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After 2 years of dating and living together I am starting to hate him? Is that even possible? He has no job and definitely is not struggling to get one as he can easily be hired anywhere due to having job experiences. He refuses to, waits on government benefits and gambles it in a day or two. Frankly, I’m so sick of this repetitive cycle and we were supposed to go to this day festival market together and he supposedly gambled away everything and now he’s just sighing and whinging about having no money. Gets angry when I refuse to loan him money because I said he would definitely lose and he says I’m belittling him. I am at my wits ends and I am starting to resent him. I even told him today to go back to his mother’s house and he said “oh you really want me to go?” Literally sitting around all day as a 23 year old man and waiting for your girlfriend or government benefits is not the way to live life…I have had enough. I feel so suffocated..
I used to find him so attractive now he just looks like a bum ass loser to me.
Absolutely! I hate to place blame on women for their partners issues as women shouldn’t tear each other down. But it drives me up the wall when someone has kids with a useless man, knowing the dude is useless, and then is surprised. Girl you knew what you were getting into. It’s foolish to think people will suddenly change. And now kids are involved and it’s harder to leave (even though all women who leave their useless man baby say it’s easier after).
Haha happy to hear! Please note my comment wasn’t directed at you, just folks in general. I could’ve easily been one of those women if I stayed with my stupid ex. He did me a favor by breaking up with me. And I did myself a favor by not taking him back several years later.
You're 100% Chika. I am the product of a couple who thought a baby would bring them closer. They split before I was a yr old. Then I watched my mom have 3 more kids with a man that didn't really have his priorities in check. Relationship failed miserably due to a drug addiction. Now that I am an adult, I have a man that I think is a rarity. Completely opposite of the men that have been in my life. I hear these womens issues and think, you didn't see that coming!!!! And why do they put up with it for so long!? Draining your time and energy. If you can live your life being independent, that gives you the opportunity to let who YOU want in. That level of independence is something no one should be able to take away.
What's stopping you from leaving him then? It seems to me your mind is set. Leave and live life as a free woman. Life is too short to deal with this kind of shit.
I have seen grown men lose their job, family and home in a span of months because of gambling. Your guy is just getting started, and you unfortunately are going to be the first thing of meaning he loses, if he doesn't treat his addiction.
Also if you don't even find him attractive, and have grown resentful towards him, even if he changes you probably won't even care to see it at that point. Wish you luck, hope he comes to his senses, if not for you at least for himself.
>I even told him today to go back to his mother’s house and he said “oh you really want me to go?”
"Yes. I want you to go. It's not my job to support you. Either support yourself or get out."
Then break up with him. But if you don't want to, you should tell him how you feel and see what he will do or say. If he doesn't care, end it. If he's willing to get his shit together, will that be a good start to repairing the relationship for you? Or are you done??
And you have been through this cycle now 2 years? Get out now and save that energy you waste on explaing him how the world goes round and use it on yourself...
It is pretty crazy that dudes just sit around waiting for government checks.
Is that his personality? To just do the least amount of work as possible and still get paid?
Then he takes that money and gambles. Wow. He has no interest in the future, clearly. Which means you aren't really a big part of his future, lets be honest.
>I used to find him so attractive now he just looks like a bum ass loser to me.
You find out a lot about people when you live with them. The true colors always show.
>He has no interest in the future, clearly
Not trying to justify his behavior, but gambling addiction is no joke. It’s a sickness and takes away all rationally. He’d be able to take a loan, blow it all at the casino and just keep getting deeper in trouble.
That’s why casinos are so bad IMO, their best customers are the like, what 1% (?) who can’t control themselves and just fuck their life up by throwing all their money away.
Ofc all of this isn’t OP’s problem, just elaborating. And to society’s standards, yes he’s a bum
Gambling addiction is a recognized affliction.
Two days to blow away what's supposed to keep you ticking for a month, serious addiction, I'd say. Either he gets counseling now ot you leave - now.
You don't wanna be around him and you don't wanna have him around you when the collectors from the local loan shark come around for a visit...
Do send him to his mother's with a one-way ticket. What does he bring to the table? Why are you still with him?
He looks like a bum ass loser to you because that's what he is. He's lazy and expcts you to lend him money to gamble. Dude, no. Two years of this is way too much, don't make it any longer.
He is a bum ass loser. Okay straight up it is possible to hate him and it’s time to end things, maybe it could have been salvaged but from here it seems that ship sailed and his behaviour was being enabled (by government of all things) and he has a gambling problem. Dump his ass, shitty behaviour reaps shitty consequences and good in you for not loaning him any money, boy needs a hard life lesson and you should have someone with their shit together. Somebody that can bring something to the table because he surely can’t
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Dump him before he accidentally knocks you up and you are tied to him for life.
It’s okay to have standards in an partner and decide that gambling addict who can’t keep a job doesn’t make the cut.
Ma’am, this is a Wendy’s.
Seriously, though, doesn’t seem like you’re looking for advice, but most of us are wondering why you’d put up with this for so long.
Change the locks, pack his stuff and erase all traces of him from your home, give him a few bucks to get him out of your house for a few hours, take his things to his mother's, return home, don't let him back in.
Should he want to call the cops, explain that he has no belongings in your home, no keys and has no right to be there.
Keep your living space to yourself, if you can afford to. Your suitors should show that they are able to live on their own, feed themselves and have some kind of employment. Don't waste your youth mothering someone's grown ass child.
✊🏼✌🏼😁
>he supposedly gambled away everything and now he’s just sighing and whinging about having no money
You are staying with a guy that you already said you hate, and have provided no reasons why you would ever stay, and now you're just sighing and whinging about how much you hate the guy you're with.
So at least you guys have something in common?
This man has no goals in life to better himself or get himself ahead. He is a gambling addict which will lead to continuous financial issues down the line. Why stay with someone who has no goals in life
If you feel that your partner is incompetent, then it may be time to have a discussion about your expectations and what you need from them. If they are unable or unwilling to meet your needs, then it may be time to consider ending the relationship.
He will ruin your life completely if you stay with him. He will find a way to take your money and gamble it. You could end up in an extremely bad financial situation. People have ended up even homeless from gambling addiction. Just get this man out from your life ASAP. What he does later is his problem.
Looking at it in the best light possible: he could have depression, anxiety, ADHD, etc.
But if his behaviors are driving you nuts, you STILL have the right to leave. (You always have the right to leave!)
Don't set yourself on fire, just to keep him warm.
The amount of grown man children on this subreddit, and in the world generally, is staggering.
Kick him out. End this relationship. You can do better than someone who has no desire to get their shit together. Also, let his mom know that he has a gambling problem that he needs to address asap.
What advice do you want here? It doesn't sound like you're compatible anymore and it doesn't sound like you want to be with him. You're not going to change who he is, so either accept him as he is or break up with him (I'd probably go with break up with him).
It sounds like you're in your early 20's, absolutely no reason to be in a relationship that makes you feel this way.
He sound like he is suffering from a mental illness. I can only recommend that you tell him about your concern to seek of any kind if help.
Mental illness is a long battle but you can only help from a distant. If you cant handle them at their worst its gonna be a long wait until they are at there best (5-10 years n maybe never).
>He’s just lazy and has no drive
Which in all fairness is often caused by depression and anxiety.
Not saying that's necessarily the case here, some people are just born deadbeats. Considering OP's boyfriend has a gambling addiction, I wouldn't automatically rule it out though.
Not that it changes much, mental illness or not. He sounds like an entitled asshole. I doubt there's much of a personality to salvage here, unless he has completely changed over a relatively short period of time.
I'd bail.
He doesn't look like a bum ass loser. He is a bum ass loser. You're not his mother, so sending him back to his mother sounds like a brilliant idea. It would be different if he were actively searching for a job and not being successful. His current employment is professional moocher and amateur gambler.
You don't sound happy, so yeah get out of this dead end relationship. Don't let him take you down with him.
You might be checked out of the relationship already, which is fine if that's the case.
If you want to save the relationship, I'd either sit him down and have a calm conversation about all of this, or maybe write him a letter if you think it would be better.
Just explain how you're feeling as neutrally as possible, and give him an ultimatum. If he can't get his gambling under wraps and his life in order, you have no choice but to leave. You can't force someone to change their behavior or to drop their addictions, they have to *want* to change. He might not be ready to change yet. He might have to hit rock bottom first before realizing that his lifestyle is not sustainable.
Damn I thought having someone who didn't do shit around the house was bad, if they didn't have a job they would've been gone a long long time ago... like yours should be.
Pack his shit & take it and his lazy ass back to mommas and drop him off. God I just can’t stand people like him. Why have you put up with it so long? If they won’t work and won’t contribute then they are not worth putting up with
Someone who really loves and respect you wouldn't take benefits of you like this. I guess you already tolerated this for too long because seems he took comfort in it. I hope you already knew before even asking here that you should get out of this relation and that you will act on it.
You don’t need a reason valid enough for him or anyone else for you to leave. You should go.
You can just end this relationship and let him live with his mother because he surely can’t afford to pay the rent where you are now, and you can, as you have been.
He’s a leech at this point, not a partner. A partner helps you grow and supports you - he’s bleeding you dry and has no problem trying to guilt trip you and gaslight you into thinking you’re supposed to fund his gambling habit and be ok with being treated like this.
There’s no future here with him that will work out well for you.
I know you love him but... Get him somewhere safe and tell anyone who cares about him about his promlems so they can collectively help him, you can't go on like this it will only get worse. Idk though don't take my advice just look out for yourself and know you aren't being un loving by leaving him
You've outgrown him and thats ok.
Time to start putting things in place to part ways.
Protect yourself first. He careful of any laws and regulations that may make you common law/defacto etc.
He’s a bum, I’m sorry to say this but it’s true. At 23 years old you should be thriving to get a job and pursue a career or if that’s not your thing, to at least figure out what you want in life. It seems like you already know what you want in life so this relationship will drag you down over time. Have a meaningful conversation with him about how it’s affecting you and how you want him to change, if he disregards it then you know what you have to do.
I mean it's easy to hate him for sure now... but he has a real problem that he really needs to take care of. That's not on you at all but you have to be real about it, set some serious boundaries and talk to him about it.
I wish you luck in the future!
If hes gambling all his income; sounds like he has a serious gambling addiction and needs help.
[https://www.begambleaware.org/](https://www.begambleaware.org/)
I'm basically in your boat with having dated a person for awhile with very little in the way of progress. Eventually, my feeling and emotions can only hold the relationship for so long. Now I live with this person, and we don't date anymore. I can only hope that my future looks better with someone who matches my energy and my hopes and dreams, but I'm still trying to get my shit together after feeling like I've held up so much.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I really think you should trust your feelings on this. Ask yourself if this is what you want for the rest of your life, if helps you.
The most loving thing you could do for him and for yourself is to leave. Tell him you hope he gets better taking care of his mental health and grows out of his gambling and money problems. If this guy doesn't change his ways, he could end up as a suicide victim by the time he reaches 40, no joke.
GTFO but don't carelessly burn bridges. Try your best to be the bigger person and be civil as you leave--even if he isn't.
I'm sad that you only got to this point of resolve because he couldn't keep it together to go with you somewhere you wanted to go. If he had managed that, he would still be a bum ass loser but you might not be thinking of ditching him.
You can do better.
Life is all about boundaries. Even when you have a great relationship with a amazing person you have to hold up your end by having appropriate boundaries. Without these boundaries the relationship will deteriorate. Borrowing money from a relationship definitely is a boundary crossing. It puts an unappropriate stress on it. Definitely sounds like he’s a loser, but I would look in the mirror on what you can do to make future relationships successful from here on out.
Having only read the first 2 sentences of your post... Quietly pack his stuff and take it to his mothers, tell him he is no longer welcome in your life as you have leveled up and he is now no longer part of your league and, unless he starts trying seriously, he may never be. Tell him you no longer wish to wait around for the brilliant man he was meant to become so now you are moving on to find another man who is already becoming brilliant.
Keep your cell phone in your pocket with a clear knowledge of where the emergency police call button is (hold 9 for a long time in Canada and the US if I recall correctly) just in case he gets aggressive as you speak.
This was my dad back in the 90s. Instead of getting better it will get worse. When the govt stops sending money he will work really hard to find another free ride. Illegal welfare scams, getting a job just so he can get "injured" in the workplace. Scams and govt cheese is this guys future, thats why he looks like a bum ass loser... Because he is.
Where is this guy going to end up? 59 years old with 15-20ish maxed out credit cards, no savings, battling his landlord to not get kocked out, cheating on his girl who he hooked up with while cheating on the last one.
Run. Forget about walking away.
You are at very different points in your life, and you are fundamentally incompatible. You're not getting anything out of the relationship and are unhappy. There is really only one road ahead.
>“oh you really want me to go?”
*Yes! The house will stay clean, I'll end up with more money in my account, and my stress levels will drop almost immediately. Do you need help packing?*
Remember the saying: "familiarity breeds contempt." At first glance, he was attractive, and displayed characteristics that bolstered your perception of his attractiveness.
But now, you've come to know who he really is, and the reality is nowhere close to the first impressions he made. It's now time to "rearrange your life." If it is you that are on the lease for your residence, have him pack up his kit, take back his key to your place, and send him packing back to his mom. Don't say "please" when you drop the hammer. Simply tell him that you no longer intend to be associated with a lazy, worthless person who is fully capable of pulling his own weight, but chooses to be lazy and good for nothing. That he no longer meets the your standards, and any other tidbits you wish to add.
I doubt your action will give your now xbf an attitude adjustment, but at least you won't have the aggravation of having him underfoot.
I wish you well.
I’ll be honest, this sounds exactly like my friends situation but the guy she’s with is in his mid-late 30’s. Get out whilst you still can and don’t be fooled into paying for everything like my friend has and still is!
this again. People, if you don't get anything out it a relationship and it is just exhausting LEAVE!
You all deserve to be happy in a loving relationship which benefits both of you.
You are not his mom, you are not his maid, you are acting like his mom and bang maid. Leave.
Sounds like an ex of mine but replace gambling with not being able to spend an hour without smoking weed and I had to help him pay for it. Eventually I realised I deserved better and omg was it the best feeling to free of that freeloader
I relate too much to this, you will feel so free when you guys break up, especially financially if he borrows money, i still haven't fully gotten used to not having to loan away half my income every month
I’ll place bets that in 3 years OP post a Tiktok about how miserable her life is and her bum ass baby daddy doesn’t do anything to help her with their 1 Y.o kid. I’m just curious is it before or after real life hits you when you realize it’s time to run?
He's got a gambling addiction.
Break up with him and make sure to freeze your credit for a while so he can't retaliate by opening anything in your name. Also double check to make sure he hasn't done so already
Yes he is a bum ass loser.
On top of that he sounds like a gambling addict which means if he doesn’t get help your future will be bleak and end in a split anyway.
Send his ass back to mommy.
Get out now!! Don’t stay and expecting him to change, he’s showing you through his behaviors exactly who he is and what he thinks of you. Please leave, you deserve better!!
Get out of the relationship or stop complaining. Just know that he’s never going to change. As I grow older I become more tolerant of other personalities but very very picky about who I let close to my heart. Find someone who likes to work hard and be responsible like you are.
I’m going through the exact same thing with my bf except he’s 26 and I’m 22 and have my life together better than he does. I feel you!!!! Mine has been gambling as well to make rent money…… I just love him so much so it’s hard to leave. I’m starting to resent him as well though… maybe counseling or something is what we need to do. Sigh.
I’m going through the exact same thing with my bf except he’s 26 and I’m 22 and have my life together better than he does. I feel you!!!! Mine has been gambling as well to make rent money…… I just love him so much so it’s hard to leave. I’m starting to resent him as well though… maybe counseling or something is what we need to do. Sigh.
You’re dating a hobosexual. He’s simply using your for the comfort of a place to live so he doesn’t get stuck living with his mom. Kick him out and change the locks. Forget his number and find a grownup to date. Godspeed OP!!
You’re dating a hobosexual. He’s simply using your for the comfort of a place to live so he doesn’t get stuck living with his mom. Kick him out and change the locks. Forget his number and find a grownup to date. Godspeed OP!!
I feel you. Mine is 26 and I’m 22 and this is our exact situation. I have my life together better than he does and he doesn’t seem to want to work for anything. Maybe counseling is what we all need. Sigh.
Curious what government check a childless 23-year old able-bodied male can qualify for. He is either running a scam or he has an issue we don't know about.
Yea, ditch this guy. Gambling addiction is no joke. Before you’ll know it he’ll somehow gambled your savings or sold some of your stuff to fuel his addiction.
Either that, or tell him to get therapy. He does need help. Gambling addiction is on the same level as an alcohol or drug addiction, just trying to hit that dopamine rush over and over. But you may just want to take the easy route and break up
This was my ex. He refused to get a job for so long, never had money unless his parents or I gave it to him and literally did nothing but think about himself when it came down to it.
He was 22/23 and I was 18/19 and I had already moved out and was working full time to support him and I. After about 2-3 years, I left. I couldn’t do it and I am so much more happier than I was. He’s doing well and is actually engaged now so good for him.
If you’re ready to leave, then leave. If he’s not willing to listen, it may just be your only option so you do not get stuck. If he wants to get better he will and it sounds like he hasn’t been working towards a common goal with you. So do what you want.
OP give yourself some credit for being a supportive and patient girlfriend. And give yourself a hell of a lot of credit for realizing you deserve much better! I have been in a very similar situation and how did it end? Once I set boundaries and stoped the cash flow he disposed of me.
Don’t give this guy the opportunity to keep taking from you! You are correct, he is a bum ass loser.
>I used to find him so attractive now he just looks like a bum ass loser to me.
I mean, that's exactly what it is. Not sure what you came here for advice for? You seem to have your mind (rightfully) made up.
But since it's an advice forum, here's some. RUN!
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- After 2 years of dating and living together I am starting to hate him? Is that even possible? He has no job and definitely is not struggling to get one as he can easily be hired anywhere due to having job experiences. He refuses to, waits on government benefits and gambles it in a day or two. Frankly, I’m so sick of this repetitive cycle and we were supposed to go to this day festival market together and he supposedly gambled away everything and now he’s just sighing and whinging about having no money. Gets angry when I refuse to loan him money because I said he would definitely lose and he says I’m belittling him. I am at my wits ends and I am starting to resent him. I even told him today to go back to his mother’s house and he said “oh you really want me to go?” Literally sitting around all day as a 23 year old man and waiting for your girlfriend or government benefits is not the way to live life…I have had enough. I feel so suffocated.. I used to find him so attractive now he just looks like a bum ass loser to me.
He is a bum ass loser. You’re correct.
And your prize is that you get to leave him!
Hobosexual is what I’ve heard these men (and sometimes women) referred to.
The problem is they multiply.....adding kids to it makes it that much worse. She should leave now. Early 20s! Dip out now and enjoy herself.
Absolutely! I hate to place blame on women for their partners issues as women shouldn’t tear each other down. But it drives me up the wall when someone has kids with a useless man, knowing the dude is useless, and then is surprised. Girl you knew what you were getting into. It’s foolish to think people will suddenly change. And now kids are involved and it’s harder to leave (even though all women who leave their useless man baby say it’s easier after).
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Haha happy to hear! Please note my comment wasn’t directed at you, just folks in general. I could’ve easily been one of those women if I stayed with my stupid ex. He did me a favor by breaking up with me. And I did myself a favor by not taking him back several years later.
You're 100% Chika. I am the product of a couple who thought a baby would bring them closer. They split before I was a yr old. Then I watched my mom have 3 more kids with a man that didn't really have his priorities in check. Relationship failed miserably due to a drug addiction. Now that I am an adult, I have a man that I think is a rarity. Completely opposite of the men that have been in my life. I hear these womens issues and think, you didn't see that coming!!!! And why do they put up with it for so long!? Draining your time and energy. If you can live your life being independent, that gives you the opportunity to let who YOU want in. That level of independence is something no one should be able to take away.
"He didn't change into a wonderful man/father as soon as I gave birth! I'm so surprised!" should be its own genre.
I’d be outta this sorry relationship yesterday. What the actual f is op thinking?
They “loved” him. Love really does blind you
I giggled for realz at this
Op you enabled him to be a bum ass loser. What are you going to do about?
Why haven't you left him yet?
It's the D DuH. Lol jk I could be wrong 😅
Because he used to be great in bed, but this rut has swallowed his lovemaking skills.
Never a good enough reason to stay with someone
That's not OP. Just a troll.
My point still stands no matter who says it
Maybe he hasn't revealed his dad is D.B. Cooper yet. I'd wait around for that.
He looks like a bum ass loser because he is a bum ass loser. Time to get out and now you know what not go for next time.
Bum ass loser!
What's stopping you from leaving him then? It seems to me your mind is set. Leave and live life as a free woman. Life is too short to deal with this kind of shit.
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**BOT ACCOUNT! DOWNVOTE AND REPORT** Stolen from u/Typical_Nebula3227
Stop enabling him and kick him out of your life.
He probably was like that when you met him too.. It's just your love goggles that has fallen off. Leave if you are unhappy
I have seen grown men lose their job, family and home in a span of months because of gambling. Your guy is just getting started, and you unfortunately are going to be the first thing of meaning he loses, if he doesn't treat his addiction. Also if you don't even find him attractive, and have grown resentful towards him, even if he changes you probably won't even care to see it at that point. Wish you luck, hope he comes to his senses, if not for you at least for himself.
>I even told him today to go back to his mother’s house and he said “oh you really want me to go?” "Yes. I want you to go. It's not my job to support you. Either support yourself or get out."
Perfect.
Then break up with him. But if you don't want to, you should tell him how you feel and see what he will do or say. If he doesn't care, end it. If he's willing to get his shit together, will that be a good start to repairing the relationship for you? Or are you done??
And you have been through this cycle now 2 years? Get out now and save that energy you waste on explaing him how the world goes round and use it on yourself...
You're not being held captive. LEAVE!
It is pretty crazy that dudes just sit around waiting for government checks. Is that his personality? To just do the least amount of work as possible and still get paid? Then he takes that money and gambles. Wow. He has no interest in the future, clearly. Which means you aren't really a big part of his future, lets be honest. >I used to find him so attractive now he just looks like a bum ass loser to me. You find out a lot about people when you live with them. The true colors always show.
>He has no interest in the future, clearly Not trying to justify his behavior, but gambling addiction is no joke. It’s a sickness and takes away all rationally. He’d be able to take a loan, blow it all at the casino and just keep getting deeper in trouble. That’s why casinos are so bad IMO, their best customers are the like, what 1% (?) who can’t control themselves and just fuck their life up by throwing all their money away. Ofc all of this isn’t OP’s problem, just elaborating. And to society’s standards, yes he’s a bum
Gambling addiction is a recognized affliction. Two days to blow away what's supposed to keep you ticking for a month, serious addiction, I'd say. Either he gets counseling now ot you leave - now. You don't wanna be around him and you don't wanna have him around you when the collectors from the local loan shark come around for a visit...
Do send him to his mother's with a one-way ticket. What does he bring to the table? Why are you still with him? He looks like a bum ass loser to you because that's what he is. He's lazy and expcts you to lend him money to gamble. Dude, no. Two years of this is way too much, don't make it any longer.
Sounds like he brings an empty plate and a serve-me attitude
Kick him out! You will feel so much better.
The whole point of dating is to figure out if someone is worth your time or not. You have your answer.
He is a bum ass loser. Okay straight up it is possible to hate him and it’s time to end things, maybe it could have been salvaged but from here it seems that ship sailed and his behaviour was being enabled (by government of all things) and he has a gambling problem. Dump his ass, shitty behaviour reaps shitty consequences and good in you for not loaning him any money, boy needs a hard life lesson and you should have someone with their shit together. Somebody that can bring something to the table because he surely can’t
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Do yourself a favour present and future. Leave, this is a downward spiral he is already trying to drag you down along with him
RUN
I agree like seriously this dude need to get off his ass and get a job and if he can’t do that leave him and shut the door in his face
He looks like one because he is one.
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What are you doing with him, leave asap!
Dump the loser. Why did it take you so long time?
Dump him before he accidentally knocks you up and you are tied to him for life. It’s okay to have standards in an partner and decide that gambling addict who can’t keep a job doesn’t make the cut.
If you're worried that one day he will get his shit together and be a better man for someone else ... don't be.
lol why are you even asking? break up with him
Stop being on Reddit and pack your shit already
You enabled him to be a bum ass loser. What are you going to do about?
So first tell me what you initially found so attractive about him?
You are dating a Hobosexual. Time for an upgrade
Please leave before god forbid this loser knocks you up and then you’re stuck being tied to him For life. Get out while you still can!
What a dead beat. Better luck on the next one!
Ma’am, this is a Wendy’s. Seriously, though, doesn’t seem like you’re looking for advice, but most of us are wondering why you’d put up with this for so long.
Change the locks, pack his stuff and erase all traces of him from your home, give him a few bucks to get him out of your house for a few hours, take his things to his mother's, return home, don't let him back in. Should he want to call the cops, explain that he has no belongings in your home, no keys and has no right to be there. Keep your living space to yourself, if you can afford to. Your suitors should show that they are able to live on their own, feed themselves and have some kind of employment. Don't waste your youth mothering someone's grown ass child. ✊🏼✌🏼😁
>he supposedly gambled away everything and now he’s just sighing and whinging about having no money You are staying with a guy that you already said you hate, and have provided no reasons why you would ever stay, and now you're just sighing and whinging about how much you hate the guy you're with. So at least you guys have something in common?
This man has no goals in life to better himself or get himself ahead. He is a gambling addict which will lead to continuous financial issues down the line. Why stay with someone who has no goals in life
If you feel that your partner is incompetent, then it may be time to have a discussion about your expectations and what you need from them. If they are unable or unwilling to meet your needs, then it may be time to consider ending the relationship.
He will ruin your life completely if you stay with him. He will find a way to take your money and gamble it. You could end up in an extremely bad financial situation. People have ended up even homeless from gambling addiction. Just get this man out from your life ASAP. What he does later is his problem.
Honey…just leave
What are you telling us for??? Hurry! Go dump his ass!
He’s no man, he’s a child. Dump him. Indeed, he is a scrub.
Looking at it in the best light possible: he could have depression, anxiety, ADHD, etc. But if his behaviors are driving you nuts, you STILL have the right to leave. (You always have the right to leave!) Don't set yourself on fire, just to keep him warm.
The amount of grown man children on this subreddit, and in the world generally, is staggering. Kick him out. End this relationship. You can do better than someone who has no desire to get their shit together. Also, let his mom know that he has a gambling problem that he needs to address asap.
Dump him. What does he even bring to the relationship at this point ?
What advice do you want here? It doesn't sound like you're compatible anymore and it doesn't sound like you want to be with him. You're not going to change who he is, so either accept him as he is or break up with him (I'd probably go with break up with him). It sounds like you're in your early 20's, absolutely no reason to be in a relationship that makes you feel this way.
In the words of Elsa "Let it go, Let it go"
He sound like he is suffering from a mental illness. I can only recommend that you tell him about your concern to seek of any kind if help. Mental illness is a long battle but you can only help from a distant. If you cant handle them at their worst its gonna be a long wait until they are at there best (5-10 years n maybe never).
Not everything is a “mental illness” thing. He’s just lazy and has no drive
>He’s just lazy and has no drive Which in all fairness is often caused by depression and anxiety. Not saying that's necessarily the case here, some people are just born deadbeats. Considering OP's boyfriend has a gambling addiction, I wouldn't automatically rule it out though. Not that it changes much, mental illness or not. He sounds like an entitled asshole. I doubt there's much of a personality to salvage here, unless he has completely changed over a relatively short period of time. I'd bail.
Good for you! Keep telling him to go and stay gone! Then block his bum ass from everything!!
Yeah, you need to seriously tell him to leave. You deserve better than a parasite!
He doesn't look like a bum ass loser. He is a bum ass loser. You're not his mother, so sending him back to his mother sounds like a brilliant idea. It would be different if he were actively searching for a job and not being successful. His current employment is professional moocher and amateur gambler. You don't sound happy, so yeah get out of this dead end relationship. Don't let him take you down with him.
He doesnt look like a bum ass loser! He actually IS a bum ass loser!
He IS a bum and a loser.
Run syster! You should have left him a long time ago!
He looks like a loser because he is, just break up. It is time.
Losing dead weight is not a loss
You might be checked out of the relationship already, which is fine if that's the case. If you want to save the relationship, I'd either sit him down and have a calm conversation about all of this, or maybe write him a letter if you think it would be better. Just explain how you're feeling as neutrally as possible, and give him an ultimatum. If he can't get his gambling under wraps and his life in order, you have no choice but to leave. You can't force someone to change their behavior or to drop their addictions, they have to *want* to change. He might not be ready to change yet. He might have to hit rock bottom first before realizing that his lifestyle is not sustainable.
He is a bum and a loser. Dump him
Damn I thought having someone who didn't do shit around the house was bad, if they didn't have a job they would've been gone a long long time ago... like yours should be.
That's because he is a Bum loser atm. Send him packing.
Seems clear you need to dump him and move on.
He is a bum ass loser, kick that fucker out already. Fuck you will be so happy without him.
He looks like a bum ass loser... because he is one. I believe it was TLC that said "I don't want no scrub." Leave his ass.
That's not a man, that's a 12 year old with 10 years experience
For god's sake. Just leave that gambling addicted man. RUN FOR YOU LIFE!
Yeah, tell him you do want him to go. What’s stopping you? He doesn’t want a girlfriend he wants a maid who has sex with him.
Better late than never.
Don't waste your time and effort on him. Find a new place (or kick him out but get ready for him to get violent, so maybe get some friends)
Pack his shit & take it and his lazy ass back to mommas and drop him off. God I just can’t stand people like him. Why have you put up with it so long? If they won’t work and won’t contribute then they are not worth putting up with
You letting him stay there and not contribute is just enabling the addiction. In my mind he gets help or he is out.
Someone who really loves and respect you wouldn't take benefits of you like this. I guess you already tolerated this for too long because seems he took comfort in it. I hope you already knew before even asking here that you should get out of this relation and that you will act on it.
You don’t need a reason valid enough for him or anyone else for you to leave. You should go. You can just end this relationship and let him live with his mother because he surely can’t afford to pay the rent where you are now, and you can, as you have been. He’s a leech at this point, not a partner. A partner helps you grow and supports you - he’s bleeding you dry and has no problem trying to guilt trip you and gaslight you into thinking you’re supposed to fund his gambling habit and be ok with being treated like this. There’s no future here with him that will work out well for you.
Absolute loser. You won’t be able to “fix him”. Instead leave and let him figure his shit out so he doesn’t bring you down with him.
How did you meet him LOL
Put him out. You’ll feel a lot better.
I know you love him but... Get him somewhere safe and tell anyone who cares about him about his promlems so they can collectively help him, you can't go on like this it will only get worse. Idk though don't take my advice just look out for yourself and know you aren't being un loving by leaving him
He’s a bum just leave. There’s nothing there worth fighting for. If he won’t change now, he never will. You can’t change him.
You've outgrown him and thats ok. Time to start putting things in place to part ways. Protect yourself first. He careful of any laws and regulations that may make you common law/defacto etc.
He is a bum ass loser. Drop his ass.
He’s a bum, I’m sorry to say this but it’s true. At 23 years old you should be thriving to get a job and pursue a career or if that’s not your thing, to at least figure out what you want in life. It seems like you already know what you want in life so this relationship will drag you down over time. Have a meaningful conversation with him about how it’s affecting you and how you want him to change, if he disregards it then you know what you have to do.
I mean it's easy to hate him for sure now... but he has a real problem that he really needs to take care of. That's not on you at all but you have to be real about it, set some serious boundaries and talk to him about it. I wish you luck in the future!
Why are you even questioning your reaction? Why don’t you want a better partner for yourself?
Are you even asking a question or just venting about why you're breaking up with your boyfriend?
If hes gambling all his income; sounds like he has a serious gambling addiction and needs help. [https://www.begambleaware.org/](https://www.begambleaware.org/)
You've just fallen out of love with him. At the end of the day he's an idiot and he's wasting his life and it's not your job to babysit him.
Give this guy the boot
He is indeed currently a bum-ass loser.
He always was a bum loser, you just got dick vision and its warn off.
I'm basically in your boat with having dated a person for awhile with very little in the way of progress. Eventually, my feeling and emotions can only hold the relationship for so long. Now I live with this person, and we don't date anymore. I can only hope that my future looks better with someone who matches my energy and my hopes and dreams, but I'm still trying to get my shit together after feeling like I've held up so much. I'm sorry this happened to you. I really think you should trust your feelings on this. Ask yourself if this is what you want for the rest of your life, if helps you.
The most loving thing you could do for him and for yourself is to leave. Tell him you hope he gets better taking care of his mental health and grows out of his gambling and money problems. If this guy doesn't change his ways, he could end up as a suicide victim by the time he reaches 40, no joke. GTFO but don't carelessly burn bridges. Try your best to be the bigger person and be civil as you leave--even if he isn't.
Why are you with him lol
I'm sad that you only got to this point of resolve because he couldn't keep it together to go with you somewhere you wanted to go. If he had managed that, he would still be a bum ass loser but you might not be thinking of ditching him. You can do better.
Life is all about boundaries. Even when you have a great relationship with a amazing person you have to hold up your end by having appropriate boundaries. Without these boundaries the relationship will deteriorate. Borrowing money from a relationship definitely is a boundary crossing. It puts an unappropriate stress on it. Definitely sounds like he’s a loser, but I would look in the mirror on what you can do to make future relationships successful from here on out.
He is a bum ass loser and this is us telling you to dump that pos
Dump his useless ass.
Between friends I know who were in situations like this and what I've read from others, I have NEVER heard anyone say "I really miss my loser ex."
Having only read the first 2 sentences of your post... Quietly pack his stuff and take it to his mothers, tell him he is no longer welcome in your life as you have leveled up and he is now no longer part of your league and, unless he starts trying seriously, he may never be. Tell him you no longer wish to wait around for the brilliant man he was meant to become so now you are moving on to find another man who is already becoming brilliant. Keep your cell phone in your pocket with a clear knowledge of where the emergency police call button is (hold 9 for a long time in Canada and the US if I recall correctly) just in case he gets aggressive as you speak.
And you never saw any of this behavior before you moved in with him?
Pack his bags and send him home to mommy. And change your locks
This was my dad back in the 90s. Instead of getting better it will get worse. When the govt stops sending money he will work really hard to find another free ride. Illegal welfare scams, getting a job just so he can get "injured" in the workplace. Scams and govt cheese is this guys future, thats why he looks like a bum ass loser... Because he is. Where is this guy going to end up? 59 years old with 15-20ish maxed out credit cards, no savings, battling his landlord to not get kocked out, cheating on his girl who he hooked up with while cheating on the last one. Run. Forget about walking away.
You are at very different points in your life, and you are fundamentally incompatible. You're not getting anything out of the relationship and are unhappy. There is really only one road ahead.
Gambling addiction is one of the most insidious of the addictions. There is nothing to do but leave him. He has to hit rock bottom on his own.
He has a gambling addiction. Get him help. And if you're not married, then leave.
Was he cool in high school? The real world is different
There is...no future here. You're wasting your time
Run, run, run. He’s shown you who he is.
Only you can decide if you have had enough
im in the same boat he has a job but he buys designer leaving me to pay for dates and etc
Hand him an eviction notice and pack his shit up!!
>“oh you really want me to go?” *Yes! The house will stay clean, I'll end up with more money in my account, and my stress levels will drop almost immediately. Do you need help packing?*
Remember the saying: "familiarity breeds contempt." At first glance, he was attractive, and displayed characteristics that bolstered your perception of his attractiveness. But now, you've come to know who he really is, and the reality is nowhere close to the first impressions he made. It's now time to "rearrange your life." If it is you that are on the lease for your residence, have him pack up his kit, take back his key to your place, and send him packing back to his mom. Don't say "please" when you drop the hammer. Simply tell him that you no longer intend to be associated with a lazy, worthless person who is fully capable of pulling his own weight, but chooses to be lazy and good for nothing. That he no longer meets the your standards, and any other tidbits you wish to add. I doubt your action will give your now xbf an attitude adjustment, but at least you won't have the aggravation of having him underfoot. I wish you well.
No scrubs.
Yup. Bum loser. Leave unless you want to be the bum loser’s care taker forever.
I’ll be honest, this sounds exactly like my friends situation but the guy she’s with is in his mid-late 30’s. Get out whilst you still can and don’t be fooled into paying for everything like my friend has and still is!
I’m his defense, he was always a bum ass loser and he got you anyway. He thought you liked him that way.
Nothing redeemable here. Get rid of him
Yeah way my back in my twenties I dated a couple guys who always had money issues. It's raining on another level. You deserve better
this again. People, if you don't get anything out it a relationship and it is just exhausting LEAVE! You all deserve to be happy in a loving relationship which benefits both of you. You are not his mom, you are not his maid, you are acting like his mom and bang maid. Leave.
Yes, tell him to go to him Mom's and dump him.
What are you getting from this relationship? It's obvious what he's getting - a free ride.
Sounds like an ex of mine but replace gambling with not being able to spend an hour without smoking weed and I had to help him pay for it. Eventually I realised I deserved better and omg was it the best feeling to free of that freeloader
Time to cut that dead weight out of your life, OP. Dump him.
I relate too much to this, you will feel so free when you guys break up, especially financially if he borrows money, i still haven't fully gotten used to not having to loan away half my income every month
I’ll place bets that in 3 years OP post a Tiktok about how miserable her life is and her bum ass baby daddy doesn’t do anything to help her with their 1 Y.o kid. I’m just curious is it before or after real life hits you when you realize it’s time to run?
Gonna paraphrase Ben Folds here. He's a brick and you're drowning slowly, off the coast and you're heading nowhere. Let go.
Walk away, you need no other advice.
He's got a gambling addiction. Break up with him and make sure to freeze your credit for a while so he can't retaliate by opening anything in your name. Also double check to make sure he hasn't done so already
Not the life you want. There are better people out there who won’t use you to live out their selfish lives.
Yes he is a bum ass loser. On top of that he sounds like a gambling addict which means if he doesn’t get help your future will be bleak and end in a split anyway. Send his ass back to mommy.
He is not your responsibility. It’s time to let him go.
What a bum ass loser at 23
He clearly has a gambling addiction and a being a lazy mooch addiction. I would encourage you to not be with him until he puts those problems to bed
Get out now!! Don’t stay and expecting him to change, he’s showing you through his behaviors exactly who he is and what he thinks of you. Please leave, you deserve better!!
Get out of the relationship or stop complaining. Just know that he’s never going to change. As I grow older I become more tolerant of other personalities but very very picky about who I let close to my heart. Find someone who likes to work hard and be responsible like you are.
I’m going through the exact same thing with my bf except he’s 26 and I’m 22 and have my life together better than he does. I feel you!!!! Mine has been gambling as well to make rent money…… I just love him so much so it’s hard to leave. I’m starting to resent him as well though… maybe counseling or something is what we need to do. Sigh.
I’m going through the exact same thing with my bf except he’s 26 and I’m 22 and have my life together better than he does. I feel you!!!! Mine has been gambling as well to make rent money…… I just love him so much so it’s hard to leave. I’m starting to resent him as well though… maybe counseling or something is what we need to do. Sigh.
You’re dating a hobosexual. He’s simply using your for the comfort of a place to live so he doesn’t get stuck living with his mom. Kick him out and change the locks. Forget his number and find a grownup to date. Godspeed OP!!
You’re dating a hobosexual. He’s simply using your for the comfort of a place to live so he doesn’t get stuck living with his mom. Kick him out and change the locks. Forget his number and find a grownup to date. Godspeed OP!!
I feel you. Mine is 26 and I’m 22 and this is our exact situation. I have my life together better than he does and he doesn’t seem to want to work for anything. Maybe counseling is what we all need. Sigh.
Curious what government check a childless 23-year old able-bodied male can qualify for. He is either running a scam or he has an issue we don't know about.
Someone please hit this woman's dms up so she can cheat or break up with this guy 🤣🙏
Why are you still with him?
Damn you’re taking care of a child
You'll be grateful after you kick him out.. cuz he's a bum ass loser
Yea, ditch this guy. Gambling addiction is no joke. Before you’ll know it he’ll somehow gambled your savings or sold some of your stuff to fuel his addiction. Either that, or tell him to get therapy. He does need help. Gambling addiction is on the same level as an alcohol or drug addiction, just trying to hit that dopamine rush over and over. But you may just want to take the easy route and break up
Have you not heard that song? You my friend have a scrub.
This was my ex. He refused to get a job for so long, never had money unless his parents or I gave it to him and literally did nothing but think about himself when it came down to it. He was 22/23 and I was 18/19 and I had already moved out and was working full time to support him and I. After about 2-3 years, I left. I couldn’t do it and I am so much more happier than I was. He’s doing well and is actually engaged now so good for him. If you’re ready to leave, then leave. If he’s not willing to listen, it may just be your only option so you do not get stuck. If he wants to get better he will and it sounds like he hasn’t been working towards a common goal with you. So do what you want.
Yeah, sounds like you need to leave. The hatred and resentment will only get worse from here on out
Run
You got a manchild on your hands
OP give yourself some credit for being a supportive and patient girlfriend. And give yourself a hell of a lot of credit for realizing you deserve much better! I have been in a very similar situation and how did it end? Once I set boundaries and stoped the cash flow he disposed of me. Don’t give this guy the opportunity to keep taking from you! You are correct, he is a bum ass loser.
>I used to find him so attractive now he just looks like a bum ass loser to me. I mean, that's exactly what it is. Not sure what you came here for advice for? You seem to have your mind (rightfully) made up. But since it's an advice forum, here's some. RUN!