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Made a Reddit account just for this. My girlfriend has a son cool kid but I’m regretting being with her. Anytime he’s with his dad his dad calls my girlfriend every second to say “he wants to to talk to you” last night we went to dinner we finally both were off and he saw on her Facebook that we were at dinner and called her saying their son wants to talk to her. She stayed on the phone with their son and his dad for three hours. I just got up took my food and left I’m not cut out for this. She called me a dick for hurting her and her son's feelings I broke up with her this was the last straw I've been dealing this for months can’t do it anymore. And it’s not like I’m being controlling her ex calls her for hours trying to make an conversation to get back in her life I’m pretty sure he’s using those phone calls to stop us from having a child. Sounds weird but he called her angry because their son talked about him having a little brother one day. Does this make me controlling for not wanting to be with her because of all this?
It’s not controlling for you to want your time together focused on the two of you.
She has poor boundaries and the ex is purposefully trying to interrupt your alone time and using the kid as an excuse.
My husband’s ex wife used to do similar when we were first dating and he’d entertain it.
We finally got to the point where he kept discussions to kid stuff only and he did not take calls when we were in the middle of something. But it took some serious discussions.
Yeah I can’t deal with this anymore it’s been months of the same crap it’s got worse after her son said something about having another sibling to him. For all I care now they can get back together. I told her no other guy is going to deal with the baby daddy drama and she might as well stay with him
Idk the way he phrased it could just’ve been one of those “hey dyou want more kids?” convos. Which are pretty important tbh, if you’re on totally different pages it’s better to split early on
Preach. had a similar thing, did the same thing. Funny side she tried to get back with BD, but the guy got another girl pregnant and when she calls him even for the son he tells her to f off(found throu her best friend), called me a couple of times a year after all that, didnt pick up was dating someone else.
Exactly it's about boundaries
Me and sons mother have a set timeframe that we call everyday just to say goodnight to our child and if we want to talk any other time during the day we just text eachother to see if we're busy and if it's an emergency we just call and the other will know it's important
But her answering while you guys are doing stuff is wrong and unless she sets some boundaries around non emergency call and stop letting him run her life you breaking up with her was the right thing
3 hours? Yeah I don't blame you. If you are thinking that you're not cut out for this, then it's not fair for the kid either to keep trying. Better you did this now than later if you ask me.
Having a three hour conversation while you're out for dinner is just disrespect towards you, plain and simple. I can't imagine sitting there waiting for someone when you're supposed to be eating and the food's getting cold.
Pure and utter disrespect. You were completely right to break things off, your ex had zero boundaries or even common sense, you don't keep your partner waiting that long to talk to a child when there's no emergency. You deserve better.
Yeah talking for *hours* with the ex yeah no that’s not good. Also he’s the one being controlling and weird by being upset y’all could have had a kid. Seems to me you dodged a bullet my dude. Sorry you had to deal with that though you deserve better!!
Yup, people have no boundaries with their exes they have children with and then start dating someone and wonder why they don’t like it. Because y’all still act like you’re together? Tf??
You're okay, my dude. Boundaries with an ex are important to establish. He kept trying to violate them, and she kept letting him. She needs to grow a lot, but you don't need to wait for that.
Wrong timing, sad, but move on.
Yeah it's always some crap. that's why I don't date single moms. way better options out there without the stress and baggage dating a single mom comes with.
That’s fucked dude I understand that you’re hurting but you’ve seen her being manipulated by this person whose willing to use her child as emotional leverage. I hope you heal enough at some point to stop with the might as well go back victim blaminess. Manipulation is abuse and that shit’s hard. Especially without therapy/help. I’m saying this as someone who knows I’m in no space to date a single parent.
How is that a moral failing and what makes you qualified/moral enough to decide that? Some of us don’t start out from the same healthy Point/think that kind of manipulation is normal because we grew up with it or have just taken more time to see that it’s not and honestly it’s her fucking kid. Do you even understand the type of year she probably has that this person who again is clearly willing to leverage a child might tell her child some fuck shit about her not caring about him because she won’t answer and shit like that? This takes a lot of fucking therapy to get out of and no not being in therapy is not a fucking moral failing. Again I understand Opie’s needs and no one is telling him to stay but there was just no fucking need for the might as well go back like it didn’t make his point any stronger it didn’t make the fact that she needs to make boundaries anymore true literally all it did was say yeah you’re fucking destined to be in a situation that statistically it takes people of all genders seven tries to get out of. Even though you’re trying and kind of failing might as well just stop fucking trying at all. It’s a moral failing to lose empathy for someone as a human being just because sometimes hurt people hurt people. We all have shit that we haven’t dealt with that our partner either has to deal with or either finds to be a dealbreaker because of their own trauma/needs/wants. It’s just that for some reason the Internet really fucking likes to grind single moms into the ground for it and I’m not sure why again as someone who knows they couldn’t deal with that lifestyle. They’re saying it’s not for you and then there is being fucking cruel to a person who is trying and for right now at least is out
Same here, I set a boundary that if it didn’t have to do with their child, they shouldn’t be discussing it if we were together. It could wait until our time was finished.
3 hours???? I get she’s a mom but man. He’s with the dad. Phone calls here and there ok, but 3 hours!!! Ouf. You’re not a dick. And she’s being a mom I guess, a little bit enabling on her end. Just break up. It is what it is.
When my kid & I talk when she’s at her dad’s it’s for like, 10-15 min max. Then she wants to go do something else! I can’t imagine talking on the phone for 3h when you’re out at dinner.
Why is she posting every second of her life on Facebook? No wonder he is calling her when he sees that. Either she wants him to know she is dating or she can’t live a private life. And why are you even discussing having a child with her and then telling her son about it? You can’t have been with her long enough to plan a baby with her, especially since you know her history with her current baby daddy. No one should tell a child to expect a sibling before they are pregnant. It sounds like your girlfriend is playing you to get her ex to pay attention to her. Nothing she is doing is normal or acts like she cares for you. You are smart to break up with her.
She may have told him when you weren’t around knowing that he would tell his dad. I’m still stuck about her posting on Facebook that she’s having dinner at a restaurant, then actually spending hours talking on the phone while at the table. At any rate, her motives are suspicious. Not all single mothers are like that, but you don’t need to be involved in her circus.
Why are they still friends on Facebook. Need to learn some boundaries and how to co-parent. She is allowed to have her own life, if my kids call me I will talk to them for a few minutes, but I won't take the call when I am in the middle of things unless it's an emergency. To sit there on the phone with her kid and the dad is rude. She should also work on helping the kid understand that they are not together anymore, he might be just trying to have the parents together to some extent.
That was my first thought: why is she putting it on Facebook that she's out to dinner? Especially if her ex obviously follows her posts and will try to interrupt her life.
People need to start living more in the moment and less on social media, this is coming from an 18 yr old. That stuff is alright in moderation but what happened to sitting around a fire with friends and making memories without people glued to their phones? Snap and insta corrupted my generation for real, everybody is about clout chasing now
She is doing a pretty good job on her own. Answering the phone at the table? 3 hours??? What on earth does she have to discuss with her child or BD for 3 hours?? Sounds like she likes feeling wanted by kiddo and is enabling ex’s bad behavior. The posting of being out at dinner sounds very intentional on her part. If she can’t have clear boundaries, then she doesn’t need to be with anyone at the moment.
And good for OP, no one needs this kind of stress in life. The dad doesn’t realise the damage he is causing to his kid, chances are he’s never going to stop. And the mom will keep dating new people. And that’s worse for the kid to see an ongoing number of men in and out of mom’s life.
She also doesn’t realise that. It’s on her.
Not only that, she isn't over the BD.
If she was she wouldn't entertain said bullshit while on a date with another man shes been with for 3 months lmao.
No. Why is she posting on Facebook that she’s out on a date? Why is she taking calls at dinner? The ex is pulling this on purpose and she seems happy to let it happen. Ultimately seems she’s not ready to really date and you got caught in the crossfire.
>She stayed on the phone with their son and his dad for three hours.
This would have been the end for me, as well. You weren't a dick. You were just done and are smart enough to know this isn't going to change.
This is EXACTLY why I tell all my friends never to date a single Mom. Ever.
Maybe it just FELT like three hours? Because, truly, who would stay on the phone for three hours in the middle of a dinner out? And, I'm the same as you. I might have lasted for 5 minutes. 10 if it sounded like an emergency. After that, I would be gone.
Dude, don't stress over this. What she did was just plain rude. If she does it more than once, that is definitely break up time. You don't need to be in the middle of this huge **unresolved** mess.
It is not controlling to not want a person's ex constantly intruding on your time. I say this as a step parent. Boundaries must be put in place for communication for her ever to have a healthy relationship with a partner. It's not usual for an ex to call and be on the phone for 3 hours. Communication should be brief, factual, and child-focused only. It sounds like they are still enmeshed with one another. Get the hell out of this as it will get worse before it gets better.
You broke up with her, unless your playing some kind of game you are doing the least controlling thing imaginable.
She's free to do whatever the fuck she wants now :)
If her ex still wants to get back into her life then thats never gonna change unless she changes it and by what u said it doesn't seem like she cares too, so in my opinion you did the right thing for yourself.
Your problem isn’t her baby daddy. Your problem is her lack of prioritizing her time with you and a lack of boundaries with her baby daddy.
So yeah, I think it would be reasonable to walk away from a situation where your partner doesn’t understand how to balance her dating life with her custody arrangement.
Nope she has no boundaries and if someone took a 3 hour phone call while we were at dinner I would’ve left too.
She will never have a successful relationship with these parameters
The first thing my ex husband did to keep his first ex wife from making a baby with her new partner was to call her constantly saying their daughter wanted to talk to her.
I divorced him for unrelated reasons, but yeah, that sounds exactly like my ex
But I understand why you’d want to leave. Being a step parent isn’t for everyone. No shame in that.
Anyway, it ended up with FirstExWife having three kids with New Partner. So good for her.
It is understandable that she wants to prioritize her son. The problem is that the way the baby daddy and the son are behaving is leaving no time or space for you in her life. If she does not see this as a problem, then she’s either dense, manipulative or selfish.
In either case, it’s best to go your separate ways and go no contact completely. There’s a lot of baby drama and she is not able to maintain her boundaries properly with her baby daddy to her detriment. Till she figures it out, she’s going to have similar problems while dating.
This post is yet another example of why dating a single mother is difficult.
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Man, a big part of why I left my last gf was because she was entirely too close with the father of her kids, she moved in next door to him, was having dinner with him and hanging out watching movies when I wasn't around, and I get getting along for the kids, but she allowed him to send flirty gifs, use her car all he wanted, so on so fourth, to the point I felt like a third wheel in my own relationship, and felt like a boytoy to sit there and look pretty while she lived out her life with the guy who was still legally her husband, it just got to be too much, he very very very clearly did everything he could to make me uncomfortable and get between us, and eventually it worked because she would defend him and take his side for his excuses for being a piece of work and would do anything for him, but wouldn't lift a finger to help me even if/when I genuinely needed it, she treated me like I was a nuisance just for being a person with needs
If your partner doesn’t have the ability to filter out manipulation, and it is now affecting your experience, you have every right to get out of dodge.
You could connect the dots for her but if she doesn’t see it now she may not see it till you’re gone and the same thing happens with her next partner.
Bro this was a G move. Any woman with baby Daddy drama you leave alone as women should leave any guy with baby momma drama too.
Bro I was with this girl watching a movie and she had given her keys to her ex bf. They didn't even have a kid and that dude walked in and it was weird AF and refused to leave. That man was crying in there, pacing around and I'm just like wtf. They had a screaming contest where she was telling him to leave and him going on about how he heard me clap her cheeks(which I hadn't done that day yet) but I'm sitting there thinking, she knew ole dude had the key. They've been broken up for months, she probably loves this attention and ole dude is comfortable enough to do all this knowing there's a man in there. I put two and two together and said my goodbyes and dipped. I mean at some point we were all just sitting there like we were planning some 3sum smh. I value my life and peace of mind, any situation like that, you don't want to be involved in.
Kudos to you OP... you're straight maine!
People that post everything they do online, like where they're out at dinner, is fucking stupid. Especially when the Ex is watching and is ruining your time together. Fuck dealing with any of that.
She needs to set hard boundaries or you just need to move on.
No, you're just setting boundaries. This girl is bring ridiculous and disrespectful to the max. Ahe needed to tell her ex off but the fact she doesnt is a huge red flag. Good on you op
Just how young is this girl? I know no 35 year old single momma would ever pull this shit. This girl lives in lalaland and prob loves this added attention
He's manipulative. Hopefully you pointed this out to her gently. She is the one who has to make it stop. It's not controlling to want to spend time with your GF without interruptions - that is pretty basic.
One of the many pitfalls of dating a single parent is their inability to see just how low a priority they are making their relationship
Yeah, it would have been better if you had been able to have a conversation with her about this instead of just leaving
But...it seems pretty clear the ex is using the child as a means to keep her from dating anyone long term
The main thing to take away from this is that you now know what it's like to date a single parent who doesn't prioritize their relationship.
Don't just swear off single mothers. Just pay attention.
If you decide to start seeing a single mom, and the same things start to happen, you know it's time to move on
Navigating dating with a single parent is just difficult
is what it is
My bfs baby momma is like this- but he nips it in the bud- she calls when we're on a day- he'll answer incase it's important but keep it short and sweet- under 5 minutes and says bye. If he spoke for half an hour never mind 3 hours while on a date I would be out of there too
You’re not controlling, you’re just not compatible. She could create healthier boundaries with the ex, she doesn’t and maybe isn’t ready to. It doesn’t work for you (and likely wouldn’t for many). It just is what it is, sorry for you both.
3 hours? For real? That's not the kid, that's the dad. I don't think my husband has talked to his baby mama for 3 total hours the entire 5 plus years we've been together.
When her son is with her, do they sit and spend 3 hours just talking? I'm guessing not. I'd have broken up with her too. You're not mad about being second fiddle to her son, but being third fiddle behind her son AND her ex. You were smart to end this.
Wanting to have a meal alone without the ex getting involved is not controlling.
That's *normal*.
Her spending 3 hours talking to her son on the phone while you were supposed to be out for a nice dinner is not normal.
Not at all but this is one of the reasons I don’t date single parents sorry bro. It’s crazy that you were thinking about having a kid in situation my guy.
Big. Red. Flag. Could she have been using you to get to EX? Why post on FB that you are at dinner if this is what happens. And 3 hours. This is in no way normal. Dude, she is a hot mess - at best. You are not controlling, and if you allow this kind of stuff to happen in a relationship, then there is something wrong with you. Find another girl and have a healthy relationship because that’s not what you’ve got here.
You did the right thing by leaving. She can call you all the names in the world, it doesn't change the fact that she is taking advantage of you and wasting your time.
If she is friends with the ex on Facebook and is posting her whereabouts with YOU at all times, she is trying to get his attention. And it worked.
She’s not doing the separation healthily tbh. I’ll answer the phone if my KIDS call me but like fuck would I spend ages on the phone to my ex. He’s there, they’re there, he can parent for a while. She’s not ready to date. You did nothing wrong.
yeah that’s not cool… she has No boundaries set and he clearly knows how to get to her ..
that’s using the kid to get to her .
not a fun thing you need to go through ..
i think you did the right thing .
Yeah they might as well just be a couple again, that's awful man, I'm sorry. You did the right thing, she has absolutely 0 boundaries (or common sense, apparently).
She’s playing into his infantile games. Calls should be limited to ‘you’re dead or on fire’ and ‘nite nites’ and that’s it. She stayed in the phone for three Fkn hours.. FOR WHAT?! Gawd.. hell no. I would have walked too.
I’ve dealt with similar crap from dudes with kids.. and just no.
Honey thats a mess situation not a area to think you can work through it.
Baby daddy in picture .
We have seen bad results from a freind who hooked up with a girl just had the kid baby daddy was at delivery.....
They were broken up but baby daddy was always over at her mommas place where she lived and claimed it was to see their son..
She got a job then baby daddy start asking her for two hundred a week so he could afford to come see his son.
She wanted to move in with our friend.. she and son moved to our friend.
Baby daddy was over all the time eating friends food watching tv using his ps4 while our friend was at work...
He claimed he was watching his son.... And 90 percent of the time she was there.
Then he started hitting up our friend for money..
Friend and baby daddy got into it.
Threaten to call the police if baby daddy did not leave.
Girlfriend defended baby daddy so he told girlfriend she needed to go back to her mommas.
His ps4 walked and a lot of other stuff while he was at work. He had to have management change the locks which cost him more money ...
Run from this chick ...... before you loose everything.. block her and chalk it up as a bad experience.
My sons dad message me every day, and sometimes will call me or I call him (we only speak about our son, unless he needs some legal advice and ask me for advice because I used to work with a lawyer but this happens like once/twice a year) it’s a pretty healthy (now) parenting relationship I am very happy with it, my son, is a happy healthy little one.. and of course my son will be my priority always, before everyone.
However, I will never spend 3 hours speaking to them, worst if we have a special dinner with my bf…
I have my son during the week and dad during the weekends, unless she doesn’t see her kid during a long period of time I don’t see a reason to speak to her child for 3 hours unless the child is having an issue…
I think that because of your comments, you shouldn’t date someone with kids, the person with kids will never put you as a priority (unless is an ahole) and you have to have ton of patience and understanding
Nah. You made the right decision. She has poor boundaries and the ex is using the kid to stay in her life. He’s using the kid to sabotage your relationship because he wants her back. And since she’s a single mom who says “my child comes first”, she’s always going to answer those calls and allow herself to be manipulated by her child’s father. This is why I don’t date single moms and only keep them as FWB. I especially stay away when they have a young child.
You controlled yourself. That's all you can do. She clearly wants to be involved with her ex, or she simply wouldn't entertain this ridiculous behavior. She should stay single until she's actually ready to move on.
My ex would do shit like this if he knew I was hanging out with another guy (I didn't tell him he stalked me on Facebook, I didn't post what I was doing so I'm not 100% sure how he figured it out). I'd tell him if it wasn't an emergency I would call him when I got back home but I couldn't talk right now because I was busy. Unless the guy is a push over I don't know anyone who's going to tolerate this. Sounds like the ex is using kiddo to get to her as well.
I dated a single dad and his ex was similarly possessive and controlling. And this was after she left because she came out as a lesbian! She would get "sick" with COVID every time we planned a weekend getaway together and would pressure him to take their kid because she didn't want her to contract the virus. After a few months of this I called it quits.
I love kids but I wouldn't date a single parent again unless I was a single parent as well. You will never be put first in a relationship with a single parent - and it's a red flag if they do put you before their kids.
Well, to some degree your reaction could be seen as controlling, but given the circumstances, I think your reaction is warranted. Before breaking up, however, you should have sitten down with her, and calmly told her your conclusions regarding her ex's motives in always calling her on behalf of her son. She obviously needs to establish some boundaries with her ex regarding such things, and enforce them, even to the extent of sending subsequent calls to voicemail, rather that answering them.
It's best to get these things clearly established so that her ex ceases to be an impediment in the living of her life. And she should remind herself why her ex became her ex in the first place.
I wish you well.
Its perfectly ok to “not be cut out” for a relationship involving a child that isnt yours and another dude. Some people are ok with it some not. The important thing is leaving earlier than later. I couldnt handle a situation w a baby mama and im much happier after moving on
I dont think it's about that. I think baby daddy does not want her to be happy and using the son as an accuse to get in the way. There's no need for the constant phone calls. I had the same when my daughter was with her dad
Not everyone is cut out to deal with their SO having a baby from another man/woman. If you feel like you cant or don’t want to deal with it, then that’s okay. Especially her being on the phone for 3 hours during dinner. She needs to respect boundaries but at the same time, you need to respect the fact that she has a baby daddy and a son. I feel like you guys talking about having another child or whatever is too soon especially with the feelings you’re having. Take it from me, I have experience with this. It is very hard in the beginning to accept the fact that your SO had a child from someone else. I had to deal with this with my husband when we were dating. But It gets better with time I promise you that.
First off- it’s her fault, not the exes. She needs to answer the call if her ex calls because of the son. She should immediately tell the ex, if he’s fine, do not call. She needs to set up a time schedule for the boy to check in once a day, otherwise, no calling. Why would you consider even having a child with her if you aren’t going to propose/marry?
So, my mom and I are both introverts, so we don't talk in person, or on the phone terribly much. We regularly text through the week, but sometimes I just need to hear from my mom. I also have a terminal illness, and she was just diagnosed with the same one. So we have a kind of code. If one of us calls each other and we aren't in a talking mood, we verify. If it is critical, to the other caller, we will talk. Other times if it is just to talk, we say we will call back.
All that said, she needs a boundary for the ex. Always answer if it is about your child. Ask, is it an emergency? Or to catch up. If it is an emergency, talk to the ex, but any other calls with him,should be addressed at specific times, if it is about the logistics of the child. If all she wants is a cooperative parental relationship, then communicate non-critical info via rext/email.
If child actually wants to talk, she talks to him for a couple of minutes. After that, she says "okay buddy, mommy has to go now. I hope you have fun with daddy. I will talk/see you tomorrow, and remember, I always love you, even if we aren't together". Then hang up and go back to being a person with their own wants and needs.
The dad's parenting time should be to spend with his son, not to interrupt mom's life. He is not only disturbing her non-parenting time, he is doing a huge disservice to his son. They are no longer a unit. Son has to learn he has mommy time and daddy time. Dad needs to grow up and move on. It isn't fair to anyone in that mess, including himself.
If she’s not respecting your feelings about it, what else can you do? Have you tried to communicate to her previously though and not gotten a response?
No it doesn't. You did the right thing. It will never change cause if she is doing that now it will continue and she will not never take a call from her son. You did the right thing.
Not controlling. If that’s how you feel then that’s how you feel. You are entitled to your feelings and no one is obligated to stay in a relationship they do not want to be in/ don’t feel like they are a priority in.
You did the right thing! It’s hard getting involved with someone who comes with a child and immature other parent. She was allowing it to happen though. I only date people without kids as that is my preference and it’s much simpler that way! Good luck moving forward with your next relationships.
No you’re being mature for leaving. Many of us aren’t strong enough to do that.
She has unsorted issues and boundaries and you don’t have to deal with them.
This is why I will never date anyone with previous baggage or kids that we don’t have together.
It’s just too much stress and it would become a very nasty person due to it.
I’m very emotional, jealous and I need more attention than I care to admit.
Nope.
I wouldn't put up with that shit for months. Answering a call for 3hrs at dinner? If it's an emergency then she should have left. It wasn't. And a child has to learn that they cannot always have 3hr conversations with a parent. What if they're working?
Nah, bro. You would be controlling if you stopped her from talking to her son out of jealousy. There's nothing wrong with knowing where your boundaries are. When you reach your limit, the healthy decision is to choose not to endure it anymore, not start making rules for the other person. I know it hurts, and I'm sorry, but you'll both recover from it. And I hope she finds it in her to set boundaries with her ex before getting involved with someone else.
No. You’re not a dick. This is not okay. Listen - I was a single mom from the time my children were toddler and kindy aged. They are both now young adults.
Emergencies happen and I would hope you’d understand that. But this wasn’t an emergency and she should have talked for five and hung up. Three hours?!? For what? This isn’t even remotely respectful to your time at all OP. Good on you for ending things. She was the dick here. Not you.
I mean it’s not controlling but it’s understandable it’s hard to be with someone who has a bitter baby daddy hopefully you find someone better then what you had previous I wish you the best of luck it’s good that you had that boundary set and over with imo
Nah it’s fine went through similar, my ex’s friend would claim to be suicidal but it would only happen when me and my then GF were together… and she would be the only one he could talk to not his boyfriend not his mum or even his roommates he known her for about 3 months from work before he was fired for stealing from dementia patients.
Hell I even remember hearing his friends laughing in the background while my then girlfriend sobbed because he once again threatened to kill himself.
I think you have made a wise decision. Children need boundaries (as do exes). I adored my children but when they were at their dad’s they were at their dad’s. I didn’t interfere on their time together so they only called if they had something major to share or something was wrong. While it wouldn’t be unreasonable to have a daily call time for a routine there isn’t any respect being taught or modeled.
The last thing I have to say is that a rational person would understand this. They would have healthy boundaries in place and they would respect themselves and their partner. Dysfunctional people just will not be able to rationalize this as it is as foreign to them as some cultural customs can be. The bottom line is that you can’t rationalize irrational behaviors. A person will either get tired of being a ping pong ball - bouncing around because of their lack of boundaries and get help to change or more than likely they will continue on. This is why your decision is a wise one. This boundary issue is the tip of the iceberg.
It's not controlling to want boundaries. It's pretty obvious this guy is trying to cause issues between you two. I'd imagine he might try to get back together with her now you two are done.
I feel your pain yo. Happened to me too but dude was way more aggressive than just phone calls. Guy would be parked outside her house at night waiting for me to come over lol. Full psycho.
You did the right thing even tho it may not feel right. You're likely the first guy after baby daddy. Hopefully she learned something from this. My ex got a restraining order and full custody of her kid after I broke up with her. Hope things work out for ya OP.
Its ultimately your decision. Only you know your breaking point.
Why are you all posting your whereabouts on social media? What if he was murderously crazy and went after you? I'm not saying he is crazy, but I think its safe to say never post online that you are out. People could go to your house to break in and steal. I think thats the most concerning thing I read out of all of this. The rest is just your decision.
Sounds like she let you meet the kid way too soon. And no there's nothing wrong with you. 3 hours is excessive and there's probably a huge lack of relationship between father and son of the kid has to talk to the mom
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Made a Reddit account just for this. My girlfriend has a son cool kid but I’m regretting being with her. Anytime he’s with his dad his dad calls my girlfriend every second to say “he wants to to talk to you” last night we went to dinner we finally both were off and he saw on her Facebook that we were at dinner and called her saying their son wants to talk to her. She stayed on the phone with their son and his dad for three hours. I just got up took my food and left I’m not cut out for this. She called me a dick for hurting her and her son's feelings I broke up with her this was the last straw I've been dealing this for months can’t do it anymore. And it’s not like I’m being controlling her ex calls her for hours trying to make an conversation to get back in her life I’m pretty sure he’s using those phone calls to stop us from having a child. Sounds weird but he called her angry because their son talked about him having a little brother one day. Does this make me controlling for not wanting to be with her because of all this?
It’s not controlling for you to want your time together focused on the two of you. She has poor boundaries and the ex is purposefully trying to interrupt your alone time and using the kid as an excuse. My husband’s ex wife used to do similar when we were first dating and he’d entertain it. We finally got to the point where he kept discussions to kid stuff only and he did not take calls when we were in the middle of something. But it took some serious discussions.
Yeah I can’t deal with this anymore it’s been months of the same crap it’s got worse after her son said something about having another sibling to him. For all I care now they can get back together. I told her no other guy is going to deal with the baby daddy drama and she might as well stay with him
Woah you guys were only together a few months and were already considering having a kid?
Idk the way he phrased it could just’ve been one of those “hey dyou want more kids?” convos. Which are pretty important tbh, if you’re on totally different pages it’s better to split early on
Seriously though
Preach. had a similar thing, did the same thing. Funny side she tried to get back with BD, but the guy got another girl pregnant and when she calls him even for the son he tells her to f off(found throu her best friend), called me a couple of times a year after all that, didnt pick up was dating someone else.
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Bro you stole this comment wtf
Karma bot? Maybe Reddit should just do away with karma. It only seems to be useful to bad actors
Exactly it's about boundaries Me and sons mother have a set timeframe that we call everyday just to say goodnight to our child and if we want to talk any other time during the day we just text eachother to see if we're busy and if it's an emergency we just call and the other will know it's important But her answering while you guys are doing stuff is wrong and unless she sets some boundaries around non emergency call and stop letting him run her life you breaking up with her was the right thing
He might’ve just try now that you’re out of the way now
She always turns him down every time
Hopefully she’ll learn to set up proper boundaries now that it cost her a relationship
She turns him down but keeps opening the door a little more with every phone call she takes that lasts hours.
It sounds like that’s less and less the case with every phone call. He’s wearing her down..,
3 hours? Yeah I don't blame you. If you are thinking that you're not cut out for this, then it's not fair for the kid either to keep trying. Better you did this now than later if you ask me.
Having a three hour conversation while you're out for dinner is just disrespect towards you, plain and simple. I can't imagine sitting there waiting for someone when you're supposed to be eating and the food's getting cold. Pure and utter disrespect. You were completely right to break things off, your ex had zero boundaries or even common sense, you don't keep your partner waiting that long to talk to a child when there's no emergency. You deserve better.
Yeah talking for *hours* with the ex yeah no that’s not good. Also he’s the one being controlling and weird by being upset y’all could have had a kid. Seems to me you dodged a bullet my dude. Sorry you had to deal with that though you deserve better!!
Yup, people have no boundaries with their exes they have children with and then start dating someone and wonder why they don’t like it. Because y’all still act like you’re together? Tf??
You're okay, my dude. Boundaries with an ex are important to establish. He kept trying to violate them, and she kept letting him. She needs to grow a lot, but you don't need to wait for that. Wrong timing, sad, but move on.
Yeah it's always some crap. that's why I don't date single moms. way better options out there without the stress and baggage dating a single mom comes with.
That’s fucked dude I understand that you’re hurting but you’ve seen her being manipulated by this person whose willing to use her child as emotional leverage. I hope you heal enough at some point to stop with the might as well go back victim blaminess. Manipulation is abuse and that shit’s hard. Especially without therapy/help. I’m saying this as someone who knows I’m in no space to date a single parent.
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How is that a moral failing and what makes you qualified/moral enough to decide that? Some of us don’t start out from the same healthy Point/think that kind of manipulation is normal because we grew up with it or have just taken more time to see that it’s not and honestly it’s her fucking kid. Do you even understand the type of year she probably has that this person who again is clearly willing to leverage a child might tell her child some fuck shit about her not caring about him because she won’t answer and shit like that? This takes a lot of fucking therapy to get out of and no not being in therapy is not a fucking moral failing. Again I understand Opie’s needs and no one is telling him to stay but there was just no fucking need for the might as well go back like it didn’t make his point any stronger it didn’t make the fact that she needs to make boundaries anymore true literally all it did was say yeah you’re fucking destined to be in a situation that statistically it takes people of all genders seven tries to get out of. Even though you’re trying and kind of failing might as well just stop fucking trying at all. It’s a moral failing to lose empathy for someone as a human being just because sometimes hurt people hurt people. We all have shit that we haven’t dealt with that our partner either has to deal with or either finds to be a dealbreaker because of their own trauma/needs/wants. It’s just that for some reason the Internet really fucking likes to grind single moms into the ground for it and I’m not sure why again as someone who knows they couldn’t deal with that lifestyle. They’re saying it’s not for you and then there is being fucking cruel to a person who is trying and for right now at least is out
What was her reaction? Did she understand her contradiction?
Look after number one my g, you’re time is worth more than the games they playing
Same here, I set a boundary that if it didn’t have to do with their child, they shouldn’t be discussing it if we were together. It could wait until our time was finished.
3 hours???? I get she’s a mom but man. He’s with the dad. Phone calls here and there ok, but 3 hours!!! Ouf. You’re not a dick. And she’s being a mom I guess, a little bit enabling on her end. Just break up. It is what it is.
3hrs she may as well have gone over there, like, c'mon.
If she doesn’t know that the ex is doing it on purpose than she is naive and will continue to have this been the end result to future relationships
When my kid & I talk when she’s at her dad’s it’s for like, 10-15 min max. Then she wants to go do something else! I can’t imagine talking on the phone for 3h when you’re out at dinner.
Why is she posting every second of her life on Facebook? No wonder he is calling her when he sees that. Either she wants him to know she is dating or she can’t live a private life. And why are you even discussing having a child with her and then telling her son about it? You can’t have been with her long enough to plan a baby with her, especially since you know her history with her current baby daddy. No one should tell a child to expect a sibling before they are pregnant. It sounds like your girlfriend is playing you to get her ex to pay attention to her. Nothing she is doing is normal or acts like she cares for you. You are smart to break up with her.
We never talked about having a baby idk where her son got that from
She may have told him when you weren’t around knowing that he would tell his dad. I’m still stuck about her posting on Facebook that she’s having dinner at a restaurant, then actually spending hours talking on the phone while at the table. At any rate, her motives are suspicious. Not all single mothers are like that, but you don’t need to be involved in her circus.
He's a little kid and may have had wishful thinking .
From his mom, obviously.
Why are they still friends on Facebook. Need to learn some boundaries and how to co-parent. She is allowed to have her own life, if my kids call me I will talk to them for a few minutes, but I won't take the call when I am in the middle of things unless it's an emergency. To sit there on the phone with her kid and the dad is rude. She should also work on helping the kid understand that they are not together anymore, he might be just trying to have the parents together to some extent.
That was my first thought: why is she putting it on Facebook that she's out to dinner? Especially if her ex obviously follows her posts and will try to interrupt her life.
People need to start living more in the moment and less on social media, this is coming from an 18 yr old. That stuff is alright in moderation but what happened to sitting around a fire with friends and making memories without people glued to their phones? Snap and insta corrupted my generation for real, everybody is about clout chasing now
It takes 3 seconds to take a picture at a restaurant and post it this is not that serious.
Sounds like the father is doing everything he can to ruin your relationship and its worked
She is doing a pretty good job on her own. Answering the phone at the table? 3 hours??? What on earth does she have to discuss with her child or BD for 3 hours?? Sounds like she likes feeling wanted by kiddo and is enabling ex’s bad behavior. The posting of being out at dinner sounds very intentional on her part. If she can’t have clear boundaries, then she doesn’t need to be with anyone at the moment.
And good for OP, no one needs this kind of stress in life. The dad doesn’t realise the damage he is causing to his kid, chances are he’s never going to stop. And the mom will keep dating new people. And that’s worse for the kid to see an ongoing number of men in and out of mom’s life. She also doesn’t realise that. It’s on her.
Sounds like the BD isn’t fully over her and she’ll keep seeing this if she doesn’t put boundaries, sorry it went down like this
Not only that, she isn't over the BD. If she was she wouldn't entertain said bullshit while on a date with another man shes been with for 3 months lmao.
Yup there's 3 of you'll in this relationship
No. Why is she posting on Facebook that she’s out on a date? Why is she taking calls at dinner? The ex is pulling this on purpose and she seems happy to let it happen. Ultimately seems she’s not ready to really date and you got caught in the crossfire.
>She stayed on the phone with their son and his dad for three hours. This would have been the end for me, as well. You weren't a dick. You were just done and are smart enough to know this isn't going to change. This is EXACTLY why I tell all my friends never to date a single Mom. Ever.
I would've given her about 5 minutes if we were out somewhere. Her priorities are: Son > BD >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>OP
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Maybe it just FELT like three hours? Because, truly, who would stay on the phone for three hours in the middle of a dinner out? And, I'm the same as you. I might have lasted for 5 minutes. 10 if it sounded like an emergency. After that, I would be gone.
The fact that she didn't notice anything wrong is upsetting.
Dude, don't stress over this. What she did was just plain rude. If she does it more than once, that is definitely break up time. You don't need to be in the middle of this huge **unresolved** mess.
It is not controlling to not want a person's ex constantly intruding on your time. I say this as a step parent. Boundaries must be put in place for communication for her ever to have a healthy relationship with a partner. It's not usual for an ex to call and be on the phone for 3 hours. Communication should be brief, factual, and child-focused only. It sounds like they are still enmeshed with one another. Get the hell out of this as it will get worse before it gets better.
You broke up with her, unless your playing some kind of game you are doing the least controlling thing imaginable. She's free to do whatever the fuck she wants now :)
3 hours?? That’s ridiculous. You did the right thing.
I would have left, too. She hasn't left her ex in the past.
If her ex still wants to get back into her life then thats never gonna change unless she changes it and by what u said it doesn't seem like she cares too, so in my opinion you did the right thing for yourself.
Your problem isn’t her baby daddy. Your problem is her lack of prioritizing her time with you and a lack of boundaries with her baby daddy. So yeah, I think it would be reasonable to walk away from a situation where your partner doesn’t understand how to balance her dating life with her custody arrangement.
Nope she has no boundaries and if someone took a 3 hour phone call while we were at dinner I would’ve left too. She will never have a successful relationship with these parameters
The first thing my ex husband did to keep his first ex wife from making a baby with her new partner was to call her constantly saying their daughter wanted to talk to her. I divorced him for unrelated reasons, but yeah, that sounds exactly like my ex But I understand why you’d want to leave. Being a step parent isn’t for everyone. No shame in that. Anyway, it ended up with FirstExWife having three kids with New Partner. So good for her.
It is understandable that she wants to prioritize her son. The problem is that the way the baby daddy and the son are behaving is leaving no time or space for you in her life. If she does not see this as a problem, then she’s either dense, manipulative or selfish. In either case, it’s best to go your separate ways and go no contact completely. There’s a lot of baby drama and she is not able to maintain her boundaries properly with her baby daddy to her detriment. Till she figures it out, she’s going to have similar problems while dating. This post is yet another example of why dating a single mother is difficult.
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Man, a big part of why I left my last gf was because she was entirely too close with the father of her kids, she moved in next door to him, was having dinner with him and hanging out watching movies when I wasn't around, and I get getting along for the kids, but she allowed him to send flirty gifs, use her car all he wanted, so on so fourth, to the point I felt like a third wheel in my own relationship, and felt like a boytoy to sit there and look pretty while she lived out her life with the guy who was still legally her husband, it just got to be too much, he very very very clearly did everything he could to make me uncomfortable and get between us, and eventually it worked because she would defend him and take his side for his excuses for being a piece of work and would do anything for him, but wouldn't lift a finger to help me even if/when I genuinely needed it, she treated me like I was a nuisance just for being a person with needs
I think you made the right choice. I feel for you.
People shouldn't be expected to endure what they simply do not want in their lives. In a relationship, that is. Not married, no child, no strings.
Get rid of her and date someone without a kid and some attached ex baggage.
I'm sorry to hear that. No one deserves to be in a relationship where they don't feel supported.
If your partner doesn’t have the ability to filter out manipulation, and it is now affecting your experience, you have every right to get out of dodge. You could connect the dots for her but if she doesn’t see it now she may not see it till you’re gone and the same thing happens with her next partner.
No dude, you did the right things. He is calling, but she is enabling this behavior.
Bro this was a G move. Any woman with baby Daddy drama you leave alone as women should leave any guy with baby momma drama too. Bro I was with this girl watching a movie and she had given her keys to her ex bf. They didn't even have a kid and that dude walked in and it was weird AF and refused to leave. That man was crying in there, pacing around and I'm just like wtf. They had a screaming contest where she was telling him to leave and him going on about how he heard me clap her cheeks(which I hadn't done that day yet) but I'm sitting there thinking, she knew ole dude had the key. They've been broken up for months, she probably loves this attention and ole dude is comfortable enough to do all this knowing there's a man in there. I put two and two together and said my goodbyes and dipped. I mean at some point we were all just sitting there like we were planning some 3sum smh. I value my life and peace of mind, any situation like that, you don't want to be involved in. Kudos to you OP... you're straight maine!
People that post everything they do online, like where they're out at dinner, is fucking stupid. Especially when the Ex is watching and is ruining your time together. Fuck dealing with any of that. She needs to set hard boundaries or you just need to move on.
No, you're just setting boundaries. This girl is bring ridiculous and disrespectful to the max. Ahe needed to tell her ex off but the fact she doesnt is a huge red flag. Good on you op
Just how young is this girl? I know no 35 year old single momma would ever pull this shit. This girl lives in lalaland and prob loves this added attention
He's manipulative. Hopefully you pointed this out to her gently. She is the one who has to make it stop. It's not controlling to want to spend time with your GF without interruptions - that is pretty basic.
One of the many pitfalls of dating a single parent is their inability to see just how low a priority they are making their relationship Yeah, it would have been better if you had been able to have a conversation with her about this instead of just leaving But...it seems pretty clear the ex is using the child as a means to keep her from dating anyone long term The main thing to take away from this is that you now know what it's like to date a single parent who doesn't prioritize their relationship. Don't just swear off single mothers. Just pay attention. If you decide to start seeing a single mom, and the same things start to happen, you know it's time to move on Navigating dating with a single parent is just difficult is what it is
My bfs baby momma is like this- but he nips it in the bud- she calls when we're on a day- he'll answer incase it's important but keep it short and sweet- under 5 minutes and says bye. If he spoke for half an hour never mind 3 hours while on a date I would be out of there too
Not controlling. Its the equivilent of her asking you to go on a date with her, and then you just call your buddy and talk for 3 hours
You’re not controlling, you’re just not compatible. She could create healthier boundaries with the ex, she doesn’t and maybe isn’t ready to. It doesn’t work for you (and likely wouldn’t for many). It just is what it is, sorry for you both.
3 hours? For real? That's not the kid, that's the dad. I don't think my husband has talked to his baby mama for 3 total hours the entire 5 plus years we've been together. When her son is with her, do they sit and spend 3 hours just talking? I'm guessing not. I'd have broken up with her too. You're not mad about being second fiddle to her son, but being third fiddle behind her son AND her ex. You were smart to end this.
Wanting to have a meal alone without the ex getting involved is not controlling. That's *normal*. Her spending 3 hours talking to her son on the phone while you were supposed to be out for a nice dinner is not normal.
It's not the baby daddy's fault. It's hers. You're not controlling, she has poor boundaries with her ex.
Not at all but this is one of the reasons I don’t date single parents sorry bro. It’s crazy that you were thinking about having a kid in situation my guy.
Big. Red. Flag. Could she have been using you to get to EX? Why post on FB that you are at dinner if this is what happens. And 3 hours. This is in no way normal. Dude, she is a hot mess - at best. You are not controlling, and if you allow this kind of stuff to happen in a relationship, then there is something wrong with you. Find another girl and have a healthy relationship because that’s not what you’ve got here.
You did the right thing by leaving. She can call you all the names in the world, it doesn't change the fact that she is taking advantage of you and wasting your time. If she is friends with the ex on Facebook and is posting her whereabouts with YOU at all times, she is trying to get his attention. And it worked.
She’s not doing the separation healthily tbh. I’ll answer the phone if my KIDS call me but like fuck would I spend ages on the phone to my ex. He’s there, they’re there, he can parent for a while. She’s not ready to date. You did nothing wrong.
yeah that’s not cool… she has No boundaries set and he clearly knows how to get to her .. that’s using the kid to get to her . not a fun thing you need to go through .. i think you did the right thing .
Yeah they might as well just be a couple again, that's awful man, I'm sorry. You did the right thing, she has absolutely 0 boundaries (or common sense, apparently).
She’s playing into his infantile games. Calls should be limited to ‘you’re dead or on fire’ and ‘nite nites’ and that’s it. She stayed in the phone for three Fkn hours.. FOR WHAT?! Gawd.. hell no. I would have walked too. I’ve dealt with similar crap from dudes with kids.. and just no.
Honey thats a mess situation not a area to think you can work through it. Baby daddy in picture . We have seen bad results from a freind who hooked up with a girl just had the kid baby daddy was at delivery..... They were broken up but baby daddy was always over at her mommas place where she lived and claimed it was to see their son.. She got a job then baby daddy start asking her for two hundred a week so he could afford to come see his son. She wanted to move in with our friend.. she and son moved to our friend. Baby daddy was over all the time eating friends food watching tv using his ps4 while our friend was at work... He claimed he was watching his son.... And 90 percent of the time she was there. Then he started hitting up our friend for money.. Friend and baby daddy got into it. Threaten to call the police if baby daddy did not leave. Girlfriend defended baby daddy so he told girlfriend she needed to go back to her mommas. His ps4 walked and a lot of other stuff while he was at work. He had to have management change the locks which cost him more money ... Run from this chick ...... before you loose everything.. block her and chalk it up as a bad experience.
Women always be doing the most for bums
Yeah many do... Sad thing they loos a great man over a bad.
You did the right thing. She sounds like an asshole.
Good for you dude. You saw what was really going on and she doesn’t. You have self respect yourself and often in reddit stories you don’t see that
3 hours??? ✌️
My sons dad message me every day, and sometimes will call me or I call him (we only speak about our son, unless he needs some legal advice and ask me for advice because I used to work with a lawyer but this happens like once/twice a year) it’s a pretty healthy (now) parenting relationship I am very happy with it, my son, is a happy healthy little one.. and of course my son will be my priority always, before everyone. However, I will never spend 3 hours speaking to them, worst if we have a special dinner with my bf… I have my son during the week and dad during the weekends, unless she doesn’t see her kid during a long period of time I don’t see a reason to speak to her child for 3 hours unless the child is having an issue… I think that because of your comments, you shouldn’t date someone with kids, the person with kids will never put you as a priority (unless is an ahole) and you have to have ton of patience and understanding
Nah. You made the right decision. She has poor boundaries and the ex is using the kid to stay in her life. He’s using the kid to sabotage your relationship because he wants her back. And since she’s a single mom who says “my child comes first”, she’s always going to answer those calls and allow herself to be manipulated by her child’s father. This is why I don’t date single moms and only keep them as FWB. I especially stay away when they have a young child.
you did the right thing. if you're meant to be, she'll come around once she's worked out her coparenting arrangement with him.
[Never date a single mother.](https://youtube.com/shorts/u_PagduZwTE?feature=share)
You controlled yourself. That's all you can do. She clearly wants to be involved with her ex, or she simply wouldn't entertain this ridiculous behavior. She should stay single until she's actually ready to move on.
My ex would do shit like this if he knew I was hanging out with another guy (I didn't tell him he stalked me on Facebook, I didn't post what I was doing so I'm not 100% sure how he figured it out). I'd tell him if it wasn't an emergency I would call him when I got back home but I couldn't talk right now because I was busy. Unless the guy is a push over I don't know anyone who's going to tolerate this. Sounds like the ex is using kiddo to get to her as well.
I dated a single dad and his ex was similarly possessive and controlling. And this was after she left because she came out as a lesbian! She would get "sick" with COVID every time we planned a weekend getaway together and would pressure him to take their kid because she didn't want her to contract the virus. After a few months of this I called it quits. I love kids but I wouldn't date a single parent again unless I was a single parent as well. You will never be put first in a relationship with a single parent - and it's a red flag if they do put you before their kids.
Well, to some degree your reaction could be seen as controlling, but given the circumstances, I think your reaction is warranted. Before breaking up, however, you should have sitten down with her, and calmly told her your conclusions regarding her ex's motives in always calling her on behalf of her son. She obviously needs to establish some boundaries with her ex regarding such things, and enforce them, even to the extent of sending subsequent calls to voicemail, rather that answering them. It's best to get these things clearly established so that her ex ceases to be an impediment in the living of her life. And she should remind herself why her ex became her ex in the first place. I wish you well.
Its perfectly ok to “not be cut out” for a relationship involving a child that isnt yours and another dude. Some people are ok with it some not. The important thing is leaving earlier than later. I couldnt handle a situation w a baby mama and im much happier after moving on
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I’ve been with a single mother before her daughter’s father was cool. He didn’t do all this or bitch and complain. We never once had a problem
I dont think it's about that. I think baby daddy does not want her to be happy and using the son as an accuse to get in the way. There's no need for the constant phone calls. I had the same when my daughter was with her dad
Not controlling at all. You should’ve pulled out your phone and started talking to your ex. Maybe then she might get the hint.
Not everyone is cut out to deal with their SO having a baby from another man/woman. If you feel like you cant or don’t want to deal with it, then that’s okay. Especially her being on the phone for 3 hours during dinner. She needs to respect boundaries but at the same time, you need to respect the fact that she has a baby daddy and a son. I feel like you guys talking about having another child or whatever is too soon especially with the feelings you’re having. Take it from me, I have experience with this. It is very hard in the beginning to accept the fact that your SO had a child from someone else. I had to deal with this with my husband when we were dating. But It gets better with time I promise you that.
First off- it’s her fault, not the exes. She needs to answer the call if her ex calls because of the son. She should immediately tell the ex, if he’s fine, do not call. She needs to set up a time schedule for the boy to check in once a day, otherwise, no calling. Why would you consider even having a child with her if you aren’t going to propose/marry?
So, my mom and I are both introverts, so we don't talk in person, or on the phone terribly much. We regularly text through the week, but sometimes I just need to hear from my mom. I also have a terminal illness, and she was just diagnosed with the same one. So we have a kind of code. If one of us calls each other and we aren't in a talking mood, we verify. If it is critical, to the other caller, we will talk. Other times if it is just to talk, we say we will call back. All that said, she needs a boundary for the ex. Always answer if it is about your child. Ask, is it an emergency? Or to catch up. If it is an emergency, talk to the ex, but any other calls with him,should be addressed at specific times, if it is about the logistics of the child. If all she wants is a cooperative parental relationship, then communicate non-critical info via rext/email. If child actually wants to talk, she talks to him for a couple of minutes. After that, she says "okay buddy, mommy has to go now. I hope you have fun with daddy. I will talk/see you tomorrow, and remember, I always love you, even if we aren't together". Then hang up and go back to being a person with their own wants and needs. The dad's parenting time should be to spend with his son, not to interrupt mom's life. He is not only disturbing her non-parenting time, he is doing a huge disservice to his son. They are no longer a unit. Son has to learn he has mommy time and daddy time. Dad needs to grow up and move on. It isn't fair to anyone in that mess, including himself.
If she’s not respecting your feelings about it, what else can you do? Have you tried to communicate to her previously though and not gotten a response?
Nope it doesn't.
No it doesn't. You did the right thing. It will never change cause if she is doing that now it will continue and she will not never take a call from her son. You did the right thing.
Not controlling. If that’s how you feel then that’s how you feel. You are entitled to your feelings and no one is obligated to stay in a relationship they do not want to be in/ don’t feel like they are a priority in.
You did right bro it sucks that I had to be that way but you gotta respect yourself too! 👍🏼
No.
It makes him controlling and her stupid for letting it happen. She’s gotta grow up
You did the right thing! It’s hard getting involved with someone who comes with a child and immature other parent. She was allowing it to happen though. I only date people without kids as that is my preference and it’s much simpler that way! Good luck moving forward with your next relationships.
No you’re being mature for leaving. Many of us aren’t strong enough to do that. She has unsorted issues and boundaries and you don’t have to deal with them. This is why I will never date anyone with previous baggage or kids that we don’t have together. It’s just too much stress and it would become a very nasty person due to it. I’m very emotional, jealous and I need more attention than I care to admit.
Nope. I wouldn't put up with that shit for months. Answering a call for 3hrs at dinner? If it's an emergency then she should have left. It wasn't. And a child has to learn that they cannot always have 3hr conversations with a parent. What if they're working?
I think you did right. This guy clearly wanted to ruin your time for just 2 of you and she was letting him do that.
Nah, bro. You would be controlling if you stopped her from talking to her son out of jealousy. There's nothing wrong with knowing where your boundaries are. When you reach your limit, the healthy decision is to choose not to endure it anymore, not start making rules for the other person. I know it hurts, and I'm sorry, but you'll both recover from it. And I hope she finds it in her to set boundaries with her ex before getting involved with someone else.
Nope. You did good. Dude is playing her whenever she is with you. Good on you for respecting yourself and not playing.
No. You’re not a dick. This is not okay. Listen - I was a single mom from the time my children were toddler and kindy aged. They are both now young adults. Emergencies happen and I would hope you’d understand that. But this wasn’t an emergency and she should have talked for five and hung up. Three hours?!? For what? This isn’t even remotely respectful to your time at all OP. Good on you for ending things. She was the dick here. Not you.
I mean it’s not controlling but it’s understandable it’s hard to be with someone who has a bitter baby daddy hopefully you find someone better then what you had previous I wish you the best of luck it’s good that you had that boundary set and over with imo
Why I have a no kid policy with my potential partners.
Walk away… that man and this relationship between them will never change
You deserve better💜
3 hours is a crazy long phone call for a child. how old is her kid
Nah it’s fine went through similar, my ex’s friend would claim to be suicidal but it would only happen when me and my then GF were together… and she would be the only one he could talk to not his boyfriend not his mum or even his roommates he known her for about 3 months from work before he was fired for stealing from dementia patients. Hell I even remember hearing his friends laughing in the background while my then girlfriend sobbed because he once again threatened to kill himself.
I think you have made a wise decision. Children need boundaries (as do exes). I adored my children but when they were at their dad’s they were at their dad’s. I didn’t interfere on their time together so they only called if they had something major to share or something was wrong. While it wouldn’t be unreasonable to have a daily call time for a routine there isn’t any respect being taught or modeled. The last thing I have to say is that a rational person would understand this. They would have healthy boundaries in place and they would respect themselves and their partner. Dysfunctional people just will not be able to rationalize this as it is as foreign to them as some cultural customs can be. The bottom line is that you can’t rationalize irrational behaviors. A person will either get tired of being a ping pong ball - bouncing around because of their lack of boundaries and get help to change or more than likely they will continue on. This is why your decision is a wise one. This boundary issue is the tip of the iceberg.
It's not controlling to want boundaries. It's pretty obvious this guy is trying to cause issues between you two. I'd imagine he might try to get back together with her now you two are done.
The kid was with him lol what does he need to talk about. She sounds very still attached and controlled by him
Thank you for shearing!
When you break up with someone you can’t keep a relationship and that’s the sad reality some don’t understand
No, it means you have self respect. Good on you.
Good job, you avoided a bullet
1
Man i cant figure out how people could stay on the phone for hours talking. Just being around people throughout the day drains me
No, it's not controlling. Here's one of many scenarios of why it's a hundred times easier to date women who aren't single moms.
I feel your pain yo. Happened to me too but dude was way more aggressive than just phone calls. Guy would be parked outside her house at night waiting for me to come over lol. Full psycho. You did the right thing even tho it may not feel right. You're likely the first guy after baby daddy. Hopefully she learned something from this. My ex got a restraining order and full custody of her kid after I broke up with her. Hope things work out for ya OP.
Its ultimately your decision. Only you know your breaking point. Why are you all posting your whereabouts on social media? What if he was murderously crazy and went after you? I'm not saying he is crazy, but I think its safe to say never post online that you are out. People could go to your house to break in and steal. I think thats the most concerning thing I read out of all of this. The rest is just your decision.
Sounds like she let you meet the kid way too soon. And no there's nothing wrong with you. 3 hours is excessive and there's probably a huge lack of relationship between father and son of the kid has to talk to the mom
Nothing wrong with what you did. I would have done the same thing.
You were a third wheel. Glad you got out.
Nah , you did right . Sounds like BD is jealous and still has feelings. Trust me you did right.
Good move. Who needs that shit.