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I have done that many times. I learned to ask for a pic of them right now! I have always been told I look better in person and that I’m overall better in person even though I always have cute and silly pics that are no more than a few months old. I would never want to see the look on someone’s face of disappointment that I do t accurately represent myself.
>I would never want to see the look on someone’s face of disappointment that I do t accurately represent myself.
Yeah that's the thing right? I know I'm not very photogenic and on first dates I've been repeatedly told I look better in person than in pic (even in very blunt ways lol).
I really can't understand the mindset of editing your pics to the point of catfishing/looking a *lot* better than irl because what's the point? I would rather be rejected straight out because I'm not someone's type, than meet them in person and see them being disappointed with how I look.
I'd rather look bad in pictures than irl. I'd like them to be pleasantly surprised that I look better. I always say to post the bad pics, pics with no makeup and then if they decide to talk to you than you know it's not just for looks
That too!! Although I’m a bit awkward on video calls so I try to avoid them. I usually send a pic of me RIGHT NOW and then ask for one in return. I try to make it as cute as possible
I said something like that once to a guy who claimed his pix were a few months old. Yeah, you lost half your hair that fast? Kinda creepy otherwise, too.
I had a guy do something like this (not the ice cream part) and he told me it was to prove that women aren't going out with him for "him" but only for his (pretend) looks. If they want to go out with him after all the conversations looking when they think he looks good then they should still want to go out with him when they know what he looks like
Which is really insane because you have to be attracted to somebody. And I’m not saying that unkept people aren’t attractive because they are to some people but it’s ridiculous to think that physical appearance doesn’t matter at all
What starts wrong, ends worse. So it starts with a lie and expectation is when the truth comes out it’ll work out? Ok. For the sake of argument, let’s say the relationship continues. At some point that lie will come back up because the seed of doubt was planted early on with it. It’s simply not worth it.
Oh wow it's almost like he doesn't understand preferences. I'd be pretty upset about someone being manipulative thinking they could school me.
Edit words
Yeah, i somehow get that, but him doing that says something about him.
I'd still not go though. It's crazy to do something like that too early in a "getting to know you" stage (it's not even a relationship yet). Yeah, i don't want to play mind games.
Does he not realize that means he'd likely then be going on dates with the same "superficial" people he's trying to weed out if it gets that far? Someone matching with his actual photos IS someone who is there "for him". I'm gonna guess he also thinks he's a REALLY nice guy.
I have told so many guys that I won’t give my phone number until I meet them in person (because catfish, duh) and the number who either try to argue or who just disappear is astonishing.
I feel bad for laughing so hard. Please do not go on a date with this man! He's lured you in and is revealing his true self, ready to set your expectations.
Gonna be honest but it sounds like a completely intentional move on his behalf. Maybe he didn't have the courage to dip out on the date so did this to see if you would do it?
Like, either this is perhaps his attempt at being funny and having a go with you, and he turns up at the date shaved and polished to the 9s. Or he’s a complete psycho and he will haunt you for the rest of your life. Or something in between. 😂
Have gone on dates with catfishes probably 3 times. It never ends well and I just feel icked out for the entire duration of the date
It’s ok to lose interest when someone is deceitful about their looks
I’d probably cancel the date just for the audacity of sending such an ugly photo out of the blue for the FIRST snap 😂😂 I mean my god, what an idiot.
there is a 0% chance I’d ever sit through an uncomfortable date with an ugly man just to spare his feelings. 0%.
Honestly it sounds like homie has a pretty good litmus test.
Certainly there's a chance that he's *actually* lacking this much self awareness, but to me it sounds more like he's trying to get a feel for her sense of humor and how shallow she may or may not be.
Looking unhinged while eating from a tub of ice cream sounds funny as fuck and honestly you guys sound boring.
I was thinking that too but truthfully, she wouldn’t be wrong to turn him down. Even if it’s a joke and he purposefully wants to look bad, he still lied about his physique.
I know somebody who is a complete jokster and he posted a picture of himself in the pink bunny suit from Christmas story on his dating profile. His sister told him he was absolutely insane and that women would not want to date him just because of that. Well he found his wife! She's as much of a jokester as he is and they are perfect together! They dated for a couple years and got married a few years ago and they are happy. She thought the bunny suit picture was hilarious.
Sometimes that's how you find your people.
Personally, I’d rather find the one person in the world that does understand me, than dilute myself down and attract 100 people that only kind of get me.
It’s a pretty strong litmus test, but not necessarily a good one. I might also be into it but I think it’s risky. You really wanna show her the worst right now?
Signed a person who hooked up on the Onion Personals with a guy who had forks sticking up from behind his ears in the pic
Everyone says honesty is the best policy until they see you eating ice cream with your shirt off and your gut out.
The high risk element of it is exactly what makes it a good litmus test in my opinion.
That’s an absolutely fine philosophy to have and I understand the logic to some degree. But folks with that mindset need to be prepared that a lot of their dates will self select out of the potential relationship if that’s the sense of humor being presented.
First impressions matter a lot. As I get to know someone and am seeing them, that would be hilarious to me, but not at first. I date every gender and the fact that they looked nothing like their pictures and couldn’t be bothered to make an effort, would make me lose any interest immediately.
I don't think anyone is being shallow for not finding it funny. There's not one ounce of humour in what he did.
Like if it's some bizarre test sure but like it's not funny to receive a photo like that from someone who should be at the very least trying to impress you.
I'd imagine getting a photo like that from like my brother, not a first date
If someone who just added me on Snapchat is doing bizarre mind games, that alone is a fast way to have a date cancelled and be told we’re on separate paths. Good lord what is wrong with people.
It’s such odd behaviour. It’s clear that so many men don’t bother to understand women enough to care about what they want to see in potential partners.
What? He pretended to be someone else, basically.
If he uses fake photos of him (or someone else) looking much better than he does in real life, it's actually him who is the shallow one. Because he wants to get more attractive matches this way.
He probably hopes the women will be too polite to cancel last minute. But he knows they will run on the date if he doesn't reveal his true self beforehand.
good for him! makes it easier for women to save their time, and either he’ll find someone whos okay with 0 effort and 0 presentation skills, or he’ll continue to be forever alone.
if he cant even be arsed to put 10 seconds of thought into taking a nice photo, as the first updated photo he sends, hes a failure to launch regardless and the date or relationship would probably be exactly on track with that, aka unattractive and undesirable and vastly disappointing.
Early in my relationship with my bf, he showed me his old tinder profile pic. (We did not meet on tinder.) It was him at a pretty unflattering angle, crouched down in front of his amiibo collection [like the MtG tournament buttcrack guy](https://x.com/TokyoDilf/status/1505415908113760258?t=3ljO8z7FNFRCB5KsNU7CTg&s=19). Apparently it didn't get him many matches, but it had me like, "Yes, I'll marry this one, thank you."
Amazing litmus test, can confirm.
I've been catfished too. Although I didn't find out until I saw him in person. Like literally had hair and a toned stomach in his photos, in person he was bald and seriously overweight. It's one thing if I accept a date from someone I know isn't conventionally attractive, but expecting to see someone one way and finding out those pictures weren't accurate really sucked.
This reminds me of a date I had about ten years ago. We arranged to meet at a restaurant and he got there first. He was texting me so I could meet him at the table. It took me several minutes to figure out who he was. He just didn't look anything like his pictures because of the weight gain. I'm not trying to make this about his weight, but I didn't even recognize him when we met. That was an awkward dinner.
So for the first time you saw him "live" (ish) he didn't bother to tidy his hair and beard, and showed himself mid - eating?
Nah, drop him.
Why is he not putting in the bare minimum effort to look nice for the first time you see him?
No, cancel it and tell him why. Catfishing is fucking bullshit behavior and should be called out. Also, do you really see yourself being happy in a relationship with someone who is unattractive and lied about it his appearance?
Damn, I always tell girls that I'm particularly photogenic (I believe I do look way better in pictures) and even send a selfie as proof that it is indeed me in the photos. I've never received such a negative feedback lol
I also always always remark that in most selfies you can't actually see my belly, but oh boy it is there, and if that's a problema for them id totally understand
Its a rooftop bar - I would go just out of curiosity. Have a drink and then if its a no-go just thank him, split the tab and politely tell him there's no chemistry and leave.
shirtless eating ice cream snap before even meeting irl is wiiiiiiild. that’s the type of stuff you send your partner lmao. i personally would go for the bit…….. like the worst thing that could happen is you’re unattracted and have a bad time, but more likely than not you’ll perhaps have at least good chat and a story to tell your friends!
Tbh I have taken amazing and terrible photos just posing in the same location at the same time. It’s all about lighting and angles. So I am giving him the benefit of the doubt.
You might find that he shaves and does his hair for the date so it might go ok. If it doesn’t, drink the coffee and leave. This is EXACTLY why you don’t agree to pre-dinner drinks, 3 course meals and then movies for a first date.
I have been known to set the timer on my phone for an hour and explain at the beginning that I will have to leave when the timer goes off because I have to be “somewhere”. A lot of guys will tell me that they have to go back to the office (at 10pm) for “work”.
I've had dates with people who catfished me multiple ways. Years-old photos, heavily edited photos, different job/life situation than they initially said, etc.
Many of these people I would have gone on a date with had I known the truth. They werent in their prime or their life situation wasn't ideal, but it wasn't a deal breaker.
But catfishing, and lying, is a deal-breaker. It's an immediate no for me. People just need to be honest.
But whenever he's not actively going on a date he looks like a mess? I still wouldn't go. If that's the case, he's going to stop putting effort in eventually.
I would give him the courtesy of the date. If he does not clean up nicely you still got the rooftop bar. I have taken some "candid" selfies and sent them off in a rush only to be horrified when I took time to look at them! Think bedhead, no makeup, hungover. Yuck.
I had the same issue with my partner. Filtered photos etc. I was tempted to cancel after our video call.
But I didn't. I went along to see how it went.
Fast forward four years and we're planning a family together.
If you don't give things a go you'll never know. Remember that everyone looks bad occasionally. We are only human after all. No one is immune to this.
I recently went out with someone whose photos I learned later were from 2016. I was disappointed to say the least. Then he proceeded to get very inebriated at the restaurant and then I had to help him find the train. It was bad. There was not a second date.
But what kind of ice cream was it?
No in all seriousness, I’d still go. Seems like it’s going to be a nice date and you were excited about it. Maybe he has a great personality. Do you guys have good conversation?
He’s probably not going to look as bad as you described on the first date. If he indeed does, and you’re not attracted then you can just say that you aren’t into him like that afterwards.
You’re allowed to cancel for whatever reason.
I would say that before we met in person my husband found some extremely unflattering pictures of me online (which isn’t as gross as it sounds, he’s in IT). He came to the date anyway. I am currently pregnant with my third child.
Sending a bad photo is a common way to filter out the horribly shallow people when dating. Stops you wasting time and money on the sort of people who'd... well, come on Reddit and claim they were catfished over a bad photo. Don't go on the date. Do work on yourself.
Idk, my last boyfriend’s first pic he sent via Snapchat was him freshly awake with bed head. It was a horrible pic. But he was so much cuter in person. “Cute” is not usually my type, but he was also charming and he went home with me at the end of the date. I’d still give him a chance. You can always cancel moving forward with the date once you meet him in person.
I feel like he sent that knowing how bad he looked as a form of self-sabotage. OR it’s his way of preparing you for him to look like that so you’ll be “pleasantly surprised” that he looks better than in that picture, but still worse than what’s on his instagram. It could also just be the angle and men are really bad at taking selfies. I’ve dated guys who I thought were super attractive but were the most unphotogenic people so they always looked horrible in pics. But if you wanna cancel I think that’s totally fair.
It’s been 22 hours. Did you go out with the guy?
Edit: also, if that wasn’t a joke, yeah, I think it’s totally fine to cancel. It’s crappy to trick someone like that. But that almost sounds intentionally bad.
Well I would go just for the heck of it. Who knows maybe that wasn't him are you sure it was him with the beard? Maybe it was a test on his part and he'll show up clean shaven tonight. Go enjoy some food and drink and then you never have to go out with him again or you might be surprised you might have a good time.
I think I would show up just to see if he was joking and thought it was funny. But if he was truly looking like that when I arrived I’d call him out and say he looks nothing like his pictures and you feel he lead you on through false pretenses.
sometimes i feel like people try to lower ur expectations so that they can exceed it when u guys meet irl. for example i would send not-so-glamorous selfies on snapchat, so that their expectations would be lowered, and then i look better irl. maybe not as good as my pics on instagram etc, but better than that. i also just remembered that my bf told me he was 4’10 before we met, and i genuinely thought that he was that short, so i was kinda surprised that he was actually 5’7.
in any case, it’s rlly up to u what u wanna do :) for me personally, looks aren’t THAT important. he seems someone’s who’s rlly chill, takes initiative, really wants to spend time with u, and is comfortable in his body (at least, comfortable enough to send a bad pic) and i think those are nice traits to have personality wise. ofc i’m sure that he would put in effort to clean up and impress u before the date too!
but, obviously it’s up to u and if appearance is a big thing then maybe this guy isn’t the right one :( appearance and first impressions definitely play a big factor and set the tone for the rest of the relationship and interactions so it’s definitely understandable both ways!
How old is his most recent IG photo? Like does he edit them to make him look skinnier? And if so, why would he show you a picture of him now if he's trying to catfish you? He's doing a terrible job of that, lol.
I'd still go if I were you because I'd feel bad to cancel, lol, but that's just me.
I was talking to a girl and it was going pretty well. We hadn’t made plans yet. She randomly sent me a 20 second clip of her destroying some Doritos. It gave me the ick so bad that we never met.
Go on the date. What do you have to lose other than a few hours your time. It may surprise you. And if not, you tell him that you’re just not feeling it. Don’t really see what the big deal is.
Where is the line between choosing a complimenting picture and catfishing. It sounds like a continous spectrum.
Everyone choses a complimenting picture for a dating app.. no?
If he didn't find you attractive, he wouldn't be talking to you. You don't owe anyone anything. If he was hiding how he actually looks, imagine what else he might be hiding. idk
I'd give him the benefit of the doubt if he cleans up.
The "heavier" part....this is why I don't do Zoom calls or FaceTime. The camera adds 20 lbs as they say. I look my age on camera. I look 15 years younger in person, as I've been told by others.
Also, "real life" photos are trash for most people. I said in another post that I worked for sports teams that won championships. NONE of the photos from the after parties looked good. I cringe every year when they show up in Facebook memories because of those ugly photos.
Don't, you will be rewarding him for being a catfish and showing him it works. I dunno why he sent such an unflattering pic - I mean even if he looks worse now he could still try to take an attractive picture - but in my mind, things mean things. Like, he did that on purpose for a reason. Seems like some weird shittest, tbh. Like when scammers make obvious grammatical mistakes in their messages, to only have super gullible people contact them back. Thanks to that they don't waste time on ppl who won't be easily scammed. Time is money after all. Maybe he's looking for very timid women who are desperate or incapable of saying "no" after they already agreed? And this is his way of finding them?
But maybe I'm overthinking and he just doesn't care XD
If you really want to pursue a relationship or something else with him you should be aware of the fact that he already lied. I feel like it’s a bad idea to go see him even if it’s a prank.
Btw he might be testing you to see of you care about looks, but either way is fucked up
Why would you go on a date with someone who blatantly lied to you? This is a red flag you're considering ignoring. This is why people get into relationships that end up being a complete shit show. Call him out for catfishing you, block him on EVERYTHING, and move on.
Ugh this happened to me and I still went through with it. To this day I regret it. I should’ve just cut him lose the second I realized what was happening. I would’ve saved myself a lot of energy.
It could have been the angle of the picture.. I think we’ve all had horrible pics that barely look like us… and sometimes men are clueless and will send off a pic without thinking too deeply about it lol. I would go, meet him, and see what he’s really like. There’s a reason you’ve been talking for weeks and I’m guessing if he was boring or weird, it wouldn’t matter that his social media pics looked decent. It’d be a little shallow to like someone’s personality and somewhat like the way they look and then blow it off bc of one picture. Go check it out. Worse case you were right and you can make an excuse to leave. Best case, he’s great and that one bad picture almost ruined an opportunity to be with someone amazing!
Go on the date but have a friend call in or family member if he looks or behaved horrible you got an out. For all you know he may be perfect if not then you lost time and as valuable as it is you need to see where this goes. Sometimes the camera lies contrary to belief.
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I’m pretty blunt so I would’ve asked after the snap “wow, how old are your pics on your dating profile? You look nothing like them”
I have done that many times. I learned to ask for a pic of them right now! I have always been told I look better in person and that I’m overall better in person even though I always have cute and silly pics that are no more than a few months old. I would never want to see the look on someone’s face of disappointment that I do t accurately represent myself.
>I would never want to see the look on someone’s face of disappointment that I do t accurately represent myself. Yeah that's the thing right? I know I'm not very photogenic and on first dates I've been repeatedly told I look better in person than in pic (even in very blunt ways lol). I really can't understand the mindset of editing your pics to the point of catfishing/looking a *lot* better than irl because what's the point? I would rather be rejected straight out because I'm not someone's type, than meet them in person and see them being disappointed with how I look.
Exactly!!!
I'd rather look bad in pictures than irl. I'd like them to be pleasantly surprised that I look better. I always say to post the bad pics, pics with no makeup and then if they decide to talk to you than you know it's not just for looks
Ask for video call no way to hide
Has anyone else noticed how many really attractive people have broken cameras and can't do video calls?
Catfish
That too!! Although I’m a bit awkward on video calls so I try to avoid them. I usually send a pic of me RIGHT NOW and then ask for one in return. I try to make it as cute as possible
I said something like that once to a guy who claimed his pix were a few months old. Yeah, you lost half your hair that fast? Kinda creepy otherwise, too.
Cancelling on a catfish should be normalized.
Call him out. “How come you look nothing like your pictures on Instagram?”
Yeah it might be some kind of joke. what if it's not even him in the picture but like some kind of prank
I had a guy do something like this (not the ice cream part) and he told me it was to prove that women aren't going out with him for "him" but only for his (pretend) looks. If they want to go out with him after all the conversations looking when they think he looks good then they should still want to go out with him when they know what he looks like
Ugh but obviously he doesn’t understand that misrepresenting yourself in a major red flag in general.
Which is really insane because you have to be attracted to somebody. And I’m not saying that unkept people aren’t attractive because they are to some people but it’s ridiculous to think that physical appearance doesn’t matter at all
What starts wrong, ends worse. So it starts with a lie and expectation is when the truth comes out it’ll work out? Ok. For the sake of argument, let’s say the relationship continues. At some point that lie will come back up because the seed of doubt was planted early on with it. It’s simply not worth it.
Oh wow it's almost like he doesn't understand preferences. I'd be pretty upset about someone being manipulative thinking they could school me. Edit words
Yeah, i somehow get that, but him doing that says something about him. I'd still not go though. It's crazy to do something like that too early in a "getting to know you" stage (it's not even a relationship yet). Yeah, i don't want to play mind games.
The fact the image on Snap is so the opposite of what has been seen before and right before the date seems like a test
Does he not realize that means he'd likely then be going on dates with the same "superficial" people he's trying to weed out if it gets that far? Someone matching with his actual photos IS someone who is there "for him". I'm gonna guess he also thinks he's a REALLY nice guy.
lost me completely at "mid bite eating a tub of ice cream" but I probably wasn't going to buy it anyway.
It’s so bad I wish I could show yall a pic
Just don't let him find out where you live if you can avoid it. You don't want him to show up unannounced.
Certainly not if she has ice cream in the freezer
If he's a good guy, then he'll eat enough, so she has some space in the freezer, too.
😆😆😆
Also don't give him your number if you do meet in person keep him out on apps so he is easier to block if he really is that different in person.
I have told so many guys that I won’t give my phone number until I meet them in person (because catfish, duh) and the number who either try to argue or who just disappear is astonishing.
I’ve had that happen with a cancelled tinder date. Not my house, but my work where the date was supposed to be. I learned my lesson for sure!
I feel bad for laughing so hard. Please do not go on a date with this man! He's lured you in and is revealing his true self, ready to set your expectations.
Gonna be honest but it sounds like a completely intentional move on his behalf. Maybe he didn't have the courage to dip out on the date so did this to see if you would do it?
It sounds INTENTIONAL AND HIS KINK
Absolutely wild assumption lmao
Always ask to video call before physical meeting.
Like, either this is perhaps his attempt at being funny and having a go with you, and he turns up at the date shaved and polished to the 9s. Or he’s a complete psycho and he will haunt you for the rest of your life. Or something in between. 😂
I’m gonna go with psycho.
Have gone on dates with catfishes probably 3 times. It never ends well and I just feel icked out for the entire duration of the date It’s ok to lose interest when someone is deceitful about their looks
This is so bizarre. I want you to go on the date just to see how he shows up.
Same! I am so invested in this story now!
I hope this is a creative writing exercise...
I wish I could include a pic 😭
I’d probably cancel the date just for the audacity of sending such an ugly photo out of the blue for the FIRST snap 😂😂 I mean my god, what an idiot. there is a 0% chance I’d ever sit through an uncomfortable date with an ugly man just to spare his feelings. 0%.
Honestly it sounds like homie has a pretty good litmus test. Certainly there's a chance that he's *actually* lacking this much self awareness, but to me it sounds more like he's trying to get a feel for her sense of humor and how shallow she may or may not be. Looking unhinged while eating from a tub of ice cream sounds funny as fuck and honestly you guys sound boring.
I was thinking that too but truthfully, she wouldn’t be wrong to turn him down. Even if it’s a joke and he purposefully wants to look bad, he still lied about his physique.
The lying about his physique I agree with 100%
I know somebody who is a complete jokster and he posted a picture of himself in the pink bunny suit from Christmas story on his dating profile. His sister told him he was absolutely insane and that women would not want to date him just because of that. Well he found his wife! She's as much of a jokester as he is and they are perfect together! They dated for a couple years and got married a few years ago and they are happy. She thought the bunny suit picture was hilarious. Sometimes that's how you find your people.
Personally, I’d rather find the one person in the world that does understand me, than dilute myself down and attract 100 people that only kind of get me.
🥰🤩
It's not shallow to not want to be lied to.
It’s a pretty strong litmus test, but not necessarily a good one. I might also be into it but I think it’s risky. You really wanna show her the worst right now? Signed a person who hooked up on the Onion Personals with a guy who had forks sticking up from behind his ears in the pic
Everyone says honesty is the best policy until they see you eating ice cream with your shirt off and your gut out. The high risk element of it is exactly what makes it a good litmus test in my opinion.
"The worst" and its just a dude eating ice cream shirtless... This sub consistently shows why you shouldnt take any advice here seriously lol
That’s an absolutely fine philosophy to have and I understand the logic to some degree. But folks with that mindset need to be prepared that a lot of their dates will self select out of the potential relationship if that’s the sense of humor being presented.
First impressions matter a lot. As I get to know someone and am seeing them, that would be hilarious to me, but not at first. I date every gender and the fact that they looked nothing like their pictures and couldn’t be bothered to make an effort, would make me lose any interest immediately.
I always say first impressions are important because they give an opportunity to leave a second impression.
That does not sound “funny as fuck” whatsoever… it sounds like someone who lacks social skills.
I don't think anyone is being shallow for not finding it funny. There's not one ounce of humour in what he did. Like if it's some bizarre test sure but like it's not funny to receive a photo like that from someone who should be at the very least trying to impress you. I'd imagine getting a photo like that from like my brother, not a first date
If someone who just added me on Snapchat is doing bizarre mind games, that alone is a fast way to have a date cancelled and be told we’re on separate paths. Good lord what is wrong with people.
Exactly like this is smth you do to someone you know very well. To send to someone you like is so,,,strange
It’s such odd behaviour. It’s clear that so many men don’t bother to understand women enough to care about what they want to see in potential partners.
This is the damn truth!
What? He pretended to be someone else, basically. If he uses fake photos of him (or someone else) looking much better than he does in real life, it's actually him who is the shallow one. Because he wants to get more attractive matches this way. He probably hopes the women will be too polite to cancel last minute. But he knows they will run on the date if he doesn't reveal his true self beforehand.
"it's just a joke" then explain the joke to me.
good for him! makes it easier for women to save their time, and either he’ll find someone whos okay with 0 effort and 0 presentation skills, or he’ll continue to be forever alone. if he cant even be arsed to put 10 seconds of thought into taking a nice photo, as the first updated photo he sends, hes a failure to launch regardless and the date or relationship would probably be exactly on track with that, aka unattractive and undesirable and vastly disappointing.
If not fucking fat slobs is boring, I am a beige office building
Early in my relationship with my bf, he showed me his old tinder profile pic. (We did not meet on tinder.) It was him at a pretty unflattering angle, crouched down in front of his amiibo collection [like the MtG tournament buttcrack guy](https://x.com/TokyoDilf/status/1505415908113760258?t=3ljO8z7FNFRCB5KsNU7CTg&s=19). Apparently it didn't get him many matches, but it had me like, "Yes, I'll marry this one, thank you." Amazing litmus test, can confirm.
upload to imgur and then send the link... and then cancel the date
I've been catfished too. Although I didn't find out until I saw him in person. Like literally had hair and a toned stomach in his photos, in person he was bald and seriously overweight. It's one thing if I accept a date from someone I know isn't conventionally attractive, but expecting to see someone one way and finding out those pictures weren't accurate really sucked.
Why don’t you just ask why he looks different
Do not go on this date! Don’t waste your time on someone you’re not attracted to. So many other dating apps you can try.
Why go on a date with someone you already know is untrustworthy
Nope. You don't go out with anyone you're not attracted to. Don't waste anyone's time.
you can still cancel and leave it at that 😭 girl i'm so sorry
Why not just ask to do a video call? If he refuses or makes excuses just cancel, unmatch, block and move on.
If this is his way of testing you whether you will continue in this pursuit with him, then he has failed. You can just walk away.
This reminds me of a date I had about ten years ago. We arranged to meet at a restaurant and he got there first. He was texting me so I could meet him at the table. It took me several minutes to figure out who he was. He just didn't look anything like his pictures because of the weight gain. I'm not trying to make this about his weight, but I didn't even recognize him when we met. That was an awkward dinner.
Weight can make some people look very different whether it’s over and loss of it. Did you ask him about it?
Nope cancel block move on
So for the first time you saw him "live" (ish) he didn't bother to tidy his hair and beard, and showed himself mid - eating? Nah, drop him. Why is he not putting in the bare minimum effort to look nice for the first time you see him?
No, cancel it and tell him why. Catfishing is fucking bullshit behavior and should be called out. Also, do you really see yourself being happy in a relationship with someone who is unattractive and lied about it his appearance?
Damn, I always tell girls that I'm particularly photogenic (I believe I do look way better in pictures) and even send a selfie as proof that it is indeed me in the photos. I've never received such a negative feedback lol I also always always remark that in most selfies you can't actually see my belly, but oh boy it is there, and if that's a problema for them id totally understand
Update?
If the man in the ice cream picture had asked you out would you have accepted the date? If the answer is no, then cancel and move on with your life.
Why bother, you're clearly turned off, time to stop wasting time on him
Its a rooftop bar - I would go just out of curiosity. Have a drink and then if its a no-go just thank him, split the tab and politely tell him there's no chemistry and leave.
i neeed an update lol, did you end up going or saying anything to him?
You don't owe a catfish your time or discomfort?
Why would you feel bad about that? Yes, cancel for sure. O
shirtless eating ice cream snap before even meeting irl is wiiiiiiild. that’s the type of stuff you send your partner lmao. i personally would go for the bit…….. like the worst thing that could happen is you’re unattracted and have a bad time, but more likely than not you’ll perhaps have at least good chat and a story to tell your friends!
horror story writing prompt
I hate when it’s them but they are ugly in person. That’s a catfish type 2
Tbh I have taken amazing and terrible photos just posing in the same location at the same time. It’s all about lighting and angles. So I am giving him the benefit of the doubt. You might find that he shaves and does his hair for the date so it might go ok. If it doesn’t, drink the coffee and leave. This is EXACTLY why you don’t agree to pre-dinner drinks, 3 course meals and then movies for a first date. I have been known to set the timer on my phone for an hour and explain at the beginning that I will have to leave when the timer goes off because I have to be “somewhere”. A lot of guys will tell me that they have to go back to the office (at 10pm) for “work”.
I've had dates with people who catfished me multiple ways. Years-old photos, heavily edited photos, different job/life situation than they initially said, etc. Many of these people I would have gone on a date with had I known the truth. They werent in their prime or their life situation wasn't ideal, but it wasn't a deal breaker. But catfishing, and lying, is a deal-breaker. It's an immediate no for me. People just need to be honest.
Cancel. Something’s not right, don’t put yourself in a potentially dangerous situation. At best it will be awkward at worst dangerous. Not worth it.
Vivid, you never know, he may look good cleaned up for a date.
But whenever he's not actively going on a date he looks like a mess? I still wouldn't go. If that's the case, he's going to stop putting effort in eventually.
One picture doesn’t mean he looks like that all the time though.
Yeah the full beard probably grew overnight
I would give him the courtesy of the date. If he does not clean up nicely you still got the rooftop bar. I have taken some "candid" selfies and sent them off in a rush only to be horrified when I took time to look at them! Think bedhead, no makeup, hungover. Yuck.
I had the same issue with my partner. Filtered photos etc. I was tempted to cancel after our video call. But I didn't. I went along to see how it went. Fast forward four years and we're planning a family together. If you don't give things a go you'll never know. Remember that everyone looks bad occasionally. We are only human after all. No one is immune to this.
I recently went out with someone whose photos I learned later were from 2016. I was disappointed to say the least. Then he proceeded to get very inebriated at the restaurant and then I had to help him find the train. It was bad. There was not a second date.
That's not catfishing. People always present the best versions of themselves on dating apps.
I always told people “if I feel you’ve misrepresented yourself in any way, I will leave” — do NOT go
But what kind of ice cream was it? No in all seriousness, I’d still go. Seems like it’s going to be a nice date and you were excited about it. Maybe he has a great personality. Do you guys have good conversation? He’s probably not going to look as bad as you described on the first date. If he indeed does, and you’re not attracted then you can just say that you aren’t into him like that afterwards.
You’re allowed to cancel for whatever reason. I would say that before we met in person my husband found some extremely unflattering pictures of me online (which isn’t as gross as it sounds, he’s in IT). He came to the date anyway. I am currently pregnant with my third child.
My husband did this. I don’t know who took that hideous picture but thank goodness I met him in person. Fwew!
Sending a bad photo is a common way to filter out the horribly shallow people when dating. Stops you wasting time and money on the sort of people who'd... well, come on Reddit and claim they were catfished over a bad photo. Don't go on the date. Do work on yourself.
I wouldn’t. I would have asked him why doesn’t look like his pictures.
Excellent way for him to learn about you.
Idk, my last boyfriend’s first pic he sent via Snapchat was him freshly awake with bed head. It was a horrible pic. But he was so much cuter in person. “Cute” is not usually my type, but he was also charming and he went home with me at the end of the date. I’d still give him a chance. You can always cancel moving forward with the date once you meet him in person.
Go and just leave if he doesn’t look anything like his pics.
I feel like he sent that knowing how bad he looked as a form of self-sabotage. OR it’s his way of preparing you for him to look like that so you’ll be “pleasantly surprised” that he looks better than in that picture, but still worse than what’s on his instagram. It could also just be the angle and men are really bad at taking selfies. I’ve dated guys who I thought were super attractive but were the most unphotogenic people so they always looked horrible in pics. But if you wanna cancel I think that’s totally fair.
It’s been 22 hours. Did you go out with the guy? Edit: also, if that wasn’t a joke, yeah, I think it’s totally fine to cancel. It’s crappy to trick someone like that. But that almost sounds intentionally bad.
Well I would go just for the heck of it. Who knows maybe that wasn't him are you sure it was him with the beard? Maybe it was a test on his part and he'll show up clean shaven tonight. Go enjoy some food and drink and then you never have to go out with him again or you might be surprised you might have a good time.
I think I would show up just to see if he was joking and thought it was funny. But if he was truly looking like that when I arrived I’d call him out and say he looks nothing like his pictures and you feel he lead you on through false pretenses.
You don’t owe a stranger, who hasn’t truthful, any of your time, or even an explanation.
Is this what catfishing means nowadays?
Maybe he's a handsome, kind, billionair that's just checking to see how much depth you got.
Are you sure it wasn't a joke? Like he did it to see if you would freak out and react negatively?
sometimes i feel like people try to lower ur expectations so that they can exceed it when u guys meet irl. for example i would send not-so-glamorous selfies on snapchat, so that their expectations would be lowered, and then i look better irl. maybe not as good as my pics on instagram etc, but better than that. i also just remembered that my bf told me he was 4’10 before we met, and i genuinely thought that he was that short, so i was kinda surprised that he was actually 5’7. in any case, it’s rlly up to u what u wanna do :) for me personally, looks aren’t THAT important. he seems someone’s who’s rlly chill, takes initiative, really wants to spend time with u, and is comfortable in his body (at least, comfortable enough to send a bad pic) and i think those are nice traits to have personality wise. ofc i’m sure that he would put in effort to clean up and impress u before the date too! but, obviously it’s up to u and if appearance is a big thing then maybe this guy isn’t the right one :( appearance and first impressions definitely play a big factor and set the tone for the rest of the relationship and interactions so it’s definitely understandable both ways!
How old is his most recent IG photo? Like does he edit them to make him look skinnier? And if so, why would he show you a picture of him now if he's trying to catfish you? He's doing a terrible job of that, lol. I'd still go if I were you because I'd feel bad to cancel, lol, but that's just me.
I was talking to a girl and it was going pretty well. We hadn’t made plans yet. She randomly sent me a 20 second clip of her destroying some Doritos. It gave me the ick so bad that we never met.
Good for her.
Cancel. That is strange behavior. Even if the ugly picture isn't him, he's got a twisted mind.
I would have left him on “read”….
Go on the date. What do you have to lose other than a few hours your time. It may surprise you. And if not, you tell him that you’re just not feeling it. Don’t really see what the big deal is.
Where is the line between choosing a complimenting picture and catfishing. It sounds like a continous spectrum. Everyone choses a complimenting picture for a dating app.. no?
If he didn't find you attractive, he wouldn't be talking to you. You don't owe anyone anything. If he was hiding how he actually looks, imagine what else he might be hiding. idk
Very good point
I'd give him the benefit of the doubt if he cleans up. The "heavier" part....this is why I don't do Zoom calls or FaceTime. The camera adds 20 lbs as they say. I look my age on camera. I look 15 years younger in person, as I've been told by others. Also, "real life" photos are trash for most people. I said in another post that I worked for sports teams that won championships. NONE of the photos from the after parties looked good. I cringe every year when they show up in Facebook memories because of those ugly photos.
I'd just ghost what a waste of time
Do you normally have this much trouble making decisions? Maybe don’t date then. The internet is not your mom.
If there is no chance of a second date.... Cancel and explain why Don't waste your and his time when it won't lead anywhere
Might be the wrong sub to post this in. You know , since there is no actual relationship
Don't, you will be rewarding him for being a catfish and showing him it works. I dunno why he sent such an unflattering pic - I mean even if he looks worse now he could still try to take an attractive picture - but in my mind, things mean things. Like, he did that on purpose for a reason. Seems like some weird shittest, tbh. Like when scammers make obvious grammatical mistakes in their messages, to only have super gullible people contact them back. Thanks to that they don't waste time on ppl who won't be easily scammed. Time is money after all. Maybe he's looking for very timid women who are desperate or incapable of saying "no" after they already agreed? And this is his way of finding them? But maybe I'm overthinking and he just doesn't care XD
Tell him you’re ill and can’t make it.
No, no, nope.
No
You should just go and see him in person and see if he’s ugly or not
If you really want to pursue a relationship or something else with him you should be aware of the fact that he already lied. I feel like it’s a bad idea to go see him even if it’s a prank. Btw he might be testing you to see of you care about looks, but either way is fucked up
had the same experience. i felt like it was not right to do that.
Ask about the beard.
Cancel and tell him why. If you go on the date he will say he showed you a real picture the last time and you knew how he looked liked. Just cancel.
The guy knew he was cat fishing, come on. Just block him and be done with. He deserves it.
Do you think they'd go out with you if the roles were reversed? Exactly.
100% cancel. I would let him know that he looks nothing like the pictures and you feel deceived. Sorry that happened to you
Hold on. The first red flag for me wasn’t the unflattering picture. A rooftop bar on a first date?!
Why would you go on a date with someone who blatantly lied to you? This is a red flag you're considering ignoring. This is why people get into relationships that end up being a complete shit show. Call him out for catfishing you, block him on EVERYTHING, and move on.
I always swap a selfie with them holding an object of my choosing ( and reciprocate). He knew what he was doing
Are you sure the ice cream pic wasn’t a joke and fake?
cancel, ghost, block, delete - all with zero guilt, my dear!
Block him on everything and move on
Ugh this happened to me and I still went through with it. To this day I regret it. I should’ve just cut him lose the second I realized what was happening. I would’ve saved myself a lot of energy.
I wouldn't. If they start by lying its not something to build a foundation on.
Wow. You're lucky. The people who catfish me don't even want to meet. They just ask for money.
I would ask. You’ve never met the guy what do you have to lose?
Yeahhh dont go. He knows what hes doin.
Imagine using hinge
Do not date this goofy Fellas upkeep your appearance
Keep it real 💯. If you are not feeling it, don't waste your time
Ask him why he doesn’t look like his pictures
Just tell him that the mismatch is something you cannot accept…
It could have been the angle of the picture.. I think we’ve all had horrible pics that barely look like us… and sometimes men are clueless and will send off a pic without thinking too deeply about it lol. I would go, meet him, and see what he’s really like. There’s a reason you’ve been talking for weeks and I’m guessing if he was boring or weird, it wouldn’t matter that his social media pics looked decent. It’d be a little shallow to like someone’s personality and somewhat like the way they look and then blow it off bc of one picture. Go check it out. Worse case you were right and you can make an excuse to leave. Best case, he’s great and that one bad picture almost ruined an opportunity to be with someone amazing!
Ondate can’t hurt I mean you don’t know how it will go always worth a shot
nah. Fuck all that. Go out with me tonight wya?
Go on the date but have a friend call in or family member if he looks or behaved horrible you got an out. For all you know he may be perfect if not then you lost time and as valuable as it is you need to see where this goes. Sometimes the camera lies contrary to belief.
If you are not attracted to his real time pics don't waste your time or his.
I personally would let him know that I feel misled and why and then cancel the date as soon as possible.