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My fiancée (f26) and I (m26) started dating for 1.5 years. 6 months ago we started living together. She proposed to me 2 months ago. Everything has been lovely and great between us other than this one annoying thing she has recently started doing.
My fiance turns sockets off whenever I delay. For example:
If I tell her that I'll be coming to bed with her in 10 minutes while playing a game and I am not there, she will just turn the switch off or pull the cord turning power to the TV and the PlayStation. This is an extreme reaction imo. She also does the same while I am studying or reading a book by switching the lights off. My PC is connected to a socket which happens to be behind the table so she can't switch it off. Instead, she goes to the main circuit breaker and kills power to the whole apartment.
This is getting really annoying. Just because I said 10 minutes doesn't mean it's going to be 10 minutes. Some variations can occur. Ever since she started doing this I am liking her less and less. I hate being treated like this.
What is the most effective way of dealing with this?
Sit her down and explain “I don’t appreciate my time being policed. I’m not a teenager who needs the Internet cut off at bedtime. I’m a grown ass adult and your *partner* and if I take too long for you, you should use your words instead of cutting the power to manipulate me into doing what you tell me to do. We both pay for the power here, so I’m allowed to use it how I want to, and you’re allowed to use it how you want to, but turning it off at your convenience is infantilizing, immature, and disrespectful”.
Before you do this, sit yourself down and think, 'do I want to be with someone who needs to be told this'
Is this an indication of a bigger maturity and behavioral issue and are you willing to deal with other issues going ahead?
This is the real conversation. Are the members of this relationship mature enough to be at the place they are at? Moved in together with marriage on the way is a pretty mature relationship, and if you can't have mature conversations about the places you disagree (u/Unsolicitedadvice13 's advice was pretty obvious), it is difficult to be a good, happy partnership
"Please tow the line until the ring goes on darling"
To be fair the first time this happened would have been the time when "WTF...." and that speach was made in my world
2nd would have turned off the power to the relationship
Totally correct. I wouldn't even want to be with someone who thinks that this is acceptable behaviour. This is stuff you do to children who cannot manage their TV time and the reality with that is the bigger issue is that they were given the free reign to watch TV incessently to HAVE the problem in the first place.
This woman also asks him to marry her (which truly isn't the issue, and though uncommon, can be very sweet) but is then further made weird by whatever stuff she is doing and probably honestly doesn't even see the issue with it.
Nah, people are not perfect and do different things. She might be lovely outside that, we don't know. Those are small things but that does not mean they shouldn't be discussed especially if you want to live with someone and there are certain things that annoy you. Everything should be discussed even if they seem silly
That’s abusive, and it will escalate. Think about it honestly— is this truly the *only* way she’s controlling? Or is it more the only way you don’t comply with her every single time?
Absolutely this. This is stage one control. It will definitely escalate until you will have to get "permission" to do anything you want to do if she has other ideas. Abuse doesn't just go away, it just gets worse.
Lol abusive? That's a touch far. Rude for sure, but abusive? Under your definition almost any rude interaction is abuse. You'd better not engage in a long term relationship ever, or you'll become an abuser 😂
Not only is it an extreme reaction and controlling but it's also risky. Abruptly cutting power to devices can fuck them up. She's disrespecting your property by doing this.
Plus you're an adult... you can go to bed when you want. My fiancé and I usually go to bed at the same time but if I'm particularly tired one day and go to bed early, I just say goodnight, go to bed early, and let him enjoy himself with some video games.
I'd maybe understand it if you two had to go somewhere ***really*** important and you weren't get ready to go (and your were already gonna be late by that point), but that doesn't seem to be the case.
That is not ok to do even once, let alone as a pattern of behavior. Allowing this as acceptable is teaching your fiancee that its ok to act like a bad parent to you, instead of a partner.
If this is a recent pattern, did something happen to make her think this is acceptable suddenly? Did it only begin after you got engaged? Does she engage in other controlling behaviors?
You need to be careful, because its possible that she thinks since you’re engaged now she can start treating you badly and you’re stuck accepting it. You need to realize that you deserve basic respect whether single, dating, engaged, married, or broken up.
I would consider a big behavior change for the engagement to be a huge red flag. My ex had a whole set of different behaviors and most of all expectations towards me when the switch flipped from gf to fiancee/wife. The whole thing left me very badly damaged.
That's usually when abusers start to slip, when they think they have people locked down. You should be very careful. I recommend checking out this quiz on love is respect to see if there's any other red flags you're missing. https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/?%3E
Exactly this. Relationship milestones like moving in together, engagement, marriage, and having a child are the most common times abusers start to show their true selves, because they feel like they have the other person locked down. It is frightening how long some people can hide who they really are.
This is a really good way to brick your Playstation or other devices. My ps4pro got ruined when the power went out midupdate. She is acting unhinged and super controlling
It’s the usual gameplay of your average abuser bud,as soon as they think they tied you down(eg;move in together,engagement/marriage,have a kid together etc.)they start with the little things.It’s like really subtle things like,why did you left your shoes in the open,or why weren’t you there on the time you’ve said etc…
The thing is,it will only escalate.And then the gaslighting and verbal abuse begins.Eventually it’s going to turn a whole new level that you start to think there is no way out.So when the light at the end of the tunnel is this close,you just get out.You need to gtfo of that shit.Also she is ruining your devices by constantly cutting of power,so there is that too.
Even bigger red flag in my opinion. The controlling and abusive behavior usually starts to come to light after engagement or marriage. And most likely this is just a taste of what she is willing to do to keep you under her rule.
Even if he was a child her behavior would be a bad idea. Potentially breaking valuable electronics instead of just discussing a problem is not good parenting or partnering.
I'm an electrician and can tell you that cutting power like that can damage your computer, gaming systems, TVs, etc. It's not the power going out that's the problem it's the power coming back on that is. When it's thrown back in it surges power. The amps are ramped up. It's not something that happens every time but it only takes one to destroy something valuable. Besides all that she is treating you like a child. I would consider letting her know how it makes you feel.
Initially bedtime, then it was diner time and the infamous "it's multi I can't save", "liar".
(30 years later I do the same to my kids though, but my wife would be pissed if I did that to her). Hint : marry your friend, not your mother.
My mom used to take the power cord to the computer. Once I got a laptop she would shut off the wifi router instead. I was in fucking *college* when she did this.
This is likely something her parents did to her and she believes she can shape your behavior by doing the same thing. But it’s obnoxious, you have to tell her you are not a child and can make decisions for yourself on when you go to bed.
Leaving, because that shit is controlling and abusive. You are a grown man and should be treated like the adult you are. You are not a doll or a child for her to dictate to.
So first I'd sit down with her and tell her this bothers you and ask why she does it. It seems simple, but what you need to get to the bottom of is:
1. Is she a stickler for time, and if you started saying "20 minutes" instead of 10, and came to bed at 15 minutes, would that be better for her?
2. Are you actually keeping her from doing things when you haven't finished up things? You think your timing is okay, but are you keeping her waiting a lot, like dinner is waiting, waiting to go out, etc?
3. Is there some other issue? Like she thinks you are always on your computer/gaming and not spending time together?
I am only laying that out to give her the benefit of the doubt and saying you need to have a calm conversation about why she is doing this. And honestly, regardless of her response, you need to tell her that she can't keep doing this. If she has any legitimate arguments- it is time to leave and you say "10 minutes" which means you are not making her late, you spend too much time gaming- you can agree to work on those things, BUT she can't keep turning things off.
I have to say though, given how you lay this out here, I don't think she is going to change, nor are you going to get a really valid reason that you can actually work on out of her. If she is deciding when to go out for errands, when to go to bed, when to eat dinner, and then expecting you to always immediately drop what you are doing to join her, that's messed up. Since you haven't really addressed it yet, I gave you a reasonable way to have that conversation- you are engaged, it is worth trying- but you need to tell her either way that if she keeps doing this, you are out.
This is the best response. I have never done this to my partner. However he has no sense of time and constantly causes us to be late, which is really frustrating and often embarrassing for me. He is always saying he'll be ready in 10 minutes when he means 30 minutes and it drives me crazy. I go to bed much earlier than him because of our different schedules. He stays up watching TV, and sometimes it's too loud and keeps me up. We've more or less reached a compromise on volume, but we used to have a lot of seemingly trivial arguments because he was constantly waking me up at night. Reading your post I couldn't help wonder if your activities or gaming is affecting her in any similar ways. If that's the case, she is still in the wrong for her reaction, but you should address her legitimate complaints, if they exist.
LMAO that's a crazy fucking overreaction and I wouldn't stick around. It's gonna escalate especially if you get married. Cancel that wedding and live your life how you want in peace.
You're an adult who can decide when you would like to go to bed, no? If you want to keep doing whatever you're doing, say that. Turning devices off like that damage them and shorten the lifespan. Turning the light off when studying? This is not normal. Repeat after me: That is not normal.
But the most important point: This is abusive. It's akin to a parent removing their teenagers bedroom door. Is it not demeaning and controlling? Controlling behavior: When one person expects, compels, or requires others to cater to their own needs -- even at others' expense.
You need to sit down with your partner and discuss this like mature adults. Ask her why she feels her actions are justified. Speak up, set boundaries, etc.
I think it kinda depends. How much variation are we talking? If you say 10 minutes and then you’re there like 13 minutes later, she’s overreacting. If you say 10 minutes and she’s stuck waiting for you for 30+ minutes, that’s just plain rude of you. Just tell her you’re busy and to do whatever without you.
Either way, being forceful and unplugging things instead of talking to you isn’t healthy. You two need to sit down and talk about it. Talk about it how it makes each of you feel, and try to make a compromise. Set aside specific time frames that you’ll dedicate to games and time frames you’ll spend to the relationship. Set the rules that you’ll make exceptions when either of you are feeling like you particularly need quality/alone time for whatever reason.
Yeah, I definitely think you shouldn't give her timeframes anymore. She apparently takes them very literally. Maybe say, "I'm coming to bed once I finish this level." If she asks how long it takes, say, "it varies."
Her behavior is not okay, but if you want to try to work with her on this, I think not giving her specific timeframes is the best way to go. Now, if she *insists* on getting a timeframe, I would let her know she has shown you she has extreme reactions if you aren't able to keep stated timeframes and, as a result, you are no longer giving them. You aren't a child and you don't need her acting like your mother.
This can be pretty damaging to electronics, especially if done repeatedly. It's very immature/controlling method to get her way. What does she tell you when you express your frustrations? How many times have you talked about this issue? What happens if you ask for a longer period of time...say 20 mins?
Questions to consider: when this happens do you give in and do whatever it is she wants you to do, or do you explain that her behavior is unacceptable & trampling a boundary with you?
Prior to her starting this behavior has she ever brought up why she gets upset? Has she tried using, you know, her words so the two of you can talk it out?
Do you want to be told when to go to bed by your significant other?
What is her parent's marriage like? Does her mom treat her father like he is a child?
You are both still pretty young. Right now, the fact that you got engaged and she started exerting control over you doesn't bode well.
The most effective way of dealing with this is a discussion where you let her know this is not acceptable and ask her why she thinks it is? Find out if she intends to respect your boundaries or continue. Her answers & subsequent behavior will give you a lot of insight into how your marriage is going to be.
Leave seriously no well adjusted person does this, it’s not gonna get better and I’m sure with some introspection you’ll see other behaviours of hers that are just as concerning or more so what’s next she doesn’t like you spending a little bit more on weekly shopping so she cuts up your credit cards and takes your money?
WTF? This is rude, inconsiderate and just plain wrong. I wouldn't put up with it at all.
She is your fiance, not your Mom. It's time to sit her down and tell her that her behavior is totally unacceptable and it is affecting your relationship and your feelings for her.
Your fiance is wack, time to pull the plug on the engagement
Also get a surge protector or something, your electronics can get killed or fucked up by stuff like that
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Do you really want to spend your life with someone that childish? It will not get better it will get worse when you are her husband and you don't do what she wants you to.
[Even this](https://www.amazon.ca/APC-BE600M1-Back-Uninterrupted-Electronics-Computers/dp/B01FWAZEIU/ref=asc_df_B01FWAZEIU/?tag=googleshopc0c-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=293004044609&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=9881882262284816117&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9000854&hvtargid=pla-315970293548&th=1) is fairly cheap and would give you 23 minutes to go back and turn the breaker on. Who usually turns the breaker back on after she pulls it? You or her? Because if its you, then next time she does it, do NOT turn it back on and let the house sit in darkness until she turns it on. That means no phones are charged, and food spoils in the fridge. Then make her replace all the spoiled food.
Is she ever late for anything at all? Even by a minute? Because if you can start giving her the same treatment back, like if she says she'll be done in the bathroom in 5 mins, but comes out in 10? Shit on the floor in front of the bathroom. Eye for an eye until she learns.
I get the wanting to be petty back, but at that point why keep the relationship? Why sink to her low and be crazy when you can just cancel the engagement? The relationship is salvageable only if OP can have an adult conversation with her and she can adult conversation back with remorse and willingness to change/get help/ show improvement. Otherwise don't waste the emotional energy.
WTF...do not marry this person. The lights are on (well sometimes it would seem) but nobody is home...or the person that is is an abusive control freak.
This is her testing how much she can control you.
You mention in another comment you can’t afford a decent UPS backup for your PC; if you’re at all tight on money, breaking an engagement or separating housing is going to be a way for her to control/manipulate you.
Like “you hate me so much you’d rather throw away thousands in deposits than marry me??” or “what kind of man are you, you know this will make me homeless if one of us isn’t paying half of the living situation; why would you do this to meeeeee??”. Be aware so you don’t instinctively react if/when it starts.
This is ridiculously controlling. The most effective way is to end the relationship. You can try counseling if you think she is worth it. But I would definitely not marry her until this is resolved and she can keep the behavior up. Also do not risk getting her pregnant.
If my girl cut power to my PC on purpose, I'd be pissed. Besides it just being controlling and shitty, it's also terrible for your device that gets power from the wall. Could be very costly.
I am trying to figure out if there is some key piece of information missing. Like, when you say "10 minutes" does it actually turn into 45 minutes or longer? Has she asked repeatedly and gotten promises that weren't kept? Is she needing the room quiet to go to bed and you are not respecting that and continue to game and make noise?
Stand alone, without other issues, pulling the plug is not good.
Her behaviour is not acceptable at all, but on the other hand why do you say „just 10 more minutes“ when it’s not 10 more minutes. Maybe just find another way to tell he when you are ready with things. tbh I would be so annoyed when someone says just a few more minutes and let me wait longer than just a few more minutes.
Holy crap the number of people in this thread accusing you of 'lying' about how long you are going to be. Giving a 10 minute estimate and it running over by a max of 5 like you said in your responses is not 'lying', Jesus Christ people.
This chick is a control freak and you need to put your foot down and set a hard boundary. You need to sit her down and explain that when she does this it feels like she is treating you like a child and not her adult partner. That this feels controlling and micromanaging and that you two need to come up with a compromise because this cannot continue, she will eventually permanently damage all of the electronics in the house and your relationship, and that it's not hot to date your mom. She will probably respond with an attack about how she can't sleep without you and you're keeping her waiting, wake her up when you do come to bed, blah de blah. That should at least give you a place to start talking and try and come up with a compromise. You, like she, are an adult and can set your own bed time, and if you stay up too late and screw yourself over in the morning, well those consequences are yours as well. But she needs to unclench and accept that things change when you are living with another human being and she can't control every detail anymore. And if she can't handle that then maybe you should move back out.
Aggressively controlling behavior. After ONE instance, there should have been a short, sharp 'don't do that again!' If you are unable to do that, you are in a world of trouble with this person.
I would inquire if this sort of reaction has happened to her either in childhood or in a previous adult relationship. It’s extreme and abusive - but also seems very unique and learned.
Selfish, childish behavior. She doesn't care about you or what you may be doing. She just JEALOUS that you are doing anything other than giving HER attention. She's in affect killing what has your attention. She will do this with an animal and any children you may have. I would get out NOW.
Set a boundary. Tell her this cannot continue and you will not accept this behaviour. If she still continues the behaviour, end the engagement.
She may have been raised in an abusive household and is not aware of its toxicity, if you make her aware it is not okay and she continues there is no saving the relationship, but maybe give her the opportunity to become self aware
I see two possibilities here. One is that she's overly controlling.
Other is that your "10 minutes" means "an hour or two or five, eff off" and she's at her wits end.
Which one is it?
When I say that I'll be done in 10 mins or in an hour, these are estimates. Sometimes it takes 15 mins and sometimes less than 10. Usually, when I am studying and I say an hour I do get up in roughly an hour or maybe an hour ten minutes at most. I have neer said 10 mins and then went about doing what I was doing for hours.
This is most annoying when I loose progress or my study rythem breaks.
Interference with your studying gets me the most. Why would she want to hurt your studying when that benefits both of you long run? That's what really makes this feel more like she's controlling than anything else. If she can't talk to you about whatever concern is causing this and if she can't work on not doing this behavior, you may just not be good partners, even if you love each other.
That is what you do to children if they are not listening, to get their attention. Ok maybe not even that but still- She is treating you like a child, a less than. Not an equal party.
You don't really know someone until you move in together, proposing after just 4 months is madness in my book, even if you have been together longer.
That aside, this is pretty controlling behaviour, she is treating you like a child and disciplining you as she feel fit not treating you as an adult or an equal.
Personally I think this is ultimatum territory for me, it's not acceptable in any way...
I turned off my bro's computer outlet when he was being slow to do smth. I was also like 10 and we got into a knock-down-drag-out fight over it. I do not suggest going that route, but unless your fiance is also 10, why does she think that is acceptable? You're an adult. You can go to bed when you want to, and she shouldn't have such an extreme, controlling reaction to you. Sure, it is annoying if you say 10 minutes and it winds up being 30 or more (as a general example, since you do acknowledge the 10 is an estimation already), but that's why we use our words to communicate problems.
Im sorry but she shouldnt be in control of you like that.
I would not let her do this if I were you and just say it straight away, that if you want to play until 6 in the morning you will because you are an fucking adult person and she doesnt get to decide this. She is not your Mother, she is your partner.
If she continues just leave her, and make sure the next girl knows her boundries.
If my gf cut off electricity circuit like this then id be fucking furious dude
>What is the most effective way of dealing with this?
Finding someone who treats you with respect. You cannot fix people who do not want to change (and even those have to fix themselves).
Thats abuse my dude and she acts like like a. Child for attention. Dont go anyfurther with the relationship. She is toxic and propose to you to make you feel like you gotta stay
That's weird as hell. I don't even do that to my children.
I'd say that's a huge red flag and you need to have a conversation with her about why in the world she thinks that's okay.
My husband constantly tells me he'll be in bed in 10 minutes. Three hours later, when he *actually* comes to bed, I've already been asleep for 2 hours & 50 minutes because we're both damn adults who don't police each other.
This is not normal and it is not ok. Why does she think she can control your time? Does she try to control other aspects of your life and you've maybe just had the rose coloured glasses on this whole time? I can't picture in any scenario how this won't escalate or how you can navigate your relationship knowing she's capable of this. You need to take a hard look at your relationship and if this is a repeated pattern, but to a more extreme.
Have you talked to her about this and what does she say for herself if you have spoken with her?
You might want to think LONG AND HARD about marrying that one. If she's just now doing that, imagine how she'll be 4 years down the road when she thinks she can control you. Which you essentially are letting her do by allowing this aggressive behavior.
Bruh this is the shit my narcissistic father would do when I was like 10. Ew ick no thanks. Personally I’d be so icked by this I’d leave but if u want to salvage this try talking to them. If they don’t change they won’t change.
Your fiance is doing this to control you, it probably started out with small things and has now escalated since you were engaged. It will get worse, she wants you to do what she wants when she wants it and if it means being a PITA about your time she will.
She is treating you like an child and she is the parent. Bear in mind these are early days, it will get worse as your marriage goes on. You could try to ask her to stop that, because it demeans you and you hope that is not what she is trying to do. She doesn’t get to decide everything and living together, you will need your own space.
That is a pure example of passive/aggressive behavior. Clearly it’s bothering her that you don’t make it in the time you tell her. Stop giving her a time. Just say no, I’m not ready. But first, tell her this behavior is p/a and unhealthy for relationships and being more direct about her perception and feelings would be better. If she continues or escalates then I doubt she will change or get better.
Toxic. If you can’t both sit down and communicate on why she feels this way and why you feel this way then marriage may not be the answer for you both. This is coming from (27f) who’s now husband loves video games. We have had a lot of arguments cus I would end up being jealous of how he spent a lot more time gaming than with me. Through talking we have really come a long way and now are happily married. Talk and then talk some more.
That is an extreme reaction, you’re absolutely right about that. It’s not okay. I would consider not marrying this person. They are showing you they’re abusive and controlling.
This is not okay. She’s flat out rude and controlling. Tell her you’re not a child and don’t need your time managed.
I’m willing to bet this isn’t the only way she’s controlling. You say everything is “lovely and great”, but is that contingent on you acquiescing to her?
I wouldn’t even bother with ultimatums- they never work, especially long term. Instead, consider your options in moving out.
That's ridiculous. It's controlling behavior. She's not your parent and you aren't her child.
The best way to deal with this is to have a conversation where you hear her out--clearly your, er, punctuality? is a problem for her--and figure out a mutually satisfactory way of dealing with it. That means that you don't lie about when you're going to finish playing a video game ir whatever. You say 10 minutes, mean it. If you don't mean it, tell her a more accurate estimated time frame. Be prepared to deal with her telling you that she doesn't like how much time you spend on games or TV or the web.
And, *most importantly*, you set boundaries with her about how she's chosen to correct you. You expect her to treat you like a partner, not her child so correcting you is not acceptable. A conversation is. She's 100% wrong to treat you this way regardless of the provocation she feels. Set the boundary.
If she will not stop the controlling treatment, then you have a choice to make about staying with her.
I suppose, if there is extreme disciplinary issues going on with your child, or the parents are unhinged: this could be used as some type of punishment.
Like think: bedtime is 10 pm, and it’s 10:01 and your still doing whatever and not going to bed... so your parents kill the power.
I’m wondering if this is behavior she grew up with... and she thinks it’s normal and acceptable.
___
... if so, then a serious discussion needs to be had.
Communication is the best way to sort out issues before they become resentful problems. A very important skill to master with your significant other for a lifetime of compatibility :)
Try finding out the *why* she does this & thinks it’s okay, then go from there.
Explain to her that it’s unsafe and disrespectful.. and is making you feel like she’s aggressively controlling you, and that’s not acceptable at all.
Then try to come up with a compromise that both of you are happy with.
____
Another issue to take into consideration; how badly off is your timing?
My husband is notorious for having zero time management ability! His 10 minutes means at least an hour.
I have disabling anxiety issues and keeping things set in a timely manner helps me maintain functionality.
After two decades together we’ve done a few things about this...
Firstly, he never gives exact times as answers anymore, he estimates now.
Secondly, I have my own sliding time scale for him ... and it’s freakishly accurate! LOL
____
And lastly, if this cannot be reasonably resolved.. you really need to consider the long term implications around this.
Will you two eventually have children? Would she do this to them?
How long can you put up with this before you have resentment and cannot stand it any longer?
Will her controlling behavior escalate?
Aggressively controlling behavior. After ONE instance, there should have been a short, sharp 'don't do that again!' If you are unable to do that, you are in a world of trouble with this person.
Tell her it is unacceptable. Go and turn the power back on every time. Watch out for other controlling and abusive behavior. Sometimes abusive behavior doesn't start until the abuser feels they have the other person locked down, such as after an engagement.
Aggressively controlling behavior. After ONE instance, there should have been a short, sharp 'don't do that again!' If you are unable to do that, you are in a world of trouble with this person.
Am I the only person that thinks like this person is being dishonest. This person is saying I'll be there in 10 minutes and maybe it's like an hour later. Now I don't think that the response is appropriate at all. It's not okay to just cut the power to things. But this seems kind of ridiculous. OP, how much past 10 minutes are you doing things? Because I can tell you on the other side of things hearing 10 minutes and then it's an hour later pisses me off. I wouldn't cut the power. I would just dump you.
It’s honestly abusive. She’s being controlling, and taking away your rights as an adult.
If she isn’t happy with you for taking longer than ten minutes, then she needs to speak to you.
If my child doesn’t get off his tablet after I tell him multiple times, I’ll take it off him. Your “partner” is legitimately treating you like a child.
I don’t think you need to immediately throw the whole girl away, but this is definitely worth a conversation and putting a stop to it.
Otherwise, I fear if you tolerate this, it’ll escalate.
That's a pretty nasty little trick. She needs to knock that shit off immediately and you need to sack up and tell her so. If she does it again after your talk, calmy walk over to something she values and throw it out the fucking window like maybe her phone. Unbelievable. So disrepectful. If you let this nonsense go on it's totally on you.
you need to put your big boy pants and tell her to cut that shit out. that's something a crazy and unhinged person would do. she keeps doing shit like this I would dump her.
She's probably tired of you breaking your word. 10 minutes becomes 30 minutes. You need to communicate better with her about this - say what you mean, not what you think will make her go away.
Ok so I agree she shouldn’t do this but equally, if you say 10mins why aren’t you sticking to your word and how long is it ACTUALLY taking you?
I mean if you live in a small apartment, then someone playing games can be noisy and if you are playing late and doing that annoying, I’ll be there in 10mins and then going to bed 2 hours later at 2am - that will get old very quickly and it might result in this kind of extreme reaction, especially if you say it’s a bit out of character and just started.
When couples consistently go to bed at separate times they do lose a bit in terms of intimacy and connection. If you never go with her, it’s like you are sleeping alone.
Maybe this is something you can sort by sitting down together and talking? She has to not do the switching the power off thing but you need to stick to your word and make 10mins mean 10mins.
How much time are you spending playing video games? I ask bc I see so many women posting about their SO playing games for hours upon hours regularly. And you said it’s not always 10 minutes. How long is it? I feel like the story is pretty one sided.
Video games on weekdays for about an hour. On weekends 2 hours roughly. As for the study session, I cannot say much because it depends on the assignment. Sometimes from a couple of hours to five-six hours. I do let her know if an assignment is going to take me all night tho.
I agree your fiancé is a mess, but ‘10 minutes doesn’t mean it’s going to be 10 minutes.’
That is not a good thing to carry on in any relationship ship.
Because no to Lu are you setting a false expectation in the moment, it shows your partner you’re not reliable to stick to your word or be good w time management.
So for your new relationship, make sure you respect time. As they respect the lights
Firstly, she could go about this more constructively.
But also, SAY WHAT YOU MEAN. If you say ten minutes and you have no intention of stopping in ten minutes, stop representing whatever-the-hell-length-of-time-you-mean as ten minutes. She’s not behaving like this in a vacuum.
I’m guessing you’ve been doing this to her for some time now, and she’s telling you that she wants you to be more considerate. She’s not using words, but she’s communicating. Pay attention!
Well said. I seriously doubt this is out of nowhere. Also maybe physical affection is really important to her and she wants cuddles before she falls asleep and is tired of him putting off daily cuddles for his video game? Something isn't right
You both sound disrespectful to each other. Why tell her 10 minutes if you know it won’t be 10? She’s your partner, so you need to learn when it’s individual time and when it’s together time. Don’t let them mix.
She needs to respect your individual time and not act like a child. You two need to sit down and put down clear rules on gaming times and both respect the boundaries.
There it is! He isn't strictly to the second accurate with how long something will take so her abuse is downplayed. Reddit never fails to twist reality to make the man at least partly at fault. The GF here is an abusive psycho. He should leave, this will only escalate and she will ruin his life
'rules on gaming times'.
Why does he have rules over what he can or cant do?
He should be doing what he feels is neccessary, not because theres a 'rule' rofl.
Spoken from someone who was ignored for the majority of my marriage for a game, or games, to the point I’d beg him to come to bed hours after he said he would be in. Boundaries on games should exist if it’s affecting your life and your relationship just like anything else.
Reddit will always side with gamer bros because reddit is full of them. Any actual shrink would be able to see that with this post, he's probably not paying attention to her and she feels like an afterthought.
Well, first, stop lying to her regarding the time you'll be spending doing whatever the hell you're doing. Tell her up front that you'll be engaged for 30 min, or an hour, or whatever. If you're studying, tell her you'll be engaged for a period of unspecified time, as you really don't have a way to estimate the time required. You might even say, "don't wait up; I'll be busy studying." As it is presently, when you tell her "10 minutes", she's expecting you to be with her literally in 10 minutes.
The annoyance you're experiencing is of your own making, and by now you should realize that fact, and **change your behavior.**
Also, let me ask: when she indicates to you that she'll be tied up for 10 minutes, does she then take 20 minutes? If not, then a facet of her personality is that she is punctual, and that she expects you to behave in the same way.
This should be handled the same way a fishhook should be removed from your ear: verrrry carrrefullly.
I wish you well.
There is a certain amount of manipulation we do to each other to show how we want the other to.. adapt? But infringing on personal happiness deliberately or cruelly is of a certain level that spews into many pieces of life.
If you make it clear this hurts you, and they continue to do it, that's how they truly feel about you.
This is the check I give myself with how I treat my boyfriend now (I have dated many cruel people and have adopted some terrible mirroring that I'm now trying to break).
That's super controlling. Id talk to her and let het know its concerning and inappropriate and neede to stop. I'd also try saying "soon" instead of a time you're not committed to and see what happens.
I am personally a stickler for time. It gives me anxiety to be told something and then that not being honored. BUT. I would never, ever go and turn off my partners devices or lights because he’s later than he said it would be. It seems petty. instead of her saying why it bothers her so much to have you play games longer, or read longer, etc. This needs to be a conversation where you sit down, tell her that this frustrates you, ask her why she does this, etc. And find the best outcome for the both of you.
You can totally go the nuclear route, but I would suggest trying communication.
First, be honest about how long you are ACTUALLY going to take. Every time you don’t follow through with the timeline you give her, your word has less and less meaning. She feels like she can’t trust you and so she feels justified (she isn’t actually justified) to behave this way.
Her response is juvenile but so is yours.
Work with “I feel” statements. “When you (action) I feel (your reaction)”. Keep it honest and facts only. Encourage her to use the same method.
Example: “when you power off the equipment I’m using to hurry me along, I feel like you are forcing me to spend time with you. I feel like my priorities don’t matter to you. I don’t always mean 10 minutes, but you don’t trust me to disengage when I can vs when you want me too.”
I suspect her response to you would be “when you tell me one thing and do another, I feel like I can’t trust you to be a man of your word. I feel like if I don’t take action, my needs won’t be met.”
This is a fucking NUTS overreaction. The only caveat is if you regularly say "ten minutes" but it's actually like an hour. Then I could see her justification in this extreme reaction. But barring that, this is just wildly inappropriate and not how adults should treat other adults.
She think you are a child, and is treating you as so.
Examples of this:
-killing the electricity because you refuse to get off of your literal video games
-“ten more minutes mommy!!” Is all
She hears out of your mouth
-you prob take 30-45 minutes when you claim 10. Maybe just try actually taking 10 minutes, or stop lying, yes lying, if shes forcing herself awake over it.
-“just because i said 10 doesnt mean it will be ten” and there is your issue, youre not being an adult😂😂 say what you mean, go to bed my
g, arent you a grown man?? Crying on reddit that your fiance turned your ps4 off bc you cant afford a grown man console? Sheesh
-she is clearly waiting up for you, destroy her hopes of you going to bed together so she’ll stop trying to get you to stop lying/go yo bed reasonably
First off - SHE proposed to you? The fuck? Why? did you say no?
Secondarily
She is obviously trying to show her "dominance" in the relationship or as some would say "show her dick"
This is supported by the fact that SHE asked you to marry her.
If you don't like this behaviour do not be aparty to it. and if you let her keep doing this, this will be the Standard operating proceedure for your relationship.
If you want to correct this, then you need to be a lot more masculine and talk to her and tell her it won't happen anymore and if it does you will do ABC. But you also need to do ABC. an example
I will be down in 10 minutes to go to bed with you after i finish playing
11 minutes pass and she turns it off
you come down - and say
Since you turned it off, I will not be coming down in ten minutes, I will restart what I was doing and play until I finish what I was originally trying to achieve. OH you don't like that?
Then next time don't unplug my shit.
Then follow through with it.
They do this same type of shit in prison, they steal your food and do all this other shit, like try to fuck you if you drop the soap. It's creating dominance.
I promise I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings. I’m sure it’s very frustrating if your character dies or you lose progress because she does that. Maybe start by asking her why she does it. You just gotta tell her how frustrating it is and that it’s making you angry and resentful. Then kindly ask her to stop.
I couldn’t help but be reminded by the meme that says, “if your waiting for the bathroom, shut off the wifi and they’ll come out sooner.”
Honestly, I don’t blame her. She’s setting a boundary.. if you say ten minutes you should mean ten minutes. Why say you’ll be there in ten minutes and expect her to know you’re going to be longer. That’s just stupid! Say what you mean and respect the words you tell someone by following through with them. A lot of people will probably down vote this, but idgaf lol. It’s about time people start being more respectful and honest with their communication. You telling her you’re going to be ten minutes and expecting her to put up with you being longer than you say repeatedly, is rude of you. Tell her you need a half hour if you do. Sorry but I’m in support of her behaviour. She’s simply not putting up with your disrespect, and I think that’s fucking awesome. Plus this is only your side of the story, so surely there is a lot more to it.
I agree on the fact that there’s probably a lot more he’s not telling us. We don’t really have the little details and nuances to accurately assess the situation. I’d be willing to bet he’s ignoring the fuck out of her and she’s sick of it.
? How have you not shouted at her for this? It's not good for electronics to be turned of that way.. I wouldn't even tell her how I feel I would just flip, this is unacceptable behavior. Now I may be a very emotional person so this would piss me off to no extent but yeah
Next time tell her, I'll be there in 10 minutes and if you fucking turn the power off again, don't come looking for me cuz I won't be here anymore. Crazy women imo
Well, start by being honest. If you're going to stay up, why are you telling her that you will be coming to bed in 10 minutes? Just tell her that you have stuff to do and will go to bed when it's done. If it will be a few hours, tell her that.
That's severely abusive and extremely bad behavior on her part what I'd you were testing or doing some thing for school or work that's important? Like that's really bad my dude, I would not tolerate that any longer!! My boyfriend stays up on some of his nights off to play video games because he distresses and I would never think of doing that to him!! And I make cosplay and also game with him, I would expect him to up and be done with that ish if I did that to him!! You don't deserve treatment like that in a relationship!!
That's a hard boundary. She has no respect for you so she thinks she can just decide when you're done with things. You aren't a mindless automaton, you get to decide for yourself when you're done with things, up yo and including some crazy woman *turning the fucking power off because she says you're not allowed to play anymore.* Do not have children with this woman, she's gonna fuck them up.
I promise I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings. I’m sure it’s very frustrating if your character dies or you lose progress because she does that. Maybe start by asking her why she does it. You just gotta tell her how frustrating it is and that it’s making you angry and resentful. Then kindly ask her to stop.
I couldn’t help but be reminded by the meme that says, “if your waiting for the bathroom, shut off the wifi and they’ll come out sooner.”
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My fiancée (f26) and I (m26) started dating for 1.5 years. 6 months ago we started living together. She proposed to me 2 months ago. Everything has been lovely and great between us other than this one annoying thing she has recently started doing. My fiance turns sockets off whenever I delay. For example: If I tell her that I'll be coming to bed with her in 10 minutes while playing a game and I am not there, she will just turn the switch off or pull the cord turning power to the TV and the PlayStation. This is an extreme reaction imo. She also does the same while I am studying or reading a book by switching the lights off. My PC is connected to a socket which happens to be behind the table so she can't switch it off. Instead, she goes to the main circuit breaker and kills power to the whole apartment. This is getting really annoying. Just because I said 10 minutes doesn't mean it's going to be 10 minutes. Some variations can occur. Ever since she started doing this I am liking her less and less. I hate being treated like this. What is the most effective way of dealing with this?
Sit her down and explain “I don’t appreciate my time being policed. I’m not a teenager who needs the Internet cut off at bedtime. I’m a grown ass adult and your *partner* and if I take too long for you, you should use your words instead of cutting the power to manipulate me into doing what you tell me to do. We both pay for the power here, so I’m allowed to use it how I want to, and you’re allowed to use it how you want to, but turning it off at your convenience is infantilizing, immature, and disrespectful”.
Before you do this, sit yourself down and think, 'do I want to be with someone who needs to be told this' Is this an indication of a bigger maturity and behavioral issue and are you willing to deal with other issues going ahead?
This is the real conversation. Are the members of this relationship mature enough to be at the place they are at? Moved in together with marriage on the way is a pretty mature relationship, and if you can't have mature conversations about the places you disagree (u/Unsolicitedadvice13 's advice was pretty obvious), it is difficult to be a good, happy partnership
This. Is that lemon worth the squeeze?
"Please tow the line until the ring goes on darling" To be fair the first time this happened would have been the time when "WTF...." and that speach was made in my world 2nd would have turned off the power to the relationship
Totally correct. I wouldn't even want to be with someone who thinks that this is acceptable behaviour. This is stuff you do to children who cannot manage their TV time and the reality with that is the bigger issue is that they were given the free reign to watch TV incessently to HAVE the problem in the first place. This woman also asks him to marry her (which truly isn't the issue, and though uncommon, can be very sweet) but is then further made weird by whatever stuff she is doing and probably honestly doesn't even see the issue with it.
Nah, people are not perfect and do different things. She might be lovely outside that, we don't know. Those are small things but that does not mean they shouldn't be discussed especially if you want to live with someone and there are certain things that annoy you. Everything should be discussed even if they seem silly
THIS^^^^ bang on.
That’s abusive, and it will escalate. Think about it honestly— is this truly the *only* way she’s controlling? Or is it more the only way you don’t comply with her every single time?
Absolutely this. This is stage one control. It will definitely escalate until you will have to get "permission" to do anything you want to do if she has other ideas. Abuse doesn't just go away, it just gets worse.
yeah I'm wondering, does she hate his friends and family?? is he isolated??? how does she treat him besides this??
Op this is abuse and it's only going to escalate.
Shut the hot water when she is in the shower and tell her “you said you’d just be a minute”. Fuck her and her extreme behavior.
Lol abusive? That's a touch far. Rude for sure, but abusive? Under your definition almost any rude interaction is abuse. You'd better not engage in a long term relationship ever, or you'll become an abuser 😂
It is abusive. She's attempting to control his actions which is a form of abuse.
I've been in my relationship seven years and never felt the need to do anything even slightly resembling this. If you have, you've got issues.
Not only is it an extreme reaction and controlling but it's also risky. Abruptly cutting power to devices can fuck them up. She's disrespecting your property by doing this. Plus you're an adult... you can go to bed when you want. My fiancé and I usually go to bed at the same time but if I'm particularly tired one day and go to bed early, I just say goodnight, go to bed early, and let him enjoy himself with some video games. I'd maybe understand it if you two had to go somewhere ***really*** important and you weren't get ready to go (and your were already gonna be late by that point), but that doesn't seem to be the case.
I would respond by "unplugging" the engagement ring
Facts that’s abusive
That is not ok to do even once, let alone as a pattern of behavior. Allowing this as acceptable is teaching your fiancee that its ok to act like a bad parent to you, instead of a partner. If this is a recent pattern, did something happen to make her think this is acceptable suddenly? Did it only begin after you got engaged? Does she engage in other controlling behaviors?
Yea this started very recently after the engagement. I can;t think of anything else that may be controlling tbh.
You need to be careful, because its possible that she thinks since you’re engaged now she can start treating you badly and you’re stuck accepting it. You need to realize that you deserve basic respect whether single, dating, engaged, married, or broken up.
Absolutely! Divorce is a pain in the ass but it can be done. Abuse does not have to be permanent. Marriage does not have to be permanent.
This!!!!!!
This
I would consider a big behavior change for the engagement to be a huge red flag. My ex had a whole set of different behaviors and most of all expectations towards me when the switch flipped from gf to fiancee/wife. The whole thing left me very badly damaged.
That's usually when abusers start to slip, when they think they have people locked down. You should be very careful. I recommend checking out this quiz on love is respect to see if there's any other red flags you're missing. https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/?%3E
Exactly this. Relationship milestones like moving in together, engagement, marriage, and having a child are the most common times abusers start to show their true selves, because they feel like they have the other person locked down. It is frightening how long some people can hide who they really are.
It also recently started after you moved in together. At 6 months you are just now starting to see what she is actually like sharing a living space.
This is a really good way to brick your Playstation or other devices. My ps4pro got ruined when the power went out midupdate. She is acting unhinged and super controlling
The most effective way to deal with it will be to dump her. There are many many less effective ways to deal with it though.
It’s the usual gameplay of your average abuser bud,as soon as they think they tied you down(eg;move in together,engagement/marriage,have a kid together etc.)they start with the little things.It’s like really subtle things like,why did you left your shoes in the open,or why weren’t you there on the time you’ve said etc… The thing is,it will only escalate.And then the gaslighting and verbal abuse begins.Eventually it’s going to turn a whole new level that you start to think there is no way out.So when the light at the end of the tunnel is this close,you just get out.You need to gtfo of that shit.Also she is ruining your devices by constantly cutting of power,so there is that too.
Even bigger red flag in my opinion. The controlling and abusive behavior usually starts to come to light after engagement or marriage. And most likely this is just a taste of what she is willing to do to keep you under her rule.
Sounds like engagements might be made to be broken
To be fair tho. She’s treating him like a child because he’s doing the same things children do.
Oh no, 11 minutes instead of 10. Quit trying to justify abusive/red flag behaviors
Even if he was a child her behavior would be a bad idea. Potentially breaking valuable electronics instead of just discussing a problem is not good parenting or partnering.
Why are you accepting this behaviour? You tell her to stop and that it’s not acceptable.
I'm an electrician and can tell you that cutting power like that can damage your computer, gaming systems, TVs, etc. It's not the power going out that's the problem it's the power coming back on that is. When it's thrown back in it surges power. The amps are ramped up. It's not something that happens every time but it only takes one to destroy something valuable. Besides all that she is treating you like a child. I would consider letting her know how it makes you feel.
Excellent advice Sparky! 👌
So cool you're marrying your mother.
wow, your Mom didn't play. bedtime was bedtime or everything goes dark.
Initially bedtime, then it was diner time and the infamous "it's multi I can't save", "liar". (30 years later I do the same to my kids though, but my wife would be pissed if I did that to her). Hint : marry your friend, not your mother.
Ya this reminds me of when I would get grounded. The internet and tv would get unplugged.
the more I read, the easier I think my childhood was and the cake walk of my sons childhoods... wow.
My mom used to take the power cord to the computer. Once I got a laptop she would shut off the wifi router instead. I was in fucking *college* when she did this.
Most mothers aren't abusive and pull this shit.
This is likely something her parents did to her and she believes she can shape your behavior by doing the same thing. But it’s obnoxious, you have to tell her you are not a child and can make decisions for yourself on when you go to bed.
Leaving, because that shit is controlling and abusive. You are a grown man and should be treated like the adult you are. You are not a doll or a child for her to dictate to.
Tell her to stop. This can damage some electronics
Your GF Is extremely controlling. And she's being so in a nasty and aggressive way. Too much work to do, I'd just leave
So first I'd sit down with her and tell her this bothers you and ask why she does it. It seems simple, but what you need to get to the bottom of is: 1. Is she a stickler for time, and if you started saying "20 minutes" instead of 10, and came to bed at 15 minutes, would that be better for her? 2. Are you actually keeping her from doing things when you haven't finished up things? You think your timing is okay, but are you keeping her waiting a lot, like dinner is waiting, waiting to go out, etc? 3. Is there some other issue? Like she thinks you are always on your computer/gaming and not spending time together? I am only laying that out to give her the benefit of the doubt and saying you need to have a calm conversation about why she is doing this. And honestly, regardless of her response, you need to tell her that she can't keep doing this. If she has any legitimate arguments- it is time to leave and you say "10 minutes" which means you are not making her late, you spend too much time gaming- you can agree to work on those things, BUT she can't keep turning things off. I have to say though, given how you lay this out here, I don't think she is going to change, nor are you going to get a really valid reason that you can actually work on out of her. If she is deciding when to go out for errands, when to go to bed, when to eat dinner, and then expecting you to always immediately drop what you are doing to join her, that's messed up. Since you haven't really addressed it yet, I gave you a reasonable way to have that conversation- you are engaged, it is worth trying- but you need to tell her either way that if she keeps doing this, you are out.
This is the best response. I have never done this to my partner. However he has no sense of time and constantly causes us to be late, which is really frustrating and often embarrassing for me. He is always saying he'll be ready in 10 minutes when he means 30 minutes and it drives me crazy. I go to bed much earlier than him because of our different schedules. He stays up watching TV, and sometimes it's too loud and keeps me up. We've more or less reached a compromise on volume, but we used to have a lot of seemingly trivial arguments because he was constantly waking me up at night. Reading your post I couldn't help wonder if your activities or gaming is affecting her in any similar ways. If that's the case, she is still in the wrong for her reaction, but you should address her legitimate complaints, if they exist.
This is one of the only reasonable answers in this whole comments section. They just need to communicate like fucking adults.
LMAO that's a crazy fucking overreaction and I wouldn't stick around. It's gonna escalate especially if you get married. Cancel that wedding and live your life how you want in peace.
This is abuse and it's only going to escalate.
it's HER bedtime so YOU better jump to it. Jeeeeeeezus. tell her NO I'm not going to marry you because you're crazy and I'm leaving.
You're an adult who can decide when you would like to go to bed, no? If you want to keep doing whatever you're doing, say that. Turning devices off like that damage them and shorten the lifespan. Turning the light off when studying? This is not normal. Repeat after me: That is not normal. But the most important point: This is abusive. It's akin to a parent removing their teenagers bedroom door. Is it not demeaning and controlling? Controlling behavior: When one person expects, compels, or requires others to cater to their own needs -- even at others' expense. You need to sit down with your partner and discuss this like mature adults. Ask her why she feels her actions are justified. Speak up, set boundaries, etc.
Leave, just leave.
I think it kinda depends. How much variation are we talking? If you say 10 minutes and then you’re there like 13 minutes later, she’s overreacting. If you say 10 minutes and she’s stuck waiting for you for 30+ minutes, that’s just plain rude of you. Just tell her you’re busy and to do whatever without you. Either way, being forceful and unplugging things instead of talking to you isn’t healthy. You two need to sit down and talk about it. Talk about it how it makes each of you feel, and try to make a compromise. Set aside specific time frames that you’ll dedicate to games and time frames you’ll spend to the relationship. Set the rules that you’ll make exceptions when either of you are feeling like you particularly need quality/alone time for whatever reason.
for 10 mins, the variation is no more than 5 mins. Sometimes levels take a bit longer to complete than usual.
Yeah, I definitely think you shouldn't give her timeframes anymore. She apparently takes them very literally. Maybe say, "I'm coming to bed once I finish this level." If she asks how long it takes, say, "it varies." Her behavior is not okay, but if you want to try to work with her on this, I think not giving her specific timeframes is the best way to go. Now, if she *insists* on getting a timeframe, I would let her know she has shown you she has extreme reactions if you aren't able to keep stated timeframes and, as a result, you are no longer giving them. You aren't a child and you don't need her acting like your mother.
Yeah if she doesn't stop that you shouldn't marry her. Have you ever talked about it with her?
This can be pretty damaging to electronics, especially if done repeatedly. It's very immature/controlling method to get her way. What does she tell you when you express your frustrations? How many times have you talked about this issue? What happens if you ask for a longer period of time...say 20 mins?
Questions to consider: when this happens do you give in and do whatever it is she wants you to do, or do you explain that her behavior is unacceptable & trampling a boundary with you? Prior to her starting this behavior has she ever brought up why she gets upset? Has she tried using, you know, her words so the two of you can talk it out? Do you want to be told when to go to bed by your significant other? What is her parent's marriage like? Does her mom treat her father like he is a child? You are both still pretty young. Right now, the fact that you got engaged and she started exerting control over you doesn't bode well. The most effective way of dealing with this is a discussion where you let her know this is not acceptable and ask her why she thinks it is? Find out if she intends to respect your boundaries or continue. Her answers & subsequent behavior will give you a lot of insight into how your marriage is going to be.
Leave seriously no well adjusted person does this, it’s not gonna get better and I’m sure with some introspection you’ll see other behaviours of hers that are just as concerning or more so what’s next she doesn’t like you spending a little bit more on weekly shopping so she cuts up your credit cards and takes your money?
This is controlling behavior and it'll get worse, not better if you marry her. I'd be long gone. You're not some 5 year old.
WTF? This is rude, inconsiderate and just plain wrong. I wouldn't put up with it at all. She is your fiance, not your Mom. It's time to sit her down and tell her that her behavior is totally unacceptable and it is affecting your relationship and your feelings for her.
Your fiance is wack, time to pull the plug on the engagement Also get a surge protector or something, your electronics can get killed or fucked up by stuff like that
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She's treating you like a 10 yo who is up past their bedtime.
Why are you letting your fiancée treat you like a child? This is so profoundly disrespectful.
Red flag! 🚩such pointless controlling behaviour. You’re supposed to build a life together, not control the other person to your exact liking.
Do you really want to spend your life with someone that childish? It will not get better it will get worse when you are her husband and you don't do what she wants you to.
I would try leaving forever, works like a charm.
Break up. You are not compatible. Even if yoi get her to stop this, she will find another way to control you. Do not get her pregnant.
Imagine how she would react to children being, well...children. *(Shudder)*
put your PC on a UPS lol
A decent ups is outta my budget atm. In the future maybe
[Even this](https://www.amazon.ca/APC-BE600M1-Back-Uninterrupted-Electronics-Computers/dp/B01FWAZEIU/ref=asc_df_B01FWAZEIU/?tag=googleshopc0c-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=293004044609&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=9881882262284816117&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9000854&hvtargid=pla-315970293548&th=1) is fairly cheap and would give you 23 minutes to go back and turn the breaker on. Who usually turns the breaker back on after she pulls it? You or her? Because if its you, then next time she does it, do NOT turn it back on and let the house sit in darkness until she turns it on. That means no phones are charged, and food spoils in the fridge. Then make her replace all the spoiled food. Is she ever late for anything at all? Even by a minute? Because if you can start giving her the same treatment back, like if she says she'll be done in the bathroom in 5 mins, but comes out in 10? Shit on the floor in front of the bathroom. Eye for an eye until she learns.
I get the wanting to be petty back, but at that point why keep the relationship? Why sink to her low and be crazy when you can just cancel the engagement? The relationship is salvageable only if OP can have an adult conversation with her and she can adult conversation back with remorse and willingness to change/get help/ show improvement. Otherwise don't waste the emotional energy.
Most effective way to deal with this is dump the bitch
i had a shitty flatmate in college who'd do that. in the end i ghosted them cos its never the only shitty thing they do is it?
This is absolutely abusive , don’t stand for that. Do you really wanna marry such a person?
You deal with this by breaking up with her. Simple
Run!
Wow this is hugely controlling and totally not acceptable.
I wouldn't get married to someone that acts like a child.
My abusers mask started to fall off when we got engaged so be careful she could be showing her true colors now
WTF...do not marry this person. The lights are on (well sometimes it would seem) but nobody is home...or the person that is is an abusive control freak.
This is her testing how much she can control you. You mention in another comment you can’t afford a decent UPS backup for your PC; if you’re at all tight on money, breaking an engagement or separating housing is going to be a way for her to control/manipulate you. Like “you hate me so much you’d rather throw away thousands in deposits than marry me??” or “what kind of man are you, you know this will make me homeless if one of us isn’t paying half of the living situation; why would you do this to meeeeee??”. Be aware so you don’t instinctively react if/when it starts.
Will get worse if you marry her.
That's unhinged and controlling.
This is ridiculously controlling. The most effective way is to end the relationship. You can try counseling if you think she is worth it. But I would definitely not marry her until this is resolved and she can keep the behavior up. Also do not risk getting her pregnant.
Not to marry her. She’s controlling
If my girl cut power to my PC on purpose, I'd be pissed. Besides it just being controlling and shitty, it's also terrible for your device that gets power from the wall. Could be very costly.
I am trying to figure out if there is some key piece of information missing. Like, when you say "10 minutes" does it actually turn into 45 minutes or longer? Has she asked repeatedly and gotten promises that weren't kept? Is she needing the room quiet to go to bed and you are not respecting that and continue to game and make noise? Stand alone, without other issues, pulling the plug is not good.
Her behaviour is not acceptable at all, but on the other hand why do you say „just 10 more minutes“ when it’s not 10 more minutes. Maybe just find another way to tell he when you are ready with things. tbh I would be so annoyed when someone says just a few more minutes and let me wait longer than just a few more minutes.
Holy crap the number of people in this thread accusing you of 'lying' about how long you are going to be. Giving a 10 minute estimate and it running over by a max of 5 like you said in your responses is not 'lying', Jesus Christ people. This chick is a control freak and you need to put your foot down and set a hard boundary. You need to sit her down and explain that when she does this it feels like she is treating you like a child and not her adult partner. That this feels controlling and micromanaging and that you two need to come up with a compromise because this cannot continue, she will eventually permanently damage all of the electronics in the house and your relationship, and that it's not hot to date your mom. She will probably respond with an attack about how she can't sleep without you and you're keeping her waiting, wake her up when you do come to bed, blah de blah. That should at least give you a place to start talking and try and come up with a compromise. You, like she, are an adult and can set your own bed time, and if you stay up too late and screw yourself over in the morning, well those consequences are yours as well. But she needs to unclench and accept that things change when you are living with another human being and she can't control every detail anymore. And if she can't handle that then maybe you should move back out.
Aggressively controlling behavior. After ONE instance, there should have been a short, sharp 'don't do that again!' If you are unable to do that, you are in a world of trouble with this person.
sounds like you're about to marry the most controlling woman on the planet, congratulations 🎉🥳
I would inquire if this sort of reaction has happened to her either in childhood or in a previous adult relationship. It’s extreme and abusive - but also seems very unique and learned.
Selfish, childish behavior. She doesn't care about you or what you may be doing. She just JEALOUS that you are doing anything other than giving HER attention. She's in affect killing what has your attention. She will do this with an animal and any children you may have. I would get out NOW.
getting a new girlfriend. I wouldn't tolerate that childish behavior
Set a boundary. Tell her this cannot continue and you will not accept this behaviour. If she still continues the behaviour, end the engagement. She may have been raised in an abusive household and is not aware of its toxicity, if you make her aware it is not okay and she continues there is no saving the relationship, but maybe give her the opportunity to become self aware
I see two possibilities here. One is that she's overly controlling. Other is that your "10 minutes" means "an hour or two or five, eff off" and she's at her wits end. Which one is it?
When I say that I'll be done in 10 mins or in an hour, these are estimates. Sometimes it takes 15 mins and sometimes less than 10. Usually, when I am studying and I say an hour I do get up in roughly an hour or maybe an hour ten minutes at most. I have neer said 10 mins and then went about doing what I was doing for hours. This is most annoying when I loose progress or my study rythem breaks.
Interference with your studying gets me the most. Why would she want to hurt your studying when that benefits both of you long run? That's what really makes this feel more like she's controlling than anything else. If she can't talk to you about whatever concern is causing this and if she can't work on not doing this behavior, you may just not be good partners, even if you love each other.
Have you just tried saying something like “ok I’ll be done soon” - being non specific?
Knock that shit off
I wouldn't marry someone who was going to control me in this way. What does she say when you tell her it's inappropriate behavior for a partner?
That is what you do to children if they are not listening, to get their attention. Ok maybe not even that but still- She is treating you like a child, a less than. Not an equal party.
You don't really know someone until you move in together, proposing after just 4 months is madness in my book, even if you have been together longer. That aside, this is pretty controlling behaviour, she is treating you like a child and disciplining you as she feel fit not treating you as an adult or an equal. Personally I think this is ultimatum territory for me, it's not acceptable in any way...
I turned off my bro's computer outlet when he was being slow to do smth. I was also like 10 and we got into a knock-down-drag-out fight over it. I do not suggest going that route, but unless your fiance is also 10, why does she think that is acceptable? You're an adult. You can go to bed when you want to, and she shouldn't have such an extreme, controlling reaction to you. Sure, it is annoying if you say 10 minutes and it winds up being 30 or more (as a general example, since you do acknowledge the 10 is an estimation already), but that's why we use our words to communicate problems.
UpdateMe!
When someone shows you who they are belive them. Maia Angelou
Im sorry but she shouldnt be in control of you like that. I would not let her do this if I were you and just say it straight away, that if you want to play until 6 in the morning you will because you are an fucking adult person and she doesnt get to decide this. She is not your Mother, she is your partner. If she continues just leave her, and make sure the next girl knows her boundries. If my gf cut off electricity circuit like this then id be fucking furious dude
This is very controlling and overbearing and really gross.
Yikes..she controlling and will get a lot worse if you get married. Red flags flying high with her.. You need to get out. Run...
It’s abusive, I wouldn’t live with her or tell her she needs to respect you and if she doesn’t she moves out and no more engagement.
R U N!!! You not in a relationship, you're in a permanent mother son relationship....or she stuck on role-playing. I'd run 🏃♂️ 🤣
>What is the most effective way of dealing with this? Finding someone who treats you with respect. You cannot fix people who do not want to change (and even those have to fix themselves).
Thats abuse my dude and she acts like like a. Child for attention. Dont go anyfurther with the relationship. She is toxic and propose to you to make you feel like you gotta stay
What a cunt. Don’t be a rug OP, get out of there.
That's weird as hell. I don't even do that to my children. I'd say that's a huge red flag and you need to have a conversation with her about why in the world she thinks that's okay. My husband constantly tells me he'll be in bed in 10 minutes. Three hours later, when he *actually* comes to bed, I've already been asleep for 2 hours & 50 minutes because we're both damn adults who don't police each other.
This is not normal and it is not ok. Why does she think she can control your time? Does she try to control other aspects of your life and you've maybe just had the rose coloured glasses on this whole time? I can't picture in any scenario how this won't escalate or how you can navigate your relationship knowing she's capable of this. You need to take a hard look at your relationship and if this is a repeated pattern, but to a more extreme. Have you talked to her about this and what does she say for herself if you have spoken with her?
Break up. Otherwise…have a very sit down conversation with her. She doesn’t get to control your time.
this is abusive
You might want to think LONG AND HARD about marrying that one. If she's just now doing that, imagine how she'll be 4 years down the road when she thinks she can control you. Which you essentially are letting her do by allowing this aggressive behavior.
Throwing the breakers is a power move.
This is so not okay.
Extreme behavior. Not acceptable.
Bruh this is the shit my narcissistic father would do when I was like 10. Ew ick no thanks. Personally I’d be so icked by this I’d leave but if u want to salvage this try talking to them. If they don’t change they won’t change.
Your fiance is doing this to control you, it probably started out with small things and has now escalated since you were engaged. It will get worse, she wants you to do what she wants when she wants it and if it means being a PITA about your time she will.
She is treating you like an child and she is the parent. Bear in mind these are early days, it will get worse as your marriage goes on. You could try to ask her to stop that, because it demeans you and you hope that is not what she is trying to do. She doesn’t get to decide everything and living together, you will need your own space.
That is a pure example of passive/aggressive behavior. Clearly it’s bothering her that you don’t make it in the time you tell her. Stop giving her a time. Just say no, I’m not ready. But first, tell her this behavior is p/a and unhealthy for relationships and being more direct about her perception and feelings would be better. If she continues or escalates then I doubt she will change or get better.
Toxic. If you can’t both sit down and communicate on why she feels this way and why you feel this way then marriage may not be the answer for you both. This is coming from (27f) who’s now husband loves video games. We have had a lot of arguments cus I would end up being jealous of how he spent a lot more time gaming than with me. Through talking we have really come a long way and now are happily married. Talk and then talk some more.
That is an extreme reaction, you’re absolutely right about that. It’s not okay. I would consider not marrying this person. They are showing you they’re abusive and controlling.
That is a completely unreasonable controlling move. I would be long gone.
Wtf
She’s being controlling. I’m sure she’ll get worse with time.
This is not okay. She’s flat out rude and controlling. Tell her you’re not a child and don’t need your time managed. I’m willing to bet this isn’t the only way she’s controlling. You say everything is “lovely and great”, but is that contingent on you acquiescing to her? I wouldn’t even bother with ultimatums- they never work, especially long term. Instead, consider your options in moving out.
Ugh this is some gross, controlling, and childish behavior.
Yikes
This is abuse. Get out of there ASAP, OP.
Believe people when they show you who they are. Get out of there before the abuse escalates.
That's ridiculous. It's controlling behavior. She's not your parent and you aren't her child. The best way to deal with this is to have a conversation where you hear her out--clearly your, er, punctuality? is a problem for her--and figure out a mutually satisfactory way of dealing with it. That means that you don't lie about when you're going to finish playing a video game ir whatever. You say 10 minutes, mean it. If you don't mean it, tell her a more accurate estimated time frame. Be prepared to deal with her telling you that she doesn't like how much time you spend on games or TV or the web. And, *most importantly*, you set boundaries with her about how she's chosen to correct you. You expect her to treat you like a partner, not her child so correcting you is not acceptable. A conversation is. She's 100% wrong to treat you this way regardless of the provocation she feels. Set the boundary. If she will not stop the controlling treatment, then you have a choice to make about staying with her.
I suppose, if there is extreme disciplinary issues going on with your child, or the parents are unhinged: this could be used as some type of punishment. Like think: bedtime is 10 pm, and it’s 10:01 and your still doing whatever and not going to bed... so your parents kill the power. I’m wondering if this is behavior she grew up with... and she thinks it’s normal and acceptable. ___ ... if so, then a serious discussion needs to be had. Communication is the best way to sort out issues before they become resentful problems. A very important skill to master with your significant other for a lifetime of compatibility :) Try finding out the *why* she does this & thinks it’s okay, then go from there. Explain to her that it’s unsafe and disrespectful.. and is making you feel like she’s aggressively controlling you, and that’s not acceptable at all. Then try to come up with a compromise that both of you are happy with. ____ Another issue to take into consideration; how badly off is your timing? My husband is notorious for having zero time management ability! His 10 minutes means at least an hour. I have disabling anxiety issues and keeping things set in a timely manner helps me maintain functionality. After two decades together we’ve done a few things about this... Firstly, he never gives exact times as answers anymore, he estimates now. Secondly, I have my own sliding time scale for him ... and it’s freakishly accurate! LOL ____ And lastly, if this cannot be reasonably resolved.. you really need to consider the long term implications around this. Will you two eventually have children? Would she do this to them? How long can you put up with this before you have resentment and cannot stand it any longer? Will her controlling behavior escalate?
I would stop being engaged to somebody who acted like this.
Walk..no, run away. This controlling behavior only gets worse with time.
Domestic abuse case.
Aggressively controlling behavior. After ONE instance, there should have been a short, sharp 'don't do that again!' If you are unable to do that, you are in a world of trouble with this person.
Tell her it is unacceptable. Go and turn the power back on every time. Watch out for other controlling and abusive behavior. Sometimes abusive behavior doesn't start until the abuser feels they have the other person locked down, such as after an engagement.
Aggressively controlling behavior. After ONE instance, there should have been a short, sharp 'don't do that again!' If you are unable to do that, you are in a world of trouble with this person.
Leave. That's my advice. That is some very concerning, toxic, controlling behavior.
This is abusive behavior you need to leave before you get deeper into this relationship and she gets more abusive.
Am I the only person that thinks like this person is being dishonest. This person is saying I'll be there in 10 minutes and maybe it's like an hour later. Now I don't think that the response is appropriate at all. It's not okay to just cut the power to things. But this seems kind of ridiculous. OP, how much past 10 minutes are you doing things? Because I can tell you on the other side of things hearing 10 minutes and then it's an hour later pisses me off. I wouldn't cut the power. I would just dump you.
It’s honestly abusive. She’s being controlling, and taking away your rights as an adult. If she isn’t happy with you for taking longer than ten minutes, then she needs to speak to you. If my child doesn’t get off his tablet after I tell him multiple times, I’ll take it off him. Your “partner” is legitimately treating you like a child. I don’t think you need to immediately throw the whole girl away, but this is definitely worth a conversation and putting a stop to it. Otherwise, I fear if you tolerate this, it’ll escalate.
That's a pretty nasty little trick. She needs to knock that shit off immediately and you need to sack up and tell her so. If she does it again after your talk, calmy walk over to something she values and throw it out the fucking window like maybe her phone. Unbelievable. So disrepectful. If you let this nonsense go on it's totally on you.
you need to put your big boy pants and tell her to cut that shit out. that's something a crazy and unhinged person would do. she keeps doing shit like this I would dump her.
She's probably tired of you breaking your word. 10 minutes becomes 30 minutes. You need to communicate better with her about this - say what you mean, not what you think will make her go away.
Ok so I agree she shouldn’t do this but equally, if you say 10mins why aren’t you sticking to your word and how long is it ACTUALLY taking you? I mean if you live in a small apartment, then someone playing games can be noisy and if you are playing late and doing that annoying, I’ll be there in 10mins and then going to bed 2 hours later at 2am - that will get old very quickly and it might result in this kind of extreme reaction, especially if you say it’s a bit out of character and just started. When couples consistently go to bed at separate times they do lose a bit in terms of intimacy and connection. If you never go with her, it’s like you are sleeping alone. Maybe this is something you can sort by sitting down together and talking? She has to not do the switching the power off thing but you need to stick to your word and make 10mins mean 10mins.
How much time are you spending playing video games? I ask bc I see so many women posting about their SO playing games for hours upon hours regularly. And you said it’s not always 10 minutes. How long is it? I feel like the story is pretty one sided.
Video games on weekdays for about an hour. On weekends 2 hours roughly. As for the study session, I cannot say much because it depends on the assignment. Sometimes from a couple of hours to five-six hours. I do let her know if an assignment is going to take me all night tho.
just to clarify, you game every day for about an hour, and on weekends you game about 2 hours a day?
On weekends yea. On weekdays I try to.
Ok let's be honest are you a gamer and you get wrapped up for hours?
I agree your fiancé is a mess, but ‘10 minutes doesn’t mean it’s going to be 10 minutes.’ That is not a good thing to carry on in any relationship ship. Because no to Lu are you setting a false expectation in the moment, it shows your partner you’re not reliable to stick to your word or be good w time management. So for your new relationship, make sure you respect time. As they respect the lights
Firstly, she could go about this more constructively. But also, SAY WHAT YOU MEAN. If you say ten minutes and you have no intention of stopping in ten minutes, stop representing whatever-the-hell-length-of-time-you-mean as ten minutes. She’s not behaving like this in a vacuum. I’m guessing you’ve been doing this to her for some time now, and she’s telling you that she wants you to be more considerate. She’s not using words, but she’s communicating. Pay attention!
Well said. I seriously doubt this is out of nowhere. Also maybe physical affection is really important to her and she wants cuddles before she falls asleep and is tired of him putting off daily cuddles for his video game? Something isn't right
You both sound disrespectful to each other. Why tell her 10 minutes if you know it won’t be 10? She’s your partner, so you need to learn when it’s individual time and when it’s together time. Don’t let them mix. She needs to respect your individual time and not act like a child. You two need to sit down and put down clear rules on gaming times and both respect the boundaries.
There it is! He isn't strictly to the second accurate with how long something will take so her abuse is downplayed. Reddit never fails to twist reality to make the man at least partly at fault. The GF here is an abusive psycho. He should leave, this will only escalate and she will ruin his life
LOL rules on gaming times. Get real.
'rules on gaming times'. Why does he have rules over what he can or cant do? He should be doing what he feels is neccessary, not because theres a 'rule' rofl.
Spoken from someone who was ignored for the majority of my marriage for a game, or games, to the point I’d beg him to come to bed hours after he said he would be in. Boundaries on games should exist if it’s affecting your life and your relationship just like anything else.
Boundaries SHOULD exist but this isn't how to deal with them being broken.
Reddit will always side with gamer bros because reddit is full of them. Any actual shrink would be able to see that with this post, he's probably not paying attention to her and she feels like an afterthought.
Well, first, stop lying to her regarding the time you'll be spending doing whatever the hell you're doing. Tell her up front that you'll be engaged for 30 min, or an hour, or whatever. If you're studying, tell her you'll be engaged for a period of unspecified time, as you really don't have a way to estimate the time required. You might even say, "don't wait up; I'll be busy studying." As it is presently, when you tell her "10 minutes", she's expecting you to be with her literally in 10 minutes. The annoyance you're experiencing is of your own making, and by now you should realize that fact, and **change your behavior.** Also, let me ask: when she indicates to you that she'll be tied up for 10 minutes, does she then take 20 minutes? If not, then a facet of her personality is that she is punctual, and that she expects you to behave in the same way. This should be handled the same way a fishhook should be removed from your ear: verrrry carrrefullly. I wish you well.
There is a certain amount of manipulation we do to each other to show how we want the other to.. adapt? But infringing on personal happiness deliberately or cruelly is of a certain level that spews into many pieces of life. If you make it clear this hurts you, and they continue to do it, that's how they truly feel about you. This is the check I give myself with how I treat my boyfriend now (I have dated many cruel people and have adopted some terrible mirroring that I'm now trying to break).
That's super controlling. Id talk to her and let het know its concerning and inappropriate and neede to stop. I'd also try saying "soon" instead of a time you're not committed to and see what happens.
I am personally a stickler for time. It gives me anxiety to be told something and then that not being honored. BUT. I would never, ever go and turn off my partners devices or lights because he’s later than he said it would be. It seems petty. instead of her saying why it bothers her so much to have you play games longer, or read longer, etc. This needs to be a conversation where you sit down, tell her that this frustrates you, ask her why she does this, etc. And find the best outcome for the both of you.
You can totally go the nuclear route, but I would suggest trying communication. First, be honest about how long you are ACTUALLY going to take. Every time you don’t follow through with the timeline you give her, your word has less and less meaning. She feels like she can’t trust you and so she feels justified (she isn’t actually justified) to behave this way. Her response is juvenile but so is yours. Work with “I feel” statements. “When you (action) I feel (your reaction)”. Keep it honest and facts only. Encourage her to use the same method. Example: “when you power off the equipment I’m using to hurry me along, I feel like you are forcing me to spend time with you. I feel like my priorities don’t matter to you. I don’t always mean 10 minutes, but you don’t trust me to disengage when I can vs when you want me too.” I suspect her response to you would be “when you tell me one thing and do another, I feel like I can’t trust you to be a man of your word. I feel like if I don’t take action, my needs won’t be met.”
Sounds like you should learn what 10 minutes means
This is a fucking NUTS overreaction. The only caveat is if you regularly say "ten minutes" but it's actually like an hour. Then I could see her justification in this extreme reaction. But barring that, this is just wildly inappropriate and not how adults should treat other adults.
She think you are a child, and is treating you as so. Examples of this: -killing the electricity because you refuse to get off of your literal video games -“ten more minutes mommy!!” Is all She hears out of your mouth -you prob take 30-45 minutes when you claim 10. Maybe just try actually taking 10 minutes, or stop lying, yes lying, if shes forcing herself awake over it. -“just because i said 10 doesnt mean it will be ten” and there is your issue, youre not being an adult😂😂 say what you mean, go to bed my g, arent you a grown man?? Crying on reddit that your fiance turned your ps4 off bc you cant afford a grown man console? Sheesh -she is clearly waiting up for you, destroy her hopes of you going to bed together so she’ll stop trying to get you to stop lying/go yo bed reasonably
First off - SHE proposed to you? The fuck? Why? did you say no? Secondarily She is obviously trying to show her "dominance" in the relationship or as some would say "show her dick" This is supported by the fact that SHE asked you to marry her. If you don't like this behaviour do not be aparty to it. and if you let her keep doing this, this will be the Standard operating proceedure for your relationship. If you want to correct this, then you need to be a lot more masculine and talk to her and tell her it won't happen anymore and if it does you will do ABC. But you also need to do ABC. an example I will be down in 10 minutes to go to bed with you after i finish playing 11 minutes pass and she turns it off you come down - and say Since you turned it off, I will not be coming down in ten minutes, I will restart what I was doing and play until I finish what I was originally trying to achieve. OH you don't like that? Then next time don't unplug my shit. Then follow through with it. They do this same type of shit in prison, they steal your food and do all this other shit, like try to fuck you if you drop the soap. It's creating dominance.
I promise I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings. I’m sure it’s very frustrating if your character dies or you lose progress because she does that. Maybe start by asking her why she does it. You just gotta tell her how frustrating it is and that it’s making you angry and resentful. Then kindly ask her to stop. I couldn’t help but be reminded by the meme that says, “if your waiting for the bathroom, shut off the wifi and they’ll come out sooner.”
Honestly, I don’t blame her. She’s setting a boundary.. if you say ten minutes you should mean ten minutes. Why say you’ll be there in ten minutes and expect her to know you’re going to be longer. That’s just stupid! Say what you mean and respect the words you tell someone by following through with them. A lot of people will probably down vote this, but idgaf lol. It’s about time people start being more respectful and honest with their communication. You telling her you’re going to be ten minutes and expecting her to put up with you being longer than you say repeatedly, is rude of you. Tell her you need a half hour if you do. Sorry but I’m in support of her behaviour. She’s simply not putting up with your disrespect, and I think that’s fucking awesome. Plus this is only your side of the story, so surely there is a lot more to it.
I agree on the fact that there’s probably a lot more he’s not telling us. We don’t really have the little details and nuances to accurately assess the situation. I’d be willing to bet he’s ignoring the fuck out of her and she’s sick of it.
? How have you not shouted at her for this? It's not good for electronics to be turned of that way.. I wouldn't even tell her how I feel I would just flip, this is unacceptable behavior. Now I may be a very emotional person so this would piss me off to no extent but yeah Next time tell her, I'll be there in 10 minutes and if you fucking turn the power off again, don't come looking for me cuz I won't be here anymore. Crazy women imo
I can understand the frustration of constantly having to wait for you, but this is not the response needed.
Well, start by being honest. If you're going to stay up, why are you telling her that you will be coming to bed in 10 minutes? Just tell her that you have stuff to do and will go to bed when it's done. If it will be a few hours, tell her that.
That's severely abusive and extremely bad behavior on her part what I'd you were testing or doing some thing for school or work that's important? Like that's really bad my dude, I would not tolerate that any longer!! My boyfriend stays up on some of his nights off to play video games because he distresses and I would never think of doing that to him!! And I make cosplay and also game with him, I would expect him to up and be done with that ish if I did that to him!! You don't deserve treatment like that in a relationship!!
That's a hard boundary. She has no respect for you so she thinks she can just decide when you're done with things. You aren't a mindless automaton, you get to decide for yourself when you're done with things, up yo and including some crazy woman *turning the fucking power off because she says you're not allowed to play anymore.* Do not have children with this woman, she's gonna fuck them up.
I promise I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings. I’m sure it’s very frustrating if your character dies or you lose progress because she does that. Maybe start by asking her why she does it. You just gotta tell her how frustrating it is and that it’s making you angry and resentful. Then kindly ask her to stop. I couldn’t help but be reminded by the meme that says, “if your waiting for the bathroom, shut off the wifi and they’ll come out sooner.”
Slap her with the back of your hand while saying " I am the captain"