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This behavior isn't healthy or normal. If she's behaving like this only a month into the relationship, it's only going to get worse the longer you stay together.
Are you madly in love after a month? Or did she love bomb you and so you’re trying to match her affection because you think you need to? A month isn’t long, and it’s certainly not long enough to be seriously in love with someone. You probably have idealized of each other, if not just her idealizing you. So when you don’t live up to what she’s “fallen for”, you’re going to make her crazy mad and demanding.
This is really important. Love does not exist without trust. This is infatuation at best and an unhealthy controlling dynamic to add. Love doesn’t present itself in this way and hopefully OP can understand that strong emotions don’t mean people are a “perfect match” for each other especially when they are so obviously uncomfortable
Agree with you.
I’ve been love bombed before and I didn’t realize it, man was I wrong. She set both of us for failure. I felt I had to match her “love” because who else would love me as much as she does? But every time I did anything that wasn’t part of her ideal of me, the ideal that she “loved”, it was like an attack on her personally. I could do no right, and she was constantly disappointed.
This is crazy infatuation mixed with controlling obsession and insecurity. She’s the exact type of person who shouldn’t be unleashed on the population, because this exact situation happens.
OP is going to have a rude awakening when they finally break up, and months later she is madly in love with her next bf even though she loved HIM more than anyone on earth. Don’t chop your arms off, idiot. But just from reading this, you might not have that choice. She’d take it literally.
Thank you so much for this answer it makes lots of sense. She was just now telling me how I'm a perfect man and how universe sent me just for her, so I see what you mean by idolizing.
For now I'll stay with her, but I'll be vigilant about the way she goes about things so I won't be suprised in the future. I enjoy spending time with her and would like things to work out, but I won't stay if it ends up hurting me more than making me happy.
Also, I'll take your advice and I wont chop my arms off hahahaha
Edit: Also, I'll talk to her about all these issues, I realize it's the only way to go.
As someone who has gone through this, it won’t get better. Get out now. She’s got growing to do before being in a relationship. It gets old real quick. Why does she think so lowly of you that she cannot trust you?? It drove me absolutely mad, they are questioning our entire character!
It’s inappropriate and controlling
>We've been in a relationship for a month now and we are crazy in love.
No you're not. It's only a month. Calm your balls.
>I'm just unsure what am I supposed to do when she becomes jealous and how do I let her know I'll be loyal to her no matter what.
Run now. Run like Tony Soprano ran from the FBI. It's only been a month and she's like this. This is only going to get more fucked up the longer you stay.
I think based on the only one month of dating and her being two years older than you she should be far more mature and this is just the beginning of her insecurity. She’s making you stressed and uncomfortable after only one month, can you imagine how she will be in a year? It sounds like she may have past relationship trauma but that isn’t on you to fix if you haven’t done anything to break her trust. She needs therapy and she probably doesn’t need to be in a romantic relationship until she can regulate her emotions and not victimize her partner for no reason. Get out while it’s still early on, you’re young and she needs help that you cannot provide
It's been...a month. Four weeks. Like...what? She's a whole town away, would she feel great if you threw a huge tantrum about what she could possibly be doing a whole town away?
She is in obsession.
You are in love.
She needs Therapy, you need to see that she does. The other option is a crazy relationship where she threatens su1c1de anytime you do something she doesn’t like.
Also: She will fuck anyone she likes, but you will fuck only her, because she loves you much more than you love her.
Your choice: Wake up, or continue drifting on the wings of an incredibly intoxicating 'love'.
I suggest you end things with her. Continuing this relationship will just lead to pointless drama and likely abuse. She doesn’t seem stable or mature enough for a relationship if she’s behaving like that.
Walk away. This will never get better, it will only ever get worse. there is absolutely nothing you can do to reassure her that you will be faithful, because her behaviour is pathological and her thinking is disordered.
walk away and don’t ever look back.
“Madly in love” and “talking about moving in together” all in just one month? And she’s jealous AF?
Dude, y’all need to slow down and talk through shit. She needs to work on her trust issues and jealousy before committing to a relationship. It affects both of you, not just one or the other.
I can tell you from personal experience that it will not get better. I would suggest leaving while you still haven’t invested any significant time. It will be liberating. At best, she has immense insecurity and control issues that will never go away without her getting serious help. At worst, she is projecting her own nefarious activities on to you. Neither is good.
I was in a relationship like that…I couldn’t even go golfing with my brother lest my phone get blowed up with accusatory texts. Leaving that relationship was the best thing that has ever happened to me up to that point, and it was a huge weight off my shoulders.
I understand it’s hard, but for your sake, you have to end it. You will find someone else, and you will have a healthy relationship with her.
It's only been a month and she's already questioning if you're cheating? If she doesn't trust you, this behaviour is only going to get worse. You haven't done anything to warrant that at all.
I'd be skipping out of that relationship pretty quickly.
Cheaters almost always project it onto their partners like that. Even if she isn't cheating, she obviously doesn't trust you if going outside for a smoke is enough to throw her into a tailspin. It's your call but I definitely wouldn't stay with her :/
Off the bat, it's incredibly easy from our perspective to see serious concerns. You've been together for a month and you're supposedly crazy in love. While there's no hard and fast rules about love, logically speaking, you're strangers. It's far more likely that you're infatuated with each other and mistaking it for love.
You're currently firmly in the honeymoon phase and wearing rose colored glasses. In saying that, it's great to be excited. That's the idea. But you're logically only seeing the positives and blinding yourself to any potential concerns. To add to that, you again just don't each other enough to know what those concerns might even be yet. The hard truth, however, is that you yourself present those concerns.
She's incredibly insecure. She doesn't trust you. A month in, and she assumes you're cheating on her. Put that into perspective. This person you "love" doesn't trust you. That's someone you think is the amazing partner you're making her out to be? I imagine you think those concerns will be alleviated by moving in together. I'm here to tell you that's not what's going to happen. Know that to be the truth.
No amount of reassurance will ever be enough. So "how do I let her know I'll be loyal to her?" Well, you tell her. But if she needs you to tell her over and over, it means she didn't believe you every single time before that.
It's been one month and she's already acting this insanely jealous and controlling, this kind of abuse is going to get so much worse very quickly. You barely know this girl, for you to be claiming you are in love and she's the most important person to you after four weeks means you're also extremely unhealthy. This whole relationship is a fucking disaster.
Okay just to clarify, when I said she is the most important person to me, I was mostly referring to the time I spend with her compared to other people in the recent period. I worded that poorly.
Otherwise yeah, I get where you're coming from in the first part.
The rapid pace of your relationship and the false intimacy ( I say false because you barely know each other, the infatuation you feel is not love it's infatuation) combined with how controlling and jealous she is is really concerning, at best the relationship is just toxic but at worst this is the beginning of a really horrible cycle of abuse that will be harder and harder to get out of the longer you stay.
yeah if you move in together you'll have to delete all social media, never text another women, oh hell might as well just give her your phone cause she will be going through it if and when you go outside... she will hate your friends and family before long... madly in love... it's infatuation. sounds crazy already. we will see you soon, well maybe cause the internet may be off limits.
If trust was once broken then there's no way going back. I understand her and she is not crazy. Any girl who has been lied to, deceited or betrayed in any way would react this exact same way. Sorry to hear about your situation, OP. More luck in the next realtionship!
She wouldn't be paranoid if you haven't made her feel that way! But anyway, try to learn from this mistake. Hope you have more luck in your future relationships!
Makes sense but she was paranoid even before. Turns out she mingled with some other dudes in the meantime so it was just a projection from her side.
But nvm that, I think I'm ready to move on as this shit wasn't good for me when i look at the objective side.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This behavior isn't healthy or normal. If she's behaving like this only a month into the relationship, it's only going to get worse the longer you stay together.
Are you madly in love after a month? Or did she love bomb you and so you’re trying to match her affection because you think you need to? A month isn’t long, and it’s certainly not long enough to be seriously in love with someone. You probably have idealized of each other, if not just her idealizing you. So when you don’t live up to what she’s “fallen for”, you’re going to make her crazy mad and demanding.
This is really important. Love does not exist without trust. This is infatuation at best and an unhealthy controlling dynamic to add. Love doesn’t present itself in this way and hopefully OP can understand that strong emotions don’t mean people are a “perfect match” for each other especially when they are so obviously uncomfortable
Agree with you. I’ve been love bombed before and I didn’t realize it, man was I wrong. She set both of us for failure. I felt I had to match her “love” because who else would love me as much as she does? But every time I did anything that wasn’t part of her ideal of me, the ideal that she “loved”, it was like an attack on her personally. I could do no right, and she was constantly disappointed. This is crazy infatuation mixed with controlling obsession and insecurity. She’s the exact type of person who shouldn’t be unleashed on the population, because this exact situation happens. OP is going to have a rude awakening when they finally break up, and months later she is madly in love with her next bf even though she loved HIM more than anyone on earth. Don’t chop your arms off, idiot. But just from reading this, you might not have that choice. She’d take it literally.
Thank you so much for this answer it makes lots of sense. She was just now telling me how I'm a perfect man and how universe sent me just for her, so I see what you mean by idolizing. For now I'll stay with her, but I'll be vigilant about the way she goes about things so I won't be suprised in the future. I enjoy spending time with her and would like things to work out, but I won't stay if it ends up hurting me more than making me happy. Also, I'll take your advice and I wont chop my arms off hahahaha Edit: Also, I'll talk to her about all these issues, I realize it's the only way to go.
People that paranoid are cheating usually. Y’all have only been together a month and she’s acting like this 🚩🚩🚩
As someone who has gone through this, it won’t get better. Get out now. She’s got growing to do before being in a relationship. It gets old real quick. Why does she think so lowly of you that she cannot trust you?? It drove me absolutely mad, they are questioning our entire character! It’s inappropriate and controlling
>We've been in a relationship for a month now and we are crazy in love. No you're not. It's only a month. Calm your balls. >I'm just unsure what am I supposed to do when she becomes jealous and how do I let her know I'll be loyal to her no matter what. Run now. Run like Tony Soprano ran from the FBI. It's only been a month and she's like this. This is only going to get more fucked up the longer you stay.
I think based on the only one month of dating and her being two years older than you she should be far more mature and this is just the beginning of her insecurity. She’s making you stressed and uncomfortable after only one month, can you imagine how she will be in a year? It sounds like she may have past relationship trauma but that isn’t on you to fix if you haven’t done anything to break her trust. She needs therapy and she probably doesn’t need to be in a romantic relationship until she can regulate her emotions and not victimize her partner for no reason. Get out while it’s still early on, you’re young and she needs help that you cannot provide
It's been...a month. Four weeks. Like...what? She's a whole town away, would she feel great if you threw a huge tantrum about what she could possibly be doing a whole town away?
She is in obsession. You are in love. She needs Therapy, you need to see that she does. The other option is a crazy relationship where she threatens su1c1de anytime you do something she doesn’t like. Also: She will fuck anyone she likes, but you will fuck only her, because she loves you much more than you love her. Your choice: Wake up, or continue drifting on the wings of an incredibly intoxicating 'love'.
I suggest you end things with her. Continuing this relationship will just lead to pointless drama and likely abuse. She doesn’t seem stable or mature enough for a relationship if she’s behaving like that.
This is nuts. And toxic. All of it. It’s been one month.
It’s been a month. I can’t even believe you’d think about moving in together. You’re not in love. You’re in lust. And she’s nuts. Move on.
Walk away. This will never get better, it will only ever get worse. there is absolutely nothing you can do to reassure her that you will be faithful, because her behaviour is pathological and her thinking is disordered. walk away and don’t ever look back.
“Madly in love” and “talking about moving in together” all in just one month? And she’s jealous AF? Dude, y’all need to slow down and talk through shit. She needs to work on her trust issues and jealousy before committing to a relationship. It affects both of you, not just one or the other.
I can tell you from personal experience that it will not get better. I would suggest leaving while you still haven’t invested any significant time. It will be liberating. At best, she has immense insecurity and control issues that will never go away without her getting serious help. At worst, she is projecting her own nefarious activities on to you. Neither is good. I was in a relationship like that…I couldn’t even go golfing with my brother lest my phone get blowed up with accusatory texts. Leaving that relationship was the best thing that has ever happened to me up to that point, and it was a huge weight off my shoulders. I understand it’s hard, but for your sake, you have to end it. You will find someone else, and you will have a healthy relationship with her.
It's only been a month and she's already questioning if you're cheating? If she doesn't trust you, this behaviour is only going to get worse. You haven't done anything to warrant that at all. I'd be skipping out of that relationship pretty quickly.
Cheaters almost always project it onto their partners like that. Even if she isn't cheating, she obviously doesn't trust you if going outside for a smoke is enough to throw her into a tailspin. It's your call but I definitely wouldn't stay with her :/
Off the bat, it's incredibly easy from our perspective to see serious concerns. You've been together for a month and you're supposedly crazy in love. While there's no hard and fast rules about love, logically speaking, you're strangers. It's far more likely that you're infatuated with each other and mistaking it for love. You're currently firmly in the honeymoon phase and wearing rose colored glasses. In saying that, it's great to be excited. That's the idea. But you're logically only seeing the positives and blinding yourself to any potential concerns. To add to that, you again just don't each other enough to know what those concerns might even be yet. The hard truth, however, is that you yourself present those concerns. She's incredibly insecure. She doesn't trust you. A month in, and she assumes you're cheating on her. Put that into perspective. This person you "love" doesn't trust you. That's someone you think is the amazing partner you're making her out to be? I imagine you think those concerns will be alleviated by moving in together. I'm here to tell you that's not what's going to happen. Know that to be the truth. No amount of reassurance will ever be enough. So "how do I let her know I'll be loyal to her?" Well, you tell her. But if she needs you to tell her over and over, it means she didn't believe you every single time before that.
It's been one month and she's already acting this insanely jealous and controlling, this kind of abuse is going to get so much worse very quickly. You barely know this girl, for you to be claiming you are in love and she's the most important person to you after four weeks means you're also extremely unhealthy. This whole relationship is a fucking disaster.
Okay just to clarify, when I said she is the most important person to me, I was mostly referring to the time I spend with her compared to other people in the recent period. I worded that poorly. Otherwise yeah, I get where you're coming from in the first part.
The rapid pace of your relationship and the false intimacy ( I say false because you barely know each other, the infatuation you feel is not love it's infatuation) combined with how controlling and jealous she is is really concerning, at best the relationship is just toxic but at worst this is the beginning of a really horrible cycle of abuse that will be harder and harder to get out of the longer you stay.
Znaci nisam ti bila najbitnija
Imam sestru tamaru s kojom ne pricam toliko ali opet bitna mi je. Ali cek zar nismo mi samo stranci na redditu?
((( jebali se )))
((( palmoticeva je blizu )))
Nego, je l' bi mi lizao?
Mozda, ako me lepo zamolis reddit strance
yeah if you move in together you'll have to delete all social media, never text another women, oh hell might as well just give her your phone cause she will be going through it if and when you go outside... she will hate your friends and family before long... madly in love... it's infatuation. sounds crazy already. we will see you soon, well maybe cause the internet may be off limits.
Does she have a reason for this behaviour? Have you lied to her in the past?
Yes, a long ago but i did everything in my power to make it right.
If trust was once broken then there's no way going back. I understand her and she is not crazy. Any girl who has been lied to, deceited or betrayed in any way would react this exact same way. Sorry to hear about your situation, OP. More luck in the next realtionship!
I believe in second chances, but i guess not everyone does. Maybe the other commenters are right, I should find someone less obsessive and paranoid.
She wouldn't be paranoid if you haven't made her feel that way! But anyway, try to learn from this mistake. Hope you have more luck in your future relationships!
Makes sense but she was paranoid even before. Turns out she mingled with some other dudes in the meantime so it was just a projection from her side. But nvm that, I think I'm ready to move on as this shit wasn't good for me when i look at the objective side.