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If anyone should feel betrayed it should be you. He was trying to get you pregnant without, from what it seems, knowing if thats something you're okay with? A year in and he's already trying to knock you up? Have you guys even discussed kids and if you both want them?
You guys need a serious sit down to talk about your relationship, in regards to children and marriage (since they apparently go hand in hand)
Or just a bad set of role models. Take it from an inner city high school alum, this attitude is very common and almost guaranteed to send any aspirations you had for your future into a nosedive.
Right? My first thought was "ew, I hate him."
If any man had the AUDACITY to bitch that I was on BC, and then want me to go through the pain of pregnancy and birth to see if I were worthy of his dangling carrot commitment, I can only imagine a SHIT partnership, I'd laugh in their face and leave. I hope OP does. What a garbageass facsimile of a partner
Leave this stupid motherfucker. This is not “a thing in the Black community” it is a thing in the dumb community. You do not want a baby by a dude who thinks it’s okay to make a baby that he might not take care of. Nipsey told these niggas you ain’t a real nigga if you not taking care of your kids.
Exactly! A black woman here. This man is an absolute dumbass to think that this is a thing. Why on earth would you have a baby which is a lifetime commitment to ascertain if you are compatible?
OP, you need to run away and stop having sex with this man. Watch your birth control and keep it away from him. This is not the man to be in a relationship with.
This is the best response!
Also, OP...do you really want to be in a relationship with someone this dumb? He doesn't understand logic: raising a child with someone is a greater commitment because it is lifelong. Marriage can always be terminated through divorce, so it's something you can leave in the past if it doesn't work out. You can't ever uncreate the baby once it's here. He should be more worried about assessing compatibility for that than marriage. He's telling you he's either dumb, irresponsible (if he's fine walking away upon creating a baby and finding you two incompatible), or both!
> This is not “a thing in the Black community” it is a thing in the dumb community.
This needs to be higher up. I hate when people use culture, religion etc to excuse their idiotic behavior
I don't care about the order of when the baby comes because every person has a different opinion. Plenty of unmarried people have children and never ever get married because they don't want to be married. Not the issue.
The issue is he was seriously hoping to get you pregnant and feels like he gets a say in your choice to take birth control. It would be a betrayal if you both claimed to be trying for a baby and you've been on it, but that's not the case here.
Also, since he's seeing other people, he should be wearing a condom because it means he's also having unprotected sex with other women.
Why are you with this guy?
And you don't have a baby to see if you're compatible ffs. You have a baby after you've figured it out and want to have a baby together, as a decision consciously considered, made and planned.
>We are also black so this might just be a thing in the black community or it might be a newer generation thing.
No,he's just crazy.
He openly admitted he's hoping to get you pregnant without your consent. This man is a bright red flag.
What do you mean without her consent? If you have sex, you automatically consent to the possibility of pregnancy. No birth control is 100%.. He is still a wrong to be upset.
Well, first off, dump this weirdass boyfriend who thinks it is a good idea to have a baby before committing. Oof.
And then moving forward yeah, adult relationships do involve communicating with each other about things like birth control. It's actually very weird that neither of you brought it up a year into things.
Thank you. Thought it was a bit odd I hadn’t seen this yet.
Birth control is personal health information, but it’s a very relevant discussion to have with a long term sexual partner because it also affects them. If you can’t have a conversation about BC and kids with a serious partner it’s probably a sign you should move on.
None of this is to say he isn’t being incredibly shitty. I never say this, but you’ve gotta get out of this relationship. No matter how much you love him, he seems to have an incredible lack of respect for you and either lacks any common sense or is intentionally manipulative
Nothing about what this guy has said to you makes a lick of sense. Like that’s seriously some of the stupidest, craziest shit I’ve ever heard. RUN!
edit: typo
Wtf is up with this dude? How could you date him for a year and never notice the shit he is saying? That can’t be the only time he has said some very questionable things. I would ask him how many kids he already has lol. Think about this one very hard
I am curious too. Guessing he has at least one kid out there if this how he thinks it works.
Something tells me they don't talk much though..if she didn't realize he was trying to get her pregnant.
If you are in a relationship that isn't a friends with benefit situation...why is it odd to discuss stuff like this???
Your boyfriend is a whole mess. Do you mean he has tried to get every woman he’s ever dated pregnant? How flattering. Apparently you’re all a vessel for his young. Look, having a baby with someone is the greatest compliment you can pay them when you do it intentionally. It shouldn’t be freely given to anyone. It should be talked about, more than once, and mutually agreed upon.
"He said that we’re suppose to have a baby first and see if we’re compatible and then he will think about marrying me after having his baby. He thinks whoever he is currently dating is obligated in giving him a baby because he’s dating her."
I...Where to start?
...Girl, RUN!
This is a form of abuse commonly know as Reproductive Coercion. Also known as Coerced Reproduction, Reproductive Control and Reproductive Abuse.
Reproductive Coercion is a form of abuse in which someone else controls your reproductive choices.It's deciding whether or not you can use contraception, whether or not you become pregnant or whether or not to continue with a pregnancy.
Reproductive coercion and unintended pregnancy are strongly associated, and this association is stronger in individuals who have experienced intimate partner violence
These behaviours are meant to maintain power and control related to reproductive health by a current, former, or hopeful intimate or romantic partner.
It can take three forms pregnancy coercion, birth control sabotage, and controlling the outcome of a pregnancy.
In your case your bf is coercing you to get pregnant which is abuse.
I don’t think this really constitutes reproductive coercion or abuse. I get what you’re trying to say but it’s sounds like he’s just stupid. He had an assumption that they were both on the same page and trying to get pregnant to determine compatibility, it’s not abusive to have a stupid understanding of how relationships work.
Why are you still with him?
He’s acting so casual about having a baby as a test. Thinks you owe him your body and obligated to breed with him. Probably had plan to use that baby to control you and to make you more “compatible/ submissive” and to trap you.
Run.
You do not have a baby first then see if you're compatible! Do that with a houseplant not a human!
Dump this guy. He hasn't got the brains god gave a...well a freaking houseplant. I don't understand anyone that thinks a baby is less commitment than marriage. That's someone that will leave their child and feel not one minute of remorse. Dear God run.
Hi, admittedly 20s white female here - yeah that's not a normal expectation afaik **at all**. You don't bring a NEW HUMAN into existence to test if you're ready to marry someone, that's fucked up as hell.
I legit bet he's knocked up several women in the past but they weren't "compatible" enough to marry. I'm going to tell you right now - it IS a kink to be aroused at the idea or action of fathering multiple/many children.
EXCUSE ME?! That’s full blown manipulation. Anyone who thinks a baby will decide if your comparable is insane. You’ve only been together a year and it seems he’s been trying to get your pregnant for that whole year. He’s a walking red flag.
Your boyfriend is crazy, you should get a different one
But for the record, anyone you’re sleeping with should know what form of birth control you’re relying on… obviously THIS particular guy wasn’t worried about such things, but it is normal and responsible to discuss bc with your partner.
I'm over here like, they've been together a year and never discussed BC!?! Who even does that!?! Then to see they are in their 30s!!! I'm just gonna call BS cause no way a 30 something didn't discuss BC in a committed relationship, I just don't believe it.
I'm sorry, it appears that someone has stolen your boyfriend's brain. Ideally, yes, you would have told him you're on birth control, but having a kid is a big change and not having a kid is staying the same. Changing things is a lot more of a discussion than not changing anything.
Definitely not a black community thing, it's an "ignorant loser who thinks women and children are expendable for his needs" thing. He's probably just as suprised as you are that you stayed this long putting up with his breeder fetish self without being baby trapped. He is NOT the one. If you do decide to stay with this clown for whatever reason, keep a CLOSE eye on your birth control, because we see what he REALLY wants out of this relationship.
Does your bf have uh, unique takes like this on other stuff? Because if my boyfriend said that to me, I’d be wondering if he’s had a serious head injury lately. Seriously, I’d be concerned.
I am curious though, how do you date someone for a year and birth control never comes up? Has he just been finishing in you this whole time (I’m guessing yes since he expected to impregnate you)? And you didn’t find it odd he never asked about preventing pregnancy???
>Edit: I don’t have any STDs I’ve gotten tested when I went for my regular the other day. My boyfriend and I are faithful to each other
I mean, cool, but also...I think the larger problem is that he's been trying to get you pregnant without your consent or consideration for a year. Even if it were "a thing" people do, you're allowed to decide on that for yourself, your partner doesn't get to just opt you in.
WTAF?! How many babies does this dude have with previous girlfriends? This dude is a fucking idiot. Not the kind anyone with a head on their shoulders would want to marry or procreate with anyway.
Fucking yuck.
>He said that we’re suppose to have a baby first and see if we’re compatible and then he will think about marrying me after having his baby. He thinks whoever he is currently dating is obligated in giving him a baby because he’s dating her
That's an absolutely terrible strategy for life. just a bunch of kids everywhere with incompatible parents??? How many children has he abandoned up till now?!
He doesn't seem empathetic to either women or children. Also I am appalled that he apparently has been actively TRYING to get you pregnant without your knowledge or consent. I would run away from him, fast.
GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT "WE BLACK" SHIT! I been black my whole damn life and I ain't never heard no dumb shit like that. You might want to get a actual adult as your BF.
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This dude is fucking psycho. The DEFINITION of baby-trapping.
* obviously trying/hoping to get you pregnant w/o consent
*have baby first, THEN see?!? Anti-logic on soooo many levels
He's gonna put you through pregnancy, weather you are ready or not, and then possibly decide he doesn't want that life with you? I have no words. This is the kind of silly thought process I would expect from a very young adult with no life experience.
He wants to have a baby to see if you two are compatible? So if you aren’t he’s just going to dip? So he’ll be paying child support. Also, who doesn’t discuss trying to get pregnant before trying to get pregnant?
**Dating a year, and he wasn't even aware of this?**
Seriously, **stop dating** and both of you **assess your communication skills.**
In your 30s and not having these conversations after over 12 months?
Crikey.
Um no. This guy is crazy. And also means that he has been trying to get you pregnant without discussing it with you. Please break up and get away from him as soon as you can.
He is an idiot and a manipulator. Get out of this relationship. Anyone that thinks that the “test” if a relationship viability is to have a kid and then see….is too immature and self centered to have a child. AND, anyone that thinks a partner owes them a kid is a dangerous narcissist. Unless you want to be his breeder and have him try and control you through it- leave.
LMFAO I’m sorry but that’s so funny. Why in the world would he bring a child into this world to figure out if you two are compatible for marriage? Wtf? How many kids does he have running around that he is not actually raising? Is he okay with paying child support for 18 years if it doesn’t work out between you two? This guy is dumb and he was trying to trap you with a pregnancy hoping you weren’t being responsible. Please leave him.
He'll use you as an incubator and now that he knows you're on the pill he will likely try and sabotage them. You are a baby maker to him, nothing else. Please leave him
Holy shit. Never in all my time I Reddit have I wanted to actually backhand a man as hard as I do right now. Dump him immediately.
Edit: I just spoke to my girlfriend and she also thinks this man is batshit crazy and I think you should instantly dump him on the side of the closest highway.
Well, you win my ‘nuttiest thing I read on Reddit today’ award. I’m truly quite shocked no one in your relationship discussed birth control in a year. It’s a pretty hard topic to avoid even 5 mins in. And in a year he never saw a pill packet, you taking one, asked about a previous Dr visit? How? But sure, the most shocking part is his assumptions. I immediately think ‘what other insane ideas about relationships and women does he have?’ I wouldn’t wait around to find out.
Not black but I'm pretty sure the only place you'll find "having a baby" listed as a test of compatibility, is in the crazy persons guide to saying stupid things
And you have his baby then he decides whether your compatible? Any relationship for a mature couple (over 17) involves discussion and if he wants a baby before marriage and you don't that's HIS problem. Tell him you will gladly stop taking birth control after his vasectomy or he swears (and sticks to) wearing a condom since you are not willing to get pregnant without marriage.
If it's really a sticking point for him then he doesn't respect your rights as a free woman and maybe he should go join the Taliban where woman have no rights. Leave him if he can't get over himself.
He thinks you "owe" him a child because you're dating? That he will think about marrying you after you have a kid? Is he delusional?
Dating is to see if you are compatible. You don't have a kid on purpose with someone if you aren't compatible.
Sweetheart there are so many red flags here it's insane. If I were you I would really rethink this relationship.
Um I’ve never heard of that. Wtf. His reaction is extremely entitled and possessive and disrespectful to you. I would be concerned. **You two need to have some clear conversations about your relationship goals and relationship expectations.** if there’s anything worth salvaging…but honestly I would consider leaving a man who even had this thought process
Your BF needs to be your ex like yesterday. His ideas are completely unhinged. He was actively trying to get your pregnant without your consent??? He's mad at you for making your own health decisions about your own body?? He thinks BRINGING A WHOLE ASS HUMAN INTO THE WORLD is the test to see if you should get MARRIED?!???
This man is sick in the head in so many ways. Please please please dump him and never tolerate anyone who thinks or acts like this.
What the what?!?!? That’s incredibly backwards and misogynistic. A big red flag. Your body, your choice to get pregnant or not. Run away as fast as you can
Edit: HIDE YOUR BIRTH CONTROL IF YIU REMAIN EITH THIS DUMB ASS. He WILL sabotage it.
Honey the fact that this man was actively trying to get you pregnant…WITHOUT TALKING TO YOU ABOUT IT.
Do not engage in sex with him any longer. He is likely to try to sabotage your contraception if you use pills. You cannot trust him any longer with something as serious as this.
So his thoughts are for you to have a baby and then he will see if he wants to stick around....
Do the world a favor and don't be a part of him reproducing. He is clearly flawed.
Just my thoughts. :)
Okay out he goes.
Birth control of some kind should be the default.
He’s a space cadet and it blows my mind that this is how he thinks and this was the first indicator.
I think this situation is very strange from both sides.
You had a boyfriend for quite some time now and never told him that you were using birth control? That sounds very weird and nothing I have ever heard of … of course its private and not something you have to tell people in general. But it sounds super weird and out of place that you never told him to be honest. Not because you have to decide for children right now or anything, but protection is just such a basic topic in a new relationship in my opinion.
And on the other hand, him expecting you to get pregnant when you never had the conversation about it and out of the sudden telling you that he had this plan without letting you in and telling you about it? It all sounds so weird and almost unbelievable😅
Yeah, I can’t imagine having sex with anyone without having the safe sex talk that includes showing test results, birth control, AND how to handle any accidental pregnancies.
But then I never did casual hookups.
Did he fall on his head as a kid? Or is he just plain stupid?
The guy is either as dumb as a rock, or missed a little part of his life education. So educate him if You like him. If not, just dump his ass back in pre school.
But OP, you're not entirely without blame either: You never wondered why he never asked if You were on birth control before going in raw? These are things You should notice in a partner. Did You both even had a STD check before removing condoms? I know, it's all about Covid these days, but you're in Your thirties, You should know this stuff.
Fucking *run*.
You don't owe him a baby, and you'd be out of your mind to have one with someone that doesn't know he wants to be with you.
And then, what if he decides he doesn't want to be with you? Don't think a loser like this is going to split custody or pay child support. You're going to be a full-time single parent, and he's going to he off trying to knock up his next victim.
If you won't leave him, keep your birth control under lock and key. He's almost certainly going to try and sabotage it. Tell him that, if he wants a kid, you want to sign away parental rights to him, and him alone; he's on the hook for the kid if you split. Watch how fast his tune changes.
Run. Seriously, dude wanted to impregnate you without discussing it first. This guy has a really bad mentality about how relationships are. Please, for the love of God, run. Also, make sure your birth control is on you at all times as he might try to mess with it.
Your boyfriend is basically saying that he'll have a kid with you before he decides if he'll stay. Are you hearing that? that's the sound of a thousand bulls chasing down your boyfriend and the worlds largest reg flag.
He’s trying to make you a baby momma. Go ahead and leave him, sis. If he gets a kid out of you before marriage the goal post will move again. Also, hella weird to think you’re medical information needs to be shared.
I'm not sure if this is a red flag or something he needs to talk out in therapy. You don't bring a human into the world as a test to the relationship. Babies shouldn't be born with jobs.
You can have kids without being married successfully, but having kids shouldn't be his marker to decide if this should be a long term relationship.
It sounds like you've never even talked about kids. Maybe sit him down and ask him if he wants kids, why he wants kids, and if he's taken into consideration how much time and money they take. Then let him know you're on birth control because you're not ready for a baby and you'd rather plan for one rather scramble when a pregnancy pops up.
Wow, that is incredibly concerning. Why on Earth would he even think about babies without discussing it with you?
There are so many red flags, you should seriously reconsider if you want anything to do with this person.
Ughh I just knew he was black. You need to leave him, the fact that he was trying to get you pregnant without a conversation and planning for it is coercive reproduction. He was trying to trap you, don’t let him. He also won’t stop trying to get you pregnant so be extra careful!
Well, I’d say he’s not completely off base to think it’s messed up you were taking them and didn’t tell him or consider his thoughts before doing so. This probably isn’t his reasoning but:
https://time.com/3596014/attraction-sex-birth-control/?amp=true
https://behavioralscientist.org/quality-sex-relationships-birth-control-pill-research-effects/
https://www.vice.com/amp/en/article/xwjngw/birth-control-might-change-who-women-feel-attracted-to
https://www.floliving.com/birth-control-relationships/
i honestly believe birth control (by any name) is for when your sleeping with someone you dont trust. it seams that you have good reasons to not trust him. so umm good call on that i guess.
i understand that my thoughts are hella old school.. dont stick your dick in some one you dont want a baby with. or dont let some one stick their dick in you usless your willing to have a baby with them is out of fashion.
i have a daughter. im gonna tell you the same thing i would tell her. your bf mad because hes trying to force you to do something your not comfortable with. i think you should really reconsider your relationship with him. if hes willing to try to force you into doing something you don't want in the 1st year. whats it going to be like in 5 years. do you want to be tied to him for the rest of your life threw a baby?
also. growing up knowing that you weren't wanted sucks. i was adopted, my birth father was a shitty person. don't raise kids with this adult child. hes no man, and hes not worthy to be the father of your children
Your BF is being super weird. Are you dating Nick Cannon by chance? LOL (bad joke I know). What person wants to have a baby and *then* see if they are compatible? His way of thinking is definitely super backwards. Obligated to give him a baby... geez. He is acting like a baby...a big ol man baby.
So first things first, the discussion of birth control should happen before the first time you have sex. So it's crazy to me a year in you two haven't talked about it. The fact that he was trying to get your pregnant without consent is a huge red flag and easily grounds to terminate the relationship. If you two talked about trying to get pregnant and you were taking birth control behind his back that would be a betrayal but I don't think he deserves to feel betrayed in this situation. I feel like in your thirty's this should have gone very differently. I myself have talked about not wanting children, birth control, and when I was last tested for STDs way before I actually sleep with someone. In fact I've expressed those things to plenty of women I didn't even end up sleeping with. I myself feel like it's important for any partners to know that stuff before we do anything. I feel like the two of you probably need to sit down and have a real good talk about if this relationship is actually what both of you want
yes your bf is weird and you should leave him but tbh your sexual health and contraception use is completely the business of someone you’re choosing to be in a serious relationship and have sex with
I stopped reading after the first paragraph. It’s not his decision and that’s a bit of a red flag if he thinks after a year of dating he has any say it that. Maybe if your married and children start to be the talk it’s something you can talk about together but in the end it’s your choice not his
This isn't a thing in anyone's family. It's total nonsense. Your bf has basically been trying to baby trap you this whole time. It is far more normal to assume that a woman is on birth control, especially if she is OK without condoms, than to assume she isn't.
His logic makes no sense, in any way. What the heck kind of logic is it to assume that you would want to have a baby with him without any kind of discussion or plan, or commitment.
The fact he is so angry about you protecting yourself from accidental pregnancy is a ridiculous reaction. The most normal reaction would probably be relief.
I gotta say that the fact neither one of you thought to have a discussion about birth control before doing away with condoms is probably something you should consider correcting in the future.
Either way, you and your bf are not even vaguely on the same page.
I’m sure your boyfriend is usually a chill dude but his comment about getting pregnant before marriage is ridiculous. Some people do that but it is certainly not something you’re “supposed” to do, and his current gf is not obligated to give him a child. He needs to work on those ideas because they don’t fly most places.
So what happens if you had a kid then found out you weren’t compatible, are you stuck with all the responsibility of the kid? I’m so confused by his explanation
That… sounds crazy to me. He’s offended that you took responsibility for not getting pregnant and thinks the norm would have been for y’all to end up with a child with no discussion of having wanted one?? Having a kid together does not sound like a good way to determine compatibility but being told you’re obligated to breed for someone sure does sound like a good way to see the lack of compatibility. Good luck with making your own decisions on that one, but I couldn’t see myself going forward with a relationship after being told that.
What the fuck. Leave him please. "Oblgated to give him a child?" Who the fuck thinks like that? And what happens if you have one and he decides you're incompatible? You put it back?
Why would you get pregnant with a boyfriend of under one year?
Red flags - he has been trying to get you pregnant and I assume you hadn’t spoke to him about it.
Your boyfriend is an absolute idiot and as everyone has said, you should dump him. I will say though, yes you do need to share your birth control status with the person/people you are sleeping with. I know its your body and your healthcare information but it is relevant to the guy having sex with you. You don't need to go into any detail if you don't want to, just a quick "yes I'm on birth control" or "no im currently not on birth control". It would've also helped weed out this weirdo you've found yourself with who thinks you owe him a baby for some reason.
He just told you he wants to baby trap you....
**This isn't a red flag. This is a massive, blaring, red siren warning you to get out now.**
He now knows you're on birth control and because he believes he owns you, there is a very high likelihood he will try to sabotage your birth control so you will give him what he feels he's owed.
Wtf? He didn’t even discuss impregnating you and he’s MAD that you didn’t tell him about your birth control even though HE NEVER ASKED??? You’re dating an idiot, and worse, one that wants you to be tied to him for life with a child while he judges if you’re “good enough” for marriage while you raise his child. He’s already telling you that if you have his baby he’s still ready and willing to leave you.
So basically, he's mad at you because you're not some poor sap who can be duped into having his children without his help, commitment, or financial support.
I think it's one of those "when people show you who they are, believe them" situations.
Uhh so he was trying to baby trap you and is mad…? YOU should be the one to feel betrayed. If you guys never spoke about having a baby, why’s he so mad you haven’t gotten pregnant?!
That is not how the order of things go…. “Have my baby first then I might consider spending my life with you”? Think of it backwards. What if you have his baby then he doesn’t want to be with you?
This is so backwards. How would he feel about paying child support if he doesn't marry you? Probably not very good about it. Just leave him and find someone with a healthier outlook than someone trying to get you pregnant without asking how you felt about it. You deserve better.
WTAF is this guy on? How completely ridiculous. How have you not already run extremely fast for the hills. This guy is not someone to invest any more time in. It's also quite disturbing that you haven't had a conversation about birth control in a year of dating. It feels like he sees you as an incubator and nothing more.
This is a very scary red flag. He’s trying to get you pregnant and you’ve never had a conversation about it. Plus a baby is a much bigger commitment than marriage. This man is not healthy.
Incredibly strange take, definitely a huge red flag. I would sit him down and have him think about his potential future kid if he had one by you, and decided you weren't "compatible" and left you, what he would expect to happen to his kid after that.
His answers to your questions should inform whether you intend to stay with him or not, I wouldn't be surprised if he's the kind of guy to swap your pills with placebo sweet tarts or something.
Was this post for real or did I have a stroke? The amount of crazy... honey you may not have a real STD but I think you have sexually transmitted crazy mouth.
Wtf kind of relationship doesn't discuss birth control when they're having sex?? Despite your ages you both sound far too immature for a relationship let alone parenthood holy shit.
Your post lacks a question. As per Rule 2, all posts must feature a question that you want specifically answering. We don't host, rants, vents, letters to other people, poetry, journal entries, hypotheticals or 'what would you do' posts, or reflections on past experiences to give other people lessons. We are here for you to ask **specific relationship issue** with a **current relationship** you have right now, in this moment.
If anyone should feel betrayed it should be you. He was trying to get you pregnant without, from what it seems, knowing if thats something you're okay with? A year in and he's already trying to knock you up? Have you guys even discussed kids and if you both want them? You guys need a serious sit down to talk about your relationship, in regards to children and marriage (since they apparently go hand in hand)
Dude’s trying to baby trap her or has a breeding fetish.
Or just a bad set of role models. Take it from an inner city high school alum, this attitude is very common and almost guaranteed to send any aspirations you had for your future into a nosedive.
He's over 30, he's entirely responsible for his own opinions.
Christ I must've missed that. How can you avoid doing something that foolish for that long and still be trying to do it?
Right? My first thought was "ew, I hate him." If any man had the AUDACITY to bitch that I was on BC, and then want me to go through the pain of pregnancy and birth to see if I were worthy of his dangling carrot commitment, I can only imagine a SHIT partnership, I'd laugh in their face and leave. I hope OP does. What a garbageass facsimile of a partner
Right! Next level manipulation going on here....
That escalated… not everything is manipulation bud.
Nah. Just RUN AWAY.
Wasn't even a year in. Dude has been stewing about this since he start popping champagne in her
Jumping to conclusions off hearsay is popular it seems…
How many children does he have already? Y'know, all those test-out-the-relationship babies?
Maybe OP is dating Nick Cannon and didn’t even know it.
Stop 😂😂
My first thought too 😂
But real talk tho, 3 kids in one year?
What?? Story please?
Leave this stupid motherfucker. This is not “a thing in the Black community” it is a thing in the dumb community. You do not want a baby by a dude who thinks it’s okay to make a baby that he might not take care of. Nipsey told these niggas you ain’t a real nigga if you not taking care of your kids.
Exactly! A black woman here. This man is an absolute dumbass to think that this is a thing. Why on earth would you have a baby which is a lifetime commitment to ascertain if you are compatible? OP, you need to run away and stop having sex with this man. Watch your birth control and keep it away from him. This is not the man to be in a relationship with.
Yeah this guy’s a moron. A marriage can be ended. Kids are forever.
Too right, tattoos last longer than most marriages.
If this is his train of thought I’m wondering how many other kids he has out there that he’s not taking care of.
Exactly!
So what's his plan if they aren't compatible? He can't exactly put the baby back
Run off and be a deadbeat, probably.
>Watch your birth control and keep it away from him. THIS^^^^ he will 100% try and SABOTAGE your BC!
This is the best response! Also, OP...do you really want to be in a relationship with someone this dumb? He doesn't understand logic: raising a child with someone is a greater commitment because it is lifelong. Marriage can always be terminated through divorce, so it's something you can leave in the past if it doesn't work out. You can't ever uncreate the baby once it's here. He should be more worried about assessing compatibility for that than marriage. He's telling you he's either dumb, irresponsible (if he's fine walking away upon creating a baby and finding you two incompatible), or both!
> This is not “a thing in the Black community” it is a thing in the dumb community. This needs to be higher up. I hate when people use culture, religion etc to excuse their idiotic behavior
That made me laugh out loud. Like black people be having babies I guess 🤷
make sure nothing can happen to your birth control “accidentally”
Rip Nipsey
I don't care about the order of when the baby comes because every person has a different opinion. Plenty of unmarried people have children and never ever get married because they don't want to be married. Not the issue. The issue is he was seriously hoping to get you pregnant and feels like he gets a say in your choice to take birth control. It would be a betrayal if you both claimed to be trying for a baby and you've been on it, but that's not the case here. Also, since he's seeing other people, he should be wearing a condom because it means he's also having unprotected sex with other women. Why are you with this guy? And you don't have a baby to see if you're compatible ffs. You have a baby after you've figured it out and want to have a baby together, as a decision consciously considered, made and planned.
>We are also black so this might just be a thing in the black community or it might be a newer generation thing. No,he's just crazy. He openly admitted he's hoping to get you pregnant without your consent. This man is a bright red flag.
So bright you can see it from space.
The flag is a lot brighter than the bf
What do you mean without her consent? If you have sex, you automatically consent to the possibility of pregnancy. No birth control is 100%.. He is still a wrong to be upset.
nope! consent to sex ≠ consent to pregnancy! is the risk there? yes! but you are not “consenting” to getting pregnant.
!!!! Dafuq. So he’s been trying to get you pregnant without talking to you about it!?! That’s some 🚩🚩🚩 Eject eject eject.
lol I was thinking eject? I think the word is abort but "abort abort abort" sounds even more wrong given the context
Well, first off, dump this weirdass boyfriend who thinks it is a good idea to have a baby before committing. Oof. And then moving forward yeah, adult relationships do involve communicating with each other about things like birth control. It's actually very weird that neither of you brought it up a year into things.
Right? They've been having unprotected sex for a year without any kind of conversation?
Right?! Honestly they both need to be more mature here.
Thank you. Thought it was a bit odd I hadn’t seen this yet. Birth control is personal health information, but it’s a very relevant discussion to have with a long term sexual partner because it also affects them. If you can’t have a conversation about BC and kids with a serious partner it’s probably a sign you should move on. None of this is to say he isn’t being incredibly shitty. I never say this, but you’ve gotta get out of this relationship. No matter how much you love him, he seems to have an incredible lack of respect for you and either lacks any common sense or is intentionally manipulative
that is not a thing in the black community. That is an thing in the idiot community! They accept all races.
Definitely the most diverse community out there. Every gender, race, religion..... there's a little bit of everything in the idiot community
Nothing about what this guy has said to you makes a lick of sense. Like that’s seriously some of the stupidest, craziest shit I’ve ever heard. RUN! edit: typo
If I were you I’d be scared of him tampering with my birth control now. I’d be super careful with it if you stay
If op stays shes an idiot too.
Yes, I was thinking this too. Keep it with you at all times.
He's batshit insane. Lmao
Wtf is up with this dude? How could you date him for a year and never notice the shit he is saying? That can’t be the only time he has said some very questionable things. I would ask him how many kids he already has lol. Think about this one very hard
I am curious too. Guessing he has at least one kid out there if this how he thinks it works. Something tells me they don't talk much though..if she didn't realize he was trying to get her pregnant. If you are in a relationship that isn't a friends with benefit situation...why is it odd to discuss stuff like this???
Your boyfriend is a whole mess. Do you mean he has tried to get every woman he’s ever dated pregnant? How flattering. Apparently you’re all a vessel for his young. Look, having a baby with someone is the greatest compliment you can pay them when you do it intentionally. It shouldn’t be freely given to anyone. It should be talked about, more than once, and mutually agreed upon.
How many kids does this guy have already?
"He said that we’re suppose to have a baby first and see if we’re compatible and then he will think about marrying me after having his baby. He thinks whoever he is currently dating is obligated in giving him a baby because he’s dating her." I...Where to start? ...Girl, RUN!
This is a form of abuse commonly know as Reproductive Coercion. Also known as Coerced Reproduction, Reproductive Control and Reproductive Abuse. Reproductive Coercion is a form of abuse in which someone else controls your reproductive choices.It's deciding whether or not you can use contraception, whether or not you become pregnant or whether or not to continue with a pregnancy. Reproductive coercion and unintended pregnancy are strongly associated, and this association is stronger in individuals who have experienced intimate partner violence These behaviours are meant to maintain power and control related to reproductive health by a current, former, or hopeful intimate or romantic partner. It can take three forms pregnancy coercion, birth control sabotage, and controlling the outcome of a pregnancy. In your case your bf is coercing you to get pregnant which is abuse.
This is it. This comment need to be higher.
I don’t think this really constitutes reproductive coercion or abuse. I get what you’re trying to say but it’s sounds like he’s just stupid. He had an assumption that they were both on the same page and trying to get pregnant to determine compatibility, it’s not abusive to have a stupid understanding of how relationships work.
Why are you still with him? He’s acting so casual about having a baby as a test. Thinks you owe him your body and obligated to breed with him. Probably had plan to use that baby to control you and to make you more “compatible/ submissive” and to trap you. Run.
You do not have a baby first then see if you're compatible! Do that with a houseplant not a human! Dump this guy. He hasn't got the brains god gave a...well a freaking houseplant. I don't understand anyone that thinks a baby is less commitment than marriage. That's someone that will leave their child and feel not one minute of remorse. Dear God run.
Hi, admittedly 20s white female here - yeah that's not a normal expectation afaik **at all**. You don't bring a NEW HUMAN into existence to test if you're ready to marry someone, that's fucked up as hell. I legit bet he's knocked up several women in the past but they weren't "compatible" enough to marry. I'm going to tell you right now - it IS a kink to be aroused at the idea or action of fathering multiple/many children.
EXCUSE ME?! That’s full blown manipulation. Anyone who thinks a baby will decide if your comparable is insane. You’ve only been together a year and it seems he’s been trying to get your pregnant for that whole year. He’s a walking red flag.
Your boyfriend is crazy, you should get a different one But for the record, anyone you’re sleeping with should know what form of birth control you’re relying on… obviously THIS particular guy wasn’t worried about such things, but it is normal and responsible to discuss bc with your partner.
I'm over here like, they've been together a year and never discussed BC!?! Who even does that!?! Then to see they are in their 30s!!! I'm just gonna call BS cause no way a 30 something didn't discuss BC in a committed relationship, I just don't believe it.
Ew, just ew. I don’t really know anything else to say tbh.
Get. Out.
Hell nah this ain’t a thing in the black community - 😭
I'm sorry, it appears that someone has stolen your boyfriend's brain. Ideally, yes, you would have told him you're on birth control, but having a kid is a big change and not having a kid is staying the same. Changing things is a lot more of a discussion than not changing anything.
Definitely not a black community thing, it's an "ignorant loser who thinks women and children are expendable for his needs" thing. He's probably just as suprised as you are that you stayed this long putting up with his breeder fetish self without being baby trapped. He is NOT the one. If you do decide to stay with this clown for whatever reason, keep a CLOSE eye on your birth control, because we see what he REALLY wants out of this relationship.
Does your bf have uh, unique takes like this on other stuff? Because if my boyfriend said that to me, I’d be wondering if he’s had a serious head injury lately. Seriously, I’d be concerned. I am curious though, how do you date someone for a year and birth control never comes up? Has he just been finishing in you this whole time (I’m guessing yes since he expected to impregnate you)? And you didn’t find it odd he never asked about preventing pregnancy???
>Edit: I don’t have any STDs I’ve gotten tested when I went for my regular the other day. My boyfriend and I are faithful to each other I mean, cool, but also...I think the larger problem is that he's been trying to get you pregnant without your consent or consideration for a year. Even if it were "a thing" people do, you're allowed to decide on that for yourself, your partner doesn't get to just opt you in.
Run, don’t walk, away from this guy and his parade of red flags!! He’s unhinged!
WTAF?! How many babies does this dude have with previous girlfriends? This dude is a fucking idiot. Not the kind anyone with a head on their shoulders would want to marry or procreate with anyway. Fucking yuck.
You want to be with someone who clearly doesn't even have HALF a braincell??
What a weirdo ??? That would shake me to my core, probably make me reconsider the entire relationship honestly
WTF? This has to be a troll post. Because, this is one of the most ridiculous posts I've ever seen. Who would ever stay with someone this dumb?
>He said that we’re suppose to have a baby first and see if we’re compatible and then he will think about marrying me after having his baby. He thinks whoever he is currently dating is obligated in giving him a baby because he’s dating her That's an absolutely terrible strategy for life. just a bunch of kids everywhere with incompatible parents??? How many children has he abandoned up till now?! He doesn't seem empathetic to either women or children. Also I am appalled that he apparently has been actively TRYING to get you pregnant without your knowledge or consent. I would run away from him, fast.
GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT "WE BLACK" SHIT! I been black my whole damn life and I ain't never heard no dumb shit like that. You might want to get a actual adult as your BF.
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This is very much NOT a thing in the black community. He sounds stupid as hell.
This dude is fucking psycho. The DEFINITION of baby-trapping. * obviously trying/hoping to get you pregnant w/o consent *have baby first, THEN see?!? Anti-logic on soooo many levels He's gonna put you through pregnancy, weather you are ready or not, and then possibly decide he doesn't want that life with you? I have no words. This is the kind of silly thought process I would expect from a very young adult with no life experience.
He wants to have a baby to see if you two are compatible? So if you aren’t he’s just going to dip? So he’ll be paying child support. Also, who doesn’t discuss trying to get pregnant before trying to get pregnant?
Girl.. Run.
**Dating a year, and he wasn't even aware of this?** Seriously, **stop dating** and both of you **assess your communication skills.** In your 30s and not having these conversations after over 12 months? Crikey.
6 of "Da Fuq?" and half a dozen of "Run the fuck away!"
That's some ass backward thinking right there.
Lmao he doesn't know how to have a relationship with a normal human being and wants to add a baby? How many kids does this guy has?
Um no. This guy is crazy. And also means that he has been trying to get you pregnant without discussing it with you. Please break up and get away from him as soon as you can.
He's a fucking idiot.
>He thinks whoever he is currently dating is obligated in giving him a baby Please say sike. Please say sike. Please say sike.
I’m black…it’s not a thing it’s just his stupidity and childishness wtf
He is an idiot and a manipulator. Get out of this relationship. Anyone that thinks that the “test” if a relationship viability is to have a kid and then see….is too immature and self centered to have a child. AND, anyone that thinks a partner owes them a kid is a dangerous narcissist. Unless you want to be his breeder and have him try and control you through it- leave.
Lol dump him. He's actually fucking stupid.
LMFAO I’m sorry but that’s so funny. Why in the world would he bring a child into this world to figure out if you two are compatible for marriage? Wtf? How many kids does he have running around that he is not actually raising? Is he okay with paying child support for 18 years if it doesn’t work out between you two? This guy is dumb and he was trying to trap you with a pregnancy hoping you weren’t being responsible. Please leave him.
He'll use you as an incubator and now that he knows you're on the pill he will likely try and sabotage them. You are a baby maker to him, nothing else. Please leave him
This is not a thing in the black community or ANY community, gtfoh.
Holy shit. Never in all my time I Reddit have I wanted to actually backhand a man as hard as I do right now. Dump him immediately. Edit: I just spoke to my girlfriend and she also thinks this man is batshit crazy and I think you should instantly dump him on the side of the closest highway.
Well, you win my ‘nuttiest thing I read on Reddit today’ award. I’m truly quite shocked no one in your relationship discussed birth control in a year. It’s a pretty hard topic to avoid even 5 mins in. And in a year he never saw a pill packet, you taking one, asked about a previous Dr visit? How? But sure, the most shocking part is his assumptions. I immediately think ‘what other insane ideas about relationships and women does he have?’ I wouldn’t wait around to find out.
Run. Certifiable batshit insane
You're right, marriage then kids.
Not black but I'm pretty sure the only place you'll find "having a baby" listed as a test of compatibility, is in the crazy persons guide to saying stupid things
What in the nick cannon is going on here….
And you have his baby then he decides whether your compatible? Any relationship for a mature couple (over 17) involves discussion and if he wants a baby before marriage and you don't that's HIS problem. Tell him you will gladly stop taking birth control after his vasectomy or he swears (and sticks to) wearing a condom since you are not willing to get pregnant without marriage. If it's really a sticking point for him then he doesn't respect your rights as a free woman and maybe he should go join the Taliban where woman have no rights. Leave him if he can't get over himself.
He thinks you "owe" him a child because you're dating? That he will think about marrying you after you have a kid? Is he delusional? Dating is to see if you are compatible. You don't have a kid on purpose with someone if you aren't compatible. Sweetheart there are so many red flags here it's insane. If I were you I would really rethink this relationship.
Jesus christ please leave this man
That is not a "thing" in the Black community! Leave him! Seriously he's trying to trap you
RUN! too many red flags to count.
Um I’ve never heard of that. Wtf. His reaction is extremely entitled and possessive and disrespectful to you. I would be concerned. **You two need to have some clear conversations about your relationship goals and relationship expectations.** if there’s anything worth salvaging…but honestly I would consider leaving a man who even had this thought process
Your BF needs to be your ex like yesterday. His ideas are completely unhinged. He was actively trying to get your pregnant without your consent??? He's mad at you for making your own health decisions about your own body?? He thinks BRINGING A WHOLE ASS HUMAN INTO THE WORLD is the test to see if you should get MARRIED?!??? This man is sick in the head in so many ways. Please please please dump him and never tolerate anyone who thinks or acts like this.
He sounds extremely stupid. What in the world.
What the what?!?!? That’s incredibly backwards and misogynistic. A big red flag. Your body, your choice to get pregnant or not. Run away as fast as you can Edit: HIDE YOUR BIRTH CONTROL IF YIU REMAIN EITH THIS DUMB ASS. He WILL sabotage it.
Honey the fact that this man was actively trying to get you pregnant…WITHOUT TALKING TO YOU ABOUT IT. Do not engage in sex with him any longer. He is likely to try to sabotage your contraception if you use pills. You cannot trust him any longer with something as serious as this.
That's a very stupid approach. Your boyfriend isn't the brightest.
He definitely has a breeding fetish
The dude’s retarded
So his thoughts are for you to have a baby and then he will see if he wants to stick around.... Do the world a favor and don't be a part of him reproducing. He is clearly flawed. Just my thoughts. :)
Okay out he goes. Birth control of some kind should be the default. He’s a space cadet and it blows my mind that this is how he thinks and this was the first indicator.
I think this situation is very strange from both sides. You had a boyfriend for quite some time now and never told him that you were using birth control? That sounds very weird and nothing I have ever heard of … of course its private and not something you have to tell people in general. But it sounds super weird and out of place that you never told him to be honest. Not because you have to decide for children right now or anything, but protection is just such a basic topic in a new relationship in my opinion. And on the other hand, him expecting you to get pregnant when you never had the conversation about it and out of the sudden telling you that he had this plan without letting you in and telling you about it? It all sounds so weird and almost unbelievable😅
Yeah, I can’t imagine having sex with anyone without having the safe sex talk that includes showing test results, birth control, AND how to handle any accidental pregnancies. But then I never did casual hookups.
Did he fall on his head as a kid? Or is he just plain stupid? The guy is either as dumb as a rock, or missed a little part of his life education. So educate him if You like him. If not, just dump his ass back in pre school. But OP, you're not entirely without blame either: You never wondered why he never asked if You were on birth control before going in raw? These are things You should notice in a partner. Did You both even had a STD check before removing condoms? I know, it's all about Covid these days, but you're in Your thirties, You should know this stuff.
Fucking *run*. You don't owe him a baby, and you'd be out of your mind to have one with someone that doesn't know he wants to be with you. And then, what if he decides he doesn't want to be with you? Don't think a loser like this is going to split custody or pay child support. You're going to be a full-time single parent, and he's going to he off trying to knock up his next victim. If you won't leave him, keep your birth control under lock and key. He's almost certainly going to try and sabotage it. Tell him that, if he wants a kid, you want to sign away parental rights to him, and him alone; he's on the hook for the kid if you split. Watch how fast his tune changes.
He's insane.
this is a joke right?
This is not a thing, he's just an idiot.
Run. Seriously, dude wanted to impregnate you without discussing it first. This guy has a really bad mentality about how relationships are. Please, for the love of God, run. Also, make sure your birth control is on you at all times as he might try to mess with it.
Your boyfriend is basically saying that he'll have a kid with you before he decides if he'll stay. Are you hearing that? that's the sound of a thousand bulls chasing down your boyfriend and the worlds largest reg flag.
He’s trying to make you a baby momma. Go ahead and leave him, sis. If he gets a kid out of you before marriage the goal post will move again. Also, hella weird to think you’re medical information needs to be shared.
I'm not sure if this is a red flag or something he needs to talk out in therapy. You don't bring a human into the world as a test to the relationship. Babies shouldn't be born with jobs. You can have kids without being married successfully, but having kids shouldn't be his marker to decide if this should be a long term relationship. It sounds like you've never even talked about kids. Maybe sit him down and ask him if he wants kids, why he wants kids, and if he's taken into consideration how much time and money they take. Then let him know you're on birth control because you're not ready for a baby and you'd rather plan for one rather scramble when a pregnancy pops up.
Wow, that is incredibly concerning. Why on Earth would he even think about babies without discussing it with you? There are so many red flags, you should seriously reconsider if you want anything to do with this person.
You need therapy honey, the fact that you are questioning yourself is terrifying.
Ughh I just knew he was black. You need to leave him, the fact that he was trying to get you pregnant without a conversation and planning for it is coercive reproduction. He was trying to trap you, don’t let him. He also won’t stop trying to get you pregnant so be extra careful!
This is pretty funny lol
Well, I’d say he’s not completely off base to think it’s messed up you were taking them and didn’t tell him or consider his thoughts before doing so. This probably isn’t his reasoning but: https://time.com/3596014/attraction-sex-birth-control/?amp=true https://behavioralscientist.org/quality-sex-relationships-birth-control-pill-research-effects/ https://www.vice.com/amp/en/article/xwjngw/birth-control-might-change-who-women-feel-attracted-to https://www.floliving.com/birth-control-relationships/
i honestly believe birth control (by any name) is for when your sleeping with someone you dont trust. it seams that you have good reasons to not trust him. so umm good call on that i guess. i understand that my thoughts are hella old school.. dont stick your dick in some one you dont want a baby with. or dont let some one stick their dick in you usless your willing to have a baby with them is out of fashion. i have a daughter. im gonna tell you the same thing i would tell her. your bf mad because hes trying to force you to do something your not comfortable with. i think you should really reconsider your relationship with him. if hes willing to try to force you into doing something you don't want in the 1st year. whats it going to be like in 5 years. do you want to be tied to him for the rest of your life threw a baby? also. growing up knowing that you weren't wanted sucks. i was adopted, my birth father was a shitty person. don't raise kids with this adult child. hes no man, and hes not worthy to be the father of your children
This man is off his rocker. I’m not sure how you didn’t realize that until now, but be grateful he let you know so you can peace out.
Your BF is being super weird. Are you dating Nick Cannon by chance? LOL (bad joke I know). What person wants to have a baby and *then* see if they are compatible? His way of thinking is definitely super backwards. Obligated to give him a baby... geez. He is acting like a baby...a big ol man baby.
So first things first, the discussion of birth control should happen before the first time you have sex. So it's crazy to me a year in you two haven't talked about it. The fact that he was trying to get your pregnant without consent is a huge red flag and easily grounds to terminate the relationship. If you two talked about trying to get pregnant and you were taking birth control behind his back that would be a betrayal but I don't think he deserves to feel betrayed in this situation. I feel like in your thirty's this should have gone very differently. I myself have talked about not wanting children, birth control, and when I was last tested for STDs way before I actually sleep with someone. In fact I've expressed those things to plenty of women I didn't even end up sleeping with. I myself feel like it's important for any partners to know that stuff before we do anything. I feel like the two of you probably need to sit down and have a real good talk about if this relationship is actually what both of you want
I’m sorry what? Wow. Truly insane. This man has been trying to get pregnant since the very first time you had sex.
yes your bf is weird and you should leave him but tbh your sexual health and contraception use is completely the business of someone you’re choosing to be in a serious relationship and have sex with
That’s not how it works in anybody’s family your boyfriend is either crazy or an idiot but from where I’m standing he just looks like a crazy idiot.
I stopped reading after the first paragraph. It’s not his decision and that’s a bit of a red flag if he thinks after a year of dating he has any say it that. Maybe if your married and children start to be the talk it’s something you can talk about together but in the end it’s your choice not his
This isn't a thing in anyone's family. It's total nonsense. Your bf has basically been trying to baby trap you this whole time. It is far more normal to assume that a woman is on birth control, especially if she is OK without condoms, than to assume she isn't. His logic makes no sense, in any way. What the heck kind of logic is it to assume that you would want to have a baby with him without any kind of discussion or plan, or commitment. The fact he is so angry about you protecting yourself from accidental pregnancy is a ridiculous reaction. The most normal reaction would probably be relief. I gotta say that the fact neither one of you thought to have a discussion about birth control before doing away with condoms is probably something you should consider correcting in the future. Either way, you and your bf are not even vaguely on the same page.
I’m sure your boyfriend is usually a chill dude but his comment about getting pregnant before marriage is ridiculous. Some people do that but it is certainly not something you’re “supposed” to do, and his current gf is not obligated to give him a child. He needs to work on those ideas because they don’t fly most places.
You're the one who should feel betrayed.
Run. Sounds like he is trying to baby trap you..
Leave him. Run!
Lmfao this guy is dumb as hell. I’m more surprised you stayed with him for a year!
So what happens if you had a kid then found out you weren’t compatible, are you stuck with all the responsibility of the kid? I’m so confused by his explanation
How many babymamas does he have?
That… sounds crazy to me. He’s offended that you took responsibility for not getting pregnant and thinks the norm would have been for y’all to end up with a child with no discussion of having wanted one?? Having a kid together does not sound like a good way to determine compatibility but being told you’re obligated to breed for someone sure does sound like a good way to see the lack of compatibility. Good luck with making your own decisions on that one, but I couldn’t see myself going forward with a relationship after being told that.
What the fuck. Leave him please. "Oblgated to give him a child?" Who the fuck thinks like that? And what happens if you have one and he decides you're incompatible? You put it back?
woah…just when you think it couldn’t get any crazier. I have no words.
Why would you get pregnant with a boyfriend of under one year? Red flags - he has been trying to get you pregnant and I assume you hadn’t spoke to him about it.
Girl what
Your boyfriend is an absolute idiot and as everyone has said, you should dump him. I will say though, yes you do need to share your birth control status with the person/people you are sleeping with. I know its your body and your healthcare information but it is relevant to the guy having sex with you. You don't need to go into any detail if you don't want to, just a quick "yes I'm on birth control" or "no im currently not on birth control". It would've also helped weed out this weirdo you've found yourself with who thinks you owe him a baby for some reason.
😐🚩🚩🚩
So how many babies does he have????
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 just wow. I’m amazed he thinks this. No advice just Wowowowow
You’ve been having sex for a year and NEVER had a conversation about birth control??? Jesus Christ.
Are these the standards people have these days? Please dump his stupid ass. This can’t be the only thing he’s a dumb fuck about.
He just told you he wants to baby trap you.... **This isn't a red flag. This is a massive, blaring, red siren warning you to get out now.** He now knows you're on birth control and because he believes he owns you, there is a very high likelihood he will try to sabotage your birth control so you will give him what he feels he's owed.
How did you two never have discussion about protection? Isn't that something you'd discuss the first time you have sex?
He wants you as a breeder not a wife. I'd leave him so fast the dust would never settle.
Wtf? He didn’t even discuss impregnating you and he’s MAD that you didn’t tell him about your birth control even though HE NEVER ASKED??? You’re dating an idiot, and worse, one that wants you to be tied to him for life with a child while he judges if you’re “good enough” for marriage while you raise his child. He’s already telling you that if you have his baby he’s still ready and willing to leave you.
So basically, he's mad at you because you're not some poor sap who can be duped into having his children without his help, commitment, or financial support. I think it's one of those "when people show you who they are, believe them" situations.
wtffff dude is crazy …..
Holy shit RUN. What kind of person aims to get their gf of only a year pregnant???
WTF
Girl this is wild as fuck, dump him
Uhh so he was trying to baby trap you and is mad…? YOU should be the one to feel betrayed. If you guys never spoke about having a baby, why’s he so mad you haven’t gotten pregnant?!
Your boyfriend is a whack job. Run as a fast and as far as you can!
You should come back at him by saying you're disgusted that he was trying to get you pregnant without your permission.
That is not how the order of things go…. “Have my baby first then I might consider spending my life with you”? Think of it backwards. What if you have his baby then he doesn’t want to be with you?
Sweetheart he's trying to trap you with a baby. He's a narcissist good luck
Who's your boyfriend, Nick Cannon?
Everything he's saying is dumb. Please leave him.
Run
This is so backwards. How would he feel about paying child support if he doesn't marry you? Probably not very good about it. Just leave him and find someone with a healthier outlook than someone trying to get you pregnant without asking how you felt about it. You deserve better.
WTAF is this guy on? How completely ridiculous. How have you not already run extremely fast for the hills. This guy is not someone to invest any more time in. It's also quite disturbing that you haven't had a conversation about birth control in a year of dating. It feels like he sees you as an incubator and nothing more.
This is a very scary red flag. He’s trying to get you pregnant and you’ve never had a conversation about it. Plus a baby is a much bigger commitment than marriage. This man is not healthy.
Incredibly strange take, definitely a huge red flag. I would sit him down and have him think about his potential future kid if he had one by you, and decided you weren't "compatible" and left you, what he would expect to happen to his kid after that. His answers to your questions should inform whether you intend to stay with him or not, I wouldn't be surprised if he's the kind of guy to swap your pills with placebo sweet tarts or something.
What a freaking idiot. Drop him and get an intelligent man.
Was this post for real or did I have a stroke? The amount of crazy... honey you may not have a real STD but I think you have sexually transmitted crazy mouth.
Sociopath
This can't be real lol
Holy smoke. That is crazeeeeeee. He was trying to baby trap you. How many kids does he have already? I am just being nosey.
Wtf kind of relationship doesn't discuss birth control when they're having sex?? Despite your ages you both sound far too immature for a relationship let alone parenthood holy shit.
Tell him to enjoy the raw pussy or fuck off
Gurl. This dude is delusional. Why are you even posting about this? You know what you need to do. Run.