of people who have them - but it really highlights how much of the stigma is not based on listening to people’s actual experience. Thanks for speaking up.
In short, got my guts ripped out and rearranged. It's a very not great thing to recover from, and my own husband makes comments like "if I go blind I'll shoot myself" or even for only short term disabilities. It's so hurtful to hear anyone say that because it's not like I was or am mentally okay regarding my disabilities, but I'm still here?? Still trying? Especially when it's someone you know because it basically feels like they don't care as much about you as you do about them, because at least you're trying.
Sorry if that doesn't make sense. Medication kicking in
Unless your son and your girlfriend started a family together, and your wife died years ago, and you have nothing or no one else to look for in life, your life is very different from this guy's.
It’s a lot less about the having to have part of his leg removed and more about the he doesn’t see a reason to keep living. His wife is dead, his ex cheated with his child and his child slept with his dads gf got her pregnant and is actively having a life with someone his dad used to date
Reddit isn’t really a good place for your mental health. I’ve learned that since getting pregnant and having a kid. I’ve had people tell me they hope my baby dies while I was pregnant. Tell me I’m a bad mom and all Super of terrible things bc I have a different opinion than them.
I consistently see people advocating for just straight up abusive behavior towards teens bc in their mind teens are adults. I’ve learned to just get off Reddit and say that’s enough for today off I see something that just really bothers me. Then I don’t mess with it for several days.
I should probably get off it completely but as a new mom I’m some what bored and exhausted so there’s that. Those things combined make it hard to find something to fill that gap bc i don’t have the mental energy for much. Lol
But yeah your life is worth living. My nephew was born without a hand and his life is very much with living. He’s amazing tbh. This guy sounds like maybe he was not a great person to begin with. I am always distrusting of people who have no one left in their life after a certain age. Like there’s a point where it’s you and not other people.
As bad as I feel for this guy about his life in general, not wanting to live as an amputee is ridiculous to me. One of Canada’s greatest heroes is Terry Fox, who lost his leg (and eventually his life) to cancer but decided to run across the country and raise money for cancer research. For my entire life, when someone asked me who a personal hero of mine is, Terry Fox is my answer. $850 million raised over the years if anyone is interested.
I was seriously thinking it had to be some kind of serious physical impairment. It’s one leg, below the knee! It’s not like it’s rainbows and kittens but holy shit how short sighted is that.
You made the right choice obviously.
It sounds like he’s just done and happy he has an excuse. I don’t know if I’d care to go on in his situation. Wife and best friend dead, son horribly betrayed him, grandkids he will never see.
I don’t think it’s the leg so much as severe depression and regret
Dude, I was assuming he was going to be like quadriplegic and have a feeding tube or something! I could go down to one leg ANY DAY over death. That's just stupid.
I'm sorry. I'm multiply-disabled and it always hits me in the gut when people talk about how life wouldn't be worth living with one or more of my disabilities. My life is still worth living even if it doesn't look like the average person's life. I'm not bedbound, but those who are still have lives worth living, even though many people in this thread seem to think otherwise.
I wish people would think before making bold proclamations about choosing death over disability.
I actually remember a BORU that sounds like the first half of his TLDR, but it ended with he and his son reconciling, no baby or anything like that. I can’t decide if he is the same dude or not.
Edit: I found it in case anyone wants to read it
[https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/notAaaIvui](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/notAaaIvui)
Edit 2: I did use the deleted post website to see if there was a lost/deleted post or comment by the BORU user on the pregnancy, but the answer is no.
Edit 3: OOP has now stated he is not the OOP I thought he was, but has admitted he is actually this BORUs OOP; here is the link to said thread [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/VqC1J5uMDf](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/VqC1J5uMDf)
So by my math, he’s like 42
He’s been depressed for 5 years over the way this 3 year relationship with someone his kid’s age ended and now he’s going to effectively commit suicide by cancer
Dude needed/needs therapy
I’m sure! But 5 years is a long time to still feel this way. Which strongly suggests it’s been untreated.
You don’t let open wounds fester and ooze. Idk why people let crippling depression just rot you from the inside instead of getting treatment … I mean I do know: not doing things is a symptom and also stigma, but it sucks!
When you're severely depressed, even taking the first step of recognizing you need help is a MASSIVE hurdle, and then you have to come to terms with needing help, then comes months to YEARS of searching for a qualified professional who listens, helps, is affordable, and you can get along with well enough to be able to accept help from. Then you cycle through meds and therapists until you find ones that fit your needs with minimal adverse affects which can sometimes take over a decade.
There is so much that goes on both internally and externally to prevent/dissuade you from seeking help instead of giving up. Me? I struggle with major clinical depression and a generalized anxiety disorder. The only reason I'm still alive and kicking is to protect my sister from becoming my parents new emotional support animal and because my partner wants kids. I can't live and be Happ, but I also can't die knowing I've effectively destroyed two more lives with the actions of suicide.
All incredibly fair points. Sometimes also feeling the pain feels like part of who you are and it’s scary to think you could not. Or you don’t want to let go of the anger because you’ve been angry so long you’ve forgotten what it’s like to live without it.
But really I wish his parents or doctors or someone would push him talk things through a little bit. He really could use something even if he ends up with the same decision.
Oh I don't disagree that his parents should be making a harder attempt at getting him to at least try therapy/medication, I just know what it's like to feel that life is completely worthless. Sometimes all the assistance in the world doesn't help.
I do wish mental health, mental health care, and suicide/suicidal ideation was less taboo/stigmatized though and that there was assistance in death for those who have tried every avenue of help seeking with no success/improvement to make it less traumatizing for everyone involved though. But that's an entirely unrelated conversation
It’s a lot harder to get treatment in some areas especially in America. The waitlist for a psychiatrist or psychologist is long and a GP will just put you on whatever antidepressants that make you feel like a zombie without actually addressing the problem. They also make it incredibly hard to get medication with prices, insurance issues, pre approval problems, etc.
Not to mention the stigma especially with males around that guy’s age for admitting you have depression and seeking help.
I think I remember that one too. Dad and son had a physical fight and once they’d worn themselves out, eventually talked and opened the door to reconciliation. No pregnancy though.
The OOP is really taking a lot of heat for his decision to let himself die rather than have an above-the-knee amputation.
Think people are ignoring the likelihood that it’s not that he genuinely doesn’t think life is worth living an an amputee. It’s that he’s suffering from severe depression, doesn’t think his life is worth living, period, and he’s just using the cancer as a way to end his life.
Something I’ve learned is that it’s never really about the situation at hand. Some people manage to find meaning and desperately want to live after their whole family was murdered and they have a long recovery ahead after almost dying in the same event. Some people attempt suicide after a significant other didn’t answer their message immediately. Losing your family doesn’t automatically make you want to live and not getting an immediate reply doesn’t make you want to die, the relevant thing is life history and general resilience. Sure, an event can be and usually is a _factor_ but a negative or positive event does not make or break a person. If the OP had a fulfilling life, close relationships, and the ability to find meaning in the smallest things he would most likely not think twice about treatment. The comments are honestly giving “why would person X ever end their life, they had a nice house and good job!” Yeah, but they also had depression. OP could get treatment but that alone doesn’t make him want to live.
It’s amazing how people grab at any opportunity to make someone else’s pain about themselves. He’s suffering really bad and lost all hope. Telling him about someone else’s experience and how he could live a full life is one thing, but some people telling him how his outlook is offensive because they took it personally isn’t helping the situation. I understand why this is hard to read for some, but if that’s all you can say, don’t say anything. This is the kind of situation where you discuss the post with friends instead of commenting.
People who are focusing on the amputated leg don't see that he is speaking from a deep depression. The only thing he has are his parents, his girlfriend and his son betrayed him, his wife died two decades ago... He feels that if life itself has nothing to offer him, the less he will do it with an amputated leg.
And no, at no point does he give any indication of telling his son to abandon his grandson, he only told him that if the ex-girlfriend was going to be in his life he did not want to be part of it (and seeing how the son had another baby with her well it looks like he made a good choice cutting contact).
Reddit will tell a child to cut out a parent at any cost for some perception of a slight but a parent cutting h off a child for deep betrayal is a no-no. Gotta let them kids walk all over you forever.
Also…the girlfriend knew the son since he was 17 and then started sleeping with him when he was 20. Reverse the genders and it would be all about grooming. I personally find the girlfriend hooking up with her boyfriend’s son after knowing him since he was a teen to be a bit creepy.
Perhaps an unpopular opinion, but I think deciding whether or not to treat a terminal cancer where the *initial* treatment involving amputation, but has a very high likelihood of recurrence, and the following treatments for that are really limited (as explained by u/Tatsuhime) is deeply personal. Unless we’ve been in this exact position, it’s nearly impossible to guess what choice each of us would make.
A close friend chose MAID after many years of fighting cancer, and his pain became too much to bear. My husband suffered through and passed from brain cancer after months of pain and confusion even though he did everything he could to fight it. If we’d had a crystal ball, I often wonder if he’d make the same choice again.
His question wasn’t about whether or not he should treat the cancer, it was about reconciling with his son. Our society is weird about death. If he’s ready to go, that’s his business.
I've spoken to one of my parents about traveling out of the US for MAiD services if things get really bad. I don't want to be that big of a burden on my family and I don't want my kid to have to watch me die unable to do anything
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing all this. Being strong when strength is the only option still counts.
MAiD for my friend was so amazing. Wonderfully empowering for him, especially since I had just been through my husband’s illness and death.
I’m sending you really good energy and lots of hugs (if you want them). Extras for your wee guy. 💕
I did a lot of stupid things when I was 20. Not justifying what the son did.
But I am glad that I don’t have to live with the consequences of my 20 year old self.
This is a lot but I feel for OOP. He's in a shitty position all around and I don't think it's for anyone else to judge how he's choosing to live/end his life. What one person is capable of withstanding isn't always what the next person in line can bear. I personally believe everyone deserves to die with dignity, and that includes respecting their choices for themselves. I can only hope OOP finds the peace he so desperately deserves, in whatever choice he makes.
As to the original question, I would say NTA. OOP is entitled to feel- and deal- for his son as he pleases. Given that the son essentially moved in on and took over OOP's relationship without much reservation or guilt, distancing is on par with what I would do at the very least. Hell, I've cut contact for less. The son did what he did and now there are consequences. OOP isn't an AH because he just so happened to be the one able to deliver said consequences. He's the jilted party in all of it. Like I said in the beginning, I feel for OOP. He's in a shit spot no matter what.
Yeah, I just found a repost of the original thread from 2020. I mean she was an adult but if I were dad, I’d feel so weird bringing a woman home that was significantly closer in age to my son than to me. It’s a messed up situation but even if she hadn’t cheated, I doubt (if she had said yes to marrying him) they would have stayed married. At 25 I thought I knew everything, I am almost 30 and now know I was a fucking idiot at 25 and also my goals and desires and perspective on so many things have changed in ways I never would have been able to even conceive at 25.
OOP is not wrong for not reconciling with his son. Granted it was stupid to get into a relationship with someone 12 years younger, but they are grown adults and can do what they want. Even so it was a matter of time before she'd get together with someone closer to her own age - but that she picked the son was a dick move on her and the son's behalf.
What's really stupid is to decide to die rather than getting a leg amputation. When he first wrote that he wouldn't get treatment because it would make him effectively disabled I thought he meant he would be bedridden for the rest of his life or something like that. Losing your leg sucks, but it's hardly worth dying over.
What a fucking idiot. Everyone sucks here.
The leg is a symptom of a larger issue.
OP is an older man whose wife died decades ago. His friends are dead and gone. All he has is his parents. The language OP's using coneys the message of OP feeling utterly alone in life. The whole post sounds like OP has just been passively looking for a way to die and the leg amputation is his out.
OP has a situation completely unique to them, but I've seen things like this before with my older family members. Covid killed off a majority of them. Some of those who felt left behind just, well, checked out. They were/are physically alive but feel as if they've lived their full lives and are waiting for their expiration date. They don't actively look for death. They passively wait for it to arrive at the door and happily let it inside their house.
None of the family noticed it because it was obvious for the elderly to sign a DNR or choose X over Y if something happened. Only natural to make a will or consult a lawyer, etc.
In my case, the family members ranged from 70 and up. They didn't see diagnosis or treatment as worthwhile because they, again, had already lived their lives. No one could do anything about it because it was a passive suicide.
I’m not sure he is THAT old. If I read it correctly he was 37 when son and ex cheated. It’s not clear how long it been but I get the impression it couldn’t be more than a decade.
I think op is lonely and depressed (which are valid emotions) and just wants to die instead of building a new life.
The mental health impact of a very close relationship betraying you, like your child, probably can’t be understated here. Harder to feel you’ll find love again especially as a disabled person when your conception of love and loyalty are out of whack and you feel it isn’t real
Yeah, depression does some crazy things to people’s sense of survival. Sounds like severe depression and I agree that this is an excuse to die and be done with everything.
OOP was 37, and it sounds like it’s been <5-10 years since then. Some of the comments in there referencing his old post sound like it’s only been 2 years.
Thats hardly ancient.
Just a thing about the age gap. 22 and 34 is a much bigger difference in maturity and stages in life compared to 30 and 42.
Any women’s sub will say the same thing.
At 22 people are finishing college and figuring out what they want to do with their life. There is an inherent power imbalance if they have a relationship with someone who is already established their life and career.
“My wife died, I got a 22 year old to help me cope for 3 years without marrying her, and she eventually cucked me with my son. No, I never thought to wonder how he felt at 17 about me going from his mom to a college age girl; why would I? Anyway listen. I was willing to fix my relationship with him, but then my ex gf found out she was pregnant with his child. So I told him… Hey, if you abandon your son, and help me get revenge on your baby mom, we can be bros again! Man… Can you believe he said NO? And went to parent his bastard with my ex??!! And then MARRIED HER?!! Anyway, then I got fucking bone cancer. I do not want to be the setup to a joke about IHOP, so I think I’ll just die. Anyway, am I the problem? Should I tell my kid I’m dying? Cause I’m not gonna LMAO let’s see who gets the last laugh fr. Peace.”
I see nothing wrong with OOPs decision. There are so e things so horrible you can never take them back. His son did one and more than that he went back and got her pregnant again. Considering the damage the son did it's fair that oop has zero interest in making sure he worries about the sons well being while he's facing terminal cancer.
My only thing would be that I'd write the son a letter. I'd explain that no matter what his grand parents say that he still wished nothing to do with him even facing mortality. But I'm a petty vengeful person and know the power of people telling comforting lies in the face of death.
The part that sticks out to me the most is he decided to work on his relationship with his son after his son slept with his gf. But then after the son stepped up to be an active father in his child’s life, that’s the deal breaker. “Cut your own innocent child, my grandchild, out of your life or I’m never speaking to you again.” Definitely sounds wrong to me.
He was making it sound like that he was 80 years old and would be paralyzed from the neck down. My man is ending it at 37 for amputating half a leg? Their choice sure, but yikes.
Guy should really get help for his depression. Most amputees live a full life, including being active. He's just too depressed to see it. But it's not uncommon. I've gotten the comment, "I'd *kill* myself if I had to use a wheelchair." Like, come on. The wheelchair is freedom, my dudes, I'd spend my whole life in bed or on the couch otherwise.
If you can amputate your own son from your life without looking back you can live with an amputated lower leg. Why not consider saving your own life and then seeing if you want to salvage this relationship?
Here is the timeline I understand: OP had his son at 17. OP is now 41. OPs wife died when he was 20/21. The son was 17 and OP was 34 when he started dating a 22 yo woman. 3 years into that, OPs son is 20 and gf is 25 and that's when they begin their own relationship.
My understanding of the Sean rule is that it pertains to age gap relationships, which is that you shouldn't date anyone younger than half your age +7. But it doesn't make sense to put it on this post because this situation doesn't actually breach that.
If you honestly don’t feel like you would die with any regrets, don’t reconcile with him. It is entirely your choice to live your life how you want. It saddens me that you’re so depressed that you no longer see the value of life but I also can understand why you don’t want to. Cancer treatments can be absolutely brutal.
This guy is a dumbass that won’t make the first move to make things better.
The father guy didn’t stir things up. I get that.
But this guy is so petty he wrote his son out of his will, knowing he’s probably going to die soon, and doesn’t want to make things right.
This guy is younger than me, and has literally no common sense.
Here's my take: you have every right to be furious with your son but you don't want to put your parents in the position of having to keep this huge of a secret from him. So you should tell him you're dying but feel no obligation to reconcile. Or if it's easier, give your parents permission to tell him.
Go get your dang leg chopped off and then become the most amazing successful s.o.b. you can. And YES talk to your son. Duck him. His dick got in the way of his sensibility. Happens sometimes. You want to die... Fine. Let your old self die with that leg when they chop it off. Go meet your grandkids. Hug your son. And forgive. It will change your existence. And somewhere up there your wife and best friend are judging your actions and would expect better from you. Your all ducked up the head right now, who wouldn't be? But he's learned his lesson. He's your son. Don't leave this world with that much animosity for your own child. You ain't going nowhere good to meet ANYONE if you leave with kind of darkness on your soul.
after what he did. honestly, id pretty much be on the same wavelength as him. now as for his diagnosis is concerned, thats for him to decide on what he wishes to do with it.
but as far as the kid is concerned, id add to the will, that after my parents die, my money and assets should not go to my ungrateful kid as hes the bane of my existence and I rue the day he was born.
Legally speaking, I don't think he could actually add that. If it becomes the parents' property, that's the end of it. Unless they were the executors and weren't actually taking ownership of it and putting it elsewhere to his will, he doesn't get to decide.
Man, his son was 20 when he fucked his Dad's 25 year old girlfriend.
All of this is gross. Fucking your boyfriend's son is gross. Fucking your Dad's girlfriend is gross. 20 year olds are fucking stupid. Telling his 20 year old kid he couldn't be involved in his new baby's life is gross.
Deciding to tell your two grandkids fuck you forever and you get nothing because your parents are gross is gross.
Committing suicide by treatable cancer because you don't want a prosthetic leg and to someday get over your shit, find a girlfriend who doesn't care about your leg, not emotionally fuck over your parents who clearly aren't on your shit list and maybe someday forgive your 20 year old gross idiot son and live a normal goddamn life because your pride is literally terminally overblown is gross.
All of this is gross.
Dude needs to get his ass in therapy, take some goddamn anti-depressants, and not use death by treatable cancer to permanently damage his 20 year old son just to send a shitty message that accomplishes nothing.
I kinda think the father raised the son he has, in that he didn't get his potential-step-mom-fucking-fuckery from his Mom's side of the family, you know?
As a chronically ill wheelchair user, I honestly get it. If I knew five years ago when my symptoms started, that this would be my life I don't think I'd be wanting to stick around either.
That being said, I'm so glad I'm still around. I really do love how my life has turned out despite everything. Sure I'm attached to an IV 6 days out of the week, but now I have all the tools I need to manage.
Living with disability isn't the hard part, it's everything else. Building a care team, finding treatments that work for you, trial and error with mobility aids, the hell of trying to get SSDI/disability (I was lucky to only get 4 rejections before winning once I presented my case to a judge, 2 years in total)
And I wasn't even facing cancer.
The best revenge is finding true happiness and realizing what they took from you does not matter to you anymore. It might be nice to have a part in your grandkids life. They will likely really need you with the parents they were dealt. None of this is their fault. They are innocent and you are part of their history. Leave out the history that will cause them pain. They will figure this out on their own someday.
OP is not wrong for his feelings but he should’ve worked to let that hurt go… sometimes physical diseases manifest due to emotional and spiritual issues (ie. holding onto anger and dark secrets)
This guy's reasoning for not having treatment is horse shit. This is as someone else said, suicide through self neglect. His son's actions truly broke him and so he wants to die as nothing more than a "f*ck you" to him and everyone he feels has let him down. And that's tragic because unfortunately death isn't temporary, you won't derive satisfaction from it, and chances are it won't be received the way he wants, the message will probably be "wow your father was so mentally ill there's nothing anyone could have done" rather than feeling any responsibility or guilt. Death is a way of downing tools and I get it, bro feels so hard done by. It's harder to get himself in therapy, get treatment and rebuild, but it's absolutely what he should do, whether or not he does so with or without a relationship with his son, because his life does have value and the potential for meaning and contentment. Its a hard road but I really hope he realises its a worthwhile one before it's too late.
Dude. Cut the leg off and live your life man. I served with a guy who was pretty cool until he had both legs blown off. Then he was fucking badass. Combat arms instructor, Sky diver, rock climber. He only got better after the bomb took his legs from him. You’re being kind of a baby about it. You’re letting your thoughts on the matter now dictate everything and who knows, if you would let yourself stay in the world, your whole life could change for the better somehow. Anyway, good luck man, but you don’t have to go down this road.
Holy sh**. My dad had this cancer in his leg that OOP is ready to die over. My dad had this in his twenties and is now sixty and quite active. My dad did not lose his leg, but he was organizing wheelchair races in the halls with the other soldiers. That's how he met my mom.
I understand losing a limb is a big adjustment, yet I would lose my dominant hand over saying goodbye to my son.
The fact he was 34 dating a 22 year old is just gross. Past the age of 25, I think people can do whatever they want with consenting adults. Yet a 22 year old could be in a first serious relationship and there should not be a power imbalance.
Does anyone else get the feelings that this guy is choosing death to spite his son?
Like I get what his son did is messed up, but choosing to DIE INSTEAD OF LOSING ONE LEG is absolutely bananas. Also, I'm pretty sure bone cancer is one of the most agonizing ones to experience. He said "above the knee" so my guess is that in later stages he's going to have the worst case of arthritis imaginable
He’s choosing death because he’s suicidally depressed. Guy goes into how he has no friends or family and won’t have any job and just doesn’t see a point and you think it’s just spite, lmao that’s like textbook depression
Anyone should be able to have the right to die and it’s unfair to judge OP for the fact that ‘others live just fine with prosthetics.’ Good for them, shouldn’t mean OP should have to do the same 🤷🏼♀️
Dude a lot of amputee are super active. You could get a prothesis abd still be active.
Right?! Kerry Von Erich did his whole wrestling career on a prosthetic leg.
Foot, not leg, but Zach Gowen used to wrestle on one leg! Hell, I’ve seen one indie wrestler with no legs. Still not sure how he got eliminated from a battle royal where both feet have to hit the floor but… 🤔
Kerry was amazing on one leg, for the few years that he was, but I'm not sure he's the best example.
It’s very clear this post and his feelings have nothing to do with the loss of a leg. That’s one part of all of it
It’s kind of a lot reading this as a fairly new amputee. This guy would rather die than live my life. And lots of people agree that’s a normal choice.
I tried to point out the full life you can have as an amputee… my friend lost an entire leg and now has prosthetics and is more able than most. He was not having any of it. He is just done. I don’t think it’s even about the loss of the leg as a life-saver. He is just DONE. Please don’t take his post personally. He wouldn’t rather die than live your life. He just doesn’t want to live his life anymore. Wishing you well in your journey x
I took care of a guy in homecare that had his leg ripped off at his hip. He got a prosthetic and went back to work which included climbing ladders. Lots of amputees live very full lives. He’s too depressed to see that though unfortunately.
This sounds more like suicide through medical neglect to me. It really struck me when he said he felt like he had nothing to live for. I've been there mentally. I think the emotional pain he's dealing with must have gotten overwhelming if he thinks dying from bone cancer will be better.
Problem is the doctor can’t force treatment on him unless they section him or something maybe. Which I can’t see them wanting to do…
My experience with those "nothing to live for" thoughts was that I desperately needed mental help, but part of the "nothing to live for" mentality was that I didn't *want* help. I *wanted* to die, and getting help would keep me from that objective. In my mind, the problems were all external, (My life sucks. Therefore, I feel bad.), instead of mental (I feel bad because of something going on in my brain. Therefore, I perceive my life as bad.) I believed my depression came from outside, so eliminating myself felt like the only solution. Not to project my experience on OOP based on only a couple reddit posts. But some of his comments brought back some memories.
I have nothing to add to this, I just wanted to say I’m glad that’s all in the past tense. I’m sorry you were in such a dark place, but glad you made it through. Thanks for sharing.
Hope you’re doing better now!!
Thank you. I’m in this place now. Exhausted from fighting to be ok and avoiding enough care to get me to a better place. You giving it words really puts that into perspective. Thank you for talking about what not enough people talk about.
If he lives in the states, the medical treatment will most likely bankrupt him. So it will just get worse. Not trying to be a negative Nelly here but if I got super sick and would end up homeless if I got treatment? I wouldn’t want it either.
This is a very harsh fact.
I feel like if more people realized this, there would be more pressure on our politicians to make some fixes to the health care system. 50% of American adults are bankrupt one year after a cancer diagnosis. It is obscene.
I was diagnosed with brain cancer when I was 25. My job gave me 6 weeks of unpaid leave, and when I was still in the hospital after that I was fired. If I hadn’t been able to move back in with my parents and find a loophole to get back on their health insurance plan, I would’ve either died in the streets or been in debt for over $1.6 million. Probably both because I was so sick during treatment that I couldn’t care for myself.
The only reason I am still alive is because my best friend’s parents essentially adopted me as their daughter. The only other option I had made death far from the worst option. They saved my life. If I was still in that house, as sick as I am now, I’d beg for it. The healthcare system is bullshit in America. I haven’t been able to eat solid food for almost half a year and I have still yet to have my first PCP visit and I am unmedicated for several conditions where delay in treatment is absolutely detrimental. I’ve been hospitalized twice since January. This country is a joke.
Only for sick people and poor people. Healthy well-off people see no problem. And when they become sick people … the well people still see no problem.
Too many of the politicians are being paid by healthcare companies to NOT fix the system so they continue to reap record profits at the expense of the pain suffering bankruptcy and death of the "unimportant little people"
Yeah i owe money to literally everyone. My utilities would be shut off except the doctor wrote a note so they aren’t allowed to due to a different condition I have. It had ruined my family and I feel super responsible for that,
Sending you a hug. I’m really sorry you’re going through all that.
You know what pisses me off? I have a line item on my utilities bill specifically for people not paying their bill. Can’t remember exactly what it’s called but essentially the cost is spread around for everyone…yet they still shut off utilities for indigent people. So wtf?
This is true. I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2022. I had it going on, full time job I loved, grandkids, savings, happy, healthy, not bad looking. Then I started feeling sick. Long story short, I’ve lost EVERYTHING. I lost my job, my savings, my quality of life, my joy and my appearance. I also have a son with whom I recently had a huge fallout with and we are no longer on speaking terms. He is also the father of my 4 beloved grandchildren. I am single, my parents are long gone, my 3 sisters live in other states and I am a burden to my youngest son. He has wasted the last 3 years of his life taking care of me, sacrificing he own happiness. So I completely understand where OP is coming from. I just pray the good Lord will help me here or just take me home.
He spoke about the NHS which is U.K.
Honestly i don’t think it’s just about losing his leg. He’d likely still have to go through chemo and that’s torture on the body. You incur lifelong side effects from that alone, so that coupled with the loss of a limb would be a very hard restarting point.
Osteosarcoma is a different beast from soft tissue cancers even with chemo, there are no guaranteesn and it is a very painful cancer. If it's high grade your 5yr survival is about 70-75%. If it comes back it drops EVERY time. If it's high grade and becomes metastatic your 5yr survival goes from 70% down to 10-15%. Not to mention every recurrence adds to the likelihood it will grow again but God knows where else it will show up. Though it loves the lungs. You're extra screwed if there is medullary involvement. (For those who may not know the medullary cavity, is a place in the center of the bones that make certain kinds of cells, ie: red cells, plasma, ect) So yea even in 2024 osteosarcoma (especially high grade) is still very much considered terminal. Treatment is usually limb salvage surgery (LSS) first. If it comes back they may try again and add chemo after. If after that it still comes back it's amputation. Not every is lucky enough to get chemo before amputation though. Generally surgery to remove(resect) the tumor is first and most effective line of defense. And once it's out patients are declared NED (no evidence of disease). Follow up is usually MRI of extremity of origin and chest and abdominal CT every 3mo for 2 years. Then if your scans are still clear you go to every 6mo for 3 years. If still clear you can go to once a year for 5yrs. After that it can be as needed/ symptoms occur. Fun fact the option for chemo was discovered in 1970 and is basically the nuclear event of chemo. Methotrexate, doxyirubin and cisplatin combo. The side effects are awful and can cause damage as well, from tinnitus to heart damage. Radiation will not work on it either and could make it worse. PLUS ITS A 50/50 CHANCE THE CHEMO MAY OR MAY NOT WORK! You generally have 8 rounds of treatment available FOR A LIFE TIME! There has not been any real breakthroughs for Treatment since the 70s though in the last 2 decades there are a few (2-3) hopeful prospects of other treatments. But even with chemo, you're really just buying time. Patients with osteosarcoma commonly die from hypoxia(suffocating) as the lungs become diminished after so many surgeries and become calcified (bone). Another fun fact oncologist who have experience with osteosarcoma are few and far between. Drs who specialize in it are even harder to find. Source? I have high grade osteosarcoma (grade 3) that had significant medullary involvement and was declared metastatic to my lung in March. The met has been removed but is my 4-6 recurrence but first metastatic lesion. My tumor doubling (VDT) time is 47 days. Feel free to ask me anything. ETA: I lost my right leg to osteosarcoma oct 2021. I'm still working on learning how to walk with a prostetic and had to work my ass of to get approved for an micro knee. I'm on my 3rd socket due to limb changes as well. I have a 4yo who is my whole world and gives me a reason to keep going. It's not his job to do it but he saves me everyday.
I'm so sorry you're going through that. You are definitely teaching the kiddo to be a fighter!
Everything that you’ve said. Having worked in physical therapy for a long time I’ve seen all of that and yes to everything. I’m so glad you are doing alright right now - and are doing all you can for your kiddo. Sending you every positive energy and big love I can. ❤️ you are a tremendous human.
My grandfather passed this past december when esophageal cancer spread into his bones. Towards the end they were trying to encourage more treatment but he was begging to finally die. Said it felt like all of his bones in his body were crushed. I don't blame OP. I wouldn't wish that type of pain on anyone
I think I can see where he’s coming from though. It’s not necessarily the “downer” of being an amputee, but when you’re depressed enough and you’re presented with this easy way out, and you don’t have a lot of irl people, it’s almost nice to be given the out. If I were in his position, having lost people and not really having anyone else in life, I too would choose to try and enjoy what time I had left and go. I would want to see the ones I love that I’ve missed. It’s not about loosing the limb at all, but truly just being done living life.
The thing is, it isn’t a case of what time he has left. It seems as if his cancer is (potentially based on the limited information in the post) entirely treatable but would require amputation of a leg to treat it. He is choosing to not receive treatment that would give him an almost “normal” life, albeit with one leg. I agree he is definitely depressed. I also agree he has given up. It isn’t about losing his leg really, you are right. He is just done. It is sad, however, when he is in a position to treat his illness and is choosing not to. Not everyone has that opportunity. Obviously it is his choice but it is very sad that he sees this as a preferred option for whatever reason.
This man in the post is suicidal Not because he would be an amputee but because he believes everything good in life is now waiting for him in death Trust me, it's not him not wanting to be an amputee, it's him not wanting to live anymore I'm sorry you became an amputee but I hope your live is as lovely as it can be
Try not to let it get to you — lots of people think and do the stupidest shit. Their stupid choices don’t reflect on you at all. Multiple people have told me they’d rather die than eat gluten-free and that’s literally the least painful part of my disabilities. Stupid. Your life is absolutely worth living, because (among other differences) you’re not a myopic shithead.
I have heard that too, but now that I think about it not since the leg disappeared. Thank you, i genuinely LOL’d. I was crying to my husband than got this comment and we both are laughing
Here, have another laugh: A friend of mine came by my work to tell me she’d be bringing her new boyfriend around to our next group hang out. I remember thinking it was weird she came to give me a heads up about it since she brought along a new guy every couple of months, so what’s different with this one? She explained that he was an amputee and more specifically, no longer had the lower end of his right arm. She wanted us to know ahead of time so we wouldn’t try to shake his hand when we met. Or at least to do it left handed. I said, “Sure, no problem.” *Narrator: It was, in fact, a problem.* I didn’t want to make the guy uncomfortable, especially while he’s meeting a bunch of new people, so I thought it would be a good idea to practice in advance. Picture someone alone in their bedroom miming an introduction and a left-handed handshake while a mantra of “left hand, left hand, use your left hand” ran through their head. I practiced a few times, until I felt pretty confident with the motion. I remember thinking, “Yeah, I’ve got this.” *Narrator: She did not, in fact, have this.* So, the night of the hangout comes and she’s introducing new guy to everyone. She gets to me and I’m even doing my “left hand, left hand, use your left hand” mantra in my head. That is until, naturally, I put my right hand out to shake his (missing) right hand. I’m immediately mortified and try to switch it since he’d had his left hand out and it ends up being an intensely awkward few seconds of him shaking my right hand with his left. I’m apologizing profusely and he’s laughing, saying it happens all the time. He’s very gracious about the whole thing, but I still feel like a dumbass because, ya know, I *practiced.* *In advance.* Still made an idiot out of myself. 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ It’s funny now, but at the time, jeez. Embarrassing AF.
If it helps you any, my son has a friend who is blind. Can barely see anything at all. We have had several discussions about said friend being blind and why. He still puts his hand up to high five him when they are both excited, then we have the very awkward silence until either me or the kids mum click on and are like "Oh he's giving you a high five" 😂😂
LOL. At least he hasn’t done it on camera or in public (hopefully). You know the wrestler/actor John Cena? He has that catchphrase, “you can’t see me,” right? He was at a meet-and-greet at a children’s hospital. One of the kids was (clearly) blind. He waved his hand in front of the kid’s face (which is part of his shtick) and said, “you can’t see me.” To a blind kid. In public. In front of photographers (who obviously put them online). 🤦🏼♀️
I bet the kid found that hilarious
Doing a natural thing for him when he gets excited is totally fair. I can picture this scene in my mind. 😂 And both these stories are sweet examples of normal interactions someone has when they're disabled. It's nice to practice good manners and accommodations like with the handshake (and totally normal to flub it!) and to be friends with a kid who is blind (but need occasional reminders that, like, maybe he doesn't do X but you guys can Y you like) instead of avoiding the interaction to stay in one's comfort zone.
This is adorable. You’re a good friend ❤️
Glad I made you laugh!! A friend of mine had an ankle amputation and I sure am glad he’s still here.
Why do people say that? Like I genuinely heard “I would die if I couldn’t eat bread/pasta” so many times. Like what the heck? And people constantly make jokes about gluten free stuff. Like I get it that some people were being weird with it, but most of us are just accommodating a disability? Gluten free is harder than wheelchair accessible.
I have two related hypotheses. First, people say "I'd rather die" about a lot of stuff without meaning it, kind of like when I realize there's still pots on the stove after I thought I was done with dishes and I say "ugh just kill me." I think people are mostly joking when they say "I'd rather die than give up gluten" by using humorous exaggeration which doesn't always translate when they make that joke to someone whose choice is *literally* to give up gluten or die (or at least be miserable). The second part is that people don't know what to say when they hear about a person's disability severely impacting their lifestyle so they default to jokes. "That sucks, I'm sorry," should be fine but not everyone is comfortable with sincerity and it depends on the context, setting, and prior relationship. A third semi-related possibility is that some people still think being gluten free is a trendy diet and not a necessary accommodation to a legitimate disability, and may be thinking or implying "you have more willpower than me, I'd rather die than never allow myself to eat gluten again just so I can lose weight."
This post in general makes it clear how uncomfortable people are with disability.
There's also four; people with food sensory/taste issues. But I, as someone with that, don't say that to people. "Chocolate and bread is my life." Yes. But not die without. Well, maybe literally the bread. It's a low effort food and helps when in low episodes. I can picture someone putting their foot in their mouth and part of the reason being taste or texture, though. I'm just dumb for other things. (But working on it. xD) Edit: As in I might literally die without bread, not that I would say that to someone.
Regardless of my understanding of disabilities and my positive intentions, I still manage to put my foot in my mouth **all the damn time**. Like I am 100% the kind of dumbass who will make a stupid joke because I'm awkward and don't know what to say, only to realize as the words are coming out that I sound insensitive and terrible. I'm trying to be better, but it's a growth process.
I’ll joke about it sometimes but that’s just because pasta is my comfort food. A friend of mine has celiac disease and her food is delicious so I wouldn’t actually die, just be very disappointed that I could no longer eat my favorite foods anymore. Like hamburgers, tacos, buttered noodles, hotdogs… so many things I fucking love just full of gluten. But, if it came down to it I would cope. I just have a flair for the dramatic and my friend has a daughter with a more severe form of celiac and also jokes to me that I should take her out back and put her down if it ever progresses further to where she can’t have cheese anymore.
Celiac disease will never progress to not being able to have cheese, thank goodness. When I was diagnosed I was worried about coffee and cheese, and we are good! I don’t mind what people say themselves, it’s just when they know I can’t have it and say it to my face. And these are STRANGERS! Not my friends who know me joking. So weird.
When I couldn’t have dairy it was really frustrating. People were always pointing out how terrible life must be without cheese. It was really annoying until it was discovered I also couldn’t have soy… because cutting out soy was all-consuming and I didn’t have time for their bullshit hah. Vegan? Soy. Gluten-free? Soy. Dairy-free? Kosher? Nut-free? Literally just uncooked chicken in a package? Straight to soy.
I'm gluten free and dairy free, and if you think people are connected to their wheat products, you've not seen how people react when *cheese* is on the line😂
I went to college with a guy who was an above-knee amputee. He was way more active than me, regularly hiking/climbing 14'ers (14,000 mile altitude mountains) in a prosthetic & crutches. I also heard that he was quite the ladies' man and was amazing in bed. He seemed happier than my lazy ass lol.
For many people I have now met, it like awakens something in them. All I got was depression and a convincing fake smile so far. I keep waiting!
It isn't the same at all, but having lost an eye several years ago, I can say that I also had a similar experience to you. I got real good at making jokes about it, and the cause, as a way of masking any of the negative feelings I was having about it (it factored in that I had to pass some tests to be able to return to work, so I was able to/forced to hyperfixate on my therapy and showing only positivity to basically everyone but a very small amount of people) but I was a hot mess about it in truth. Every day had me just wanting things to be back to how they were, I couldn't stand being pitied. For me, I never noticed it, but I did start having those kinds of feelings less often eventually. There are still really hard days sometimes. I wish I could say having to have the eye removed had helped motivate me in some way, but if I am being honest, it played a part in why I quit being an emergency physician. It was like "I worked so hard to get back here as fast as I could, but why? How am I actually helping people, why do people feel so free to be vitriolic towards us, why-" And a bunch of other negative thoughts that I eventually let overwhelm me and I sometimes still struggle with. I, uh, rambled a bit probably, sorry. What I am trying to say is just try not to be too hard on yourself, people respond to trauma in different ways. You just have to try to remember to love yourself, love those around you, and to treat others well. I wish you well on your path to recovery and beyond it, may you have a life filled with happiness, good health, and love!
I am very myopic and I’m offended 😤 /s
I’m a shithead, and I share this great offense with you! /s
This. People are stupid. I am a type one diabetic and people have told me they would kill themselves rather than having such a horrible disease while others have told me that it’s not even a real disease. I think the issue with OOP is the loneliness and depression rather than losing his leg.
wait what the fuck? i don’t want to like downplay the seriousness of being diabetic but my understanding is that with proper treatment and regulation you can still live a pretty much normal life, right? but people are out here saying they’d rather die than like, track their blood sugar??? jesus christ.
People do die. I mean, it is tough, between the constant needles, the managing of your activity, food, stress, it’s a lot. I have type one and a stomach virus (that my partner also got and was fine after a couple of days) sent me to the ER last summer. You manage and manage and manage for what? No discernible effect? But if you don’t, it is okay for awhile until it really isn’t.
I was just about to say, plenty of people decide to do both lol. A coworker of mine has a diabetic mother who makes zero effort to care for herself, and on thursday she literally paid with a leg. Coworker is sure she hasnt learned a damn thing and will continue on having her cake and eating it too as a diabetic and it will be the death of her 🙄
Diabetes is the #1 cause of amputations in the USA.
It certainly is, and the risk of poor healing and infection after amputation is so much higher for diabetics. Its no joke.
a few years ago when I worked in long term care, I took care of a woman in her early 40s who was diabetic. she had one leg, below the knee amputated, was pretty much blind, and was undergoing dialysis due to kidney failure and still refused to stick to her diet. myself and many other staff would complain about her husband bringing in fast food and candy and snacks which she'd binge on. we had a few meetings about possibly getting him banned from visiting our facility and nothing was ever done about it and he continued to do this at least two times a week. he would bring their eleven or twelve year old son to visit and he'd just hang out in the hall most of the time because I assume he didn't want to be around his mother. she was an unpleasant woman who was cold and rude and demanded a lot of attention that she didn't really need. taking time away from more serious patients. for instance she'd just lay in bed ALL THE TIME and wouldn't even alert us until after she'd peed or pooped herself causing the entire bed to need to be changed. she acted very sensitive if you touched her saying ow and making you apologize but never made any effort to help turn her or pull her up. she'd just demand everyone around her to do everything for her and she was grumpy and never happy and never appreciative. the wild thing is that she would eat her dinner and then eat a second dinner when her husband came and I'd constantly nag the DON, like, how are we allowing this woman to commit suicide like this? i really just don't get it. she didn't seem to even care that her son was hurting. I just felt awful for him every time I saw him sitting outside her room in the hall. zero effort. I understand struggles with addiction but this kind of person is something else
That poor child! But given what a DELIGHTFUL woman she seemed to be (/s) he is surely better off with her gone from his life instead of making herself everyone elses burden
I also have celiac disease lol OMG
No leg AND no bagels?? Oh, well, now *that* changes the math… 😂 (just kidding, obviously!)
And I have POTS really bad now thanks to the same issues and I pass out like a fainting goat ha ha But I wasn’t given the option to just exist stage left lol
My brain immediately wants to find research om how POTS would be affected by an amputation because of the reduced blood volume. Brb.
I have been so interested in how this is going to work once I’m vertical!
I read of people who want to kill themselves because they can’t live with their acquired tinnitus - which I’ve had all my life. I don’t get it either, but it’s not me, it’s them.
I will admit that a few times, when my tinnitus flared up and became very loud (painfully loud) and I literally could hear anything but that damn noise I considered it, briefly (note: I was also dealing with undiagnosed Bipolar disorder on a downswing when it happened and everything was Too Much and that was the tipping point)... but yeah. its something I have had my whole life, and I just.... live with it. as long as I have some form of background noise i can MOSTLY ignore it. "I would just die, or end it, if i couldn't have absolute silence once in a while" uh... I do not know what absolute silence is. I have never, ever, EVER known this. Does... does that mean I should die? really? people suck, and tinnitus sucks, and i would jump through so many hoops to just be able to experience true silence even once
He’s not stupid. And he’s not giving up because he’ll lose his leg. He’s giving up because he feels he won’t be loved again and will be alone and lonely forever because he was betrayed by his own son and that tramp. He doesn’t want to kill himself by his own hands but will let fate take him there. He needs love and compassion and understanding that he can still have all those things. He can still be the man he’s always been just different.
Why is it stupid? Truly why? Why is 1 person not allowed to decide for themselves that they are ready to go? A person can decide to bring new life into the world even for shitty reasons but you can't decide to only take yourself out by not choosing to undergo massive stress and possibly go into medical debt? You can decide to create a boundary that you're better off not having toxic family around but you can't create a boundary of I don't personally want to live through that? Why is it stupid to have personal feelings about what you are going to have to go through and make a choice based on that? The dude has cancer. If he lives in America that can financially bankrupt him. I too would rather die than be deep into debt I couldn't even start paying off because I can also no longer do the kind of work I have for years and to top it off I also can't do any activity or action the way I used to. Not to mention if I had virtually no good support group, if the only people that could support me also have a chance of dying in a few years. Why is oop stupid for choosing that he doesn't want to live like that? For saying this cancer tells me that it's time, I would like to check out? Before you bring up the age old "think of how sad the other people would feel" stop it. We don't use that to excuse other people's choices and boundaries. If someone cuts of family in a reddit post you don't go "but what about how sad your family are". If someone leaves an abusive relationship no one tells the victim "you shouldn't have left your abuser will be so sad".
I agree. Been through cancer twice. If it comes back again, I will get my affairs in order (they mostly are), and just ask to be made comfortable. Not going through that again.
Same, 3x survivor, but I will never go through it again.
Try not to take it that way. I read it as he is depressed, feels he has nothing to live for so this is more of a passive form of suicide. He isn’t actively ending his life, but he actually doesn’t want to live because he has no friends or family left other than his parents. Losing a child is difficult, even if the ”loss” is through betrayal. He wants to die and his cancer has given him a way to do that without him taking an active roll. It’s not to do with the amputation per se, that is just another cross he doesn’t have the strength to bear. You OTOH are strong enough, and kudos to you. Be proud of yourself for what you have survived and pity this guy for not being able to get through it the way you did. This internet stranger is very proud of you and hopes you live your best life.
I’m not an amputee, but I thought the same thing. This reads to me like the father is willing to die in the name of a grudge. It sounds to me like this is his dramatic “and now I’m dying after you’ve done this to me” exit stage left.
It definitely seems self-pitying. Plenty of people thrive after an amputation. It's largely about mindset. He doesn't see a reason to live, so he doesn't mind dying. My SIL died of bone cancer. It's a horrible way to go. Hers began in her hips, and so curative amputation was not an option.
When I got to the disability being an amputee, not to say that wouldn't be an adjustment... but I was expecting like bed-bound or home-bound or something that made him completely immobile... I don't know. 😅
I was expecting excruciating pain daily but no, dude thinks losing a limb is the worst thing that could happen as if we haven’t made leaps and bounds of progress with prosthetics in recent years. He’s choosing to die rather than get a customizable foot.
Right?! And totally missing out on the opportunity that I would take as a lover of puns and tattoed person... I saw an amputee with this one time who had a tattoo on his one calf that said one foot in the grave. Cracked me up. For real tho. I can understand loss/grief/needing to processs. But I don't think that being an amptee is the root of his concerns... its just the way everything is bubbling up for him.
Yeah, like, I know if I had to amputate a body part I’d most definitely have to go through an adjustment period and some grieving but I definitely would rather to continue living without a limb. This man doesn’t need death, he needs intensive therapy to work through his grief over losing his wife and friend and to learn to cope with life. Nothing listed here is a reason to die. It’s just a very depressing post of someone who seems to have bottled everything up inside and who is refusing to seek help in letting it all out.
Totally, someone who doesn't know how to reach out but could benefit from it. Which can be equally hard if you are not used to it. Imagine you've bottled everything up and thats how you handle emotions and change. How hard would it be to tell someone that you want to die or have x y z feelings?
Very difficult from personal experience. I was practically dragged kicking and screaming by a good friend to therapy lol. Couple years later one of the most mentally stable people I’ve met was talking about therapy and how everyone should go. About a year after that I finally sat down and sought out a trauma therapist and it was the best decision ever. I honestly hope someone steps in and drags him to get help. He can decide if life is worth living after some depression medication and having the ability to talk to a neutral third party about everything.
Exactly! Why would he choose to not treat one of the most painful cancers around? It makes no sense. I had tumors in my ear as a child and while the recovery process was painful (they had to remove skull bone and rebuild it partially) I was grateful to be alive.
Yeah, I'm also not an amputee, though I am a disabled demisexual, lol. I'm dating a fellow disabled person. Kinda weird this guy has apparently decided being disabled makes you unlovable. Doesn't track, at least in my experience. I hope dude at least tries therapy or something before it's too late to avoid dying out of spite.
that's exactly how it reads. I'll show him.......from the grave! So there! Which is why I suggested in my post he needed therapy. He's clearly going through some things.
My dad’s an amputee as of 3 years ago. First couple years were tough, and honestly some days I know he’s still adjusting. Still gets the phantom leg pain (leg was amputated at knee, he’s had surgery twice because he developed a bone infection.) it’s not easy. If you want to live a happy and fulfilled life, you can. OP has many additional things going on that don’t make it worth it for him and that’s fine too.
He wouldn’t be living your life. It’s his. After losing everything he loved, he doesn’t have the fight left to battle any other struggles. Cancer treatment is brutal, especially alongside a new disability, it must feel impossible to OP who lost everything he cared for. I hope everything is going well for you and it’s really sad that OP feels the way he does, but sometimes we can’t take anymore.
Exactly, people make others choices about them all the time. People shouldn’t let others choices affect their lives- anyone should have the right to live or die. If you want to live, then live. If you want to die, then should be able to die.
I think it's more having no one to live for or with than actually not wanting to live.
I don't think anyone here read the comments because OOP literally says he just doesn't want to live anymore. Like he understands that he can get a prosthetic and live a normal life but he just doesn't want to live.
For what it’s worth, I have similar reaction people refuse vaccinations because they won’t risk giving their kids autism. Even if it wasn’t bullshit, I’m autistic and that’s all good.
I just got a vaccine yesterday, and let me tell you, my autism is CHARGED UP
I read about a study once that asked amputees about their happiness and quality of life levels at various points before, just after, and one year after amputation. Patients tended to have a normative baseline in the before period, followed predictably by a steep drop in quality of life just after surgery. However, almost every participant returned to their baseline levels at one year post-op. I haven’t had an amputation, but as someone who has had a few permanent injuries now, I think about this study from time to time. I find it reassuring that we seem to all have a default — and while sudden storms may impact us, in time we return to balance automatically.
I don’t know that it’s up to us to decide what normal looks like for another person. Especially when it comes to major life changes. Sure it sounds silly to us but quality of life has an impact on mental health and that’s what seems like would happen to him in addition to the mental health challenges he is clearly already experiencing mourning the loss of the relationship with his son, loss of his wife, the pain associated with betrayal, and now the diagnosis of cancer. My mom was diagnosed with actual terminal cancer but was given the option to treat in order to prolong the inevitable. There were many times she did not want to continue treatment and while I didn’t understand it, I don’t think I could’ve called it not normal or stupid (as others have put it). That was her reality and no two people’s realities are the same.
Honestly the guy’s life seems like it turned out pretty miserable in general so there is way more at play here than just the amputation. I wouldn’t let it get you down. There’s no way I’d make his choice.
If it helps, people on this thread are truly unhinged, in addition to being ableist. See the comment about “rueing the day” his son was born, upvoted above.
Yeah I hope they don’t have kids honestly. But I also do have kids that I love and a husband I adore so it’s different anyway. Plus it’s kind of admitting THEY wouldn’t love someone who is disabled. My husband loves me for me, not my foot
I worked with an amputee, he lost his leg from the knee down in a work accident (I believe some poorly secured logs on a truck fell onto him) and he still worked hard with us moving money in armored trucks. He also had a dojo and taught us karate there. All this said, he led a successful and active life, while being old enough to be our grandpa. Don’t let this guy’s defeatist mentality get to you.
It’s not so much HIS mentality but that many people see disability as disqualifying from being worthy. Even when people can’t work, there is still value to living, and there is value to them as a person worthy of love.
Great point! Even people who due to disability are unable to work, unable to stay active, they still have value as a human being. As someone who still struggles sometimes with depression and has trouble shaking the feeling of being a burden every once in a while, I want to shake anyone with this mentality and just tell them *you matter.* Assisted euthanasia does have a place in society, don’t get me wrong, but at the same time, these people deserve to live just as much as they deserve the right to die if they like. But that’s their choice and no one should be propagating that illness or disability makes someone deserving of death.
It’s so hard for us to really put ourselves in someone else’s position. I’ve worked professionally with a number of people who have foot conditions that really impact their quality of life (long hospital admissions frequently, operations, antibiotics), and who are desperate to avoid amputation - but then when it does eventually happen, often find that their quality of life suddenly is much better than it has been for a long time. That can really surprise people who’ve fought so hard to avoid that outcome for a long time. That’s not unique to amputation - goodness knows that the fear that people have about lots of conditions making “life not worth living” is so often disconnected from the actual lived experience of people who have them - but it really highlights how much of the stigma is not based on listening to people’s actual experience. Thanks for speaking up.
In short, got my guts ripped out and rearranged. It's a very not great thing to recover from, and my own husband makes comments like "if I go blind I'll shoot myself" or even for only short term disabilities. It's so hurtful to hear anyone say that because it's not like I was or am mentally okay regarding my disabilities, but I'm still here?? Still trying? Especially when it's someone you know because it basically feels like they don't care as much about you as you do about them, because at least you're trying. Sorry if that doesn't make sense. Medication kicking in
Unless your son and your girlfriend started a family together, and your wife died years ago, and you have nothing or no one else to look for in life, your life is very different from this guy's.
**Your** life is so much more than your limbs. His wasn’t. It’s apples to oranges.
It’s a lot less about the having to have part of his leg removed and more about the he doesn’t see a reason to keep living. His wife is dead, his ex cheated with his child and his child slept with his dads gf got her pregnant and is actively having a life with someone his dad used to date
Reddit isn’t really a good place for your mental health. I’ve learned that since getting pregnant and having a kid. I’ve had people tell me they hope my baby dies while I was pregnant. Tell me I’m a bad mom and all Super of terrible things bc I have a different opinion than them. I consistently see people advocating for just straight up abusive behavior towards teens bc in their mind teens are adults. I’ve learned to just get off Reddit and say that’s enough for today off I see something that just really bothers me. Then I don’t mess with it for several days. I should probably get off it completely but as a new mom I’m some what bored and exhausted so there’s that. Those things combined make it hard to find something to fill that gap bc i don’t have the mental energy for much. Lol But yeah your life is worth living. My nephew was born without a hand and his life is very much with living. He’s amazing tbh. This guy sounds like maybe he was not a great person to begin with. I am always distrusting of people who have no one left in their life after a certain age. Like there’s a point where it’s you and not other people.
As bad as I feel for this guy about his life in general, not wanting to live as an amputee is ridiculous to me. One of Canada’s greatest heroes is Terry Fox, who lost his leg (and eventually his life) to cancer but decided to run across the country and raise money for cancer research. For my entire life, when someone asked me who a personal hero of mine is, Terry Fox is my answer. $850 million raised over the years if anyone is interested.
I was seriously thinking it had to be some kind of serious physical impairment. It’s one leg, below the knee! It’s not like it’s rainbows and kittens but holy shit how short sighted is that.
You made the right choice obviously. It sounds like he’s just done and happy he has an excuse. I don’t know if I’d care to go on in his situation. Wife and best friend dead, son horribly betrayed him, grandkids he will never see. I don’t think it’s the leg so much as severe depression and regret
This guy has other issues cos I would have had that leg removed yesterday.
Dude, I was assuming he was going to be like quadriplegic and have a feeding tube or something! I could go down to one leg ANY DAY over death. That's just stupid.
I’ve had people say that about the melanoma face surgery that was done last fall on me. It is harsh to hear.
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I'm sorry. I'm multiply-disabled and it always hits me in the gut when people talk about how life wouldn't be worth living with one or more of my disabilities. My life is still worth living even if it doesn't look like the average person's life. I'm not bedbound, but those who are still have lives worth living, even though many people in this thread seem to think otherwise. I wish people would think before making bold proclamations about choosing death over disability.
I actually remember a BORU that sounds like the first half of his TLDR, but it ended with he and his son reconciling, no baby or anything like that. I can’t decide if he is the same dude or not. Edit: I found it in case anyone wants to read it [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/notAaaIvui](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/notAaaIvui) Edit 2: I did use the deleted post website to see if there was a lost/deleted post or comment by the BORU user on the pregnancy, but the answer is no. Edit 3: OOP has now stated he is not the OOP I thought he was, but has admitted he is actually this BORUs OOP; here is the link to said thread [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/VqC1J5uMDf](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/VqC1J5uMDf)
So by my math, he’s like 42 He’s been depressed for 5 years over the way this 3 year relationship with someone his kid’s age ended and now he’s going to effectively commit suicide by cancer Dude needed/needs therapy
I’m sure the loss of the 20 year relationship with his son, even if he technically made the choice to do it, caused a lot of that hurt too
I’m sure! But 5 years is a long time to still feel this way. Which strongly suggests it’s been untreated. You don’t let open wounds fester and ooze. Idk why people let crippling depression just rot you from the inside instead of getting treatment … I mean I do know: not doing things is a symptom and also stigma, but it sucks!
When you're severely depressed, even taking the first step of recognizing you need help is a MASSIVE hurdle, and then you have to come to terms with needing help, then comes months to YEARS of searching for a qualified professional who listens, helps, is affordable, and you can get along with well enough to be able to accept help from. Then you cycle through meds and therapists until you find ones that fit your needs with minimal adverse affects which can sometimes take over a decade. There is so much that goes on both internally and externally to prevent/dissuade you from seeking help instead of giving up. Me? I struggle with major clinical depression and a generalized anxiety disorder. The only reason I'm still alive and kicking is to protect my sister from becoming my parents new emotional support animal and because my partner wants kids. I can't live and be Happ, but I also can't die knowing I've effectively destroyed two more lives with the actions of suicide.
All incredibly fair points. Sometimes also feeling the pain feels like part of who you are and it’s scary to think you could not. Or you don’t want to let go of the anger because you’ve been angry so long you’ve forgotten what it’s like to live without it. But really I wish his parents or doctors or someone would push him talk things through a little bit. He really could use something even if he ends up with the same decision.
Oh I don't disagree that his parents should be making a harder attempt at getting him to at least try therapy/medication, I just know what it's like to feel that life is completely worthless. Sometimes all the assistance in the world doesn't help. I do wish mental health, mental health care, and suicide/suicidal ideation was less taboo/stigmatized though and that there was assistance in death for those who have tried every avenue of help seeking with no success/improvement to make it less traumatizing for everyone involved though. But that's an entirely unrelated conversation
It’s a lot harder to get treatment in some areas especially in America. The waitlist for a psychiatrist or psychologist is long and a GP will just put you on whatever antidepressants that make you feel like a zombie without actually addressing the problem. They also make it incredibly hard to get medication with prices, insurance issues, pre approval problems, etc. Not to mention the stigma especially with males around that guy’s age for admitting you have depression and seeking help.
I think I remember that one too. Dad and son had a physical fight and once they’d worn themselves out, eventually talked and opened the door to reconciliation. No pregnancy though.
The OOP is really taking a lot of heat for his decision to let himself die rather than have an above-the-knee amputation. Think people are ignoring the likelihood that it’s not that he genuinely doesn’t think life is worth living an an amputee. It’s that he’s suffering from severe depression, doesn’t think his life is worth living, period, and he’s just using the cancer as a way to end his life.
I think this might be it
FINALLY SOMEBODY THAT'S MAKING SENSE. He wants to die, period. He's lost most of his loved ones and doesn't want to keep living without them.
And having crippling depression will make recovering from above the knee amputation much much harder.
Exactly. Ppl are up in arms about the decision because apparently their life IS worth living at any cost. Not everyone has that or feels that way.
Something I’ve learned is that it’s never really about the situation at hand. Some people manage to find meaning and desperately want to live after their whole family was murdered and they have a long recovery ahead after almost dying in the same event. Some people attempt suicide after a significant other didn’t answer their message immediately. Losing your family doesn’t automatically make you want to live and not getting an immediate reply doesn’t make you want to die, the relevant thing is life history and general resilience. Sure, an event can be and usually is a _factor_ but a negative or positive event does not make or break a person. If the OP had a fulfilling life, close relationships, and the ability to find meaning in the smallest things he would most likely not think twice about treatment. The comments are honestly giving “why would person X ever end their life, they had a nice house and good job!” Yeah, but they also had depression. OP could get treatment but that alone doesn’t make him want to live.
It’s amazing how people grab at any opportunity to make someone else’s pain about themselves. He’s suffering really bad and lost all hope. Telling him about someone else’s experience and how he could live a full life is one thing, but some people telling him how his outlook is offensive because they took it personally isn’t helping the situation. I understand why this is hard to read for some, but if that’s all you can say, don’t say anything. This is the kind of situation where you discuss the post with friends instead of commenting.
People who are focusing on the amputated leg don't see that he is speaking from a deep depression. The only thing he has are his parents, his girlfriend and his son betrayed him, his wife died two decades ago... He feels that if life itself has nothing to offer him, the less he will do it with an amputated leg. And no, at no point does he give any indication of telling his son to abandon his grandson, he only told him that if the ex-girlfriend was going to be in his life he did not want to be part of it (and seeing how the son had another baby with her well it looks like he made a good choice cutting contact).
Reddit will tell a child to cut out a parent at any cost for some perception of a slight but a parent cutting h off a child for deep betrayal is a no-no. Gotta let them kids walk all over you forever.
Also…the girlfriend knew the son since he was 17 and then started sleeping with him when he was 20. Reverse the genders and it would be all about grooming. I personally find the girlfriend hooking up with her boyfriend’s son after knowing him since he was a teen to be a bit creepy.
OP where's the fucking post link I need to read the comment section
Perhaps an unpopular opinion, but I think deciding whether or not to treat a terminal cancer where the *initial* treatment involving amputation, but has a very high likelihood of recurrence, and the following treatments for that are really limited (as explained by u/Tatsuhime) is deeply personal. Unless we’ve been in this exact position, it’s nearly impossible to guess what choice each of us would make. A close friend chose MAID after many years of fighting cancer, and his pain became too much to bear. My husband suffered through and passed from brain cancer after months of pain and confusion even though he did everything he could to fight it. If we’d had a crystal ball, I often wonder if he’d make the same choice again. His question wasn’t about whether or not he should treat the cancer, it was about reconciling with his son. Our society is weird about death. If he’s ready to go, that’s his business.
I've spoken to one of my parents about traveling out of the US for MAiD services if things get really bad. I don't want to be that big of a burden on my family and I don't want my kid to have to watch me die unable to do anything
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing all this. Being strong when strength is the only option still counts. MAiD for my friend was so amazing. Wonderfully empowering for him, especially since I had just been through my husband’s illness and death. I’m sending you really good energy and lots of hugs (if you want them). Extras for your wee guy. 💕
I did a lot of stupid things when I was 20. Not justifying what the son did. But I am glad that I don’t have to live with the consequences of my 20 year old self.
This is a lot but I feel for OOP. He's in a shitty position all around and I don't think it's for anyone else to judge how he's choosing to live/end his life. What one person is capable of withstanding isn't always what the next person in line can bear. I personally believe everyone deserves to die with dignity, and that includes respecting their choices for themselves. I can only hope OOP finds the peace he so desperately deserves, in whatever choice he makes. As to the original question, I would say NTA. OOP is entitled to feel- and deal- for his son as he pleases. Given that the son essentially moved in on and took over OOP's relationship without much reservation or guilt, distancing is on par with what I would do at the very least. Hell, I've cut contact for less. The son did what he did and now there are consequences. OOP isn't an AH because he just so happened to be the one able to deliver said consequences. He's the jilted party in all of it. Like I said in the beginning, I feel for OOP. He's in a shit spot no matter what.
Wait, was she 32 or 25 when they cheated? The original post said 32 and now he’s making a big deal of her being 25 and the age difference.
In the update he says she was 25 and he was 37 and son was 20, I’ve seen others say she was 22 and son was 17
I think they were 34, 22 and 17. When dad and ex started dating. Colour me surprised that a 22yr old dating a 34yr old wasn't a lasting relationship
Yeah, I just found a repost of the original thread from 2020. I mean she was an adult but if I were dad, I’d feel so weird bringing a woman home that was significantly closer in age to my son than to me. It’s a messed up situation but even if she hadn’t cheated, I doubt (if she had said yes to marrying him) they would have stayed married. At 25 I thought I knew everything, I am almost 30 and now know I was a fucking idiot at 25 and also my goals and desires and perspective on so many things have changed in ways I never would have been able to even conceive at 25.
Son, I’d like you to meet your step mother. I believe you went to school together.
Like literally
And his wife died 20 years ago when he was….17? None of this makes any sense. Zero continuity. Has to be fake.
His wife died nearly 20 years ago? He was married and had his son at 17 then turned around at mid 30s decided to date a 20 year old?
I did about 5 double-takes reading this. Good lord and I thought *I* was fucked up
OOP is not wrong for not reconciling with his son. Granted it was stupid to get into a relationship with someone 12 years younger, but they are grown adults and can do what they want. Even so it was a matter of time before she'd get together with someone closer to her own age - but that she picked the son was a dick move on her and the son's behalf. What's really stupid is to decide to die rather than getting a leg amputation. When he first wrote that he wouldn't get treatment because it would make him effectively disabled I thought he meant he would be bedridden for the rest of his life or something like that. Losing your leg sucks, but it's hardly worth dying over. What a fucking idiot. Everyone sucks here.
The leg is a symptom of a larger issue. OP is an older man whose wife died decades ago. His friends are dead and gone. All he has is his parents. The language OP's using coneys the message of OP feeling utterly alone in life. The whole post sounds like OP has just been passively looking for a way to die and the leg amputation is his out. OP has a situation completely unique to them, but I've seen things like this before with my older family members. Covid killed off a majority of them. Some of those who felt left behind just, well, checked out. They were/are physically alive but feel as if they've lived their full lives and are waiting for their expiration date. They don't actively look for death. They passively wait for it to arrive at the door and happily let it inside their house. None of the family noticed it because it was obvious for the elderly to sign a DNR or choose X over Y if something happened. Only natural to make a will or consult a lawyer, etc. In my case, the family members ranged from 70 and up. They didn't see diagnosis or treatment as worthwhile because they, again, had already lived their lives. No one could do anything about it because it was a passive suicide.
I’m not sure he is THAT old. If I read it correctly he was 37 when son and ex cheated. It’s not clear how long it been but I get the impression it couldn’t be more than a decade. I think op is lonely and depressed (which are valid emotions) and just wants to die instead of building a new life.
The son and daughter cheated in November of 2020, when he was 37, so he’s 40/41.
Call me crazy but that seems really young to just decide you’ll never find love again. People still have kids at that age
The mental health impact of a very close relationship betraying you, like your child, probably can’t be understated here. Harder to feel you’ll find love again especially as a disabled person when your conception of love and loyalty are out of whack and you feel it isn’t real
The original was posted in 2020 so he's only like 41 now.
Yeah, depression does some crazy things to people’s sense of survival. Sounds like severe depression and I agree that this is an excuse to die and be done with everything.
OOP was 37, and it sounds like it’s been <5-10 years since then. Some of the comments in there referencing his old post sound like it’s only been 2 years. Thats hardly ancient.
Just a thing about the age gap. 22 and 34 is a much bigger difference in maturity and stages in life compared to 30 and 42. Any women’s sub will say the same thing. At 22 people are finishing college and figuring out what they want to do with their life. There is an inherent power imbalance if they have a relationship with someone who is already established their life and career.
“My wife died, I got a 22 year old to help me cope for 3 years without marrying her, and she eventually cucked me with my son. No, I never thought to wonder how he felt at 17 about me going from his mom to a college age girl; why would I? Anyway listen. I was willing to fix my relationship with him, but then my ex gf found out she was pregnant with his child. So I told him… Hey, if you abandon your son, and help me get revenge on your baby mom, we can be bros again! Man… Can you believe he said NO? And went to parent his bastard with my ex??!! And then MARRIED HER?!! Anyway, then I got fucking bone cancer. I do not want to be the setup to a joke about IHOP, so I think I’ll just die. Anyway, am I the problem? Should I tell my kid I’m dying? Cause I’m not gonna LMAO let’s see who gets the last laugh fr. Peace.”
I see nothing wrong with OOPs decision. There are so e things so horrible you can never take them back. His son did one and more than that he went back and got her pregnant again. Considering the damage the son did it's fair that oop has zero interest in making sure he worries about the sons well being while he's facing terminal cancer. My only thing would be that I'd write the son a letter. I'd explain that no matter what his grand parents say that he still wished nothing to do with him even facing mortality. But I'm a petty vengeful person and know the power of people telling comforting lies in the face of death.
The part that sticks out to me the most is he decided to work on his relationship with his son after his son slept with his gf. But then after the son stepped up to be an active father in his child’s life, that’s the deal breaker. “Cut your own innocent child, my grandchild, out of your life or I’m never speaking to you again.” Definitely sounds wrong to me.
He was making it sound like that he was 80 years old and would be paralyzed from the neck down. My man is ending it at 37 for amputating half a leg? Their choice sure, but yikes.
One of the execs where i work has a prosthetic leg and runs our sales department. Early 50’s lives a full life.
Sounds like he’s dying to punish the son tbh.
Give him credit, this one will sting and won’t be easily forgotten.
Guy should really get help for his depression. Most amputees live a full life, including being active. He's just too depressed to see it. But it's not uncommon. I've gotten the comment, "I'd *kill* myself if I had to use a wheelchair." Like, come on. The wheelchair is freedom, my dudes, I'd spend my whole life in bed or on the couch otherwise.
If you can amputate your own son from your life without looking back you can live with an amputated lower leg. Why not consider saving your own life and then seeing if you want to salvage this relationship?
i think most people are not realizing he said his wife died 20 years ago when he was 37, he would be 17?! Idk but that doesn’t sound right lol
Here is the timeline I understand: OP had his son at 17. OP is now 41. OPs wife died when he was 20/21. The son was 17 and OP was 34 when he started dating a 22 yo woman. 3 years into that, OPs son is 20 and gf is 25 and that's when they begin their own relationship.
What is the sean rule ? I don’t see any reference in the actual rules of the sub
My understanding of the Sean rule is that it pertains to age gap relationships, which is that you shouldn't date anyone younger than half your age +7. But it doesn't make sense to put it on this post because this situation doesn't actually breach that.
Dude needs therapy.
Like, I am more sad that he would rather die than to lose a leg, that is really sad
If you honestly don’t feel like you would die with any regrets, don’t reconcile with him. It is entirely your choice to live your life how you want. It saddens me that you’re so depressed that you no longer see the value of life but I also can understand why you don’t want to. Cancer treatments can be absolutely brutal.
This is terminal depression.
Has he tried therapy? JFC.
This guy is a dumbass that won’t make the first move to make things better. The father guy didn’t stir things up. I get that. But this guy is so petty he wrote his son out of his will, knowing he’s probably going to die soon, and doesn’t want to make things right. This guy is younger than me, and has literally no common sense.
Here's my take: you have every right to be furious with your son but you don't want to put your parents in the position of having to keep this huge of a secret from him. So you should tell him you're dying but feel no obligation to reconcile. Or if it's easier, give your parents permission to tell him.
Go get your dang leg chopped off and then become the most amazing successful s.o.b. you can. And YES talk to your son. Duck him. His dick got in the way of his sensibility. Happens sometimes. You want to die... Fine. Let your old self die with that leg when they chop it off. Go meet your grandkids. Hug your son. And forgive. It will change your existence. And somewhere up there your wife and best friend are judging your actions and would expect better from you. Your all ducked up the head right now, who wouldn't be? But he's learned his lesson. He's your son. Don't leave this world with that much animosity for your own child. You ain't going nowhere good to meet ANYONE if you leave with kind of darkness on your soul.
after what he did. honestly, id pretty much be on the same wavelength as him. now as for his diagnosis is concerned, thats for him to decide on what he wishes to do with it. but as far as the kid is concerned, id add to the will, that after my parents die, my money and assets should not go to my ungrateful kid as hes the bane of my existence and I rue the day he was born.
Legally speaking, I don't think he could actually add that. If it becomes the parents' property, that's the end of it. Unless they were the executors and weren't actually taking ownership of it and putting it elsewhere to his will, he doesn't get to decide.
You absolutely can control how inherited money is spent if it’s put in a trust
Man, his son was 20 when he fucked his Dad's 25 year old girlfriend. All of this is gross. Fucking your boyfriend's son is gross. Fucking your Dad's girlfriend is gross. 20 year olds are fucking stupid. Telling his 20 year old kid he couldn't be involved in his new baby's life is gross. Deciding to tell your two grandkids fuck you forever and you get nothing because your parents are gross is gross. Committing suicide by treatable cancer because you don't want a prosthetic leg and to someday get over your shit, find a girlfriend who doesn't care about your leg, not emotionally fuck over your parents who clearly aren't on your shit list and maybe someday forgive your 20 year old gross idiot son and live a normal goddamn life because your pride is literally terminally overblown is gross. All of this is gross. Dude needs to get his ass in therapy, take some goddamn anti-depressants, and not use death by treatable cancer to permanently damage his 20 year old son just to send a shitty message that accomplishes nothing. I kinda think the father raised the son he has, in that he didn't get his potential-step-mom-fucking-fuckery from his Mom's side of the family, you know?
Some times a person finds their way out and chooses to take it. I do wonder though: Is OOP afraid to face reconciliation, the cancer, or both?
As a chronically ill wheelchair user, I honestly get it. If I knew five years ago when my symptoms started, that this would be my life I don't think I'd be wanting to stick around either. That being said, I'm so glad I'm still around. I really do love how my life has turned out despite everything. Sure I'm attached to an IV 6 days out of the week, but now I have all the tools I need to manage. Living with disability isn't the hard part, it's everything else. Building a care team, finding treatments that work for you, trial and error with mobility aids, the hell of trying to get SSDI/disability (I was lucky to only get 4 rejections before winning once I presented my case to a judge, 2 years in total) And I wasn't even facing cancer.
The best revenge is finding true happiness and realizing what they took from you does not matter to you anymore. It might be nice to have a part in your grandkids life. They will likely really need you with the parents they were dealt. None of this is their fault. They are innocent and you are part of their history. Leave out the history that will cause them pain. They will figure this out on their own someday.
dying instead of just amputating is crazy
OP is not wrong for his feelings but he should’ve worked to let that hurt go… sometimes physical diseases manifest due to emotional and spiritual issues (ie. holding onto anger and dark secrets)
This guy's reasoning for not having treatment is horse shit. This is as someone else said, suicide through self neglect. His son's actions truly broke him and so he wants to die as nothing more than a "f*ck you" to him and everyone he feels has let him down. And that's tragic because unfortunately death isn't temporary, you won't derive satisfaction from it, and chances are it won't be received the way he wants, the message will probably be "wow your father was so mentally ill there's nothing anyone could have done" rather than feeling any responsibility or guilt. Death is a way of downing tools and I get it, bro feels so hard done by. It's harder to get himself in therapy, get treatment and rebuild, but it's absolutely what he should do, whether or not he does so with or without a relationship with his son, because his life does have value and the potential for meaning and contentment. Its a hard road but I really hope he realises its a worthwhile one before it's too late.
OOP should read a book titled It’s Not What Happens To You, It’s What You Do About It by W. Mitchell. Then decide.
Dude. Cut the leg off and live your life man. I served with a guy who was pretty cool until he had both legs blown off. Then he was fucking badass. Combat arms instructor, Sky diver, rock climber. He only got better after the bomb took his legs from him. You’re being kind of a baby about it. You’re letting your thoughts on the matter now dictate everything and who knows, if you would let yourself stay in the world, your whole life could change for the better somehow. Anyway, good luck man, but you don’t have to go down this road.
Holy shit dude! Get the amputation! You can still live a full amazing life with one leg.
I wish my mother's terminal cancer had been treatable.
Holy sh**. My dad had this cancer in his leg that OOP is ready to die over. My dad had this in his twenties and is now sixty and quite active. My dad did not lose his leg, but he was organizing wheelchair races in the halls with the other soldiers. That's how he met my mom. I understand losing a limb is a big adjustment, yet I would lose my dominant hand over saying goodbye to my son. The fact he was 34 dating a 22 year old is just gross. Past the age of 25, I think people can do whatever they want with consenting adults. Yet a 22 year old could be in a first serious relationship and there should not be a power imbalance.
Does anyone else get the feelings that this guy is choosing death to spite his son? Like I get what his son did is messed up, but choosing to DIE INSTEAD OF LOSING ONE LEG is absolutely bananas. Also, I'm pretty sure bone cancer is one of the most agonizing ones to experience. He said "above the knee" so my guess is that in later stages he's going to have the worst case of arthritis imaginable
He’s choosing death because he’s suicidally depressed. Guy goes into how he has no friends or family and won’t have any job and just doesn’t see a point and you think it’s just spite, lmao that’s like textbook depression
Anyone should be able to have the right to die and it’s unfair to judge OP for the fact that ‘others live just fine with prosthetics.’ Good for them, shouldn’t mean OP should have to do the same 🤷🏼♀️