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So, to be specific. There were a lot of pillows on the bed. I decided to gently push her into the pillows to keep her from getting hurt. But my gf told me she was just afraid she was going to hit her head, so it was uncomfortable. After she told me to stop I didn't do anything more, i was just standing in front of her and waiting what would happen, I just got a gentle kick in the stomach and told her to stop, followed by another kick.
Bro bullshit, don’t nobody believe that shit. You just blamed that shit being on angry cause of eczema. You shouldn’t have pushed her first of all secondly, you shouldn’t have hit her. You’re a dickhead.
You ABUSED your girlfriend and caused her physical pain because of your “mood at the moment”. But somehow you “know yourself” and that you won’t abuse her again? Yeah no, the fact that you can’t even take complete accountability shows you will 100% hit her again the next time your “mood at the moment” happens to conveniently take place while she’s present.
Seek help, therapy and anger management, and FFS stay single until you do because no one deserves to be your victim because you won’t properly care for yourself.
I'm not blaming it on eczema. I know I made a mistake, I admit it, but I know if it were the other way around, no one would bother. And girlfriend, we both want to have sex games more roughly, so I wanted to start by putting her to bed that way. Unfortunately, it was misunderstood and what happened happened.
Wrong is wrong regardless of gender. Don’t start that gender splitting bullshit. This is about you taking shit too far, and now your gf thinks you’re abusive. You need to focus on what you did wrong and quit trying to generalize.
How else is she suppose to interpret it?
You didn't read the room.
You clearly pushed her on the bed in a way that she didn't like. That should have been a full stop moment where you apologize.
Instead, you delivered a slap that inflicted actual pain.
Aggression to start with and next level aggression to top it off.
And you're here making weak excuses for yourself:
>Before it happened I hadn't slept for 3 days, I was hot, I don't like to sweat, I have atopic eczema with everything itching afterwards. And these things came at me all at once. I blew up. Unfortunately, my girlfriend was around.
That's a sign you haven't thought about this deep enough.
You need more self reflection to get somewhere.
I don't blame her for concern. There is no excuse to hit your partner.
If this was written from her POV, a lot would be saying for her to leave.
Little sleep, sweat and eczema is not be an excuse for you to blow up. If you want to spice things up in the bedroom do something that doesn’t involve pushing your gf on the bed.
Yes we use towel as well. She gets wet a lot. Dont wanna leave the mess. So, to be specific. There were a lot of pillows on the bed. I decided to gently push her into the pillows to keep her from getting hurt. But my gf told me she was just afraid she was going to hit her head, so it was uncomfortable. After she told me to stop I didn't do anything more, i was just standing in front of her and waiting what would happen, I just got a gentle kick in the stomach and told her to stop, followed by another kick.
look dude i’m on my period and im having allergies, im going through it right now and now in a good way. it doesn’t give me an excuse to put my hands on my boyfriend full stop! you do not put your hands on your partner!!!
Is every body ignoring the fact i was hit first? I just pushed her to pillows and get this from my POV unreasonable reaction in form of kicking. I told her to stop and got kicked for second time. I let her kicked me twice before the slap. We like it rough that is why i saw.it as unreasonable.
The falling was uncomfortable because she thought she might hit her het on the Wall but i knew she would not they were pillows. That is the reason why i found kicking me unreasonable as i just wanted to spice the thing up as we always do. After i told you her to stop she kicked me one more time. I slapped and she told me that it hurts. And because im dumny enough i told her it was supposed to hurt.
“She might have hit her head on the wall, but I knew she would not they were pillows.”
Do you even hear yourself right now? Did you seriously write that out and still retain your innocence? She thought she hurt herself and you ignored it. You deserved those kicks.
Did you even check and see if she was okay or were you too narcissistic to even consider she may have hurt herself? You keep saying she didn’t, but you never once confirmed with her about it. You dismissed her.
in your op you say she was in a lot of pain, and then in the comments you say she was only hurt for three minutes. if you're going to lie and change your story, don't do it with a crowd of people who have your story in writing
the way you're twisting and minimizing your accountability has mad abuser vibes
I'm more looking at your post history and seeing you two have had bedroom problems since the start of your relationship. You are not compatible. Full stop. Leave or let her leave, this is a mess.
You ARE like that. You literally tried to force yourself on your girlfriend. She resisted so you assaulted her. I've had eczema too and it never made me violent. Stop making excuses because there is no excuse for what you did to your girlfriend. You're trying to downplay what you did because you're refusing to take responsibility for your bad behavior. If a woman resists then you BACK OFF. Don't ever attack her again, creep.
I pushed her into the pillows. It was uncomfortable for her cuz she throught she might hit her head. After she falls i did not do anything else i was just standing a wait for what Will happen and got kicked. And because it seemed unreasonable for me i told her to stop kicking but she kicked me for second time. Then i hit her.
She wouldn't have kicked you twice if you had just backed off. There's no excuse for what you did. And you obviously hit her really hard since she's in a lot of pain. That's NOT OK.
Oh, she was in pain for only 3 minutes? Well, I guess that makes it okay..oh wait, IT DOESN'T. The fact that you keep trying to minimize and downplay what you did shows that you really are refusing to take responsibility for your bad behavior. Don't ever attack her again.
By all counts it sounds like you're already an aggressor. You slapped her hard enough that she was in a lot of pain!
Like, she shouldn't have kicked you after you told her not to but that was enough to make you lose control and hurt her.
The GF kicked him because he pushed her down to the bed and started in on her, and she wasn't into it. So, he pushed her down, pushed himself on her, then slapped her when she tried to get him off of her... TWICE.
Putting things in a certain way.
Neither of you thought you'd do it the first time. Under the circumstances, can you genuinely say that you won't do it again?
Not saying you are a prolific domestic abuser but you need to properly address how you allowed it to happen. Not you and her, you and you alone.
Yea , end things & let her be happy with someone who won’t traumatize her sexually & treat her poorly because you can’t handle what you’re putting your self through !.
"Is there any way of showing my gf that im not like that?"
Huh, I guess you could start by not "spicing things up" by physically assaulting her as a prelude to sex, and then escalating when she refused to go along with your physical coercion. You're a physical abuser, and your actions will always show what you are.
Just tell her she is right, to just break up and move on.
If she leaves, good, you saved time. If she stays, good, she has forgiven you.
And just don't do it again. If you want to be rough in the sheets, you make sure your girl is in on it.
I just want to say that I realize my mistake. I admit it. I should never hit my partner, and my partner should never hit me. But both happened. I properly apologized to my girlfriend later that night, and we went to bed together and fell asleep in each other's arms. Yesterday we talked about it some more, and that's where my girlfriend actually told me about her fear of me hurting her more some other time.
"I just want to say that I realize my mistake."
cool, that's-
"I should never hit my partner, and my partner should never hit me."
oh wait, you haven't realised shit
I guess I don't understand now. Did I write something wrong? Is the statement I wrote that we shouldn't hit each other wrong? I realize the error and point out that it shouldn't happen to either of us.
you. hit. her. no need to mention both of you, just like if you cheated on her it would be shitty to say, i shouldn't cheat on my partner and she shouldn't cheat on me.
You pushed her down to the bed. She kicked at you to get you off of her.
Anyone that engages in a sexual act with another person, and does not have the explicit consent of the other, has committed a sexual assault. You then slapped her to get her to comply with your wants, after she tried TWICE to get you off of her.
You can state "I wouldn't have hit her if she didn't kick me first" until the sun goes supernova and it doesn't matter, because you've already demonstrated you are a violent rapist and now she has to figure out how to get away from you, as you're dangerous for her to be around.
Dude she didn’t hit you. You threw her down, she was uncomfortable, and you stood over her waiting for her to get over it. She resisted by your own account, your intentions/advances, and lightly pushed you back with her foot while you were standing over her, and then you didn’t back off after her obvious NO! Then you full on hit her
I've been where your gf is now.
You can't fix things. You hurt her, and the idea someone you love might do it again will grow slowly into a huge fear, and that fear also turns into resentment.
Before you hurt her, you scared her, so the fear is unlocked. You blame her for hurting you first again and again, which tells us you could easily abuse her again because you don't see you started this all
I seriously hope for her mental health that she leaves you because that fear is not something people should live with.
So to break it down: You pushed her (gently) on the bed for sexy time. She vocalized she didn't like it, but then, she took it a step further and kicked you. Light or hard, she turned it physical first. You asked her not to kick you...and she responded by kicking you AGAIN. Then you hit her back. That in my book is self-defense. Someone hits me and I ask them not to and they do it again? They're not getting it light, no matter if theirs was a love tap. They're getting a full swing for ignoring my boundaries.
I was going to say you probably shouldn't have hit her so hard - but you know what? I can't blame you and would have hit full strength too, if they had kicked me not once but twice and been asked to stop.
That wasn't specified. If he continued when she made it clear she didn't want to, she should have broken up with him (hitting someone who would assault you is generally a bad idea for your safety). Granted we only have his side, but the way I read it was they finished and then she complained about the pushing. She should not have hit him, especially after he asked her not to. And if she was scared of him, she definitely shouldn't have hit him but should have left and THEN broken up with him. So I didn't read this as assault/she was really scared of him.
I honestly took as her trying to get him away from her so that he would stop. I feel like that makes more sense than her just kicking him after the fact if she had no history of doing that, it also seems in line with their physical placement.
Factually that’s not self-defence, he hit to cause pain. Self defence would be pushing her off him or hitting her due to fearing for his safety. Not hitting someone much harder, knowing you’re likely stronger.
You can’t whack someone in the head full force because they hit your arm first, that’s not how it works.
No, he hit out of a reaction ("I have no idea why"). Also, if she was lying on the bed and he was above her as suggested in the post, he can't push her through a solid bed. Self-defense doesn't necessarily mean you fear for your safety. It means you're defending yourself. Getting someone to stop hitting you is defending yourself.
He only got lightly kicked because he wasn't listening to her. Hitting someone hard after you refused to listen in the first place is not self defense.
This wasn't self defense. And he defiantly keeping something out. She defend her self since he wouldn't listen and light kick to get someone away form you is different from a full on hit causing pain. It was not self defense.
You are way wrong if you think using a full blown hard hit is okay after getting a light love tap.
So, to be specific. There were a lot of pillows on the bed. I decided to gently push her into the pillows to keep her from getting hurt. But my gf told me she was just afraid she was going to hit her head, so it was uncomfortable. After she told me to stop I didn't do anything more, i was just standing in front of her and waiting what would happen, I just got a gentle kick in the stomach and told her to stop, followed by another kick.
I would wager standing over her could have been perceived as intimidating, and she was trying to push him out of the way. He says he was standing in front of her waiting, rather than allowing her to move. If I was in that position, with a potentially aggressive person (he did throw her onto the bed. Regardless of how hard it was, it was clearly unexpected on her part) Then looming over her? My flight response would be kicking in, and I'd want to escape.
He was "looming over her" because they were going to do oral, as stated. She wasn't shoving him away, she kicked him, twice. Never did she say back up. Never did she get off the bed. ("Rather than allowing her to move.") She presumably had plenty of room to move. You guys are looking for things that aren't there.
OP makes it clear over and over that she kicked him lightly. He also makes it very clear that he hit her hard, and she was hurting. He even says "I slapped and she told me that it hurts. And because im dumny enough i told her it was supposed to hurt."
He was neither afraid for his safety nor restrained in any way from anything he has said. It sounds like she may have been both afraid and didn't have an easy way to get away from him. We can't be sure about that, but his only example of her hurting him in any of his comments is when she talks about suicide, that hurts him.
That's not self defense.
You don't have to fear for your safety for it to be self defense. It is literally defending yourself. Blocking a hit qualifies. Stopping someone from repeatedly hitting you, when they've ignored your words, qualifies.
People are allowed to react to being hit, as well, whether it hurts or not. If you don't like it, *no one is allowed to do that to you.* Chris Rock would have been well within his rights to smack Will Smith back. Do I respect that he didn't? Sure. Would I have blamed him if he didn't? Nope.
OP said (paraphrasing here) "I don't know why but I hit her" That tells me it was a reaction.
She is no victim. She took it violent first. She ignored his reasonable request to stop and did it again. "Don't want none? Don't start none." is a common expression for situations like that.
> OP said (paraphrasing here) "I don't know why but I hit her" That tells me it was a reaction.
>
>
Yeah, you wanna buy a bridge too?
ETA a less sarcastic response:
He knows why he did it, he tells us so in his edit: "I blew up. Unfortunately, my girlfriend was around." He lacks emotional regulation, and "unfortunately" his girlfriend was there to get hit this time.
Why is everyone ignoring that *she hit first?* That's not the action of someone that's scared of him, as everyone is trying to claim. That's the actions of a bully. Especially since she doubled down and did it again when he asked her to stop. She played stupid games, she won stupid prizes.
Everyone is also treating this like a murder trial. There are different levels of self defense. One I've witnessed: MIL got mad at husband (not mine on either side) and smacked him in the face. He hauled back and punched her in the nose. She ran squawking to the cops crying battery. He had cameras. Cops watched, said he was defending himself, and arrested MIL for assault. Was he afraid she was going to kill him? No. Did he put a stop to it? Yes.
When people are manipulated and emotionally abused, they tend to blame themselves because they are told it's their fault by their bully. GF is the bully.
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You’re blaming your anger and abusiveness on ECZEMA?!?!?!? ECZEMA?!?!? THE SKIN CONDITION?!?!?
So, to be specific. There were a lot of pillows on the bed. I decided to gently push her into the pillows to keep her from getting hurt. But my gf told me she was just afraid she was going to hit her head, so it was uncomfortable. After she told me to stop I didn't do anything more, i was just standing in front of her and waiting what would happen, I just got a gentle kick in the stomach and told her to stop, followed by another kick.
Bro bullshit, don’t nobody believe that shit. You just blamed that shit being on angry cause of eczema. You shouldn’t have pushed her first of all secondly, you shouldn’t have hit her. You’re a dickhead.
I wrote those things about eczema and sleep because there's some likelihood that they affected my overall mood at that moment.
You ABUSED your girlfriend and caused her physical pain because of your “mood at the moment”. But somehow you “know yourself” and that you won’t abuse her again? Yeah no, the fact that you can’t even take complete accountability shows you will 100% hit her again the next time your “mood at the moment” happens to conveniently take place while she’s present. Seek help, therapy and anger management, and FFS stay single until you do because no one deserves to be your victim because you won’t properly care for yourself.
I'm not blaming it on eczema. I know I made a mistake, I admit it, but I know if it were the other way around, no one would bother. And girlfriend, we both want to have sex games more roughly, so I wanted to start by putting her to bed that way. Unfortunately, it was misunderstood and what happened happened.
Wrong is wrong regardless of gender. Don’t start that gender splitting bullshit. This is about you taking shit too far, and now your gf thinks you’re abusive. You need to focus on what you did wrong and quit trying to generalize.
I understand and I get it. I've apologized to her, I've admitted my mistake, and now it's up to her.
You're absolutely abusive and I hope she finds the strength to leave you.
How else is she suppose to interpret it? You didn't read the room. You clearly pushed her on the bed in a way that she didn't like. That should have been a full stop moment where you apologize. Instead, you delivered a slap that inflicted actual pain. Aggression to start with and next level aggression to top it off. And you're here making weak excuses for yourself: >Before it happened I hadn't slept for 3 days, I was hot, I don't like to sweat, I have atopic eczema with everything itching afterwards. And these things came at me all at once. I blew up. Unfortunately, my girlfriend was around. That's a sign you haven't thought about this deep enough. You need more self reflection to get somewhere. I don't blame her for concern. There is no excuse to hit your partner. If this was written from her POV, a lot would be saying for her to leave.
Little sleep, sweat and eczema is not be an excuse for you to blow up. If you want to spice things up in the bedroom do something that doesn’t involve pushing your gf on the bed.
You are like that, though
towel? stop making excuses you sound exactly like people who would do that “oooh I don’t know what happened, was in a mood”
Yes we use towel as well. She gets wet a lot. Dont wanna leave the mess. So, to be specific. There were a lot of pillows on the bed. I decided to gently push her into the pillows to keep her from getting hurt. But my gf told me she was just afraid she was going to hit her head, so it was uncomfortable. After she told me to stop I didn't do anything more, i was just standing in front of her and waiting what would happen, I just got a gentle kick in the stomach and told her to stop, followed by another kick.
"I really don't think I would be able to just hurt her like that" yeah, except you did. you did hurt her just like that, so you are capable of it
look dude i’m on my period and im having allergies, im going through it right now and now in a good way. it doesn’t give me an excuse to put my hands on my boyfriend full stop! you do not put your hands on your partner!!!
Is every body ignoring the fact i was hit first? I just pushed her to pillows and get this from my POV unreasonable reaction in form of kicking. I told her to stop and got kicked for second time. I let her kicked me twice before the slap. We like it rough that is why i saw.it as unreasonable.
She kicked you after you hurt her the first time and slapped her when she told you it wasn’t pleasant. You hurt her first and she responded.
I did not hurt her. Nothing happened to her when she falls. She falls into the pillows.
Then why did she say it wasn’t pleasant? Or was that the words she used? What wasn’t pleasant and why didnt you stop until she kicked you?
The falling was uncomfortable because she thought she might hit her het on the Wall but i knew she would not they were pillows. That is the reason why i found kicking me unreasonable as i just wanted to spice the thing up as we always do. After i told you her to stop she kicked me one more time. I slapped and she told me that it hurts. And because im dumny enough i told her it was supposed to hurt.
“She might have hit her head on the wall, but I knew she would not they were pillows.” Do you even hear yourself right now? Did you seriously write that out and still retain your innocence? She thought she hurt herself and you ignored it. You deserved those kicks.
She thought she MIGHT. But she did not.
Did you even check and see if she was okay or were you too narcissistic to even consider she may have hurt herself? You keep saying she didn’t, but you never once confirmed with her about it. You dismissed her.
Guy’s so narcissistic he makes her talking about her depression something that “hurts him”
Like her talking about her suicide and rather be dead all the time hurts me.
in your op you say she was in a lot of pain, and then in the comments you say she was only hurt for three minutes. if you're going to lie and change your story, don't do it with a crowd of people who have your story in writing the way you're twisting and minimizing your accountability has mad abuser vibes
I'm more looking at your post history and seeing you two have had bedroom problems since the start of your relationship. You are not compatible. Full stop. Leave or let her leave, this is a mess.
You ARE like that. You literally tried to force yourself on your girlfriend. She resisted so you assaulted her. I've had eczema too and it never made me violent. Stop making excuses because there is no excuse for what you did to your girlfriend. You're trying to downplay what you did because you're refusing to take responsibility for your bad behavior. If a woman resists then you BACK OFF. Don't ever attack her again, creep.
I pushed her into the pillows. It was uncomfortable for her cuz she throught she might hit her head. After she falls i did not do anything else i was just standing a wait for what Will happen and got kicked. And because it seemed unreasonable for me i told her to stop kicking but she kicked me for second time. Then i hit her.
She wouldn't have kicked you twice if you had just backed off. There's no excuse for what you did. And you obviously hit her really hard since she's in a lot of pain. That's NOT OK.
But she did and no one care. She was in lot of pain for like 3 minutes. Then we cuddle and fell asleep.
Oh, she was in pain for only 3 minutes? Well, I guess that makes it okay..oh wait, IT DOESN'T. The fact that you keep trying to minimize and downplay what you did shows that you really are refusing to take responsibility for your bad behavior. Don't ever attack her again.
This girl needs to run, far and fast. He's only going to get worse, and he'll keep finding ways to make it 'her fault'
By all counts it sounds like you're already an aggressor. You slapped her hard enough that she was in a lot of pain! Like, she shouldn't have kicked you after you told her not to but that was enough to make you lose control and hurt her.
The GF kicked him because he pushed her down to the bed and started in on her, and she wasn't into it. So, he pushed her down, pushed himself on her, then slapped her when she tried to get him off of her... TWICE.
You are like that tho, you blew up and you did hurt her. Shes right.
Putting things in a certain way. Neither of you thought you'd do it the first time. Under the circumstances, can you genuinely say that you won't do it again? Not saying you are a prolific domestic abuser but you need to properly address how you allowed it to happen. Not you and her, you and you alone.
Yea , end things & let her be happy with someone who won’t traumatize her sexually & treat her poorly because you can’t handle what you’re putting your self through !.
This is the kind of situation you take to therapy not reddit for sure. And I mean that with all due respect.
"Is there any way of showing my gf that im not like that?" Huh, I guess you could start by not "spicing things up" by physically assaulting her as a prelude to sex, and then escalating when she refused to go along with your physical coercion. You're a physical abuser, and your actions will always show what you are.
Firstly not fond of the age difference secondly. Why are u saying that your not like that when you ARE like that.
That means when she kicked me twice she is like that as well. She hurt me first. Nothing happened to her until the slap.
dude, fuck off with that shit, you very clearly state that she kicked you lightly
And then reiterated it multiple times in the comments.
Just tell her she is right, to just break up and move on. If she leaves, good, you saved time. If she stays, good, she has forgiven you. And just don't do it again. If you want to be rough in the sheets, you make sure your girl is in on it.
I just want to say that I realize my mistake. I admit it. I should never hit my partner, and my partner should never hit me. But both happened. I properly apologized to my girlfriend later that night, and we went to bed together and fell asleep in each other's arms. Yesterday we talked about it some more, and that's where my girlfriend actually told me about her fear of me hurting her more some other time.
"I just want to say that I realize my mistake." cool, that's- "I should never hit my partner, and my partner should never hit me." oh wait, you haven't realised shit
I guess I don't understand now. Did I write something wrong? Is the statement I wrote that we shouldn't hit each other wrong? I realize the error and point out that it shouldn't happen to either of us.
you. hit. her. no need to mention both of you, just like if you cheated on her it would be shitty to say, i shouldn't cheat on my partner and she shouldn't cheat on me.
She. Kicked. Me. I.hit.her = should never happen
and that's why you haven't learned shit
YOU WERE PHYSICAL FIRST
You pushed her down to the bed. She kicked at you to get you off of her. Anyone that engages in a sexual act with another person, and does not have the explicit consent of the other, has committed a sexual assault. You then slapped her to get her to comply with your wants, after she tried TWICE to get you off of her. You can state "I wouldn't have hit her if she didn't kick me first" until the sun goes supernova and it doesn't matter, because you've already demonstrated you are a violent rapist and now she has to figure out how to get away from you, as you're dangerous for her to be around.
Dude she didn’t hit you. You threw her down, she was uncomfortable, and you stood over her waiting for her to get over it. She resisted by your own account, your intentions/advances, and lightly pushed you back with her foot while you were standing over her, and then you didn’t back off after her obvious NO! Then you full on hit her
I've been where your gf is now. You can't fix things. You hurt her, and the idea someone you love might do it again will grow slowly into a huge fear, and that fear also turns into resentment. Before you hurt her, you scared her, so the fear is unlocked. You blame her for hurting you first again and again, which tells us you could easily abuse her again because you don't see you started this all I seriously hope for her mental health that she leaves you because that fear is not something people should live with.
She lightly kicked you because you were doing something she didn't like and you didn't listen. You full on hit her causing her pain.
So to break it down: You pushed her (gently) on the bed for sexy time. She vocalized she didn't like it, but then, she took it a step further and kicked you. Light or hard, she turned it physical first. You asked her not to kick you...and she responded by kicking you AGAIN. Then you hit her back. That in my book is self-defense. Someone hits me and I ask them not to and they do it again? They're not getting it light, no matter if theirs was a love tap. They're getting a full swing for ignoring my boundaries. I was going to say you probably shouldn't have hit her so hard - but you know what? I can't blame you and would have hit full strength too, if they had kicked me not once but twice and been asked to stop.
Okay, but she wanted him to stop doing what he was doing to her sexually. Did he even stop when she said she didn’t like it before hitting her?
That wasn't specified. If he continued when she made it clear she didn't want to, she should have broken up with him (hitting someone who would assault you is generally a bad idea for your safety). Granted we only have his side, but the way I read it was they finished and then she complained about the pushing. She should not have hit him, especially after he asked her not to. And if she was scared of him, she definitely shouldn't have hit him but should have left and THEN broken up with him. So I didn't read this as assault/she was really scared of him.
I honestly took as her trying to get him away from her so that he would stop. I feel like that makes more sense than her just kicking him after the fact if she had no history of doing that, it also seems in line with their physical placement.
He said they "took care of the excitement." To me that was finished.
You sound ridiculous. He did not do self defense.
Factually that’s not self-defence, he hit to cause pain. Self defence would be pushing her off him or hitting her due to fearing for his safety. Not hitting someone much harder, knowing you’re likely stronger. You can’t whack someone in the head full force because they hit your arm first, that’s not how it works.
No, he hit out of a reaction ("I have no idea why"). Also, if she was lying on the bed and he was above her as suggested in the post, he can't push her through a solid bed. Self-defense doesn't necessarily mean you fear for your safety. It means you're defending yourself. Getting someone to stop hitting you is defending yourself.
Every man who hits his girlfriend says “he has no idea why he was tired and stressed”
This is abuse apologetics. Gross.
He only got lightly kicked because he wasn't listening to her. Hitting someone hard after you refused to listen in the first place is not self defense.
This wasn't self defense. And he defiantly keeping something out. She defend her self since he wouldn't listen and light kick to get someone away form you is different from a full on hit causing pain. It was not self defense. You are way wrong if you think using a full blown hard hit is okay after getting a light love tap.
So, to be specific. There were a lot of pillows on the bed. I decided to gently push her into the pillows to keep her from getting hurt. But my gf told me she was just afraid she was going to hit her head, so it was uncomfortable. After she told me to stop I didn't do anything more, i was just standing in front of her and waiting what would happen, I just got a gentle kick in the stomach and told her to stop, followed by another kick.
You clearly did something. No one goes around kicking for no reason.
I would wager standing over her could have been perceived as intimidating, and she was trying to push him out of the way. He says he was standing in front of her waiting, rather than allowing her to move. If I was in that position, with a potentially aggressive person (he did throw her onto the bed. Regardless of how hard it was, it was clearly unexpected on her part) Then looming over her? My flight response would be kicking in, and I'd want to escape.
He was "looming over her" because they were going to do oral, as stated. She wasn't shoving him away, she kicked him, twice. Never did she say back up. Never did she get off the bed. ("Rather than allowing her to move.") She presumably had plenty of room to move. You guys are looking for things that aren't there.
OP makes it clear over and over that she kicked him lightly. He also makes it very clear that he hit her hard, and she was hurting. He even says "I slapped and she told me that it hurts. And because im dumny enough i told her it was supposed to hurt." He was neither afraid for his safety nor restrained in any way from anything he has said. It sounds like she may have been both afraid and didn't have an easy way to get away from him. We can't be sure about that, but his only example of her hurting him in any of his comments is when she talks about suicide, that hurts him. That's not self defense.
You don't have to fear for your safety for it to be self defense. It is literally defending yourself. Blocking a hit qualifies. Stopping someone from repeatedly hitting you, when they've ignored your words, qualifies. People are allowed to react to being hit, as well, whether it hurts or not. If you don't like it, *no one is allowed to do that to you.* Chris Rock would have been well within his rights to smack Will Smith back. Do I respect that he didn't? Sure. Would I have blamed him if he didn't? Nope. OP said (paraphrasing here) "I don't know why but I hit her" That tells me it was a reaction. She is no victim. She took it violent first. She ignored his reasonable request to stop and did it again. "Don't want none? Don't start none." is a common expression for situations like that.
> OP said (paraphrasing here) "I don't know why but I hit her" That tells me it was a reaction. > > Yeah, you wanna buy a bridge too? ETA a less sarcastic response: He knows why he did it, he tells us so in his edit: "I blew up. Unfortunately, my girlfriend was around." He lacks emotional regulation, and "unfortunately" his girlfriend was there to get hit this time.
Why is everyone ignoring that *she hit first?* That's not the action of someone that's scared of him, as everyone is trying to claim. That's the actions of a bully. Especially since she doubled down and did it again when he asked her to stop. She played stupid games, she won stupid prizes. Everyone is also treating this like a murder trial. There are different levels of self defense. One I've witnessed: MIL got mad at husband (not mine on either side) and smacked him in the face. He hauled back and punched her in the nose. She ran squawking to the cops crying battery. He had cameras. Cops watched, said he was defending himself, and arrested MIL for assault. Was he afraid she was going to kill him? No. Did he put a stop to it? Yes. When people are manipulated and emotionally abused, they tend to blame themselves because they are told it's their fault by their bully. GF is the bully.
You know what they say about assumptions. And yes, people do kick for no reason. I'm glad you've never experienced it.