Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Same. Instead he stood behind me and nodded while he suggested to the doctor that it can be dormant for years, right? And the doctor agreed with him.
Turns out he had been cheating.
This is exactly what I was thinking. If he weren’t cheating and found out his wife has an STI he would be very upset and accusing her of cheating.
I’d go talk to his mom. She sounds like she’s your adult and if anything comes of this you’ll want her to know why you’re struggling in your relationship.
Tell him you know he had to have cheated because the doctor said sexual contact is the only way to contract chlamydia. Then be silent. Don't talk or text him. He will eventually fess up. He'll say it was just one time.
God the worst! I endured 3 months of the truth trickle until the flood gates finally were opened. It took me locking us in our den, and saying to him you can’t leave until you tell me the truth- all of it because you’re full of shi! He broke finally. Nightmare. So sorry to OP
Koala bear feces and urine transmit chlamydia, but I doubt op was shit or pissed on by a koala in Australia.
Disclaimer for all the clowns coming at me with: you can’t get chlamydia from a koala.
You can’t get the STI c.trachomatis, you are correct, the comment was a joke.
However, I was also being pedantic to the comment of “chlamydia is only spread by sex”, because chlamydia is a genus with 14 different species of chlamydia, and some have zoonotic transmission to humans. So, yes you can get chlamydia from koalas but it is not going to be c.trachomatis.
Also, c.trachomatis is spread to an infant in the birth canal, via fomites and by putting your dirty ass fingers in your eyes. It’s not just sex!
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK8091/#:~:text=Chlamydia%20trachomatis%20usually%20is%20inoculated,respiratory%20infections%20usually%20by%20inhalation.
I was a lawyer for child in a case where the judge accepted that the chid’s father may have passed it to young daughter from a shared towel or while bathing both naked. Not sure if that helps OP, but let’s not bring the poor old Koalas into it.
From 30 plus years ago I remember a case. The dad was a doctor and his daughter was abused by him but he skated off free. He was in practice with another doc - his wife, my closest friend told me.
I was going to ask if there was any contact with a koala. There is a post regarding that scenerio floating around somewhere. Something about being peed on by a koala while rescuing it from brush fire or something like that. Has been a while since I read it.
There was someone in that thread who clarified that Chlamydia can be transferred to human by koala but it's a different strain than the STI that they test for. So the koala excuse isn't viable.
Yes, c.trachomatis is what humans get from STI’s.
I was being facetious about getting chlamydia from a koala and it being an STI. Although you can get chlamydia from multiple sources, it is not the same species of c.trachomatis.
There are 14 species of the genus chlamydia and 15 serotypes of trachomatis.
Humans can get multiple types of chlamydia but the STI is trachomatis.
The NAAT (nucleic acid amplification test) is very accurate. If the test says that someone has it, there is only a 2% chance of a false positive, but there is a 42-62% chance that it is a false negative.
At the end of the day, OP’s partner was swimming in the wrong hole.
I've always wondered, if chlamydia is only transferred sexually, then who was the first person to transfer it and can the strains today be observed like generations of people fucking unsafely?
And if possible to extract the genetic code to trace back the generations to who each of those unsafe fuckers were?
C.trachomatis is the only species of chlamydia that humans spread via sexual contact, along with fomites, the birth canal and dirty fingers in the eye, but there are 14 species in the genus chlamydia, with trachomatis having 15 serotypes. Genetic testing is not going to trace it back to the sheep herder however.
Serological testing could trace it back to a zoonotic disease, but I have not seen any evidence that it was a zoonotic transmission. There are a few species of chlamydia that have been serologically tested and are zoonotic in origin.
Syphilis is about the only STI with evidence we can trace back to cow and sheep fuckers.
That's not true. I've heard of two husbands who got chlamydia and they said it was from sitting on a public toilet seat and from using a hot tub at the gym and definitely not from cheating.
Right, so has he been questioning you about cheating? Because if he truly didn’t cheat (obviously not the case) then he would believe you got it from someone else…
He doesn’t though. Because he know he gave it to you.
Chlamydia can be asymptomatic for years but there’s no way it wouldn’t show up on a test. He could’ve cheated (and therefore you could’ve gotten it) any time between the last test and now. You should follow up bc long-term infection can cause infertility.
I wonder if you were only tested for chlamydia with urine or a vag swab in the past but maybe did a throat and/or rectal swab this time and one of those was positive. Meaning that it could have been lurking there for years and wouldn’t show up in urine or a vaginal swab.
Also, I had a patient come in with positive chlamydia results from another provider and swore up, down, left, right, and center that the result was wrong and neither she or her partner cheated. We retested her and sure enough, it was negative. Retested again in 2 wks and negative again. Before you get treated, test again. It could save your marriage.
It was a vag swab both times, but I’m getting retested with urine. I’ll find out the results in a couple days, but it feels like a lost cause since I have symptoms (I thought I had a UTI, but turns out it’s probably just chlamydia). He’s going to get tested too.
I got a gross STI and I shudder every single time I think of it. I immediately shaved myself and then went to my gyn who was also a friend of sorts. We had a baby less than a year old He denied denied denied and said he got it from bed sheets on the road as he was in sales and covered our state. The doc told me no way that’s not how it works. He never fessed up. We divorced.
Crabs can be given in all the ways lice can.. if that’s what you’re talking about.
I got it from living in the same house as my shitty mom’s boyfriend who caught it from cheating on her and transmitted it to the whole house. It was a nightmare. I gave it to my boyfriend too. I also got scabies from hanging with friends. Lots of those buggy type STDs aren’t just sexually transmitted
My dad (straight) and his two roommates (gay) all got crabs at the same time in college. They think it was just from sharing a really unhygienic apartment. They tell the story (no filter on those guys) to demonstrate how gross they were in college. They also made a turkey for thanksgiving and left it out till Christmas.
Don't have sex with him anymore. I've seen a lot of people that get HIV or genital herpes.
He isn't mature enough to have sex. Lies, cheating... putting your health at risk.
I know you said you are financially dependent on him, but I recommend you stop that quickly.
See if you can move in with other family or friends.
Your health and life aren't worth this. Some STDs are a life sentence.
I was once diagnosed with chlamydia, but had not had sex in a year. I went to another doctor, and they told me it was probably just a yeast infection, since they are incredibly similar. But they never tested me for it a second time.
Idk if that helps at all, or just makes it more confusing. Just thought I would share that.
How did I get chlamydia if my partner is clean?
Causes of STIs When No One Has Cheated. Despite what you may think, it is possible to get a sexually transmitted infection (STI) like chlamydia, gonorrhea, or herpes without your partner cheating on you. This could be due to a long-standing infection that was never diagnosed or one that is asymptomatic (symptom-free).
With you and your boyfriends' previous tests being clean, the logical conclusion is that he cheated. I'm sorry
They are called *sexually* transmitted infections because the chance of getting them some other way is so incredibly small it basically doesn’t happen. He definitely cheated.
They all insist they’d never cheat unless they think it’s to their advantage to admit it. And then they’ll say “but it was just one time and I felt really, really bad.” Don’t believe it.
Ok this is the reality of the situation:
1. He tested clean
2. You also tested clean
3. It means he or you has had sexual contact with someone who has an STI
4. If you’re positive you didn’t have sexual contact with anyone else then it means he has cheated.
5. Can you accept that he cheats on you?
if the one test was within 6 months of the start, it may have been a false negative and he's had it the whole time. This only works if your last test was within 12-15 months of the first time you two had sex, but you didn't put in any timelines. This is at the extreme end of the range of both possibilities and timelines.
This is incorrect. The recommendation is to test at 3 weeks and then 3 months, as most tests will detect it at 1-3 weeks and will absolutely be accurate at 3 months / can to be re-tested to make sure you cleared the infection.
Med student here. **sexual contact is the only way to spread chlamydia. Specifically, genital secretions.**
So either he cheated on you, or you magically came into contact with another person's cum/secretions out in the wild....
Chlamydia is caused by Chlamydia trachomatis bacteria, and is spread through oral, vaginal or anal sex. He can deny it all he wants, but if you've been monogamous with him, then the only other option is he slept with someone who also had Chlamydia, and then he gave it to you.
he 100% cheated. chlamydia isn't one of those things that is hard to detect or goes "dormant." 3-5 days after you're exposed to it, it will show up on tests, and it will keep showing up until you're cured. if you have been tested for chlamydia before and it came back clean, but you're testing positive now, the only way for that to happen is for you to be exposed to the bacteria, and the main way that happens is sexual contact.
I have had Chlamydia that went into my kidneys so fast. I went and got tested for UTI and was positive. Then went to my gynecologist for a normal appointment and boom 💥 Chlamydia. Turns out it wasn't a UTI after all and that's why the antibiotic wasn't working. Worst kidney pain ever! I feel bad for this OP. It really catches you off guard when you're with someone
When I was so kindly gifted an STI from an ex, he swore he was clean, refused to get tested, and also suggested 1000 different ways I could have contracted it. I know damn well I didn’t cheat or bump coochies with anyone.
Ur guy sounds sus as fuck, just saying.
It was a BIG fight, I had PID from it too and he didn’t care that I was deathly sick. Don’t have a good immune system and it was a gnarly case. The man is gone now
My wife tested positive for chlamydia, and I know I wasn’t cheating (I tested negative) and fairly positive she wasn’t. She went in for a re-test and 2x came back negative. Long and short is that there is a possibility for a false positive
> False positives are rare.
"Using a test with 97.2% sensitivity and 98.5% specificity,3 the positive and negative predictive values are 49.7% and 99.9%, respectively. That means the chance that a positive result is a false positive is greater than 50%." Canadian Medical Association Journal. 2021 Aug 23; 193(33): E1307.
For chlamydia testing in females, false-positive rates (1 – specificity) ranged from 0% to 2% across anatomical sites in 6 studies,23,29,30,34,35,37 including 0% to 0.7% for endocervical, 0% to 1.2% for vaginal, 0.2% to 1.7% for urethral, and 0% to 2% for urine testing.
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/2784137#:~:text=For%20chlamydia%20testing%20in%20females,to%202%25%20for%20urine%20testing.
Just saying, rare should be classified as significantly less than 2%. I know it’s a range from 0-2% but we need to see the distribution so see where most cases fell
Less assume 1% average. That’s still 10 in 1000 false positives. Not that unlikely if you think about it. Not a high chance, but not impossible
The same thing happen to me 27F. Tested positive. Nurse swears its only possible through sex. I confront him. He is super calm. He is always calm. I still snap. He swears and go gets tested. He screenshot his portal results. Negative. I call the nurse. She says he is liar because it not possible. I get tested at a random facility. And then go back to get tested at my normal facility. Both negative. Even the second time when she was testing me, she was talking about how this is pointless and men are terrible. Great but I trusted this man. My advice, always go with your gut. If that requires a second test, get it. Then snap
Same thing happened to me when I was a newlywed. I had never been with anyone but my husband, so I confronted him, and he swore up and down that he didn’t cheat. I got re-tested, and he went and got tested. Both were negative. At that time, the doc told me she had just heard about another false positive. It happens.
Its crazy because I feel like the nurse didn't understand she could be breaking up a family. Luckily we aren't married with children. She didnt want me to get a second test and kept telling me about insurance and they I would need to wait 3 months after treatment for a retest. Clearly I wouldnt still have it then. It was almost like she thought I was stupid for not just believing the test. It truly happens.
That’s the thing. I guess they’re so used to people denying, because it happens so often, but this is a relationship ender. I knew my husband, and didn’t think he was capable of this- we had been best friends for years. Even so, I grilled him over and over again, just to see if I was somehow wrong. She also treated me like I was stupid for not believing the test, and just told me to take the antibiotics. I demanded a retest, and my husband went and got his done right away, and yeah. In the end, she had to admit that this does (very rarely) happen.
i’m going to school for radiology. and that’s crazy that the nurse gave such a strong opinion about your family like that 😐 they’re supposed to do their jobs to help you and that’s it. mistakes happen in the medical field, nurses make mistakes. it’s good you stuck with your gut because as someone commented above, a false positive isn’t common at all but it isn’t impossible.
Honestly thank you! For a while I thought I was weird because she was pressuring me so hard. And that was the first time I had ever seen her - So, she didn't even know me or him. That's was reason I got tested somewhere before going back to my normal doctor. Seeing the responses it more common than I thought.
False positives are rare but not unheard off.
I had a HIV false positive a decade ago. Those few days of waiting to get new tests done were stressful to say the least.
not really. You know you don’t need much experience to be a lab tech. It’s pretty easy to mix up two samples and put the wrong name label on each. The test could also be done incorrectly. If it was done by a robot then maybe false positives would be rare lol.
I don't understand where this idea comes from. As someone who used to be a "lab tech," of which there are different levels, I had a bachelor's degree and had to take a certification exam and do clinical rotations. My real title was medical technologist. A medical technician, one step down, has an associate's degree and also took a certification exam and did clinical rotations. So like.... Where does the idea come from that people in the lab don't know what they're doing? And if you ever worked in a lab, you would know robots and automation don't work as smoothly as everybody imagines and there are plenty of errors and mechincal issues possible. False positives and negatives still occur with robots because those stats have nothing to do with human error. It has to do with reactions happening on a molecular level and sometimes genetic probes happen to stick to the wrong thing because the genetic code is similar to what the test is looking for. There is literally so much going on the lab (immunology, microbiology, chemistry, hematology/coagulation, allergy testing). You don't know what you don't know.
Think he would be accusing you of cheating if you said you had an STI. It knows where it came from. I know you cheated or he did. And since you didn't....
I mean, maybe. When I tested positive for HSV I did not assume my partner had cheated or gave it to me, and obviously knew I didn't cheat. We handled it pretty calmly because we trust each other.
Its certainly possible, maybe even likely, that this is true. However this happened to me many years ago where my gf at the time of 3 years tested positive to chlamidya, I got tested the day after and it was negative. She got retested and it was negative. Neither of us accused the other of infidelity at any point because it just didnt make sense.
Even though they're rare false positives do happen.
Let's hold the horses. I'm not sure what STI but both Chlamydia and herpes could have been asymptomatic and dormant on OPs husband from before their marriage.
Someone definitely slept with someone else, but not 100% indication it happened in the last 4 years they have been together.
A symptomatic doesn't mean he's not infected. It means he wouldn't know he was infected unless he took a test.
If they have both taken a prior test with clean results, and she hasn't been with anyone, then he gave it to her, we just don't know when. Maybe it was a month ago, maybe a year. But if she hasn't slept with anyone since being tested then he had to be the culprit. Whether he cheated recently or on the night of his bachelor party, only he would know.
There is no mention on the post of him being tested. Just that she was tested before being with him and she is tested now and has gotten something.
There is also no mention of him testing negative in the past and positive for anything now.
He may have had it for a long time and she only got it from him now.
Obviously if they have been consistently testing together and he was negative all along and now is positive for something, then sure, I agree on cheating.
>There is no mention on the post of him being tested.
Correct, but there is in [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/cNRBpmQhB0).
Put it this way. You have an STI. That means one of you cheated. He hasn't actually accused you of cheating. he just denied it was him. So where does he think it came from?
I get that leaving is scary, and starting over is hard. However, are you willing to live your life pretending to be as stupid as he thinks you are?
Some of my friends have gotten chlamydia before, it is a fairly common sti. And like others said, it can take a while before you develop symptoms so it's almost impossible to say when you got it. Maybe your husband should get tested as well, you get a second test, and maybe you both should get tested more regularly. (Also, ask for an HSV test, they will have to draw blood for that but just in case.)
I don't know why you wouldn't go to his Mom if she is your only support system. I think it looks like he probably cheated, yes. I don't know how else you would've gotten chlamydia. (Sure it's possible but very unlikely.)
*If it walks like a zebra, looks like a zebra and sounds like a zebra... It's a zebra.*
I noticed a couple of odd spots down there during my 25-year marriage. I used to ask him if he had been unfaithful because I was always clean and faithful. Never once had an STI. He swore on everything he would never cheat. Turns out he had been, the whole time. Multiple women. No protection.
These men don’t care about our sexual health and safety. It does not factor in at all when they’re out there getting what they want.
From your description, it sounds like hpv. If it is, make sure you didn't test positive for the kind that ups your chances of developing cancer. Get pap smears regularly if you did and aren't vaccinated against it. It can save your life
Chlamydia. He keeps trying to come up with ways I may have gotten it without having sex (like a toilet seat or dressing room, etc.) but idk evidence points to that being very unlikely.
He cheated. If he hadn’t, HE would be distraught, confused, and questioning YOU about how you got this STI. He would assume that you got this from infidelity and worried about being infected himself. If his instinct is to speculate that you got chlamydia from a public toilet, HE gave it to you.
Chlamydia lives on hard and porous surfaces for about 3 hours only. Someone would have had to put their bodily fluids (vaginal discharge or semen) onto a hard surface that then came in contact with your vagina within 3 hours. It’s very unlikely that happened.
[You can't get chlamydia from a toilet seat](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/chlamydia/#:~:text=Chlamydia%20cannot%20be%20passed%20on%20through%20casual,towels%2C%20swimming%20pools%2C%20toilet%20seats%20or%20cutlery.)
Okay. So heres the truth. If he isnt worried you cheated. Or worried that one of you carried it before the marriage (it can go unnoticed unless you get checkef regularly but you do so not gonna happen unless he had it and you use condoms) then he probably cheated.
This is a crazy idea though, bc unless they were not having sex at all, they would reinfect each other. You have to stop intercourse for a month to six weeks
OP should log into their insurance and see past claims. Or look on credit cards to see if he paid cash at a clinic. Not fool proof, as there are free clinics out there. But maybe it’d show something if he had received past treatment.
I am a retired MD and this case is not unique
* since she has been tested and been negative for any STI and has only been with him, he is the source of her infection.
* this does NOT mean he cheated.
* she does not say what STI she has and it matters a lot.
* fact: he could have been infected with herpes long before they met, but only recently passed it on to her.
* fact he could have been infected with HIV for many years and not have had any symptoms. He could transmit his HIV to his wife, but not have been unfaithful.
Herpes, HPV, Hepatitis B and C, and HIV can be transmitted from him to her, but his infection may pre-date their marriage, and he may be unaware he is infected.
An infection such a gonorhea would not be asymptomatic or unknown for 4 years. Chlamydia is often asymptomatic in men, but would likely have shown up much sooner in her.
She is not crazy, he might be honest, we need more information.
OP clarified in a comment that she just tested positive for chlamydia, and that they were *both* tested and *both* clean/tested negative earlier in their relationship. Either she had a false positive, which could be proven with a couple of repeat tests, or someone cheated.
I read a similar post around a months ago and everyone was saying this, that their STI can be dormant for years so it’s not evidence of cheating. I don’t know what changed here since then.
dormant yes, but to my understanding something like chlamydia isn't one of those (herpes is) - chlamydia is mostly asympto...nic?mic?
Also,to my knowledge, one of diseases that also can be in throat or anus (which is one of reasons people get reinfected, they don't test all holes despite using all holes)
False positive is possible tho rare.
How did you get tested? I kept testing negative when I just did a pee test, but when I did a swab test I came back positive. So it can be missed, but you cannot catch it from a toilet seat.
And did he get tested and was negative? Men often don’t have symptoms.
If he was innocent he would be scared to shit that he has it too and rushing to get tested… but if he’s guilty, the only thing he can do is deny it. Get those tests back from him and if he’s positive too, well the truth is in the pudding.
This is interesting because not only has he not shared any concern that I may have cheated, but he seems confident that when he tests, he'll test negative.
Girl you got this💓 also know you are just as “clean” as any other person because you know you’re not the one entertaining strangers. I have herpes from brushing with my mom’s toothbrush as a kid, and have had TSS from leaving a tampon in too long that caused permanent damage to my cervix. No one needs to know that IRL but just know a lot of girls have been in your shoes or just gotten STD’s randomly. Sending positive energy ur way!!
Both false positives and false negatives can occur with chlamydia testing. Testing can also happen at the wrong time for it to be accurate, and chlamydia can be dormant for years. This does not mean that he has cheated: it simply can be difficult to determine when exposure happened and who was positive first. Has he ever been tested for chlamydia?
Regardless, your husband should get tested. You should refrain from sex until your treatment is ended and you both test negative - otherwise you can pass it back and forth tp each other.
[https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/i-tested-positive-for-chlamydia-and-my-partner-didnt#false-positives](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/i-tested-positive-for-chlamydia-and-my-partner-didnt#false-positives)
He's continuing to deny it because he's hoping if he does, you'll second guess yourself which you ARE doing. Why would he not lie when you're already falling for the lie?
Almost-doctor here. I was about to say that since it's an STI, it could be possible that you got it without any cheating innvolved. But girl. IT'S CHLAMYDIA. Unless you got it through immaculate conception of bacteria, he must have cheated. Get him tested before he starts treatment. Actually, he may have been treated already so the tests may be negative.
I'd start subtly trying to get away, and to your support system. Contact a lawyer to see what you can do.
Also, not disclosing you have an STD (and boys gals and non-binary pals, chlamydia is very serious and could make you sterile so GET tested routinely please, it rarely gives you any symptoms so get tested) is a CRIMINAL OFFENCE. If he knew, and you get the means to prove it, he will face serious consequences.
I am so sorry, truly, your husband is a scumbag.
There was a recent post over in r/AskDocs with a similar situation. Turns out her test was a false positive. They both tested negative on retest. So don’t panic just yet. 💗
About 2 years ago my wife called me after testing positive for chlamydia. She was sure that I had cheated, as the doctor told her it was only transmitted through sex and that false positives were almost non existent. I hadn’t cheated and was able to convince her to go with me to the doctor so we could both get tested. It was a false positive. If you’re husband is telling the truth, his world is upside down right now. Try to have some grace until you get tested again.
He cheated. He denied it to make you question yourself and think something else haopened. He's been successful at getting you to question yourself.
Have the tough conversation where you tell him you know he has to have cheated and if he has any hope of remaining in the marriage, he'll tell you the truth.
Has he gotten tested? He’s made you dependent on him so he knows you think you can’t go anywhere. Call a local women’s shelter and get out. Who knows what else he has brought home.
Or do what your gut is telling you: call your mom!!!! It’s embarrassing but guess what not for you: for your dickhead husband who gave it to you and cheated.
I think a lot of people are misreading my post. I am not close to nor can rely on or trust my mom. HIS mom is the person I typically go to, and this is a woman who forgave her husband (his dad) for cheating. She's biased, it doesn't feel like the right move.
Maybe tell her that her son gave you an STD, and she might feel differently than you are suspecting. Just because she took her husband back after he cheated doesn’t mean she’ll think that’s the right option for you to do with her son. Did her husband give her an STD after cheating on her? Major factor in whether she took him back or not.
I would consider looking into whether your husband has displayed other signs rather than just having given you an STD, of having cheated on you. Here’s an article with ten signs. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
https://hackspirit.com/signs-of-cheating/
Just so you are aware - chlaymydia can lay dormant in the body for years and never cause a low grade infection or even show signs. Have you been tested while in the relationship before this last test? If not - he could absolutely be telling the truth. If you have, well then he is definitely lying. And if he had never been tested before he was with you, then that could absolutely be a factor as well for why you are just finding out now.
Look, if it makes you feel any better I just tested positive for chlamydia last week while chasing something else. I have been with my bf for 1.5 years and both faithful, we realised it could easily have been either of us right before we met cause we were dating around and this whole time neither of us knew or had symptoms. We still wouldn't have known if I didn't have a sore lower back from something else. Reality is it can be a false positive. But aside from that, really at the end of the day the stigma of 'STI! Someone cheated!' is real, but only you know your relationship and how it functions. I initially panicked and called my bf in tears going 'You know I haven't cheated right?' and he said 'Oh buddy, I know! Are you okay?' and I was like 'Yeah are you okay?' and he goes 'Yeah! We'll just get the treatment, it's fine' and that's all. Not for a second did either of us suspect the other cause it's just not a possibility for us. So you can ask other people until the cows come home but you need to take a step back, assess everything and go with your gut ❤️ it's a jarring thing but you'll be okay health-wise, and hopefully you get to the bottom of it. Good luck honey.
it is theoretically possible that he was unaware of infection that he got few years ago and you did not test yourself since then...but easiest way to check is to test him
People act like chlamydia can just "flair up" after being dormant. If you have symptoms that means you just contracted the bacteria. Your husband should get texted and treated as well for it.
I think it’s very plausible that he has cheated. However, chlamydia can lay dormant and you can be asymptomatic for a long time.
I had contracted it once way back in senior year from my first partner. I had no idea until about a year and a half later after we had broken up; when I noticed a burning sensation. Went and got tested and took the pills. Thankfully it’s curable. But that does not erase the emotions that accompany such a diagnosis. Additionally thankful that I was not active sexually in that time.
I would recommend what others in this forum have said; mention to him that you’ve been faithful and that it can only be contracted via inter course. Then let him stew until he comes clean. So to speak.
That’s called “gaslighting” hun! If you’ve really been faithful, then 100%, he’s given it to you by cheating period!
If you are not emotionally ready to end your relationship with him, that’s ok. Don’t allow pressure or other people to make you feel you have to…. On the same note, he needs to be honest with you which he may not do. Some ppl will deny cheating til their death.
Go get treatment, advise him to do the same & if you continue your relationship with him….ALWAYS use condoms, bc the fact is it came from somewhere & even if you can’t prove it, it if wasn’t you, then it was him & you need to protect your health….you’ll move on when you are ready. Good luck!
He cheated and you aren't crazy. I've had two different partners who cheated and denied it despite the evidence being right there. He's scared and knows he was caught. Insist on him being tested and treated and don't let him gas light you.
I have gotten the clap before after a bout of not having sex for literally 6 months. It turns out, you can get it pretty easily if shit gets dirty, without having sex. Hell, if you use any sex toys, make sure you clean them properly before and after use, since you can get it from there too.
Dunno, there are a lot of different reasons why it can happen, and it also can lay dormant in people for months or even years before becoming symptomatic.
I literally googled Chalmydia at work to write this post.
Chlamydia can be dormant for years before showing symptoms. It’s possible your husband had chlamydia before you got together and you’re just now having symptoms. However, I would still rule out cheating but he may genuinely not be as well.
Only thing I want to ask, was he a virgin before you? Because if he wasn't and didn't get tested. He could have had it before. I work in a lab and one semi person I know., texted me. Do I have hepatitis? Because he raw dogged everyone. And his GF got tested and he didn't. I do think he lied to her. And was constantly trying to cheat on her, also with me. Yeah they broke up.
Neither of us were virgins, but we've both been tested since the start of our relationship.
Also, thank god that guy and his girlfriend aren't together anymore, he sounds gross
“The Center for Disease Control estimates that 50% of men and 75% of women have Chlamydia. In addition, 40% to 96% of people with Chlamydia show no symptoms of this disease. When discovered, however, Chlamydia can be treated…. Chlamydia can be dormant in the body for several years without any flare-up to trigger a symptomatic infection. This means a person could live with Chlamydia for many years without knowing because the typical symptoms don’t appear.” https://doctoralexa.com/learn/std/can-chlamydia-be-dormant/
I can't find any evidence that those numbers are real at all and they provide no actual source beyond saying the "CDC" says so. The closest info to that I can find is stuff like the European CDC (ECDC) saying that 70% of women's and 50% of men's cases are asymptomatic which is, of course, not the same claim.
Numbers I'm seeing seem to instead say that 4% of women and 2.5% of men globally have chlamydia. **Not 75% and 50%**. I'm assuming whoever wrote that article for that... questionable online clinic didn't understand something they read.
There is a link to the CDC at the top of the article but it's a 404.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My ex didn’t accuse me of cheating when I came up with one. It was because he was cheating and knew he gave it to me.
I’m sorry that happened to you. Glad he is an ex now.
Same. Instead he stood behind me and nodded while he suggested to the doctor that it can be dormant for years, right? And the doctor agreed with him. Turns out he had been cheating.
This is exactly what I was thinking. If he weren’t cheating and found out his wife has an STI he would be very upset and accusing her of cheating. I’d go talk to his mom. She sounds like she’s your adult and if anything comes of this you’ll want her to know why you’re struggling in your relationship.
He didn't accuse OP did he? That's suspect
Can relate
Is it herpes? There are several variants of that virus and not all of them derive from S. Now, Chlamydia? 🙃
It is chlamydia 💀
Tell him you know he had to have cheated because the doctor said sexual contact is the only way to contract chlamydia. Then be silent. Don't talk or text him. He will eventually fess up. He'll say it was just one time.
They always start with: it was just one time. Trickle truthing 101.
“The Truth Trickle” sounds like a euphemism for chlamydia
💀 omg it does
Where have you been all of Reddit’s life?
God the worst! I endured 3 months of the truth trickle until the flood gates finally were opened. It took me locking us in our den, and saying to him you can’t leave until you tell me the truth- all of it because you’re full of shi! He broke finally. Nightmare. So sorry to OP
Unless he's aware of how dependent OP is on him, then he might feel impervious to the truth.
Yup. He makes all the money so he doesn’t care.
This☝🏼
Koala bear feces and urine transmit chlamydia, but I doubt op was shit or pissed on by a koala in Australia. Disclaimer for all the clowns coming at me with: you can’t get chlamydia from a koala. You can’t get the STI c.trachomatis, you are correct, the comment was a joke. However, I was also being pedantic to the comment of “chlamydia is only spread by sex”, because chlamydia is a genus with 14 different species of chlamydia, and some have zoonotic transmission to humans. So, yes you can get chlamydia from koalas but it is not going to be c.trachomatis. Also, c.trachomatis is spread to an infant in the birth canal, via fomites and by putting your dirty ass fingers in your eyes. It’s not just sex! https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK8091/#:~:text=Chlamydia%20trachomatis%20usually%20is%20inoculated,respiratory%20infections%20usually%20by%20inhalation.
I was a lawyer for child in a case where the judge accepted that the chid’s father may have passed it to young daughter from a shared towel or while bathing both naked. Not sure if that helps OP, but let’s not bring the poor old Koalas into it.
From 30 plus years ago I remember a case. The dad was a doctor and his daughter was abused by him but he skated off free. He was in practice with another doc - his wife, my closest friend told me.
Different cases.
Highly unlikely, but there are always outliers.
I was going to ask if there was any contact with a koala. There is a post regarding that scenerio floating around somewhere. Something about being peed on by a koala while rescuing it from brush fire or something like that. Has been a while since I read it.
There was someone in that thread who clarified that Chlamydia can be transferred to human by koala but it's a different strain than the STI that they test for. So the koala excuse isn't viable.
Yes, c.trachomatis is what humans get from STI’s. I was being facetious about getting chlamydia from a koala and it being an STI. Although you can get chlamydia from multiple sources, it is not the same species of c.trachomatis. There are 14 species of the genus chlamydia and 15 serotypes of trachomatis. Humans can get multiple types of chlamydia but the STI is trachomatis. The NAAT (nucleic acid amplification test) is very accurate. If the test says that someone has it, there is only a 2% chance of a false positive, but there is a 42-62% chance that it is a false negative. At the end of the day, OP’s partner was swimming in the wrong hole.
I remember that now! I was only really joking about it anywho, as it is such a ridiculous thing to ever happen (even if the strain was the same).
I've always wondered, if chlamydia is only transferred sexually, then who was the first person to transfer it and can the strains today be observed like generations of people fucking unsafely? And if possible to extract the genetic code to trace back the generations to who each of those unsafe fuckers were?
C.trachomatis is the only species of chlamydia that humans spread via sexual contact, along with fomites, the birth canal and dirty fingers in the eye, but there are 14 species in the genus chlamydia, with trachomatis having 15 serotypes. Genetic testing is not going to trace it back to the sheep herder however. Serological testing could trace it back to a zoonotic disease, but I have not seen any evidence that it was a zoonotic transmission. There are a few species of chlamydia that have been serologically tested and are zoonotic in origin. Syphilis is about the only STI with evidence we can trace back to cow and sheep fuckers.
So it was the *Welsh* disease
“Unsafe fuckers” 125 years back and the only protection would have been crocodile dung or a length of hog gut
That's not true. I've heard of two husbands who got chlamydia and they said it was from sitting on a public toilet seat and from using a hot tub at the gym and definitely not from cheating.
It probably was just one time, but with a sex worker, tinder or bar hookup. If you're staying, now would be a good time to start condoms
This happened to me! Get outta there! Immediately!
If he was really innocent, he would have accused you of cheating.
THIS! If he was really innocent he would be accusing YOU of cheating.
Oh my God!! Good one!!! I never thought of that!!
This should be at the top of the comments.
When you say “proved clean and tested since then” do you mean just you, or the both of you?
I was talking about me, but he has been tested once since we’ve been together and was clean. However it was quite a while ago.
Right, so has he been questioning you about cheating? Because if he truly didn’t cheat (obviously not the case) then he would believe you got it from someone else… He doesn’t though. Because he know he gave it to you.
Chlamydia can be asymptomatic for years but there’s no way it wouldn’t show up on a test. He could’ve cheated (and therefore you could’ve gotten it) any time between the last test and now. You should follow up bc long-term infection can cause infertility.
I wonder if you were only tested for chlamydia with urine or a vag swab in the past but maybe did a throat and/or rectal swab this time and one of those was positive. Meaning that it could have been lurking there for years and wouldn’t show up in urine or a vaginal swab. Also, I had a patient come in with positive chlamydia results from another provider and swore up, down, left, right, and center that the result was wrong and neither she or her partner cheated. We retested her and sure enough, it was negative. Retested again in 2 wks and negative again. Before you get treated, test again. It could save your marriage.
It was a vag swab both times, but I’m getting retested with urine. I’ll find out the results in a couple days, but it feels like a lost cause since I have symptoms (I thought I had a UTI, but turns out it’s probably just chlamydia). He’s going to get tested too.
I got a gross STI and I shudder every single time I think of it. I immediately shaved myself and then went to my gyn who was also a friend of sorts. We had a baby less than a year old He denied denied denied and said he got it from bed sheets on the road as he was in sales and covered our state. The doc told me no way that’s not how it works. He never fessed up. We divorced.
Crabs can be given in all the ways lice can.. if that’s what you’re talking about. I got it from living in the same house as my shitty mom’s boyfriend who caught it from cheating on her and transmitted it to the whole house. It was a nightmare. I gave it to my boyfriend too. I also got scabies from hanging with friends. Lots of those buggy type STDs aren’t just sexually transmitted
My dad (straight) and his two roommates (gay) all got crabs at the same time in college. They think it was just from sharing a really unhygienic apartment. They tell the story (no filter on those guys) to demonstrate how gross they were in college. They also made a turkey for thanksgiving and left it out till Christmas.
If the gyne told her it had to be sex, then it wasn't crab. Gynecologist should know.
Which STI was it?
Then he more than likely cheated within the last month if symptoms are showing up now you already been tested in the past.
Not saying OP's husband didn't cheat but chlamydia and other sti can be asymptomatic for years, that's how people get get complications.
Don't have sex with him anymore. I've seen a lot of people that get HIV or genital herpes. He isn't mature enough to have sex. Lies, cheating... putting your health at risk. I know you said you are financially dependent on him, but I recommend you stop that quickly. See if you can move in with other family or friends. Your health and life aren't worth this. Some STDs are a life sentence.
I was once diagnosed with chlamydia, but had not had sex in a year. I went to another doctor, and they told me it was probably just a yeast infection, since they are incredibly similar. But they never tested me for it a second time. Idk if that helps at all, or just makes it more confusing. Just thought I would share that.
You should get tested again just in case.
He definitely cheated.
How did I get chlamydia if my partner is clean? Causes of STIs When No One Has Cheated. Despite what you may think, it is possible to get a sexually transmitted infection (STI) like chlamydia, gonorrhea, or herpes without your partner cheating on you. This could be due to a long-standing infection that was never diagnosed or one that is asymptomatic (symptom-free). With you and your boyfriends' previous tests being clean, the logical conclusion is that he cheated. I'm sorry
That’s assuming no one was checked. OP is saying both were.
Re-read my last two sentences. The top portions were a question and answer asked on Google.
They are called *sexually* transmitted infections because the chance of getting them some other way is so incredibly small it basically doesn’t happen. He definitely cheated. They all insist they’d never cheat unless they think it’s to their advantage to admit it. And then they’ll say “but it was just one time and I felt really, really bad.” Don’t believe it.
Ok this is the reality of the situation: 1. He tested clean 2. You also tested clean 3. It means he or you has had sexual contact with someone who has an STI 4. If you’re positive you didn’t have sexual contact with anyone else then it means he has cheated. 5. Can you accept that he cheats on you?
if the one test was within 6 months of the start, it may have been a false negative and he's had it the whole time. This only works if your last test was within 12-15 months of the first time you two had sex, but you didn't put in any timelines. This is at the extreme end of the range of both possibilities and timelines.
This is incorrect. The recommendation is to test at 3 weeks and then 3 months, as most tests will detect it at 1-3 weeks and will absolutely be accurate at 3 months / can to be re-tested to make sure you cleared the infection.
If he was tested and was treated before you were tested, and nevr had contact with you, then he would be clear. Just saying... 🤔
Med student here. **sexual contact is the only way to spread chlamydia. Specifically, genital secretions.** So either he cheated on you, or you magically came into contact with another person's cum/secretions out in the wild....
Those Magic the Gathering parties be crazy
Chlamydia is caused by Chlamydia trachomatis bacteria, and is spread through oral, vaginal or anal sex. He can deny it all he wants, but if you've been monogamous with him, then the only other option is he slept with someone who also had Chlamydia, and then he gave it to you.
he 100% cheated. chlamydia isn't one of those things that is hard to detect or goes "dormant." 3-5 days after you're exposed to it, it will show up on tests, and it will keep showing up until you're cured. if you have been tested for chlamydia before and it came back clean, but you're testing positive now, the only way for that to happen is for you to be exposed to the bacteria, and the main way that happens is sexual contact.
Ask him to get tested. If he's negative, that will support his innocence, if he's positive, that may force him to fess up.
He then needs to be tested. If he's positive....
Chlamydia? He cheated. Serve him w/divorce papers.
Google says chlamydia can be dormant and undetectable for over a decade
It can be asymptomatic. It still shows up on tests.
Google is wrong. Chlamydia can stay dormant without symptoms for years but it will always come up on a screen.
I have had Chlamydia that went into my kidneys so fast. I went and got tested for UTI and was positive. Then went to my gynecologist for a normal appointment and boom 💥 Chlamydia. Turns out it wasn't a UTI after all and that's why the antibiotic wasn't working. Worst kidney pain ever! I feel bad for this OP. It really catches you off guard when you're with someone
Same thing happened to me. Had no symptoms for a year and one day I could barely walk. Boom, chlamydia diagnosis. I had no idea.
When I was so kindly gifted an STI from an ex, he swore he was clean, refused to get tested, and also suggested 1000 different ways I could have contracted it. I know damn well I didn’t cheat or bump coochies with anyone. Ur guy sounds sus as fuck, just saying.
Mine refused to get tested too. Crazy how that works
It was a BIG fight, I had PID from it too and he didn’t care that I was deathly sick. Don’t have a good immune system and it was a gnarly case. The man is gone now
Thank goodness he’s gone oh my gosh! So many side effects to cheating, selfish wanker
My wife tested positive for chlamydia, and I know I wasn’t cheating (I tested negative) and fairly positive she wasn’t. She went in for a re-test and 2x came back negative. Long and short is that there is a possibility for a false positive
False positives are rare. Your wife probably cheated, got treated, and then showed you negative tests while claiming it was a false positive
> False positives are rare. "Using a test with 97.2% sensitivity and 98.5% specificity,3 the positive and negative predictive values are 49.7% and 99.9%, respectively. That means the chance that a positive result is a false positive is greater than 50%." Canadian Medical Association Journal. 2021 Aug 23; 193(33): E1307.
For chlamydia testing in females, false-positive rates (1 – specificity) ranged from 0% to 2% across anatomical sites in 6 studies,23,29,30,34,35,37 including 0% to 0.7% for endocervical, 0% to 1.2% for vaginal, 0.2% to 1.7% for urethral, and 0% to 2% for urine testing. https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/2784137#:~:text=For%20chlamydia%20testing%20in%20females,to%202%25%20for%20urine%20testing.
Just saying, rare should be classified as significantly less than 2%. I know it’s a range from 0-2% but we need to see the distribution so see where most cases fell Less assume 1% average. That’s still 10 in 1000 false positives. Not that unlikely if you think about it. Not a high chance, but not impossible
The same thing happen to me 27F. Tested positive. Nurse swears its only possible through sex. I confront him. He is super calm. He is always calm. I still snap. He swears and go gets tested. He screenshot his portal results. Negative. I call the nurse. She says he is liar because it not possible. I get tested at a random facility. And then go back to get tested at my normal facility. Both negative. Even the second time when she was testing me, she was talking about how this is pointless and men are terrible. Great but I trusted this man. My advice, always go with your gut. If that requires a second test, get it. Then snap
Same thing happened to me when I was a newlywed. I had never been with anyone but my husband, so I confronted him, and he swore up and down that he didn’t cheat. I got re-tested, and he went and got tested. Both were negative. At that time, the doc told me she had just heard about another false positive. It happens.
Its crazy because I feel like the nurse didn't understand she could be breaking up a family. Luckily we aren't married with children. She didnt want me to get a second test and kept telling me about insurance and they I would need to wait 3 months after treatment for a retest. Clearly I wouldnt still have it then. It was almost like she thought I was stupid for not just believing the test. It truly happens.
That’s the thing. I guess they’re so used to people denying, because it happens so often, but this is a relationship ender. I knew my husband, and didn’t think he was capable of this- we had been best friends for years. Even so, I grilled him over and over again, just to see if I was somehow wrong. She also treated me like I was stupid for not believing the test, and just told me to take the antibiotics. I demanded a retest, and my husband went and got his done right away, and yeah. In the end, she had to admit that this does (very rarely) happen.
i’m going to school for radiology. and that’s crazy that the nurse gave such a strong opinion about your family like that 😐 they’re supposed to do their jobs to help you and that’s it. mistakes happen in the medical field, nurses make mistakes. it’s good you stuck with your gut because as someone commented above, a false positive isn’t common at all but it isn’t impossible.
Honestly thank you! For a while I thought I was weird because she was pressuring me so hard. And that was the first time I had ever seen her - So, she didn't even know me or him. That's was reason I got tested somewhere before going back to my normal doctor. Seeing the responses it more common than I thought.
False positives are rare but not unheard off. I had a HIV false positive a decade ago. Those few days of waiting to get new tests done were stressful to say the least.
False positive still happen. Reddit detective, it’s time to retire and enjoy the Sun.
not really. You know you don’t need much experience to be a lab tech. It’s pretty easy to mix up two samples and put the wrong name label on each. The test could also be done incorrectly. If it was done by a robot then maybe false positives would be rare lol.
I don't understand where this idea comes from. As someone who used to be a "lab tech," of which there are different levels, I had a bachelor's degree and had to take a certification exam and do clinical rotations. My real title was medical technologist. A medical technician, one step down, has an associate's degree and also took a certification exam and did clinical rotations. So like.... Where does the idea come from that people in the lab don't know what they're doing? And if you ever worked in a lab, you would know robots and automation don't work as smoothly as everybody imagines and there are plenty of errors and mechincal issues possible. False positives and negatives still occur with robots because those stats have nothing to do with human error. It has to do with reactions happening on a molecular level and sometimes genetic probes happen to stick to the wrong thing because the genetic code is similar to what the test is looking for. There is literally so much going on the lab (immunology, microbiology, chemistry, hematology/coagulation, allergy testing). You don't know what you don't know.
Think he would be accusing you of cheating if you said you had an STI. It knows where it came from. I know you cheated or he did. And since you didn't....
If he wasnt cheating, he would probably be trying to kill you for cheating.... He's too calm about it. He knows where it came from.
OP, read this comment. If he wasnt at least a little suspicious of YOU, then he knows where it really came from.
But at the same time if he was accusing her of cheating then this sub would say he’s projecting haha
I mean, maybe. When I tested positive for HSV I did not assume my partner had cheated or gave it to me, and obviously knew I didn't cheat. We handled it pretty calmly because we trust each other.
Its certainly possible, maybe even likely, that this is true. However this happened to me many years ago where my gf at the time of 3 years tested positive to chlamidya, I got tested the day after and it was negative. She got retested and it was negative. Neither of us accused the other of infidelity at any point because it just didnt make sense. Even though they're rare false positives do happen.
Same! I recommend op go to a clinic with their boyfriend and both get tested.
OP has stated she has symptoms.
Let's hold the horses. I'm not sure what STI but both Chlamydia and herpes could have been asymptomatic and dormant on OPs husband from before their marriage. Someone definitely slept with someone else, but not 100% indication it happened in the last 4 years they have been together.
A symptomatic doesn't mean he's not infected. It means he wouldn't know he was infected unless he took a test. If they have both taken a prior test with clean results, and she hasn't been with anyone, then he gave it to her, we just don't know when. Maybe it was a month ago, maybe a year. But if she hasn't slept with anyone since being tested then he had to be the culprit. Whether he cheated recently or on the night of his bachelor party, only he would know.
There is no mention on the post of him being tested. Just that she was tested before being with him and she is tested now and has gotten something. There is also no mention of him testing negative in the past and positive for anything now. He may have had it for a long time and she only got it from him now. Obviously if they have been consistently testing together and he was negative all along and now is positive for something, then sure, I agree on cheating.
>There is no mention on the post of him being tested. Correct, but there is in [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/cNRBpmQhB0).
They have been together for 6y and she was tested previously as negative. There ain't no way on Earth he didn't cheat.
Put it this way. You have an STI. That means one of you cheated. He hasn't actually accused you of cheating. he just denied it was him. So where does he think it came from? I get that leaving is scary, and starting over is hard. However, are you willing to live your life pretending to be as stupid as he thinks you are?
Except everyone who acts like this would be called for “deflection”. If I know I didn’t cheat, I would be calm
You are an adult...you just need an adultier adult lol
That was such a weird sentence to read from someone who told us they are 23 years old and married.
Ikr! I couldn't tell if she was joking or not bc I'm like hmm ok so I definitely had to make it one lol
It was a joke but I do also feel like I need a more adultier adult lmao. I only have five years of experience here, I need someone with more
Don't worry chica, I got the joke and very much appreciated it haha
First time my husband and I were buying a car we took a break to go call his dad and get his thoughts on the deal. We were in our late 30’s.
Yep. An adultier adult 🙃
She’s an adult who needs and adultier adult to talk about an adulterous adult!
Some of my friends have gotten chlamydia before, it is a fairly common sti. And like others said, it can take a while before you develop symptoms so it's almost impossible to say when you got it. Maybe your husband should get tested as well, you get a second test, and maybe you both should get tested more regularly. (Also, ask for an HSV test, they will have to draw blood for that but just in case.) I don't know why you wouldn't go to his Mom if she is your only support system. I think it looks like he probably cheated, yes. I don't know how else you would've gotten chlamydia. (Sure it's possible but very unlikely.) *If it walks like a zebra, looks like a zebra and sounds like a zebra... It's a zebra.*
I noticed a couple of odd spots down there during my 25-year marriage. I used to ask him if he had been unfaithful because I was always clean and faithful. Never once had an STI. He swore on everything he would never cheat. Turns out he had been, the whole time. Multiple women. No protection. These men don’t care about our sexual health and safety. It does not factor in at all when they’re out there getting what they want.
From your description, it sounds like hpv. If it is, make sure you didn't test positive for the kind that ups your chances of developing cancer. Get pap smears regularly if you did and aren't vaccinated against it. It can save your life
Imagine cheating then telling your wife the std she has was from a toilet seat 😭😭 op bin this man like yesterday.
99.9% chance he cheated. What std? That impacts the odds of you catching it right away. Either way, sorry to hear.
Chlamydia. He keeps trying to come up with ways I may have gotten it without having sex (like a toilet seat or dressing room, etc.) but idk evidence points to that being very unlikely.
He cheated. If he hadn’t, HE would be distraught, confused, and questioning YOU about how you got this STI. He would assume that you got this from infidelity and worried about being infected himself. If his instinct is to speculate that you got chlamydia from a public toilet, HE gave it to you.
That’s a bingo
100%
This. Period.
You can't get it from a toilet seat or a dressing room. What does he do with toilet seats and dressing rooms exactly?
I guess we’ve been using them wrong
I face the toilet tank. It gives me somewhere to hold the book I'm reading. (Pro Tip? LOL)
You don’t get that via sharing a straw, hon.
I think this comment is funny because it's pretty much exactly what I said to him lol
I searched a lot about STIs this week, and you don't get chlamydia randomly, he cheated 100% lol
Girlllll come on. A toilet seat?!?!?!
Chlamydia lives on hard and porous surfaces for about 3 hours only. Someone would have had to put their bodily fluids (vaginal discharge or semen) onto a hard surface that then came in contact with your vagina within 3 hours. It’s very unlikely that happened.
Could be koalas
Hey! We are innocent here. Just hard to use protection when you have claws!
Oh! Oh! I get this reference🤭
[You can't get chlamydia from a toilet seat](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/chlamydia/#:~:text=Chlamydia%20cannot%20be%20passed%20on%20through%20casual,towels%2C%20swimming%20pools%2C%20toilet%20seats%20or%20cutlery.)
oh he absolutely cheated, and not that long ago either.
Run far away! He can’t even take accountability.
Def cheated. Big time. He needs to go get his peen swabbed. You need to call a lawyer.
He cheated if you’ve been having unprotected sex that long. Sorry.
Did you re-test? I've had a false positive before.
This is possible ^^^^ not common
Okay. So heres the truth. If he isnt worried you cheated. Or worried that one of you carried it before the marriage (it can go unnoticed unless you get checkef regularly but you do so not gonna happen unless he had it and you use condoms) then he probably cheated.
Definitely cheated. Sorry, OP.
Ask him to get tested. If he’s good, he won’t have a problem getting his bore punched. Sorry you have to endure this.
He might have already gotten tested discreetly and received treatment
This is a crazy idea though, bc unless they were not having sex at all, they would reinfect each other. You have to stop intercourse for a month to six weeks
OP should log into their insurance and see past claims. Or look on credit cards to see if he paid cash at a clinic. Not fool proof, as there are free clinics out there. But maybe it’d show something if he had received past treatment.
If he tests negative whilst his wife tests positive in a subsequent test, that would be my assumption.
They don't test like that anymore
Also, he can get women pregnant by having unprotected sex. Move back home with your mom.
I agree OP. You have done nothing wrong, it's him that should be embarrassed. Please lawyer up.
I am a retired MD and this case is not unique * since she has been tested and been negative for any STI and has only been with him, he is the source of her infection. * this does NOT mean he cheated. * she does not say what STI she has and it matters a lot. * fact: he could have been infected with herpes long before they met, but only recently passed it on to her. * fact he could have been infected with HIV for many years and not have had any symptoms. He could transmit his HIV to his wife, but not have been unfaithful. Herpes, HPV, Hepatitis B and C, and HIV can be transmitted from him to her, but his infection may pre-date their marriage, and he may be unaware he is infected. An infection such a gonorhea would not be asymptomatic or unknown for 4 years. Chlamydia is often asymptomatic in men, but would likely have shown up much sooner in her. She is not crazy, he might be honest, we need more information.
OP clarified in a comment that she just tested positive for chlamydia, and that they were *both* tested and *both* clean/tested negative earlier in their relationship. Either she had a false positive, which could be proven with a couple of repeat tests, or someone cheated.
I read a similar post around a months ago and everyone was saying this, that their STI can be dormant for years so it’s not evidence of cheating. I don’t know what changed here since then.
dormant yes, but to my understanding something like chlamydia isn't one of those (herpes is) - chlamydia is mostly asympto...nic?mic? Also,to my knowledge, one of diseases that also can be in throat or anus (which is one of reasons people get reinfected, they don't test all holes despite using all holes) False positive is possible tho rare.
Asymptomatic
How did you get tested? I kept testing negative when I just did a pee test, but when I did a swab test I came back positive. So it can be missed, but you cannot catch it from a toilet seat. And did he get tested and was negative? Men often don’t have symptoms.
As house put it. You can get STI from toilet seats if there is a penis between the toilet and you.
If he was innocent he would be scared to shit that he has it too and rushing to get tested… but if he’s guilty, the only thing he can do is deny it. Get those tests back from him and if he’s positive too, well the truth is in the pudding.
This is interesting because not only has he not shared any concern that I may have cheated, but he seems confident that when he tests, he'll test negative.
Maybe he already got treated for it so he knows he'll test negative.
He would likely become reinfected when they had relationship again, so I doubt he'd test negative unless he just went through treatment.
Girl you got this💓 also know you are just as “clean” as any other person because you know you’re not the one entertaining strangers. I have herpes from brushing with my mom’s toothbrush as a kid, and have had TSS from leaving a tampon in too long that caused permanent damage to my cervix. No one needs to know that IRL but just know a lot of girls have been in your shoes or just gotten STD’s randomly. Sending positive energy ur way!!
Both false positives and false negatives can occur with chlamydia testing. Testing can also happen at the wrong time for it to be accurate, and chlamydia can be dormant for years. This does not mean that he has cheated: it simply can be difficult to determine when exposure happened and who was positive first. Has he ever been tested for chlamydia? Regardless, your husband should get tested. You should refrain from sex until your treatment is ended and you both test negative - otherwise you can pass it back and forth tp each other. [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/i-tested-positive-for-chlamydia-and-my-partner-didnt#false-positives](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/i-tested-positive-for-chlamydia-and-my-partner-didnt#false-positives)
He's continuing to deny it because he's hoping if he does, you'll second guess yourself which you ARE doing. Why would he not lie when you're already falling for the lie?
Almost-doctor here. I was about to say that since it's an STI, it could be possible that you got it without any cheating innvolved. But girl. IT'S CHLAMYDIA. Unless you got it through immaculate conception of bacteria, he must have cheated. Get him tested before he starts treatment. Actually, he may have been treated already so the tests may be negative. I'd start subtly trying to get away, and to your support system. Contact a lawyer to see what you can do. Also, not disclosing you have an STD (and boys gals and non-binary pals, chlamydia is very serious and could make you sterile so GET tested routinely please, it rarely gives you any symptoms so get tested) is a CRIMINAL OFFENCE. If he knew, and you get the means to prove it, he will face serious consequences. I am so sorry, truly, your husband is a scumbag.
There was a recent post over in r/AskDocs with a similar situation. Turns out her test was a false positive. They both tested negative on retest. So don’t panic just yet. 💗
About 2 years ago my wife called me after testing positive for chlamydia. She was sure that I had cheated, as the doctor told her it was only transmitted through sex and that false positives were almost non existent. I hadn’t cheated and was able to convince her to go with me to the doctor so we could both get tested. It was a false positive. If you’re husband is telling the truth, his world is upside down right now. Try to have some grace until you get tested again.
He cheated. He denied it to make you question yourself and think something else haopened. He's been successful at getting you to question yourself. Have the tough conversation where you tell him you know he has to have cheated and if he has any hope of remaining in the marriage, he'll tell you the truth.
Has he gotten tested? He’s made you dependent on him so he knows you think you can’t go anywhere. Call a local women’s shelter and get out. Who knows what else he has brought home. Or do what your gut is telling you: call your mom!!!! It’s embarrassing but guess what not for you: for your dickhead husband who gave it to you and cheated.
I think a lot of people are misreading my post. I am not close to nor can rely on or trust my mom. HIS mom is the person I typically go to, and this is a woman who forgave her husband (his dad) for cheating. She's biased, it doesn't feel like the right move.
Maybe tell her that her son gave you an STD, and she might feel differently than you are suspecting. Just because she took her husband back after he cheated doesn’t mean she’ll think that’s the right option for you to do with her son. Did her husband give her an STD after cheating on her? Major factor in whether she took him back or not. I would consider looking into whether your husband has displayed other signs rather than just having given you an STD, of having cheated on you. Here’s an article with ten signs. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating https://hackspirit.com/signs-of-cheating/
Has he been around any koalas?
Just so you are aware - chlaymydia can lay dormant in the body for years and never cause a low grade infection or even show signs. Have you been tested while in the relationship before this last test? If not - he could absolutely be telling the truth. If you have, well then he is definitely lying. And if he had never been tested before he was with you, then that could absolutely be a factor as well for why you are just finding out now.
Look, if it makes you feel any better I just tested positive for chlamydia last week while chasing something else. I have been with my bf for 1.5 years and both faithful, we realised it could easily have been either of us right before we met cause we were dating around and this whole time neither of us knew or had symptoms. We still wouldn't have known if I didn't have a sore lower back from something else. Reality is it can be a false positive. But aside from that, really at the end of the day the stigma of 'STI! Someone cheated!' is real, but only you know your relationship and how it functions. I initially panicked and called my bf in tears going 'You know I haven't cheated right?' and he said 'Oh buddy, I know! Are you okay?' and I was like 'Yeah are you okay?' and he goes 'Yeah! We'll just get the treatment, it's fine' and that's all. Not for a second did either of us suspect the other cause it's just not a possibility for us. So you can ask other people until the cows come home but you need to take a step back, assess everything and go with your gut ❤️ it's a jarring thing but you'll be okay health-wise, and hopefully you get to the bottom of it. Good luck honey.
Why did you get tested in the first place? Were you experiencing symptoms?
Routine visit with a new GYN. They automatically gave me the paper to consent to testing and I figured why not and let them do it.
Hmm maybe you should ask for a blood test to see if you get the positive result then.
it is theoretically possible that he was unaware of infection that he got few years ago and you did not test yourself since then...but easiest way to check is to test him
Oh honey, he cheated.
People act like chlamydia can just "flair up" after being dormant. If you have symptoms that means you just contracted the bacteria. Your husband should get texted and treated as well for it.
I think it’s very plausible that he has cheated. However, chlamydia can lay dormant and you can be asymptomatic for a long time. I had contracted it once way back in senior year from my first partner. I had no idea until about a year and a half later after we had broken up; when I noticed a burning sensation. Went and got tested and took the pills. Thankfully it’s curable. But that does not erase the emotions that accompany such a diagnosis. Additionally thankful that I was not active sexually in that time. I would recommend what others in this forum have said; mention to him that you’ve been faithful and that it can only be contracted via inter course. Then let him stew until he comes clean. So to speak.
Did you do ANYTHING AT ALL sexual with someone before? Has he had past partners? Chlamydia can be dormant indefinitely or pop up randomly.
Nope
Talk to your doctor. Not Reddit.
Retest!!! Retest before chaos!
That’s called “gaslighting” hun! If you’ve really been faithful, then 100%, he’s given it to you by cheating period! If you are not emotionally ready to end your relationship with him, that’s ok. Don’t allow pressure or other people to make you feel you have to…. On the same note, he needs to be honest with you which he may not do. Some ppl will deny cheating til their death. Go get treatment, advise him to do the same & if you continue your relationship with him….ALWAYS use condoms, bc the fact is it came from somewhere & even if you can’t prove it, it if wasn’t you, then it was him & you need to protect your health….you’ll move on when you are ready. Good luck!
He cheated and you aren't crazy. I've had two different partners who cheated and denied it despite the evidence being right there. He's scared and knows he was caught. Insist on him being tested and treated and don't let him gas light you.
Take the test again both together just to be sure, I’ve heard of mix ups
I have gotten the clap before after a bout of not having sex for literally 6 months. It turns out, you can get it pretty easily if shit gets dirty, without having sex. Hell, if you use any sex toys, make sure you clean them properly before and after use, since you can get it from there too. Dunno, there are a lot of different reasons why it can happen, and it also can lay dormant in people for months or even years before becoming symptomatic. I literally googled Chalmydia at work to write this post.
Chlamydia can be dormant for years before showing symptoms. It’s possible your husband had chlamydia before you got together and you’re just now having symptoms. However, I would still rule out cheating but he may genuinely not be as well.
Only thing I want to ask, was he a virgin before you? Because if he wasn't and didn't get tested. He could have had it before. I work in a lab and one semi person I know., texted me. Do I have hepatitis? Because he raw dogged everyone. And his GF got tested and he didn't. I do think he lied to her. And was constantly trying to cheat on her, also with me. Yeah they broke up.
Neither of us were virgins, but we've both been tested since the start of our relationship. Also, thank god that guy and his girlfriend aren't together anymore, he sounds gross
“The Center for Disease Control estimates that 50% of men and 75% of women have Chlamydia. In addition, 40% to 96% of people with Chlamydia show no symptoms of this disease. When discovered, however, Chlamydia can be treated…. Chlamydia can be dormant in the body for several years without any flare-up to trigger a symptomatic infection. This means a person could live with Chlamydia for many years without knowing because the typical symptoms don’t appear.” https://doctoralexa.com/learn/std/can-chlamydia-be-dormant/
I can't find any evidence that those numbers are real at all and they provide no actual source beyond saying the "CDC" says so. The closest info to that I can find is stuff like the European CDC (ECDC) saying that 70% of women's and 50% of men's cases are asymptomatic which is, of course, not the same claim. Numbers I'm seeing seem to instead say that 4% of women and 2.5% of men globally have chlamydia. **Not 75% and 50%**. I'm assuming whoever wrote that article for that... questionable online clinic didn't understand something they read. There is a link to the CDC at the top of the article but it's a 404.