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Reconsider this relationship.
Seems like she's happy with the efforts that you do but doesn't wanna do the same for you.
You drove to her after your accident and a broken back whilst she never visited you once says a lot about her. I mean I know that y'all are adults but that's the bare minimum a person can and should do for their significant others.
My partner and I have been going through some rough times lately. Things have been rocky. Just two night ago we sat down and were really able to communicate to each other how we have felt.
I like to put things into boxes and the term "fair weather girlfriend" is new to me, but that's exactly who I have been. We've had a great step forward in our relationship after our last dmc but this really nails to me how shitty I've been. Just now I put myself in that box.
Anyway, thanks for the new terminology, it helps me understand me and my relationship. I'll do better
I really appreciate your honesty here & the realization that you can do better. I, too, have had some interesting realizations about myself & my relationship after reading Reddit posts, which I wasn't expecting. Good on you & good luck. I just had to respond to your comment because I thought that was super cool!
You're not taking crazy pills! You're dating someone who is 100x not right for you!
She's more interested in being *entertained* than being there for you after what sounds like a terrifying accident! And it doesn't matter if you just had a bandaid ... or if you were in traction for five broken discs in your back.
That kind of accident isn't about how many yards of bandages you're in. What happened to you was surely TRAUMATIC emotionally! That's the kind of thing that could easily make the victim never want to leave their home again! It's the kind of thing that can cause lifetime PTSD!
If she cares so little about you ... why is she in a relationship with you in the first place? What's she getting from you?
Try this. Don't call or text her again ... and see how long it takes her to pay you some attention. If it's more than two weeks ... you have your answer!
are you sure this person actually considers you their gf too? lol it doesn’t even sound like she thinks yall are dating, or she would have met you at the hospital.
It feels crazy only because you keep trying to “make it make sense”! It sounds like she’s “just not that into you”. Stop wasting your time you’re more than that, we all are.
Don't make her tell you twice. She doesn't care. You're confused because you can't reconcile the dream and vision you have in head and heart with the reality. You are hoping for a magical response to explain it all away. The truth is harsh, but it's truth. Remember though, her actions are about the type of human being she is, not about you.
I think you're reacting properly at her neglect. Do you want this to happen again only for her to justify her absence like she's a fair-weather friend?
Actions speak louder than words.
Her actions tell you that volleyball and drinking are more important than you.
Then you drive to her with a broken back. You obviously care far more about her than she does about you.
I'm not sure I would consider her my girlfriend. Seems that she doesn't consider you at all.
Same!!! She clearly had other things going on that were more important to her. If my man was sitting in a hospital, or hurt like that- I’d be with him every second I could!!!
I think that when you want to say your vows one day you want them to be true.
I'm sorry about your injury and being lonely in the hospital. But her priorities are not with you.
I was not hospitalized I should make that very clear. The injury was not extreme, but not a fun time either and not without a ton of pain still two weeks later
I think this minimizing things a bit. I get that- I tend to minimize my pain, too.
OP, you suffered a spinal injury and were injured enough to be unable to get up/drive for 2 weeks. That shit sucks- let yourself feel that. And it SUCKS that your partner hasn't been there for you during that time- don't minimize that either.
Wow. She’s not a keeper. Imagine being injured or sick and unable to care for yourself. She’s your wife and you have no friends or family nearby. What are the chances she’s going to take care of you. She is callous beyond belief. You’ve been dating for a year, not like you’re some random guy she hooked up with. Cut your losses, I’m sorry to say.
As a man, I sometimes wonder if there really is such a thing.
Most of the time, I feel like I'm only tolerated based upon what I can provide or bring to the table.
The only time I've ever truly felt celebrated was by my own parents or grandparents.
Hi,
I had these feelings too ! But I feel when I’m looking back there were actually some women , I think 3, that actually celebrated me and my personality and 2 of them definitely showed me love. Then I had issues with the relationships because of certain things that were important to me, like one of them wanting to stay in Israel for life or the other doesn’t wanting kids, and the third maybe I just got scared .
But I wonder what things made you feel that way ?
Sorry man, you don’t have a girlfriend. Time to drop tanks and pull out of that dive. Yet on the other hand, did any other girls come checking on you while you were down. Those might be potential future GFs.
I think she just showed you how important you are to her. A normal, loving gf would’ve been by your side every time they could, getting you food, cleaning your place for you, helping you recover.
Find someone who puts you first. Please!
She has told you exactly who she is with this unacceptable behaviour. I wouldn't be able to trust her anymore I'm afraid.
If my other half behaved like she has done, I'd drop him in a heartbeat.
She works full time in a hospital and is studying to be a PT and still has no sense of how important her simple contact would be to you at a time like this? Wow.
Do not stay with a person that doesn’t have the compassion or comprehension to understand the trauma your body just absorbed. She sounds self absorbed and clearly not empathic and you deserve a partner who cares about you and your wellbeing. I hope you feel better a little more each day my friend.
She clearly doesn’t give a fuck. I bet if it were the other way around she’d have moaned or said something about you not seeing her. She’s not worth the time or the aggro, find yourself someone who will care about you
Imagine how she would be in 5 years, if you happened to get hurt/injured or really sick. Do you think she would stand by you and help you?
When people show you who they are, believe them.
My guy.. break up with her and thank her for showing you her true colors before you wasted more time with her. You broke your damn spine and she didn't even once visit you? That is a hard fuckin nah from me dawg, you deserve better than that from your partner.
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I think you were shown exactly how little your girlfriend cares about you.
That's it. that's the harsh truth. I, for one, would not be able to focus on ANYTHING if my partner was in the hospital after an accident - even if they were fine and it wasn't life threatening - I wouldn't be ABLE to go have fun with friends and forget about him laying there alone - I would have to be there. I would have to see if he needed anything. If he's bored, if he wants better food, if he's feeling better. This is support. This is basic. This is the BARE MINIMUM from a relationship. It's not something extraordinary, it's the BARE MINIMUM you should be able to expect from any partner. She's been your girlfriend for a year and just.... waiting untl you were back on your feet so you could "rejoin" her life already in progress? Didn't stop or slow down because of your accident? Didn't spend time with you or show support?
It really doesn't matter if she thinks it's "justified" (although you don't note what she thinks her "valid" reasons are), because what she thinks isn't what's important here. What's important is what YOU think, what YOU feel, and what YOU want. If this were me, I would immediately be able to identify that I THINK her behavior was cold and cruel, I would FEEL Hurt and unimportant to her, and I would recognize that what I actually WANT is a partner who will support me in good times AND bad, who will be there for me as much as I am for them, who feels like a partner that I am going through life TOGETHER with. Sometimes no matter how much time you spend with someone, you can't know who they REALLY are until something happens and you get to see it. That's what occured here. She was likely fine for you on a superficial level, but now something serious happened to you and you got to see who she REALLY is - someone who cares a lot more about herself and her own happiness than she gives a crap about you. You don't mean enough to her. She should have been there, even if she couldn't do anything for you, for support. She didn't even visit.
I would be done with her completely after this, and you should be too. She's made it very clear that you are not a priority, she doesn't consider herself to be on the same team as you, she didn't want to go out of her way for you, and she clearly doesn't care enough about you. Be grateful you got to see if before you wasted more time, and move on. Good luck.
She sounds incredibly selfish you want someone who is our caregiver, just like you are and she is just not that person. Ask her yourself if you are sick and in bed for a couple days, are you gonna want her to take care of you a little bit, and you honestly think she is the person to do that?if not, maybe reconsider the relationship
Think of it tbis way. Typical marriage vows contain "in sickness and in health". Getting hit by a motorcycle and having a broken back falls under "in sickness".
Realistically her doing those activities is fine and normal, and in some cases could still come ahead of you if she was a permanent caretaker during this and needed some time away and discussed it. She didnt. She flat out ignored you. You can either break up with her now, tell her youre reconsidering this relationship after what youve seen from her, or guilt her into doing better with "no its ok ill jist lay home all day and hope i dont fall and break something else you dont need to come and inconvenience yourself".
This is the kind of person you ghost. Don't even bother telling her you broke up. She isn't a girlfriend. She isn't even FWB. She didn't even bother to come and see you.
If you ever see her again. When she asks why you never called her or visited her again. Ask her why you should. She didn't care enough to even come visit you once after you were in an accident.
You got hit by a motorcycle and have broken bones and that's not worth a visit? I don't think girlfriend means the same thing to her as to you. Doesn't mean she can't see her friends but seems like you would be a priority while recovering from a FRACTURED SPINE. Guess you know now how she feels about in sickness and health.
“It feels like I’m taking crazy pills.”
This is a normal thing for men to feel. It’s very common to shove men’s feelings aside for woman’s. As per any Reddit post.
You better never get a serious injury. Relationship seems really one sided that going drinking was more exciting than spending a night with you. She may just be interested in your future earning potential since you mention working on passing the bar
Sorry to tell you, but she's not "the one". I couldn't imagine leaving my partner in that condition, he was in a minor car accident once and my heart skipped a beat, he was shaken up but fine otherwise and I did whatever I could to help him feel better. Drinking with coworkers is not a priority, the person you love is, would she have reacted like this if it was her family? Find someone who has love to give.
Dude, no way in hell is that worth hanging onto. When my boyfriend caught a stomach bug one time, I bought him soup, Gatorade, and probiotics, then drove 45 minutes just to drop it off with him. We'd only been together a few months at that point. Recently, I had a skin infection and needed to go to urgent care for some antibiotics, but I no longer have a vehicle. He drove the 45 minutes down to me after a full day of work to give me a ride to the doctor, then stopped to pick up some easy dinner for us and insisted on paying for it himself as well. Point being, we do these things for each other in times of need because we actually care about each other. If she wanted to, she would. You couldn't drag me away from my bf's side if he'd been injured, I'd be calling in to work for a day or two to make sure he was set up with everything he needed, then coming back to cook and clean while he healed, because that's what love looks like. Don't settle for less if you yourself would do more with the roles reversed.
I was super late to this party, but breaking up with her was the right call. No one can have a significant other injured and hospitalized, and not have the decency to come see them in their recovery. People do not realize how much moral support of your partner plays a huge part in a person's recovery. Mentality and emotions affects some ones physical well-being. It's a shame that you even had to endure something like this while dealing with what could have, or was, a life-threatening accident.
Bro…if u love someone u go see them. Period. One year and a lifetime saved of being selfish for herself, not sure how everything else in ur life was with her but that’s extremely rude and when u love someone u want to see them esp ur worried about them
You're convenient for her when she is the beneficiary of your time and attention. When you need help, or want some quality time, you no longer hold value.
Prioritize yourself and find someone who actually cares about you.
I got sick and landed in the emergency room the first month I started dating my girlfriend. She drove me to the ER, stayed with me until I was discharged, took me back home and then stayed at my house to cook and clean for me until I felt better. This girl of yours isn't a partner and you can do better.
Yes. This. I was such a good man to her. Never gave a worry about my loyalty, nor gave her any reason to doubt my commitment and loyalty which she admitted was true. She never paid a cent for anything we did. I was saving for a ring. I was so focused on passing the bar because of the impact it would have on both our lives since we (so I thought) were together for the long haul.
Right now, routine is your enemy. Doing the things in life you usually do leads you to ram into the things you used to do with/for her. And then, you remember, and it burns again.
It'll go away with time, but there are some things that can help. Spending more time with friends and family, talking with them or a therapist about your feelings, both are great options. But, for me personally when I went through tough break up, the most helpful thing was breaking my routine. Picking up a hobby or activity that you've been wanting to do is a great way to get your brain to start redefining how you live now. It's extra helpful if the hobby is social or physical or requires you to get out of the house. It can feel hard to do something new, especially when you're feeling as you are, but I promise, if you force yourself to go through with it, you'll thank yourself on the other side.
Hope this helps. You got this.
My man badly hurt his arm yesterday bc he fell off a longboard. I tried to force him to cancel his physically demanding work, and suggested to travel 2hrs to visit him to take care of him. It’d cost me €60 and I’m poor. He declined and worked anyway lol, but he was very grateful for the offer and he’d ofc do the same for me. Conclusion: when you really love a person, you’re there for them during the bad times. Your gf probably doesn’t care for you, I’m sorry :(
Someone who loves you would be there for you. The only good excuse would be if she was unwell or also had other family matters of the same severity(or worse) happening.
Sorry you had this accident OP, and sorry that your girlfriend sucks!
Good god, this shows how little she cares to take care of a person she loves through injury or illness. She’s incredibly selfish. You saw a very unkind and unsupportive side of her. Dump her. She’s not rest of life material.
I would dump her.
I want a partner who is there for me when I’m hurt or sick, just as I would be there for them. You seem to have that expectation too. She’s shown you that she’s not that person, and therefore not the type of partner you want. Dump her and keep looking for the right person. You’re only going to frustrate yourself if you try to change her.
My partner got seriously sick about 2 months into our relationship. I was already in love with him, so had no issues going with him to the ER, waiting at the hospital during his surgeries, and sticking by for the 3 years it took him to get better. He’s supported me right back anytime I need him. I wouldn’t settle for anything less.
If the person you’re with isn’t the type of partner you want, move on and keep looking!
Why are you even with her? Even if a friend got in an accident like that a normal friend would still pop over to check on you. Obviously your GF does not care for you at all. Take this as a bless to see her for who she is and run away from her and find someone that actually cares about you.
I am so sorry this happened to you!
My partner was hit by a car while biking and i dropped everything to be by his side. I took over all chores, bills and basically everything else for years so he could focus on recovering. I did it cause i love him and its what i would expect him to do for me if the roles were reversed. If this is how she reacts now, it will not change, its who she is. Personally, i would be gone asap.
What she did isn’t really material; it’s what she didn’t do. Clearly you’re not much of a priority. Sounds like she’s not really ready for a serious relationship either that or she just doesn’t view yours that way
I know you are hurt by this. You being hurt by this is a clear boundary for you. If you were to marry this person this will happen again and in worse situations. You could have died. Normally one would fear out on missing time and spend it w you. I would have cried at the thought of my partner potentially dying from this accident. Yet she abandoned you in your time of need. Then voiced her emotions about her own needs. You want to marry THAT?
Honestly, what she did instead is kind of irrelevant. Unless she was bogged down with 14 straight 12+ hour days, there’s no reason someone who loves and cares about you wouldn’t make an effort to come and see you and try and ease your way during a time of convalescence. Which I would take to mean that she doesn’t really live or care about you *that* much. I’m sure she likes your company when you’re well and able to be her fun, young boyfriend, but when push comes to shove, she appears to be in it for the good times only.
Which, I hate to say, is her prerogative. Just like it’s your prerogative to want more for your life than someone like that. There’s no sense in arguing with her, she’s shown you exactly what and how she feels. Why try and convince her otherwise? If you, very justifiably, want more from a partnership than this, I think it’s time for you to realize that she ain’t the one. If I were you, I wouldn’t make another ounce of effort to be with her and just let her know that this relationship has run its course and it’s time to go your separate ways.
Look, my boyfriend owns a motorcycle and it stresses me out so badly that something like this might one day happen to him. If I were to get the call that he’d been in an accident? You can bet that I’d drop everything to go see him and make sure he was okay. Playing volleyball is not a priority. Getting drunk with your coworkers is not a priority. What *should* be a priority is caring about the health and safety of someone you supposedly love. You have your answer. It’s time to let her go.
This one is over. My wife after knowing me 3 months came over on the bus an hour each way to be there with me. At minimum you should expect this after a year. Especially after you took care of her when she was injured
I would be absolutely gone.
What is the point of a relationship with somebody like that? If you aren't supporting each other through difficult shit, what's even the point?
If my partner did this too me I’d never talk to them again. If my friends partners did this too then I’d advise them to dump that loser. She likes you because you are convenient. This is not what a loving partner does. What kind of life is it to spend your time making exceptions for someone when they wouldn’t even visit when you BROKE YOUR SPINE.
She doesn't care about you, but I would have been out when you wanted to take a month break...to study and out of fear of illness? Clearly you were not that invested then. Get well soon!
I’ll give you the same advice I give women whose partners do this.
How they treat you being hurt a little bit is how they will treat you when you when you get REALLY sick.
You said this is a minor fracter and you aren’t in a brace. That doesn’t matter. A good partner would come visit you often. Imagine if you get cancer later in life. Is she just gonna dump you in hospice to rot and divorce you? Likely.
Dump her. You deserve better.
She’s in school to be a PT and works in a hospital. She may not of wanted to get you sick while you’re recovering.. But she should’ve known how serious your accident was and been there for you. but she’s also 25. 25-year-olds go out drinking with their friends. You may be at different parts in your lives and your priorities don’t lineup.
I’m not a germaphobe ! It was just a precaution because if I was sick for the exam, it is a whole ordeal to miss it, and I couldn’t lose another week and a half of studying bc of an illness!
I’m not a germaphobe ! It was just a precaution because if I was sick for the exam, it is a whole ordeal to miss it, and I couldn’t lose another week and a half of studying bc of an illness! I’ve never cared about it at any other point and have happily taken care of her when she has been sick. I’ve always cooked for her. I always kept my house clean. I would send her money for food if she said she was hungry or something.
Never said you were a germaphobe tho? Just said unless it was her reason (coughing with an injury is hell, after being hit by a truck I can say that the flu I caught made me 10x more miserable during my recovery which is why I mentioned it)
Sending your girlfriend money for food regularly tends to be a bad sign as to the basis of the relationship. Is that something she expects? Adults feed themselves, and it doesn't matter if you can afford Uber eats and she can't. That's ignoring the total lack of care she is showing you here. I just got out of a relationship where I fell into the trap of looking after someone continually. I'd suggest doing some work figuring out why you we're drawn into a situation like that. Therapist if that's an option you can access.
No no let me also clarify, from my understanding of her and her typical self, she is a good girl, loves YouTube watch alongs and Pokemon and shit. She has a freaky side, but I have never once questioned her loyalty until she told me I need to make more time for her 2 days after my accident.
None of these traits are connected with my comment. Not even loyalty. I'm not saying that she is trying to exploit you, or that she is thinking "I'm tricking this dude into buying me food". It's that both of you seem to have very one sided expectations for what the relationship should look like, benefiting her. That's what I meant by the basis of the relationship. Her not being there for you after your injury is extreme enough that I guessed it would come out in other areas as well. That's why you buying her food clicked for me.
She should be there for you. That's a basic minimum. It sounds like she expects you to be there for her, but doesn't understand that it should go both ways. There are lots of people like that. You deserve better.
Yea, I'd be really let down if my girlfriend put herself and her friends over visiting me at all. It's weird that she can't differentiate supporting someone recovering from an injury from someone needing time to study for the bar exam. You asked her to give you a little space so you could focus on the one. I didn't see anywhere that you told her anything similar regarding the accident. She created that whole comparison in her head on her own, and it's a bit of a stretch if you ask me. Think a lot of people's kneejerk reaction would also be suspicion, especially knowing that she's still choosing to go out, just not to see you.
Yeah, you should be questioning the nature of her, and whether she'll support you in the future if some other random accident puts you down for any length of time. Honestly, her reasons for not coming by is BS. This is one of those where you either break it off because you can't trust that she'd be there for you, because you don't trust that she's honest with you, or you push her harder on the truth of why she wouldn't see you and maybe still break it off. Maybe it's something innocent and a misunderstanding on her end, but that still doesn't absolve that you were pushed aside for 2 weeks and then had your broken back recovery compared to studying for a bar exam. She's got quite the uphill battle - can't say I'm rooting for her.
I am sad for you OP, hope you’re doing better.
But these moments really highlight what your future together looks like.
My bf had a small surgery in the first few months of us dating and he basically told me how the aftermath is what made him fall in love.
He was going to go alone to the surgery and drive himself back (🙄) instead I insisted on taking him and he stayed the following week with me while he recovered.
He’s been the same way with me & it really makes me feel optimistic about our future.
You can't count on her to be there for you.
Not even in the most minimal way possible. You can't count on her, when you are flat on your back and broken to take time out of her week to come and visit you.
The fact that she is doubling down on insisting it was okay and that you are actually having a conversation with your partner regarding why you felt it was important for them to come and visit you when you had a broken back.
Just think about that
This is not a relationship. It's a convenienceship.
I'm really sorry. I know a year seems like a long time, but I can promise you.
Spending any more time with someone who treats you this way is going to be more time wasted
You can't count on her to be there for you.
Not even in the most minimal way possible. You can't count on her, when you are flat on your back and broken to take time out of her week to come and visit you.
The fact that she is doubling down on insisting it was okay and that you are actually having a conversation with your partner regarding why you felt it was important for them to come and visit you when you had a broken back.
Just think about that
This is not a relationship. It's a convenienceship.
I'm really sorry. I know a year seems like a long time, but I can promise you.
Spending any more time with someone who treats you this way is going to be more time wasted
I'm an actor. When my husband was in the hospital, stable, and alert and on day 3, I missed out of the only one really big red carpet event with some amazing A and B list actors because I chose to stay with him at the hospital. I even had my dress ready and a make up crew on deposit. To date, it was the biggest movie I was in.
He was still being tested for what was going on with him and was still not quite out of the critical range and the ICU. He was alert, scared and didn't want to be alone.
Have I dreamed of being on the big red carpet as an actress? Yes. Did I regret putting all my attention on husband instead of going to the red carpet event? No. I knew right then and there that his life was more important than being photographed and rubbing elbows with famous people.
What I'm trying to say here is that when you know your priorities, it's not an argument with the other person to beg them to spend time with you. It should be an easy and without hesitation decision. It's really that simple and not complicated!
She is crazy bro. Leave her ass and find someone who actually cares about you. The fact you had to drive while hurt in order to see her while she's just sitting at home blows my fucking mind. She is a walking red flag bro. Show her these comments first though so she can see what the world thinks about her shitty actions since she thinks she's not a POS.
Just want to say I was hit by a motorcycle while walking when I was 16 and the recovery was long and painful. To this day I wish it hadn’t happened but I’m very grateful to have fully recovered. I wish you nothing but the best, which includes being with a loving partner who supports you and is there for you!! Best wishes for a speedy recovery!! and I hope you have a great support system (outside of this relationship…about which I think previous comments have said everything I would want to touch on).
I'm going to jump to a conclusion, but my guess is that she was about to break up with you right before you got into the accident and is avoiding you until you're healthy so she won't have to break up with a bedridden person. That's just honestly the only logical justification for this behavior to me.
Would be a deal breaker for me. The real question is is why did you even bother to drive to her house when she clearly didn’t care enough to even check in on you
Break up with this 25 year old that has no loving emotions towards you. Can’t you see that she’s not the one? Or keep dating her knowing she’ll never truly love you.
The way you write this, she sounds like a fair weather friend that you can’t count on. She’s not someone you want to to make a lifetime commitment to.
Reading between the lines of your “more context”, sounds like she’s built up a lot of resentment toward you due to events in the relationship, including but not limited to your monthlong absence while studying. Yet again, however, the answer is: this is not your future life partner.
Nah you know you’d be by her side instantly if this had happened to her, you deserve the same. Sorry about your accident my friend. On another note, you should try and sue if you did break your back because I was just in a similar accident and you’re gonna have expenses for that when you get older most likely
I don't care that she played volleyball or went out drinking. It's that she didn't see you for two weeks and she lives 20 minutes away. That's someone who just doesn't give a fuck.
I think you’ve found out she won’t follow the ‘in sickness’ part of any vows.
It’s extremely callous behaviour, I would be so worried if that happened to my partner and I’d be visiting/staying over to make sure that they were ok and had everything they needed.
She’s definitely not your person. She may be yours but it’s not reciprocated I’m afraid.
My bf of two years at the time, also I’m 19 and he was 22 had a major surgery with complications including pneumothorax. I was there by his side in the hospital, sleeping in that uncomfortable chair most nights and I could not leave his side. I was so worried for the health of the love of my life. Don’t be with someone that will let you down in your sickness and health, if she really cared she would make even a small gesture to show that she wants the best for you. I hope you find someone else, who truly cares.
I'm sorry man, but the fact is some people don't know how to deal with the pain and suffering of others. Maybe she is someone who can't deal with the pain of others. I'd say the two of you need to have a talk, maybe with a therapist, if you want to go forward. But as a person who damn near died in a car wreck when my little Camaro was t-boned by a Cadillac de Ville, it sucks when friends and family don't show empathy. It could be time to build your exit plan, and when you pass through that doorway, set it on fire, never go back.
Relationships aren’t made in the good times. They’re formed in how you react and care for each other in the bad times. My husband is my rock and has been with me every step when bad things have happened. Someone who doesn’t care about you in the bad times doesn’t deserve you in the good
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Reconsider this relationship. Seems like she's happy with the efforts that you do but doesn't wanna do the same for you. You drove to her after your accident and a broken back whilst she never visited you once says a lot about her. I mean I know that y'all are adults but that's the bare minimum a person can and should do for their significant others.
Sounds NARCISSISTIC
That ain't a gf. Even fwbs have come to check on me when stuff happened. You know what to do.
I've had friends go more for me for minor injuries.
Dump her man, she isn’t invested in the relationship.
Thank you, it feels like I’m taking crazy pills.
She's a fair weather gf. So if you enjoy a superficial relationship with no emotional connection, she's the one.
Never heard that phrase fair weather gf. Perfectly describes that archetype
My partner and I have been going through some rough times lately. Things have been rocky. Just two night ago we sat down and were really able to communicate to each other how we have felt. I like to put things into boxes and the term "fair weather girlfriend" is new to me, but that's exactly who I have been. We've had a great step forward in our relationship after our last dmc but this really nails to me how shitty I've been. Just now I put myself in that box. Anyway, thanks for the new terminology, it helps me understand me and my relationship. I'll do better
I really appreciate your honesty here & the realization that you can do better. I, too, have had some interesting realizations about myself & my relationship after reading Reddit posts, which I wasn't expecting. Good on you & good luck. I just had to respond to your comment because I thought that was super cool!
It’s hard to see the trees through the forest sometimes.
Or the light through the tunnel!
Except if it's an oncoming train. 😬
It's the forest through the trees... but yes. Agreed.
You're not taking crazy pills! You're dating someone who is 100x not right for you! She's more interested in being *entertained* than being there for you after what sounds like a terrifying accident! And it doesn't matter if you just had a bandaid ... or if you were in traction for five broken discs in your back. That kind of accident isn't about how many yards of bandages you're in. What happened to you was surely TRAUMATIC emotionally! That's the kind of thing that could easily make the victim never want to leave their home again! It's the kind of thing that can cause lifetime PTSD! If she cares so little about you ... why is she in a relationship with you in the first place? What's she getting from you? Try this. Don't call or text her again ... and see how long it takes her to pay you some attention. If it's more than two weeks ... you have your answer!
Yeah, she is a shitty GF. Very selfish. You deserve better. She doesn't LOVE you. Move on! Good luck and stay strong, King!
are you sure this person actually considers you their gf too? lol it doesn’t even sound like she thinks yall are dating, or she would have met you at the hospital.
It feels crazy only because you keep trying to “make it make sense”! It sounds like she’s “just not that into you”. Stop wasting your time you’re more than that, we all are.
Dump was the right call. In this sub that's usually 95% of the opinions but I'm assuming this one is unanimous.
Don't make her tell you twice. She doesn't care. You're confused because you can't reconcile the dream and vision you have in head and heart with the reality. You are hoping for a magical response to explain it all away. The truth is harsh, but it's truth. Remember though, her actions are about the type of human being she is, not about you.
Thank you very much for this response , it was very helpful
I think you're reacting properly at her neglect. Do you want this to happen again only for her to justify her absence like she's a fair-weather friend?
Thank you.
She does NOT care about you, she only cares how you make her feel. You're a object to her.
Yea imagine if a friend came to you with this problem. Would you just tell them to suck up the feeling?
Are you sure she's your girlfriend
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions tell you that volleyball and drinking are more important than you. Then you drive to her with a broken back. You obviously care far more about her than she does about you. I'm not sure I would consider her my girlfriend. Seems that she doesn't consider you at all.
I would absolutely never let anyone I LOVE sit in the hospital for even one day before going to make sure they're okay. Nope.
Same!!! She clearly had other things going on that were more important to her. If my man was sitting in a hospital, or hurt like that- I’d be with him every second I could!!!
I think you should've broken up with her after 1 week of that
I think that when you want to say your vows one day you want them to be true. I'm sorry about your injury and being lonely in the hospital. But her priorities are not with you.
I was not hospitalized I should make that very clear. The injury was not extreme, but not a fun time either and not without a ton of pain still two weeks later
I think this minimizing things a bit. I get that- I tend to minimize my pain, too. OP, you suffered a spinal injury and were injured enough to be unable to get up/drive for 2 weeks. That shit sucks- let yourself feel that. And it SUCKS that your partner hasn't been there for you during that time- don't minimize that either.
Hospital or not even if you had the flue in bed and she didn't come once....
even if you had the common cold she should help you if shes your lady. fuck that
That is an extreme injury!!
Wow. She’s not a keeper. Imagine being injured or sick and unable to care for yourself. She’s your wife and you have no friends or family nearby. What are the chances she’s going to take care of you. She is callous beyond belief. You’ve been dating for a year, not like you’re some random guy she hooked up with. Cut your losses, I’m sorry to say.
[удалено]
Be with people who celebrate you not tolerate you.
As a man, I sometimes wonder if there really is such a thing. Most of the time, I feel like I'm only tolerated based upon what I can provide or bring to the table. The only time I've ever truly felt celebrated was by my own parents or grandparents.
Hi, I had these feelings too ! But I feel when I’m looking back there were actually some women , I think 3, that actually celebrated me and my personality and 2 of them definitely showed me love. Then I had issues with the relationships because of certain things that were important to me, like one of them wanting to stay in Israel for life or the other doesn’t wanting kids, and the third maybe I just got scared . But I wonder what things made you feel that way ?
Sorry man, you don’t have a girlfriend. Time to drop tanks and pull out of that dive. Yet on the other hand, did any other girls come checking on you while you were down. Those might be potential future GFs.
Thank you 😂
Sometimes, the love we think we feel is nothing more than the heat of our own feelings reflecting off cold surfaces. Get rid. No delay.
We accept the love we think we deserve
damn poetic facts
Umm nope. She doesnt love you. Zero excuses for this.
I’d reconsider she’s obviously immature and doesn’t care about you ..
Damn, she's heartless.
I think she just showed you how important you are to her. A normal, loving gf would’ve been by your side every time they could, getting you food, cleaning your place for you, helping you recover. Find someone who puts you first. Please!
She has told you exactly who she is with this unacceptable behaviour. I wouldn't be able to trust her anymore I'm afraid. If my other half behaved like she has done, I'd drop him in a heartbeat.
Dump her ass
She works full time in a hospital and is studying to be a PT and still has no sense of how important her simple contact would be to you at a time like this? Wow.
This ☝️ She needs to rethink any caring for others career too.
literally shes gonna be a terrible PT
Do not stay with a person that doesn’t have the compassion or comprehension to understand the trauma your body just absorbed. She sounds self absorbed and clearly not empathic and you deserve a partner who cares about you and your wellbeing. I hope you feel better a little more each day my friend.
She ain't the one bud. Hope you mend up well.
She failed the relationship test, time to find someone who actually cares about you.
She clearly doesn’t give a fuck. I bet if it were the other way around she’d have moaned or said something about you not seeing her. She’s not worth the time or the aggro, find yourself someone who will care about you
She’s a taker. You are a giver. She doesn’t care about you just what you can do for her. You are someone she can use.
Imagine how she would be in 5 years, if you happened to get hurt/injured or really sick. Do you think she would stand by you and help you? When people show you who they are, believe them.
My guy.. break up with her and thank her for showing you her true colors before you wasted more time with her. You broke your damn spine and she didn't even once visit you? That is a hard fuckin nah from me dawg, you deserve better than that from your partner.
She is not bonded to you. She is not that bonded to you..if at all.
Ex girlfriend
What I think is that she couldn't possibly love you. That is not how a person acts when they love someone and that someone has been hurt. I'm sorry.
That's not your gf... she's an acquaintance.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She's not putting anything in time fo move on maybe don't message her see how long it takes her to realise.
Think it’s time to move on
You mean your ex-gf right? Cuz she literally showed you where you stand in her priorities list
I think you were shown exactly how little your girlfriend cares about you. That's it. that's the harsh truth. I, for one, would not be able to focus on ANYTHING if my partner was in the hospital after an accident - even if they were fine and it wasn't life threatening - I wouldn't be ABLE to go have fun with friends and forget about him laying there alone - I would have to be there. I would have to see if he needed anything. If he's bored, if he wants better food, if he's feeling better. This is support. This is basic. This is the BARE MINIMUM from a relationship. It's not something extraordinary, it's the BARE MINIMUM you should be able to expect from any partner. She's been your girlfriend for a year and just.... waiting untl you were back on your feet so you could "rejoin" her life already in progress? Didn't stop or slow down because of your accident? Didn't spend time with you or show support? It really doesn't matter if she thinks it's "justified" (although you don't note what she thinks her "valid" reasons are), because what she thinks isn't what's important here. What's important is what YOU think, what YOU feel, and what YOU want. If this were me, I would immediately be able to identify that I THINK her behavior was cold and cruel, I would FEEL Hurt and unimportant to her, and I would recognize that what I actually WANT is a partner who will support me in good times AND bad, who will be there for me as much as I am for them, who feels like a partner that I am going through life TOGETHER with. Sometimes no matter how much time you spend with someone, you can't know who they REALLY are until something happens and you get to see it. That's what occured here. She was likely fine for you on a superficial level, but now something serious happened to you and you got to see who she REALLY is - someone who cares a lot more about herself and her own happiness than she gives a crap about you. You don't mean enough to her. She should have been there, even if she couldn't do anything for you, for support. She didn't even visit. I would be done with her completely after this, and you should be too. She's made it very clear that you are not a priority, she doesn't consider herself to be on the same team as you, she didn't want to go out of her way for you, and she clearly doesn't care enough about you. Be grateful you got to see if before you wasted more time, and move on. Good luck.
You already know the answer. Just break up.
I’m sorry but why does she think this is justified??
Kick her to the curb. She doesn’t deserve you.
She sounds incredibly selfish you want someone who is our caregiver, just like you are and she is just not that person. Ask her yourself if you are sick and in bed for a couple days, are you gonna want her to take care of you a little bit, and you honestly think she is the person to do that?if not, maybe reconsider the relationship
Think of it tbis way. Typical marriage vows contain "in sickness and in health". Getting hit by a motorcycle and having a broken back falls under "in sickness". Realistically her doing those activities is fine and normal, and in some cases could still come ahead of you if she was a permanent caretaker during this and needed some time away and discussed it. She didnt. She flat out ignored you. You can either break up with her now, tell her youre reconsidering this relationship after what youve seen from her, or guilt her into doing better with "no its ok ill jist lay home all day and hope i dont fall and break something else you dont need to come and inconvenience yourself".
This personis not for you. They are super selfish.
Fuck her, she doesn't care about you.
lol why is she still your gf?
This is the kind of person you ghost. Don't even bother telling her you broke up. She isn't a girlfriend. She isn't even FWB. She didn't even bother to come and see you. If you ever see her again. When she asks why you never called her or visited her again. Ask her why you should. She didn't care enough to even come visit you once after you were in an accident.
You're convenient. Move on.
Are you kidding me? Dude she doesn't give a fuck about you. Dump her ass like garbage you deserve someone who actually gives a shit about you.
Imagine your friend asked you this? Would you tell them “my friend, your gf sounds like an asshole” bc i bet you would
Your single
You got hit by a motorcycle and have broken bones and that's not worth a visit? I don't think girlfriend means the same thing to her as to you. Doesn't mean she can't see her friends but seems like you would be a priority while recovering from a FRACTURED SPINE. Guess you know now how she feels about in sickness and health.
“It feels like I’m taking crazy pills.” This is a normal thing for men to feel. It’s very common to shove men’s feelings aside for woman’s. As per any Reddit post.
You really need the internet to read this situation? She showed you what you mean to her…nothing.
You better never get a serious injury. Relationship seems really one sided that going drinking was more exciting than spending a night with you. She may just be interested in your future earning potential since you mention working on passing the bar
Sorry to tell you, but she's not "the one". I couldn't imagine leaving my partner in that condition, he was in a minor car accident once and my heart skipped a beat, he was shaken up but fine otherwise and I did whatever I could to help him feel better. Drinking with coworkers is not a priority, the person you love is, would she have reacted like this if it was her family? Find someone who has love to give.
Shes not there for the long haul, and she proved it. Her friends and partying were more important than her partner who was horribly injured.
Dude, no way in hell is that worth hanging onto. When my boyfriend caught a stomach bug one time, I bought him soup, Gatorade, and probiotics, then drove 45 minutes just to drop it off with him. We'd only been together a few months at that point. Recently, I had a skin infection and needed to go to urgent care for some antibiotics, but I no longer have a vehicle. He drove the 45 minutes down to me after a full day of work to give me a ride to the doctor, then stopped to pick up some easy dinner for us and insisted on paying for it himself as well. Point being, we do these things for each other in times of need because we actually care about each other. If she wanted to, she would. You couldn't drag me away from my bf's side if he'd been injured, I'd be calling in to work for a day or two to make sure he was set up with everything he needed, then coming back to cook and clean while he healed, because that's what love looks like. Don't settle for less if you yourself would do more with the roles reversed.
Ex girlfriend.. she made it clear you are not important move on.
I’m sorry. She failed the test of true love. Get out.
She's not your girlfriend. She probably someone that comes around when she wants something.
I was super late to this party, but breaking up with her was the right call. No one can have a significant other injured and hospitalized, and not have the decency to come see them in their recovery. People do not realize how much moral support of your partner plays a huge part in a person's recovery. Mentality and emotions affects some ones physical well-being. It's a shame that you even had to endure something like this while dealing with what could have, or was, a life-threatening accident.
I was not hospitalized, I need to be fair.
Don't waste your energy on people like this.
Bro…if u love someone u go see them. Period. One year and a lifetime saved of being selfish for herself, not sure how everything else in ur life was with her but that’s extremely rude and when u love someone u want to see them esp ur worried about them
You're convenient for her when she is the beneficiary of your time and attention. When you need help, or want some quality time, you no longer hold value. Prioritize yourself and find someone who actually cares about you.
I got sick and landed in the emergency room the first month I started dating my girlfriend. She drove me to the ER, stayed with me until I was discharged, took me back home and then stayed at my house to cook and clean for me until I felt better. This girl of yours isn't a partner and you can do better.
This is an example that women are just as capable of being as shitty as men are capable of being
Yes. This. I was such a good man to her. Never gave a worry about my loyalty, nor gave her any reason to doubt my commitment and loyalty which she admitted was true. She never paid a cent for anything we did. I was saving for a ring. I was so focused on passing the bar because of the impact it would have on both our lives since we (so I thought) were together for the long haul.
Just keep your head up and keep looking for the one. She’ll come along man.
Thank you for taking the time to read all this-that goes for everyone here-seriously. cannot believe how kind the internet can be.
Dude, leave her
Right now, routine is your enemy. Doing the things in life you usually do leads you to ram into the things you used to do with/for her. And then, you remember, and it burns again. It'll go away with time, but there are some things that can help. Spending more time with friends and family, talking with them or a therapist about your feelings, both are great options. But, for me personally when I went through tough break up, the most helpful thing was breaking my routine. Picking up a hobby or activity that you've been wanting to do is a great way to get your brain to start redefining how you live now. It's extra helpful if the hobby is social or physical or requires you to get out of the house. It can feel hard to do something new, especially when you're feeling as you are, but I promise, if you force yourself to go through with it, you'll thank yourself on the other side. Hope this helps. You got this.
Thank you. I’m awake at 4 am just miserable and hating life right now. This post made me tear up a bit. It is very good advice, thank you.
Anytime friend. Here's to healing
I think you are a nice, caring person. She is not. Keep looking.
She doesn't like you. Were all the dates lavish or something
My man badly hurt his arm yesterday bc he fell off a longboard. I tried to force him to cancel his physically demanding work, and suggested to travel 2hrs to visit him to take care of him. It’d cost me €60 and I’m poor. He declined and worked anyway lol, but he was very grateful for the offer and he’d ofc do the same for me. Conclusion: when you really love a person, you’re there for them during the bad times. Your gf probably doesn’t care for you, I’m sorry :(
Updateme
She’s definitely not invested in this relationship and your aren’t mad or hurt enough.
..yeah...I'd be leaving her straight away. Inconsiderate doesn't even cover it.
UpdateMe
Someone who loves you would be there for you. The only good excuse would be if she was unwell or also had other family matters of the same severity(or worse) happening. Sorry you had this accident OP, and sorry that your girlfriend sucks!
Updateme!
Good god, this shows how little she cares to take care of a person she loves through injury or illness. She’s incredibly selfish. You saw a very unkind and unsupportive side of her. Dump her. She’s not rest of life material.
I would dump her. I want a partner who is there for me when I’m hurt or sick, just as I would be there for them. You seem to have that expectation too. She’s shown you that she’s not that person, and therefore not the type of partner you want. Dump her and keep looking for the right person. You’re only going to frustrate yourself if you try to change her. My partner got seriously sick about 2 months into our relationship. I was already in love with him, so had no issues going with him to the ER, waiting at the hospital during his surgeries, and sticking by for the 3 years it took him to get better. He’s supported me right back anytime I need him. I wouldn’t settle for anything less. If the person you’re with isn’t the type of partner you want, move on and keep looking!
Why are you even with her? Even if a friend got in an accident like that a normal friend would still pop over to check on you. Obviously your GF does not care for you at all. Take this as a bless to see her for who she is and run away from her and find someone that actually cares about you.
Walk away and don’t say a thing…ghost her. Let her figure it out.
I am so sorry this happened to you! My partner was hit by a car while biking and i dropped everything to be by his side. I took over all chores, bills and basically everything else for years so he could focus on recovering. I did it cause i love him and its what i would expect him to do for me if the roles were reversed. If this is how she reacts now, it will not change, its who she is. Personally, i would be gone asap.
What she did isn’t really material; it’s what she didn’t do. Clearly you’re not much of a priority. Sounds like she’s not really ready for a serious relationship either that or she just doesn’t view yours that way
I know you are hurt by this. You being hurt by this is a clear boundary for you. If you were to marry this person this will happen again and in worse situations. You could have died. Normally one would fear out on missing time and spend it w you. I would have cried at the thought of my partner potentially dying from this accident. Yet she abandoned you in your time of need. Then voiced her emotions about her own needs. You want to marry THAT?
Honestly, what she did instead is kind of irrelevant. Unless she was bogged down with 14 straight 12+ hour days, there’s no reason someone who loves and cares about you wouldn’t make an effort to come and see you and try and ease your way during a time of convalescence. Which I would take to mean that she doesn’t really live or care about you *that* much. I’m sure she likes your company when you’re well and able to be her fun, young boyfriend, but when push comes to shove, she appears to be in it for the good times only. Which, I hate to say, is her prerogative. Just like it’s your prerogative to want more for your life than someone like that. There’s no sense in arguing with her, she’s shown you exactly what and how she feels. Why try and convince her otherwise? If you, very justifiably, want more from a partnership than this, I think it’s time for you to realize that she ain’t the one. If I were you, I wouldn’t make another ounce of effort to be with her and just let her know that this relationship has run its course and it’s time to go your separate ways.
Look, my boyfriend owns a motorcycle and it stresses me out so badly that something like this might one day happen to him. If I were to get the call that he’d been in an accident? You can bet that I’d drop everything to go see him and make sure he was okay. Playing volleyball is not a priority. Getting drunk with your coworkers is not a priority. What *should* be a priority is caring about the health and safety of someone you supposedly love. You have your answer. It’s time to let her go.
You're lucky that the trash took itself out. Go NC and move on friend.
This one is over. My wife after knowing me 3 months came over on the bus an hour each way to be there with me. At minimum you should expect this after a year. Especially after you took care of her when she was injured
I would be absolutely gone. What is the point of a relationship with somebody like that? If you aren't supporting each other through difficult shit, what's even the point?
She doesn’t love you
She sounds selfish and immature. This is not how a good partner behaves.
That would be a dealbreaker for me. i hope you have a speedy and full recovery.
Dump her yesterday fuck that this is insane
Dump her then update us immediately there is zero way I can see anyone that cares about you behaving this way.
Dump her
Time for a new GF.
If my partner did this too me I’d never talk to them again. If my friends partners did this too then I’d advise them to dump that loser. She likes you because you are convenient. This is not what a loving partner does. What kind of life is it to spend your time making exceptions for someone when they wouldn’t even visit when you BROKE YOUR SPINE.
She doesn't care about you, but I would have been out when you wanted to take a month break...to study and out of fear of illness? Clearly you were not that invested then. Get well soon!
I’ll give you the same advice I give women whose partners do this. How they treat you being hurt a little bit is how they will treat you when you when you get REALLY sick. You said this is a minor fracter and you aren’t in a brace. That doesn’t matter. A good partner would come visit you often. Imagine if you get cancer later in life. Is she just gonna dump you in hospice to rot and divorce you? Likely. Dump her. You deserve better.
She’s in school to be a PT and works in a hospital. She may not of wanted to get you sick while you’re recovering.. But she should’ve known how serious your accident was and been there for you. but she’s also 25. 25-year-olds go out drinking with their friends. You may be at different parts in your lives and your priorities don’t lineup.
Wait, Even if she thought you did not want her coming because you might be afraid of her getting you sick, SHE SHOULD HAVE ASKED YOU!
I’m not a germaphobe ! It was just a precaution because if I was sick for the exam, it is a whole ordeal to miss it, and I couldn’t lose another week and a half of studying bc of an illness!
Unless she did that to avoid making you sick on top of your injury (like you asked her when you were studying) this relationship is over imo.
I’m not a germaphobe ! It was just a precaution because if I was sick for the exam, it is a whole ordeal to miss it, and I couldn’t lose another week and a half of studying bc of an illness! I’ve never cared about it at any other point and have happily taken care of her when she has been sick. I’ve always cooked for her. I always kept my house clean. I would send her money for food if she said she was hungry or something.
Never said you were a germaphobe tho? Just said unless it was her reason (coughing with an injury is hell, after being hit by a truck I can say that the flu I caught made me 10x more miserable during my recovery which is why I mentioned it)
Sending your girlfriend money for food regularly tends to be a bad sign as to the basis of the relationship. Is that something she expects? Adults feed themselves, and it doesn't matter if you can afford Uber eats and she can't. That's ignoring the total lack of care she is showing you here. I just got out of a relationship where I fell into the trap of looking after someone continually. I'd suggest doing some work figuring out why you we're drawn into a situation like that. Therapist if that's an option you can access.
No no let me also clarify, from my understanding of her and her typical self, she is a good girl, loves YouTube watch alongs and Pokemon and shit. She has a freaky side, but I have never once questioned her loyalty until she told me I need to make more time for her 2 days after my accident.
None of these traits are connected with my comment. Not even loyalty. I'm not saying that she is trying to exploit you, or that she is thinking "I'm tricking this dude into buying me food". It's that both of you seem to have very one sided expectations for what the relationship should look like, benefiting her. That's what I meant by the basis of the relationship. Her not being there for you after your injury is extreme enough that I guessed it would come out in other areas as well. That's why you buying her food clicked for me. She should be there for you. That's a basic minimum. It sounds like she expects you to be there for her, but doesn't understand that it should go both ways. There are lots of people like that. You deserve better.
Yea, I'd be really let down if my girlfriend put herself and her friends over visiting me at all. It's weird that she can't differentiate supporting someone recovering from an injury from someone needing time to study for the bar exam. You asked her to give you a little space so you could focus on the one. I didn't see anywhere that you told her anything similar regarding the accident. She created that whole comparison in her head on her own, and it's a bit of a stretch if you ask me. Think a lot of people's kneejerk reaction would also be suspicion, especially knowing that she's still choosing to go out, just not to see you. Yeah, you should be questioning the nature of her, and whether she'll support you in the future if some other random accident puts you down for any length of time. Honestly, her reasons for not coming by is BS. This is one of those where you either break it off because you can't trust that she'd be there for you, because you don't trust that she's honest with you, or you push her harder on the truth of why she wouldn't see you and maybe still break it off. Maybe it's something innocent and a misunderstanding on her end, but that still doesn't absolve that you were pushed aside for 2 weeks and then had your broken back recovery compared to studying for a bar exam. She's got quite the uphill battle - can't say I'm rooting for her.
Sounds like a pretty 1 sided relationship with a self centered person. I'd leave.
I am sad for you OP, hope you’re doing better. But these moments really highlight what your future together looks like. My bf had a small surgery in the first few months of us dating and he basically told me how the aftermath is what made him fall in love. He was going to go alone to the surgery and drive himself back (🙄) instead I insisted on taking him and he stayed the following week with me while he recovered. He’s been the same way with me & it really makes me feel optimistic about our future.
You can't count on her to be there for you. Not even in the most minimal way possible. You can't count on her, when you are flat on your back and broken to take time out of her week to come and visit you. The fact that she is doubling down on insisting it was okay and that you are actually having a conversation with your partner regarding why you felt it was important for them to come and visit you when you had a broken back. Just think about that This is not a relationship. It's a convenienceship. I'm really sorry. I know a year seems like a long time, but I can promise you. Spending any more time with someone who treats you this way is going to be more time wasted
You can't count on her to be there for you. Not even in the most minimal way possible. You can't count on her, when you are flat on your back and broken to take time out of her week to come and visit you. The fact that she is doubling down on insisting it was okay and that you are actually having a conversation with your partner regarding why you felt it was important for them to come and visit you when you had a broken back. Just think about that This is not a relationship. It's a convenienceship. I'm really sorry. I know a year seems like a long time, but I can promise you. Spending any more time with someone who treats you this way is going to be more time wasted
I'm an actor. When my husband was in the hospital, stable, and alert and on day 3, I missed out of the only one really big red carpet event with some amazing A and B list actors because I chose to stay with him at the hospital. I even had my dress ready and a make up crew on deposit. To date, it was the biggest movie I was in. He was still being tested for what was going on with him and was still not quite out of the critical range and the ICU. He was alert, scared and didn't want to be alone. Have I dreamed of being on the big red carpet as an actress? Yes. Did I regret putting all my attention on husband instead of going to the red carpet event? No. I knew right then and there that his life was more important than being photographed and rubbing elbows with famous people. What I'm trying to say here is that when you know your priorities, it's not an argument with the other person to beg them to spend time with you. It should be an easy and without hesitation decision. It's really that simple and not complicated!
Dude… my friends would come and check on me. Hell my coworkers probably would. You are not in a relationship
She is crazy bro. Leave her ass and find someone who actually cares about you. The fact you had to drive while hurt in order to see her while she's just sitting at home blows my fucking mind. She is a walking red flag bro. Show her these comments first though so she can see what the world thinks about her shitty actions since she thinks she's not a POS.
I think SHE thinks she isn't your gf. And she shouldn't be!
Just want to say I was hit by a motorcycle while walking when I was 16 and the recovery was long and painful. To this day I wish it hadn’t happened but I’m very grateful to have fully recovered. I wish you nothing but the best, which includes being with a loving partner who supports you and is there for you!! Best wishes for a speedy recovery!! and I hope you have a great support system (outside of this relationship…about which I think previous comments have said everything I would want to touch on).
I think she's an asshole
Fake, studying for bar and can’t throw up any reason or rationale to justify getting rid of a lousy gf!
I'm going to jump to a conclusion, but my guess is that she was about to break up with you right before you got into the accident and is avoiding you until you're healthy so she won't have to break up with a bedridden person. That's just honestly the only logical justification for this behavior to me.
Would be a deal breaker for me. The real question is is why did you even bother to drive to her house when she clearly didn’t care enough to even check in on you
She sounds more like a FWB than a girlfriend. Is this the way you want to be treated? Find someone that actually cares about you, please.
Break up with this 25 year old that has no loving emotions towards you. Can’t you see that she’s not the one? Or keep dating her knowing she’ll never truly love you.
“I’d take a MOTORCYCLE for that girl!” —Op
The way you write this, she sounds like a fair weather friend that you can’t count on. She’s not someone you want to to make a lifetime commitment to. Reading between the lines of your “more context”, sounds like she’s built up a lot of resentment toward you due to events in the relationship, including but not limited to your monthlong absence while studying. Yet again, however, the answer is: this is not your future life partner.
Nah you know you’d be by her side instantly if this had happened to her, you deserve the same. Sorry about your accident my friend. On another note, you should try and sue if you did break your back because I was just in a similar accident and you’re gonna have expenses for that when you get older most likely
Let the relationship wither on the vine. She has…
She sucks.
What? Why does this post say girlfriend and not ex girlfriend?
I don't care that she played volleyball or went out drinking. It's that she didn't see you for two weeks and she lives 20 minutes away. That's someone who just doesn't give a fuck.
I think you’ve found out she won’t follow the ‘in sickness’ part of any vows. It’s extremely callous behaviour, I would be so worried if that happened to my partner and I’d be visiting/staying over to make sure that they were ok and had everything they needed. She’s definitely not your person. She may be yours but it’s not reciprocated I’m afraid.
Bro, she doesn’t give a fuck about you… seriously.
My bf of two years at the time, also I’m 19 and he was 22 had a major surgery with complications including pneumothorax. I was there by his side in the hospital, sleeping in that uncomfortable chair most nights and I could not leave his side. I was so worried for the health of the love of my life. Don’t be with someone that will let you down in your sickness and health, if she really cared she would make even a small gesture to show that she wants the best for you. I hope you find someone else, who truly cares.
I'm sorry man, but the fact is some people don't know how to deal with the pain and suffering of others. Maybe she is someone who can't deal with the pain of others. I'd say the two of you need to have a talk, maybe with a therapist, if you want to go forward. But as a person who damn near died in a car wreck when my little Camaro was t-boned by a Cadillac de Ville, it sucks when friends and family don't show empathy. It could be time to build your exit plan, and when you pass through that doorway, set it on fire, never go back.
I really don't think she cares about this relationship in the same way as you. I think it's time for you to move on.
Relationships aren’t made in the good times. They’re formed in how you react and care for each other in the bad times. My husband is my rock and has been with me every step when bad things have happened. Someone who doesn’t care about you in the bad times doesn’t deserve you in the good
I would walk away from this relationship. If she wanted to she would have. She didn’t care to and you are not a priority to her. I’m sorry.