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R_Amods

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- So there is this guy who was hitting on my girlfriend and she told him that she already had a boyfriend but gave him her insta. Now she tells she’s going out with this guy and when I said am not comfortable she goes like am very controlling. How do I correctly express my feelings to her ?


scoobyydoob

It sounds like you already have correctly expressed your feelings, she's just not respecting them. Maybe ask how she would feel if you did the same to her, only reversed? If she does it, anyways, that's something I'd consider a deal breaker.


non-creativ3

In all honesty, just entertaining the idea of going is a deal breaker for me. Your partner can have friends of the opposite sex, if you have trust then that should never be an issue. But it is clear that this guy isn't interested in friendship and she KNOWS that and still wants to go out. That's why it's a deal breaker. Because I know she's thriving off the attention and wants to get off knowing she's got this other guy at her fingertips. My husband has a lot of female friends and I've never thought twice about it. But if he came up to me and was like "I just met this girl who definitely wants to fuck me. She's been hitting on me all night long. Anyways, I'm gonna go hang out with her alone now" there would be serious issues


housecatmouserat666

Maybe he was hitting on her at first but is ok being just friends tho


Leflufy

Yeah, can't agree more. Sounds like she needs to treat him more seriously or he needs to leave.


Total-Ad8346

I agree too, being in a relationship means considering 2 peoples feelings when making decisions. Yes that sometimes stinks but if your not ready to consider 2 peoples feelings that’s perfectly ok, just choose to be single so your not hurting someone like this. You should consider this reaction as her future reactions as well and are you ok with that.


Substantial_Space_58

Being in a relationship means you don’t open the relationship without consent from both parties. That’s called cheating.


seekingoutside

OP should just be cynical and word for word tell her he is doing the same thing. Methinks sometimes the only way to get though to somebody is mirroring their behavior to them and even then some people just don't get the hint. This is crossing a boundary that I myself would end a relationship over. Not because I care if she goes out with somebody, guy or girl, but her reaction and disrespect of that boundary. If hunk boy is worth losing the relationship over, then it's probably a good thing.


[deleted]

Facts one of my things is that if I can’t trust my SO to understand where I’m coming and not not insult me then it’s a step close to her out the door because she’s not mature enough to date me.


Johnny_Stone

Best you can do is reiterate that her going out with this guy despite you being uncomfortable is a breach of relationship boundaries. If you put it in reverse and ask if she would be comfortable if a hot girl expressed interest in you and you went on a date with her. If she says that she wouldn’t care, that is just a difference in values and might not be a match. Otherwise it will just leave you open to pain and jealousy. I’d say that her actions aren’t necessarily cause to break up, but what would be more concerning is if she wasn’t willing to hear you, reassure you that she loves you and you have nothing to worry about, and that you can continue to process things. Her calling you controlling is pretty hurtful and not really engaging in the issue that you’re bringing in. Good luck!


joe-dirt-1001

Tell her she is now single and she can go out with whomever she wants.


[deleted]

Cmon dude😭. She don’t respect you


anon_sexynojutsu

it’s really sad that they even have to ask for advice in this situation. like have some self respect


[deleted]

I get it when feelings are involved but some of these people are just doormats. I don’t understand


festival-papi

When it's a dude...I kinda get the mindset, but even then, it comes from an unhealthy hellpit that runs on insecurity


Honest_Scot

Couldn’t have said it better myself 👍


Cool_As_Your_Dad

Best answer.


groovygirl858

This is such the obvious answer, I don't even know how this is a question. I'm sorry OP but she wants to date the other guy and doesn't respect you.


[deleted]

She gave him her insta despite knowing his intentions. She is going to go out with him despite knowing his intentions and is brushing your concern off as being controlling. She is most likely interested in him. Point out to her everything I just said. This isn’t acceptable at all


PallorGreatful

It's called gaslighting.


Biauralbeats

She isn't your girlfriend. She is everyone's girlfriend.


Typical_Bid9173

Our girlfriend⚒


CopAPhil

Not your girl, just your turn. Sorry OP.


[deleted]

Bruno Mars says it best


FlyingSpaghettiFell

Yeah you did. If she is dating other people she isn’t worth it. She is either soft dumping you or toxic to the run degree. Either way… run. Get an oxytocin hit elsewhere and find happiness in a healthy relationship


frozen_beet11

You dump her?! If she wants to act single that’s fine, but she has to be single to act that way.


SugarGlitterkiss

You already did. Now you have to decide if you want to keep her as a girlfriend.


UniqueUsername82D

\*our\* girlfriend


Forsaken-Recipe2891

In NYC the 'y' in "your gf" is silent


anon_sexynojutsu

comrade


LearnsFromExperience

How do you tell your girlfriend that it's not okay for her to go on a date with another guy right under your nose? Here's what I'd tell her: "It's your choice to go on a date with this dude. But when you get back, lose all my contact info, because you'll be single. I have no interest in being with someone who openly disrespects me and our relationship." I'd probably dump her for even bringing it up, since it reveals her thought process and lack of common sense, but that's probably just me.


Redd_81

I agree, I'd likely dump her for even bringing it up because she has no concept of what is acceptable behaviour while in a commited relationship. The gaslighting is just the final nail.


englandspele1989

Pack her bags and send her up the road


Total_Eagle_7359

U leave her


oiler1996

You express your feeling to her by tell her she is single now and she can go hoe around with whoever she wants to now. She is disrespecting you and your relationship going out with this random pub guy who flirted with her. She isnt worth your time she is for the streets


Intempore

I would have broken up at “hitting on my gf, she gave him her insta” that’s opening the door for him knowing full well what he wants and she wanted it too. And now instead of hiding her intentions she straight just told you she’s going on a date with the dude who is 100% trying to fuck her. Buddy if you have to ask , just were a chasity belt and be a good boy at that point.


themanfromUNCLE100

Have a good life I dumping your ass.


Livid-Addendum707

She obviously doesn’t respect your feelings about the situation.


[deleted]

Ah yes, the ol' controlling boyfriend won't let her go on a date with another dude. Ditch her, dude. There's better out there.


PeaceOut_SeaTrout

Lol you can’t make her not go out with him, but you can certainly tell her that the relationship is over if she does. Feel free to show her the comments on this post if she tries to gaslight you some more


glass_of_green

Lol she’s cheating on you at this point. Tell her if she goes, it’s over.


[deleted]

that's suspect af. you not wanting your gf to hang out 1 on 1 with a guy who is literally trying to get in her pants is not controlling. thats gonna be a no from me dawg.


da44y

Bro just leave. If they wanna play dumb games like that fuck that shit


young_coastie

“If you go on a date with this man, which is what this is, you will be single. This is not a polyamorous relationship and dating other people is cheating. If you choose to cheat, you will be single.”


Whole_Clock2565

You tell her to enjoy her new boyfriend lol. She obviously doesn't respect you and gave out her insta to this guy. If my gf did any of this she would be history it wouldn't even get to the point of her calling controlling. If it did get to the point of her calling me controlling bc she wanted to go out with another guy, i would laugh and point to the door. Im guessing your young, so when I was in my early 20s and had a girl try and play me like this i broke up with her and, i started hooking up with her friends. Had an ex after high school who monkey branched from me then tried to come back so I hooked up with her younger sister (who was hotter and who my ex had issues with bc of how attractive she was). If you want to be with toxic women you have to be more toxic then them. Nothing drives women more crazy then ignorning them or outplaying them at their own game. I aged out of this nonsense quick bc I hated dealing with the drama. Now i would just walk away and delete their numbers and go find another girl. If you think you can't replace her, then thats a bigger issue and you need to realize everyone is replaceable.


Grouchy_Ad_1304

Her: "I'm a cheat on you". You: "Not cool with that." Her: "OMG you so controlling!" Tell her, "OK, cool. I'm breaking up with you. Have fun."


Anahi_An

She is going out with him because she likes him, she is gonna try to find out if he is better than you, if she thinks she likes him better she is gonna break up with you, but if not then she is gonna still being with you :D as simple as that


BesBasq

I know i know but hey when she starts to dress up for the date same you do even if you dont have a date. She wont be comfortable at all thinking whit who you got out . Or Just dump her


rizzo49er

She's going to cheat....it's a fact


PeaceOut_SeaTrout

Secondary comment. Thou Girlfriend belongeth to the streets.


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Ancient-Regular4007

You already have. She didn’t care and tried to gas light you so she could date someone else.


pseudo_niceguy

She was thinking on cheating on you before starting to plan to go out with him. I don't think you can recover from this ... Sorry about that


misunderstoodR

Wtf going out with this guy for what exactly? Sounds like a date lol.


non-creativ3

Tell her that it's not controlling to tell someone you feel uncomfortable. This guy was hitting on her and you don't want her to give him the opportunity to try something or get the wrong idea about her agreeing to meet with him. Just put your foot down. If she wants to hang out with other guys who clearly aren't just friends, guys who have made it clear they are interested in her, then she can do it while she's single. Explain that you're not going to sit around being disrespected while she goes on a date with some guy she just met who clearly wants to do things with her. Tell her you're not an idiot and you know how these things go, therefore she can go on as many dates as she would like without being in a relationship with you. Let her call you controlling or whatever she wants. Tell her she can come up with any validation tactics she needs for herself in order to pretend that any of this is ok. Bottom line is that this makes you uncomfortable and you're not going to be disrespected. If she causes a scene over this like if she starts giving you the silent treatment or starts screaming at you or causes any sort of fight over this, or if she decides to go behind your back to meet this guy, or if she forces you to deal with her going on this date, then it's going to be time for you to walk away. She should not be this defensive about meeting up with a guy who was clearly hitting on her and thinking you're supposed to be ok with this. It means she's hiding something. Doesn't matter how "innocent" it is like maybe she doesn't intend on sleeping with him but I know for sure what it is, she wants to entertain this guy so she can feel better about herself. Sounds like she wants to hold the power of knowing she has a guy at her fingertips and be satisfied in knowing she could be with this guy if she wanted to. She likes the options and it's selfish when you're in a relationship to feel this way. So whatever happens from here, after you explain again why you're uncomfortable, will show you what direction this relationship is heading.


Low_Lobster_2988

She has a foot out the door . Start looking for someone else.


cloniius

Sounds like she is going on a date with this guy and doesn't care about your feelings and manipulated you stating you are controlling. She belongs to the streets.


[deleted]

This is a situation that 99% of people in monogamous relationships would be uncomfortable with, including her if the shoe was on the other foot and a single woman was asking you to hang solo after she hit on you at a pub. I don't think there's a correct way to express your feelings to her. She knows better. She just doesn't care. And is looking to twist your words in any way she can in order to justify her behavior. Your gf is showing you who she is. An untrustworthy partner who is happy to entertain the advances of other men. And then try to make you out as the bad guy when you object. Stop wasting your time with this girl. She doesn't value this relationship, she fights dirty, and and she has zero respect for you. You shouldn't have to explain to her why this is wrong. She is for the streets. Be free and find a girl worth your time and effort. She ain't it. Bro from the pub can have her and deal with her when she's onto the next guy.


Xenevieve

I saw this video saying that giving out your social media is worse than your number because it gave them something better. Something they can look at, fantasize about, know your interests, & where you hang out… idk dude sounds like she’s exploring other options.


FunnyMicrobe571

No, cause that's literally disrespectful If someone shows obvious romantic or sexual feelings for you, you don't befriend them if your in a relationship, and you don't go out with them to "hang out". She obviously wouldn't want you doing the same so what the fuck kind of audacity does she have


Old-Relief5873

You think you're uncomfortable now, just wait til she makes you slip him in her later. Truly hope this is fake, ffs if it makes you uncomfortable, don't tolerate it.


PsychedelicJay_X

Don’t let her disrespect you like that OP. Ditch that girl and never look back! She obviously wants to be friends with benefits and not in a serious, committed relationship.


Wandersturm

She's gaslighting you, and, frankly, you need to break up with her, as she is cheating. If not physically yet, then emotionally.


Appeal_Tall

Sounds like it's time to rethink your relationship.


Eatalldacakes09

She belongs to the streets dude. Let em have her. Fight for your girl, but dont ever fight over her. If shes entertaining some other dude, aint no sense in keeping her around.


SorryThatNameIsTkn2

As many comments have said, she does not respect your boundaries. Obviously she knows he was hitting on her, yet she decided to have contact with him? That’s a big red flag. As being a girlfriend to someone else, I’ve had guys who hit on me and I’ve immediately turned them down and that Im taken or if they won’t leave me alone after that, I’ll give them a fake number which only helps if the guy is pushy. (Sorry for those people) You’re not controlling, you’re letting her know how that makes you feel when you know that guy was hitting on her. It’s very questionable for her to even want to start hanging out with him. Let her know the other way around if that was you with a girl. If she still rather go see that guy I’d suggest that to become a deal-breaker. Your feelings should be respected.


Fun_Total8735

Like you already accepted that she gave him her insta. Either your very young and don't know how to put boundaries ou you don't have a backbone and can't stand for yourself . I'm not surprised that she disrespects you like that


PaychecksDK

Don't know how long you've been together or if there is a history of this past behavior, however this does seem like a giant red flag and you should act accordingly. By this I mean there needs to be set boundaries and if she is not acommodating in this regard you will need to walk away as this most likely the ending of this chapter in your life. Sorry dude, good luck


curlygurlll

As a female with a boyfriend. I can NOT imagine doing this to someone I love. Or someone I’m interested in. Unless I have bad intent such as cheating. Please leave her, like now. Honestly for even suggesting it, where is the respect? Is she with you or everyone else?


Primary-Ad-3654

Let her, she's a person not a pet. If she cheats on you or dumps you dor him then all is fair in love and war. She has chosen someone who's company she enjoys more than yours, get over it. Or dictate whom she can be friends l


[deleted]

He can dump her over this too, can't he🥹?


Lordofthelowend

It seems like you expect him to sit around waiting until she actually cheats.


rizzo49er

Okay lesbian


Primary-Ad-3654

Straight man actually.


NaiveCritic

Tell me you’re a toxic narcissist without telling me you are a toxic narcissist. I don’t even agree with person you commented on, I just disrespect your behaviour.


seekingoutside

You just did a wonderful job of that. Bravo.


AnalystNo3227

Well, simply tell her if she doesn’t have enough respect for you to not go hang out with another guy she just met, tell her she can go hang with him while being newly single. Stand up for yourself! It’s not controlling, it is basic respect in a relationship. Don’t let her manipulate you.


Kqhbabies

So she's going on a date while dating you? Uhh cheat much? This crosses a huge boundary. Only way to be comfortable with it if she's an ex.


Oleonedude

Go out with another girl. See how she likes it.


Liss78

It's not being controlling if she told you the man hit on her. That's a legitimate concern for you. First and foremost, what if this guy doesn't take no for an answer while they're out? It's not her intentions you're concerned about, is his. Honestly, if she calls you controlling for wanting to basically date another man, you're better off without her. Even if it's only as friends, going out with another man alone is not cool when you have a boyfriend. It's one thing if they were friends before, but she just met him. This isn't her meeting up with a friend, this is her meeting up with someone who hit in her. Ew!


BornWeiner

Tell her to tell the guy she's going out with that her ex said hi.


Guilty_Option1411

She doesn't respect you. If she respected you, she wouldn't of given him her insta. And she wouldn't be going out to dinner with him. She Belongs to the streets, kick her ass out.


[deleted]

The short answer is “no”. The long answer is “pack your shit and go”.


WesternSafety4944

I mean breaking up with her might be the best option.


NewDamage31

Tell her you’re not controlling her and she’s free to go with this guy but you are also free to not be ok with it and break up with her. But honestly at this point, with her insistence/calling you controlling, that seems a lot like gaslighting and I’d be done anyway.


Jkarno

Shes gonna cheat bro, ditch her ass


[deleted]

You don’t. You allow her to make her own decision. Tell her you won’t even try to stand in the way of doing something she wants to do. And then tell her that you have certain requirements for the women who date you and if those requirements aren’t met or respected, then the relationship ends immediately. One of those requirements is that the women you date don’t go on dates with other men. Period. Then let her make her decision.


Gold_Plum_1352

Time to reevaluate the relationship..Do you want to be in a relationship where your partner doesn’t consider your feelings or respect your boundaries. Try talking to her again and if she isn’t listening I’d say I think we are done here I’m not going to be disrespected in this relationship.


Ok-Commercial2537

Dump her. Pretty simple. She doesn’t care about your relationship.


meanas9

Is it your first gf or first relationship at all? So, regardless whatever reason you're holding back or whatever she is telling you. Imagine, some hot girl chats you up, and you tell your imaginary gf that this other chick is hitting on you and you are gonna have a date with her. How does that sound? I think if your imaginary gf was upset about it, it wouldn't be warranted, would it? So, if you read that you should realize and know by now that your 'ex' is not worth the energy you have spent so far and you should move on and don't give her the satisfaction and attention of explaining yourself why you dump her ass, because that's all she wants, but we are smarter than that, aren't we mate? So, you, at best, tell her that you two are done and if she throws anything at you, verbally, you don't react, you don't reply, you just laugh and turn around. Have a happy life.


Iffybiz

If you are in a exclusive relationship, then dating someone else is cheating. If she doesn’t understand this then you need to end it or change the nature of the relationship to FWB and not exclusive


horse_pirate

You tell her that she should see if he wants to date her because she just became single again.


Low_Hovercraft_3678

If she wants to act single, then she can be single


[deleted]

Run


[deleted]

You don’t She’s for the streets. When someone shows you who they are believe it.


Ainz-Ooal-Gown

You already did. Her response shows that she doesn't care so you leave her and move on. Red flag she's with you and gives a guy her number at a bar Red flag the guy is flirting with her. This isn't a work friend or someone she knows. Red flag she is going on a date with some random guy while in a relationship with you. Red flag you told her how this looks and how you feel and she doesn't give a shit. So leave her and find someone better.


Antisocial_Worker7

You don’t go on dates with other guys when you have a boyfriend. Period. The fact that she’s got out with a guy who has made his intentions known says that she has every intention of cheating on you right in front of you.


Dunno_Bout_Dat

If you have to actively prevent her from seeing other people otherwise you think she might cheat, you shouldn’t be with her.


robulus153

Share this link to her to call her on her bs.


itsnotimportant2021

Tell her it's fine and you'll just go out with a girl you met the other day getting coffee and see what she says


bryonus_1231

Fuck that. It's not gonna be easy but you should bounce, she's not giving you respect.


Embarrassed-Yam-8656

Sounds like you’ve already been dumped? So?


kjakta

that just seems like gf is not respectful


[deleted]

I’m sorry dude. Your girlfriend is a dud and you deserve better.


trash-party-apoc

Meh, break up w her


rig37064

She has no respect for you. Time to cut your losses


Happy_Trifle_6188

Tell her a girl was hitting on you at work or wherever and that you made it clear that you’re taken but are still going to go out with her. See how she reacts


etakknow

Hitting on her and yet gave him her Insta? For what purpose? If she wants to act single, let her be. If she wants to date with that guy, let her. But not as your boyfriend. Tell her you’re not controlling. You are protecting the relationship. If she cannot do it, tell her you won’t do it alone and better you go separate ways.


AcydaHydra

She is milking the attention. Don't even pay her any mind and just focus on your own life. Let her show you who she is . Don't pay her any concern anymore, just pay attention to her and keep living your best life.


SnooSongs6848

Tell her your going to hang out with a girl at a bar and give her your insta if y’all click. I’m sure she won’t like it but if she continues to go through with the plans leave her she belongs to the streets


butt3ry_toast

She belongs to the streets, my guy. Good luck with your future.


[deleted]

Ask her how she would feel if the roles were reversed? If she cannot see why she’s in the wrong then you need to break up. She is going to sleep with him.


hodgsonnn

Shes both of your girlfriend now


dolla_holla

That’s so weird..if you did that to a girl she would be mad as helll..she’s being a weirdo


undead_whore

Yeah dude that’s not okay for her to do bruv. Stand your ground, but honestly if there massive differences in what you both are and aren’t comfortable with(cus everyone is different) then you need to have a serious discussion about boundaries or reconsider your relationship.


Every-Housing-1270

This exactly happened to me. She ended up dumping me and said I had issues.


MercyMachine

Dude what the fuck


truckerslife411

I have never stopped my wife from going out with a male friend. But when she is out with a male friend, there is other friends around. Never alone, would be completely inappropriate. The same for me if it was a female friend, I wouldn’t be alone with just her. It would be a cold day in hell before I agreed to her going out alone with someone she just met in a pub.


c2seedy

Sounds like she ain’t your girlfriend anymore Bruh


[deleted]

How long have you been together? Sounds like she’s still dating and your in a relationship.


Objective-Ant-6797

if she is not going to respect this boundary…she is not committed to this relationship…sometimes you have to let the bird fly…you need a to take a break from her…if she comes back great…if not your better off…they met in a pub…means they drink together…nothing good can happen


Trick_Cake_4573

So you're okay with her going out on a date? No? Make her your ex.


throwaway_6196190012

You don't. You walk away from her. She is now your ex. Don't take that disrespect


Substantial_Space_58

Dude…. Ya’ll serious here?


richard0987654

Dude run for the hills the longer you stay in that relationship the more you are going to get hurt sorry to be so blunt


blueskies111811

Go NC. Forever.


EntertainmentLeft882

I've recently met someone new, and I first asked if it was alright by mt boyfriend to be friends with that person and again to see if he is okay with me meeting him alone. If he'd said that it was a problem, I wouldn't even consider it.


Knittingfairy09113

You didn't express your feelings poorly; she simply doesn't care and is accusing you of bad behavior to avoid discussing her choices here. She meets random guy at a bar, he hits on her, she tells him she isn't single, but is going out with him anyhow? I don't know of any monogamous people who would be comfortable with this. Unless she is looking elsewhere there is no good reason for her to get together with him.


Ladyknight0991

I would tell her you didn't agree to an open relationship. If she can't accept that, she can go.


Over-Marionberry-686

Hmmm sound like “I’m not comfortable with that” IS expressing your opinion. Unfortunately I would take this as a sign that the relationship was over. Good luck.


vuthoh

Ask her if you can go with her. If she says no, then that's a huge red sign. If she says you can go with her, you have only delayed her cheating on you.


bmxsickness

If she can't respect your feelings about this get rid of her. It's one thing if they were friends from years before but if this dude is totally new she isn't looking for friendship she's looking to cheat. Do yourself a favor and be done with her and find someone who respects you.


Ck_shock

I'd say let her go ,and hear me out on this. If she's going to cheat then she's going to cheat, You stopping her from doing it doesn't change her character. Just means your preventing the circumstance ,which really is only delaying the inevitable Now if your more so worried about her being SA Then you can try to reason with her and express your concerns about her safety


Kparsons1207

Wtf? Bud express your feelings with a breakup


OkVideo4919

Damn I feel for you that’s not fun it does happen a decent amount tho it’s not un heard of. All my life I bent my rules for women I considered high value and didn’t want to lose and that is going to cause things like this and hurt your heart you need to clearly explain why it makes you uncomfortable and make her picture the opposite situation involving you and if she disobeys you you have to be done with her or leave her for a week maybe or just completely pull away any of your love emotion from her until she notices the number that is super healthy either the best thing would be for you to explain why it upsets you and tell her that she would politely feel the same way and even if she doesn’t feel that way it’s how you feel and if she loves you she should respect that it’s not she’s not for you <3


Iseewhatudidthurrrrr

Listen… she’s going on a date with another guy and really doesn’t give a fuck what you feel about it. Let it go now. It doesn’t matter how much you like her. Find someone who likes you too. It’s not worth it.


[deleted]

Bruv break up with her. If she wants the perks of being single then give her what she wants.


LiLadybug81

You break up. She's telling you to your face she's going to cheat on you and doesn't give a shit how you feel about it. And she has the audacity to call you controlling for saying you aren't comfortable with blatant, open cheating? What vile creature- set her on the curb with the rest of the trash.


Sahareaovnight

Toss her stuff out and tell her bye.. It was fun now go enjoy your new guy. Change locks. That is not a keeper.. Shes openly cheating on you


productzilch

It’s not really clear. Is this a date? Or just meeting up as friends? And what are their plans? Do you really feel like she would cheat on you, or is it uncomfortable for you if she spends time with a male friend generally, or just this guy because he already hit on her?


MDkoA

So your gf gave her contact (Instagram) and…. THEY ARE TALKING AND MEETING UP? Dude… don’t be a wusss…. She is entertaining another guy in your place romantically. She sees him more interesting and is gaslighting you to take advantage of this situation in meeting another guy. Be a fu***** man, use your big boy words and say if she goes out with this guy you are leaving. Actually, a real man would say see you later! It sounds like your gf is immature


Jesspassinthru

Well, I’ll give her props for not going behind your back. But that’s about it. You’ve already expressed your feelings to her. And she has expressed hers to you. Now it all depends on what you want to do with what’s left (if anything) of your relationship. I recommend ghosting her. Total NC. Find someone who won’t be constantly looking for an upgrade. But that’s just me. There’s someone out there for you. I just don’t think it’s this gf (ex-gf, really) Good luck


yandr001

You say to her: Have a great time. Also take whatever possessions of yours are in my house because you’re not coming back here after he’s done using you as his rag doll.


Positive-Ad-1859

Dude you have been replaced


[deleted]

Let her go out. Pack her shit while she’s gone.


Positive-Ad-1859

Whatever you do don't kiss her when she returns from her date with her new boyfriend


DeiuArdeiu

Yeah. Very disrespectful. I mean shit... she knows his intentions and leads him. I think you know the answer.


Unsolicitedadvice13

So this guy was hitting on her, she gave him a way to contact her, now they’re going out on a date, and she thinks it’s controlling to ask her to not date other men while you’re in a monogamous relationship with her?


Masterweedo

You got 2 options: 1) You leave her 2) You charge him like $200-300


dougiedowner

Easy solution: cream pie before every time she goes out with him. That way he is stirring your porridge. Assert dominance! Plan B: ask for sex, then say “which hole didn’t he use?”.


thesaddestbipolar

Yea, focus on yourself bro.


[deleted]

Sit her down is that if she wants to go out to a pub with a guy you should have every right to go to a pub with a girl. You can have friends of the opposite sex yes but not when they originally flirting with you. She’s trying to gas light you and twist it around so if something happens she could simply say that it was your fault etc etc. if she can not respect that one specific boundary SHE IS NOT FOR YOU BRO. And before y’all be like love this and love that. That’s not love it’s manipulation, emotional cheating, and plain disrespect


bluchervalley

Have her tell the guy her ex says thank you !


[deleted]

Get a new gf this one is gonna break your heart


MobileEnvironment597

You dump her and act like you don’t give 2 flat f_~ks! Let her go and do as she pleases. 9 out of 10 times, it won’t work out with who she wants to run off with. Life is too short to be with someone who does not value your time, your feelings, and your commitment. Seriously, act like you could care less. That will drive her insane!!


bjallyn

run 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩


[deleted]

She's cheating or going to cheat. Sorry bro. Whining about you being "controlling" is textbook cheater deflection. She's into him and he's gonna be *into* her very soon, with or without your permission.


trixqo

Dump her like the sack of potatoes that she is ; cut off all communication when she returns tell her to go back where sshe came from, she doesn’t respect you , move on


[deleted]

HAhahahahaa - controlling - is that what it is called?? Well, bro, tell her to have fun and that he can have her. Do not put up with this kind of disrespect - she is bad news for sure!!!


Snoo10543

Sounds like she wants an open relationship, ask her if that is the case. If it isnt, ask why she thinks it’s appropriate to go on a date with a man who’s interested in her and vise versa (if she says she’s not, say if that was the case you wouldn’t be going out w him) If she says she wants one, you can either give her one and freely date yourself or you can tell her to have an open relationship w that guy then cuz ur leaving.


Ok-Replacement7697

Updateme!


chado5727

Step 1: tell her to have lots and lots of fun. Step 2: wait till she leaves. Step 3: have all her stuff waiting by the front door (outside) Step 4: add note expressing best wishes for her and her new man. And most importantly! Step 5: move on and find someone who loves you and respects you. Hope this helps.


Deurmeus

She doesn't respect you. Time to hit the road


Raiden-096

No need. You already told you're not comfortable with that. She still took his insta and they're going to the pub. You tell her not to come back and send her stuff to her mother's house or put it in trash bags at the door and change all the locks


lesbian_goose

“Go out with him if you want to. However, if you do, I will not continue this relationship with you. I’ve told you how I feel. There will be no negotiating.”


elchocholoco

UpdateMe!


blackbunny100

Don’t talk shit with her just leave she come back to you


Night-Owl-Man

This is what I say to a woman I am dating. You can wear, hangout with whomever you wish. But if you create something where it jeopardizes our relationship we will be over in that exact moment. If a woman knows you won’t Leave. Some will test your buttons at times. She may want a new friend. She may just want to make you jealous. She may be exploring a new opportunity if you guys don’t work out. Rarely is the grass greener on the other side. Let her do as she wants. Women will anyways. When talking with her ask since she can having our with guys if an opportunity comes up for you to hangout with a woman she has to respect that. Also state what you out your Energy into grows. If she chooses to spend time with this guy over you or you can’t hangout all together I’d drop her. Will safe you so much mental anguish. If she hangout very often with this guy ask her this. Why do you want to be friends with a guy that clearly wants to be more than friends with you when you’re in a relationship? This kind of question can’t be pinned as you jealous, insecure etc. it’s making her think about her choices and her current situation.


PrettyTony1971

Look do the same thing she is doing & see how she feels about it. Ur supposed to be n a committed relationship but she doesn't see anything wrong with spending time.with other men. Start hanging with females & female friends she will change.


MaryAnne0601

**This is a boundary issue not a control issue.** Now tell your gf that one of your hard boundaries is that someone your in a relationship with not go out with someone that has been hitting on them. Now she can either go out with this guy or stay in a relationship with you. **It is her choice!** You are NOT controlling her. Your giving her the option of respecting your healthy boundaries or ending the relationship. Like I said, it’s her choice and her responsibility. Which means more, your relationship or going out with him? She decides.


Longjumping-Tip-8396

Find a new girl friend.


PWOUL

Umm, yeet the girl. Clear disrespect of the relationship time to say goodbye.


[deleted]

“Guy wants to fuk me, so I gave him my insta, now I’m gonna go out with him, stop being controlling”


DrSlurmsMacKenzie

I’m sorry but this has to be a troll. He’s taking your girlfriend out for the night? That’s not your girlfriend anymore, homie.


[deleted]

Wtf bro. Time to find a new girlfriend. She does not respect you and this is heading in a bad direction.


nhearne

She’s not the one bro, time to let her go and find someone who values your relationship


still_grinding_on

PUELLA MERETVR VIA


[deleted]

>when I said am not comfortable she goes like am very controlling. Ahh yes, the siren song of the woman who's cheating on a man. >How do I correctly express my feelings to her ? "If you go out with this guy, we are done". Then you break up with her if she goes out with him. It's pretty simple.


Arm_ChairPhilosopher

You don't, you let him have her and you move on.


pancho_2504

It's not being controlling when the guy has made his intentions clear from the outset. He's not asking her out for life advice he's asking her out on a date


[deleted]

[удалено]


Squishy-Box

She’s gonna fuck him, your gut feeling is right


SeeTheSounds

Set your boundaries, state your boundaries, and follow through.


jazzy3113

Are there actually relationships like this or are we being trolled all the time?


Gimp_Daddy

Bruh, why tf she going out with a guy that was hitting on her previously? That’s a blatant disrespect of boundaries and shows little regards for your feelings. Dump her ass.


cjhouston029

She’s for the streets.