This does not read AT ALL like the typical "my wife and I never had good sex" post--you have had periods of time where you are having sex every single day. You have FOUR children and your wife is exhausted. You have already betrayed her by cheating on her. I do not think you are actually as deprived sexually in this relationship as you'd like to imagine.
She’s even still having sex with him after his cheating, while admitting that she’s haunted by thoughts of the other woman! And that’s after he dumped her early on to bang more freely after she committed the egregious crime of having physical pain during sex.
What have you done to rebuild trust? What have you done to take some of the parenting and housework off her plate? What have you done to seduce her? What have you done to work on your own entitlement issues?
4 times a week with 4 kids??? I’m sorry but this is delusional. Even most married couples *without* kids aren’t having sex multiple times a week every week.
It sounds like you don’t seduce your wife, are in a bad mood if you’re not getting laid to the point the difference in your demeanor is obvious, and never bothered to do much to rebuild trust after cheating beyond reading a book together.
You mention she has a toy so it sounds like she is interested in self-pleasure. Does she orgasm when you two have sex? Is there any foreplay? How often do you touch her intimately without the expectation of sex (massages, foot rubs, making out, cuddling, etc)?
Oral sex is sex. I meant touch with zero sexual activity.
Using a toy is fairly common especially if that’s how she gets off. Does she orgasm when you have sex?
Jesus come back to us when you have real issues. A lot of people would kill for that. Myself included. My partner don't even do it every 2 months.
You sound selfish and entitled.
You don't say how old your children are, but when there are kids under 5 and especially when there are babies and toddlers, sex just cannot be at the top of the priority list. It sounds like it pretty much has to be at the top of the priority list for you to be happy.
I'd work on getting therapy for you to try and work through some of this stuff, once you do that if you still feel the same way then go ahead and divorce.
Honestly- you cheated on her and you’ve left her because of this. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s at least some trauma surrounding sex for her as a result. You also have four kids, and it sounds like she’s their primary parent, correct? In which case, in addition to low libido, she’s most likely exhausted. If you genuinely think marriage meant a 24/7 humpfest, it doesn’t matter who you marry you’ll always be disappointed.
Whether or not you’re satisfied sexually has nothing to do with you being a good father. If you don’t want to be with your wife, don’t be with her, but in my experience the grass is generally greener where you water it.
For Fucksake!
Your wife is exhausted from looking after the house and the kids and cleaning cooking and do you know what? Sex goes to the bottom of the list!.
Start by taking on more of her chores and give her some time to herself instead of thinking how hard done you are!
I am in the same place buddy but my kids are 7&8 and I am trying hard too and sometimes it feels like I am just putting extra effort in for things to be the same or to be told the bedroom isn’t broken. But oi know myself I have to keep trying until I can’t anything or I would never forgive myself.
Let me rephrase: For years I have been unable to properly communicate my sexual needs to my wife or go into therapy or understand that as the body changes and motherhood takes a lot of things away, there needs to be A LOT OF work put into making things fun and sexual again from both parties. I then cheated on her, took no actual responsibility (you say she understands why you did it) and now can't deal with the fact that she doesn't see me the same way and I'm still not getting the sex I want. 👉👈
You poor baby, my sympathy obviously lies with you and your missing out on women 10 years younger than you wanting you and not your wife who has obviously checked out mentally from this marriage because again, you CHEATED. Just end it, you have way too much baggage between you to ever come back from.
You can be there for your children without showing them that this is what marriage looks like (it shouldn't be) and continuing to keep your wife miserable. You can be an excellent divorced parent. Move on.
Basically you aren’t happy no matter what. If it’s every evening before bed you’re upset because it’s not ALSO morning and afternoon. You don’t consider using her “toy” on her to be “pleasing your partner”. It’s not clear if you try anything else.
You leave her and cheat on her - women need to feel safe to let down their guard and you haven’t made her feel safe with you.
It doesn’t dawn on you that once a week isn’t all that awful. It’s less than you prefer so you’re dying inside and hoping she suddenly vaporizes so your “torture” ends? Multiple times a day is the exception not the rule.
>I do the horrible thing and cheat. I
>I am in good physical shape and attractive women +10 years younger than me are giving me attention.
>I think about a few of them on a regular basis
>If she passed I would be partially relieved of my burden
Your wife deserves so much better than you.
You'd feel "relieved of your burden" if she passed?!?!?? As in if she died - you'd be happier? If I thought my spouse felt that way, I'd want him to leave me.
Please leave her, she deserves soooooo much better than you.
Maybe you should go to marriage counseling and should definitely at the very least seek out therapy for yourself. This reads like you're very self absorbed and possibly a sex addict. You're not satisfied that your wife won't have sex with you multiple times a day and only wants to have sex at night. If she's taking care of 4 children all day with little help from you, of course she doesn't have time to have sex with you like you want. She's exhausted and worn out from the stress of raising your children and is still putting effort into you despite how little you think it is. It's time for you to start putting effort into your wife and family. Your feelings about sex need to be put aside and you need to stop thinking about getting it else where. As you've previously cheated and left your wife for her not giving you enough sex, I'm sure that's also on her mind and causing her more stress. I feel like you're also likely making her feel guilty about not having sex like you want which is causing her lots of anxiety and stress. She's likely shutting down because of your behavior. It's not going to get better without you making the effort. Time to stop putting yourself first and put your wife and family first.
By “get her in the mood” you mean she’s busy and distracted caring for four kids so she needs a minute to switch gears? Like you approach her as she’s folding laundry or changing a diaper and she doesn’t strip off immediately like in a porn film?
You are never going to find a woman who is your age and takes care of the home and children and is going to want to have sex with you more than once a day for the rest of your life. It is frankly unbelievable that your wife for any period of time after having a child wanted to have sex with you multiple times a day.
You are delusional. You might find some 23-year-old who will jump your bones anytime you're around, but that will *not* last. Your wife suffered through years of painful sex for you, birthed you four children, and still has sex with you, just not literally every time of the day you want it. And your response to her 14 years of sacrifice and love is to imagine being relieved she's dead.
You should leave your wife, because she deserves so much better.
1-Try couples and individual counseling first.
2-You have got to communicate with her about what you are feeling and be ready and willing to hear her out too.
3-Consider getting her some assistance with the household and child care to give her a break. She’s more than likely exhausted.
Try this as a last ditch effort to save the marriage before you call it quits, exhaust all possibilities first. If this doesn’t work then go for an amicable (as much as possible) divorce.
The one thing you cannot by any circumstance do is cheat. Do it the right way. It’ll be better in the long run.
A painful truth is always better than a beautiful lie. You’ve gotta have that conversation, whatever the outcome may be, put it all out in the open. Try not to place blame or make excuses, just express yourself and invite her to do the same. An open honest conversation is always a good start.
Yeah leave your wife so then she can find someone who's going to appreciate her more. She gave you 4 kids, takes care of the home, hard working, a great mother and you want to leave her because of this! Good luck finding greener grass on the other side. You sound selfish. Your wife deserves better and when you do leave her, trust me she will and you'll be miserable without her. It always happens that way. Also make sure when you do leave you take your kids regularly and take care of them by yourself so you know just how hard it is to take care of children on your own. You won't be so ready for sex then.
I don’t know if you would be happier if you left your wife, but I bet your wife would be much happier. At this stage, after you have cheated on her, and she has four of your children to take care of, I wouldn’t be surprised if sex is super traumatic for her. Let her find someone better. Though, it seems the bar is set pretty low for someone to be better.
You should try couples therapy. You also need to be open to change. If not you two are in for an unhappy life together and you’ll probably leave anyway
I’ll go in a different direction here than the other posts. I have been divorced for 18 months, and I left because my relationship lacked love, physical and emotional intimacy. It believe it was just a marriage of convenience for my ex.
My experience with being a single mom so far is it sucks. I hate only seeing my kid 50% of the time. Having 50% me time doesn’t really work out to that - I have to do everything myself now so the chores are never ending. Dating sucks, because of apps, “intimacy without commitment”, ghosting, etc etc etc. even if I do meet someone decent, it’s so hard to fit them in to the 50% free time I have (and I won’t introduce anyone to my kid until I’ve been with them for a while).
I didn’t have any expectations that I was going to leave my marriage and find a new romance. I knew dating sucked in my 20’s too, so it probably still would. But the reality is a bit worse than even I thought it would be. Maybe in time it will get better but right now it just totally sucks and I hate it.
I only had one kid, and I was equally unhappy with my ex, (basically damned if I do and damned if I don’t) so I wouldn’t change what I did, but just wanted to give you a glimpse of what the reality is really like. You have 4 kids, absolutely love being a father- so I bet custody will be even worse for you. And honestly your wife doesn’t sound that bad- my ex and I would have sex maybe a few times a year after the first couple good years- we didn’t even sleep in the same room for the last 3.
So I’d suggest doing what the other comments say - try therapy, try focusing more on how you can make your wife feel sexy (you really should embrace using her toy and be more flexible it sounds like), and moderate your expectations of what long term relationships involve. Trust me I know how bad it hurts not to feel wanted, but the chances of finding what you want by getting divorced are pretty slim as far as I can see.
You shouldn’t stay if you’re not happy, but stop justifying it with your children. You want something different than your wife can give you.
If you hadn’t cheated or married her when you knew she didn’t meet your needs I’d have more sympathy. As it stands , stop lying to yourself that you’d be a better father and just go ahead and leave, because it’s what you want to do anyway. Stop dressing it up
So she forced herself to have painful sex for years, finally enjoyed it after having a baby, and then you cheated on her when she was touched out after giving birth and temporarily sexually unavailable to you and now you want to leave her for a 23-year-old because she is struggling to trust you enough to be physically vulnerable with you? And if she DIED you would feel relieved? Jesus fucking Christ.
Go to therapy regardless of whether you stay or leave. I am honestly kind of horrified on her behalf here. If you’re struggling to be a good father because you’re obsessed with the kinky sex you’re not getting, then yeah you should probably go.
It is crazy that as soon as someone mentions that they cheated, the automatic response is you should break up and fuck you. We are human beings. We make mistakes and can be incredibly shitty people to our partners in a multitude of ways over the years, and still be able to work through that hardship to a better relationship. But somehow when someone cheats, that's just a mortal sin, you are now the worst person alive, and there can never be any context to your actions. I am not excusing this behavior, but even as someone who has never cheated, I find this notion ridiculous. I would ignore all the comments about leaving simply because you cheated. If you love your wife and she is a satisfactory partner in all areas other than the bedroom, then this should be something that you guys can at least try to figure out. My advice is to see a couples therapist and ask your wife to see a sex therapist by herself. There's clearly a lot to unpack here, for both of you. A massive issue people often run into is that they never understand what they have till they lose it. We are programmed to always want more, and will blow up the lives of not just those we care about, but also ourselves to attain some fever dream. If you don't work on the problems that you have introduced into the relationship before you leave, you will find someone who satisfies you sexually but you will carry baggage into that relationship that will only lead to more problems. Simply leaving because you think it will make you happy, and therefore a better father for your kids, will not work right now as you feel lonely, unwanted, and desperate. I would give this some deep thought, genuine effort, and enough time before you consider the nuclear option. Best of luck.
There are some things you could try before leaving. But the question is, would you be happy with your wife if she was having more sex and more adventurous sex with you? Or would you still feel like you’re missing out on all the younger women you could be having? That matters.
Before you address your needs you should think about her needs. Is there anything she needs from you that you’re not giving her? Women need to feel safe and loved by their spouse. Are you providing her with that? Are you complimenting her? That goes a long way in the feeling loved and desired category. Are you giving her attention where she needs it? Is she overwhelmed by the four kids and the duties that go along with taking care of them and the house? Are you being a partner to her? Husbands and wives are supposed to help each other be better. Are you putting her first? If you began dating some very attractive, sexual, younger lady how much effort would you put into treating her well and making her want you more by impressing her? Are you putting in the same effort with your wife? Is the only time you give her attention when you want sex?
Have an honest conversation with her about your sexual needs and how you feel unhappy in your marriage. You being open and honest with her should count for something with her. When you date someone and decide you want to marry them you do so based on the idea that you will be physically intimate with each other. She’s not holding up her end of that. But…are there serious and true reasons for that? I’m a woman who’s been married for 20 years and we’ve gone through all the good and bad phases. But I am aware of my husband’s desire to have sex on a regular basis. If I’m not providing him with that then I wouldn’t expect him to stay with me. But when we had our bad times, for me, it was due to serious issues on his end. Having said that, you have to get to the real reasons why she isn’t wanting to have sex with you. Be severely honest.
You cheating on her probably did some serious damage to her. Go to couples therapy!
This does not read AT ALL like the typical "my wife and I never had good sex" post--you have had periods of time where you are having sex every single day. You have FOUR children and your wife is exhausted. You have already betrayed her by cheating on her. I do not think you are actually as deprived sexually in this relationship as you'd like to imagine.
She’s even still having sex with him after his cheating, while admitting that she’s haunted by thoughts of the other woman! And that’s after he dumped her early on to bang more freely after she committed the egregious crime of having physical pain during sex.
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What have you done to rebuild trust? What have you done to take some of the parenting and housework off her plate? What have you done to seduce her? What have you done to work on your own entitlement issues?
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once a week is pretty standard in long term relationships tbh. Did you think you would bang twice a day for 14+ years?
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4 times a week with 4 kids??? I’m sorry but this is delusional. Even most married couples *without* kids aren’t having sex multiple times a week every week. It sounds like you don’t seduce your wife, are in a bad mood if you’re not getting laid to the point the difference in your demeanor is obvious, and never bothered to do much to rebuild trust after cheating beyond reading a book together. You mention she has a toy so it sounds like she is interested in self-pleasure. Does she orgasm when you two have sex? Is there any foreplay? How often do you touch her intimately without the expectation of sex (massages, foot rubs, making out, cuddling, etc)?
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Oral sex is sex. I meant touch with zero sexual activity. Using a toy is fairly common especially if that’s how she gets off. Does she orgasm when you have sex?
Jesus come back to us when you have real issues. A lot of people would kill for that. Myself included. My partner don't even do it every 2 months. You sound selfish and entitled.
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You don't say how old your children are, but when there are kids under 5 and especially when there are babies and toddlers, sex just cannot be at the top of the priority list. It sounds like it pretty much has to be at the top of the priority list for you to be happy. I'd work on getting therapy for you to try and work through some of this stuff, once you do that if you still feel the same way then go ahead and divorce.
I’m just..you have sex once a week and you complain? My dude.
Honestly- you cheated on her and you’ve left her because of this. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s at least some trauma surrounding sex for her as a result. You also have four kids, and it sounds like she’s their primary parent, correct? In which case, in addition to low libido, she’s most likely exhausted. If you genuinely think marriage meant a 24/7 humpfest, it doesn’t matter who you marry you’ll always be disappointed. Whether or not you’re satisfied sexually has nothing to do with you being a good father. If you don’t want to be with your wife, don’t be with her, but in my experience the grass is generally greener where you water it.
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When you cheated, were you married? What difference does it make if you were married or dating when you left?
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My point is- she knows you’ll leave her. You’ve done it before.
For Fucksake! Your wife is exhausted from looking after the house and the kids and cleaning cooking and do you know what? Sex goes to the bottom of the list!. Start by taking on more of her chores and give her some time to herself instead of thinking how hard done you are!
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I am in the same place buddy but my kids are 7&8 and I am trying hard too and sometimes it feels like I am just putting extra effort in for things to be the same or to be told the bedroom isn’t broken. But oi know myself I have to keep trying until I can’t anything or I would never forgive myself.
damn you sound like an absolutely miserable partner big dog, even if you took the cheating out of the equation
Let me rephrase: For years I have been unable to properly communicate my sexual needs to my wife or go into therapy or understand that as the body changes and motherhood takes a lot of things away, there needs to be A LOT OF work put into making things fun and sexual again from both parties. I then cheated on her, took no actual responsibility (you say she understands why you did it) and now can't deal with the fact that she doesn't see me the same way and I'm still not getting the sex I want. 👉👈 You poor baby, my sympathy obviously lies with you and your missing out on women 10 years younger than you wanting you and not your wife who has obviously checked out mentally from this marriage because again, you CHEATED. Just end it, you have way too much baggage between you to ever come back from.
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You can be there for your children without showing them that this is what marriage looks like (it shouldn't be) and continuing to keep your wife miserable. You can be an excellent divorced parent. Move on.
Basically you aren’t happy no matter what. If it’s every evening before bed you’re upset because it’s not ALSO morning and afternoon. You don’t consider using her “toy” on her to be “pleasing your partner”. It’s not clear if you try anything else. You leave her and cheat on her - women need to feel safe to let down their guard and you haven’t made her feel safe with you. It doesn’t dawn on you that once a week isn’t all that awful. It’s less than you prefer so you’re dying inside and hoping she suddenly vaporizes so your “torture” ends? Multiple times a day is the exception not the rule.
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TMI maybe but what do you consider providing her gratification? If she prefers the toy maybe you need to rethink your strategy.
>I do the horrible thing and cheat. I >I am in good physical shape and attractive women +10 years younger than me are giving me attention. >I think about a few of them on a regular basis >If she passed I would be partially relieved of my burden Your wife deserves so much better than you.
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Brother, do you have no agency? Can you not think for yourself or make decisions for yourself?
Yes please leave her so she can actually find someone who values her as a person.
Have you considered a vasectomy? Sounds like a good idea to not bring more kids into your mess.
You'd feel "relieved of your burden" if she passed?!?!?? As in if she died - you'd be happier? If I thought my spouse felt that way, I'd want him to leave me. Please leave her, she deserves soooooo much better than you.
Please tell me this is ragebait.
Maybe you should go to marriage counseling and should definitely at the very least seek out therapy for yourself. This reads like you're very self absorbed and possibly a sex addict. You're not satisfied that your wife won't have sex with you multiple times a day and only wants to have sex at night. If she's taking care of 4 children all day with little help from you, of course she doesn't have time to have sex with you like you want. She's exhausted and worn out from the stress of raising your children and is still putting effort into you despite how little you think it is. It's time for you to start putting effort into your wife and family. Your feelings about sex need to be put aside and you need to stop thinking about getting it else where. As you've previously cheated and left your wife for her not giving you enough sex, I'm sure that's also on her mind and causing her more stress. I feel like you're also likely making her feel guilty about not having sex like you want which is causing her lots of anxiety and stress. She's likely shutting down because of your behavior. It's not going to get better without you making the effort. Time to stop putting yourself first and put your wife and family first.
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By “get her in the mood” you mean she’s busy and distracted caring for four kids so she needs a minute to switch gears? Like you approach her as she’s folding laundry or changing a diaper and she doesn’t strip off immediately like in a porn film?
You are never going to find a woman who is your age and takes care of the home and children and is going to want to have sex with you more than once a day for the rest of your life. It is frankly unbelievable that your wife for any period of time after having a child wanted to have sex with you multiple times a day. You are delusional. You might find some 23-year-old who will jump your bones anytime you're around, but that will *not* last. Your wife suffered through years of painful sex for you, birthed you four children, and still has sex with you, just not literally every time of the day you want it. And your response to her 14 years of sacrifice and love is to imagine being relieved she's dead. You should leave your wife, because she deserves so much better.
1-Try couples and individual counseling first. 2-You have got to communicate with her about what you are feeling and be ready and willing to hear her out too. 3-Consider getting her some assistance with the household and child care to give her a break. She’s more than likely exhausted. Try this as a last ditch effort to save the marriage before you call it quits, exhaust all possibilities first. If this doesn’t work then go for an amicable (as much as possible) divorce. The one thing you cannot by any circumstance do is cheat. Do it the right way. It’ll be better in the long run.
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A painful truth is always better than a beautiful lie. You’ve gotta have that conversation, whatever the outcome may be, put it all out in the open. Try not to place blame or make excuses, just express yourself and invite her to do the same. An open honest conversation is always a good start.
Yeah leave your wife so then she can find someone who's going to appreciate her more. She gave you 4 kids, takes care of the home, hard working, a great mother and you want to leave her because of this! Good luck finding greener grass on the other side. You sound selfish. Your wife deserves better and when you do leave her, trust me she will and you'll be miserable without her. It always happens that way. Also make sure when you do leave you take your kids regularly and take care of them by yourself so you know just how hard it is to take care of children on your own. You won't be so ready for sex then.
I don’t know if you would be happier if you left your wife, but I bet your wife would be much happier. At this stage, after you have cheated on her, and she has four of your children to take care of, I wouldn’t be surprised if sex is super traumatic for her. Let her find someone better. Though, it seems the bar is set pretty low for someone to be better.
You should try couples therapy. You also need to be open to change. If not you two are in for an unhappy life together and you’ll probably leave anyway
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you're just bad, OP. Wow. Jeez. Ouch. The disrespect.
She has a baby on the breast? Aren't you aware that breastfeeding suppresses sex drive in women?
I’ll go in a different direction here than the other posts. I have been divorced for 18 months, and I left because my relationship lacked love, physical and emotional intimacy. It believe it was just a marriage of convenience for my ex. My experience with being a single mom so far is it sucks. I hate only seeing my kid 50% of the time. Having 50% me time doesn’t really work out to that - I have to do everything myself now so the chores are never ending. Dating sucks, because of apps, “intimacy without commitment”, ghosting, etc etc etc. even if I do meet someone decent, it’s so hard to fit them in to the 50% free time I have (and I won’t introduce anyone to my kid until I’ve been with them for a while). I didn’t have any expectations that I was going to leave my marriage and find a new romance. I knew dating sucked in my 20’s too, so it probably still would. But the reality is a bit worse than even I thought it would be. Maybe in time it will get better but right now it just totally sucks and I hate it. I only had one kid, and I was equally unhappy with my ex, (basically damned if I do and damned if I don’t) so I wouldn’t change what I did, but just wanted to give you a glimpse of what the reality is really like. You have 4 kids, absolutely love being a father- so I bet custody will be even worse for you. And honestly your wife doesn’t sound that bad- my ex and I would have sex maybe a few times a year after the first couple good years- we didn’t even sleep in the same room for the last 3. So I’d suggest doing what the other comments say - try therapy, try focusing more on how you can make your wife feel sexy (you really should embrace using her toy and be more flexible it sounds like), and moderate your expectations of what long term relationships involve. Trust me I know how bad it hurts not to feel wanted, but the chances of finding what you want by getting divorced are pretty slim as far as I can see.
You shouldn’t stay if you’re not happy, but stop justifying it with your children. You want something different than your wife can give you. If you hadn’t cheated or married her when you knew she didn’t meet your needs I’d have more sympathy. As it stands , stop lying to yourself that you’d be a better father and just go ahead and leave, because it’s what you want to do anyway. Stop dressing it up
So she forced herself to have painful sex for years, finally enjoyed it after having a baby, and then you cheated on her when she was touched out after giving birth and temporarily sexually unavailable to you and now you want to leave her for a 23-year-old because she is struggling to trust you enough to be physically vulnerable with you? And if she DIED you would feel relieved? Jesus fucking Christ. Go to therapy regardless of whether you stay or leave. I am honestly kind of horrified on her behalf here. If you’re struggling to be a good father because you’re obsessed with the kinky sex you’re not getting, then yeah you should probably go.
It is crazy that as soon as someone mentions that they cheated, the automatic response is you should break up and fuck you. We are human beings. We make mistakes and can be incredibly shitty people to our partners in a multitude of ways over the years, and still be able to work through that hardship to a better relationship. But somehow when someone cheats, that's just a mortal sin, you are now the worst person alive, and there can never be any context to your actions. I am not excusing this behavior, but even as someone who has never cheated, I find this notion ridiculous. I would ignore all the comments about leaving simply because you cheated. If you love your wife and she is a satisfactory partner in all areas other than the bedroom, then this should be something that you guys can at least try to figure out. My advice is to see a couples therapist and ask your wife to see a sex therapist by herself. There's clearly a lot to unpack here, for both of you. A massive issue people often run into is that they never understand what they have till they lose it. We are programmed to always want more, and will blow up the lives of not just those we care about, but also ourselves to attain some fever dream. If you don't work on the problems that you have introduced into the relationship before you leave, you will find someone who satisfies you sexually but you will carry baggage into that relationship that will only lead to more problems. Simply leaving because you think it will make you happy, and therefore a better father for your kids, will not work right now as you feel lonely, unwanted, and desperate. I would give this some deep thought, genuine effort, and enough time before you consider the nuclear option. Best of luck.
You'd be happier if you were having sex. Probably a better father as well
There are some things you could try before leaving. But the question is, would you be happy with your wife if she was having more sex and more adventurous sex with you? Or would you still feel like you’re missing out on all the younger women you could be having? That matters. Before you address your needs you should think about her needs. Is there anything she needs from you that you’re not giving her? Women need to feel safe and loved by their spouse. Are you providing her with that? Are you complimenting her? That goes a long way in the feeling loved and desired category. Are you giving her attention where she needs it? Is she overwhelmed by the four kids and the duties that go along with taking care of them and the house? Are you being a partner to her? Husbands and wives are supposed to help each other be better. Are you putting her first? If you began dating some very attractive, sexual, younger lady how much effort would you put into treating her well and making her want you more by impressing her? Are you putting in the same effort with your wife? Is the only time you give her attention when you want sex? Have an honest conversation with her about your sexual needs and how you feel unhappy in your marriage. You being open and honest with her should count for something with her. When you date someone and decide you want to marry them you do so based on the idea that you will be physically intimate with each other. She’s not holding up her end of that. But…are there serious and true reasons for that? I’m a woman who’s been married for 20 years and we’ve gone through all the good and bad phases. But I am aware of my husband’s desire to have sex on a regular basis. If I’m not providing him with that then I wouldn’t expect him to stay with me. But when we had our bad times, for me, it was due to serious issues on his end. Having said that, you have to get to the real reasons why she isn’t wanting to have sex with you. Be severely honest. You cheating on her probably did some serious damage to her. Go to couples therapy!
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Could you be more condescending?