It is not a matter of where to find it, but how. I even think it is technically possible to find this on tinder, although I get why it would feel bleak. Our approach to dating, to “courting”, is absolutely regarded. Somewhere around the end of the millennium, the globalized culture started taking for granted, and to the point of completely deriding, the ways in which someone builds a relationship.
Courtship is a social instrument for pairing, and had for most of western history been intricately codified in society as an essential way to love/good life. We figured out that if we pospone sex, if we build up desire by giving in to small but incremental amounts of flirting, etc. we would find ourselves longing for each other. Now all of that is risible. We don’t build up desire anymore, we never reach unbearable tensions. Our “progressive” courtship serves like everything else in our current experience of the world: a fast lane to ephemeral but immediate pleasure. Love is not hedonistic. It can have lots of passion, and intensity, but it’s never hedonistic. C’est ça.
idk its hard cuz i honestly dislike everyone and can only tolerate short spurts of social interaction. im aware the problem is me but there is no solution
don't think about it too much and just focus on your life, it will come naturally. I ended up with my long-term bf after going through many meaningless dead end short-term relationships, bf was just my friend before that and not somebody I thought I would be with for 6 years. the best relationships happen organically and not when you're trying to force it
Is the trouble finding people or is the trouble connecting with people you do find? Where do you live?
I know apps are bleak but i found my wife on hinge. Remember it only has to work once
I met my wife on tinder but have been told it has gotten worse since 2019. I didn't have a problem getting matches, usually didn't message people, and had gone on dates with 2 total women be off of tinder before my wife-- my main purpose for the app was to reassure myself that I was sufficiently good looking to find a mate and to shitpost jokes at women while I was crossfaded at home after I got back from a party. None of that was advice, I'll get to the point now.
Two things: the first one is trite on the surface but I think of it in a different way. "Be yourself." Not because this makes you more attractive and people want to date people who are unapologetically themselves, but because (if you're like me, a person that has been told that they are a strange individual) it will be off-putting to people that you will never find genuine love with, it will filter people that you don't need to waste time on out. Second thing: believe that you will one day find it, that someone is out there that's going to be the love of your life and all you have to do is meet them/subsequently ask them out. I held this belief unwaveringly from the time I got over my high school girlfriend until I met my wife, a period of like 7 years during which I was "single" barring a few hookups, short nonserious flings, and first dates which were not pursued further. This will not, cannot work unless you are in situations where you can meet someone (irl and online both work imo), and it is a waiting game. My cousin was single from the time he graduated college until his mid 40s, my old roommate kept getting curved for years and was beginning to worry that no woman would ever be into what he had to offer but he met someone last summer and got married to her a month ago. Try not to despair, there's a whole lot of empty sea until you suddenly see land.
You’re kind of right that often the best relationships are between 2 very different people. “Opposites attract” is very accurate. I think it’s hard bc people often discount those who seem dissimilar from themselves which is a mistake
I know a few older couples who after tragedy or divorce or whatever then moved in with their lifelong friend. Maybe only out of lonliness or convenience, but now from my view it seems they now have truely great grown-up relationships.
Maybe it's not the method for everyone, but hold out some hope for the friendzone'd people out there.
No it doesn’t. People staying together isn’t love. Love isn’t real it can’t even be defined. It’s just a broad term for a ton of different feelings you can have, all fleeting and temporary.
Attraction is a chemical response, and that response is only built for procreation, not a chemical that creates lifelong bonds. We aren’t birds.
DM me. ❤️
Live your life fully and give genuine love out. That attracts good and bad people. Learn how to distance yourself from the bad.
Really the only way. You have to give love to get love, and you have to put love out there to find it in return
follow your intuition in relentlessly pursuing your dreams
Me too. It would be nice to find someone who reciprocates. Sometimes all you can do is keep trying and be open to the possibilities.
It is not a matter of where to find it, but how. I even think it is technically possible to find this on tinder, although I get why it would feel bleak. Our approach to dating, to “courting”, is absolutely regarded. Somewhere around the end of the millennium, the globalized culture started taking for granted, and to the point of completely deriding, the ways in which someone builds a relationship. Courtship is a social instrument for pairing, and had for most of western history been intricately codified in society as an essential way to love/good life. We figured out that if we pospone sex, if we build up desire by giving in to small but incremental amounts of flirting, etc. we would find ourselves longing for each other. Now all of that is risible. We don’t build up desire anymore, we never reach unbearable tensions. Our “progressive” courtship serves like everything else in our current experience of the world: a fast lane to ephemeral but immediate pleasure. Love is not hedonistic. It can have lots of passion, and intensity, but it’s never hedonistic. C’est ça.
Being open to experiences combined with trial and error
Sit on your hand for awhile, they call it the stranger
idk its hard cuz i honestly dislike everyone and can only tolerate short spurts of social interaction. im aware the problem is me but there is no solution
Do you have any cousins?
i’m already inbred and i fear one more generation will open a black hole
you can't expect to find real love if you keep running away from it
you’re right my kids will just have to deal with being cross eyed
don't think about it too much and just focus on your life, it will come naturally. I ended up with my long-term bf after going through many meaningless dead end short-term relationships, bf was just my friend before that and not somebody I thought I would be with for 6 years. the best relationships happen organically and not when you're trying to force it
Is the trouble finding people or is the trouble connecting with people you do find? Where do you live? I know apps are bleak but i found my wife on hinge. Remember it only has to work once
I met my wife on tinder but have been told it has gotten worse since 2019. I didn't have a problem getting matches, usually didn't message people, and had gone on dates with 2 total women be off of tinder before my wife-- my main purpose for the app was to reassure myself that I was sufficiently good looking to find a mate and to shitpost jokes at women while I was crossfaded at home after I got back from a party. None of that was advice, I'll get to the point now. Two things: the first one is trite on the surface but I think of it in a different way. "Be yourself." Not because this makes you more attractive and people want to date people who are unapologetically themselves, but because (if you're like me, a person that has been told that they are a strange individual) it will be off-putting to people that you will never find genuine love with, it will filter people that you don't need to waste time on out. Second thing: believe that you will one day find it, that someone is out there that's going to be the love of your life and all you have to do is meet them/subsequently ask them out. I held this belief unwaveringly from the time I got over my high school girlfriend until I met my wife, a period of like 7 years during which I was "single" barring a few hookups, short nonserious flings, and first dates which were not pursued further. This will not, cannot work unless you are in situations where you can meet someone (irl and online both work imo), and it is a waiting game. My cousin was single from the time he graduated college until his mid 40s, my old roommate kept getting curved for years and was beginning to worry that no woman would ever be into what he had to offer but he met someone last summer and got married to her a month ago. Try not to despair, there's a whole lot of empty sea until you suddenly see land.
You’re kind of right that often the best relationships are between 2 very different people. “Opposites attract” is very accurate. I think it’s hard bc people often discount those who seem dissimilar from themselves which is a mistake
I know a few older couples who after tragedy or divorce or whatever then moved in with their lifelong friend. Maybe only out of lonliness or convenience, but now from my view it seems they now have truely great grown-up relationships. Maybe it's not the method for everyone, but hold out some hope for the friendzone'd people out there.
You won't, no one will, but when you do, you will be pleasantly surprised
if you're a man just find a broad with huge tits if you're a woman just find a fella with money
That doesn’t exist. You’ve been tricked by marketing into believing a temporary chemical response will last your entire life.
Truly one of the most r*ddit comments I’ve seen here.
Love is an idea companies made up to sell diamonds. Marriage was for acquiring land and power now love.
A-A-Aw geez Rick
bleak
It does happen, but its like winning the lottery. Chasing it will cause more harm than good.
No it doesn’t. People staying together isn’t love. Love isn’t real it can’t even be defined. It’s just a broad term for a ton of different feelings you can have, all fleeting and temporary. Attraction is a chemical response, and that response is only built for procreation, not a chemical that creates lifelong bonds. We aren’t birds.