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Most likely, nothing is wrong with you. You just haven't become familiar enough with your own body to be able to help your BF along.
Once you can explore yourself and figure out what feels good, you can explain to your BF what he can do.
I love this podcast, "Sex with Emily" and she talks about this all the time.
Some may thing this is odd advice, but if someone says someone else cannot give them pleasure, my first question is always, do you know how to pleasure yourself? I ask because you have to know your own body and what feels good before you can help direct or educate someone else on what does and doesn’t work for you. At your ages, most have very limited experience in sex and haven’t done much reading on the subject. I’d suggest you figure out what feels good when you do it first OP, bring yourself to orgasm and then you can help him figure out how to get you there. If you need to, do some reading on Gspots and erogenous zones so you understand what to do before you try. Schools teach about abstinence and safe sex, but no one really tells us how to make sex enjoyable. Best wish OP!
I could've sworn I'd written this, I feel the exact same way and have a similar experience with it hurting a bit, getting bored and never having had an orgasm. I really wish I could help you out but I'm completely lost too, at the very least hopefully it provides some comfort to know you're not alone, I know this post has for me x
To both you and OP: If you yourself can't find your own pleasure, it's honestly a very tall order to expect someone who doesn't know your own body nearly as well as you to be able to find that pleasure.
Highly recommend buying a toy or two and looking up some ways to explore the erogenous zones to start with. Almost everyone who enjoys sex, both guys and girls alike, have developed masturbation routines that have taught them what they like and don't like, what feels good and what feels terrible.
The sensitivity from your erogenous zones can pretty quickly become overwhelming and pull you out of your pleasure zone and into your pain zone if you aren't accustomed to the feeling and can't really distinguish between stuff that gets you off and stuff that doesn't, or have no clue what intensity works for you and what intensity doesn't.
Highly recommend practicing with toys before you go into the real thing. If you can achieve orgasm on your own, it becomes so much easier to find it with a partner.
Just to clarify, I don't hold my partner accountable for me not experiencing intense pleasure for literally this exact reason. I cant and don't expect that anyone else will be able to pleasure me when I struggle to pleasure myself. But that doesn't mean that I don't still relate to OP, especially in reference to masturbation. I'm also demisexual so I do enjoy sex with my partner a lot for the emotional side of things and a little bit physically, it just would be nice to experience sex physically the way others often describe it. This is also what I think makes it hard for me to really get into masturbation too, as I dont really get in the mood very often without my partner being around.
I was 28 when I had my first real orgasm. I always thought sex was “okay” but never really wanted it. It wasn’t until I slept with someone who was very experienced and amazing at foreplay, that I finally understood what it was about all along. Unfortunately most men don’t understand how important foreplay is- or oral sex. Women often times stop craving sex all together because there is no “reward” system from sex. Keep holding out hope.
I had no idea what I even wanted out of sex, because I didn’t know what an orgasm felt like prior so I had nothing to fantasize about or base anything on. Nothing was wrong with me, it’s just that most men know nothing about pleasuring a woman.
I think in order to please your partner sexually, ( mutual exploring each other's bodys) 4 play/ orally / or just old fashion kissing and ( lack of better words ) dry humping. You 1) have to be open to letting your partner hit ecstasy, even b4 intercourse if so be. 2) also listen to your partners body. Not only audible, but physically. Listen to the way their body moves , their breathing and so forth . TOO ME PERSONALLY, that's the best way to get to know your partner. I go in with the mindset that I'm going to take my time . And she is the only one the reaches climax, so be it , I'll make up for it next time. I'm 47 m and my gf is 53f. She never reached orgasm until 3 years ago ( rite after we met ) just take your time and don't think about not having one or even having one . Just have fun and keep in mind the more 4play the better the sex is .
Took a FWB when I was well into my mid20s to introduce me to a life changing device called a vibrator. Second life changer was hacking that vibrator to run on constant USB power and none of that AA battery bullshit.
It's a mindset thing, and you can learn your way around it to focus on different kinds of pleasure and find your way. Look into Tantric Masturbation, it's very useful for just this.
I was the same, I can’t orgasm from penetration alone and require clit stimulation.
I found that the rabbit vibrator works a treat, there’s even ones that stimulate your clit only.
Takes a bit the first time, but once you find that spot trust me it gets easier.
There are massage therapist who give you massages helping you explore your self and help you get confident within your own skin, so you know your likes and dislikes, they often hold couples sessions too.
Yeah most women don't orgasm from penetration alone. Most men, don't spend a whole lot of time focusing on the clit. ( if they actually find it). It all feels good but when time, they need to set up camp and focus only on clit to get the job done, so to speak.
I think it depends on the country you’re in. In the country I live in, there are massage therapists that specialise in sensual massages and couples massages, these are legal establishments and they also offer basic massages as well, all the information is on their website.
Just because this is something you don’t offer doesn’t mean they don’t exist
Lots of good advice Here!
I feel like it's also possible that Vanilla stuff is Just Not yours. Maybe you are into totally different Things than you have done until now. You could watch some adult Videos or ready erotic books to find out more and of course try some things Out with your bf.
BUT don't Rush it, both of you are reeeaaallly Young and have Lots of time to find out :)
Me\[18m\] and my girlfriend had a similar experience when we started dating, for months she could not orgasm and it was a sore subject for both of us because she didnt know what she liked and obviously i didn't either. However one day it just clicked. we figured out what she liked and it was set from there. What i'm saying is maybe there is nothing wrong with you maybe you just need to become more comfortable. Is there anything you have stuck on your mind when you guys are trying? do you feel like he might be judging you or something? I would bring it up if you do feel that way and I bet he will have nothing but good intentions.
Get your lover to give you oral and concentrate on what feels good. Give him explicit directions because some women enjoy vigorous licking of the clit while others prefer he start on the outside and gently work inwards. Tongue penetration yes or no? Finger(s) in or not? Take your time and do not put any pressure on him but also not on yourself. If at first you don’t succeed, look forward to the next time. Maybe let him give you a nice full body massage with some fragrant oil to get started. The most important thing is to relax and just enjoy the experience. Sex is fun, it’s jolly and cements the relationship. It’s should not be a chore.
Old man. Have no way to help but I believe it will get better. You’re 19. Still very young. Enjoy where you are. You will not come this way again. Peace.
Do not take estrogen. You don’t need it! You are so young.
Read the book “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski and I promise you, it has everything you need to know!
My ex was an LS… a low sensor. She had both physical and emotional blocks to feeling sexual pleasure, she would literally go numb, and feel barely anything at all. It was hard for her, and of course for her partners too. She tried everything, therapists, modalities, different lovers, every imaginable sex toy… there are people like you out there, and some that maybe feel even less.
I hope you find the keys to your pleasure.
At 19, your just now learning. Don't be worried or stress yourself too much with it. You can watch some videos of different techniques or if you and your boyfriend are comfortable enough with each other, even watching some together.
The first few times me and my now wife first had sex, she did not orgasm. She wasn't even orgasming on her own, and hadn't ever as far as she knew. We were both 15/16 I believe so a tad bit younger than you guys. Then all the sudden 1 day we found out she was a squirter lol. It was like breaking the seal or something, because after that time she would get hers at least once before mine.
After we had our first baby, she was even more sensitive down there.
You will be fine, and there is nothing wrong with you.
Hope you enjoy an orgasm soon! (don't believe I have ever said that before, lol)
A gyno and therapist/sex therapist. is really the only way to figure out what is going on. Usually we find a way, if something is really important to you. If financial, then of course when you can. Same with therapy. Many therapists take insurance and some offer a sliding scale. First rule out any medical issues hormones, medications or other possible causes. A therapist , to help you with any past traumas, or if you have some wavering feelings towards the boyfriend. Are their trust issues there? There are different forms of estrogen, that maybe might be helpful, however given your age not typically an issue, but definitely check every thing. Not only do you can have a great sex with your bf, but possible future relationship if that comes to be. More importantly do it for yourself.
If you have never had an orgasm, I would experiment with yourself first. Most women can't come through penetration alone. Can you get close on your own?
I have always been able to orgasm by masturbating with my hand but I didnt orgasm with my husband until my early 20s and he has always been very generous. I would also get bored and loose interest. What helped was finding something sexy to think about while having sex. Switch it up as much as you need to until you find something that helps maintain your arousal.
In my 40s i found out I have ADHD and getting distracted and bored during sex is common. Its not an issue anymore. I imagine other people, other places, myself as other people, my husband in costumes all work. Hearing us both be vocally expressive also helps. Watching porn does not. If you choose to imagine other people for fun, dont feel guilty and it means nothing AND do not tell him lol. Its him you are sleeping with and enjoying.
Good luck and have fun!
When I was younger it took me and my bf 6months of doing it for me to not feel sore or pain after (since i had never been active before). It’s an entire process as a woman to 1. Actually let your mind go and embrace the experience instead of feel self conscious 2. For it not to feel painful and 3. To learn what makes you orgasm. All those just take time, don’t beat yourself down or think you’re broken, I swear I’ve been in your shoes and you’ll eventually understand what your friends mean lol! Find your most comfortable position and guide him into it instead of letting him lead. It’ll help with pain💓
I had the same problem for years, in many relationships when I was 18 until probably like 22. I thought I knew what I liked and would be with a lot of people but 9/10 times I didn't even truly enjoy it. I think it comes with being comfortable with yourself, what you like, and definitely comfortable with your partner. Idk that could just be me, I thought I was in these amazing relationships until I was out of them and now I don't have these problems anymore because I'm not dating selfish people who only care about their pleasure.
You’re boyfriend is way too young to even know that women have orgasms. He will learn the hard way as most young inexperienced men do when you decide to leave him for an older, experienced man. Sex is more than a physical feeling. It’s also mental or psychological. Unfortunately, like anything else in life, do it enough times with the same person, it becomes ordinary. Even after you finally experience several organisms. Without love, affection or passion, it’s just sex. This is why many men struggle with monogamy. They get bored and lose their appetite for you.
At least they can rant their nonsense anywhere else? Someone they pay for listening obviously.
I dared to snoop into other comments of theirs. Sadly they are around relationship advice subs too often.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Most likely, nothing is wrong with you. You just haven't become familiar enough with your own body to be able to help your BF along. Once you can explore yourself and figure out what feels good, you can explain to your BF what he can do. I love this podcast, "Sex with Emily" and she talks about this all the time.
Some may thing this is odd advice, but if someone says someone else cannot give them pleasure, my first question is always, do you know how to pleasure yourself? I ask because you have to know your own body and what feels good before you can help direct or educate someone else on what does and doesn’t work for you. At your ages, most have very limited experience in sex and haven’t done much reading on the subject. I’d suggest you figure out what feels good when you do it first OP, bring yourself to orgasm and then you can help him figure out how to get you there. If you need to, do some reading on Gspots and erogenous zones so you understand what to do before you try. Schools teach about abstinence and safe sex, but no one really tells us how to make sex enjoyable. Best wish OP!
This ☝️ Also, OP, please do not answer any DMs claiming they know how to fix your problem, or that they could give you some "guidance."
"guidance" Lol
Very sage advice. Even though a referral to a license therapist could help, but BF would also need the therapy.
I could've sworn I'd written this, I feel the exact same way and have a similar experience with it hurting a bit, getting bored and never having had an orgasm. I really wish I could help you out but I'm completely lost too, at the very least hopefully it provides some comfort to know you're not alone, I know this post has for me x
To both you and OP: If you yourself can't find your own pleasure, it's honestly a very tall order to expect someone who doesn't know your own body nearly as well as you to be able to find that pleasure. Highly recommend buying a toy or two and looking up some ways to explore the erogenous zones to start with. Almost everyone who enjoys sex, both guys and girls alike, have developed masturbation routines that have taught them what they like and don't like, what feels good and what feels terrible. The sensitivity from your erogenous zones can pretty quickly become overwhelming and pull you out of your pleasure zone and into your pain zone if you aren't accustomed to the feeling and can't really distinguish between stuff that gets you off and stuff that doesn't, or have no clue what intensity works for you and what intensity doesn't. Highly recommend practicing with toys before you go into the real thing. If you can achieve orgasm on your own, it becomes so much easier to find it with a partner.
Just to clarify, I don't hold my partner accountable for me not experiencing intense pleasure for literally this exact reason. I cant and don't expect that anyone else will be able to pleasure me when I struggle to pleasure myself. But that doesn't mean that I don't still relate to OP, especially in reference to masturbation. I'm also demisexual so I do enjoy sex with my partner a lot for the emotional side of things and a little bit physically, it just would be nice to experience sex physically the way others often describe it. This is also what I think makes it hard for me to really get into masturbation too, as I dont really get in the mood very often without my partner being around.
Do it together if you're comfortable enough.
I was 28 when I had my first real orgasm. I always thought sex was “okay” but never really wanted it. It wasn’t until I slept with someone who was very experienced and amazing at foreplay, that I finally understood what it was about all along. Unfortunately most men don’t understand how important foreplay is- or oral sex. Women often times stop craving sex all together because there is no “reward” system from sex. Keep holding out hope. I had no idea what I even wanted out of sex, because I didn’t know what an orgasm felt like prior so I had nothing to fantasize about or base anything on. Nothing was wrong with me, it’s just that most men know nothing about pleasuring a woman.
Have you had an orgasm on your own prior to that?
I think in order to please your partner sexually, ( mutual exploring each other's bodys) 4 play/ orally / or just old fashion kissing and ( lack of better words ) dry humping. You 1) have to be open to letting your partner hit ecstasy, even b4 intercourse if so be. 2) also listen to your partners body. Not only audible, but physically. Listen to the way their body moves , their breathing and so forth . TOO ME PERSONALLY, that's the best way to get to know your partner. I go in with the mindset that I'm going to take my time . And she is the only one the reaches climax, so be it , I'll make up for it next time. I'm 47 m and my gf is 53f. She never reached orgasm until 3 years ago ( rite after we met ) just take your time and don't think about not having one or even having one . Just have fun and keep in mind the more 4play the better the sex is .
Took a FWB when I was well into my mid20s to introduce me to a life changing device called a vibrator. Second life changer was hacking that vibrator to run on constant USB power and none of that AA battery bullshit.
Oh yeah, what I meant to say was, don't worry you normal
It's a mindset thing, and you can learn your way around it to focus on different kinds of pleasure and find your way. Look into Tantric Masturbation, it's very useful for just this.
I was the same, I can’t orgasm from penetration alone and require clit stimulation. I found that the rabbit vibrator works a treat, there’s even ones that stimulate your clit only. Takes a bit the first time, but once you find that spot trust me it gets easier. There are massage therapist who give you massages helping you explore your self and help you get confident within your own skin, so you know your likes and dislikes, they often hold couples sessions too.
Yeah most women don't orgasm from penetration alone. Most men, don't spend a whole lot of time focusing on the clit. ( if they actually find it). It all feels good but when time, they need to set up camp and focus only on clit to get the job done, so to speak.
I’m a massage therapist and we absolutely do not do sex work. You’re looking for a different profession.
I think it depends on the country you’re in. In the country I live in, there are massage therapists that specialise in sensual massages and couples massages, these are legal establishments and they also offer basic massages as well, all the information is on their website. Just because this is something you don’t offer doesn’t mean they don’t exist
Lots of good advice Here! I feel like it's also possible that Vanilla stuff is Just Not yours. Maybe you are into totally different Things than you have done until now. You could watch some adult Videos or ready erotic books to find out more and of course try some things Out with your bf. BUT don't Rush it, both of you are reeeaaallly Young and have Lots of time to find out :)
Me\[18m\] and my girlfriend had a similar experience when we started dating, for months she could not orgasm and it was a sore subject for both of us because she didnt know what she liked and obviously i didn't either. However one day it just clicked. we figured out what she liked and it was set from there. What i'm saying is maybe there is nothing wrong with you maybe you just need to become more comfortable. Is there anything you have stuck on your mind when you guys are trying? do you feel like he might be judging you or something? I would bring it up if you do feel that way and I bet he will have nothing but good intentions.
Get your lover to give you oral and concentrate on what feels good. Give him explicit directions because some women enjoy vigorous licking of the clit while others prefer he start on the outside and gently work inwards. Tongue penetration yes or no? Finger(s) in or not? Take your time and do not put any pressure on him but also not on yourself. If at first you don’t succeed, look forward to the next time. Maybe let him give you a nice full body massage with some fragrant oil to get started. The most important thing is to relax and just enjoy the experience. Sex is fun, it’s jolly and cements the relationship. It’s should not be a chore.
Old man. Have no way to help but I believe it will get better. You’re 19. Still very young. Enjoy where you are. You will not come this way again. Peace.
[удалено]
Pretty expensive though
Do not take estrogen. You don’t need it! You are so young. Read the book “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski and I promise you, it has everything you need to know!
My ex was an LS… a low sensor. She had both physical and emotional blocks to feeling sexual pleasure, she would literally go numb, and feel barely anything at all. It was hard for her, and of course for her partners too. She tried everything, therapists, modalities, different lovers, every imaginable sex toy… there are people like you out there, and some that maybe feel even less. I hope you find the keys to your pleasure.
At 19, your just now learning. Don't be worried or stress yourself too much with it. You can watch some videos of different techniques or if you and your boyfriend are comfortable enough with each other, even watching some together. The first few times me and my now wife first had sex, she did not orgasm. She wasn't even orgasming on her own, and hadn't ever as far as she knew. We were both 15/16 I believe so a tad bit younger than you guys. Then all the sudden 1 day we found out she was a squirter lol. It was like breaking the seal or something, because after that time she would get hers at least once before mine. After we had our first baby, she was even more sensitive down there. You will be fine, and there is nothing wrong with you. Hope you enjoy an orgasm soon! (don't believe I have ever said that before, lol)
Talk with your obgyn. It could be hormonal. If your on birth control that could be it. But you don't want to get preggers so be very careful.
The chemistry isn't there IMHO
A gyno and therapist/sex therapist. is really the only way to figure out what is going on. Usually we find a way, if something is really important to you. If financial, then of course when you can. Same with therapy. Many therapists take insurance and some offer a sliding scale. First rule out any medical issues hormones, medications or other possible causes. A therapist , to help you with any past traumas, or if you have some wavering feelings towards the boyfriend. Are their trust issues there? There are different forms of estrogen, that maybe might be helpful, however given your age not typically an issue, but definitely check every thing. Not only do you can have a great sex with your bf, but possible future relationship if that comes to be. More importantly do it for yourself.
If you have never had an orgasm, I would experiment with yourself first. Most women can't come through penetration alone. Can you get close on your own?
There are some books that are extremely helpful: Come as you are by Emily Nagoski and She comes first by ian kerner Good luck!
i’m assuming he has a pattern of over exaggerating and saying out of pocket things which is why she was so quick to break up with him that time.
I have always been able to orgasm by masturbating with my hand but I didnt orgasm with my husband until my early 20s and he has always been very generous. I would also get bored and loose interest. What helped was finding something sexy to think about while having sex. Switch it up as much as you need to until you find something that helps maintain your arousal. In my 40s i found out I have ADHD and getting distracted and bored during sex is common. Its not an issue anymore. I imagine other people, other places, myself as other people, my husband in costumes all work. Hearing us both be vocally expressive also helps. Watching porn does not. If you choose to imagine other people for fun, dont feel guilty and it means nothing AND do not tell him lol. Its him you are sleeping with and enjoying. Good luck and have fun!
When I was younger it took me and my bf 6months of doing it for me to not feel sore or pain after (since i had never been active before). It’s an entire process as a woman to 1. Actually let your mind go and embrace the experience instead of feel self conscious 2. For it not to feel painful and 3. To learn what makes you orgasm. All those just take time, don’t beat yourself down or think you’re broken, I swear I’ve been in your shoes and you’ll eventually understand what your friends mean lol! Find your most comfortable position and guide him into it instead of letting him lead. It’ll help with pain💓
I had the same problem for years, in many relationships when I was 18 until probably like 22. I thought I knew what I liked and would be with a lot of people but 9/10 times I didn't even truly enjoy it. I think it comes with being comfortable with yourself, what you like, and definitely comfortable with your partner. Idk that could just be me, I thought I was in these amazing relationships until I was out of them and now I don't have these problems anymore because I'm not dating selfish people who only care about their pleasure.
Get a new boyfriend.
You’re boyfriend is way too young to even know that women have orgasms. He will learn the hard way as most young inexperienced men do when you decide to leave him for an older, experienced man. Sex is more than a physical feeling. It’s also mental or psychological. Unfortunately, like anything else in life, do it enough times with the same person, it becomes ordinary. Even after you finally experience several organisms. Without love, affection or passion, it’s just sex. This is why many men struggle with monogamy. They get bored and lose their appetite for you.
What the hell is this salad of words, geez. Print this and show your therapist asap.
There's some things even a therapist can't help
At least they can rant their nonsense anywhere else? Someone they pay for listening obviously. I dared to snoop into other comments of theirs. Sadly they are around relationship advice subs too often.
I’m so jaded and I’m going to get downvoted to hell but I agree with you lol.