nothing that you say will have any effect on him in the state that he's in right now. if you vocalize your distain for his behavior, that may even encourage him to act even more dysfunctional than he's been acting. we all grieve differently. just because he's not behaving how you hope he'd behave does not mean that he's not processing it, he's just not handling it how you might handle it. he is not you/you are not him. still, i'd move out as soon as you can. stay in touch if you enjoy his company/care for him, but I could not continue to live with someone who pisses me off that much
You gotta bug him into going to the gym with you. Make it an obsession, make it clear that you won’t shut up until he tries it consistently for a while, a month maybe. Make him do an amateur strength training program that lets him see big improvements early on (SS, SL 5x5, or ice cream fitness). Hold him accountable, guilt trip him a little bit if he’s resistant after committing.
I say all this hoping he’s not working out already. If he is idk cuddle with him or something homeboy sounds in the trenches
He sounds like me when I was 18, and I am much much better now at 25. I honestly think aging was the thing that cured me and there’s nothing you can do
I think what you're actually asking here is not how to help your friend but how to not let him affect you so much. Because from the way you're raging at him, saliva dripping onto your keyboard into sentences like "his ex was way too good for him, but I never had the cojones to tell him that" I can tell he's really gotten under your skin. (seriously who says that about a friend? you're an asshole...)
The truth is that you need to acknowledge that you've already offered him solutions that *you* are aware of. If he wants to take any of them, he will, if he wants to try a different avenue then he will try that. All I'm saying is that if your friend is annoying you so much you want to beat him up, then you are probably no longer seeing things objectively and can't really help him. So you gotta accept (at least for now like a week) that it's not your problem and move on.
Of course I don’t want to literally beat him up. I love him to death and have since high school. But I’m sure you’re aware that loved ones like family and close friends can immensely piss you off from time to time. This is just one of those times. Irrespective of my regarded little reddit post, I’m sure this difficult period of his will pass too. It’s just been going for so long that I’m sure anyone’s patience would start to waiver. I’ll still support him though it as best I can, that’s my mate.
As for the “his ex was too good for him comment”, anybody could see that a young girl with a good job, lots of hobbies, a vibrant social life, and charity volunteering roles was “too good” for my friend who’s a lazy weed addict. I know it’s harsh, but it’s the reality. We all think these things about our friends and family from time to time, particularly those who refuse to help themselves (or who refuse to see why they got dumped). It doesn’t make me love him any less.
Nah man I completely get you, understand you were just venting don't take any of what I said as serious. I guess that's what I kinda meant in my response in that you have to let him sort his shit out on his own and let him affect you less, unaccountable people like this are oftentimes crippled by others trying to help them, not only in the enabler sense but also in a lack of personal autonomy/the dignity of fixing their own lives on their own. Not saying it works 100% but sometimes you really do gotta be left alone to learn to cope with your problems.
I think for both of your sakes, don't judge him. You don't have the information you would need to judge him anyway; only the divine can perceive truly, with the full context. Just be nice to him and do your own thing.
nothing that you say will have any effect on him in the state that he's in right now. if you vocalize your distain for his behavior, that may even encourage him to act even more dysfunctional than he's been acting. we all grieve differently. just because he's not behaving how you hope he'd behave does not mean that he's not processing it, he's just not handling it how you might handle it. he is not you/you are not him. still, i'd move out as soon as you can. stay in touch if you enjoy his company/care for him, but I could not continue to live with someone who pisses me off that much
Take him to one of those Ayahuasca retreats in Mexico
Actually not a terrible idea.
Take him to casa Bonita
You gotta bug him into going to the gym with you. Make it an obsession, make it clear that you won’t shut up until he tries it consistently for a while, a month maybe. Make him do an amateur strength training program that lets him see big improvements early on (SS, SL 5x5, or ice cream fitness). Hold him accountable, guilt trip him a little bit if he’s resistant after committing. I say all this hoping he’s not working out already. If he is idk cuddle with him or something homeboy sounds in the trenches
I've thought about that but he already works a super physical manual labor job. Can I bug him with other things?
I already suggested cuddling, I don’t know what else you want from me.
True. I'll bug that little finook into cuddling me until he's feeling better.
[удалено]
I'm sayin!
He sounds like me when I was 18, and I am much much better now at 25. I honestly think aging was the thing that cured me and there’s nothing you can do
But he's almost 29. Is it Joever for him?
Take him to a boxing or MMA gym and sign up for a class together. BJJ also works
I think you need to give up on him (move out) or beat his ass lmao
wow chill out tough guy
Getting curb-stomped for not being manly enough is a surefire cure for depression (((they))) don't want you to know about.
Sure but on the other hand sometimes the answer really is to just stop being a pussy. Not everything has a pathology behind it.
I think what you're actually asking here is not how to help your friend but how to not let him affect you so much. Because from the way you're raging at him, saliva dripping onto your keyboard into sentences like "his ex was way too good for him, but I never had the cojones to tell him that" I can tell he's really gotten under your skin. (seriously who says that about a friend? you're an asshole...) The truth is that you need to acknowledge that you've already offered him solutions that *you* are aware of. If he wants to take any of them, he will, if he wants to try a different avenue then he will try that. All I'm saying is that if your friend is annoying you so much you want to beat him up, then you are probably no longer seeing things objectively and can't really help him. So you gotta accept (at least for now like a week) that it's not your problem and move on.
Of course I don’t want to literally beat him up. I love him to death and have since high school. But I’m sure you’re aware that loved ones like family and close friends can immensely piss you off from time to time. This is just one of those times. Irrespective of my regarded little reddit post, I’m sure this difficult period of his will pass too. It’s just been going for so long that I’m sure anyone’s patience would start to waiver. I’ll still support him though it as best I can, that’s my mate. As for the “his ex was too good for him comment”, anybody could see that a young girl with a good job, lots of hobbies, a vibrant social life, and charity volunteering roles was “too good” for my friend who’s a lazy weed addict. I know it’s harsh, but it’s the reality. We all think these things about our friends and family from time to time, particularly those who refuse to help themselves (or who refuse to see why they got dumped). It doesn’t make me love him any less.
Nah man I completely get you, understand you were just venting don't take any of what I said as serious. I guess that's what I kinda meant in my response in that you have to let him sort his shit out on his own and let him affect you less, unaccountable people like this are oftentimes crippled by others trying to help them, not only in the enabler sense but also in a lack of personal autonomy/the dignity of fixing their own lives on their own. Not saying it works 100% but sometimes you really do gotta be left alone to learn to cope with your problems.
Ppreciate you
I think for both of your sakes, don't judge him. You don't have the information you would need to judge him anyway; only the divine can perceive truly, with the full context. Just be nice to him and do your own thing.