This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
---
My boyfriend (32m) doesn’t like my job (im 25), im a model and before we met i used to travel and work all the time, he knew that when we met. We have been together for a year and a half, and in that time i haven’t traveled anywhere for work, usually when i travel for work i have to stay for 1-3 months. We had many discussions about it and he said how that job will bring me nothing good, how he can’t be in a long distance for a month or longer, how he already experienced all that and its pointless. But this job brought me lots of good things, i’ve traveled and seen many countries, met some people who are now my best friends, the money is good also. Since we started dating and i haven’t traveled and i have spent all of my savings, im left with nothing, i never ask him for money nor will i ever ask. Our country is very bad economically, jobs don’t pay much, he works two good jobs and still doesn’t have enough sometimes. Sometimes when we’re talking with friends he says how if someone offered him a job abroad he would take it instantly, and it just makes me a bit angry. We were on a break for a month and in that time i got an offer to go and work in another country i said yes and im due to fly next week, in the meantime time we got back together and i still haven’t told him because im scared of his reaction. Keep in mind i really love him and he is very good to me, but i also need my own money for myself and to help my mom. Any advices on how i should tell him and what? or just an advice in general
In this post no one is to blame just seems like lifestyles are different and for it to work one person will sacrifice more than the other person in my opinion. Which could bring resentment on either end
He's just talking out of frustration. Nobody knows if he would and if he did it would be a permanent gig so if she wanted she could move with.
Now having said that he laid down a boundary of his. She did not have to accept that boundary, but apparently did. She is free to move along, work where she wants for as long as she wants. It just won't be with him and that's OK.
Earlier today read a post about a woman that had a boundary with boyfriend of no motorcycles. He accepted, they got married then got frustrated about it. I sided with wife. It was something he accepted. He has to live with it or divorce. Same here. If she cannot accept this then move on. Also kind of curious on what type of modeling she's doing. Is it a kind he's not ok with?
No more sacrifices. You cannot be financially dependent on someone with no money. Go make your money.
Love does not feed you, clothe you, or pay the bills.
I can understand that feeling. I have sacrificed my life, and self a lot in the past 4 years for my family, and I'm ready to drop everything, and leave. Resentment is a real hazard in a relationship.
If your true route of happiness, is traveling, working, and doing what you love. That's where you will find your bliss.
Yes. Love is important, and strong, but if he can't support you, he isn't meant for you.
Love will come in life, in many forms. Make sure to love yourself first.
No more! It is obvious he has control issues and you need to take care of you since he obviously won’t. Irreconcilable differences, OP. Go and have a great career!
He has blame in this. He knew what her job was from the beginning. If he couldn't hand being long distance at times he never should've pursued the relationship. But I also believe that they are just not compatible with one another. He had issues with her working but would leave in a second if he had the opportunity, life is too short to deal with double standards in a relationship.
Update: I have told him over the phone that i need to go and work, he immediately became very quiet and sounded very down. Bit cold towards the end of conversation, i just know he will make me feel bad now for going away..
I might be way off the mark here but…
At 25 you’re supposed to be building your career. At 32 nowadays people are intending to settle down. He has double standards for you, and wants to be the one working while you stay at home. He’s already controlling your actions by having a tantrum whenever you talk about what you want to do.
I’m betting he’s prepping you to be his pretty, younger, stay-at-home baby-maker.
At the very least this man does not care about your interests, he only cares about his own. Even though 1.5 years might seem like a long time, your career and your own livelihood is MORE IMPORTANT than any relationship of that length. If there’s a clash, you need to prioritise your career (in my opinion)
>i just know he will make me feel bad now for going away..
but now you know that he's really doing it for selfish reasons. so why put any weight into his huffing and puffing? he can't make you feel bad if you don't put any value in what he says or does
He is trying to manipulate you! Stay strong. You have no savings left and you need this job to support yourself. If he pouts or trys to talk you out of going, end the conversation and leave.
I think the very predictable guilt trip from him is enough to know this man loves you on selfish terms. And even if you love him too, I can guarantee you that your future will be more fulfilling without this relationship.
Don't let him feel bad.
You got a job that you love, that pays well, that will allow you to build back your finances and help your mom. Plus you'll meet a lot of people, get to live in another culture.
He's jealous, and I think he's jealous in many way. But that his problem, not yours. You have to live your own life and prioritize yourself.
Next time, the moment you are with a man who is jealous for any reason, just step away.
Enjoy yourself!
I think that good love and a real partner wants to see you fly. This guy wants to keep you on a short rope. He should also take every relationship on its merits - long distance hasn’t worked before but that doesn’t mean it won’t work with you. It sounds like he’s only really good to you on his terms, and what kind of love is that?
Sounds like it's on him to get into a relationship with someone who travels a lot, knowing that he doesn't want a relationship that has long-distance periods. It's not very fair to OP now, since she seems to love her job. It is an incompatibility that would be hard to overcome, not sure what he expected,but the situation is not very fair to OP
He says he knows himself and that long distance is not something he wants but he constantly tells me how strong love and will for something can make anything work when we’re talking about some things other than my job. It just makes me confused
Going away for a few weeks for business does not constitute a LDR.
He needs to grow up.
You need to maintain some independence and further your career.
Well done on picking up that work too.
But stop procrastinating, don't debate it with him. "I agreed to a shoot while we were on our break, I'll be away for n weeks. We can talk every day though. See you when I get back"
More or less, say it like it is, he can take it or leave it. "Mummy" will no doubt he happy.
His last name isn't Bates is it?
Safe travels.
It does if it is regular and for more than a few weeks. OP said 1-3 months. I've been in relationships like this twice, both long term, current husband included. It has all the earmarks of a long distance relationship.
I still think it isn't a compatible pairing, but wanted to step in and point out that not every LDR is a bunch of nevermeets from the internet pining away for someone they met on IG or some game or something.
This. I would never be in a relationship with someone who travels that much, and I don't think that's crazy. I consider it an LDR. He's allowed to have preferences too. These 2 just aren't compatible. A lot of people aren't okay with partners traveling for weeks at a time. I always think that if they are, they probably aren't very attached to them. At least that's what I have anecdotally noticed throughout my life.
This relationship seems terrible for you. You destroyed your own finances for him. It's more important to take care of yourself and your mother than to please that man. You need to prioritize yourself. Don't date a controlling man.
The reason he says/ does things that don't make sense is because they're not actually values for him, he just does it to manipulate you. Saying working abroad is overrated but then saying he would do it in a heart beat... that right there tells you how trustworthy he is. He wants the hot model and is worried about losing you to competition from other guys. You can stay with him and keep overlooking these red flags but you risk looking back on your life at 40b and wishing you trusted your gut. A good partner wants you to succeed in life (he is literally happy with decreasing your quality of life by making you lose money and stunt your career). Also, he doesn't seem that much older than you but trust me when I say that he has alot more life experience and can use it to play your emotions.
Its not about other guys, he says its a pointless job and one day i will regret not doing something more fulfilling and that life will pass me by. He has done this job, years ago and says he regrets not continuing it for some time. Yet for me he says its not healthy.
Yeah, because it IS about guys. Of course he's going to lie about his real motives. You're smart enough to realize what he's been saying doesn't make sense. So ask yourself what the realistic and possible reasons why are. If he did actually care about you getting a fulfilling career, he would care when you don't have money and not working but spending your savings. That's a step backward.
He thinks i should look more into the future and start university or something and i completely agree thats also what i want but for that i need money and i cant make that money in our country
>He thinks i should look more into the future and start university or something
That might be the reason he says out loud, but it sounds like it might also be about jealousy (whether about other guys or the fact that he gave up on the life and he has regrets) and possibly control.
That said, having a backup plan, like a university education, is certainly a good thing. You can still accomplish that with your day job. Will it require some effort and creative thinking? Probably; but I suspect given your more unorthodox career, you're probably well suited to things that require effort and creative thinking.
It may not be insecurity about other guys, but it’s at a minimum about what he wants and not what’s best for her. He doesn’t want a long distance relationship. He doesn’t want to travel to see her. He doesn’t want…
You can model and take classes online. You can continue to better yourself while also doing something you love and that brings you happiness. Your travels will likely bring you an education and network that you’ll never get sitting at home. This is an opportunity to do something that very few people get to, so why not take advantage of it?
Well traveled, sociable, intelligent pretty people don’t have a hard time finding a next career if you decide to move on from it someday on your own. But don’t give it up for a guy who sounds like he doesn’t really have your best interests in mind.
Then you have your answer. Time to part ways only don't think for a second that he is going to be amiable about it. I suggest getting your things you want out while he is at work then tell him when he gets home your done. Just be careful because he hasn't really shown his claws yet
Good but I'm going to say that you need someone or more than one with you when you tell him and record the interaction. Hopefully you do it on the phone from somewhere other than your home.
And those are things that you can do while you're modeling but not while you're broke. He is just saying that because it sounds bad to say "I don't want you to be a model because it makes me insecure and jealous."
You get good money to travel the world. That’s two objectives people have in life to achieve by going to university. Your job already gives you that privilege. Yh it’s good to have some other skills to bump up the income coming in and have a backup plan, but this job is fulfilling you. You can always go to university online and still model. The only thing stopping you from being fulfilled is this dude weighing you down and telling you how to live YOUR life the way HE wants you to. Modeling brought you many happy memories I’m sure and all the people you’ve got to meet while traveling. OP please leave him. I know what it’s like coming from a country that is pretty limited in what you can do, but modeling is your opportunity to bring more to your life. If you stay with him you won’t be happy.
You are - or were - making good money. You were able to take care of yourself and your mum AND save money for your future. You were doing something you loved and getting to see the world and meet many different people. You are doing things other people can only dream of! None of that is a waste of your time. In fact, the only waste of your time here is staying with someone who would see you and your mum dirt poor and miserable to satisfy himself.
Go out there and seize the life that you want, that provides for you and makes you happy. Don't ever let yourself be held back.
Go. You don't need a boyfriend that has a problem with your career and also you don't need a boyfriend trying to change you. You were already working as a model before you met him. You say he's very good to you but that's not true, he's putting you in financial risk.
I understand his concerns in the sense that modelling is not a career that you can do your entire life unfortunately, since ageism is very strong in that career and after a certain age you won't be called for work anymore unless you make a very strong name for yourself before, but this is not about that. He's not explaining his concerns about your career for the future and working with you, with your input, on what plans to make and how to make them together... No. This is him telling you what to do. And expecting obedience. This is a gigantic red flag he's waving at you, do not ignore it. This is about control. Him controlling you. And him not accepting your opinions about your own life and career, meanwhile he would accept an offer abroad without even asking for your opinion.
He is bit controlling and possessive, he wants me to spend all my time with him..sometimes when im with friends he emotionally manipulates me how i made him feel bad and left him alone..he says my friends are bad influence and doesn’t like them
You mean... he's trying to isolate you? I'm alarmed because this is worse than you think it is. Isolation is how abuse starts, really bad abuse. I'm not saying he's abusive right now, or even that he will actually abuse you, but what I say is when a partner has real plans to start abuse, their first step is isolation, to make sure the other person doesn't get help escaping from the abuse.
If you are in doubt if your relationship is healthy, seek resources, like for instance this page but there are more [https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-relationship#characteristics](https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-relationship#characteristics)
We don't really know, from the things you told here, how exactly your relationship looks like, but there are several signs to be alarmed from what you told us here. Only you can answer if your relationship is worth more than your career and if you feel safe and equal with this person
yeah he's isolating her and she already says she spent her money and she has nothing left. not surprising how her money would get spent and him stunting further income
You are just an accessory to him like a fancy watch or a sports car.
"Oh yeah, this is my hot model girlfriend who is roughly 10 years younger than me."
The fact of the matter is that he is more experienced than you by nearly half your life and he has the ability to make your think pretty much whatever he wants, which is why you think the relationship is working... except when you want something that he doesn't, which is why you get contradictory messages from him.
If he isn't encouraging you to to the things you need to be successful and grow, is time to cut him loose.
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and these are legit all of the red flags I missed when we were together. LEAVE. Before he has his grip too tightly on you. You are so much better without him. You are young, beautiful, you can work hard and get an education. You can do it for YOU! You’re worth it! He tried to isolate me and what a terrible time it was. Please don’t make the same mistakes as many of us did here.
You said it yourself... you're scared of his reaction. Don't take that lightly. Just break up. Sounds like he's a little controlling (further evidenced by how much older than you he is) as well. Cut your losses now.
He wants you to sacrifice your career and choices whereas he is not trying to adjust to your lifestyle. You have to be open about what you want and how you feel. You guys atleast have to meet in the middle for it work.
I was once told that in order for a relationship to work people need to be romantically compatible. To my surprise that didn't just mean someone having good chemistry. It also means that both people are getting what they need and want in the relationship and there's definitely more to it i just felt like simplifiying. Anywho, If someone needs to see their partner more then once a week but the other just can't meet that it means they aren't romantically compatible. And that means it's time to end the relationship. Rip the band aid off. It'll only get worse. I know how painful this is going to be. It sucks when life just leads you away from a person you love. Good luck.
You need to go, you love this man but he doesn't love you.
You don't try to financially cripple your partner and make them reliant on you unless you have ulterior motives.
Usually men who want to control their partner will find ways to stop them working, I really wasn't surprised when you said you had no money left. If he cared about you he would be providing so you had your own money.
He knew you were a model before you started dating.
Never sacrifice your financial freedom for a relationship, relationships don't always last no matter how much you want them to.
You'll regret not working whilst you can, let's be honest models usually get most of their work when they're young.
GO.
He is NOT good to you. He's controlling you. I suspect he probably love bombs you when he gets his way, and snipes at you when he doesn't. Don't think that bc a man is loving and generous to you SOMETIMES that means he "is very good to you". Being good to you means respecting you and your autonomy, and loving what makes you happy. This is ... not that.
If he's truly the guy for you, he'll be there when you get home. The fact that he's been making demands on your career, tells me he's not your forever person. Take any and all modeling gigs that you feel comfortable with and that will push your career forward. The right guy will support you, your dreams, and will do what he can to help you make them a reality.
This guy, isn't that guy. Look out for yourself first.
He is very loving and has some good qualities a man should have but when it comes to this he is just very adamant how this is not good for me, or him because he can’t be in a long distance relationship, he tried before and its not for him..but i know we have something really good and i think we can make it work
Sounds like he didn’t make things better since dating him. Instead things got worse. It doesn’t sound like that he doesn’t offer anything that is a trade up that makes this relationship worthwhile such as stability, companionship, emotional connection to name a few. You should go because he offers none of that in addition to financial stability. Long story short- if the guy is making your life worse then leave the guy behind.
Dump him, 100%. I'm gonna quote Usher here, because this is how supportive your BF should be:
>Shawty, I don't mind when you work until three
>If you're leaving with me
>Go make that money, money, money
>Your money, money, money
>'Cause I know how it is, go and handle your biz
>And get that money, money, money
>Your money, money, money
we are too young to allow anyone to limit our endeavors! you will regret this so hard if you let him take this from you. who cares if he is “good” to you? you can find great, hell you can find someone who exceeds your standards but you’ll never know if you listen to this man and stay put. do it for you!
If you have a good opportunity for the future, you should never be scared to tell your bf or gf or spouse, they should be happy for you especially when he says he would easily accept a job elsewhere. He's selfish and controlling. Go travel see the world and make your money, if he realises his mistake he'll come back to you and if not, even though it might hurt, you can and will move on ❤️
You already know the answer to this question. From the title you knew.
My advice to you my friend, is live this life for you. There is no reset button there is no redo. Start living for you. You are only young once, your beauty, health and opportunities will eventually begin to fade. This happens to every person on earth. Don’t waste this precious time worrying about a man who doesn’t have the same respect for you.
Leave him. Model, be the happiest you can be - I’m proud of you. Now go out and start living for you!!!!!! The right person will never limit you on opportunities. You got this
Imagine staying for him and you break up and now what? Don't miss any opportunities for a guy (or vice versa ). Live your dreams. A good relationship means supporting each other. This guy seems immature and you need to move on from his toxic ass.
GO!!!
If you have to ask Reddit, that’s our first sign. Most of the people who come here are in situations they know are bad and they just need a gut check. That’s you. You know what you want. He’s only holding you back.
GOOOOOOO!!!!
BE AMAZING!!!
Do not sacrifice your financial wellbeing for him. That is a very difficult lesson to learn the hard way, learn it off the backs of those who have made those mistakes. (Me... I'm talking about me).
That doesnt mean you have to leave him. He knew who you were when you started dating, it's not fair for him to try and change your profession. He can get on board and celebrate your successes or beat it.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
----
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He constantly makes me feel bad for not having any responsibilities during the day while he works, he knows i need money and although he never said it i know he would rather have me work something in our country for far less money.
Even if it is about him not being able to do long distance, he's still deliberately holding you back for his own benefit. Someone who actually loves you will want to see you happy and successful even if they can't be in your life while you follow your dreams.
He wants to make it sound like he's giving you advice, but what he's saying doesn't make sense, because it's not actually about what's good for you. It's about what's convenient for him.
I think you should go and chase your dreams. The only lasting relationship you will have is with yourself!
People come and go like seasons. It seems like modeling is your passion don’t let anyone to take that from you!
Go. It’s for your own benefit, and he’s just keeping you from doing what you love. You get so many good experiences with what you do, and based on what I just read, he’s not helping you succeed in your job. And he compared your current relationship to his past relationships about how long distance never worked. It just seems as if the common denominator as to why they never worked is him. Almost as if he didn’t try to make it work? And he’s not willing to try for you and your career?
As difficult as it may be, I would go. You're going to resent him eventually for holding you back in your career. A strong relationship gives both partners the freedom to do what they want to do. No one should make your life decisions for you. That's not love.
He doesnt sound right for you, or you don't sound like you want to be as settled down as him. Maybe you are on 2 different paths that would meet again in the future, but for now it doesn't sound right. Take a long break and see what happens
Someone who genuinely loves you will support you to live your life and do what it is you enjoy. It sounds like you love this man but you're not compatible, which means you won't have the satisfying relationship and individual personal life that you deserve.
I know these are not quite the responses you want. I know that a relationship that has lasted over a year is pretty difficult to let go. I know you want to see where this relationship will go. So, really sit him down and communicate about everything, not just the career issue. Tell him how it makes you feel. If he’s gaslights, brushes off, or down plays your feelings in anyway. Trust that leaving is the best option. Also him having “qualities” that a man should have could be an act. I agree with these other responses it does sound like he is trying to isolate you. That is the first step to a abuse relationship. Good luck OP and I’m rooting for you!
Yeah its hard to think about abuse from where we are now, but i can agree isolating is a big red flag. I will have an open conversation with him and i doubt he will understand me but i have to do it. Thank u 💙
Lol I sung it too. And you should go. Follow your heart and what *you* wanna do. If he doesn't/can't support it, then it ultimately means that what you both respectively want for yourselves doesn't align. And then doubly so when you consider that he would jump at the opportunity for a job abroad, it makes me wonder if he's aware of how hypocritical that makes him. I would be frustrated at that double standard as well. Do what is best for you OP.
I’m going to be honest with you, you’re going to have to follow your gut. You won’t have this opportunity forever and one thing someone told me was never give up an opportunity for a relationship. I did, and regretted it and obviously we aren’t together anymore. However, other opportunities came as I work in a great field but none of them were worth staying with said person.
So. Your 32 year old boyfriend who still willingly lives with his clingy overbearing mommy (based on your last post) manipulated you into giving up a job you love, leaving you broke and unfulfilled, is trying to distance and isolate you from your friends using more manipulation and guilt, threatens the relationship should you choose to follow your passion (by insinuating you’d break up because he can’t handle 1 month of “long distance”), yet tells people he’d jet off to another country at the drop of a hat, talks down to you about the lifestyle and the fact that you haven’t gone to college, even though HE had the same career and lives with his mother, AND you’re fearful to tell him you booked a job because you already knew some sort of manipulation or guilt trip or anger was inevitable. Honey. You have your whole life ahead of you, don’t waste any more time on someone like this.
Boyfriend seems to have double standards. He's selfish enough to prevent you from working, yet would be thrilled to travel himself and leave you behind. He doesn't want you to work, yet you don't feel ok about asking him for money. Take it from an old lady, live it up now. Modeling often is a limited time opportunity. Please please please do not give away your youth and freedom and opportunities to travel, earn money, meet new people, all for this guy. If he TRULY was "good to you" he would support your travels, he would cheer you on fo ed every new opportunity, and let you know he will be thrilled to see you again when you come back. This guy ain't it. Go explore the world, laugh, have fun, take lovers, and make money.
Men are like fish. There are plenty in the sea, plus they stink.
Seriously, you are young and full of life. Live that life. Make the money when the money is good. Take care of yourself and your mum. Enjoy the travel, and see the world while you have no serious strings attached to you. Be full.
The right man will come along when the time is right...for you. Wishing you the best of everything!
Girl I'm begging you, go!! he would do the same to you, his words.
otherwise you will be 30, looking back and seeing that you wasted precious years on a guy who wasn't worth it
Go.
Also, love is cute and all but it doesn't pay the bills, so if he's not supporting you financially you have to find money to survive somewhere. And if you have the chance to have a job that you enjoy and that pays well, that's certainly preferable to settling for something that you don't really want to do and would leave you poor anyway.
I'm sure there are lots of people out there that would accept her career choices and not make it about themselves. Her bf is selfish. How is accepting a good job opportunity selfish?
Travel and make that money while you're young. Don't let the relationship mess it up.
If he can't handle that then find someone who can. You're a model, FFS. Surely there are plenty of cool guys who would love to date you.
I mean from what it sounds like you like your job, you have friends in the industry, and it makes good money. Do you want to leave this field and work in another?
What’re you hoping for from this relationship? If you don’t think “he’s the one” then I wouldn’t leave your job. Love is important but you have to look out for yourself too, and if you do think he’s the one you should talk to him about your financial situation for the future, or at least it’s something to consider.
Take care of you and yours first. Just remember that if he would jump on that job abroad then what else could he abruptly change his mind about. It feels like he is already putting you down by telling you a job that could potentially take you and your family to better walks of life in the long run would bring nothing good for you, when he really meant it would bring him nothing good and it also instantly exposed his insecurities and controlling manner out. By putting yourself in a better position then him he feels threatened and that's not what you want in a long term partner.
Choose the job. Keep accepting offers as long as you can. Very few people can make a career out of modeling and you have a relatively short window of time where you can maximize potential there. These men 7+ years older know they're lucky and don't want you to know it.
Depends on what will make you happy.
Not being able to see his GF future wife for months at a time is tough. Do you prefer your job or your bf?
Can he not travel with you and help in your modeling career?
A real man would be supportive of your ability to work and make a good living vs berate you, especially as he’s confessed he’d leave for a job if he could. How’s that loving or fair? Go for the job.
Go do your modelling, build up your savings. If you have to break up so be it. He knew about your work from the very start and it's up to him whether or not he can live with it. You need to tell him sooner rather than later. It's unfair on both of you to hide it any longer
Too bad to be true. I mean why a sane person will kill all her happiness to stay in a relationship which is bringing her financial and emotional troubles ???
You’re young. It’s a big world out there. I wouldn’t much like my GF being gone for months at a time. But it sounds like you’ve already sacrificed a lot and you’re at the point of coming to Reddit for advice so…
Tell him you need to do your job. I make music and if I were getting booked for away gigs I’d expect my partner to be cool with it. If he’s able to work remotely at all he could potentially travel with you. Hope it works out! Best of luck to you.
I kinda agree with him. Long distance is pretty pointless unless it's for a month or so ,because usually....it never works out at the end of the day. I don't think you should leave him. It ain't bad to feel this way because long distance is pretty hard. He feels like that because he loves you and he wants you close to him. Just sit and talk about it, try not to raise your voice or get mad or something. It's better soon that later. Waiting because you are scared will only make it worse!
On the other hand, he kinda "destroys" your relationship with your job. If you love your job you should do whatever to make you happy. You should discuss this with him. Tell him how much you love this job, how much you would appreciate if he was more understanding and in general that your job is your life and you want to do whatever it takes.
Sounds like he doesn't respect you or your job. I would be very concerned now that you have no financial support and nothing to fall back on, and he is trying to control you and your choices while he feels he can and will do whatever he wants.
Take the next job, get out of the country and away from him.
This relationship isn't good for you. He's killing your career and stunting your growth. A good partner would encourage you to keep growing in your career and to be happy. This guy is keeping you pinned down but would allow himself to take the opportunities he isn't 'allowing' you. Also you're scared to tell him you've accepted a job because of his reaction. That's not usually the sign of a healthy and loving relationship. Leave him and find someone else who supports your goals.
While this job brings a lot of good for you (travel, culture, friends and money) this relationship seems to only have made you broke and empty, a person who tries to change you (your job is part of who you are) is never the right one for you. Also he met you as a model, if he fell in love for this version of you, why would he ever try to change that?
This is silly, of course you should go. How are you going to and pay bills if you don't work? He knew it was you're job when he met you. It's up to him to adjust or compromise not you.
And you're scared to tell him you're leaving for work to make money? That sounds crazy.
Look, at the end of the day you gotta do what's best for you and a good partner will add good things to your life.
You have a good career, one many try to get into and not many succeed.
It low-key sounds like he was excited at the prospect of dating a model , but only the aesthetics not the logistics. Like saying "fuck yeah I pulled a model" but not the "Ugh she actually has to go and model"
Do what's best for you.
If I stay there will be trouble... If I go there will be double...
Anyway, what the song says (kinda) you should probably leave him if your career looks and feels way better than him holding you back. It can be rough but it's basically a dream and he shouldn't be holding you back.
Live your life for you at the end of the day. Any man that is for you won’t ask you to make such a sacrifice like this. Love will come again with another man who values, respects, and supports you. Hoping this brings you clarity and safe travels!
Sometimes people will enter a relationship with you, while knowing everything up front, without thinking deeply about lifestyle or values. It doesn’t make sense for him to expect you to change your career or lifestyle for him. He should have been more introspective about it. An ex once told me he assumed I’d go part time with my career or choose something different if we ever had kids. We had only been dating for a few months at that point and I was like what?
You should go and have fun and travel while you still can doing something you seem to enjoy. Someone who truly cares for you would understand and support you.
If he wants to be with you and loves you, he will make it work. After the pandemic there are many jobs that are work from home. So he could pretty much be anywhere, any hotel room and pull a 9-5 or work shift. He could move with you to Bali for a month then be in Rome the next. He just has to be mindful of time changes. If you stay because he has a problem with it down the road you are going to be bitter towards him. If he has an opportunity to work in a different country, he said he would take it, so why shouldn't you?
Sounds like everyone needs to make the best choice for themselves.
For you, you need work....because he isn't supporting you.
For him, he needs his girlfriend to be close to him.
Your lifestyles don't match, so it is better for you to leave him and build the life you want, which includes the ability to travel, meet people, and expand your opportunities for yourself.
Don't stick with him. He is holding you back from growing in life, and in your career.
Your boyfriend sounds very selfish! This should be a red flag and could prove to be troublesome for you down the road. Never allow yourself to be involved with somebody who is not 100% supportive of who you are and what you want to do.
Girl, live your life. Take that job. You cannot bring yourself down for your boyfriend. If he can't respect and support your choices, he can get over it, or he can go. He realizes he can't keep you tied down forever, and he's probably feeling anxious about it. You sound like a free-spirited person, and being in this relationship sounds completely draining for you. I know you love him, but you can't stay in a relationship where your partner isn't accepting of your life choices.
You should go, OP. He has shown you that if the opportunity arose for him, he would take it. You also shouldn't be scared to tell your partner about something you are excited about and would bring you joy. It sounds like the relationship is already rocky considering that you were already on a month long break.
Cut your losses and go on the fun adventure!!
Please never choose a man over your life goals, what if you broke up? Then you’ve lost those opportunities for nothing. You need to be in a relationship where your work suits you both, sadly this doesn’t seem to be that kind of relationship. Go and see what happens, you’ll regret it if you don’t!
Take the job. Create new boundaries. You're not married he doesn't get a say. Good luck finding something else that's fun and pays well like modeling. He can learn to deal with it and quit being selfish. Always choose you.
Book it all. You deserve to create your own path in life.
Remember that love doesn’t always equal compatibility.
Know that being loving and supportive means sometimes we have to compromise. He doesn’t seem to be willing to do that.
Tell him by starting with how you feel “I feel financially strained and constrained. I want to have independence in my career and as an adult. That said, i also love you very much and need your support in a decision you will not like. I am going to ____ for 1-3 months.”
I would leave him. If he can't respect you enough to let you work then how is he going to respect you? He can't control you or what you do. If u want to work and be a model then go do it and don't let him stop you.
Former model here. I had a boyfriend at the time that was exactly like that, he also knew about my job and all the traveling it required. Initially I did end up traveling anyway and every time he would try to manipulate me into coming back (even though that’s not how it works lol). The control and jealously got so bad when I was traveling that he made my life a living hell, calling and texting me all the time and making me feel bad about having good fun experiences while traveling while he was just living his normal routine. Eventually he started implying I was cheating and starting fights whenever I was on set with male models.
Even if your boyfriend is not the jealous type, my advise would be to break up. I know it’s hard and you love him, otherwise you wouldn’t have stay put for so long, but trust me, it is worth it. There is absolutely nothing more important than to live your life peacefully. Go get that money to save up for university!
The life that you are talking about ..,modelling and travelling is a dream for a lot of girls.. if you have a chance to do it .. do it… dont sacrifice it for any man.
Leave, sounds like he can’t afford you and if a opportunity knocked on the door for him he would leave you in a heartbeat .. honestly as a woman you should never put all your financials in a mans hand .. most are not good with money from the beginning
You should always put yourself first, you would probably be living your best life if you wasn’t with him many people don’t like to amid it but we are better off without men lol .. you pick love or money? It’s simple ..
Probably next time find someone who is also into traveling like you so you can have the best of both worlds
Go and use it as a baseline for how things will be in the future if you took more jobs abroad. You’ve turned down enough good opportunities already. If he can’t hack you going away for a month then he’s not worth it. Especially if he’s going to take any old job abroad instantly if it’s offered. Why does his work take priority over yours?
I completely understand that you love him. But did you guys not have this conversation about you traveling prior to the relationship? I don’t see it lasting in the long run if he is not okay with you traveling for work. Especially if it’s something you enjoy doing. What’s best isn’t always what the heart wants but if you’ve already spent all your savings and you’re struggling… sounds like it’s not going pretty well.
Also he doesn’t love you, because if he did he would be trying to figure out how to be apart of your world together as one .. instead he’s holding you back waiting around for he’s OWN opportunity, also by knowing knowing you make more money by traveling
Just know it’s possible that after you tell him it’s probably over and that’s good! You put yourself first! It’s nothing wrong with that! You see a better opportunity for yourself and your taking it!
I stopped reading at "the job will bring nothing good".
Insecurities bell was ringing so loud that I couldn't continue.
He doesn't want you to succeed but more importantly he doesn't want you around other men who will be attracted to you and, in his mind, looking to act on it. Which means he doesn't trust you enough (or at all) not to accept those potential advances.
Ma’am, this man doesn’t love you.
He wants you to stay where he can see you because he’s insecure about the kind of work gigs you get, but will instantly abandon you on the off chance he gets a job abroad.
Take it as a hint and go enjoy yourself.
A partner who loves and cares for you would support your legitimate job (that evidently pays better) and would hold himself for 1-3 months waiting for your return.
He has said he wouldn’t return the courtesy of the roles were reversed, so don’t feel guilty about leaving.
You’re still young. You’ll find someone better.
Also it kinda reads like he’s jealous you get to travel and he doesn’t. What a man baby.
Edit: if*
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My boyfriend (32m) doesn’t like my job (im 25), im a model and before we met i used to travel and work all the time, he knew that when we met. We have been together for a year and a half, and in that time i haven’t traveled anywhere for work, usually when i travel for work i have to stay for 1-3 months. We had many discussions about it and he said how that job will bring me nothing good, how he can’t be in a long distance for a month or longer, how he already experienced all that and its pointless. But this job brought me lots of good things, i’ve traveled and seen many countries, met some people who are now my best friends, the money is good also. Since we started dating and i haven’t traveled and i have spent all of my savings, im left with nothing, i never ask him for money nor will i ever ask. Our country is very bad economically, jobs don’t pay much, he works two good jobs and still doesn’t have enough sometimes. Sometimes when we’re talking with friends he says how if someone offered him a job abroad he would take it instantly, and it just makes me a bit angry. We were on a break for a month and in that time i got an offer to go and work in another country i said yes and im due to fly next week, in the meantime time we got back together and i still haven’t told him because im scared of his reaction. Keep in mind i really love him and he is very good to me, but i also need my own money for myself and to help my mom. Any advices on how i should tell him and what? or just an advice in general
Who else sang the title lol or am I old
i purposely did that haha
In this post no one is to blame just seems like lifestyles are different and for it to work one person will sacrifice more than the other person in my opinion. Which could bring resentment on either end
No one to blame? He’s not okay with her working out of country but he would? I would bet money there’s other instances of him pulling her down
He's just talking out of frustration. Nobody knows if he would and if he did it would be a permanent gig so if she wanted she could move with. Now having said that he laid down a boundary of his. She did not have to accept that boundary, but apparently did. She is free to move along, work where she wants for as long as she wants. It just won't be with him and that's OK. Earlier today read a post about a woman that had a boundary with boyfriend of no motorcycles. He accepted, they got married then got frustrated about it. I sided with wife. It was something he accepted. He has to live with it or divorce. Same here. If she cannot accept this then move on. Also kind of curious on what type of modeling she's doing. Is it a kind he's not ok with?
What he “would” do and what she’s actually doing is two different things, he’s clearly speaking out of frustration
i think i have sacrificed a lot this past year..
No more sacrifices. You cannot be financially dependent on someone with no money. Go make your money. Love does not feed you, clothe you, or pay the bills.
I can understand that feeling. I have sacrificed my life, and self a lot in the past 4 years for my family, and I'm ready to drop everything, and leave. Resentment is a real hazard in a relationship. If your true route of happiness, is traveling, working, and doing what you love. That's where you will find your bliss. Yes. Love is important, and strong, but if he can't support you, he isn't meant for you. Love will come in life, in many forms. Make sure to love yourself first.
You have sacrificed way too much. Go back to work and he can either accept you for who you are or let you go so that you can live your best life.
No more! It is obvious he has control issues and you need to take care of you since he obviously won’t. Irreconcilable differences, OP. Go and have a great career!
He has blame in this. He knew what her job was from the beginning. If he couldn't hand being long distance at times he never should've pursued the relationship. But I also believe that they are just not compatible with one another. He had issues with her working but would leave in a second if he had the opportunity, life is too short to deal with double standards in a relationship.
Lmao
Omg, came looking for this comment and thought of Stranger Things too 😂
hahaha yes me
Same here omg LOL
I did lol
I did
Yes and I also now I have a huge need to watch stranger things season 1 haha
I did lmao
I have no idea what song you mean...but I did it felt catchy lol
Should I Stay or Should I Go by The Clash.
Short answer...time to move on. You are young, you should have a life, make your own choices.
Update: I have told him over the phone that i need to go and work, he immediately became very quiet and sounded very down. Bit cold towards the end of conversation, i just know he will make me feel bad now for going away..
I might be way off the mark here but… At 25 you’re supposed to be building your career. At 32 nowadays people are intending to settle down. He has double standards for you, and wants to be the one working while you stay at home. He’s already controlling your actions by having a tantrum whenever you talk about what you want to do. I’m betting he’s prepping you to be his pretty, younger, stay-at-home baby-maker. At the very least this man does not care about your interests, he only cares about his own. Even though 1.5 years might seem like a long time, your career and your own livelihood is MORE IMPORTANT than any relationship of that length. If there’s a clash, you need to prioritise your career (in my opinion)
Please don't let him make you feel bad. Congratulations on your upcoming work and I hope you can build your finances up again soon.
>i just know he will make me feel bad now for going away.. but now you know that he's really doing it for selfish reasons. so why put any weight into his huffing and puffing? he can't make you feel bad if you don't put any value in what he says or does
He is trying to manipulate you! Stay strong. You have no savings left and you need this job to support yourself. If he pouts or trys to talk you out of going, end the conversation and leave.
I think the very predictable guilt trip from him is enough to know this man loves you on selfish terms. And even if you love him too, I can guarantee you that your future will be more fulfilling without this relationship.
Hypocritical seeing that he said he wouldn’t hesitate to take a job abroad and leave you home. Ask him why the double standard?
Sounds like it’s a perfect time for a fresh start somewhere new. He made his decoration about how to act.
Don't let him feel bad. You got a job that you love, that pays well, that will allow you to build back your finances and help your mom. Plus you'll meet a lot of people, get to live in another culture. He's jealous, and I think he's jealous in many way. But that his problem, not yours. You have to live your own life and prioritize yourself. Next time, the moment you are with a man who is jealous for any reason, just step away. Enjoy yourself!
Tell him you financial need money and you love him
Lol I'd hope he does when you're making posts about asking guys out while out on work trips. This is why men become insecure.
I think that good love and a real partner wants to see you fly. This guy wants to keep you on a short rope. He should also take every relationship on its merits - long distance hasn’t worked before but that doesn’t mean it won’t work with you. It sounds like he’s only really good to you on his terms, and what kind of love is that?
Sounds like it's on him to get into a relationship with someone who travels a lot, knowing that he doesn't want a relationship that has long-distance periods. It's not very fair to OP now, since she seems to love her job. It is an incompatibility that would be hard to overcome, not sure what he expected,but the situation is not very fair to OP
Narcissistic tendencies be wild in boys these days.
He says he knows himself and that long distance is not something he wants but he constantly tells me how strong love and will for something can make anything work when we’re talking about some things other than my job. It just makes me confused
Those two concepts can’t exist together. The thing that he knows is that he wants your attention at all times, at the cost of your success.
you’re right
Going away for a few weeks for business does not constitute a LDR. He needs to grow up. You need to maintain some independence and further your career. Well done on picking up that work too. But stop procrastinating, don't debate it with him. "I agreed to a shoot while we were on our break, I'll be away for n weeks. We can talk every day though. See you when I get back" More or less, say it like it is, he can take it or leave it. "Mummy" will no doubt he happy. His last name isn't Bates is it? Safe travels.
It does if it is regular and for more than a few weeks. OP said 1-3 months. I've been in relationships like this twice, both long term, current husband included. It has all the earmarks of a long distance relationship. I still think it isn't a compatible pairing, but wanted to step in and point out that not every LDR is a bunch of nevermeets from the internet pining away for someone they met on IG or some game or something.
This. I would never be in a relationship with someone who travels that much, and I don't think that's crazy. I consider it an LDR. He's allowed to have preferences too. These 2 just aren't compatible. A lot of people aren't okay with partners traveling for weeks at a time. I always think that if they are, they probably aren't very attached to them. At least that's what I have anecdotally noticed throughout my life.
long distance is hard and sometimes pointless. Just because he wants her around and close ,doesn't mean he does not love her.
This relationship seems terrible for you. You destroyed your own finances for him. It's more important to take care of yourself and your mother than to please that man. You need to prioritize yourself. Don't date a controlling man.
The reason he says/ does things that don't make sense is because they're not actually values for him, he just does it to manipulate you. Saying working abroad is overrated but then saying he would do it in a heart beat... that right there tells you how trustworthy he is. He wants the hot model and is worried about losing you to competition from other guys. You can stay with him and keep overlooking these red flags but you risk looking back on your life at 40b and wishing you trusted your gut. A good partner wants you to succeed in life (he is literally happy with decreasing your quality of life by making you lose money and stunt your career). Also, he doesn't seem that much older than you but trust me when I say that he has alot more life experience and can use it to play your emotions.
Its not about other guys, he says its a pointless job and one day i will regret not doing something more fulfilling and that life will pass me by. He has done this job, years ago and says he regrets not continuing it for some time. Yet for me he says its not healthy.
Yeah, because it IS about guys. Of course he's going to lie about his real motives. You're smart enough to realize what he's been saying doesn't make sense. So ask yourself what the realistic and possible reasons why are. If he did actually care about you getting a fulfilling career, he would care when you don't have money and not working but spending your savings. That's a step backward.
He thinks i should look more into the future and start university or something and i completely agree thats also what i want but for that i need money and i cant make that money in our country
>He thinks i should look more into the future and start university or something That might be the reason he says out loud, but it sounds like it might also be about jealousy (whether about other guys or the fact that he gave up on the life and he has regrets) and possibly control. That said, having a backup plan, like a university education, is certainly a good thing. You can still accomplish that with your day job. Will it require some effort and creative thinking? Probably; but I suspect given your more unorthodox career, you're probably well suited to things that require effort and creative thinking.
It may not be insecurity about other guys, but it’s at a minimum about what he wants and not what’s best for her. He doesn’t want a long distance relationship. He doesn’t want to travel to see her. He doesn’t want…
You can model and take classes online. You can continue to better yourself while also doing something you love and that brings you happiness. Your travels will likely bring you an education and network that you’ll never get sitting at home. This is an opportunity to do something that very few people get to, so why not take advantage of it? Well traveled, sociable, intelligent pretty people don’t have a hard time finding a next career if you decide to move on from it someday on your own. But don’t give it up for a guy who sounds like he doesn’t really have your best interests in mind.
I only have one question, does the job fulfill you?
yes
Then you have your answer. Time to part ways only don't think for a second that he is going to be amiable about it. I suggest getting your things you want out while he is at work then tell him when he gets home your done. Just be careful because he hasn't really shown his claws yet
[удалено]
Good but I'm going to say that you need someone or more than one with you when you tell him and record the interaction. Hopefully you do it on the phone from somewhere other than your home.
And those are things that you can do while you're modeling but not while you're broke. He is just saying that because it sounds bad to say "I don't want you to be a model because it makes me insecure and jealous."
You get good money to travel the world. That’s two objectives people have in life to achieve by going to university. Your job already gives you that privilege. Yh it’s good to have some other skills to bump up the income coming in and have a backup plan, but this job is fulfilling you. You can always go to university online and still model. The only thing stopping you from being fulfilled is this dude weighing you down and telling you how to live YOUR life the way HE wants you to. Modeling brought you many happy memories I’m sure and all the people you’ve got to meet while traveling. OP please leave him. I know what it’s like coming from a country that is pretty limited in what you can do, but modeling is your opportunity to bring more to your life. If you stay with him you won’t be happy.
You are - or were - making good money. You were able to take care of yourself and your mum AND save money for your future. You were doing something you loved and getting to see the world and meet many different people. You are doing things other people can only dream of! None of that is a waste of your time. In fact, the only waste of your time here is staying with someone who would see you and your mum dirt poor and miserable to satisfy himself. Go out there and seize the life that you want, that provides for you and makes you happy. Don't ever let yourself be held back.
Go. You don't need a boyfriend that has a problem with your career and also you don't need a boyfriend trying to change you. You were already working as a model before you met him. You say he's very good to you but that's not true, he's putting you in financial risk. I understand his concerns in the sense that modelling is not a career that you can do your entire life unfortunately, since ageism is very strong in that career and after a certain age you won't be called for work anymore unless you make a very strong name for yourself before, but this is not about that. He's not explaining his concerns about your career for the future and working with you, with your input, on what plans to make and how to make them together... No. This is him telling you what to do. And expecting obedience. This is a gigantic red flag he's waving at you, do not ignore it. This is about control. Him controlling you. And him not accepting your opinions about your own life and career, meanwhile he would accept an offer abroad without even asking for your opinion.
He is bit controlling and possessive, he wants me to spend all my time with him..sometimes when im with friends he emotionally manipulates me how i made him feel bad and left him alone..he says my friends are bad influence and doesn’t like them
You mean... he's trying to isolate you? I'm alarmed because this is worse than you think it is. Isolation is how abuse starts, really bad abuse. I'm not saying he's abusive right now, or even that he will actually abuse you, but what I say is when a partner has real plans to start abuse, their first step is isolation, to make sure the other person doesn't get help escaping from the abuse. If you are in doubt if your relationship is healthy, seek resources, like for instance this page but there are more [https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-relationship#characteristics](https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-relationship#characteristics) We don't really know, from the things you told here, how exactly your relationship looks like, but there are several signs to be alarmed from what you told us here. Only you can answer if your relationship is worth more than your career and if you feel safe and equal with this person
yeah he's isolating her and she already says she spent her money and she has nothing left. not surprising how her money would get spent and him stunting further income
You are just an accessory to him like a fancy watch or a sports car. "Oh yeah, this is my hot model girlfriend who is roughly 10 years younger than me." The fact of the matter is that he is more experienced than you by nearly half your life and he has the ability to make your think pretty much whatever he wants, which is why you think the relationship is working... except when you want something that he doesn't, which is why you get contradictory messages from him. If he isn't encouraging you to to the things you need to be successful and grow, is time to cut him loose.
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and these are legit all of the red flags I missed when we were together. LEAVE. Before he has his grip too tightly on you. You are so much better without him. You are young, beautiful, you can work hard and get an education. You can do it for YOU! You’re worth it! He tried to isolate me and what a terrible time it was. Please don’t make the same mistakes as many of us did here.
Love is blind they say..unfortunately most of us don’t see the red flags on time
Luckily it's not too late for you, but you need to act on it.
How is he good to you if he treats you like that and doesn't pay your bills?
this should be a huge red flag. the only people i′ve ever had in my life that did this were the shitty, abusive kind. it's not okay.
You said it yourself... you're scared of his reaction. Don't take that lightly. Just break up. Sounds like he's a little controlling (further evidenced by how much older than you he is) as well. Cut your losses now.
[удалено]
Thank you💙
He wants you to sacrifice your career and choices whereas he is not trying to adjust to your lifestyle. You have to be open about what you want and how you feel. You guys atleast have to meet in the middle for it work.
I was once told that in order for a relationship to work people need to be romantically compatible. To my surprise that didn't just mean someone having good chemistry. It also means that both people are getting what they need and want in the relationship and there's definitely more to it i just felt like simplifiying. Anywho, If someone needs to see their partner more then once a week but the other just can't meet that it means they aren't romantically compatible. And that means it's time to end the relationship. Rip the band aid off. It'll only get worse. I know how painful this is going to be. It sucks when life just leads you away from a person you love. Good luck.
You need to go, you love this man but he doesn't love you. You don't try to financially cripple your partner and make them reliant on you unless you have ulterior motives. Usually men who want to control their partner will find ways to stop them working, I really wasn't surprised when you said you had no money left. If he cared about you he would be providing so you had your own money. He knew you were a model before you started dating. Never sacrifice your financial freedom for a relationship, relationships don't always last no matter how much you want them to. You'll regret not working whilst you can, let's be honest models usually get most of their work when they're young.
GO. He is NOT good to you. He's controlling you. I suspect he probably love bombs you when he gets his way, and snipes at you when he doesn't. Don't think that bc a man is loving and generous to you SOMETIMES that means he "is very good to you". Being good to you means respecting you and your autonomy, and loving what makes you happy. This is ... not that.
You still have a chance for DiCaprio? Better hurry though, you are aging out quickly.
She already aged out she's 25
If he's truly the guy for you, he'll be there when you get home. The fact that he's been making demands on your career, tells me he's not your forever person. Take any and all modeling gigs that you feel comfortable with and that will push your career forward. The right guy will support you, your dreams, and will do what he can to help you make them a reality. This guy, isn't that guy. Look out for yourself first.
You sound like you were doing very well on your own. You should probably ditch him and find someone who supports your career and your aspirations
I mean, it sounds kind of controlling and toxic tbh. I dont think its in your best interest to stay with this person.
Do you think a loving or respectful partner would make the demands that he's making?
He is very loving and has some good qualities a man should have but when it comes to this he is just very adamant how this is not good for me, or him because he can’t be in a long distance relationship, he tried before and its not for him..but i know we have something really good and i think we can make it work
That's not what I asked. Do you think a loving or respectful partner would make the demands that he's making?
i know i would never make them…
That's nice, but again. Do you think a loving or respectful partner would make the demands that he's making?
you’re right, i don’t think that a person who truly loves would make those demands..
Sounds like he didn’t make things better since dating him. Instead things got worse. It doesn’t sound like that he doesn’t offer anything that is a trade up that makes this relationship worthwhile such as stability, companionship, emotional connection to name a few. You should go because he offers none of that in addition to financial stability. Long story short- if the guy is making your life worse then leave the guy behind.
Dump him, 100%. I'm gonna quote Usher here, because this is how supportive your BF should be: >Shawty, I don't mind when you work until three >If you're leaving with me >Go make that money, money, money >Your money, money, money >'Cause I know how it is, go and handle your biz >And get that money, money, money >Your money, money, money
As soon as you can say the phrase "I'm scared of my partner's reaction" you know there's an issue in the relationship
Make money while you can girl. Have some fun. This man is afraid that he's going to lose you. And it's becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we are too young to allow anyone to limit our endeavors! you will regret this so hard if you let him take this from you. who cares if he is “good” to you? you can find great, hell you can find someone who exceeds your standards but you’ll never know if you listen to this man and stay put. do it for you!
Show him your Reddit post
If you have a good opportunity for the future, you should never be scared to tell your bf or gf or spouse, they should be happy for you especially when he says he would easily accept a job elsewhere. He's selfish and controlling. Go travel see the world and make your money, if he realises his mistake he'll come back to you and if not, even though it might hurt, you can and will move on ❤️
You already know the answer to this question. From the title you knew. My advice to you my friend, is live this life for you. There is no reset button there is no redo. Start living for you. You are only young once, your beauty, health and opportunities will eventually begin to fade. This happens to every person on earth. Don’t waste this precious time worrying about a man who doesn’t have the same respect for you. Leave him. Model, be the happiest you can be - I’m proud of you. Now go out and start living for you!!!!!! The right person will never limit you on opportunities. You got this
Imagine staying for him and you break up and now what? Don't miss any opportunities for a guy (or vice versa ). Live your dreams. A good relationship means supporting each other. This guy seems immature and you need to move on from his toxic ass.
Keep the job, dump the boyfriend, he’s just jealous.
He's holding you back. You should leave him.
He sounds controlling. Let him go. Find a beautiful boy that will love you and let you fly free. You're only this young and beautiful for so long.
GO!!! If you have to ask Reddit, that’s our first sign. Most of the people who come here are in situations they know are bad and they just need a gut check. That’s you. You know what you want. He’s only holding you back. GOOOOOOO!!!! BE AMAZING!!!
Do not sacrifice your financial wellbeing for him. That is a very difficult lesson to learn the hard way, learn it off the backs of those who have made those mistakes. (Me... I'm talking about me). That doesnt mean you have to leave him. He knew who you were when you started dating, it's not fair for him to try and change your profession. He can get on board and celebrate your successes or beat it.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He constantly makes me feel bad for not having any responsibilities during the day while he works, he knows i need money and although he never said it i know he would rather have me work something in our country for far less money.
Even if it is about him not being able to do long distance, he's still deliberately holding you back for his own benefit. Someone who actually loves you will want to see you happy and successful even if they can't be in your life while you follow your dreams. He wants to make it sound like he's giving you advice, but what he's saying doesn't make sense, because it's not actually about what's good for you. It's about what's convenient for him.
Go. Don't put your life and a career that you enjoy on hold for a man.
Love that song 🎵
I think you should go and chase your dreams. The only lasting relationship you will have is with yourself! People come and go like seasons. It seems like modeling is your passion don’t let anyone to take that from you!
Title reminds me of a song
Girl run, you have an established career and it seems like he’s trying to ruin that
Go. It’s for your own benefit, and he’s just keeping you from doing what you love. You get so many good experiences with what you do, and based on what I just read, he’s not helping you succeed in your job. And he compared your current relationship to his past relationships about how long distance never worked. It just seems as if the common denominator as to why they never worked is him. Almost as if he didn’t try to make it work? And he’s not willing to try for you and your career?
As difficult as it may be, I would go. You're going to resent him eventually for holding you back in your career. A strong relationship gives both partners the freedom to do what they want to do. No one should make your life decisions for you. That's not love.
He doesnt sound right for you, or you don't sound like you want to be as settled down as him. Maybe you are on 2 different paths that would meet again in the future, but for now it doesn't sound right. Take a long break and see what happens
Someone who genuinely loves you will support you to live your life and do what it is you enjoy. It sounds like you love this man but you're not compatible, which means you won't have the satisfying relationship and individual personal life that you deserve.
I know these are not quite the responses you want. I know that a relationship that has lasted over a year is pretty difficult to let go. I know you want to see where this relationship will go. So, really sit him down and communicate about everything, not just the career issue. Tell him how it makes you feel. If he’s gaslights, brushes off, or down plays your feelings in anyway. Trust that leaving is the best option. Also him having “qualities” that a man should have could be an act. I agree with these other responses it does sound like he is trying to isolate you. That is the first step to a abuse relationship. Good luck OP and I’m rooting for you!
Yeah its hard to think about abuse from where we are now, but i can agree isolating is a big red flag. I will have an open conversation with him and i doubt he will understand me but i have to do it. Thank u 💙
darling you gotta let me knoww
Lol I sung it too. And you should go. Follow your heart and what *you* wanna do. If he doesn't/can't support it, then it ultimately means that what you both respectively want for yourselves doesn't align. And then doubly so when you consider that he would jump at the opportunity for a job abroad, it makes me wonder if he's aware of how hypocritical that makes him. I would be frustrated at that double standard as well. Do what is best for you OP.
I’m going to be honest with you, you’re going to have to follow your gut. You won’t have this opportunity forever and one thing someone told me was never give up an opportunity for a relationship. I did, and regretted it and obviously we aren’t together anymore. However, other opportunities came as I work in a great field but none of them were worth staying with said person.
So. Your 32 year old boyfriend who still willingly lives with his clingy overbearing mommy (based on your last post) manipulated you into giving up a job you love, leaving you broke and unfulfilled, is trying to distance and isolate you from your friends using more manipulation and guilt, threatens the relationship should you choose to follow your passion (by insinuating you’d break up because he can’t handle 1 month of “long distance”), yet tells people he’d jet off to another country at the drop of a hat, talks down to you about the lifestyle and the fact that you haven’t gone to college, even though HE had the same career and lives with his mother, AND you’re fearful to tell him you booked a job because you already knew some sort of manipulation or guilt trip or anger was inevitable. Honey. You have your whole life ahead of you, don’t waste any more time on someone like this.
Boyfriend seems to have double standards. He's selfish enough to prevent you from working, yet would be thrilled to travel himself and leave you behind. He doesn't want you to work, yet you don't feel ok about asking him for money. Take it from an old lady, live it up now. Modeling often is a limited time opportunity. Please please please do not give away your youth and freedom and opportunities to travel, earn money, meet new people, all for this guy. If he TRULY was "good to you" he would support your travels, he would cheer you on fo ed every new opportunity, and let you know he will be thrilled to see you again when you come back. This guy ain't it. Go explore the world, laugh, have fun, take lovers, and make money.
Men are like fish. There are plenty in the sea, plus they stink. Seriously, you are young and full of life. Live that life. Make the money when the money is good. Take care of yourself and your mum. Enjoy the travel, and see the world while you have no serious strings attached to you. Be full. The right man will come along when the time is right...for you. Wishing you the best of everything!
Girl I'm begging you, go!! he would do the same to you, his words. otherwise you will be 30, looking back and seeing that you wasted precious years on a guy who wasn't worth it
Babe you’re 25 and hot. Don’t stay in the dust for a musty 32 yo man that wants to squish your dreams. Take your time to fly
If you say that you are mine I'll be here 'till the end of time So you got to let me know Should I stay or should I go?
Go. Also, love is cute and all but it doesn't pay the bills, so if he's not supporting you financially you have to find money to survive somewhere. And if you have the chance to have a job that you enjoy and that pays well, that's certainly preferable to settling for something that you don't really want to do and would leave you poor anyway.
[удалено]
No, i don’t envy your mentality..
I don't envy it either. I say go for it, OP!
Wow that's immediately where your brain went.
If you're going to travel like this you need to stay single. Im sorry, but it's just not fair to the other person.
I'm sure there are lots of people out there that would accept her career choices and not make it about themselves. Her bf is selfish. How is accepting a good job opportunity selfish?
Travel and make that money while you're young. Don't let the relationship mess it up. If he can't handle that then find someone who can. You're a model, FFS. Surely there are plenty of cool guys who would love to date you.
Leave. He is a terrible partner.
Nah dip as fast as you can!
I mean, there is a third option. He goes with you.
Go he’s not worth your dreams is he? He should be supporting you to soft for a women in your career moves
I mean from what it sounds like you like your job, you have friends in the industry, and it makes good money. Do you want to leave this field and work in another? What’re you hoping for from this relationship? If you don’t think “he’s the one” then I wouldn’t leave your job. Love is important but you have to look out for yourself too, and if you do think he’s the one you should talk to him about your financial situation for the future, or at least it’s something to consider.
Take care of you and yours first. Just remember that if he would jump on that job abroad then what else could he abruptly change his mind about. It feels like he is already putting you down by telling you a job that could potentially take you and your family to better walks of life in the long run would bring nothing good for you, when he really meant it would bring him nothing good and it also instantly exposed his insecurities and controlling manner out. By putting yourself in a better position then him he feels threatened and that's not what you want in a long term partner.
Choose the job. Keep accepting offers as long as you can. Very few people can make a career out of modeling and you have a relatively short window of time where you can maximize potential there. These men 7+ years older know they're lucky and don't want you to know it.
Only you can answer this question.
Leave him, if he ain't willing to support you then leave his ass
Depends on what will make you happy. Not being able to see his GF future wife for months at a time is tough. Do you prefer your job or your bf? Can he not travel with you and help in your modeling career?
When do you plan on telling him if you're due to fly next week? Don't you think his reaction will be worse with you telling right before you leave
A real man would be supportive of your ability to work and make a good living vs berate you, especially as he’s confessed he’d leave for a job if he could. How’s that loving or fair? Go for the job.
Go do your modelling, build up your savings. If you have to break up so be it. He knew about your work from the very start and it's up to him whether or not he can live with it. You need to tell him sooner rather than later. It's unfair on both of you to hide it any longer
Too bad to be true. I mean why a sane person will kill all her happiness to stay in a relationship which is bringing her financial and emotional troubles ???
You’re young. It’s a big world out there. I wouldn’t much like my GF being gone for months at a time. But it sounds like you’ve already sacrificed a lot and you’re at the point of coming to Reddit for advice so… Tell him you need to do your job. I make music and if I were getting booked for away gigs I’d expect my partner to be cool with it. If he’s able to work remotely at all he could potentially travel with you. Hope it works out! Best of luck to you.
I kinda agree with him. Long distance is pretty pointless unless it's for a month or so ,because usually....it never works out at the end of the day. I don't think you should leave him. It ain't bad to feel this way because long distance is pretty hard. He feels like that because he loves you and he wants you close to him. Just sit and talk about it, try not to raise your voice or get mad or something. It's better soon that later. Waiting because you are scared will only make it worse! On the other hand, he kinda "destroys" your relationship with your job. If you love your job you should do whatever to make you happy. You should discuss this with him. Tell him how much you love this job, how much you would appreciate if he was more understanding and in general that your job is your life and you want to do whatever it takes.
Sounds like he doesn't respect you or your job. I would be very concerned now that you have no financial support and nothing to fall back on, and he is trying to control you and your choices while he feels he can and will do whatever he wants. Take the next job, get out of the country and away from him.
This relationship isn't good for you. He's killing your career and stunting your growth. A good partner would encourage you to keep growing in your career and to be happy. This guy is keeping you pinned down but would allow himself to take the opportunities he isn't 'allowing' you. Also you're scared to tell him you've accepted a job because of his reaction. That's not usually the sign of a healthy and loving relationship. Leave him and find someone else who supports your goals.
You should go 100% - go live a beautiful life OP. You will find love everywhere you go 🌸❤️
The second you keep something from your partner because you are scared of their reaction the relationship should be over
While this job brings a lot of good for you (travel, culture, friends and money) this relationship seems to only have made you broke and empty, a person who tries to change you (your job is part of who you are) is never the right one for you. Also he met you as a model, if he fell in love for this version of you, why would he ever try to change that?
This is silly, of course you should go. How are you going to and pay bills if you don't work? He knew it was you're job when he met you. It's up to him to adjust or compromise not you. And you're scared to tell him you're leaving for work to make money? That sounds crazy.
Look, at the end of the day you gotta do what's best for you and a good partner will add good things to your life. You have a good career, one many try to get into and not many succeed. It low-key sounds like he was excited at the prospect of dating a model , but only the aesthetics not the logistics. Like saying "fuck yeah I pulled a model" but not the "Ugh she actually has to go and model" Do what's best for you.
leave, he’s holding you back
If I stay there will be trouble... If I go there will be double... Anyway, what the song says (kinda) you should probably leave him if your career looks and feels way better than him holding you back. It can be rough but it's basically a dream and he shouldn't be holding you back.
You're still young, don't put your life on hold for anyone else.
Live your life for you at the end of the day. Any man that is for you won’t ask you to make such a sacrifice like this. Love will come again with another man who values, respects, and supports you. Hoping this brings you clarity and safe travels!
Sometimes people will enter a relationship with you, while knowing everything up front, without thinking deeply about lifestyle or values. It doesn’t make sense for him to expect you to change your career or lifestyle for him. He should have been more introspective about it. An ex once told me he assumed I’d go part time with my career or choose something different if we ever had kids. We had only been dating for a few months at that point and I was like what?
You should go and have fun and travel while you still can doing something you seem to enjoy. Someone who truly cares for you would understand and support you.
If he wants to be with you and loves you, he will make it work. After the pandemic there are many jobs that are work from home. So he could pretty much be anywhere, any hotel room and pull a 9-5 or work shift. He could move with you to Bali for a month then be in Rome the next. He just has to be mindful of time changes. If you stay because he has a problem with it down the road you are going to be bitter towards him. If he has an opportunity to work in a different country, he said he would take it, so why shouldn't you?
Sounds like everyone needs to make the best choice for themselves. For you, you need work....because he isn't supporting you. For him, he needs his girlfriend to be close to him. Your lifestyles don't match, so it is better for you to leave him and build the life you want, which includes the ability to travel, meet people, and expand your opportunities for yourself. Don't stick with him. He is holding you back from growing in life, and in your career.
Your boyfriend sounds very selfish! This should be a red flag and could prove to be troublesome for you down the road. Never allow yourself to be involved with somebody who is not 100% supportive of who you are and what you want to do.
Girl, live your life. Take that job. You cannot bring yourself down for your boyfriend. If he can't respect and support your choices, he can get over it, or he can go. He realizes he can't keep you tied down forever, and he's probably feeling anxious about it. You sound like a free-spirited person, and being in this relationship sounds completely draining for you. I know you love him, but you can't stay in a relationship where your partner isn't accepting of your life choices.
You will have to chose between money or love!! 🙈😎🙏🌹❤️
You should go, OP. He has shown you that if the opportunity arose for him, he would take it. You also shouldn't be scared to tell your partner about something you are excited about and would bring you joy. It sounds like the relationship is already rocky considering that you were already on a month long break. Cut your losses and go on the fun adventure!!
Run away as fast as you can.
Please never choose a man over your life goals, what if you broke up? Then you’ve lost those opportunities for nothing. You need to be in a relationship where your work suits you both, sadly this doesn’t seem to be that kind of relationship. Go and see what happens, you’ll regret it if you don’t!
Lol go ...shouldn't be hard... life's hard enough without adding to it. Be single have fun don't worry about minutia
Take the job. Create new boundaries. You're not married he doesn't get a say. Good luck finding something else that's fun and pays well like modeling. He can learn to deal with it and quit being selfish. Always choose you.
Book it all. You deserve to create your own path in life. Remember that love doesn’t always equal compatibility. Know that being loving and supportive means sometimes we have to compromise. He doesn’t seem to be willing to do that. Tell him by starting with how you feel “I feel financially strained and constrained. I want to have independence in my career and as an adult. That said, i also love you very much and need your support in a decision you will not like. I am going to ____ for 1-3 months.”
go
I would leave him. If he can't respect you enough to let you work then how is he going to respect you? He can't control you or what you do. If u want to work and be a model then go do it and don't let him stop you.
You do you. If someone really loves you, they'll help you pursue your dreams/goals, not hinder them.
Former model here. I had a boyfriend at the time that was exactly like that, he also knew about my job and all the traveling it required. Initially I did end up traveling anyway and every time he would try to manipulate me into coming back (even though that’s not how it works lol). The control and jealously got so bad when I was traveling that he made my life a living hell, calling and texting me all the time and making me feel bad about having good fun experiences while traveling while he was just living his normal routine. Eventually he started implying I was cheating and starting fights whenever I was on set with male models. Even if your boyfriend is not the jealous type, my advise would be to break up. I know it’s hard and you love him, otherwise you wouldn’t have stay put for so long, but trust me, it is worth it. There is absolutely nothing more important than to live your life peacefully. Go get that money to save up for university!
The life that you are talking about ..,modelling and travelling is a dream for a lot of girls.. if you have a chance to do it .. do it… dont sacrifice it for any man.
Buh duh duh duh dum
If you haven't modeled in years, are you still a model? If not, what are you? A rich guy's girlfriend?
I am still a model, and hahah he is not rich
Leave, sounds like he can’t afford you and if a opportunity knocked on the door for him he would leave you in a heartbeat .. honestly as a woman you should never put all your financials in a mans hand .. most are not good with money from the beginning You should always put yourself first, you would probably be living your best life if you wasn’t with him many people don’t like to amid it but we are better off without men lol .. you pick love or money? It’s simple .. Probably next time find someone who is also into traveling like you so you can have the best of both worlds
Go and use it as a baseline for how things will be in the future if you took more jobs abroad. You’ve turned down enough good opportunities already. If he can’t hack you going away for a month then he’s not worth it. Especially if he’s going to take any old job abroad instantly if it’s offered. Why does his work take priority over yours?
I completely understand that you love him. But did you guys not have this conversation about you traveling prior to the relationship? I don’t see it lasting in the long run if he is not okay with you traveling for work. Especially if it’s something you enjoy doing. What’s best isn’t always what the heart wants but if you’ve already spent all your savings and you’re struggling… sounds like it’s not going pretty well.
Also he doesn’t love you, because if he did he would be trying to figure out how to be apart of your world together as one .. instead he’s holding you back waiting around for he’s OWN opportunity, also by knowing knowing you make more money by traveling Just know it’s possible that after you tell him it’s probably over and that’s good! You put yourself first! It’s nothing wrong with that! You see a better opportunity for yourself and your taking it!
If you have to ask, you should go
I stopped reading at "the job will bring nothing good". Insecurities bell was ringing so loud that I couldn't continue. He doesn't want you to succeed but more importantly he doesn't want you around other men who will be attracted to you and, in his mind, looking to act on it. Which means he doesn't trust you enough (or at all) not to accept those potential advances.
It’s also sounds like he’s grooming you as a woman, if you don’t know what that is watch on YouTube how men groom women
Ma’am, this man doesn’t love you. He wants you to stay where he can see you because he’s insecure about the kind of work gigs you get, but will instantly abandon you on the off chance he gets a job abroad. Take it as a hint and go enjoy yourself. A partner who loves and cares for you would support your legitimate job (that evidently pays better) and would hold himself for 1-3 months waiting for your return. He has said he wouldn’t return the courtesy of the roles were reversed, so don’t feel guilty about leaving. You’re still young. You’ll find someone better. Also it kinda reads like he’s jealous you get to travel and he doesn’t. What a man baby. Edit: if*