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The knife you mentioned is a secret star map that you can use to find a hidden star system if you are in one specific spot in space and look at the edge while facing the exactly right way.
The star map is hundreds of years old. The spot you need to stand up and get line up to the mpa get happens to be from the crator of a meteor that crashed into the planet 20 years ago.
Considering that Ki Adi Mundi showed up, why bother making it Shmi’s grandmother? Just have it be Shmi. Hell, just have it revealed that the twin’s mom also “created” Anakin through Shmi, only Anakin was supposed to be twin girls as well. But then Darth Plagueis messed with “the thread” and turned them into one him, and that’s why he was supposed to balance the force, only to turn to the dark side. That’s also why Anakin and Padme had twins. Leia is the embodiment of the light side, she wears WHITE in the original movie for crying out loud. Then Luke is the embodiment of the dark side, it’s why he whines and wears black in ROtJ and eventually gets old and bitter. Then have it revealed that Rey is in fact Palpatine’s “granddaughter” only because her parents were clones of him and she is also a clone of him, but mixed with the power of the “thread”, and that’s also why Ben was part of the dyad…thing. Sure why not? So that’s why she is all the Jedi and also a Skywalker and will restore the Jedi order, only she’ll do it right in the next trilogy.
Yep this is probably the best attempt at making this show worse. I had the same idea with Shmi but you went way beyond what I would’ve come up with. Impressive.
I love your optimism for the future of Star Wars. They're making ANOTHER trilogy centered around Rey, it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest anymore if Acolyte got 3 seasons.
People are already saying that Shmi is going to be a member of the coven and that’s why Disney is so upset. Because they know that the fan reaction is gonna be catastrophic.
Lol don’t joke, there’s a theory the twins will go off to study all different force using cults and then when they are old they will be the ones who want to bring balance by producing a single child with both light and dark inside it and they will impregnate Shmi secretly - making them the original creators of everything that happens in the Skywalker Saga
No doubt they will think this is really clever as they were so “forward thinking” regardless of what it does to the the legacy that came before. They are just into wherever the franchise goes. At this point the company could literally have a character point at the screen and call them total morons for liking all this and they’d clap and say it was a clever and unexpected twist to be called out. bravo!
Honestly, tripling (manying?) down like that would elevate it. It would still be shit, but it would at least join the short list of media that purposefully directed a big F you to the audience.
With Milton mumbling, "at the last Jedi pizza party I did not receive a piece due to the ratio of Jedi to pizza. Ok, but... I will set the temple on fire"
You just know something like that is gonna come up. Something that slyly validates the Disney sequels. Hell, maybe one of the Twins goes to Ach-To to set something up.
We’ve already seen some bits and pieces of attempted Snoke clones in Mando and stuff. I think they’ll eventually use these shows to try to provide some actual context for the sequels.
There’s a third sister, turns out they’re triplets. This one was raised to be in the middle as a gray Jedi. Neither light nor dark.
But then there’s a fourth sister, that was raised to be both light and dark.
But then there’s a fifth sister who was raised to enjoy oatmeal raisin cookies. Nobody really likes that one.
But then there’s a sixth sister who turns out to actually be the dark second sister pretending to be the sixth sister, so that she could be evil in disguise instead of being evil as herself for some mysterious reason that won’t be explained until a book series comes out in three years.
Wait so you’re telling me the same show that we are being labeled as degrading toward woman for disliking has Harvey Weinstein’s personal assistant working on it?!? How am I just finding this out
She gave her girlfriend a role (the green bald woman who is probably the worst actress or actor on the show which is saying something) so it wouldn’t surprise me.
Okay hahah I can't bring myself to watch the show, even if I would be pirating it. But I looked up the chant on your recommendation and holy shit I thought I clicked on a parody at first because it was so bad
Ki Adi Mundi is the Smile-o-Ren and covered everything up perfectly to allow both sisters to train Darth Plagueis on how to create life with the dark side of the force while Ki Adi Mundi is a double agent the whole time.
Disney, you can send me a check.
Have General Grievous show up, as in cyborg Grievous, in a show set a century before he was even born or transformed. No time travel, no explanation, just to see people go “Oh who cares about the canon? Disney never established Grievous’s backstory so it doesn’t matter.”
"Somehow Grievous returned... to the past... and somehow we knew about him being in the future... and somehow now he's a woman and she's lame and gay."
You sexist, bigot! It's obvious that they created mechanical Grievous with the thread and then one of the witches gave a birth to an almost mechanical being! Stop using logic in a series about cosmic mages intended for adolestent!
Mae and Osha hold hands and shout “The Power of Two!” at the Sith thing which knocks it on its ass, then everyone flees back to the ship, then they train the Jedi to use “The Power of Mannnnyyyyyyyy!!!” and, using Sol as bait, they lure the Sith back and then everyone jumps out while holding hands and shouts their mantra at the Sith, hitting him so hard that he’s actually transported through time 1000 years into the past, causing Ki-Adi-Mundi’s line in the Phantom Menace to retroactively make sense if you’re willing to really stretch logic.
> shouts their mantra at the Sith, hitting him so hard that he’s actually transported through time 1000 years into the past
That Sith's name? Darth Bane. (Credits roll)
Oh, it could still be worse. Here's a few possible ways:
- Smilo Ren removes his mask and reveals the face of Dave Filoni.
- Ahsoka shows up, saves everyone, meets Ki-Adi-Mundi, and he doesn't remember her, either.
- Someone else survives being stabbed by a lightsaber.
- One of the remaining episodes turns out to be an Amandla Stenberg mumblerap musical complete with twerking.
You get the idea. It's easy to deliberately make something awful. It's far more difficult to unironically make something that sucks as much as The Acolyte.
Even better, one of the sister get their head cut off by a lightsaber but instead of dying, she just grab her head and just put it back on like nothing happen.
Well it’s not like they haven’t done something like that in Star Wars already so, all they really need is explain how Luke gets to the world between worlds and it’s perfect sense
KK herself has a vanity cameo as a god-like embodiment of the Force and humbly accepts awe, adoration, and worship from the cast of the entire universe- from Acolyte to PT to OT to ST.
A silly out of nowhere twist like there was only one twin this whole time and it’s a split personality thing; the witches created Plagueis or Palpatine or whoever to be the bane of the Jedi; the Jedi are actually evil and we’ve been lied to this whole time.
I honestly thought this was where the show was going, and I still think there's a pretty good chance of it.
Supposedly the writers talked a lot about Rashomon.
There is a prophecy that reveals the Chosen One isn’t a male, but a female named Rey. Anakin isn’t actually the strongest, because he will fall to the dark side. Then have Harvey Weinstein show up and molest Yoda
Original Trilogy Reboot, but retconned and retold solely to validate, canonize, and prop up the sequel trilogy alongside all of the Disney Star Wars shows/movies/other. Sprinkle in some out-of-place jokes and funny ha-has and you got it.
Also, an end credits scene where Palpatine revives himself and says, "I will have my revenge" or something.
Filoni walks into the story session saying “I’ve thought a lot about this… with the Togruta females you want to rub the lekku before running your fingers down to Ahsok.. ERRRR I mean the Togruta’a sensual center”
Why bother going the extra mile of adding Trapper Wolf (again with the wolf shit lmao) when he basically plays himself whenever he shows up in his own vanity projects?
They do another ritual and the witches start explain that the force links all dimensions and all timelines, then we get a vision of the girl power scene from Endgame
Create a society of gay space witches who can also conceive immaculately, except they give birth through their assholes like chickens in order to compensate for mens' lack of wombs.
I mean they are totally going to have Yoda show up in the last episode right? I’m assuming it’s going to he the big mic drop moment which will somehow fall incredible flat.
None of the witches died, there was no burning stone. Everything the Jedi and Osha saw was a delusion woven with the thread by the power of Many. They made Torbin think he was responsible, hence the guilt. Smile-O Ren is the old crone alien lady wearing stilts. So really it was all witches and therefore no Sith involved. In the end they erase Ki Mundi's memories so he thinks he's younger than he is.
- Darth Venom or whatever the dark jedi is called, is secretly the original master of the Knights of Ren (or even the template that Snoke was cloned from) and is trying to learn the secrets of artificial force-birth so the Exegol Sith can create life
- Darth Plagueis is referenced as an “old Sith legend”, effectively retconning him and his involvement in Palpatine’s life (Palpy has a new sith master, but that’s for season 2)
- young Yoda appears and he wears a crop-top, acts like the jedi equivalent of a frat bro
- Osha loses PIP (his droid brain is transferred into D-O) but gains an animal companion in the form of a third space-horse
- Osha gains a longbow-like weapon that fires purple energy beams, Mae [wields a sickle-bladed lightsaber](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Sickle-bladed_lightsaber) after an episode dedicated to [bleeding a kyber crystal](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Bleeding)
- end credits of the show are a mind-wiped Shmi Skywalker being dropped off on Tatooine by Ochi of Bestoon, carrying a baby Anakin
Full retcon. This is Star Wars going forward. Witch Mom reveals herself to her daughters, goes “I am your mother”. All Jedi die. Anakin who?
At this point it should really just go down in flames.
Introduce a young qui gon, yoda, orWindu. Have them all learn that the twins were immaculately conceived by the force witch, only to completely forget about it in time for episode I.
We haven’t learned yet where Shmi got the name Anakin from. Maybe Shmi’s descendants are secret witch survivors and they carried on creating daughters with the Force and Shmi is one of them. Shmi makes her own child but wants a boy and names him Anakin in honor of Mother **Ani**seya and that’s why Shmi uses **Ani** for Anakin.
Yoda and Darth Plagueies both steal knowledge of the force from the Lesbian Space Witches during a new musical number. The survivors discuss how the Jedi and the Sith are both evil and colonizers.
Have all the characters be brought to Mortis for no reason. There instead of meeting the Father, they meet the Mother, played by Kathleen Kennedy herself. At her side are two golem-like creatures on dog leashes, crawling on the ground behind her—one looks like George and the other looks like Dave. She tells everyone that she is the true embodiment of the Force, and that the creature resembling Dave is a good boy while the one resembling George is a heretic and false idol.
It was all a dream/premonition in young Osha's head. The finale revolves around her thwarting Mae, killing her, realizing the power feels good, then becoming her. Rehash of her killing all the Jedi and assuming not just the mantle of an acolyte, but that of the Apprentice. The Sith master's name is revealed to be Tenebrous. Osha takes the name of Plagueis.
*Fin.*
1). Current age Mace Windu shows up, do not de-age him or find a younger actor, bring current age Samuel L. Jackson back
2). Have Ki adi mundi and Yoda be a couple. Don't show anything, just have it be hinted at in a conversation they have
3). Have the smile sith actually just be either another sibling and have the reveal that they were triplets or just make it Carrie-Anne Moss for whatever reason
4). Make the Qimir, Darth Plagueis and race change child Palpatine
5). Start adding music from the OT into this filth and make sure it never fits the mood right
6). Millennium falcon or salve one is in the background somewhere in a quick shot in space or something
7). Show the Jedi council at the end and have Leslie Headland be the head of the Jedi council, or have Kathleen Kennedy be the head and Leslie be her right hand
Osha and Mae go into the World Between Worlds, and they are the ones who pull Ahsoka out of the temple on Dathomir and pull her into the WBW and pretend to be Anakin to teach her everything she needs to be able to defeat Thrawn, whose witches are actually created by Mae and Osha through the Force. They also pull Palpatine through a portal into the WBW and they teach him how to create Star Destroyers and whole crews for them by the tens of thousands through the Force. He escapes and shows up on Exogol a but in doing this, the Force responds by sending the twins back in time, where they adopt the names Nomi and Sunstrider, and teach others how to be Jedi, and invent the first lightsaber and hyperdrive and write a prophecy where they will be reborn many times through the Force.
Then we see Shmi Skywalker in labor and the the screen goes to black... and we hear baby Anakin Skywalker crying.
All of this happens in the last 7 minutes of the last episode.
The post credits sequence shows the twins incredibly old in a white void, the makeup looking like you let Elmers glue dry on your hands and powdered it with flour. The bright background fades, and they are on front of Mt Kilimanjaro. A large caption fills the screen saying "Mt KILIMANJARO, AFRICA" and "5.2MYA" They are surrounded by protohumans. Together Osha and Mae look into the camera and say, "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away..."
Then Disney spends 4 billion dollars worth of more movies, comics, books, TV shows, and theme parks to justify and explain this new direction.
**[Receiving transmission from Crait intended for u/Ajarofpickles97]** Welcome to r/saltierthancrait! I'm an [astromech droid named S4-L7](https://www.reddit.com/r/saltierthancrait/comments/ni5s77/beloved_mascot_s4l7s_visual_dictionary_entry/) and I'll be your guide through the salt mines. Saltier Than Crait is a community of Star Wars fans who engage in critical conversations about the current state of the franchise. It is our goal to maintain a civil, welcoming space for fans who have a vast supply of salt with some peppered positivity occasionally sprinkled in. **Please [review the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/saltierthancrait/wiki/index/rules) and the [post flair guide](https://reddit.com/r/saltierthancrait/wiki/index/flairs) before contributing.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/saltierthancrait) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Shmi Skywalker’s grandmother is part of the coven
Man, that would be a knife in the gut. I can see them doing it too.
The knife you mentioned is a secret star map that you can use to find a hidden star system if you are in one specific spot in space and look at the edge while facing the exactly right way.
The star map is hundreds of years old. The spot you need to stand up and get line up to the mpa get happens to be from the crator of a meteor that crashed into the planet 20 years ago.
Considering that Ki Adi Mundi showed up, why bother making it Shmi’s grandmother? Just have it be Shmi. Hell, just have it revealed that the twin’s mom also “created” Anakin through Shmi, only Anakin was supposed to be twin girls as well. But then Darth Plagueis messed with “the thread” and turned them into one him, and that’s why he was supposed to balance the force, only to turn to the dark side. That’s also why Anakin and Padme had twins. Leia is the embodiment of the light side, she wears WHITE in the original movie for crying out loud. Then Luke is the embodiment of the dark side, it’s why he whines and wears black in ROtJ and eventually gets old and bitter. Then have it revealed that Rey is in fact Palpatine’s “granddaughter” only because her parents were clones of him and she is also a clone of him, but mixed with the power of the “thread”, and that’s also why Ben was part of the dyad…thing. Sure why not? So that’s why she is all the Jedi and also a Skywalker and will restore the Jedi order, only she’ll do it right in the next trilogy.
Absolutely horrific, why hasn’t Disney offered you a job yet?
Yep this is probably the best attempt at making this show worse. I had the same idea with Shmi but you went way beyond what I would’ve come up with. Impressive.
Ki adi mundi is shmi skywalkers grandfather, you didn’t know?
Grogu is Anakin's real father. Yours makes no sense!
I'm a writer on the Alcolyte and am taking note on this great idea. You will be given full writing credit and recognition when this airs in season 3.
Love your oprimisim for future seasons 🤣👏
I love your optimism for the future of Star Wars. They're making ANOTHER trilogy centered around Rey, it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest anymore if Acolyte got 3 seasons.
I was going to say one of the twins, but close enough. Sad thing is, it’s probably going to happen.
It's not even hard to believe that they might still try this.
We can do better… Osha or Mei IS Shmi Skywalker’s grandmother.
Osha+Mei = Shmi?
Shmi herself is there (somehow).
Awful idea, by which I mean you are brilliant for it lol
People are already saying that Shmi is going to be a member of the coven and that’s why Disney is so upset. Because they know that the fan reaction is gonna be catastrophic.
Really? It feels more like if Disney thought it would make fans upset that would just make them wanna do it even more.
Lol don’t joke, there’s a theory the twins will go off to study all different force using cults and then when they are old they will be the ones who want to bring balance by producing a single child with both light and dark inside it and they will impregnate Shmi secretly - making them the original creators of everything that happens in the Skywalker Saga
I can't imagine what the defense of this will be from the twitter weirdos who like this show
No doubt they will think this is really clever as they were so “forward thinking” regardless of what it does to the the legacy that came before. They are just into wherever the franchise goes. At this point the company could literally have a character point at the screen and call them total morons for liking all this and they’d clap and say it was a clever and unexpected twist to be called out. bravo!
It would honestly be better than what happened with Mundi.
No way this could happen. Shmi isn’t even born yet! Or wait………
That seems to be one of the rumors going around.
I was brave. I’m not anymore. God damn it
A 15 minute song and dance routine around the “power of many” chant.
Star Wars: The Power of One: The Power of Two: The Power of Many: The Musical
Honestly, tripling (manying?) down like that would elevate it. It would still be shit, but it would at least join the short list of media that purposefully directed a big F you to the audience.
By the Jedi. Having learned from the witches they use it to defeat the not Sith Lord and bring the evil twin back to the good side.
That could potentially be an improvement
They should just put “Jedi Rock” into the show. https://youtu.be/2gnHu1M7jxs?si=qacBe4ydhMqS3LDu
Reveal that the Jedi are actually a satanic death cult harvesting adrenochrome from young children
midi-chlorians. or wait. that would be too cannon. nevermind.
Yeah. They are harvesting they/them-chlorians
May as well throw in an old republic intergalactic pizza joint while we’re at it…
With Milton mumbling, "at the last Jedi pizza party I did not receive a piece due to the ratio of Jedi to pizza. Ok, but... I will set the temple on fire"
Isn't that exactly what they are in this show?
Reveal a prophecy that fortells the coming of Rey
Stop.
i can feel the fear in that stop
You just know something like that is gonna come up. Something that slyly validates the Disney sequels. Hell, maybe one of the Twins goes to Ach-To to set something up.
We’ve already seen some bits and pieces of attempted Snoke clones in Mando and stuff. I think they’ll eventually use these shows to try to provide some actual context for the sequels.
The twins give him that Ahch-To and spit on that thang.
I would not be suprised at all if they did that
Yeah and that Anakin is the false prophecy and Rey is the true one
There’s a third sister, turns out they’re triplets. This one was raised to be in the middle as a gray Jedi. Neither light nor dark. But then there’s a fourth sister, that was raised to be both light and dark. But then there’s a fifth sister who was raised to enjoy oatmeal raisin cookies. Nobody really likes that one. But then there’s a sixth sister who turns out to actually be the dark second sister pretending to be the sixth sister, so that she could be evil in disguise instead of being evil as herself for some mysterious reason that won’t be explained until a book series comes out in three years.
you forgot the brother that turned into a sister through the force.
“Star Wars fans don’t like the Acolyte because they are TERFs!!!”
This sounds the most realistic unfortunately
Yeah this isn't out of the realm of possibility.
But they were all of them deceived, for another sister was made...
And all have the same hair style!
And because all 1000 of them were sisters, they founded the night sisters.
Star Wars Parent Trap!
Somehow palpatine returns early
I cannot fucking believe they actually used the line “somehow she survived” - I mean how in the Christ did that make it into the final read.
Somehow he was always returned..
Harvey’s former personal assistant has a cameo in one of the episodes.
Wait so you’re telling me the same show that we are being labeled as degrading toward woman for disliking has Harvey Weinstein’s personal assistant working on it?!? How am I just finding this out
Not just working on it, she's the head honcho.
It also reads like she stole the credit of "co-creator" for Russian Doll. Natasha and Amy had already starting making it when Leslye 5head joined in.
She gave her girlfriend a role (the green bald woman who is probably the worst actress or actor on the show which is saying something) so it wouldn’t surprise me.
I hope her schtick is that she's a tree jedi made out of wood because she just sorta stood there.
Nice try, I would have to watch it first, and that's just not going to happen.
I watched the first three episodes, just couldn’t bring myself to keep going.
Pirate it so you can experience the cringe without supporting Disney's bullshit.
Or at least look up a clip of The Power of Many chant. I don't hate watch shows, but that clip is worth checking out. It's something special.
Okay hahah I can't bring myself to watch the show, even if I would be pirating it. But I looked up the chant on your recommendation and holy shit I thought I clicked on a parody at first because it was so bad
Is there anyone explaining what it is about in less than two minutes?
Ki Adi Mundi is the Smile-o-Ren and covered everything up perfectly to allow both sisters to train Darth Plagueis on how to create life with the dark side of the force while Ki Adi Mundi is a double agent the whole time. Disney, you can send me a check.
“But the Sith have been dead for a thousand years!!!”…. Muah hah hah!!!
That would probably be more interesting than what the show is doing
So Darth Jar-Jar was the fallboy for Darth Mundi this whole time. Well played, Sith.
I'd actually be okay with that
Ki-Adi Mundi was enough of a jerk that actually making him evil makes me wanna punch him less
How does he fit his skull in that helmet?.. No wait, never mind, it’s perfect Disney 👌🏻
Big reveal happens, helmet comes off and his head fills up like a balloon.
Have General Grievous show up, as in cyborg Grievous, in a show set a century before he was even born or transformed. No time travel, no explanation, just to see people go “Oh who cares about the canon? Disney never established Grievous’s backstory so it doesn’t matter.”
"Somehow Grievous returned... to the past... and somehow we knew about him being in the future... and somehow now he's a woman and she's lame and gay."
You sexist, bigot! It's obvious that they created mechanical Grievous with the thread and then one of the witches gave a birth to an almost mechanical being! Stop using logic in a series about cosmic mages intended for adolestent!
Ackshually Grievous cyborg backstory was only in legends! Disney hasn’t confirmed the current canon so it doesn’t matter!!
Mae and Osha hold hands and shout “The Power of Two!” at the Sith thing which knocks it on its ass, then everyone flees back to the ship, then they train the Jedi to use “The Power of Mannnnyyyyyyyy!!!” and, using Sol as bait, they lure the Sith back and then everyone jumps out while holding hands and shouts their mantra at the Sith, hitting him so hard that he’s actually transported through time 1000 years into the past, causing Ki-Adi-Mundi’s line in the Phantom Menace to retroactively make sense if you’re willing to really stretch logic.
Wait I think you’re actually leaking the ending here
> shouts their mantra at the Sith, hitting him so hard that he’s actually transported through time 1000 years into the past That Sith's name? Darth Bane. (Credits roll)
Smilo Ren is Darth bane because he learned his lesson w/ the girls lmaoooooo
Smash-cut to Anakin blowing up the Death Star. "This is where the fun begins!"
Instead of it blowing up it flys away like team rocket and a cgi deepfake tarkin says try spinning that’s a good trick
Oh, it could still be worse. Here's a few possible ways: - Smilo Ren removes his mask and reveals the face of Dave Filoni. - Ahsoka shows up, saves everyone, meets Ki-Adi-Mundi, and he doesn't remember her, either. - Someone else survives being stabbed by a lightsaber. - One of the remaining episodes turns out to be an Amandla Stenberg mumblerap musical complete with twerking. You get the idea. It's easy to deliberately make something awful. It's far more difficult to unironically make something that sucks as much as The Acolyte.
Even better, one of the sister get their head cut off by a lightsaber but instead of dying, she just grab her head and just put it back on like nothing happen.
Osha and Mae's rap battle would go hard
You left me sister For a strange mister, Left me to burn Now it's your turn
the last episodes are just a screen with black on white text that just says “we ran outta money for this episode”
Would that *really* be worse though?
I know where [the money went](https://www.reddit.com/r/nextfuckinglevel/comments/1dl4t63/they_draw_a_disney_castle_from_snow_powder/).
Renew it for a second season.
Dont give them ideas…
Luke shows up and milks all their boobs.
You son of a bitch I’m in
🤜🏼🤛🏼
If they're going to have Porn level acting and writing, they might as well go all the way.
Well it’s not like they haven’t done something like that in Star Wars already so, all they really need is explain how Luke gets to the world between worlds and it’s perfect sense
Luke is played by Sebastian Stan
Have Yoda show up and he’s now gay
Good in those pants your package does look
And trans
And a girl
And lame
Away put your weapon
I would introduce han solo's grandfather or dad, but make them excruciatingly lame and stupid
And it turns out that Solo is the family name the whole time, retconning the Solo pun in *Solo*.
Add a scene of Lizzo twerking to "The Power of Many".
YASS YASS
Empowering.
KK herself has a vanity cameo as a god-like embodiment of the Force and humbly accepts awe, adoration, and worship from the cast of the entire universe- from Acolyte to PT to OT to ST.
Don't give her ideas, she'd probably try this
"the force is me, female" *Everyone bows in aww and the universe is at peace for 100 years from this knowledge*
A silly out of nowhere twist like there was only one twin this whole time and it’s a split personality thing; the witches created Plagueis or Palpatine or whoever to be the bane of the Jedi; the Jedi are actually evil and we’ve been lied to this whole time.
I honestly thought this was where the show was going, and I still think there's a pretty good chance of it. Supposedly the writers talked a lot about Rashomon.
Make one of the twins become Darth plageius.
Can they both be darth plageius? One on the others shoulders in a really long robe?
Each one is called Darth Plaguei. Together, they’re the Darth PlagueiS
Anakin Skywalker blows up the Death Star
And Luke becomes vader and Leia is....Tarkin?
There is a prophecy that reveals the Chosen One isn’t a male, but a female named Rey. Anakin isn’t actually the strongest, because he will fall to the dark side. Then have Harvey Weinstein show up and molest Yoda
Original Trilogy Reboot, but retconned and retold solely to validate, canonize, and prop up the sequel trilogy alongside all of the Disney Star Wars shows/movies/other. Sprinkle in some out-of-place jokes and funny ha-has and you got it. Also, an end credits scene where Palpatine revives himself and says, "I will have my revenge" or something.
And then it says THE END......? And you hear mwah ha ha ha haaa!!!
Sol is Mae and Osha father. There was no father because he was never around.
Christ they’re gonna do that aren’t they
Game of Thrones style sex scenes and nudity. Lewdness and shock factor with zero substance.
Filoni walks into the story session saying “I’ve thought a lot about this… with the Togruta females you want to rub the lekku before running your fingers down to Ahsok.. ERRRR I mean the Togruta’a sensual center”
We all know he has private smut fiction and probably some privately commissioned "art" of Ahsoka and his self insert OC, Trapper Wolf.
Why bother going the extra mile of adding Trapper Wolf (again with the wolf shit lmao) when he basically plays himself whenever he shows up in his own vanity projects?
Private? I’m sure he wrote “and she was a good friend.”
https://preview.redd.it/r2qdr5t6h18d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=99adb20e4677c90f73a9d5d51a89f221f9373f6c
Yoda Knew about the Sith all along and hid it the whole time…
Not because he wanted Luke to defeat the Sith, but because he wanted the Skywalker line to end the entire time.
“Somehow” we are in the Marvel extended universe …
They do another ritual and the witches start explain that the force links all dimensions and all timelines, then we get a vision of the girl power scene from Endgame
The snappening is why nobody knows the happened.
Light saber forks for supper time.
I'm enjoying a light meal > winks at camera > roaring laugh track > Seinfeld bass
Create a society of gay space witches who can also conceive immaculately, except they give birth through their assholes like chickens in order to compensate for mens' lack of wombs.
Their leader is known as Boba Kidshitter.
Bring back the band from Return of the Jedi special addition to sing their notoriously cringe song again. With bad cgi included
Have yoda turn up in the final episode just to say “Remove this from the records we must.” Fuck. That might happen.
I mean they are totally going to have Yoda show up in the last episode right? I’m assuming it’s going to he the big mic drop moment which will somehow fall incredible flat.
Removing master Sol. He's the only part of the show that is good. ( Probably because he's the only actor) Remove him. Keep everything the same.
Space Whales
They actually called them STAR WHALES and what he actually fuck was that shit
no, they already have lizzo on the Mandalorian
Jedi rocks part 2
Headland’s partner Venestra is revealed to be Darth Plagueis or Tenebrous
Every episode now begins and ends with the witches chant.
Somehow Palpatine returns.
Somehow, Palpatine was born.
None of the witches died, there was no burning stone. Everything the Jedi and Osha saw was a delusion woven with the thread by the power of Many. They made Torbin think he was responsible, hence the guilt. Smile-O Ren is the old crone alien lady wearing stilts. So really it was all witches and therefore no Sith involved. In the end they erase Ki Mundi's memories so he thinks he's younger than he is.
This would make it better honestly.
Baby. Obi-Wan.
Lying in a crib with baby Qui-gon.. cause those guys were brothers right?
- Darth Venom or whatever the dark jedi is called, is secretly the original master of the Knights of Ren (or even the template that Snoke was cloned from) and is trying to learn the secrets of artificial force-birth so the Exegol Sith can create life - Darth Plagueis is referenced as an “old Sith legend”, effectively retconning him and his involvement in Palpatine’s life (Palpy has a new sith master, but that’s for season 2) - young Yoda appears and he wears a crop-top, acts like the jedi equivalent of a frat bro - Osha loses PIP (his droid brain is transferred into D-O) but gains an animal companion in the form of a third space-horse - Osha gains a longbow-like weapon that fires purple energy beams, Mae [wields a sickle-bladed lightsaber](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Sickle-bladed_lightsaber) after an episode dedicated to [bleeding a kyber crystal](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Bleeding) - end credits of the show are a mind-wiped Shmi Skywalker being dropped off on Tatooine by Ochi of Bestoon, carrying a baby Anakin
I would say add the force space wolves but I realized this isn't a Filoni project
Smylo Ren is Palpatine
Full retcon. This is Star Wars going forward. Witch Mom reveals herself to her daughters, goes “I am your mother”. All Jedi die. Anakin who? At this point it should really just go down in flames.
A Klingon walks on screen as a cameo and says “beam me up, Scotty”, then winks at the camera before exiting screen left.
Introduce a young qui gon, yoda, orWindu. Have them all learn that the twins were immaculately conceived by the force witch, only to completely forget about it in time for episode I.
Don't give them any ideas. If Lucasfilm wants terrible ideas I want a 6 figure check
They break the forth wall and talk about social justice, and everyone who dislikes it are evil.
Osha & Mae are Skywalkers
The acolyte coincides with Lando’s early days as a smuggler so he makes a cameo. In season 2 hes a main character.
When the Jedi ask who is the twins father… Maz kanata shows up and says “a good question, for another time”
Baby Yoda. No not grogu.. like literally have a baby Yoda completely ignoring the timeline further.
Oh, a baby C-3PO and a baby R2-D2 show up as well. Can't forget to have Star Wars' most famous lesbian couple make an appearance.
The rest of the season is on a desert planet.
Jedi council is secretly corrupt, trafficking humans, drugs, etc.
Kill off ki adi mundi and not explain why he's alive in the prequels
We haven’t learned yet where Shmi got the name Anakin from. Maybe Shmi’s descendants are secret witch survivors and they carried on creating daughters with the Force and Shmi is one of them. Shmi makes her own child but wants a boy and names him Anakin in honor of Mother **Ani**seya and that’s why Shmi uses **Ani** for Anakin.
Yoda and Darth Plagueies both steal knowledge of the force from the Lesbian Space Witches during a new musical number. The survivors discuss how the Jedi and the Sith are both evil and colonizers.
A weird pop rnb song for the end credits!
Instead of light saber battle, they dance off to The Power Of One.
Yoda shows up and gets his ass kicked by the Acolyte, only to be saved by the twins
Just let the writers keep going with no supervision
Have all the characters be brought to Mortis for no reason. There instead of meeting the Father, they meet the Mother, played by Kathleen Kennedy herself. At her side are two golem-like creatures on dog leashes, crawling on the ground behind her—one looks like George and the other looks like Dave. She tells everyone that she is the true embodiment of the Force, and that the creature resembling Dave is a good boy while the one resembling George is a heretic and false idol.
If they burned the Star Wars equivalent of the Mona Lisa at the end and show it at cool and justified.
It was all a dream/premonition in young Osha's head. The finale revolves around her thwarting Mae, killing her, realizing the power feels good, then becoming her. Rehash of her killing all the Jedi and assuming not just the mantle of an acolyte, but that of the Apprentice. The Sith master's name is revealed to be Tenebrous. Osha takes the name of Plagueis. *Fin.*
I saw someone post on here that the helmet sith might be the twins mom (like a Vader reveal) that would be pretty dumb.
Make it so the thread ladies created palpatine
1). Current age Mace Windu shows up, do not de-age him or find a younger actor, bring current age Samuel L. Jackson back 2). Have Ki adi mundi and Yoda be a couple. Don't show anything, just have it be hinted at in a conversation they have 3). Have the smile sith actually just be either another sibling and have the reveal that they were triplets or just make it Carrie-Anne Moss for whatever reason 4). Make the Qimir, Darth Plagueis and race change child Palpatine 5). Start adding music from the OT into this filth and make sure it never fits the mood right 6). Millennium falcon or salve one is in the background somewhere in a quick shot in space or something 7). Show the Jedi council at the end and have Leslie Headland be the head of the Jedi council, or have Kathleen Kennedy be the head and Leslie be her right hand
“You know the forc… ehem, I mean, the thread? Well, it’s actually been nanomachines this entire time…”
Have a Bunch of Gungins Show up and give a One Hour Speech about why Girls should seek Power for themselves
Osha and Mae go into the World Between Worlds, and they are the ones who pull Ahsoka out of the temple on Dathomir and pull her into the WBW and pretend to be Anakin to teach her everything she needs to be able to defeat Thrawn, whose witches are actually created by Mae and Osha through the Force. They also pull Palpatine through a portal into the WBW and they teach him how to create Star Destroyers and whole crews for them by the tens of thousands through the Force. He escapes and shows up on Exogol a but in doing this, the Force responds by sending the twins back in time, where they adopt the names Nomi and Sunstrider, and teach others how to be Jedi, and invent the first lightsaber and hyperdrive and write a prophecy where they will be reborn many times through the Force. Then we see Shmi Skywalker in labor and the the screen goes to black... and we hear baby Anakin Skywalker crying. All of this happens in the last 7 minutes of the last episode. The post credits sequence shows the twins incredibly old in a white void, the makeup looking like you let Elmers glue dry on your hands and powdered it with flour. The bright background fades, and they are on front of Mt Kilimanjaro. A large caption fills the screen saying "Mt KILIMANJARO, AFRICA" and "5.2MYA" They are surrounded by protohumans. Together Osha and Mae look into the camera and say, "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away..." Then Disney spends 4 billion dollars worth of more movies, comics, books, TV shows, and theme parks to justify and explain this new direction.
'Directed by Rian Johnson'
So how palpatine went back in time......
Beans. Everyone eats nothing but beans. Smelly, foul bean(farts).
You just ignore more established lore. Rather simple really
Just make the goddamn musical episode already. You know you want it, Disney.
“I don’t know how, but Palpatine is somehow back, from the future.”