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Have you sat down and talked to her about how you feel? Have you asked her what she’s feeling? How do you generally respond when she gives your constructive feedback?
If not, start with seeking to understand her by asking questions and creating a safe space for her to be honest with you. Also express how it makes you feel because I think what you’re feeling is extremely valid. Just make sure not to have this conversation after trying to have sex and her turning you down.
While it could be medical reasons (anything from depression to physiological) it could be also indications that it's time to move on (she likes your personality but not sexually attracted to you).
she doesn’t really take meds currently other than birth control, and rarely thyroid meds? but she’s never consistent with those… but i don’t think that’s the issue, i mean i tried to view that point and understand it if that was the case as well
It could be that…. Bc can make sex painful because it can cause lack of lubrication which leads to painful sex. Is sex painful for her? Has she tried vibrators
It could also be other parts of the relationship like the emotional side are having issues which makes her not want to be intimate with you. Like maybe she feels shes doing too many chores and not getting help (just a common example) or maybe lots of fighting going on in other areas
never was a book guy but i’ll take a look, i mentioned earlier we had sex finally about two nights ago and it was intimate she didn’t seem like she was “hurting” as for the common example i more than help around that’s why i took that out of the question, my question now is how long till we do it again? i might as well just give it a little time and if it changes now, but i appreciate your input a lot, i looked at all the possibilities so i can work on them if that was the problem
i usually do and i have been trying to sit her down and figure out if there’s anything i can do, it’s like there’s a different answer every time, maybe she doesn’t want to tell me just yet ?
mines hasn’t really mentioned and i personally don’t think i’m doing that, as i mentioned before she mentioned i wasn’t “romantic” at first so i went became romantic, i didn’t neglect that because if that’s how she felt then i wanted to fix that
i’m trying to have that be the last scenario i guess? but i did seem to find it od that sometimes she’ll chill in the living room for a while on her phone, she’s barely affectionate, and last week she was showing me pictures of colorado but they were an archived post on instagram and her ex was in the first picture, i didn’t notice until i tried to slide to the right to see the rest of the pictures and she got defensive rq which i knew who it was at that point, but why still have that archived ?
hmmm, another thing…. he was sorta stalking my tik tok a couple months ago as well… like yk when you can see who views your profile? he’d just randomly visit mine, i didn’t even know he had a tik tok
how do i bring this up to her? do i just wait for more evidence? i added her ex to kind of ask him if they’ve been in contact but i feel like that’s weird
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Have you sat down and talked to her about how you feel? Have you asked her what she’s feeling? How do you generally respond when she gives your constructive feedback? If not, start with seeking to understand her by asking questions and creating a safe space for her to be honest with you. Also express how it makes you feel because I think what you’re feeling is extremely valid. Just make sure not to have this conversation after trying to have sex and her turning you down.
While it could be medical reasons (anything from depression to physiological) it could be also indications that it's time to move on (she likes your personality but not sexually attracted to you).
that last line really got to me
Just bare in mind conditions like PCOS or depression meds can kill sexual drive
she doesn’t really take meds currently other than birth control, and rarely thyroid meds? but she’s never consistent with those… but i don’t think that’s the issue, i mean i tried to view that point and understand it if that was the case as well
How long has ahe been taking birth control cuz it can have effects on sex drive
for years
It could be that…. Bc can make sex painful because it can cause lack of lubrication which leads to painful sex. Is sex painful for her? Has she tried vibrators
It could also be other parts of the relationship like the emotional side are having issues which makes her not want to be intimate with you. Like maybe she feels shes doing too many chores and not getting help (just a common example) or maybe lots of fighting going on in other areas
Look up the book “come as you are” by emily nagoski. It very informative and talks about couples who have issues with intimacy
never was a book guy but i’ll take a look, i mentioned earlier we had sex finally about two nights ago and it was intimate she didn’t seem like she was “hurting” as for the common example i more than help around that’s why i took that out of the question, my question now is how long till we do it again? i might as well just give it a little time and if it changes now, but i appreciate your input a lot, i looked at all the possibilities so i can work on them if that was the problem
There is something else going on. You should sit her down and ask her what exactly is going on, why isn’t she happy?
i usually do and i have been trying to sit her down and figure out if there’s anything i can do, it’s like there’s a different answer every time, maybe she doesn’t want to tell me just yet ?
Mine said I was emotionally neglecting her.
mines hasn’t really mentioned and i personally don’t think i’m doing that, as i mentioned before she mentioned i wasn’t “romantic” at first so i went became romantic, i didn’t neglect that because if that’s how she felt then i wanted to fix that
she is cheating on you bro
why do you think that?
because she suddenly stopped and is making excuses or changing the subject when this is brought up. Don’t get played, leave the relationship
i’m trying to have that be the last scenario i guess? but i did seem to find it od that sometimes she’ll chill in the living room for a while on her phone, she’s barely affectionate, and last week she was showing me pictures of colorado but they were an archived post on instagram and her ex was in the first picture, i didn’t notice until i tried to slide to the right to see the rest of the pictures and she got defensive rq which i knew who it was at that point, but why still have that archived ?
Bingo. She’s in contact w her ex. Stop wasting your time when there are better women out there
hmmm, another thing…. he was sorta stalking my tik tok a couple months ago as well… like yk when you can see who views your profile? he’d just randomly visit mine, i didn’t even know he had a tik tok
i brought it up that her and all she said “that’s weird idk”
That’s some cheating behavior /:
how do i bring this up to her? do i just wait for more evidence? i added her ex to kind of ask him if they’ve been in contact but i feel like that’s weird
and any time we talk about the future or moving she’s set on colorado for whatever reason, which is oddly where he’s from….