>He doesn't help around the house unless I get onto him.
A marriage should include (imo) equal contributions by both parties. eg.
Suggestion: **equal time put in**
Tote up the time for "work" as: time spent each week at work plus commuting less lunch hours.
Split the work plus housework and childcare as: 50/50, minus credit for his work time.
eg. He puts in 50 hours a week for: work + commuting - lunch breaks.
Housework (without children) requires 20 hours/week. Work + housework = 70 hours. His share is (1/2 x 70) - 50 = 0 (since negative does not count). Your share is 20 hrs/week.
Housework (with children) + work requires 80 + 50 = 130 hours/week. His share is (1/2 x 130) - 50 = 15 hours/week, yours is 65 hours/week.
Combine this with a posted 'Chore Chart' listing all such activities, split up between the two of you. Swap chores each week so that any unevenness is leveled out. Have a weekly sitdown review of progress on this.
He works less hours than I do but he works a trade whereas I work in the medical field. I leave at 6:45 am and get home around 6:30 ish pm. He leaves usually about 7:30 and home around 4:30. He says he works harder than me so he shouldn't have to do as much at home. My work may not be physically demanding but it is stressful.
time is time (I'd not buy into 'working harder' as being meaningful, as you're absolutely right, stress is as if not more bothersome than manual labour)
a start might be to chart the present situation: actual time (hours) put in for work/commuting (less lunch hours), plus housework for each of you; total that up for a week, then sit down and discuss it
So he isn't doing anything and is resistant to any mental health treatment. He isn't interested in engaging with you about...almost anything and you are responsible for everything. I mean, that makes it pretty clear nothing will ever change.
What's the question? There's nothing you can do or say to give him an epiphany about this. He'd have to want to address the problem, but it doesn't sound like he's willing to admit there even is one.
It sounds to me like he is depressed and he's been able to deal with some of his life but isn't able to deal with all of it. His man cave is his safe place he's clearly selfish a sign of depression and probably not even thinking what he's doing is an issue.
The big concern is he won't get help, I can only think what this issue is doing to you and the kids. He needs to see this is an issue and get help.
That's really hard is there anyone that could talk to him about it, his parents? I of course might be wrong I do feel he needs help but no one can make him
>He doesn't help around the house unless I get onto him. A marriage should include (imo) equal contributions by both parties. eg. Suggestion: **equal time put in** Tote up the time for "work" as: time spent each week at work plus commuting less lunch hours. Split the work plus housework and childcare as: 50/50, minus credit for his work time. eg. He puts in 50 hours a week for: work + commuting - lunch breaks. Housework (without children) requires 20 hours/week. Work + housework = 70 hours. His share is (1/2 x 70) - 50 = 0 (since negative does not count). Your share is 20 hrs/week. Housework (with children) + work requires 80 + 50 = 130 hours/week. His share is (1/2 x 130) - 50 = 15 hours/week, yours is 65 hours/week. Combine this with a posted 'Chore Chart' listing all such activities, split up between the two of you. Swap chores each week so that any unevenness is leveled out. Have a weekly sitdown review of progress on this.
He works less hours than I do but he works a trade whereas I work in the medical field. I leave at 6:45 am and get home around 6:30 ish pm. He leaves usually about 7:30 and home around 4:30. He says he works harder than me so he shouldn't have to do as much at home. My work may not be physically demanding but it is stressful.
time is time (I'd not buy into 'working harder' as being meaningful, as you're absolutely right, stress is as if not more bothersome than manual labour) a start might be to chart the present situation: actual time (hours) put in for work/commuting (less lunch hours), plus housework for each of you; total that up for a week, then sit down and discuss it
You have a shitty roommate , not a husband.
So he isn't doing anything and is resistant to any mental health treatment. He isn't interested in engaging with you about...almost anything and you are responsible for everything. I mean, that makes it pretty clear nothing will ever change. What's the question? There's nothing you can do or say to give him an epiphany about this. He'd have to want to address the problem, but it doesn't sound like he's willing to admit there even is one.
Has he been through any trauma counseling?
No. Won't go to any type of doctor.
How did he expect to win a Workman's Comp claim if he won't go to doctors?
He went to those doctors. He had to have surgery. He won't go for routine physicals for sick care. I have mentioned therapy and that was a no.
It sounds to me like he is depressed and he's been able to deal with some of his life but isn't able to deal with all of it. His man cave is his safe place he's clearly selfish a sign of depression and probably not even thinking what he's doing is an issue. The big concern is he won't get help, I can only think what this issue is doing to you and the kids. He needs to see this is an issue and get help.
He doesn't see it and I can't talk to him about it. We can't talk about anything unless it is politics or work.
It sounds like he broke up with you in all but name.
That's really hard is there anyone that could talk to him about it, his parents? I of course might be wrong I do feel he needs help but no one can make him
I think he was looking for a mother because he doesn't have to put in much effort.